THE BILL KIRBY MURDER CASE and THE SINGING CRITIC RICHARD DIAMOND, P.I.

Summary

1001 Radio Crime Solvers – Detailed Podcast Summary

Episode: "The Bill Kirby Murder Case" and "The Singing Critic" (Richard Diamond, P.I.)

Original Air Date: August 27, 2025
Host: Jon Hagadorn

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Episode Overview

This episode features two episodes from the golden age detective series "Richard Diamond, Private Detective," focusing on "The Bill Kirby Murder Case" and "The Singing Critic." Both stories showcase the sharp wit and tough-but-compassionate methods of private eye Richard Diamond, played by Dick Powell. The first half is a classic murder mystery involving family secrets, blackmail, and murder; the second is a comedic tale where Diamond's neighbors and a rival detective conspire to stop him from singing.

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"The Bill Kirby Murder Case" (00:01:20 – 29:13)

Main Theme

A distraught mother hires Richard Diamond to find out what’s troubling her son Bill Kirby—a fellow private detective—who’s behaving oddly and comes into suspicious money. The case quickly escalates to murder, an attack on his family, and a coded clue hidden in a shoe.

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Key Discussion Points & Plot Progression

• Family Trouble and Suspicion

  • Mrs. Kirby seeks Diamond’s help about her son’s suspicious behavior, newfound wealth, and now, his disappearance.
    • [03:32] Mrs. Kirby: "Bill has been acting strangely for the last month or so."
    • She reveals Bill left a mysterious package with her.
    • Diamond is sympathetic and takes the case, joking about his payment: "I'm a sucker for corned beef and cabbage." [06:51]

• Discovery of Murder

  • At the police precinct, Diamond learns Bill Kirby is dead—shot and dumped in the river.
    • [09:24] Diamond, stunned: "Just a guess... Kirby?"
    • Lieutenant Levinson reports Kirby’s mother and sister have also been beaten, likely related to the missing package.

• Interrogations and Clues

  • At Mrs. Kirby’s home, Richard and the police learn attackers were looking for the package Bill left. It turns out to be a single, oversized shoe with cryptic numbers inside.
    • [12:14] Mrs. Kirby: "In the bread box, in a bread wrapper."
    • [13:11] Otis: "Hey, it's a shoe."
    • The shoe isn’t Bill’s size; it becomes clear the numbers are a code.

• Bar and the Case’s Break

  • Diamond is accosted but survives a beating ([17:00]). He recovers, visits the bar Kirby frequented, and discovers Kirby left an envelope with the bartender ([21:08]).
    • The envelope leads Diamond to address 18 North River—Continental Shipping.

• Confrontation at Continental Shipping

  • Richard confronts "James Willis," an alias for James Kozlik, a reformed safecracker. The thugs Bart and Danny arrive; it's revealed Willis was orchestrating an inside-job gold heist, with shipping info stashed in the shoe as a coded pickup. Bill Kirby’s interruption led to his murder.
    • [24:05] Diamond confronting Willis: "You got the confidential shipping report and put it in that shoe in some kind of code so it could be picked up."
    • Stakes escalate, but Diamond, with support from Levinson, apprehends the criminals after a chase ([25:39]).

• Aftermath and Reflection

  • Diamond discusses the case conclusion. There’s a subtle moral note: although Kirby was blackmailing Willis, Diamond sees to it that the reward money helps the now-poor Mrs. Kirby ([28:03]).
    • [28:07] Levinson: "What are you going to tell Mrs. Kirby?... Well, you caught him, you get the thousand."

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• "Funny how you can run into a situation like that... trouble doesn't usually bother me... Then a little old lady walks in with a bucket full of heartache." – Diamond, reflecting on compassion [07:00].
• "You never were a baby. You started with a beard and a low whistle." – Helen, bantering with Diamond [02:19].
• "If I do anything for your son, I'm a sucker for corned beef and cabbage." – Diamond to Mrs. Kirby [06:51].
• "I've got to square this beef the only way I know how." – Diamond, taking on the case out of moral duty [14:13].
• "The mother has quite a story." – Levinson [10:56].

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Important Timestamps

• [03:32] Mrs. Kirby details Bill’s strange behavior.
• [09:24] Diamond discovers Kirby has been murdered.
• [12:14] The discovery of the shoe clue.
• [17:00] Diamond is attacked by thugs.
• [21:08] The clue at the bar—the envelope.
• [22:37] Showdown at Continental Shipping.
• [28:07] Diamond discusses the reward and Mrs. Kirby’s needs.

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"The Singing Critic" (32:12 – 59:21)

Main Theme

In this lighter, comedic story, Diamond’s penchant for singing at Helen’s apartment drives a grumpy neighbor ("the grouch") mad, leading to a hilarious scheme with a rival detective aimed at silencing Diamond’s golden pipes.

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Key Discussion Points & Plot Progression

• Neighborhood Singing Controversy

  • Diamond receives a stack of fan letters from neighboring tenants begging him to resume his singing, except for one persistent critic.
    • [33:06] Fan letter: "Please, Mr. Diamond, continue to sing at least once a week. I am beginning to nag my husband..."

• Sabotage Plots

  • The grouch next door hires a shady rival detective, Pat Kosak, to stop Diamond from singing—at $50 if he can ensure silence ([41:14]).
  • Diamond suffers temporary voice loss after an enthusiastic song session, to the dismay (or delight) of his mixed audience.

• Attempted Silencing

  • Diamond receives a mysterious summons to an address, where he’s locked in an icebox for half an hour. Rescued by police, he gets a second summons—this time locked, with Otis, in a steam room.
    • [47:08] "Well, that's exactly where I was. In an ice box. Not a very big one, but a very cold one."
    • [52:14] Otis and Diamond discover they're locked in the steam room in their clothes.

• Return and Resolution

  • Despite these attempts, the combination of hot and cold remedies restores Diamond’s voice to full strength.
    • [58:27] Helen: "That ice box and steam bath really did it, Diamond."
    • Diamond belts out "Honey Bun" in a triumphant, defiant performance, breaking the neighbor and his co-conspirator.

• Comic Fallout

  • The grumpy neighbor, lumping his $50 payment, is left defeated as Diamond’s singing returns louder than ever, the caper having backfired comically.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• "Me, me, me, me..." – Diamond mock-vocalizing as Helen reads fan mail [32:29].
• "You want to deprive those poor, discouraged people of a little honest, simple pleasure... those people might not leave their apartments for days. It'll get to be like a prison camp... Scurvy!" – Diamond's mock-dramatic plea to Helen [35:24].
• "If you can do the job in one day for 50 bucks, I'll steal a Chrysler Building and bring it over to you on a motor scooter." – Pat Kosak, rival detective, to the grouch [41:14].
• "First an icebox and now a steam bath. I’m gonna start thinking I’m in California." – Diamond [52:26].
• "That ice box and steam bath really did it, Diamond." – Helen, as Diamond regains his voice [58:27].
• Final zinger to the neighbor: "Oh, hello, Mr. Lumpkin. Did I hear you say you lost your voice this morning? ...Good night, Mr. Diamond." [58:46 – 59:21]

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Important Timestamps

• [32:29] Helen and Diamond read the flood of fan mail.
• [35:24] Diamond's tongue-in-cheek speech about neighbor suffering.
• [41:14] Grouch hires rival detective.
• [47:08] Diamond locked in an icebox.
• [52:14] Diamond and Otis locked in a steam room.
• [58:27] Diamond’s voice restored, singing in full force.
• [59:21] Final comical wrap-up.

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Tone and Style

• Witty, self-deprecating, and sharp. The dialogue brims with playful banter and one-liners, particularly between Diamond and Helen, or Diamond and cop Otis.
• Classic noir flavor in the first story—hard-boiled but with a sentimental streak.
• Broad comedy and meta-humor in the second, lampooning detective tropes and audience engagement.

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Conclusion

This episode delivers the full package of vintage radio detective entertainment: suspenseful mystery, sharp dialog, emotional moments, and madcap comedy. “The Bill Kirby Murder Case” offers a gripping, twisty investigation into a family’s tragic secret, while “The Singing Critic” provides a hilarious send-up of celebrity, community, and the unintended good of bad intentions.

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For First-Time Listeners

You don't need prior exposure to "Richard Diamond" to enjoy these stories—everything needed is revealed through sharp dialogue and brisk pacing. Whether you love classic mysteries or zany comedy, this episode highlights why radio noir is an enduring favorite.

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Listen at: 1001storiespodcast.com
Next Episode: Sundays at 5pm ET

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Transcript

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[Richard Diamond]

From the Cascades to PDX to your kitchen. We recycle like we live here. That's why governments, brands and recycling companies are all joining together to bring change to make recycling better. As in trusting that your recyclables end up in the right places to be made into new things and having brands help fund the cost of recycling. You can find the Latest updates at recycleon.org Oregon From Mount Hood to the bin under your desk. Together we can do this.

[Narrator]

Here's Dick Powell as Richard diamond, private detective.

[Richard Diamond]

Diamond Detective Agency Surplus Homicide Surplus hand grenades. Black market embalming.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Oh, Rick.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, Helen, what's with you?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

It's what's with you I'm worried about.

[Richard Diamond]

What do you mean, what's with me?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

You know what's with you.

[Richard Diamond]

Now, you stop that. That's my routine.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

I want that which you pilfered from the living room the other night. And I want it back, and I want it right away.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, but, Helen, baby.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Don't you baby me. Now, you get it down here.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, I can't leave the office. It's just I haven't even washed out one sock.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Rick, it wasn't fair when you stole that picture. And I've been embarrassed about it ever since.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

And I want it back.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, but, honey, don't be that way. It looks lovely.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Can you see it?

[Richard Diamond]

Sure. Got it right on my desk.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Rick, I won't have it.

[Richard Diamond]

Now, look, if anybody asks about it, I'll say it's me.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

You never were a baby. You started with a beard and a low whistle.

[Richard Diamond]

Honey, honey, I had a baby picture just like it once. And believe me, from the way you're facing in the picture, you couldn't tell the difference between us.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

I'm lying on a rug. You probably had yours taken on spikes. Now, you bring that right over or I'll tell everybody your middle name. Helen, I'll see you in 20 minutes or I'll take a full page ad in the time you wouldn't. 20 minutes with the picture.

[Richard Diamond]

Bye, Helen. Oh, dandy.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Mr. Diamond.

[Richard Diamond]

Yes, but I'm afraid you'll have to come back. I've got to take care of something that might mean my whole future as a private detective.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

I'm sorry I won't keep you, but could you tell me the name of another good detective?

[Richard Diamond]

There aren't any. Goodbye.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Oh, please. I don't know where to go.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, now wait a minute. I'm sorry. Something's really wrong, isn't it?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Well, that's all right, Mr. Diamond. You go on. I'll find someone.

[Richard Diamond]

Look, I really didn't know you were in a tough spot. I've got enough time to listen.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Oh, thank you.

[Richard Diamond]

Who recommended me?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

My son. Oh, I've heard about you for several years. My name's Kirby, Mrs. Lenore Kirby.

[Richard Diamond]

How do you do, Mrs. Kirby? Just how did your son know me?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Well, he didn't know you. Well, only by reputation. He was a private detective also.

[Richard Diamond]

Kirby? Bill Kirby?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Yes.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, now tell me what's worrying you, Mrs. Kirby?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Well, I don't know quite where to start, William. Bill has been acting strangely for the last month or so.

[Richard Diamond]

What exactly do you mean by strangely?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

He's changed. He's begun to act nervous and irritable. When his sister or I would try to find out what was wrong, he'd get angry. He got steadily worse. And then one morning. Gloria.

[Richard Diamond]

Gloria?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

My daughter. Bill's sister.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, go ahead.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Well, she went into his room. He was asleep, so she started to hang up his trousers. When she turned them upside down, a lot of money dropped on the floor.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, what do you mean a lot of money?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Gloria said there must have been several thousand dollars. Mostly hundred dollar bills.

[Richard Diamond]

Did he have another source of income? I mean, besides the private detective business?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Oh, no, no. At least nothing I know of. We're not wealthy, Mr. Diamond. Bill supports us with what he makes and Gloria works as a secretary in a law firm. And I try to keep my house in order. Of course, I haven't been terribly well since the children's father died 10 years ago.

[Richard Diamond]

I see. Then what happened?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Well, Gloria started to put the money back in Bill's trousers and he woke up. They had a terrible argument. Bill accused her of snooping and she accused him of doing something illegal. The next day Bill packed his clothes and left the house. He took a small apartment on 110th Street.

[Richard Diamond]

Uh huh. Now what is it you want me to do?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Well, there's more to the story. Bill continued to send me money to keep the house going, much more than he'd ever contributed before. I went over to his apartment several times and asked him about the money, and every time there'd be an argument.

[Richard Diamond]

Did he give you any kind of an excuse?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

No. He just said he'd run into a good thing and that as long as it was helping out with the house, I shouldn't ask any questions.

[Richard Diamond]

All right, then what happened?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Three days ago, Bill came over to the house. I could tell he was terribly worried about something. He gave me a package, told me to hide it until he came for it and not to open it. Then he disappeared. He didn't go to his office or his apartment, and I haven't heard from him since.

[Richard Diamond]

Did you call the police?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Well, I didn't want to. He's mixed up in something. Oh, Mr. Doc, I'm sure something's happened to my boy. I just know it has.

[Richard Diamond]

Look, Mrs. Kirby, I admit it sounds a little fishy, but you never can tell. Maybe it's a Dane, a girl. Could be a lot of things. Where do you live?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

984Amsterdam Avenue. Oh, thank you.

[Richard Diamond]

Now, you go on home, take it easy. I'll let you know if anything turns out all right.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

I'm sorry. I don't usually cry like this. Oh, Mr. Diamond. About your fee.

[Richard Diamond]

Mrs. Kirby.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Yes?

[Richard Diamond]

Do you cook?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Why, yes. I'm considered quite a good cook.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, if I do anything for your son, I'm a sucker for corned beef and cabbage. Now, go on home and I'll keep in touch with you.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Goodbye, Mr. Diamond, and God bless you.

[Richard Diamond]

I'm afraid he knows me too well. Goodbye, Mrs. Kir. Funny how you can run into a situation like that any other time. It's got to be a hundred today in expenses. But that's because trouble doesn't usually bother me. There's too much of it around, and everybody's a stockholder. Then a little old lady walks in with a bucket full of heartache and you realize the hundred a day in expenses is only the difference you carry around to make up for that big, cold world outside. I put my merit badge away, grabbed Helen's picture off the desk and headed for 975 Park Avenue.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Well, you're late. I was just going to call the papers, but I wasn't quite sure how you spell your middle name. It's C, H, O.

[Richard Diamond]

Here's the picture.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Thank you.

[Richard Diamond]

I didn't know you had a mole in your Rick.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Aren't you coming in?

[Richard Diamond]

No. No, I'm not. I'm mad. Won't even let me keep your little baby picture. Now, about that moment.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Now, you stop that.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Why can't you come in?

[Richard Diamond]

Well, I got a client. Right after I talk to you, I got to go down to the Fifth Precinct and do some checking.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Will I see you tonight?

[Richard Diamond]

If you'll tell me about the mole.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

No, Rick.

[Richard Diamond]

See you at 8. Bye. Mole? A Sam. A baby. I left Helen and started down Park Avenue. Every private detective must get a license before he can operate, and the police department has to issue it. So I headed for the 5th Precinct Police Station. When I walked in the squadroom, I spotted Sergeant Otis looking like he was headed for the elephant's graveyard. What's the matter with you, Otis? You're greener than a new lawn. Oh, hello, Shamus. I don't feel so good. No, as a matter of fact, you don't. A little pudgy around the shoulders. Ah, come on, lay off that. Tell you, I feel sick. Let's see your tongue. Oh. Mm. Well, how's it look? I don't know, but be careful who you show it to. Somebody's allowed to think it's poisonous and kill it with a stick. Hello, Walt. Oh, no. Okay. I'm too tired to be scared off today. Who's dead and where? Not today, Walt. And what are you so tired about? We had a killing this morning. I've questioned every suspect in the whole state. Nothing. Who got dead? Maybe you knew him. Shammas Kirby. What? How the devil did you know that? Just a guess. Guess. My.38. Do you know something? I don't know anything. Wal Kirby's mother was just at my office. Oh, yeah? Oh, well, you don't have to get sore. I'm not sore. Just wondering who's gonna tell Mrs. Kirby. Otis went over there a little while ago. He saw the sister. The mother wasn't home yet. Oh, that's why he looks so bad. Yeah, I guess so. Wouldn't you? Okay. Where's the body? Downstairs. Want to take a look? Not especially. I told his mother I'd do something for him. And right now I don't seem to be able to think of a thing. Get the killer. Help me. Okay, let's go down and take a look. Right over here. Been in the river? Yeah. Put four slugs in him first, though. What kind of a gun? 12 gauge shotgun. Used a deer. Load anything on him? Just the usual identification. Okay, let's put him back. I don't know why he got knocked Off. No motive, no nothing. The mother has quite a story. Yeah, she told me her son. Oh, no. Yeah, and here comes Malicious. Hey, we just got a call. Kirby's mother and sister just got beat up something awful. What? Come on, Walt, this is crazy. First the son gets it for no apparent reason. Then the rest of the family get beat up. I think I can tell you why the mother and sister got beat up. Now. Why? Probably the package Kirby left with his mother. What package? I'll tell you about it on the way over to the car. Okay, Otis. Okay. Come on. Step on it, Lieutenant. Yeah. Yeah. This time you can use the siren. Oh, boy.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Hello, Mr. Diamond. Come in.

[Richard Diamond]

Hello, Mrs. Kirby. The doctor tells us you won't allow them to take you to the hospital.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

No, I'm not leaving my house. Take more than two cheap hoodlums to drive me out of my house.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, the doctor says you'll be all right, but I think the hospital might be safer for a few days. This is Lieutenant Levinson, Mrs. Kirby.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

How'd you do?

[Richard Diamond]

How do you do? I know you don't feel much like talking.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Oh, no, that's quite all right. I'll be glad to help in any way that I can.

[Richard Diamond]

Were they after the package your son left with you?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Yes, but I didn't give it to them. I almost did when they started to hit Gloria. But I knew they had something to do with Bill's death.

[Richard Diamond]

And you knew the package was important, too?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Yes.

[Richard Diamond]

Where is the package, Mrs. Kirby?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

In the bread box in a bread wrapper.

[Richard Diamond]

Pretty cute. Otis. Yeah, Lieutenant? Go in the kitchen and bring me the loaf of bread in the bread box. You want some sardines, too, Otis? Just the bread, please. Okay. Mrs. Kirby, the two men who came here, do you think you could identify them?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Oh, yes. It would be hard to forget them.

[Richard Diamond]

You're sure you don't have any idea what kind of trouble your son was in?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

No.

[Richard Diamond]

Here's the bread, Lieutenant. Yeah, well, I'll be. Hey, it's a shoe. Is this one of your son's shoes, Mrs. Kirby?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

No, no, he wears much smaller size. No, that isn't his shoe.

[Richard Diamond]

I don't get this. Nothing in it. Just a shoe. A big one. What size is it? Hey, what's the matter? Well, the shoe size on the Inside, it says 6B and then five numbers after it. If that's a 6B, Otis wears matchboxes. Oh, yeah, Otis. Okay.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

I don't understand. Why would Bill leave a shoe and act like it was so important?

[Richard Diamond]

Because it probably was very Important? You think these numbers could be? Let's see. Well, if these numbers do mean anything, it sure isn't going to be easy finding out. Here's something, Walt. Yeah?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Mm.

[Richard Diamond]

Shoe's got new heels on it. It's been half sold. Otis, Gallatin, take this shoe down at the station. Give it to the lab, see what they can find out. And then get the boys out and check every shoe repair shop in the city. I want to know where the shoe was half sold. Okay, Mrs. Kirby. You're sure you can't think of a thing that might give us a tip about your son?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

No, nothing, Mr. Nunn.

[Richard Diamond]

Rick, I'm going down to the station, find out about that shoe. Then I'll send our rogues gallery over so Mrs. Kirby can try and pick out the two guys who worked her over. Oh, check with me if you find out anything, will you? Right, Walt.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Mr. Diamond, there's no reason for you to go on with this case. My son's dead. You can't help him. Now, I'm sure your business is very important.

[Richard Diamond]

Mrs. Kirby. I said I'd do something for your son. Well, I was a little late. Now I'm going to do something for me. There's a killer loose and two slobs who beat up women. I'm a little unhappy, Mrs. Kirby, so I've got to square this beef the only way I know how. First, I'd like to talk to your daughter. Now. Now, look, Gloria, it's tough, and I don't like to stick my big nose in when it is, but you want something done about it, don't you? Yes. Then think real hard. Can you tell me anything about your brother that might be connected with his death?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

No. No. Mr. Diamond, I've thought and thought and thought. I just can't understand it.

[Richard Diamond]

You may have been looking for the wrong thing. A reason or a motive. That's not what I want.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

What do you want?

[Richard Diamond]

Something you might not even realize. Something that might not seem important, but is very important. Now, try to think. When you first began to suspect that your brother was in trouble, did he mention any names, talk about any places?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

No, not that I can remember.

[Richard Diamond]

What did he do when he wasn't at his office? Oh, please.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Please.

[Richard Diamond]

I don't know. I just don't know. Okay, okay. I'm sorry.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Oh, I'm sorry, Mom. And I appreciate what you're doing, Mr. Diamond. Right now it's hard for me, but I'll try.

[Richard Diamond]

Okay. No places, no names. Did he have a girl?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

No, he didn't. Have a girl? He led a fairly simple life. Had a regular routine.

[Richard Diamond]

Routine?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Mom used to worry about it sometimes. Said he didn't have enough fun to know anybody.

[Richard Diamond]

What kind of a routine was this?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Well, usual thing around the house. In the morning, he'd go to work. On his way home, he always stopped at a bar on Columbus Avenue for a beer and home dinner. Read until 10:30 or 11, go to bed.

[Richard Diamond]

Nothing else?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

No. He did that every day. At least up until the time when he started acting funny and I found all that money.

[Richard Diamond]

I see. Well, thanks. I'll let you know if anything turns up, gloria.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Thank you, Mr. Diamond. I hope you.

[Richard Diamond]

Yeah. I left the Kirby house and walked out on the street. It was getting near 6 o' clock and a light breeze was blowing the night in. It was turning cold, so I flipped my collar up and started for Columbus Avenue and the bar that Bill Kirby used to stop in for a beer. I turned down 88th street, picked up speed to shake the chill out of my ankles. Hey, you. Yeah, you, Diamond. So what? So where's this shoe? Oh, you're gonna find it harder working me over than a couple of women. Working you over? Maybe. Yeah. Killing you. Everybody dies. Easy. Give me the shoe. Where's your friend? Move in this alley, I'll give you an introduction. I'm busy. You're gonna be busy getting dead if you don't get in the alley. I got my gun in my pocket. I bet you shrink four feet when you aren't carrying it. What? Okay. Did you get him? Yeah, but it don't look like he's got the shoe on him. Yeah, but he knows where it is. Tell me, boys, is it fun beating up women? More fun beating up those gumptures, ain't it, Danny? Sure. You want to tell us where the shoe is, shamus? Right now it should be in the police lab. Hey, Danny, you think this capsule, he took it out of the house? I don't know. I couldn't see Diamond. I still think the old dame gave it to you when she went up to see you at your office this morning. What did you kill her son for? Who said I killed him, friend? Kirby got smart about the shoe like you did, he got dead for his trouble. How do you feel about your future friend? Pretty good. The cops will figure that shoe out. Not unless they know what they're looking for. He ain't got the shoe on him, Bart. I think he's telling the truth. Let's go tell the boss. Yeah. What do we do with the gumshoe? Oh, I'm surprised at you, Bart. Give me your SAP. Hey, now wait a minute. For what? Okay, you gonna knock him off? I get a salary for killing. The boss ain't paying me to knock this guy off. I want to save him in case he thinks I should later on. Let's go. It isn't easy coming out of a fast beating. When a guy works you over slow, you don't go to sleep right away. Not until he wants you to, anyway. Then he taps you with a good one and that's it. When he does it in a hurry, the first one's enough to stun a dragon. But for some reason, he decides you need a few more. And, friend, that's when coma sets in. When I finally pulled myself out of it, my watch said 7 o' clock and my head felt like a balloon with rice in it. I finally came around to a reasonable way of thinking and headed for the bar on Columbus Avenue. Yes, sir. What?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Holy Ike.

[Richard Diamond]

Give me anything with nerves in it and tell me where your phone is. Sure. You're a mess. Yeah, I know. Been advertising a popular cigarette and stepping out of thousands of store windows all over the country. Now, where's your phone? Right over there, the end of the bar. Hey, he wonders, you put some plasma in this drink. Oh, that was a Jim Dandy. Lieutenant Levinson, Homicide. Walt. Rick. Rick, where the devil you been? Playing patty cake for the two garniffs who worked over Mrs. Kirby and her daughter. Well, we've been trying to get you, Otis. Been calling blondes all over town. Mrs. Kirby and her daughter identify the two hoods. First names Bart and Danny. Yeah, Bart Franchetti and Danny Miller. We have a pickup out on them now. They hurt you bad? Oh, I'll make it. But I'm gonna ache for a while. What did you find out about the shoe? We really got some fast action on those half soles. Figured if Kirby picked him up in a shoe repair shop, it must have been somewhere in his neighborhood. We were lucky. We were right. Little shoe shop on Columbus Avenue. Columbus avenue. What address? 695. Why? Because I'm in a bar right across the way. Huh. Can't see the shoe store now because it's too dark. But Kirby's sister told me you used to come in here for dinner. He could have watched it then. Stay there. I'll be right over. There you are, mister. Thanks. Say, did you know Bill Kirby? The Chalmers? Oh, sure. What do you mean, did I know him? He's pretty dead. Oh, no. He came in Here every day, didn't he? Yeah. Yeah, for a beer. But come to think of it, I ain't seen him since he left. Left you what? Nothing.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Nothing at all.

[Richard Diamond]

Now, wait a minute. If Kirby left you anything, let's have it. If Kirby's dead, I'll turn it over to the cops. You want the badge? Oh, well, okay. Why didn't you say so? I got in the cash register. He told me if anything happened to him to turn it over to the law. Okay. Here. Just an envelope. Thanks. Yeah, what is it? A name and address. Look, Lieutenant Levins will be here in a few minutes. Tell him I've gone to this address. 18 North River. That's down near the docks. Yeah. And tell him I've gone to find a guy named James Willis.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Continental Shipping. Mr. Lund, one moment, please. Continental Shipping. Mr. Willis. Who's calling? One moment, please.

[Richard Diamond]

Honey, is Mr. Willis in?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Yes. The emergency hospital's on the second floor.

[Richard Diamond]

I always go around this way. It makes people notice me. Which is Mr. Willis's office, dear?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Right over there. But I'm afraid you can't.

[Richard Diamond]

Here's the badge, baby. And don't ring him.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Yes, sir.

[Richard Diamond]

Yes. Well, well, well, well. James Willis. When did you change your name from Kozlik? Now, look, Diamond, I've got a good job here. I never could have gotten it if the company had known I was James Kozlik and I'd done time in the shipping business. Huh? What's an old time safe cracker like you doing in the shipping business? You're not a cop anymore, Diamond. You helped put me away once. But I've quit the rackets and I'm doing fine in a legit way. Now you can leave. What does your company ship? We're in export and import firm. We ship and receive everything. Now get out. What does your company import that might interest to professional thugs like Bart and Danny? What? I don't know what you mean. Where do you have your shoes fixed? Little place on Columbus Avenue. Man, I don't know what you're talking about. And I don't intend to sit here and listen to you and your riddles. Ms. Williams, will you please have one of the watchmen sent in to show Mr. Diamond out?

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Yes, sir. But two gentlemen wish to see you. They say it's very important.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, I can't see anyone.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Well, I think maybe you better. They seem very deft, Ms. Williams.

[Richard Diamond]

I don't.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

What's the matter, Mr. Willis?

[Richard Diamond]

Diamond, let go my hair. Tell her to show the gentleman in or I'll Make Sitting Bull look like a piker.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Go on.

[Richard Diamond]

Send the two gentlemen in, Ms. Williams. Okay. I'm going over here behind the door. You be a good boy. You nearly pulled all my hair out. What's the difference? The way things look, the state might have to shave your head anyway. Hey, Willis, we want to talk to you. What's the matter? You sore cause we came up here? Yeah. What's with that guy? He just sits there holding his head. Good evening, boys. Hey, hey, look who's here.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Yeah, it's the Shammis.

[Richard Diamond]

And he looked pretty. You fools. You two blundering fools. Now, wait a minute. If you're worried about diamond, we'll take care of him. I told you I could never be seen with you. You know how we're all watched when the gold shipments come in. Oh. Oh, that's it. That's what the shoe was all about. Ain't a smart one. Shut up. I've got to think. You got the confidential shipping report and put it in that shoe in some kind of code so it could be picked up. Then your dear little boys were going to try to hijack the gold. Well, well, well, I mean to shut them up. No, no. Are you crazy? That secretary saw him come in. Take him out the same way. I'm going to be stubborn. Yeah. Oh, okay. Isn't it silly what a little.38 can do? Let's go. All right. But look, as long as I'm probably going to end up in the river, would you mind telling me one thing? Yes, I do. No, that's swell. That's really swell. Kirby recognized you going into that shoe store. He remembered you had a record, so he probably tailed you, found out where you worked and went back to take a look at that shoe. He found the same thing wrong that I did. The numbers weren't his shoe size. And he probably thought it was crazy when you left only one shoe. So he took the shoe. You always were a pretty smart cop, Diamond. Danny. Yeah, boss? Before you kill the smart cop, pull his hair out. Pull his hair out by the roots. Now take him out of here. Was Kirby blackmailing you, Ellis? Yes. Being stupid. He didn't know what the shoe was for, but he knew it was worth something. Now, Please, Danny, get Mr. Icue through that door. Move. Okay. I'm looking for a Mr. Willis. Mrs. Yeah, what's funny, Shamus? You boys are in for a big surprise.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Mr. Willis must be free. Here they come now.

[Richard Diamond]

Just keep walking, Shamus. Nothing. Nothing's wrong. Oh, are you gentlemen cruise, Mr. Willis? Yeah. Fat Sagwan, and he'll see you. Thank you. Let's go, Seamus. Oh, one more thing. Yeah? Now what? Duck, Rick. Thanks, Wall. And you take it easy, Bart. I ain't going for no gun. I ain't doing nothing. Please don't shoot, Walt. James Willis is really James Kozlik. I'm going in after him. Well, here, Cat, you'll need a gun. Is he in there? Out the window. I went over to the window fast and spotted my man just dropping down off the fire escape. The building fronted on a long dock and Willis had 50 yards to go before he could find cover. Then I said that stupid thing, Willis, in the name of the logs, stop. Well, he didn't stop in the name of the law. So I rested my arm on the windowsill and led him about 2ft. At 50 yards, a running man can be hard to hit with a.38 sometimes. You get him, Rick. Yeah. See you down at the station. How do you like it, rick? No cream, 12 lumps. Say, I had a phone call from the president of Continental Shipping where that Willis guy worked. What do you make this coffee out of? Gunpowder? He says there's always been a standing reward of $1,000 for the apprehension of any person attempting to rob their shipment. Uh huh. Uh, hey, Diamond. Ms. Ashaphone, she wants you should call. Thanks, Otis. Thanks. What's wrong with you? You heard him, Otis. He said thanks. Okay. He must be sick. More coffee, Rick? Yeah, I'll have another cup.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Hello?

[Richard Diamond]

Hi, honey.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Rig, where are you? I thought you were coming over.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, baby, I've got to stop by and see a nice old lady named Kirby. Her son got killed.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Oh, I'm sorry. Will I see you later?

[Richard Diamond]

No, I don't think so, honey. I'm. I'm a little tired.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

All right, Rick.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, don't sound too unhappy. I'll see you tomorrow night.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

Well, all right, but you always sing to me and I wanted you to sing tonight.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, I haven't gotten any letters from the apartment building next door yet, so I'm going to lay off one week and see if the tenants miss the singing.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

All right, Rick, I'll see you tomorrow night.

[Richard Diamond]

Goodbye, baby. Bye, Rick. Well, I think I'd better get over to Mrs. Kirby's wall. Don't you want your coffee? Yeah, give it to Otis. What are you going to tell Mrs. Kirby? I mean, about her son and the blackmail? What are you going to tell Continental Shipping? Well, you caught him, you get the thousand. Oh, Mrs. Kirby's pretty broke. Uh huh. Kirby was the one who really spotted the play. Yeah. But if I say anything about the blackmail. What blackmail? Huh? Oh yeah. Come to think of it, that it was another case, wasn't it? See you later, Walt. Rick? Yeah? Oh, nothing. Be a good boy.

[Narrator]

You have just heard Richard Diamond, Private Detective starring Dick Powell. Helen was played by Virginia Gregg, Lieutenant Levinson by Ed Begley. Also in our cast were Wilms Herbert, Stephen Dunn, Peggy Weber and William Johnstone. Music was under the direction of Frank Wirth. Richard diamond is written by Blake Edwards and directed by Richard Sandel. Dick Powell soon will be seen in the screen version of the best selling novel, Mrs. Mike. Now this is Eddie King inviting you to be with us again at the same time next week when we will again bring you Dick Powell as Richard Diamond, Private Detective. Saturday night brings some of the week's best radio entertainment when you tune for the stars on NBC. Stay tuned every Saturday for a great lineup of programs including Hollywood Star Theater, Ralph Edwards, Truth of Consequences, your hit parade, A Day in the life of Dennis Day, the Judy Canova show and Grand Ole Opry. All the best on NBC.

[Richard Diamond]

Lets map out this week's amazing destinations and travel tips.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Honestly Will, I didn't plan any trips but I did switch to T Mobile with their new family freedom offer.

[Helen / Mrs. Lenore Kirby / Gloria Kirby]

That's not the itinerary we're following.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Well, I'm departing from ATT and embarking on a new journey with T Mobile. They paid off my family's four phones up to $3200 and gave us four new phones on the house.

[Richard Diamond]

Bon voyage.

[T-Mobile Announcer]

Introducing Family freedom. Our lowest cost will switch our biggest family savings all on America's largest 5G network. Visit your local T Mobile location or learn more@t mobile.com FamilyFreedom up to $800 per line via virtual prepaid card typically takes 15 days. Free phones via 24 monthly bill credits with finance agreement eg Apple iPhone16128GB8229.99 Eligible trade in eg iPhone11 Pro for well qualified credits end and balance due if you pay off early or cancel contact T Mobile.

[Narrator]

Here's Dick Powell as Richard diamond, private detective.

[Richard Diamond]

Hi baby.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Why? What in the world are you so happy about? Why aren't you at the office?

[Richard Diamond]

Now don't confuse me dear. One question at a time. Come on in the study and I'll tell you all about it.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Oh now stop being so mysterious. You never come over here at this time of the day.

[Richard Diamond]

Read some of these.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

What are they?

[Richard Diamond]

Letters. Read them.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

All of them. There must be at least a half. A hundred?

[Richard Diamond]

Close 53. And those are only about one tenth of the pile that's in my office.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Oh, Rick, are these.

[Richard Diamond]

Yeah. The lovely, dear, sweet tenants in that gorgeous building right next to this one.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

They like your singing.

[Richard Diamond]

Read a couple. Me, me, me.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Dear Mr. Diamond.

[Richard Diamond]

La, la, la, la.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Rick.

[Richard Diamond]

Go on, go on, go on.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Well, stop sounding like a whole quartet. Dear Mr. Diamond, I live in the building across the way from Ms. Asher's.

[Richard Diamond]

Apartment, right over there.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

At least once a week, I sit in my living room and listen to the sounds of your melodious voice.

[Richard Diamond]

Dar many portua b.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Last week, however, I waited for seven straight days, but without result, you did not sing. Please, Mr. Diamond, for the sake of my family, continue to sing at least once a week. I am beginning to nag my husband, and yesterday I took the rubber bone away from my French poodle. You see, it's getting to be a real problem with me. And if you want to save me the $25 a day, I would have to pay my psychotic psychiatrist. Sing yours expectantly, Mrs. Louise Cartwright. Rick, are they all like this?

[Richard Diamond]

Well, certainly not. Some of them are really desperate. Now, here's the one I saved out. Read this one if you really want to get a charge. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

My dearest Mr. Diamond.

[Richard Diamond]

Go on, go on, go on, go on.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

I have been listening to your beautiful singing.

[Richard Diamond]

What?

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

What do you mean, what?

[Richard Diamond]

What you just read.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

I've been listening.

[Richard Diamond]

No, no, no. The last part.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

You're beautiful singing.

[Richard Diamond]

Yes, I'm in a chanted evening. Are you sure? Go on, finish it now. Finish it.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Well, she's been listening to your beautiful singing.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, yeah.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

And many times I've seen you going into Ms. Asher's apartment, and I think you are as beautiful as your boy. What?

[Richard Diamond]

Now, you said that. Turn off the steam and read the last part.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

I wouldn't miss it. Last week I waited and waited, but you didn't sing Frida.

[Richard Diamond]

He Shall Be Exalted.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

I know you were in Miss Asher's apartment, and you certainly had the chance. If Ms. Asher is the one that. That won't let you sing, come over to my apartment. I have a piano, and I just love it. 977 park, apartment 303. Signed, your most ardent fan, Ellen, Mademoiselle.

[Richard Diamond]

For my tea party.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Rick, what are you doing?

[Richard Diamond]

Opening a window. Don't you think it's a little stuffy in here?

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

The air conditioning's on. Rick, now stay away from that piano.

[Richard Diamond]

No. I knew it. I knew it. Ellen's right. You really don't want me to sing.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

At 11 o' clock in the morning. No, I want you to sing tonight when it's more romantic.

[Richard Diamond]

Now, shame on you.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Me?

[Richard Diamond]

Yes, you. You want to deprive those poor, discouraged people of a little honest, simple pleasure. You want that woman to take her dog's bone away again, you idiot. Oh, no telling what'll happen. Those people might not leave their apartments for days. It'll get to be like a prison camp. Think of it. No food. They won't leave the building even to go out and get an orange or a lime or something. Then you know what?

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

What?

[Richard Diamond]

Scurvy. I'll be dying like flies.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Well, go on. What's the matter?

[Richard Diamond]

Dying like flies. I wonder who thought up that bright little simile. I've got a big green fly in my office. That Satavi carries a man sweater. Oh, you think it's funny? Do you think what'll happen if those poor people stay in that building withering up with scurvy? You. You fiend.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

I. I know it.

[Richard Diamond]

Yes.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

It's just that. Well, I don't want to share your tonsils with anyone. I'm selfish.

[Richard Diamond]

You're more than that. You're antisocial.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

All right. All right.

[Richard Diamond]

You mean.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Yes. Sing.

[Richard Diamond]

Stop, fellow. 101 pounds of fun. That's my little honey bun.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Rick.

[Richard Diamond]

Yes?

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Did you hear something?

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, I think so.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Try it again.

[Richard Diamond]

All right. A hundred and one pound.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Rick.

[Richard Diamond]

Yes?

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

I heard it.

[Richard Diamond]

I said grouch.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Rick.

[Richard Diamond]

Yes?

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

There's an enemy in the camp.

[Richard Diamond]

What do we do? We can't just let those people die over there. Sink him, you mean.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Yes. Sing. It's your duty.

[Richard Diamond]

You're right. It's no longer a matter of personal pride. I must defeat the grouch at all cost. For those thousand starving tenants.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Thousand big rooms.

[Richard Diamond]

Stand back.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Good luck.

[Richard Diamond]

Thank you. You are my sunshine. You are my sunshine. You are my sunshine. You are my sunshine. He's weakling. You are my sunshine. You are my sunshine. You are my sunshine.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Sunshine. He's nearly done.

[Richard Diamond]

You are my sunshine. You are my sunshine. You are my sunshine. You are my.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

There he goes.

[Richard Diamond]

You are my sun.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Rick.

[Richard Diamond]

Victory.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Decidedly.

[Richard Diamond]

Bull run was never like this.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

All right, now sing, honey bun, and save those poor people.

[Richard Diamond]

A hundred and one pounds of fun. That's my little honey bun. Honey bun. Bun.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Rick.

[Richard Diamond]

Good grief. Bun.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Rick. What happened?

[Richard Diamond]

I don't know. I can talk all right, but the minute I go up, something happens.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

I hope you didn't hurt it.

[Richard Diamond]

La la la la la la la la.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Rick.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, now isn't that ridiculous?

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

I can't help laughing, but it really funny. Come on, let's go get you some warm milk or something. Now stop that. Give it a rest.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, if that grouch only knew, I may never bother him again.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Well, he's the only one that doesn't like it.

[Richard Diamond]

Poor guy.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Poor guy? Now that's a silly thing to say.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, honey, he doesn't like it. Let's face it. He'll probably get so desperate he'll have to move.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Okay, let him.

[Richard Diamond]

I wonder what he's doing right now.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

I'll bet he's planning something fiendish.

[Richard Diamond]

You think he's going to start shooting burning arrows?

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

I wouldn't put it past him. Now, let's take care of that throat.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, sometimes silly things like that happen. I come on like a big baritone and lose my voice. Helen has to feed me hot lemon juice and honey for about three hours. And the grouch across the way in the next department starts thinking up the 10 best ways to eliminate Diamond. Think I'm kidding? Well, let me tell you, I didn't know it then, but that fast course of you are my sunshine with my own lyrics started more trouble than a hopped up mouse in a herd of elephants. While Helen fed me the tonsil cure, old grouch head was dreaming of a cure of his own. What am I going to do? I work in the daytime, try to sleep at night.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

He sings at night.

[Richard Diamond]

I switch to the night shift. He sings in the daytime. Oh, I'll fix him. I'll fix that Diamond. Yeah. Phone book. Phone book. Detectives, private detail. Ah, look at that. Richard diamond, private detective. Full page ad. Wouldn't you know it? Yeah, look at that slogan. Whoever you are, whatever you do, if you're too dead to walk, will come to you. Must be other detectives in here. Ah, here's one. Pat Kosek. You are my sunshine. Eh, Diamond? That'll fit you. I'll fit you good. Yeah. Is this Pat Kosak? Yeah, for employment. Haven't I heard of you before? I doubt it. Probably that shamus in Frisco. He's always stealing my stuff. Well, my name is Ernest lumpkin. Happy Halloween, Mr. Pumpkin. No, no, no. Lumpkin lum. Okay, okay. What can I do for you? Well, I've got a problem. It concerns another person in your line of work. You mean another shamus? Yes, he sings. You mean Diamond. Oh, is he a friend of yours? A competitor isn't a friend. Diamond gets More clients than anyone in the business. So he isn't even a competitor. He's a capitalist. He can advertise people go to him instead of me. I hate him. Oh, Mr. Kozlak. Hey, you're not alone. The name's Kosak, Mr. Mr. Dunkin. Lumpkin. Lumpkin. Dumpkin. You want to hire me? But you don't even know what I.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Want you to do.

[Richard Diamond]

Can you pay me 50 bucks a day? If you can do the job in one day for 50 bucks, I'll steal a Chrysler Building and bring it over to you on a motor scooter. What's your address? 977 Park Avenue, and hurry.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

How does your throat feel now?

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, scalded. I'll be eating zym old trochees for a week.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Oh, now, it wasn't that hot.

[Richard Diamond]

Wasn't it, honey? That lime water with Sahad Alabama could have boiled his 40 thieves in it.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Your speaking voice is all right, everybody.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, well, I think I've swallowed the bear rug.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Where are you going?

[Richard Diamond]

Well, I can't sing and I'm going to see you tonight anyway, so I. I think I'll drop down to the 5th Precinct and drive Sergeant Otis out of his mind.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Oh, Rick, that poor man. He called up last week when Lieutenant Levinson was looking for you and he sounded like he was dying and you were responsible.

[Richard Diamond]

Honey, when Otis dies, everybody will be running around in spaceships. He got through the Stone Age all right, didn't he? Bye. I left Helen and headed for the 5th Precinct Police Station. It was one of those good afternoons. The sun was leaning on three o', clock, and now and then a cool breeze would sail through my sinus and pump my lungs full of that. Easy. Good to be walking around, feeling I had just about everything. Good job. Good girl. And a 40 report from my insurance company. When I reached the station, I hopped up the steps and bounced into the squadroom. Sergeant Otis was sitting. Sitting over the corner, making out the weekly report for the commissioner. Hello, Otis. Oh, what do you want, Shammas? Well, really nothing. I just came by to see if I could borrow one of your shoes. I'm going sailing. Oh, that's very funny. You know, someday, gumshoe, you're gonna run out of gags. Then what are you gonna do? Well, I could set you on fire. That's sure to be a good chuckle. Oh, yeah. Lieutenant in? Yeah, Otis, you want to know how to catch a crook? Ha. Wise guy. Eat a lot of spaghetti. How can I catch a crook that way? Just open that Big mouth and say, oh, yeah, you'll lasso him. Hello, Lieutenant Levinson. Lieutenant Levinson. Well, how do you do, Mr. Diamond? Now, what's with the formal routine? Oh, I can't help it. Every time I leave Otis, I feel like I've just stepped out of a gorilla cage. Oh, why don't you leave that poor guy alone, Rick? He's used to it. If I started treating him like a human being, he'd get so confused he'd probably cut off his tail. Think what would happen, Walt, when he wanted to go to sleep at night. No more hanging upside down. Oh, brother. What's on your mind? Oh, I just thought I'd stop by and chew the fat. Well, go ahead. I already did shoot a whole pound right off Otis. Walt, are you sure he's a mammal? Now, you listen to me. Otis is a nice fella for a hammerhead. He can't help it. So stop tearing him down and tell me what you really want. Walt, I'm surprised at you. I just wanted to stop by and say hello. Hello. Where's the body? Now, look, there's nobody. Just a nice chat, that's all. Okay. But I warn you, I won't stand for any routines. And if you're mixed up in something and I have to find out the hard way, so help me, I'll put you away. So far they'll have to pipe Air India. Walt, you do. Do what? Love me. Would you like to wear my Sig Alf pin? Pete's sake, what's the matter with you? You've been growing poppies in your office. Wait a minute. Yeah, what is it, Otis? Ms. Asher on the phone for Diamond. Okay. Phone for you, Rick. Helen. Oh, thanks. Fifth Precinct. Remember our motto. A corpse in the morgue is worth two in your basement.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Oh, no.

[Richard Diamond]

It's true, Walt. It's true.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Oh, that Walt just jumped out of the window?

[Richard Diamond]

No, honey, there's a caste system around here. When Walt feels like jumping out of a window, he throws orders out first to see if it hurts. Oh, hi, you baby.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Hi, Rick. Mr. Jones called and said it was very important that he see you at once. That it was a matter of life and death.

[Richard Diamond]

Jones? First name John.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Well, he didn't say. Just gave me an address and asked you to come over immediately. 137 River Street.

[Richard Diamond]

He called me at your apartment, huh?

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Hey, I never thought of that. How'd he get the number?

[Richard Diamond]

No telling. Well, I'll go on over. Maybe he'll turn out to be a good client. Call you later, baby. Out Your throat, Loudon, I'm all.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Goodbye, Rick.

[Richard Diamond]

Hey, you really sound terrible. I'll see you later, Walt, Huh? Oh, well, thanks for the brilliant conversations. Just because I didn't have a corpse hidden out someplace, you get mad. All right. See if I care. Oh, now, wait a minute. No, no, I understand. Well, you can just get someone else to play jack's with. I'll send you Sam Spade now. Rick Otis. Yeah, Luton. Why haven't you got that report in here? I've been eating spaghetti. Spaghetti? Yeah, and that diamond's a liar. I can't lasso nothing. Maybe you have to be a cowboy. Thanks, Gabby. Keep the change. 137 River street the address Helen had given me over the phone was an old, deserted warehouse. I want to stop right here and say. I admit it was pretty stupid to wander into an empty warehouse like that, but I figured that this Jones guy must be in some kind of trouble to leave a message like that with Helen. The place was as empty as a fairground in the winter. I put my hand on my.38 and kept moving toward the back of the building. Then I saw a door. A sign on it said, john Jones, Enter. And wouldn't you know it, I did. Hey, what's going on? Where am I?

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Let me out of here.

[Richard Diamond]

Come on, Mr. Lumpkin, let's get out of here.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Let me out of here.

[Richard Diamond]

But I don't understand. He's liable to stay in there forever. I don't want him to stop singing like that. Somebody will come along. I promise you that. I just want him to stay in there for half an hour, that's all. And now, wait a minute. I want to know just what this is all about. You want him to lose his voice, don't you? Oh, I love it. Well, when he went through that door, he started losing it. How? Well, what's behind that door? An icebox. Come on, Mr. Grumpkin. Well, that's exactly where I was. In an ice box. Not a very big one, but a very cold one. The kind a company might have to store fresh meat and drinks. I tried breaking down the door, but it was a foot thick. I struck a match and looked around. Lots of ice. No way out. So I turned up my collar and sat down to wait. I don't know how long I sat there, but I guessed it to be about 20 minutes. I could tell because my feet had frozen up about 20 minutes worth. Then I heard that lovely sound. Rick. Rick, you in there? Yeah. Yeah. Hand me an ice pick. I want to get my feet uncrossed how on the devil did this happen? Well, I think one of the frozen food company's got a new idea. What's the matter, Diamond? Forget your sleigh? Shut up, Otis. You think you can walk, Rick? Yeah, sure, but I might squeak a little. Ooh, got a Bunsen burner handy, Otis. Okay. How did you find me? We got a call from a guy named Jones. Yeah, Said he was in danger and that you were coming down to meet him at the warehouse. Said he saw two guys lock you in this icebox. Oh, dandy. Did he say where he was? Yeah, here's the address. Thanks. Hey, where do you think you're going? I feel better now. I'm going over to find Jones. Well, you might get in trouble If I can find the two guys who locked me up. You can bet on it. I'm going to send Otis along with you. Otis? I thought you wanted me to keep out of trouble. Ah, now wait a minute. I can keep you out of trouble, Diamond. Oh, Otis, you couldn't find an elephant in an elevator, but come on and bring your head with you. This is the address where that Jones guy said he'd meet you. I. Mandelbaum, Swedish Massage. This guy really picks out some great places to hide out. Come on, Otis, speak first or the rest of you'll never get out of the car. Oh, hey, diamond, you think while you're talking with this guy Jones, I might get me a rub down? Otis, to rub that stomach of yours, it would take a gallon of baby oil and an octopus to get anywhere. Hey, smells kind of good, don't it? Like a pine tree, maybe. Otis, how would you remember the last time you smelled a pine tree was when you used to run with a pack. Now listen here, diamond, you gotta lay off. I don't go around. What can I do for you? Holy cow, get the biceps. Oh, I'm looking for a guy named Jones. Yeah, who wants him? The name's diamond. Oh, well, Mr. Jones is expecting you. I think he's back in the steam. Which way is it? Straight back. I'd show you when I gotta give a guy a rub. Come on, Otis, you must be at the end of the hall. That's a pretty bright observation, seeing as how there's only one door and it's at the end of a hall. Yeah, yeah, that's the steam room. How do you know? By this little window in the door. What do you see? Steam. Then by golly, it must be the steam room. I can't see nothing, Mr. Jones. Hey, ain't that Some guy lying over there on the bench? It looks like it, Mr. Jones. You don't answer? No, Otis. Look, I'm going over there. Keep the door open. I don't want anyone to lock me in this place. Okay, okay. Mr. Jones, I. Well. Hey, Otis, it's just a bunch of towels rolled up to look like somebody. Hey, Otis, what's the matter? Diamond? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are you? Right over here. Well, what are you doing there? I told you to stay by the door and keep it open. Well, I did stay by the door until I got pushed. Pushed? Oh, no. You know something? For what? I think we're locked in. Oh, shut up, Otis. Ah, but I don't feel for good. What are we gonna do? Oh, why don't you be happy? It's the only chance you'll ever get to sweat off some of that blubber. Yeah, your one. I should look like when the tr. Atrocity pictures. Otis, you could lose 300 pounds and still weigh in with King Kong. Yeah, there's no time to get nasty. Well, relax. Read a magazine or something. What do you mean? This is what I said. Read a magazine. Isn't that one right over there? Yeah. Oh, for Pete's sake. How can I read this thing? Shammas. The pages is all stuck together. You couldn't read the first line of an eye chart anyway. Just look at the pictures and shut up. Oh, see? Hey, what's the matter? This magazine.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Take a look at this.

[Richard Diamond]

What is it? It's one of them movie magazines. Movie Stars Parade. So what? We'll get a load of these pictures. Ain't that you? Let me see. Well, how about that? Some guy acting like Richard diamond, private detective. Well, it looks like you. Ah, no, it's that Powell guy, that actor carried out. Oh, no, no, it's a good magazine. Give me that. Aw. Hey, what'd you do that for? If it hadn't been for that juvenile, I could have been in pictures myself. Now try kicking in that little window again. Ah, it's no use. That glass must be bulletproof. Oh, swell. First an icebox and now a steam bath. I'm gonna start thinking I'm in California. Well, don't just sit there, sweat and do something. My uniform shrinking. Well, maybe now it'll match your head. I just can't figure this. If someone wants to. Someone wants to get rid of me, why did they do it the old fashioned way? Oh, don't say that. How long do you think we've been in here? I don't know. A diamond. Yeah. My socks Just disappeared. Well, go kick on the door again. It's your turn. I don't think I can make it. We've been in here for days. Hey, look at your watch. It's all steamed up. I can't take hell. You think there'll be anything left? Just your shoes, Otis. It'll take a blast furnace to get rid of those. Wait a minute. What's the matter? I thought I heard somebody outside.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Yeah. Help.

[Richard Diamond]

Help. Shut up. Hey. Hey, what's going on in here? Who closed a bowl on the door? We're saved. Would you mind helping us out, old man? We seem to be a little limp. Hey, where's Mr. Jones? Hey, what are you doing in here with your clothes on? Trying to get him steam cleaned. Oh, fresh air. Now, would you two guys mind telling me what this is all about? Maybe you better tell us, buster. I don't know what you mean. Who locked the door on us? How do I know? I give a guy a rub, when I come back, I find the door bolted. Hey, where's Mr. Jones? You sure he was in the same room? Sure. He comes in, says he wants a steam, you should show up. I should send you back. I told him I was going to give a rub to stay as long as he liked. Did he ask you how long the rub would be? Yeah, matter of fact, he did. I said it'd be about half hour. I don't get it. I don't get it. He wanted me in that steam room for just a half an hour. He wanted me in that icebox for about the same time. What's with this, Diamond? Look at this uniform. Oh, I think it's lovely. Otis, you should always wear knickers. Rick, this is stupid. Didn't the guy at the steam room tell you what this Jones guy looked like? Well, the description could have been anyone. Look, I'm just as mixed up as you are. Well, we'll keep after it. Just don't worry, that's all. Hey, Diamond, Ms. Ashley just called and I told her what's been happening. You mean you know? No, but I told her anyway. She said you should come right over because she had dinner for you. She wanted to take care of you. Isn't he lovely, Walt? Think what that head is gonna look like in a bottle. Oh, now you got him sore. It's gonna be horrible around here. Well, isn't it always? Well, I'm going on over to Helen's Keep after that Jones guy and let me know if you run. Are you Mr. Kumpkin? Lumpkin. Okay. How Are you? Yeah, come in, come in. Well, diamond and a friend. Boy, you think it did the trick? Look, when Pat Cosack. Yeah, Kosak. Well, when I do anything, the results are guaranteed. I just tailed diamond from the station. He went into his girlfriend's apartment across the way. Oh, goody. Let's see what happens tonight. I'm staying home from work just to hear him not sing. Yeah, about my 50 bucks. Oh, look, he's never in that apartment more than 10 minutes before he starts singing. If he goes over 15, you get your 50. Come on. What are we gonna do, raise the window? I don't want to miss the lovely silence when he opens that big bazoo. Okay, that looks funny.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

I'm sorry, Rick. With your clothes or shrugs so much.

[Richard Diamond]

You should see Otis.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

I'm sorry.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, you should be. Don't know what I've been through.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Oh, yes, I do. And Mommy's gonna make it better. Here's a nice drink.

[Richard Diamond]

I don't want a nice drink.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Oh, it's strong enough.

[Richard Diamond]

We'll put it in the dirty glass.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

You just drink it.

[Richard Diamond]

Okay. Oh, wow. My throat.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

You hear something?

[Richard Diamond]

No, why?

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Nothing. Your throat's still pretty bad.

[Richard Diamond]

Don't know me. Hey, it's pretty good.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

It sounds great. Oh, no, now I heard something then.

[Richard Diamond]

Yeah, so did I. It's a grouch again.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Give it to him.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, you bet. I feel mean. 101 pounds of fun. That's my little honey bun. Get a load of honey bun tonight. I'm speaking of my sweetie pie. Only 60 inches high. Every inch is packed with dynamite. Her hair is blonde and curly. Her curls are hurly burly. Her lips are pips. I call her hips twirly and whirly. She's my baby. I'm her pap. I'm her booby. She's my trap. I am caught and I don't want to run. Cause I'm having so much fun with honey bun. Hey, what's going on over there? Okay, but don't hit me again. You can keep the 50 bucks. Said he wouldn't sing again.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Huh? Said you fixed it.

[Richard Diamond]

Well, I'll fix you. No, not that. Put down that chair.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Go out and get out of here. That vulture is singing better than ever.

[Richard Diamond]

Okay, okay. Only don't hit me again.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Yes.

[Richard Diamond]

Rick, you know that icebox and that steam bath were the best things in the world for my throat.

[Rick's Wife / Ellen / Female Companion]

Yes. After you lost your voice this morning, I didn't think anything was going to help. But that ice box and that steam bath really did diamond.

[Richard Diamond]

Oh, hello, Mr. Lumpkin. Did I hear you say you lost your voice this morning? That's right, Mr. Lumpkin. They didn't think I was gonna get it back either. Good night, Mr. Diamond.

[Narrator]

You have just heard Richard Diamond, Private Detective, starring Dick Powell. Helen was played by Virginia Gregg. Lieutenant Levinson by Ed Begley. Also in our cast were Wilms Herbert, Jack Crucian and Stephen Dunn. Music was under the direction of Frank Worth. Richard diamond is written and directed by Blake Edwards.

[Richard Diamond]

Richard diamond, starring Nick Powell, was previously released over the National Broadcasting Company for listeners in the United States and has been re released to you men and women overseas by the United States Armed Forces Radio Service, the Voice of Information and Education.