Absolutely Not Podcast
Replay: Princess of Peace
Hosted by Heather McMahan
Original Air Date: March 13, 2026

Episode Overview

In this energetic replay episode, comedian and host Heather McMahan delivers her trademark mix of irreverent humor and heartfelt advice, declaring "Absolutely Not" to a wild range of everyday absurdities. This episode is a perfect sampling of Heather’s style: she shares tour stories, spirals about world events, banters about family, and, as always, turns the spotlight on the hilarious drama of her listeners via voicemails. The main thread: searching for peace (and laughs) in a chaotic world, especially as women navigate challenges from global crises to old boyfriends.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Surreal Tour Experiences in Albany (00:00 – 09:30)

• Heather recounts performing in Albany, NY—her first time in the city and performing at a distinctly strange venue called "The Egg."
• The scene is so dead on a Saturday it feels “like an episode of The Hunger Games” or “Left Behind,” invoking both pop culture apocalypse and personal childhood religious anxiety.
• She describes the setting as “straight out of, like, truly the Soviet Union,” surrounded by government buildings.

Notable Quote:
"It's hard to describe...One of the Rockefellers was like, 'This is what I want to build.' Somebody build it. Really gorgeous theater inside, but outside, totally fucking bizarre." —Heather, (03:00)

• Humorous contrast between bustling NYC and Albany’s "redneck" energy—Heather pokes fun at regional stereotypes.

2. Watching Moana and Generational Gaps (09:31 – 14:27)

• Heather’s husband Jeff, after seeing Moana with a friend's child, wants to watch it together. Hilarity ensues over his pronunciation (“Moana” vs. “Mawana”).
• Heather describes her health routine (infrared sauna bag + castor oil packs) while watching the movie, and laughs about the cost and her half-hearted commitment to wellness.
• A family movie night goes awry as her mother predicts a (predatory!) romance between Moana and Maui, leading to mortified laughter.

Memorable Moment:
"My mom...literally goes, 'Oh, let me guess, I can already predict they're going to end up together.' ...We're like, 'Mom, that's a child. The girl in the movie is like, 10 years old. The Rock is playing a full grown adult!'" —Heather, (11:45)

• Heather reflects on her own childhood spent not with Disney, but watching adult talk shows like Ricky Lake & Oprah, connecting this to her old soul, her anxieties, and her sense of humor.

3. Coping with World Events & “Princess of Peace” Mode (14:28 – 22:00)

• Spiraling about the state of the world: mentions feeling on the brink of World War III, Putin’s aggression ("the audacity...tiny dong"), and general global chaos.
• Encourages listeners to enjoy life now—book the trips, eat the food: “We got about three years left. Go see it now while you can.”
• Brief segue into prepper anxiety (“ordering prepping stuff on Amazon”), then concludes: “If something happens, take me up. I don’t want to be left behind!”

Notable Quote:
“If I were to be a CNN correspondent...can Anderson Cooper just look deadpan into the camera and go, ‘Are you fucking kidding me, though?’” —Heather, (15:00)

• Talks about her role as a comedian—to distract, to make people laugh, to be a moment of peace.

4. Listener Voicemails: Women’s Solidarity & Mantra for Labor (22:01 – 31:35)

First Caller: C-section Story (22:01)

• Listener shares a "tiny urethra" joke (inspired by Heather) during her C-section, which calmed her nerves.
• The anesthesiologist recognized the reference, crediting Heather’s reach.

Heather celebrates:

• Dubs herself, jokingly, the "Princess of Peace": “My job is to make you giggle.”

• She delivers a “birthing mantra” for women in labor:

  “You are a bad bitch, you can do it. Your husband could never...Are you ripping tip to taint? Sure are. ...You are a sun goddess. And you, my friend, are now a mother.” (24:34)

• Riffs on how the world would be different if women ran things (with iced tea and lemon bars as universal peacekeepers).

Memorable Quote:
“If a lady’s getting her labia torn in half, you bring me up, make them giggle. ...It’s called good bedside manner.” —Heather, (25:10)

5. “Absolutely Not” to Creepy Old Boyfriends & Safety for Women (32:11 – 38:14)

Second Caller: Kim from Indianapolis (32:11)

• Reports an ex sending unsolicited tiramisu cookies and a creepy vintage postcard.

• Heather launches into a protective rant: “Kim, this is concerning...call the police. ...If you send me a postcard in the mail, I immediately call the police. There has been a time traveler trying to talk to me.”

• Compares Kim’s situation to that of Kim Kardashian, calling out the difficulties women face with persistent, entitled men:

  “Bruh, we’re done. Chill, have an iced tea, move on to your hand with your penis in it. No one wants you.” (34:30)

6. “Absolutely Not” to Man-Children at Comedy Shows (38:15 – 46:30)

Third Caller: Nicole from Syracuse (38:15)

• Describes how her fiancé got drunk after Heather’s show and peed on their hotel bed (mistaking it for a toilet).
• Heather explodes into a sympathetic, comedic riff about men who begrudgingly attend women-centric events and then regress to childish incompetence.

Notable Quote:
“I haven’t even gotten to the fact that this man peed on you. ...You wake up. This is your gift, your night to shine, Nicole, and you feel a tinkle tankle trickle tranquil on the forehead because he thinks you’re the toilet. ...And that summarizes the way women are treated. Toilets. Not even a nice one. Not even a European Ritz Carlton bidet toilet trough.” —Heather, (43:22)

• Turns the incident into a larger point: women are expected to be caretakers even on their night out; offers a call for the man to call in and explain himself.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Gender, Power, and Iced Tea:
  "I don’t even care if you have a woman president who’s just great at making iced tea. ...Sweetie, you wanna sit down and have an iced tea? Calm down. Come on, sugar." (27:52)

• On Male Ego and International Women’s Day:
  "It’s the male ego, okay? I love men. I’m obsessed with dong. I wanted two of them in my face all the time. But, after being a woman for 34, almost 35 years...there’s no reason why we can’t have more women at the table playing ball to chill everybody the fuck out." (29:20)

• On Anxiety and Humor:
  "If you were like me and you had a very adult childhood and you need to resort back to, like, those happy feelings, start watching Disney before bed." (13:10)

Key Timestamps

• 00:00 – 09:30: Albany show recap, theater oddities, Left Behind/Hunger Games vibes
• 09:31 – 14:27: Movie night misadventures with Moana, generational humor, and holistic health routines
• 14:28 – 22:00: World anxiety spiral, prepping, and advice to seize the day
• 22:01 – 31:35: Voicemail—C-section story, birthing mantra, the power of humor in women's lives
• 32:11 – 38:14: Voicemail—Creepy exes, unsolicited gifts, and a broader conversation on women's safety and boundaries
• 38:15 – 46:30: Voicemail—Post-show drunken pee incident, expectations of women, and comical gender commentary
• 46:30 – End: Upcoming tour dates, closing banter (skip for main content)

Tone & Style

Heather’s delivery is fast-paced, bold, and unfiltered. She jumps between earnest encouragement (especially for women, mothers, and healthcare workers) and raw, outrageously comedic rants about the world’s absurdities. The episode is a roller-coaster of venting, catharsis, and ultimately affirmation that nobody’s alone in their spiral—especially not the listeners of Absolutely Not.

For New Listeners:

This episode is a quintessential Heather McMahan experience: wild storytelling, audience interaction, sharp pop culture observations, and an open-door policy for airing women’s daily grievances. Whether you need a laugh, a pep talk for labor, or permission to dump an old boyfriend (and his cookies), Heather’s in your corner.