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Commercial Voice
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John Hagedorn (Host)
Welcome to 1001 Radio Crime Solvers podcast. This is your host, John Hagedorn, and we want 1001 radio crime solvers to be your favorite place to go to enjoy a great mix of vintage detective shows from the golden age of radio. The scripts were great, the action was hot, and even the old commercials are enjoyable. And now Another episode of 1001 Radio Grime Solvers is ready to go. Enjoy.
Narrator/Announcer
Stay tuned for Nero Wolf. This Sunday marks the premiere of the big show on NBC. Not just any big show, it's the big show, NBC's hour and a half of comedy, music and drama. The best of each. The Big show will be heard every Sunday afternoon over most of these stations with Tallulah Bankhead as mistress of ceremonies. Your stars for this Sunday's broadcast include Jimmy Durante, Fred Allen and Ethel Merman, Frankie Lane, Mindy Carson, Meredith Wilson, Danny Thomas, and hosts of others. All this and Tallulah, too. No wonder it's the Big Show.
Archie Goodwin
My boss is the smartest and the stubbornest, the fattest and the laziest, the cleverest and the craziest, the most extravagant detective in the world, Nero Wolf.
Narrator/Announcer
It's the adventure of the case of the dear Dead lady with that brilliant eccentric private detective, orchid fancier and gargantuan gourmet, Nero Wolf. Starring Sydney Greenstreet. Nero Wolf had just come downstairs, having tended to his precious orchids. He was, as usual, seated in the library, which served as the office. He had just dialed a phone number and with his eyes closed, was leaning back in his specially built chair, which
Archie Goodwin
was big enough for two, but not two of him.
Elevator Boy
Halsbrucker's Market Domestic and imported delicacies.
Nero Wolfe
Mr. Hallsbrecher, this is Nero Wolf.
Elevator Boy
Oh yeah, Mr. Wolf, I was just about to ring you.
Nero Wolfe
I have need of two pounds of duck liver. I do not, of course, refer to the commercialized Strasbourg Patty.
Elevator Boy
Well, I appreciate the order, Mr. Wolf,
Nero Wolfe
but next, my cook Fritz informs me that we require three fine fat geese.
Elevator Boy
Lock, Mr. Wolf. There's a little matter of an unpaid.
Nero Wolfe
You might add 12 cases of beer, a butcher of Vermont apples, green for stuffing, and a gallon of Marquisa patricia Roman oil, Mr. Wolf. In addition, Fritz has listed six dozen eggs, four braces of Sussex woodcock, and a few pounds of Westphalian ham. You have all that?
Elevator Boy
I. I can get it, Mr. Wolf, but my bookkeeper.
Nero Wolfe
Very much, Mr. Halbraker. That will be all. Now then, Archie.
Archie Goodwin
Yes, boss.
Nero Wolfe
You seem to be worried.
Archie Goodwin
I am. This means naturally, that I'm supposed to handle Halsprecher's delivery boy when and if he shows.
Nero Wolfe
I had thought of leaving that simple matter to you.
Archie Goodwin
And what about the simple matter of the money?
Nero Wolfe
Money?
Archie Goodwin
I. I hate to bring up a vulgar subject, but where is it coming from?
Nero Wolfe
Oh, of course, you're right, Archie. I should have said.
Archie Goodwin
Said what?
Nero Wolfe
Charge it.
Archie Goodwin
Boss. Look, you don't realize. I know, but we're into that truffle broker for 500 odd bucks and change.
Nero Wolfe
All right, all right, then give him a check.
Archie Goodwin
Okay, okay, I will give him a check. And I hope they'll let you keep the orchids in your cell.
Nero Wolfe
You're a wit, Archie.
Archie Goodwin
You know I'm on the bank's mailing list. We got a notice this morning.
Nero Wolfe
You don't mean.
Archie Goodwin
Oh, but I do.
Nero Wolfe
Again?
Archie Goodwin
Yeah, you just can't take money out of an account, boss. Sometimes you gotta put some in. This is the only way to deal with the man I work for. And if I hadn't thrown him that scare, he wouldn't have been willing to listen when the door buzzer rang and a prosperous looking young guy and the kind of clothes that don't grow on trees came in and stood in front of the boss's chair fiddling with the brim of his pork pie.
Ted Oliphant
My name is elephant, Mr. Wolf.
Nero Wolfe
Oliphant.
Archie Goodwin
Yes, sir.
Ted Oliphant
Oliphant. I am the spiritual leader and guiding head of a small religious group known as the Seekers of the Inner Power.
Nero Wolfe
I see also a man addicted to marrying neither wisely nor well, but often.
Ted Oliphant
You read the papers? I do, Mr. Wolf. I am as aware of my sin ridden past as anyone else is. The point is that I'm no longer that kind of man. Even a person such as I can see the light and time.
Nero Wolfe
Good. Might I ask why you've come to see me, Mr. Oliphant?
Ted Oliphant
I need your help, Mr. Wolfe, concerning a certain young lady with whom I'm deeply in love. Oh, I beg you not to confuse the present emotion with any of my earlier escapades. What I feel for Ms. Dana is the pure and righteous glow of an upright seeker of the inner power.
Nero Wolfe
I promise to look on you as thoroughly redeemed, Mr. Oliver. Proceed. Oh, by the way, do I recognize the name of your young lady As a Park Avenue socialite, an amateur swimming. Swimming champion, yes.
Ted Oliphant
But she's sweet, wonderful, beautiful. I've asked her to marry me and she's given me some hope. In time, I fully expect to make her my wife.
Archie Goodwin
Well, then where's the problem?
Ted Oliphant
The problem is the presence of another man in her life.
Nero Wolfe
I'm sorry, sir. I'm a detective, not a matchmaker.
Ted Oliphant
This isn't a question of making a match, Mr. Wolf. I have much too much respect for your talents to think of offering you such and sign.
Nero Wolfe
Exactly what do you want me to do?
Ted Oliphant
I want you to save Ilsa Dana's life.
Nero Wolfe
A life?
Ted Oliphant
Mr. Wolf, this other man I spoke of is insanely jealous. Not only of Ilsa's present, but of her past as well. He has threatened to kill her.
Nero Wolfe
I don't doubt your earnestness in this matter, Mr. Oliphant, but how would you know?
Ted Oliphant
I was listening on an extension in Ms. Dana's apartment a few days ago when Hunter called.
Nero Wolfe
Hunter?
Ted Oliphant
Yes, sir. Jack Hunter, known as Jack the Babe Hunter.
Archie Goodwin
Wait. Wait a minute. I know that canvas back. Sure. He's a coffee and cake prelim waltz.
Ted Oliphant
Oh, he is not.
Nero Wolfe
He's a boxer. Archie is being fancy overlooking Mr. Oliphant. Is Hunter in love with this lady of yours?
Ted Oliphant
I doubt it. He's a man of complete moral and spiritual corruption, I believe.
Nero Wolfe
Naturally you would. But what are the facts?
Ted Oliphant
In my opinion, he's after her for her money.
Nero Wolfe
She has money to burn. And you, Mr. Oliphant? Me? Can you also afford to burn?
Ted Oliphant
How much do you want?
Nero Wolfe
The answer to that would be astronomical. However, if you leave a check for, say, $7,000, I shall look into your matter the very moment I have completed a little research into the nutrition of the Polynesian orchid.
Archie Goodwin
Elephant's check. Gave our bank account a slight blood transfusion. I think it was the boss's plan to spend a week or two in the plant rooms before he got busy on the case. And he'd have done it, too, if that phone call hadn't come in about a little after nine. Just after Wolf had polished off one of Fritz's dinners and was settling back with a Stein of beer in his hand.
Nero Wolfe
Don't disturb yourself, Archie. I'll get it now.
Archie Goodwin
Well, look out you don't strain yourself, boss. You gotta straighten out an elbow to reach that receiver.
Nero Wolfe
You have an unfortunate flair for mixing humor with impertinence, my friend. Hello? Nero Wolf speaking.
Elevator Boy
This is Elsa Dana, Mr. Wolf.
Nero Wolfe
How do you do, Ms. Dana? We were discussing you only this morning.
Elevator Boy
So I've heard.
Nero Wolfe
Through whom?
Elevator Boy
Ted Oliphant.
Nero Wolfe
I see. The young man seemed to be quite worried about you.
Elevator Boy
The young man should tend to his own affairs.
Nero Wolfe
Said you were in some danger.
Elevator Boy
I know what he said, and not one word of it was true. Oh, I'd like to talk to you, Mr. Wolf.
Nero Wolfe
I'm sure it would be an immense pleasure. Where do you live?
Elevator Boy
I have an apartment at 22 Blanton Street. Could you be here soon?
Nero Wolfe
I could be there in a quarter of an hour, Ms. Dana. By proxy, of course.
Archie Goodwin
The proxy, naturally, was yours truly. Ten minutes later, at twenty past nine, I walked up to El Sedana's door with a nosy elevator boy giving me the double O. The reason for his interest was that her door was open and the room inside was empty except for a little twisted pile of pale pink satin, which, at close range turned out to be a woman. Which woman turned out to be Ilsa Dana. And Elsa Dana was dead.
Elevator Boy
She used to be pretty. She isn't now.
Archie Goodwin
Strangulation doesn't help any girl's looks, son.
Elevator Boy
Make anything of it?
Archie Goodwin
Well, the position of her body and the blood stains on her pointed fingernails tells me that she put up a tough struggle before somebody succeeded in smothering with a pillow from the sofa over there.
Elevator Boy
Yeah, that figures. When did it happen, I wonder?
Archie Goodwin
In the last 15 minutes, I'd guess. Say, who's been up in the elevator this evening?
Elevator Boy
Nobody for her.
Archie Goodwin
Well, somebody came up.
Elevator Boy
Who says not? They could have used the stairs, you know.
Commercial Voice
Yeah?
Archie Goodwin
How well do you know Ms. Dana?
Elevator Boy
I know exactly zero about Ms. Dana.
Archie Goodwin
How could you ride her up and down every day? You know nothing about her.
Elevator Boy
It's a rule of the house to keep your mouth shut. The rule also goes when being questioned by a cop.
Archie Goodwin
A cop? Who's a cop?
Elevator Boy
Oh, I guess you're a cello player from the Philharmonic.
Archie Goodwin
Look, I happen to work for a guy named Nero Wolf.
Nero Wolfe
Oh.
Archie Goodwin
Heard of him?
Commercial Voice
Maybe.
Archie Goodwin
Well, if your memory comes alive, son, I might see my way clear to spend a few dollars with you.
Ted Oliphant
Understand?
Elevator Boy
I'll keep you in mind. Going down, M.
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Archie Goodwin
Another pina colada.
Narrator/Announcer
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Nero Wolfe
Fantastic.
Narrator/Announcer
Hire 36% more help.
Archie Goodwin
You're hired and you're hired.
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Archie Goodwin
I spent time trying to get sense out of the superintendent and a set of chambermaids, but they were as quiet as a ballpark on Christmas Eve. Then I called the cops and told them about Elephant and Hunter. By the time I got home, the house was dark and Nero Wolf was sleeping. Next morning, I gave him the details while he drank three bottles of beer. When I finished, he sat for a long time and then started another bottle.
Nero Wolfe
The prize fighter. What about the prize fighter? Archie Hunter.
Archie Goodwin
Well, I. I phoned the hotel he lives in before you got up and they told me he wasn't in.
Nero Wolfe
You know, I begin to think that Mr. Oliphant brought us a more absorbing case than he suspected.
Archie Goodwin
You know, I'm glad you like it.
Nero Wolfe
I don't like it. I don't like work of any variety, but this thing has its points.
Archie Goodwin
Well, what do we do next?
Nero Wolfe
Next, we investigate my client.
Archie Goodwin
What?
Nero Wolfe
Merely because a reform playboy employs a detective doesn't exempt him from suspicion.
Ted Oliphant
At you.
Archie Goodwin
Oh, now who's that?
Nero Wolfe
I'm afraid we have new choice but to open the door and see.
Barstow Young
My name is Young. Barstow Young.
Archie Goodwin
It's nice meeting you, Mr. Young. What do you want?
Barstow Young
I want to see Nero Wolf.
Archie Goodwin
About?
Barstow Young
About a certain young lady with whom I am deeply in love.
Archie Goodwin
Will you repeat that?
Barstow Young
I want to see Mr. Wolf about a certain young lady with whom I am deeply in love.
Archie Goodwin
Her name, please?
Barstow Young
Ilse Dana.
Archie Goodwin
Is it possible that you entertain plans of making her your wife?
Nero Wolfe
Why, yes, but there's a problem involved.
Archie Goodwin
Another man?
Barstow Young
Yes.
Archie Goodwin
Well, then, do come in. Do come in. I think we've been waiting for you. Oh, Mr. Wolf. Here's another one.
Barstow Young
Ah, Mr. Wolf.
Nero Wolfe
You've come to me about Miss Ilse.
Barstow Young
Now, sir, I have come to you more specifically about a man who has threatened her life.
Archie Goodwin
How unusual.
Barstow Young
He's the treacherous kind. Mild mannered, you know. As we say in my profession, he underplays it.
Nero Wolfe
Your profession then, is the stage?
Archie Goodwin
It is, sir. Go on.
Nero Wolfe
You interest me deeply.
Barstow Young
I was present recently when he told her that he would certainly kill her unless she mended her sinful ways.
Archie Goodwin
Sinful?
Barstow Young
No one denies that Ilse has had, shall we say, a checkered career. But the man's attitude is totally fanatical.
Nero Wolfe
What's his particular brand of fanaticism? Mr. Young?
Barstow Young
Theodore Oliphant is a religious maniac.
Archie Goodwin
Well, what do you know? He's come to give Theodore a bad report card.
Barstow Young
I don't understand. I've come to ask Mr. Wolf to prevent his murdering Ms. Dana.
Nero Wolfe
Am I allowed a direct question, sir?
Barstow Young
Why, of course.
Nero Wolfe
Where were you between 9 and 9:20pm last night?
Barstow Young
9 and 9 12. Why do you ask?
Nero Wolfe
You said I was permitted a direct question.
Barstow Young
Oh, I was walking in the park, as I remember.
Nero Wolfe
Do you make a habit of walking in the park?
Barstow Young
I have lately. I'm preparing for an important role in the forthcoming production. What's so important about last night from
Nero Wolfe
your point of view? A great deal, sir.
Barstow Young
What do you mean?
Nero Wolfe
Last night Ms. Ilsa Dana was murdered. What? Mr. Goodwin here discovered the body. No, I'm afraid I must insist, Mr. Young.
Barstow Young
Why? Why are you looking at me like that? Are you accusing me of.
Nero Wolfe
I have accused you of nothing, my dear sir.
Barstow Young
Well, now, look, you're making a mistake. Oliphant killed her, you may be sure of that.
Nero Wolfe
I have your word?
Archie Goodwin
I know him.
Barstow Young
He was trying to reform her. Wanted to make her a devout follower of his cult, the Seekers of Power. I heard him tell her to her face that if she refused redemption, he would see to it that she didn't live on in her wickedness.
Nero Wolfe
You could produce other witnesses.
Barstow Young
Do you know, in your own smug way, you're as detestable a character as
Archie Goodwin
I have ever had. All right, all right, let's everybody take five.
Commercial Voice
Yeah, Nero Wolf.
Archie Goodwin
He's busy. This is Archie Goodwin.
Commercial Voice
You'll do. Goodwin, this is Jack the Babe Hunter.
Archie Goodwin
Oh, how are you?
Commercial Voice
Great. Except the cops seem to want to talk to me about some murder fandango because, as I get it, you name
Archie Goodwin
my name, you got it wrong.
Commercial Voice
I doubt it. And I'm coming over there to set you straight. Why'd you ring me in on this mess, Wolf?
Nero Wolfe
You knew the girl pretty well.
Commercial Voice
Me? And how many more besides? What time was she murdered last night?
Nero Wolfe
Between 9 and 9. 20.
Commercial Voice
I see.
Nero Wolfe
So if you will inform the police where you were at the time, that should be that.
Commercial Voice
Yeah.
Nero Wolfe
By the way, Mr. Hunter, where were you at the time?
Commercial Voice
I don't see your badge, Wolf.
Nero Wolfe
I was only wondering.
Commercial Voice
I haven't been near the Dana woman for over a month. But if you're really interested, I'll give you the name of the killer.
Nero Wolfe
Please do not keep us in suspense, Mr. Hunter.
Commercial Voice
A couple of years back, Ilsa financed a guy in a big and lousy Shakespearean play that closed like a clam and nothing flat.
Nero Wolfe
Go on.
Commercial Voice
It was money down the drain. The guy's got nerve and he was in love with her and he figured she'd do anything for him. So he comes back to her to finance him again. This time in Hamlet, no less. I see I don't have to tell
Archie Goodwin
you what a flop that would be.
Nero Wolfe
You needn't tell me the actor's name either. You know Mr. Bastow, Young just left here.
Elevator Boy
Yeah?
Commercial Voice
Well, he's your man, Wolf. He got so sore when she told him she wouldn't toss any more moolah into his broken down career, he went off his rocker and tore it down.
Nero Wolfe
Your reason for thinking so.
Commercial Voice
I met him on the street one day and he started beefing at me with blood in his eyes so all I could do not to punch him.
Nero Wolfe
Results might have been less fatal if you had followed your instincts.
Commercial Voice
I couldn't. Guy's built like a broomstick. He's weak as a cat. Hit him once, he'd crack like dry plaster.
Nero Wolfe
I see
Commercial Voice
what's on your mind.
Nero Wolfe
This man you're accusing of Ms. Stainer's murder, Mr. Hunter. He was very much in love with her. She was thinking about marrying him, he said.
Commercial Voice
He said.
Nero Wolfe
Yes, he did. I heard him too.
Commercial Voice
He was talking through his skull.
Narrator/Announcer
Cap.
Commercial Voice
Ilsa wasn't going to marry anybody.
Nero Wolfe
No?
Commercial Voice
No, she couldn't.
Nero Wolfe
Why couldn't she?
Commercial Voice
Well, she just couldn't, that's all. So long.
Archie Goodwin
Well, now we got a perfect circle with everybody pointing at everybody else and nobody able to prove a thing.
Nero Wolfe
What Hunter says isn't impossible, Archie.
Archie Goodwin
You think Young did it?
Nero Wolfe
I don't think at all yet. But if there's anything more dangerous than a woman scorned, it's an actor scorned. We have another visitor. Yeah? Who are you expecting at this point, anybody?
Archie Goodwin
Hi.
Nero Wolfe
Oh, you.
Elevator Boy
Yeah. I told you you might hear from me.
Archie Goodwin
Come on in.
Nero Wolfe
Who's this?
Archie Goodwin
Fella runs the elevator at 22 Blanton Street. What do you got for me, kid?
Elevator Boy
Postcard.
Archie Goodwin
Postcard?
Elevator Boy
Yeah, the cops missed it, but I spotted the edge stuck under a rug.
Nero Wolfe
Nice of you to have delivered it.
Archie Goodwin
Maybe he was just being curious.
Elevator Boy
Curious?
Archie Goodwin
It's not every elevator boy who has a chance to see Nero Wolf in the flesh.
Elevator Boy
Oh, him come off at high pockets. I'm here cause you mentioned something about spending a few bucks. I wouldn't cross the street to see the best gumshoe that ever breathed.
Archie Goodwin
Look, gum shoes don't breathe. And how would you like a sockie?
Nero Wolfe
Pay him and let him go.
Elevator Boy
Yeah, pay me and let me go.
Archie Goodwin
Sure, Mr. Wolf.
Nero Wolfe
Here you are.
Archie Goodwin
Thanks.
Elevator Boy
Don't mention it. Anytime, pal. Any time.
Archie Goodwin
How do you like that? Fresh little punk.
Nero Wolfe
Archie, the lad has done us nobly.
Elevator Boy
Yeah.
Nero Wolfe
Typewritten card addressed to Ms. Ilsa Dina.
Archie Goodwin
What's it say?
Nero Wolfe
Rather peculiar message. Have you prayed tonight? It's signed with a single letter, O.
Archie Goodwin
Have you prayed tonight? Yes, signed O.
Nero Wolfe
Exactly. Weird, isn't it?
Archie Goodwin
Well, what's weird about it? What could be plainer? Have you prayed tonight? Now I ask you, who is the man in this deal who's interested in praying?
Nero Wolfe
All of us, I hope, are God fearing.
Archie Goodwin
All right, all right. But I ask you again, what does O stand for?
Nero Wolfe
It could stand for o' Brien obituary, Omaha.
Archie Goodwin
What about Oliphant?
Nero Wolfe
Oliphant too.
Archie Goodwin
What's with this indifference? The case is cracking and you slough it off. You remember what Young said? Oliphant threatened to kill her because she wouldn't join that cockeyed movement of his.
Nero Wolfe
Don't exhaust yourself, Archie. We have a hard night ahead.
Archie Goodwin
Yes, but I don't understand.
Nero Wolfe
I don't mean to stifle your imagination, my friend, but if you'd reserve your deductions for a little while, you could lend me some much needed assistance.
Archie Goodwin
What do you want?
Nero Wolfe
I want you to become a burglar.
Archie Goodwin
A burglar?
Nero Wolfe
I want you to hurry over to the dead woman's apartment on Branton street and ransack it.
Archie Goodwin
For what?
Nero Wolfe
How do I know? We need help. Anything may help us. Go through the place with a fine tooth comb.
Archie Goodwin
I tore the late Ms. Dana's apartment to shoot threads, but I saw nothing. Then, just as I was about to give it up as a bum job, I noticed a little writing desk in the living room fried loose the lock. And spotted something among a pile of papers that belonged to no well to do. Flat was a pawn ticket. Lot 8N O4 6. And the address was a pawn shop around the corner on 6th Avenue. It wasn't more than 90 seconds later that I walked into the joint and tossed the ticket across the counter. Oh.
Nero Wolfe
Oh, yeah. This one.
Archie Goodwin
Redeem it and fast. Up pops.
Nero Wolfe
That's nothing. That's worth much, Mr. No.
Commercial Voice
Oh.
Archie Goodwin
What is it?
Barstow Young
This small steel filing box.
Elevator Boy
Anything in it?
Nero Wolfe
I don't know. Come to me.
Archie Goodwin
Locked. Never been able to get it open. We got it open. Wolf and I smashed the front end with a poker. There were some odds and ends inside. Old earrings, some thumbtacks, a cigarette lighter. Just trash. Then the boss stuck his fingers in and pulled out a plum.
Nero Wolfe
This is it.
Archie Goodwin
What do you mean, this is it?
Nero Wolfe
You fail to recognize this classic document, huh? Marriage license, Archie. A marriage license now.
Archie Goodwin
Or whose marriage license?
Nero Wolfe
Wording is self explanatory. Listen. This is to certify. Etc. Etc. Thus licensing. On this 3rd day of May, 1946, the marriage of Ms. Ilsa Dana to Mr. Johann Jaeger.
Archie Goodwin
Johann Jaeger?
Nero Wolfe
Exactly.
Archie Goodwin
Well, who in the world is Johann Jaeger?
Nero Wolfe
We'll soon see.
Archie Goodwin
I don't get it.
Nero Wolfe
I can understand. It's a befuddling little puzzle. It'll be very easy for one to make a fatal mistake here.
Archie Goodwin
But of course you won't.
Nero Wolfe
I won't?
Archie Goodwin
Three hours later, I'd herded all the suspects into the office and he sat in his chair and glared at them. Oliphant, Young and Hunter. It was tense and tight and the boss let it stay that way, saying not a word to anybody while he calmly sipped his beer. It was Oliphant who cracked first.
Ted Oliphant
I didn't kill Ils.
Nero Wolfe
I couldn't have. Jealousy is a very compelling motive, Mr. Oliphant. And you came to me, remember? Complaining that there was another man in Ilsa Dana's life?
Ted Oliphant
Whatever I complained about and. And jealous as I was, I didn't kill her, as the sacred power is my holy judge.
Nero Wolfe
Being unacquainted with your sacred power, I'd have to ask you for a better authority.
Archie Goodwin
Sacred power?
Ted Oliphant
It simply wouldn't have been possible for
Nero Wolfe
me to have done it. Why not?
Commercial Voice
Yeah, why not?
Ted Oliphant
Because I. I was at Mickey's Night Owl Club last night from 7 until
Archie Goodwin
4am contemplating the sacred power.
Nero Wolfe
No doubt that can be proved, Mr. Oliphant.
Ted Oliphant
Let me call now. Let the head waiter tell you.
Nero Wolfe
Hmm? Well, you take your embarrassment as an Indication that you're telling the truth.
Archie Goodwin
Hey, wait a minute.
Elevator Boy
You.
Archie Goodwin
You can't let him off like that.
Nero Wolfe
Don't be bothersome, Archie.
Archie Goodwin
Yeah, but we got that card he wrote. The one about have you prayed tonight? Signed with his initial.
Nero Wolfe
He didn't write that card, Archie.
Archie Goodwin
Now, look.
Nero Wolfe
And the O is not his initial, is it, Mr. Bastow? Young?
Barstow Young
I'm afraid I. I don't understand.
Nero Wolfe
On the contrary, I am afraid you do. But for the record, I'll explain. Oh, Archie.
Archie Goodwin
Yes, boss?
Nero Wolfe
Hand Mr. Young that large red volume off the shelf behind Mr. Hunter's head.
Archie Goodwin
This one?
Nero Wolfe
That one. Thank you. Now then, Mr. Young, you will favor me by opening the volume to page 1133. But why open it, sir? Good. You will now count six lines down from the top and read what you see.
Barstow Young
Have you prayed tonight?
Nero Wolfe
Thank you, Mr. Yang.
Archie Goodwin
What the devil is going on?
Nero Wolfe
Mr. Yang has just given us a reading from a tragedy. The line, have you pray tonight? Is spoken by the hero to the heroine just before he murders her. The name of the heroine is Desdemona. And the hero, as I'm sure you all know, is Othello.
Archie Goodwin
Othello?
Nero Wolfe
Yeah. The O was not Oliphant, Archie. Othello, I think, was a Shakespearean play which Miss Dana financed for our Mr. Young. And knowing she would recognize the quotation as well as the threat behind it, he sent it to her to warn her that he meant to murder her. You won't have the unmitigated gall to deny that, will you, Mr. Young?
Barstow Young
No. No, I don't deny it.
Archie Goodwin
Do I call the police?
Barstow Young
But I didn't kill her.
Nero Wolfe
The fact that I sent the car
Barstow Young
doesn't mean I killed her.
Archie Goodwin
Well, it'll do for my money.
Nero Wolfe
But not for mine. Archie.
Archie Goodwin
What?
Nero Wolfe
Mr. Young couldn't have killed Ms. Dana.
Commercial Voice
Why not?
Nero Wolfe
Because he lacks the strength to strangle such a healthy young woman. A champion athlete, wide awake and full of fight. He's rather a frail person, as we know. And smothering Ms. Dana with that pillow was no easy task. She struggled. Therefore, she clawed the wrists of the murderer. I'm sure that if you examine Mr. Young's wrists, you will find no scratches or scars.
Archie Goodwin
Here, let me see that.
Barstow Young
Go ahead.
Nero Wolfe
Well, Archie?
Archie Goodwin
Ah, you're right.
Nero Wolfe
Nothing. I was sure there wouldn't be. The person who actually killed Ms. Dana was a powerful physical specimen. Yeah? Yes, Mr. Hunter. In all probability, a professional athlete. A muscular man in good condition.
Commercial Voice
You pointing at me?
Nero Wolfe
Seems quite likely, doesn't it?
Commercial Voice
You're out of your head.
Nero Wolfe
Am I?
Commercial Voice
Yeah.
Nero Wolfe
Ilse. Fraud. Nietzsche.
Commercial Voice
Javor.
Nero Wolfe
I. I mean, you said ya, Mr. Hunter. And you meant ya. Yes. I asked you in German if Elsa Diana was your wife. And you in the heat of emotion answered me. Yes. In your mother tongue.
Archie Goodwin
Look, what's going on here?
Nero Wolfe
Allow me to present Mr. Johann Yeager.
Archie Goodwin
Archie.
Elevator Boy
Him.
Nero Wolfe
I've known it since we first saw that marriage license. You see, Jack Hunter is the English translation of our friend's real name back in Germany, where he comes from. Mr. Johann Yeager.
Archie Goodwin
What do you know?
Commercial Voice
So you proved nothing. Yeah. I was married to Ilse. That's why I said she couldn't marry anybody else. But he didn't kill her. She was my wife.
Archie Goodwin
I loved her.
Nero Wolfe
Ollivan told us you were insanely jealous of him.
Commercial Voice
What if he did? You know better.
Nero Wolfe
Do we? Sure you do.
Commercial Voice
Yousa told yourself over the phone that every word Olyphant said was a lie.
Nero Wolfe
Interesting.
Archie Goodwin
What is?
Nero Wolfe
How you could possibly know what Ilsa Dana told me over the phone. I haven't mentioned it to you or anybody else.
Commercial Voice
Oh, well. Well, you see.
Nero Wolfe
I see most clearly, Mr. Yeager, that you must have been in the apartment with her, listening on the extension phone, or you couldn't possibly have that information. And it was only a few minutes after that telephone call that Ailsa Dana was smothered to death.
Commercial Voice
And. I see. It's about time I said good night.
Archie Goodwin
Wait a minute, Yeager.
Nero Wolfe
Wait a minute. Good work, Archie. I advise you to sit still, Mr. Johan Yeager Hunter.
Ted Oliphant
I was right.
Archie Goodwin
I told you.
Narrator/Announcer
He threatened to kill her.
Archie Goodwin
But why?
Nero Wolfe
I've only guessed at the story. Reconstructed it, so to say. But I think you and Mr. Young are to be congratulated.
Commercial Voice
On what, sir?
Nero Wolfe
On not having won your fair lady. You've always thought of her as a sweet, demure society girl. But actually she was a vicious person. As bad as the man who killed her, if not worse. She tortured him cruelly for four long years.
Ted Oliphant
How can you say that about her?
Nero Wolfe
How can you doubt it, Mr. Oliphant? There must have been a great many men in her life. We know at least two. Definitely you and Mr. Young.
Ted Oliphant
But she was in love with me.
Barstow Young
She was in love with me.
Nero Wolfe
I'm sorry to shatter your illusions, but she was not in love with either of you. She was using you for her purpose.
Ted Oliphant
What was her purpose?
Nero Wolfe
Tormenting the man she married. That was her preoccupation. Day and night. She delighted in tyrannizing over him, as one might in breaking a bull or taming a wild mustang. Do I come near the truth, Hunter? Yes.
Commercial Voice
Until I couldn't stand it any longer.
Nero Wolfe
May I ask then, why you married her?
Commercial Voice
Why? Because I couldn't help myself. I crawled for her. I married her on the terms that nobody should ever know I was her husband. She was too good for me. She told me that to my face, over and over. We belong to different worlds. But I was crazy about her. So I took it. What I've taken, you wouldn't believe.
Nero Wolfe
Oh, I'm sure I would, Mr. Hunt. I'm a very understanding man. The question is, will a jury believe you? And that we must begin to learn immediately. Archie.
Archie Goodwin
Yes, sir.
Nero Wolfe
Phone for Inspector Kramer.
Narrator/Announcer
You have been listening to the new Adventures of Nero Wolf, starring Sydney Green Street. Tonight's transcribed story by Peter Berry was based on the famous characters created by Rex Stout. This is an Edwin Fadiman program produced and directed by J. Donald Wilson. In the cast were Herb Ellis as Archie Goodwin and Lee Millar, Marna Keneally, Larry Dobkin, Barney Phillips and Jerry Hausner. Next week at this same time, Nero Wolf and Archie will bring you the case of the Headless Hunter. Don Stanley speaking. And don't forget, this Sunday marks the premiere of the big show on NBC. Not just any big show, it's the big show. NBC's hour and a half of comedy, music, drama and the best of each. The Big show will be heard every Sunday afternoon over most of these stations with Tallulah Bankhead as mistress of ceremonies. Your stars for this Sunday's broadcast include Jimmy Daddy, Fred Allen, Ethel Merman, Frankie Lane, Mindy Carson, Meredith Wilson, Danny Thomas and hosts of others. No wonder it's the Big show and Theater Guild on the air. This Sunday presents Judy Garland in Miss Alice Adams. So don't forget, Tallulah Bankhead brings you the Big Show Sunday on NBC.
John Hagedorn (Host)
That wraps it up for Tonight's show at 1001 Radio Crime Solvers. We really enjoy good reviews, so when you have a chance, say something nice about a selection of shows. Or maybe suggest some to us. Thanks for joining us. See you next time,
Nero Wolfe
Sam.
Commercial Voice
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Podcast: 1001 Radio Crime Solvers
Host: Jon Hagadorn
Story: The Case of the Dear Dead Lady (New Adventures of Nero Wolfe)
Original Air Date: May 13, 2026 (1001 rebroadcast)
Main Cast: Nero Wolfe (Sydney Greenstreet), Archie Goodwin (Herb Ellis)
Episode Theme: Solving the murder of socialite Ilsa Dana—an exploration of jealousy, deception, and love-gone-wrong amidst New York high society.
This episode presents a classic radio detective story from the golden age, starring the legendary eccentric detective Nero Wolfe. Wolfe is called upon to solve the murder of Ilse Dana, a glamorous socialite with a complicated love life, whose death leaves a web of suspects and motives. Listeners are drawn into a world of intrigue, jealousy, and hidden identities, where the least likely character turns out to be the murderer. The clever dialogue, colorful character interplay, and Wolfe’s trademark brilliance bring this whodunit to life.
Wolfe lays out the tragic relationship:
Notable Quotes:
Wolfe instructs Archie to call the police; justice will now proceed.
| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|--------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 04:53 | Archie | “I hope they'll let you keep the orchids in your cell.” | | 05:58 | Ted Oliphant | “What I feel for Ms. Dana is the pure and righteous glow of an upright seeker of the inner power.” | | 08:01 | Nero Wolfe | “The answer to that would be astronomical. ... leave a check for, say, $7,000, I shall look into it.” | | 09:54 | Archie | “She used to be pretty. She isn't now. Strangulation doesn’t help any girl’s looks, son.” | | 13:26 | Barstow Young | “I want to see Mr. Wolfe about a certain young lady with whom I am deeply in love.” | | 20:33 | Archie | “I ask you again, what does O stand for?” | | 25:07 | Barstow Young | “Have you prayed tonight?” | | 27:01 | Nero Wolfe | “I asked you in German if Ilsa Dana was your wife. ... you answered me 'ya.'” | | 28:36 | Nero Wolfe | “You’ve always thought of her as a sweet, demure society girl. But actually ... she was a vicious person.”| | 29:27 | Hunter/Yeager | “What I’ve taken, you wouldn’t believe.” |
A masterclass in radio whodunit, this episode of Nero Wolfe weaves complex characters, misleading clues, and barbed banter into a tale of deception and obsession. Wolfe, with his trademark blend of logic and languor, unmasks the true killer not by violence or chase, but with words, wit, and the literary allusion of a Shakespearean tragedy. For fans of detective mysteries, it’s a vivid reminder of why these shows continue to captivate.