Why Rob Iler Wanted Tom Whacked | Your Mom's House Ep. 832

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Podcast: Your Mom's House with Christina P. & Tom Segura
Episode: "Why Rob Iler Wanted Tom Whacked" | YMH Ep. 832
Release Date: October 15, 2025
Hosts: Christina Pazsitzky, Special Guest: Rob Iler
Produced by: YMH Studios

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Your Mom's House" features Christina Pazsitzky (Christina P.) joined by actor/comedian Rob Iler, as Tom Segura is away touring. The two delve into candid discussions about single life, dating in your 40s, attraction, awkward family memories, gross-out habits, odd hobbies, and the unglamorous realities behind social and relationship expectations. They also review “inmate dating” profiles and some bizarre TikToks, blending personal anecdotes with trademark raunchy humor.

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Key Themes & Discussion Points

1. Where’s Tom? Show Opener

Timestamps: 00:24–03:00

• Christina jokes about Tom touring—and possibly supporting a second family—while Rob riffs that Christina told him Tom is in “rehab for an eating disorder.”
• They joke about marital infidelity, “the lifestyle” of being single, and not having to fake liking people's friends.
• Quote [00:52]:
  Rob: “You told me Tom was in rehab for eating disorder.”
  Christina: “That’s right... but maybe he’s having an affair and abandoning me, because that’s where my mind goes, because I’m mentally normal.”

2. Single Life & Relationship Annoyances

Timestamps: 03:10–06:47

• Christina and Rob discuss the appeal of single life: not worrying about others’ feelings, faking niceties with bad friends, and the struggle of learning partners’ triggers.
• Quote [01:52]:
  Rob: “You don’t have to meet people’s friends and pretend to like them. Which is the number one worst part.”
• They reference the YMH “mommy” in-joke and the ever-present “fart mic.”

3. “Fat women are the equivalent of broke dudes” – Beauty, Dating, and Social Currency

Timestamps: 05:00–10:05

• The duo discusses the social double standards about weight and attractiveness, referencing a Tom Segura soundbite about fat women and broke men.
• Christina shares her gym experiences, from “toothless men” in a hardcore gym to “hot, older Lululemon ladies” at a boutique gym.
• Rob notes that in dating apps and current culture, being cool and understanding are becoming more important than looks, especially as people age.
• Quote [07:17]:
  Rob: “Now that I’m older, all I want is a woman who’s like, ‘Hey, you don’t have to come to my friend’s birthday with me.’”
• They play a Karl Lagerfeld clip about “fat phobia” and joke about fat as mate currency.

4. Preferences & Childhood Crushes

Timestamps: 12:22–15:34

• Rob shares that as a young man, he liked “short Spanish girls with a little weight.”
• Christina admits her first sexual dream was about John Goodman, connecting her attraction to “husky gents,” and surmises liking heavier men means not needing to try so hard herself.

5. Dating Inmates – Reviewing Prisoner Profiles

Timestamps: 15:13–24:19

• Christina presents inmate dating profiles to Rob, who assesses everything from body shots to criminal records.
• The merits of different offenses are debated (“grand theft? No big deal”).
• Rob jokes about dating inmates:
  Quote [15:53]:
  Rob: “If I didn’t know better, I’d be all in. But I know better.... she’ll probably try and, like, take my money and ruin my life.”
• Christina notes honesty and “showing the full body” in profiles, and they riff on how dating apps are all about managing expectations and avoiding being scammed.

6. The Disappointments of App Dating & The Need for Calm

Timestamps: 20:33–21:35

• Rob talks about the importance of screening for compatibility (“Do you drink wine every night?”), avoiding pen pals, and his desire for a partner who’s calm—not chaotic or “ride or die.”

7. Drug Convictions & Discussion of Addictive Substances

Timestamps: 28:53–31:41

• They joke about inmate offenses centering around “controlled substance possession” and “grand larceny,” segueing into memories of their own and their friends’ drug use.
• Christina shares her experience with a fentanyl patch in an ambulance, while Rob reflects on friends chasing pain meds with extreme actions.

8. Family Backgrounds & Nostalgic Poverty

Timestamps: 31:46–36:11

• Both recall rough-and-tumble, smoke-filled, grandparent-raised childhoods—sleeping on pull-out couches, surrounded by chain smokers, mice and cockroaches, and sparse amenities (“my own neon chair”).
• The differences between their childhood experiences and their own kids’ privileged upbringings are highlighted.

9. Generational Gaps: Parental Love & Old-School Stoicism

Timestamps: 36:35–39:15

• Rob and Christina share how rare it was to hear “I love you” from their dads, how emotionally distant their upbringings were, and how uncomfortable real conversations with parents felt.
• They bond over “commiseration culture” and the Hungarian way of always starting with bad news.

10. Dating Dealbreakers & Bodily Functions

Timestamps: 43:43–46:44

• Christina and Rob riff on bodily function anxieties (diarrhea, vomit phobia), and discuss ridiculous hypothetical inventions—like a “diarrhea cup” for men.
• The increasing need for calm, accommodating partners is emphasized.
• Quote [44:30]:
  Rob: “When a woman asks what I’m looking for in a partner, I’m like: someone who could calm me down.”

11. Early Wakeups, Garbage Men, and the Joy of Making Your Own Schedule

Timestamps: 47:09–50:49

• Both vent about the horror of setting early alarms for gigs or jobs, commiserate with garbage men, and long for the flexibility of Uber drivers.
• They celebrate the privilege of time autonomy.

12. Parenting Realities

Timestamps: 50:16–51:14

• Christina relishes having kids old enough to play on iPads and make their own breakfast, finally making parenting “a joy.”

13. Gross-Out Habits: Snots, Spitting, and Disgust at the Dinner Table

Timestamps: 51:05–53:53

• Christina calls out Rob’s revolting dinner habits in NYC—sniffing, spitting—likening him to “an old Chinese guy spitting in the street.”
• Quote [52:16]:
  Rob: “That’s what the street’s for [spitting].”

14. Strange Hobbies: Cheese, Paper Mache, and “Hoarders”

Timestamps: 54:05–66:03

• Intense digression into cheese obsessions, with Rob hyping a YouTube “cheese guy” he follows.
• Christina confesses shame in eating dairy publicly: “Cheese is mucus to me.”
• Paper mache is debated: Christina’s new hobby versus Rob’s disgust (“That’s how the mice come!”).
• The perils of becoming a hoarder surface, with a callback to the show “Hoarders.”

15. Relationship Red Flags: Paper Mache, Free Bleeding, and Urine Drinking

Timestamps: 65:31–68:23

• Rob says he'd rule out anyone who lists “paper mache” on a dating profile.
• The duo invents increasingly outlandish dealbreakers: urine drinking, period “free bleeding,” and hypothetical “diarrhea cups.”
• Quote [65:55]:
  Rob: “If on her dating profile, she’s like, oh, my free time I like to paper mache… Done. X, swipe left. I can’t do it.”

16. Pajitzki Effects: Life's Little Epiphanies

Timestamps: 69:34–72:21

• Segue into “Pajitzki Effects” (small, silly, practical epiphanies), from using two towels in the shower to keeping extra soap nearby.
• Both share their dumbest “life-changing” realizations.

17. TikTok Segment: Reviewing the Eccentric Internet

Timestamps: 72:23–83:42

• Christina curates a string of TikToks for Rob:
  • Woman with unique musical hobbies (“knickknack pattywhack lady”)
  • “Reborn baby” doll airport saga
  • Lifestyle oddballs: toe separator advocates, gym rats at 4am, people dining in a crane suspended in the air
  • Placenta dreamcatcher crafters and vacuum cleaner collectors
• Rob finds unexpected appeal in oddball hobbyists who have passions that “keep them out of [his] hair.”
• Quote [75:38]:
  Rob: “This is my kind of gal… she’s got a thing. That’s all you need in life is a hobby—a thing.”
• Both express horror at showy restaurant stunts (e.g. fine dining with “tricks”), bad-smelling Ubers, and excessive attention from wait staff.

18. Travel Hacks, Shoe Horns, and Squatty Potties

Timestamps: 93:05–97:07

• They discuss new travel gadgets (e.g. the eye mask that straps your head in on planes), the etiquette/shame of in-flight comfort aids, and the joy of a “three-foot shoehorn.”
• Rob is unashamed about his squatty potty use, “I’m proud of my squatty potty!”
• Christina declares, “the squatty potty is such a vag dryer, dude…”

19. Graphic Humor Close: Bidets, Jerk-off Stories, and Filthy Confessions

Timestamps: 98:35–end

• The show closes with Rob’s tale of masturbating on a hotel bidet in Vegas, leading to wild mutual gross-outs and laughter.
• Christina signs off with a callback about bodily odor, “booty cheeks opening,” and more vulgarity.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• [07:17, Rob Iler on Dating Standards with Age]:
  “All I want is a woman who’s like, ‘Hey, you don’t have to come to my friend’s birthday with me.’ That’s all I want to hear.”

• [13:12, Christina on Her Attraction to “Husky Gents”]:
  “My first sexual dream was about John Goodman… I always liked heavier guys… To me, it’s kind of like a license, like they’re not so uptight. Maybe they’re not afraid that I’m a slob. Maybe my standards get to be lowered…”

• [15:53, Rob on Inmate Dating]:
  “If I didn’t know better, I’d be all in. But I know better… she’ll probably try and, like, take my money and ruin my life.”

• [44:30, Rob on Relationship Priorities]:
  “When a woman asks what I’m looking for in a partner, I’m like: someone who could calm me down.”

• [65:55, Rob on Hobby Dealbreakers]:
  “If on her dating profile, she’s like, oh, my free time I like to paper mache… Done. X, swipe left. I can’t do it.”

• [75:38, Rob on Oddball Craftsmen]:
  “This is my kind of gal. She’s got a thing. That’s all you need in life is a hobby—a thing.”

• [96:04, Rob on Shoe Horns]:
  “I was like, wait a minute. I could put the little shoehorn in my book bag… and it made me feel so much better.”

• [99:08, Rob on the Hotel Bidet]:
  “So I, I was like, what would this feel like? … If I jerked off with this thing spraying my butt, it’d probably be phenomenal. So I did, and it was. It was fucking awesome.”

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Humorous & Memorable Exchanges

• Christina’s disgust at Rob’s public nose-blowing and sidewalk spitting. [~51:57]
• Rob’s preference for “making your own schedule” in life and hating early wakeups. [~48:12]
• The TikTok/jail dating segment, especially the graphic resume rundown of inmate offenses. [15:13–24:19]
• Christina’s “expert” bias—only trusting Indian and Jewish doctors, and Asian men on TikTok. [59:33–60:52]
• The “Pajitzki Effect” epiphanies (e.g. using a second towel for hair, keeping extra soap near both sinks). [69:34–72:21]
• Christina’s shame at public cheese eating: “Cheese is mucus to me.” [56:13]
• The image of Rob cleaning his squatty potty in the shower before female guests arrive. [97:10]
• Extended, escalating riffing on hypothetical “diarrhea cups,” “free bleeding,” and gross-out relationship dealbreakers. [65:31–68:23]

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Conclusion

This episode feels like a quintessential YMH blend—deeply candid, ribald banter about bodily functions, relationships, and family, offset by moments of vulnerable realness and a barrage of internet weirdness. Christina and Rob’s rapport is sharp, funny, and self-deprecating, making the episode an engaging ride for longtime fans and anyone who appreciates honest, explicit, and unfiltered conversation.

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For Full Immersion:

• For the detailed reviews of inmate dating videos, start at [15:13–24:19]
• For the TikTok segment, tune in from [72:23–83:42]
• For the grossest moments: [51:05–53:53] (NYC dinner disgust), [99:08–100:18] (bidet story)

[End of Summary]

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

Hey, Everybody. This Sunday, October 19th, I'll be in Hanover, Maryland, at the hall at Live during my Come Together tour. Then next week, I'm coming all across Indiana. Gary on October 23rd, West Lafayette on October 24th, and Fort Wayne on October 25th, and Bloomington, October 26th. Get your tickets right [e-mail] tour.

[Rob Eiler]

Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hi. What's everybody. Oh, this is my camera. I'm Christine. Tim is out touring. Probably has a second family that he needs to support. But with me in his place is the fantastic Rob Eiler, everybody. Welcome.

[Rob Eiler]

Wow. Thank you. You told me Tom was in rehab for eating disorder.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's right. I forgot about that. Yeah, I didn't want to put it out there, but.

[Rob Eiler]

Yes, well, people have noticed that, I have to say.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, see, I thought it was just him leading up to having an affair and abandoning me, because that's where my mind goes, because I'm mentally normal.

[Rob Eiler]

But he could do that fat. He has enough money where he could just be fat and.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, that's such a good point. But yeah, that's so true. But I was. But I've always heard that it's like when guys change their appearance and stuff, like, that's the first step. So I don't know.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, good luck with that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Give a shit. Yeah, but the good thing is it's just in rehab. Who cares? No, I don't care. I'll be single forever anyway. If Tom and I go splitsville, I'm just. I'm just gonna have more cats and dogs.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, well, you could live the life. We call it the lifestyle. Lifestyle. Yeah. Like how the swingers have the lifestyle.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

I have the. The single lifestyle. We call it the lifestyle.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The lifestyle.

[Rob Eiler]

The lifestyle. Yeah. Where you don't have to. Me and any were just talking about where you don't have to worry about other people's feelings.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That must be nice.

[Rob Eiler]

You don't have to meet people's friends and pretend to like them. Which is the number one worst part.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do you think that's the worst part? Or learning they're like, triggers and what makes them sad and what upsets them and.

[Rob Eiler]

No, because that I could at least get into. Like, I could find it interesting that someone's, like, crazy when your friend is an asshole and I'm supposed to be like, oh, they're so funny. Yeah, that's. No, that's great that they're, like, loud and, like, annoying and drunk and I think it's charming.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, it's so weird, because I had an ex boyfriend whose friends were just awful people, but he was a really good person. And I've always thought about that for. For years. Like, what was that guy doing with all these, like, dirt bags?

[Rob Eiler]

What do you think that is?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't fucking know. I don't know. Maybe he felt that he wasn't good enough to have good friends. Or maybe just, like, the excitement of dirt bags, because. I don't know, dude. I don't know. Let's call him.

[Rob Eiler]

Do you think that's why he was with you?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, I'm for sure mentally ill. Yeah. All right. Well, should we. Thanks for being here and taking Tim Tim's place. And this is going to be fun because you really know the show. For those of you who don't know, Rob er is a mommy, that's how we connected in the first place many years ago. You like your mom's house? You've listened to your mom's house.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, I moved to Austin. That's true. Yeah. I'm a bit of a fan. Yeah, true. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Not pal.

[Rob Eiler]

But the real honor is that when you have to do a solo show, you call me. And when Thomas do a solo show, he calls me. That's. That's an honor. Like, just having me on is one thing, but when you're like, oh, man, we got to do this with no one. Can you come do this? I'm like, yeah, it's.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, it's great.

[Rob Eiler]

It's a true honor because you're a soul mommy. Yeah. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You're definitely a mommy by soul. Also, I don't know if you do know this, the fart mic has returned. So if you feel the need to fart.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Go ahead. Okay.

[Rob Eiler]

I'll try and muster one up. I had short ribs last night.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, there you go. All right.

[Rob Eiler]

See what we could do.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Let's start with this beautiful, beautiful opening. Beautiful.

[Tom Segura]

A fat woman is the, you know.

[Rob Eiler]

Equivalent of what a broke dude is. Yeah. Nice mommy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Timing.

[Rob Eiler]

Timing. We didn't hit the post. Welcome to your mom's house. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

With Tom Segura. Rob er Christy.

[Rob Eiler]

Welcome to your mom's house.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

If that woman. What does he say? Let's do it again.

[Rob Eiler]

A fat woman is the, you know, equivalent of what a broke dude is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, what do you think? It's not untrue. I hate to say this.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. I mean, because, listen. What I think is, they both have their. They could still both do well somehow out there. Like, you know, broke guys do well. Fat chicks do. Like, they they still somehow, you know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They can pull fat broads. Yeah, but. But you're. Yeah. Okay, okay. This is a good topic. Let me go there. So I started working out at a gym, and I used to work out at a weightlifters gym where there was, like, toothless men, guys missing limbs, like. Like war veterans. And it was so fucking fun. Like, I really liked it.

[Rob Eiler]

This is here? Yeah. Wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's like heavy metal and murals of, like, skulls and. And I was, like, the only lady there, and I. I was catching some looks, you know what I mean? I was like, wow, I still got it. And now I go to, like, your.

[Rob Eiler]

Legs walking in here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Your legs and your teeth.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And now I go to, like, a hot girl gym where it's all, like, super nice, older, hot ladies, and they're all in their. Their Lululemons and they don't have to cover their bellies or their butts. And I'm like, oh, okay, now I. Now I see where I am in, like, the pecking order.

[Rob Eiler]

So there's no men allowed?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, they can be. There are men there. But it's where when I go, it's like, hot, skinny.

[Rob Eiler]

Like, ladies, we gotta talk after. I gotta figure out. I gotta hear where. I gotta hear where this is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But the currency totally is. I feel like. Like, you go. So the point being, like, yeah, I could pull guys, but they're probably not, you know, super duper if I'm, like, super husky.

[Rob Eiler]

Right. I think social media has made people such assholes that, like, even if you're fat or broke or whatever, all you have to do is be, like, fucking cool and, like, understanding and not an asshole now. And I think you could do pretty well. Like, because when I. When I was younger and everything, like, I wanted a girl who was like. I would see my friends get a girlfriend who, like, wasn't very hot, but they were like, no, but she's the best. And I'd be like, what? Like, I didn't even get it. But now that I'm older, I'm like, all I want is a woman who's like, hey, you don't have to come to my friend's birthday with me. That's all I want to hear. Like, I don't. I don't care about anything else if she's like, hey, I want a girl who hates going to things as much as I do. So she'll be like, hey, I have to go to this thing. You can stay home. That's all I want to hear.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But she can be fat.

[Rob Eiler]

How Fat. Well, but it's. I'm just saying, listen, I'm. I'm a lunatic. But there's. There's. She can do. But I'm not even like, doing well, like, as far as, like, for a woman. But like, I think a woman can be fat and still do very well.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, that's interesting.

[Rob Eiler]

But how fat are we talking about here? Like, just.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What'S fat? I don't know. But that's the thing. The standards are so different here. Have you ever heard what Karl Lagerfeld has to say on it? Na, go ahead and play. It'll be okay for women to be fat in the future? I'm afraid. Yes. But not okay now.

[Rob Eiler]

No.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There he goes. Anyway, that's all he says. He's quote fat phobic by today's standards. But in like the early 2000s and before, he was like, right on, you know.

[Rob Eiler]

Listen, I think it's great to be. The only reason not to be fat is because you want to attract a mate. After that, it's like, who. Like, I sometimes, like, I'll gain like, you know, a few pounds in the belly and like, I don't give a fuck. Like, I just. It's more so my face. Like, I have the Irish round face that like one. If I gain five pounds, it looks like it all goes to my face.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Look, nobody likes to be. I don't ever like to be over. But I will say. And I. I think that men behind closed doors, when they're being honest and they talk about their wives, they're like, dude, I just don't like it if she's fat. Am I right? Am I. Please.

[Rob Eiler]

I've never been married. I don't know. I don't know what you. If you actually just married either. I don't know if you just love your wife or whatever, like, if she gains some pounds over. But I know, like, when you. But listen, I think, like, I don't know if a girl's a little overweight, but she's awesome. Like, I take that now that I'm 40. When I'm 20, it was like, no, I want hot and don't care if she's crazy. Where now I'm like, yeah, but I'm also in the. In the camp of, like, I wouldn't date someone who doesn't go to the gym. But that's not because I want you to be skinny. It's because I want you to get your fucking anger out somewhere else. Just not at home. Yeah, yeah, that's a good point. I Want you to get that out. So like you're, you know, like I'm way more. Less likely to like argue after I leave the gym.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh yeah. It get completely balances.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Your life out.

[Rob Eiler]

You have to get that out.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. See I never cared about weight or. Or mus. Muscularity with men. Is that. Is that the word? I don't know. I never.

[Rob Eiler]

Sounds smart.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. I mean I like these homos. Like these guys.

[Rob Eiler]

These like Fae, like frail looking guys.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Like Dave Ghan. Like skinny Peter Murphy. Skinny are just like.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, that's. That's. Yeah. That's weird.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I know. I think I am a femboy. I think I might be gay. Man, woman. What am I? I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

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[Rob Eiler]

Who are you people?

[Tom Segura]

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[Rob Eiler]

See, I used to, like, like, short Spanish girls with a little weight on them, like, when I was younger. And then I started hanging out, like, when I would go to clubs and hang out and all these, like, guys in clubs, they liked girls who were skinnier, and that just became, like, the women who were around more. So I started leaning more towards that. Even though, like, my true thing is, like, a little, like, short Spanish girl, like, that's how I really. That's how I was brought into this world. Loving that. Yeah. But then you. You know, you change.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

See, and my first sexual dream was about John Goodman. I was, like, 13 or 12, and I just loved. I've always had a crush on John Goodman. And so when I met Tommy.

[Rob Eiler]

He.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Was heavier, and I was like. Like, it was a deeply rooted, like, shameful, weird thing that I kind of liked.

[Rob Eiler]

Husky gents, I could just picture you calling your girlfriend after the first date and being like, God, he's like a young John Goodman. And they're like, what? You're like, I think I'm gonna marry this guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, I knew I was going to. I just. I loved him. I just loved it.

[Rob Eiler]

Oh, wow. Look at John Goodman in 1962. Can you go to that one? Facebook. He looks like Ralph Macchio.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like, now. He's so adorable.

[Rob Eiler]

Wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my God.

[Rob Eiler]

He looks like. Who's.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, that's not.

[Rob Eiler]

Okay. Yeah, that. I. I was thinking that. I was like, who's played Frodo? I was gonna say it looks like him. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Frodo turned into John Goodman.

[Rob Eiler]

That's so stupid. Well, we got to see John Goodman as a kid now. Do we have that? What did he look like?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, I bet he was adorable. Is John Goodman still alive? You know when people are Googling that for you?

[Rob Eiler]

That's. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, he's cute. See, he's just so American and so, like, he just seems like he'd protect you.

[Rob Eiler]

You know, people who. Who Google, is John Goodman still alive? It takes them, like, 10 minutes to Google it because they're the people who, like, loved Roseanne like, 30 years ago now. They're like, hold on, let me see. They're like, is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think people still secretly love the show Roseanne. Oh, of course.

[Rob Eiler]

I don't Think it's a secret. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Look at him. So handsome. The big Lebowski. Come on. I don't know. I always liked heavier guys. Even growing up, my dad's fatter friends. I just like those old Hungarian guys with bellies. And to me, it's kind of like a lizzie. Like, I don't. You know, like, they're not so uptight. They're not so. So disciplined. Like they can enjoy life or something. Maybe that's slobs. And maybe they're not afraid that I'm a slob. Maybe that's the truth to it, is that my standards get to be lowered, which is really the best part. I don't have to try so hard.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. They're not super anal about stuff.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I would really hate that. Now. Speaking of dating, you're in the dating world. I've got some gals for you.

[Rob Eiler]

Hold on. Oh.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Let's take a look at these ladies. You tell me if any of these ring your bell. Here we go. Hi, I'm Ashley Glendon, number 96336. I really want some fun and positive.

[Rob Eiler]

People to help pass my time.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I love to laugh, and I have a spunky attitude. Don't be shy.

[Rob Eiler]

Hit me up on jpay.com and Big.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Shout out to prison connect.

[Rob Eiler]

Can I tell you. Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Rob Eiler]

I'm a sucker. Listen, if I. If I wasn't.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, sorry. Oh, no. Oh.

[Rob Eiler]

Oh, is it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's still going. She gave you a body shot, dude.

[Rob Eiler]

Wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She gave you full.

[Rob Eiler]

See, if I. If I didn't know better, I'd be all in. But I know better. You know what I mean? Like, I know that this woman will try and, like, she'll come ruin my life and all that stuff. Yeah. But if I didn't know that, I'd be in. I'd be like, who is this angel?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because you could meet her out in. In a bar or whatever in the street.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. I can't.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Not you.

[Rob Eiler]

Not me.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay, so. So here's the deal. Do you want to know what she did?

[Rob Eiler]

Ooh.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like, I tell you what her offenses are. Do you want to guess?

[Rob Eiler]

And we'll see if that makes me like her more or not. I'm gonna say she. She did something with a guy where they, like, robbed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's always a guy, right? I think so, too. Like, none of these chicks are initiating.

[Rob Eiler]

Some of them are crazy. This one just seems she's showing. Guy hungry. So I think maybe that led her down the wrong path.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Guy hungry.

[Rob Eiler]

You know, where other women you Just see a woman, it's like, oh, she looks angry. She might have just beaten a woman up or beating someone, you know, might have beaten up. Parking lot attended to death.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Are you ready?

[Rob Eiler]

Mm.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's good. She's good. First of all, here's the good news. She's out in February of 2028.

[Rob Eiler]

I have an issue.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Go ahead.

[Rob Eiler]

This is from an app where you date inmates. They shouldn't put the word pay in the name of the app.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Jpay. No. You can give them money, but that's what I'm saying.

[Rob Eiler]

That should. It should come as like, oh, actually, you know what? You could also send me money, but when the name of the app is J, like, at least lure me down. A thing of, like, sexy, you know, like, oh, lonely.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What was the reason for that? Do you guys remember this thing?

[Rob Eiler]

I don't want PayPal. Be the fly.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's Jpay. Yeah. Like, I think he's saying, like, it's very forward to just start with the money.

[Rob Eiler]

It might as well be like, hey, sucker. The name of the guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know.

[Rob Eiler]

I agree.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They should have. But then what could they call, like, what. What's a Facebook for criminals?

[Rob Eiler]

Lonely, lonely women.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Locked up. Locked and lonely.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. Locked up broad. Yeah. I don't know anything but, like, where's the money, J?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I agree. That's a horrible name where you put money on their commissary.

[Rob Eiler]

Right? That's. That's not where the dates are.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You ready to hear what this broad did? Okay. Controlled substance possession.

[Rob Eiler]

Fine.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, big deal. And grand theft by any common law. Larceny, embezzlement, extortion, or receiving stolen goods.

[Rob Eiler]

I mean, that's not receiving stolen goods. Who doesn't do that? When I was growing up, like, hey, this fell off the back of a truck. What are you going to do, say no to a criminal? You got to take it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know. Grand theft by any common law. Larceny. I'm. What that means. What does that mean?

[Rob Eiler]

Have you ever gotten one of them to fa. FaceTime in?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Rob Eiler]

Please. I would love to talk to her.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So. So Ashley's definitely. That's a thumbs up still.

[Rob Eiler]

I. Oh. All day. If. If she. If she was anywhere else, like, let's say she was in, like, a. A nunnery and had this video, I'd be like, we got to break her out. We got to get her out. But knowing that she's in prison and she'll probably try and, like, take my money and ruin my life, I. I instantly go like, no, I can't I can't do that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, so here's what she did. Unlawfully taking, carrying away, and permanently depriving the owner of personal property that exceeds a certain monetary value.

[Rob Eiler]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Big whoop. So she stole something from some dude or whatever.

[Rob Eiler]

You could. She could have been mad at somebody, been like, I'm taking the dog.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's stupid. I agree. She's minor. I think Ashley's still a good candidate for you. I liked how she backed up and gave you a full body shot. Apropos our earlier discussion of, like, you know, fat women are, like, broke men, she's showing you the goods. She's saying, I'm thin everywhere. So she's not luring you in. Because on the profile on the dating apps.

[Rob Eiler]

Thin everywhere.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Like, on the dating apps, can't they lure you in with, like, a nice face pic? But then the body could be totally different.

[Rob Eiler]

They can lure you in with a full body pic, and then you see, and you're like, this is not the body in the pic.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Really? They do totally different full.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, they can trick you in any. They take a picture in, like, a black shirt and pants in front of a black wall, and you're like, I think. I think that's all right. Yeah. And then you meet up, and you're like, oh, man. Good thing this wasn't dinner, you know?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So what do you do with them? Like, coffee? Or you do, like, a fast. Oh, you don't drink coffee.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, we'll. We'll do whatever. But then, you know, there are some times where, you know right away, like, this is going to, like. I remember the last girl who I dated for, like, a long period of time. We met on an app, and right away I was like, no, I know. This is legit. And, like, yeah, I got on a plane to go meet her.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Where?

[Rob Eiler]

Because it was Miami.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow.

[Rob Eiler]

And, yeah, the best. It was incredible. But we just. You know, it was. One of us was gonna have to move, and it just didn't feel right. And it was unfortunate, but, yeah, now she's in prison.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. There's her. Let's see this one.

[Rob Eiler]

But it does feel like she's blowing these kisses to everybody, which I don't like. I'm jealous. You know, I'm a jealous kind of guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep. I understand what you're saying. Guys want to think that you're. You're gonna give the goodies only to them.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Only to Rob. The kisses are only for Rob.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The. The showing off of the body's only for you.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. I don't even. Like, when. When. When a girl on a dating app, like, their first thing is like, let's not chat, let's just meet right away. I'm like, yeah, I want. I wanna. I wanna make sure we're not wasting time. Like, if. Right away. I know. I'm like, hey, do you drink wine every night? Because if. Yes. Goodbye. I can't. I can't do it. Like, I just. I. I don't drink and I don't want somebody who's drunk or all the time. So, like, I have to get those things out of the way where, like, a lot of these women are just like, nope, we meet right now or nothing. I'm like, goodbye. I can't. Like, they. Because you know what it is? They've gone down the path. Like, a lot of them say, like, I don't want a pen pal. They've gone down a path before where a guy just like, oh, yeah. Talk to them forever and then never met them. So now they're like, I won't even talk to you. Like, just meet me or nothing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow.

[Rob Eiler]

Which. I'm the opposite. I'm like, no, I need to know you're not crazy before I go and meet you. Because I. But I'm not dying for a relationship. So if you're, like, crazy or in prison or blowing everyone kisses or like, I can't. If you committed grand larceny, it might be a no for me.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Fascinating, man.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, it's brutal out there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It is sound. Okay, so here's Kylie, Michelle, and.

[Rob Eiler]

Hot name.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Here she goes. Let's see. Hi, my name is Kylie Jackman. My number is 110819. I'm in Pokemon Patella Women's Correctional Center. I have blue eyes and thick thighs. You can hit me up on jp.

[Rob Eiler]

You know, I'm scared to, like, really say absolutely not to some of these women because I'm like, they're. They're. Whoever. Somebody might come and get me. But you know who.

[Tom Segura]

She.

[Rob Eiler]

And listen, I don't want to be rude, but she kind of reminds me of. Is the person who. Remember back in the day, there was that toy that you would get and it was like a bald guy and you would put the hair on him. Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

I have it for my kids.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The magnet, can you make that up?

[Rob Eiler]

What is that called when you. You put the Woolly willy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, Woolly willy.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. Can you look? Can you get a picture of that up? Because I'm getting strong vibes from her.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know you're talking about? It's the nose.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. See, when it's. When it has the no hair.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. That's kind of.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's kind of something.

[Rob Eiler]

And so similar. Not to be rude, but I just want to say that's not my type.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. Woolly willy is not something I.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hey, don't you dare put down Kylie, because I will tell you that Kylie, first of all, she's wife material. I think Kylie, especially at a man of your age and where you're at, she might be your fucking ride or die bitch. You know what I'm saying? Like, and I'm judging by these. I'm going to go with this. She's like, a ride or die. Do you want to know what she did?

[Rob Eiler]

But here's the thing. I think you want to ride or die. Who's like a nine. Ride or die. Because if you go too far, too scammy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What are you talking about? You want that girl?

[Rob Eiler]

No, because then if you're like, oh, this fucking girl. Like, I went to go get a to the gym, and she wasn't nice to me, and then she goes and, like, cuts her, and then you're like, oh, now I got to be putting stuff in her jpeg every week because she cut her for me. You want a nine? Ride or die.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A ten.

[Rob Eiler]

Ride or die is a little too right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because you're saying that she's going to be too protective and too invested in the relationship. She doesn't want to. She doesn't want to lose you because she's so, like, clingy. Right.

[Rob Eiler]

You did what's in my man. Like, I, I, I want. I want calm.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

You know what I mean? But what? Yeah. What did she commit? Maybe you're gonna love him. Totally wrong.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, you're gonna like the way you look. I guarantee it. Because Kylie is like, this is like a nothing burger. Controlled substance, possession of and burglary.

[Rob Eiler]

Out. Oh, I'm so sorry for judging you. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. That's a nothing burger. And she's out in 2026.

[Rob Eiler]

Congrats on good behavior.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hopefully, we'll see.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

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[Rob Eiler]

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[Christina Pazsitzky]

Help is available for problem gambling.

[Rob Eiler]

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[Christina Pazsitzky]

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[Rob Eiler]

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[Christina Pazsitzky]

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[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I don't think Kylie. I don't know.

[Rob Eiler]

No privacy, huh? If I. If me and her are talking, there's just the whole cruise in the back, huh?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So she burgled and she has some drugs on her. Big deal.

[Rob Eiler]

So what? What are you gonna do drugs and not rob People.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. That's the whole point.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course. You gacked and you steal, right?

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. You burgle.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

You do some blowing, your burgle.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't know. I don't know that I don't think. Okay, whatever.

[Rob Eiler]

No, I think she's probably a sweetheart. She's just. She's just unfortunately not my type. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

The first one was more when she's blowing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I see where you're at.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Snob. Hey, what's up? My name is Janelle Martinez.

[Rob Eiler]

Like it?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

My number is 114568. I'm located in Idaho. I'm looking for friends, good company, someone to talk with.

[Rob Eiler]

Oh, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Emotional and financial support.

[Rob Eiler]

Oh, I'm here for a good time.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Not a long time. Okay, hit me up on jp.

[Rob Eiler]

See, it's so hot, the way she's holding the phone.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

See a lot of them, sometimes, like a rapper.

[Tom Segura]

So hot.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, they're kind of holding.

[Rob Eiler]

She's like, I want your money.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, she's very. Yeah, she's. But listen, I gotta say, I. But maybe it's just good to be honest. But I don't like the approach of like, I want your money right away. It turns me off. I like, first 10 seconds I was like, this could be the one. And now it's just a no.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Well, here's what I like about Ms. Martinez. She had, like, the rhyme thing going.

[Rob Eiler]

You know, here for a good time, not a long time.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Like, I like when they're clever. She came up with that. That shows, like, she's got a brain on her. She's creative.

[Rob Eiler]

I don't know if she came up with that, but.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Or maybe she adapted. But she adapted it and used it, and I really like that. She is a younger inmate. She's only 30 years old.

[Rob Eiler]

Looks great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's got youth on her side. She's good looking and she wants to have fun.

[Rob Eiler]

Great hair, gray hair.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I like her a lot. Okay. Do you want to know what she did?

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is interesting. I've never even seen this. Martinez was found to be using mood altering substances for which she had no prescription, for which she received a class B disciplinary offense. What does this even mean? Found to be using mood altering substances.

[Rob Eiler]

Aren't there all these cities where, like, people are like, we arrest people 37 times and. And they're fine, but then this girl is just, like, doing drugs.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Who cares? Oh, here we go. Oh, sorry, I should have kept reading.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, the upside down phone said maybe she did a little. A little something we don't.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Can you guess what mood altering substance it was? What do you think? What are you thinking she's doing?

[Rob Eiler]

Oh, a lobotomy. Did she get a full.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Methamphetamine and that. Martinez tested positive for methamphetamine while in custody on her writer. Oh. In 2023, she was convicted of possession of heroin and fentanyl.

[Rob Eiler]

Well, okay. Now, drugs, yeah, Big deal in those short, short while. Okay. Maybe she deserves a little. A little time out. Yeah, no, I think it's fun. But listen, Fentanyl, I wasn't around in the. In my drug time, wasn't fentanyl. Fentanyl looks real bad.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, it's real bad.

[Rob Eiler]

I don't know. It doesn't look like a. I don't know. Like, I know a lot of people who started out doing a drug were having fun, and then. And then it became bad. We're like. I don't know anyone who's like, dude, this fentanyl shit's awesome. And then it goes bad. Like, it just seems like day one of fentanyl is as bad as the rock bottom of everything else.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do you take fentanyl voluntarily or isn't it just in drugs now that, like, it's mixed in and it kills you?

[Rob Eiler]

I thought that was both, but some people do it. Yeah, some people are doing it just for kicks.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, I will say it is pretty spectacular. When I broke my ankle, they gave me a fentanyl patch in the amber lamps, and I really loved it. I was like, what is this?

[Rob Eiler]

I think I've told you this before, but that when I was going through my, like, you know, getting off of drugs and all this stuff, I remember hearing all the stories, and there was one act, actor, wife and husband in Hollywood, and their son was born, like, you know, probably had a really odd life. The whole, like, growing up with parents who were famous and whatever. When he was 18 or whatever, he was such an addict that he threw himself down a flight of stairs to get in the ambulance to go to the hospital to get pain meds.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow.

[Rob Eiler]

That's like. You're really committed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, that's a. That's a real wow. Yeah, that's so.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's interesting. I was reading this doc, this book about Marina. She's a. Would you look her up? She's a performance artist. Why can't I remember a Marina?

[Rob Eiler]

Marina Del Rey.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Marina Del Rey. She's from, like, Belarus, God damn it. Anyway, she's from this old school communist country. I'm obsessed with her. Yeah. Abramovich. Marina PERFORMANCE ARTIST Yeah. I'm reading her book, her autobiography, and she goes, when I was. Was a little girl, I had a bleeding disorder. And they put me in the hospital for like a month. You think it was the worst time of my life, but it was the best. They were so nice to me there. And my family had to be nice to me when they came to visit me and bring me sweets and toys. And I was like, I totally understand that.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, I wish I had gotten the.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hospital when I was a kid.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, I did. I had such bad asthma that I would end up in the hospital, but I hated it. Oh, you can't really. Like, you'd be in the. I didn't like being as a kid. You want to run around. You don't want to be in like a hospital bed. It was. It was brutal.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, they. They could. Didn't they give you inhalers and stuff to prevent you from being hospitalized?

[Rob Eiler]

You know what's so funny is like, now that I'm an adult and I'm like, how come I haven't had an Asthma attack in 20 years? I'm like, oh, because when I was a kid, like, we just didn't listen. Like, they were like, hey, you can't do this. You can't be around cat, you can't be around dog. And you just. As a kid, you're not thinking about that all day. So, like, you go to somebody's house, they have a cat you don't know, and next thing you know, you're like, like in the fucking hospital. And I remember we went to like a show one time that had like fake smoke and I ended up in the hospital.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my God.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, it was all. I had such bad asthma. But my uncle also has asthma because we grew up in a fucking tiny apartment with everyone smoking Cools and we both have fucking horrible asthma. Yeah. My grandmother smoked. My great grandma smoked Pall Malls. And my. My grandma and grandpa smoked Cools. And it was just chain smoke.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Bring those up. Let's take a look at Paul Malls and Cools. Cools are menthol. I remember that Paul mole that's like.

[Rob Eiler]

I think it's a red pack if I remember.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, with white like a windmills on it or something. That is real red pack.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, but that wasn't the one that she smoked. She smoked the one that. With no filters. Like that one. Dude, if you click on the one that the thing is on right now. Yeah, that's what she. That was always in the crib. Yeah. Wherever Particular people congregate, huh? Yeah. Imagine just like sitting in the apartment smoking cigarettes with your son and his like wife all day with their kids all around. Like, it must have been just so crazy, such garbage. You know what else I look back on when I look at when I lived with my like grandparents? Everything. Like I. And maybe I'm wrong about this, but my memory is I didn't have one toy. Like I remember other times in my life where like you had these. So. But I just remember like I had my own chair. It was like a neon little plastic chair that they would sit right in front of the tv and I was just like, oh, while there was just smoke in the room, like, and I was just sitting there watching TV all day. But I just don't. Like, I know there were times in my life where I had toys, but just that time where I lived with my grandparents, I don't think that they were like, oh, let's get him toys. Like, let's. It was just like, no. Oh my God. That apartment was. You would lay in bed, so I slept on the pull out couch in between my grandma and grandpa. And you would hear as soon as like the lights would go off, it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Was like the cucaracha.

[Rob Eiler]

It was mice, cockroaches, every. And it was just the. And then you would hear one get like caught on a trap and it. And my grandparents would just sleep right through it. And I was in the middle of the pull out couch, just like, please, I want to be anywhere. And they didn't have the, they didn't have remotes yet, so they had a, A block that sat over by the TV and you had to walk over and push. Cuz it was like instead of just turning the thing and I remember it being like, go change the channel. And like it would just be like g. Like fine, we'll just watch this. Like, you know, and it was like, I don't want to watch this. And they like this thing you pushed these buttons down on to change the channel.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. God, it sounds worse than communism. You guys sound more poor than my parents.

[Rob Eiler]

But what's funny is like I look back on that and I'm like, that was great. Like I, I love. It was just like. I remember bedtime was really not great and scary and everything, but like up until that it was. My grandma was the best.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She loved you.

[Rob Eiler]

She loved me. But also like, you know, my parents were very young, so like, it didn't feel like they were passing on these like life lessons to me everywhere. My grandma would Be like, like, no, you don't do that this way. You do it this way. And then I would do something a different way and it would be easier and I'd be like, wow, that's so nice. We're like, my. My parents were 18, so like when they were. When I was 4, they were like 22. I think about me when I was 22, I didn't have a single lesson to pass. Yeah, what can you teach to a four year? Except. Yeah. I knew nothing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Here's how you drink. Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. And especially like, I would know even less if I got pregnant at 17 or 18 and then I don't. I don't know if my mom like, even finished high school that because she was pregnant. And it's like, that must have been so crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But she knew to make you an actor.

[Rob Eiler]

Well, she was the good. Somebody on the street was like, this guy should be an actor. And she was like, yeah, let's go on auditions and see what happens. Thank God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Amazing.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Isn't it wild to think, like, you were in that? I. Because I think I look at the life that my kids have today and like, my youngest is seven now, and I'm. I'm like, Julian, when I was your age, I was already like, I was on my own, bro. Like, I could already use the stove. I was cooking. I was alone a lot. And he's like, really?

[Rob Eiler]

Is that true?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Our parents didn't give up.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There was no idea of like, you know, someone would call CPS on you or whatever. They just left you there. You know, you were a latchkey kid. It was a wild. Or even my dad, like, partying. Like, like I'd wake up in the middle of the night and you're like, who's in the house? What's happening? Yeah, where's this drunk people?

[Rob Eiler]

It's awful. See, with us, it was more like, like letting people stay. Like, it wasn't like random people would just pop in, but it was like, oh, like, this is this person, this person, this person. They're staying with us for months. And you're just like, oh, okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But in the apartment.

[Rob Eiler]

In the apartment. But the thing that, like, I do, like when I look back with my mom and I'm so grateful for is like when I hear people who are like, yeah, my mom never said she loved me. I'm like, that's gotta you up. Because at least my mom was always like, I love you the most. Like, you know, she'd be like, I love you. You know where I'm Like, God, I can't imagine, like, for 18 years, never hearing your parent be like, I love you any.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You think you and I are pretty equal on this one.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, I haven't. You know, I didn't hear my dad say any words for, like, 20 years. So. Yeah, I love you wasn't on the top.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I don't think we said that very often either.

[Rob Eiler]

Me and my dad say I love you to each other, like, once a year when, like, something bad happens.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. You know, dads are generally a little more.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, you just don't. But I don't want him. I don't want him to say I love you to me all the time.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm so. I remember feeling so scared of having a real conversation with my parents. Like, the thought would make me nauseous if one of them would be like, let's. Let's sit down and talk. First of all, that never really happened, but I think the thought of it makes me want to puke. Like, that level of intimacy with these folks, like, I don't know. All right, I'm good.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, good. I think my grandpa or, like, my dad, like, I don't think of it. What are you trying to. What is this?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Why are we talking?

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, like, what? Did you see the game yesterday? And you're like, oh, yeah, I saw the game. Yeah, it sucked. Like, you know, so much better. But I also always think about, like, you know, growing up, it was very much, like, as soon as you sat to, like, I haven't seen somebody. As soon as you sit, you bring up bad stuff.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Stuff. I hate that.

[Rob Eiler]

It was. Oh, that's how we always were. It was like, oh, like, because it's New York City. Like, oh, this traffic. I know somebody just did this, and you're like, oh, yeah, you know what somebody did to me? And then, like, you just commiserate.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep.

[Rob Eiler]

You know, it's like, oh, this bad thing we're now. Like, when I see people, it's like, how are you? And, like, you know, things are good. Yeah, that's great. It's great to hear that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's totally the Hungarian way, too. It's like, you have to talk about everything that's awful in your life straight away. And I. I hated that. Like, when we go visit relatives in Budapest and you sit down on the hard kitchen, wooden furniture, and then, well, you know, Tundi has his heart problems, and then, you know, Gabor has his problems, and I'm like, I don't want to hear this. I don't want to hear any of your problems. Your problems make my dicks off, to quote my husband.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. And also, like, sometimes it's okay if the people are funny.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

When you're with funny people and they bring up their problems, it's like they're finding humor in it. But when it's just like, like, yeah, not working again. Like, we're just counting down the days out, like, and it's like, oh, you're worried that he might die and miss all this? Yeah, like, you know, this. This awfulness. Like, it's so horrible.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know. Kill me. Okay, here's Sarah. Are you ready?

[Rob Eiler]

Oh, more ladies. I love this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, she's hot. Hold on. Hi, my name is Sarah Edwards. IDOC is 133419. I'm at looking, looking for someone sober, a male about in his mid-40s, who wants to get to know me. I'm really interesting to talk to, and I'm really funny, and I have pre board in June or July, and then.

[Rob Eiler]

I see commission in September.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So I'm thinking I'll probably out by September. I'm looking forward to getting to know someone who wants to stay in contact with me. Thank you.

[Rob Eiler]

I thought she was saying, I have pre board, like, the thing at the airport. I was like, oh, that's the worst.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't like traveling. You don't want anything?

[Rob Eiler]

Number one, if give you my phone right now and give you the dating app and scroll through the first 10 girls, I guarantee you at least seven say their whole personality is traveling.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What is that?

[Rob Eiler]

I don't understand. I hope you have. I hope you're ready to go. I hope. Well, I could work from anywhere, and I hope I'm an adventure girl. And I love this. And I hope you're ready to. No, I'm not. I'm not ready. I'm not ready for any of that. And you know what? I felt that way for years, and I haven't budged even a little bit. It just makes me angrier and angrier every time I see, like. And I've gotten to the point where, like, I see a woman, I'm like, she's beautiful. I bet we would get along. But. But her number one thing is, like. It's like an emoji of, like, a tree on a clump of sand. And it's like, I hope you're ready to go. I don't want to go. Like, your whole personality is getting away.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Getting away from your life. So what's wrong with your life? And also, who's paying for the traveling? Is she paying for the traveling? Does she expect you to pay for.

[Rob Eiler]

The traveling just sitting on planes?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know. I've done it for. For 20 years.

[Rob Eiler]

Airport sucks. All of it is like. Like you just said, makes my dick soft. Yeah, like. Like, oh, look, we're in the airport. Like, I get the same feeling being in an airport as I do when you're in a hospital.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

Like when you're. As soon as you go through those doors and you're just like, oh. Like, I don't breathe as easy. Like, the whole thing is just like. Like, oh. Because I. Like, you're getting on that plane, they're shutting that door.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's all, oh, it's terrible. And you're totally out of control. They don't give a. If the plane comes or goes. They don't care about you and your life. They don't give a.

[Rob Eiler]

My OCD going through the.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, me too. I can't take the lack of control. It bothers me. Okay, so what do you think she did?

[Rob Eiler]

Oh.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

See, I don't know. I'm just like.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When you look at her, I don't.

[Rob Eiler]

Think it's anything too bad.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Right. Because she seems so gentle. She seems like a first grade teacher. Like, she's so chill. She says she's got a good sense of humor.

[Rob Eiler]

What did she do? I don't know. I don't think it's anything. It doesn't feel like it's anything. That would really bother me too much.

[Tom Segura]

What'd you do?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's not controlled substance. Possession of.

[Rob Eiler]

That's fine. She's just me and didn't get caught. I didn't get. She got caught. You know, it sucks. Yeah. But it's also, like, if you're getting caught with drugs, you are doing something else. Like, what are you doing? Because who gets. Who just gets caught with drugs? Like, who's like, yo, I was walking. I was walking home yesterday. They fucking bagged me. Like, they knew it was in my pocket. Like, what are you doing?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's true.

[Rob Eiler]

To be caught. Like, what are you in your car doing? Like, why are you. I would love to know why they're caught.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, you should do drugs at home. Or like.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, or like, if you just have drugs on you, it's like, why would anyone know?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, that's so true.

[Rob Eiler]

All of my friends had drugs on them at all times when I was growing up in New York City, and once a year, somebody would get caught because they were doing something else.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Just don't do anything else. Yeah, Just stay home on your couch and do drugs.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. It's awesome.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay.

[Rob Eiler]

But I guess maybe when you're doing those other drugs, like the meth and stuff, it forces you off the couch and out.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's how. True. You're so motivated and inspired, you want to go and up. That's why I would never touch those uppers, man.

[Rob Eiler]

No, I was a big painkiller guy where you just sit on your couch. I forget if I told you, but, like, the arm of my couch where I kept the ashtray was hard. Like, you could go because of years of just sitting there playing. I would play online poker and smoke cigarettes and take painkillers. And when you ash and, like, if it would miss the thing, it would just land on the thing and just became rock hard. Like, and the. The. This arm of the couch was a totally different color than the other arm of the couch.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, that's perfect.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So.

[Rob Eiler]

So unattractive.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I go down, too. I don't want to be up. I've already got enough anxiety in my life.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. I'm always looking for things to calm me down, and that's what. That's when a. When a woman is like, what are you looking for in a partner now? I'm like. Like, someone who could calm me down.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

I don't want somebody who's gonna add pressure to my. You know, like, I'm not looking for. Like, there are people who, like, I have a friend, dude, if I. It's so illegal that I don't know if I could even tell the story on this podcast with my friend. I don't know if I could do. I guess I can do it, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, we'll just pull it out if we can't.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. No, I don't. Well, I. I don't know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He was.

[Rob Eiler]

He was dating. He was dating a girl from another country.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

And, like, basically right before, like, Trump was coming in, the people in her country told her, like, if you. If you ever want to get to America, it's now or never.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, smart.

[Rob Eiler]

And she. And she did it. And, like, the. And he's like, I'm addicted to the chaos she brings to my life. That, like, I was talking to her in another country, and then all of a sudden, she was, like, living on a boat near my house. Like, I just. I can't say too much because it's like. And. And he's like, I'm so addicted to this drama that she brings. I'm like, I couldn't be More opposite now. Like I'm like, I don't even. I want someone who just brings nothing but like calm, chill, 100 the same way.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like Tom Segura is practically asleep. And I like that.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, that's gotta be.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And sometimes I have to touch and make sure he's still alive. And that brings me like, oh, thank God.

[Rob Eiler]

When is he the most animated? With you?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

With me?

[Rob Eiler]

Or like, you know, you see him the most. So like when do you see him the most? Like, wow, look at him. He's full of personality right now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'll tell you the only time and in 20 years that he's really been like just over the moon is when he was working on that movie this summer.

[Rob Eiler]

Really he would work.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, you know, you know the days are like 12, 14 hour days. Come home fully happy, fully energized, thrilled, best mood. And then that mood lasted for like a month after he wrapped. He was so happy to be an actor. I think he really loved to act.

[Rob Eiler]

When I was doing Tom's Netflix show, I've never been more angry in the last 20 years. You hated it. I remember being in the shower. Thank you. I remember being in the shower at like 5am one day and just thinking about killing Tom. Like in the shower. And when I saw him in the hair and makeup trailer, I said, you know what? I did my whole shower this morning. I thought about different ways to kill you. And he loved it. He's like. I was like, I swear it was the only thing getting me through. Like my whole body gets sick when I have to set an alarm for like 4:45am I'm just not that. And I know it's like you're spoiled. You're this. Yes. Like I, I just, I can't, I can't do it. I'm not a farmer. Like I can't wake up at 4:45.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But it's not pleasant. And I don't know if anybody's body ever really truly gets, I don't know, gets used to it. Because when I was doing the road a lot and you have take that first flight out from California to the east coast and I would be up at like 3:34 in the morning, get on that at 6am or get across the country to like Connecticut, wake up the next morning to do radio at 5am and you do that for two days and then, you know, it's such a grind. And I always felt sick. I always felt like puking.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Never quite rested. And that's brutal. I have so much Sympathy for garbage men who wake up at the butt crack. Why, why do they have to collect garbage at. At that early? Why can't they just do it? Why, why so early?

[Rob Eiler]

Less traffic or something. I don't know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Is there. Can you Google that? What is the utility?

[Rob Eiler]

Because that's the thing. It's like, I know people would be like, man, being a garbage man sucks. It's like, I don't, I don't mind, like work. I don't mind doing work. But once you say, like, you got to be here at 6am, I full. I just completely shut down. I can't do it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

To avoid rush hour traffic. That makes sure. Yeah. Which allows them to complete their routes faster. But what about.

[Rob Eiler]

I'd rather work all day. I'd rather, I'd rather do a job. This is so dumb. I know. I'd rather do a job that took eight hours if I could wake up when I want, than do something that took an hour if I had to wake up at 5am Yeah, I feel that I just can't, I can't be like, I've talked about this before, but like, in New York City, cab drivers used to be the angriest people in the world, and they're not anymore because they're Uber drivers now and they get to make their own schedule. So when you used to drive and you would get the medallion or you had the car for eight hours, it was like, okay, if I get the car at noon to 8, I have to work from the second I get it until the second I'm done. Where now I talk to Uber drivers and they're like, oh, at 3:00, I turn the meter off, I go pick up my son from school, I make him lunch. I, I do that. I get to spend time with him and they're so much happier, for sure. That's making your own schedule is so important.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know, I, that's the greatest luxury of all, is to be able to manage your time the way you want it. Boy, is that a big privilege.

[Rob Eiler]

Because I'm also. But maybe it wouldn't bother me as much if I was somebody who could go to bed whenever they want it. Like, I know some people who are like, oh, if I got to go to bed at 8, I go to bed late. I cannot go to bed before 2am yeah. No matter what. Like you, anything. And if I do, like, even when I wake up at 4 for, you know, working on Tom show, doing whatever, within three days, I'm back to going bed at 2:00am My body just. Yeah, my body. It's from when I was living in Vegas. Like, I think my body just got hooked onto that. Like, I used to go to bed at like 7, 8am every day.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's not good for you. That can't be good.

[Rob Eiler]

It's horrible.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Body clock.

[Rob Eiler]

So bad. But I think the way I balance it out was I would sleep for 16 hours.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

You know, and then I would, I, I would never, I wouldn't be on a 24 hour clock. When I lived in Vegas, like, I would, let's say I woke up at noon and then I went to bed at 8am and then I would wake up at 6pm and like, I was just like, oh, I go to bed when I'm done and I wake up when I'm done. Like, I don't even think about. It wasn't like a bed. There was no such thing as, like, it's bedtime.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

Well, you were on drugs a lot.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, yeah. That's why you didn't want to stay up too. You're like, oh, I'm feeling good right now. I don't want to go to bed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know, I will say, being a mother, the, the, the one thing that I really detested about having kids, I love having my kids. That waking up at the crack of dawn when they're little was the biggest, awfulest thing in the world. And now that they're old enough that I can go, I know you guys are gonna wake up at six, get on your iPads, I'll see you at eight. Just being able to tell them to right off and get on their iPads, go make yourself a bowl of cereal. Now. Parenting is like, it's a joy, but.

[Rob Eiler]

They still come in and wake you up Sometimes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The little guy, he wants me to wake up and drink coffee and talk to him. And sometimes I will.

[Rob Eiler]

It depends.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's really. Yeah, he's cute.

[Rob Eiler]

He's.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's a good conversationalist. We have a good time. It just depends.

[Rob Eiler]

We went to dinner in New York. You want to talk about. You want to talk about how I ruined our dinner in New York?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wait, my kid or you Me?

[Rob Eiler]

Your kids were great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You're disgusting.

[Rob Eiler]

I ruined your.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You. You are.

[Rob Eiler]

You looked across the table at me, you said, don't ever do that again. You ruined my whole dinner. I got so much joy from that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There's two part. There's two. Because I don't even remember that one. I'm thinking, I don't know, I would go, oh my God.

[Rob Eiler]

But I didn't know I was doing it. You're just like, you're talking and you're like, yeah. And you were like, you just ruined my whole dinner. I don't want. Tell them not to bring me what I ordered. I don't want it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So gross. It was so gross. Because you are getting over it. Cold. And you were so.

[Rob Eiler]

It wasn't even cold. It was just like I got to New York and like something wasn't right. But I wasn't sick. Like, I felt great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That wasn't even the worst of it. So you're sucking in your snots during dinner. And I was like, this is revolting. And then we're walking. You're nice enough to walk my kids and I back to the hotel. And he's doing it again, sucking in the snot. And then he. He spits on the floor like an old Chinese guy.

[Rob Eiler]

That's what the street's for.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Can you show me a clip of an old Chinese. That's what the street is for. Yeah, you spit in. Not in America, Jack. Play it, play it. Do you have a Chinese guy spitting or horking? We can show him. So disgusting.

[Rob Eiler]

Give me a bucket. I'll do right here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'll throw up. There you are. Oh, they're spitting in each other. There you are, Rob. It's you and your friend.

[Rob Eiler]

That was wild. That's what you guys found. That's crazy. I thought they were kissing for a second.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know, right? Yeah, you're like an old Chinese guy spitting in the street. So disgusting. So disgusting.

[Rob Eiler]

You really hated it. It really bothered you. I don't like, made me laugh. And you were telling your kid, you're like, don't do what Rob is doing right now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course. Hey, listen, Rob, you're an open minded guy. You're into your health. Have you ever tried this?

[Rob Eiler]

Have you ever tried horse H?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't think horses make milk.

[Rob Eiler]

See, this goes to the thing of like, would I rather her or the prison girl? I think I go with a prison girl all day. Yeah. Unless she's doing this just because she thinks it's funny, then that's. Then, then maybe I go with her. But if she's doing it as like, oh no, I want to pass on like the knowledge I've learned on the farm. I don't know, she's just doing like a g. I just, I. I really struggle with the girls from prison stealing my money, you know, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. I'd rather them like hurt me than take my money, you know, I'd rather be like, oh, yeah, she stabbed me. I don't like, because I don't want to have to go back to work. I don't want to start. Have to having to wake up at 5am so it's like, please just don't take my.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. I don't think horses make milk. I think that's jizz, right?

[Rob Eiler]

No, I said maybe, but. Oh, really? Because I thought maybe it's like a. A pregnant woman horse or something.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

People drink horse milk.

[Rob Eiler]

People drink horse milk. Fermented beverage called kumis.

[Tom Segura]

Well.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What. Well, it's Central Asia and Russia. Yeah. There's not much else in Russia. Right. Central Asia. No, thanks.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. Do. Do horse moms feed their young?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course. Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

So then that's. That's horse milk, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay, so then why don't we drink more horse milk and make horse cheese cheese if it's so amazing?

[Rob Eiler]

Oh, yeah. Would you try horse cheese?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'll try anything once.

[Rob Eiler]

You know what I really want to do? And I. I haven't pulled the trigger yet because there's this guy on YouTube who I watch who just. He works in, like, a cheese shop. And he just talks about, like, this is the cheese we got today. And he, like, cuts it open. He. He has such a passion for, like, the cheese, and then he has, like, butter and all this stuff. I remember how you guys had the water sommelier on.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

I want to have the cheese guy on. Not today, pal. But I think. I don't know if people would. I think people might hate it to just watch me and Jamie eat cheese for a half hour, but I want to do it so bad. But I'm like, I. I just don't want to bore people. But when you hear this guy talk, can you find. It's like Beverly Hills Cheese Shop. If you find this guy. He taught it just when somebody's so passionate.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. He's just so stoked on the subject. I under. I. I get it when you're. That's why we loved Martin, the water sommelier, because he was so passionate.

[Rob Eiler]

So passionate. See you. It's this guy. It's that. Not that guy, the other guy. That first guy. Yeah, he is the man. This guy Alex.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And this cheese right here from.

[Rob Eiler]

It's called Alex. It just feels his whole life is cheese.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Super artisan.

[Rob Eiler]

Alpine. Kraus is known for being very. I want that slice very organic and very back to the land with their farming practices. Yeah. This is a. She's in My hand chocolatey alpine style cheese that is going to go really nicely with white wine. I especially love this type of alpine with white Burgundy or any other chardonnay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That has just a little bit of alcohol. Okay. I can't watch it. You know why?

[Rob Eiler]

Could you imagine if I was dating a prison girl and she saw me watching this, she'd be like, what the are you watching? I'm sorry. He's the cheese guy. I couldn't.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

Why don't you like it? Why don't you like it?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what it is? For me, dairy is very personal and shameful. I eat cottage cheese in private because I don't like other people watching me dairy, too. I'm very weird about public cheeses. Like, I know he's wearing his glove, but then he put the piece of cheese out and this dirt. Dirt bag puts his open palm out and he gets a palm full of cheese. Yeah, it's not very sanitary. I don't know. Cheese is mucus to me. It's like hard mucus. And I preferred to eat this privately. This is not a public thing.

[Rob Eiler]

Cottage cheese. I understand, because cottage cheese is gross. But like that I love. I find that, like, sexy. Yeah. A nice wheel of cheese. Like a nice big wheel of parm.

[Tom Segura]

Oh. Oh.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do you think. You know, I'm. I'm sure you can just buy a big wheel.

[Rob Eiler]

How much do you think there's cheese shops. I've bought like giant things. You've bought not a whole wheel of cheese. I burglared. You burgled? I burgled a whole.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow. You can buy. Oh, fucking hard.

[Rob Eiler]

There's like $5,000 wheels of cheese.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's bananas. Can you look up?

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. How much is a wheel of parm?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A wheel.

[Rob Eiler]

Parmigiano, Reggiano. $3,000.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. Imagine you got that for someone for their birthday. If I showed up to your birthday party just carrying a big wheel of cheese, and I'm like, she's gonna love this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because, you know, in the Italian restaurants, they put the pasta in there and then they cheese the pasta that way.

[Rob Eiler]

I think those are fake Italian restaurants. I don't think real Italians would be okay with that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wait, you don't think they do it.

[Rob Eiler]

That way, but they could even do it in Italy. But I think it's like a tourist trap. I don't think real genuine. I don't think Nona. I don't think Nona is throwing the thing in the wheel.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, that's okay.

[Rob Eiler]

I like it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Mommy likes her.

[Rob Eiler]

See if I choose soft cheese is gross. I think hard cheese is dope.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's all disgusting cheese.

[Rob Eiler]

Oh, that parm looks sexy to me. You know what my favorite is? When you go to a good Italian restaurant and they give you food free cheese. When you. Right when you sit down. Whoa. I'm like, this is class. It really is. When you're like, this is free.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Free.

[Rob Eiler]

Just like, oh, my God. And they're like, yeah, if you want more, we'll bring it. Like, wow. Yeah, that's when I'm really.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow.

[Rob Eiler]

I'm at my peak.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. You know when I get really, like, excited is when they give you butter, but it's got salt on it.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And then you're like, wait, this is free. Like, that's fancy butter. Or when it's like, it's got like chives or some in there and you're like, whoa, dude, this isn't regular. Regular butter. They took time.

[Rob Eiler]

And then now that there's YouTube, you could watch people make that kind of butter on and you're like, oh, that's so easy. I thought it would like, they take the butter, they put it in the microwave for 30 seconds. They. They put like the stuff in it, mix it around and put it back in the fridge. And then it's just. It's like infused butter. But it seems brilliant, bro.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I've learned so much from tick tock. Like, I learned how to make full Korean food. I've learned how to draw. I've learned how to do like paper macheing. Yeah. You can learn anything.

[Rob Eiler]

Now, do you watch, like, what type of people do you watch? Like, who do you like to learn from?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, the experts, obviously, but is there.

[Rob Eiler]

Anything that you're drawn towards, like, like men, women, Asian? Like, what do you. What do you feel comfortable learning from?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's really interesting. That's. Wow. I never thought about that. But that's true because we all have a bias towards. I. I really feel like Asian men know what's up. Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

And I'm calm.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They're calm, they're knowledgeable. And I also, I. Whenever there's an Asian man talking, I listen. Now, I'm also racist when it comes to my doctors.

[Rob Eiler]

You want Indian? Yes. You know, because they're the best, right? Aren't they? Yeah. I think Jewish doctors are good too. Right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Jewishes and Indians.

[Rob Eiler]

Indian, yeah. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But when I was sick with the, the testicular cancer, it was all Indians.

[Rob Eiler]

Really?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

Did you have to kick any non Indians out?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, I wouldn't even go visit, like a Non ethnic or did he ever.

[Rob Eiler]

Try and bring one? Just when you were like. You were like, no, no, no. Yeah, sorry.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, I wish. That'd be funny. So who do you trust most with your information?

[Rob Eiler]

I don't know if it's a trusting, but I do need somebody who's like, calm. Like, I need somebody who is like.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Or. Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

There's this guy I watch who does like a financial thing. If you ever watch him. And he has like, he's an Asian guy, but he has like a real attitude where he's like, like, like, he's like, you don't know that. Like, you know his name is Clear Value Tax. If you want to look him up. And he just talks about like the stock market and he'll be like. He's like, all right, the jobs report is out today. And he's like, angry and it makes me laugh. But also like, gives you. And I like that. But, but I need somebody who's like, very chill and like, calm and not gonna. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Is that him?

[Rob Eiler]

This guy? Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

How to build wealth faster. Even smart people miss this.

[Rob Eiler]

I love that he wears like nice suits and stuff, but he just. If you, if you just play like five seconds of a cl. See that? He does like, annoyed right off the bat in today's video.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

I want to talk to you about.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Financial opportunities that can fast track stupid wealth. So these are ones that, yeah, he's already. The demeanor is like, come on, you dummies.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. And I like. Because it, it, it. I'm never bored watching him or other people. When you just feel like you're learning where with him, I'm like, oh, I can't wait to see what pisses him off.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. And I'll tell you who I don't like to learn papier macheing from is. Is really slow talking older white women who are in their craft corner. I'm like, I don't want to hear this, Martha. It's going to take you way too long to get the thought out. I like to. Now, now, now, now, now. Let's go, let's go, let's go. Give me the information.

[Rob Eiler]

What, what is you. You paper mache now?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I do everything.

[Rob Eiler]

What is, what is. What is paper macheing?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't even know. I'm not even confident now that I'm an artist. I've. I've sold art. I. I draw. I do pastels, oil pastels. You know, fucking. What's the shit called? Molding.

[Rob Eiler]

Origami.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Claying. Clay molding. Yeah. I Make stupid shit like this paper machine.

[Rob Eiler]

Mommy. I gotta tell you, when you were, when you were like drawing and doing your stuff, I was very supportive and.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I really liked it.

[Rob Eiler]

I don't like this. I don't like this. This is, this is like dirty to me. When you start keeping these things in your house, you become dirty. Like in a year from now, they're gonna be like covered in dust and gross. And I don't want you doing that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Can I tell you something? You're not wrong.

[Rob Eiler]

I don't like this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm all. I'm already upset with myself because I've bought mannequins from Am putting paper mache.

[Rob Eiler]

On mannequins and it's like wet. You have to use like wet. Stop this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I agree.

[Rob Eiler]

Do a different thing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm going to throw out the mannequins and I'm just going to go back to drawing and, and painting.

[Rob Eiler]

Very cool. When you were doing that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Thank you.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, that's awesome. Like, that's like respectful. This is like, this is like. This is like dirt. Yeah. I feel like. I think the homeless people in New York City used to do this. They used to papier mache.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I love paper macheing, though. It is fun.

[Rob Eiler]

This really, this puts like a source. This is like being at the airport for me. I don't like this. It really makes me upset. And none of them are good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, that's because these are like the ones, like, if you get on tick tock and you really look up some paper mache stuff like these can make some really incredible pieces of art.

[Rob Eiler]

But I don't, I don't.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I agree. It's kind of like, it's annoying. It's too messy.

[Rob Eiler]

The wedding. The wedding. Like, what are you, what are you collecting newspapers to do this?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. And I was, and I was, I was like, don't throw out the Amazon packaging.

[Rob Eiler]

I'm gonna make some paper machine. Let me save you right now. Now you're done with this, you're gonna go home today or call. If you have somebody working at your house right now, like a nanny, call them now and tell them, throw it all out so when you get home, you don't even have to think about it because I don't. I don't want you doing this. I don't like this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Rob Eiler]

And you were doing your, you had your gardening, you got your cat. I'm supportive of all of it. This is no good for you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, it's my era of hobbies. Rob, stay home.

[Rob Eiler]

You Skip this one. I'm fine with all your other hobbies. I think they're awesome. When you were making your goth room in your house, you showed me the bad hangers.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It.

[Rob Eiler]

Awesome. But this is really lame.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay, well, can I tell you something? I'm gonna listen to your advice, because right now, in my bedroom, Tom's been gone for two weeks. I've got boxes of. Right by the door. Of boxes. Like I said, the mannequins. There's a. There's a mannequin in a box.

[Rob Eiler]

This is really. This is what attracts mice. My grandpa used to say when he didn't like something you're doing, he'd be like, that's how the mice come. And you're like, all right. No, they love cardboard and paper. No, you got to stop. They're going to find, like, you remember you when they.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Clear. All right, I'm gonna. I'm throwing it out now.

[Rob Eiler]

Remember when they cleared out the, like, Venice tents and they found, like, rat nests under. That's what they're gonna find in your. In your room. You can't do that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It really makes me miss that show Hoarders, remember? Yeah. That was so good.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. Horrors is class.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The. The key to being a hoarder is that you have to be willing to live in your own feces. You have to live in. Because that's all they. They live in, like, rat. Their own. There's just everywhere.

[Rob Eiler]

See, I love the people who, like, would have to climb through their place to, like, find stuff, but as soon as somebody was like, I in a bucket, and I was done. I can't. I can't. Then you're just a. You're. It just became not.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I remember, like, you're the stages. There's different types. If you had pathways to things, you were, like, a contained hoarder. Like, if there are still pathways, you were okay.

[Rob Eiler]

But I remember some of them. They found dead cats when they had 75 of them. 75 cat skeletons. Mommy, no. Paper mache. I think the first step to this is paper machine. This is hard, but I can make.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A pumpkin for Halloween.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, that has to. And then you're like, you can't throw these out because. And it's like, what? They're garbage.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Stop what I'm doing. And I'm. I'm convincing myself that the kids are going to paint the paper mache pumpkin I made. Guess what? I made that pumpkin a month ago.

[Rob Eiler]

Nobody's painted it anything. Let me save you here. I'm very supportive of all your Hobbies I get. I get to. What do you call it? Cancel one. I could just. Please.

[Tom Segura]

This is.

[Rob Eiler]

That's horrible. Paper macheing. This is good. You're, like, dipping newspapers.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hold on. Is that a deal breaker? If you were to date a new lady 100.

[Rob Eiler]

If on her dating profile, she's like, oh, my free time. I like to paper mache. Done. X, swipe left. I can't do it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What about. What about a urine drinker? Hold on. She drinks it for health.

[Rob Eiler]

Is this an either or thing? Paper mache or urine drinking?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, this is a separate thing.

[Rob Eiler]

Separate thing then. No, but if I have to choose paper mache or drink urine, like, maybe she's, like, on the cutting edge of something with the urine. Urine.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But you have to kiss her. French kiss her, because, honestly, she's hot. Okay, but I was thinking about this with. With Tim. Like, what if Tom, now in his health craze, in addition to the sauna, the cold plunge, he's like, you know what, babe? You gotta drink your own urine. And he starts drinking his piss. And I'm like, yeah, I gotta kiss that mouth.

[Rob Eiler]

But is he making you drink yours or he's just drinking his and he doesn't care what you do, then I don't think that would bother you. After two. Two weeks, I think you'd forget all about it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But then you have to kiss his. I kiss his mouth, and so what? And the beard's gonna smell like piss. And everything's in the beard.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, I guess. I don't clean the beard.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay, what about. What about if this girl is a. A free bleeder? Like one of these period advocates? Do you know these chicks? And they're like, I'm not gonna be confined by Kotex. I'm gonna. Yeah, just bleed on my pants and stuff.

[Rob Eiler]

I dated a girl who tried using, like, a cup. Or I was like, I don't want any part of this. I was done as soon as she said it. There's a cup inside of her. I was like, I'm just. I'm out. Out again. I'm not, like, fiending for a relationship. So as soon as I don't, like, you know, I'm just like. I'm not somebody who's like, why am I not in a relationship? I fully know why. Because I'm like. I like being alone, and I have to find somebody who is better than being alone.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I. Hey. And the older and crazier you get, I. I agree. This thought of yours is not wrong, my friend.

[Rob Eiler]

And by the way I don't go like, I can do all this stuff. You can't. Like if I said I have a cup in my ass and you were like, I'm out. I'd be like, yeah, you know what I mean? Wait a minute, hold on.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

If you could theoretically put a period cup in, in your vagine to catch the blood, can't you do a diarrhea.

[Rob Eiler]

Cup for your butt? But diarrhea is so much.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So what's. Okay, what Menstrual blood. You can put a big, A bucket in there. You could put a big bucket in there. You could put like a, like a long condom Y length. Can't you put something in there?

[Rob Eiler]

I would rather just diarrhea.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, wow.

[Rob Eiler]

That's.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Nobody's invented this.

[Rob Eiler]

I. Well, I think it's insane. Yeah, I, I think you'd sell one. Yeah. I don't know. You. You wouldn't be able to pay for the molding once you made one and somebody who's going to buy. It's horrible. I, I could never.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Right.

[Rob Eiler]

Well, cuz think about it. Tried you, you would. Now you have this overflowing thing of diarrhea. You have to pull out and clean. And it's, it's just too, just diarrhea.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I get so nervous about leaving the house for a while. I.

[Rob Eiler]

When you have diarrhea, you're saying, yeah, like I.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There was like a time in my life where I had really bad phobia of vomiting and I would. This is like in my 20s I was so anxious and when I get anxious, I get the OCDs. And I was like, I'd count the hours after I'd eat stuff. So I'd be like, okay, I have four hours. I don't have food poisoning. I'm not gonna vomit. And it got so bad that I was like, oh God, I just ate something. I can't get on the freeway. Like I can't get on the freeway in la. Cause what if I'm stuck in traffic and then I'll get diarrhea? You know what I mean? Like there has to be a solution for diarrhea on the run.

[Rob Eiler]

But it was like it was throwing up. You were worried about a diarrhea? Both.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Both. Then it, then it went to diarrhea. But why is there no solution for diarrhea? There needs to be like a diarrhea diaper. There has to be something.

[Rob Eiler]

I think it's just a diaper. I think a diaper is a diarrhea diaper. Right? Like little kids Are always.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's true.

[Rob Eiler]

Like, yeah, I think just wear a diaper if you want.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, wow. You know, it just had a Pajicki effect. Like, I didn't think I could wear a diaper for anything other than pissing in. And now you're telling me I could diarrhea in it as well.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. I mean, there's only one other thing. You could also do that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What?

[Rob Eiler]

Pooping? Yeah, you could poop in a diaper.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Isn't that crazy how your brain gets stuck in one place and you're like, but I can't. This thing is for this thing only. Like, I came to. You were texting the other day about you had one. And then. And then I was like, yeah, I had this epiphany that I can listen to Christmas music any time of the year.

[Rob Eiler]

Right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's not just relegated to December.

[Rob Eiler]

But then does it still make it, like, as good when December comes around?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, because I want to listen to it more. I love it. Okay, Now I listen to it all the time.

[Rob Eiler]

But do you have it mixed in with, like, other songs, or is it, like. No, it's Christmas specific.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm like, autistic. Where I listen to the same music, there's no deviation. My kids tell you exactly what I like listen to all. It's the same thing. Wait, no, tell me. Tell them. Tell them your Pajicky effect.

[Rob Eiler]

So I had two in the same spot. So it was when I was doing, like, my dishes or washing my hands in the kitchen sink. I. I would get water everywhere, like, every time, and it was like, oh, I got. And then it would, like, leave stains sometime of, like, trailing on the counter, like, the water. And I'm like, oh, I forgot to, like, wipe it up. Or it was a. And then I realized I'm like, oh, I don't have to put the water on full blast. Like, I could just put the faucet on halfway, right? But. But now I, like, I realize that. And I still. Every time I put the faucet, I go full blast. And then the water's going on. I'm like, oh, I can. I could turn it halfway down. And then the other thing was, I have. So I have my bathroom sink, and that's where I have a soap dispenser. And I keep the soap refill under there. So I fill it up, whatever. But I also have a soap thing in my kitchen on my kitchen sink. But sometimes that would get empty, and I'd be like, oh, I gotta go fill it up. And I think I Don't feel like filling it up right now. So I would just wait and then I'd be like, cooking later in the day and I'd be like, oh, I didn't fill it up. And now I can't wash my hands. It's this whole thing. But I realized I could buy another soap refill and put that under my kitchen sink.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

So then I could just fill it up because I don't want to go in there. Yeah, anytime. And by the way, My bathroom is 20ft away. I just go, I don't want to do it. I'm like, I can't go in the bathroom and get the thing. You know, I'm like, fuck it. And then I just have an empty soap thing for days. But now I'm like, oh, no, I could keep one under here. And it's changed my whole life.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Life. I know this is stupid. You're like, I just do that thing.

[Rob Eiler]

And now I'm so, so dumb. I'm like, wow, this is really nice.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, you know what I just figured out too? You know, I wash my hair and my hair is wet and my body's wet. I get out of the shower. I can bring two towels. One for my hair, one for my body.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. That's a life changing moment. It really is. I. That happened to me when I was like 30 and I did it and I was like, wait a minute. I was like, I could just wrap instead of being naked while I dry my hair and like cold and code's dripping. Yeah. I'm like, oh, I can just wrap this around my waist and then dry my bot. Dry everything else with this towel. It's very nice.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Two towels.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. Game changer for sure.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow. Who are we?

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, Rockefeller. Fancy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay, let's, let's. Time for, for, for, for. Tick tock. Hold on. You know, we haven't done in a long time. I heard you was looking for.

[Rob Eiler]

Do you like being on that side of the table?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, no, no.

[Rob Eiler]

You like just chilling?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Here's what I do. Oh, oh, we're back.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, let's start over.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Here's what I do, like, is that I get to be in charge of what we listen to. And this is my favorite. I love this. You know what I mean? Shouts out the homeboy Mitch. You know what I'm saying?

[Rob Eiler]

Hell yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what I'm saying?

[Rob Eiler]

Mutual, homie.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what I'm saying? Okay. Anyway, I.

[Rob Eiler]

By the way, if you want it, I have a great throw up story.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No thanks, I'm good.

[Rob Eiler]

I tried.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Guys. I don't want to. Okay. I'm going to do immersion therapy next to try to get over it.

[Rob Eiler]

How do you do that with vomit?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, you watch a million videos of people puking over and over to get become desensitized. It's like standup. Like the first seven years you're anxious, you're nervous, and then, then by year 10, you're like, I don't give a anymore. I'm over myself.

[Rob Eiler]

But some people say that never goes away. Like, some people say they black out every time they go and like do stand up even though they're doing for.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Years, they're not professionals.

[Rob Eiler]

There's no way, like someone I won't name who says that all the time, but like a 20 year veteran, I know people who have been doing it for a very long time whose podcast I listen to who are like, yeah, I just totally black out. Like, I like when you're getting. When you're going out, but they're like 10 minutes before I'm fine. But then it's like right when you get up there, it's like, like, you know, or like one, one you say like one thing that doesn't go the way you want and then it'. And then you're like, I just black out.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, it's rookie.

[Rob Eiler]

You're a pro.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's not 20 years that that does happen though. And don't get me wrong, yeah, all that stuff happens, but you learn how to whatever, deal with it. I don't know, maybe it's because I don't give a anymore about.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, I think it's. It's more of a life thing than a professional stand. I think you get to a point in life where you go, I don't care. Like, what are these people not going to laugh? That's fine.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Suck my dick. I almost died this year. Last year. Okay.

[Rob Eiler]

Right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You ready for my talks?

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

As we know, as you know, if you don't know, I like to showcase the marginalized community of TikTok.

[Rob Eiler]

Here you go. You're gonna be shocked what I have to say about this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay. Did you get enough of that flavor?

[Rob Eiler]

Go ahead. I could date.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Rob Eiler]

You want to know why?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why?

[Rob Eiler]

Because I know she can go in the garage and do her own thing for like eight hours. I know it. She's not gonna be like, what are we doing? What do you want to do? Hey, are you want to go for a this? She's just gonna be. I'm just gonna be watching. Watching your mom's house on the Couch. And I'm gonna hear. And I know she's. She's all right. I kind of like this. Yeah, you gotta find a lady who has her own hobbies that are not paper machines.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay, I got you. But what about this? When she's like, rob, you gotta hear my new song.

[Rob Eiler]

And then, oh, fine, yeah, I'll be like, hell, yeah, babe. Keep it up.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hours and hours.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, I'll be like, I want you to do that, but I need like a 15 minute rendition of it. Get back in the garage. Go ahead. You master that shit.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Look at her.

[Rob Eiler]

She's in her fucking. She's in her bliss.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's great.

[Rob Eiler]

So happy. She's gonna come in in a great mood.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm telling you.

[Rob Eiler]

This is my kind of gal.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's got. She's got a thing. That's all you need in life is a hobby. A thing. Now, here's the good news for you and for everybody. Listening, watching. She sells tickets to live performances. You can pay to see this woman play various things like clackers or spoons or what have you. And yeah, she charges.

[Rob Eiler]

And just like that, our relationship fell apart. Because if she's making me go to any one of her shows, I'm out.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah, you got to support.

[Rob Eiler]

You got to be supportive.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Don't you want to be supportive?

[Rob Eiler]

No, I'll be supportive in other ways. I'm not going to watch her go play that little plastic piano on stage in front of other people and have to pretend like she did good. You know what's so embarrassing is that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Even, you know, someone asked me the day, are you coming to Tom's special taping in November? And I was like, nope, no way. No, we don't watch each other. Okay, here we go. This is going through TSA with My Reborn Baby, Part 2. So this woman essentially is carrying a newborn doll and she's in a wheelchair. Maybe she has a broken leg. She's pretending that the doll is real. Wheel. And she's got two dogs with her as well, so she's already. There's a lot going on.

[Rob Eiler]

She should be on a no fly list. She shouldn't be allowed to fly. She's crazy. That's it. Problem solved. And terrorist.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Also, I do know for a fact those are not. What are they called?

[Rob Eiler]

Those service dogs?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, they're not service.

[Rob Eiler]

Of course not. None of them are.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Nobody's. Yeah, those are just pets, you dumb. We know that.

[Rob Eiler]

That. Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We know.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Stupid real newborn baby. These Reborn baby. These are. These are women that have Never had newborns. Once you've had one, you're like, I'm good. I don't ever need to do that again. That was so traumatizing.

[Rob Eiler]

Or you just want one that shuts up all day. Like, that's got to be. She just wants to feel that thing that's, like, on her and needs her, but doesn't actually. What is that a thing? Like, reborn babies? Like, is that a thing that people are into now?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's on Tik Tok, and you can buy them, and they're very lifelike, and they weigh what normal babies weigh and stuff, and it's terrifying.

[Rob Eiler]

If I saw her getting on the plane with. This is why I hate airports and I hate this stuff, because this is who the. You're a problem. You're a real problem to me. You interfere with my entire life.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, with the two dogs already. Like, she's got two dogs. How are you getting on the plane with two dogs?

[Rob Eiler]

There's nothing. There's nothing about her that I go, well, at least this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, nothing.

[Rob Eiler]

I hate it all.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She sucks.

[Rob Eiler]

Ah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's. Instead of praying with your hand, you can also pray with one hand and one foot or with two hands and feet. This way, you have not only prayed, but also stretched your toes. And don't forget to walk barefoot and to wear barefoot shoes.

[Rob Eiler]

Can I tell you, I just bought toe separators from Amazon.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It looks good for you.

[Rob Eiler]

Well, I like to walk a lot. I get at least 10,000 steps a day. And one of my toes started going underneath one of my other toes and creating, like, a callus. Whoa. Yeah. So I was like, well, I think I need, like. I was like, are toe separators the thing? And I went on Amazon, and they're a big thing thing. So, like, I think I'm gonna sleep with my right foot with toe separators on from now on.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Or you could see a doctor.

[Rob Eiler]

Well, he's just gonna tell me that I got to separate my toes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You think?

[Rob Eiler]

So what else is he gonna do? Stop walking?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, but maybe give you, like, a splint to straighten it out or something to wear.

[Rob Eiler]

That's what a toe separator is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay. No, you're right. Right, Rob, Just keep doing what you're doing.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, you don't need a toe. Doing great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Your toe is turning into a callus.

[Rob Eiler]

You're doing good, man. All right. Yo, what's up, guys? We're here at 4am in the morning, and nobody's here. It's awesome. No one's here.

[Tom Segura]

At the gym.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's so awesome. Dude, I was here yesterday at 5am.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, but there's people here, so I was like, you know what?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I'm gonna go.

[Rob Eiler]

4:00Am I'm gonna hit the gym. No excuses. Get it? There's no excuses.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No excuses.

[Rob Eiler]

Come on, let's go. Let's go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's like Mark Wahlberg.

[Rob Eiler]

No excuses. He's Mark Wahlberg, a clown. And Uncle Junior from Sopranos all mixed in one. Can you. Can you look up Uncle Junior from Sopranos Glasses? That's. That's. That's what he's wearing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, he totally has.

[Rob Eiler]

You know what's so confusing about this?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There you go.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, he's Uncle. Uncle Clown. You know what's so confusing to me about this guy is you would think somebody who does that to themselves. Themselves loves attention. So why would you want to be in the gym alone?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's what I was wondering. Like, is he doing it so people don't stare at his face because he's covered in face tattoos?

[Rob Eiler]

But then the whole reason people do that is because they want attention, don't they?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't know. You know, I do think you start it. Like, I have a feeling. When he was.

[Rob Eiler]

Sorry, was that too loud for you?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When he was on methamphetamine in his 20s, like, this was a great idea. And now that he's 40 and he's not on the math anymore, it's like, what do you do? You can't have all that lasered off, right?

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, he's like the. He's like the finance guy. He's like, oh, yeah, I'm in the gym with the tattoos today. Everybody. Everybody wants to look at me. Ah, she's over it, you know?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hey, at least he's working out. Oh, here we go. Power baby.

[Rob Eiler]

Up next, we have an open support. Martial arts creative Nicholas Kajia. Back roll. Excellent agility here at the American Internationals in Atlantic City.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What do you think?

[Rob Eiler]

Casino and resort hurrahs. You say Hurrah's Casino.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I did.

[Rob Eiler]

Wow. Hurrah. Casino.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I've done that place. Place.

[Rob Eiler]

Casino. I've never. I've spent more time in casinos than anyone you'll probably ever have on this show. I've not heard. I've. I've stayed at Harrah's for months at a time. I've never heard one person say har Casino. That is brilliant.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's reporting from Harras.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. I'm like, is that the Middle East? That's what I thought he was like. He's saying Harris.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. They never told him, like, the name of the hotelier.

[Rob Eiler]

I wonder what he calls Caesars.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Keysers. Well, I mean. Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

By the way, this guy's a black belt. Come on.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, he's amazing. What's wrong with you? You've never seen agility? Like.

[Rob Eiler]

I think he's a white belt.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, I mean, he's good. A great, great. He's moving around the Mac. Great. He's doing. He's calling all the right stuff, but I don't think he's a black belt.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay.

[Rob Eiler]

I think black belt backflips.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay, well, you know what? Hera's harass.

[Rob Eiler]

I think you say her.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I haven't had anyone buy one from me, actually, I've just made a few of them. But this is pretty. I like this one.

[Rob Eiler]

This is what you're doing with the. I don't know if you can paper mache. This is you right here. I see no difference between her and you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, I like it. I'm gonna keep it for my display at my vendor events.

[Rob Eiler]

So please tell me that's eggplant.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, it's her placenta display. A placenta dream catcher. Which is cool, because dream catchers, they're not usually made out of organic materials, and I'm trying to find the positive.

[Rob Eiler]

So, like, there's just nothing about. I don't. She's even using, like, is that a medical pad or, like a wee wee pad that she's making it on? Oh, right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's a wee wee pad.

[Rob Eiler]

Ugh. Just all of this is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

How do you keep the placenta from getting rotten and smelly?

[Rob Eiler]

I don't like any of that. I don't.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Maybe you have to shellack it or, you know.

[Rob Eiler]

You know what else I see people like this doing? They use, like, their kitchen scissors to do everything.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

They open an package, they make a placenta sandwich or whatever she's doing, and then they cut like, the chicken. That is this. Mommy. That is so disgusting. That is so disgusting. That bothers me so much.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You got it.

[Rob Eiler]

It's so gross to use your kitchen scissors to open Amazon packages. You know why you're an animal?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know why you're animal? Because they're sharp. They're nice and sharp, and they.

[Rob Eiler]

All scissors are sharp.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Not. Not as sharp as the kitchen scissors.

[Rob Eiler]

Mommy. This is the whole pajitzki effect. Effect. You can get two scissors.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Next you're gonna tell me that I shouldn't be wiping my hands on my pants, which I do. And now I've upgraded.

[Rob Eiler]

I'm fine with that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

To napkin dress. There's a dress that I have that I wipe my hands on?

[Rob Eiler]

You and Tom had me over for dinner, and you made chicken for me. And now I know you cut the chicken.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

Packages with your Amazon box scissors. And it's disgusting.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You're welcome.

[Rob Eiler]

You should be ashamed of yourself. I can't believe you did that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay, here you go.

[Rob Eiler]

I want you to produce me some.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Cabbage, carrots, and corn. I want you to produce me some green beans.

[Rob Eiler]

I want you to produce me some lettuce. I want you to produce me some. Produce me some produce. I want you to produce me some produce. I want you to produce me some produce. I want you to produce me some produce. I want you to produce me some spinach.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What do you think is.

[Rob Eiler]

I want you to produce me all the vegetables. OCD record required for a healthy diet. I want you to produce me some produce. Who's he talking to? I want you to produce me some produce. I want you to.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what it is? Is it that he figured out that the word produce and produce, it's spelled the same, but it's like, Harrah's Haraz. Like, do you think that he's like. Oh, I get it. The word produce, produce. It's the same word, but it's not.

[Rob Eiler]

I want you to produce me some produce.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. He thought it was funny, and now he's just like.

[Rob Eiler]

Like, use me some produce. I want you to produce me some produce. I want you to produce me some produce.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He just keeps going and going.

[Rob Eiler]

I like him. See, this is. This is a. Look into his head. Like, my head has the things that go on all day.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Please. Please. Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

I want you to.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's still going.

[Rob Eiler]

What else is his? What else is his? Feed. Like. Like, what is he like?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You don't want to know.

[Rob Eiler]

I kind of. I don't know. I'm really interested in what else he does was.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't know. Let's keep going. These people were having dinner in the air, and one of the harnesses broke. Do you like to travel?

[Rob Eiler]

Can I tell you, I have no. I have no feeling for when bad things happen to people like this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So these people are like. This looks like it's in Florida, maybe in Miami. And they're up in, like, a crane, and it's a bar in the sky. And then, of course, one of the harnesses breaks. Oh, Lord, It's.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah, of course.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is terrifying. So we start raving. You know, we're excited.

[Rob Eiler]

I'm recording.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know, everything kind of felt fine. And then as we're going up, it started shaking a little bit.

[Rob Eiler]

It was like, whoa, wait, why is it shaking?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And then when we got all the way to the top, it banged. And then when the ropes popped, we tilted, started spinning. Thing on the wall was screaming. Glass and bottles were flying everywhere.

[Rob Eiler]

A girl's nose got busted.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Even the workers were crying and ducking down and trying to hide and. And then they finally, like, lowering us down, lowering us down.

[Rob Eiler]

And then when we finally got to.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The ground, like, it, like, hit like the ground, because the hit like the ground. And then, you know, they were lowering us and lowering us.

[Rob Eiler]

Dating women want to do things just to do things. Yeah. They. They just can't sit still. That's why the girl in the garage doing the knickknack patty whack, I'm like, I. I could see. I. Because I know she's all right. She's not gonna go, hey, there's a restaurant that just opened on a crane down the street. You want to go? I'll be like, go in the garage and spin your around. You love that. You know where this is? Like, this is what they make you do when you're dating. They go, oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Did you hear about the bar?

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

No, I. I never want to hear about it. Yeah. And it's the opp. It's like they want. It's like. You know what made me the most angry? Like, right after co. When, like, it was okay to, like, really fly again. They were doing flights to nowhere for people who loved flying and missed it during COVID So you could get on a flight here at Austin airport, fly around, and it just comes back to. And people were, like, cheering on the plane, like, yes, we love fl. And that's what these people do. It's like, you can sit still. Like, you can literally leave this room right now and come back in 48 hours. And you'd be like, hey, I'd be like, what's up? I don't need restaurants in the sky. Like, I don't just chill.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I think, too. I'm really averse to manufactured fun like this, too, where you're like, you know what I really hate? Oh, my God. And it. It is my nightmare. You'll see it in places like Nashville mostly, like, these bridal capitals. It's where they a. It's a pedal bar. They're all. They're getting drunk and pedaling together, and.

[Rob Eiler]

They'Re always in great shape. Those ladies, they're not sweating at all, you know, and they're in, like, cowboy boots here because they think it's cute. So they're, like, sweating. They're in, like, these cowboys.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Nightmare.

[Rob Eiler]

Stink.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Nightmare.

[Rob Eiler]

Whole thing is just awful.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, look, having a drink, cool. But I don't want to do it anywhere novel. Anywhere we have to exercise. Anywhere dangerous.

[Rob Eiler]

No, I want. When I used to drink, it was like, give me the dark. I want, like, a place that you're like, is that place open? And then you go inside and there's like, a guy who's like, what do you want? And, like, you can't say anything but like, I want tequila on the rocks. He's like, here, bang. Give it to you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what? Also, I don't care for don't tell Tom is like, like, fine dining experiences where they light the on fire.

[Rob Eiler]

Or like, oh, yeah, I don't want tricks.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

50 courses. And I'm like, I don't want to sit here. I want to eat and I want to leave. I don't want to be here.

[Rob Eiler]

If the food's great, I'm okay with. I went somewhere here last night and had a. Like, a short rib. Rib that came on the bone. Oh, that's phenomenal. They light it on fire. Nothing. They had a thing where the woman was like, well, we have, like, a flaming board that your thing could come on. I was like, I don't want to hear anything. I just want my food. Like, I don't. I don't want a circus. Like, I don't.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know.

[Rob Eiler]

It's like, you know now when, like, you go to clubs and stuff, they come out with these, like, lighting up wands and with your sign with your name on it. It's like, I'm trying to get drunk. Like, what is a parade for me?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. And I also don't. I don't. I don't really like any extra attention from the wait staff or anything. Like, it's okay. You don't have to, like, talk to me about the dishes or like, I know what I like. Like, I already. Look, I did my homework. I know. I'm here. I don't need you to. I don't want to make small talk. I'm good, dude.

[Rob Eiler]

I'm like, we were talking about this yesterday. The whole, like, on an Uber putting, like, don't talk to me.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

And it's like, I just don't have the heart to do it. But I think I might start. I just. It's.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's.

[Rob Eiler]

It's. It's time. Because. Because what somebody was saying is, like, well, maybe you could be doing the Uber person a favor. Maybe they feel like they. They have to be like, hey, how are you? Because it'll give them, like, a better tip or rating where it's like, I. I want one of my best friends in New York who's probably the nicest guy I know. I've told this story a lot. He on. So you used not be able to set preferences on Uber. Like, don't talk to me. So he put his name as don't talk to me so they would know not to. And he's. He was the nicest kid I knew. And I'd be like, how do you. I can't. I couldn't get in. Like, because I'm asking this person a favor to, like, drive me somewhere, and they're doing this thing, and I'm in their car. So it's like, listen, if they want to talk to me, it's. I'm not just gonna be like, hey, don't talk to me. Feels really rude.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Feels rude. I agree. I only. I only tip. I rank based on smell. Smell and driving style. Like, if the guy's got a lot of cologne that gives me a headache, I don't want to smell. If it's reeks of cigarettes and cologne, forget about.

[Rob Eiler]

You should be able to say why you're not tipping. Like, you should be able to tip.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But I won't, like, give him the stars or whatever. I won't rate him. I just. I won't give him a negative rating. I just won't.

[Rob Eiler]

But see, that's the thing. If you go, like, for a bad rating, they're like, why? And I don't. I just. I feel bad, like, pulling someone's rating down. I don't want to do that, but I would like to let him know what he's doing. Like, dude, you're. It's powerful back here. Like, you stink.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't think you smell yourself. Yourself, though. You just don't smell yourself when you put that much cologne on. Those guys don't smell it anymore. Yeah, that's all of Eastern Europe. Okay, one last tick. Tock.

[Rob Eiler]

Hello, everybody. So I decided to. Why not make a collection update on my vacuums here? It's a cool shirt. Yeah. So as you see here, it's. Don't mind the cat. It's pretty much been the same. Maybe some machines have been moved around.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why would we mind.

[Rob Eiler]

Nothing really much has changed. As you see over here. Nothing much has changed with this stuff over here. Then if we walk in here, some machines that were in here, they were like junk. Like they were broken. Why I kept broken things, I don't.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Know, but they're gone.

[Rob Eiler]

Even I organized this. It doesn't look like it, but.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, ironically, a room full of vacuums. Filthy carpet. How's that going?

[Rob Eiler]

Wow. I didn't even. Yeah, I. I just. This is the most. I hate this guy. I hate ever. Like, what are you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What's wrong with you? Don't you collect anything?

[Rob Eiler]

No, I clicked empty space. I hope you guys enjoyed this little update.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I enjoyed the update. I loved it. He's got a vacuum.

[Rob Eiler]

There should be a movie about, like, the vacuums come to life and kill them. No, they attack. How dare you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Rob. He's collecting vacuums. I hope he sells them. They look like they're in good shape.

[Rob Eiler]

But that's a lot of money. Like, it. Aren't vacuums like 100 bucks each? Like, these things? That's. That's a lot. That's like at least 10 grand, like right there. Probably.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dude, sell these vacuums.

[Rob Eiler]

What's this guy doing?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Sitting on a gold mine is what.

[Rob Eiler]

He'S loud ass old vacuums. And the bag would blow up and the cord wasn't long enough so your grandma would have to keep moving it around.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know, I know. It's fun that. My kids like to vacuum. I let them. They don't know what they're doing, but I let them.

[Rob Eiler]

What do you. What do you think of the new eye masks on the planes? Have you seen that? That wraps around the headrest?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Rob Eiler]

Oh, can you. Can you look up the eye mask on the plane that wraps around the headrest? This is one of these things in life where I go, I. I really don't care what people think about me. Like the same thing with the, like, don't talk to me in an Uber. But it feels rude. Like, there's something about this. Where I go, I don't care what people think about me.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Me.

[Rob Eiler]

For some reason, I can't do this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

So the.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

If you. I'm the. Yeah, I can do this.

[Rob Eiler]

I don't know if that. No, that I can do. But what it is, is there's one where you have that mask on and then so you don't like fall over. Like a hood goes around the back of the seat like. Like that. So now you're stuck there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I love that. I wish I would have had that 20 years of traveling.

[Rob Eiler]

You know what it is? I think I still have the Shame of. Because, like, when you're in first class and the people walk by, like, I only fly once a year. Really. So I fly first class. And like, when the people walk by, I do feel shame. Like, I don't belong in first class. And I feel bad that all those people are going back there and I'm not. So, like, I think adding this would just be like, you. You know what I mean? You just can't. It's too, like, I don't, like, I don't deserve to be this comfortable.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, I understand. You're still flogging yourself. You're wearing your hair shirt on the plane. I do think it. It looks like it pulls you back too aggressively.

[Rob Eiler]

It straps you in there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It really straps your head.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't know. I mean, when I travel, I would do the eye mask. I'll do a hoodie over it to cover that.

[Rob Eiler]

I'm down with that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Zip that up and the neck thing, and then I'll pass.

[Rob Eiler]

Right. See, I'm okay with all that. But once it comes to, like. Because also, like, there's. There's a. There's usually a TV on the back of the seat behind you. So aren't you getting in the way of. Aren't you just like taking that person's ability to watch TV away?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, that's true. I didn't even think about that.

[Rob Eiler]

I just don't like being a menace. It's like, it brings extra attention and be like, look at the guy. You got to go see the guy in the front who's got this contraption on who, like, can't fly three hours without this spoiled rotten.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I didn't even think about.

[Rob Eiler]

Oh, but you know what I did reveal to Jamie lately that I've done that I'm so proud of and happy with, and I'm so content. So I was like, it's time. I'm getting a shoehorn. So I got like a three foot long shoehorn by my front door. And when I put my shoes on, I just put the, like, it's three foot long, so you don't even have to bend over at all. You put the shoehorn in the back of the shoe. You slide your feet in. It is so nice, Mr. Belvedere, look at you. It's so nice. But here's the thing that I wasn't expecting. The three foot shoehorn came with a little mini shoehorn. And when I was leaving for the airport to fly to New York, I was like, oh, let me put my shoes on. And I was Putting the shoehorn thing on. And I was like, wait a minute. And I didn't even realize I could do this. I'm like, I could put the little shoehorn in my book bag and when I go through security at the airport, I can put my shoes back on with a little mini shoehorn. And I could have the mini shoehorn the whole time I'm in New York.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You just blew my mind. It changed carrying around with you.

[Rob Eiler]

It changed every. I had in my. In my backpack there's a little slot. And I had the shoehorn in there. And it made me feel so much better.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I've never used one. I've never used one in my life. I would never even. I don't. I don't deserve a shoehorn.

[Rob Eiler]

You do. It's so nice to not have my bend over when. Because sometimes like you come in, you take your shoes, you go out, you like back and forth and back and forth. And it's like just to be able to be like.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And hold on. But doesn't the three foot shoehorn. That's not long enough from a standing position, right?

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I have to sit down?

[Rob Eiler]

No, no, you stand. Because think about your lower body. How long is from your. To your foot?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's like five feet.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

You're about 11, two, right? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. No, mommy, it is such a luxury. And by the way, it's like $9.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know.

[Rob Eiler]

And it changes your whole life.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know.

[Rob Eiler]

It's so sweet. And I keep it like hidden in a corner when I'm walking out. So it doesn't even. Not in the way. Nothing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You want people to see it? It's embarrassing. It's like a squatty potty that's out.

[Rob Eiler]

I'm proud of my squatty potty. I'm proud of the shoehorn. I just said it in front of a million people. I don't hide it at all.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do you at least hide the squatty potty if a lady comes to your house?

[Rob Eiler]

Not. I'll wipe the piss off of it. I'll clean it. I'll clean the piss off. Like you know what I'll do? Sometimes I just throw it in the shower and run the shower to get all the pee off.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my God. Who's grosser though? Rob Eiler or Christina?

[Rob Eiler]

That's normal, guys.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, Rob is far grosser. Okay, what's grosser?

[Rob Eiler]

This is normal.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Me doing paper mache and using napkin dress.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Or this. The squatty potty. And he rinses the piss off of it when A girl comes over.

[Rob Eiler]

That's class. Leaving the pee is gross.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Leaving the squat. The squatty potty is such a vag dryer, dude. I don't want to see how you.

[Rob Eiler]

You're not, you're. You're knowing that I have proper, like just looking at my toilet, then you're gonna know how I don't look at my toilet.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, but I mean, I don't want to see you and the vision of you with your knees up to your face.

[Rob Eiler]

My knees are going to be 2 inches lower if I don't use the squatty potty. That's all right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Giving birth like you're, you're birthing. Yeah, I don't.

[Rob Eiler]

I do a little poop Heimlich kind of action. Yeah, right, Nana?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. I don't like to see men's apparati.

[Rob Eiler]

But I mean, it's just a foot stool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's a lot more than that. It's a custom stool. We have one here.

[Rob Eiler]

But my toilet is. My toilet is a custom vacuum.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's okay, but do you have a wash flat?

[Rob Eiler]

No, not now. Since I moved here, I didn't. I. I had it in la. I don't have it here. Here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

You know what I was thinking about? You know when you see like in, in hotels or like when you see people usually on 90 Day Fiance, cuz that's how I travel the world. They. When they get in the hotel and they're on the toilet, they have like. It's just like, you know that thing that used to come out of the sink and you spray water, like that's what they. It's like an old fashioned bidet. How do you not get water everywhere using that?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You do. That's the problem with a bidet. This is what I'm saying. Yes, this is the problem. I never knew how to use a bidet in Europe because I would splash everywhere. You're supposed to take down your whole pants. Everything.

[Rob Eiler]

I jerked off on one of those in Vegas.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay. That's a great story. Thank you so much, Rob. I did you jerked off into a bidet?

[Rob Eiler]

No, no, no. Like, I let it. I let it. Like. So I, I was like, what would this feel like? Because I never used a bidet in my life and they gave like, it was an appearance, like to do an appearance. So they gave me this like crazy nice room by myself and I was like, I got nothing to do. I'm just like looking around for stuff to do after I pooped. I'm like, oh, let me use the Bidet for the first time. So you, like, you squat over it, you turn the knob, and then it washes your butt.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Rob Eiler]

And I was like, if I jerked off with this thing spraying my butt with the water, it'd probably be phenomenal. So I did it, and it was. It was fucking awesome.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You need to get a bidet again.

[Rob Eiler]

And you know what? Something that nice. I only did it that one time. Never did it again.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Really?

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. Well, because the bidets now are like the, like, fucking bidet like, shoots water at you. This was just, like, a nice run, kind of like, it was like a fountain almost. It wasn't like a direct. Like, that's not really pleasurable. The bidet was that. That, like, shoots like a. Like a water gun. Like when you're at the carnival and you shoot in the clown's mouth too much. Yeah, that's what it's like. So that's not like, ooh, I want to jerk off on this. But in Harrah's, when they gave me that really nice room, I was like, hey, let me jerk off on this bidet. Reporting live from Harrah's bidet, you just.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Inspired all the male listeners of this show to jerk off on their bidets. Thank you so much, Rob Iler. God bless for being here and sharing that with us.

[Rob Eiler]

Thank you for having me. It's been a while. I miss potting with you. It's been a while. We used to do where my mom's at all the time. Have fun. I'm happy you're better now. I'm happy you're back.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's back. She's here. She's queer. Get used to her.

[Rob Eiler]

Get well soon, Tom.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, get well soon. He's in rehab.

[Rob Eiler]

Yeah. All right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, I love you, mommies. Okay, till next time. Meow. Well, how would you know how to identify a stinky beef? Take her to a club. I can tell you some other ways. Finger her and then take a chance and go. Smell it. Woody, cheeks opening. Why are you sweating? Open the. Open them. Open that. Woody, cheeks opening. Why are you sweating? Opens up, opens up, opens up. Woody, cheeks opening.

[Rob Eiler]

Why are you sweating?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Opens up, opens up, opens up. Booty cheeks opening. And then the snail comes out. Where are you credentialed, Dr. Mel? Take her to a club. Then you can try smelling dirty, dirty underwear. Definitely.

[Tom Segura]

Just eat that stinker.

[Rob Eiler]

Eat that, eat that, eat that, stinker.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Just eat that, stinker.

[Rob Eiler]

Eat that that. Eat that, eat that sticker.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, if you're gonna go through the trouble of having her twerk and then finding her dirty undies and sniffing them. Why not just hook up with her and find out? Take her to a club, make her twerk. Did she say I can't talk cuz it's smelly? Wy cheeks opening. Why are you sweating? Open the open that with the chicks opening.

[Rob Eiler]

Why are you sweating Open. And Doug Limu and I always tell you to customize your car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. But now we want you to feel it. Cue the emu music.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Limu Save yourself money today. You increase your wealth. Customize and save.

[Rob Eiler]

We say that may have been too much feeling. Only pay for what you [e-mail] Savings very underwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company affiliates. Excludes Massachusetts.