Replay: No Passport, No Problem

Summary

Absolutely Not – Replay: No Passport, No Problem
Host: Heather McMahan
Date: June 26, 2026
Podcast: Absolutely Not (Dear Media)

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Episode Overview

In this hilarious and unfiltered replay episode, comedian Heather McMahan invites listeners into the chaos of pre-wedding life, offering an “absolutely not” to everything – wedding stress, flaky friends, entitled guests, annoying family, and, especially, the never-ending passport debacle leading up to her nuptials in Italy. Through heartfelt and raunchy storytelling, Heather makes space to vent about luxury problems, unexpected emotional trips, and the unpredictable world of modern relationships, all with her signature self-deprecation and humor. The episode features unfiltered rants, wedding drama blow-by-blows, listener calls with dating disasters, and rare moments of vulnerable reflection.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Utter Chaos of Wedding Planning

• Heather reflects on the mental exhaustion and spiraling stress leading up to her destination wedding in Italy.
• Despite a reliable team around her (Nicole, Jill, Tina), she realizes she’s “bitten off more than I can chew” (03:10).
• The emotional toll emerges with Heather “weeping in this sauna bag,” overwhelmed by tasks, family drama, and the expectations she placed on herself to be the anti-Bridezilla (04:09).
• She points out the incessant last-minute guest list shifts and how people underestimate the logistical and financial realities (“You need to fucking let me know— the caterer needs to know,” 05:24).

2. The Infamous Passport Saga

• Multiple guests, spearheaded by friend Ray, only realized late in the game that their passports were expired—or expiring too soon—creating a scramble through government channels. “I have to blow so many senators right now. Congressmen, senators. I didn’t want to. I have to.” (07:35)
• Heather educates listeners about the 90-day passport rule for travel (“I watch 90 Day Fiancé—that makes 100% sense to me,” 07:54), amping up the absurdity as she compares the situation to “cracking the Da Vinci Code” (06:24).
• The sheer emotional fatigue is clear: “We’ve got no passports, we’ve got no cash because the wedding’s too expensive. Our heads are falling off.” (11:02)

3. Family Antics and Sentimental Moments

• Family and friends add to pre-wedding pressure: random seating demands, old grudges resurface, and relatives act up unexpectedly (“Why is Aunt Regina calling me, telling me we need to work through something I said at the dinner table seven Thanksgivings ago?” 04:14).
• Heather vulnerably notes the absence of her late father and how her mother will walk her down the aisle: “I don’t think I’ve had a moment to process how much I really want my dad at my wedding.” (19:23)
• Comic relief comes from stories about her mom thrifting and DIY-ing her mother-of-the-bride dress (“Trying to literally sweat out the demons… at 8am on Saturday, and she’s at Hobby Lobby buying boa feathers,” 16:15).

4. Real Talk: Body Image, Stress, and Self-Compassion

• Raw honesty about not working out, poor eating habits, stress weight loss, and society’s warped bridal beauty expectations.
• “Somebody did tell me, you will be so stressed the week before your wedding that you really won’t eat. But I’m trying to get my workouts and I have not had time.” (09:07)
• Detailed, self-deprecating humor about spray tans, saggy boobs, and trying on dresses that don’t fit: “My areolas are like the bottom half of your boob that got tanned... my areola is loose. It’s got a mind of its own.” (17:09)

5. Listener Voicemails: Relationship Drama and Dating Disasters

• Heather responds to two standout calls:

a) Talia from DC: "Men Who Send Invoices After Breakups"

[38:39-48:58]

• Talia details receiving a $9,000 bill from a man she dated, covering everything from suits to emergency room visits (38:39). She also vents about her husband refusing to finalize their divorce.
• Heather’s take: “This is some DC baby back bitch political bullshit.” (39:43)
• Quote: “The fucking audacity. I’m going to say the caucasity, because you know this is a white dude.” (39:43)
• Calls for Talia to “send him a bill back for your pap smear… Chester the Molester” and suggests submitting the receipts to the Washington Post.
• Broad commentary on the D.C. dating scene: “There’s really, really an epidemic, a pandemic of these douchey entitled dudes.” (47:22)

b) Erica from Cincinnati: "First-Kiss Happiness"

[48:58-59:14]

• Erica shares the giddy joy of kissing a guy she truly likes for the first time after years of being single.
• Heather delights in this “absolute yes,” giving advice: “Give yourself grace. Give him grace. But that’s so exciting. I just got so excited for you.” (54:22)
• Heather reflects on relationship red flags vs. green flags: “You know you’re in the right relationship when the person is making you feel empowered and confident in yourself.” (53:35)
• Sage advice: “Play it cool, but keep it consistent.” (57:50)

6. The Silver Linings: Gratitude, Community, and Perspective

• Repeated reminders of her privilege (“Please just let me have it. It’s Absolutely Not Podcast. I just need a minute…” 17:09).
• Grateful shout-outs to wedding dress designers and local businesses (31:54).
• Encourages listeners to take time with people they love: “Spend time with your friends. Spend time with the people that you choose to spend time with because you love them.” (59:14)
• Final wisdom: “We can’t control what happens, but we can only control our attitude.” (59:56)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I bit off more than I can chew. I have just now realized… I had a full nervous breakdown this weekend.” (03:09)
• “You can’t just get a passport right now because everything is so backed up… my friend Jen got a passport appointment in Honolulu. She lives in L.A.” (18:27)
• “I booked them all on the wrong days… because I had crippling diarrhea from celery juice.” (22:15)
• On her mother DIYing her outfit: “She wants to have very cheap, flammable feathers glued onto a dress that is two sizes too small.” (16:40)
• “Our pets’ heads are falling off. We have no food, no passports, no pants, no problems. But actually, lots of problems. But it’s going to be great.” (15:20)
• To Talia: “Send him a bill back for your pap smear. Sending you the fucking bill, Chester the Molester.” (44:20)
• To Erica: “You deserve the best, so don’t put up with the rest.” (58:57)
• “Why are we going to do this wedding? Because I love my husband. I want to kill him. I want to kill everybody who’s coming to this wedding because nobody has their shit together.” (59:14)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:00 – First signs of pre-wedding mental breakdown
• 04:14 – Family/friends’ drama and seating charts
• 06:24 – The “passport apocalypse” for wedding guests
• 09:07 – Stress eating, lack of workouts, and bridal body image
• 16:15 – Mother of the bride dress saga and emotional reflection on father’s absence
• 19:23 – More on missing her dad, overbearing wedding questions from guests
• 22:15 – Booking honeymoon flights wrong due to celery juice-induced chaos
• 31:54 – Shout-outs to designers and Atlanta creatives
• 38:39 – Talia’s story: divorces, men who bill exes, epic rant
• 48:58 – Erica’s voicemail: first-kiss excitement and Heather’s heartfelt advice
• 59:14 – Big-picture reflections and closing encouragement

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Conclusion

This episode is classic Heather—equal parts bitch fest and self-therapy, delivered through side-splitting stories and rare vulnerable confessions. Whether you’re planning a wedding, fighting for a new passport, or stuck in dating purgatory, Heather gives you permission to opt out, have a laugh, and roll with life’s punches. Her listeners’ voicemails add proof of just how wild and universal these “absolutely not” moments can be, while her advice ultimately reminds us all: “You can’t control what happens, but you can only control your attitude.” (59:56)

Transcript

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[Heather McMahon]

The following podcast is a Dear Media Production welcome to the Absolutely Not Podcast, where we do the most and the least at the same damn time. I'm your host, Heather McMahon. I wanna start a fire. I wanna start.

Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast. I'm your host, Heather McMahon. I hope you're having a gorgeous Friday. I wanted to pop out this little, you know, replay a bonus episode, if you will. I'm so honored that you guys listened to these throwbacks and I know some folks are new here and they've started listening to the podcast from the beginning. So if you are going down memory lane with us today on a gorgeous Friday, I just want to take you back to where I was mentally before this episode.

I'd just gotten off tour.

I had done nothing to prepare myself for being a bride. You know, some people call themselves Bridezilla, but I wasn't Bridezilla.

I was the opposite.

I was just mean to myself because I had done absolutely nothing, zilch, nada, nothing to prepare myself to be a bride. I didn't have some sort of intense workout regimen. All I had was weeks and weeks worth of work that I had to do before I could go off grid

and go to Italy and be a bitchy, cunty bride. So I hope that you enjoy this episode.

It's really wild going down memory lane. Jeff and I are in Italy right now.

We are in Ferrari, where we got

married a couple years ago and we are truly just having the most fun. We went to a fabulous place for lunch. We sat across from each other and

I looked up and I said, this street feels familiar.

And then we remembered this is a place where we had lunch when it was a different restaurant, I don't know, 10 years ago when we were staying in an Airbnb on a fifth floor, walk up and truly, truly knowing that

the world was our oyster and we

were living our dreams. So I hope that you enjoy this

episode and remember you can always Come

back and go back to the old episodes for a little refresh. Love you, mean it. Have a wonderful weekend. And here is a replay.

Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast. I'm your host, Heather McMahon. How are you? Hope you're having a beautiful, blessed week. We are. Honestly, I feel like I should be gearing up, packing up for summer camp. I feel like that's. That's basically what I'm doing this summer. But I'm going to camp in Italy and it's costing me six figures. You know what I mean?

Like,

you know, a wedding is. I want it to feel like camp, like, adult camp.

It's not.

It's not. It's more. I'm going to just tell you this right now. I bit off more than I can chew. I did. I have a great team around me. I got Nicole, I got Jill, I got Tina. I got a great team around me. We've got the team in place. That is it. I. I have just now realized, you know, this is week before the wedding, and I've realized I've personally bit off more than I can chew. And I had a full nervous breakdown this weekend. And I'm going to tell you something right now. I'm sick of the wedding talk. I'm sick of this. This shit. But I know there's so. I mean, listen, at some point, most of y' all might get married, you might not. I don't know. You need. You don't need a pressure. You don't need the institution to tell you what you can and can't do for your love and your relationship in your life. But I will tell you this. I had prided myself so much on not being one of those brides, not letting the tiny minutia, the stuff get to me. And this weekend, I felt so emotionally exhausted, overwhelmed, physically drained by just dealing with, like, random.

[Caller Talia]

Right?

[Heather McMahon]

You know, it's like everybody in your family starts acting like an. Right before your wedding, even if they don't mean to. It's just everybody's, like, in their feelings, people you'd never even, you know, usually get along with great. You're like, why is Aunt Regina calling me, telling me we need to work through something that I said at the dinner table seven Thanksgivings ago. Like, that kind of shit where you're like, where did this come from? So it's been a heavy week of just dealing with. And this is not like me airing dirty family.

I'm.

I'm literally just saying, like, random shit, random friends Come out of the woodwork before your wedding. And they're just like, I can't be at that table. I cannot sit near Mark. I can't sit near him. And you're like, do you even know him? Like, no, but I know he's in finance, and I know finance equals Republicans. And you're like, what? The guy's a personal banker. He works at Chase. What? What are you talking about? Do you know what I mean? Like, this is the kind of bullshit. So on top of all that bullshit, I kept priding myself, heather, you're so cool. You're so chill. You're such, like, the anti bridezilla. And this weekend, I just cracked. I was so overwhelmed. I got my sauna bag, and I'm sitting there, and I'm just weeping. And I know that I got back on birth control. I'm hormonal. I'm, you know, PMSing, and I was just weeping in this sauna bag. And it was kind of a mixture. You couldn't really tell what was tears and what was sweat. And I'm not saying this for sympathy. I'm not even saying it for empathy. This was me getting completely overwhelmed in my emotions about everything. I was just overwhelmed. I was just like, this is a lot. You know, I wrapped the tour.

I did that.

I have all this fucking work, guys. I have to record 10 podcast episodes before I leave for the fucking wedding. Okay? Not only are y' all needy as fuck, so I'm trying to catch up to work, but there hasn't been a. Let's just take a week. Let's regroup. Let's Chicken Soup for the Soul. Energize ourself. Like, I just kind of need a week to sleep. Maybe go get a massage, do some things for myself. And I think that's why I'm spiraling now again. First world problems. I understand. I am richly blessed. I am absolutely living my life. I am not complaining about work. I just. Everything is kind of come to a head. It's like when you've been on that hamster wheel and you're go, go, go. And then you should, at some point, be able to take at least a weekend, just turn your brain off. But there is so much work, entertainment work, leading up to it. There's so much I got to do for the wedding, and I just was in tears this weekend. And again, I'm not saying don't feel sorry for me. I'm going to Italy for a month. Don't feel sorry for me. I'm popular, you know? You know when you deal with people at the last minute being like, hey, I wasn't gonna bring a guest. Now I'm being bringing a guest. You're like, well, you need to fucking let me know. The caterer needs to know. These are the business side of things that I just. Because I'm in entertainment, I run my show like a business. Cause it is technically show business. And I think the wedding side of stuff is people don't realize, you know, you have to. You're paying for things. Checks have been cut, the guest list has been cut. You know, things like that where you're like, just tell me. I've given you three years to let me know whether or not you're bringing guest. Whether or not your passport is an expired Raymond Padilla. Also, guys, I know everyone jumped on Ray. Ray is not the only person who didn't have their passport. Multiple people. It has been a literal hunt. It's like cracking the Da Vinci Code of how many people have messaged me at the last minute that I think felt empowered to speak up because Ray was the flag bearer for the Special Olympics of the fact that nobody knew they needed to get their passports renewed. Ray is walking out ready to be the pillar of the. I didn't know my passport was going to expire in 90 days. And everyone's like, I didn't know.

I didn't.

I did not know that you needed to have a passport that was good within 90 days. Guys, riddle me this. I know I travel a lot, so I'm pretty savvy. But you do know that, like the show 90 Day Beyonce is. Because when you get a visa to go somewhere, it's only for 90 days. And then every 90 days, you have to. You have to move. You have to go back, leave the country and come back and get a fresh one. So to me, when people were like, I didn't know it was a 90 day window, I was like, well, no, I do, because I watch 90 Day Fiance. That makes 100% sense to me. And then on the other end of it, for Europe, it's like six or seven months. Tina was like, I told Ray not to call you and tell you, but I knew he'd. Whatever. I have to blow so many senators right now. Congressmen, Senators. I didn't want to. I have to. Because we've been having to make phone calls to every constituent in every county in the Potomac D.C. arlington area to get these fucking people their passports. And the irony of it is Ray was chewing Jeff out about his passport. Chewing Jeff out. Like, you better get it. You better get it. It's six months away. And don't throw stones at a glass house, Raymond. I'm not really mad. I'm not panicked about any of that. I've just been emotionally drained, you know, I'm emotionally drained. I think there's a lot of pressure to entertain 180 people at my wedding, which I can't believe that many people are coming. It's too many. But here we are. It's the pressure to just feel, like, good, feel rested. I don't feel rested. That's the problem. I'm not rolling into my wedding weekend like, oh, you know, I went to my Pilates class. I'm rested. I got my fate, my 10 facials. I'm rolling in by the skin of my teeth. I'm up at 6am every day to get all of the shit that I need to get done so that maybe I can tell my fucking reps I need a week off. Give me seven goddamn days to turn off my phone, not answer an email about bullshit. It can wait. Let me have that. And again, I'm. Please understand. I'm not complaining. I understand. I'm so richly blessed. I really am. But there are days where, like, can you just let a have a canape or a shrimp cocktail and an aperol spritz and kick her feet? Shrimp cocktails and aperol spritzes don't really go together, but that's my perfect palette combination. Can you just let a live? And they're like, no, we need more. Answer these 3500 fucking questions. I'm like, dude, this brand deal is in nine months. Leave me the fuck alone right now. I just am trying to have a salad right now. I'm not feeding myself well, I guess technically I will show up a little bit thinner because I'm too stressed to eat. And somebody did tell me that they were like, you will be so stressed the week before your wedding that you really won't eat. But I'm trying to get my workouts, and I have not had time. And I'm not even trying to be like, I have not had time. That's not an excuse. Because the only thing I enjoy doing is working out. But I haven't. There's not enough hours. Like, I. I'm strapped to this fucking desk, answering all this shit, shooting these videos, doing all this shit. And I'm like, when did I. Why did I do this? Why did I. Guys, it's a summer of no. I know. Everybody's saying it's a summer of yes, it's a summer no. Just say fucking no to everything.

[Caller Talia]

No.

[Heather McMahon]

You know what I'm going to do? Be put in a medically induced coma and relax in Santorini. That's where I'm at. We've got no food, we have no jobs. Our pets heads are falling off. Well, you know what I got over here? We've got no passports, we've got no cash because the wedding's too expensive. Our heads are falling off. Like that's where I'm at.

We're great.

It's going to be great though.

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Every style, every home. But I did have this moment just sobbing in my sweat sauna bag, which is the most fucking privileged thing you could ever say. I was, like, trying to literally sweat out the demons. I was like, why did I sign up for this? And I know once I get everybody to Italy, it's going to be so much fun. And I'm praying everybody just stays healthy and people can get into the country okay. I hope all that goes well. But I think this added pressure. I get it. When. When every bride I ever talked to says elope, and I'm like, we already did that. But it was again, we decided to go through the wedding because the money had already been spent in 2019. Every vendor had been paid pretty much. We were like, 50% in for stuff. And then it was like, oh, the world shut down. Okay, well, we'll. We'll redo it. And now we're just leaning all the way in, so. I also think there's a lot of, like, expectation and build up for this party because people have been waiting. I mean, it's going to be great. I feel so joyful to have all my favorite people under one roof just celebrating. And I haven't even really had a moment to, like, be with my family and celebrate Jeff and I. That. I know that that's what it's about. It's also about people coming up and complimenting me, which is really, truly how strongly I feel about it. But that's where I'm at. You know what I mean? That's where I'm at. We have no food, no passports, no pants, no problems. Do you know what I mean? But actually, lots of problems. But it's going to be great. Understand, I am speaking from a place of privilege, but please just let me right now. It's like my therapist says, you can still be annoyed. You know what I mean? You can still. I'm just. Let me just have it. It's absolutely not podcast. I just need a minute, because if not, I'm going to get back in that sauna bag and bury it deep and let the. The steam heat of the tears just roll down onto the top of my titties. And then because my tits are sagging so much right now. The sweat just goes over the nipples that point all the way fucking down. You can't even see the areola anymore because it's tucked under the breast. Do you know when you. When you have big tits and you get a spray tan and you have to lift your breasts up and then there's that, like, white line underneath? Those are my areolas now. There's no spray tan. It's just my areolas are like the bottom half of your boob that got tanned, and then the rest of it's white because it's just. It's. It's. My areola is loose. It's got a mind of its own. It's got a mind of its own. And here I am working this guest list in the seating chart, being like, okay, that person's gonna have fun with that person. They don't know each other, but they have a lot of, you know, they're both foodies or some.

Like.

I should have just said, sit at table 10. I don't give a fuck. You don't even have your fucking passport, Melinda. And this passport situation, you don't know. You can't just get a passport right now because everything is so backed up, all of COVID which I'm like, I feel like we should be dialed back in government, but naturally we're not because of that situation. You can't just get like a week of passport appointment. So my friend Jen got a passport appointment in Honolulu. She lives in la. Then she was able to get one in Tucson. And then at the last minute, she got up at 4 o' clock in the morning and was able to get a last minute Hail Mary passport in la. Like, Hail Mary. Do you understand what I'm saying? Hail Mary. So that's where we're at. Raymond's going to D.C. this week to get his passport. And he better get it. But don't give him y'.

[Caller Erica]

All.

[Heather McMahon]

He's not the only one. He was just the one who was public about it. And he had to be public about it so that he could get the, you know, wave the white flag. So that somebody could say, hey, I got a connection. And if it wasn't for a friend of a friend of a friend, he wouldn't have gotten the connection. You know what I mean? Hold on, I gotta get some crushed ice. I realize my privilege because I have a crushed ice machine in my house right now. I'm wearing a T shirt. I have my own merch on right now. And I'm. I realize this is just, I need to shut the fuck up. But you know what? It's also a big emotional journey with my dad not being there and my mom's walking me down the aisle, which is beautiful thing. But I don't think I've really taken a minute to process how much I really want my dad at my wedding. I really don't think I've had a moment to process it. There have been all these exciting things. It's in the happy moments that you're just like, man, I miss this person in my life. So I do think I need to give myself a little grace there. But also, everybody get your shit together. I got people emailing me. What time does the van pick us up for the wedding? It's going to be in the welcome bag. Louise, we're two weeks out. Get to Italy, I'll tell you at the welcome party. Ask the planner, respond to the RSVP email, you're going to know how to get to the wedding. If not, take a cab. You know what I mean? Like those are some of the questions where people are freaking out, you know, do I need to eat before I get there? Well, I don't know. Can you make it to a cocktail hour? Maybe you should have a light snack. Don't show up with low blood sugar. Who asks a bride, should I eat before I come to the wedding? There's going to be a ton of fucking food. But if the wedding starts at say 5:30 and dinner isn't served till 8, you know there's going to be an hour and a half cocktail in there. But if you can't sit through a 15 minute ceremony and if throwing back a couple gin and tonics on an empty stomach is a bad idea for you, then maybe, yeah, I'm going to have a full spread during cocktail. But if you know yourself and you know that you're a raging. If you don't have a full shar cute already down digesting in the stomach before you start drinking gin. And I know you'll probably punch someone's grandma at the wedding because that's the devil that you turn into when you drink at events that have to do anything with love, then yes, I think you should have a sandwich before you come. You know what I mean? Also, do not text me. That's what I mean. Also, I was such a dingleberry the other day. I was booking the flights for the honeymoon. Booked them all on the wrong days. So I looked at my phone. Today was like, you have a flight Coming up to Sicily and I'm like, what? And then I realized I just booked them all. So I've already spent hundreds of dollars on flights around Italy all the wrong days. Because the day that I did that, I had crippling diarrhea from celery juice. Yeah. And you know, a shout out to all my friends in LA who said, heather, you want glowing skin, drink celery juice. Well, I got a celery juice that was the size of it was like 40 ounces. And I didn't realize you're supposed to have a half a cup. Well, I drank the whole thing and then had to get on a flight at 5pm and I literally almost shit myself in the sky club. So thanks to all my California friends who said that was a good idea. You didn't say, Heather, half a cup. It's a natural laxative. It'll clean you out, ease into it. Do you know what it's like? Thank God I had a first class seat. My asshole was clenched in seat 1A. I had enough hard cheese and bread in this new sky Club at LAX to try and stop the flow. But from 9am to literally 4:45, it was very touch and go. And I almost didn't know if I could get on the flight. So I love everybody's last minute bridal tricks. Glowing skin get thin. No, my colon fell out. Willow. Some named Willow in Venice beach at an airwon telling you to drink 40 ounces of celery juice. Didn't heed the warning. You know, didn't hear it. That's where I'm at. This is a bridal rant. I am very blessed, I'm very excited, but also my mom. Guys, I gotta tell you what you did. I love a gal who loves a high low moment. You know, I'm an outlet girl, but I got a stylist or whatever to pick some outfits for my mom. I've been on the road, I have not had time to do it. My mom saw the price tag of the dress. Now granted, the stylist did not tell us the price of the dress, so there was no transparency there. And I do think we got bamboozled on that. My mom took it to the tailor, was having it tailored, then realized, saw the price tag and panicked. And I was like, whatever, mom, I'm paying for it. I am so raked over the coals, monetarily, financially, from everyone right now. Everybody needs a check from me. So it is what it is. My mom gets up at 8am on Saturday, my only day to Sleep in because I have to work all weekend. And she's at Hobby Lobby buying, like, boa feathers, like feathers that you'd find on a hooker on a Caribbean cruise. Do you know what I mean? She gets two bags of feathers, wakes me up and says, meet me at the alterations place. I go to the alterations place and my mom has found a silk black dress from the back of her closet that's two sizes too small. And she's already like a brittle woman. Like, there's no way. I was like, at least the dress might fit. And is trying to tell the alterations lady, whom she's already altered the dress, the expensive dress that we did not know how expensive that the dress was, is literally trying to explain to this woman, I would like for you to take these very cheap, flammable feathers and glue them onto this dress that is two sizes too small. And the sweet alterations lady looked at me and she goes, I'm not going to do that. She was like, you're going to spontaneously combust. This is going to look cheap. The dress you have is beautiful. Just quit being cheap. Boston Robin, say thank you for the gift from Heather and let's move along. And I'm sitting at this alterations place at 8am on a Saturday, and I go, I know exactly what's going to happen. This is the emotional journey I'm about to take. I'm going to go home, my mom's going to drag me to a DSW in a little bit. We're going to buy all these knockoff shoes that she says hurt her feet. And then we'll go to Banana Republic where everything will fit my mom. But, you know, I won't be able to buy anything. And then I'll go to Old Navy and get my high back up because, you know, I love Old Navy. But I'll buy more socks that I really don't need at this moment. And then we're. She won't feed me lunch. So then I'll have to drop her off at home. I'll have to go get my own lunch because she'll say, I'm not hungry. Why are you always hungry? And then I'll get home, the dog will shit somewhere or throw up because, you know, he got into something in the grass. And then I'll just, at some point put Rob into bed like a toddler, and I'll get my sauna bag around 10pm and I'll just weep. You know what I mean? Like, that's the emotional journey. Like at 8am I was just, you know, when somebody's talking to you, like a scene from a movie where you hear someone talking, like there's a fight, you hear people fighting. And then the. The camera pans in and the person's just sitting there dead behind the eyes. The camera pans out and they're like, heather, Heather, Heather. Were you just not listening to what I was saying? And then, you know, the camera zooms back out and they're like, oh, sorry, what were you saying? That was. It completely checked out. Like, I saw the movie, I saw the trajectory of how the day was gonna go, and it ended exactly how I thought. Me just sitting in this sauna bag, weeping, just overwhelmed. Just overwhelmed at the amount of work to be done and overwhelmed. Just like I said. Mom, just get the fucking dress altered. Absolutely not. Just say thank you. I love that you're trying to save me money, but the dress has already been altered. Just go ahead, say thank you. Put it in the fucking bag. Just go ahead and pack it. I cannot go back and forth six times to the alterations place a day because you went to a Michaels, a hobby lobby, a Christmas tree shop to fix this fucking dress. I can't do it. I can't do it. Anyways, that's where we're at. We have no passports. We have no money. Our pets heads are falling off. But it's all good. It's going to be great.

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I do want to give a big shout out to a couple people. I want to give a big shout out to Waters. They're designing my wedding dress and my welcome party dress. And Farrah, incredible designer out of Dallas, she's making a party dress for me and I want to give another shout out to Marie de Georges because I know she listens to my podcast. Marie is an incredible atelier here in Atlanta and she's making another dress for me. And listen, I was having such a frustration of trying to buy things off the rack, like some high end stuff. You know, my stylist wasn't pulling anything for me. It's been a clusterfuck. I'm like, I don't need another dress from H and M. Thanks, but I'm good. But Marina George is such a wonderful atelier and if you're in the south, if you're in Atlanta, she's really put her blood, sweat and tears into making something so beautiful. And I just want to give a shout out to My local Atlanta girls, my team in Dallas is incredible. So if you're in Dallas, check out Farrah on Instagram. Check out Waters if you want a wedding dress. They make the absolute most gorgeous shit ever. But I wanted to give a big shout out to Marita George if you're local to Atlanta. She makes such incredible stuff, and she's one of those people who will never promote herself. And when you see the dresses, of course I'll tag everybody because I'm just, you know, everyone's made such really cool stuff. But I just want to give a shout out to Marie because she's such a incredibly talented woman. And she was like, I listened to the podcast. I said, marie, we got to get your more business in here. But then I also said, like, I love celebrating people's talents. But I said, marie, if I need a jacket made in like, two weeks and you can't make it because there's so many hussies in here getting their, you know, mother, the bride dresses, their wedding dresses or whatever made here, their party dresses, their, you know, christening dresses, whatever the hell they're making, if I can't get in and get an appointment, because I put you on blast, I'm going to kill you. But Marie's great, so if you're local to Atlanta, please check her out. Marie Day George. Anyways, we got a lot going on. I'm very excited. I'm overwhelmed. I'm leaving. This is going to come out on Wednesday. I'm leaving on Thursday. I think once I just get to Italy and I start drinking, I'm just going to be like, whatever. And if it's done, it's done. If I did it, I did it. While I'm gone, though, I do have a bunch of great episodes lined up in the can. We got some amazing guests. We're going to be cranking it out, giggling. But I am going to take a little time off. But I don't worry, we will not be letting up on the podcast. We're still going to have some great episodes and some giggles. And you can still call into the podcast. Please call into the hotline, 800-213-7503. I'll be doing a couple more episodes this week, so 800-213-7503. Please, please, please call into the podcast. I want to hear your voicemails. I'm about to get into the voicemails right now. Thank you for letting me. I'm sorry, I don't know what to say. I hope this is even an entertaining Episode. I have just. I've been getting spread thin, but spread thick, you know what I mean? I spent all of Saturday night weeping in the sweat bag. And then I tried on a million things that got delivered from Shop up that didn't fit. Because I just want to say an absolutely not. There is no, no size consistency in some of these brands. You order from Saks, you order from some of these big stores, all the brands. If you look at the size guide, it'll say, like, okay, if you're 12, 14, these are your measurements. That should make sense. I looked at this one brand called stod S Taud. I bought it from Shopbop. I don't know if they're fucking German or some shit, but I say, okay, I'm a size here, you know, I'm a size 14 in this one. Dress was the size of a fucking Cirque du Soleil tint. Like when they still used to do the shows, that Big Apple Circus under the tent. Another dress that I even sized up in was so tight, I couldn't even get over my areolas that you can't see because my areolas are now tucked under my breast. I mean, there's just no consistency. I probably spent enough money on my Amex just returning, buying, returning shit. My. I don't know. I don't know. I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry. I should have just called my therapist this morning. I should not have made this an episode. But this is where I'm at. I got, you know, 10 episodes, nine to go. This is what truly brings me joy.

This podcast makes me giggle.

But you know how you're going off to camp, right? You're going off to camp, you get your big trunk ready to go to camp. And I used to go to theater camp, so I had all my tap shoes in my big trunk, and I had all my costumes and my wigs because even at eight years old and I was going to theater camp, I packed my own wigs because I'm a. Was a psychopath. Well, now that's what we're doing. We're packing up for adult camp and everyone's losing their luggage in Europe right now, so I gotta buy the apple tiles or the tags or whatever the fuck they are because I have a connecting flight. And I got him waiting on my wedding dress that hasn't even come in yet. I mean, it is. We are flying by the skin of our teeth. We are skeeting in the. At the last minute, but we're gonna get it done. And it's gonna be great. So I do ask for prayers that everybody can get their fucking passports. No one will call me about what time the van's going to pick them up out of the hotel that they will know about when they check in and that we just all have a good time. Richly blessed. Oh, also want to let you know you can go on heatherontour.com the T shirts. We have some more of the tour merch, so we brought it to the show in Atlanta. We shipped it back to our warehouse. But these soft, soft sorority tees. I've got one in purple and I've got one in white. If you got to the Fox, if you didn't get to the Fox, but you want one of these amazing commemorative teas, I will tell you, this is hands down the most yummiest, comfiest worn in like old frat daddy tea ever. You're going to want to get these, Heather, on tour dot com. Get that merch. All right. We have time for some voicemail, so let's get into it.

I love you.

Mean it.

[Caller Talia]

Hi, Heather, this is Talia from D.C. i just wanted to say you are a gym, you're a national treasure, and your podcast has gotten me through some really hard times. I know Memorial Day is came and passed, but thank you for your service. I want to give a large absolutely not to men who bill you after you end a relationship. Yes, they. Yes, an actual bill. I dated this guy that wanted things to move very, very fast, like, you know, meeting his parents at the Yale Club on a second date. And given the fact that I've just kind of gotten out of a relationship and the hot mess of my husband who refuses to divorce me, I kind of wanted to go a little slow, had to break it off. Received a bill from his paralegal for, gosh, over $9,000 for everything from a Brooks Brothers suit to, gosh, to an emergency room bill where, quote, unquote, he said that I took him to a seedy part of town to show him how woke I was. Absolutely not to that. And also I just realized, absolutely not to husbands who refuse to divorce you. I will say that I have not paid this bill. I've gotten three additional ones with different rates and different late fees. But I just want to say absolutely not to all of that. You are wonderful. You will be the most beautiful bride and I'm so proud of everything you've been doing and love and light. Have a wonderful day.

[Caller Erica]

Bye.

[Caller Talia]

Bye.

[Heather McMahon]

Talia, thank you for calling in. This is one of the Wildest absolutely nots I've ever heard in my life. Okay, obviously we can go ahead and all get on the same page that both of these people, not you, these dudes, hold on. Okay, one. I'm sorry you're going through a strained divorce. I have a dear friend who is also trying to get divorced. She's been trying to get divorced for three fucking years. Her husband cheated on her and this guy will not give her a divorce. And she's like, you fucking cheated on me, bra. With multiple women. I'm out. We, we gone. She gone, goodbye, don't have time for this. And this guy refuses to give her a divorce. Now, I don't know the situation with amongst your relationship. It doesn't matter either way. Things didn't work out, you're getting a divorce. I think it's such. I've noticed in a lot of relationships or divorces, you know, I'm at that age now where I have plenty of friends who are getting divorced. The women are just like, whatever, moving on. The women are not refusing to sign. It's always the men. It's always some weird up power play where they're like, nah, I'm not letting

you free your shackles.

You. You know what I mean? Like, what is this, some arranged marriage? No. Hey, Tyler, you know your secretary blew you. Guess what, mama's outcha. We got to go. Now let's really Talk about this $9,000 bill you got from some douche lord that you went on a couple of dates with. The fucking audacity. And I'm going to say the caucasity because you know, this is a fucking white dude. You know, this is some douchey D.C. georgetown new money bitch. Not even an old money Georgetown bitch. Some new guy who's got two double last names. It's like Chester Miller. Who has the caucasity Audacity to send your ass a bill. First of all, a nine thousand dollar bill. What the fuck did you even do on however many dates you went on? You. I dated Jeff for a year and I don't even think he spent $9,000 on me. So unless you were in a relationship with this guy for multiple years, how the fuck did this bill add up to 9k? All right, give me a fucking break. Because I guarantee if he's taking you to meet his parents at the Yale Club, they're picking up the fucking tab. The what? And this guy had his paralegal. His paralegal? Clearly he works in politics. Clearly he's taking a note from the old Trump book. Okay. I love that he sent you an ER bill from the time you took him to a seedy neighborhood. First of all, did he get hurt? I'm confused. He's just sending you a bill saying, she took me to the wrong side of town. I now have trauma from that. Here's my bill. God, these men are weak. And I'm not here to shit on men. I am not. You know, I love the dudes that listen to my podcast, but this is some DC baby back bitch political bullshit. I will say we went out in D.C. with some friends, and there was, like, this new group of friends that came in. Whatever, they were friends of friends, and they went out with us one night. And this guy was so fucking insufferable. One of the guys in the group was so fucking insufferable. He had on like. Like, if a Sperry and a Gucci loafer had a baby, it was some sort of, like, very elevated boat shoe. And this guy wouldn't fucking shut the fuck up about politics. And I looked at him and, listen, y' all know me. Your girl is moderate down the fucking middle as fuck. I believe people should have health care. I also believe you should stay out of my business. Can we not all just fucking get come to our fucking senses? If you're all the way to the far left, I think you're a nut nut. If you're all the way to the far right, you're fucking crazy. Like, where are my bad bitches who are just, like, in the middle? Moderate, libertarian. Like, we trying to drive to survive. You feel me? What happened to, like, the normal fucking people? So we go out with these people one night and this guy won't shut the fuck. He's so far right, it's insane. And I can tell, like, our other group of friends are like, listen, we know him from the boat club. He's got money. He takes us out on the jet skis. We don't really like the guy. And I was. I was having to bite my tongue, and I should have said something, but Jeff was like, you know what, Heather? Don't rock the boat right now. And he was even annoyed. Jeff was even fucking annoyed with the shit this guy was saying. But he's like, you know what? Let's just go. He goes, it's not worth it. Because you know my catchphrase in life is, it's not worth it. I was like, I had a couple drinks. If I start really laying into this guy, it's not going to go great. But the guy that I Met is probably the same guy who went on a date with you who literally sent you a $9,000 ER bill because you took him to the wrong side of the tracks for whatever fucking right wing emotional trauma he now wants to say. I mean, this is some baby back bullshit. You should send him a bill back for your pap smear. Send him one back. Just start sending him random fucking bills. Be like, how to abnormal? Pap smear. Sending you the fucking bill. Chester the Molester. God, when people get litigious. But in this kind of bullshit also, just, just send it to the Washington Post. You know, this guy is clearly in politics. Just go ahead, send the itemized receipt out and do some like, op ed in the Washington Post about what a douche lord this guy is. This is wild. There's a different breed of men in D.C. and you would think that you'd be getting these, like, I don't know, you'd have some really smart dudes who are, I don't know, maybe trying to save the earth or maybe they're just so fucking crazy that you just have these like really, you know, again, you have really extremist left wing, really extremist right wing, just psychopaths. But you think they'd be giving you big dick energy in the sense that they're like, I'm doubling down on what I believe in. You know what I mean? You get some insurrection January 6th, fucking crazies. Or you might get some like, Peace Corps.

I've.

I've chained myself to a tree in the Amazon. You know, I don't know what you're getting. You're getting something on that spectrum, but right now you're getting men. What I'm hearing from the DC ladies is that we're getting guys with tiny micro dick penis energy. So tiny that the only way they can masturbate is with a pair of tweezers. Because that's insane. Okay, this is what I want you to do. I'm so angry right now. Just send me this man's name. DM me on Instagram, send me this man's name where he works. And we're about to fuck shit up. And I usually don't do that. And I'm going to say I'm allegedly going to fuck shit up, but I just need to know. I need to know because I need to donate to whatever the campaign is, who's running against him. I don't give a fuck what this guy believes in. I gotta run against it makes no sense. This is insane. I don't Even really have words, because I'm trying to digest what a douche this guy is. I mean, you got a double douche. Do you know how hard it is to have two douches? You're dealing with two. It's like, did you ever hear about that woman? And I know I've talked about this on Instagram. There's a guy with two dicks. His life's great. All right? Literal two penises. I've seen it on Reddit. This guy has actually two full size penises. The guy with two dicks, life is great. The lady who has two vaginas gets her period out of both sides. And what I'm hearing is you've actually got two DC double douches. And this is some bullshit. I mean, this is insane. I'm angry. I don't even really have anything funny to say because I'm just like, what a loser. You took me to the wrong side of Washington, District of Columbia. I saw people who did not look the same as me. I may or may not have seen a drug deal go down. Here is my $4,000 psychiatric bill because I was taken out of my, my comfort zone. What a loser. Also, I love that he said he had to go to the R because you were trying to teach him wokeness. What does that even mean? What. What does that even mean anymore? You're like, no, I actually am just a big foodie and I wanted to go to this cool hot dog spot, this vegan hot dog pop up spot that just may or may not have happened to have been like, maybe a sketchy intersection, you know what I mean? It's also like, like the price of homes and businesses are so high because of, you know, the money markets. I guess that's what you call it. Of course, this cool new hot dog spot had to open maybe on the outskirts of town because nobody can afford to live in town because it's too fucking expensive. So, hey, Chester, why don't you figure out that little tidbit, you dumb fuck?

[Caller Talia]

Wow.

[Heather McMahon]

Wow. Okay, well, listen, note to the ladies in D.C. if you're dating in D.C. or if you're trying to get Dick down in D.C. don't go elsewhere. At least go out to Norfolk, Virginia. Not Norfolk, Roanoke. No, that's the other side of the state. Arlington. Go out to Arlington. I'm sure it's just as bad. This is. There's really, really an epidemic, a pandemic of just these douchey entitled dudes. And I don't know what to do about it because this is insane. Not only will this woman not be released from the jail cell that is her ex, she's now getting a $9,000 breakdown. Financial breakdown, from a paralegal. Just. Can you sue him back? I mean, listen, we saw what double suing looks like. The Amber Heard Johnny Depp. We're not trying to go there. I think you just anonymously slip that to, like, the Washington Post and be like, this is what it's like to work on, you know, ex. Whatever senator. Let's just call him Senator Wise campaign. These are the kind of people he has working for him. Because, you know, in politics, too, I feel like we always just show what the senator's doing, but why don't we ever really peel back the layers of the people around them, you know what I'm saying? Damn. Too damn. Douches. DC Douches. I'm sorry. Note to self. And I love dc. I always have a great time. But if you're a woman, only hang out in Dupont Circle area. And that's Boys Town. Only hang out in the Dupont because you know who will never treat you bad, poorly. You gay bestie. That's on God. Well, he actually might cut below the belt one day, but either way, nobody has time to date in D.C. and that's on God.

[Caller Erica]

Heather, it's Erica from Cincinnati. I need you to know that I just kissed a boy that I like a lot. And honestly, all of my friends are asleep, but you were the first person that I wanted to call and tell because I literally like him so much. And I've been single for like five years and I don't like guys often, you know what I mean? Like, I have crushes and there's little boys that I'll with, but I never actually like people. And I like this guy so much. Like, so much that it already hurts me. And I just kissed him and he's gonna come over and cuddle. Just cuddle. Okay. But I just had to tell you because I'm so happy right now. And I'm a little nervous because he just got out of a relationship like eight months ago, but it was like a five year relationship and she cheated on him, so he's like a little fragile. And I'm just scared because I literally. I just. I like him so much and I'm so happy he. So we kiss, but, like, I'm already scared because I like him. I just had to call you because I feel like you're my best friend and I know you're not. You don't know me. But you are my best friend. And all my other best friends are asleep, so they won't answer my call. But anyway, please pray that he likes me even after and I'm being for real. Like, there's literally 0% chance, okay, there's a 1% chance we have sex, but that's it. I'm saying it's literally not going to happen. Also, maybe you shouldn't hear this because I said my name. Anyway, I had to tell you because you're my best friend and I love you and I'm just really happy and I had to tell somebody. My friends are asleep. Okay? I love you so much, Erica.

[Heather McMahon]

I love this. Just when you're shitting on some dudes, I love it. I love a first kiss. This is an absolute yes, really filled my heart. And I just want you to know that when you left this voicemail, the timestamp says like 1:28. So you were out, girl, you were out. You were hanging out.

I love it.

A late night call. Are you kidding me? I love the fact that I was your first call. How cool is that? Oh, first kiss on a crush. It's the fricking best. It's the frickin best. Talk about a core memory. You know, you remember when you had the biggest crush on somebody and you had your first kiss?

Oh, that.

Like, especially when you were younger, right? Remember like that high school crush. And I mean, obviously when you look back at like these old, you know, people you dated or whatever, they were all terrible. Like, looking back, you're like, oh, God, nobody knew what the fuck they were doing, but God, there's nothing more electric. And remember if you were like, you know, after like a football game or something in high school, and then you go back and you're like, I'm. Hey, girls, like, you go back, you'd all go back to like one person's house. So we'd be at like Mary's house. I'm like, you guys, you guys, I literally made out with Tommy. You know what I mean? I literally made out with Chase, whoever that was the fucking best. And they're like, oh my God.

[Caller Erica]

What?

[Heather McMahon]

And you're like, yeah. Huh, I did it. And then they usually probably wouldn't ever call me back. But regardless, that first kiss, there's nothing better. You know, I love what you said. You know, you're. You're mature enough to understand that men can be vulnerable too. And he's coming out of a. A relationship where he got hurt and there's gonna be a lot of probably A little bit of red tape to go through. You know, you gotta be gentle with that. But you seem like a great gal, and I think as long as you're just transparent and honest and, you know, you're. You're kind and gentle, I think. I think this is exciting. I think this is really exciting. You know, I hate it. We get so many relationship absolutely nots on this podcast and people saying they're getting fucked over by exes or going through a divorce and all this shit. But there is a lot of absolute yeses. And I think starting a new relationship is a beautiful thing, especially with somebody that you're crazy about. Oh, I wanna hear everything about it. You know, how did it happen? You know what's wild too? Okay, this is. This is gonna sound so fucked up. Oh, why am I even gonna say this? I'm just gonna say it. You know what's wild?

It's when you know, you're a real

adult when you're, like, sober hooking up with somebody for the first time. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, you know when you're like, in college and it's like, okay, you had

to get drunk to, like, make out

or, like, make the first move or whatever, you know, you're in, like, a healthy adult relationship when you're just like, become physical with somebody and you're dead sober. You know what I mean? It's like Tuesday at 1pm and you're like, we just fucking made out at Costco. That's when you're like, this is a healthy normal. I don't have to be blacked out in order to feel comfortable in my own skin or for them to feel comfortable in their own skin to, you know, possibly get freaky. And I'm very into that. I will say that's a really exciting thing. And one of the things. One of my girlfriends just started dating a new guy, and we're very into it. And, you know, she's been single for a while, and we were trying to figure out, like, what makes this relationship different. And I think one of the things that I've observed from the outsider looking in is how much he celebrates her and doesn't judge her for her past, right? He's just like, fuck, yeah. Yeah, I'm celebrating you. And I think, guy or girl, whoever's listening to this, you know, you're in the right relationship when the person is making you feel empowered and confident in yourself. And that is such a big thing. You know, people ask me all the time, how'd you know Jeff was the one. How'd you know Jeff was the one? Honestly, because I. It was a no brainer. I didn't have to think about it. I got some really good advice early on in dating. Somebody said the beginning of dating is the best. The relationship's gonna be like those. Those first years of like, or this first month's butterflies. And, you know, you're really just. I mean, obviously as you get married, things become more beautiful and intense and wonderful. And I'm not saying, like, you know, the first two weeks dating somebody is it, but like, if you're not on your best behavior, then, and if they're not proving to you who they are as a person, then they're not gonna be the right person down the line. I hope that makes sense. Like, I'm actually giving you guys sage advice right now, but I just knew when I first started dating Jeff, I didn't have to think twice. There were no games. I was like, oh, this is just a comfortable place. Person who makes me feel confident in myself and celebrates me. I mean, can you imagine? Jeff used to come to all of my comedy shows dressed in a suit because he was doing, like, this shitty real estate job. And he would show up front row, and we were like, 23, and he'd be in some sweaty improv basement under a grocery store in New York City. And you could literally, while you're sitting in this comedy basement, if you will, feel the rats nipping at your damn ankles while he's in a Joseph A. Banks suit sweating. And he would laugh so hard and be on the front row for these shows. I'm like, oh, my God, I can't believe Jeff came to my show. Like, what is happening? You know what I mean? Like, why are you here? That, and he came to those shows, and people always thought he was my manager. They're like, your manager really comes to all your comedy shows? I was like, no, it's just this guy I'm giving hand jobs to. But in reality, it takes a lot for a man or a woman to, you know, celebrate you in. In a confident way. So I think both sides of the coin, like, obviously you're gonna tread lightly with this relationship just because, you know, this person's come out of something pretty heavy. But as long as they're also making you feel confident and empowered in yourself and celebrating you as a person, that's a beautiful thing, baby. That's a beautiful thing. You know, I don't know. I'm actually trying to give you guys good advice right now. I just. I see so many of my girlfriends and so many of y' all guys and girls are calling to the podcast, and you see the bullshit that you have to go through now. And a lot of online dating, like I've said before, is like a numbers game, you know, People don't have to take the time now to actually engage, actually be a better person, because they're like, if you don't like what I'm putting out, I'm just gonna go to the next fucking 10 people who I can swipe left or right on or whatever. I know that I'll get a dick pic from somebody else or I'll get a titty pic from somebody else. Nobody has to, like, invest the time now. So I do believe from the energy I heard in your voice, it seemed like you've been waiting a while for this first kiss. And it happened. And I'm so excited for you. And it seems like you're taking it slow and taking it easy, and I think that's a part of it, too. Give yourself grace. Give him grace. But that's so exciting. I just got. I just got so excited for you. I'm the cheerleader for you. I hope this relationship flourishes, and I hope that you guys at the beginning of this really show each other who you are, and that's supportive and loving and caring, and you'll figure out the rest. But that's exciting. So, ladies and gentlemen, if you're in a relationship in the first month and a half and it's fucking complicated bullshit. You don't know if they really like you. I hate to say it, then don't. Then move on. Because when you like somebody, you're gonna put in the effort. Now, I do understand that we have to play, unfortunately, a fair amount of games. Like, you don't wanna seem too eager, you don't wanna text them right back.

[Caller Erica]

Right?

[Heather McMahon]

You definitely don't wanna be like, move in with me after they text you back, like, for the third time. But, you know, play it cool, but play it consistent. Ooh, that's a good one. Play it cool, but keep it consistent. Don't do this bullshit thing where you're playing it cool, but then you don't talk to them for two weeks. Play it cool and consistent. Keep it calm and keep it cute. And that's why I am gonna become a sex therapist. I don't know. My advice is just you calling me in the middle of the night on your way back from maybe this first date or whatever, or the third date or the Fifth date, this guy that you've really liked, and you're getting all excited and warm, and you're getting those warm fuzzies. I'm excited for you. And I want all those people who are discouraged right now with the dating scene. Just remember, give yourself grace. And if you're going in and you're having to put in so much fucking effort and you're not getting that effort back, move on to the next person. There's 600 billion people on this earth. Maybe we need to go international, you know? Maybe we also need to look right

in front of us.

I don't know. Sometimes we can have our blinders on, but don't put up with shit. You deserve the best and you deserve to give the best. So don't put up. So leave the rest.

You're the.

You deserve the best, so don't put up with the rest. Do you know what I'm saying? That's a beautiful thing. I love this. Absolutely not. I got very excited. I just got a full body chill of how exciting, how excited I am for you about this first kiss. Oh, my God, that's so exciting, y'.

All.

Thank you for letting me. Bitch, thank you for letting me give you some sage love advice. You know, this is the reason I need to remember, why are we going to do this wedding? Because I love my husband. I want to kill him. I want to kill everybody who's coming to this wedding because nobody has their shit together. But I want to say, what's the real reason? The real reason I'm doing this is for my love. Language is time. And I want to spend time with people. And I want you to know, if you're out there in these mean streets trying to date and everyone's just being an asshole, or you were married and you're going through a nasty divorce and everyone still sucks, you know, spend time with your friends. Spend time with the people that you choose to spend time with because you love them. And let's fill ourselves with. Let's fill ourselves with the right kind of energy. We're gonna. You know what? We can't change what happens to us. We can only control our attitude.

[Caller Talia]

Right?

[Heather McMahon]

We can't control what happens, but we can only control our attitude. So I'm going to take a deep breath, get in my sweat box. No tears. I'm going to listen to more Yalls voicemails so we can do some more episodes. And I just want y' all to know I'm here for you. And thank you for being here for me. And I know we've been dealing with some dating disasters because, God, even when I think my shit's rough, I listen to these voicemails. I'm like, damn, some of us are going through it, but we got this. At the end of the day, we're richly blessed, and let's keep it positive. All right, I love you guys. I will see you next week on the Absolutely not podcast. As always, you can call into the hotline absolutely not line 800-213-7503. See you on the flip side. Arrivederci, Chabella. Thanks so much for listening to today's episode. Don't forget to subscribe, rate us and leave a review. And as always, follow me on Instagram at heatherkmcmahon. See you guys soon.

[Caller Erica]

It.