Dr. Luyi Kathy Zhang, MD has sat with thousands of people and their families in the final moments of their lives, learning from the choices they’ve made and what often goes unsaid. In this episode, she joins Jennifer Reid, MD to talk about caregiver guilt, the “burden of being a burden,” and why she treats self-care less like an indulgence and more like a clinical skill in her daily work.

What makes Dr. Zhang’s perspective so disarming is that she refuses to treat death as a subject that requires hushed tones. She brings the same matter-of-fact warmth to a hospital room at Bellevue as she does to her writing and videos about her experiences working in end-of-life care. She and Dr. Reid also discuss how listeners can start on a path to less guilt and more meaning in their lives today.

Her ABCs of Deathbed Regret

Dr. Zhang shares the framework she returns to again and again at the bedsides of the dying. It’s not a list of regrets about money or career, but 3 quieter, more human wishes so many people have spoken about in their final days.

Authenticity. “I wish I had been more true to myself.” The regret of having lived as who was expected, rather than who they actually were.

Bravery. “I wish I had the courage to pursue my dreams.” The risk that felt too frightening to take, looked back on as the one that mattered most.

Connection. “I wish I had kept in touch.” The relationship left untended, or never repaired.

As Dr. Zhang puts it, her hope isn’t that we wait for a deathbed to feel the pull of one of these, but that we notice which one lands hardest right now, and treat that as the signal worth acting on.

About Dr. Luyi Kathy Zhang

Dr. Luyi Kathy Zhang is a hospice and palliative care physician, certified coach and hypnotist, author, and TEDx speaker. She is an assistant professor at NYU School of Medicine and directs the End of Life Serenity Unit at Bellevue, the nation’s oldest public hospital. Having sat with thousands of dying patients and heard their deepest secrets, biggest regrets, and final wishes, Kathy now shares that deathbed wisdom through her writing, speaking, and content, on a mission to help the rest of us start living the life we truly want, long before we reach the end of it.

Dr. Zhang’s Website: https://luyikathyzhang.com/

Her TEDx talk!

On Instagram as Dr. Luyi Kathy Zhang https://www.instagram.com/dr.luyikathyzhang

🎙️ Some Exciting News!

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Connect with your host, Jennifer Reid, MD

Dr. Jennifer Reid is a physician, the host of A Mind of Her Own, and the author of Guilt Free: Reclaiming Your Life from Unreasonable Expectations — available at major retailers.

🌐 Website: jenniferreidmd.com Instagram: @JenReidMD Threads: Jennifer Reid, MD

Feeling inspired by this conversation? Start your own Guilt-Free Group at jenniferreidmd.com/guilt-free-groups or download a book club guide at jenniferreidmd.com/book-clubs.

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