Absolutely Not – “Back to Business”
Host: Heather McMahan
Date: February 12, 2025

Episode Overview

In "Back to Business," comedian Heather McMahan returns to the Absolutely Not mic with an energetic, unfiltered recap of her whirlwind tour schedule, a hilarious take on life’s craziness, and a no-holds-barred examination of current pop culture, including Super Bowl moments, parenting drama, and internet trolls. Listeners get her signature blend of joy, complaint, and real talk—with call-ins to the Absolutely Not Hotline fueling some of the most memorable moments.

Heather's Wild Schedule & Self-Care

Timestamps: [02:00–08:00]

• Heather opens by describing her frazzled vibe ("I'm dressed like your boyfriend who didn’t call you back after college") and wears “leggings, grandpa sneakers, a black wife beater, and a baseball hat.”
• Shout-out to Shop Forward’s LA hat, proceeds aiding wildfire victims.
• Lays out her ridiculous travel schedule: commercials, standup gigs, flying straight from Vegas to Florida, then cross-country shooting, New York, maybe LA for the Oscars.
• Acknowledges feeling “frazzled-fucking-dazzled” and “thin, physically” but grateful for her career.
• Quote: "At this point, we should just have a shared Google Drive so you know where I’m at at all times." (07:30)

Back on Tour: Alabama Shows & Southern Hospitality

Timestamps: [09:00–20:00]

• Heather raves about being back on the road, especially in Alabama (Huntsville and Birmingham shows).
• Observes the Huntsville audience is “down to fucking clown,” made up of undercover government employees: “Everyone is lying to you if you ask them what they do… they’re all doing something very, very high level.” (12:00)
• Fun crowd work with "Melissa," who says, “I blow shit up.”
• Birmingham highlights: great food, reconnecting with friends and sorority sisters, small-town charm.
• Laments the lack of Birmingham hotels: "One hotel, y'all. I'm just letting y'all know, that's all I'm gonna say about it." (24:15)
• Leaves Alabama with “a heart full and some fucking wares in the back of a Tahoe.”

Comedy, Criticism & the Power of Humor

Timestamps: [20:00–32:00]

• Heather emphasizes her job as a standup comic: to make difficult, awkward, and taboo topics digestible.
• Notes that “99%” of her material landed, but a few audience members were upset.
• Quote: "My job is to take the taboo things we talk about while we're playing mahjong and make them digestible for everybody." (22:10)
• Logan Crosby joined her for musical bits; promises shenanigans on the upcoming cruise, including “[entering] you into a raffle to kiss him.”

Vegas Gigs & Galentine’s Invitations

Timestamps: [27:00–30:00]

• Encourages listeners to come to her Vegas shows, “always my favorite because you never know what you’re going to get… diehard fans, and maybe a Chinese businessman who just won at blackjack.”
• Shares a story about a Singaporean attendee: “He just saw a blonde with big boobs and wanted to see the show… we ended up becoming best friends.” (28:00)

Super Bowl Recap, Taylor Swift Drama, & Cultural Commentary

Timestamps: [33:00–47:00]

• Recaps the Super Bowl as a “bust,” especially for Chiefs fans.
• Dives headfirst into the Taylor Swift–Eagles–Trump drama, laughing at a Trump tweet:
  • Quote: "The only one that had a tougher night than the Kansas City Chiefs was Taylor Swift." (37:00)
• Breaks down why Eagles fans booed Taylor, not MAGA: "She was getting booed because she grew up an Eagles fan…now she’s dating the arch-nemesis." (37:20)
• Comments on Kanye West’s “Yeezy” Super Bowl commercial that linked to swastika merch:
  • Quote: "How are we justifying this shit anymore? This is beyond crazy." (40:30)
• Feels “disassociated” by the wildness of the world: President v. Taylor Swift; Kanye selling hate merch; "it’s like we’re in an episode of Veep." (42:00)

Halftime Show Hot Takes & Generational Friction

Timestamps: [47:00–52:00]

• Heather loved Kendrick Lamar’s halftime show: “I thought it was brilliant… a big ‘fuck you’ to the man, the whole thing.” (48:00)
• Responds to boomer complaints demanding “classic” acts like Bon Jovi: “You don’t get to chime in on our halftime show if you’re across the border, babe.” (49:40)
• Celebrates millennial representation while poking fun at older generations’ confusion: "They not like us. Come on."

Plastic Straws, Veep Parallels & Comic Absurdity

Timestamps: [52:00–54:00]

• Hilarious riff on Trump’s “we're going back to plastic straws” post, connecting it to an episode of Veep about Big Plastics.
• Quote: "We didn't think about the fucking turtles... now we're going to have a deviated septum on Franklin the Turtle here in a minute." (53:20)
• Links the surreal cultural climate to sitcom absurdity: "We really are in a simulation of an episode of Veep."

Responding to Hate: Fat Cunt DMs & Iggy Azalea Anthems

Timestamps: [55:00–58:00]

• Details receiving hateful DMs (notably being called a “fat cunt” repeatedly).
• Spins it into a badge of honor, plans to print out the message, and hilariously vows to reply with the lyrics to Iggy Azalea’s "Work":
  • Quote: "I say fight it with Iggy Azalea because she didn’t really get the respect that she deserved… no money, no family, 16 in the middle of Miami." (56:00)

Hotline Voicemails: Listener Drama & Heather’s Counsel

1. Grandparent’s NSFW Exit

Timestamps: [58:30–62:00]

• Caller learns her grandfather died after taking two different ED pills (“the blood went to the wrong head”).
• Heather: “Are you kidding me? He went out doing something he loved with someone he clearly loved.”
• Practical advice and comic relief about safe ED use:
  • Quote: "Yeah, you may have a rock-solid boner, but you could die—and that’s not good, and you know it."
• Notes how, as wild as it is, it’s better than cancer: “If I could take it back—cancer, no, boner, yes.” (61:00)

2. Valentine’s Day Madness at Daycare

Timestamps: [62:00–65:00]

• Caller overwhelmed by elaborate Valentine’s Day demands from her child’s daycare, feeling pressured by “Pinterest moms.”
• Heather agrees, longing for the days of simple handmade paper valentines:
  • Quote: "I'm not bringing a gift bag full of spa products for a six-year-old. What are we doing here?" (63:30)
• Suggests paying teachers off Tony Soprano–style: “Slip her a hundo, look her in the eye, let her know it covers all holidays. We're done here.” (65:45)

3. Plus-Ones Excluded from Destination Wedding

Timestamps: [65:00–69:30]

• Caller is only invited to the after-party, not the ceremony or dinner, at a destination wedding.
• Heather is OUTRAGED: “If you're married, what’s the point of celebrating someone else's marriage if you can't bring your spouse? That makes no fucking sense.”
  • Declares: “You might get the sweeter end of the deal… spearhead the reject party, get drunk on the beach all day, and show up to the afterparty drunk—a win.”
• Offers etiquette advice and honeymoon scenario flips.

Notable Quotes

• On feeling overwhelmed: "Plane, train, club, bus, another club, Rollerblades, lime scooter, Uber Eats. Period. That’s where we’re going." (08:50)
• On comedian’s role: "My job is to take things that make us feel awkward and uncomfortable, the taboo things, and make them digestible for everybody." (22:10)
• On Super Bowl chaos: "Between the fights with Taylor Swift, Kanye West's anti-Semitic Super Bowl commercial, and now we’re fucking the Turtles... Come to my shows because what else do we have to do but giggle?" (54:20)
• On plus-one wedding etiquette: "That’s the most asinine thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Especially if they went to your wedding!" (67:15)
• On internet hate: "Thank you, mama. Thank you, cunt, always. That is an absolute compliment... We're printing it out and putting it in the office." (55:20)

Memorable Moments

• Wearing “grandpa sneakers” and feeling “disheveled” as a point of pride.
• Turning insults into office décor.
• Ed-pills-and-grandpas digression with both educational and darkly comic insight.
• Heather’s mother saving photos of “very attractive Latin men” and plotting a Portuguese romance.
• Detailed plans to hijack the destination wedding as a “rejects’ party.”
• Wishing for a world where the biggest issue really is still saving the turtles.

Episode Flow & Tone

Heather’s signature energy drives the episode: conversational, irreverent, generous with laughter, and never shying away from venting or calling out the absurdities of daily life, politics, or pop culture. Listening to this episode is like joining a group chat with your funniest, most chaotic friend—one who’s as ready to commiserate as she is to roast, with real empathy behind every punchline.

For tour and cruise tickets: heatherontour.com.

For more: Follow Heather on Instagram @heatherkmcmahan.

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