Absolutely Not – “Red Envelope Olympics”
Host: Heather McMahan
Date: February 18, 2026
Podcast: Absolutely Not (Dear Media)
EPISODE OVERVIEW
This solo episode of Absolutely Not finds comedian Heather McMahan at her hilarious, unfiltered best. Coinciding with Chinese New Year and the Winter Olympics, Heather dives into cultural traditions, the adrenaline-junkie insanity of winter sports, personal sleep drama, pop culture run-ins, and audience call-ins—all while offering her signature blend of oversharing and infectious wit. The theme? Surviving and laughing through life’s overwhelm, chaos, and batshit news cycles, with a healthy dose of self-deprecation and community.
KEY DISCUSSION POINTS
1. Chinese New Year Traditions & Solo Life Wins
(00:22 – 03:30)
- Heather opens by wishing listeners a Happy Chinese New Year, riffing on the “red envelope” (lucky cash) tradition:
“If you are single, this might be the time to send your parents just a little YouTube clip and say, Where is my red envelope of cash? Okay, I have given you no grandchildren and no stability for a future, but I deserve cash.”
(02:05) - Marvels at how her husband’s unmarried Chinese friend "racks up" during the celebrations, musing it might have been a strategic mistake to get married so soon.
2. Eastern Self-Care & Upcoming Japan Trip
(03:30 – 08:10)
- Jumps into recent wellness trends like bone broth and lemon water, nodding to Asian-inspired self-care practices that "keep your chi up."
- Heather’s prepping for a Japan trip (and full-on food binge), lamenting missing cherry blossom season and panicking about restaurant reservations.
“Will I absolutely exploit any sort of fame I have in order to get into a Michelin restaurant? I will.”
(06:20)
3. Sleep Study Antics & Family Medical Drama
(08:10 – 14:40)
- Shares her recent, chaotic home sleep study—hooked up to machines, binging Japanese food videos, and texting her husband endless crab GIFs.
"I looked at Jeff this morning as I was taking off the medical tape and the oxygen little tube out of my nose, and I said, If this comes back that I have apnea, just go ahead and hit me with the car. Like—enough."
(13:20) - Traces her sleep woes back to her late father, who got a CPAP after causing a car accident from dozing off at the wheel, leading Heather to joke about turning into her dad as she ages.
4. Winter Olympics: “Absolutely Not” But Also Absolutely Obsessed
(25:45 – 40:55)
- Heather’s deep in Olympics fever, fixated on the daredevil nature of winter athletes:
“Every single sport at the Winter Olympics is either throwing yourself down an icy water slide, throwing yourself across ice, off a fucking mountain, down a cliff, or through a half pipe.”
(31:00) - Bemoans the lack of “safe” Olympic Winter sports (besides curling), marvels at the “no fear” mentality, and recounts specifics like ski jumping, bobsled ("tin can"), the monobob, skeleton ("metal boogie board head first down an ice water slide"), and the two-person luge:
“The two-man luge has got to be the gayest sport I've ever seen in my life. Like what? Two gay dudes are like, hey Terry... Come on, just lay down on my lap. We're gonna go down on this little sled here.”
(37:30) - Observes the relentless, sometimes bizarre, death-defying drama of every event, providing both comic relief and a serious appreciation for the athletes’ tenacity.
5. Coping with Overwhelm & Conspiracy Season
(41:05 – 45:00)
- Heather isn’t just obsessed with the Olympics because they’re fun—it’s also a needed reprieve from overwhelming world news and conspiracy rabbit holes (“buy stock in Reynolds Wrap for your tinfoil hats!”).
“It is crazy. And if you are not turning on the news every day, absolutely disgusted, sick to your stomach... I don't know what to tell you because that's how I feel.”
(45:30)
MEMORABLE MOMENTS & QUOTES
- “If every single one of the skeleton luge and bobsledders are not praying the full rosary before they hit the track, then they are out of their minds.” (34:10)
- On biathlon: “This woman was going uphill sprinting with 10 foot skis on... Jeff and I look at each other. He goes, 'I would have barfed 30 seconds up this mountain.'” (38:42)
- On Olympic village: “Could you imagine? I'm in my early 40s, walking through the Olympic village... I will choke out and die and will not be able to participate in whatever sport I have signed up for here at the Olympics.” (40:30)
- “Every single day there is something new and something more... unfathomable, disgusting—what the fuck is happening?” (44:00)
CALLER SEGMENT HIGHLIGHTS
1. Watch What Happens Live (Bravo & Andy Cohen Deep-Dive)
(41:00 – 57:41)
- Caller asks about Heather’s experiences as a Bravo-lebrity.
- Heather shares that Andy Cohen “has been very kind to me” and describes the exhilarating (and nerve-wracking) pressure of appearing on Watch What Happens Live, her wardrobe mishaps, and how TV truly "adds 40 pounds.”
“You have to have a point of view, an opinion, and just be like, ‘I fucking hate this bitch’ or ‘I’m down’.”
(44:05) - Candid about self-image struggles in a size-obsessed TV context, concludes she’d never want her own reality show:
“Would I be a great housewife and bring entertainment? Sure. But would I just be constantly in the corner adjusting my sweater? Yes.”
(56:05)
2. Gus the Truck Driver & Cat Custody Drama
(57:41 – 1:09:45)
- Gus, a Georgia truck driver, calls in about his mother-in-law’s attempts to “claim custody” of his cats, which he now loves as his children.
- Heather responds with humor and solidarity, dubs Gus her “favorite caller ever,” and offers tongue-in-cheek, heartfelt advice:
“If a man with a fucking 18 wheeler named Gus rolled up with that sexy voice and was demanding me put pussy in the car, you bet your ass I’d give him what he wanted. Okay that sounded weird. You know what I mean, Gus.”
(1:03:20) - Advocates for strong boundaries, guesses maybe Gus’ wife is orchestrating a cats-at-grandma’s scenario for practical reasons, but ultimately sides fiercely with listener Gus.
THEMES & FINAL TAKEAWAYS
Navigating Overload with Comedy & Community
- Heather cycles through personal, cultural, and world-scale chaos—and reframes it all with humor, relatability, and the comfort of collective venting (“absolutely not!”).
- The Olympics are positioned as an escape: “something to live for,” a break from doomscrolling and existential dread.
Heather’s Closing Pep Talk
(1:10:30)
- Heather acknowledges how hard everyone’s trying these days—juggling jobs, grief, health issues, and the “insane news cycle.”
- Urges listeners to take time for themselves, laugh when possible, and stay present:
“I love that we are giggling. I love that we have this hour to ourselves to try and figure things out, to talk about it aloud... I just want you to know how much I love and adore each and every one of you.”
(1:11:20) - Promotes her upcoming Bamboozle tour and encourages listeners to find connection and levity wherever they can.
TIMELINE OF IMPORTANT SEGMENTS
- 00:22 — Chinese New Year riffs and cash gifts
- 03:30 — Self-care trends & Japan trip preview
- 08:10 — Sleep study saga and family health backstory
- 25:45 — Winter Olympics “psychosis” and sport-by-sport hot takes
- 37:30 — Two-man luge, most “unhinged” sport
- 41:00 — Voicemails: Watch What Happens Live and Andy Cohen behind the scenes
- 57:41 — Gus calls in: cat custody, truck-driver life, boundaries
- 1:10:30 — Closing thoughts: overwhelm, gratitude, upcoming tour
OVERALL TONE & STYLE
- Uncensored, fast-paced: Heather never filters her language or anxieties, channeling both raw vulnerability and absurdity.
- Self-deprecating, community-driven: She’s as quick to mock herself as the news, creating space for listener stories and cathartic laughter.
- Cultural savvy: Dissects reality TV, Olympic culture, and U.S./global weirdness with both irreverence and genuine insight.
For anyone who missed the episode, this summary captures Heather McMahan’s combustible cocktail of humor, hot takes, and heart—a hilarious, relatable deep-dive into what it means to survive (and sometimes thrive) in modern chaos.