Loading summary
Transcript11 lines
- [00:00]
A
The following podcast is a dear media production. Welcome to the Absolutely Not Podcast, where we do the most and the least at the same damn time. I'm your host, Heather McMahon. Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast. I'm your host, Heather McMahon. Hope you're having a great week. Hope you had a beautiful weekend. I'm cozy in the studio today, dressed like a little teddy bear. If you saw the get up I had on, you'd be like, well, she ran out of the house without the lights on. But I had the yummiest, warmest, coziest little teddy bear. I don't even know what is this. It's like boucle up top, little zip up, half zip, and it says ciao on the back. It's from my dear friend. Dear friend, we've never met. Pia Baron Cheney over at lpa. And it was expensive, but I bought it and I love it and I wear it all the time. It is freezing here in Atlanta. I've got my pajama jeans on below and then a pair of Gucci loafers. So I don't really know what I did today when I was running out the door, but I said cozy on top, comfy on bottom, stylish on the foot, and here we are. You know, we are. We're gonna glass half full at this week because there is a lot going on in the world, in life, and I feel like in order for us not to get in a negative head space, we gotta stay cozy, comfy and positive. So that's what's going on. I feel like everybody I have talked to in the last two weeks, there's been something like either heavy happening with her family, Grandma's not doing well, stressors a job. Jumping back into the new year should have felt like a new refresh. But I definitely think kind of with the. The climate of everything that's going on in the world outside, it is. It is such a harsh reality to just like, you know, have a long day at work, open your phone and just get inundated with terrifying videos on the interwebs and just be like, wow, where do we find a reprieve? And I'll tell you right now, I thought it was going to be me cheering for the Chicago Bears going to the World Series. Well, the super bowl, but they didn't make it last night. So I'm. I'm down in the dumps. But I am watching the new season of Traders to absolutely disassociate from the world. There's nothing Nothing says, let me disconnect from the harsh reality that we're living in. Like watching a bunch of celebrities try to murder each other in quotes. Try to murder each other by playing an exaggerated game of Mafia in a Scottish castle. While Alan Cummings, who is the chicest, most cheeky little host they could ever pick, comes in, does a light roasting at a roundtable, walks out, and then is like, somebody must get murdered. You know, it's just. It's fantastic. And I thought Jeff was not gonna get into Traders, and he's like, oh, I don't wanna watch this stupid show. Fifteen minutes in, he's like, I'm locked and loaded. And I am just saying, this is my pitch to be a trader. Beyond Traders, I think I'd be fantastic. I know how to work a room. I'm very unassuming when it comes to backstage, so that would be fun. I'd love the outfits. I'd like to get in glam all day. I have Scottish roots. Those are my people. So please let Heather Kyle McMahon on the new season of Traders. I would love to do it. I would love to walk in the home and everyone go, who are you? And I'm like, exactly. I'm gonna stab you in the back, bitch. But it is interesting on the show Traders, they do a lot of very, I would say, intense physical activity. So one of the goals that I'm doing right now is I've reframed my brain. As I'm working out and lifting weights in the morning, I'm reframing to get in shape for Traitors. If I have to think about getting in shape just to do something insanely self indulgent, like shooting another comedy special, it's not hitting the way it should, right? Cause in my mind, I'm like, well, it's comedy. If I look a little, you know, chunky, that's a part of the comedy. But if I know I have to be on a show with a bunch of reality stars carrying some thin bitch over my shoulders from the cast of Love island, and if I don't carry her on my shoulders while pushing a wheelbarrow up a Scottish hill in order to get a shield for immunity so I don't get murdered by Michael Rappaport, then I don't think I've got the motivation to work out. Like, that's how I have to fill my brain, is I am now working out so I can eventually be on another season of Traitors because I'm locked in and Michael Rapaport is hands down One of the most insufferable people I've ever seen. But that's why he makes great television. So there you go. But yes, I've been watching the traitors. What else? Deep into Landman. It's so fantastic. The writing's great. And a little behind the scenes information for y'. All. Our industry does not. It rewards Taylor Sheridan, who is the creator and writer of, you know, all things Yellowstone. 1883-1823-1945-6517. You know, all the shows. He does literally so much. But our industry rewards him with money, but does never will reward him with the accolades that he deserves as an incredible creator and writer. And watching Billy Bob Thornton in Landman, it's just. It's such a perfect character. The show is so great. He is so great. And I'm just gonna say it right now. I hope that I can be at the Emmys this September and if Billy Bob's not there nominated, I'm gonna say something to someone. I don't know who will open my tweets, but they better because he is just so phenomenal. And he is such a. He's a badass on the show, but also like a very slim kind of mess and his jeans are hanging off of him. And I don't know why, but if Billy Bob met me at a. At a quick trip off the side of the highway, I would have sex with him. He's just that much of a badass on the show. So we're in our Traders phase, our Landmen. I don't know why they were getting a Scottish accent there, but just really trying to. When I am unplugged, I am unplugged. And it's sucks because I love being on the Internet. And it's not that I am not trying to participate in trying to save our democracy, but you know, when you, when you get off work and it's been a long day and there's a lot of things happening and you just need 10 minutes to truly find some joy and peace in the world. That is not rolling calls and making sale sales and deals. Opening up Instagram is horrifying. So here we are. But anywho, what else is happening? I'm back at work a little bit this week. I'm flying. I can't say where I'm going, but I'm flying to do some things, which is exciting. And I think I said this last week. This downtime has been definitely a test of patience. There's only so many closets you can clean till you just Absolutely. Look at your things and say, set it all on fire. But I'm excited to be out in the world mingling and using my brain and really, hopefully taking that ginkgo biloba and getting the just the entire top of my head to fire on all cylinders because it definitely feels like I have taken a step back. I am on the supplements, dude. I'm taking a liposomal glutathione. I'm on the wellness formula. I'm taking amino acids every day. Branched chain, baby. If you know, you know. I'm taking ants. Axiothan Azathin. I don't know. I saw it on TikTok Shop. I bought them and they're supposed to make you tan, but also help you absorb vitamin K and D3, because you know you can't take the D3 with that plus the K2. So every morning I just shove a bunch of pumpkin seed down the throat to try and help my hair grow. We're doing a lot between the nutrafol, the pumpkin seed, and just having a French bulldog slowly kick me in the head every night. I'm really hoping that these locks are gonna start popping off. But other than that, you know, it has been wild to have to be alone in my own thoughts at home on a Saturday. So I need to get on the road asap. Be with the people. Kiss your children. I am ready to rock. But speaking of rocking and rolling, okay, I gotta tell you about a little gift I found at the Home Goods. So I went to Home Goods the other day just to feel domestic, to touch something, to rub my fingers across a throw pillow, you know, and HomeGoods is really on one right now. They have. And I don't know why we're starting early. Maybe because Mardi Gras around the corner, but they have a lot of crab themed, like, things to put potted plants in crab side tables. It's literally like an actual crab holding up a lemon wedge. And you, like, put your drink on it next to the pool table. I don't know where you're putting this in your home, but I think if you are in Louisiana and you celebrate Mardi Gras, you need to go to your local Home Goods and get these. I met the Home Goods in Atlanta and they've got stuff for Chinese New Year. I'm buying coasters, napkins. My mom's like, are we celebrating Chinese New Year? So we are now, bitch. And there's a tradition in the Chinese New Year that every elder gives someone younger in the family an envelope full of cash. So I said, robin, you better go to the bank and get that those crisp bills, because I'm ready for a Chinese New Year little bonus surprise for being a good daughter. And I just. I got excited. There were so many themes happening in home goods. And so I'm rolling around. I'm looking for a new duvet cover. I'm looking for some mirrors for the new house. I bought some lamps. Ooh, they have some lamps right now that look like Murano blown glass. They're by Nautica. Guys, again, I'm not sponsored. I'm just telling you the good, good. All right. They're green. They're gorgeous. I'll post them on Instagram. I sent them to Jackie Schimmel. I sent them to Jared. I said, do we approve for the house? They said, get them. They're like $60. My mom's even like, those look expensive. They look Italian. So I'm getting them. I'm hoarding lamps. I don't even move till June. Anywho, I'm on a high. I'm on a domestic lamp finding high. I put the crab in my cart because I'm like, somebody needs this. I don't know who, but I just feel like somebody needs this crab side table. And I'm checking out. And you know, as you check out, you got the kettle corn, you got the Dubai chocolate, you have the pasta, you have the random things of, like, a lemon Amalfi. Amalfi lemon candy. And you're like, oh, yeah, I gotta get that. And then I see this little display for Alice mushrooms. I had been fed ads by this brand. Alice, I want you to let me pause. Not sponsored. Absolutely in no way am I getting paid from this company. I just, out of my own curiosity, saw these at the front. This older woman, and I would say truly beautiful, older spirit, maybe in her late 70s, early 80s, is checking me out. She's pushing the credit card. She's asking all the things, and I'm kind of. I'm not fully paying attention. I'm just riding a euphoric high of getting these inexpensive lamps that look so expensive. And I look down and I pick up this out this tin of Alice brand mushrooms. There's one for sleep, there's one for sex, and there's one for just everyday life. I don't know why I avoided the one for sex. Probably because I. I've just, you know, trying to avoid that at all costs. But I pick up the one for sleep, and I'm like, I'm. I'm gonna take These home. And I know that they're fairly expensive. I think it's like 26 bucks a 10 online. They're on sale for 11.99. So I grab a pack of Dubai chocolate, a tin of these mushrooms. I'm like, let's just see what happens. Not really thinking anything of it. I go to dinner that night with Soraya, my. My dear friend who owns. She's the chef and owner and, you know, amazing. She gives you a such an insane culinary brunch experience at Handmother Cookhouse, one of our favorite local restaurants in Atlanta. And we go to this fabulous dinner at the Chastain. We're having a great time. I have a martini, couple glasses of wine, and I come home feeling good, feeling frisky, ready to just get it on. And I go to my Alice tin of mushrooms. I'm like, let's just try it. Let's just do it. I break off a little chocolate. It looks like absolute typical regular mushrooms. Break off a little chocolate. And I'm like, you know what? Jeff's been good this week. I'm gonna give him a little something. He tries to really lay it on. The foreplay's happening. And I start laughing so hard I can't stop crying. Wheezing, laughing. I'm laying on my back. He's trying to do the swirls. Do the thing. And I just can't stop laughing. And he's like, what is wrong with you? Are you ok? This is not very sexy. Are you making fun of me? What's going on? And I'm like, jeff, I took a mushroom. Now we look at the thing and it says adaptogens. Okay. It's got like, actually. Let's look at what's actually in this. Let's look at what is actually in the. On the Alice mushrooms website. Now, I. I'm a gal who loves a psychedelic mushroom, a little chocolate. If we're. We're at the club and you want to hand me a little actual psychedelic mushroom mushroom, and I take one of those and drink a diet Coke and I'm on the dance floor, it's like to me, such a perfect buzz. I'm giggly, I don't feel stoned. I'm just having a good time. I'm observant, I'm fun, I'm having a good time. So when I originally opened this tin, I'm thinking they look exactly like the regular psychedelic mushrooms that I take, but they don't say psychedelic. There's one, okay. On the website, it says there's Some for energy and focus. Sleep, intimacy and pleasure. Mood and stress relief. And not sure. Yes. Okay, I'm just gonna say I want the one for sleep. Let's see what's in it. Okay. Ignore. I don't want to put in my email. So it says on their website it's functional mushrooms. Cordyceps. Okay. Reishi, lion's mane. These are all adaptive adaptogens. But it doesn't say that. It's like cuckoo bananas. Mushrooms. A closer look. Expand your mind. All right, I'm clicking on the websites, but I don't know if it's because I had a martini and a bottle of a gorgeous burgundy red, a French burgundy, but I was feeling like I had taken a regular mushroom. I'm laughing so hard. Family Guy is on mute. But it's on the TV in the corner of my eye. Fucking Stewie's doing something. I'm crying, laughing. Jeff is upset. He's like. Doesn't know why I'm laughing so hard. And he's like, what are you on? And I'm like, I got mushrooms at Home Goods. He's like, what? Who gave it to you? The guy restocking the throw blankets. I was like, no, they were selling them up front. They wanted me to get a credit card. And I got some mushrooms, y'. All, I'm telling you right now, this three minutes after giggling at Jeff during sex, I am face down in a pillow. He said he had to push my body over, tuck me in. I did not move. I have not had sound sleep like that since 1987. And you know how hard it is for this brain to turn off and relax. I don't know what's in these. I don't want to do any more research. I just need you to know that if you're a housewife right now who's feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and you need to go unwind and kick your feet up. Go get the mushrooms at Home Goods. I don't know if they're street legal. I don't really want to. I don't want to know because I. I want to be too fast, too furious. Tokyo Drift. When I'm trying to go to bed, okay? When I'm trying to drift off to sleep, I want a Tokyo Drift off to sleep. Do you see what I'm doing? I'm taking Home Goods references and Fast and Furious references, and I'm combining them. It was a fun experience. So then we go out to dinner the next night, and I'm trying. I'M passing out. You know, Alice mushrooms to everybody. And it was fun. So Alice, please send me a check or just a, a lifetime supply of these bad boys. Because I was having fun. And this is a good life lesson. Sometimes you have to have your eyes open. You know, everybody says, look up, look up, don't look down. But had I not looked down in one of my favorite stores, I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have been able to anticipate or expect to find something that would really take the edge off in a fun way. Sometimes we go to places that we're familiar with and we get the usual. And we do our usual bullshit. But sometimes you gotta look through the bargain bin. You know, there's the body wash and then the cell phone chargers at checkout. And sometimes you gotta go to the side and say, what's back there? It's, you're in for the night of your life. So I really highly suggest us all collectively heading to the home goods near you and seeing if they've got those that fun, fun at the checkout. So that's also the problem is when I'm home to do domestic things, it gets a little swirly. I. It's okay. I've got the drugs in my bag. I've got lamps in the garage. Cause we can't bring them into Robin's house. So what are we doing? It's time for mama to get back to work on the road, bebop around, see the people, shake the hands, do the giggles. Because if not, I'm gonna be eating three bars of chocolate every day at 3pm and really making some weird content. So buckle up, buckle up. There is still time to get what you want for yourself. Okay, maybe you didn't get all the things you wanted for the holiday. And you're like, I have cleaned out the closets over Christmas break. I'm starting fresh. I did a winter clean out and what do I want? Some new fabulous things. Well, guess what? You can still get amazing gifts for yourself or just for your closet. And there's one thing that's on everyone's wish list, and it's more fabulous things at the Nordstrom Rack stores. And I want to tell you right now, especially if you're post holiday and you're working out, you need amazing activewear in stores and online. And Nordstrom Rack right now, they have the best you can save on Nike, Adidas, Puma, Free people, and more starting at just 35. So gear up for all the ways you move from yoga to running or just hell running through the airport to go on your next trip or work trip. You can check everything out@nordstrom rack.com or in person at Nordstrom+online and pick up your favorite Rack store for free. We love that. So if you, if you buy online you can go right to the store and pick up for free. They have great brands, great prices. I bought my Rag and Bone jacket from Nordstrom Rack and I love love love the pajama jeans I'm wearing right now from Rag and Bone. I also got a fabulous gorgeous cashmere All Saints SW that is just to die for. And I got some new New Balance sneakers in the shoe section and what do they always have? Size 11 baby. So shop in store and online at Nordstrom rack.com again in store or online at Nordstrom rack.com you deserve to treat yourself and get yourself something fabulous so that you feel fresh in Q1. And again, all you gotta do is shop in store and online@nordstrom rack.com it's so important this year to take care of your physical health, but have we thought about our financial health? You know, maybe you want to think about investing or saving, but you don't know how, don't know where to start or feel like you don't Enough this is where Acorns comes into play. So many people are focused on where their money is a day, but Acorns is a financial wellness app that cares about where your money is going tomorrow. And with the Acorns Potential screen, you can find out what your money is capable of and where it could go. Acorns is a smart way to give your money a chance to grow. Acorns is easy. You can sign up in minutes and start automatically investing your spare money. Even if all you've got is spare change. Acorns grows with you. Whether you're just starting out or thinking about settling down. Acorn supports your big and small goals across every life stage. The Acorns Potential screen shows you the power of compounding and how your money could grow over time. Plus, you can quickly adjust to how much you're investing each day, week or month to make sure you're building towards your goals. Acorns is all in one. No more finance apps cluttering up your phone. With Acorns, you can invest, save and give your money a chance to grow in one trusted place. Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bon bonus investment. Join the over 14 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion with Acorns. Head to acorns.com absolutely or download the Acorns app to get started. Paid Non client endorsement compensation provides incentive deposit promote Acorns tier 2 compensation provided potential subject to various factors such as customers account age and investment settings does not includes Acorns fees. Results do not predict or represent the performance of the Acorns portfolio. Investment results will vary. Investing involves risk Acorns Advisors ll an SEC registered investment advisor. View important disclosures@acorns.com Absolutely have y' all heard of Senorita? Because these THC margaritas taste like I am lying in a beachside cabana while a man named Alejandro serenades me with a guitar. That's what I'm talking about, baby. Vacation Senorita is a line of margaritas that uses THC instead of tequila for a hangover free experience. And they taste amazing. I'm talking real juice, organic agave, low calories, and a delicious little dash of Himalayan pink salt. Plus, they give me a buzz without the booze. They've just solved a big problem with this one right here and Senorita was crafted by Joel Gott and Charles Beeler, worldwide wine icons that put the same attention to detail that built their reputation in the industry. Let me walk you through the flavors, honey. We've got lime jalapeno. It is bold. It is balanced with a little bit of heat. Not like I'm sweating on camera heat, just a little flirty kick. We've got a mango margarita. It's a tropical twist of on the classic mark. She's sunny, she's playful, she's a fan freaking favorite. We have a grapefruit Paloma. It's bright, balanced and honestly one of the most refreshing things I have had in a long time. And then there's ranch water, their riff on the Texan classic made with thc. But it's THC soda and lime and honestly, delicious. If you're curious about swapping tequila for thc, this is your sign. Senorita makes it so incredibly easy. It gives me the perfect social lift without any of the next day. Why did I do that? Okay, we don't want that. Why did I do that? Disappointment. Plus they're fast onset and come in 5 or 10 milligrams with low calories and real ingredients. Truly, THC has never tasted this good and you can get these marks shipped right to your door@senoritadrinks.com Again, that's senoritadrinks.com Treat yourself, treat your friends, treat your taste buds Your cabana awaits. Must be 21 or older. Please enjoy responsibly. I'm trying to work from the inside out and this is why I love Peak. And here's the harsh truth that you don't want to hear. You can spend all the money on all the serums, but if your cells are stressed and dehydrated, nothing will glow. This year let's stop the broken resolutions and fully commit to the internal fix of your skin that it's begging for. And what is the secret? Well, it requires a powerful two part solution. It's one element to fight inflammation and one element to guarantee deep cellular hydration. That's why the Matcha electrolyte duo is essential for skin transformation. This is Peak where spirit meets science. It's aspirational wellness for people who want to perform at their highest level. The top 1% where only the best inputs will do. Peak takes the most powerful botanicals, minerals and vitamins from nature and elevates them with cutting edge extraction technology, creating supplements you'll actually take Peaks Radiant Skin duo is the solution. This simple, powerful combination delivers the antioxidants and deep hydration required to transform your complexion from the inside out. And I want to talk to you about the Radiant Skin duo. Okay, first of all, you have the sun goddess Matcha. It's your morning reset button. This is a cult favorite ceremonial grade volcanic soil Matcha that calms and detoxifies the skin from within. And then you pair it with the BT fountain. Okay. Your all day beauty Hydration. This is luxury hydration, not a sports electrolyte that rebuilds and rehydrates your complexion. All right. I love all the Peak products. I think they're fantastic. And you can redefine your standard of health right now. Secure 20% off your first order and begin your intentional wellness journey today at peaklife.com Absolutely. That's P I Q U E life.com Absolutely. Again you can set your best health goals in motion and access 20% off and begin your journey towards sustained wellness. Day@PeakLife.com Absolutely. This is hydration redefine. Try it and glow from the inside out.
- [24:07]
B
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with a name your price tool from Progressive you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it@progressive.com, progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you Ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it@progressive.com, progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.
- [24:48]
A
Things that are also exciting other than me finding mushrooms at home goods. Harry Styles is coming out with new music. Pitbull's going on the road. He follows me on Instagram. He knows that I was the originator of everybody dressing in drag to go to his concerts. I have yet to have a one on one Pitbull experience and I respect him as an artist. I know he doesn't like people coming backstage before the shows, but my God, I will super glue that bald cap on like, let me come out at one show, Armando. Let me come out at one show with you so that a younger generation knows that I've always been your number one fan. And I'm looking at my, my giant flag that's behind the camera on the wall opposite of me in the studio and it just has Pitbull looking sexier than ever. It says Pitbull affirmations. And one that I definitely, definitely needed to tap into today is. Hold on, let me. It's right behind the camera. Reach for the stars. And if you don't grab them, at least you'll fall on top of the world. And when you take a mushroom from home goods, you feel that way. You're in the stars and sometimes you can't grab them because you know your dexterity. You have no motor skills, your hands feel heavy. But if you don't grab them, at least you're gonna fall on top of the world. And sometimes you need to sit on top of the world to observe what's going on. And sometimes you just need to go to a home goods or TJ Maxx and disassociate and look for things on sale. And that's just where we're at right now. But y' all let me know which Pitbull concert we wanna go to. I say collectively we do a field trip and we all go and we tailgate before and we just tear it up. Because a pit bull concert is one of the most fun concerts you will ever go to. Also what came on the playlist as I was cruising to the office today, I'll tell you what, this little teddy bear. Cause that's what I look like right now. This little teddy bear was listening to Jamiroquai Candied in my heels tonight, baby. Been On a big Jamiroquai kick. You know, Virtual Insanity is probably one of the greatest songs ever written. And there's a playlist on Spotify called Poolside Disco. And it's just jam after jam after beat after hit. It's vibes, it's good. Check it out if you want some great easy listening while you're cleaning out your closet on your home goods. Alice. Mushrooms. Just check it out. And I will say, enough with the Dubai chocolate. It's not good unless you go to an actual bakery and they've got that shredded. What is it? Coffee Katifa? No, I think it's with a K. It's, you know, it's like that. Shredded, delicious. Almost like crunchy. Almost like if you put a Wheat. Not a Wheat Thin. What were those? Yeah, it's shredded something. It's like shredded filo dough almost. And then you have the pistachio cream, which, you know is my favorite thing on the planet, with chocolate. But too many people are trying to sell knockoff Dubai chocolate treats at checkouts. They're at every major store. I mean, you could be at a fucking Sears department buying a washer dryer and they're trying to push the knockoff Dubai Chocolate to you. Don't do it. Don't do it. Go to a bakery. If they got a Dubai chocolate cookie, get that. But this other shit, that's prepackaged, it's no good, and it's expensive. So that's all. That's that. That. That's my political take for the week. But anyhow, so we have things to look forward to. I definitely want to put some things on the schedule. I want to get that Pitbull concert ready to go. Also in Atlanta, talk about a throwback. OAR is coming to play. And if you don't remember oar, then we're clearly not the same age. We used to go to OAR concerts in high school. And in the end, my friend, we will all be together again. I mean, a crazy game of poker was. That is my high school. That is my childhood, my youth, my better years. When my tits were perky and my skin was flush. That O A R was it. And we would all be at the concert, you know, just in a Hollister skirt, double pop collar, puka shell necklace just absolutely choking me out at the throat. And I'd have like one braid coming down the front and I'd be wearing a pair of Birkenstocks and a little bit of belly would be showing. But I was thin and I didn't Appreciate it when I had it, a little bit of belly. And we would be looking for other Hollister Abercrombie baddies. And you knew when you were. When you were like 17 and you were talking to maybe a freshman or sophomore in college. Cause they'd had the Patagonia or the North Face on. We didn't get that till we went to college, right? You were still in the Abercrombie, the Hollister. And when you saw a daddy in the audience, because he basically was a daddy. Because when you're 17, you shouldn't be trying to hook up with 20 year olds. But whatever, it is what it is. You know what I'm saying? And you were like, oh, my God, are the. Did those guys go to Georgia? Oh, my God, stop. And then they're like, hey, you have braces. Please walk away. My girlfriend's getting his beers. And you're like, okay, sorry, gotta go. But man, OAR is coming back. So I called everybody. I'm on the phone the other day being like, we're getting tickets, we're going to the show. Everybody, let's get our most crisp double pop collar. Let's get a pull out the Hacky Sack. And here's the thing. When you go to private school, specifically, I'd say on the east coast, we all were into jam bands. Widespread Panic, String Cheese Incident, Mo, Grateful Dead, all of that. We all went to the shows, but we were still dressed very preppy. Because everybody knows if you go to like a. And I wouldn't say OAR is a jam band, but kind of adjacent, you either knew there were like the real hippies that hadn't bathed, that were. That were playing Hacky Sack in the corner. And then there were the preppy rich kids who went to private school in their North Face. Patagonia, Hollister, Abercrombie and Fitch, all in the same Birkenstocks, drinking a $14 IPA even back in 2005. So. But it was fun to co. Mingle and be like, wow, wow, we're here, we're in the elements. I'm downtown Atlanta with people, you know, that was fun. So I'm feeling a little nostalgic this year, and I think seeing where our future's going, which seems so terrifying, it feels comforting and safe and good to go back to a moment back in time. But, man, I couldn't be more thrilled for the summer concert series. And I'll tell you right now, if the Spice Girls actually do end up at the Sphere, I will be doing a residency in Vegas. I don't care if I need to learn magic. And that's the only way the wind will, or the Palazzo or Vinnie's or anywhere will give me a reason to be there every day. I'll do noon magic tricks and jokes just so I can live in Vegas the entire time during a Spice Girls residency at the Sphere. I'll need my own residency to write it off for tax purposes. And then I will be at the show every night. And that's a rumor that's going on, going around, And I don't know if that's true, but if it is true, the Spice Girls are me. Like that. They are me. I am them. They were one. We are all together. And if Posh doesn't want to do it, I will wire my jaw shut, triple my GLP1s, and get into a slinky black dress and pop in. Because she and I actually sing at the same register, right? We're like, She would always sing down there. I don't know how much, how many lyrics I can sing without getting in trouble with the youtubes over here. Posh would always say, build to last. You remember that one? Built to Last. And you know what was built to last? The Spice Girls until they all decided to quit. But, man, we really need them to come back. Talk about what women in this country need to feel empowered, to feel like our rights aren't getting taken away, to feel like we are fighting the patriarchy. We need the Spice Girls to come back. And while I love to hoot and holler at the Backstreet Boys at the Sphere, I need my Spice Girls together. We need what? Girl power. We sure do. What the fuck am I talking about? I'm just kind of beboping around. I got excited. I have to. I have to choose positivity this week. So that's what we're going to do. But, yeah, we are. We're finding. We're finding the joy in the simple things, too, right? We're finding the Joy in a Q1 comeback is maybe what we should call it. You know, I told you last week, I don't do well. Eating ground turkey at home alone with my thoughts, having to do wellness, because it's just a little too much time to sit and stare out at the bush and go, what's next? And that's a scary feeling, but that's okay. That's okay, Heather. Q1 is time for quiet fun. And that is what it's all about. But if we do need to get. Order yourself one of those big ass Calendars, or get an old school journal where you can write down things to look forward to. And even if it's six months out, eight months out, a year out, we're planning, we're going to put positive things on the calendar so we can get excited because the Bears lost last night. And if you're wondering, Heather, what is your connection to the Bears? I just think the quarterback's cute and I think they're America's team. I wanted a Bills and Bears Super Bowl. And while I'm happy, you know, the Ram. I don't know, I. Great. I just. I really want the underdog to win. That's how I feel. I think there's so much. There's the feeling of being defeated. And I was, you know, I thought Ole Miss was gonna be America's team. And then we got fucking Carson Beck, this fucking scammer from Miami, who in a press conference yesterday, they're like, so, did you go to class this week? And he's like, I haven't been to class in two years. Cause I graduated from Miami two years ago. Or maybe you graduated from Georgia. I don't know. I don't understand college football, but I just wanted the underdog to win this year. I feel like we need that, right? I want the Bears to win. I wanted the Bills. I just. When did I become the sports enthusiast? I just want the underdog to win. That's what I want to see. So I don't. I don't. We just. I want the underdog to win. And they're not winning right now. But you know who's gonna win, y'. All. Cause we're about to get into voicemails. And we can cut that last part out. Cause I don't know what I was talking about. But either way, the hotline is just such a joyful part of my week. And I hope it's a way for you to call in and relieve your stress and maybe the scary thoughts that you're feeling as you're driving to work in the morning, I love to hear what you get into. And that's. It's so important that you guys just share with me from the heart. And remember, when you're calling into the voicemail, which is 800-213-7503, you must make sure you turn the air conditioning or the heater off in your car. The windows are rolled up. Turn down the radio just so I can hear clearly hear you as you're crying through the phone about what happened. I need to be able to hear you clearly. And remember, in the words of Pitbull, took my life from negative to positive. Okay? Never forget that. Let's get to the voicemails right now.
- [35:58]
C
Hi, Heather, longtime listener, first time caller. Wanted to get your opinion on age gap relationships. My boyfriend is 45, I'm 27, we've been dating for six months, and I've received a lot of pushback. Just wanted to get your thoughts. Tiramisu, bitch, Tiramisu.
- [36:23]
A
Sweet, gentle, young caller of all of 27 years. I will say your voice sounds very mature. You do not sound 27. And do we really know what 27 sounds like? We don't, but you sound like a gal who's seen the world. I hear a deep vibrato in your voice. It just is like it's a little shaky in the best way. I feel like I have so many follow up questions, but I'm just gonna go with the facts that I have right now. Now he's 45, you're 27, and you're getting a little. Getting a little canned heat from Jamiroquai right now, AKA all of your friends about the age difference. Well, let's go to actual scientific logistics. He's 45, you're 27. Do you want to have kids? Do you want to have kids tomorrow? Does he want to have children? You've got plenty of time. And technically, honestly, he probably has plenty of time because look, David Letterman had kids late. Hugh Hefner probably has like 75 kids he's didn't know about. Who else? A lot of people have had kids late in life. It's easier for the men than the women. I mean, I'm pushing 39 and I know the clock's ticking, but let's really, logistically think about this. I think I can. I. I feel your energy from this voicemail. It was clear you didn't have the windows rolled down. The air AC isn't blowing in your face, so you're already mature. If you're getting dicked down, going on fabulous vacations and he treats you like a queen, I say, lean in, live, laugh, love, honey, and get AARP magazine out of his mailbox and say, honey, we're going to Barbados. Like, who gives a fuck? My mom was 11 years older than my late father. My dad always liked older women and some, you know, listen, you love who you love. Now if he's got a second, third, fourth family and there's some baggage there, maybe we gotta pump the brakes. But if he's just treating you like a Queen, then who gives a fuck? And there's nothing better because when you date a guy who's in his 40s, he knows how to dick you down. There's no jackrabbit sex. Men in their 20s, oh my God, you remember how horrible sex in your 20s were. It was just like, you know, they had their hands behind their head, it's three pumps, it's quick. And then the next thing you know they're playing Halo and you're like, get me out of here. Like, it was terrible. A 45 year old sex is fun. Now, you do have to make sure he's probably on any heart medication, any sort of blood thinner that he might need to be on. You definitely want make sure that he has taken his pills that morning and his magnesium. In your 40s, late 30s to 40s, man, the dehydration scale can just. One minute you're good and then the next minute you're down with a leg cramp and, and your eyes are a little blurry, so you definitely want to make sure that he's staying hydrated while you're doing so many physical activities together. But I think only, you know, the relationship, I say go for an older man, right? They know what they want, they're secure in themselves. That's why a lot of younger guys like older women. They too have figured it out. When you're in your 40s, you don't give a shit. You're like, what do I want? I'm going for it. Oh, I, I need someone's opinion. Because I don't. Because I don't. And they always say that when you, especially when you hit in your 40s, like you actually don't give a fuck, you really don't care. And I'm still on the. I care a little bit, but I'm edge in the 40s and it is wild. As you get older, you wake up and you're like, oh, I give a fuck about your opinion, sir. Bye, bye. It's something deep inside of you that's just like, fuck off, Carl. Fuck off. You gotta think about the logistics. If you have an honest conversation. Hey, do you want to get married? Do you want to have kids? What do you want? If he's in a rush to do things, then, you know, you're in your prime years. I always say get married as late in life as you can because, honey, you're 27, your metabolism still works, you're finding yourself. But also if you're having a good time, fucking have a good time. And if it's just casual and you're having fun and he can afford to take you on nice vacations. Have him take your ass to Tokyo and buy you a Chanel. Period, Period, who cares? Get the gifts, bitch. You're like, this is casual. You've only been in it six months. Get the gifts. If I could tell you anything, go on the trips, get the gifts. You hear me? And then in a year if you're like, eh, it didn't happen. You're not, he's not wasting your time because you're 27. The world is your oyster, honey. But if you're wasting his time, and that's how we change the game, right? Here's the underdog of it, dude. You're wasting his time and that is powerful. But you're not, because if you guys are going to Costa Rica, staying at a nice hotel and you're both having fun and you're getting gifts and sky miles and status on Delta, it's a win, win. And tell your girlfriends to quit dating guys in their 20s. And let's go a little bit older, but definitely maybe get just a check the blood pressure, make him wear compression socks on those long haul flights because that is something you don't want to get there. And then there'd be a situation. You just want to make sure that he is, you know, he can make it to Tokyo and when he get, when he makes it there, you're getting gifts. Gifts. All right, that's what you're doing. You're getting gifts. Flip the script, babe. Flip the script and enjoy yourself. Also, to tomorrow is not promised. So hit that 45 year old dong and get them gifts. You're welcome. God, such good, sound advice on this podcast. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. And whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place. I will always work with Squarespace because they are so phenomenal. I'm telling you right now. A lot of you gals meet me after the show and you say, heather, I want to start this business. Heather, how do I grow my business? What do I do? Give me a little kick for that entrepreneurial spirit and I'm going to tell you what to do. Start simple. Go to squarespace.com, build a beautiful website. Okay? And this is the cool thing about it they have incredible services, they have cutting edge AI technology for design, which is unbelievable. Half of that stuff, when you're trying to like sit down and do the admin of starting a business, you're like, oh my God, how do I also make this look beautiful? Well, you can start with their blueprint AI, which is Squarespace AI enhanced Design partner or choose from a library of professionally designed and award winning website templates. So no matter where you start, your website is flexible to what you need and it's just so easy. They have SEO tools, they have Squarespace domains. You can even have like donations if you need to collect donations for something. You can build a website for a charity and collect your donations. You can add videos, your social media, any sort of other multimedia you can add directly to your Squarespace website. Again, I always say work smarter, not harder. But Squarespace is the best. And right now you can head to squarespace.com absolutely for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use code absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, that's squarespace.com absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. We're all doing a lot of things to try and get our health in check. And for me, I got back on the GLP once. Now I have learned this wild thing being on these drugs. If you get off of them, the weight's gonna creep back up. Well, this is why I love fasting. And specifically Prolon's five day fasting mimicking diet gives you a drug free way to lose fat focused weight and your muscle and rejuvenate your cells. Helping you head into a 2026 and just lead your new year with great results. I've done Prolon a couple times and honestly it's easy. It's a no brainer it and makes you feel fantastic. I mean hell, fasting is a biblical thing y'. All. If you write about it, you know it. And what I love about Prolon is it's a plant based nutrition program featuring soups, snacks and beverages designed to nourish the body while keeping it in a fasted state, activating cellular rejuvenation and renewal. And this is one of the reasons why I love it. It's backed by science, more than two decades of research. Developed with USC's Longevity Institute and backed by top US medical centers, Prolon has been shown to support fat focused weight loss, biological age reduction, metabolic health, skin appearance and more. I'm telling if you do it, you will Feel fantastic. And for a limited time, Prolon is offering my absolutely not listeners 15 off site wide plus a 40 bonus gift. When you subscribe to their 5 day program, just visit prolonlife.com Absolutely. I'm going to spell it out for you. P R O l o n life.com Absolutely. To claim your 15 discount and your bonus gift. Prolonglife.com Absolutely. It's hard to break old habits and sometimes you want that soda. But you know what I love? I love reclaiming soda. I love being able to open my little fancy beverage fridge and I reach for a poppy because they are delicious. No more denying yourself the flavors you love or just sipping plain, sparkling, bubbly water all day with like, you know, you're having a nice meal and you're like, I want something flavorful with this. You deserve that mouth water swirl of flavors and bubbles without the baggage. Skip all the bullshit, right? The heavy sugar and all the other stuff that makes you feel crappy after drinking a soda. And sip the future of soda with 5 grams of sugar. Ingredients you can love. And prebiotics. And remember, cravings aren't a crime, people. Dude, Poppy is delicious, okay? They have an orange cream flavor that will set your tits ablaze. Their new Shirley Temple flavor is unbelievable. They have a document pop that is to die for. My beverage fridge is filled with poppies. And also, I'm speaking from personal experience. I have a Poppy. I just feel like with the prebiotics and the low sugar, I feel like I am digesting well. I'm enjoying something. I'm having something flavorful in my mouth and it's not making me feel like I'm getting that crash later. I love Poppy. I've worked with them forever because I genuinely drink it every day. And there's a new star on the soda scene and you already know her name. Poppy is reintroducing Shirley Temple with a whole new look. It's the famous soda flavor you know and love, but with 5 grams of sugar and ingredients you can love. And prebiotics. Dude, if you don't know Shirley Temple, she was a queen. She was a diva. She was an icon. And she is the most delicious drink on the planet. I grew up drinking them at my country club and now I can have one at my country club because I bring my Shirley Temple poppy in my purse and I say, garcon, give me some fresh ice and let me pop one of these bad boys open. You can find Poppy at your nearest retailer or get it delivered straight to your door on Amazon on Poppy so does back, but so much better. Let's get to the next voicemail.
- [47:16]
C
Hi, Heather, my name is Caroline. I'm calling from Pennsylvania. It's 14 degrees where I am right now. I took a whole unisom last night and I want to kill my husband and child this morning. But anyway, I was just listening to the episode from last week where you said you're going to St. Barts. I don't know if you know this, but there is an outbreak of chlamydia going around St. Bart. So just wrap it up, have fun. Kara Masubich this is.
- [47:46]
A
This is what happens. I love Bethany Frankel. I think she's fantastic. But she's got us all in an absolute tizzy. A scare for this facial chlamydia. So she was down there with all the billionaires for New Year's Eve and I'm. I'm not. Guys, I don't know how to tell you this. I'm not going with billionaires. I'm going with a couple fun people, people who got a hookup at a nice hotel. And I want to have some fun in the sun. So I'm not going with the billionaires. So let's Google this. Bethany put up a video the other day saying that she came back from Saint Barts with essentially face facial chlamydia. And whatever plagued Frankel, however, was clearing up thanks to strong, strong antibiotics. She denounced how disgusting her hotel's bathroom towels and sheets were. All of it. They hold bacteria. She said it's vile. So she got some sort of painful looking pussy bumps all over her face that the people are saying is facial chlamydia. Guys, I don't have time for facial chlamydia. I didn't have time for regular chlamydia after college. I don't have time for it. So what, what are the medical professionals saying? Okay, it says the Tiktoker who claimed to work on yachts insisted a doctor confirmed that there was a highly contagious outbreak of a rare form of facial chlamydia on St. Barts. The Tiktoker. Tiktoker had witnessed a lot of people partying on the yacht they worked on with facial issues. Redness, pimple bumps, pustules. Those who came on the boat without it have left with it. Okay, well, here's the good thing. I'm not going on a boat. That sounds like. What is it? Legion's disease? You know, this isn't Pirates of the Caribbean. This is. I'm trying to get a free trip, stay somewhere Nice. And have a mi tie on a. On a Saturday and just feel some. Feel some canned heat on my cheeks. You know what I'm saying? I'm reading this article. Oh, okay. Town and country claims. It claims that they a chlamydia outbreak were totally false. We haven't seen any cases of chlamydia in St. Barts for months. Wait. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. For months. It says stay safe and keep using condoms. But I don't understand. This is on someone's face. Oh, I'm not. Okay, you can't get chlamydia on the face. This is fake. Okay, Fake news. Here you go. You can't get. Get facial chlamydia. Could you get a weird rash? Yes. Is it facial chlamydia? It is not. You know, this is the last thing I need is somebody as rich as Bethenny Frankel trying to. I'm getting a free vacation and she's over here saying she's gonna fucking face chlamydia. And now it's pumping the brakes and making me question my journey to get a free vacation. Fine. I'll pack my own beach towel. I'll be that bitch at the five star resort with my own beach towel. I'm happy to do so. I am happy to provide my own towel so I don't get chlamydia on the face, which is apparently not a real thing. I mean, as somebody who is already fighting for their life with eczema, and my eczema is really bad right now on my face and on my hands, which I gotta. I gotta up my Opsalura prescription. But I've got that, that heaviness around the eyes where no matter what makeup I put on it, it just looks crepey. That's where I'm at. So I. You know, they say God's not gonna give you more than you can handle. I do think that's a lie because towards the end of last year, I had a lot in my basket. But he surely, surely, knock on wood. I wouldn't have facial eczema and facial chlamydia. Surely not. Surely not. Flash forward to next weekend. I'm going to be in a hospital and save Bart's. Also, I don't even know what I've gotten myself into. I was just looking. I had to burn my global upgrades by the end of the year and. Or by the end of the month. And I'm like, let's go. We got invited. It's going to be fun. I need fun in the sun with some friends holding hands. But we are not on a yacht. So everybody pump the brakes. This isn't a Jeff Bezos fucking New Year's Eve. I'm going to be having to carry my own beach towel so I don't get chlamydia. I mean, my God, we have no food, we have no jobs, our pets, heads are falling off. And now we have what? Facial chlamydia. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know what to say. It says, here's a quote. If there was an epidemic, a lot of people would be coming to the pharmacy for treatment. But nobody is coming coming. So there you go. You heard it here first. The yachts are not having the tender boat go to shore so that they can go to the pharmacy and get some creams for their facial chlamydias. And honestly, at this point, facial chlamydia is the least of our problems. It's the, it's like, like if, if you were to get splashed in the face with facial chlamydia tomorrow, you're like, eh, okay, add it to the list, bitch. Truly add it to the list. Oh my God. Bethany, quit scaring everybody. I don't know what to tell you. Thank you for reminding me and thank you for pinging this so I can do my own research. And I do trust Bethany. I do love her and I think she's really on top of trends and knows what's going on and has great advice. But if I got to bring my own beach towel so I don't get facial chlamydia, it is what it is. I'll just take a couple of those Alice mushrooms and rub it all over my cheeks and we're good to go. Oh God. You see, you can't even. You can't even. You know, it's like in the summer here, they're like weird algae, a red algae growing on in the water in San Destin. Everyone's gonna get a flesh eating bacteria. You can't even go on vacation anymore. You can't even go on vacation without absolutely fearing the worst. We got to have something to look forward to. And I've been looking forward to this. Let me live. Let's go to the next voicemail.
- [53:43]
C
Hi Heather, this is one of your listeners from Texas. I am. I have an Absolutely not for you. I am sitting here, it's a Friday night, and I have an Absolutely not because I've been waiting for just about two hours for my friend to meet with me for dinner. And my absolutely not is every single Time we go out to dinner or just to hang out. She's always chronically late, and I love her to death, but it's always at least an hour and a half to two hours behind schedule, and it just really is starting to annoy me, and I really don't know what to do about it. But I love her to death, and it's just very frustrating. But anyways, absolutely not to being chronically late for a friend get together, just be on time, leave early. Or maybe I just need to start planning for her to be two hours late to everything and plan accordingly. But anyways, we love you so much. And Tiramisu.
- [55:00]
A
Tiramisu, love you so much. Obviously, it's very quiet because you're sitting at your house just waiting for her to pick you up. All right, 15 minutes, 20 minutes late. You always have that friend who comes in a little flustered, and it's probably, I'm the friend. But two hours late? What is she doing? Mowing the lawn after work? She walking to the Olive Garden? What is this woman doing now? I don't know. Is she coming late from the office, has to turn around, feed the kids? No, to me, this is a single woman who's just. Is she lost? Do we need to get her a watch? Who's two hours late? You know, you'd always see the drama behind the scenes of the housewives, where they're like, dorinda is always two hours late. No. Was it Dorinda? Yeah, there was, like, dorinda's two hours late. There's always the fight of who was late, who was in glam too long, who's doing hair and makeup. If I'm meeting you for happy hour, I'm whipping it up and in a top knot bun, putting on my Gucci loafers, and I'm gonna meet you for some jalapeno poppers and a chardonnay. I don't understand what we're doing here. This isn't a fashion show. I'm meeting you to eat and to gossip and to bitch and complain about friends and family. That's what we do. That's what happens when girls get together. I mean, keep a couple Velcro rollers in the side dash of your car if you feel like you need some extra volume. But if she isn't showing up, up with the glam squad powdering behind her. What is she doing? No, you need to say something to your friend. You need to say, hey, I'm starving. Phrase it like that. Be like, I am so hungry. I. I'm going to just start eating dinner. Who is two hours late to a dinner or to an activity? You know what? You can't be two hours late to a movie date because then the movie's over. You said, you know, they're. They're 15 minutes, 20 minutes late. I mean, sometimes that is truly actually being late. Procrastinating can be in someone's DNA. But that's insane. I mean, how did. How does this person hold down a job? How are they getting through life? I think you also do need to. You need to do an experiment. You need to tell them, hey, dinner's at six. You already know the reservations for eight, and you need to show up at eight or fuck around and find out. Show up at, say, the. The dinner reservations for seven. You know, they're not going to get there till nine. And you walk in at 10pm and they're like, where are you? And you're like, this is what it's like to eat with you every fucking weekend. Turn the tables. Teach them a lesson. Because you know she's always coming in flustered, running around like, oh, my God. And then you just don't show up for an hour. You gotta teach her a lesson. You gotta say, I love you, but I wanted you to sit uncomfortably at the bar for an hour and a half, two hours, and now know what I go through. And your caloric intake must be astronomical because you're starving. So you start ordering apps. But then you don't really wanna. You wanna make sure that, you know, she gets food when she gets there. So she starts ordering apps, and you're still ordering and eating her apps. And you already just had apps, and now you're getting entrees. Like, this is not good for your. Your gut microbiome because you can't split things with people who are not there. So what you're gonna do is turn the tables on her, change it up. You're gonna be two hours late and see what fucking happens. Good luck to you. Michelle, guess what? You're gonna be sitting out in the cold, waiting, waiting, bitch. Cause you need to understand. This is rude. So fucking rude. I mean, I really don't understand the hour and a half, two hours. What are we doing? What are we doing, though? Where are you? I would text her, where you been, Beach? Where are you? Unless you are actively in a laboratory with your hands and gloves inside some sort of glass case in a hazmat suit, putting protons and neutrons and DNA and samples together to cure cancer, there is no excuse to be 2 hours late all of the time if you work for the cdc. Forget I ever said anything. Thank you. But if you don't, go fuck yourself. I mean, this bitch is so late. She's. She's coming in, you're trying to meet her for the early happy hour, and then you're getting. You're ending up still being able to enjoy the happy hour, but it's like the 11pm Happy hour because, you know, bar. Bars always have a bookend, $5. Well, drinks from 5 to 6 and then from like 11 to midnight. So maybe she's confused because she's still technically getting the happy hour prices, but it's because she's seven and a half hours late. Very, very concerned, very concerned about this. And you need to let her know it's up. Let's get to the next voicemail.
- [60:03]
C
Hey, Heather, I'm calling from Oxford, Ohio. I'm gonna stay anonymous just to keep the theme of my message going, but I have an absolutely not. I don't know if you've heard of this app called Yik Yak, but it's basically like Twitter, but it's all anonymous, so people can post pictures, videos, first and last names, and stay anonymous. So, you know, I go out with my friends, next morning, wake up, and I just have this cloud of doom over my head, jumping on Yik Yak and making sure I wasn't publicly doxxed. So I just want to hear your take on this. If you think this is good, if you think you would have participated in college, in the public doxing of people. Anyways, I hope you're having a great time in Paris and a great holiday season. Love you, girl.
- [60:57]
A
Love you. All right, so Yik Yak sounds very similar to this app, this forum that we had. Cause we didn't have apps back in college called Juicy Campus. And Juicy Campus, let me tell you right now, was some bullshit. Juicy Campus was a place where people could post anonymously about things that happened on campus. You know, a Kappa showed her tits at the bar, posted. I believe anytime you want to spill someone's shit, you should never be able to do it anonymously. So. I hate Reddit, bitch. Say it to my face. You want to Yik Yak? Say it to my face. Let me know who's saying it, because that's some bullshit. I hate to sound like a. Like an elder, but, man, I am so grateful that we only had Facebook when I was in college. Could not imagine the Snapchats that this, that, that, the bullshit, the pressure of being chronically online while also trying to barely pass my tap 3 class. Right? I mean, let me look up. What is this? Yik Yak? I'm guessing you're in college. What is Yik? Y. Oh, Yik Yak is a location based anonymous social media app where users post short messages called yaks, visible to others within a small geographical radius like a college campus, functioning as a local virtual bulletin board for real time anonymous community chatter, jokes and discussions. And though it's known for both fun and controversy due to its anonymity, it's gained prominence on university campuses for its hyper local focus, allowing users to see and interact with posts from people nearby without revealing their identities. Though the platform has surfaced scrutiny, has faced scrutiny over safety and offensive content. Yeah, so anything that starts off as like the nextdoor app, like, hey, wanna let y' all know there's a little bit of black ice on the stairs outside the library, so everybody be careful coming out of study hall. While it probably intended to start off pure, you know what it ends up being? Evil. And I always say, say it to my face, bitch. You want to tink, tink, tink around on the keyboards, say it to my face. I'm sure I've discussed this before, but even being online as a creator and you could post something on TikTok as easy as, hey, y', all, I love this new minestrone soup. It's so good. Let me give you the recipe and somebody will comment. I can't have soup. I don't like. Liquid beans make me farty tomatoes give me a headache. You're like, don't comment. Don't watch my video on the soup I like to make. I enjoyed this restaurant. And they're like, I didn't like the restaurant. I had to wait 10 minutes. Shut up. I'm telling you that I liked what I liked. Either you're going to enjoy the post, you're going to like it, we're all going to be on the same page or go on with your day. People are far too literal these days, but this Yik Yak, I, I, I rebuke it in the name of Jesus. I do not like it because I remember Juicy Campus. Juicy Campus. It was Juicy. Things were happening on campus and it actively really fucked some of my friends up. Now, were some of the things that people said on Juicy Campus accurate? They sure were. They absolutely were. But if I can tell you one thing, if you just don't check the yap, you're not yicking. You know what I'm Saying it is, you can choose to remove yourself. People, people are going to say things about you all the time. And honestly, when people are talking, that means you're walking, you're doing the thing, you're out and about. But the fact that people post anonymously, I mean, just fucking losers. I'd respond, oh, got your location. Say to my face, meet me in the quad, bitch. But I see, okay, hold on. It says key features are. You get Yakarma. Yakarma users earn points. Yakarma for positive engagement. Oh, okay. So now it's a point based system, which is fucking weird. You have upvoting and downvoting. Users can vote, post up or down posts with too many downvotes disappear. Okay, okay, hold on. There's a little control here. So if you get your entire sorority to down vote the fact that people said you were showing your tits at the bar, it may go away. All right, that's good. We didn't have that on Juicy Campus. Somebody posted something about one of my friends on Juicy Campus in college. And I just remember attorneys, Attorneys were called. Attorneys were called. And they were like, yeah, this is the Internet in 2005, there's nothing we can do. I tell all the young kids, they all want to take photos with the Snapchat. Snapchat. They don't. When you post things on the Internet, it's there. It doesn't just go away. Please, for the love of God, do not send photos of your vagina to college boys. They are immature. They will show their friends, don't do it. Don't do it. My best piece of advice to anybody young in college is throw your phone in the river, use a payphone, don't do it. It's terrible. But no, I don't like this yik yak. I mean, you know, I like to yap, but I'm not yik yakking. It just becomes mean. And honestly, I, I feel this deep in my bones. Folks that like to comment about other folks online in a real negative way or go out of their way. Like, I could never imagine going on somebody's profile who's living their life, posting their art, doing their thing, and being like, you're fat, you're a fucking loser. Unless they're like a horrible person. I, I don't even think I. That if they're a horrible, I'm so fucking over it. Somebody who takes their time out of their day to deeply engage or start some bullshit. They've got to get a fucking hobby, go to St. Barts and get Facial chlamydia. Do something. But no, for your own mental health, don't yak, yak. Just don't yak, don't yak. Don't do it. Because we had the juicy campus and I remember that tore some people. I think at the time I was a little too chubby for anybody to really try and juicy me, you know, but no good, no bueno. And if you actually have to do like a digital detox and just get offline for a little bit so you can put one foot in front of the other in the current climate we're living in and just know you're going online to purchase your pitbull concert tickets for the summer. And then you're like, I need a couple weeks off. I get it. I'm not gonna be offended. You do you? I have to be chronically online for my job and there are days where I'm like, I don't, I don't want to see that. And the words of Valerie Cherish, I don't want to see that. But I don't like this. Yik yak. No, we're not doing it. Get off. Go for a walk. Start crocheting. Do something with your hands and stay off the yaks. I don't know if you know about a yak animal. What are they good for? What do yaks do? Okay, it's a type of ox. It's a species of long haired domesticated cattle found throughout the Himalayan region, Tibetan plateau, Tajikistan, Mongolia and Siberia. No, no, I don't need it. I'm good. Oh, and hey, guess what it says. Can yaks be aggressive? They can become very aggressive. And that's what's gonna happen if you get up every day and your heart's pounding and you're giving yourself anxiety to see if you're on the yak. No, it's time to take extracurriculars, graduate college and just, just, just bounce. Just bounce. It's too much. God, I'm sweating in this teddy bear half zip. Just stressed. If I had to go back to college right now, would I? No, I couldn't. I mean, I had truly the best four years of my life. But I really feel for our younger listeners who are in the thick of it and they have all. I mean, I guess we had juicy campus. It was up then. You know what it just go live your life. Because people are insane. And people who take the time out of their day to post about you having a good time when you're hurting no one and staying in your lane just wish they were a part of the group. There, I said it. And Jackie Schimmel will fight me on this. She'll like Heather. That's not true. People don't feel that way. But Jackie, you know, people want to hang out with us, so shut up. Anywho, I love you guys. We have a lot of exciting things to get excited about this summer. How many times can I say excited? I am also gonna be on the road. Get your tickets@heatherontour.com we are gonna wrap up this Bamboozled tour. Honestly, we should have shot the special in November when I wanted to because now I have two specials to shoot. I don't know, maybe we just shoot a three hour show when we announce it, but I'm like, now I have a whole new show. Things have happened in the last two months. What are we doing here? But I'm so excited to be on the road. Get your tickets@heatherontour.com we'll be hitting Texas and that's all I can remember off the top of my head. But it's going to be a ton of fun and we will be announcing where we're shooting the special next and we're going to be willing and dealing. So I will see you in the meantime between time on the road and I'll see you on the next episode. Ciao bella. A River D. Thanks so much for listening to today's episode. Don't forget to subscribe, rate us and leave a review and as always, follow Follow me on Instagram at heatherkmcmahon. See you guys soon.