YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron | Your Mom's House Ep. 799

Summary

Podcast Summary: Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Episode 799: YMH LIVE Is Back! w/ Matt Fulchiron

Release Date: February 26, 2025

---

Introduction

In Episode 799 of "Your Mom's House," hosts Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura welcome special guest Matt Fulchiron to celebrate the return of their live show, YMH Live. The episode is a blend of comedic banter, personal anecdotes, and engaging discussions, peppered with memorable quotes and humorous exchanges.

---

Recent Live Shows and Successes

Christina and Matt kick off the episode by discussing the overwhelming success of their recent Austin Arena show, which was sold out and received rave reviews.

• Matt Fulchiron [02:09]: "We just had your Austin arena show sold out. We're all still glowing from that amazing show."

• Christina P [02:35]: "This is where we live. So to be able to, you know, sleep in your bed at night and then go down, do the big arena in town and have it be just jam packed and had so many friends and family there."

The hosts express their joy and gratitude towards their audience, highlighting the supportive community that has helped them achieve such milestones.

---

Discussion on Historical Figures: Hitler and Saddam Hussein

A significant portion of the episode delves into a comedic yet insightful comparison between Adolf Hitler and Saddam Hussein, exploring why Hitler remains a prominent figure in public discourse while others are less discussed.

• Christina P [04:23]: "He has a peasant's upbringing and came to power in '79. He had a great first week in office..."

• Matt Fulchiron [05:04]: "Hitler had a pet. What kind of pets did he have? Now I gotta know about his dog."

• Christina P [05:22]: "Saddam, He's a real interesting guy. He had this great first week in office... But pretty soon he was skimming money off the top..."

The conversation humorously critiques the media's focus on certain historical figures, suggesting that Hitler's clear and dramatic actions made him a more enduring subject compared to others like Saddam Hussein.

---

Personal Experiences with Aging and Health

The hosts share personal stories about aging, health challenges, and lifestyle changes, adding a relatable and heartfelt layer to the episode.

• Matt Fulchiron [18:27]: "Since I had breast cancer, I'm just glad to be here. I used to fret about age, looking old... I'm too blessed to be stressed."

• Christina P [19:04]: "Every generation, you just try to look better than your parents did at your age."

They discuss the inevitability of aging, the importance of maintaining a positive outlook, and the humorous struggles that come with it, such as adjusting to new fitness routines or dealing with changes in appearance.

---

Upcoming Live Shows and Announcements

Excitement builds as Christina and Matt announce their upcoming live performances and special events, encouraging listeners to join in the festivities.

• Christina P [11:12]: "I'll be at the Ford Center in Evansville, Indiana tomorrow. On February 27th... Then this Saturday, March 1st, I will be in Chicago at the United Center."

• Matt Fulchiron [24:43]: "YMH Live is back... March 7th at 7:30pm Central Time. We've got the great Dan Soder joining us in studio as our special guest."

They emphasize that even if listeners can't attend live, recordings will be available, ensuring everyone can partake in the celebration.

---

Comedy Bits: Pranks, Skits, and Humorous Anecdotes

The episode is rich with comedic segments, including pranks, funny stories from tours, and light-hearted interactions that showcase the hosts' chemistry and humor.

• Tom Segura [03:23]: "It's pretty gnarly."

• Christina P [35:14]: "Basically, she just rolled up the window and drove off."

• Matt Fulchiron [33:23]: "But he's a real ding dong, though."

One notable skit involves a humorous birthday shout-out with unexpected and absurd interactions, highlighting the playful and unpredictable nature of the show.

---

Commercial Breaks and Sponsorships

The episode includes several sponsorship segments seamlessly integrated into the conversation, promoting brands like Instacart, Shopify, ExpressVPN, Redwood Outdoors, and True Work. These are succinctly presented without disrupting the flow of content.

---

Closing Remarks and Final Highlights

As the episode nears its end, the hosts reflect on the topics discussed, share final laughs, and reiterate their appreciation for the listeners' support.

• Matt Fulchiron [95:52]: "She deserves the nerve of somebody."

• Tom Segura [97:23]: "Don't worry, my American brothers, if you're circumcised..."

Christina and Matt wrap up the episode by reminding listeners of their upcoming tours and live shows, ensuring the audience stays connected and informed about future content.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Christina P [00:16]: "I'mma eat her booty. Your mom's house Live bitch."

• Matt Fulchiron [20:48]: "I've fallen off a stage."

• Tom Segura [62:15]: "He’s going to bomb anyway when you're an emcee, so don't bother with that."

• Matt Fulchiron [71:54]: "But you're same sex attracted."

These quotes encapsulate the irreverent and candid humor that defines "Your Mom's House," offering listeners a glimpse into the unfiltered and spontaneous nature of the show.

---

Conclusion

Episode 799 of "Your Mom's House" successfully blends humor, personal storytelling, and engaging discussions, making it a memorable installment. From celebrating live show successes to entertaining skits and meaningful conversations about historical figures and personal growth, Christina P., Tom Segura, and Matt Fulchiron deliver an episode that's both laugh-out-loud funny and thought-provoking. Whether you're a long-time listener or tuning in for the first time, this episode offers a comprehensive and enjoyable experience that captures the essence of the show.

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

I've been looking forward to this for a long time. Not everybody could do this.

[Christina P]

We're thankful for you, for being a viewer, a supporter of this show.

[Matt Fulcher]

It's been a long transformation without you. Our genes are low and loose, and.

[Tom Segura]

If she let me eat her booty.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I'mma eat her booty. Your mom's house Live bitch. Y makes live is so exciting. This is our first one in a while. This is a big episode. I love you. Yeah, I don't anymore. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house.

[Matt Fulcher]

This cold and flu season, instacart is here to help deliver all of your sick day essentials. Whether you're in prevention mode and need vitamins, hand sanitizer, and that lemon tea your nana swears by, or you're in healing mode and need medicine, soup, and a lot more tissues. Simply download the instacart app to get sick day supplies that reinvigorate or relieve. Delivered in as fast as 30 minutes, plus enjoy. Zero delivery fees on your first three orders. Excludes restaurant orders, service fees and terms.

[Christina P]

Apply me how what's everybody. Welcome to another episode of your mom's house.

[Matt Fulcher]

What's everybody? You got me saying it now.

[Christina P]

Everybody likes it, man.

[Matt Fulcher]

It's really taken up.

[Christina P]

People were shouting it to me at the shows I was doing. They're like, what's everybody?

[Matt Fulcher]

By the way, we just had your Austin arena show sold out.

[Christina P]

Yeah. That was awesome.

[Matt Fulcher]

We're all still glowing from that amazing show.

[Christina P]

It was a fun night.

[Matt Fulcher]

It was spectacular. Tommy Salami, everybody I spoke to had the best time. You were so relaxed up there. You were so happy. I mean, your jokes were just amazed. If you guys haven't seen Tommy's new hour, get your life. Go see him, cuz it's. I think this is your best one yet.

[Christina P]

I. I have. I'm having a lot of fun doing it. The shows have been just like. It's just so much fun. And to do it in Austin, you know, you. You just. You didn't know. It's. It's my adopted. Our adopted hometown now. This is where we live. So to be able to, you know, sleep in your bed at night and then go down, do the big arena in town and have it be just jam packed and had so many friends and family there. I mean, you were there. Charo was there.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

My sister was there. My cousins were there. I had a ton of people there. People. The whole staff came to the show. It was really fun.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And we had a little afterparty. It was a really good time.

[Matt Fulcher]

I didn't go to that. I ditched.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah, but you hung out. You were hanging out, though.

[Matt Fulcher]

But I loved seeing you. I haven't watched you do this hour.

[Christina P]

I know.

[Matt Fulcher]

And just so people know, if they haven't seen it, I'm just gonna say there's some shit talking about me. I mean, just this and you. The best part about me watching your set is that people like to watch my reaction when you talk about me. Which is why I hide backstage and I sit in the video village. Cause I don't want people because I, I've. I mean, you guys have to see what he says. It's pretty, Pretty gnarly.

[Christina P]

No, I never.

[Matt Fulcher]

It's pretty gnarly.

[Christina P]

You're referencing. Because on the last tour when you, you came to London and I talked about you, you said that all the lads were like, oh, hey, hey. Talking about.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, everything you'd say. I was sitting behind a bunch of lads and they turn around and go, oh. And I'm like, no, dude, y'all the baddies talk about.

[Christina P]

Yeah, but this time. Oh, govna, this time you sat in video village. I hid and. But you still had people.

[Matt Fulcher]

Well, Kirk was sitting next to me. Kirk Fox, your opener. Brian Simpson. And Kirk was like, have you heard this yet? And I was like, no, I've been, you know, hiding in the house for the last few months. And. And he just was like. Like I could tell he wasn't sure if I was gonna be a wife about things or if I was gonna be a comic about things.

[Christina P]

Yeah, but you're a comic.

[Matt Fulcher]

I'm always a comic first about things like that. But yeah, it's. It's pretty crazy what you're talking about this hour. And it's also very sweet to hear stories about our kids. And yeah, it's a well rounded set, very well rounded hour.

[Christina P]

I like try to have a balance between, you know, family, Hitler. Yes. Sex, low talk, society.

[Matt Fulcher]

But when is Hitler not fun to talk about?

[Christina P]

I mean, the guy just keeps delivering. He's been gone for a long time, but he keeps staying in the zeitgeist. He's just there.

[Matt Fulcher]

Well, because they keep, they keep colorizing the footage.

[Christina P]

All of a sudden you're like, I've only seen this guy in black and white. Yeah, I want to see color now. Oh, I'll watch this whole documentary series. Yeah, yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

And then they rope us back into Hitler stuff.

[Christina P]

They're like, guess what we did? We modified the audio. You can hear his. I gotta hear the guy's real voice. This is incredible.

[Matt Fulcher]

Like, oh, Hitler had a pet. What kind of pets did he have? Now I gotta know about his dog.

[Christina P]

He's got me. Hey, guess what? We exposed a new role film. I'd love to see all the photos.

[Matt Fulcher]

But he's never not interesting. Like, why aren't we this interested in Stalin? And you know, why not Saddam Hussein? Why not any other?

[Christina P]

I watched some Saddam stuff this weekend.

[Matt Fulcher]

Well, is he as interesting and intriguing as Hitler?

[Christina P]

Saddam, He's a real, he's a real interesting guy. And he was, he was a bit of dynamic. He, as Hitler, he, you know, he, he, he, he had a peasant's upbringing.

[Matt Fulcher]

Oh, okay.

[Christina P]

And he came to power in 79. I just watched stuff about him. He had this great, great first week in office. It's one of the most epic gangster things I've ever seen. He called a general assembly. So everybody in the in government had to come to this assembly. It was essentially in like a picture, a big theater. Okay. It's July in Iraq. It's little cozy. 110 degrees, maybe warmer.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And there's no air conditioning. And they're all in this thing, they're all in suits and they're like, yeah, yay, Saddam. And he knew that some people were already plant trying to overthrow him. So he stands up there, he lights a cigar, he takes a few puffs and he's like, I'm gonna read some names from this piece of paper. If I read your name, I want you to stand up and recite the party slogan and then exit to the back of the theater. And so he just smokes his cigar, reads people's names. They stand up, they say the slogan and then one guy's like, he's like, what did I do? Why, why'd you read my name? He doesn't answer them. He's just like, just recite the party slogan and then just head to the back of the theater. And then everybody who he read, they were all walked out and executed. And then he was like, that's how we're going to do things around here.

[Matt Fulcher]

Wow.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Pretty soon he was, you know, he figured out how to kind of skim some money off the top of their. Sure, they all do oil sales and he was living a pretty plush life. The real thing that's interesting too is he had two sons and one of them, I think the firstborn. Uday.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, they're cute.

[Christina P]

One of them's cute was a real bring up Uday Psycho.

[Matt Fulcher]

But I remember being attracted, I remember being sexually Attracted to Uday.

[Christina P]

To Uday.

[Matt Fulcher]

I'm pretty sure we bring up Uday Hussein. I thought he was cute at one.

[Christina P]

Well, maybe it's the other son, because there's two boys.

[Matt Fulcher]

What's the other guy's name?

[Christina P]

There's Uday and what was the other? His sibling. Oh, cousin. That guy?

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see.

[Christina P]

Because maybe that crush on one of.

[Matt Fulcher]

Him at one time.

[Christina P]

Look, he's kind of handsome there on the far right.

[Matt Fulcher]

It's not bad.

[Christina P]

It's not bad.

[Matt Fulcher]

It's not bad. It's cute. Okay, wait, so see, I like that story you told. I'd like to see that reenacted in it.

[Christina P]

Uday is a real ding dong, though. So what he was in charge of. They put him in charge of the Olympic Committee, so all sports in Iraq. But guess how he got the best out of his athletes? He tortured them. He tortured them, like, threatened their families. He would have them murdered. He was. He was really, really psychotic. And to the point where Saddam one time. So Saddam had a party, and Uday at the party shot three people with a shotgun and killed him. And so his dad was like, I am fucking done with this shit. You're being a real knucklehead.

[Matt Fulcher]

You guys are grounded.

[Christina P]

So Saddam burned Uday's cars as a punishment. They had like a bunch of fleet.

[Matt Fulcher]

Why don't we get to see more of these kind of stories?

[Christina P]

That's what I'm saying. These are good stories.

[Matt Fulcher]

Hitler didn't even do this.

[Christina P]

Hitler's tired as a topic. Yeah, we're. Got it already. Except for the. What I talk about.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, they need to bring these cool stories because I don't. I never recalled Hitler torturing Olympic athletes or torching his son's car. He didn't have kids.

[Christina P]

No, he had a couple other things he did. I don't know how much I don't know.

[Matt Fulcher]

You know what, from what I've heard, some other people. Why. Why just Hitley? I know so many other people commit genocide, but we only hear about that.

[Christina P]

I know there's. There's a really, a lot out there. There's like, yeah, this guy keeps getting all the top press. And there's some other people that deserve press.

[Matt Fulcher]

You think it's because he was so stylish, too. Like, he had a really kind of, like, pronounced aesthetic. The uniforms were very dramatic. Yeah, he had, like, marketing. He had a good marketing team.

[Christina P]

Well, the other thing is that there was. There was clear. When you. When you look at, like, the story of Germany coming To power. And what they were. What they were trying to do. It. There's. There's not a lot of times where you have a unified front against one like his. His mission was take over. Like, we're gonna take. We're just gonna invade everyone, take over Europe.

[Matt Fulcher]

Europe.

[Christina P]

So everybody got to go. You're. You're. You're evil. You're. You're just like invading people left and right. You know, it was clear to have like, this is the enemy. A lot of times when there's other dictators in power, it doesn't register to everyone else.

[Matt Fulcher]

Well, you know what it sounds like to me is that these other guys don't have a clear objective and.

[Christina P]

Or as big a plant.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Like maybe bigger plants.

[Matt Fulcher]

Reach for the stars.

[Christina P]

He did.

[Matt Fulcher]

And.

[Christina P]

And he. And by the way, he was, you know, he was hitting home runs.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Because he was like, we're gonna take Poland.

[Matt Fulcher]

They take one.

[Christina P]

We're going into France. They take on. So he was, you know, it was.

[Matt Fulcher]

He's getting.

[Christina P]

Spreading.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, it's that German stuff, man. The Germans know how to get done. Efficiency planning, strategy. They know how to do it.

[Christina P]

I believe they just elected a new leader who's, I think far right leader. So maybe cool. Maybe some, you know, we seem to be.

[Matt Fulcher]

The world is going that way right now.

[Christina P]

Yeah, it'd be pretty cool. See if he's like, you know, I have inspired by some of our past leaders. I'll be at the Ford center in Evansville, Indiana tomorrow. On February 27th. There's only a few tickets left, so get them while you can. Then this Saturday, March 1st, I will be in Chicago at the United Center. Go get your [e-mail] tour when you.

[Matt Fulcher]

Think about businesses that are selling through the roof like Gymshark or Mattel, yes, they have a great product and marketing. But an often overlooked secret is actually the business that is making selling simple for millions of businesses. That's Shopify. Nobody does selling better than Shopify. Home of the number one checkout on the planet. And the not so secret secret with shop pay that boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning way less carts going abandoned and way more sales going. So if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between. Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify other. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout Gymshark or Mattel uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com momshouse all lowercase go to shopify.com momshouse to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com momshouse do you live stream your.

[Christina P]

Most intimate moments for the whole Internet to see? I know I don't, but if you're going online without ExpressVPN, you could be accidentally sharing very private moments with millions of people because all your traffic flows through their servers. Internet service providers, including mobile network providers, know every single website you visit. And in the US, ISPs are legally allowed to sell that information to advertisers. ExpressVPN reroutes 100% of your traffic through secure encrypted servers so your ISP can't see your browsing history. ExpressVPN hides your IP address, making it tough for third parties to track your online activity. It's super easy. Just open the app, click one button, and you're protected. It works on all your devices, too, so you can stay private anywhere you go. I don't know about you, but I like keeping my private information private. And there's nothing easier than going to ExpressVPN and just clicking that button. Protect your online privacy today by visiting expressvpn.com ymh that's E X P R-E-S-S vpn.com ymh you can get an extra four months free. Expressvpn.com ymh I think the Germans are.

[Matt Fulcher]

A little sore about that topic. They're kind of like, give us, like, they don't want to talk about it. I know, it's so annoying. That's like all you want to talk about when you go to Germany and nobody wants to talk about it.

[Christina P]

I know, you're like, you're German. So what were Nazis like? Yeah, is your dad a Nazi?

[Matt Fulcher]

Was your grandpa in the party? Like, like, my grandmother, who was my father, was born in Germany during World War II. And my. Yeah, Friedrich Meltz.

[Christina P]

That's the new. His party's Christian Democratic Union of Germany. That's.

[Matt Fulcher]

That's a little too. It sounds a little too democratic, the.

[Christina P]

Christian Democratic Union of Germany.

[Matt Fulcher]

But anyway, my grandma lived in that region at that time. You know what I'm saying?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

During the WW2 and the commies. And I, I endlessly would ask her about World War II. I'd be like, did you know what was going on? Like, what they were doing to the Jews? And she was like, of course. Everybody knew. We just ignored it.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

I was like, cool. She didn't say that she had Hungarian accent.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

Everybody knew. We just ignored. What. What should we do? Fight the Nazis? I'm like, I. I mean, I guess not. She's like, you could smell it. You could smell the bodies burning in the neighborhood. I'm like, pass the lemonade.

[Christina P]

And I think that's a great.

[Matt Fulcher]

You guys bought my lipstick yet?

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah, That's a good transition. Go ahead. Go ahead and plug your lipstick. Now.

[Matt Fulcher]

My nana, my sweet nana wore the perfect red. And I had it designed after her and her love of all things and.

[Christina P]

Her ignoring the execution of millions of people.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, there you go. Also, Berlin, named after.

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah, headquarters. Yeah, headquarters. Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

You can still see Hitler's bunker if you go to Berlin, East Berlin.

[Christina P]

And if you wear Berlin in Berlin, double whammy.

[Matt Fulcher]

Atomic red. That's for a different war.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

And Madison, Wisconsin.

[Christina P]

I don't know.

[Matt Fulcher]

It's kind of liberal. I had to make a level. Anyway, bye now. Christinap.com. get all four. Why not at the same time? Impress your lady.

[Christina P]

Impress your lady.

[Matt Fulcher]

Impress your lady. Or if you're a handsome fellow, you want to wear lipstick. Go ahead.

[Christina P]

There you go.

[Matt Fulcher]

Hitler wore lipstick.

[Christina P]

Let's. Let's play the opening clip before we get to our big news. You ready?

[Matt Fulcher]

I'm ready.

[Christina P]

Here we go. Birthday shout out.

[Tom Segura]

What? Hey, yo, Elia. Word on the street is it's your 16th birthday today. Lips.

[Christina P]

And speaking of lips, what's up with your mama's fat ass? Purple lips.

[Tom Segura]

What.

[Christina P]

Bring anyone loving to me.

[Matt Fulcher]

That's really nice. Nice.

[Christina P]

Welcome, Jesus.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura.

[Matt Fulcher]

Mom Sagara.

[Christina P]

Welcome to your mom's house.

[Matt Fulcher]

That's not nice.

[Christina P]

That's not nice.

[Matt Fulcher]

No. Yeah, yeah. That's not nice.

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Matt Fulcher]

Oh, my God. My nigga. Wow, you really on this creative thread now.

[Christina P]

Pretty good stuff.

[Matt Fulcher]

Can you get this guy to do my next birthday shout out, too?

[Christina P]

Yeah. Can we get his information? I would love. Absolutely, yeah, please. Let's. Let's start sending some, you know, kind of video requests his way. He clearly is cool with saying anything, so that would be fun to see where we could take it.

[Matt Fulcher]

But, Tim, your birthday is next.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

[Matt Fulcher]

So I think we should get one for Tim.

[Christina P]

Okay.

[Matt Fulcher]

Well, you're gonna be 42. Nothing. Such a baby age.

[Christina P]

How old will you be?

[Matt Fulcher]

20.

[Christina P]

How old will you be?

[Matt Fulcher]

Eyes are droopy. I'm gonna be a 49. Okay.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Isn't that exciting?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

I just looked at my.

[Christina P]

That means one more year and you hit wow, wow, wow.

[Matt Fulcher]

I can't believe it.

[Christina P]

No, it's so.

[Matt Fulcher]

But can I talk to you for a second?

[Christina P]

Real talk to me.

[Matt Fulcher]

You know, Tom, since I had breast cancer, I'm just glad to be here. I used to fret about age, age and looking old. And I'm like, you know what, bro? Like, I'm still gonna try to look hot and stuff, but like, I'm just, I'm just, I am too blessed to be stressed. You know what I'm saying?

[Christina P]

Yes, yes.

[Matt Fulcher]

I'm too blessed. Hashtag.

[Christina P]

Yeah. There also comes a point, right, that like, you just realize what I mean. You just. We all age. You're aging.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Supposed to age.

[Matt Fulcher]

It's just part of the whole thing, bro.

[Christina P]

Here's the thing. Every generation, you just try to look better than your parents did at your age, for sure. Which I truly think. Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

Which I do.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

But my mom aged very well. Actually, my parents were kind of hot.

[Christina P]

Yeah, they did age well, but still did your parents.

[Matt Fulcher]

Well, your mom looks great.

[Christina P]

She looks pretty good for an 80 year old lady. Yeah, my dad really threw in the towel, I think at 50. Yeah, he definitely didn't try.

[Matt Fulcher]

He really did stop trying.

[Christina P]

Here's the funny thing. He was really, really active up into his 40s. Very active.

[Matt Fulcher]

One line stop.

[Christina P]

I don't know, I think he just, he hit that point of like it at like, like, if you see him, if I show you photos of him in his 30s and even into his early 40s, flat stomach, strong weightlifting, like just in shape, fit guy. And then I re. I. What I can remember vividly is him being like 55. So it would still be for me to compare myself. I would have to. It would be like 10 years from now. But when he was 55, I was like, man, like, you really don't give a, right? Like, he did not give a. Oh, he was like barbecue, like pretty dark. Oh my God. Damn, dude. Like, not at all. Didn't give a.

[Matt Fulcher]

Well, I understand it because as like, I stopped drinking alcohol because of cancer. Apparently it's a carcinogen. My oncologist was like, look, even I don't drink alcohol. I'm a doctor, I advise you to stop. And I was like, great. Done. So like, I don't drink alcohol anymore, which I really enjoyed. I don't smoke cigarettes anymore. I'm on the ozempis again. So I'm not even really eating. It's like I just have to train myself to enjoy like walking.

[Christina P]

Well, I think the sucks for Top Dog was that his Joy, his dopamine drip came from food. Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

You gotta have something.

[Christina P]

You have to have some. And that was just for him, the thing that, like, as he aged, he was even more into it, you know.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Because I think he just was like, you know, you'd see him light up at the idea of like meals and feel like, oh, let's go eat that. And then it was. Yeah. And there was no counterbalance. No. Like, I'll eat this way Friday. It was just like every day, you know?

[Matt Fulcher]

No. Because I'll allow myself to eat what I want on Sundays. I'm like, it. That's my one day I'll just do stuff and then I'll rein it in the next day. And that seems to be okay. But it is depressing to not have vices anymore. More.

[Christina P]

I know, it sucks.

[Matt Fulcher]

I'm getting excited by doing puzzles now.

[Christina P]

It's also part. That's the thing. We're getting older.

[Matt Fulcher]

I pet my cat. I got so stoked to be with the cat this morning. I was late.

[Christina P]

I'm so excited. I know.

[Matt Fulcher]

Petting the cat. I buy. I buy sweaters. This is.

[Christina P]

This is. We should get into the big news here.

[Matt Fulcher]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P]

Okay. Okay, so.

[Matt Fulcher]

Oh, wow. Chips in a bowl.

[Christina P]

Anything merits it. I think it's this.

[Matt Fulcher]

What about.

[Christina P]

I know.

[Matt Fulcher]

Is it my favorite sound? It's the sound of love. Cat eating kibble.

[Christina P]

This means something amazing is going to be told to you here in a moment. Are your mom's house exclusive. You smelt it here first. Well, it's time we should just finally say it. We've been building it up. We've been teeing it up and now we get to tell you. YMH Live is back. It is YMH Live 10. It is coming to you live March 7th at 7:30pm Central Time. That is 8:30 Eastern and that is 5:30 Pacific Pacific. It is going to be our biggest one yet. We've got the great Dan Soder joining us in studio as our special guest. We have original, of course brand new sketches and we're to celebrate our 10th live show. We are giving away $10,000 live on the show on the live Stream. Go to ymhstudios.com for more information and to grab your ticket. We will announce the the winner live on the show right before the heavy segment. And of course don't miss the exclusive VIP post show hosted by Josh Potter. Everything [e-mail]. this is one that we have been putting months into to get ready. It's been all behind the scenes, super secret and now we get to announce it to you guys that these, the original sketches are a whole tier above anything we have ever done before. There's real, real production that's gone into all of this and this is a group effort. When we do YMH Live, the whole team participates, meaning every single person that works here and even outside people, we have to outsource a bunch of things. But we love doing YMH Live. So this is number 10 and it's going to be our biggest one yet. March 7th, it's going to go down, so I hope you can join us. Reminder, because I get asked this every single time and I want people to know you do not have to. Like, if you can't join live March 7th at 7:30pm, you can still watch the show later on that night, the next day, three days later, the week after. So if you're not able to join live, just know that you can still watch the show. But if you can be there live, it's obviously fun to be in the moment. All right, well, because you never know.

[Matt Fulcher]

What'S going to happen.

[Christina P]

You just don't know what's going on.

[Matt Fulcher]

You don't know if we're going to say something crazy or if you're going.

[Christina P]

To see something crazy.

[Matt Fulcher]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P]

And of course it'd be fun to be there either watching or winning 10k also. That's pretty cool.

[Matt Fulcher]

That's the best, dude.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

I can't wait for these sketches. We filmed one last week that I've been thinking, I thought about it for days. It was so funny.

[Christina P]

It's unbelievable.

[Matt Fulcher]

So amazing.

[Christina P]

Yeah, we have cool guys. We have a lot of special stuff. In this one we made also an original short story that I, I don't even know how to tee it up. It's. It's high, high level production and it's. It's a really original, fun story and I would say that the motivation for it was my dad.

[Matt Fulcher]

Very cool.

[Christina P]

Okay. That being said, some happy birthdays came in. We always like to check out.

[Matt Fulcher]

Fantastic.

[Christina P]

Would you like to see?

[Matt Fulcher]

I'm dying to see. Especially because we're going to the UK pretty soon.

[Christina P]

We are. Hey, we'll be in the uk. We're going to be in before the uk. We'll be in Ireland, we'll be in Belfast. Then we're going to go down and we'll be in everywhere from Cardiff, Manchester, London. I'm forgetting places.

[Matt Fulcher]

But you're going to Bamboo.

[Christina P]

I don't remember.

[Matt Fulcher]

I Think I would abandon them?

[Christina P]

It's [e-mail] tour. If you're over there, please come and see me. All right, here we go.

[Tom Segura]

Right, then what? Chick fil A. Charlie, could I get the spicy chicken sandwich and the sucker souffle?

[Christina P]

Wait, you said spicy sandwich and what you say?

[Tom Segura]

Spicy chicken sandwich and chocolate milkshake.

[Christina P]

Oh, medium fire.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Christina P]

Anything.

[Matt Fulcher]

Two placements.

[Tom Segura]

How you doing today?

[Matt Fulcher]

Doing good.

[Christina P]

What else can I get for you?

[Tom Segura]

That's it.

[Christina P]

1234.

[Tom Segura]

Appreciate you. Four strokes for you.

[Christina P]

Yes, sir.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you. Happy birthday.

[Christina P]

Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you.

[Matt Fulcher]

Have a good one.

[Tom Segura]

All right. Best meal of the day. That's for you. It look.

[Christina P]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Matt Fulcher]

Happy birthday. That's for you.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Christina P]

That was. That was. That was really good. That was really good. You deserve a round of applause, sir.

[Matt Fulcher]

He snuck so many things in there, Charlie.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Wow. Way to go, Charlie.

[Matt Fulcher]

Rushed it, Charlie.

[Christina P]

You got. You dropped two Hitlers in there and four strokes for you. And then that's the. Like, black guys are always like, ah, that's right. Like, he didn't know what you said, but he still went with it. He's like, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, they just roll with whatever crazy.

[Christina P]

Sure. Any. When he says four strokes for you, Watch. He's like, yeah, man. He doesn't know what he said. What else can I get for you?

[Tom Segura]

That's it. 1234 pre shot.

[Matt Fulcher]

What do you say?

[Christina P]

What?

[Tom Segura]

Four strokes for you.

[Christina P]

Yes, sir.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina P]

Four strokes for you. Yes, sir. He doesn't know what he said.

[Matt Fulcher]

He don't care.

[Tom Segura]

Hello, love.

[Christina P]

It's your birthday.

[Tom Segura]

No, I'm just saying. Right. All right, Great. Amazing.

[Matt Fulcher]

Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Wish everybody in there happy birthday for me.

[Christina P]

Have a good one.

[Matt Fulcher]

I'm so confused.

[Christina P]

I know. He's like, why would we do that?

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

That doesn't make any sense.

[Matt Fulcher]

Why? People need logic.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

That guy before was like, just roll with it, dude.

[Christina P]

Is it your birthday? No. You know, thought it might be yours. This year. I want to get leaner. I want to get stronger. I want to get tougher. I want to recover better. And to help elevate your wellness routine, you can meet our new sponsor, Redwood Outdoors, and experience the transformative benefits of contrast therapy with a sauna and cold plunge. Cleaner, healthier routines through a backyard sauna and cold plunge are. Are an investment in longevity and vitality. They can help you share moments of peace and connect with loved ones. And not to mention the power of deeper detox, reduced inflammation, and glowing skin. A redwood outdoors backyard Sauna seats two to eight and provides the ultimate in deep relaxation. Reduced muscle tension, improved circulation, improved sleep, and so much more. The back and fourth of it is actually like a routine that you'll fall in love with. Yes, it'll challenge you, but you'll also love the back and forth of going from that cold, cold, cold where you're reducing inflammation to that super hot where you feel like just falling asleep. Enhance your physical and mental wellness routines with Redwood Outdoors. Take advantage of special Savings today. Visit RedWoodOutdoors.com use the code YMH to save $175. That's RedWoodOutdoors.com code YMH to save $175 order RedWoodOutdoors.com the code is YMH true.

[Matt Fulcher]

Work is hell bent on creating the most technical, high performance workwear in the world. The True Work story begins in the Colorado mountains where a trade worker knew there had to be a better solution than the wet heavy gear that was weighing him down. True Work was born. What a special shirt they sent me. It's flannel, it is warm, it's cozy, and it looks fantastic. Every True Work product is engineered for maximum comfort, protection and efficiency with minimum bulk or extra weight. Denim and cotton canvas haven't changed much for over 200 years. True work upgrades traditional classics by using the same fabrics worn by elite outdoor athletes. Soft, stretchy sweat wicking soft shell work pants are a major upgrade over wet heav jeans. Wind and waterproof shells use intelligently placed insulation for streamlined warmth that lets you stay mobile and agile. Upgrade to True Work for a major change in the way you work. True Work helps you be your best when your best matters most. Check out the full lineup and get 15% off your first order at truewerk.com ymh that's 15% off at T-R-U-E-W-E-R-K.com ymh.

[Christina P]

I like my image here in the bottom.

[Matt Fulcher]

What's that about? Did they provide that?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, that was on there when.

[Christina P]

They said, oh, that's awesome, dude. Thanks, man.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, it's really cool. Is that Arby's? Where is this fool eating from?

[Christina P]

What is that?

[Matt Fulcher]

They made me kfc.

[Christina P]

No box.

[Matt Fulcher]

I want to say that's a KFC.

[Christina P]

That looks like just like a plastic bag of food. Like they just threw trash into. It says Dairy Queen. Is that Dairy Queen? Wow.

[Matt Fulcher]

Wow. Delicious.

[Christina P]

You know, it's been. Well, actually, I'll save this for our our guest coming. Oh my God, that's so Fun. Oh, I was watching the Puff Daddy documentary. Of course, dude. Yeah, speaking of Saddam. Yeah. Dark.

[Matt Fulcher]

Really?

[Christina P]

Dude, Puff is like the guy who's heard and then as the news kind of, you know, you see these like kind of flashes, like, oh, you know, charged with this. And you're like. But when you sit and you watch. Here's the thing about this. I watched the one on Max. It's a, I don't know, six part series. It's like pretty in depth. These are not just like stories, they're sit down interviews with. Because if you're like, oh, who is it? Childhood best friend, personal bodyguard for like 10 years. Former employees, former artists that he worked with, like the chef.

[Matt Fulcher]

The chef.

[Christina P]

The chef that cooked in his house for years. It's everybody that was intimately involved with this guy and everything that they say, I mean, he's a monster.

[Matt Fulcher]

Monster.

[Christina P]

Yeah. There's a re. Like when you watch this, you end up going like, oh, there's a real probability that I don't think he's gonna see the probability.

[Matt Fulcher]

Probability.

[Christina P]

Did I, did I say it wrong?

[Matt Fulcher]

Did you guys hear probability? Probability.

[Christina P]

Why did you have to do that?

[Matt Fulcher]

Just making sure you're talking properly, speaking properly. Got choking again or.

[Christina P]

No, I just was in between words I was gonna say, oh, okay, okay. I think there's a real probability that he's not going to see the light of day.

[Matt Fulcher]

Oh, if. If he can. Yeah, they can.

[Christina P]

But any of these charges stick, you're.

[Matt Fulcher]

Like, well, he, he made the, the stupid mistake of videotaping all these assaults on people. And why does he videotape? So that he can blackmail people later. But that's going to be the nail in his coffin with these cases.

[Christina P]

Maybe if you want to just jack your delator to it, I guess, I guess.

[Matt Fulcher]

No, it's Tom. I mean, everything you watch before bed is a steady diet of awful and just chaos and murder and destruction. And that one was like, thank God I was on cold medicine.

[Christina P]

I could like, yeah, you kind of tapped out of it, but it is up, man.

[Matt Fulcher]

No, I know. This woman's like crying in the interview. She's like, oh, I haven't been able to wear the color red in five years.

[Christina P]

It's really up.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, he gave me a cup of red. Like it was a red cup with poison.

[Christina P]

Like with whatever.

[Matt Fulcher]

God damn.

[Christina P]

Allegedly, we should say.

[Matt Fulcher]

Oh, yeah, sure, it's pretty true.

[Christina P]

Allegedly he forced himself into her and then she vomited on the table and then he kept doing it.

[Matt Fulcher]

And what's really crazy to me is she's like, yeah, I knew him. Like, he would call me, and we would chat on the phone. It's not like he just plucked her out of a nightclub or she's a sex worker that he's torturing. They had a rapport.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

And then the people that worked in his home, like, his domestic staff, tortured these. Push them around, swearing at them.

[Christina P]

The crazy thing. You know what the crazy thing is? Each of them. So they interview his executive assistant, like, the last one that he had. And he was like, oh, man, I was so excited to work for, like, yeah, somebody I idolized. And I was like, I get to work for Puff. And then, you see, he. Puff left him. Not just text, but voice notes so that you get to hear his voice. And he's like, hey, man, go ahead and get that lube and that baby oil over to the ground for one of my parties. So it's like he's. He's like, I'm just delivering, like, baby oil and lube and condoms to parties, and I have to clean that. He goes, the cleanup was the worst because he just cleaning up, like, eight used condoms. And then he would destroy hotel rooms.

[Matt Fulcher]

Oh.

[Christina P]

So they were like, we have to, like, send a special unit to, like, clean up the hotels. And then he goes one time. And then the guy started crying. He's like. Puff was like, hey, man, like, it's time. Like, a loyalty test. Like, you're with me, right? You're with me on all this. And he's like, yeah. Like, he's like, all right, Her. And the girl was like, it's okay. Like, gave him the head nod. And then he's like, I started to, like, have sex with someone that I didn't want to. He's like, this guy's, like, crying in the interview. And then he's like. And then when Puff left, I stopped, and I was, like, throwing up. Like, it's really traumatizing people.

[Matt Fulcher]

You know what's so interesting? And I've said this before on the show, and I'll say it again.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

The people in showbiz who pretend to be like, everything's great. I'm just lifting everybody up. Like, they really present themselves as the good guys. They're covering up the darkest. Meanwhile, guys like you who are like, a come. I wipe the come on the sheets. The. In my hand. I do all these crate. Like, these are the normal ones.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

It's always the guys that present is.

[Christina P]

Like, do you know how all this kicked off for him, too? They said, like, not kicked off. In terms of behavior, but in terms of this becoming an issue.

[Matt Fulcher]

Cassie.

[Christina P]

Yes, but it was the. It was the awards. The award ceremony. He got an award. He had not been with this person in years. And then in the award ceremony. This is recent, right? Like, semi recent was last year. I think he's like, also just want to give a shout out to Cassie. Like, you know, it's all love or whatever. Some. Something like that.

[Matt Fulcher]

No, he goes, thank you for being with me in my darkest. When I was at my worst, I was in my darkest.

[Christina P]

And then she saw that and was like you. Because she took it as, like a veiled thing. Threat, in a way, you know, and that is what. So him just having the nerve to mention her is what, like, elicited everything. Isn't that wild?

[Matt Fulcher]

I know eventually these guys get caught, and I hate to say it, but. No. People in Hollywood are horrible. Generally. Not to this level, but I've worked for some demons as well.

[Christina P]

Of course.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, this is other level, but most of them. Or like this. It's terrible not to this scale.

[Christina P]

Right. Before we take a break here, I think we need a little palette cleanser.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Okay. Well, I feel all right I feel all right today Feel all right Feel all right today.

[Matt Fulcher]

I feel all right.

[Tom Segura]

It is a home, Dave.

[Christina P]

Beautiful, man. That was awesome.

[Matt Fulcher]

He nice. He took the time out of his beach vacay to do that.

[Christina P]

It kind of makes me wonder what Puff could do with him, like, with his producing power and this guy's raw talent. He was so sad we don't get to see that together.

[Matt Fulcher]

I know.

[Christina P]

What'd you think of that clip right there, Zolo?

[Tom Segura]

Awesome.

[Matt Fulcher]

I love this guy.

[Christina P]

It's badass.

[Tom Segura]

Very talented.

[Christina P]

And he like that? Oh, yeah. It's great. Yeah. I don't know how the he does that. I know. I wish I could. He's a throat whistler. I'm just. Maybe. I don't. I mean, I've just. I've never. I've literally never heard that before.

[Matt Fulcher]

No, me neither. This guy, like, invented a whole new instrument with his body.

[Christina P]

It's pretty amazing at the beach, just enjoying life. We got to get in touch with this guy. I'm serious. We do.

[Matt Fulcher]

Of course we should. Why haven't we already? This guy's amazing.

[Christina P]

I don't know.

[Matt Fulcher]

He needs to be writing songs for us, doing music for us.

[Christina P]

I got an idea. What about if we get him to do some of the Bad Boy records? Greatest hits? I don't think he's familiar with them. He could learn them. He could learn them.

[Matt Fulcher]

That would be really cool to hear.

[Christina P]

Him, dude, take that, take that, take that. And then I thought I'd tell you that we won't stop. I thought I told you that we won't stop.

[Matt Fulcher]

We could totally resurrect Puffy's career.

[Christina P]

Let's make that our mission.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

The accomplishment of the year would be like, we brought Puff back from the dark.

[Matt Fulcher]

I mean, this could cross over into a whole new audience.

[Christina P]

Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

I think it's worth trying.

[Christina P]

Good looking out, yo.

[Matt Fulcher]

You got it, bro.

[Christina P]

All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. And we are back and welcoming back to the program as one of our good friends. You can check. You can check out his new tour, the Bro Adjacent Tour. You can get tickets@the fullcharge.com. it's the full charge. Matt, everybody.

[Tom Segura]

So good to be at my home away from home.

[Christina P]

Hell, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

My mom's house.

[Christina P]

Your mom's house.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, you know, this show is so fucking popular. And I tell emcees, comics who listen to it, and I'm like, yeah, just say, I'm on your mom's house when they bring me up.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And they'll always fuck it up. Like, your mama's house.

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah. Oh, we get that.

[Tom Segura]

Big house. Your mom, big mama, too.

[Christina P]

I've had.

[Tom Segura]

Starring Martin Lawrence.

[Christina P]

I've had people bring me up that way, too. They're like. Or, you know, and. Or even, like, introduction on, like, a press thing. They'll be like, and you've seen this tree. Very popular podcast. Your mama's place. Yeah, it's your mom's place.

[Matt Fulcher]

Well, now, I used to threaten my MCs. You have to say, your mom's house. If you say something, some variant of it. Our fans are so die hard, they will fucking hate you.

[Tom Segura]

Totally fuck this up.

[Matt Fulcher]

And yeah, okay.

[Christina P]

Also how lazy they are.

[Matt Fulcher]

So lazy.

[Tom Segura]

They don't know that that's the whole job.

[Christina P]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Like, you're going to bomb anyway when you're an emcee, so don't bother with that.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

With going over your notes.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Just memorize that shit.

[Christina P]

Say the thing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, Yeah. I remember I was emceeing in Ontario one time, and I almost. I was introducing David Alan Greer, and I almost said Tommy Davidson. Like, it was halfway out my mouth.

[Christina P]

And you're like.

[Tom Segura]

Which I would have been like, just so humiliated. Oh, it's only half racist. They were both on In Living Color.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, he would have got you. Shouts out to both of Them. I love them. It's my own stupidity and nervousness. Yeah.

[Christina P]

I remember. I think I've told the story before, but it. It still haunts me because there's nothing like the trauma of not knowing what to say. And I was hosting at the Melrose Improv on a showcase night.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

So Melrose is like showcase shows. So you know, every time you get off, you're like, who's next? And yada. And then you go back. And I had rift of minute in between and then it was time and I was like, give it up, your next comedian. And I. I remembered his last name and I couldn't remember his first name, so I just said, Mr. Berman.

[Tom Segura]

No, he's like 23 is.

[Christina P]

No, he. I think his name is Peter. Is it Peter Berman? I think that's his.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's his name. Yeah. Now you know, it's Peter Burman.

[Christina P]

And I said, Mr. Burman. And he was like. He came up there. I remember he was like, Mr. Burman. He goes, Mister. That's him. Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah. He looks like a Mr. Bur.

[Christina P]

He goes, what am I, his fourth grade teacher? That's what he said.

[Tom Segura]

I was like, that dude don't around. I've hung out with him recently and.

[Christina P]

I mean, he should have. He did exactly what he should have done.

[Tom Segura]

Right?

[Christina P]

Yeah, that's him. And. And I was like, I was like, I. But here's the thing. Even though the person forgives you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

You're so up over the mistake.

[Tom Segura]

It sucks.

[Christina P]

Yeah. I was like. Because I didn't, you know, I didn't write it down. I should have like written it on.

[Tom Segura]

A piece like it's fucking rookie to look at the paper.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But it's a lot better. Failure.

[Christina P]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

I tell you what, man.

[Christina P]

Mr. Berman.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's crazy. I said Chelsea Handler's name wrong one time. She just got there. She's like, that's not my name. But whatever.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then, and then like I was so distraught, like you're talking about. And I was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. She's like, I don't give a fuck.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like some people just like a jumping off point. Of course that some people don't even say my last name for Matt. They do it so much. I have jokes about it, like, you know, if a joke bomb. You can't google me.

[Christina P]

I've been with you.

[Tom Segura]

You don't know my last name.

[Christina P]

Have tried your last name. I've been like throwing the.

[Tom Segura]

Well, especially when you headline it. I.

[Matt Fulcher]

It's not that hard.

[Tom Segura]

There's this poster up at this place in Rich and Richland, Washington, of me, and it's been up there for, like, 12 years. And my name is spelled incorrectly. Full Sri on full Shrian. You know, And I remember this thing, like, I'm holding a boombox and shit, and I have cool hair. And I thought I took it home because, like, somebody spit on it. So I was like, I'm taking this down. There's a loogie on it.

[Christina P]

Holy.

[Tom Segura]

Because I went up there and I was like. I was like, yo, what's up, Kirkland? There was like, richland. And I'm like, well, we got about 44 and a half minutes left. How do you guys want to do this? Do you want to start over?

[Christina P]

I've been on stage, said the wrong. Yeah, because your brain sometimes. Yeah, yeah, Just fucking brains fizzles out.

[Matt Fulcher]

Horrible.

[Tom Segura]

Brains are so inefficient.

[Matt Fulcher]

I've fallen off a stage. Oh, yeah, the hyenas in Dallas. After my set, I was walking down like, okay, good night, everybody. And I just ate downstairs. I'm like, oh, man.

[Tom Segura]

Was that before that before the age of taping every moment of your life? Because that could be. Well, you don't need to go viral, so it. You need to bury that.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, that was that. Yeah.

[Christina P]

God damn it, I've eaten walking.

[Matt Fulcher]

So embarrassing.

[Christina P]

Upstairs onto the st. And then, like. And also you panic so hard when that happens. And in your mind you're like, how am I going to recover? Yeah, they're either they saw and they're laughing or they didn't see it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And then you're not even starting.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Because you're like, I. I almost died.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Why do we feel like we have to be so cool?

[Matt Fulcher]

I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

Our job is not to be cool.

[Matt Fulcher]

Not at all.

[Tom Segura]

You know the opposite.

[Matt Fulcher]

Have you ever. Oh, my God. Have you ever just straight up blanked on your set?

[Tom Segura]

Are you fucking kidding me? Do you know who you're talking to? I was thinking about this on the way here because, you know, it brings up certain memories working with you and stuff. And I remember in San Jose, and I've done this twice, but one time I was opening for you, and it's the last joke. My time's done. Like, you're coming out. You need to come out. You're clearly the headliner. And I'm like, yeah, forget the punchline. Anyway. And this one dude just goes, oh, come on. Like, fucking blue balls, asshole. Like, you know. And I was like, fucking Totally intimidated. But that guy actually cared.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Everybody else is like, whatever.

[Christina P]

Yeah. So what?

[Tom Segura]

Bring out Tom.

[Christina P]

It's. I've. I've blanked also at the opening. Same thing. Which is like where you're like, this is the beginning.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Christina P]

And your brain just goes, nope, nothing here.

[Tom Segura]

I've got nothing for you. I equate it to reaching up on the shelf and it's just not there.

[Matt Fulcher]

It's not there.

[Tom Segura]

You're so casually going for it and your brain's like, I think we're taking the day off, man. Because it was a stressful flight here.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

Can I tell you, the worst I ever did was at Melrose, at the Hollywood Improv. Like you said, it was a showcase night. Not just any showcase night. My manager had invited every agent.

[Christina P]

Always. It's always. That's why they're coming.

[Matt Fulcher]

Every casting person in the city. And I literally just gotten off a weekend of shows and I was exhausted. I just came from the airport. My brain was swirling. I was up there and yeah, about two minutes in, just totally blanked. And I was like, I get. I just froze. And I was like, I forgot my jokes. I just admitted it. I was like, I totally don't know what I'm saying.

[Christina P]

Did you?

[Matt Fulcher]

Oh, yeah, I remember. And I did that. But I.

[Christina P]

That can work, though.

[Matt Fulcher]

I don't think it did. I think I did really bad.

[Christina P]

Really? Sure.

[Tom Segura]

But at least you were talking.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know?

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah. Because I stopped and I was like, oh, my God. And I kept saying it. I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. I can't believe I'm doing this right now. Like, I was totally. Melrose.

[Christina P]

What did your manager.

[Tom Segura]

Why are you stealing my act?

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, she. They were basically like, yeah, you just ate in front of everybody in Hollywood. And I was like, that sounds about right. Because I've eaten at showcases for like, Live at Gotham. Remember that showcase? That was for like a five minute slot on the TV show. And I'll never forget, they gave you five minutes. I wrapped that set up in three type three, no laughs. Like, so nervous.

[Tom Segura]

I'm gonna excuse myself.

[Christina P]

The hardest I ever bombed shit so hard at a showcase. And I mean, bombed was for just for laughs, of course. So they go have to bomb that we were supposed to do at the Laugh Factory. And when we get there, they're like, oh, we had told people to, like, come at a different time. So they're not here, so we'll just use who's here. And I'm like, so there's no crowd and they're like, well, there is a crowd, but it's mostly comics.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P]

Like, the audience thought it was supposed to be. I get whatever. Like, at 9, we're gonna do it at 7. I'm like, how does that make any sense? Yeah. And they're like, well, they just. Just do it. And I'm like, so there's, like, 20 comics who. They're all want to. They all want to go to Just for Laughs.

[Tom Segura]

Stay Room for you.

[Christina P]

Yeah. And then I'm like. And that's who we're performing for. They're like, yeah. And the. The judges from Just for Laughs. And you're like, oh, my God. I went up there and just. I mean, everything was just. It was like, right now, I just would finish, and then there would just be silence. Right? And I was like, wow, it's. And so I got off stage, and I mean, I was like, that was the worst experience of my entire life.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And then they're like, yeah, you got it. You're going to. Just for laughs off of that. Just for Silence, which just told me how rigged those experiences are. Right.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Matt Fulcher]

You know what I mean?

[Christina P]

Like, I was like. I was like, if you can get it off of that pile of. That means that you can also. Because I also had showcases for other things where I was like, yo, I killed, right? And they're like, yeah, you didn't get it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Why didn't you get how. What do you mean? Dude?

[Tom Segura]

That's my. Just for. Last I remember was one year, they. They brought me back, like, six times, and I fucking murdered, like, like, destroyed everybody on the whole show, every single time. Like, like, ruined the show for everybody else. And then on the sixth one, I just kind of did. Okay. They brought me up for a six.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And they were like, yeah, you're not going. They just wore me down.

[Christina P]

You know, there's stuff that I'm dying to show you. Okay, so let's. Well, first of all, so that we don't forget to do it, because I tease it at the top. You are going on tour.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So I got the Bro Adjacent tour coming up. I'm very excited aboutcharge.com.

[Christina P]

Can you pull it up, please?

[Tom Segura]

The fullcharge.com. it might be a little sloppy, but all the information's there, and no. So you go to tour dates.

[Christina P]

Oh, there we go.

[Tom Segura]

And. All right. That's not half bad. And I also, just when my plane landed, got the ticket link for the special I'm taping in Hermosa Beach. In November. Fucking start buying tickets now. It's gonna be.

[Christina P]

It's gonna be killer comedy magic.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, comedy magic. The lounge. It's gonna be a lounge vibe, like a fucking sleazy.

[Christina P]

Oh, here we go. All right.

[Tom Segura]

Vibe. Sexy vibe. Hermosa. And it's happening, man. I'm very excited. That's what the tour is about. Getting that hour together November 22nd and just making babies.

[Christina P]

Make babies. Dude, that's awesome. Congratulations.

[Matt Fulcher]

That's rad.

[Christina P]

Go to the full charge dot com. Don't forget. Because if it's just fullcharge.com, that's a broken website, right? Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And. And the full charge Power hour is back in full effect.

[Christina P]

There you go.

[Tom Segura]

And I'm. I'm at the full charge on Instagram, so get to know me all over again.

[Christina P]

Get to know.

[Tom Segura]

There he is. Look at him. He's doing it. Photo by Sean Nix.

[Christina P]

Hey, by the way, do you have an Only fans?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

You do?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but that's just for porn.

[Christina P]

Oh, okay.

[Tom Segura]

Because that's fullcharged.com. i think that's down.

[Christina P]

We're trying to get Charo, my mom, to get on. Yeah, Well, I don't think she'll do hardcore, but, yeah. I mean, I don't know. She has to meet people.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe something tasteful.

[Christina P]

We're trying to get her to do, like, good mornings. Here's. Here's me making coffee.

[Matt Fulcher]

She makes money all day.

[Christina P]

Yeah. She drinks and has panettone.

[Matt Fulcher]

Like her little stocks.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

Like, hello, good morning. This is Choro. Good afternoon.

[Christina P]

People forget that that platform was established as being, like, for fans.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Of like, I want to just follow this person.

[Tom Segura]

Like Patreon. Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P]

That's really. And then the porn people took it in another direction, as they do.

[Matt Fulcher]

They always do.

[Christina P]

They get their. They get their little comedy hooks in there, but the.

[Matt Fulcher]

Gooey little come.

[Christina P]

They're gooey little come. Hooks never just latch out, but they.

[Matt Fulcher]

Really do innovate and they grow technology.

[Tom Segura]

Porn is there first.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Vhs.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

Laser disc.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

They were there.

[Christina P]

Yeah. I remember when I saw a thing, they're like, DJ Khaled's on Only Fans. I was like, he's fucking people on Onlyfans. And they're like, no, he's just like, here's my house.

[Tom Segura]

He's. He's fucking someone who's like, DJ college. Dj. DJ College.

[Christina P]

That's really what it was set up for. So anyway, we're trying to get Charo on there. I hope. I hope we can convince.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, that'd be special. Are you gonna do only fans.

[Christina P]

I would love to do scenes with.

[Matt Fulcher]

My guys would pay a premium to see you, J.

[Christina P]

My dudes love you. Some dudes.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah. The right kind.

[Christina P]

Right kind of dude.

[Tom Segura]

That should be all's retirement plan. Like one big sexual encounter on only fans. Cash out. That's it.

[Matt Fulcher]

Like Tom and I fudgeing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And be like, get out of your mom's house. It's over.

[Matt Fulcher]

Burn down the mom's. Burning down your mom's house. That would be the grossest. Us two fat middle aged pigs.

[Tom Segura]

I'm telling you.

[Matt Fulcher]

With my cancer tits and everything.

[Christina P]

Oh yeah. Cancer tits.

[Tom Segura]

That's what you could call it.

[Matt Fulcher]

My awful implants right now.

[Christina P]

And then they'd be like, that was scars so fast. What was the scene? Yeah, try and sauce.

[Tom Segura]

It's like one of those boxing matches where like it's over.

[Christina P]

One of my favorite things. I love these fucking pranks that people are doing. And I also love fucking, you know, I love fucking with my parents. I love. I fuck with my mom more than I did with my dad. But this guy has a real fired up dad and he fucks with him.

[Tom Segura]

All right.

[Christina P]

And it makes me laugh so hard. It really makes. I get so much joy out of this, you know?

[Tom Segura]

Stupid.

[Christina P]

For sake off you.

[Tom Segura]

Off.

[Christina P]

This reminds me of Andrew Russell's dad. You know, when he's golfing. Just losing his.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I don't see how this dad keeps hanging around with this kid.

[Matt Fulcher]

That's what I was wondering.

[Christina P]

They clearly work together too. Like they're. They're at. I think they're work. You know he's a painter, right. And so he's just at work with his dad. Pulls out his phone. He just. With his dad.

[Tom Segura]

So he feels like he can't get fired.

[Christina P]

Yeah, he can't get fired.

[Matt Fulcher]

Well, also there's no child abuse in his history because my dad would beat the. The out of me.

[Tom Segura]

Dude.

[Matt Fulcher]

This damn dude.

[Christina P]

And he knows if you do this here.

[Matt Fulcher]

Right? Could you imagine any doing this to our gods?

[Christina P]

I wouldn't be here today.

[Tom Segura]

It wouldn't go. You'd never hold another paintbrush or a golf club for the. For as long. As long as you're in the house. No, you'd have to move out when you're 18 too. That's it.

[Matt Fulcher]

You know, it's just a testament to this dad's patience and kindness.

[Christina P]

He's actually a sweet guy.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And that's why they keep doing it because they're like, it's so fun to watch him go You. But he doesn't actually hurt them.

[Tom Segura]

I think it's.

[Matt Fulcher]

He should.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I think it might even be about the curse word because he probably didn't curse that much. Oh, dude.

[Matt Fulcher]

Come on. Dude.

[Tom Segura]

This poor dad can never relax.

[Christina P]

He can't relax anywhere. He was sleeping on vacation and when they dropped the chair on him, that guy was in the middle of a great nap.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, yeah. But isn't this what it's like to have boys in general?

[Tom Segura]

Not in my house, man. Like, we. I. I had a brother. We didn't fucking with my dad at all, man. We might have made fun of him a little bit, but. Jesus Christ, dude.

[Matt Fulcher]

But I feel like anytime we want to relax is when they're like, I want to jump on you. I want to torture you. It's a torture time.

[Christina P]

Let's the big ass.

[Matt Fulcher]

If you relax, they'll jump on top of you and you.

[Tom Segura]

Gotcha.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Our kids are too little to be. They're always ruining something.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, sure.

[Christina P]

Usually your piece. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

Like dear. They just ruin any moment.

[Christina P]

And this is the rare. This next one is the rare time where it's a woman pranking the man.

[Matt Fulcher]

Oh.

[Christina P]

Because a lot of times these, like, the pranks in these relationships are the guy to the girl. But this woman, this guy up with this.

[Matt Fulcher]

That's flat, dude. Dude, I'd hit that too. That's mean.

[Christina P]

As though she fucks him up.

[Matt Fulcher]

She's. She hates him. She fucking hates him. Wait, again. I would never do this to you because I respect you. I'd be like, he's gonna fucking hit me. Because he wake up out of a deep sleep like that and you see a fucking crow.

[Christina P]

Wait, that's not just a crow.

[Tom Segura]

That's a gargoyle. And that's beyond your relationship. That's human instincts kicking in, freaking out. Fight or flight. You're already backed against the bed. It's fight time. This is terrifying.

[Christina P]

A deep sleep and see a monster. Her on the.

[Matt Fulcher]

Like, you don't know that it's me in a costume. This could get killed.

[Tom Segura]

That's everybody.

[Matt Fulcher]

She sucks, dude. She sucks.

[Christina P]

It's very funny though, dude.

[Matt Fulcher]

I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

That was like five takes. That was like cartoon level reaction. Yeah, that's why you don't date a cosplay. Then it's filmed and put on the Internet.

[Christina P]

Oh, God, man.

[Matt Fulcher]

She hates him.

[Christina P]

Yeah, that's that.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, that guy does not have a sense of humor about it. I mean, it's hard enough being alive without coffee in the morning.

[Christina P]

Yeah, you Know, too. He probably just worked, like, a long.

[Matt Fulcher]

Shift, and he's just like, just please.

[Tom Segura]

Even if he's lazy, he's asleep.

[Christina P]

He's asleep. Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

It's not enough. When you're in a dead sleep and your kid wakes you up, they stand right over us. They're like, mom. And I'm like, that's bad enough.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

That wake up.

[Matt Fulcher]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P]

Because they always do it close, too. So you're always like, holy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, dad.

[Christina P]

Like, dude. He's like, hey, hey. No, I got it. I'm awake now. Yes. What? Do you know where my iPad is?

[Matt Fulcher]

No. It's terrifying, this bitch.

[Tom Segura]

If you need to focus and you have low focus, what you do is just pull back your foreskin. That'll put a pressure on your frenulum, which stimulates the pineal tail. Does it create the God molecule? See, I'm talking like Andrew Huberman here. And then you just rub, rub, rub the juicy mushroom.

[Christina P]

Whoa.

[Tom Segura]

And it tingles the balls and it just gives you. It's like having a dose of espresso or. And don't worry, my American brothers, if you're circumcised, what you can do is rub your ball bag and then mix the ball bag smell with a little bit from your stink portal. So just rub the starfish and then. Oh, it does the same thing. What is it supposed to do? Give you energy. Yeah, I, I scratch my taint all the time and it gives me nothing. I think it's much shame you're not smelling it and a trip to. No, I'm smelling it.

[Christina P]

You have to smell it.

[Tom Segura]

And then I go to the bathroom and wash my hands, and I'm skipping. I get nothing. I'm just. Then I'm just moping, like, maybe, God damn, I need some.

[Christina P]

I'll send you this video. And then maybe you just need to, like, practice how you do it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I'll get into it. You know, maybe get some earrings or something like that.

[Matt Fulcher]

You're not mixing your ball smells and your taint smells. That's. That's where your flaw is.

[Tom Segura]

That's true.

[Matt Fulcher]

You need to get that potency from your Right.

[Tom Segura]

So close, yet so far away.

[Christina P]

No, I, I, I sometimes I, I really miss out on a lot of his lessons. He. He's given me a lot of great pointers, and I don't actually follow up a lot, so I'm being kind of a lazy student, Right? Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I think, I think the guy's smart. He says espresso and not espresso.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Which makes me think he's intelligent.

[Christina P]

He is intelligent. Yeah. He's very well ready. Just all the books you have no interest in, but he. He's really well read.

[Matt Fulcher]

Well, this sounds like it does what smelling salts do. Which, you know, this might be a.

[Christina P]

Good segue into the. The show we were watching.

[Matt Fulcher]

Matt, you got to get on this with your lady, okay? You gotta watch this show we found it's about 10 years old and it was on TLC and it's called My Husband's not Gay.

[Tom Segura]

All right, that's a good premise.

[Christina P]

It's about guys who are just ssa.

[Matt Fulcher]

Ssa.

[Christina P]

They're same sex attracted.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P]

Not. But they're not gay.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P]

So they're basically guys who are like, yeah, I find men attractive. I look at them.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, so gay.

[Matt Fulcher]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Christina P]

But they don't act on the impulse, right? Like I repressed all the feelings that I have and I pretend that I'm attracted to this woman.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Christina P]

But what I really like to be doing is blowing a guy. Right? And I've created a life with this woman.

[Matt Fulcher]

And children.

[Christina P]

And children.

[Matt Fulcher]

Well, they're Mormon. They're Mormon. So they've learned that they can have these SSAs, but you can't act on them because scripture does not allow homosexuality.

[Christina P]

Here's a cool clip from the show that is.

[Tom Segura]

That's tough.

[Matt Fulcher]

Not okay.

[Tom Segura]

Hey. Hey, guys. How are you guys? Jeff and I are meeting Prett and.

[Christina P]

Megan for an early dinner tonight.

[Matt Fulcher]

Matt, see if you can guess who's gay. You never know where those conversations may go.

[Tom Segura]

I want to hear your French pronunciation on the menu, brother. I'll critique you.

[Matt Fulcher]

I'm not doing that.

[Tom Segura]

Tuna milk gray. Very good. Thank you.

[Christina P]

Latuna and ne quas nicoise? Of course. Hello.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to Boulangerie.

[Christina P]

Thank you. Don't laugh.

[Tom Segura]

It's not that funny. Yes, it is. Can I get you all an appetizer to start? You know, your hummus looks good. Your hummus plate, it's excellent.

[Christina P]

Great, we'll try it.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Matt Fulcher]

Your hummus cannon, did you guys notice anything?

[Tom Segura]

He's a very good looking guy. We have a very open relationship. And this is just one more way we try to be open. And I found it's more freeing to just acknowledge. Yeah, that is a beautiful man. I'd say you need a little more of the masculine butch. You need more of the all American guy.

[Christina P]

That's your type.

[Tom Segura]

Well, yeah, sure.

[Christina P]

Okay, well, they all have kids.

[Tom Segura]

I don't have. Great. Not gaydar. But I'm guessing it's the guy in the white shirt.

[Christina P]

It's actually both guys.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, okay.

[Christina P]

They're both ssa.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

Same sex. Practice. What? Also, what's cool. What is really neat is that there's a scale from 0 to 4 where they have to rate how SSA they're feeling in the moment. So 0 is like, I might notice an attractive guy.

[Christina P]

Oh, right there.

[Tom Segura]

That's zero.

[Christina P]

I think if you. Yeah, that one. Well, they had talked about it here, the scale. When they did, they talked about when they were playing basketball.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

So I don't feel like I fit the mold of guys that are attracted to other.

[Matt Fulcher]

This guy's my favorite.

[Christina P]

Other than my. My deep and abiding love for Broadway show tunes and the attraction to males. Those are the two things that are.

[Matt Fulcher]

Kind of gay about me when I'm.

[Tom Segura]

Out with the guys. Yeah, we'll look at other guys for sure.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

What's the danger score?

[Christina P]

Danger score?

[Tom Segura]

The danger scale is a way to bring out some of the inner feelings and figure out. Oh, okay. That is attractive to me. And I didn't even realize it. The danger scale goes from 0 to 4. A 1 on the danger scale. That's a 4.

[Christina P]

You look.

[Tom Segura]

A 2 means you looked again.

[Matt Fulcher]

Uh oh.

[Tom Segura]

A 3, you'd be tempted to turn around and look again. And again. A four pretty much means you're requiring restraints. Two and a half.

[Christina P]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

I'd go higher than that. That's some danger. That's why the basketball's been fun.

[Matt Fulcher]

Some water?

[Tom Segura]

Thank you.

[Christina P]

A5 is being friends with other guys that deal with same sex attraction. It's really been helpful.

[Tom Segura]

Somebody cares about you, Tom.

[Christina P]

They're kind of in a place that I want to be. I want to meet a girl and like her and say, by the way, I'm gay, attracted to guys. That's what my friends have done, and they've made it work.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah. Kind of.

[Tom Segura]

Your friends that don't live in Utah.

[Christina P]

Isn't that crazy that he's like, I want to be like, my friends who are also gay.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Christina P]

That are married to women.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Are cool with being married to a gay guy.

[Tom Segura]

This is insanity.

[Christina P]

It's totally. It's totally.

[Tom Segura]

Move to a coast and get busy.

[Christina P]

Yeah, dude.

[Matt Fulcher]

Some.

[Tom Segura]

You know, some, bro.

[Christina P]

All these guys would be so much happier in their lives. And the women, too.

[Matt Fulcher]

Everybody's happier.

[Tom Segura]

It's such an ordeal. It's like we got to go through this whole, like, alternate life that doesn't exist.

[Christina P]

Just.

[Tom Segura]

I Mean, these guys are. Are lucky they only have one wife, too, you know?

[Matt Fulcher]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

How about one of our wives is a man?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

Here's the thing I do know about the Mormon Church is that if you leave, because that's what we say as people that aren't Mormon, like, get the fuck out of the church. Just go. Well, if you leave the Mormon Church, you're excommunicated, which means you don't talk to your family or friends ever again. So it's not just like, hey, I'm leaving the church. Like, your life is. Everyone you've ever known cannot speak to you ever again. So it's a really big deal. Right, which is why you should repress your homosexual feelings and suck it up and bust nuts in your wife's dry vagina.

[Christina P]

Yeah, right?

[Matt Fulcher]

And you push your sagging and those barely erect penis into her.

[Christina P]

The crazy thing is that we always think about those guys and how clearly they should just, you know, go be gay, because that's what you are. But then those women have never been with a guy who's, like, into into them. They don't even know what that's like.

[Tom Segura]

So they do like it probably, in a way. Like, they probably like. There's some women, mostly on sitcoms, who are like. And not tonight, Ray.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, they might kind of like that. That. That aspect of it maybe. I don't know.

[Christina P]

But, like, it's just you got to find people that are into what you're into, you know?

[Matt Fulcher]

It's really nice. Tom.

[Tom Segura]

She'S so cute.

[Christina P]

She's adorable.

[Tom Segura]

That's what's great about dudes is, like, we're not even disgusted. We're like, yeah, she's cute.

[Christina P]

Yeah, she's awesome. See this one? She's not lying about who she is, you know?

[Matt Fulcher]

I don't know, dude. Guys, I got this really cute matching red set. I could do this for money. Doesn't it look so good on me? I could do this for money, like, if I had to. This is what is, like, the best color ever. She's made a thousand dollars. She's made so much money.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

Guys are so gross and base. Wait, hold on.

[Tom Segura]

Can we talk about who's feeding us?

[Matt Fulcher]

I mean, can we talk about the Mormons for a second?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

Talk to you for a second? Do you really think that these dudes being dudes and, like, young. Young enough dudes that they still have an appetite for right dicks? Do you really think they're just holding it in or are they Each other after basketball.

[Tom Segura]

I think they're either jerking it to gay porn, number one. That's at the minimum, and then that's the minimum. And I do think at least one of them has got to be going on business trips and. And doing his thing. Somebody's got to give.

[Christina P]

Something's got to give, something's got to get.

[Tom Segura]

And it's better to cheat than to get excommunicated in this case, you know, it's a unique case.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, I agree. Maybe they should have a clause like that. And maybe they do in their marriage where they're like, just fucking go bang dudes.

[Tom Segura]

It sounds like it's kind of like don't ask, don't tell. Yeah, it sounds like it's kind of like I'm not gonna ask you too many questions.

[Christina P]

I don't know if you. If you watch more, it feels like the women are like they're more like it's.

[Matt Fulcher]

They're in denial.

[Christina P]

He has these feelings, but the great thing is he doesn't act on.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Christina P]

So they're. Maybe they're in denial to themselves about it.

[Tom Segura]

They are. Yeah.

[Christina P]

But like, those guys definitely, like, they're. They're not being satisfied.

[Matt Fulcher]

Right.

[Christina P]

So they gotta do something.

[Tom Segura]

Right. But also, if you grow up religious, you know that, like, there's tons of thoughts that come into your head that you're not supposed to do, and they can just file that into that because they don't live in a society where they see a lot of gay people or think it's normal. I don't think.

[Matt Fulcher]

Not in Salt Lake City.

[Christina P]

You're true.

[Tom Segura]

Probably not.

[Matt Fulcher]

And like, there are girls who straight up, like, love gay guys. Like, like have, like, I have friends. I have female friends who love watching gay man porn who are very attracted to gay men. Like, girls.

[Tom Segura]

It's every bachelorette party, there's always one gay dude that's like, we gotta have him too.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

You know, I love gay guys. Maybe I should look into this.

[Christina P]

Well, you know that I'm. I'm ssa.

[Matt Fulcher]

Really?

[Christina P]

I'm not gay.

[Matt Fulcher]

No, no, you're not gay. No, clearly.

[Christina P]

But you're same sex attracted.

[Tom Segura]

I'm walking around about a 4 all day long. I like, I like how all the numbers were kind of similar.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

One of them should be contact on this leg.

[Christina P]

Look, look again. You want to look again? And then four was restraints, right?

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, it goes quick.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Like, I wanted to hop on him, but I didn't.

[Matt Fulcher]

Like there should be. Like, I talked to him suggestively. I flirted with him.

[Christina P]

Come on.

[Matt Fulcher]

I did something.

[Tom Segura]

They should go to 10. I think it does. I think they're cutting it off at 4. When's the last time you heard of a 4, like rating? It's either 5 or 10, you know, this is TV. This is the TV version.

[Christina P]

That's so gay.

[Matt Fulcher]

I wish that their Mormon God would let them be gay.

[Tom Segura]

What's the big please?

[Matt Fulcher]

But then you can't have. You can't make babies that way. That's the only problem.

[Christina P]

That's the only thing holding it.

[Matt Fulcher]

That's literally. It's not because it's wrong. It's just that they can't make more and more.

[Christina P]

That guy who's still single though, who's looking for someone.

[Matt Fulcher]

I know. I like him the best.

[Christina P]

He should just be chugging.

[Matt Fulcher]

Get out of the church and go chug for sure.

[Tom Segura]

Check out some Broadway musicals.

[Matt Fulcher]

Go to New York. Go live in New York.

[Christina P]

He just needs someone. Any city out of there. That's it.

[Matt Fulcher]

I know.

[Christina P]

Just take him out of the city.

[Matt Fulcher]

No, but all his friends are there playing basketball.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I think it's good about this for that guy is in the age of social media. He probably had people hitting him up like, dude, just fucking come out for the weekend. Blah, blah, blah. That type of thing, you know?

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah. Because gay guys are savage, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

Like, I'm sure he got DMs. He's like, I'll fudge it. Suck your dick. Come to New York right now.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Matt Fulcher]

Like Robert Paul Champagne.

[Christina P]

Their DMs definitely blew up.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You can only turn that down about 12, 13 times before you know what they really need?

[Christina P]

They Each of these guys, especially the single guy, he just needs another Mormon who was like, I grew up Mormon too.

[Matt Fulcher]

Down low.

[Christina P]

So. So they can connect on that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And then, hey, man, like, you could still care for God and be filled with come.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Like just.

[Matt Fulcher]

You just visit me.

[Tom Segura]

It doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. It can exist together.

[Matt Fulcher]

God doesn't hate come. He just hates when there's no babies with the come.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

That's all it is.

[Tom Segura]

That's why he hates jerking off a good speech. That's why he hates porn.

[Christina P]

To like the Mormon gays out there. God doesn't hate your.

[Matt Fulcher]

Doesn't hate your co. Just hates those babies.

[Christina P]

Have you been in a Waymo yet?

[Tom Segura]

I have not. I've seen him around and I wanna.

[Christina P]

I wanna try it. I wanna try.

[Tom Segura]

I'm at about a one on wagos. I look twice.

[Christina P]

That's. I'VE seen them everywhere.

[Tom Segura]

Something will go wrong.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And it will be me.

[Christina P]

I have to.

[Tom Segura]

I'll finally go viral.

[Christina P]

I was finally be famous paying attention. I gotta watch my weight though if I'm gonna get in one of these, you know.

[Matt Fulcher]

Okay, yeah, let's talk about I'm too.

[D]

Fat to safely ride in a Waymo. And you might be too. It's your favorite queer automotive educator and recently my wife and I took our first spin into self driving ride share service. I had concerns but was cautiously optimistic about the experience. After loading up our suitcases and getting comfortable, I buckled my seatbelt. No way. I was riding in a futurist self driving machine without it and bam. The seat belt clicked and immediately locked. Okay, it happens. Let me try again. Removing my seat belt instantly made the car scream at me. But you know I had to. The seat belt locked yet again almost instantly. Damn it.

[Matt Fulcher]

Wait, isn't that supposed I'm the problem?

[D]

We're just too damn fat for this car. The seat belt locked on my smaller wife too. Fat people deserve a safe, comfortable ride just like anyone else. Waymo, you need to provide seatbelt extenders. It's as simple as that. They're relatively inexpensive and should simply be in the car for customers to use when they're needed. And while we're on the subject of seatbelt extenders, being an ally to the fat people in your life means you too should have a seatbelt extender because they're not universal. A quick Google search or call to your local parts department at the dealership will let you know if the car manufacturer makes them. And if they don't, you can get it from seatbelt extender pros.com for 20 to 30 bucks.

[Tom Segura]

All right, everybody wants everything and everyone is taping everything. And this is insane.

[Matt Fulcher]

Insane. Also, if you should have one too.

[Tom Segura]

I should get one just in case. I don't have any friends. I don't drive anybody around. So my wife. That's it, dude.

[Matt Fulcher]

But here's the deal, man. If you know you're a big, great big fat person and like this tiny ass car shows up, you should carry it. Carry what, homie?

[Christina P]

That's what I'm saying. If you're the great big fat person, you carry. You carry it.

[Matt Fulcher]

That's right. Why is it my response?

[Tom Segura]

BYOSB E. Yeah, yeah, bring your own extender.

[Christina P]

No, that's this. She needs the video where they go. Oh yeah, you're right. It should be everywhere and it could be in your purse.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah. Then you carry all times That's a good point, Tom. That's a good point.

[Tom Segura]

Like a condom in the wallet.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, dude, exactly. Just bring your. I bring. I bring hand sanitizer because I like clean hands.

[Christina P]

Stop eating, fatty.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus Christ.

[Christina P]

You know, that's not kind of. Yeah, you gotta be.

[Tom Segura]

Not lose weight.

[Matt Fulcher]

That's not good.

[Christina P]

Wow, that helps.

[Matt Fulcher]

That does, but that's too much work. Just buying a seatbelt extender is less work.

[Tom Segura]

I've never seen a seat belt extender for sale. No. Probably get it on Amazon or whatever.

[Matt Fulcher]

Oh, you get everything.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah, right?

[Christina P]

[e-mail].

[Matt Fulcher]

What car should a fat person get? Like, what's a night? Like an suv?

[Christina P]

Yeah. Big fat people want big fat cars.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Yeah. You don't want to get in a little car.

[Matt Fulcher]

Well, she. She makes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

She's getting into a tiny car because.

[Christina P]

There was that lady a few weeks ago that got. She wants to sue Lyft.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Christina P]

Because the Lyft driver pulled up. She was. She's 392, I think.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P]

This lady. And she was like. And the driver was like, n. He's like, you can't get in here.

[Tom Segura]

I mean. Yeah, he. He knew. You know, he probably didn't have the right accommodation.

[Christina P]

He didn't. He actually had a small car. He's like, you're. You're way too big for the car.

[Tom Segura]

I think a classic car is good. Even though it's built for skinny people.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

They're big. Big long bench seats.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And no seat belts.

[Matt Fulcher]

Perfect.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Because you know what? The thing is, if you have a big suv, it's not easy to get in them.

[Tom Segura]

No, that's what I was thinking.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You need a low rided.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Suv. But then if you're heavy, that's just gonna make you scrape going up a little ramp or whatever.

[Matt Fulcher]

But I was thinking a pickup truck.

[Christina P]

You just need a driver in the back.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's a scene. That's a sight.

[Christina P]

That's a good idea.

[Matt Fulcher]

That would so fly in Texas.

[Tom Segura]

Little baby pool.

[Matt Fulcher]

People don't give a. They put everything in their pickup truck.

[Tom Segura]

My Uber driver picked me up in a pickup truck.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Yeah. See? Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

Text.

[Christina P]

People don't give a fuck. That is true. I got. My car got hit today.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Christina P]

In a parking lot. And I watched it.

[Tom Segura]

You just saw it? I watched it.

[Christina P]

And I was like, hey, you hit my car. And she goes, I don't think I did. I go, no, I watched it. And she goes, I don't think I Did I go, it's not that. You think I saw you do it, right? And she's like, no. And then her trailer hitch matches up perfectly to the damage. I'm like. And then she just rolled up the window and drove off.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God. You can do that?

[Christina P]

Yeah. Driving off. I posted it online line.

[Tom Segura]

It's a new. It's a new era of. No, the law don't apply to me. I'm out.

[Christina P]

That's her license.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God, dude. But she deserves it, right?

[Christina P]

Yes, for sure.

[Matt Fulcher]

She deserves the nerve of somebody.

[Christina P]

That's the trailer. There's the paint on the.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P]

And then the next image. That's where it went, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's definite.

[Christina P]

I mean, also, if you go back a few. I have. Oh, yeah, that's her. Oh, that's me yelling at her. I go, nice. Because she had already turned back around. I go, no, I watched you do it. She's like, I don't think I did. I don't think I did.

[Matt Fulcher]

That was you.

[Christina P]

That wasn't me.

[Tom Segura]

It's so funny on the show, but it's so frustrating in real life. Yeah, it's just, you know.

[Christina P]

Yeah. I just. I don't know, man.

[Matt Fulcher]

And especially in this day and age where there's so many cameras and everyone can. All you have to do is photograph her drivers. I mean, her. Whatever the shit word is. License plate.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P]

We already found out who it belongs to.

[Matt Fulcher]

People you're not gonna get away with it.

[Tom Segura]

They also don't know who they're fucking with. You guys have a huge show, you know?

[Matt Fulcher]

My God, one time I backed up into a, like, a. A really shitty tow truck in the parking lot. I was with our kids, and I left him a note. I was like, I'm so sorry.

[Tom Segura]

That's what you do.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah. Because also, my kids. I don't want to, like, hit and run.

[Christina P]

She called somebody. She rolled up the window, and we're like, hey, hey. And she started to move, and then she just drove like, okay, that's wild dog.

[Tom Segura]

That's a crime.

[Matt Fulcher]

It legit is. The trailer hitch, too. Yeah, of course.

[Christina P]

It fits perfectly. It's what she did. We watched her do it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. But my opinion is it didn't happen.

[Christina P]

Yeah, that's what she said.

[Tom Segura]

That's my opinion.

[Christina P]

I don't think I did.

[Matt Fulcher]

I love red bands comment. What a cunt.

[Tom Segura]

Short and sweet.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Yeah, that's my boy. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, she got Garth army on her now.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, she's done for, dude. She's Done. That car is not gonna get any love in Texas.

[Tom Segura]

There's her face, too.

[Christina P]

Holy.

[Matt Fulcher]

Oh, yeah.

[Christina P]

It's just. Here's the thing. It's just a shitty thing to do.

[Matt Fulcher]

I mean, it's not cool.

[Christina P]

You should be. You know, you're accountable, you did it. But, yeah, whatever. Just how it goes.

[Matt Fulcher]

This is really crazy. People are fucking.

[Tom Segura]

I had a hit and run. My car got totaled.

[Matt Fulcher]

What?

[Tom Segura]

On Los Feliz Boulevard. It just. I had a Chrysler 300. You saw it?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And it just. This is in 2015. I only had it for like six months. And it was like the coolest car in the world for me because I would never buy it myself.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But like, a friend had it and I bought it from him cheap. And I'm like cruising in a Chrysler 300. Just baller.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I. I park it on Los Feliz Boulevard and I come out in the morning and it's just. It's total. It's legitimately total. It's. You can't fix it. That's that. And then somehow the car that hit it kept going.

[Matt Fulcher]

Damn.

[Tom Segura]

Nutty. Yeah, definitely Drunks.

[Christina P]

There's one time when I lived on Silver Lake Boulevard. I'm in the back room and I hear what I thought was an explosion.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Christina P]

I thought it was a grenade. I really thought that somebody had thrown a grenade. I was like, holy. And I run out to the front yard and it was my cousin's girlfriend's car was parked and somebody had hit it at like 50 miles an hour.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P]

Demolished it. So goddamn loud. Terrifying.

[Tom Segura]

It is. Yeah, it definitely is. I think I even heard it. But I was like, it didn't. It didn't seem like it applied to me. I'm like, yeah, whatever. Then I went to bed.

[Matt Fulcher]

Good night.

[Tom Segura]

And woke up and I was like.

[Christina P]

Did it get. You get like a. I got so.

[Tom Segura]

Much money from it.

[Christina P]

You did?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Okay, that's cool.

[Tom Segura]

Five figures.

[Christina P]

I'm sure. I'm sure they're gonna hook me up, the insurance people on this one.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. That's your next seven weeks, bro. Just taking care of this problem.

[Matt Fulcher]

That's the worst part of car drama is that. That like, now you need to have the temporary car while they figure. And then the part didn't. Not going to come in for another month. It's the hassle.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

I hate that kind of stuff. Such a waste of your life.

[Tom Segura]

That's. That's your whole life.

[Matt Fulcher]

Practically your life when your car gets messed with.

[Christina P]

This meth addict was she on drugs?

[Matt Fulcher]

That. She seemed like she was high.

[Christina P]

No, just some dumb broad. Just like, Dumb broad. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Just entitled. Not concerned about someone else.

[Christina P]

You know, she did it and she started to go like. She was like, no. I go, no, no, no. Like, I watched. I literally watched it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

I go, I watched you do it. She's like, I don't think so.

[Tom Segura]

I think. I think we're looking at a society that lives like this now. Not everybody, but she knew she did.

[Christina P]

It and was like, I'm leaving. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

See, in court.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

Although I do have to say, Texans are usually very honorable and cool.

[Tom Segura]

And especially. Especially about vehicles.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, that's like a. A church. Like, your vehicle is an extension of yourself.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And you. You extend that courtesy to people because you want it coming back your way.

[Matt Fulcher]

Dude, when we were. I got in a hit and run. Drunks.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

Blew the red light and hit my car. I was doing the right thing. They were doing the wrong thing. My children were in the car, but thankfully nobody was hurt. But, you know, it fucked up the car. Anyway, this citizen, this Texan man, saw what happened. Chased down.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

The guys that hit and run me and brought them to me and was like, ma'am, I believe these are the ones that hit your car.

[Tom Segura]

He rounded them up.

[Matt Fulcher]

He did, rounded them up. And I was like, this is Texas. Only in Texas. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's nice.

[Matt Fulcher]

I was so blown away.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

I sent him a. Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

That's beautiful.

[Matt Fulcher]

He's our neighbor.

[Christina P]

Well, this is. This is a little palate cleanser. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Yeah, sure. As if the P video wasn't the.

[Matt Fulcher]

P video. No big deal.

[Christina P]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, I. I don't want any part of that.

[Christina P]

Oh, man.

[Matt Fulcher]

Like that either, you know?

[Christina P]

Did you used to do that stuff? I know you just skateboard.

[Tom Segura]

I was a skateboarder, so I didn't have time for this nonsense. I was destroying my body in other ways.

[Christina P]

Did you ever get really hurt skateboarding?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, all the time, dude. I can't believe I used to do it. Like, you're, You're. You're falling from the top of a half pipe all the way to the flat bottom, like, nine, 10ft. And that's not even the biggest ramps to skate and you're just landing on your hip. One time I flew off the side of a half pipe and landed right on a jump ramp that was like this.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Took the nest. He plunge right on. On top of this. Like, you name it, dude. I rolled ankles. Yeah. Never broke any bones. And I fucked myself up in 2020, I fucked up my hand skateboarding, and.

[Christina P]

I'm like, that's it.

[Tom Segura]

I made it this far. I'm not pushing this. This is stupid.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Because you can't just do it all willy nilly at once every three months. You're gonna get killed.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

No, especially at our age.

[Tom Segura]

That's what I'm trying not to say.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, Like, Tony Hawk, you know? Yeah, he got up.

[Tom Segura]

I know Tony Hawk got up. And even the last documentary was, like, kind of a dark thing where, like, Stacy Peralta, his mentor, was like, he's. He's. He's gonna hurt himself. Like, he's kind of got to slow down. But Tony Hawk can't slow down because he's just got it in him, you know? It's just one of those things.

[Matt Fulcher]

The drive.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I know. It's like the movie the Wrestler, but way better. Sorry, Tony. I love you. I love you, Tony. Keep skating.

[Matt Fulcher]

No, he's the best. I don't like what I'm about to see. Oh, that's my worst nightmare. I think about this all the time. Happening to me.

[Christina P]

But then she can't go.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, no.

[Matt Fulcher]

This is my worst fear. This is literally what I think about.

[Tom Segura]

Is this her first time?

[Matt Fulcher]

I think she's old.

[Tom Segura]

I did so much better even as a child.

[Matt Fulcher]

Just steady yourself, bitch. Grab the side. Come on. Get it together.

[Christina P]

Endlessly falling downstairs. She's like, I'm almost there.

[Tom Segura]

I'm hoping this is a security camera and not someone just watching.

[Matt Fulcher]

She's just fucked.

[Tom Segura]

Get up or stay still. One or the other.

[Christina P]

All right, just get to the top.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, just get upright, bitch. There you go. Yeah.

[Christina P]

No, she didn't.

[Tom Segura]

No. Then she gets up there and somebody pees on her.

[Christina P]

Coming to help.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, no.

[Matt Fulcher]

Oh, they had to.

[Christina P]

Someone finally stopped it. So she fell down, like, 65 stairs.

[Tom Segura]

My God. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Skeptical.

[Tom Segura]

I did the StairMaster for about a half an hour. You know, Got some exercise.

[Christina P]

That's the equivalent of like, 10 stories.

[Tom Segura]

I fell down the Empire State Building stairwell today.

[Christina P]

Do you really worry about that?

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, because on escalators, I'm always with my kids who, like, pull me back.

[Christina P]

Oh, right.

[Matt Fulcher]

You remember the idea. I almost fell down the fucking stairs because my kid was pulling me. And I'm like, dude, this is going to happen to us. Like, you're going to pull me back and I'm going to fall down the escalator and it'll suck me up under the things, and then I'll be gone forever.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, there's a lot that can go wrong. Yeah, with an escalator.

[Christina P]

Oh, that was so good.

[Tom Segura]

That was. That was incredible entertainment, though. It sucks. You know, you sit down and you're right and you're right and you're right. But how can you top that?

[Christina P]

I know. A 70 year old woman just continuously falling.

[Tom Segura]

What if you live your whole life and you're a great person, you've done all these things, you've rose, you know, raised a family and then like, this is your moment. This is your moment.

[Matt Fulcher]

This is your viral.

[Tom Segura]

You're out of touch. You don't even know how to do an escalator.

[Christina P]

Her grandkids love this, by the way. They're for sure. Granny.

[Matt Fulcher]

Can I see the beginning? The genesis of the fall?

[Christina P]

Yeah, sure.

[Matt Fulcher]

Like, how does this start? She's got.

[Christina P]

She's doing great. She's holding on. Really.

[Matt Fulcher]

And she's leaning back. See, she's leaning back. That's the problem. Yeah, yeah, she's leaning back.

[Christina P]

Hurt right there. That one really up.

[Matt Fulcher]

That's the problem is she hurt herself.

[Christina P]

She's up right there.

[Tom Segura]

And she's like. Well, at least that's over.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

It's so slow.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, someone is filming this. See how it went sideways?

[Christina P]

Like you might. But it looks fixed.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you're right.

[Christina P]

See the time?

[Matt Fulcher]

I'm almost out.

[Christina P]

What's. The guy in the security room's watching it, having a good time.

[Tom Segura]

It's like he just. Sandwich.

[Matt Fulcher]

She's like, I.

[Christina P]

He's like, should I press the button to stop it?

[Tom Segura]

Roy, you got to check this out, man.

[Christina P]

Look at her. Oh, she. Dude, she's.

[Tom Segura]

She's on to something.

[Matt Fulcher]

Just get right side up.

[Tom Segura]

You're there, you're there. You got it, you got it, you got it, you got it.

[Christina P]

Oh, that one right there.

[Matt Fulcher]

Let go of the purse. Lose the purse. That's the problem. She was trying to hold the purse and then.

[Tom Segura]

What's your reward? You get to go to Target after this.

[Christina P]

We think the. The head's got to be up.

[Matt Fulcher]

It's the head first.

[Tom Segura]

Everything. Yeah, that's the most important.

[Matt Fulcher]

She fell on her neck, probably. And that stunned her. And then it was like she's disoriented. But then. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Doesn't part of you want to just go, are you stupid?

[Matt Fulcher]

Yes, she is stupid.

[Christina P]

You don't know how to ride this thing.

[Tom Segura]

She's missing some serious instincts that it requires to be a human being.

[Christina P]

Yeah. How does. How is she. Because theoretically it's easier than she got on too. Tells me that's like. Is this your first escalator?

[Matt Fulcher]

Both hands, and she's leaning back.

[Christina P]

She's holding onto it like this?

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah, like. No, that's like.

[Christina P]

That's not.

[Tom Segura]

She's leaning back.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

She's leaning back. Yeah. That's stupid.

[Tom Segura]

I had no idea. You know, this type of thing needs instructions, but clearly, some people could take a class.

[Matt Fulcher]

She deserves. This is what you're saying?

[Christina P]

That's what I'm trying to say. Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

Oh, this stuff.

[Christina P]

Oh, you see the guy in the foreground on the. On the left here?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Watch his body. Watch the way he reacts to that. He's like.

[Matt Fulcher]

I mean, all those bones are broken, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Matt Fulcher]

Oh, that's paralyzed.

[Tom Segura]

You're back. I mean, it's your back. You know, you're done. It's strong, but you're done. That's how you do it. Yeah, that's how you do it.

[Christina P]

Well, that's how you quit gymnastics.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah, right.

[Matt Fulcher]

Force quit, right? No, you're done.

[Tom Segura]

Which, you have to quit gymnastics pretty early anyway.

[Matt Fulcher]

Oh, let me guess. Animals gonna run in. I feel like an animal's coming.

[Christina P]

She's okay.

[Tom Segura]

Are we watching a terrorist attack right now?

[Matt Fulcher]

Is this Hamas or whatever?

[Christina P]

She just had it. Leaky gas line, I think.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, okay.

[Matt Fulcher]

This is terrible. Tom, you got real mental problems. You guys are. You know that. Yeah, that's terrible.

[Christina P]

Well, you know what? You got to get your gas lines checked, and that's what this whole episode's been about.

[Tom Segura]

Okay?

[Christina P]

You guys got to pay attention to how your gas lines are.

[Matt Fulcher]

Are lined up.

[Tom Segura]

[e-mail].

[Christina P]

There you go.

[Matt Fulcher]

Is anybody laughing at that clip? I mean, is that.

[Christina P]

I believe Josh did.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that counts for something. Yeah, that's like a percentage here.

[Christina P]

He liked it.

[Tom Segura]

Serious percentage here.

[Christina P]

All right, that was. I mean, just one more time.

[Matt Fulcher]

No, no, we can't leave on this.

[Christina P]

Make all the dinner for my family.

[Tom Segura]

Can we watch the P video again?

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah. I mean, you can't leave the audience on a woman getting blown up in her own.

[Christina P]

She's. She's fine. She got up.

[Matt Fulcher]

She's not fine. Babe, I can't leave the show on this.

[Tom Segura]

If it starts with Hitler, it ends with terrorism.

[Matt Fulcher]

Yeah. This episode is so dark. Okay, where are we?

[Christina P]

Let me find you something.

[D]

To all the other countries that wonder and say that Americans are just fat and lazy and they don't do anything to better themselves, this is what a hundred and fifteen dollars gets you. Let me show you. We were able to get some Ritz crackers, one thing of cereal, some ramen more ramen, tuna, bag of potatoes.

[Christina P]

Super inspiring.

[D]

Avocados. Snacks, desserts.

[Matt Fulcher]

No, those aren't snacks of chips, onions.

[D]

Fritos, pizza rolls, some sausage, biscuits. One thing of Dr. Pepper.

[Christina P]

One thing.

[D]

All of this for $115 so I.

[Tom Segura]

Can get a crack rock for 50 bucks. Am I inclined to buy it?

[Christina P]

She's like, this is why we're fat. Yeah, that's her point.

[Tom Segura]

She said it's too easy to be fat, so you got to be fat is what she just said. It's a good. It's a compelling. Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P]

It is a good argument.

[Matt Fulcher]

It's so easy.

[Tom Segura]

And 113 bucks still. Still kind of a lot for all that shitty food. Yeah, like, none of it even looked good.

[Matt Fulcher]

No, she's picking the wrong thing. Yeah, like, where's your Puffy Cheetos? Where's the cheese puff?

[Christina P]

Well, everyone has different preferences.

[Matt Fulcher]

Pop tarts. I would get tarts.

[Christina P]

You'll like this. I got one.

[Tom Segura]

Where's your thing of Diet Coke?

[Christina P]

This will make you happy on the way.

[Matt Fulcher]

Dr. Pepper, I like.

[Christina P]

Here we go. You can't wait for me to go to work because I need my me time. What does that me time mean? What does that mean?

[D]

You know.

[Tom Segura]

You know.

[Matt Fulcher]

No, I don't know.

[Christina P]

Yes, you too know. Tell me. I don't know.

[Matt Fulcher]

Are you telling. You thought this would cheer me up? Oh, are you jacking off, Ma? Oh, yeah, his mom.

[Tom Segura]

I wonder if he keeps the crucifix necklace on. Like, jerk.

[Matt Fulcher]

That did not cheer me up.

[Christina P]

Why not? Cute.

[Tom Segura]

I thought it was light. Cute, fun, everybody wins. She has a job. He gets to jerk off.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Come on.

[Tom Segura]

It's a happy ending.

[Christina P]

How do you not like that? How do you not like that? That makes the American dream possible. We will fight hard for the freedom to vote.

[Tom Segura]

God damn it.

[Christina P]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Matt Fulcher]

Now you got it. We will fart hard, fight hard. I gotta vote for this guy.

[Christina P]

Who is gonna like this? Make sure you go see Matt Fulster on the full charge on the Bro Adjacent tour at. Tickets [e-mail] of course, we also let you know that YMH Live is back on Friday, March 7th at 7:30pm Central Time. It's our biggest YMH Live yet. Special guest Dan Soder is joining us and there's a ten thousand dollar giveaway. Go to ymhstudios.com for more information and get your tickets.

[Matt Fulcher]

And fart hard.

[Christina P]

And fart hard. And this nation will never not fart. Hard for our freedom. That's it. Thank you, Matt, for coming.

[Tom Segura]

Guys, thank you so much. Always great to see you.

[Christina P]

Always great to see you.

[Tom Segura]

Thanks for having me. You guys are the best.

[Christina P]

Let's find that car that hit me. All right, we'll see you guys later. Bye.

[Matt Fulcher]

Bye.

[Tom Segura]

So much to do.

[Christina P]

We have any Asians in here? I know I'm white. I know I'm white. Wife.