PAM TAKES A MESSAGE and THE NORTHS GO TO THE DOGS MR AND MRSN NORTH, CRIME SOLVERS

Summary

1001 Radio Crime Solvers — "Pam Takes a Message" and "The Norths Go to the Dogs"

Podcast: 1001 Radio Crime Solvers
Host: Jon Hagadorn
Date: October 8, 2025
Featured Story: Mr. and Mrs. North, Crime Solvers — Golden Age Radio Drama

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Episode Overview

This installment brings listeners two classic episodes featuring the charming detective couple, Mr. and Mrs. North. Through brisk dialogue and comedic misadventures, the Norths stumble into intrigue and danger—first via a “lost” phone message that leads to blackmail and murder, and then through a mistaken-identity caper at a dog show. These restored radio gems showcase the wit and banter synonymous with golden age radio crime fiction.

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Key Discussion Points & Plot Breakdowns

1. Story 1: "Pam Takes a Message"

Main Theme:
A trivial domestic mishap—a misplaced phone message—drags the Norths into a swirl of misunderstanding, blackmail, and murder.

Plot Progression:

• A Missing Message Becomes a Mystery
  • Pam forgets important details about a phone call for Jerry from an author, Eugene Lawrence, and scribbles his info on an orange match folder.
  • Jerry accidentally throws out the folder, setting off a chain of events as they try to retrieve it.
  • (03:28)
    • Pam: “Well, this one's from out of town, Ohio or someplace.”
    • Jerry: “Eugene Lawrence?”
    • Pam: “Yes, that's it. Eugene Lawrence!”
• Neighborhood Search and Unwitting Stake-Out
  • The Norths offer $5 to a child for finding the folder, attracting the attention of local small-time crook Pinky, who takes it to Dutch Garber.
  • Crooks overhear Jerry’s offer and suspect the folder contains priceless secrets.
• Plotting the Blackmail
  • Dutch Garber uses the folder to impersonate Jerry on a call to Lawrence, where an innocent conversation about a novel’s plot is misconstrued as a real murder conspiracy.
  • (09:18)
    • Dutch (posing as Jerry): “It would spoil the whole thing if the murder is discovered too soon.”
• Misunderstanding Mounts—Crooks Move In
  • Dutch and Axel attempt to blackmail the Norths, claiming to know of a cover-up involving Mrs. Stokes and murder.
  • Despite threats, the Norths refuse to pay. Dutch storms off vowing to go to the police.
• Police Involvement and the Real Crime
  • Lieutenant Bill Mullins visits, unconvinced by the mix-up, and soon after, Dutch Garber is found dead.
  • (19:02)
    • Bill: “Dutch Garber has just been found with a couple of slugs in him...you’ve got a real corpse with real lead in him.”
• Dogged Investigation and Classic Brawls
  • The Norths follow the trail back to Dutch’s saloon, confronting Axel and Pinky. Tensions escalate and guns are drawn, but Lieutenant Mullins intervenes just in time.
• Resolution and Classic Norths Humor
  • Jerry reveals he suspected the police were trailing them all along.
  • (30:06)
    • Jerry: “I hope I'll never have to go through anything like it again.”
    • Pam: “Well, I know what you can do to prevent it.”
    • Jerry: “What?”
    • Pam: “You can fix that leg on the kitchen table.”

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2. Story 2: "The Norths Go to the Dogs"

Main Theme:
A trip to a dog show turns into a comic case of mistaken identity and kidnapping for the Norths.

Plot Progression:

• A Leisurely Dog Show
  • The Norths visit an uptown exhibition, engaging in trademark banter over dog breeds and canine fashion.
    • (33:09)
      • Pam: "That dog's been to the movies, saw Veronica Lake, and copied her hairdo."
      • Jerry: "Darling, the Yorkshire terrier's long, silky hair was developed along the upland moors..."
• Kidnapping—Mistaken for Nobility!
  • Suddenly, they are intercepted by “The Duke” and "Sam," who believe Pam is a wealthy countess and Jerry her “count.”
  • The kidnappers, convinced by a passing joke, whisk the pair away at gunpoint.
    • (34:47)
      • Jerry (JA): “Let us leave the dogs. Come on.”
      • Sam: “Otherwise comes the hearse and they'll be carrying you out nice and quiet.”
• Efforts to Explain—the Norths’ Sarcasm and Smarts
  • Jerry attempts to clarify; Pam tries to prove she isn’t French.
    • (35:57)
      • Pam: “Well, you can hear me talk, can’t you? I speak English, don’t I? Just like you.”
      • Kidnapper: “She sounds like a foreigner to me. She does. If she's the countess, what am I supposed to be?”
      • Sam: “There is a word for it. The Duke knows. Quiet, Sam. The word is... gigolo.”
• Episode Ends on Cliffhanger
  • The story closes mid-caper, with comedic confusion abounding as the Norths remain in peril.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Pam's Blithe Domesticity:

  • (03:57)
    • "Well, I see I'm not the only one who forgets names. And you always say that I never can remember. Oh, that reminds me, Jerry, I forgot to tell you..."

• Mistaken Blackmail—Crooks Outwitted by Fiction

  • (14:26)
    • Dutch: "We come to the point. Cash. For what? For keeping my mouth shut. About what? About a certain dame named Mrs. Stokes."
    • Jerry: "You're barking up the wrong tree, my friend."

• Comedic Deflation after Danger

  • (30:08)
    • Pam: "You can fix that leg on the kitchen table."

• Dog Show Banter

  • (33:11)
    • Pam: "The only thing is, this dog's overdoing it. It's got a peekaboo contraption in front of both eyes."
    • Jerry: "The Yorkshire terrier's long, silky hair was developed along the upland moors. Protects it from the rain and wind."

• Classic Norths Sarcasm under Duress

  • (35:56)
    • Pam: "I'm supposed to be French if I'm the Countess, but I'm not."
    • Jerry: "How do we know?"
    • Sam: "There is a word for it. The Duke knows. Quiet, Sam. The word is gigolo."

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00 – [Skippable Ad Segment Ends] Main show begins with Mr. and Mrs. North.
• 02:36 – 06:25 – Pam tries to explain the lost message to Jerry; search for the orange match folder.
• 08:20 – 10:29 – Crooks discuss match folder, setup fake call to Eugene Lawrence.
• 14:26 – 19:02 – Confrontation with Dutch Garber; revelation that Dutch is murdered, implicating the Norths.
• 20:31 – 27:10 – Norths investigate at Dutch’s saloon; more suspects and motives emerge; escalating brawl.
• 28:36 – 30:08 – Police converge; chaos resolved; Norths safe, with Pam proposing a fix for the kitchen table.
• 32:21 – 36:04 – Second story: Norths visit dog show, mistaken for nobility, abducted by criminals.

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Tone & Style Notes

• Dialogue is light, witty, and quick, with playful marital banter even amidst danger, typical of “Mr. and Mrs. North.”
• Crooks are painted with broad, comedic strokes—streetwise but gullible.
• The juxtaposition of everyday domestic quibbles with serious crime creates the uniquely cozy, comic tension emblematic of this radio series.

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Takeaway

This episode vividly demonstrates why Mr. and Mrs. North were radio favorites: relatable marital spats, accidental detective work, comedic misunderstandings, and clever criminal foilings—all served with sharp dialogue and genuine charm. The seamless transition from “message mix-up” to murder mystery to comic dog show caper offers a nostalgic yet suspenseful glimpse into the golden era of radio sleuthing.

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Transcript

[A]

Morning, Zoe. Got donuts.

[B]

Jeff Bridges, why are you still living above our garage?

[A]

Well, I dig the mattress and I want to be in a T mobile commercial like you teach me. So Dana.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Nice. Je free.

[A]

You heard them. T mobile is the best place to get the new iPhone 17 Pro on us with eligible traded in any condition. So what are we having for lunch?

[B]

Dude, my work here is done.

[A]

The 24 month bill credit on experience beyond for well qualified customers + tax and 35 device connection charge credit send and balance due. If you pay off earlier, Cancel Finance Agreement. IPhone 17 Pro 256 gigs 1099.99 A new line minimum 100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes and fees required. Best mobile network in the US based on analysis by Oklahoma Speed Test Intelligence Data 182025 Visit t mobile.com from the Cascades to PDX to your kitchen. We recycle like we live here. That's why governments, brands and recycling companies are all joining together to bring change to make recycling better. As in trusting that your recyclables end up in the right places to be made into new things and having brands help fund the cost of recycling. You can find the Latest updates at recycleon.org Oregon From Mount Hood to the bin under your desk Together we can do this. Woodbury Facial soap. The beauty soap for the skin you love to touch. Your lovely Never, never change Keep that breathless charm Won't you please arrange it? Cause you're lovely just the way you look. To Woodbury, the makers of Woodbury Facial soap, the beauty soap made for the skin alone. Present the Adventures of Mr. And Mrs. North. Pam feels like going to the movies because she decided that Jerry's been working too hard and needs an evening of relaxation. That's all right with Jerry because he feel likes going to the movies too. Muddy'd like to know what they're going to see. So as he and Pam walk toward the neighborhood theater, he asks, what picture are we gonna see, Pam?

[B]

Oh, I forget the name of it, darling, but I know you'll like it. It has what's her name in it.

[A]

And I like her. Huh?

[B]

You know who I mean. She was in that picture with oh, you know, Jerry, that. That tall, dark haired fellow.

[A]

There are a lot of tall, dark haired fellows in the movies, Dolly.

[B]

No, but this one he was.

[A]

I know, I know. He played in the picture with what's her name.

[B]

That's right. Oh, what is his name, Jerry?

[A]

I haven't the slightest idea.

[B]

Well, I see I'm not the only one who forgets names. And you always say that I never can remember. Oh, that reminds me. Jerry, I forgot to tell you. That fellow phoned today.

[A]

What fellow?

[B]

I don't remember his name, darling, but I wrote it down. And his phone number too.

[A]

Well, who is he? What do you want?

[B]

Oh, you know, that author.

[A]

Darling, I know lots of authors. I'm a publisher, remember?

[B]

Well, this one's from out of town, Ohio or someplace.

[A]

Eugene Lawrence.

[B]

Yes, that's it. Eugene Lawrence.

[A]

Is he in town?

[B]

Yes, but he'll be leaving tomorrow.

[A]

Pam, I want to see him. What'd you say? He's staying.

[B]

I didn't. I don't remember, Jerry, but I wrote it down.

[A]

Well, I'll go back to the apartment. I want to call him. You go on to the show.

[B]

Jerry.

[A]

Darling, this is important. It's business. I'm publishing his book and there are certain points we've been discussing through the mail that I'd like to talk over in person. Now, where did you write his phone number?

[B]

On a folder.

[A]

Folder?

[B]

Yes, dear. It's right next to the telephone.

[A]

What kind of a folder?

[B]

A match folder. You can't miss it, dear. It's orange.

[A]

I remember. It has the name of that awful nightclub you lured me into going to the other night.

[B]

Mm, that's right.

[A]

But why do you have to take messages on match folders?

[B]

It was right there next to the telephone.

[A]

Couldn't you use the paddle?

[B]

No, dear.

[A]

Why?

[B]

It was in the kitchen.

[A]

What was the telephone pad doing in the kitchen?

[B]

The kitchen table wobbles. Jerry, I still don't see what you're making such a fuss about.

[A]

I threw the folder away.

[B]

Oh, when?

[A]

Just now, a few minutes ago. Somewhere between here and the apartment. Come on, let's retrace our steps and see if we can find it.

[B]

All right. Jerry, are you sure it's not in your pocket?

[A]

There was only one match left and I used it. I remember distinctly because I was so pleased with myself for lighting the cigarette on a single match with the wind blowing.

[B]

Well, then you should remember where.

[A]

Darling, I don't make it a point to notice my surroundings every time I stop to light a cigarette. Wait a minute.

[B]

What's That a chewing gum wrapper? You know, Jerry, I don't think you're fair. You threw the match folder away and then you blame me.

[A]

Of course I threw it away. It was empty. How was I to know there was anything written on it?

[B]

Well, I don't see why you have to be so mean about it.

[A]

I'm sorry, darling. It's just that I'm anxious to talk to Lawrence. I won't say anything more about it, but let's try to find the folder.

[B]

There's a pile of rubbish, Jerry. Maybe it's in there.

[A]

Well, let's see. No, that's not it. Maybe under here. You know, if you can only remember the name of his hotel. Try and think.

[B]

Hotel. It began with an R. Was it an M? Oh, I know. Caldwell?

[A]

Caldwell.

[B]

No, no, that's not it. Anyway, Jerry, I couldn't help it, could I?

[A]

Couldn't help what?

[B]

That one leg of the kitchen table is short.

[A]

I guess not.

[B]

What you doing, mister?

[A]

Oh, hello, son. We're looking for a match folder.

[B]

I got a match.

[A]

Thanks. That's not what we want. It's the folder.

[B]

A special one.

[A]

Yeah, orange. And it has the name of the Zigzag Club on it.

[B]

Zigzag Club?

[A]

Uh huh. Look, I'll tell you what I'll do. That match folder is somewhere between here and 24 cent Anne's place. You help us look for it, will you? If you find it, I'll give you $5.

[B]

$5?

[A]

Gee, that's right. And we better get back to the apartment. Pam, maybe Lee Lawrence will phone again.

[B]

But the movie.

[A]

Oh, I don't care so much for what's Her Name after All. Ah, good evening, Axel. Nice evening. Beautiful evening. It stinks. Okay, so it stinks. What do you have? Nothing on the wagon. I'm here on business. Where's Dutch? In the back. Well, I want to see him. Lulu's with him and he don't want to be disturbed. Yeah, but this is important. It's about the nauts. Oh, okay. Come on. Hey, you see this tooth? Which one? The one that's missing. No, I don't see it. It ain't there. You know why? No. I walked in on the boss and Lulu once before. Well, this time not. Okay. Who is it? It's me, Axel. What do you want? Pinky wants to see you. Says it's important. Something about them Norths. Oh, all right. Wait a minute. Okay, Pinky, what's on your mind? Would you pay five bucks for a folder of matches? Huh? I said would you pay. What kind of matches? Ordinary ones, like they give you when you buy cigarettes. Are you nuts? Look, you don't like that north guy, do you? Look, you said something about matches. The Naughts helped put the law onto your brother, didn't they? Okay, okay, so I hate him. It wasn't for them, Mac wouldn't be giving the best years of his life to the warden at Sing Sing. What's that got to do with buying match covers for five bucks? Well, if Naught was mixed up in something, something fishy now, is he? Could be. Could be. Come on, come on, open up. What gives? What do you know? Well, when a guy offers five bucks for a folder of ordinary matches, wouldn't you detect a strong odor of mackerel? You mean north wants to pay five bucks for matches? That's what I overheard him off for a kid on the street. Look, north lost a folder of matches. And if the kid could find it. Right. I'd like to see that folder. Suppose I found it. Suppose I got it right here in my pocket. Have you? And suppose it has a name and a phone number on it. Okay, suppose it has. Well, what's it worth to you? That all depends. Maybe it don't amount to anything. Yeah? Then why is north so anxious to get it banked? Well, we'll see. We'll see. Let's have the phone. Oh, not so fast. I gotta get something out of this. Okay, okay, give me the folder. I'll call the number and say I'm North. I'll find out what the setup is. And if it's worth anything to me, you'll be taken care of. How do I know I can trust you? I got an honest face. Come on, let's have the folder. Well, all right, but I gotta get my cut. Okay, okay. Where's the folder? Here. Yeah, good. Come in.

[B]

What's going on, Dirt?

[A]

Be with you in a second, honey. Gotta make a phone call.

[B]

What's it all about, Axel? Oh, hello, Pinky.

[A]

Hello, Pinky. Found some five dollar matches and the boss got interested. Say, what are you trying to. Hello? Hello. Is that Mr. Lawrence? Eugene Lawrence? Yes, this is he. Oh, well, this is Gerald North. Oh, hello there. How are you? Oh, I'm fine. How are you? Okay. Say, look, I've been thinking over what you suggested and I've decided you're right. Yeah? Well, that's nice. It would spoil the whole thing if the murder is discovered too soon. Oh, yeah? Yeah, it has to be kept quiet. And it won't be hard. After all, if Mrs. Stokes keeps her story. There's no way for anyone to find out except the doctor, and he can be bought off. Bought off, huh? It all fits together. She got all the money from her uncle, so money doesn't matter to her. And it's right in character. In character, sure. And wait till you hear the new angle I've got so no one will find out her uncle was crazy. Crazy, huh? I don't want to tell you over the phone. I'd rather have more time to talk it over. Are you busy now? I can run over. Oh, yeah, sure. Come on over. Are you home? Yeah. Yeah, I'm home. Oh, good. I'll be right over. Let's see, the address is 24St. Anne's Place, isn't it? I guess. I mean, yeah, sure, sure, fine. I'll be there in 10 minutes. That's so long. So long.

[B]

What's going on, sugar?

[A]

Plenty. Boy, oh, boy, am I gonna make that wise. And I must sweat. I told you to be good.

[B]

What? Weisenheimer, Dutch.

[A]

That north guy. I'm gonna square things with him and that dumb wife of his.

[B]

But how? Who was that you were talking to on the phone?

[A]

Friend of North. Seems they're covering up for some rich dame who knocked somebody off. And aren't they just gonna love it, though, when little Dutch walks in and tells him he knows all about it? Well, what do I get out of it? You'll get yours, don't worry. The dame has a lot of dough she got from her batty uncle and she's willing to spend it to keep things quiet. Well, she better pay plenty or I'm gonna. Okay, okay. Come on, Axel, you and me are going over and collect. Okay, bud. Hey, how about me? You wait here. We'll be back. All right, but hit him for plenty. And remember, I gotta get what's coming to me. Don't worry, brother, you will. But first, north is gonna get what's coming to him. Come on, Axel. We'll be back with the Woodbury Facial Soap program. Graham and Mr. And Mrs. North in a minute. But first, this is Ben Grauer for Woodbury Facial Soap, the beauty soap made for the skin alone. When a man says he likes you to look natural, ladies, you know what he means. He wants you to look naturally lovely. And that's why those smart young beauties, the marrying Woodbury Debs, never miss their Woodbury Facial cocktail. One of the most glamorous Woodbury Debs to marry recently is pretty Joanne Newcomb of California. She's now Mrs. Guy Price. Junior, her complexion is velvet smooth and clear. And if you could ask her about skin care, she'd tell you he loves.

[B]

Me with that fresh, natural look my Woodberry Facial Cocktail gives. So I pat Woodberry lather into my skin till it glows, then rinse twice, first with hot water and then with cold.

[A]

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[B]

Oh, hello, Mr. Lawrence. I'm so glad that you didn't wait for Jerry to phone you because there was only one match left and Jerry threw away the folder.

[A]

What was that?

[B]

Yes, I suppose it's really my fault, but you see, one leg of the kitchen table was short and I put the pad under it, so I had to use the folder. Oh, we looked all over the street, but we couldn't find it. Jerry even got down on his knees in the gutter.

[A]

In the gutter?

[B]

In the gutter.

[A]

Well, what was he doing there?

[B]

Well, looking for your telephone number, of course.

[A]

I said, perhaps I better go.

[B]

Oh, but you just got here, Mr. Lawrence.

[A]

Well, I know, but I. Miss north, just answer one question. Did you or did you not talk to me on the phone about 15 minutes ago? Just a second.

[B]

We couldn't have. Mr. Lawrence. We weren't here.

[A]

Hello. Hello, North. We're coming in. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hello, Mrs. North. Axla and me thought we'd pay you a little visit. And this must be that Eugene Lawrence guy. How do you know about me? It ain't how I know, brother. It's what I know. Well, what do you know? Plenty. Just what is it you want? We come to the point. Cash. For what? For keeping my mouth shut. About what? About a certain dame named Mrs. Stokes. What? Yeah, I know all about her. I know her uncle was batty and she didn't want anyone to know it. I know she knocked off a guy and is willing to put up her uncle's door to keep it quiet. Well, I'm gonna have a hunk of that dough. A big hunk. What are you laughing at? You think that I. Say, how'd you find out about that all of a sudden? That ain't so funny, eh? I think I'm beginning to understand a few things at last. Okay, okay. What I want to know is, do we talk business or don't we? I'm afraid you're barking up the wrong tree, my friend. Yeah, yeah, it's all a mistake. Okay, okay. Make like you ain't worried. But you'll sing different when I spill what I know to the cops. You're just wasting your time. I know you think on account of you got friends on the force, they'll go easy. Well, let me tell you, a copper's a copper. You don't know how funny this is. So it's funny. You make me an offer or don't you? We don't. Good. I was kind of hoping you'd take this attitude on account I got ethics. And if you paid, I'd have shut up. But I always wanted to see you squirm. And, brother, I'm going to. Come on, Axel. Okay, boss. And when things get hot, north, don't think you'll get out of it. By putting it all on that Mrs. Stokes, by covering her, you've been obstructing justice. And that makes you an accessory after the fact. Yeah, an accessory after the fact. Well, let's go, Axel. I got a phone call to make. And then I got an idea. This isn't going to seem so funny to these punks. Oh, Bill, surely you don't take it seriously. All I know is that it wouldn't be the first time you and Pam held out on me. It's really too silly to discuss. The whole thing's been a ridiculous comedy of errors. Don't you see, Lieutenant, he must have been the one who called me and when I told him about the book. All right, all right. You told me that before. When the Norse get mixed up in something, there's always some explanation. And usually it turns out that the explanation is phony and that something really is going on.

[B]

Bill, did you mean to tell me that you're taking the word of a criminal against ours?

[A]

Well, I don't know that he is a criminal. I don't know who it was who called me. He wouldn't give his name.

[B]

It was that awful Dutch Garber. You know, we helped you catch his brother and he's had it in for us ever since.

[A]

Besides, Bill, since when have the police taken such stock in anonymous phone calls when they concern the North? Oh, Bill, come on. Forget it, won't you? It's really funny. I only wish you could see the joke. So do I. Say, this gives me an idea for the book. Look, after they pay off the doctor. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I've got to answer the phone.

[B]

Oh, you're not going to keep on being silly about this, are you, Billy?

[A]

Okay, Pam, just call me Sucker Wagon and let's forget the whole thing.

[B]

I'm sorry you don't trust us.

[A]

Good for you, Bill. Hollins. Right. Thanks. Yeah, Mullins. What's that? Who I say? Right. Right. Okay, I'll be right over. So long. Well, so it was all a gag, huh? Just something out of a book. You know, someday I ought to lock you Norris up just to teach you a lesson. What are you talking about?

[B]

What happened, Bill?

[A]

It was Dutch Garber who called me.

[B]

Well, he said he was going to.

[A]

Call you, but it didn't amount to anything, did it? He thought he knew something, but it was just a lot of eyewash out of this fellow's book. What are you driving at? What's happened? Well, it seems that one of your fictional characters resented the call.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

I mean the Dutch Garber has just been found with a couple of slugs in him. What?

[B]

He. He's dead right now.

[A]

Don't try to tell me that this is just chapter 18. You've got a real corpse with real lead in him. You folks had better start talking and talking. F.

[B]

Gollies. I thought for a while that Bill was really going to lock us up.

[A]

Jerry, he's pretty sore. And I suppose you can't blame him now.

[B]

He'll never trust us again. Not unless we can solve this case and show him that we had no connection with it. Jerry, that's why I want to go down to Dutchess Saloon. If we can find that fellow who is with him, he may be able to tell us something.

[A]

I've got it all worked out.

[B]

You mean you.

[A]

After the doctor is paid off, Miss Saloon. Mrs. Stokes hides the body.

[B]

Oh, there.

[A]

Must we go into it now? Wait until you hear the gimmick. I've got that place. You didn't like this? Fixes it up.

[B]

I tell you.

[A]

It's a twist that'll be a sensation.

[B]

I wonder why Bill let us go.

[A]

He saw he couldn't get anything out of us.

[B]

It's doxy.

[A]

And she drags the body out of the car and dumps it in the river. But what she doesn't know is. Well, here we are. The body that was in the car. Now, please, please, we have work to do. Here, driver, keep the change. Thanks.

[B]

Golly. Not a very inviting place, is it?

[A]

Well, it was your idea, darling. Hmm. I've seen nicer places than this in nightmares and nicer people.

[B]

Jerry, see if you can find the fellow who was with Mr. Dutch. You know, the one he called Axel.

[A]

Are you looking for me, Mrs. North?

[B]

Oh, I didn't see you.

[A]

What do you want?

[B]

We just wanted to ask you a few questions.

[A]

Suppose I don't want to answer that. It hardly be hospitable. All we want to know is where you and Dutch went when you left our apartment. What's it to you? Oh, we just want to know. I come here, I don't know where Dutch went. So what? Where did Dutch say he was going? He didn't.

[B]

Haven't you any idea whom he was going to see?

[A]

Go peddle your paper someplace else. I ain't got time to bother with you. I'm sorry. I thought you might be willing to help. Help what? Help us find who killed Dutch. Who killed him? Say, what are you talking about? Dutch is dead and we're trying to. Why, you dirty rattle. Wait a minute. Yeah? Nobody's bumping off the boss and getting away with it, see?

[B]

What are you doing with that gun? We didn't bump off the boss.

[A]

Oh, no? No. I see why you thought it was so funny. When he told you what he knew, he was all ready to take care of him. Don't be silly. Get back to your tables, you mug. I'll handle it.

[B]

Please, Mr. Axel, put that gun away. It's all a mistake.

[A]

I'll put it away when I'm finished with it.

[B]

Oh, gollies. Everything's gone wrong. And all because one leg of the Kitchen table is short.

[A]

Before we return to Woodbury's, Mr. And Mrs. North, this is Ben Grauer for Woodbury Facial Soap. Ladies, when you work up a good bubbly lather of Woodberry on your face cloth and work it into your skin, you do more than make it immaculately clean. When you run your hand over your face, you find it softer and smoother. And when you look in your glass, you see a complexion livelier, more glowing. For Woodbury Facial Soap is truly a beauty treatment in cake form as any glamorous Woodbury Deb will tell you. Now listen to what one of the loveliest has to say about it. She's Joanne Newcomb Price, a Woodbury Deb just married out in California, and she has a fine textured complexion that needs especially gentle care. Yet patriotic Joanne is not one to just sit around and look pretty. She's an ardent victory gardener and sells what she grows for war relief. And here's what she writes.

[B]

Gardening's dirty work, but my skin stays clear and bright with Woodberry. Even California sunshine doesn't dry or coarsen my complexion. I love the clean feel and look of my skin after a Woodbury Facial cocktail. He loves it, too.

[A]

Why don't you follow the marrying Woodbury Debs to romance? Ask for Woodbury Facial Soap. That's W O O D B U R Y Woodbury the beauty soap for the skin you love to touch. Alice Frost and Joseph Curtin, the stars of Mr. And Mrs. North, will appear next Sunday night on Woodbury's other program, the Chamber Music Society of Lower Basin Street. Be sure to hear Mr. And Mrs. North on lower Basin street next Sunday evening, immediately following Walter Winchell. Consult your local newspaper for time and station. Now back to the Woodbury Facial Soap program, the Adventures of Mr. And Mrs. Law. Okay, now get moving. In the back. Just a minute. Won't you please put that gun away and listen to reason? I ain't interested.

[B]

Look, Axel, what makes you so sure that we're the ones who bumped off the boss?

[A]

Annie Dope would know that. Oh, didn't anyone know he was going to try to blackmail us? Well, yeah.

[B]

Well, isn't it possible that they thought that we paid the boss and. And they killed him in order to rob him?

[A]

Well, of course. There's your answer, Axel. Who knew Dutch was going to come? Wait a minute. Not so fast. You're just trying to get out of it.

[B]

Oh, no, we're not. But if you want to make an example, you ought to make it out of the right person.

[A]

But how do I know the right person? Ain't you? Huh? Would we have come here if we'd killed Dutch? I don't know. There'd have been no point in it. It would have been suicide. Why did you come? We want to find out who killed Dutch. And if you'd only help us, then we'd have. Well, okay. I guess you're right. It feels good to breathe again.

[B]

All right, Mr. Axel. Now, who knew that Dutch hoped to get money from us?

[A]

Well, Pinky and. Yes, Auntie Pinky.

[B]

That's all I thought you were going to say someone else.

[A]

I says, Auntie Pinky.

[B]

All right, all right.

[A]

Where can we find Pinky? That's him over there. Hey, Pinky, come here. Has he been here ever since you got back? Yeah.

[B]

Hello.

[A]

Hello. Hey, did I see a bit of gunplay a moment ago? Ah, just a little disagreement. Think nothing of it. Don't worry. I'll only think something of it. If something like that didn't happen in this place. Oh, hello, Mr. And Mrs. North. Oh, I see you know us. Oh, yes, I get around. I get around.

[B]

I'd like to ask you a question, Mr. Pinky.

[A]

Oh, right ahead, but I don't promise an answer.

[B]

Where were you while Axel and Dutch were out calling on us?

[A]

Right here. Why?

[B]

Can you prove it?

[A]

Maybe. What's it to you?

[B]

Oh, nothing. Only you may have to.

[A]

Yeah. And now may I ask a question? Sure, sure. Little John Kieran? That's me. Who's that pretty girl at your table? Lulu? I don't know. I'm asking you. Yeah, yeah, that's Lulu. Duchess girl. Leave her out of this. Oh, but, Axl, with her looks, it's a shame to leave her out. But she don't know nothing, see? Shame on you. Axl. That's no way to talk about a young lady. I mean, about Dutch's murder. Dutch's murder? Hey, what do you mean? Axl, you spill the bean. Hey, as Dutchman. As if you didn't know. No, Axel, honest. I was here the whole time. Well, while you two decide who was where, I'm going over and talk to Glamourpuss. Wait a minute. Naught. I tell you, she didn't know nothing. See? That's all right with her looks, she doesn't have to. I just want to talk to her while I'm going with you.

[B]

So am I.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Jerry, I'm surprised at you. She's nothing but a painted floozy.

[A]

Well, I've always been an admirer of painting. Sweetheart. Hello, gorgeous. May we join You? I? Sure, big boy.

[B]

Sit down. Where's the dame?

[A]

With you. Oh, don't mind her. She's a little number I picked up on the subway. Pinky'll take her off my hands, won't you, pal?

[B]

Jerry, I say you've got ideas, but my boyfriend will be coming back soon, and he's not going to like them.

[A]

Dutch? Yeah. You know him? Sure. But don't worry about Dutch. He won't be coming back for a long time.

[B]

How do you know?

[A]

I know. So come on, let's be friends. Take your hands off of her. Why? She likes me. Don't you, honey? Well, see? Leave her alone. No way, Axel. I'm busy.

[B]

I. I see you are.

[A]

North. If you don't leave her alone, I'm gonna. Did you say North? Yeah. Gerald North. Hey, what is this? Oh, Axel, now you went and spoiled it all.

[B]

What is this? North? What's going on? What are you trying to do? That's what I'd like to know.

[A]

Just checking on a motive.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Well, I never really believed robbery was the motive because the murderer couldn't know where the Dutch had the money. So I began looking for another motive, and I think I found it.

[B]

Motive? Murderer?

[A]

What are you talking about? About Dutch. He's been murdered. Hey, Lolo, please. Jon, I have an idea it was Axel who murdered him. Yeah, because you were in love with Duchess. Ver. Oh, Axel. And you figured this would be a good time to do it because Dutch had just informed on me so I'd be suspected instead of you. After all, you thought I was already involved in one murder, so I was a natural fall guy. No, you don't. Don't reach for that gun again. Let go. Not yet, brother. Hey, Pinky, Give him your foul. Pinky has. Hey, Lawrence, how about some help? Right or not, I get you. That guy's head's like a rock. You guys, this is what I was trying to tell you. North, about the book. There's a free for all, and then. Mom. Hey, break it up. Come on, break it up. I got you covered, all of you. Top's right. Pop it up your heads. You mutton.

[B]

Axel's going for the door.

[A]

Look up, Pam. We're in the line of fire, so Bill can't shoot. Here. Duck under the stakes.

[B]

All right, we got down just in time.

[A]

Yeah, Bill's driven him into the corner. Come on. Drop your guns and come out of there. You can't get away. The place is surrounded. Okay, mister, you ask. You see Nose, there's this Free for all. And then the cops break in. Oh, and arrest Mrs. Stokes. And then come the switch. It isn't Mrs. Stokes. Mrs. Stokes is the cop Cops. And now I ask you, is that a switch or is that a switch? Bill jumped him and got him. Well, north, how does the plot striking out? Not so hard. Why, what's the matter with it? Well, somehow I found it awfully hard to keep my mind on it.

[B]

So that's why Bill let us go.

[A]

Yeah, he knew he couldn't get us to talk, so he let us go and followed us, thinking we'd lead him into something.

[B]

Well, we certainly did. Gollys, Jerry, he came right in the nick of time. Just like the marines. Oh, it certainly was lucky he followed us.

[A]

Lucky?

[B]

Well, wasn't it?

[A]

Pam, do you think I'm crazy?

[B]

What do you mean, dear?

[A]

Do you think I'd have gotten into a fight with a murderer in a dive like that if I didn't know the police had been following me?

[B]

Oh, you knew all the time, of course.

[A]

But even so, it was a pretty bad few minutes. I hope I'll never have to go through anything like it again.

[B]

Well, I know what you can do to prevent it.

[A]

What?

[B]

You can fix that leg on the kitchen table.

[A]

Starting today, your bookseller has unsaled the latest Mr. And Mrs. North mystery novel. It's titled Killing the Goose. Get a copy of Killing the Goose tonight. Next Wednesday evening, another radio adventure of Mr. And Mrs. North starring Alice Frost and Joseph Tripp. For thrills and laughs, be sure to listen, won't you? Music for Mr. And Mrs. North is conducted by Charles Poor Mrs. Ben Grauer saying good night for Woodbury. Fence Facial Soap, the beauty soap for the skin you love to touch. Long Woodbury Facial Soap, the beauty soap for the skin you love to touch. You're lovely. Never, never change. Keep that breathless charm. Won't you please arrange it. Cause you're lovely just the way you look. Tonight, Woodbury. The makers of Woodbury Facial Soap, the beauty soap made for the skin alone, present the Adventures of Mr. And Mrs. North. The Norths woke up one morning and discovered it was February. Pam said, jerry, let's go to the dogs. By all means, Jerry replied. Where's the champagne? But that wasn't what Pam meant. She meant the dog show at the Uptown Garden. And after Jerry had said something about in leap year, woman proposes while man opposes. After Pam had thrown a pillow at him, they got dressed and went to the dogs.

[B]

Dogs, Aren't they adorable?

[A]

Uh huh. I feel unnatural on two legs. We're outnumbered.

[B]

I guess this isn't a good hour for visiting.

[A]

Oh, the dogs don't mind.

[B]

Oh, Jerry, what breed is that?

[A]

Schnautzer.

[B]

God bless you.

[A]

What? Reed Schnautzer.

[B]

God bless you. Jerry, you're catching cold.

[A]

I'm not sneezing. That dog is a schnautzer.

[B]

Oh, huge. Oh, look, Jerry, a Great Dane. Isn't he beautiful?

[A]

Let's move on, dear.

[B]

Why?

[A]

I think he thinks I'm a bone.

[B]

You're not afraid, are you, dog?

[A]

No, I just don't want to confuse him, make him neurotic.

[B]

All right, scaredy cat. Oh, Jerry, look.

[A]

That's a Yorkshire terrier.

[B]

I don't care. That dog's been to the movie, saw.

[A]

Veronica Lake and copied her hairdo. Huh?

[B]

I'm positive. The only thing is, this dog's overdoing it. It's got a peekaboo contraption in front of both eyes.

[A]

Darling. The Yorkshire terrier's long, silky hair was developed along the upland moors. Protects it from the rain and wind.

[B]

Don't show off, dear. You've read a book. Oh, this one's cute.

[A]

That French poodle. He looks as if a landscape gardener would work him over.

[B]

He's very disfunctive. You see, he understands me.

[A]

I've seen lawns better clipped than that. The tag here says he is champion Peter Cavalier.

[B]

I knew it.

[A]

Did you also know he belonged to, let's see. La Comtesse de la Porte?

[B]

Oh, I can just see myself now walking down Madison Avenue with Peter on the leash.

[A]

Uh huh. And I would bow to you and kiss your hand.

[B]

Jerry, you silly.

[A]

And I would say, countess, you have the most beautiful dog I have ever seen. There is nothing in the world I would love more than to pat your dog sometimes. Countess, please. And not another word, Countess.

[B]

But, Jerry, there's somebody breathing down the back of my neck.

[A]

Huh? That's right. Hey, you. Stop breathing down the back of her neck. I'm doing it only in the line of duty, pal.

[B]

Jerry, there's somebody right behind you.

[A]

No, friend. Don't faint around. Introductions later. Hey, what is this? This is a snatch. You are acquainted with the tame countess.

[B]

Countess? Me? Jerry.

[A]

Keep your voice low, little lady. Otherwise, Sam who ain't poking you in the ribs with no clothespin will have to shoot you.

[B]

Oh, is that right, Sam?

[A]

The duke knows the woids. Countess.

[B]

Countess. But I'm.

[A]

Let us leave the dogs. Come on. Jerry, look, there's been some mistake here. Why, little funny move and you'll be making a mistake. Walk nice and quiet out the front door, both of you. That's right. Otherwise comes the hearse and they'll be carrying you out nice and quiet.

[B]

Anyway, it's a nice car. Thank you, Connis, but I am not a countess.

[A]

Did we or did we not hear that gent sitting next to you call you countess?

[B]

You did, but Jerry was only joking.

[A]

Some joke. She's my wife. You the count? Of course not. Then the little lady ain't your wife. Oh, wait a minute. Duke, if you. Are you really a duke? Nah. Sort of a nickname. All right. That's the way it is with Pam. Sure. Only she's got a couple of million iron men in the bank. I ain't. My estate was impoverished. The Duke knows the woids.

[B]

I'm supposed to be French if I'm the Countess, but I'm not.

[A]

How do we know?

[B]

Well, you can hear me talk, can't you? I speak English, don't I? Just like you.

[A]

You speak like us, Duke. She sounds like a foreigner to me. She does. If she's the countess. What am I supposed to be? There is a word for it. The Duke knows. Quiet, Sam. The word is gigolo.