Absolutely Not Podcast: Absolutely Not | Host: Heather McMahan (Dear Media)
Episode: "They Not Like Us" | Date: February 5, 2025

Episode Overview

In this hilariously unfiltered episode, comedian Heather McMahan welcomes listeners back into her chaotic, joyful, and honest world. Titled "They Not Like Us," the episode covers everything from the pain of losing a brand-new lip gloss, wellness routines, and the highs and lows of touring, to island adventures, body confidence, and the wild stories submitted to Heather's infamous "Absolutely Not-Line." Heather’s signature mix of irreverence, vulnerability, and heartfelt advice shines as she riffs on haters, reconnecting at reunions, making the most of life's absurdities, and, of course, the healing properties of a good painkiller (the drink, not the pill).

Key Discussion Points

1. Lip Gloss Disaster & Mundane Tragedies (00:07–04:19)

• Heather opens with a comedic vent about dropping her brand-new $28 Tower 28 lip gloss next to the toilet. The loss is catastrophic, sparking a riff on the small heartbreaks we all endure.
  • Quote: “Brand new, spanking new... it popped out of my pocket because clearly my FUPA was putting pressure on it.” (00:36)
• She jokes about sanitizing vs. reality: “You can hit it with a blowtorch. There’s no way I can put that on my lips.” (01:08)
• Transition into self-care and clean beauty: “What does a dirty girl want to put on her face? Clean skincare.” (03:30)

2. Health, Routines, and Morning Power Walks (04:20–09:40)

• Shares excitement about returning to touring and experimenting with new looks, referencing her Show Me Your Mumu outfits.

• Details her efforts toward better mental and physical health: “Put on my weighted vest this morning... if you do anything in your life, get a weighted vest.”

• Emphasizes morning routines, supplements, and sunlight: “First 10 minutes of your morning, you have to get out and like, stare at the sun…supposed to be good for you.” (06:50)

• Playlist highlights and pop culture shoutouts: Dochi, Robin, Kendrick Lamar’s “They Not Like Us” as her power anthem.

  • Quote: “I’m just cranking it out. And I’m jamming. If you pass me in the neighborhood, I am jamming.” (09:09)

3. Fitness, Food, & Body Image (09:40–15:30)

• Discusses the hunger that follows high-intensity workouts vs. walking: “Now you’re not in a calorie deficit. You’ve consumed 14 Chipotle bowls. Yeah, they not like us.” (10:58)
• Honest reflection on wanting to wear a bikini again, connecting it to mental clarity and self-acceptance.
• Touches on therapy and the idea of “green flags” in relationships:
  • Quote: “The best part of therapy: you realize how to take the tools in your toolbox to go out into the world and have better relationships, and just be a better person.” (13:11)

4. Dealing with Online Hate (15:00–18:00)

• Candidly shares experience stumbling upon a Reddit thread about herself, feeling the sting of mean comments, and the emotional toll of online hate.
  • Quote: “I read such mean comments about myself...who in their right fucking mind goes on the Internet and creates a link to talk about my weight or to talk about my tits or this or that?” (14:56)
• Conversation with friend Jackie Schemmel: “Anybody who takes the time is obsessed, so just remember that.” (16:05)
• Conclusion: “Let your haters be your motivators.”

5. Touring, Burnout, and Embracing New Challenges (18:00–20:45)

• Shares preparations for her Bamboozled tour: “One suitcase just full of balls and whips, and none of them are sexual...I mean, I guess we could make them sexual, but none of them are sexual.” (18:47)

• Describes excitement over secret gigs and corporate events, particularly performing for audiences unfamiliar with her work.

  • Quote: “There is no greater joy in my life than coming out and getting to giggle with y’all.” (19:50)

6. Island Adventure Recap: BVI’s Stories & “Painkillers” (20:45–27:47)

• Recaps recent trip to the British Virgin Islands for a private gig, mixing work with vacation.
• Introduces the “painkiller” cocktail and the transcendence of a sunny, carefree island day.
  • Recipe rundown: “Four parts pineapple juice, one part coconut cream, one part orange juice... lots of nutmeg.” (22:35)
• Relates island living to perspective, happiness, and living without regrets:
  • Quote: “Sometimes you just need a painkiller, your ass in the sand, a couple bug bites just to feel alive.” (25:40)
• Emotional tribute to Jimmy Buffett (Margaritaville at the San Juan airport) and a brief Susie Orman tangent.

7. Embracing Your Body & Plastic Surgery Positivity (36:50–41:45)

• Heather celebrates the beauty and candidness of women who openly discuss their “work” (boob jobs, tummy tucks, etc).
  • Quote: “Nothing is better than the smell of sunscreen, a painkiller, and some new titties. Fun. That is fun. And I better be seeing the new titties on the road, okay?” (39:44)
• Encourages listeners to be proud and unashamed about their journeys and procedures: “Don’t hide that tummy tuck scar at these shows.”

8. Listener Voicemails: The Absolutely Not-Line

a. Delta Sky Club Love Connection (42:14–46:20)

• Listener calls to share that, as Heather predicted, Delta Sky Club is a prime spot for eligible singles. She received a discreet note from a stranger (with his number!).
  • Quote: “You know what I love even more? Love connections. You know what I love even more? Wonderful, respectful boss men. Who see a gorgeous woman and go for it. Fuck, yes.” (44:28)

b. High School Reunion & Left-Behind Friendships (46:23–54:00)

• Caller laments being ignored by former classmates ahead of her 20th reunion, wondering if she should skip it.
  • Heather encourages confronting the issue with compassion and confidence: “We were all weird. Just go up to them, rip the band-aid.” (49:28)
  • “You’re gonna go back to your high school reunion and be a lot prouder of where you are in your life than you think.” (51:30)

c. Labor & Delivery Nurse: Double Baby Daddy Drama (54:01–55:08)

• Nurse shares wild story—one man had his wife and girlfriend both delivering babies in the same hospital at the same time.
  • Heather’s reaction: “How anybody could have the energy to host a second family is beyond me.” (55:08)
• Launches into a riff about birth videos, sentimentality, and the power of viral “naming the baby after grandma/dad” videos.

d. Medical Mystery: CPAP Up the Butt (62:37–63:03)

• Nurse shares that an elderly male patient inserted his CPAP water reservoir into his rectum.
  • Heather riffs on sleep issues, CPAPs saving marriages, and Jeff’s mysterious “bottle cap” sleep paralysis phrase.
  • Quote: “Don’t put things up your butt that don’t have handles to come out of your butt.” (63:09)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “They not like us. They not like us. Like, what a, like, douche lord. And I got my supportive Nikes on and tube socks...I’m cranking it out.” (08:45)
• “If you ask me to do some sort of high intensity workout at 8am, it's not gonna happen. But my weighted vest walks? Thoroughly enjoyed it.” (10:41)
• “As soon as I get to play Madison Square Garden and/or host SNL, you will never see or hear from me again. And then all those trolls online are gonna be like, ‘Where’d she go?’ Bitch, I’m in Margaritaville.” (33:05)
• “If you’re single, look cute. Go to the Sky Club. Put a leg out, let them know.” (40:59)
• “I just love an older gal in her, like, late 40s, early 50s who has a reconstructed belly button and wants to talk about it. That is so much fucking fun. I want to see the scar.” (41:16)
• “This week I’ve done a full tribute to Jimmy Buffett. A woman found a love connection in the Delta Sky Club. We’ve got baby mama drama. And now we have a man who’s put a CPAP water spout up his ass. I mean, come on, talk about range.” (63:03)
• “I want everybody to remember, no matter where you are mentally, physically this week, get out in the morning, get a little 10 minutes of sun if you can...We’re still eating chicken tenders, but we’re walking. And we’re smiling and we’re smiling and we’re smiling. Period.” (70:10)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:07 — Tower 28 Lip Gloss Disaster Story
• 04:20 — Return to Tour, Morning Routine, Sun Therapy & Pop Culture Playlist
• 10:00 — Heather on Walking, Nutrition, and Body Goals
• 15:00 — Reddit Hatred and Online Critics
• 18:00 — Tour Prep & Secret Corporate Gig in the Caribbean
• 22:35 — "Painkiller" Island Drink Recipe
• 33:05 — “Gone too soon”—Heather’s homage to Jimmy Buffett
• 36:50 — Plastic Surgery Confidence & Boob Job Celebration
• 42:14 — Delta Sky Club Love Connection Voicemail
• 46:23 — High School Reunion / Awkward Social Navigations
• 54:01 — Labor & Delivery Nurse: Baby Daddy Double-Drama
• 62:37 — CPAP Water Reservoir Rectal Incident
• 70:10 — Heather’s Closing Motivational Pep Talk

Tone & Style

• Unfiltered, stream-of-consciousness humor with authentic vulnerability.
• Rapid transitions and call-backs to inside jokes and previous themes (“They not like us”, “Let your haters be your motivators”).
• Celebration of the mediocre, the absurd, and the deeply human moments of everyday life.

Summary Takeaways

• Celebrate the little wins and laugh off the little tragedies.
• Embrace self-improvement, but don’t let perfection or online critics define you.
• Find connection wherever you can—be it the Delta Sky Club, a high school reunion, or just through honest conversation.
• Seek joy, live fully, and don’t be ashamed to show your scars (literal and figurative).
• Remember: “They not like us”—and that’s a good thing.

For more laughs, listener stories, and tour updates, Heather encourages listeners to keep calling in and to check heatherontour.com for upcoming shows.