Bonus: Heathers Stick Together with Heather Shaw

Summary

Absolutely Not Podcast | Bonus: Heathers Stick Together with Heather Shaw
August 14, 2026 – Summary

Episode Overview In this laugh-filled bonus episode of "Absolutely Not," comedian and host Heather McMahan welcomes fellow comedian Heather Shaw. The two "Heathers" dive deep into their lives as touring comics, queer representation in comedy, conspiracy theories, online fame, relationships, and surviving the rollercoaster of comedy careers—especially as women in a male-dominated field. Engaging humor, honest struggles, and behind-the-scenes tales of stand-up life abound, offering listeners both genuine insight and plenty of LOLs.

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Main Topics & Key Insights

1. Heathers Unite: First-Timer Energy (00:37–02:09)

• Heather McMahan introduces fellow comic Heather Shaw—marking the rare instance of another "Heather" as a guest.
• Shaw talks about driving in from Nashville and her road schedule, underscoring the relentless travel required for stand-up.

2. Social Media Fame, Jim Carrey Comparisons & Viral Conspiracies (02:09–09:01)

• Shaw is widely recognized for her resemblance to Jim Carrey, which she's leaned into online with viral TikTok and Instagram videos.
• Surreal fan theories: Heather recounts being tagged in claims that she "swapped souls" with Jim Carrey in some Illuminati ritual ("I've got his soul, not his money. Not really the career, but I'm just here with his soul." – Heather Shaw, 03:05).
• Both Heathers laugh about wild conspiracy DMs and clarify weird viral moments (the “Jim Carrey clone” theory, wild Facebook comments, etc.).
• McMahan connects this to her own experiences being mistaken for Anna Nicole Smith's ghost.

3. LGBTQ+ Life, Relationships & Stereotypes (05:06–16:25)

• Shaw discusses married life with her wife, a Kentucky lawyer, and the perception of living in a "flyover" state instead of NYC or LA.
  • "My wife is a lawyer...We have a beautiful life there. I'm online, so I don't know if I need to live in LA or New York." – Heather Shaw, 05:49
• Challenges of being a stand-up with a spouse not in showbiz.
• Both touch on lesbian and queer stereotypes in comedy, with a shared desire for honest, inclusive narratives.
• Learning curve in lesbian relationships—joking about “boy brain” and learning to communicate.

4. Road Stories, Worst Shows, and Comedy Culture (16:25–44:36)

• Both share hilarious and harrowing tales from the road:
  • The infamous “Naples, Florida, gator bite” incident: A 65-year-old woman bites a bodyguard during Shaw's show (39:20–40:09).
  • Weirdest venues, best/worst crowds (Wisconsin, Austin, Pacific Northwest, Orlando, small-town chaos, etc.).
• Realities of stand-up success: how internet stardom doesn’t always translate seamlessly to stand-up audiences.
• The challenge of transforming social media fans into stand-up audiences and teaching comedy "etiquette" to newer fans.

Notable Quote:

“I was sitting at Casey Anthony’s old desk...pull open the drawer, see a picture of pregnant Casey Anthony next to my boss. This is, like, a couple years after everything. She’d already been acquitted and everything.”
—Heather Shaw, on surreal day jobs pre-comedy fame (16:38–17:06)

5. Online Presence, Cancellations, and the Nature of Internet Comedy (18:12–19:01, 12:11–13:15)

• Shaw's journey from open mics to viral sensation: “I was going to convince TikTok I'm Jim Carrey.”
• Getting her Instagram deleted after a Lena Dunham joke, navigating online pitfalls, and the stress of constantly feeding the content machine.

6. Sober Life, Veganism, and Pre-Show Rituals (21:42–38:04)

• Shaw: now sober (booze and coke), vegan for 8+ years.
• Life on the road for sober and vegan comics (living off fries, coffee, and occasional tofu).
• McMahan shares her own experiences battling white wine and late-night cigarette cravings.
• Comedy club writers, green room snacks, and the never-ending bathroom struggles of comedy touring.

Notable Moment:

"[Pre-show ritual is] Coffee. Pace, fart, talk to the openers. In that order." – Heather Shaw, 36:00

7. Identity, Audiences, and "Lesbian Comic" Dynamics (52:02–66:38)

• Shaw feels lesbians don’t always turn out for her shows; often mistaken for other comics like Ashley Gavin.
• McMahan and Shaw discuss navigating being queer in a hetero-heavy comedy circuit, with McMahan crediting millennial moms and power lesbians as her core fanbase.
• Both talk about the challenge of fans expecting them to be similar to other “blonde, southern,” or “white lesbian” comics.

8. Manifesting Success, Staying Authentic & Vision Boards (66:55–69:57)

• Discusses making vision boards, manifesting dream careers.
• Shaw's dream: more acting, staying based in Kentucky, stable touring, not needing relocation to NYC/LA.
• Both agree that the industry’s old rules about location are obsolete, especially post-pandemic.

9. Comedy Industry Chatter, Icons, and Respect for Women Comics (72:12–75:36)

• Sharing admiration for icons like Kathy Griffin, Margaret Cho, Maria Bamford, Jessica Kirson, and more.
• Both agree that most female comics are “chill,” while “men are neurotic,” reinforcing the supportive vibe among women in comedy.

10. Absolutely Not! Final Rant (79:44–80:19)

• Shaw's “Absolutely Not” is reserved for “Republicans sucking dick and then taking their anger out … I just can’t deal with the closet of Republicans anymore. Absolutely not. We know you’re gay, Mike Johnson.”

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• "I have the body of a little boy...Like sick boy. Like, two days left boy." – Heather Shaw, 19:13
• "When you come home, we're always in a bad mood. I keep telling her, thank you for being so patient." – Heather Shaw on newlywed comic life, 15:07
• "I went vegan after my dad died of cancer...but I was not a healthy vegan. French fries, chips, and pasta." – Heather McMahan, 35:03
• "Worst place? Naples, Florida, off the hook...she bit the bodyguard! Naples gator bite from this young 65." – Heather Shaw, 38:52–39:20
• "You know when you find...you shoot a special and then you put it to bed...It's a weird bittersweet feeling." – Heather McMahan, 62:53
• “If you are not following Heather Shaw online...and you are not going to her shows, HOW DARE YOU.” – Heather McMahan, 65:06

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Timeline of Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------| | 00:37–02:09 | Introductions, "Heathers" unite, travel tales | | 02:09–09:01 | Viral fame, Jim Carrey, conspiracy theories | | 05:06–16:25 | Life in Kentucky, relationships, being queer comics | | 16:25–44:36 | Road comedy, favorite/worst venues, standup hustle | | 52:02–66:38 | Audience dynamics, gay/lesbian identity as comics | | 66:55–69:57 | Success, manifesting, vision boards | | 72:12–75:36 | Comedy icons, industry talk, women comics | | 79:44–80:19 | “Absolutely Not” rant on closeted politicians |

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In Closing

This episode is an excellent, joke-dense but revealing conversation about the highs and lows of being a touring female comic in the digital era. Shaw and McMahan tackle internet fame, the reality of growing a stand-up audience, queer relationships, and road dog rituals—all while laughing about the absurdities and small victories.
If you want to understand what it’s really like grinding it out in comedy (with a little gay chaos sprinkled in), this is a must-listen—equal parts honest, irreverent, and heartfelt.

Find more:

• Heather Shaw on Instagram: @heathershawiskidding
• McMahan’s tour dates and hotline: [phone]

Absolutely not to closeted, hypocritical politicians, uninformed crowds, and Cookie Monster pajama-haters everywhere.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

The following podcast is a Dear media production.

[A]

Welcome to the Absolutely Not Podcast, where we do the most and the least at the same damn time. I'm your host, Heather McMahon. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Absolutely Not Podcast. I'm very excited. Fresh off a plane from Louisville, Kentucky. We have. We've never really had another Heather on the podcast.

[B]

No, no. McDonald.

[A]

No. Absolutely not. I went on. I went on her podcast once. Yeah, she. She was lovely.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But she forced me into, like, an extra small T shirt that said the Heathers. And I remember being like, hey, I really don't. I'm. I'm an extra large. I really don't want to put an extra small T shirt. Put it on. And so that was it. And so after that, I was like, I'm good.

[B]

She's got that. She's got that energy.

[A]

She's got that energy, you know, she's good. So you just flew in from Kentucky?

[B]

Drove in. Well, I drove in from Nashville. It's a long story. I drove to Nashville last night, slept at my friend's house. She's opening for me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We drove from Nashville today.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Got it. Yeah. The flight. I forgot to get a flight. And we're just like, let's just drive.

[A]

Let's just drive.

[B]

Just four hours from Nashville. It's not bad.

[A]

Yeah, not bad.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Look at us, wheeling and dealing.

[B]

Easy peasy.

[A]

Heather, you were so funny. I found you on TikTok a couple years ago, and I've been, you know, creeping on the low, and I mean, obviously you're on the road right now. You came to Atlanta this weekend because you're doing standup.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Punchline, baby. Best club in the country, period. Poo.

[A]

Yeah. So I found you on TikTok and on Instagram, and you are insanely funny. And I don't want to, like, pigeonhole you in this one. I don't want to say genre, but you do really lean into the fact that a lot of people think that you have an uncanny resemblance to Jim Carrey.

[B]

Isn't there yes. It's my face. I've heard it my whole life. I don't care. Everyone's like, aren't you so sick of it? And I'm like, I went online and asked for it. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[A]

I was watching a video the other day of you. Of yours. Was it Jim Carrey's current wife or ex wife, and she said that you guys went to a Illuminati ritual ceremony and trance and changed souls.

[B]

No, this is just a batshit bananas lady.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

On Facebook, as you know. Facebook? Yeah, the people on Facebook. It's a mental hospital. I love it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She thinks we went to a soul ceremony, as you do. Right. Met up with Jim, swapped souls somehow. And now I'm just. I have his soul, not his money, nothing else. Not really the career. But I'm just here with his soul.

[A]

Just with his soul.

[B]

A lesbian soul now. Yeah.

[A]

And I love that, you know, Makes sense. I have a lot of older men that think I'm Anna Nicole Smith, like, the ghost of her. And I have to remind them that she died.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Quite a long time ago. Right. I auditioned to play her in every, like, biopic that they're trying to do, so I get it, because where is that biopic? Guess what? I have auditioned for two major filmmakers that are. That there were, like, huge stars were attached, and the movies have never come out.

[B]

Why?

[A]

They did a Lifetime movie.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And I remember being pissed because the girl who ended up getting it, great actress, but they had to put, like, prosthetic tits on her. And I was like, big mistake.

[B]

Dakota Fanning.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, pretty much.

[B]

She can play anything now. It's. Yeah, it's just JoJo Siwa.

[A]

Yeah. It's literally Jojo Siwa who actually am. Like, you could do it.

[B]

You could.

[A]

Well, come on.

[B]

Dream Spa, baby.

[A]

Yeah. Lesbian.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What did you think of the JoJo Siwa?

[B]

I happy to give her back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Take her back straights. Let it. Let her rip. She's a Disney adult. I think she dabbled in the badge.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We'll see if she goes back.

[A]

You could without it.

[B]

Yeah. Enjoy the British dick you have.

[A]

I mean, he's great. He's from. What is he from a Love island or a Big Brother or one of those.

[B]

Some place where you're desperate for attention.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. I mean, I don't. But I don't buy the relationship.

[B]

Can you imagine them having sex? Cause I have.

[A]

You have?

[B]

Oh, all the time.

[A]

What do you think's happening?

[B]

Well, there's a lot of grunting on her end. Uh huh. Is it in?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

British.

[A]

Then they have pie mash afterwards and then they drive around in her rainbow Tesla.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Doesn't she have like a JoJo scene?

[B]

No. A car wrapped in her face. Yeah. Which I thought, she's adjusted well to adulthood.

[A]

I had a older Jetta that I'm still upset that I sold. It was my favorite car and I thought about wrapping it with some branding stuff from it. JoJo. Not with JoJo. With my own branding. Just to really pimp out the ride.

[B]

That is. It's a level of shamelessness.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I'm almost there because I just purchased a new home and I can't afford the furniture. So, yeah, I'm there.

[B]

I will wrap my car.

[A]

Yeah. I will wrap my car reels.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're married to a lady. Yes. You live in Kentucky.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And you know what people don't know about Kentucky? I shot my first special there. I love.

[B]

Did you really?

[A]

Yeah. In Lexington.

[B]

Where?

[A]

At the Lexington Opera House.

[B]

Amazing.

[A]

I love. Wait, did I press record? Oh, Jesus. See, this is what happens when I'm in charge of my own shit. I got nervous.

[B]

Get up and be like, you're making a bad name for Heather.

[A]

I am so surprised because Lex, Kentucky, for being like the perfect mixture of meth and all those fun things. Horses has really lovely little liberal cities.

[B]

Yeah. Lexington, Louisville. Yeah, that's it.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

Yeah, it's cute. Lexington's kind of gay. Yeah, I can say that. But Louisville's cute. There's stuff to do, there's places to eat that aren't Chili's.

[A]

Why do you live there?

[B]

My wife is a lawyer.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Barred in Kentucky. Her whole family's there. We have a beautiful life there. Yeah. So I'm just in this thing of like, you know, I'm online, so I don't know if I need to live in LA or New York.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

I don't think I do.

[A]

I asked you that because that's what other people ask me every time in New York and la. They're like, you live in Atlanta. Ew. And it's always followed by a intense, stern judgment.

[B]

Oh, dude. The minute somebody goes. When I'm on the road. Where do you live? Louisville. They're like, oh, cool. Beautiful life, dude.

[A]

You're like, I'm by the horses.

[B]

Yeah. My wife's gorgeous. She's a lawyer. Off.

[A]

What kind of law is she doing?

[B]

She's doing a little government. Oh, yeah, she's that. Mitch McConnell. No, she's not.

[A]

Where is he dead.

[B]

He's dead as a doornail.

[A]

He's got to be dead, right? Or.

[B]

Or brain dead, which I say makes him Kentucky's state vegetable.

[A]

Oh yeah, like that. Like that.

[B]

Now he's dead. You think he's dead?

[A]

Oh, I thought he died like six years ago. They've been weekend of burning him for a while. What are we talking about?

[B]

Playing freeze tag during his speeches. Just.

[A]

And then the hot Asian wife though. The hot younger Asian wife. All the photos that they've been posting of her just sitting perfectly like a mail order bride, like bedside next to him. I'm fucking dying over.

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

He has been. He's been dead, I would say for probably the last two years.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they have been dragging his ass around the Senate just kind of like.

[B]

Mitch. Yeah. You want peas?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. It's really bad.

[B]

I know. I love that his wife is Chinese. Although all the Republicans have wives that are not American. It's very fun. Melania.

[A]

Oh, Melania. J.D.

[B]

it's cute.

[A]

Everybody has anti immigrant. Anti immigrant, anti anything fun.

[B]

Yeah. And conservative comedy. It's great. Yeah.

[A]

You know what I love? I love because you're outspoken too. And I. And I'm outspoken and I love. I got a message yesterday that was just like been following you for like the last 40 years. I'm like, well, the Internet hasn't even existed that long.

[B]

MySpace?

[A]

Yeah, MySpace. And today's the day that I finally have to leave. And I was like, it's like cool girl for what it's like because you're promoting like a Democratic leader in Georgia. I was like, I gotta go. Oh no, I gotta go.

[B]

Done.

[A]

I'm like, bye. Bye.

[B]

Don't you love the unfollowing?

[A]

I love the unfollowing.

[B]

Unfollowing. Oh no. I'm on the Internet for you. Please come back.

[A]

Yeah, please.

[B]

So he's some guy with a picture in his car. Just randy.

[A]

What kind of weird? Because I have specific weird. But do you? I love knowing what your weird.

[B]

We got to get into each weird conspiracy theories. When that whole, you know, French award show with Jim Carrey with talks. Sorry. He had facework. That's all it was. Everyone's thinking he's a clone.

[A]

Wait, no, let's actually break that down though.

[B]

You said face work.

[A]

Cuz I thought it was Alex. What's her. Alexis.

[B]

Alexis Stone who tagged me and a fun. He did a fun photo.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Dressed up. He actually made a Jim Carrey mask and was like cute about him being like Dressed up as Heather Shaw. So that was cute. It was.

[A]

It was Jim Carrey on the.

[B]

On the red carpet. He just had facework. He's old and he's.

[A]

I got to be honest with you. I was on a deep dive. I did not think it was Jim Carrey.

[B]

Really.

[A]

I did not think it was Jim

[B]

Carrey because the way he was acting.

[A]

Yeah, the way he was acting, and it wasn't pillow face to me. It wasn't like you just filler. It wasn't fillery. There was something. But I'm the biggest Jim Carrey fan, so that's why I'm. Whatever you say. You have a better connection than I do.

[B]

I don't. I just have the face.

[A]

Because if people were messaging you, I'm sure then you were down a deep wormhole. So you think it was just Jim Carrey.

[B]

I literally never went down a wormhole.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I didn't. I said, that's Jim carrey.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He's 60 something years old. He's. He's quieter now.

[A]

All right.

[B]

You know, he's not going to ham it up. I just think he had bad face work. And then he's like, whoops. Upper bluffs will fuck you up.

[A]

Now. What did people say to you? How are they coming for you?

[B]

I know it's you. I know it's you. That was you.

[A]

Give Jim back.

[B]

You're his clone. First of all, if I was the clone, why do I look like that on the red car? Why wouldn't it be? Yeah, the whole nothing made sense when

[A]

I started to have that, like, a little tiny bit of success. The amount of women that were like, we know that you have been to the ritual ceremony. You are now a part of the Illuminati. And I'm like, first of all, I wish.

[B]

Bitch.

[A]

I was like, if I was a part of the Illuminati, don't you think I'd be a lot richer?

[B]

Yeah. They. What is going on? And I. Who knows if the Illuminati is real? I don't know.

[A]

I fully believe it is real.

[B]

They do a lot of triangles. Shout out, Jay.

[A]

I was never good at geometry, so I'm like, I'm not figuring out it up.

[B]

I do the squiggle. That'd be my Illuminati.

[A]

I would. I would love to go to a meeting or I'd love to go to, like, a little party and just see what it's about. But I'm not joining. I'm saving the blood of Christ, you know?

[B]

Yes, exactly. As you Do. Amen, sister. Amen. I don't know what's going on out there. I. I don't know if there's a cabal. I don't care.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not going to get invited. Yeah. You know, I think if there was, I think Kathy Griffin would have said something about it by now.

[A]

I do, too.

[B]

She's scared.

[A]

Well, but also, there is a cabal, but I don't think any comedians are getting invited because we're fucking loudmouth. We yap.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

A lot of the yip. Yeah.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We can't shut up. And also. Also, it's. If there's serious things happening, they don't want any kind of comedic relief.

[B]

Imagine Mark Normand ripping lines at the cabal. I'm gay. Queer comedy, be like, God damn it, Mark. You know, it's not working.

[A]

They're like, just drink the blood of a small child and move on.

[B]

You need an actor who takes himself very seriously. Tom Cruise. Get in here.

[A]

Get in here.

[B]

Step over Shelley's body.

[A]

Get in here. Who's the craziest person that's ever DMD you in? That might be connected to the Illuminati. Have you. I mean, because you. I mean, you. You went insanely viral. You're very popular.

[B]

God, I don't know. I don't know who. I get weird ones I don't even remember. I have such a bad memory. I don't know football players and stuff. But they're not Illuminati. I don't even know who DMs.

[A]

Me. Okay.

[B]

You know, I've had. I've had Cuomo brother.

[A]

Oh, not.

[B]

Not the governor. The Chris.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Chris.

[B]

Chris who's like, you're good. And I'm like, all right, great. Dan Blazerian. Like, just weird. Not. Damn Lizarian douchebags love me.

[A]

Wait a minute, hold on. You had Dan? Is it Bulls?

[B]

My wife loved him when she was in a sorority in college.

[A]

Wait, really?

[B]

Yeah, because she was banging dudes and being like, that's. You know, I. I'll.

[A]

He is actually, isn't.

[B]

He just.

[A]

He was, like, super problematic, and then I think he, like, turned. I don't. I don't know, but he's always on a jet in Vegas with, like, 45 women who are, like, brushing his hair.

[B]

Andrew Tate Banake.

[A]

Yes, exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And probably not rapey. I don't know. Maybe.

[A]

We don't know. Allegedly.

[B]

Dan, comment.

[A]

Comment below. Dan.

[B]

Y. Dan.

[A]

Wait, so did you turn your wife? Like, are you.

[B]

I'm the first, first woman she's dated

[A]

and then she was like, married. I want to marry.

[B]

Isn't that.

[A]

How did y' all meet?

[B]

Instagram. She DM my Instagram. My. I was kind of climbing on Instagram. 50k followers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Got deleted, I think because Lena Dunham. I got Dunhamed.

[A]

Wait, you got done?

[B]

I got done. I think it's in my. I, I messed up. I, I now that I, I think I was wrong.

[A]

I'm not privy to this information. Do you hear Sharing it, rehashing it.

[B]

I think this is my theory. It was during COVID like 2020. She cringy self portraits of herself just laying around. And I shared the pictures to my story and said, well, I'm straight now. I think it was a bad joke.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Looking back, hacky dumb. I was young, it was six years ago, and she saw my story and then within an hour, like reported it deleted due to harassment of a public figure. So like, I think I got Dunhamed. And you know what? I still love Lena Dunham. I love girls. She'll never make me hate her.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I did block her account for my new account.

[A]

Listen, it was a little jarring. It was.

[B]

She, it was a bad joke and Joe thinks she's a little sensitive, but

[A]

she, she did go away and then she came back and everybody did. I think there wasn't a single group chat that didn't go, hey, is that, is that her girl? Yeah, and that's okay.

[B]

And it was a cringy photo shoot. And I'm sorry if you're gonna be a little cringy.

[A]

Okay, so you gotta public figure, but whatever.

[B]

So I had. My new account had very few followers. So I saw my wife's dm because usually I don't really, I can't, I don't really keep up, up. But I saw hers and hers. It was her bio said UK law, so I thought she was in Europe.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

British lady. Hell yeah. She's hot. Yeah. Different accent, little southern, but cute. So yeah, we just started talking FaceTiming

[A]

and that's the rest of history. Yeah, Instant. Yeah, we know that.

[B]

Six hour FaceTime. I would never do that with anybody really on the phone with people.

[A]

Oh, see, I'm. I'm a caller.

[B]

I'll take it.

[A]

I. I will FaceTime you. I like to do. I will face. I. I'm pretty much on a steady stream of FaceTime, like all day with people and can talk to 45 different people. I.

[B]

You have 400 devices.

[A]

I would prefer. No, literally, I am. I have one of those streaming farms. But it's just me Ch. Chitchatting with my close friends. I would prefer to FaceTime for like 5 minutes than I would to respond to 2. Text. I hate texting.

[B]

Sucks. I'm bad at it, too. If I don't answer right away, it's not happening. Which I'm not going to because I go, well, I don't want to answer right away. And then I forget. So I think FaceTime is better. I want to see somebody's face. I want to say hi. I don't want to talk on the phone.

[A]

So you had a six hour FaceTime with your wife.

[B]

Which I would never do. Right. It was great. Hit it off. She wasn't weird.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Southern accent wasn't too heavy. Because if she was like, hi. I'd be like, I'm out.

[A]

Where were you living at the time?

[B]

Austin. Ah, Austin, Texas. Yeah.

[A]

So you were in Austin and then you. When was the first interaction that y' all had? What was the first date?

[B]

Nashville, New Year's Eve. Nashville. We met up at an Airbnb lesbian date. Three, two. Three days long.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just to be like, you know, because we lit up. Yeah. And it was great. It was perfect. We loved each other.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Immediately.

[A]

And you just got married recently, right?

[B]

Year's Eve last year. Yeah.

[A]

How's newlywed life? Especially because, you know, listen, I love chit chatting with other comics too, because you have to have a spouse that gets what you do. We're always gone.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And then when we come home, we're always in a bad mood.

[B]

Yeah, dude, it is, it is. I. I keep telling her, I'm like, thank you for being so patient. She's just. She's the best. But that's why I'm like, I don't want to. She has to be a lawyer in Kentucky. I don't want to go to New York or la, be away from her. She's not going to move there, get rebarred in another safe off.

[A]

And also New York and la, they're always there.

[B]

It's archaic. It's. Yeah. You can go in and out.

[A]

You can go in and out. We're good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

People give me such. They're like, I can't believe you live in Atlanta. I'm like, what you're doing?

[B]

You're. I'm like, I want to emulate you.

[A]

Well, we already talked offline. I will walk you through everything.

[B]

Literally.

[A]

And also, I feel like I am in a hundred percent in my flop era in the sense of, like, I was making such great content for the longest time, and then I started doing what I wanted to do, which was the content led me to be able to go on the road. Yeah. And then I focus on the road for, like the last six years, and now I'm like, I have to get back to, like, you know, the characters and everything else. And I keep saying that, but it's just like you kind of get on this hamster wheel of you do the thing online to get to do the thing in person that you want to do, and then you have to go back to the thing online or those people are not going to. It's just you kind of in comedy, I think, and correct me if you feel differently, but, like, I think you're just. It's like, never enough.

[B]

Yeah, no, dude, it always feels like that. Yeah, absolutely. You're like, you know, I got to stay. You got to.

[A]

Because I realized the other day, I was like, I have no other skills.

[B]

You know, this is it.

[A]

This literally.

[B]

This what? Medical coding and billing. Like, I'm. Fuck.

[A]

Have you. What were the. Some of the early, early jobs that you did in the beginning of, you know, the dawn of time before comedy was your full time thing?

[B]

I mean, I would do like, project management. I worked at Casey Anthony's old desk in Orlando.

[A]

What?

[B]

Told Heather McDonald this and she was coming, of course. No, I used to live in Orlando. That's where I started.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I worked at this, like, company that did roller coaster photography at Universal Studios.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I'm sitting at this desk. I pull open in the drawer. I see a picture of pregnant Casey Anthony next to my boss. And I was like, what's this about? And they're like, oh, yeah, Casey used to work here. That's her old desk. This is like a couple years after everything. She'd already been acquitted and everything.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And so I was like, tell me everything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Number one, all alleged don't sue me case. Don't kill me. I'm an adult. Number one, she was a pathological liar. So they were like, you could eat. You could see her eat a salad for lunch and she'd tell you she had a hamburger.

[A]

No.

[B]

So she just lied about everything?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

First five months of pregnancy, she told everyone in the office she had a cyst.

[A]

Oh, well, also, I've had a girthy cyst. No, I have. I had an ovarian torsion. Like, I've had a girl.

[B]

So it was a passable lie.

[A]

It was a passable lie because everyone

[B]

in the office was like, okay, okay. And then around six months, she was like, so I'm pregnant.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we figured.

[B]

Yeah. And so that's why she led. Had police and investigators down Universal Studios hallway. Like, there was a thing where she brought them into the universe. She had access. She didn't work there, though. She got to the end of the hall and she's like, okay, I don't really work here. If you're a Casey Anthony fan. Got it, Stan. You'll know that story. But yeah, just weird like that. Like project management, admin, corporate temp, temp, temp, temp, tart.

[A]

So you started in Orlando? Because I know you're doing open mics there. And then what was the next step, the trajectory to get you to such an online fame?

[B]

Covid. And also there's a ceiling in Orlando.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Did you start here?

[A]

I started here. Well, not really. I started in New York, then la, then came back here. But for me, it was. Instagram launched me.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I only came back for, like, very sad reasons. And then I had to, like, just. I just started putting stuff online. And then. Then it took off.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And then I went back to New York.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know.

[B]

Yeah, it was.

[A]

It's all cyclical.

[B]

Yeah. It was just bullshit open mic, local shows in Orlando. Covid hit board. I was like, I'm going to convince TikTok I'm Jim Carrey.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I didn't do it in my act ever, but I. I always heard it after every show, I'm sure. So I just did that on. And it kind of blew up immediately. On TikTok.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I kind of just tried to transfer over my comedy. Huh. I didn't want it to. I just was really was concerned with like, the Jim Carrey cosplayer. Like, I'm not. I don't want to be. I'm not even an impressionist. I just have the face.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is not an impression. It's my existence.

[A]

It's wild to see it in person.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[B]

I know. Isn't it weird? Imagine my wife and I'm like. Like, she hates it.

[A]

Have you ever gotten, like, VIP services anywhere? Because somebody is actually.

[B]

Because I have the body of a little boy.

[A]

You really.

[B]

You can't.

[A]

Slender boy. I will say slender boy.

[B]

Yeah. Like sick boy. Like, two days left boy. Yeah. People are like, aren't. Do you ever get confused for Jim Carrey? I'm like, no, I'm not like a. I'm not a man.

[A]

No.

[B]

You see my body and you're like, oh, that's little.

[A]

So that took off on Tik Tok, and then you had to then transition your audience to be like, no, I also do comedy.

[B]

I'm a stand. I've been doing stand up. Up.

[A]

See, that was the thing, too. I started in stand up and then improv, and I then had to. People found me for my characters online, and then I had to turn them. Like, no, no. When you're coming to a standup show, let me, like, show you what the show you how a standup show works. I had a lot of, like, new people who'd never, like, really followed comedians but wanted to giggle. And so I had to teach etiquette for, like, the first two years of my life on the road.

[B]

Yeah. Because I hear that a lot with, like, people, you know, you hear about, like, Internet comedians.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where their audience comes out, but they're like, like, they don't know standup.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they think it's like an interactive, you know, or yelling out characters.

[A]

Well, and also, too, nowadays, like, it's as a standup, like, every. We've all been doing crowd work, and then, then people are like, well, no, but I just thought this was going to be like a Matt R. Crow work short show. You're like, no, I prepared an hour of material. Jokes, wrote.

[B]

I wrote for this. Yeah.

[A]

Sorry, what's in Orlando? And I played, I love playing Orlando. But what is it? Yeah.

[B]

Talking here. You. Theater spin.

[A]

I, I do the, the Walt Disney theater thing. Yeah. No, no, no. But that's, that's. I'm an old show pony. I, But I, I, I would go. I would run something at the funny boat. No, my worst show I've ever had was that lake in Lake Park, Florida. Isn't that close?

[B]

Lake Park? I don't even know what that is.

[A]

It was. Maybe it's near west. No, it was in Lake Park, Florida. It was in, it was a club and it was in a strip mall. And it was. Two women started fighting. And it was the whole thing where I was like, the mayor came out and was passing out white claws.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To people in line. I said, I, I. This is not gonna be a great show. Yeah.

[B]

Dude, those are the best.

[A]

What's your favorite place to perform and what has been your worst show of all time? Because I really love diving into, like, the nitty gritty of being on the road.

[B]

Yeah. Boring. Worst place or favorite place? Wisconsin Crowds love their professional drunks.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I never have a bad Wisconsin show.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love the Pacific Northwest because I Like, to make fun of them and accept it. I roast them. They know who they are. They know they are Portland BLM signs. Not a lot of black friends. You know what I'm saying? Shout out Seattle.

[A]

Shout, shout out Portland, Portland. Then you may get. You may step on a dirty needle on the way to a really beautiful theater, and then you're like, I just had a three michelin star meal, but I almost died on the way to the theater.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We should just decriminalize everything. Yeah, yeah, those. So those are the good ones. You know, Austin's also a fun city because you can just say anything.

[A]

You can truly say anything.

[B]

They do not care.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So not that I am, but I'm saying they're a fun crowd because they're

[A]

just, you know, on fentanyl, so you truly. No, they are everywhere. That's the thing that people don't realize. Everybody in Austin's tweaking. Everyone.

[B]

They're up, man. I got sober there, and it's like. Like, you know, which is like, I should have double time.

[A]

How. Oh, what? What were you sober from?

[B]

Booze, coke? Yeah, that's about it. Yeah, that's all I touched.

[A]

Okay, good.

[B]

I'm a lightweight, so you got to get the coke to keep it going.

[A]

It. I got to be honest with you. Booze and coke, two fun things.

[B]

Yeah. They go well together. You know what I mean?

[A]

I didn't expect, like, a black tar heroin. And if you would have said it, if you would have dropped that, I would said, still supportive. No judgment.

[B]

Right, right, right.

[A]

I like that. Booze and coke. How much coke were you doing?

[B]

I don't know. It. It wasn't coke. It's Austin. It was probably like, salt and baby powder.

[A]

That's true. And did you have that moment where you're like, I. I have to get.

[B]

It was like, hey, I want to be productive and successful in life. This isn't working. My nose is plugged 24 7. My heart hurts, my liver screaming. So it was just like, I'm done. And so I just stopped.

[A]

Well, and this is. I hope that you don't mind that I'm being so, like, brash about it, because it's like, we're in comedy.

[B]

Every.

[A]

Every third comedian has found sobriety.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was never a big partier to begin with, so, like, you know, I mean, I have three white wines, and I want a cigarette. That's what I got to get off of. Yeah, dude, you give me a little Sauvignon blanc.

[B]

What is it about that drunk sing, dude.

[A]

It's something. And I am. And I have my own home now. We were living with my mom for a while and I have my own home now, so I can smoke the cigarettes and not get judged. And I went to the Noah Khan concert the other day. I got hammered. I had such a good time. I come home, I'm putting on Radiohead on my porch. I just wanna have a cigarette. I took two puffs. My husband comes out and he's like, oh, God, shut the door. And I went to go. I had one puff and I was like, I can't get cancer. And I literally put it out.

[B]

You know what I mean? You just.

[A]

I now even feel guilty having the cig. But when I'm in Europe, I will have the cig.

[B]

Oh, yeah. See, it's. It's good. That's. Well, well, well.

[A]

What do you know? Okay, the kids are going back to school, which means they're already driving you fucking nuts. You think that they're out of the house, but no, they're still lurking. Okay? And every day at 3 o' clock you gotta pick them up. And my girlfriend say, heather, come with me to pick up our kids. And I'm Passenger Princess. And I said, I gotta bring a beverage with me. And that's why I've been doing carpal pickup with my Silent Flower. It's a non alcoholic THC rose. It's a crisp drinking substitute for the alcoholic version. It's nice and dry and not too sweet. The best part about it is it has rapid onset, so you feel the uplift in about 20 minutes with the effect similar to your favorite glass of. But guess what? You're not gonna wake up feeling like shit the next day. And then I can still be giggly and be the fun aunt, and then the kids can torture me and tell me that they think I put on weight over the summer. You know, I love Silent Flower. I really love working with them. I've become a huge fan of the product because it's made from California Chardonnay and Cabernet grapes. It's all natural, has no stevia or artificial sweeteners. Also, I love that it's non alcoholic and with the perfect amount of thc, it pairs with especially well with friends, the pool, or those afternoons when I'm feeling especially golf widowed. Or the afternoons when I am riding Passenger Princess for carpool pickup and my friend's three sons bully me. Okay, it just has 35 calories, less than half the amount in a glass of traditional alcoholic rose and we fricking love it. So here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna go to two drinksilentflower.com Absolutely. And use the code Absolutely at checkout for 15% off your first order. That's drinksilentflower.com Absol. Use code Absolutely at checkout for 15% OFF and definitely follow them on Instagram. Drinksilentflower. Their content is fucking great. I really love this brand. They're local to Atlanta, so you know, I ride hard and I'm very into these and I'm gonna be taking some on the road with me so that I don't have a hangover when I'm back on tour. Drinksilentflower.com Absolutely. You know what I love is Thrive Market. It's a membership based online grocery. For just $5 a month you can get access to a curated selection of and non GMO brands, 90 plus dietary filters, weekly sales, free gifts and peace of mind. That 1000 plus ingredients are already restricted. Plus there's one annual fee. Priceless. Peace of mind. Dude, Thrive Market is a total game changer. Especially if you like, I don't have time to go to the grocery store all the time and I want to make sure that the things that I'm getting are already vetted. Like let somebody do the hard work for you. Which is already looking at the ingredients list. Because grocery shopping now becomes a four hour event. 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So sign up now before this exclusive offer ends up. You will love Thrive Market. It will change the Game for your family and for you. You know, your first drink of the night for a better tomorrow should be by ZBiotics. It's engineered by a team of PhD microbiologists. Pre alcohol is a prebiotic drink that breaks down the byproduct of alcohol which is responsible for rough days after drinking. So here's what you do. Step one, drink the pre alcohol. For best results, make pre alcohol your first drink of the night. Step two, you're gonna drink responsibly, pace yourself, hydrate and get a good night's sleep. Sleep. And step three, enjoy tomorrow. Wake up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day. Listen, I really love the Zbiotics pre alcohol. I took it with me when I was in Europe and you know. Cause your next thing you know, you're in Italy, you're having the best time of your life, but you still can get a gnarly wine hangover. So I really, really enjoy it just to like take off that edge. So I feel like my body is able to actually break down the toxins from alcohol. And you know, we're all living out our wildest extrovert dreams and taking full advantage of this last bit of summer. And something I love to do for future me is drinking zbiotics free alcohol before going out, you know, before going back on the road. If I know I have a big dinner party that night, I just drink it. So that way it's another level and another form of self care. And I love drinking the pre zbiotics Pre alcohol before alcohol so I can enjoy an evening and feel ready for whatever tomorrow brings. Wedding season, bachelorettes, rooftop parties. August doesn't slow down and neither do you. So pre alcohol keeps it that way. Go to zbiotics.com absolutely. And use code absolutely for 15 off again. That's the letter Z. Biotics. B I O T I C S dot com. Absolutely. Now back to the podcast. Were you ever a drunk smoker?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Drunk smoker.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Bang, dudes. I was drunk. Oh, there was no. No limits, baby.

[A]

Oh, how many dudes we banged?

[B]

I don't know. Maybe. Maybe three teen. Three teen. Well, I don't. They were all teens. No. I don't know. I don't know. I don't count the dicks. Also very sad sex. Yeah, just missionary. I'm not bending over, so.

[A]

But this is interesting because I just would have figured you would have been a gold star gay, you know, I know.

[B]

Now you gotta try it out. I agree. You know, lost your virgin. I lost my Virginia. In high school. Okay, yeah. You know, just get it done with.

[A]

Get it done with. Do a couple pumps. And then you realize, like, also, guys

[B]

that banged me, me a little gay.

[A]

A little.

[B]

A little gay. Where are they now?

[A]

Guess what? I'm straight. And all the guys who bang me, also very gay.

[B]

You know, you're the fat gag.

[A]

Every. Oh, honey. Every guy that I had sex with in college is without a doubt on the front row of my shows now being like, queen love the glitter suit. They're all gay. And I'm still very good friends with them.

[B]

That's amazing, dude. I wish I was a fag hag

[A]

because I would be like, you want to listen to Eliza Minnelli while I suck your dick? Like, yes.

[B]

Safe space. And he just gets limper harder.

[A]

Are you kidding? If I put on hello Dolly, every guy that I did musical theater with that I would blow is like, this is like, that's how they came. And then what you put on Phantom of the Opera. That's really when they came.

[B]

Waterworks come out. Yeah. Oh, God, I wish I had that life now.

[A]

When you, when you date a woman, end up marrying a woman who. This was her first lesbian experience.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What is the learning curve like? Was it annoying to have to go in and be like, all right, let me teach you how to be a lesbian?

[B]

No, she was on it. She's a fast learner.

[A]

Great student.

[B]

She's quick.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She picks it up. Gave her one book. No, but it's a book.

[A]

What would be the problem?

[B]

How to eat out comedian Les. I don't know.

[A]

Sad.

[B]

Saddest.

[A]

Vot.

[B]

Tough, tough. No, it's fine. I mean, it's the same. Relationships are the same.

[A]

Yeah, it's all.

[B]

I mean, she's constantly. Side of tea. Easier with women really. Sometimes though, she says I have boy brain.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know? Yeah, just some. Like, she'll be like, oh, if I have tea from a friend, like, oh, yeah, you know, he broke up with her. She'll be like, what happened? I'm like, I don't know.

[A]

Yeah. You're asking no follow up questions. That is.

[B]

I really got guy friends. So I'm like, why would I? I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

They were just like, what the.

[A]

No, no, no. I'm with your wife. I would be like, hi, Here's a list of things that you're gonna. You're gonna ask at the next meet up.

[B]

I know. I gotta get more into it.

[A]

The one thing I think I like about being with a man is I can Yell at Jeff. He can yell at me and it's done.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? It's like you're being a fucking idiot or whatever. And then three minutes later it's so. You want to get a meatball sub? Yeah, I. Because I. That's how I. My brain is in general. I'm not a. I'm very empathetic, but I'm. I will feel the feelings and then I let it go. I'm immediately over it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I can't sit and talk about our. I can't talk about our feelings all day.

[B]

No, we're not doing that.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

But we're on a good level. Like, we're very. We communicate. We're not. We're not. Not just sitting and being like so yesterday.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, we're not. It's not. I couldn't do that. I literally couldn't do that.

[A]

I couldn't.

[B]

And she's such a. She's taught me how to communicate.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cuz I had boy brain.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I really did. So now I'm like way more open and vulnerable and direct.

[A]

It's nice with being a comedian. Do you feel like. Because, you know, every weekend you're gone, like people don't realize kind of the schedule. I have a. A nervous breakdown about every seven and a half months.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Well, I'll just come home because your. Your bones are tired.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you're just like. I've been over stimulated. And then I just. I have a real heavy cry about every seven and a half months.

[B]

Oh, I don't cry. I'm not a crier at all. No.

[A]

I'm not a usual crier. It only happens like. Like once every. Like Q3, I'm having one hour of a good cry and then I'm done.

[B]

I crave that. I would love a good cry, dude. Just to let things out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, No. I. I don't know if it's boy brain. I don't.

[A]

How do you blow off the steam?

[B]

I don't know. I just kind of. I'll take a day off. I'll just kind of rot. Yeah. But I'm still always kind of thinking about it.

[A]

Yeah. So I just can't.

[B]

But I love it. So I think it doesn't get to me too much.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But yeah, I don't. I don't really mean. I don't know. I don't really feel too much.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

But I wish I had a good cry. I want that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Sometimes if I'm nearing my period and I get a good movie going.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I can get a tear down.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Or a TikTok. Yeah, show me a dead animal. Let's go.

[A]

When I tell you the. The vets, like the veterans, not the veterinarians, but the actual veter coming home, surprising their kids. Those are the best at like a pep rally. Those are the best. And they bring their war dog if they have a war dog with them too. Like a golden retriever. And they're surprising their children at a pep rally.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I'm losing my mind.

[B]

It's great. Yeah. Yeah. Makes me like. Like the military.

[A]

Yeah. Makes you like.

[B]

This is when I want to support them.

[A]

So you went Orlando to Austin.

[B]

Austin for a year. Did a bit of that. A little too. It was. It was pre mothership, but I was, you know, in with like, you know, Red Band liked me because he probably likes Jim Carrey. Yeah. Shout out Red man. He's actually sweet. Sweet man. I say actually because Kill Tony can be kind of crazy, but Red Band's always been sweet as hell. So I did that for a year and like, you know, I just wasn't. I wanted more.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was getting sober. I wanted to start hitting the road. I just. So I moved to Kentucky because she. Lily was still in law school, so she couldn't move. So I was like, I'm gonna go to Kentucky and work the road from there, which is an easy location.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, it's pretty. It's like Midwest, Southy Y. And I just spent and I hit the road. It was cool.

[A]

Great. Good for you.

[B]

Yeah, I just. Cuz I just. I. I felt like I didn't vibe with Austin.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

I was drunk the whole time.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I love Austin. I. But I agree. I couldn't. I couldn't live there. Living there, dude, I couldn't do it.

[B]

And you're in Texas at the end of the day. Yeah, you know, I went from Florida to Texas. It's like, what. What am I doing?

[A]

So what, your first year out on the road, what was like the biggest life lesson that you learned? Because, I mean, that's the thing, that first year on the road where you're really grinding it out. You have to have these like, hard conversations with yourself in the mirror in like a Sky Club bathroom where you're like, if you eat one more scoop of tuna salad, you're gonna die.

[B]

I love your life. Sky Club bathroom.

[A]

What?

[B]

I don't know what these words are. Is it a lounge? I.

[A]

A lounge? Yeah. Sorry. I'm an. I'm an old Delta Brat, though, so I'm.

[B]

I need to get.

[A]

Yeah, I will teach you about.

[B]

My wife keeps saying, you gotta get the lounge at. What are you doing? I don't know.

[A]

What am I gonna do in there?

[B]

I don't drink. I'm vegan. What's gonna be in there for me? A napkin.

[A]

Oh, Jesus Christ. You're vegan too?

[B]

Yeah, dude. Like, I'm like, there's. What's a lounge for? She's like, well, you can get away from people. People.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they have salads.

[A]

They have salads. They have a nice veggie.

[B]

She also wants to use it, which I get.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I gotta get the lounge.

[A]

So Uber and vegan. How long you been vegan?

[B]

I don't know. Probably eight years.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I don't even know.

[A]

I.

[B]

Six to eight to ten.

[A]

I went vegan after my dad died of cancer, because that was the thing. I was like, okay, we're gonna do the vegan cleanse. I was vegan for about five months, but I was not a healthy vegan. I was. Yeah. French fries, chips and pasta. That's all I eat. Yeah.

[B]

Some smoothies, Tofu. Tofu. Shout out tofu. Yeah, yeah, I'm. I'm both.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'll have a Beyond Burger. I'll have a tofu stir.

[A]

When you're doing clubs, though, are we just living off French fries?

[B]

Yeah, I'm living off of, you know, eating before. Yeah, I'm living off of that. Or just living off of coffee.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you got that Yerba mate. Can I tell you, I can't handle these?

[B]

Why?

[A]

They send me into orbit, dude. Yeah, a yerba mate. Like, I don't. I guess they have a very sensitive central nervous system, but I had one and I was like. I thought I was tweaking.

[B]

Yeah, I've had. Yeah. Venti coffee already.

[A]

And then. And yerba mate Americano.

[B]

This. Yeah. Caffeine, baby.

[A]

Okay, so you stay caffeinated up.

[B]

Caffeinated. Yeah. And then. But, you know, I'm sober, so I need something.

[A]

What is your pre show ritual?

[B]

Coffee.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Pace fart, talk to the openers. Nice. In that order.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Yeah, I'll talk to the openers if. If I'm not bring. Because you probably do bring openers.

[A]

Yeah, I. I bring my buds on the road.

[B]

Yeah. So sometimes I do, and sometimes if I'm in Des Moines, devoid, you're like,

[A]

I want the local dude.

[B]

Give me an Omaha. I want Omaha. And, you know, mostly they're good, but They'll. They'll give me, like, some details about the city that I can come up with jokes on.

[A]

Great.

[B]

But I don't have a pre show. Do you have a writer? I don't do writers.

[A]

I have a writer, but it's very simple. I've got Spindrift. Okay. Now it's actually gonna make me sound like an office.

[B]

I love hearing the writers.

[A]

I. I like the Pink Lemonade Spin Drift.

[B]

You're doing theaters and shit.

[A]

So you can theaters, but even at clubs, I'm like. I just like a sparkling club.

[B]

It's crazy to ask somebody making like, $7 an hour to go get you. Like, one of the Wayne's brothers always has, like, seaweed snacks that makes them go by.

[A]

I'm always in. Whenever I do the standup live at Huntsville, I've. I've. It's the same. It's like the weekend after the Wayne's brothers, they're always like, yeah, seaweed snacks are there. They're. They are there. They are there.

[B]

Shout out.

[A]

I don't shout out. No, I mean, when I'm doing clubs, I'm bringing in my own. Right. Like, I have my stuff, but I will have a full chicken tender platter before a show. I'm having the chicken quesadilla in between both shows.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I'm leaning in. I'm. I will have so much ranch dripping down my tits when I go on for my second show.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's how I do. But my writer theaters is always like sparkling water, Spin Drift, some sort of charcuterie, a hard Parmesan or Reggiano, if we can. Yeah. And then that's because I like. They do it well, because I read something online that says it's better to have a block of parmesan cheese than it is to have a protein bar. So that's what I've been living on.

[B]

Are you serious? Health wise.

[A]

Apparently it's better for you.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, the protein bar is all bullshit.

[A]

It's all. So I eat a hunk of cheese to kind of. Honestly. Because you're farting. It blocks me up. So then I. Because I usually have nervous diarrhea before a show.

[B]

Yes. You got to get that out somehow.

[A]

You got to get it out. So I don't have a coffee. I'll have a mini Diet Coke. I'll have a block of Parmesan or Reggiano. Plug her up. And then after the show, it's the club quesadilla to then ease it back out. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Do you, you know what's the worst? When you go to a club and the bathroom, they don't have a private bathroom. The worst, you know, you're in some, you know, looney bin and you just, it's just the bathroom that everyone else and you got to show and you're like, well, I'll just go during the feature set, maybe everybody will be sat and I hope that nobody knows. And of course somebody's coming in. I just lifted my feet.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, someone's always coming in and you know, and it's. And because you're on the road, you're eating insane. So yeah, you're all, it's, it's an explosion and then they're like, you know,

[B]

and then you gotta go walk out.

[A]

You gotta walk out.

[B]

Oh my God, I'm gonna see you soon.

[A]

Or when you can hear your like walk on music coming and it's, it's like chameleon air and you're like rad and dirty and you're like, I have to hype myself up when this woman just heard me take a shit. And this is mortifying.

[B]

Yeah, dude, clubs are amazing.

[A]

They're the best.

[B]

They're, they're fun. It's the worst show. Is Naples, Florida, off the hook?

[A]

Okay, let's talk about off the hook. Shout out.

[B]

Well, everybody, the. They shouldn't book people my age. They should book hacky, flirty and comics. The audience members are all about dead. They're like 85, 90 voted for Trump. We have nothing in common. I started actually doing, doing legit crowd work with them. I was like, what medication do you take? Yeah, it was so bad. And the last show there was like a, a younger, like a 65 year old woman.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And she was filming. For some reason they kicked her out and she on her way, getting kicked out. She bit the bodyguard.

[A]

Wait, hold on. There was a Naples gator bite.

[B]

Dude. Naples gator bite from this young 65. So she had her whole life ahead of her. She bit the bodyguard, her, a boyfriend or whatever was, was scuffling. And then they finally had to drag both of them out with their feet during my set, 25 minutes in, I was like, thank you, Jesus Christ.

[A]

And now are you even acknowledging. Yes, I needed the time.

[B]

Yeah, I was bombing my dick off. Yeah, I mean, have one. Yeah, I was bombing it off all weekend.

[A]

You had a bigger deal than I.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, the clip. Yeah, I was bombing it off. So I was like, thank you, God. I was just riffing for that forever.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And at the End of the show. The. The owners and stuff, they were. The management was just like, yeah, this happens every weekend. I'm like, this place is.

[A]

They said this happens every week.

[B]

They had to file a police report. It's like the cop showed up. He's like, hey, what happened this week? It's just Nate. It's just Florida, dude.

[A]

It's Florida. Florida.

[B]

Naples. Never again.

[A]

But Naples is also wild because every single one of my friend's parents has moved to Naples. So it's like you go and have a nice time. But no, I also. Because they keep asking me, like, come down and do a theater in Naples. Come down to the clubs in Naples. And I also.

[B]

Great.

[A]

It's not.

[B]

It's. Kirsten can kill.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, but somebody like me, I literally was teaching them gay terms. I'm like, prep. Prep prevents aids. And they're like, ah. It's just like the word. I was just doing it to entertain myself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But they hated me.

[A]

And I love when you lean in and there is. There is no wilder feeling than when you walk off stage and you're like, I was fighting for my life for an hour and a half. You.

[B]

And when you're like, this is going to be a 50 minute. So set. This one's going to be 50. I don't give a. It's the last show of the weekend. Yeah. I've been bombing for old people. Dinosaurs hate me. We're doing 45 and I'm talking slow. You know, like, you're just like, get me through this. Little Rock. Little Rock was bad too.

[A]

But I. I've never played Arkansas. I've played a club outside of. Where was Oklahoma? Bentonville. So that was a vi.

[B]

Like fville. F. That's the gay area. That's. Everyone tells me to go there.

[A]

Yeah. Fayetteville was fun, but. Yeah. I can only imagine the Little Rock scene. Yeah.

[B]

It's not Guy in a mullet. I kept calling him Anal Gary. He hated it. He got offended. He got up and left during my set. Went to the bouncer and said, if that little gay boy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Doesn't stop calling me Anal Gary. He thought I was a little gay guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If he knew I was a lesbian, he'd be like, you're a funny little lady. You know what I mean?

[A]

Can I see your tiny tips?

[B]

Yeah. Let me see those two backs.

[A]

Yeah. But there's nothing better to. Than when you have just a real, real. A redneck man in an audience. When I. When I. When people bring their husbands or their dads but specifically, like, a dad. When I can get a dad to turn to flip and, like, get on my. On my level. Like, you know, and some of them are insufferable. When you get a guy in an LSU T shirt and he's like, okay, all right. And you're like, mark. My favorite thing is to point them out. Like, Mark, you're giggling.

[B]

Yes, guys.

[A]

And then I bring every. Like, I want a spotlight on Mark.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's. Soon as Mark cracks half a smile, I'm like, we're in the zone, Mark. And then I can. Everybody else in the theater, wherever I am, I can everybody else. I'm like, it's just me and Mark. And Mark. I'm going to peel back the layers. I'm going to be crawling into your skin and laying on top of your soul in a minute.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. It's fun. It's fun. Sometimes you don't get. I don't get them. Mar. It's the whole show is this.

[A]

Oh, but.

[B]

But Tyler, Texas Shout out. Those guys hate me.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I mean, they just, you know, I should on. I should in politics.

[A]

Yeah, of course. And I. I mean, this was my first year really, like, diving into it on stage and. But it's. It's also, you know, my audience is very strongly women.

[B]

What's your demo looking?

[A]

My demo. Very women. Straight. Yes.

[B]

Swifties. No.

[A]

Adjacent. They're my. My sorry.

[B]

Etheridges.

[A]

A couple. I have a strong lesbian group. I have a strong women. I have women who are like, you know, they're younger moms. They get it.

[B]

Millennial.

[A]

Millennial.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Millennial mom. Moms. Strong power lesbians. Hell, yeah, the gays.

[B]

You want women, Dude, I want women. They're the best audience.

[A]

And now I have husbands that come and they're, you know, it's always the same conversation. You know, Tamara drug me to your show, and then I meet them at the vip and then they're like, can I have a photo? At a great time.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I said, you don't have to tell me that you were drugged to a show.

[B]

Yes. They always go, I thought you were gonna be a woman. Yeah, you're actually pretty funny. Thanks, Randy. Thanks so much.

[A]

Thanks, Anal Gary.

[B]

Yeah, thanks, Anal Gary. Thanks for. I thought he was gonna come in and shoot me up. Literally. I thought he was gonna come back with a guy gun. And there's no security in Little Rock. It's a looney bin.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's one meth head who's like five foot four running the door.

[A]

Speaking of Meth heads. Have you ever played West Virginia?

[B]

No, never.

[A]

Yeah, that's. That's a fun time.

[B]

I've avoided it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What's going on over there? Charleston? Where do you even go?

[A]

No, I mean, you know, you're in Pittsburgh and then you're crossing over and you're like, in Wheeling, West Virginia. Like, do you want to add a show here? I'm like, I'm good. I'm good.

[B]

I know when someone's like, please come to Reno, Nevada.

[A]

I'm like, ah, yeah.

[B]

Sometimes. Know, I do want to do Alabama, though.

[A]

Oh, Alabama's great. And let me tell you, it's good. I always like to open every tour. I like to open at the Standup live in Huntsville. I start in Huntsville and then I'll go to the theaters from there. I'll go to, like, Birmingham. I'll do like. I love to work that. Yeah, Alabama's actually a blast.

[B]

Yeah, I've heard it's good.

[A]

But again, I'm from the south, so maybe it's like, I know how to, like, you know, I mean, you're from the south, but Florida is different.

[B]

I'm from New York.

[A]

Yeah. And, oh, you're originally upstate, right?

[B]

Yankee. Yeah. Dank.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

I'm a Yankee, but also Floridian.

[A]

How old were you when you moved to Florida?

[B]

2001. I was like, eighth grade.

[A]

Okay. All right. Yeah, you're.

[B]

You're right before 9 11, we got out of New York. Oh, we're psychics now. We were in upstate. We were never going to get hit.

[A]

You know what people don't realize Upstate is gnarly. It can be.

[B]

It's trash.

[A]

Gnarly redneck.

[B]

Oh, it's tr. I went back as an adult and I'm like, oh, I'm trash.

[A]

Where are you from in Rochester? Oh, it's so trashy.

[B]

So trashy, dude. My Uber driver had, like, full Cookie monster pajama pants. 2:00pm Let me tell you something about. Oh, I was like, I'm home, baby.

[A]

Let me tell you about Cookie Monster pajama pants. I am obsessed with the very specific demographic of heavyset woman who is always in a Cookie Monster pajama pant. She drives some sort of, like, small. A Nissan Sentra.

[B]

Yeah, it's always a Sentra.

[A]

She's driving Uber.

[B]

Whipping it, whipping it, whipping it.

[A]

Rolling her own blunts.

[B]

While driving.

[A]

While driving. And this is white woman, black woman, Hispanic. She could be anybody. She just is so dedicated to those Cookie Monster pajamas.

[B]

Son's name Nevaeh. Yeah. Always a Nevaeh, it's heaven backwards. No, we know, we know, we know. Britney, we know. Yeah, we got it. Should have done hell backwards. Look at your life.

[A]

I'm. I'm obsessed. I've. I had a woman.

[B]

I do love it.

[A]

I love it. I had a white woman in cookie monster pajama pants. I had an interaction with her at a Walgreens in Iowa. I've had plenty of Cookie monster pajama pants situations here in Atlanta.

[B]

We need them.

[A]

We need them, need them.

[B]

We need them.

[A]

And I know when I see him coming. You know what I mean? Or if I'm. If I'm at a CVS early one morning getting a plan B, you just know. You're like, that's my girl. And I know that we could smoke weed together. Or even a menthol.

[B]

Yeah, it's a menthol.

[A]

And have. And talk about their lives and just.

[B]

And they're real, dude. They're real bitches. They would stand up. They would stick up for the bullied kids in school. Oh, yeah, leave them alone. You know?

[A]

Can I tell you, I had a. If you see something, say something moment the other day. I actually called 911. And then I was so paranoid that I was a Karen. I was. My husband was like, no, Heather, there was a dangerous situation. You needed to call 91 1. You did the right thing. And I was panicking because I was like, I saw a guy pull out a gun on the street and.

[B]

Yeah, That's a. Call 911. Yeah, that's good. Thank you. What? I like that you were second guessing that one. Well, maybe it was just. He was taking it out for air.

[A]

He picked up a rock. I was pulling up to this light. He picked up a rock. He threw it at a van. But I was just pulling up, so I didn't know the interaction. And then he turns around and he's yelling at the van. And the guy in the van's like, what the dude? And then he pulls out a gun. He's like, I got this. And then I was like, okay, so now we're all gonna get shot.

[B]

Yeah, drive the off. Are you kidding me?

[A]

The best was I called the 911 operator. I'm giving very specific details. I'm like, hey, he's walking towards a park. There's tons of kids are there. I'm just saying, like, this guy is clearly disgruntled. Yeah. The lady calls me back and she's like, are you still following him? I go, was never following the perp in the first Place.

[B]

What am I, the police now? What are we doing? I detective on the case now.

[A]

I give you the exact quadrants now. The cross streets. And I just said, this is the situation. And I even told the lady on the phone, I. I go, I feel like a Kieran. I would not have called unless I did. Unless he didn't pull out. Like, he's not a Karen.

[B]

Don't worry.

[A]

See, I'm. I'm paranoid about everything these days.

[B]

And the. That's not a Karen.

[A]

If you see something, do you say something? I don't know. Yeah. Have you ever called 911 before?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, see?

[B]

But I'm not seeing anything. I'm so oblivious.

[A]

Really.

[B]

Boy brain, if I saw. I would just be like, oh, that guy's a water gun. Yeah.

[A]

My husband, who is also very protective, was like, I didn't say anything. And I'm literally. You're like. I'm staring at the.

[B]

Yeah, that's.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I think I would have just skirted off and like, good luck, everyone. Yeah. You know, that would have been my vibe.

[A]

So I have just like 40 Karen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No, but that's not even a Karen move, though. It's not like you're complaining about customer service. Karen's complain about somebody who makes minimum wage.

[A]

There was a weapon out.

[B]

There's a weapon.

[A]

Okay. I know.

[B]

It's not like the guy was, like, trying to serve you when you were like, 91 1. This man has an attitude. You know what I mean? Mean, like, you had. You saw a gun.

[A]

I saw a gun, and I saw

[B]

him attack a car and going towards children. And you're like, am I Karen, Ma', am, you're seeing a mass shooting about to take place and you're worried about. Oh, no, this is cringe.

[A]

No, literally, this is. But this is where I'm at in my life. And I. I don't know why. Cookie Monster pajamas, like a white woman,

[B]

you know, she's on the other end.

[A]

She's on the other end.

[B]

She's on the other end.

[A]

She has a headset on.

[B]

How can I help you?

[A]

And. And she's like, what's up?

[B]

Are you chasing.

[A]

My name's Britney. And she's like, heather, did we go to high school together? And I'm like, girl, how you. That's your stepdad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She's like, he's also in jail.

[B]

Still creepy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

They're doing that now. No, I would hate to be a 911 operator. They're so calm. I would be like, give me all the tea.

[A]

Well, and I thought I called in, like, super with just, like, the best, like, Gentleman is probably 30 years old. He is wearing a black shirt, black shorts. He pulled the gun out from his black pants. He has no bag. He's walking northbound on Roswell Road, like, reporting. I was. No, dude, I was so reporting. I was reporting. And Jeff was even like, damn, okay. And then she was like, ma', am, can you slow down? I go, I cannot. I am driving, and I'm trying to make sure I'm getting away from the scene.

[B]

This is recorded. Play it back, bitch. Play it back. Run it back.

[A]

And then I drove to a place to get food, and there's an Atlanta cop who comes in. My husband's sitting in the car. He's just getting a lunch. And I turn, and I'm like, do I tell him that that was me who just called in? Like, tell him literally. I mean, we were probably five miles away.

[B]

And I, like, was, yeah, sir?

[A]

Yeah. I want to get back in your car.

[B]

Pew, pew, pew, pew. I called it in. No, that's good that you did that. I wonder what happened.

[A]

What were you, like, in high school?

[B]

I went to a Catholic school. We was, like, 100 kids total, so I was just quiet. Hated it. Hated school. Really hated it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I. Well, I was. I didn't. I'm not religious, so I thought everyone was really dumb. Yeah. You know, and you would get in trouble for things that don't matter in life. Untucked shirts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, things like this, where I was just like, this is insane.

[A]

The un.

[B]

Of you.

[A]

You were in uniform.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Same.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Were you?

[A]

Oh, yeah, baby.

[B]

I didn't respect anybody.

[A]

I didn't respect anyone, but I just

[B]

kept to myself and just got through.

[A]

You got through.

[B]

But, yeah, I wasn't. I wasn't very active. They didn't have arts programs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we're talking to Florida Catholic school. I mean, is that hell?

[A]

That's hell.

[B]

100 kids in. In the. In the graduating class.

[A]

That's.

[B]

That's. I mean, the graduation ceremony was quick, so that was nice.

[A]

Did you go to college?

[B]

Yeah, I went to UCF in Orlando.

[A]

Oh, hell, yeah.

[B]

What are you college?

[A]

Are you the. Are you the waves? The lightning? What's u.

[B]

Nights? I don't even care.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Can I tell you? I hated school.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Hey, so I really don't give a. I don't care about it. Did you go to college?

[A]

I went to college here. I. I know the University of Mississippi I loved it.

[B]

You met.

[A]

I was in a sorority. I missed Ole Miss.

[B]

Hey, look at me. Okay, they're blue.

[A]

Yeah, they're blue and red.

[B]

Yes. Yes. I'm getting there.

[A]

We like to say that we have the blue. The blue of Yale and the red of Harvard, but that's actually Harvard's crimson, so that didn't even make sense.

[B]

Yeah, that's okay.

[A]

Let. We'll let it roll. Let it roll.

[B]

That's fun. Did you like it?

[A]

I loved it.

[B]

Sorority.

[A]

I thrived in my sorority.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I am a7 on the enneagram. Have you ever done your enneagram?

[B]

Probably once, by another lesbian I was dating.

[A]

Maybe I am a lesbian.

[B]

I mean, you might be.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The vision board. I'm on board.

[A]

I'm a cheerleader. I enjoy to see people succeed. And I like to pick apart people in the sense of not like I. I want to know.

[B]

I don't remember what mine was. I. I got to do it again. Yeah. I want to say maybe a nine, but I. I don't.

[A]

It goes at through eight.

[B]

So that's my. Me. I'm nine. But I got my sign, and that's it. And I don't remember my ent. Tjf.

[A]

What's your sign?

[B]

Aries. But here's the thing.

[A]

Okay. Here we go.

[B]

Cusp.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

So, astrology girlies. You're Taurus.

[A]

No, no, no. I'm a Pisces.

[B]

Me, too. Well, this is what I'm saying.

[A]

Oh, I thought you were gonna say March 20th. Oh, I'm the 15th.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

Wait. So technically, you could be Pisces, but

[B]

now the astrology girlies who've done my birth chart because we were dating. That's what they did. Do they say my location, Rochester and time of birth? Yeah, Aries, which I feel more Aries energy, to be honest. But also, like, every sign just has characteristics of human emotions, so I don't really.

[A]

The amount of lesbians that have also tried to read my birth chart is alarming. It's alarming.

[B]

Are you straight, Pisces?

[A]

I'm straight. I'm. I'm.

[B]

I mean, what's your rising?

[A]

I've got a Virgo. And then what is my other one? I. I don't know which one is which.

[B]

You're not gay. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's past the test best. She does, in fact, like dick and balls.

[A]

Can I tell you, I really do like dick.

[B]

I get it.

[A]

As a straight woman, though, it's tough sometimes. Can I tell you a very scandalous thing that's happening.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So there was a gal who ended up. Okay, just go with me here.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

There's a gal who was dating. Okay, hold on. Let me take two. There's a scandal right now happening in Atlanta. This girl was having a threesome with her nanny. Female nanny.

[B]

Okay. Husband.

[A]

Husband's evolved. Allegedly hot. Yes. Great family. She ends up leaving the husband for the nanny.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I said, I get it, because why would I. I'm not leaving my husband with that dong for another dong. I would leave my husband for a wife who's gonna help me fucking do domestic.

[B]

That's what it is.

[A]

That's what it is.

[B]

That's what it is. He's not helping out.

[A]

He's not helping out.

[B]

And there's. Strap on. So we're good.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Boom. Yeah, that makes sense.

[A]

I would never leave my husband for another man.

[B]

Yes. I've heard this.

[A]

It would be sister or people are

[B]

like, if this one doesn't work out, I'm never with a man again. I'm just going to be alone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Because there's no point.

[A]

There's no point.

[B]

Yeah, I get that. And I. Dick is great.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To me, it's just what's attached. I don't really want to deal with the hair and the grunting.

[A]

Did you ever hook up with, like, a really hot guy?

[B]

Yeah, I think so.

[A]

Because mine were not. And that's the thing is I look at my husband, I go, very adorable.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But again, it all were not attractive.

[B]

Active. But maybe that's the. The key.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hot guys are probably the worst. Dating hot guys. I can't imagine you're fighting over makeup. I don't know what's going on.

[A]

What do you look for in a woman? Obviously in your wife.

[B]

Oh, my God. Well, I like intelligence. Yeah. I am shallow. I like beautiful people. So that was like, what hooked me. But intelligence is huge. Good sense of humor. You know what I mean? Kind. I don't like liars. I don't like people that are rude. Like, I just love good hearted, kind people.

[A]

So you got to get out of Hollywood.

[B]

Yeah, please. Ye. Please. The worst place.

[A]

The worst place.

[B]

I've never. I've never spent enough time to like, get a vibe of who lives there. I'm always just like, on comedians podcasts at the store and like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I stay in the comedy circle. I've never ventured out to, like, what's in the Valley? What is out there? It's just vapid.

[A]

No, actually, the Valley is amazing. And I. But I think because you're in Kentucky and I'm in Atlanta. Like, I will go do the voodoo that I have to do in la. I'll work the rooms, I'll do the sets, I'll do the thing. And then I'm like, I'm good.

[B]

Do you like working in L. A? Audiences are kind of timid to me. Or like, they don't want to laugh because they're like, too pretty to laugh or something. I don't know. Something's going on there.

[A]

Yes. Well, definitely. They're, they're, they're too cool for school.

[B]

Okay. That's what it is.

[A]

A New York audience is leaning in and they're. Chicago audiences, to me are the best.

[B]

They get it. Yes.

[A]

Everybody in LA is too cool.

[B]

They're like, cool. Is that what it is? I'm like, hello.

[A]

Everybody's. Everyone's industry adjacent. Everyone says, like, the worst shows are in la. I always have a good time because I lived there for a long time, so I kind of can pick make up. I'm like, I know you live in Mar Vista. I know you live over in Eagle Rock. I know you're a weho. Gay. Like, I can, you know, I could read the room in that sense.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But no, I mean, LA is always.

[B]

They're very timid. And I'm like, am I bombing or do you suck?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? Yeah, it can't be both, but. And like, even, like, they're a little like, too, like, should we be offended?

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like half of. And it's like, calm down.

[A]

Yeah. I don't need you to be offended.

[B]

Yeah. No one shut the up, little people.

[A]

Trans people here. You're just fine. Just stop.

[B]

They're okay. And they would laugh.

[A]

They're good.

[B]

They're good.

[A]

They're good. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I do have fun there. But it is. I do notice that where I'm like, you guys are kind of gay and.

[A]

And like, going and doing these, like, comedy festivals there. You're like, oh, God, here we go.

[B]

Like the Netflix. Yeah. Everyone and their mother did that.

[A]

Yeah, it's. You do it. You know what I mean? You're gonna do it. Give it a year. You'll do it. You'll do the next one. Everybody's kind of doing it. And then you see everybody out there and you see all your comments. Comedy buddies. And everyone is miserable because they're like a lot of. I'm doing 10 shows this week. I've got to run to these brunches. You're networking. You're up late.

[B]

Brunch was insane.

[A]

Yeah, it's crazy the amount of people

[B]

they got in one one area. I'm like, what is this, Photoshop?

[A]

Yeah, it's really insane. And then you're actually talking to like your good comedy buddies that they're looking over their shoulder like, I don't hate that.

[B]

That's what I hate about la. Yeah, it's talking to people. They go, so how are you? Yeah, yeah, they. I don't like that vibe.

[A]

And that's why you're. You need. You're exactly where you need to be.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You like genuinely genuine, smart. You're cuspy Pisces. You just need to live in Kentucky

[B]

and I can make it work. Yeah, I just gotta bring in the money.

[A]

Honey, it may not feel like autumn right now because it is boiling outside and it's August, but guess what? It'll be here before you know it. And this is what I love. The time to go through your closet and say, what did I not enjoy wearing this summer? Well, I gotta get something new. And I feel like sweater season is gonna be here before you know it. And you know where I'm buying my sweaters? I'm buying them at Quint. You know where I'm buying my new gorgeous jeans? I'm buying it at Quint. You know where I'm buying a stunning, gorgeous couch made out of perfect java colored performance fabric velvet. I'm buying it at Quint. I tell everybody I just bought their new linen sheet set. I am currently laying on a linen fitted sheet and I have never felt more luxurious. I have never gotten more compliments. People are like, oh, Heather, wow. Your sheets look fabulous. Your couch looks great. Your outfit looks fantastic. Honey, it's all from Quints. Quint is the best. 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This episode of the podcast is brought to you and sponsored by roe. You know what? I'm telling you right now, ROE is a total game changer. It's been a game changer for me because I was doing my own kind of experimental journey on GLP1s and what do you know, it didn't work because I wasn't doing it under the guidance of a doctor. Hell, I've even heard of some people buying these peptides from like, an old softball coach in Arizona. Seems sketchy. What I love about RO is because it goes through an actual certified situation. RO is awesome because they have an insurance checker too, which is Ro's free tool to help patients check which GLP1 medications are covered by their insurance. And a few days after submitting their insurance information, a patient will receive a report that tells them which medications are covered and which ones aren't. Right. So you already have the information right there. RO just makes it easy. Listen, we're all trying to get healthy. 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Go to ro. Absolutelynot. See if you qualify. That's roe co. Absolutely not to get started on row again. Again, for side effects of GLP1 medications, including buck warning, go to ro co safety. Ro co safety. So you're starting this tour right now? Starting from.

[B]

I've been on the row. Yeah. Cause I put on my special in January.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I'm just kind of. I literally. I was talking to Steph about this. Just hitting the road with a new hour. Like, building it up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which has been terrifying and fun. But I'm so happy to say new jokes.

[A]

You know when you find. I feel like every. Like when you shoot a special and then you put it to bed, you're like, oh, it's. It's a weird bittersweet feeling. Right.

[B]

Done.

[A]

It's done. It's.

[B]

I. I still have some jokes. That I say just to pad the time.

[A]

Uhhuh.

[B]

But it's me. One or two.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then it's just, you know.

[A]

Well, I'm. I'm just in the thick of editing my special now and I'm like, okay, well we shaved off 20 minutes in this section, so I got to use those in like a week.

[B]

No, I know. That's what I'm saying. That's what. Cuz Steph was like. Well my. For like the first. The special she did. I think for Netflix something is such. She was like, these are 15 year old jokes. Fine.

[A]

It's fine.

[B]

That's smart, dude.

[A]

Yeah. So Jen, who is my writing partner for television, she directs all my specials. She. Jen special. So. Or sorry, Steph special. So like she's. Yeah, it was great.

[B]

Such a good special.

[A]

And where can everybody find your special right now?

[B]

YouTube.

[A]

YouTube.

[B]

YouTube. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah, it's. It's fun. You know, I just like self produced it.

[A]

That's.

[B]

We all do church basement in Wisconsin.

[A]

Oh hell.

[B]

Winter. Yeah. I was just so sick of the jokes, I didn't care. I wanted to record it and be done. I thought I was going to blow my brains out having to say that hour again.

[A]

Well, it, it's also that people had such a huge response. I mean it's. You're insane. Insanely funny.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

And you're poignant.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

And I think that your delivery is so great because you're just like, like it's very. I don't know how to describe. You have a very like calm, fun energy.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

In a sense where it's like I'm. I'm like tuned into every. I'm hanging on every single word.

[B]

I really. I'm worried that I'm annoying. Like, you know, I just.

[A]

Annoying.

[B]

I know. But I'm really like. I've been trying to calm down how I start videos because I'm like. I don't want to be like Ellen, you know, waterboarding my staff.

[A]

Literally. You know how many friends I've had that have worked for Ellen? It's the amount of people that I know that worked for Ellen is alarming. I love that. Yeah.

[B]

She's so nice.

[A]

Yeah, we love her.

[B]

So nice. She had to leave America. What a queen. No. Yeah, I've heard. I mean it's always been.

[A]

And I'm. I am curious as a queen of the lesbian community, how do the other lesbians feel about. You're not at all.

[B]

We'll talk about that. But I think other lesbians. I don't know, listen, I'm not tuned in. The lesbians don't give a about me. Okay. Can I say it? Yeah. I'm so jealous of Kristen Key and her goddamn guitar.

[A]

They love. They show up for her. Wait, the lesbians aren't showing up.

[B]

Lesbians don't give a about.

[A]

Tell you something right now. I'm. I'm going to look directly to camera. First of all, if you are not following Heather Shaw online. Is it. It's Heather.

[B]

Heather Shaw is kidding.

[A]

Heather Shaw reminder. And if you're a lesbian, if you're actively scissoring on the weekends and you are not going to her shows. How dare you.

[B]

Thank you, Heather. Get your. Everyone thinks I'm Ashley Gavin. That's the issue. No, everyone. And she did something which I'm like, whatever. She's a comic. People got so offended that she did something on stage. I think she like a heckler. She was telling heckler to go fuck off or something. Okay. Now everybody online is like, aren't you the person who told somebody to go kill himself? And I'm like, I'm the wrong lesbian.

[A]

I don't wear a hat. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And I'm like, I'm going to take the comic side on this. I don't give a fuck.

[A]

Also, I get that in a different sense of like when people just are not educated on comedy. The amount of people that are like Leanne Morgan. I'm like, I'm, I'm not. And Leon's a friend of mine. I adore her.

[B]

She's so cool.

[A]

And I'm literally like, I'm friends with like, I adore her.

[B]

And I'm like, no, don't even sound alike.

[A]

No, we don't even say.

[B]

I'm saying.

[A]

But it's. They just see blonde southern and they're

[B]

like, it's gotta be Chelsea Handler over here. Love your work fortune. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I don't. I guess I get it. We're two white lesbians. Yeah. But I have them.

[A]

I, you know, listen, you. You just gotta go with it. You love it. You gotta keep rolling with it.

[B]

But I wish that the lesbians came out. It's all just straightish.

[A]

No, we're going to get the lesbians. We got the girls out. You're insanely funny. Your stand up's incredible. Everything online is just makes me giggle. Thanks. The way you call people out and you're just like, I said, you're very good at doing it. And I think that's like, you know, I think that's why I gravitate towards you because it's, it's disarming, but it's to the point.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

I hope for. I don't want to be.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You don't want to be a real. Yeah.

[B]

And I'm worried that I'm going to roast the wrong celebrity one day and they'll just lean a D on me.

[A]

Yeah. Well, guess what? You have to keep going. Yeah, you have to keep going.

[B]

Just make another account, bitch.

[A]

Make another account. Keep going. Now, when you walked in, you saw some of these vision boards.

[B]

Oh my God, I'm obsessed now. My wife are. We're like really, like we're wanting it serious.

[A]

I, I'm, I feel very strongly about the vision boards. I also believe in just like speaking it into existence. What do you want for your career, in your life? What do you see on your 10 year vision board?

[B]

I want to, I want to get into acting somehow. I'd like to get into some like, I don't want to do a lot of festivals, but like, notable ones would be cool. I just want to get into more like, you know, com, like comedy, things that are acclaimed and show like, who I am.

[A]

Great.

[B]

And then, you know, I want to stay in Louisville because my wife and I have a beautiful life there. Make money, tour around, do specials, you know, and dip in and out of LA in New York and, you know, stuff like that. I just want to be a working comic who doesn't have to live in.

[A]

Guess what? And you're doing that now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you don't need to worry about that because you've already, you have already. That train has already left the station. You are staying in Kentucky. You're able to do what you want. You can ride your horses, you can do your thing, whatever you want.

[B]

Donkeys, but we'll do it. Yeah, yeah, no, I know. I just, I just want to, you know, do comedy forever.

[A]

I don't think anyone's going offline anytime soon. So that is the good part. Don't let the people in the industry get in your head that you have to be somewhere. You don't. I don't.

[B]

And every time I go, and I love New York and LA's fine, but I'm never like, I need to be here. I'm just like, oh, yeah, that's what I get. It's just my vibe.

[A]

I'm just like, then don't worry about it.

[B]

You know, you can get like a mansion for a dollar in, in Louisville. Yeah, like what the fuck are we doing?

[A]

What are we doing?

[B]

We want me to pay California prices for home.

[A]

Listen, look at all the successful people neighbor gets. He lives in Tennessee. Leanne Morgan lives in Tennessee. Ms. Pat lives down the street, you

[B]

know, like, she's the shit.

[A]

Like, everybody else moved to Texas. And I'm not saying because I loved la. I'm not. And I lived in New York. I love New York. But, yeah, it works. You can live other places.

[B]

Yeah. You don't have to. It's not the 90s night nice for me.

[A]

Like, I go out to my restaurants and I see my girls and I'm like, what's up? And I go to my country club and do my. And it's like, you do whatever the.

[B]

You have a life here.

[A]

You have a life.

[B]

That's what I, that's what I, you know, that's what I'm not. That's what I'm realizing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I keep thinking, well, I got to go to la. I got to. And it's like, I don't. I've made, I've created this from, you know, Orlando, Austin, wherever I am, I've created it. So.

[A]

And you're a nomad. And once you're, Once you're like rolling around the world, I don't know how you feel about, if you feel the same way, but I, you know, you're on the road and you're grinding it out and you're doing the damn thing and you're, you know, living off hard boiled eggs at sky clubs and all this. And then you get home and you're like, craving to sit home and craving to like, be in your house with your loved one. And then I'm home for two weeks and Jeff's like, you got to get out because you're, you're too expensive to be home. Like, I started ordering furniture I don't measure. I'm like, let's redo everything. And he's like, no, you got to get back on the road. I get itchy.

[B]

That's how I am. And then my wife notices that too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's like, oh, you're. You're getting a little, like, miserable. That's what she's like, oh, you gotta, you gotta get the. Because I just love it so much where if I'm just sitting around, I'm

[A]

just like, yeah, you gotta be moving. And we are only as good as our last joke and you gotta keep going. And I would rather I said, like, I, I was. Became so vitamin D deficient like two years ago. Where I got all this blood work done. They were like, you were really low on, like, vitamin D. It's because we sit backstage in dark theaters while everybody else on the way weekend is sitting outside and getting fresh air. We do not. We are either in.

[B]

We are in behind a plane, a

[A]

airport, or we're taking a nap at. At, like, a Holiday Inn at 3pm before our shows. We never outside. We're. We got to get outside. That's why, Heather, you got to get outside.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I got the supplement, so I'm fine.

[A]

We got to make a vision board. We got to get outside.

[B]

Yes. Vision board. I'm so big on this. I'm so excited.

[A]

Yeah, I got you.

[B]

I'm really excited.

[A]

We're going to be.

[B]

My wife and I are going to do it.

[A]

Anybody that you would meet in the industry where you would absolutely, like, lose your mind if you got to work with, like, a drink collab.

[B]

God, I don't even know. I would like to meet Jim Carrey. Just to put it.

[A]

The rest I was gonna say. Has he really reached out?

[B]

No. And I've never pestered. I mean, I could be really annoying probably, and be like, we have his agent, you know, But I just. I just feel like that's very embarrassing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know. It's just not my vibe. Some people get online and be like, hey, some guy looks like Adam Sandler, and he got in, like, Happy Gilmore, too, of course. And I'm like, yeah, dude, but that's it. That's all.

[A]

But, Jim, Car's not online, right?

[B]

Car's not online. I follow.

[A]

Love that.

[B]

Yeah, he's retired. Ish. You know, he doesn't give a shit. He's very intense in Zen.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think. I don't know him. So I don't know. This is what I'm, you know, getting from his interviews and stuff.

[A]

But to me, that is the moment when you've made it. Like, I have friends who are actually, like, you know, very famous. And I don't say that as, like, oh, yeah, exactly. But when they have no social media and I know that they just have their burner accounts that they message me from, they never have to shamelessly promote themselves all the time. I'm like, dude, what is that? That, like, what is that?

[B]

Like, hey, Atlanta, I'm coming through. Summer, you're not here. Yeah, that's. I. That. I just don't ever think that's. I'd love to just sell out weekends. Yeah, let's start with that. Dream.

[A]

Okay, let's do there.

[B]

Sell out club weekends.

[A]

We're selling out club weekends.

[B]

All right?

[A]

And then you can eventually delete every social media app, and you can sit in bliss in Kentucky and just be

[B]

like, dude, on a.

[A]

We put out the pigeon signal.

[B]

They know on the farm. Yeah. The hot wife.

[A]

You. Do you actually have a farm?

[B]

No, I'm not yet, but I, I. That would be a dream eventually. Look at this.

[A]

We're adding that to the board.

[B]

Add it. Oh, my God. I want to act.

[A]

We want to go. We want to quit being chronically online.

[B]

Sell out. Sell out weekends.

[A]

We want more lesbians at the shows.

[B]

Yes, More lesbians. Yeah. We got to get more gay guys. I'll take those, Caddy.

[A]

They are fun.

[B]

They're fun as.

[A]

They're fun. And you know what the gay guys do? They bring you the best gifts.

[B]

I know.

[A]

When I tell you I have gotten outfits. I have gotten, like, expensive purses. I've gotten drugs. Like, all the good stuff you get

[B]

from the gay guys. Not the ketamine.

[A]

Yeah, a couple of those. You know, if you ask for specific things, like, hey, I'm coming to, you know, coming to Tampa. Yeah. You guys bring me a, you know, an 8D Dr. Pepper. Yeah. And some fun.

[B]

Yeah, just. They'll do it. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

They'll whittle things from wood.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you just. You end up with some sort of, like, bedazzled caboodle to like, carry your makeup in, and it's like the dreams of cat.

[B]

Kathy Griffin. Imagine being Kathy Griffin at a show. I mean, not that she's doing meet and greets, but, like, you know, that was the dream. God, that is, again, another dream audience. Like a Kathy Griffin audience.

[A]

Just.

[B]

Oh, they love her.

[A]

I used to go see her at the Fox all the time when I was in, like, high school, early college, and. And I was always like, this is the dream.

[B]

She's just amazing.

[A]

Who were your comedy icons? I'm, like, getting into it.

[B]

Griffin Margaret Show. That was early. And then Maria Bamford as I was a teenager. Patton Oswald. You know, I did, like, Zach Galifianakis. I thought he was so funny. He's a genius.

[A]

He's got a new gardening show on Netflix.

[B]

I haven't seen it yet. It's interesting. I don't smoke weed, so I feel like I need to smoke weed to enjoy it. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, it's actually about, like, gardening. Gardening. I know, but, yeah, it just.

[B]

It seems very calm. It's very adult. I don't know if I. I don't care about gardening either way.

[A]

I don't either. And I have a black thumb, but

[B]

I do love him.

[A]

But your plants.

[B]

Yeah, no, I'll kill it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. As a vegan, it's. It's horrifying. I was gonna say it's murder. Yeah. But now it's like. Anyway, you know, I really like Jessica Curson.

[A]

Jessica is.

[B]

I'm so excited to meet her.

[A]

Everybody should follow Jessica Kon too because she is so unbelievably funny.

[B]

I get to meet her soon. I'm so excited.

[A]

I met her in LA for the first Netflix as a joke and I was just like, hey, I want you to know, like, I just adore you. And she's so cool. So kind, so cool to do.

[B]

Jordan Jensen's great. I love Jordan. She's so chill. Which I thought might. She might be neurotic off. Uh huh. No, she's fucking shit. She's so chill.

[A]

I have noticed that mostly every woman comic that I meet for the most part is chill.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And fun. It's the Men who are Mental.

[B]

I can't name one.

[A]

Men are Neurotic.

[B]

Yep. I can't name one bad female. Female comic. I hate that woman. That I've had a. I can't name

[A]

one woman in the biz where I'm like, hater. Nope.

[B]

Nope. I don't. Not even. No. It's just the men.

[A]

It's the men and then you find out that they have their weird, weird quirks and ticks or like in a mood or whatever. And I'm like, we're all fine. We're vibing.

[B]

And most of the guys are cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know if it's cuz I'm like a boy. I don't. It must be different for sometimes I think it is different for like, like feminine comics or the guys might be a little weird. Maybe not though. I don't know.

[A]

No, I get the. I just kind of like do my thing and then I. Because I can hang with the guys. I mean, again, as a Delta Gamma from the University of Mississippi, I know how to hang out with some gentlemen.

[B]

Go talks. Yeah.

[A]

But I just. I don't.

[B]

I.

[A]

You hear about like the weird Chris.

[B]

Delia just added me on Snapchat.

[A]

Oh, I don't know about that. I don't know. I would. I don't know about that. I don't know if you want a Snapchat from the delas.

[B]

No. Yeah. No. No. Creepiness. Most of the guys are cool, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Norman was really nice.

[A]

Norman's the sweetest guy ever.

[B]

Sweet autistic boy.

[A]

Yeah. And that's the way we like it.

[B]

Joe List, great. Met him for like a second. Loved it.

[A]

So you really vi.

[B]

I really like the New York comics, man. I really vibe with New York comics more than la. Yeah.

[A]

Because they know how to stand outside and smoke a cigarette and have like a real conversation.

[B]

They're good. They're chilling still. Yeah.

[A]

So we're manifesting sold out weekends, more lesbians.

[B]

We're just women. I mean, women usually are. Yeah.

[A]

Well, guess what? My audience is mostly women. So I think you're going to be set, Heather. Where can everybody find you? Find your stuff, Find you on the road.

[B]

Heather Shaw is kidding on Instagram. Heather Shaw comedy online. Only fans is coming. It's going to be real gross.

[A]

And what are you showing on your only fans? What do you think? Taint.

[B]

Jim Carrey T. Oh, smoking now.

[A]

I did hear something recently. You can't just show taint. You have to also show face.

[B]

No.

[A]

I was recently diagnosed with gout and I had a puffy foot. So I was gonna be gout girl on only fans and I thought, great idea. But then my husband did a little research because he was so on board. He was like, show that gal foot.

[B]

Hell yeah, dude.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's people that want to suck on that.

[A]

And guess what? I will put my tears in jello. I don't give a.

[B]

So you got to get down with your gout.

[A]

So apparently you also have to show a little face.

[B]

What if he puts his face next to it?

[A]

He could, but I don't know if they're gonna.

[B]

They're not gonna walk. I don't know gay guys. Okay, so you got to put your. Your face.

[A]

Allegedly. I'm going to start with the feet and just see where we go from.

[B]

There's feet, huh?

[A]

No, I think you have to show, like, feet and a titty, which I'm fine.

[B]

Oh, but no face.

[A]

No, but I. I kind of. I feel like the face would sell.

[B]

You want the credit?

[A]

I kind of want the credit.

[B]

No, it's me.

[A]

God, I don't know how to tell you guys that. It's your girl.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So I think. Dude, I think I'm putting in the face.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who cares?

[B]

If I get desperate enough, I'll just. Jim Carrey get railed.

[A]

Yeah, Jim Carrey get railed dot com. You've heard it here first.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're on the road right now. Where are you headed to next?

[B]

So Atlanta. This Weekend and then Lexington. Going to Lexington for a weekend? Yeah, Comedy. Off Broadway. One of the best. It's a comedy club.

[A]

It's the best.

[B]

Yeah, it is very fun. Lexington's great.

[A]

Lexington on Broadway is the best.

[B]

Yeah, it is really fun.

[A]

These are all the best.

[B]

They're really good crowds. Yeah. So I am excited. And then Nebraska.

[A]

We love Nebraska. Nebraska in Omaha.

[B]

No, girl, even more discreet. Where I'm going to Lincoln and North Fork.

[A]

Great. You're gonna have a. You're gonna have a great time. No, buckle up. It's gonna be. It's gonna be 10 degrees cooler there. You're gonna love it.

[B]

These. These are times when maybe I say no.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I love you, Lincoln. Yeah. Norfolk. I think it's gonna be awesome.

[A]

We need everybody to come. Just come get the lesbians.

[B]

But Comedy Store. Yeah, August. That'll be fun. They're putting me in the Janner's closet. I get to do a little. No, it'll be fun. I'm excited for Comedy Store. And then San Diego in Phoenix.

[A]

Com really is the best.

[B]

But I'm on the road. Like, it is the best. I'm very excited.

[A]

You're going to thrive. And don't worry about the LA I while you're here.

[B]

I got your. I'm going to hear you in my head. Yeah. I'm saying jokes that they go, Caitlyn Jenner deserves respect. You know, Caitlyn Jenner does not deserve respect. I. I'm hear you in my head

[A]

going, no, I got you. I got you. And while you're in Atlanta this weekend, hopefully I can show you a good time if you have some.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Now that I know that you're vegan and sober, it might be a little. Yeah, it might be like he's hopped

[B]

me up on caffeine. Caffeine.

[A]

Oh, God. Okay, I got some places.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

I'm gonna show you a good time.

[B]

Thank you. You're the come over.

[A]

You can use my pool. This is what Heathers do. Also stick together. One last thing. Every other Heather that I have ever met is absolutely like a stripper from the 80s. It is a very, very specific 80s.

[B]

I never meet. I was telling McDonald this. I never meet another Heather. Yeah, I don't meet Heathers.

[A]

You don't meet other Heathers.

[B]

And when they do in trailer parks currently or I don't know where they

[A]

are, every Heather that I've met is like just within the hour. Had just recently got a little bit of melanoma removed. You know what I mean? Like, they Had a bad mole. And they're driving some sort of, like, white sedan, really crispy. Just looks rough. I've never seen their daughter is the

[B]

Cookie Monster pajama pants. It's all connecting.

[A]

I've never met another Heather where I've been like, you aged well.

[B]

Same.

[A]

Yeah, I'm aging like milk curl me blue cheese. Let me tell you, we may be very different in the sense that you're like Loki. I am like, stretch this to my. The back of my throat.

[B]

You going to Chris generate?

[A]

Oh, yeah. I already did, so don't worry. Guys, everybody follow. Heather Shaw is kidding, right?

[B]

Yeah, Heather Shaw's kidding.

[A]

Go see your shows. Go see her on the road. She's so funny and such a joy to be with and do a vision board. This is the Absolutely not podcast, and I should have started the episode with this, but is there anything other than, you know, just life in general that you have an Absolutely not on and this is how we'll close it out?

[B]

Oh, Absolutely not on. Republicans sucking dick and then taking their anger out on. I mean, RIP Lindsey Graham. We lost a gay icon. I just can't. I can't deal with the fucking closet of Republicans anymore.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

Absolutely not. We know you're gay. Mike Johnson.

[A]

I saw the best thing ever that this was on, like a T shirt on an Instagram thing. It said, republicans, Republicans racist, secretly gay. Democrats, gay, secretly racist.

[B]

Yes. That is literally it.

[A]

Literally it.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

I'm just. I've had it. Yeah, it's like, girl, we know, we know you weren't fooling anybody.

[A]

Lindsey Graham. We heard about the ladybugs.

[B]

A male Scientologist. You don't need to come out.

[A]

We know, we know, we know. And that's what the Heathers do. We figure it the out. Thank you for coming on the podcast, as always. Guys, follow everybody who's coming on. Heather is so fucking funny. She's incredible. Please go see her out on the road, and I will see you on the next episode. You can always call into the hotline, 800-213-7503. I'll see you on the next episode. Ciao, bella. Riverdale too. Thanks so much for listening to today's episode. Don't forget to subscribe, rate us and leave a review. And as always, follow me on Instagram @HeatherKMcMahon. See you guys soon. To flip the moon hop from train

[B]

to train I feel the vibrations taking control of me Shines the light so

[A]

brighter Plays out like a symphony.

[B]

I can hear it instantly.