Absolutely Not Podcast – “Back to the Red Carpet”
Host: Heather McMahan
Original Air Date: September 17, 2025

Episode Overview

Comedian Heather McMahan brings her signature blend of humor, chaos, and brutal authenticity as she returns from a whirlwind week in LA, giving listeners a behind-the-scenes look at her Emmys red carpet experience, celebrity encounters, and the unpredictable realities of showbiz. In classic "Absolutely Not" style, Heather shares both relatable life mishaps and listener calls, with zero topics off-limits—from wild family dynamics to girlboss wins and girls-trip scandals.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Fall Vibes, Japan TikTok, and ADHD Buys

• Opening banter: Heather riffs on seasonal confusion (“fall is in the air… not really crisp, but also a little crispy”), wardrobe woes, and the eternal hunt for the perfect sweater.
• Japan travel dreams: Inspired by “Japan TikTok”, she’s plotting a winter trip, not cherry blossom season like everyone else.
• ADHD Bible story: Shares a hilarious impulse-buy: “I ordered a Bible off TikTok shop… for people with ADHD.” She jokes about feeling guilt-tripped by Christian influencer marketing.
  • “I need a new Bible anyway. I haven’t opened the Word in a minute. So, I got the Bible. I totally, again with ADD, forgot that I ordered it.” (04:15)
• New Season of Dancing with the Stars: Gushes over cast, shares her ongoing dream of being on the show, and laments not being cast (yet):
  • “I think I would absolutely crush Dancing with the Stars. I’m limber, I love glitter, I look great in tights.” (06:10)

2. Emmys Red Carpet: The Real Scoop

Behind-the-Scenes with Heather

• Work recap: LA trip featured filming with David Chang and Fortune Feimster before gearing up for red carpet work.
• Respect for journalists: Acknowledges the hectic, cramped realities most journalists face:
  • “I have this big platform … it’s a large, small, tiny platform. Like, we’re all squished together.” (09:35)
  • “Shout out to all the young journalists out there… yelling at celebrities. Walton, Goggins! Walton, come here!” (10:20)
• Press chaos: Preparation involves learning about hundreds of celebs, navigating publicists’ last-minute restrictions.
  • “Don’t ask. You can absolutely not ask a single thing about the new season... Or you must ask them a fashion question. There’s a lot of different moving parts.” (11:05)

Carpet Meltdown—Literally

• Red carpet challenges: This year, a bizarre process had celebs walking a long, blazing hot carpet before interviews, causing literal meltdowns:
  • “It felt like a terrarium, like just an actual sweat box… The carpet was just trapping the heat. By the time celebrities got to me, they had melted.” (13:00)
  • “We were all just very feral on this red carpet because of the heat.” (16:10)
• Celeb highlights:
  • Megan Stalter (“just ridiculously funny and so lovely”)
  • Parker Posey (“an absolute fucking dream… custom Valentino… both just dripping.”)
  • Notable quote: “When the curtain comes down and people really just are themselves. Mascara fully running… privates and pits being blotted.” (15:05)
  • Quinta Brunson, Sharon Horgan, Edie Patterson, and more—Heather fangirls especially over Edie (Judy Gemstone), calling her “a humble queen, cool woman… fully fanning out.” (18:30)

Wild Night Before Party Stories

• Party with Edie Patterson: Heather and Jen awkwardly gush, “I adore you… You have been robbed… You needed to have been nominated.”
• Retta’s star moment: “Retta is in the zone… from the windows to the walls comes on… hands in the air, feeling herself.” (21:00)
• Whitney Cummings, Miranda Cosgrove, and JLo sighting:
  • “JLo… truly one of the prettiest people you’ve ever seen. … If JLo has to work a TV party, oh how the mighty have fallen.” (23:40)
  • Commentary on how TV has eclipsed movies and everyone, even A-listers, are “working the room.”

3. Emmy Night & After Parties: Food, Fashion, and Survival

• Post-carpet routine: Describes marathon transformation from carpet to party, including “horse bath” to wipe sweat before redo.
• Jennifer Coolidge & Jean Smart Moment:
  • “We’re both in off the shoulder black bodycon dresses… hobbling to the door. If I could get that security footage… an iconic moment.” (28:45)
  • Winners carry their Emmy to every party: “Your rite of passage—it does not matter if you end up at In N Out or ER. You carry that Emmy.”
• Party-hopping play-by-play:
  • Disney/Hulu Party: “Top 10 LA restaurants as little outposts… best truffle short rib dumpling I’ve ever had.”
  • Netflix Party: “Two sliders, a little cup of French fries with spicy aioli… I was in heaven.”
  • Comedians After Party: “By 1am, I wasn’t even drunk, I was just exhausted. … I think I fell asleep standing up.” (35:10)
• Showbiz gratitude and dreams:
  • “I can’t wait for the day where I get to show up, be interviewed, eat peanut M&Ms, have a glass of wine… and maybe win an award.” (37:35)
  • “I love what I do, but man, sometimes your brain can truly feel rattled.” (40:15)

4. Industry Reflections & Navigating “The Biz”

• Navigating LA Conversations: “Talking to some of the actors…it was hysterical. … They’re looking over your shoulder, scanning for JLo. That’s LA.”
• The real grind: Balancing standup, podcasting, Emmys gig, brand deals.
• On comedy and boundaries in celeb interviewing:
  • “I’m a comic hired to do journalism… but the times have changed. I would like to have more just organic, off the cuff conversations… and a little more sassy.” (41:10)
  • “People can come to me, have a good time, it’s lighthearted, never mean.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the chaos of the carpet:
  • “I literally have my hair and makeup just smushed in the corner, sweating. It’s pretty intense.” (09:58)
• On fan behavior at industry parties:
  • “I am actively whoring myself out for auditions and job opportunities in television.” (23:25)
• On celebrity exhaustion:
  • “By the time I got to that last party, no one was home. Lights were on—the lights weren’t even on.” (37:55)
• Foodie priorities:
  • “Really, what I do is just market research for the restaurants that I want to try next time I’m in LA.” (32:35)
• On future goals:
  • “I would like to be able to get a little more sassy with some folks, if you know what I mean.” (41:15)

Listener Voicemails & Heather’s Response Highlights

1. Sister-in-Law Drama (43:05)

• Caller: Anonymous, Minnesota. Aggressive sister-in-law started rumors and now wants to plan her wedding.
• Heather’s take: Suggests the sister-in-law is (jokingly) either “in love with you” or overly attached to her brother.
  • “You may need to nip this in the bud, because it’s only going to get worse when you get married. … She's going to be at a point in your colon where it will then lead to the stomach and become a cancer.” (46:10)
  • Advice: Set boundaries, ask direct questions about her behavior.

2. Yacht Queen Victory (48:38)

• Caller: Katie, Providence. Fought industry sexism, sold her first yacht.
• Heather’s take: Hilariously supportive, celebrates women in sales.
  • “If I was in Newport and had a couple drinks at brunch and you were standing next to a nice, I don’t know, hundred footer… I’d write you a bad check for that boat.” (50:45)
  • Encourages all women to “jump ship to a better ship” for their careers.

3. “Girls Trip” Cheating Scandal (54:19)

• Caller: Anonymous. On a girls’ trip, stumbled on two (married) women hooking up.
• Heather’s take: Jokes about being the “buzzkill” for going to bed early, but acknowledges the “sticky situation.”
  • “I always thought men cheated on bachelor parties more…But I guess all’s fair in love and war, baby.” (56:40)
  • “If you had a group of 10 women on a trip, at least two are going to be gay. … You need to start hanging out with more lesbians.” (57:10)
  • Floats idea for a sitcom: “Leaning Les… it’s like the L Word, but funny.”

Heather’s Upcoming Shows & Closing Energy

• Excited for shows in Milwaukee, Minneapolis, Jacksonville, Tampa, and (notably) a wild Unwell Weekend in Vegas: “Paris Hilton, Trisha Paytas, Megan Stalter will be there—it’s going to be a wild weekend!” (39:00)
• Grateful for her chaotic, creative career: “There are so many balls in the air right now… I love what I do, but man, sometimes your brain can truly feel rattled.” (40:35)

Conclusion

Heather’s “Back to the Red Carpet” is a wild ride through the glitz, grind, and real-life absurdity of awards season—balanced with raw listener stories and riotous takes that only she can deliver. The episode is packed with behind-the-scenes dish, hilarious self-deprecation, and heartfelt reflections on ambition, exhaustion, and living authentically—no matter how sweaty the carpet or weird the hotline gets.

Timestamps

• Japan TikTok & ADHD Bible: 03:00–06:15
• Dream of Dancing with the Stars: 06:15–08:05
• Red Carpet Breakdown Begins: 09:35
• The Meltdown and Parker Posey: 13:00–16:00
• Industry Night Before Party/Edie Patterson: 18:30–24:00
• Food at Parties: 32:35
• Jean Smart/Jennifer Coolidge moment: 28:45
• Listeners' Calls: 41:56–60:00

Memorable sign-off:
“I love you. Mean it. Ciao, bella, riverdochi. Bye.”