B (2:14)

Yes, we. Okay, so here's the thing. I had just shot my first standup special.

A (2:19)

Yeah. Oh, here we go. The week. So that's the justification.

B (2:22)

Okay, let me just start it first. I had not drank for ten months. Okay, nine. Ten months. And then came year cruise.

A (2:30)

Yeah.

B (2:30)

The Heather McMahon. Absolutely not. Bottles are popping, spirits are high. I mean, we're all packing bikinis. You gave me a master's bucket hat.

A (2:40)

Yeah.

B (2:41)

Oh, it just felt like, you know, family. Like, this is getting crazy. And then, you know, I think on one of the last days, it was so fun getting to do performances after you do your special, too. Yeah, we had our balconies. Gorgeous. And we were finishing shooting our documentary for the making of the special.

A (2:55)

Right.

B (2:55)

And there was a part that was like, okay, it's one week after the special. How are we feel? And I was emotional, looking out at the sea, and I noticed there was a bit of an awning, an overhang off the balcony. And I thought, how fun. We each have our own little. A little play area.

A (3:07)

Yeah, yeah.

B (3:08)

Right off of our balconies, you know? And so I thought, let me just. I just wanted to get a nicer view of the dolphins in the sea. And so I climbed over the balcony and I sat on that awning.

A (3:19)

Now, just so people understand, it wasn't a normal balcony where if you were just to step over the balcony, you would be in the ocean, Right? No, you had a platform.

B (3:28)

There was metal. Yeah, it was reinforced. I tested it. You know, I'm sure I was about 165 at the time also. Yeah. And I was on it. And the guy filming me was on it filming me and sitting on the. Sitting on the metal. And we were out there for a little while, and then someone that came over to, like, clean was just like, hey, be careful. We were like, oh, okay. And then I think he came back later and said, hey, you should climb back over. And we were like, okay, and we climbed back over. But, you know, that little portion, it made it in the documentary.

A (4:02)

Yes.

B (4:02)

I'm laying on the thing and I'm looking at the ocean, and yes, if it would have broken, I could have fallen into the sea. And, you know. And. Yeah.

A (4:13)

Now here's the thing. When I got the phone call, it was so funny because I'm thinking when they're like, hey, there is a little bit of a situation, and I'm thinking, somebody's actually been hurt. For sure. There was a real situation. And then when I got told what it was, that they're like, hey, Norwegian just. They don't mess around with safety. That's the thing. You get it. Trying to corral a lot of people on a boat. And I was like, are you kidding me? I love that.

B (4:34)

They're like, they don't mess around with safety.

A (4:36)

Like, who does?

B (4:37)

Everyone came off that bitch bruised, all right?

A (4:43)

And it wasn't because of rough seas. It was because everyone was grabbing their ankles till 4am in the dance club.

B (4:50)

Every night, flying. People are being picked up. I mean, no, but, yes, that Was. That was rather dangerous.

A (4:56)

Yeah. But honestly, the things that you could get, quote, unquote, in trouble for on a cruise ship, I. And I was like, this is it. This is the silliest thing ever.

B (5:04)

Yeah. And the way that they come forward and they're like. Because the same thing happened to me when I climbed to Torrey Pine.

A (5:09)

Wait, what happened? You got in trouble at Torrey Pines?

B (5:13)

Yeah. For. Well, because I climbed a Torrey Pine, and I didn't know that they're, like, at Torrey Pines, an endangered species. It was.

A (5:20)

I didn't know that.

B (5:21)

No one would know that, you know,

A (5:23)

and I had climbed a redwood, maybe,

B (5:25)

perhaps, you know, I'm like, yes, of course. We love those. You know, those redwoods are. You do anything for them. But, yeah, it was like my first U.S. golf association, like, influence influenza event, and I climbed a Torrey Pine to hit a golf ball. I was like, ah, play it where it lies. And I, like, hit it. And then I slid out of the tree. A couple bark chips.

A (5:42)

Yeah.

B (5:43)

Chipped off.

A (5:43)

Fine.

B (5:44)

I get an email from the U.S. golf association president, subject, We've got a very serious problem. And I'm like, oh, what have I done? What have I done? And then I find out it's because I climbed the Torrey Pine, and they're like, these trees were brought in from God knows where. And I was just like, oh, my God. I thought someone died. Like, I thought someone was seriously hurt or, like, assault, like, things like that.

A (6:05)

You know how I feel. Feel about the. The sensitivity of the golf community. Everybody needs to calm the. Calm down, calm down, calm down. Calm down. Hey, guess what? Calm down. Y' all are trying to make it fun, but guess what? You don't want it to be fun.

B (6:18)

No. No. And. And you're like, especially women, too. You're like, no, we want you guys to make it fun. And then it's like, well, quit, you know, tightening the leash.

A (6:28)

Quit tightening the leash. Or give me the exact parameters. Yes. That was my biggest thing. It was.

B (6:32)

Exact parameters.

A (6:33)

First of all, you told me all free reign. I had a producer yelling in my ear, saying, like, do this, do that. And then I'm like. And then I'm now, like, yeah, and now. Now you're pulling back, and I'm. I'm getting a slap on the wrist. First of all, if we were dudes, it wouldn't. It wouldn't be a problem, but, you

B (6:48)

know, it'd be like, legend, let's go. If Shane Gillis said, rory, legend, my brother, they would give Selling out stadiums. They would give.

A (6:59)

They would give Bert Kreischer a purple medal of Honor. Okay. Like, he was a war hero.

B (7:05)

No, no. But we say something a little off kilter.

A (7:08)

Yeah. And climb a tree Band.

B (7:11)

Climb a tree. Sorry, I'm an athlete. No, I do. I do. I like to climb trees. Like, I. I'm an acrobat.

A (7:18)

It's all silliness. That's the thing. It truly is silliness. No one is ever in danger except ourselves.

B (7:24)

Yeah.

A (7:25)

That is what people will never understand. We are not the. We're not a harming comic duo. You know, I'm never making fun of anybody else. It's always on me.

B (7:33)

For sure. Yes. I know. People are like, yeah, yeah. Like, is it. You know, do people know that you're, like, making fun of them? I'm like, I'm not.

A (7:39)

I'm not.

B (7:40)

I'm exploring what it would be like to be living this life.

A (7:43)

Right.

B (7:44)

You know, and instead of telling jokes about it, I'm doing it. I'm in their shoes. Yeah.

A (7:48)

But you can't please everybody.

B (7:51)

I really though, looking back on it now, like, because I do. I have these thoughts. I, like, I feel so guilty and I'm like, you know, I think about, like, the people that are in power, that are like, you know, they're the ones that have to be like, we don't know how this happened.

A (8:02)

Yeah.

B (8:02)

We're so sorry. And like. Yes. Like, my parents or something, you know, if they were like, this is so scary. Like, I'm surprised, actually. My parents didn't say anything when they saw the video.

A (8:11)

Do you know that I have, like, deep. I've been working with it with my therapist. I have deep, like, nightmares that my father's like, ghost is like, I'm so disappointed.

B (8:20)

Oh, God. Oh, God. Yeah.

A (8:24)

But then I know that my dad would be like, that's funny.

B (8:26)

Yeah.

A (8:27)

You know? Yeah.

B (8:27)

But it's. If he was mad at first, you'd laugh about it. Shortly after.

A (8:30)

Shortly after. Yeah. Regardless, though, we are very much so in the same vein, people pleasers. I mean, we're also entertainers. You know, that. That comes with territory.

B (8:38)

I hate to get in trou.

A (8:39)

Me too. I never gotten. I never get in trouble.

B (8:42)

But at the same time, it's my favorite thing ever to break the rules.

A (8:45)

Yeah.

B (8:46)

Because we have to.

A (8:47)

But also, the rules are never really set. Like, obviously, you can't jump off it cruise ship.

B (8:51)

No H.R.

A (8:51)

we've got no H.R. we have no HOA.

B (8:54)

We've been getting, you know, metaphorically Fucked in the ass our entire careers. And so you're like, okay, well, kind of. We can bend the rules where we need to to survive.

A (9:03)

And then when they're like, oh, I can't believe she did that. Oh, I can't believe they're doing. Oh, look at these females just actually letting their hair down and having a. And then all of us again, if the men were doing what we were doing, we would never even hear about it.

B (9:16)

Yeah.

A (9:16)

Because guess what? They have been doing what we've been doing. We just.

B (9:19)

And much worse.

A (9:20)

And much worse.

B (9:20)

It's like everyone talking about, you know what?

A (9:22)

I haven't done jerked off in front of anybody.

B (9:24)

No, no. I haven't said, sit down, shut up. I'm gonna drop trowel. And you're gonna witness something that's gonna make you barf.

A (9:32)

I've never been backstage and like, hey, everybody circle around my chair while I jerk off.

B (9:37)

Fuck me.

A (9:38)

You have to.

B (9:39)

I can't imagine. I can't imagine. You know? And it is like, people were saying, the Bachelorette got canceled. They're like, then, are you gonna cancel? Are you gonna cancel football? Are you gonna cancel mlb? Are you gonna cancel, like, every single government.

A (9:52)

Yeah. Every single one of these guys who has done domestic violence.

B (9:56)

Yes. Yeah.

A (9:57)

I mean, yeah, good. Got a good point.

B (9:58)

That's what they say.

A (9:59)

That's what they say.

B (10:00)

Yeah.

A (10:00)

Well, here we are solving the world.

B (10:02)

I truly do think, though, like, it could have been like, yeah, that could have. If it would have worse. When you're like, can you imagine if Norwegian would have been like, comedian Becky Robinson? Dice,

A (10:14)

can I be honest with you? I would have been so pissed if that would have happened.

B (10:17)

Me too.

A (10:18)

Because I worked so hard for that cruise.

B (10:20)

I know you did. I know you did. Dude. It would have been a real damper

A (10:24)

if I'm like, this bitch made it about her. I brought her along. We had so much fun. And then this bitch had to make it about her.

B (10:31)

I'm surprised they didn't get in trouble. I didn't get in trouble for doing a performance with no bra, you know?

A (10:35)

Yeah, no. That's the least of their problems. They love that.

B (10:38)

Did you know that one of the day that I couldn't find a bra, we were, like, on the phone with six man, and we were like, does anyone have pasties? Does anyone have paces? And they were running around, they're like, we got you some. And I go, where are they? She gives me these two pasties that are black X's.

A (10:51)

Yes. Yeah.

B (10:52)

And they go, Sorry.

A (10:53)

These are from the Chelsea Lynn grooves.

B (10:55)

No, what was the. It was the. Started with an S. What? Oh, Creed. They were like. These are from the Creed cruise. I don't know. Sorry. I'm like, these are going to fucking work. Wearing a white polo.

A (11:03)

The best was getting into my bed every night and knowing that Scott Stapp had slept in there about 24 hours before I had gotten on the cruise. The lead singer for Creed, he and I shared the same room. Oh, God. I mean, obviously.

B (11:15)

Did they clean the tubs?

A (11:16)

I asked them not to. I said, if there's some of his long black hair anywhere in the shower, I want it. Yeah. Unfortunately, they did a very thorough job of disinfecting. But I got in bed every night, and I was like, creed was just here.

B (11:28)

Yeah. This is the tumbling through these sheets that Jeff and you are now laying on.

A (11:34)

Now I will say, well, no, we don't have to talk about that.

B (11:37)

What?

A (11:38)

You had more fun? I was gonna say I didn't have. Do any of the sex on the cruise because I was working and so tired. You had fun?

B (11:45)

It was a. Yeah, it was like, such a nice. I mean, I was thinking, though, like, yeah. Drinking for the first time after. Not for a long time. I feel like that's when things always go wrong.

A (11:52)

Yeah. Yeah.

B (11:53)

So a fall could have, you know.

A (11:56)

No, no, listen, we're good. But the funny thing was, so Tina and I are, like, working on the next cruise.

B (12:00)

And I was like, are you doing it? Same time frame?

A (12:03)

It'll be in the spring of next year. Yeah, kind of spring of next year. And I just said, like, God damn it. I have. You know what? Becky and I have never even, like, laughed about this. And then for some reason, it dawned on me. I was like, did anybody tell Becky? And then I made the inaugural call.

B (12:16)

Yeah.

A (12:16)

I ripped the band aid. I was like, becky, are you aware of this?

B (12:19)

I couldn't believe it. I couldn't. I was pacing around, having a great day. Having a great day, which is rare, you know?

A (12:25)

Yeah.

B (12:25)

I worked out. I'd packed for my red, like, early. I was dancing around the living room with Sandy. And then you call and you go, I have this strange feeling no one from your team has told you that you're banned from the entire Norwegian cruise line. Not just the gem. Not just diamond. No, no.

A (12:41)

The pearl and the jewel.

B (12:42)

The pearl and the motherfucking Jewel.

A (12:44)

There's probably a jade, you know.

B (12:46)

I go, heather. Heather.

A (12:48)

Yeah.

B (12:48)

What?

A (12:49)

And then I got. I got annoyed. I was like, God, no. This is how fucked up the teams are. You know what I mean? Yeah. No one ever said anything.

B (12:57)

No one. And it's been a year.

A (12:59)

It's been a year. A year. Now, hopefully, now that the team is in the loop, maybe they can make some phone calls, because I think.

B (13:06)

I hope they do. And Norwegian, I would hate for anything dangerous, you know, an accident to happen aboard. Okay. I'm the spirit officer. All right. I like to keep spirits high.

A (13:15)

Yeah.

B (13:16)

Nipples out.

A (13:17)

Nipples out.

B (13:17)

Callers high, standards low.

A (13:19)

Yeah.

B (13:21)

You know, if you ever should reinstate me, I'll be a good girl.

A (13:25)

She'll be a great girl to an extent. So we'll be working on that behind the scenes. Becky, how is this new tour going? You shot the special? The special is so funny.

B (13:33)

We shot the specials.

A (13:34)

It's so good.

B (13:35)

Spent my whole life savings on it. I'll never get a return on that.

A (13:38)

No. Guess what, Guess what? No one's getting a return on comedy specials. Your ROI is out the window.

B (13:46)

It's gone. It's gone. I'm like, yeah, brand deals, sure. Yeah, I'll do another prep H1 at this point, but it's going really well. I've really been singing a lot.

A (13:56)

Let's talk about that more on stage.

B (13:58)

Tina, I know you can relate to this. Little Broadway. A little Broadway baby. I'm just. I really love singing.

A (14:05)

Yeah, that's great.

B (14:06)

In my house that I live in on my own.

A (14:09)

Right.

B (14:09)

No one's there. I don't have a mother there.

A (14:11)

I saw you had children the other day and you were a mother to the children. Are you doing your own Sound of Music?

B (14:16)

I would like to. Okay. I invite friends because I bought a five bedroom house and I like.

A (14:21)

Humble brat.

B (14:23)

It was an accident. I started just because the real estate agent was hot and I felt pressured.

A (14:27)

Yeah.

B (14:27)

But I wanted a yard for the dog. But now we've got rattlesnakes and coyotes. So like.

A (14:32)

So Sandy's fucked.

B (14:33)

Sandy's dead. You know, chicken tender, walking around. But so I like having people over and bringing their kids over. And I thought, you know, one day I'll fill the bedrooms with kids or just wigs at this point. Yeah, but why was I bringing that up? Oh. Cause I've got this big, you know, like, the formal living room is a performance venue. We've got a Steinway in there. And then like a huge sound system. And I come home from tour and I, like, put on concerts.

A (14:56)

Yeah, for yourself. Now are we tapping into, like, Celine Dion, Old Bewitched? Where are we going? Everything Nice.

B (15:03)

Everything from. I mean, it just depends on the vibe. Depends on if I've had a little. A little smoke of something.

A (15:08)

Right.

B (15:08)

You know, or not. But I've got, like, a playlist of my hits. Some of it's country, sometimes Queen, you know, anything. But I'm belting.

A (15:16)

Ooh, nice.

B (15:16)

The people that I made all my music with for Entitled, we made the opening song together for my new tour, the Beasts and Me.

A (15:23)

Okay, great. And.

B (15:24)

And I sang it. And the first few shows, I was mortified to, like, walk out to it because I'm like, this is. People are gonna be like, what the fuck is this? Because it starts really dramatic.

A (15:33)

Are you coming out as Entitled or yourself singing this yourself?

B (15:35)

Okay.

A (15:36)

Wow. So this is Becky tapping into.

B (15:37)

I'm not coming. I'm coming out through a weird area.

A (15:40)

Okay.

B (15:40)

And hopefully at some point, we'll be on strings hanging.

A (15:43)

Yes, absolutely.

B (15:44)

That's always the dream.

A (15:45)

Are you coming from, like, the back of the audience while singing? Is there smoke?

B (15:49)

Of course.

A (15:49)

Yeah, of course. Okay.

B (15:51)

There's also capes involved. There's, like. It's still. We're true. There's sparkles. We're trying new stuff, and we're doing, like, this kind of Becky Cam live stream. So the camera's on me and the audience broadcasting to the screen because people are doing all sorts of crazy as the show's getting started. And, like, they're nowhere near finding their seats.

A (16:09)

No, not even close.

B (16:10)

They're like the bar lines out the door.

A (16:14)

Like Crystal has a uti.

B (16:17)

How many times I have to tell you, put the fireball shots in your fanny packs. They always run out of. I'm sure your shows have record bar sales, too, but it's been good. It's. Yeah, I'm just. It's my most honest hour.

A (16:29)

More honest than the last one. The last one was honest. You thought.

B (16:33)

Yeah.

A (16:33)

I feel like you got into it.

B (16:34)

Yeah, Yeah. I don't know. Just talking about, like, medication and, I don't know, a lot of family stuff. And then Entitled still does her big.

A (16:44)

Her big thing. Spring is sprung. And if you were trying to do a decluttering and home refresh, then I know that the first place you need to start is your kitchen, and you need kitchen reset. And have you really thought about what you're cooking all of your food on? Well, that's why you should think about Caraway Home. Caraway Home has the absolute best system on the planet. I'm obsessed with their cookware. I love their butcher blocks made out of real thick premium wood. I love their glass lids on all of their tempered glass which is perfect for like storing your food and for clean cooking with a view. I live live live for all of their pots and pans. Why? Because they have a non stick surface that is literally ceramic so it's naturally slick surface means it's minimal oil or butter for slide off the pan. Easy eggs and cleaning is well loved. Caraway is over it's own. Over 2 million different homes and 150,000 people have rated it 5 stars and I will rate it. 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I have found that when I started to get stressed about, like, financial things, you know, I was worried about, like, trying to be able to afford a home and do all this and how am I going to take care of my family and do all this? I was really on the edge of like, what can I say to my therapist? What can I not? And I found having a conversation with my therapist about the financial stress and just like everybody's struggling with something, everyone is struggling with the weight of the world. And I found that that was one key thing that I really needed to talk through with my therapist. And that's why I'm so glad I did. Better help therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S. and here's the thing, they have a match commitment. So better help does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. You just fill out a short questionnaire and it helps identify your needs and preferences. 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Every booking is automatically backed by our VRBO Care guarantee, giving you confidence from the very start. Whenever you need help, it's ready before your stay, through the moments in between, and after your trip. Because a great trip starts. Starts with peace of mind and maybe a good playlist but we've got the peace of mind part covered. Do you ever find that it's tough to switch from you to entitled or that they're now starting to cross over a little bit? Because when I was deep in my character work, when I was doing Brenda, I was thinking as Brenda, I was thinking as her. Like, it would get so convoluted some days that I would answer the phone as Brenda, and my husband's like, you got what's going on? Like, the wig's getting a little too tight.

B (22:09)

Yes.

A (22:10)

The synapses aren't firing or they're fast firing.

B (22:12)

My sister keeps being like, are you cutting your hair like that because you want to be in touch, titled? Yeah. You're becoming the same person. And then I'll turn around. She says it to everyone around me. She's like, do you think she's cutting her hair because of that?

A (22:20)

Yeah. Like, you're like, well, it is comfortable. I wear that wig so much. I like feeling it on the back of my neck.

B (22:26)

Yes. Sorry. It fits better. Okay. Okay.

A (22:29)

So for this hour, it's the most honest. And we're coming out. We're doing song and dance. Can I tell you that I am so. You know, I'm about to shoot my next special and then. Yeah, I can't believe. I mean, I mean, it's stupid.

B (22:42)

The work ethic.

A (22:43)

No, there's no work ethic.

B (22:44)

I don't know how you do it. I don't know how you do it. I am coming up on a year anniversary for my, like, the thought of maybe going into. I don't know how you do. I.

A (22:53)

Well, I only. Here's the thing. I have two modes. It is. I'm a Weekend at Bernie. Like, you either, like, prop me up and I start tap dancing, or I am down in a medically induced coma, or I run away to Asia. You know, I saw something on Instagram. It was like, I'm either life of the party or I escape. And you don't hear from me from 10 days I have not been able to find. I'm really this year trying to crack the. The surface and figure out what that algorithm is of being able to come back and be social and normal without being a complete recluse.

B (23:19)

Catatonic.

A (23:20)

Catatonic.

B (23:20)

I'm catatonic. And they know, like, I won't pick up. I won't pick up the phone.

A (23:24)

I won't. I won't pick up the phone.

B (23:26)

Text me. I'm non verbal for at least 48 hours in bed and I got this big projector for my bedroom.

A (23:31)

Oh, nice. I want projection.

B (23:32)

I crawl in there and it's like 300 inches wide. And I just lay in bed and I've got a tray like Grandpa Joe.

A (23:39)

Yeah.

B (23:39)

And I just post seven Lean Cuisines, Taco Bell, McDonald's. And I sit in bed with this tray of food and just watch movies. And I don't pick up.

A (23:48)

You know, I unfortunately don't. You know, Jeff and I are moving in June, and that's kind of what I'm excited about, is being able to fully. It's okay, Sandy. It's just the air conditioning. Being able to fully turn it off because I still have my mom knocking at the door, being like, you know, you can.

B (24:03)

Dinner.

A (24:03)

Yeah, dinner, dinner. My sister's with us. Like, it's a full house right now, but I can't wait to actually be able to have the food tray and not. And not.

B (24:13)

Cause Jeff just know. Yeah.

A (24:15)

And Jeff also says four words to me in a day. If he knows that's the vibe. If he knows I'm chatty, he's gonna be chatty. Yeah, he. I'll just say, honey. Popping his in. We gotta have a heart to heart,

B (24:26)

you know, three of em loaded in.

A (24:29)

But I miss my whole point at the beginning was there's something so scary about starting a new tour, starting new material, being like, what the fuck does anybody even care about me anymore? What do I need to say? Do I care about myself?

B (24:43)

Yeah.

A (24:43)

And then finding that fun little area and the freedom to, like, explore and be silly.

B (24:48)

Yes. While the way to the world is.

A (24:50)

Yeah.

B (24:51)

And you're like, I think this is funny and I have this story to tell. But then you're like, but in the scheme of everything else that's going on, this feels absurd. And I'm like. Sometimes I'm like, how stupid. But then I'm like, you know, people need to laugh.

A (25:03)

People need to laugh. But then you also lay in bed at night after a show, and then I open my phone and Aaron Parnas is just screaming at me like, sweetheart, bless him. He just became my dad. Congrats, Aaron.

B (25:13)

He did.

A (25:13)

He had a baby last night, so.

B (25:15)

Ugh.

A (25:15)

I know. This is how my. I know the moment his daughter was born.

B (25:19)

I see. How does he have a life?

A (25:21)

Talk about somebody who has work. Work ethic.

B (25:24)

Seriously, dude.

A (25:25)

But I. Some days go, some days I like, Aaron, I can't do it today, you know?

B (25:28)

I know, I know.

A (25:29)

It's just in after the shows, I can do them.

B (25:31)

I can do Them if I spend a little too long pre show, it gets dark, then I got to find someone else, and I gotta like, well.

A (25:38)

Because then you think, what is any of this for? And you're trying to do art, and you're trying to be creative and make people laugh, but you're like, well, there's no point. Cause we're gonna be bombed in about three minutes.

B (25:46)

We'll get in the car to drive the tub. Minutes of theater. And I'm like, you guys think we're gonna die soon? Should we fly? Yeah. I mean, yeah, my. My therapist is like.

A (25:56)

Or.

B (25:56)

No, my telehealth guy. Yeah, the one that I refill my meds with.

A (26:00)

Psychiatrist. No, psychiatrist. Yeah, psychiatrist.

B (26:02)

I guess.

A (26:03)

Yeah, sure.

B (26:03)

Yeah.

A (26:04)

Yeah.

B (26:04)

He. I mean, he doesn't look me in the eye. He. And I've seen Becky.

A (26:10)

That's called shame.

B (26:13)

He's like, how often would you say you're taking the Xanax?

A (26:17)

And I'm, you know, honest, too Honest.

B (26:20)

I'm not honest, though. I'm like, once or twice a week. And then he goes, so do you need it? You probably don't need it refilled. I go, I do.

A (26:27)

I do.

B (26:28)

No, I do.

A (26:28)

I'm actually been out. Way out.

B (26:31)

It's been out for a while. That's the only reason I'm taking it once or twice a week. I know it says every day as needed, but, yeah, I take it as needed every day.

A (26:39)

I take every day six times a day. And then the days that I'm not on it, I'm detoxing off it. So I'm a real bitch.

B (26:46)

I'm replacing it with an edible. Yes.

A (26:48)

Strong 100.

B (26:50)

Yeah.

A (26:50)

I mean, going to Asia, I felt like it actually reset my central nervous system. I didn't look at anything for a while. And then I shopped.

B (26:57)

She texts me. She goes, do you spend money on yourself? I said, honey, how are we supposed to live?

A (27:02)

I did. I said, the only person who I can send this to is Becky.

B (27:05)

I was like, becky, there's a couple things.

A (27:06)

There's a couple things, you know, like, I need Heather. Yeah. You text me when you were like. You're like, I'm buying a house. I'll buy this. I'm like. I felt.

B (27:12)

I'm like, do you think this is okay?

A (27:15)

And our financial advisors are like, have another thought about it. But I. I truly. I don't know what it is. I'm not able to spend money on myself. I'm really not. I don't know.

B (27:24)

Not like big chunks, but if somebody

A (27:26)

called me, if a random person on Instagram said, hey, can you post my gofundme for a G Wagon? I'd be like, yeah, sure. I'd love to help.

B (27:31)

Can I do that? Yeah, I did, actually. Before I bought my G Wagon, I called my manager. I said, how's the year looking? Can I do this? And he goes, no.

A (27:39)

Yeah.

B (27:41)

I said, okay.

A (27:42)

Okay. Well, I got. I got wrangled into this because my first agent who was with me on this trip, she ran it. She was flying to Korea. My first agent, Tori. So she met up with Jeff and I for two days in Japan. In Japan.

B (27:54)

Oh, shit.

A (27:55)

So she's with us and Jeff and her getting watches. And then I felt left out, and I go, well, now I'm getting a fucking watch. Fuck y'.

B (28:01)

All.

A (28:01)

It's my birthday. I planned the trip. So y' all are just getting this. And Jeff's like, you don't even care about watches. And I was like, but you said, so. Yeah, I said, fuck you. We're getting five grand off. Cause we're buying in Japan. Suck my dick.

B (28:13)

You don't even care about watches.

A (28:14)

Yeah.

B (28:15)

I have been looking at watches, too.

A (28:17)

Yeah.

B (28:17)

And I've never given a fuck. I've never. I think I had a ring watch.

A (28:20)

Yeah, Honey, I had a baby G. You remember baby G?

B (28:24)

White.

A (28:24)

Oh, honey, I had a white. And then my sonless tanner would always tan the wrist. So then I went to pink, because I'm more of a pink girl.

B (28:32)

I think I had white and pink.

A (28:33)

Yeah.

B (28:34)

But. Oh, and then, of course, the Michael Kors era.

A (28:36)

I had a Michael Kors rose gold that would turn my wrist orange. And it was the best thing on the planet.

B (28:41)

It was.

A (28:42)

Yeah.

B (28:42)

In college or, like, high school.

A (28:44)

Yeah.

B (28:44)

But that's the last. And I've been looking at watches. I've been going, maybe I need a timepiece.

A (28:47)

Yeah, that's the thing. It's not a watch. It's a timepiece.

B (28:50)

It's timepiece.

A (28:51)

We know that. Yeah. I gotta watch. Guess what? The date's wrong. It says April 4th. The date is wrong on this.

B (28:59)

It.

A (28:59)

Well, I'm also so afraid all the time that somebody will, like, club me over the head and steal something from me.

B (29:04)

Yeah.

A (29:04)

And that's why I've, like, never been very invested in cars and, like, that flashy stuff. Flashy stuff. I don't care. Like, I want to.

B (29:10)

Yeah.

A (29:10)

I want to know that we bought, like, an apartment building somewhere in Wichita. We gotta.

B (29:14)

And I feel like you've made extremely Smart investments.

A (29:17)

I don't know if I have.

B (29:18)

You've got assets, you've got college properties, you've got, you know, But I.

A (29:22)

But then I also watch Aaron Parnas. He's like this just in. None of that matters.

B (29:27)

Oh, I know, I know. Yeah.

A (29:29)

So that was one of the reasons too. I was like, I'm buying myself G wagons are like.

B (29:32)

Gas is 9.99. Like perfect. Perfect.

A (29:36)

You could not have gotten a G

B (29:37)

wagon at the worst time. The worst time.

A (29:39)

They have hybrids. Do they have an electric Ye.

B (29:41)

I'm not going to do that.

A (29:42)

No. Never.

B (29:42)

I bought it as an end of the world car.

A (29:44)

Yeah. I want a diesel. I. There's something very sexy. I almost bought a diesel Jetta because when it. When you were like, turn the key, it makes that diesel noise.

B (29:52)

Yes.

A (29:53)

Yeah. Intimidating.

B (29:54)

And everyone's like, don't you think it's too loud of a car? I'm like, that's why I bought it.

A (29:57)

Yeah. I want people to know Sandy and I are on our way.

B (30:00)

Yes. Go fuck yourself. Oh, yeah.

A (30:03)

You had the Tesla before.

B (30:04)

Still got it.

A (30:04)

Oh, so we got two.

B (30:06)

Well, I got to get rid of it. There's just no time.

A (30:08)

There's no time.

B (30:08)

And I don't. What is. I get what, $5 for it?

A (30:11)

Yeah.

B (30:11)

Like I'm doing everything wrong. Shouldn't have bought a house. Shouldn't have bought a Jeep. Everything's fucked.

A (30:15)

Oh, and now supposed to spend money on, I, I don't know, trips to Japan?

B (30:19)

Are we supposed to set up Claude to do investments for us?

A (30:22)

Okay, that's the other thing. Now they're like, chatgpt is not the thing you gotta do, Claude.

B (30:26)

And they're like, Claude takes advantage.

A (30:28)

Yeah.

B (30:28)

It'll cancel plans for you and book things and reschedule things and find you new agents and lawyers.

A (30:33)

Claude will tell you you have cancer when you don't.

B (30:35)

Yes. And I'm like, well, fuck, what are we supposed to do here?

A (30:40)

But this is what I love. Earlier when you were like, you know my telehealth guy. I am the same way I love when I am home, if I'm not like laying in Taco Bell and watching tv. I love to book medical appointments.

B (30:51)

Yes.

A (30:51)

There's something deep and dark underneath there. I'm like, let's get every mole checked. I'm home for maybe 12 hours. But you know what I need? I need a ekg, I need some moles checks, and I need to do seven telehealth medicine. Medicine with all new doctors. When I tell you My HIPAA footprint across the state of Georgia is. Is insane. Every. I need one doctor to just sound the alarm. That. Yeah, that, like. Yeah, we've seen her. She told us everything.

B (31:18)

Yeah. 1. Because they're all too spread out. My mom even called me the other day. She's like, sounds like you're seeing a lot of doctors. Yeah, like, yeah, I just saw this doctor. I think he's in his 50s. Heather, this guy looks 12.

A (31:29)

Yeah.

B (31:30)

Doctor. Dr. Dorfman.

A (31:32)

Dorfman.

B (31:33)

The Bel Air housewives put me on them. I'm on a peptide regimen.

A (31:37)

We need to talk about the peptide. 10.

B (31:38)

I have been, first off, I was catatonic touring either way for, like, that 12 hours, you get home, or 24 hours, I've been in bed for a month if I'm not on stage. I've been literally tucked the in because, like, the.

A (31:48)

The peptides aren't working.

B (31:49)

Fatigue. Yeah, the fatigue for the first, like, month or so because it's, like, doing a complete system overthrow. I don't know. One of them's for, like, muscle health. One of them. There's a GLP in there.

A (31:59)

So I. I need the muscle health because here's where I am.

B (32:02)

Anti inflammation. That's what I need. Skin.

A (32:04)

And can you give me this guy's name?

B (32:05)

For damn sure.

A (32:06)

I want Dr. Dorfin.

B (32:07)

La. She goes, See if it's a trip, dude. There's actors coming out with hair plugs.

A (32:10)

Yeah, that's what I want. That's what I want. And I'll tell you this. It is not just about the vanity of it all.

B (32:15)

No, I think.

A (32:16)

I think. No, no. I think I destroyed myself a little bit. I got on the GLPs after I did IVF because I actually put on, like, 45 pounds.

B (32:23)

Giuseppe.

A (32:24)

I was on the semaglutide before anybody else was on it.

B (32:27)

Okay.

A (32:28)

Dr. Was like. It was almost experimental. They were like, just try this. Yeah. And I lost 40 pounds over, like, a year. I wasn't one of those people who dropped, like, 100 pounds quick. They're like, oh, my God, it's a new person.

B (32:40)

That's the healthier way to lose.

A (32:41)

It was the healthier way. And then I got overly confident. It was the first time in my life I've ever been, like, slipped into a pair of pants and haven't gotten the wind knocked out of me. And I felt so confident. And then I got off of it, and that's the problem. And I will say that if you get off, I'm scared.

B (32:57)

I'm No, I know.

A (32:58)

Yeah. How much are you doing? What do you want?

B (33:00)

Which he said was the lowest.

A (33:01)

Oh, you're fine then.

B (33:02)

That's.

A (33:02)

That's the thing. I'm microdose.

B (33:04)

But still, though, I was like. Like, I. Food is all I think about.

A (33:07)

Well, it will turn off the food noise. And I'm very pro these drugs because it. For somebody who has always been large, it does truly turn off the food noise. And it. And it wasn't like I was just binging. I'm not a binge eater. It was just. We eat it. Really bad times.

B (33:22)

Yeah.

A (33:23)

It's. And I am naturally a larger person. For me to actually. For somebody to go, wow, you. You look thin. It takes an act of God. Okay. I have been a chronic dieter since I was in the fourth grade. I went to Weight Watchers meetings as a child, and I'm going back on it. You know what I mean? Like.

B (33:38)

Yeah, no, I get it.

A (33:38)

Yeah.

B (33:39)

You and I have both been called sturdy more times than we can count some modelings out. Okay, great.

A (33:45)

Very dense.

B (33:45)

Very. Yeah.

A (33:46)

But I am so curious because I'm back on now. The 0.25. Like, the microdose. I need the anti inflammation and I need the muscle. I'm worried about. I'm getting weak. Weak.

B (33:55)

Well, I just found out. I looked it up. The. The one I'm on is called. I don't know if I.

A (33:59)

It's just say.

B (34:00)

It's called Retta. Reta.

A (34:04)

Okay. Right.

B (34:04)

It's not even FDA approved, which is

A (34:06)

what I kind of like. Yeah.

B (34:07)

So let's be honest. He's like, a lot of them people. The people get the Ozempic look because it also atrophies all the muscles.

A (34:13)

I'm not trying to look like Scott Disick.

B (34:15)

He's like, this one doesn't do that. It, like, makes sure that the muscles are healthy and, like, it's better for the food noise or whatever.

A (34:21)

That's what I want. I want Mr. Dorfman, Dr. Dorf. I want him to inject my muscles.

B (34:26)

Oh, you look. This kid's skin just.

A (34:28)

Yeah.

B (34:28)

Buttery glaze.

A (34:29)

That's what I want.

B (34:29)

So he sends me home. I was like. He was like, do you want a month's worth? I was like, just give me two. I'm gonna be gone. It's in Beverly Hills. It's actually right next to Hillstone or South Beverly Grill. Oh, it's perfect.

A (34:37)

So I'm in LA in a couple weeks. If we have crossover, we're gonna go to lunch. At Hillstone.

B (34:41)

I'm running out next week, so I need to re.

A (34:44)

I'll actually be in LA next week.

B (34:45)

Perfect. Are you home for a couple days? Yeah.

A (34:48)

Okay. And I'm actually shooting something up in Westlake, so.

B (34:51)

Perfect. I'm gonna. With Jackie.

A (34:52)

Yeah. With Jack. No, no. Yes. I'm gonna come up to you.

B (34:55)

I can't believe we're neighbors. I didn't know this because I have no friends.

A (34:57)

I don't have friends either. Yeah, whatever.

B (34:59)

But you have a mom and a husband.

A (35:01)

That's true. I do have a mom.

B (35:02)

Local.

A (35:03)

I have my high school friends that still live right next door to me, so I have that. But, you know, you and I always talk about it. Industry friends.

B (35:10)

Yeah.

A (35:11)

I'm like, who do I. That was the thing. I was like, who do I want to hang out with? I know seven people. Max.

B (35:16)

Max.

A (35:16)

Across the board.

B (35:17)

I think three for me.

A (35:18)

Yeah.

B (35:18)

Yeah. Three.

A (35:19)

Truly.

B (35:20)

Sandy's one and a half of those. Closet. It's Sandy and the fat raccoon that comes over to my house. Those are my two. But, like, locally, I don't have. I hang out with my next door neighbors, an old married couple.

A (35:30)

It's April, which means you need to start updating your wardrobe. Okay. And I've been doing a little spring reset with my closet lately, focusing more on quality over quantity and just building a wardrobe of pieces that were well made, versatile, and easy to reach for every day. That's why I keep coming back to Quint's. I bought a couch from Quint. I have bought 100% European linen in organic cotton from them. Super soft denim with styles that's starting just around $50. Their spring pieces are lightweight, breathable, effortless, and the kind of things you can throw on instantly and look put together. And I know I'm supposed to just be talking about the clothes, but I want to tell you the furniture is incredible too. I literally bought one of my favorite couches. It's a gorgeous performance fabric. Dark chocolate, fabulous, like velvet. And it's in my office and it's gorgeous and it's great. 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And whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain showcase Your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place. I really love Squarespace. I told you, I've been using them forever. And they have been a sponsor of this podcast since its inception way back in the day. And this is why we love it. Because Squarespace is just the fricking best. Okay? It's such a no brainer. It makes it so easy to like plug and play. They have incredible AI technology design tools so you can have the most beautiful, thoughtful online presence. Like, don't make this harder than it needs to be. Everyone is so afraid of starting their business and having an online platform because you're like, oh my God, how am I going to build this website? It's going to be so complicated. How am I going to connect my Venmo and how am I going to connect my square to get paid or put up my merge or how am I going to have an appointment space system? Squarespace can do it all. It's literally built into the system. And I'm telling you right now, once you start tinkering around with it, you're going to thank me so much much for giving you this tip and trick. Head over to squarespace.com absolutely for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use my code absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, you gotta head to squarespace.com absolutely for a free trial and when you are ready to launch, you can save 10% off. Now back to the podcast. I am actively about to join the ladies nine hole at my club. See, that sounds fun because I, I said I want a different perspective. I'm ruminating. And of course I love and adore all my. But it's the same kind of shit.

B (40:11)

Yeah, I see some bullshit outside of that.

A (40:13)

Yeah, I need a 50s and up group.

B (40:15)

Yeah.

A (40:15)

So I'm doing.

B (40:16)

And I hear you're looking for a golf swing coach.

A (40:18)

I am looking for a golf swing coach.

B (40:19)

We're not fucking around this year.

A (40:21)

We're not fucking around. I'm taking the power back with golf. It really got ruined for me last year in a deep, sad, weird way, which was so stupid.

B (40:29)

I hate so much because I am so scared that's going to happen to me too. Because I feel. And a lot of times too when I roll into country clubs. You were just asking me before we got on if I have to like button it up. Yeah, because like last night I had, I played a country club at Druid Hills. Tomorrow we have r country club. In Nashville. And no, I still. I'm scared because of my dad. Like, I still. I feel like I'm doing something bad.

A (40:49)

Yeah.

B (40:49)

Most of the time when I'm doing performances at country clubs, just because of the way I was raised to be, like, shut up. And, like, don't cuss and don't be loud and your shorts are too short and, like.

A (40:59)

And if you go back for an extra scoop of chicken salad at the salad bar. Oh, they're gonna kick us out.

B (41:04)

Out of here.

A (41:05)

Yeah.

B (41:05)

How many chicken tenders?

A (41:07)

I mean, when I had to. I don't know when. What happened when you had to join your club, but when I joined my country club as finally, I'm my own member. So I'm off. Grandparents legacy. My parents legacy. It is me. I'm getting my own number. I sat down and was interviewed by the two of the most lovely gentlemen ever. They were well into their. Like, One of the guys was probably, like, mid-80s. Another guy was probably early 60s. They could not fathom that my job was a comic. I swear to God. The old guy, when I walked away, I think he kept pressing. He's like, so let me understand what you do.

B (41:37)

Oh, my God. That's the accent, too. You're on.

A (41:39)

He was like, you're on camera. I was like, this man thinks I'm a porn star, and I'm fine with it. And I kept saying, yes, sir. And, you know, it's one of those where you go say, yes, sir. Yes, sir.

B (41:48)

What?

A (41:49)

Yeah. Mr. Matthews. Yes, sir. Yeah. So I tell jokes, you know. You know who Seinfeld is, Like, one of those. And I remember walking away telling my husband, like, we're not gonna get in.

B (41:57)

Have you ever heard of Brian Reagan? You're clean. Yeah, clean. Good comedy.

A (42:02)

I know.

B (42:03)

Oh, my gosh.

A (42:04)

Yeah.

B (42:04)

That's nerve wracking. Okay, so yours is probably like a really nice, proper country club.

A (42:08)

Yes.

B (42:09)

Calabasas is not.

A (42:10)

It's not?

B (42:11)

No. It sounds like it would be, but it's. It's not.

A (42:13)

No. Can you wear. Whatever. What's the dress code?

B (42:15)

No, it's. I mean, yeah, if you wear a tank, it has to have a collar.

A (42:18)

Yeah.

B (42:19)

You can't wear, like, leggings. It's, like, kind of classic there. Classic with, like, dress code.

A (42:24)

But if you show up in full head to toe skims, they're like, it's fine. It's Calabasas.

B (42:28)

I haven't yet, but I don't think it would be an issue.

A (42:30)

Okay.

B (42:30)

And I sometimes like the pro shop guys. I'LL be riding along in my screen. I'll be like, get the back on the. On the path entitled. And they'll, like, they'll mess with me a little bit or they'll see me. Like, once I get to hole number two, I put my wig on and they start. But I don't like to film a lot at my club. Cause I'm like, I don't want to get in trouble.

A (42:44)

Yeah. I don't want to. I'm not trying to get kicked out. Yeah.

B (42:46)

But, like, I don't. None of the members at my club know me or know who I. Or anything like that.

A (42:50)

When you do these country club shows, do they? I mean, I imagine, like, that's the thing is, like, the clubs, you know, you have the baddies. Like the men's grill. The guys can get away with anything. They could be funneling money to the Bahamas. They could have escorts. No one knows what happens in the men's grill. But if we so much as like men's grill, sneeze in the ladies locker room, someone's turning.

B (43:11)

Did you hear? Did you fucking hear? Well, it's fun because this the club I did last night. I couldn't remember. I've done so many country clubs at this point. And, like, there's so much gospel. Like, first off, everyone's swinging.

A (43:24)

Everyone's swinging.

B (43:25)

Everyone is swinging. And everyone is fucking the tennis instructors.

A (43:27)

Just so you know, at. That. It was at Druid Hills. Yeah.

B (43:31)

That was the big scandal, actually, when I was there in 2024.

A (43:34)

Yes.

B (43:35)

I remember it so well.

A (43:36)

I think he was selling coke to everybody and then having sex, allegedly.

B (43:39)

I made a couple coke jokes last night, and they did kind of a slow, rolling laugh. And then a couple of them started being like, yeah, we do have good counters in the women's locker room. Because sometimes you tell a coke joke,

A (43:51)

people are like, yeah, huh, huh?

B (43:53)

And I'm like, we don't do that.

A (43:55)

You know what they do?

B (43:57)

They do, but they won't laugh publicly about it. But I've noticed, though, when there's more men at the country club shows, laughter goes down.

A (44:04)

Yeah. Because the assholes are clenched.

B (44:06)

Yeah, the assholes are clenched and the assholes are present.

A (44:09)

Yeah. Yeah.

B (44:10)

And like, the. The women, like, I don't know if they don't feel comfortable laughing in front of them or what, but when it is, like, majority of women, which for the most part, it is, but then they'll laugh. But so that two years ago, he was like, we had a big scandal, and he's like, that's just one thing. I don't really just don't talk about it. But it was a huge scandal with a tennis instructor. And then right before I went on stage, he goes, you can talk about it. I was like, great. And I did. I just like, let it rip. And they were all, all like dying.

A (44:34)

And then cuz I heard about that and I'm. I'm in the bird.

B (44:37)

You did?

A (44:37)

Oh, oh, we all heard about the tennis instructor. When I. When I tell you. Because also there were some other clubs that were having like a competing thing. Like the. The golf pro was having sex with a tennis pro from the other club. And they're just hot, hot, hot, steamy, you know? Yeah. Nothing.

B (44:53)

Everyone's hopped up on vodka, Lem.

A (44:56)

Well, especially in Georgia. We all drink Trans Fusions.

B (44:59)

Yes. With floaters.

A (45:00)

Yeah. We all have a transfusion Everclear. Like, what more do you need to add to a transfusion?

B (45:05)

I know, I know, I know. So this year we go back and he's like, so tennis instructor was the big ordeal. 20, 24 this year, tennis coach is out the new Terrace Bar. Bartender, he goes, everyone's trying to fuck Addison. Yeah, yeah. Like, first off, quite a name.

A (45:22)

Yeah.

B (45:23)

He's there. Like, he has leg tattoos and everything. So I riffed on that last night. But there's always. I like to. At every country club I get in and I'm like, what's going on? Like, is there anything. Because there's always renovations that people are pissed about. They're not done in time. Like, the pool is not going to be done in time for summer.

A (45:36)

Well, burn the place down.

B (45:38)

Yeah, yeah. Pickleball courts. They need a new roof on something. Or like they had just renovated their women's locker room. And a lot of. Because, you know, all of us women, I don't know what age we hit when we officially get our title as interior designers, but it hits. We go, I'm an interior designer. And that's especially if you remember at a country club you're an interior designer as well. So you're gonna have notes on the

A (46:00)

locker rooms, on any renovations you're gonna be upset about. Wallpaper.

B (46:03)

Uh huh.

A (46:04)

Did you notice in our office we have 16 throw pillows that are all monogrammed?

B (46:08)

Yes.

A (46:10)

I'm designing my new house. The anxiety.

B (46:12)

How's your mother?

A (46:13)

She's, She's. Well, she's going under. You're gonna put her under? Yeah, they have to. They have to. Like, she's gonna get pins and rods. It's a whole Thing I had, Becky, I. I had a nervous breakdown last night. Just like quietly to myself. I'm like, I only have one parent left. If she goes over a wrist fracture, I will, I. When I tell you, I will be at Dr. Dorfman's office.

B (46:34)

Microdose load me up with.

A (46:37)

In a black veil, being like, give me the peptide. I'm not well.

B (46:41)

She's gonna be okay.

A (46:41)

She's gonna be fine.

B (46:42)

But Robin, I don't think she's going anywhere for about 40 years.

A (46:45)

No. And I do think that it. When the nuclear bomb eventually hits us, Robin will be the last one left. It will be Robin and the cockroaches. Yeah. She have a bottle of Trader Joe's, Two Buck Chuck. She's like, somebody dust this place. It's disgusting.

B (46:58)

No one's gonna take me.

A (46:59)

Yeah, no one's gonna take her.

B (47:01)

But.

A (47:01)

But I did. Jeff. We were at dinner at our club last night and Jeff's like, why are you crying? I'm like, I cried publicly, Becky. Publicly. And I don't do that. And I was just like at the club.

B (47:12)

Nonetheless, at the club.

A (47:13)

And I'm having to cut Robin's steak because her right arm, she can't cut her steak. And I'm literally at this point trying

B (47:19)

to crying over a New York street. Yeah.

A (47:21)

I had a chicken piccata.

B (47:24)

A little salty tear added to the mix.

A (47:26)

Yeah. And I had a chicken piccata and I just. And Jeff's like, are you crying at the club? And there's like lots of people around us that know us and saying hi. And I just have my thrive mascara running down my face. I'm like, she's all I have left. I was completely sober. Not a drink. Nothing to alter the state of mind. I just couldn't handle the fact that my mom was dressed. She had like a cape on and she was dressed like Harry Potter and she was saying ominous things. I was like, I'm going to make it.

B (47:49)

I can't.

A (47:50)

I think it is too. And I feel like you get this. It's living two lives. It's living the life on the road where you're constantly gone and you feel shitty and selfish for going and like chasing your dream and doing the thing. But it's also work and then you're also trying to manage your family. Cuz your family's in Portland, you know, like, and. And it's just all of that, it's a lot. I mean, everybody has this. It's not just for us, but being away from home so much it does make you feel like a bad person. Yeah.

B (48:15)

And to add to that, you know you're moving out. You know, you say you're gonna miss Robyn, yet you're moving away.

A (48:20)

So, you know, you know, she said that last night we were holding hands in the car and it's a, it's less than an eight second drive from the entrance of our country club to our driveway. And we're holding hands and I'm crying. And I was like, I love you. And she's like, you're a good kid. And she goes, but I'm gonna tell you, you think you feel guilty now, just wait till you move out. I'm really gonna make you feel like shit. And I was like, I know I'll

B (48:41)

fucking move with Robin. I'm so lonely.

A (48:43)

I know. Know it is the best. And. And some people are very upset with me for moving out. I'm like, guys, if I. I have to. I was five years.

B (48:51)

You need your peace.

A (48:52)

I need my peace. I love you guys. Robin is down the street. I will keep an eye on her. But it is normal for two, almost 40 year old people to live in a home by themselves.

B (49:00)

Absolutely.

A (49:01)

And it's honestly the dogs, like, it's too much on my mom around the dogs. Yeah, yeah.

B (49:06)

My mom came with us to Hawaii on some tour dates last week and I was like, mom, like, I need sleep. I. Whatever. And she goes, I know, I know. She's like, I just don't understand how you juggle. I must be so busy. He's so busy, yet 5am she's up, sitting on the bed, she smacks me. 5am we had two shows that night. She goes, I'm gonna go get Starbucks, what do you want? I go, mama's sleeping. Fuck. Like, she's just like, well, we gonna go to the beach? What are we gonna do? You wanna go to Duke's? Let's go to Duke's.

A (49:29)

And then you can print out a schedule. Like, Tina is smart. Like, she's like, let's just print it all out. Give Robin a laminated copy so she can't ask what time dinner is. And guess what? She's left it on the plane. She's like, what time's dinner?

B (49:40)

No, I wanna hear verbally.

A (49:42)

I wanna. I need a verbally. I need somebody from the concierge to pick me up in my room, walk me down and say, robin, your glass of wine's ready. We're taking you down for dinner.

B (49:50)

Taking you to dinner?

A (49:50)

Yeah, we're taking you to dinner.

B (49:52)

So she's gonna be. You know, we're gonna. We're gonna be saying prayers for Robin today. She's gonna get through this.

A (49:56)

She's gonna get through this. You can be okay, but I just feel like an asshole.

B (49:58)

You want to come shake your tits later at Buckhead?

A (50:00)

I will.

B (50:01)

You feel like an asshole? What?

A (50:02)

I feel like an asshole. Because then I'm like, all right, I got you out of surgery. Now I got to get on a plane at 8am to do shows in a Detroit. Yeah, that's the thing.

B (50:09)

I'm out. Who's gonna. Is Jeff gonna stay home?

A (50:11)

No, he has a golf tournament at our club in South Carolina.

B (50:14)

He's got a golf tournament.

A (50:15)

My sister's there. My sister's there. Yeah, yeah. Ashley's got it. She's holding it down. Thank God. We got somebody.

B (50:20)

It's gonna be okay.

A (50:20)

Yeah, we got somebody with the McMahon last name holding it down. Yeah, well, that was the thing, too. I had kind of that moment at our club. We're like. I'm sitting there and I'm feeding her steak, and I was just like, okay, well, she dies. Well, you know, it's fine. I literally said out loud to myself. Like, I was like, it's okay. Well, like, dad's got it. Then I was like. Looked at the open chair at the table. I was like, he's dead.

B (50:40)

Are you in your luteal?

A (50:41)

I'm in my luteal, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I was ovulating last week.

B (50:44)

No, I was gonna say if you would have called me about the Norwegian gem news when I was in my luteal. I mean, I already slammed a glass of red wine right after you told me, but I was like. Like, I would have. I would have spiraled.

A (50:54)

You're an angel and a perfect person in my eyes, and I want you know we're gonna figure it out. I can't make any promises, but I think your people need to get on it. Be like, we had no idea. No one told us.

B (51:03)

Yeah, we didn't know.

A (51:05)

Okay.

B (51:05)

We didn't know. We're very sorry, and I'd hate for anyone to get hurt.

A (51:08)

Yeah.

B (51:08)

But, you know, if. If I'm banned indefinitely, I'm banned indefinitely.

A (51:12)

Here's the problem. Sometimes when you're goofing, you're sober goofing.

B (51:15)

Yeah.

A (51:15)

Yeah. Get you. Gets us in trouble. Gets in trouble. I was in. I was sober goofing at the Ryder Cup.

B (51:20)

Yeah.

A (51:20)

Me in trouble.

B (51:22)

Sorry. We're big, bold. We like to be loud, and we like to tell it how it is. And we like to climb on things. We're children.

A (51:29)

We're loving, literal, flexible children.

B (51:32)

And that's why you even have the thoughts of, like, he's dead. Hey, dad. Like, every emotion of everything is at the forefront at all times. So I'm like, give us a little grace, Wisha.

A (51:41)

I need a fancy watch. Cause everyone else, I need a fucking

B (51:44)

Rolex so I can feel something. The ramen's not doing it.

A (51:47)

No, truly. And then I got it.

B (51:48)

How good was the Ramen, though?

A (51:49)

Oh, let me tell you. And $6. And that's the thing about Japan, paying

B (51:53)

for it in the kiosk. Little difficult.

A (51:55)

A little. Very difficult. Yeah. And, you know, somebody comes out, and they're now used to so many American tours. They're just like, pick a number.

B (52:02)

Yeah.

A (52:02)

But you really can. You can do high low in Japan. You can eat really cheap, really good, and then you can buy a timepiece or you can buy a Birkin or some.

B (52:12)

Yeah.

A (52:12)

You know. Yeah.

B (52:13)

High, low.

A (52:13)

High low. That. And that's the way we are. We're high low gals.

B (52:16)

We're high low. I'm not doing a Birkin.

A (52:17)

I'm not doing one, but I'll do a G Wagy. I. I talked so much about going to get the Birkin. I was like, I'm getting the Birkin. And then you get to Japan and they're.

B (52:25)

Did you get a Birkin over there?

A (52:26)

Fuck, no. They're everywhere. And I. It kind of loses its luster. Like, I. I was denied in Paris at the Hermes store for the leather appointment. So then I was like, well, now I want one.

B (52:36)

How does that work? You go in and say, may I?

A (52:38)

You go in and you. You flirt. You hand them a baguette. You. You know, it is the most desperate France.

B (52:44)

The dicks.

A (52:45)

Well, but that's the place that we're. And I was staying at a nice hotel in Paris, So they're like, we can get you in. No, not the reds. The Phukettes. Which they were like, we can call.

B (52:51)

Yes, yes, Jackie.

A (52:52)

And I couldn't. I was a jackass. Like, Shimmer almost got this. We could not get appointments. And then we were like this. Yeah. So then everybody said, like, when you go to Japan, there's truly Birkins everywhere. Well, you look at the Birkin, it's more than a nice watch. I'm like, I'd have this for the rest of my life.

B (53:05)

Yeah.

A (53:06)

If Rigatoni scratches the Birkin, we're fucked.

B (53:09)

Yeah. It's too much to take Care of.

A (53:11)

It's too much to take care of. I'm rough on my things.

B (53:13)

And I just said, what's the purses?

A (53:14)

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. You should see my L.L. bean boat and tote. Okay. It's disgusting.

B (53:20)

Every purse has a layer of, you know, almonds and chocolates hardened on the bottom.

A (53:25)

And I always have a sunless tanner explode and something because I'm a leg lube.

B (53:29)

I see. With your fucking leg lube. Chafe mode. I know.

A (53:32)

What are you wearing on the new tour?

B (53:33)

I'm wearing a lot of Tom Brown.

A (53:34)

Well. Oh, nice.

B (53:35)

We got like a big line of it to wear on the tour. And then I gained too much weight, but now it fits again. For the peptides. Yeah, the usual cunty. A lot of polo Ralph. A lot of Tom. Basically, things I can do the splits in.

A (53:46)

Good for you.

B (53:47)

I see you're in your sparkles.

A (53:48)

I'm in your high boots. I'm in my high boobs.

B (53:50)

I can't be bothered the boots.

A (53:52)

Can I tell you, I. I have. I have destroyed my body. My back is so. And that's one of the things too, was. It's the sciatica. It literally my back just seizes up, goes out. And I said, going in. I'm 39. Just turned 39 going into my 40th year. I don't want to have problems like this. This is embarrassing. So I'm going to see Dr. Dorfman, see if he can walk on my back and inject me.

B (54:15)

He's gonna. He's gonna do it right then and there. I bet that's what I want. Yep. Yeah.

A (54:19)

Because I can't do this. Like, the. The reality is only going to get harder as we get older to be in pain. I don't deserve to be in pain.

B (54:24)

No.

A (54:25)

What are you doing to unwind? What do you do after the show?

B (54:28)

After the show, I'm like. I'm very calm, dude. I'm like. I don't do anything anymore.

A (54:32)

No.

B (54:32)

I go back to the room sometimes. Nikki and I will smoke a joint and, like, laugh and riff about stuff. And then I tuck in and I'm out.

A (54:39)

Same.

B (54:40)

Yeah, I hit Pilates where I can, but, like, no, that's pretty much. Pretty much it.

A (54:44)

And then you come home and completely turn your brain off and then come home.

B (54:48)

I do my laundry immediately.

A (54:49)

Yeah.

B (54:50)

Yeah, I do laundry. I snuggle with Sandy. I like, I. My next door neighbor watches the dog a lot of the time, so she'll drop Sandy off right before I get home. So she's there. So I just kind of do laundry and, like. Yeah. Rest for, like, 12 to 24 hours and then get back to it.

A (55:02)

Get back to it. Get back on it.

B (55:03)

Enough is added up throughout that 12 hours of not talking to anyone that I'm like, the next day. There's a thousand things to do, but we're working on some fun new shows

A (55:11)

and stuff, and let's talk about it. What can you talk about?

B (55:14)

Well, something I want to have you on an episode for is a golf thing.

A (55:17)

Great. I'm in.

B (55:17)

Okay, perfect. Maybe we can shoot at your club.

A (55:19)

Let's do it.

B (55:20)

Okay.

A (55:20)

I mean, you know what? They didn't kick me out of the writer cup, so we're in.

B (55:24)

That would never.

A (55:25)

That, dude. No, I. I talk about it in my hour, but literally, people sent, like, death threats to my club, and they were like, no, they don't. Yes. Over this. Uhhuh. Oh, yeah. Crazy. And they were like, this is insane. Like, I'm. I'm like a. A standup, studious member. I pay my dues on time. I work the room at the bar. So I'm like, I don't think they could be no good people. We're great people.

B (55:45)

You do one thing, and it's all of a sudden, it cancels out all the years of good.

A (55:50)

All the years of grinding and doing shows for sick children, the elderly.

B (55:57)

The elderly. You know, I mean, you're taking us on cruises. You're mothering the whole community.

A (56:02)

I'm trying to. I do.

B (56:04)

Yeah.

A (56:04)

I'm doing the best I can, and I know you're doing the best you can, and that's all we can do, trying. And I do think being more selective about the things that we do say yes to will be helpful. That way we don't end up in a tree.

B (56:15)

Yeah, guess we won't. We won't climb any more trees. And, yeah, I think we would have

A (56:20)

been better off if we would have gotten involved instead of golf. Right. Instead of entitled, instead of, like, me.

B (56:25)

Monster trucks.

A (56:26)

Monster trucks or ufc. Wwe. That's where we would. Honestly, that's truly kind of our rebuild.

B (56:33)

I know. Body slamming. Yes. That is our people.

A (56:36)

I do have this weird, sick, like, fantasy of doing wwe.

B (56:40)

This is in my pocket. I do, too.

A (56:42)

I would love it. Have a character in spandex.

B (56:44)

Heather.

A (56:45)

Hello, Vince McMahon. Bad guys. Saw the documentary, but everybody in college dudes would be like, mcmahon is your dad, Vince. And I would say, yes, Triple H is my brother, or whatever. I'd be like, yeah, Heather.

B (56:56)

I See this? Yeah, I see this.

A (56:58)

I've got. Look at my shoulders.

B (56:59)

We see Dr. Dorfman. You get a couple shots of acupuncture.

A (57:03)

Yeah.

B (57:03)

Let's. Let's hit the courts.

A (57:04)

Let's do it.

B (57:04)

Whatever. They're called the rings.

A (57:06)

The rings. The ring, not the courts.

B (57:07)

Like, because I love a dramatic walkout. That's basically I'm walking out in a cape. What I'm doing right now is a WWE entrance in my. In my tour.

A (57:14)

I, like, I am desperately trying to come see the show tonight, and if not, I'm gonna come see you in another city, because I have to see this.

B (57:20)

I want to come see.

A (57:21)

I need to know, well, when are you shooting special and in May in Knoxville, and we just had our walk through, and, you know, that product people don't realize it's not just, like, coming out and doing a show. The amount of money that you just see going out the window. Oh. And they're like, but we need this. And the lighting. We can't move that track, so we're gonna have to get 17 more lights. And I'm just like, the most important

B (57:40)

things, like, oh, you. You wanted light on your face. Yeah, that's gonna be 30k. You don't want that.

A (57:44)

You don't need that.

B (57:45)

You're like, what the fuck?

A (57:46)

Do you know what I'm trying to do right now? I do not want to take this out of my show. I desperately am trying to get. Get the rights to a couple three, Six MAFIA songs, and every other comic has been able to do it. Like, Ali Wong has Single ladies from Beyonce. What. What was the cost on that? You know, I am paying for this. So I'm like, please, I will show these guys my tits, anything. I will babysit their grandkids, whatever they want. Please give me a decent price on this.

B (58:09)

You fire them a dm.

A (58:10)

Oh, my. Well, my team's on it, but I think it's got to be. I think the dm.

B (58:14)

We got to get in there.

A (58:14)

I think we got to get in there.

B (58:15)

Yeah.

A (58:16)

If they see hot, juicy jugs like, yo, you guys used to come perform at the ATO House at All Ole Miss.

B (58:21)

Yeah.

A (58:21)

You know, I've been to all your concerts. I love you.

B (58:23)

This is Go Straight to the Source.

A (58:24)

Go Straight to the Source.

B (58:25)

And that's for the drive in the.

A (58:26)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

B (58:28)

Yes.

A (58:28)

The closer has to be. And then the credits has to be.

B (58:31)

When I first saw you do that on the cruise, I was like. I was like, I want a bit like, you know, when you see comics, you're like, I want a bit like that.

A (58:37)

It's like.

B (58:37)

It's one of those. It's so good.

A (58:39)

It's fun watching you perform because you're having fun, and I'm having fun this tour. Sometimes. Yeah, sometimes I'm having so much fun. And I really. It's also bittersweet when you shoot a special because it's like, then it's a bookend. You can't do it anymore. More. It's done. Yeah. Did you have your. When you shot your special, was that. Was it done? Did you do the material?

B (58:56)

Material, yeah, maybe little trickles of it or, like, little things to set things up. But I really like. Yeah. Nikki. Nikki's seen, like, buildings. Like, long stories. Like, because not just jokes. Like, this story about fishing that I tell is like, it was so awful to begin with.

A (59:11)

Yeah.

B (59:11)

Everyone's like, what the. Are you talking about fishing? Now? It's turned into this long thing with, like a pause, breaks and. And he's just like, I got to watch that. You know, the process of that.

A (59:20)

Nikki's such a great encourager.

B (59:22)

Yeah.

A (59:22)

He's really sweet. And he's always sends me the kindest messages.

B (59:25)

He's amazing.

A (59:26)

And I'm like, nikki, you're very kind.

B (59:28)

When I broke out in hives in my New York show at Town hall, his mother and his father held Diet Coke cans on my, like, bare ass. On my bare ass cheeks. Yeah. And under my tits.

A (59:38)

Can I tell you the Town hall that also sent me into a full panic attack before the show. What is it about that venue? It's a great venue, but the first time I played Town Hall, I also was having, like, an Anaph Galactic shocks situation because the green room's so ugly. Yeah.

B (59:53)

Something to do with it. It's all creaky and old. They were like, you can take a shower in the basement. I was like, I'd rather die. Yeah.

A (59:59)

Tina had to shove a lorazipram down my mouth. And I don't take, like, anything to, like, settle me down. I. I need downers, but I don't take them. And I remember I was halfway through, like, my first monologue. I was like, I can't feel the side of my face.

B (60:11)

I really love, like, performing there, though.

A (60:13)

Yeah.

B (60:14)

Seats and everything. It's great. I think it's my favorite, so. But you've done the Beacon.

A (60:16)

Yeah, I did the Beacon. The Beacon's incredible.

B (60:18)

Is that your favorite?

A (60:19)

It was my favorite. I mean, I did Radio City, and that was unbelievable. But it is. It is such a big room. You feel it's called Radio City. Yeah, but. No, but you feel like you're performing. But, like, in that family, you feel like you're performing in the Superdome and all you can see is, like, your one enemy in the crowd. Like, it's very weird. Like, all these loving people are laughing and having the best time, and you can't see any of it or feeling it.

B (60:39)

And probably every show, there's people come up, like, out of nowhere, and they're like, I was at Radio City.

A (60:42)

No. And I. And I. I grabbed their hand and I'm like, thank you. Thank you for that.

B (60:48)

You know, that's how I feel about the Chicago theater. You got it.

A (60:50)

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. We're fine.

B (60:51)

We're fine. Poor thing.

A (60:53)

No, no, we're fine.

B (60:53)

You got to pick me up.

A (60:54)

Was the Chicago theater that is, to me, hands down, the best theater on the planet. Every show. But you felt bad about Chicago. You texted me afterwards. I was like, I heard everybody's DMing me saying, you nailed it.

B (61:06)

I just. What? I think it was a couple shows before the special, and I had yet to lay down my portion of the. The set, and I was hoping that would be the night that it would happen. And there were just a. I'm a, like, perfectionist.

A (61:17)

Like, well, that's why your shit's good.

B (61:20)

But people also don't realize, like, it's never good enough.

A (61:23)

No, it's never good enough. Once I do my specials, I hate it. I go, why would anybody ever spend any money ever to see me? I also think it's hard because when you're trying to make something perfect for camera, it's different. Like, I am a performer, so I want that live audience to. I want them to. To feel every single feeling that they would feel coming to a regular show.

B (61:40)

Yes. Yeah.

A (61:41)

And then my editor is like, you have 20 extra minutes of bullshit that now I have to cut out. Go fuck yourself. Why did you have to have a 45 minute conversation with that woman about her blouse?

B (61:50)

Better to have more than less.

A (61:51)

Thank you.

B (61:52)

Yeah. And you know what? You chop that up for social media.

A (61:56)

That's. That's also the decimal.

B (61:57)

20k extra. It did social media. I can't. I can't be bothered to post anymore.

A (62:01)

No, I'm done.

B (62:02)

I look at Aero Parnas and I go, oh, no, I don't need to post anything.

A (62:05)

Maybe we should just start doing that. This just in. Hemorrhoids are bad. It's just something stupid.

B (62:11)

Yeah.

A (62:11)

All right, Becky, where can everybody find

B (62:12)

you at entitledhousewife.com or beckyrobinsonthegreat.com I have a bunch of shows coming up. Tour is going through 2026. We finish off the year in Aspen. But coming up we have a couple extra shows added in Minneapolis at the Pantages Great Theater. Detroit, we added a second show at the Masonic.

A (62:30)

Yeah.

B (62:30)

Jack White Theater. Springfields, Missouri, Oklahoma City, Tulsa and San Diego. May 9th back at the Balboa A Theater. Get your tickets.

A (62:38)

Get your tickets. Becky, I love you. I will see you.

B (62:40)

Love you so much.

A (62:41)

At Dr. Dorfman's. And we'll get the Peptides. Peptides in our house. You know where to find us. Always. You can call into the hotline 800-213-7503. I will see you on the next episode. Ciao, bella. Arrivederci. Thanks so much for listening to today's episode. Don't forget to subscribe, rate us and leave a review. And as always, follow me on Instagram at heatherkmcmahon. See you guys soon.

B (63:28)

Sa.