Absolutely Not Podcast: “We Will Overcome” (January 14, 2026)
Host: Heather McMahan

Episode Overview

In this episode, comedian and host Heather McMahan dives headfirst into the struggles and absurdities of trying to be your “best self” at the start of a new year. With her signature humor and relatability, Heather talks about wellness fads, her attempts at self-improvement, the frustrations of “quiet time,” relationship antics, the weirdness of adult gym spaces, and life’s endless ability to make everything feel both overwhelming and completely mundane. Listeners also weigh in with hilarious voicemails, from pasta recipes to gym grievances and sorority recruitment—Heather offers real talk and laughs throughout.

Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. Spiritual Warfare & Wellness Fatigue

• Heather’s Rough Start ([00:15]):
  Heather opens with a physical comedy bit about being “spiritually attacked” as she coughs while greeting listeners—“The devil just attacked my throat. I'm not even kidding you. I meant to say I'm having a great week, and the devil just choked me out. Wow. Wow. Spiritual warfare.”

• Current Wellness Regimen ([01:20]–[05:36]):
  Heather details her “Eastern medicine TikTok” journey—she’s on Chinese medicine, bone broth, and hot liquids only. No Greek yogurt or smoothies, just bone broth, lemon, and ginger to maintain her “chi.” Resenting her sad meals of ground turkey and cauliflower rice, she half-jokes:

  "At what point when you’re eating ground turkey and cauliflower rice do you just look into the bowl, and—I don’t have a will to live." ([04:17])

• Trying To Be Healthy Is… Unbearable ([06:53]):
  Ground turkey as a wellness food becomes a running joke—and a source of existential despair.

  “I'm letting you know, I'm fucking miserable. So wasn't gonna not give you my two cents about it." ([06:14])

2. Struggling with Downtime & Identity

• Awards Season Break ([07:00]–[10:15]):
  Heather reflects on missing the busyness of awards season and the chaos of being on the road:

  "Now that I’m taking care of myself, I realize how bad it sucks. I’ve never been home longer than three weeks... I’m more a front-of-house kind of gal, and so I’m not loving it right now." ([08:45])

• Sleep Patterns & Spousal Differences ([09:35]):
  Jeff, her husband, can just turn off his brain and sleep, while Heather ruminates:

  “You just turn your brain off. You just go to bed. He didn’t even dream. He just dims the lights, goes night night, wakes up a new person. Meanwhile, I have put magnesium on the feet..." ([10:15])

• Overwhelm Sets In ([11:11]):
  Heather describes the weird peace of things slowing down but growing existential dread as she has “too much time to ruminate.”

3. Comedic Observations on Relationships and Neediness

• Quality Time with Jeff ([17:36]):
  After seeing a viral Instagram post, Heather insists Jeff spend 47 minutes a day in "skin-to-skin, eye-to-eye" time.

  "I need him either to be on top of me, inside of me, or just holding my hand, asking me how I'm doing mentally. And he knows I'm not well because I'm eating ground fucking turkey." ([18:10])

• Marital Negotiations ([19:00]–[20:57]):
  Jeff’s love language: bringing nighttime snacks. Heather’s threshold for “giving it all up” is low:

  "I will let him stick his penis wherever he wants. I am so easy to please. And yet, he did not give me my 47 minutes last night.” ([19:34])

• Need for Social Energy ([20:30]):
  “I need to be social. I need to be out in the streets... interviewing celebs. I need to be in Los Angeles...”
  Being home and “regrouping” is driving her stir-crazy.

4. Big Announcements & Looking Forward

• Upcoming Comedy Special ([22:57]):
  Heather teases her new special, shooting late May in the South:

  "When I tell you this is gonna be—this is my favorite hour so far. I love this hour. It means so much to me." ([23:16])
  She expresses gratitude for her fans and the support from team members and promises a quick turnaround and exciting extras for the performance.

5. Listener Voicemails

Voicemail 1: Pasta Crisis ([40:06])

• Amatriciana Recipe Help
  A listener can't figure out how to spell (or make) Heather's beloved pasta.

  Heather gives the spelling: "Amatriciana is A M A T R I C I A N A... To me one of the most just delicious Roman pastas ever... nice, light pomodoro sauce, some guanciale, maybe a little heat. I prefer it over a rigatoni. Very basic." ([41:22])

• On Fake Pasta

  “Protein pasta, chickpea pasta, lentil pasta is not pasta, all right? It's a lie we have told ourselves... go ahead and just ram me with your car; that’s when you know I will have given up on joy.” ([42:43])

Voicemail 2: Gym "Safety" & Male Invasion ([46:24])

• Listener: “Absolutely not to all the men in the gym midday”
  Heather commiserates with the frustration of men taking over “female only” times at the gym:

  “Ladies gym is adult swim. We should have ladies only hours…" ([47:51])
  Iconic description of “car tuna lunch” culture:
  “Every woman knows this. There’s not a single woman on this planet who at some point did not do this regimen... all sit in their cars, shoulder to shoulder, pussy to pussy, and we’d all have the exact same post workout snack.” ([48:44])

• Heather on All-Female Spaces
  Returns to the idea of the “Trinity,” a women’s only golf club:

  "No men allowed. One gay per group... You know, not every gay in each group likes the other gays. So I'm also not trying to have a fight." ([50:20])

• Heated Rivalry Shoutout
  Swoons over the new "hot" TV show and its gym-spiration.

  “Heated Rivalry is good. It is good. If you have not watched it, you should watch it. It will change your life. And it will make you want to eat cans of tuna in your car and go to the gym. It will.” ([53:29])

• Women-Only Gym Vision
  Describes her ideal women’s gym uniform (“dead father’s oversized Pink Floyd t-shirt, 1996 umbros, tube socks, New Balance sneakers...”).

  “I want the feminine energy around me. I want us all to have our pussies synced up so that we're doing this together.” ([58:07])

Voicemail 3: Sorority Recruitment Dread ([59:16])

• Heather on “Bid Day” & Sorority Chaos
  Provides advice and hilariously real wisdom to a stressed college junior.

  “Spring recruitment is important because these are the people that you’re going to surround yourself with. It’s vetting new friends... you can’t get bad energy in there. You really gotta feel em out. Trust your gut." ([60:27])

  Offers practical—and Heather-style—tips:

  “Get the whole sorority some throat coat...this is not the week to get off Zoloft. This is not the week to forget about your SSRI. It’s spring recruitment. You need to lock in... and game time.” ([64:29])

• On Sorority as Lifelong Network

  “You gotta think ten years down the road... who’s gonna stand by me? Who’s gonna stand on trial when I need key character witnesses after my second divorce? That’s the bitch you’re gonna call.” ([66:49])

Memorable Quotes and Moments

• On Wellness Struggles & Bone Broth:
  “I'm trying to get chee’d up, but I'm fucking cheat out right now. 'Cause I had a sad bowl of ground turkey and cauliflower rice.” ([04:47])

• On Marital Love Language:
  “He knows I. I'm not well because I'm eating ground fucking turkey.” ([18:17])

• On Protein Pasta:
  “If you see me eating protein pasta in my car with ground turkey, go ahead and just ram me with your car, 'cause that's when you know I've given up on joy.” ([43:17])

• On Gym Culture:
  “Every woman knows this… we just knew it was our safe space to listen to our wellness podcast... and then just sit in our car in our sweaty thongs, eat our tuna, smell like tuna and just not be bothered.” ([48:44])

• On Unsolicited Gym Advice:
  “I don't need some man coming over and saying like, 'Oh you left some pussy sweat on this bench.' And I'm like, I know, Carl. I don't know why, but medically, I sweat solely from my crotch." ([54:17])

• On Need for Women-Only Spaces:
  “I want the feminine energy around me. I want us all to have our pussies synced up so that we're doing this together.” ([58:07])

• On Sisterhood Long-term Benefits:
  “You recruit now so the payoff 10 years down the road is sisterhood, and that you have somebody as a character witness for whatever future crime you may allegedly commit.” ([66:49])

Notable Segments with Timestamps

• [00:15] “Spiritual Warfare”—Comedy opening about rough mornings and spiritual crisis.
• [01:00–05:36] Wellness trends, bone broth, the quest for “chi,” and food struggles.
• [07:00] Awards season break; struggle with forced downtime.
• [10:15] Sleep habits and the pressure of “optimizing” wellness.
• [17:36] Quality time rules in marriage.
• [22:57] Comedy special and tour updates.
• [40:06] Listener voicemail: Amatriciana pasta woes.
• [46:24] Listener voicemail: Too many men in the midday gym, “car tuna lunch” culture, heated rivalry.
• [59:16] Listener voicemail: Sorority spring recruitment fears, and Heather’s real talk advice.

Final Thoughts & Takeaways

• Heather’s comedic lens makes the struggle to self-optimize both cathartic and hilarious, especially wrapping the misery of “healthy” eating with relatable hot takes on marriage, gym culture, and the desperate need for female-only zones.

• The audience voice notes bring diversity: from recipe anxiety to sorority stories and gym complaints, all fielded with Heather’s mix of genuine empathy and biting humor.

• There’s a constant theme—acknowledge the struggle and laugh through it:

  “We will overcome. People have done harder things. Right? Let’s get to the voicemail.” ([39:54])

• Heather’s closing wisdom:
  “Let’s just get strong and do the work now so that in three months, we’re like, hell, yeah, we did it and we’re here… Patience is not my virtue, but damn it, it’s gonna be mine.” ([68:27])

In Essence

This episode is an unfiltered reflection on what it means to try (and mostly fail) at “being your best self”—all told through Heather’s sharp observational humor and honest listener engagement. Whether you’re struggling with your routine, hating every bite of ground turkey, or navigating the social politics of the gym or Greek life, you’re not alone—and laughter truly is the best medicine (even if your “chi” is off).