Absolutely Not Podcast
Host: Heather McMahan
Episode: Blonde Blindness
Date: March 25, 2026

Episode Overview

In “Blonde Blindness,” comedian Heather McMahan delivers her signature blend of unfiltered humor and candid storytelling from the (once again) chaotic comfort of her basement office. Heather touches on everything from hair mishaps and family dramas, to her sharp takes on airport chaos, her return to golf, and the realities of snack inflation at youth sports. She sets the scene for upcoming travel (and podcast) adventures, shares fan voicemails, and reminds us that sometimes, you need a troll named Randy to humble you on a good day. Listeners are invited to call in with their wildest Spring Break “Absolutely Nots”—and Heather’s here for all of it.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Back to the Basement: Nostalgia and Chaos at Home

• Heather embraces the non-aesthetically-pleasing chaos of recording in her mother Robin’s basement, evoking memories from her COVID era shows.
• Juggling moving, family members, and a lack of privacy (“the dogs are barking… our girl Esperanza’s doing the floors…”) provides both frustration and comfort.
• “Feels good to be back in my, you know, barefoot, barely wearing a bra in the basement.” (07:25)

2. Robin’s Surgery, Mom-Tracking, and Generational Frustrations

• Ongoing worry about her mom Robin’s upcoming surgery and escapades.
• Heather discusses “Life360” as a way to track Robin, reflecting on the role reversals with aging parents.
• Notable quote: “Somebody just find my mother. Robin would turn off her location. She’s not going to be able to figure out how to turn off Life360. I’m all around you. It’s 360 degrees… I’m up your ass, bitch.” (15:38)

3. Travel Woes: Atlanta Airport & TSA Outrage

• Rant about six-hour airport security lines despite having “Clear” and “Global Entry”—the inefficiency of bureaucracy and humor about government shutdowns.
• “If the government shuts down, Donald Trump should not be able to get on Truth Social and be posting… shut it all the way down. Night, night, lights out.” (22:03)
• Empathy for TSA agents, especially in Atlanta: “If you see anybody who is actively volunteering for security at the airport, just know home life ain’t great.” (27:47)

4. The ‘Fat Bitch’ DM—Online Trolls and Self-Acceptance

• Heather shares a “zesty” DM from “Randy Foy Beck”: “Have you always been a fat bitch or were you at one time a skinny bitch?” (32:15)
• Dissects whether the DM was just a troll or poor attempt at solidarity.
• Her reaction: “I’ve always been a thick little cherry. You put me in your mouth… you’re going to find the pit, and the pit is a barbecue pit.” (33:02)
• Insightful reflection: “You need a Randy every now and then. Just to bring you back down to base camp… let you know, honey, you got work to do.” (39:37)

5. Golf as Mental Health—Picking Up New (Old) Hobbies

• Heather details her renewed commitment to golf for both mental and physical health, and to “ruin the one thing Jeff loves” (her husband Jeff’s “escape”).
• Supportive interaction with Jeff’s friends and her anxieties around re-entering social sports.
• Notable: “I really want to get back into the game and have something that would help me lower my cortisol, right?” (36:05)

6. T-Ball Mom Energy & Snack Evolution

• Spends Saturday at the ballpark supporting friends’ kids, marveling at the “elevated” snack game and epic concession stand food.
• “When I played sports, I was lucky if I got a loose orange slice… These kids are living la vida loca!” (46:45)
• Hiding behind a tree eating chicken tenders and Coke Zero to avoid Pilates-mom judgment.
• Humorous mothering: “One might say I’m the best mom with no children. And I just paid off Hayden $10 to not tell anybody my little secret.” (49:49)

7. The Working Woman’s Car Lease Rant

• Vents about the exhausting process of car shopping, advocating for all-female car sales teams.
• “I hate to be sexist, but it needs to happen.” (56:07)

8. The Power of Girls’ Nights & Community

• Recently celebrated a friend finishing chemo with laughter and low-key revelry.
• “There is a joy… sitting at an 8-top with a bunch of women, drinking champagne, dipping garlic fries… You will never understand, Jeff.” (1:00:36)

9. Upcoming Live Hotline & Bonus Episodes

• Teases a live hotline segment: “Next week I’m going to be in LA… we’re going to call you back… bring you on live.”
• Tips on making the cut for the “Absolutely Not-Line”: “Have a clear story. Have it be concise… I need to be able to hear you.” (02:04)
• Travel advice: “Help me help you make it to the absolutely not line.” (04:30)
• Bonus episode with Jeff Daniels is dropping Friday with Japan travel tips.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Blonde Blindness & Hair Upkeep:
  “There’s a thing called blonde blindness and highlight blindness… when that steam heat of the bleach… you just know you’re going to look fucking fabulous.” (06:14)

• On TSA Struggles:
  “Six and a half hours. I’m clear, pre-check, stick a thumb up my butt so I could make it to Birmingham. I don’t care. I’ll let you frisk me. Glove off.” (20:44)

• On Youth Sports Snacks:
  “Freeze-dried strawberries, organic apple slices… I’m over here reminiscing about foamy orange slices and Capri Suns if someone’s dad was rich.” (47:17)

• On being humbled:
  “Just when I’m at a high, I walk in the front door and Robin takes me down ten pegs… What do you think is happening at home? I’m getting ripped. I’m getting roasted.” (41:00)

• Spring Break Stories Invitation:
  “I want you to call in… what was your absolutely not of spring break… we’ll get you live on the podcast!” (1:17:08)

Listener Voicemail Segment

[52:20] Tara’s “Absolutely Not” — The Case of the Lost Carry-On

• Listener Tara calls in about her husband leaving her bag (full of keepsakes and luxury items) at LAX.
• Heather’s take:
  • “Absolutely not to ever relinquishing any of your prized possessions to a man, because they just will simply never care for our things the way we do.” (53:57)
  • Offers empathy, practical advice (“You relinquished your most prized possessions… that’s on you.”), and relatable stories about Jeff’s incompetence with travel logistics.

Timeline of Key Segments

• 00:30 – Catch-up & chaos in the basement studio, show announcements
• 06:14 – Blonde Blindness & hair talk
• 15:38 – Life360 tracking Robin (“Find my Mother” app idea)
• 20:44 – Airport & TSA hell, government shutdown takes
• 27:47 – Dystopian airport society, TSA empathy
• 32:15 – The Randy Foy Beck DM & body confidence
• 36:05 – Golf adventures & mental health
• 46:45 – T-ball mom stories & snack inflation
• 56:07 – Car dealership rant
• 1:00:36 – Girls’ night joy
• 1:16:57 – Voicemail: Tara’s “Lost Carry-On” saga
• 1:17:08 – Spring Break hotline call-to-action & show wrap-up

Tone & Style

Heather’s episode is peak Heather: irreverent, fast-talking, peppered with wild asides, deep empathy, and self-deprecation. It’s one-part relatable millennial chaos, one-part advice column, and all heart.

Closing

The episode rounds out with encouragement to call the Absolutely Not-Line with your best spring break horror stories, a reminder that sometimes the best podcasts happen in chaos, and gratitude for the humbling (and hilarious) lessons trolls and family can give us.

“In the meantime, between time, remember, I’ve always been a fat bitch. Thank you, Randy.” (1:19:59)