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GEORGE LAMPSON and THE ONLY TO MAKE A FRIEND (IS TO DIE) PAT NOVAK FOR HIRE
00:58:48
Two great episodes of Pat Novak For Hire starring Jack Webb
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Pat Novak
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If you have a locked AT&T phone, we're here with bolt cutters. T Mobile will help pay off your locked phone and give you a new 5G phone for free. All on America's largest 5G network. Visit t mobile.com carrierfreedom Be a virtual prepaid MasterCard in 15 days. Free phone up to 830 via 24 monthly bill credits plus tax and a 10 device connection charge. Qualifying port and trade in service on Go 5G next and credit required. Contact us before canceling entire account to continue bill credits or credit stop and balance on required finance agreement as do you have bill credits and if you pay off devices early or higher? Sure, I'm Pat Novak for hire. That's what the sign out in front of my office says. Pat Novak for hire. Oh, sure, you can spell it 50 different ways. But down on the waterfront in San Francisco, it all means the same thing. You pay and I'll do, and the customer's always right. If he's got an open wallet, then I'll match it with an open mind. Unless he's after murder. Then the price gets out of range and down here you're either high on your toes or flat on your because most of the time you get only one kind of pitch fast and inside. And you don't cry if you're foul because nobody cares. Even then, you can't complain. During the summer, the morgue's the coolest spot in town. Oh, I rent boats and wrap up small sins and $20 bills. The money's good when you get it, but there's no retirement plan and you can't buy vaccination for trouble. I found that out last Wednesday night. I closed up shop about 8 o'clock and I started walking home. The city was down on its hands and knees trying to crawl through one of those San Francisco hot spells that blast by every five years from up on the hill. The Chinatown tenements lined up down below like sweaty little kids waiting for a shower. It was heat and headaches all the way. But when I opened my front door and stepped inside who wanted to talk about the weather, she was standing in the dark, smoking a cigarette. And the silhouette or figure cut against the window was something you'd never believe. Then she reached over and turned on a lamp. It was a fast, dizzy trip. But when I got around to her eyes, they were the kind that made you think of hard working geysers. Deep and warm. You knew you could count on some fast action when they came to a boil. The smile was familiar and the lips were red and moist. Like a souped up rose waiting for a bee. She did lots of nice things with her mouth. And talking was one of them. Patsy, welcome home. It's been a long time. Yeah. It's good to see you, Georgie. What's on your mind, Patsy? Can't you ever take your time? It's not mine. It's borrowed. Anything special in mind? Easy business. Got a drink? How easy? Just a boat ride. You can't get hurt. That's what they told the Spanish Armada. Getting soft, Patsy? No, nothing they had. Now look, if it's work, let's talk. Otherwise I'd just be cute, huh? All right, Patsy. The last time you saw me was a year ago. As far as you know, I'm not in town. Fine. You tell me. Go on. Tomorrow night, Afraid is due in here from Shanghai. The SS Calcutta. I want to be on the welcoming committee. Who says you can't? Nobody yet. But the ship's gonna anchor in the stream. So I need a boat. I need you. I'm not the social type. I don't think I'll go. Good evening, Patsy. It's an easy trip. So's falling downstairs. Come on, let's deal or drink. All right, Patsy. My stepmother's gonna meet the Calcutta too. Who's she? Mrs. Sheila Lampson. She likes parties. She likes a package she's gonna get from somebody aboard the Calcutta. What's in it? That's her business. I just want to make sure she Gets that package of store. All right. You in on it? She doesn't even know I'm in town. Who picks up the check here? With $40 covered, it's too much for an easy job and not enough for a hard one. Where do I find you if I need bail? Here's the phone number. You can call me there tomorrow. And, Patsy, thanks. I don't forget easy. Why the rush? Cause you scare me, Patsy. You really scare me. You remember the party, Betsy? Yeah. But memories are like everything else. They wear out. Then let's make some new ones, Patsy. A little later, I stood at the door and watched her move down the hall toward the stairs. The white dress she had on was plain enough, but it didn't have a mind of its own. It just did what it was told and tried to behave. But Georgie and nature wouldn't let it. There was only one cat in seeing Georgie. She always left too soon, like a small bottle of fine whiskey. Well, it must have been a good five minutes after she left when I heard the buzzer. I was looking for the white dress when I opened the door, but I was looking. The wr. Something with an echo and it came down hard on the side of my head. I went down like mercury in a quick freeze. The trip wasn't nice, but it was long. Halfway there, I came up for breath and I found the deck of one of my own boats under me. The Bay Bridge lights were still around and that made it kind of cozy. When my eyes got in focus, the smooth looking bundle laid out next to me shaped up like Georgie Lampson. She wasn't looking her best. I had just enough time to remember a pair of women's shoes standing next to my face. And then I must have moved and. And they punched my ticket for a return trip. The next time I opened my eyes, I was looking up at the lights on Pier 19. The shoes were still there, but this time they were black. And the feet inside squashed out wide and flat like tired beefsteak. That meant only one thing. Hellman from Homicide. You can stop playing mouse, Novak. Get up. The party's over. Yeah, Hellman. I thought they'd never go home. Your boyfriend here isn't talking. Bashful. Yeah, Novak. He's real shy. He's dead. Who is he? That's what you get paid for. What about the girl that was here? County Hospital. You better pray she makes it, Novak. Because you like blonde Helman? Because nobody beats two murder raps, Novak. You talk funny. So does this hunk of lead pipe. Your prints are all over it. What's that make me, a plumber? Better than that, Novak. The pipe fits a dent in that guy's skull, like it grew there. Well, maybe he's the plumber. You're smart, Novak. Now, come on. Who's the guy and who is the dame? He's Georgie Lamb, from the guy I don't know, Will Novak. We'll take care of it. Oh, you try hard, don't you, Hellman? You move your lips when you read. You use your fingers when you count, but you never get the right answers. Don't tempt me, Novak. I'm not my cherry. Best in the morning. You don't have a best, Hellman. You tried thinking once, but it gave you a headache. Now when you get in a squeeze, you have to pound your way out with your fist. I warned you, Novak. Now talk nice and save Keith. Yeah, I'll talk when that blonde tells her story. If she makes the grade. How does she figure? She met me in my apartment last night on business. Five minutes after she left, the doorbell rang. When I answered it, somebody sapped me. Now, you take it from there. Yeah, I will write to the da. Go ahead, Hellman. But don't look hurt when the case blows up in your face. You give an odds. That's all I'm giving, Hellman. You figure it. I took the gal and this girl I don't even know for a ride at 3 in the morning. We had a party and I killed a guy. But the gal, I only messed up good because I like the way she talked. You sound scared now that. Well, I'm not Hellman, but you are, because it doesn't add. Why did I beat my skull with that same hunk of pipe? And how did I drive back here to meet you? Keep your mouth open. Smart boy. They got a little green room up at San Quentin. Gets awful stuffy when they close the door. After I left Helman, I figured I'd had a bumper trough of trouble for one day. The sun was just beginning to stagger up over the Berkeley hills when I caught a cab uptown. On the way, I stopped off for coffee and a 6am Chronicle at 1 of the little Greek joints off Geary Street. The windows were blind with grease and the light was bad but the reading was money from home. The story made me stop counting the lumps on my head. Professor Burton Lampson had gotten himself murdered in the Shanghai Hotel room a month ago and they were sending his body back on the SS Calcutta. It was due to anchor in the bay that night. Like Georgie said. But the shipping page didn't agree. The Calcutta was listed inside the gate. At 7:30 the night before, out of that checkout. What about that package that had everybody worried? Well, when I got back to my apartment, I called the hospital to check on Georgie. They were still giving odds. The long, thin kind. A little later, I was in the middle of a cold shower, adding up rows of zeros and getting different answers every round when the phone rang. It was Hellman, and he was selling nothing but smiles. You feeling any better, Novak? Oh, don't tell me you're worried. We just identified the dead guy. His name's Warren Haynes, local socialite. You know him? Yeah, I'm an old friend of the family. The guy's from one of the old families in town. The important kind. His blood wasn't blue. No, but we are. We're feeling the pressure already. So I'm calling you in today for a little talk. That's a great job, Hellman. You keep out on smacking your fat lips because you're gonna get more answers than questions. That's funny, Novak. I didn't think you knew the difference. When I hung up the phone, I was seeing more red than the bleachers at a bull fighting. I probably would have walked right by him if he didn't open his mouth. Even then, it wasn't much more than a loud squeak. He was a skinny guy standing against the door with a half smile twisting his mouth and a bright, wild look in his eyes. You seem disturbed, Mr. Novak. Where's your invitation, mister? This should prove sufficient, Mr. Novak. All right. See you in a gun. What happens now? Now, Mr. Novak, I use the gun unless you hand over the package. Sorry, mister. You're in the wrong laundry, Mr. Novak. I've been crossed once today. I don't intend it shall happen twice. The package. Now, look, you. I'm gonna spell it again. I don't know what you're talking about. Now, take that cannon you're pointing. I think you realize I'm about to use this gun, Mr. Novak, for the last time. All right. You'll find it right over there. Now, here, right next to. Come on, give me that gun before somebody gets hurt. He stood there for a minute, shaking his head as if he wanted to go back and wipe five minutes from. From his life. All of a sudden, he jerked around on his tracks and he stumbled for the door like a timid drunk when you tell him he's had enough. Then he folded up hard against the wall on his knees. But it was A little too late for prayers. I stood there for a minute, trying to think of a good lawyer who owed me money. But all I could see was a courtroom and a picture of Hellman smiling as he listened to the verdict. Well, accident or not, if Hellman dropped in with a body on the floor, he'd bury me so deep in San Quentin he'd be bringing me air in paper bags. When the knot in my stomach untied, I dragged the little guy away from the door and I rolled him on his back. His eyes were still asking for the package, but the rest of them didn't care. Outside of a few bucks, his wallet was empty. Not even a laundry tag. Well, I got dressed and I pulled the blinds and locked the place up. Then I went out to look for the only honest guy I know. An ex doctor by the name of Jocko Madigan, who was a fine surgeon till something made him decide. Life was temporary at best. Now he's got a permanent post on a bar stool. Looking for answers at the bottom of whiskey bottles. It's hard on the liver that way, but you're never short on dreams. I finally found him with a bourbon halo and a musty little Italian joint over in North Beach. It was a long stretch from Easter Monday, but he was still celebrating Irish independence. He looked like he was on the wrong side because his nose was a bright orange. Patsy, my boy, you're just in time. These simple but honest Sicilians have agreed to embark with me on a crusade. And as honorary past president of The Sons of St Patrick, the Powell street chapter, I invite you to join us. Come on, Jocko, sober up. I gotta talk to you. To fittingly observe the occasion of old ayres joyful victory. We're first fortifying ourselves with grappa and Bushmills. Then we sally forth to chase all the snake out of Long beach. And the cockroaches out of Chinatown. How does that strike you, Patsy? And why aren't you smiling? Tis a glorious day. Because I'm in a jam and I want to talk. Jocko, now cut it. Oh, Patsy, you remind me of that devil era fellow. You're sitting on the curb and pouting just because they won't let you march in front of the band in the victory parade. You're sour, Patsy. Admit it. Jocko, will you snap out of it? I'm in big trouble. You're always in trouble, Pepsi. You're a child of adversity, a son of scorn. The Fates spit in your eye and you try to retaliate. But the wind's always blowing in the wrong direction. You're a lost leap in the mortal storm, Patsy. You're a pebble shaking a tiny fist at the mountain. You would like to fight for some strange, fantastic cause, wouldn't you, Patsy? But you can't find anybody your size. Men are too small and the gods are too big. Patsy, you're lost. Are you all through? Yeah. What kind of trouble? The pair of bum murder wraps? Jocko, somebody sat me in my apartment last night and I woke up this morning with a dead guy. That sounds interesting. What was it you were drinking? Hellman's out to pin this on me? Oh, a dubious honor. You mentioned two murders. A guy came in my apartment this morning waving a gun and asking for a package that I never heard of and started wrestling for the gun. Mildly exciting. Who got it? He did. Right in the chest. Patsy, you have absolutely no excuse for losing your temper. Why, you're not even Irish. Still, you're always getting hot headed at the wrong time. It was an accident, Jocko. I didn't even know the guy. I'm sorry, but I can't cry. Sure, that's what the British General said after he hung Robert Emmett at the dock. But he didn't straighten out the Marcel in his neck. What are you doing out of jail? You knock it off, Jocko. Now look, did you ever hear of a Mrs. Sheila Lanson? Certainly, and I'm very offended with her. In the past year she set up drinks for every eligible and non eligible in San Francisco except me. That sounds good. What else? Not much. But I often wonder what that poor old professor she married does with his evening. Stop worrying, Jocko. He's dead. Now look, will you hop down to the Chronicle morgue and check with Steve Nagel? Have him dig out all the old clips on the professor and Mrs. Lampson, will ya? And while you're there, check on a guy by the name of Warren Haines. You got that? Yes, but what do I do for money? Half a buck for car fare and nothing for booze. Pepsi? Surely. You're jesty, Jocko. Will you quit clowning and get going? You say so, Patsy, but you've broken up a beautiful party. My Sicilian friends have gone to sleep and I'm thirsty again. Let's have four or five for the road, shall we? Later, Jocko. Oh, all right, Patsy, but only for you. By the way, where can I find you? I'm going to tag by the county hospital and then I'm going to look up Sheila Lamson. If I Remember the story correctly, Patsy. You better reverse your schedule. Good night, lover. When I left Jocko, I tagged my Mama Lupo's on Kearney street. And I called the hospital again. Oh, Georgie was a little better. At least the undertakers had stopped bidding. Mama Lupo clouded up for a storm when I asked to borrow her new car for a couple of hours. But a few pats and a pinch and she was all giggles and car keys. Ten minutes later, I was fighting traffic on Potrero Avenue. The south wind out there brought the slaughterhouses right into your front seat. I found the hospital out on the far edge and it was a nice looking pile of dirty red. But the nurse in the ward didn't believe I was Georgie's brother until I asked her if she was busy Saturday night. Then she saw the resemblance right away. I found Georgie behind a couple of screens at the end of the ward. For a dying woman, she looked pretty good. She smiled a little when she saw me, like she was saving up for a bigger try later on. Patsy, I'm glad you made it. Look, I'm gonna keep it short, baby. Who was it last night? Sorry, Patsy. Big deal. You can't tell her. You won't. Can't, Patsy. Later I will. And that package. Same deal? Same. Well, I got a deal, too, Jordy. A murder rap. They want to hang it on me. Who was it? Warren Haynes. Do you know him? I remember. Good corpse. Look, you're slicing it awful thin for 40 bucks. Georgie. Patsy. Patsy, trust me. No choice, baby. You're driving. Don't go through any red lights. I want Patsy. Telephone, Mr. Novak. I said it was urgent. That's it, Georgie. I'll see you later. Yeah. Having a good time, Novak? You know any phone numbers besides mine, Hellman? Not today, bright boy. You near a streetcar or do I send a chauffeur? What's your beef? Our beef, Novak. We'd like it fine if you paid us a visit real soon. Sorry, Hellman. Book solid command performance, Novak. I wouldn't disappoint. What's the matter, Hellman? You want it in blood? I told you, I don't know anything about last night. I never saw Hanes before. You got me wrong, Novak. This one's about a knife. We just found it in your office down on the waterfront. That's fine. Peel yourself an apple and keep busy. You better come down, Novak. I found a knife in some guy's back. Houdini couldn't get out of that one in two hours with both hands and a can of olive. Oil was like chasing cyanide with a bucket of brandy. Well, it tastes bright, but it's only a matter of time. Well, I headed for Sheila Lamson's place, and on the way, I pulled up by a drugstore out in the Haight street jungles and called the Chronicle morgue. They said Jocko had just left. So I called the nearest bar and asked if they had a customer with a bright orange nose. They did. Jocko Madigan speaking. Jocko, this is Novak. What'd you find out? Ah, Patsy. Just enjoying a small refresher after some very excellent reading. For instance, Sheila Howard Lampson, she started seeing the professor back in 46. There was a scandal, the nasty time, and the professor's first wife, Barbara, jumped off the bridge. The Bay Bridge? Yeah. Go on. A month after she married the professor, Sheila was mentioned in every gossip column in town. So the professor took off on a scientific trip to China. A month ago, he was murdered in a Shanghai hotel and a hatful of emeralds was stolen. The authorities figured that the murder was premature. What do you mean? The professor had had three major operations, and at the time of the murder, he had less than a week to go. What about Haines? Haines is one of those black sheep that wealthy families have cut off without a penny. He's one of Sheila Lampson's escorts. And he's now on his way back from the Orient on the SS Calcutta. Anything else, Jocko? I could kiss you, Patsy. You stick to your line and I'll stick to. Well, the puzzle was still a sack full of holes and question marks. But at least Jocko's leads had a little juice in them. I found the Lampson house in the best part of the Sea Cliff district. It was one of those big, nervous joints hanging by its shutters to the side of a steep drop that slid down sharp into the Pacific. All green trim and stucco the color of mortgages. The front doorbell was wearing out in my hand when the maid showed up, and then she was tongue tied. She didn't know a thing except good money when it was offered. Then she told me I'd find Mrs. Lamson in the second floor sitting room. She went away. I found the sitting room all right, but Mrs. Lamson wasn't there. So I followed on through till I came to a bedroom with a bright red ceiling and a lived in feeling. Reminded you of something Henry VIII might order for a bridal suite. She was sitting next to the couch, holding a martini and making noises like a leopard on a honeymoon. Hello. You call me Baby. Yeah? You always wear handkerchiefs to parties? Save time dressing. You're nice. Have a drink. I'll fix them. Oh, you are nice. What's your name? Novak. What's yours? Buildy. Is that a name or a game? You're just like Mike. He's my new boyfriend. Miss his night off? Oh, no. We just went downstairs for a minute. Hey, you fix a nice drink, Mr. Novak. Warm? Yeah. You got a fever or something? No. Must be the weather, Mr. Novak. You feel it? You're a big spender, aren't you? Well, I do. When Mike walks in, smile. Oh, Mike's badminded. How about Sheila? You fixed a good drink, Mr. Novak. He asked a lot of questions. Yeah, well, that's because I like answers. Now, what about Sheila? Hey, you're gonna get rough, I'll call mine. All right, all right. I'm Sheila's sister, and it's much better when you're nice to me. All right, then let's start being nice, huh? Mr. Novak? What was that for? I'm a big spender too. Here, have another drink. I think maybe I'll have another. You, Mr. Novak? That Mike coming upstairs? Could be, baby. Now, come on. Where's Sheila? Oh, Sheila, Sheila. Who cares? She's downtown. Anyway, she won't know. Sheila. Hey, where are you going? Sorry, baby, I got a date. I'm not busy. What I do. Don't let him leave, Mike. He does. He's gonna walk through me. I'm sorry, baby. He's not my type. Mike was a tall, wide package, so I gave him a bargain offer. He didn't fold after two, but he had a kind of hurt look in his eye when I hit him the third time, like I didn't know he could take a hint. When he wound up and hit the floor, every window in the house rattled and I figured the Berkeley seismograph got a cheap thrill. I made it as far as the front door when I heard a car pull up in the driveway. When I got to the window, a dame and a guy were getting out of a new Nash and heading for the door. The guy was a middle class gunful, but if the gal was Sheila Lampson, she made nice opposition. Well, I couldn't wait around to see. I finally managed to make my apartment without having one of Hellman's men pick me up. And when I got in, Jocko was just pouring himself another glass of Green Dreams and posing in the mirror like a man of distinction. The stiff was still there on the floor next to a glass of ice Water? Patsy, I don't approve of your choice of party guests. The guy's dead, Jocko. Oh. Well, in that case, I'll overlook it. This is the friend you were telling me about. When are you due at the gas chamber, Patsy? Any phone calls? Now that you mention it, yes. Hellman. Regularly on the quarter hour. Not very coherent, but I got the idea he's looking for you. Also, a call from the hospital. They wanted to know the whereabouts of a Miss Georgie Lamson. What do you mean? Seems she disappeared a few hours ago from one of their wards. Patsy, you look worried. Perhaps a sampling of this delicate dollar ambrosia would help. Try, you know, Fast. Suit yourself, Patsy. Myself, I'm an old subscriber to the Socrates plan of self destruction. If you want it done right, do it yourself. By the way, have you noticed our friend's hands lately? Huh? It looks like he's entertaining a scrap of paper in his right hand. Yeah. See it? Oh, See? He seems kind of stingy with it, doesn't he? Yeah, I got it. Oh, an old envelope. Not even a coded letter to puzzle over. I'll settle for the address. Jocko, take a look. Captain Edward Small, SS Calcutta. Paramount Line, Shanghai. Well, that's nice. Shall we have another drink? Later, Jocko. Right now we haven't got the time. That's who I think it is, Patchy. You're going to have lots of time. I'll just whip up a short one. Novak talking. Listen, smart boy, and listen hard. This is for the last time. You check in here in 10 minutes or I'll send out on all points dead or alive, Novak. All right, Hellman. There's a dead guy here in my apartment right now. His name's Captain Edward Small off the Calcutta. I don't need any more bodies, Novak. I can hang you twice with my I got. All right, copper, but if you want your picture in the paper tomorrow, you can meet me out in C clip in 15 minutes. 48 Camino Drive. When I hung up the phone, most of the puzzle straightened out like wet wash in a dry wind. Now, there's one thing you can count on when you bet on miracles. You buy a ticket straight through. I finally pulled up at the Lampson place and I started looking around for Hellman. The joint looked about as crowded as a Kremlin breakfast for Senator Taft. I was taking a fast check, trying to figure how far they could have gone, when Hellman fought his way through the box hedge by the driveway. We circled down behind the garage and around and back of the House. We just made it in time for the curtain scene. Sheila Lampson was backing down slow toward the seawall, waving her arms in the air and begging every inch of the way. And Georgie stumbled after her like the avenging angel. And she had a gun. She had a coat tossed over her hospital gown. And a look in her eyes told the whole story. Tears and hate and lots of both. No, Babe, no. You've got a stopper. She's crazy. She's crazy. She wanted to kill me. What's so crazy about that? You're sweet, Patsy, but you weren't invited. Don't get too close to the animals. It's your gun, Georgie. Don't let it hang you. This is Hellman from Homicide. No good, Patsy. This one's for me, isn't it, Sheila? Isn't it for me? Please, Georgie, don't. No. Thanks, copper. All right, girls, let's break it up. Be good, copper. You too, Patsy. It's your neck. It won't look good. Stretch. Please, Georgie, don't eat that, Sheila. Not yet. First I want to tell you how clever you are. How sweet you looked at my mother's funeral. How you ruined my father. How to screech with other men. Sheila, hero is magnificent. Georgie, please. I didn't know, Georgie. I didn't know it. I swear I'll make it up. Sh. One other thing, Sheila. Listen to me. Sheila. Those emeralds you've got, the ones you sent h to Shanghai for, the ones he killed my father for. They were glass, Sheila. 10 cent green. Glass, you hear, Sheila? Glass. Please, Georgie. Please. Georgie Walker. Sheila's got a gun. Let's see. Let's see. Take it easy, baby. You got a long trip. She's dead, isn't she, Patsy? She's dead. She didn't die, baby. With that much lead, she sank. Burns, Patsy. It burns. Little cool. The fog's starting to come in. Remember the party, Patsy? Yeah, I remember. Please say it now. Say it. Yeah, Georgie, I'd say it, but you're not listening. We found a letter in Georgie's coat pocket that told most of the story. And then Hellman grabbed Mike and Sheila's sister and sweated the rest out of them. Well, it wasn't a pretty story, but it moved when Sheila spent the professor broke and he checked out over in China. Georgie decided to blow the whistle on her. She made up that phony yarn about the emeralds. And then she let Haines murder her father and walk off with him. They were glass to make it look good. Haines played pallbearer and took the boat back with a body. But not before Georgie tipped the captain and the first mate about that sack of emeralds Haines was supposed to have. So they went to work. They robbed Haines and planted a fake for a fake. It was a real cat and mouse game. Georgie only made one mistake. But sometimes that's all it takes. She flew back here a few days before the Calcutta got in so that she could be around for the payoff. One of Sheila's pals must have spotted her and trailed her to my place. And then the sapping started. That was the same night the Calcutta got in. And people started checking packages and pulling triggers. When Sheila found her package was a fake, she figured Haines was being cute, so he got it first. And then she went out after that original fake. She tried to double up and hang Haines body on me and get rid of Georgie at the same time. But Georgie didn't die easy. I don't know how the captain got onto me. Probably through Sheila. But her densel friends took care of the first mate with a knife. When he got anxious, Carol in the dust lifted and they counted cold noses. It was a real devil's game. Wherever he was, Georgie's old man must have been holding his sides and rolling in the aisles. Yeah, real plum. And Sheila found out when you get close enough to the seed, the taste gets bitter. Well, Hellman asked only one question. How come a smart girl like Georgie bought something as stupid as revenge? I don't know. She was a lot better at a lot of other things. Cast included Lois Andrews, Steve Brody, Herbert Lytton, Jerry Hausner, Ivan Ditmars, Ray Erlenborn and Hal Sawyer. This is a Larry Finley transcription brought to you from Hollywood listeners. As we go into a new year, we all have a lot on our plates. There are backpacking trips across Europe to plan, personal best to crush in the gym and capsule wardrobes to create good thing. Our sponsor, NerdWallet is here to take one thing off your plate. Finding the best financial products. Introducing NerdWallet's 2025 Best of Awards. List your shortcut to the best credit cards, savings accounts and more. The nerds have done the work for you, researching and reviewing over 1100 financial products to bring you only the best of the best. 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Contact us before canceling entire account to keep continue bill credits or credit stop and balance on required finance agreement to bill credits and if you pay off devices early ct mobile.com Ladies and gentlemen, the American Broadcasting Company brings to its entire network one of radio's most unusual programs. Pat Novak for hire. Sure, I'm Pat Novak for hire. That's what the sign out in front of my office says. Pat Novak for Hire. If you're trying to make a living down on the waterfront in San Francisco, you gotta run things like a smorgasbord. You take a little of everything you can get your hands on. Even then it's a bumpy ride because down here, everybody tries to pad his part. Oh, I rent boats and do anything else good men pay bad men to do. You don't get many gold stars that way. But you pay the bar bill and it's about as safe as a closet full of tigers. The only way you can make friends down on the waterfront is to die. I found that out Tuesday night. I went to the wrestling matches and watched Gorgeous George throw some guy around like a poker chip in Tijuana. I was in the middle of the crowd on my way out of the place when this guy stepped up behind me and started talking. You got company, Novak? Huh? I said you got company on both sides. Did your friend get his face at a fire sale too? Can't all be pretty. Keep walking, Novak. That gun in my back supposed to help? That's up to you. Straight ahead and out the side door. You got the right growl, but the wrong guy, mister. You keep working your mouth, but nothing comes out. All right, this way. What are your plans? Shall we take the kids the car? Right down here. Now look, big shot. In a drugstore, I get all the mystery I want for two bits. You want things explained. Yeah. Besides Shovelhead here. I don't understand a thing. We just want Joe Deneen. I never heard of him either. We just want Joe Deneen. All right, you can have him. You're welcome. See his wife, see anybody you like. I don't even know the guy. You're full of talk. As soon as you want to make it the right kind, you can go home. Here we are. Into the back seat. You drive, Eddie. You boys run on. I'll grab a cab. Get in. Not gonna take a vote. That's it. Just be a good mouse. You got a lot of time to waste it this way, mister. You're too gabby, Novak. And you're too tough, Junior. And this noise is beginning to give me a headache. Let's go. Eddie Novak's gonna sulk. He could have taken three bases on that wallop. I spread out on the back seat like a bowl of cake batter and tried to think of a guy named Joe Deneen. There was nobody on my list by that name. But the way these two gunsels acted, he was supposed to be a blood relative. I could hear him talking dimly and I tried to follow the conversation but it was like trying to put a smoke ring in your pocket. I don't know how long the tour lasted. It must have been about 30 or 40 minutes when the car pulled up and the big ganof started to yank me. Wake up. Wake up, sweet boy. Come on, it's time for your 10:00 feeding. Yeah, Wait till I borrow some legs, huh? Come on. You never look better. All right, down the dock here. Are we playing a new game or hunting a guy named Deneen? That's right. Good. Now I know the rules. Is that your boat, Novak? It's got my name on it. Is that your boat, Novak? Well, what's it look like? The Normandy. Of course it's my boat. Who threw the blood all over at one of your friends? Maybe Deneen. Now, look, you better back up and start a recap. I never heard of Deneen. And from the size of his friends, I'm just about as happy. You mean he didn't rent a boat off you? If he used that boat, he stole it. Mister, I closed up tonight at seven. You make it sound good. It is good. I've been off the waterfront four hours. In the meantime, somebody takes my boat and gets it shot full of holes and sends you around a weep. Who is Deneen? A friend. I don't blame either of you for hanging on to one. We were supposed to meet him at your landing at 10. He was gonna rent one of your boats and we were gonna meet him at 10. There's the boat. You wanna pay the damages? We came early and found the boat piled up, blood all over and no Deneen. You got any ideas? Maybe he cut himself shaving, dragged the bay. Mister, I don't know your guy, but somebody did. They met him out there in the bay and cut him down. You sound happy. Now, look, I don't care one way or another except to use my boat. If he wanted to die, he should have hired a Davenport. That's all I know. I never heard of Joe Deneen. Yeah. You and your friend here better go SAP somebody else. Sure, Novak. We'll look around. But hang on to your cards because you still got a hand in this game. Thanks, Mother. I'll remember that. Watch out, Eddie. Watch out, Ben. Trouble. You all right, Eddie? Nice curve, Novak. You're wrong, mister. My friends ride the cable car. You made a bum pitch, Novak. Can I trust? All right, let go. You can't afford a fight now. I want you for Eddie Novak. Sorry, fellow. The water's gonna be cold. Hey, what's the trouble? Trouble going on? No. Whatever gave you that idea? I'm a night watchman over here. That fellow lying on the dock there, dead. Well, if he's not, he's gonna catch cold. What about the other fella? Maybe he can't swim. What do you care? He doesn't. Oh, they come here looking for something? Yeah. Guess they didn't find it, huh? Somebody satisfied they were trying to find the guy that came out of that boat down there. Oh, you mean the funny looking guy, huh? A guy got out of that boat a few hours ago all banged up. I think he was in a fight. Yeah, sure. Somebody shot him. I think he was in a fight. Where'd he go? Down the dock, toward the street. He asked about a fellow and went down the dock. Oh, he asked about a fellow named Novak. Do you know him? Yeah, but I'll do my best to forget. It wasn't going to be easy to forget. I knew there was a guy wandering around San Francisco waiting to jog my memory. And before long, somebody was going to find out those two dead guys weren't doing light housekeeping down on the dock. Once homicides smelled that red meat, they'd turn Inspector Hellman loose. That's like pouring a bottle of cyanide in a wedding cake. Oh, he's a smart cop with a Heart the size of a full grown pea. I got off the dock in a hurry and I went home. When I left, the watchman was still standing there waiting to check in the next murder and smiling like a vulture with a first option on a massacre. Well, I had to get home and look sweet in case Hellman showed up. When I opened the door to my place, Hellman was on the couch with a pencil in one hand and a movie magazine in the other. Hello, Mac. You busy? No. I'll just stand here and watch you. A little more of that pencil and movie magazine routine and you'll break out in a cold sweat. Where have you been staying? Out of other people's apartments? I got an answer for that. You haven't got an answer for anything, Hellman. You can't fill in the return address envelope? What's on your mind? Can I make a call? No, not to play cat and mouse. You want to know about that bloodbath down on the dock, say so. Yeah, they're close. Strangers. I never saw either of them before. You're getting loose around the mouth, Novak, huh? That's right. If some of your playmates stub their toes, it's news to me. You better tell me, though. It'll save time. What's the use? If a fact walked up and sat in your lap, you'd lose it. Suit yourself. Have a drink. Yeah, I will. Where's the bottle opener? Huh? The bottle opener. You got teeth for it? I need a bottle opener. Helm. I don't know. Try the kitchen. All right, try the light. Well, about this guy on the floor. Novak. Don't tell him to move because I don't. When I looked down at the guy on the floor, I felt like a burlap sack from the neck down. He was a big guy lying on his back. And you got the idea. He took it hard. He didn't like the way the vote came in because he wasn't relaxed the way most people are when they're on the prowl for a harp. He was about as rigid as a coil of wet line on a steamer deck. His face was pock marked in the color of an old piece of abalone. Hellman was standing over him and the shadow cut across the lower part of his face. It almost blocked out the gun. A big.38 lying about four feet away. The rest of the kitchen was a mess, was torn up worse than a Japanese lantern in a high wind. Hellman was leaning against the cabinet and smiling like the banker in a crooked blackjack game. Does he belong to You Novak? No. He's not pretty enough. Roll him over. We'll find out who he is. Already been through his stuff. Wipe your hands. The green still shows his name is Joe Deneen. You sure were popular, Joe. Why the scavenger hunt? Every Ghana from town's been looking for him. I figured you for the prize. Two of them picked me up and lugged me down to the waterfront. Yeah, I told you about them. They ran into bad weather. Why'd they take you? Because I look like a bird dog, maybe. I don't know why, Hellman. They just took me. In the meantime, Sunshine here took my boat out and got shot up. And he came up here to borrow your adhesive tape. That's all I know. Hellman. He must have figured me for a part. I got the same trouble, Novak. That gun on the floor helps too. That gun. Second lead at best. I never saw it before. It's the murder gun. How'd it get here? I don't know. Maybe the skull remade left it. Come on, Novak, you're on the spot. You better start digging. If I do any digging, the dirt's gonna go in your face, Hellman. You've got a nice face too, Novak. You better buy a big shield, Hellman. You got a lot to hide behind. Stop beefing. You're the host. What about the safety deposit box? You're ahead of me on that one. You ought to have your picture taken. He was talking about a safety deposit box when I got here. He was alive when you got here? That's right. Show more joy. The neighbors heard the shooting and phoned in. Well, who did it? What did he say? He said, tough luck, copper. That's all he said? Something about a safety deposit box and tough luck, copper. Oh, that's real fine. You let him die. Clammed up. You're smart, Hellman. You let him off with a third rate tagline. You're lucky, Novak. This way. It's gonna take me 12 hours to wrap you up. I'm gonna run that gun through and check a couple of things. Then I'll be on your tail. I want to see you follow something of Hellman. With that big nose of yours, you couldn't find a moose in the bathtub. Look, Novak, you're a small time waterfront punk. You've been lucky so far, but you're still a punk. I don't like you and I'm gonna hang you by your heels. I'm gonna get you if it's the last thing I ever do. I'm gonna get you, Hellman. If I thought you were on the level about that, I'd give myself up. When Hellman left, things were about as dim as a glowworm at high noon. All the leads were tucked away in the morgue. Those two stiffs on the dock checked out with nothing but a grunt. And the guy up in my place left a.38 and some mild regrets. I had the funny feeling there was a lead up there in that apartment, but I couldn't get a hold of it. Something waiting to be understood. The way a thing gets balanced on the edge of your brain. Half in, half out. Like the melody but not the words of an old song. Well, I didn't know where to turn. I was hunting for the shoreline on a dark night. So I looked up the only honest guy I know. An ex doctor and a boozer by the name of Jocko Madigan. Oh, he's all right. But he's got the idea that all liquid that isn't a hundred proof lacks character. I finally found him in a little bar down near Union Square. He was talking to a blonde girl and a sailor when I walked in. Ah, Patsy, you find me in the late October of my life. Trying to recapture a few April moments. Yeah. Jocko, I gotta talk to. That's what I like about good whiskey. It makes you too sentimental to be mad at yourself for growing old. Look, I'm in a jam. Lay off that stuff long enough to listen. Patsy, you underrate the grape. It's a terrible mistake. It's thrown off the whole perspective of history. All right, Jocko. Like that story about young Washington and the cherry tree. They blame him for that, but actually it was his first hint of future greatness. Yeah, yeah. They talk about vandalism, whereas the truth of the matter is he was just preparing a few Manhattans for the family. The whole perspective of history has been altered. Patsy, stop it, will ya? I'm in trouble. Will you help me out? Yes, if you'll allow me to get a word in edgewise. What kind of trouble? There's a dead guy up in my place. I don't know why you're in trouble. Think of his bleak outlook on things. Hellman's nosing around and he thinks I did it. Did you? No. He got shot in relays, but he picked my place to quit. And there are two other dead guys down on the dock. What were their practices? They strong armed me about 10 o'clock and took me down to the waterfront. We were supposed to find a guy named Joe Deneen. But they look too ripe to Somebody. How about Deneen? He's that guy up at my place. When Hellman got there, he was muttering about a safety deposit box and staring at a big.38. Oh, come on. You gotta help me, Jocko. Yes, where would you like me to spread the ashes? I want you to get down and find out everything you can about Joe Deneen, will you? He's your house guest. Why don't you go hit the Chronicle and the examiner, Morgz, and try to find out if he has a safety deposit box in any of the banks, huh? Where are you going? Before prison, I mean. I'm going down on Lion, Helm and Shadow until something turns up. I need every minute, Jocko, so hurry. Well, I'll. I'll need a quick one for the road first. You'll get going right now, Jocko. Patsy, you have a defiant attitude for a man on the doorstep to the next world. Try to be sweeter until you discover your normal disposition. Will do. You can start by paying my bar bill. All right. Will you hurry? How much do you owe? About $11. What have you been doing all night? Are you crazy? I may owe $11, Patsy, but so far I've had a better night than you have. Good night, lover. I had to get started on some answers because once Hellman checked on those two guys at the dock, he'd go to work on me. He'd keep hacking away and finally cut me down like a piece of flint and a cigarette lighter. Well, after I left Jocko, I started down to headquarters. It was a little after midnight and the streets were wet and silent. Except that now and then you could hear a woman's laughter coming out of the dark as you passed along. That's the only sound the night keeps whole. I was cutting down Leavenworth street when it came to me. I knew what my lead was up in that apartment. It didn't hit me suddenly. It kept shoving in like a piece of old seaweed on the water, moving in and out and finally brushing up against you. If that guy was alive when Hellman got there, that meant that maybe he could have phoned somebody. And if he did, then they'd have a record of it down at the desk. Well, I got back to my place and asked the operator. It feels good when you got the right sweepstakes ticket. She said a call had been put in from my place at 10:15 to the Ambrose Hotel, room 204. Well, at last things were beginning to make sense. They must have made sense for about five seconds because Hellman called the girl Handed me the phone and he started in. I got news for you, Novak. We checked the prints on that murder gun. They don't add. Take your troubles to the chaplain, Hellman. I got my quota. Yeah, you got fancy friends too, Novak. The prints belonged to Jake Fidello. Yeah, how do you spell that? F I D. You're cute, aren't you, Novak? To Jake Fidello, I'm nothing. Who is he? Cheap punk like you, Novak. He's working out a 20 year stretch in alcohol, huh? Yeah, Alcatraz. So there's no tie between the murder gun and the murder. Maybe Fidela bought himself a two day furlough. We already checked. Guard saw him in his cell at 11 o'clock tonight reading a book. Guards pay the rent too. Hellman, My boat was out in that bay tonight and it came back full of bullets and blood. Now you're trying to tell me there's no connection. You better find out if a guy can skip Alcatraz for a few hours. I'll wait, Novak. Maybe you can tell me how it's done before long. Well? Nothing matched now. It was like the chorus girl's legs in a cheap nightclub. If Jake Fidello was smart enough to beat Alcatraz for a couple of hours, then he wasn't dumb enough to leave that murder gun behind. And what was the connection between Dineen and Jake Fidello? And who lived at the Ambrose Hotel? Well, I went up there to find out. It was a small place up near the top of Telegraph Hill. And when I rode by, I could see Alcatraz sitting out on the bay. A lonely island full of birthdays. The Ambrose turned out to be a high toned little joint. The sort of place where the welcome mat's printed in Old English. I went up to 204. The card in the door said Frederica Sims. I knocked and when the door opened, it was like shaking hands with a flamethrower. She was a tall number and she screamed Final Edition all over. She stood in the doorway for a minute and swayed in a nice contented way like a snake on the right diet. When she said hello, you wanted to hand her your arm and say twist. Good evening. Yeah, my name's Novak. I'll remember. Won't you come in? It'll save an argument. Good. I hope you don't mind crowds, Mr. Novak. She means me, Mr. Novak. I'm Mike Trevor. And I'm Freddie Sims. Well, that brings us up to date. A drink would do so much more. You need a drink, Mr. Novak. You look a little dusty, don't mind her, Novak. She addresses all people as peasants. All right. Now, suppose you two landowners tell me who killed Joe Deneen. You know, Mike, I don't think he wants the drink. We'll all celebrate when you get around to Dineen. I don't think we know a man by the name of Dineen. Particularly if he's dead. Yes, I'm sure we wouldn't like him. Come on, let's drop the smart talk. Come on back in the saloon. A guy by the name of Joe Deneen died all over my kitchen tonight. Don't get tough, Novak. If you missed your dinner, all right. But don't come up here screaming about your dead friend. Now, Look, I'm about 10ft behind a phone call. Deneen put in a call for this number just before he died. Then it was whimsy, Novak, or anything else you'd like to call it. We don't know the man. You can mull it over on your way downstairs. Yeah, and you can use the time to think over that safety deposit box. What safety deposit box? Oh, you're jumping your cue, lady. Make it more casual, huh? Do you know what you're talking about, Novak? You think so? I'll tell you what I'll do, Novak. I'll buy that key from you. You got a deal. Unless you want to pay it off with money. You mean Joe Denis? That's right. I'm running front on a murder rap. You want that key. If you want it bad enough, come on down to headquarters and we'll make a trade. No, thanks, Novak. You didn't look bright, but I thought you might be hiding your brain somewhere. This way you lose money, you lose even more. Trevor, I was gonna ease you into that murder rap, but the offer's out. You'll have to struggle in, and you'll be too tired to get out. Can I loan either of you boys a pickaxe? No, thanks. Well, I'm gonna run along. Can I drop you anyplace, Novak? I'll stay. You know, I didn't think I could drop you anyplace, Novak. You ought to sell that gleam in your eye. Some airport could use it. Good night, Freddy. Be careful. Good night, Mike. I can take care of myself. Yes, if you try. That's all I was worried about. Your friend reads the wrong books. I'll bet you never wasted your time that way. Why don't you sit down on the couch here and have a drink, Patsy, now that the argument's over. Is it? Well, at least we need a drink. Yeah, sure. That'll make the talk come easy about that key. You think I want the key? Like nothing else in the world. That's a little rash, Patsy. But I do want it. I want it very badly. Those are famous last words, lady. You heard the round with Mike. The prices haven't changed. Not too expensive, darling. Here's your drink. What are you looking at, Patsy? You. The way you slide around on that couch. Yes. Yeah. You belong in the Everglades. If I were there, Patsy, I think you're the kind of a guy who'd be right around the next bend. You sound pretty sure. That's a good way to lose your shirt. I am sure, Patsy. I know that about us. We belong in his form. Yeah, we belong together because we're the same kind. We're neither good nor bad. We just are. And that has to do. You make it sound corny, baby. Try to hide, darling, but I can see you peeking through your fingers. I can see you awfully good from here, Patsy. Watch out. You're backing into a corner, angel. But I've got you with me. Make some more noise, huh? I like it. It's true. I've got you with me, haven't I, Patsy? I can still struggle. I'll bet you don't struggle good. I'll bet you don't struggle good at all. Patsy. I still got that key, baby. You're a sissy. It stays at my place. I could eat you, Patsy. You're wonderful. Yeah. You know, Ben, hand me my drink and the soda at the end of the table. Sure. That's it, darling. It doesn't pay much to fall in love. I spent enough time on her rug to work my way into the design. And when I finally came to, it was morning. There was nobody around the place, so I started for home. On the way, I tried to fill in the blind spots. But it was like trying to match pearls in the dark. Somebody had killed Deneen for the key to that safety deposit box. But where was the key? If the girl or Mike Trevor did it, then why were they still on the trail? Well, when I got to my apartment, the place was torn apart. Looked something like a mop closet after a New Year's Eve party. Jocko was sitting in the middle of the room listening to the water fizz. Good morning. Where'd you get the bump on the head? Romance. What'd you find out, Jocko? Deneen had lots of friends and enemies. Yeah, One of them's Jake Fidello. He's number one on the list. Deneen had a brawl with Fidello. Two years ago, Jake promised to square the beef. He's in a bad spot for it now. Maybe Deneen has no safety deposit box. That was my out. Perhaps you can take up folk dancing in prison. I'll send you diagrams of new steps from time to time. Fidello has a safety deposit box, though. Yeah, he's got a lot of money floating around somewhere. Well, well. And a lot of women doing the same thing. We're getting a better shuffle now. Is the girl's name Freddie Simms? That's right. Fidello loves her like the last 15 minutes of life. That's why he won't like it. Get to the point. Huh? She's supposed to be waiting for him, but she's got married in Mexico to a guy named Michael Trevor. Fidello's best friend. Does it make sense? No, it doesn't. Suppose Jake's found out about his sweetheart and best friend. Why would he kill Denine? I don't know. Except you'll find out, Patsy, that sometimes the difference between your best friend and your worst enemy is only a matter of opportunity. Yeah? Novak talking. How's the dent in your forehead? Oh, you get around, Hellman. Yeah, we picked her up at your apartment. She tell you about that key? A little. She made a confession too. She's generous. Not the Mike Trevor. She pinned the whole thing on him and signed a statement. We're going out to pick him up now. I'll see you in 10 minutes. Why? In case he wants to shoot somebody. I'm offering you. Things were moving fast now. I sent Jocko down to start repair work on the boat and Hellman picked me up five minutes later. We drove out Gary and turned on Van Silver. Oh, Hellman was real subtle. He stopped right in front of the rooming house where Mike Trevor was living. The girl had mapped it out for him. Trevor was in a first floor room. It was a quiet neighborhood. But as we opened the front door and started in, I got the idea it was gonna be a tough place to get any sleep for the next few minutes. It's down on the right side here. Stay ahead of me, Novak. You're one copper who will die in bed. Hellman, down the hall. And be quiet. This is it. On this lap, you go first. Stand back while I throw it open. Kind of empty. Hellman. Girl said he was here. What's that? Your boy's up at the top of the stairs. You see him? Well, he's not wearing neon pants. Go up and get him. Come on down. Trevor, Your girl talked. Come on down and sign a confession. I've got a better idea. Copper, you come up and hand me the pen. All right, Novak. Move over. Hellman, he's gonna argue. He's heading for the roof. Let's go. Hold it, Hellman. If that door up there is locked, we'll run right through the barrel. You get one more chance, Trevor. Come on down. That roof door is locked. All right, Pupper, I'm coming down. Make a hol. Now you got your hole, Trevor. Yeah, Novak. You better get to that safety deposit box. Get there in a hurry before the girl said he owns him. Now, Hillman, let's get to that safety deposit box. Let her have the key. What do you care, Novak? She's Fidela's girl. No, no. There's a queer twist here somewhere. How do you know what's in that box? So Fidela's in love with a girl. He's grateful. What do you care? That's what makes it good. That's the way it is with love and gratitude. The love goes on, Hellman, but the gratitude change the way things stood. There was only one place that key could be. I got to a phone and called Jocko. I told him to check out on the boat for a key somewhere on the floorboards. Jocko seemed happy when he said that some girl had come by 15 minutes ago and nosed around the boat for a while. Well, Hellman and I rushed down to the bank. When we got downstairs, Freddy was just starting into the vault. Hello, Patsy. You look rested. If you're on your way to that deposit box, you better think it over. Can he stop me, copper? No, but we can hold the dough until we check with Fidello. Go ahead. I don't think he's gonna like it. Oh, we'll have to see. I'll be back in a moment. Let's go, Novak. We can hold the dough upstairs. No, let's hang around. I just want to see 18 karat greed when she opens that box. There's his gratitude helmet. Well, Patsy, I got the key, huh? Yeah. You got everything, Angel? How about Mike? What happened to him? He beat you over the line by 20 minutes. Oh, that's a nice way to let me know. Anyway, I'll try again because you don't rate a nice way. You're not worth anything Fidela ever had. Why start an argument I couldn't finish it? I was wrong about one thing, Angel. When I said Fidela wouldn't like this. I think he will. Yeah, he was a cutie deposit box. And just to prove it was a square pitch. Fidello gave Deneen a gun with his prints on it. Deneen was supposed to kill the girl and leave the key for Mike to blow his head off just to make it clean. Fidello got in touch with Mike on the side and told him to look up Deneen if anything happened to the girl that way. He figured to wrap up all three of them. But Mike jumped the gun. He started tailing Deneen and shot him up out on the bay. He followed him to my place and killed him with the fingerprinted gun Deneen was carrying. Deneen didn't get onto the double cross, but he called the girl and told her there was a lot of money in that safety deposit box. It began to look awfully big. So the girl finally double crossed Mike Trevor and turned him in. Trevor killed those two guys in the pier. He lost Deneen in the fog. And when he drove up, a couple of gunsils around got scared. Well, Hellman asked only one question. What could that girl have said to Jocko to make him let her walk in and breeze out with that key? I mentioned that to Jocko, but he just smiled. The American Broadcasting Company has just brought you Pat Novak. For hires AT T Mobile, we'll give you four free 5G phones and four lines for only 25 per line per month with eligible trade ins. And no, it's not a contest. It's every day for a limited time. Everyone's a winner on America's largest 5G network. Minimum on the four lines for $25 per line per month with autopay discount using debit or bank account. $5 more per line without autopay. Up to $830 off each phone via 24 monthly bill credits plus taxes, fees and $10 device connection charge for well qualified customers. 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