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- [00:01]
Progressive Insurance Announcer
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- [00:31]
Heather McMahon
the following podcast is a Dear media Production welcome to the Absolutely Not Podcast where we do the most and the least at the same damn time. I'm your host, Heather McMahon. Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another episode of the App Store Absolutely Not Podcast. I'm your host, Heather McMahon. How are you? Hope you're doing great, man. We have so much to catch up on. So many good things happened in the last two weeks. I am home. I am in my studio in Atlanta, at my office. I'm surrounded by all of my tchotchkes, all of my wares, all my knickknacks. And I couldn't be happier. I am having a wild, wild readjustment back into civilian society. Okay, I have been a bitch on the road for essentially the last four years, but really, really, these last 85 shows, I mean, what a fun ride. I've been more fulfilled with this material than ever. I'm so excited for the special to come out. I'm so excited for all of these things to happen. I mean, we just did it. We did it, we did it. But damn it if my body isn't broken. I want to get into everything that happened at the Netflix's Joke Festival, the last shows. So many things have popped off. But I have to say start this episode off with so much gratitude to everybody who came back to the Comeback tour. You know, some of y' all came to the Farewell tour. Now you came to the new tour, the Comeback. And then we're going to be back out on the road at the top of 2025 with a whole new tour. You know, I, I can't believe that I get to live out my dream every weekend on the road. But I'll tell you what, all of that dancing on stage in heels, in boots, carrying all my fucking luggage through the airport like a, you know, Mount Everest Sherpa, it has taken a toll on me physically. I am home. This morning. I got up at the ass crack of dawn to go see my physical therapist. She stuck a needle the size of, I don't know, a small ruler into my ass. My leg is numb, okay? I just need y' all to know my sciatica right now is flared so bad it's numb. Have you ever just been walking and your leg goes dead? I have a dead leg, okay? I have a literal not working limb. And I had to go get needled. I got needled, I got cupped, I got scraped. I got one elbow right there, right there on the L5. I mean, I told her, you know, all these pts are very thin women. I've never met a fat physical therapist, okay? Both of the pts that I see at my place, shout out to body imbalance. Real thin. You know, they're all soccer girls. And you know what I'm talking about. You know, a particular soccer girl doesn't wear a lot of makeup very naturally. Pretty thin, smaller breasts, you know, tiny little waist. Loves a sensible shirt from the Gap. Loves. Always has on a nice Adidas, you know, they're not Nike girls. Soccer girls are Adidas girls. Some sort of, like, sensible windbreaker, pant stick, straight hair, maybe a scrunchie if they're feeling frisky, and an apple watch. And if that doesn't scream I'm a physical therapist who also played collegiate soccer, then I don't know what does. Kind of a middle part, but also a little to the side, you know, doesn't carry around a Stanley. No, no, no. She's got a Turvis tumbler right. Right here. She's got a Turvis tumbler that just says soccer on it. That is. A physical therapist drives a Lexus or a Mazda, but a sensible Lexus, not the white suv. She's got the sedan or she has the souped up Mazda. Always in a gray, a sensible gray. Because physical therapists know that if you get a car that's in green, it's an optical illusion to the other drivers on the road. And more accidents happen in green cars than gray cars. I'm just saying shout out to every person out there, though, who is in the physical therapy field. Y' all are doing the Lord's work. The amount of schooling, education, and actual physical one on one learning that you had to do in order to take a needle the size of this legal pad paper to stick right through my asshole. I just want to say thank you because without you, I couldn't walk. So I walked into the physical therapist office this morning, ass crack of dawn, numb leg, just dead.
- [05:19]
Podcast Listener/Caller
Just
- [05:21]
Heather McMahon
literally not handicapable. Okay, Handicapped, not capable. And 45 minutes later, I'm out. That I'm walking out that door with a little pep in my step. And before we get into the recap of everything that we did over this last year on tour, I just want to say one of my goals for this time off, my summer break. It's not really a summer break. I'm hopefully shooting a movie and some other shit, which is great. But with my time off is to fix my body. Because what's really been wild, and this is a great privilege problem to have, is, you know, everyone says, oh, you know, your career's a marathon, not a sprint. No, we've been in a dead wind sprint for the last. I'd say year. Do you remember? Because I was a soccer player, shout out to my soccer girls. When we would do conditioning, we do these things called suicides. And it was a ladder sprint. You'd have to run down to half court, then come back, then run down all the way to the court and then come back. Right, right. If you were doing indoor soccer training in the winter, you did these suicides. And it was awful. Everybody puked. Every single time there was somebody who puked. Look at me right now. I never puked. I didn't. Stomach of steel. I cried. Don't get me wrong, I would cry, but I never vomited. But that's. Where was I going with this? That is what it has felt like the last, specifically six months. It's just been absolute chaos in the best, most beautiful way. But now my body is paying the price and I'm like, I can't be this person. I talked about this like six months ago. You know, when. When you get old and then everybody's got that uncle who just. It's always a bitch about the knee or the hip and they. And it's almost like you get a negative downward spiral and you keep festering and, like, manifesting on this pain. I don't want to be that person. I want to fix the problem. I gotta maintain the pain and I wanna move on and onto the next thing. So we are in a hyperbaric chamber of recovery right now. I'm gonna do all the things. I'm gonna try sulfuric mud baths. I'm gonna go do the dry sauna. I'm gonna take all the supplements. I'm gonna draw some blood and, I don't know, give it to a small child if they need it. I am going to get the back crack the neck snapped. The orthopedic massage, the sweetest massage the deep tissue massage. I'm going to do the facials. I might get some filler. I might saw my teeth down. I don't know. It's not just about the outward. It's the N word. It's all of it. But if I'm working on the N word, I might as well also, I don't know, get a little nip and tuck. I'm kidding. I have nothing on the books. But regardless, this is my, my time to fix my fucking body. But shout out to every physical therapist, you know that girl. You know her. You know what I mean? Her name's Rachel. Tell me you haven't met a Rachel who literally loves to scrape that neck, who gets those little glass cups and little lubricant gel and just sucks in to that hump on the back of your neck and nothing. And then when they release it and it's like, it just feels like you've never had blood flow to the nape of your neck. Unless you've had a petite woman named Rachel who's a physical therapist in Adidas sneakers with an apple watch and a deep side part. You've never lived till you felt that sense of relief. I mean, I'm over here, I'm agile. I'm going to see my chiropractor after this. And I know I don't listen, I don't want to be redundant on this podcast. I know the physical therapists and the chiropractors. It's like oil and water. But I'm going to tell you, I see the guy who does all the Falcon players shout out to Dr. Mallucci. And when I tell you, I'm really going to be walking with a two step after I leave his office, you know, your girl, your girl just likes it all. And I know the physical therapists and the kairos, they fight, but not on my watch, okay? Not on my watch. I'm doing it all. If you were to tell me that I needed to have a small, I don't know, homeless man, stick a thumb up my butt and it would make me feel better. I'm gonna try it. I got my rebounder, my. My mini trampoline in the basement. I'm gonna be bouncing. Cause it's good for the lymphatic flow. Okay? Call me the energizer bunny. I'm gonna be bouncing off the walls. You gotta do 10 minutes in the morning to drain the lymph. I'm gonna be gua shawing. I got a couple electromagnetic things that I'm gonna stick to my tits then connect to my face to get it all lifted. I plan on, you know, I plan on showing up lab and y' all can be like, damn, who is it? And I'm going to say a new woman. My name is Heather Kyle McMahon and I fix my back because I don't want to be the old lady hunched doing walking the laps in the mall because she got open back surgery. I'm not doing it and I know there's a lot of great orthopedists out there, but I'm going to fix the problem. I don't know if I need to start taking a little turmeric, a little black seed oil. I'll soak a tampon in vodka. Whatever I need to do, I'mma do it. Mother's Day is coming up and I
- [10:44]
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
feel very blessed that I have my mom in my life and we have a, you know, a tender relationship. But y', all, she is a fucking renegade and she is wild and she
- [10:51]
Heather McMahon
keeps me on my toes and that's
- [10:52]
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- [13:40]
Heather McMahon
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- [13:44]
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- [15:09]
Heather McMahon
We are now in recovery mode. But what also happens in recovery mode is I've been home for 48 hours and I've started to tinker a little too much. I'm moving rugs, which is also not advised by my pt. I'm moving rugs, I'm changing chairs. This is what happens. It gets dangerous. When I'm home for an extended period of time, I don't know what to do with myself, so I start tinkering. You know, I start running my little fingers across an armoire, a chest of drawers. I'm like, we gotta. We gotta flip this whole garage. I'm starting to get a little crazy. I need a project. I need to be using my mind in a creative manner. But the problem is I'm indecisive. So I put a lot of things in my Crate and Barrel cart, and then I don't pull the trigger. And it's. It's a little dangerous. And now I'm getting aggressive emails from crate and Barrel being like, are you
- [16:02]
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
buying this outdoor furniture?
- [16:03]
Heather McMahon
And I'm like, pump the brakes. I was on a gummy. So I'm starting to tinker. And Jeff last night looked at me after I had rearranged our shoes about six times. And he goes, you're tinkering. You tinker tinkering. And it's making me anxious. And I said, you're anxious. I'm spiraling. But I've got to learn how to just be calm in the calmness. I've just been in a dead suicide sprint the last nine months, and now I got to be okay with just being a domestic goddess. I might make a lasagna later. I'll get bored 20 minutes into it. You know, I asked some of y'. All. Let me pull this up real quick. I asked some of y' all on Instagram during one of my spirals. What do y' all do? What do you good civilians of America do? And let me show you what. Let me. Let's just go through what some of y' all said you do. So what do y' all do at home? All right. A lot of degenerates here. Okay. Some people said, go to lunch. Make it a four hour lunch. I like that. Take a gummy stare at the pool. I like that. My dear friend Alex mullen said in. In quotes. We're doing some redecorating. It's a McMahon story. She's known our family for so long. She knows. She knows how it goes. Alex knows. When I start tinkering, tinkering around. Here comes trouble. You'll see me at a home goods. I'll rent a U Haul and just clear out the store and then take everything back to my house. I'll hate everything and then return it. Somebody said cry, purge and organize. Do a lot of vacuuming. Oh, I love vacuuming, y'.
- [17:34]
Podcast Listener/Caller
All.
- [17:34]
Heather McMahon
I took a small handheld vacuum to my fucking drapes and my lampshades the other day, and I've never been so horny in my life. People said, exercise. I'm on the road to recovery. I'm gonna get the steps in, but your girl also has to ice the back. Okay. Laundry. Doing a lot of laundry. A lot of smoke. Most of y' all just said, smoke weed. Clean color. That's it. That's what I'm doing. Thank you. Shout out to Sienna B. Who suggested that. I think I need a color. I used to think people who got those adult coloring books were, you know, I don't know, low lives. And now I get it. I think I need to do something. You know, I said I was gonna work on the boondoggles. I never followed through with that. I said I was maybe gonna take up knitting. I never followed through with that. Maybe I start coloring. Cause I gotta quit looking at my phone. I'm panicked. I'm home. I should be relaxing, you know, slowing down, recuperating in the hyperbaric chamber, getting my life right, fixing my body, mentally giving myself a break as a normal person fucking does. But then I get on the Internet and I say, well, people are doing summer not, so what am I doing? So I need to not look at the Tik Toks, not look at the Instagram, and just hunker down and start coloring. That's what I need to do. I'm sorry. This is a ab. I should have just talked to a therapist and not had a worldwide podcast. That's it. You know, your girl doesn't know how to marathon. She win sprints. She win sprints till the leg goes numb. And now I'm just. I'm just walking around my house looking for dust bunnies and a. And a problem to start. I'm looking for trouble. I went around and I started smelling Jeff the other day. I just said, I haven't. He was literally sitting at his desk working, like, paying bills and I got behind him and went. He said, what the fuck are you doing? I said, I just need to smell your neck. I just needed to. Just need to see what you smelled like. He's like, have I changed since. Since you married me? I go, no, I just haven't been around a lot and I'm just seeing what you smell like. Like, I'm getting weird at the house. Macaroni and I, the other morning were just mouth to mouth for about 20 minutes. Like I'm starting to get Gray gardens a little. Little cuckoo. So I gotta get up every day, have my action steps and my exercises, my pt, get the massage, do the things, go get the mask, do the led, the infrared, all of it. And then I gotta quit, get. And then I gotta get outta the house. Cause I'm. I'm gon get nuts. Okay, Anyways, let's talk about these last two weeks in la. It has been, dude, shout out to Netflix. They put on a great festival. Thank you for having me. Thank you for letting me close out my tour there. Thank you so much to everybody who came out to see the tour. And I knew a lot of y' all hadn't come to the Pantages last time, so I got a lot of dms and people were like, heather, we want to see the tour. So I did a mixture of the Comeback Tour, which is. Was my tour. I wanted to finish it in la and I did some new material as well. So that was so much fun. Thank you guys for coming out. But there was so much pressure. There was so much pressure going into the show. And I called my agents. I was like, why am I trying to like do a completely different show that I haven't run yet? I want to go and do the show that I. That I just shot so that Netflix will buy the next special. I was like, what are we doing here? So I hopefully went out there and really crushed it and. Cause I self produce my second special and so obviously we'll take it to them first and then, you know, hopefully they want to buy it. But it was wild. That show was so much fun on Sunday. But let me just walk you through like kind of what the week looked like. I did my show Sunday, but every other day I would run around and do press. I would do podcasts and then I would do other people's shows at night. So I would do like 10 minute segments at everybody's shows. One day I played 18 holes of golf for Netflix. They had activities every day. One day they had a 5k, another day they had. What else they had, like, all these different, like, sporting events, charity things. Well, I signed up for the golf. I got to play with my girl, Becky Robinson. Shout out to Becky. She's on tour this summer, so if you get a chance to see her, please go support your girl. She's fantastic. But we were out there. Like, Will Ferrell was out there. I mean, anybody in the comedy world, you name them, they were there. And that was such an incredible experience. But I played 18 holes of golf. Then that night, I had to go do two shows I was originally signed up for. Then my agent calls and is like, hey, Gabrielle Iglesias. Need you to pop in at the palladium. It's an 1145 show. I've been up since five. And of course, I'm a game player. This is a suicide sprint. So what did I do? I said yes. So I went and did a show at the Largo. I did a show at the Comedy Store, and then I went and did a show at the Palladium. Now, I want you to know something right now. As a comedian, you obviously need to be a chameleon. But there's also just different demographics. Like, I know women really eat my shit up. The gays eat my shit up. The guys have started coming. They're also enjoying it. I think that I'm a universal laugh to everybody. But when I went to go do Gabrielle Iglesias show, when I tell you, I walked out, and it was just like. Just like, really just a sea of, like, cool Mexican cholo dudes. And I walk out and immediately. And I had seen some other very, very wildly popular comedians, like, not do great in front of this audience. And I was like, I'm one of the only women in this lineup. I'm about to go out there. These guys, nobody knows who I am. And I will just say this. One of the biggest names in comedy went right before me, right? And my husband, sweet Jeffrey, is sitting backstage, and he grabs me, okay? So he and Ray had already come to the Palladium. I was coming from the Comedy Store with Tina and Emily. So we're running across town. They're already there. And I get backstage, and Jeff looks ghostly white. Ghostly white. Just looks like he's gonna be ill. I'm like, what's wrong? He's like, people aren't doing well, Heather. This is what he's like. People are not doing well. It's not going great. He's like, they're gonna eat you alive. And I said, honey, I've got this I know what to do. So I go out on stage, and they're like, please welcome to the stage Heather McMahon. It's like 2,000 people. Not my core demographic audience. And when I say I go out there, and I said, all right, I know what I got to do. I got to win these guys over. And I'm like, where my big titties? And it just went from there. It went fantastic. And I proved to myself it was scary. And Jeff was too scared for me to go on stage. I said, honey, I know that they don't want to see a woman with blonde hair extensions and a light pink blazer from Zara go out there and tell jokes, but I got them. And we did great. We did great. And Gabriel was so lovely. And I got to meet some really iconic other comedians backstage. But it was wild. But this is what I had to do. I had to go prove myself to the other people in the comedy community. Cause we've got our little thing going on. And on top of that, I had to prove to myself, I know what I'm doing. You know, if you don't step outside your comfort zone for some of this shit, you'll never grow as an artist. I don't know why I'm pointing at you aggressively with this pen, but that's just how I felt. And I got off stage, and Jeff was just like, that was incredible. I don't know how you did it. I didn't think. I thought they were gonna throw tomatoes at you. But guess what, toots? You get in and out. And then my honey bear drove me to In n out at 1am but if y' all were coming to the shows and I didn't get to see you beforehand, some of these shows, I would pop in and I would get, like, eight minutes, or I'd get 15 minutes, and I would go do it. And then I'd have to drive across town to jump into somebody else's show. And it was so much fun getting to see all the other shows that people were putting on, but damn it, if I didn't fucking work my d. Okay, I. I really. In between that and the flared up sciatica, I had a dead leg. So not only did I have to drag my fucking broken leg on stage everywhere, we were playing golf for Netflix. And a lovely gal came up to me, and she said, heather, I hope it's okay that I'm saying this, but the back of your leg looks swollen. And behind my kneecap was just a pool of fluid because I had had so much Inflammation from my sciatica or my dead leg or my meniscus or whatever the fuck's going on. And I just said, yep, you're right. And then about five people at were just lightly tapping on the back of my leg, watching this fluid move around, and I said, I don't know what to tell you guys. I'm shutting the fuck down. And then my agent calls as I'm getting fingered on the back of my leg, and she's like, you wanna do another show tonight? And I'm like, put it on the books, baby. I mean, it was so much fun, but there was a moment where I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I said, I don't know if I can do it, but I said yes to every opportunity. And I know in Hollywood it's such a power play to say no, but I was like, no, fuck this. I'm gonna show them I can play every audience. I can go out there and do any type of show. And if you don't think I had some hot Mexican dudes dming me later that night, like, hey, girl with the pink blazer. Love them dick jokes. I said, that's what's up. That's what's up, papi. Okay? You know what I mean? Like, I had to go in there, and even though everybody else was scared, I said, I got this. I know how to make men laugh. Don't you worry about me, baby. You know, had a great show with my buddy Dan Levy and Whitney Cummings and Hannah Burner. Did a great show at the Comedy Store called the Barbie show with a bunch of female comedians, and we had a blast. It was just fun. We had so much fun. And then shout out, obviously, to the LA Dodgers who had me out for their big charity event on Wednesday night. That was a cheery on top of the Sunday, and another audience. I went out to perform. I think I was one of the only women on the lineup. I think there was one gal who came, and I'm out there, and it's all hot Dodgers players. These guys are exhausted. They won the game that afternoon, and then they had to come sit for three hours in this theater for this charity event. It's a mixture of Dodgers players who are worth, like, together $20 billion, and then there's just Dodgers fans. Well, shout out to Freddie Freeman. I went out there and razzed him a little bit. He used to play on the Braves, and then, you know, obviously took the money and went to. To the Dodgers. But when I tell you, I went out there And I said. I razzed him a little bit, made some jokes. Everybody was in. And then I was like, but Atlanta misses you. And these Dodgers, okay? The Dodgers fans were like, boo. Fuck the Braves, Bo. And then I was like, relax, relax. We're gonna be okay. And they're like, all right, all right. Show us your tits. And then I just really, like, leaned over and showed him some tit. And then the fans. But it was funny. I mean, I performed for athletes, hussies, drunks, gang members. I performed for, you know, female gang members, which are the ladies at my shows. I performed for somebody who owned a Mercedes Benz dealership. Like, I perform firefighters. I performed for, you know, elementary custodians. I did it all. There isn't a demographic that I didn't touch this weekend. Frat daddies, just daddies. Step daddies, you know, gay zaddies. I did it all. So you can't tell me that I didn't work my dick off. That is why I'm in physical therapy now. But we had a good time. I'll tell you what, though. You never seen your life flash before your eyes when you've had your husband holding you backstage. And I, like, ran in to do the show, and he was just like, this isn't gonna be good. And listen, as a comic, you can bomb. I've bombed plenty of times and that. And you learn. You learn. You pick yourself back up. You figure out what didn't work, because you're all in your head and you keep moving. But Jeff, I was like, jeff, I got this. Don't worry. And I knew. I knew which material I needed to do in order to win these guys over. But when I got off stage, I thought Jeff, he was like. I think he had come in his pants. He was like, they didn't kill you. They loved it. I don't know what just happened, but they loved it. But it is so funny. It is so humbling when you get out on stage in front of 3, 000 people and no one knows who you are. They're, like, coming to the stage, Heather McMahon. And literally, people are like. And there was one woman in the back, one heavyset with big titties, who's, like, screaming. I don't even think she knew who I was. She was. It was just like. When she saw me on stage, it was like looking in a mirror. And I had on a glitter top and a pink suit and a pink matching skort from Zara and a white Nike Air Force One. And I said, let's Fucking let it rip. But that was fun, dude. It was wild. What else? I saw my girls, Ashley and Raina from the Girls Gotta Eat podcast. We went to the unfrosted premiere, got to see Larry David and all of his glory and Jerry Seinfeld and the entire cast of that. That was just the coolest thing ever. Hung out with one of my guys. Oh, also, just want to say thank you so much to all the feedback. I had Joe Dombroski on the podcast, and he was so incredible, and y' all just loved him. So if you get a chance to see him on tour this summer, go see him. He's such a doll, such a peach. I did the Stiff Socks podcast. We had Mandy Moore on the podcast. I mean, we were just doing all of the fucking things. And I am so grateful to this community that we built. You guys are encouraging. You came out to the shows. You let me do my show again. You came. You love the new stuff. You were following me around town. You were, you know, just doing the damn thing. And. And. And. And I cannot do this without y'. All, so I hope you understand how grateful I am for that. What else do we do? I mean, we were. I mean, we were just sticking around. We were just doing the fucking most.
- [31:13]
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
I had a money goal the past couple years.
- [31:15]
Heather McMahon
It was to save enough money to buy a house, and we did it.
- [31:17]
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
And I'm just really, really feeling blessed that we did it. But, man, it was a goal, okay? And we were smart and we put our heads down. And I have been very intimidated by finances, like any financial conversation before in the past, because, one, I wasn't really,
- [31:33]
Heather McMahon
you know, educated on it. I didn't know until I started making money.
- [31:37]
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- [34:40]
Heather McMahon
Oh okay though. Hold on, hold on. We got to talk about something juicy. All right. So I got invited. I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about this. Whatever. I'm going to. I got invited to the head of Netflix. His Name's Ted Sarandos. I got invited to his house for this brunch on Saturday, and it was so fucking wild. I show up. This thing was nicer than my wedding. And if you came to the Comeback tour, you know, I had a nice fucking wedding. We show up for this brunch, casual brunch, of course. I see the dress code, and it says, like, summer cocktail, daytime cocktail. I'm in a gorgeous silk suit that my stylist Sonia Young, found from Legends. It was like a cream with, like, a black floral paisley. I looked sharp, had hair and makeup done. I show up, and there's about three male comedians in Hawaiian shirts, not even buttoned, with no shirts, shoes on. And I immediately was like, fuck me, okay? I'm a Southern belle. If there's a dress code, I'm going above and beyond. You know, I'm getting a blowout. I'm wearing a diamond. I might even put on a string of pearls. And I. And I just was laughing. I walk into this brunch, and immediately I'm like, here we go. It's like it. In a great way. It was like high school all over again. You had, like, all the female comedians at one side of the dance floor and all the male comedians at the other side. And then we took this big class photo, if you will, this yearbook photo. And finally, we all got to, like, mush in together and start mingling. I got to meet Ms. Pat, who's one of my favorite comedians. She's iconic. I adore her. I got to see so many people. Saw my girl Whitney Cummings, saw Chelsea Handler, saw Tom Papa and Jim Gaffigan. And I got to talk to Sebastian Maniscalco, and we were giggling about all sorts of shit, and it was just really wild. It was a real surreal moment to be a. At the home of the head of Netflix. Cause I was taking notes. You know what I mean? I was like, the hedges are tall. But I just want you to know I do know where you live. But it was just one of those wild things where it's like, okay, all right. You got invited to the club. You were here. Don't be an asshole. And I got to meet so many other comedians that I've just looked up to for so long. And it was funny, but it was a real social experiment. Just know if. If there's a dress code in New York for anything. If they say, hey, I don't know, wear winter white. Everyone's gonna be in the dress code code, okay? If not elevated even more. If there's a dress code in Los Angeles. People are just going to show up in fucking banana hammocks with a loose menthol cigarette hanging out of their mouth. You know what I mean? Nobody gives a fuck. It's all into your own interpretation. So I, of course, looked like an absolute class act, but I could have worn umbro shorts and a nice Birkenstock slide and probably would have gotten more attention playing by the rules, you know. And it reminded me I was walking out of that brunch after meeting so many people and having such a great time and, you know, so great. So grateful to Ted for his hospitality and just thinking, like, I've always kind of done it my own. I love to show up to the party in.
- [37:51]
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
In.
- [37:51]
Heather McMahon
In a silk press suit or a sequin dress. Like, that's just who I am. And I. And I had to remind myself the entire week because you're surrounded by so many in your field and it shouldn't be competitive. We all have different voices, point of view, but there's some moments where you're like, am I doing it as well as the next person? And that's just the nature of the game. And I said, I gotta lean in. I love, I love makeup, I love hoops, I love diamonds, I like spray tans, I like all this shit. And I'm not gonna change who I am for somebody else. I ran into Nikki Glaser. It was the. The day of the brunch was the day I ran into her 24 hours before she did this roast. And we were chit chatting and I adore her. And I, you know, she's just like, we've been working on this so hard. I said, you're gonna fucking crush. And dammit, Nikki, I hope you see this. I already said this to you at this comedy store, but you fucking did something for a bunch of other female comedians that nobody else has been able to do. You went out there and you fucking slayed and you crushed and you put all those boys to shame, and we are forever grateful to you for it. And I saw you the night after the. The roast and I said, you did that? She does not realize how important that was for the rest of us with loose vaginas over here. But she went out there and slayed. And I know she has a new special out, so always support women in comedy. She's the tits. But we were standing around at one point at this brunch and I was talking to Whitney and some other gals, and we were like, we gotta start doing what the guys do. We all got to get together and, like, do jams together and support one another and. Listen, people say that women don't want to be supportive in this business. I have not found that. I mean, you know, not everyone's the warmest, but it only comes from a place of. There's only been one or two girls on every lineup. So you kind of were always fighting for attention and time and stage time and all this shit. And now, as we're all getting more opportunities, we gotta fucking work together. But I told Nikki, I said what you did when you went out there and fucking slayed and roasted all of those motherfuckers, you proved to everybody else what a bad bitch you are and how women in comedy are fucking doing it. All right? So shout out to Nikki. Love, my girl. Anyways, let's get into the voicemails. But I just wanted to tell you, it has been such an absolutely wild, wild couple weeks. And I got on that flight to come home, and I just felt so. I felt so incredibly proud of the work I had done. I felt so incredibly tired. You know, I had so much dead weight with this leg that just doesn't work. And I just need to remind myself that, like, I've put in the work, I've put in the time, and being out there was a reminder that I deserve to be there, just like everybody else. We all have a touch of imposter syndrome, but it also lit another fire under my ass to get even more excited about the next creative thing. And that's exciting. You know? What am I talking about? I'm just over here rambling about my own existential crisis. But it's just so y' all kind of understand, like, how the business works. You know, A lot of y' all found me through Covid and. And through the Internet, but I'm a standup. You know, y' all will come up to me and be like, heather, we saw you in the first tour. Well, then you should have come to the second tour. Cause it's totally different material. And I know I have a lot of fans who are, like, new to comedy, standup in particular. So just know that when you see me going back out on the road, maybe this fall, I'm gonna do some club shows, probably late summer. It's gonna be all new material. I'm testing out all new stuff. It isn't the same show. Sometimes I do feel like I just gotta remind everybody. All right, what else is going on? I think we should get into the voicemails. Because I could ramble all day long about all the comedians I met, what the vibe was backstage. You know, I could just go. It could be real incestual conversation. I know a lot of y' all don't really care about the behind the scenes stuff. If you do care, send me a DM and I'll tell you more stories. But it was really wild. It was wild. I had a really, really fricking good time and I'm proud of everybody. Everybody around me worked their dicks off. We just worked really hard. And now I deserve to get a little needle in the ass, you know what I'm saying? All right, let's see what you guys have been up to. God only knows. As always. If you're new listening to this podcast, you can call in 800-213-7503.
- [42:26]
Podcast Listener/Caller
Hey, Heather, it's your girl Jules from Los Angeles. I have an absolutely not and an absolutely yes for you. Absolutely yes. My husband bought me tickets to your May 7 show at the Montalban, and you absolutely crushed it, girl. You looked fire. The tan, the extensions, the boots hot. And you were hilarious. So absolutely s to you, girl. Thank you. Absolutely not. My husband, also a Jeff, hadn't seen your comedy before, and he latched on to the phrase big, juicy titties. And now he's walking all around the house like, big, juicy titties this and big juicy titties that. Like, shut the fuck up, Jess. You're killing the joke, bro. So that's an absolutely not. My husband thinking he can take your phrase and say it 800 times a day. Yeah, relax, Jeff. Anyway, girl, you were fire. Can't wait to see you back in LA next time you're here and can't wait for your next special. Love and light. Hear me, sue, bitch.
- [43:21]
Heather McMahon
Well, you just made my day. Thank you for coming to the show. Your husband deserves a nice little dick tickle for buying you tickets. And honestly, I'm not upset. And that he latched onto something. The best part about that joke saying big juicy titties is it's in reference to something my dad said. And so, you know, that's already deep and kind of twisted and fucked up. So that makes it even better. I love a big, juicy titty. You know, maybe because I'm Southern, we describe any sort of. I mean, it could be any body part, but we always add a little chicken element to it. You know what I mean? When I describe a sandwich, I'm like, that's a juicy, tender chicken. So if I'm going To describe a titty, it's got to be big and juicy. You know what I mean? You can tell when they're moisturized. They're a little supple. They got a nice grip to them. If you had to dip it in honey mustard, you'd be able to get a handful of it. And what, you know, you'd have minimal sauce on your fingers because there's enough meat there to really get into that little. That little cup of sauce. Do you know what I'm saying? I mean, you know, there's a difference between a titty and a big, juicy titty. Right now, I am, you know, pre PMS. I'm PMSing. So my titties are juicy. They are full. Every woman knows that feeling. Right before you start your period, your areolas are a little flush. You know, the nips are a little out there, just a little pop. That the breasts are just engorged, if you will. Also, another word I love, we don't say engorged enough. A lot of things can be engorged. You know, people don't like moist. Immature. These people who are like, I hate the word moist. Get a life. Unbelievable. Again, juicy, Moist. I'm talking about chicken here. I am also talking about breasts. You know, a moist, moist areola. Nothing better. You're out in Italy under the Sicilian sun. A little moisture around the nip region because you're not wearing a bra and a linen dress, drinking Aperol Spritz, smoking a Capri, just living your best life. That's a moist titty. And there's nothing to be ashamed of. So I love it. I love big, Juicy, you know, and maybe because my mom's a chef, I've always just been very expressive and just been very expressive with the way I describe food. You know, I told you I did that mukbang, and I was just doing it for shits and giggles. I didn't even really know what it was. And the feedback I got was, y' all want more? So you know what? I'm gonna give you exactly what you wanted. Let's do a little quick mukbang with this ice water. Can you hear that? Is that good? Crunchy ice I brought from home? So I love it. I love when the guys come and they have a blast. Comedy's fun. It's supposed to be fun for everybody. It's not just for the gals and the gays. It's also for the guys. Half my, you know, new special is, is me explaining to the guys why we're upset. In a very connected way. I love a big juicy titty though. Speaking of big juicy titties, I gotta take this sweatshirt off. Shout out to ghost. Die. Hold on. She made me a sweatshirt with all my dogs on it. Hold on. Oh God, that soreness from where I PT just stuck a bunch of needles right into my traps. Do you know you can botox your traps? She said that might also help with severe neck pain too. Botoxing my traps, I don't know if it would make them smaller. To me that seems like a real double edged sword because then your muscles would like, atrophy. But she stuck a dry needle in my trap and. Oh my God, now I'm getting sore. I can't wait to get out of here and go to the chiropractor again. Wellness. It's the month of wellness. And if you guys have any other tips and tricks, by all means, slide into my DMs. I just, I see this great functional medicine doctor shout out to Dr. Christian Oja. And she put me on some stuff and I was doing some research on one of these supplements I'm taking and it can, it runs the gamut. It can help you stop drinking alcohol. To helping you with inflammation to helping if you have long haul Covid. So of course I was doing a little webmding about this thing she's gonna put me on, which is kind of like an antihistamine, an anti inflammat because my inflammation levels are high. And all these videos were like, are you addicted to opioids? This drug can help you like. So I emailed her, I'm like, if I. I'm not addicted to opioids, am I addicted? But she's like, no. It's also great for inflammation if you take low doses of it. I'm like, all right, because I just want you to know I still with the opioids. All right, let's get to the next voice from now don't know why I said that. Don't know why I said that. All right, here we go.
- [48:05]
Podcast Listener/Caller
Hey, Heather, it's Lori from North Carolina.
- [48:08]
Additional Caller
I have absolutely not on Mother's Day here. Absolutely not to spackle. Which is a word that I made up because when my husband shits, it's like stackle. So it's actually shackle called shackle. But I've never seen anything in my life. I'm entertaining all these people and I have to run around the house and clean the toilets because when he uses the bathroom, his is like cement on the side of the toilet. I mean, I don't get it. I don't understand how that happens. That is never. I'm 58 years old. I've never in my life had that happen. But that's every time he goes to the bathroom that happened. And then sometimes I forget and guests come over and there's shackle in the toilet and it's very embarrassing and it takes scrubbing and it's Mother's Day and I'm gonna have to deal with that today. You know, I don't have, there's no words for this, really. I've been married for like 34 years and if anything's going to take us down, it's going to be this. So love you, girl.
- [49:17]
Heather McMahon
Bye, Lori. Thank you so much for calling. Shout out to Lori in North Carolina. Happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to everybody out there. All the moms, all the stepmoms, all the baby mamas, all of it. If you got anything that you take care of, a cat mom, a dog mom, an iguana mom, you know, this is your, this is your week and we're grateful for you. Lori, I hear you on this. Let's break down the bathroom etiquette that men just don't seem to understand. Now I, I, I have had a shackle before. I'm on a strong gut flora regimen, really trying to pump through and get that gut biome to really be a utopic society. So I, you, But, but with that comes, some days you don't shit and some days you're shitting all day. So I get the spackle. I've been there before. If you've ever overdone it on magnesium or any sort of potassium based supplement, you're definitely going to be shackling all over, you know, whatever store you're at, whether you're at an outdoor mall, whether you're at a macaroni grill, you know, Cheesecake Factory, a T mobile store, fixing your SIM card, you're going to shackle everywhere. But I hear you. It is wild to me too. When my husband goes to the bathroom, he sprays so much air freshener and I have tried to explain it to him. You need one squirt. I get the nice concentrated poo pourri or I get the stuff from Trader Joe's. That's a knockoff version. It's a little essential oil, like a nice orange essential oil or lemon. It's potent. One spritz. Light a match when you're done, cleanses the air. This motherfucker somehow pulls out an old bottle of Febreze, y'. All. Febreze? I haven't touched a Febreze in 15 years. Okay? It's chock full of chemicals. This guy will just sh. As if he is pressure washing the walls with some sort of wild flower and scented Febreze. Or it's like cotton scent, which is just nauseating. It's always a. Like a. Like a powdery, airy cotton scent. And I'll hear him. This is what's wild about being married. I will have full conversations outside of the bathroom with my husband. And not that I want to, but he's like, let's finish up this conversation. But I got a shit. That's just how that goes. We're pretty open, but also private people. Like, he knows we have 13 bathrooms in this house. Like, there's. There's plenty of places you can go. Doo doo. Okay, do your thing. I respect your privacy. But what is wild to me is we could have guests over. We could have a dinner party. And my husband will choose to do in the downstairs powder room that is shared by all the guests. He doesn't go up to our room, the guest bedroom, the office. He could take a dump in my mom's room, the downstairs office, the downstairs bathroom in the basement. My husband will get up from a dinner party and sit for 45 minutes in the downstairs bathroom where we can hear everything. And I just. It boils my blood. I'm like, for your own sense of privacy and, I don't know, a shame. Are you not going to go upstairs? I don't know if it's like something like a territorial thing where he just needs to let everybody know that, like, this is my house. You know, it's really even not. It's Robin's house.
- [52:46]
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
It's.
- [52:47]
Heather McMahon
It's. You know, it's her house, technically. And, I mean, Robin can crop to us that whole kitchen, and she does most days. And if she did, I'd say, do your thing, mark your territory. But I keep telling Jeff, Jeff, we have 13 bathrooms. We have six guests at this house right now trying to enjoy, I don't know, a sushi night. And you're over here just tearing up the local toilet. And it's the sh, sh. And I hear it, and I will scream, one squirt, Jeff. One squirt. I don't even know where he gets this cotton Febreze from. And then the entire house is just permeating with this powdery scent. It's like, you might as well have done an eight ball that's how thick that feeling is in the back of your throat. And it doesn't help the doo doo. It does not help it. It actually makes it linger longer. So I don't know what to tell you, Lori, because I'm right there with you. It is wild to me, the bathroom etiquette on some of these men. I think it's a territorial thing. Thing. I think if we were really to look at this and we were all in the wild, you know they say, does a bear in the woods. That was my dad's favorite catchphrase. He wanted to say, like, okay, come on, it's a Pope Catholic. Does a bear in the woods? Yeah, they do. And that big dog bear is Lori's husband and my husband. And there's shackling all over the damn house. Just to let everybody know, this is their. This is their crib. Do you see that thing that was going on? I was going around online and that people were asking, like, would you rather be stuck in the woods with a man or a bear? And 90% of women were like, oh, a bear. Yeah. Hands down, I would much rather be stuck in the woods with a random bear and have to fight for my life than with a man. Much bigger threat. Much bigger threat. Jeff keeps wanting to go on safari. That's just like. Like, lifetime goal trip that we want to do before we have kids. And just this is our, like, bucket list trip. So I've been looking into it, trying to find the right time. Was going to try and surprise him, coordinating with some of our other friends that want to go. And I just imagine, like, this will be my moment in the Serengeti on the back of a truck, watching these beautiful wild cats. Because that's like, my deep fantasy of watching these cats out in their natural habitat. Had some preservation, giving back, you know, just seeing these wild cats. And Jeff will be as manly and as strong as he is. He will be on the back of this open air Land Rover. And I could just see it now. He'd be like, oh, geez, just fucking. Oh, God damn it. Oh, God, there's a. There's a gnat. The gnats are getting me. The gnats, the gnats. Heather, there's a bug on you. And I'll be like, quit fucking hitting at the flies, Jeff. Quit. Don't hit the flies, Jeff. Leave the gnats alone. We're in the fucking Serengeti. We're in the middle of Africa. That's what we took shots for so that the gnats would need us alive. And he'll be, you know, he won't be able to stand still in this open air Land Rover. And one of these wild cats is going to see him causing a commotion over the flies because he's dramatic about everything. And then that cat is going to turn its head and look directly at us and pounce onto the open air Land Rover and rip our skulls apart. I think about that on a daily basis. And as I have been talking to our friend Whitney, who does all of my, you know, big luxury travel, I was like, whitney, I need to just put Jeff in the back of one of these because I want you to know I will probably die on this safari. And there's been a lot of videos on TikTok recently of people on safaris and the elephants charge the van. You know, there's a hyena on the back hanging on the. That extra tire on the back of the Land Rover. Just like they're going to get us because Jeff won't be able to shut the fuck up. Up. Knowing him, he'll somehow pull out this cotton Febreze out of nowhere and just start spraying it, trying to get rid of the gnats. It's going to destroy the ecosystem of this preservation. We're going to get banned from Africa. Like, I just see it going down and he's going to listen to this and then be mad at me and be like, you have no faith in me. Why are you throwing me under the bus like this? I'm like, because I have replayed this a million times in my mind. I'm gonna go for this once in a lifetime experience and Jeff is gonna get us killed.
- [57:25]
Additional Caller
You know what I mean?
- [57:27]
Heather McMahon
Just because he can't do anything small and subtle. And I love him. I'm a bull in a china shop. I am. But I know how to be like, you know what I mean? I know how to, like in, I don't know, hide. I know how to, like, go into the woods and hide and do things in silence. Jeff doesn't it, he shits loud, he eats loud, he chokes loud. You know what I mean? That's my man and I love him. But Lori, I get it. Here was Mother's Day and your husband just, you know what I mean? Boot scooting and boogieing in every toilet and you're trying to have people over. It's Mother's Day. You're already hosting people. You're like, why am I hosting anybody? All of my girlfriends that I talked to, you know, I checked in with my girls, Happy Mother's Day. They're all like, we don't want to do anything. We don't want to go to our mother in law's for brunch. It's not about them anymore. We're the one with the. With the kids. Like, we're done. Know what you want to do for Mother's Day? Sit your fat ass on your Tempur Pedic, eat cheese and crackers and watch the Kardashians. That's what I'd want to do. You know, I took Robin for sushi. We left Jeff home so he could watch the Rangers game. We facetime my sister while she's in Mexico. You know, like I said, mom, what do you want to do for Mother's Day? She goes, I hate going out on Mother's Day. I hate it. She never likes to go out. We always go out the night before. I said this last time. Everyone's stressed. The restaurants are overpacked. The food is always shitty. She says, do not take me out on Mother's Day. But you know what Jeff did? He. He fired up that Traeger Grill and we had a nice filet. He did some steaks that were. Made a nice panzanella. So he does have redeeming qualities. But I do laugh all the time out loud to myself. I imagine me planning this epic trip to Africa and we will get eaten by a cat. And if that's the way I go, that's the way I go. But I just want you to know it's not because of me. It will be because Jeff is trying to swat away flies. So that's it. Let's get to the next voicemail.
- [59:35]
Podcast Listener/Caller
Hi, Heather, it's Molly from Vegas. I have an absolutely yes that was inspired by you. I am taking my mom on a trip this weekend and she has no idea. For Mother's Day, we usually do an annual trip to Palm Springs. We live on the West Coast. But this year it was just going to be her and I. Both of my sisters were not going to be able to attend. So a few months ago, I decided we were going to fly to New York and I'm going to surprise her with a trip. She loves New York. I have a sister out there, so she'll get to spend Thursday with more than just one of her daughters. But I was inspired by you and Robin in Miami, and I just thought, how fun would a mom daughter trip be? And what better place in New York? We're going to do tea at the Plaza. We're going to Do a show. We're going to do all the touristy things. I'm. If we're staying in Times Square, I would never do that. But for moms, we'll do anything.
- [60:28]
Additional Caller
But.
- [60:29]
Podcast Listener/Caller
Yeah. Just want to tell you that you and Robin inspired me. Absolutely, yes. Take your parents on all the trips. Do all the things before time runs out. Life is too short. Love and light.
- [60:40]
Heather McMahon
Amen.
- [60:41]
Podcast Listener/Caller
Love you.
- [60:41]
Heather McMahon
I love you, too. And I'm so glad that you're going to have this beautiful, memorable moment with your mom. Good luck with dealing with your mom in Times Square, though. Buckle up. Listen, I'm trying to plan another trip to take my mom. I want to take her somewhere great. I think I need to take her back to Spain. Robin is so funny because she traveled the world because she and my dad worked for the airlines for so long. She really has been everywhere. She has traveled the world. My mom's favorite thing to say to me is when I'm like, oh, mom, let's. Let's plan a trip to Switzerland. She's like, heather, when I work for the airlines, I used to go to Switzerland for dinner. All right, I'm not impressed. But she hasn't done any of these trips, obviously, since my dad has died. I mean, we went to Italy for the wedding, and I've taken her to Europe a few times, but I want to take her on something epic now. Will I need to be medicated? Probably 40% of the trip, for sure. Just because Robin is very. She's in that point in life where it's like, where are we going? What are we doing? I've planned nothing. I'm not even gonna look up and look at the street signs. Like, I gotta make sure that this doesn't get hit by a bus. But I will tell you, I am so grateful that I have my mom in my life. And I told her. I was like, I'm grateful that I'm home right now, that we can dick around and go to home goods and go to museums and fart around. I mean, she. She is addicted to Target. She went to Target three times in one day. I did come down the stairs. I gotta apologize to my neighbors real quick. My mom sits on our back porch, and we live on the river. We're not right on the river, but the river's like a house across from us. So kind of everything in the summer at that perfect time, at like, 5pm when the fog rolls in, because there was just, like, a summer thunderstorm, and you can hear everything echo off the river. I'm upstairs in my room unpacking my suitcases, and I can hear my mom blasting Tiktoks on our porch. Which means if I can hear it upstairs in my room with the doors closed, I know that the neighbors are just hearing this ricochet off all their pools and fountains and any sort of body of water by them. My mom is watching two women get in a fight in a parking lot. I don't know how she got onto the side of TikTok, where it's like, road rage TikTok. She's laughing her ass off. She's like, heather, look at this. These two broads are fighting in daylight. Oh, my God, she just hit her with a shoe. And I'm like, my mom is watching, like, world hip hop, world star, like, women brawl outside of Ulta. And she's just fucking dying. And I'm like, I gotta get her out. I gotta get her out. And I've been short with my mom. I've been kind of like, mom, why are you doing this? Why are you doing that? And I just realized, because I. It's like looking into the future. And I told Jeff, I said, jeff, I don't want to be like this. I don't want to sit in this house and. And. And just, like, spiral and watch videos of people fighting in parking lots. Even though I do find this funny. And I love when people fall on Segways. I don't want to be. I can't do this. I gotta get her out. She has so much of the world to see, so much of life to live. But I also know it's another thing where, like, I'm gonna be the one who has to plan the trip and take her away. But I think I gotta take her to Spain for a couple days. I gotta get. She wants to find a hot Latino man. She wants a man with, you know, a nice suntan and a who, like the Thea Betha. You know, she needs that in her life. But I know that I gotta do it, and that's it. But listen, all of that to be said. We only have so much time with our parents, plan these trips. Now. You can handle 48 hours with her in New York. She's gonna ask you where you're going 65 times. Just go ahead and buy the tickets to the shows. Don't give her an option. This is what you gotta do. You gotta kidnap these boomers and don't give them an option. Just tell them, this is where we're going. This is what we're doing. We're Gonna have fucking fun. Because when I get my mom out into the world, it is wild. She's like a totally different person when she's stuck in the confines of our gated community and just does the little loop to our country club and farting around town at the Home Goods. It's like, I don't know who this person is when she is out. When we were in Miami, I've never fucking laughed so hard. I mean, my mom's the best. I love her, and I'm so grateful that I have her in my life.
- [64:34]
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
Life.
- [64:35]
Heather McMahon
But I'm just like, I gotta get this brought out. And I also want to say, if it's Mother's Day and y' all are without your moms, trust me, I get it. Father's Day is going to be around the corner. I'm going to have to keep myself busy because that's the day when I hit a new low. So if you're listening to this and you're like, heather, this is a triggering conversation, because I miss my mom. I get it. I mean, I check my mom's pulse every day while she sleeps, and she has little tissue stuffed up a upper flannel sleeve. You know, I checked the pulse. I said, I already got. I can't be an orphan. I already lost one parent. Oh, my God. You know what I mean? I smell her like I do my dogs, like I did Jeff. I've just been walking around smelling my family members. My mom's like, what are you doing? Let me watch my Tiktoks. I'm like, I just missed your scent. So I get it. Listen, it's a beautiful thing. If you can take your parents on a trip, do it. You don't know how long you have. This is a great reminder. They. They. They make us nuts. You know, they make us fucking nuts. But we love them and we're grateful for them. But I hear you. I'm glad you're having this moment with your mom. She's gonna drive you nuts in Times Square. She's gonna wanna go to that giant Forever 21. You know, she's gonna. She's gonna just be like, can we just look at Bubba Gum Shrimp? You're like, no, Mom. I have nice dinner reservations. Take her to the Plaza for tea. Take her down Fifth Avenue. Go down to Tribeca. Go have dinner at Max's, my favorite restaurant. You know, maybe go to the Bowery for a drink. See the sights, do the thing. But take mom to a show. And if you don't have your mom, take your dad to a show. And if you don't have your dad take a sibling to a show. And then if you hate everyone in your fucking family, take yourself to a day at the spa because you deserve it. But you know what? As crazy as everything is, as crazy as we're all wrapping up the school year going into the summer, it's like, go, go, go, go, go. Take the time now, if you can, to hug the people that you love. Smell them a little bit, get that scent. Just go tell them to put down the iPad, turn off the Fox News, and hey, let's go for a walk. I needed to hear this. I need to slow down. I say this as I'm also going to be. I would love to take my mom in safari. She has no desire to go. She's like, africa, animals. What am I going to do? Malaria. Like, you know what I mean? She's just unimpressed. And I'm like looking at these, these lodges where, I mean, it's like creme de la creme. I'm trying to take her on this trip. She's like, please, I'm just trying to get dick down in Spain. So I'm like, listen, I'll take your ass to San Sebastian, all right? You find some nice older surfer who could take you to Michelin star restaurant. Give me a break. Cape Town Tufa. I want to bring her to Australia. Tufa. Spain. She knows there's some hot dick in Spain, so she's getting excited. But I also got to plan this trip anyways. That's where we're at. This was a nice, nice voicemail to end on. I just want to remind you guys, take time. Be with the people that you love. Go get an infrared sauna. Go get dry needled, you know, hug your chiropractor. Go get a massage. We're not going to be able to fix everything overnight, but if we can do one thing, even if you take a fucking hour for yourself, draw a bubble bath, turn on some vapid, shallow, 90 day fiance bullshit, smoke a joint and chill the fuck out. We've already done enough. This year we're doing the most. Give yourself some grace. Maybe call an old cousin who you think might have a drinking problem and be like, see at the bar, that's where we're at. I love you. I mean it. I'm gonna be back next week. We're also gonna be bringing some incredible guests this summer. So get excited. We're only just getting started. I'm gonna have tons of time to dick around on the podcast. But I want to say thank you to every single person who came out to the comeback tour. I'm very excited to announce when the special is going to be out and we're gonna keep trucking. Cause God is good and we're doing it. But I want to thank you guys for being here from the beginning. It means the world to me. All right, before I get emotional, I love you. I mean it. I'll see you on the next episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast. Ciao, bella. Arrivederce. Bye. Thanks so much for listening to today's episode. Don't forget to subscribe, rate us and leave a review.
- [69:00]
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
And as always, follow me on Instagram.
- [69:03]
Heather McMahon
Heather K. McMahon. See you guys soon. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.