Connect the Dots

Absolutely Not: "Connect the Dots"
Host: Heather McMahon
Release Date: January 28, 2026
Podcast: Absolutely Not (Dear Media)

Episode Overview

This episode of “Absolutely Not” blends Heather McMahon’s signature irreverent humor with candid social commentary and a dose of real-world seriousness. While iced-in at home during a vicious winter storm, Heather offers wild, stream-of-consciousness insights: defending harassed weather people, exploring her newfound obsession with mahjong, daydreaming about becoming a world mahjong champion, and diving deep into America’s spiraling political climate—especially in the wake of recent events in Minneapolis, censorship on TikTok, and the hypocrisy of U.S. politics on immigration and gun rights. Throughout, Heather maintains her warmth and connection to listeners, fielding hilarious and relatable calls on the Absolutely Not Line.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Winter Storms and Weather People (00:00–11:00)

Weather Person Hate:
Heather opens expressing solidarity with friends glued in by ice storms throughout the South. She’s baffled by how weather forecasters bear the community’s wrath when weather predictions don’t match up (“Justice for weather people. Y’ all are doing the best you can.” [05:24]).
Branding for Meteorologists:
Entertaining riff on weather personalities with ideal names (“Dallas Rains! …Whatever agent told you …your last name needs to be a weathering pattern—Rains.” [07:41]), and her fantasy of managing meteorologist branding.
Preparedness:
Segues into storm prepping—her “bug out bag” and need for proactive vs. reactive living (“I’m all about, let’s do—instead of being reactive, let’s be proactive. …I got the bug out bag.” [10:24]).

The Phenomenon of Storm "Babies" (12:00)

Playfully theorizes about the coming surge of “ice storm babies” as bored and snowed-in couples look for ways to pass time (“Hardship and scary times bring people together …you want to get that birth rate up, there you go!” [12:06]).

Heather Discovers Mahjong and Competitive Streak (13:00–25:00)

Mahjong Obsession:
Self-aware deep-dive into “white woman” mahjong culture: initial resistance (“…I didn’t want to go to a mahjong party …where all they’re going to do is ask, ‘When are you going to have a baby?’” [16:10]), finally embracing the game thanks to her mom’s friend, Nicole (“Nicole comes over …she’s like a mahjong queen.” [17:24]).
Why Mahjong Clicks:
Heather realizes she’s great at pattern recognition (“This has been the first thing where I’m semi—It’s a difficult thing. But when I got it …my brain understands the mahjong.” [18:31]).
Mahjong vs. Jeff (her husband):
Recap of chaotic family game night; Jeff’s gambler ego can’t hack the Mahjong rules, leading to marital hilarity (“He tries to call mahjong twice …I said, ‘Jeff, you don’t have mahjong!’ …He’s literally playing blackjack on his phone while I’m trying to demonstrate mahjong.” [21:11]).
Daydreaming a Mahjong Career:
Fantasizes about being the “White Tiger” at the World Series of Mahjong, complete with capes, theme music, soup dumplings, and dramatic walkouts (“…Cheetah print cape …my walkout song, not Eye of the Tiger, but the Pussycat Dolls…” [26:50]).
Memorable Quote:
“If I’m going to end up at the World Series of Mahjong I want it to be a LOOK. …I want there to be pattern recognition in my presentation.” [24:44]
Joy in Hobbies:
Mahjong becomes her brain-sharpening, stress-busting hobby (“I’ve been looking for a hobby …I wanted something tactile and mental…This might be it.” [28:05])

Manifestation, SNL, and Comedy as Purpose (30:00)

Vision for Future:
Brief but evocative mention of visualizing herself hosting SNL and achieving big dreams (“Seen myself walking on stage at the Emmys …performing. Like, I just feel it in my bones. I will host SNL one day.” [31:10])
Links her “slow math class” background and her unlikely new skill for mahjong as a parable for surprising roads to success.

[Sponsor Messages Skipped]

Adulting and the Weight Of The World (29:15–39:00)

Serious Pivot:
Heather acknowledges the grim mental weight she's carrying, exacerbated by news of current events in Minneapolis.
On Critical Thinking and Civil Rights:
Frustrated by America’s decline in nuance, logic, and genuine debate, she criticizes double standards in protest/gun discourse, referencing the killing of an armed man in Minnesota and ICE aggression (“…People have lost the ability to see things with their own eyes …and then be like, ‘no, that was his fault.’” [34:04]).
Political Stand:
Declares she’s lost followers for her outspokenness and doesn’t care (“I’ve lost thousands of followers, I don’t give a fuck. If you choose to not take in what I say, good luck to you. I’ll see you at the mahjong HQ.” [32:40]).
Comedy and Commentary:
Defends comedians as social commentators (“Comedy is taking things that are happening out in the world …so people can absorb that, and that is what we speak on.” [37:45]).
Opposing ICE Brutality and Trump-Era Authoritarianism:
Outlines how anti-immigrant policies and “scare tactics” are used to divide (“…They don’t care …Trump and all his little cronies want you to be afraid. …Read George Orwell, 1984. Hello?” [36:20])
Second Amendment Views:
Clarifies her own gun rights stance (“…I’m a Second Amendment girly…”, [40:28]), but denounces the current application of the argument.

Call-In Hotline: Listener Engagement (45:35–74:30)

TikTok Censorship and Social Media Fatigue (45:35–59:30)

Caller #1 (SC, fellow Pisces):
Laments TikTok’s possible silencing and shifting vibes after censorship emerges around news and activism (“Just imagine Ben Affleck ripping a cig …I don’t know, I’m just. I’m over it.” [46:06])
Heather’s Reply:
Explains why she—and many creators—are pausing TikTok due to censorship under new terms (“…Everything’s being censored right now. …It’s scary when you become censored. You should be concerned.” [52:39])
Heather’s Lexapro Jingle:
Sings her viral homemade jingle (“Lexapro, Lexapro. Which way will my feelings go? Anxiety doesn’t have a hold on me, ‘Cause I’m hanging out with my best Lexi…” [50:00])
On Internet Sleuthing:
Claims her pattern recognition and research make her the “great observer”—she could’ve been “Dog the Bounty Hunter” in another life (“I could find anybody. …I am an observational queen.” [56:15])
On ASMR & Keyboard Preferences:
Lightly roasts “creamy” pronunciation and the trendiness of “creamy keyboards,” admits she never ‘got’ ASMR (“I don’t have the satellite antenna that picks up on the specific …frequency…” [57:40])
Pause on TikTok:
“I don’t have the answers …I don’t have the answers to everything politically, except Cheetos gotta go. What the fuck is happening?” [58:32]
High School Reunion:
Reflects fondly on turning 20 years out from high school, commiserates with “special math” classmates (“We were in the trailer closest to the highway for mathematics…” [60:20])

Relationships, Zyns, and Bedroom Confessions (63:00–74:36)

Caller #2 (Chelsea from CA):
Shares a hilarious “Absolutely Not”—her hookup performed oral sex while chewing Zyn (“What in the bacterial vaginosis was this man thinking?” [63:25])
Heather’s Response:
Reframes the incident—argues the Zyn made the guy more focused and “in the zone,” recommends a “glass-half-full” outlook (“One, the reason he was able to go down on you for 15 minutes is because he was geeked out. He was zenned up…” [64:20]);
Adds: “Don’t need to be worried about an infection. You just need to be worried about an erection.” [65:40]
Honest Bedroom Tales:
Shares her own pill-popping, singed-legging, and TV-watching-in-bed shenanigans (“TV was on …this commercial came on …for sick children …Get my cell phone. We got to make a donation. The kids need it.” [67:12])
Empowering Outlook:
Encourages listeners to “lean in,” find humor, take care of themselves (“…Put your leggings on, right side out …Working out so that I feel strong…and I feel like I’m doing one thing to put one foot in front of the other.” [71:50])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On weather forecasters:
“Justice for weather people. Y’ all are doing the best you can. And just because Carl wants to go fucking turkey hunting on a Tuesday during a nor’easter—Not our problem, Carl.” [05:24]
On daydreaming mahjong glory:
“White Tiger …I want it to be a LOOK …pull up in the same stretch white limousine every time …Show stopping. Show, show stopping.” [26:50]
On American society:
“We’ll be in a civil war before we know it—but people have lost the ability to have critical thinking… Look at the evidence of what’s actually happening.” [33:43]
On gun rights hypocrisy:
“All of a sudden, when these MAGA hardcore say they’re toting their guns around …you can’t bring a gun to a protest. It’s a hypocrisy.” [34:56]
On comedy and resistance:
“Comedy is taking things that are happening out in the world …We find a digestible way for people to absorb that, and that is what we speak on.” [37:45]
On Lexapro as a jingle:
“Lexapro, Lexapro. Which way will my feelings go…” [50:00]
On Zyn-cunnilingus:
“Don’t need to be worried about an infection. You just need to be worried about an erection.” [65:40]

Important Timestamps

00:00 — Introduction, ice storms, weather people discussion
07:41 — Meteorologist branding and Dallas Rains riff
13:00 — Mahjong: game, culture, family hijinx
21:11 — Family game fight: Jeff vs. Mahjong
26:50 — World Series of Mahjong fantasy
29:15 — Shifting to adult mental health & coping during grim news cycle
33:43 — Political commentary: Minneapolis, ICE, loss of critical thinking
45:35 — Absolutely Not hotline: TikTok censorship, social anxiety
50:00 — Lexapro jingle
63:00 — Zyn & sex call, Heather’s explicit response

Tone and Style

Unfiltered, brimming with self-deprecating wit and candid vulnerability. Heather weaves absurd comedy with authentic emotional undercurrents—equally at home manifesting mahjong stardom or laying bare her frustration with America’s current events. The episode is equal parts cathartic comedy hour, social critique, and group therapy for dealing with chaos—whether frozen indoors, politically exhausted, or (literally) burned out.

Conclusion

“Connect the Dots” exemplifies Heather McMahon’s ability to make listeners laugh, think, and feel less alone—reminding them that finding humor and honest connection is vital, especially when the world feels overwhelming. Whether she’s defending weather forecasters, fantasizing about international mahjong tournaments, or calling out social injustices, Heather’s authenticity and absurd storytelling keep the community tuned in.

Interested in touring updates or want to call in? Visit heatherontour.com and call the Absolutely Not Line at 800-213-7503.

Absolutely Not: "Connect the Dots"
Host: Heather McMahon
Release Date: January 28, 2026
Podcast: Absolutely Not (Dear Media)

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Winter Storms and Weather People (00:00–11:00)

Weather Person Hate:
Heather opens expressing solidarity with friends glued in by ice storms throughout the South. She’s baffled by how weather forecasters bear the community’s wrath when weather predictions don’t match up (“Justice for weather people. Y’ all are doing the best you can.” [05:24]).
Branding for Meteorologists:
Entertaining riff on weather personalities with ideal names (“Dallas Rains! …Whatever agent told you …your last name needs to be a weathering pattern—Rains.” [07:41]), and her fantasy of managing meteorologist branding.
Preparedness:
Segues into storm prepping—her “bug out bag” and need for proactive vs. reactive living (“I’m all about, let’s do—instead of being reactive, let’s be proactive. …I got the bug out bag.” [10:24]).

The Phenomenon of Storm "Babies" (12:00)

Playfully theorizes about the coming surge of “ice storm babies” as bored and snowed-in couples look for ways to pass time (“Hardship and scary times bring people together …you want to get that birth rate up, there you go!” [12:06]).

Heather Discovers Mahjong and Competitive Streak (13:00–25:00)

Mahjong Obsession:
Self-aware deep-dive into “white woman” mahjong culture: initial resistance (“…I didn’t want to go to a mahjong party …where all they’re going to do is ask, ‘When are you going to have a baby?’” [16:10]), finally embracing the game thanks to her mom’s friend, Nicole (“Nicole comes over …she’s like a mahjong queen.” [17:24]).
Why Mahjong Clicks:
Heather realizes she’s great at pattern recognition (“This has been the first thing where I’m semi—It’s a difficult thing. But when I got it …my brain understands the mahjong.” [18:31]).
Mahjong vs. Jeff (her husband):
Recap of chaotic family game night; Jeff’s gambler ego can’t hack the Mahjong rules, leading to marital hilarity (“He tries to call mahjong twice …I said, ‘Jeff, you don’t have mahjong!’ …He’s literally playing blackjack on his phone while I’m trying to demonstrate mahjong.” [21:11]).
Daydreaming a Mahjong Career:
Fantasizes about being the “White Tiger” at the World Series of Mahjong, complete with capes, theme music, soup dumplings, and dramatic walkouts (“…Cheetah print cape …my walkout song, not Eye of the Tiger, but the Pussycat Dolls…” [26:50]).
Memorable Quote:
“If I’m going to end up at the World Series of Mahjong I want it to be a LOOK. …I want there to be pattern recognition in my presentation.” [24:44]
Joy in Hobbies:
Mahjong becomes her brain-sharpening, stress-busting hobby (“I’ve been looking for a hobby …I wanted something tactile and mental…This might be it.” [28:05])

Manifestation, SNL, and Comedy as Purpose (30:00)

Vision for Future:
Brief but evocative mention of visualizing herself hosting SNL and achieving big dreams (“Seen myself walking on stage at the Emmys …performing. Like, I just feel it in my bones. I will host SNL one day.” [31:10])
Links her “slow math class” background and her unlikely new skill for mahjong as a parable for surprising roads to success.

[Sponsor Messages Skipped]

Adulting and the Weight Of The World (29:15–39:00)

Serious Pivot:
Heather acknowledges the grim mental weight she's carrying, exacerbated by news of current events in Minneapolis.
On Critical Thinking and Civil Rights:
Frustrated by America’s decline in nuance, logic, and genuine debate, she criticizes double standards in protest/gun discourse, referencing the killing of an armed man in Minnesota and ICE aggression (“…People have lost the ability to see things with their own eyes …and then be like, ‘no, that was his fault.’” [34:04]).
Political Stand:
Declares she’s lost followers for her outspokenness and doesn’t care (“I’ve lost thousands of followers, I don’t give a fuck. If you choose to not take in what I say, good luck to you. I’ll see you at the mahjong HQ.” [32:40]).
Comedy and Commentary:
Defends comedians as social commentators (“Comedy is taking things that are happening out in the world …so people can absorb that, and that is what we speak on.” [37:45]).
Opposing ICE Brutality and Trump-Era Authoritarianism:
Outlines how anti-immigrant policies and “scare tactics” are used to divide (“…They don’t care …Trump and all his little cronies want you to be afraid. …Read George Orwell, 1984. Hello?” [36:20])
Second Amendment Views:
Clarifies her own gun rights stance (“…I’m a Second Amendment girly…”, [40:28]), but denounces the current application of the argument.

Call-In Hotline: Listener Engagement (45:35–74:30)

TikTok Censorship and Social Media Fatigue (45:35–59:30)

Caller #1 (SC, fellow Pisces):
Laments TikTok’s possible silencing and shifting vibes after censorship emerges around news and activism (“Just imagine Ben Affleck ripping a cig …I don’t know, I’m just. I’m over it.” [46:06])
Heather’s Reply:
Explains why she—and many creators—are pausing TikTok due to censorship under new terms (“…Everything’s being censored right now. …It’s scary when you become censored. You should be concerned.” [52:39])
Heather’s Lexapro Jingle:
Sings her viral homemade jingle (“Lexapro, Lexapro. Which way will my feelings go? Anxiety doesn’t have a hold on me, ‘Cause I’m hanging out with my best Lexi…” [50:00])
On Internet Sleuthing:
Claims her pattern recognition and research make her the “great observer”—she could’ve been “Dog the Bounty Hunter” in another life (“I could find anybody. …I am an observational queen.” [56:15])
On ASMR & Keyboard Preferences:
Lightly roasts “creamy” pronunciation and the trendiness of “creamy keyboards,” admits she never ‘got’ ASMR (“I don’t have the satellite antenna that picks up on the specific …frequency…” [57:40])
Pause on TikTok:
“I don’t have the answers …I don’t have the answers to everything politically, except Cheetos gotta go. What the fuck is happening?” [58:32]
High School Reunion:
Reflects fondly on turning 20 years out from high school, commiserates with “special math” classmates (“We were in the trailer closest to the highway for mathematics…” [60:20])

Relationships, Zyns, and Bedroom Confessions (63:00–74:36)

Caller #2 (Chelsea from CA):
Shares a hilarious “Absolutely Not”—her hookup performed oral sex while chewing Zyn (“What in the bacterial vaginosis was this man thinking?” [63:25])
Heather’s Response:
Reframes the incident—argues the Zyn made the guy more focused and “in the zone,” recommends a “glass-half-full” outlook (“One, the reason he was able to go down on you for 15 minutes is because he was geeked out. He was zenned up…” [64:20]);
Adds: “Don’t need to be worried about an infection. You just need to be worried about an erection.” [65:40]
Honest Bedroom Tales:
Shares her own pill-popping, singed-legging, and TV-watching-in-bed shenanigans (“TV was on …this commercial came on …for sick children …Get my cell phone. We got to make a donation. The kids need it.” [67:12])
Empowering Outlook:
Encourages listeners to “lean in,” find humor, take care of themselves (“…Put your leggings on, right side out …Working out so that I feel strong…and I feel like I’m doing one thing to put one foot in front of the other.” [71:50])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On weather forecasters:
“Justice for weather people. Y’ all are doing the best you can. And just because Carl wants to go fucking turkey hunting on a Tuesday during a nor’easter—Not our problem, Carl.” [05:24]
On daydreaming mahjong glory:
“White Tiger …I want it to be a LOOK …pull up in the same stretch white limousine every time …Show stopping. Show, show stopping.” [26:50]
On American society:
“We’ll be in a civil war before we know it—but people have lost the ability to have critical thinking… Look at the evidence of what’s actually happening.” [33:43]
On gun rights hypocrisy:
“All of a sudden, when these MAGA hardcore say they’re toting their guns around …you can’t bring a gun to a protest. It’s a hypocrisy.” [34:56]
On comedy and resistance:
“Comedy is taking things that are happening out in the world …We find a digestible way for people to absorb that, and that is what we speak on.” [37:45]
On Lexapro as a jingle:
“Lexapro, Lexapro. Which way will my feelings go…” [50:00]
On Zyn-cunnilingus:
“Don’t need to be worried about an infection. You just need to be worried about an erection.” [65:40]

Important Timestamps

00:00 — Introduction, ice storms, weather people discussion
07:41 — Meteorologist branding and Dallas Rains riff
13:00 — Mahjong: game, culture, family hijinx
21:11 — Family game fight: Jeff vs. Mahjong
26:50 — World Series of Mahjong fantasy
29:15 — Shifting to adult mental health & coping during grim news cycle
33:43 — Political commentary: Minneapolis, ICE, loss of critical thinking
45:35 — Absolutely Not hotline: TikTok censorship, social anxiety
50:00 — Lexapro jingle
63:00 — Zyn & sex call, Heather’s explicit response

Tone and Style

Conclusion

Interested in touring updates or want to call in? Visit heatherontour.com and call the Absolutely Not Line at 800-213-7503.

wavePod

Summary

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Winter Storms and Weather People (00:00–11:00)

The Phenomenon of Storm "Babies" (12:00)

Heather Discovers Mahjong and Competitive Streak (13:00–25:00)

Manifestation, SNL, and Comedy as Purpose (30:00)

[Sponsor Messages Skipped]

Adulting and the Weight Of The World (29:15–39:00)

Call-In Hotline: Listener Engagement (45:35–74:30)

TikTok Censorship and Social Media Fatigue (45:35–59:30)

Relationships, Zyns, and Bedroom Confessions (63:00–74:36)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Important Timestamps

Tone and Style

Conclusion

Summary

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Winter Storms and Weather People (00:00–11:00)

The Phenomenon of Storm "Babies" (12:00)

Heather Discovers Mahjong and Competitive Streak (13:00–25:00)

Manifestation, SNL, and Comedy as Purpose (30:00)

[Sponsor Messages Skipped]

Adulting and the Weight Of The World (29:15–39:00)

Call-In Hotline: Listener Engagement (45:35–74:30)

TikTok Censorship and Social Media Fatigue (45:35–59:30)

Relationships, Zyns, and Bedroom Confessions (63:00–74:36)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Important Timestamps

Tone and Style

Conclusion