The Best of Add to Cart: Let's Go Cartin' with Phoebe Robinson

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Add to Cart with Kulap Vilaysack & SuChin Pak" Episode: The Best of Add to Cart: Let's Go Cartin' with Phoebe Robinson
Release Date: July 15, 2025

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Introduction of Phoebe Robinson

Timestamp: 19:00 - 19:28

The episode kicks off with a vibrant introduction of the guest, Phoebe Robinson—a multifaceted comedian, writer, producer, and actress known for her influential work on 2 Dope Queens, her New York Times bestselling books, and her HBO Max Comedy Hour special, Sorry Harriet Tubman. The hosts, Soojin Pak and Cool Opulai Sock, express their excitement about having Phoebe on the show, setting an energetic and engaging tone for the conversation.

Shopping Habits and the "Carton" Method

Timestamp: 20:02 - 21:38

The discussion begins with a light-hearted exploration of Phoebe Robinson's shopping strategies. Cool Opulai Sock describes her unique "Carton" method:

Cool Opulai Sock [20:02]:
"I love to go carton. So my favorite thing is, like, either in the morning or at night, I just put a bunch of stuff in my cart, and then I'll just keep adding to it until it reaches, like, the maximum number of things it can hold. And then I'll go through and pare everything down, and then I'll make the purchase."

Phoebe humorously misunderstands "carton" as "go-karting," highlighting the playful dynamic between the hosts. They delve into the psychological aspects of online shopping, such as reaching item limits on platforms like Shopbop and the ensuing self-deception involved in curating the final purchase list.

Compassionate Detachment in Business and Life

Timestamp: 24:07 - 30:29

The conversation transitions to a more profound topic as Cool Opulai Sock introduces the concept of compassionate detachment. She shares her experiences managing her own production company, Tiny Reparations, and the challenges of maintaining professional boundaries while fostering a supportive work environment.

Cool Opulai Sock [24:19]:
"...knowing when to compartmentalize emotions in order to do the most effective job and to be the best leader to my employees and to be the best boss for myself."

Phoebe reflects on integrating these principles into her parenting, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries and not being solely responsible for others' emotions:

Phoebe Robinson [30:29]:
"You're scaling up, you're carting all quadrants of your life... Just detach a little, you know, have some boundaries, take care of yourself."

Their exchange underscores the necessity of balancing empathy with personal well-being, both in professional settings and personal relationships.

Loneliness at the Top

Timestamp: 33:00 - 38:45

Delving into the emotional complexities of success, the hosts and Phoebe discuss the age-old adage, "It's lonely at the top." They analyze a clip featuring Speedy Romeo, who attributes this loneliness to the isolation that comes with career advancement and the dwindling number of reliable supporters.

Speedy Romeo [33:13]:
"A big reason why it's lonely at the top is because a lot of people aren't willing to do the work that it takes to get there. People just weed themselves out."

Phoebe relates this to her personal experiences, contemplating how relationships evolve as one's career progresses and the selective nature of maintaining genuine connections. They explore strategies for fostering meaningful relationships amidst rising success, emphasizing the importance of surrounding oneself with like-minded and supportive individuals.

Relationship Insights and Parallel Play

Timestamp: 39:55 - 41:06

Shifting gears, the conversation explores the concept of parallel play within romantic relationships—a mutual arrangement where partners spend time together in the same space while engaging in individual activities. Cool Opulai Sock shares insights from a New York Times article that resonated with her:

Cool Opulai Sock [39:17]:
"We are quarantining with a significant other for so long. You are like, I want to be around you, but I legitimately do not want to talk to you."

Phoebe humorously relates this to her own marriage dynamics, where moments of shared silence and independent pursuits foster harmony and reduce interpersonal tensions. This segment highlights the value of personal space and mutual respect in maintaining healthy, long-term relationships.

Wrap-Up and Final Interactions

Timestamp: 42:58 - 44:52

As the episode nears its conclusion, the hosts and Phoebe engage in playful banter about mutual interests, such as favorite TV shows and social media antics. They share anecdotes that blend humor with relatable life experiences, reinforcing the episode's themes of balance, self-awareness, and the complexities of personal growth.

Phoebe thanks the hosts for the engaging conversation, and the episode wraps up with a reminder for listeners to check out the items discussed on their Instagram handle and to rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast.

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Notable Quotes

• Phoebe Robinson [03:09]:
  "I failed the mission... If I can pick five moments a day where I can be present with my kids, maybe I won't be shoving his foot into a shoe that doesn't fit."

• Soojin Pak [25:47]:
  "It is a production company... celebrating their stories and not sort of live in this trauma space."

• Cool Opulai Sock [39:17]:
  "You have to have like three... Just like."

• Phoebe Robinson [30:29]:
  "Take care of yourself. Don't be responsible for everyone else's feelings."

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Key Takeaways

1. Mindful Consumption: The "Carton" shopping method emphasizes deliberate purchasing practices to avoid overspending and promote thoughtful consumption.

2. Compassionate Detachment: Balancing empathy with personal boundaries is crucial in leadership and parenting to maintain effectiveness and personal well-being.

3. Navigating Success: Achieving career heights can lead to isolation; fostering genuine relationships and mutual support systems are essential for sustaining personal connections.

4. Healthy Relationships: Implementing concepts like parallel play can enhance relationship harmony by respecting individual needs for space and independent activities.

5. Personal Growth: Embracing self-awareness and setting boundaries are vital for personal and professional development, ensuring that one remains authentic and resilient amidst life's challenges.

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This episode of Add to Cart offers a rich tapestry of discussions ranging from personal anecdotes to deep psychological insights, all woven together by the charismatic presence of Phoebe Robinson. It provides listeners with both practical strategies and thoughtful reflections on navigating modern life’s complexities.

Transcript

[Lemonada Ad]

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[Josh Mankiewicz]

I'm Josh Mankiewicz and I hope you'll join us for season four of Dateline Missing in America. In each episode of Dateline's award winning series, we will focus on one missing persons case and hear from the families, the friends and the investigators, all desperate to find them. You will want to listen closely. Maybe you could help investigators solve a mystery.

[Soojin Pak]

Dateline Missing in America.

[Josh Mankiewicz]

Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Lemonade. Also with that fire. Boy, you forgot your bling.

[Soojin Pak]

Bling.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Wait. Hello, kids, and welcome to another episode of Add to Cart. Now this is a show about the things we buy from, all the ideas we buy into and what it says about who we are.

[Soojin Pak]

I'm Soojin Pak and I'm Cool Opulai Sock. This is the second week of our holiday programming and you know, we're not just talking about, you know, last week with Paul Scheer. We have so many items. But there are things to add to cart, right, Sue? That aren't just, you know, you pay with your credit card, right, Sue?

[Phoebe Robinson]

That's right. We add, we add to cart things that are in the ether, the things we're obsessed about. So I'm so excited for our conversation coming up.

[Soojin Pak]

Yes. With the illustrious media mogul that is Phoebe Robinson. But before we get into that, Sue, I just want. Let's do a check in. How, how, how's your week been?

[Phoebe Robinson]

It's been a really good week. I, I've had a very sort of kid heavy week and I just want to share this story. I'm removing to cart this version of myself that is always in a rush, even when you don't need to be in a rush. Like it just is my mode of being. It's also, I realize, and I'm not trying to shift blame here, but Koreans have a word, it's called okay. And that just means hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. And it's Pali, Pali all the time. Every. It's said a million different times throughout the day. And I just think it's this constant hurrying that I've been doing, especially as we hurdle towards the end of the year. And so I went to go buy Kai new sneakers for his Halloween costume as Shang Chi.

[Soojin Pak]

Shang Chi.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Shang Chi. And we were in vans and I was trying to stuff his stiff, thin, hard foot into a sneaker. And I'm not gonna get into Mike and I's relationship with my children and their feet, they don't wear shoes. And I'm just trying to shove this into a very simple van. Slip on. And he's screaming, it hurts. It hurts. It won't go in. And do I believe him? No. Am I in a rush? Yes. Is there a reason to be rushed? No. But again, just being rushed. And so he was upset and he. And I was like, fine, let's not buy this sneaker. It's not for you. Moved on. Cut to the next day. I was helping him put on his socks and I noticed that his big toe had swollen to the size of like a cherry tomato. It was black and blue. I had shoved his foot into a shoe so hard that his toe. Toe got mangled and bruised. And I have to tell you, Koo, it was just one of those moments where I was like, I fucking flopped. That like I failed the mission. But a big takeaway there. If I'm not so much in a rush, if I'm just present, I'm not talking about every day. Cause I'm not a monk. But you know, we're talking. If I can pick five moments a day where I can be present with my kids, maybe I won't be shoving his foot into a shoe that doesn't fit. So, you know, stuff like that has been coming up for me.

[Soojin Pak]

Look, we are gearing up for the holidays as Soojin, you know that I think everyone's not panicked enough.

[Phoebe Robinson]

That said, too late.

[Soojin Pak]

To your point. We are supposed to be enjoy.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Who has time to enjoy the holidays? Who has time? I have to get glass pictures from Milan shipped over during a supply chain crisis.

[Soojin Pak]

Hold on, is this a tradition? Are you always getting glass containers from.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Europe to find the matching glasses that were out of stock? Okay, it looks weird. Let me be honest. When I'm serving water in a glass pitcher with a glass fish, without the glass cups with the glass fish. You know what I mean? Like, people are confused.

[Soojin Pak]

Oh yes. All the people that are coming through your house.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Okay.

[Soojin Pak]

Anyway, they need to be found.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Let's get back to enjoying the holiday. You were going to go on With a beautiful sentiment. Before I cut you off.

[Soojin Pak]

Well, no, just that I'm trying to figure out, sue, why I've had a headache for a week.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Oh, no.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Okay, let's get into it. What's going on?

[Soojin Pak]

Know why, like, right now, luckily, I feel okay.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah.

[Soojin Pak]

But it is. It is a rolling headache that has. That, at this point, has been a little over a week. I have a telehealth appointment with my doctor at 3pm today because I'm just like, this isn't going away. I've never experienced anything like this. It's the back of my head, and it'll come and go. I'm going to bed and waking up with a headache and then intermittently having it throughout the day. And it's not sinus, it's not the front. Then I'm like, oh, is it my neck? Is it my neck? So I've been using my Asutra. I have been using my Evimirock. I broke open my Evimiroc. I'm like, I gotta bring in the big boys.

[Phoebe Robinson]

It's an amazing, amazing healing rock and all of that. To say, though, that you're still suffering from headaches. I don't know. It's a chronic headache.

[Soojin Pak]

It's a chronic headache. And I think about how you and Claire talk about, like, some of the migraines that you have. And it was. I was like, okay, maybe it's like a neck thing.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

I slept on it wrong.

[Soojin Pak]

But for, like, it to be this long is a little concerning.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Here we go. Here's one question. Stress.

[Soojin Pak]

And that's a question my therapist asked. I'm like, I feel, like, fine. Yeah. I'm like, if anything, is it finally allowing to have feelings?

[Phoebe Robinson]

Oh, yeah. You know.

[Soojin Pak]

You know when you've, like, just, like, you push past. You gotta push through something.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah.

[Soojin Pak]

And I would say that's probably what's been happening, happening. But the last week, two weeks, have kind of been like, oh, we're kind of in a good place. But maybe it's me actually allowing myself to feel things. Very possible. I'm such a bull. I push past. I have a high pain tolerance. And so some things, I'm like, well, we'll feel things later. Let's put that to the side. Let's maybe. But I feel like my sister's in town. She came in this week. I'm so happy for her to be here. She's gonna be here for two months. This is gonna be so fun. Like, that's good. These are early days, and I don't have a lot of answers for people, but we have a surrogate. We are done with legal. We are entering, getting ready to do an embryo transfer. That's exciting. And that takes a huge load off of me. Huge. I mean, that maybe that's it. Nothing has been more stressful than that.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah.

[Soojin Pak]

This whole situation. So to be out of legal, to be making plans, it just feels so. It's just really real right now.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah.

[Soojin Pak]

Maybe it's that. I guess it could just be that. I don't know. I'm trying to drink a lot of water, but, sue, when it's throbbing, it's like two Advils is not cutting it. It's not cutting it.

[Phoebe Robinson]

It's not good.

[Soojin Pak]

It's not doing it. So I don't know.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah, well, you've got. You're doing all the things. You're doing all the things. You're seeing your doctor. And, you know, I'm a big fan of when it's that acute, you see an acupuncturist.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Okay.

[Phoebe Robinson]

I think acupuncture is great for when you have a very specific acute problem. And. Cool. Can we get a massage?

[Soojin Pak]

That'd be nice.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Would you feel comfortable doing that?

[Soojin Pak]

Yeah, I think that's a good idea.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Try that. And if that doesn't work, then we need to start thinking about what's in your environment and your diet and all of that. But start there.

[Soojin Pak]

Yeah, that's true. That brings up two things that I have to share. One is an add to cart, which my friend Ava came over last night. She has perfected bread making, and she brought me this heavy loaf that she cooked in a cast iron pot. It is so delicious. Now, Sue, I've told you in the past, my doctors have been very clear about me not having any gluten. Any gluten. But this bread. Sue, I really wish you were closer.

[Phoebe Robinson]

You know I love bread.

[Soojin Pak]

I'm gonna take a photo. I just quickly am gonna get it real quick. I have to show you this bread.

[Phoebe Robinson]

I just have to listen. We've got time for things on this podcast that are very important. Top of that list is homemade bread. When someone brings you a loaf, we want to see the picture of it, by the way. Share. Here it is. Oh, look, it's wrapped in a bundle like a little Bebe.

[Soojin Pak]

I need you to see this bread. I wish you were here with me. Look at this bread. Look at this bread.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Oh, my God. That thing is gigantic.

[Soojin Pak]

And it's heavy. Sue, she was gifted a starter at the top of the pandemic. And she has nurtured that starter, that yeasty, yeasty starter. And really, truly, it's the best bread I've ever tasted.

[Phoebe Robinson]

It's giant. This loaf is the biggest loaf of bread I've ever seen.

[Soojin Pak]

It's so good. Add to cart this loaf of bread. Now, does gluten make me have headaches?

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yes. I wasn't going to. To pick a pin prick in your happy balloon, but.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

But.

[Soojin Pak]

Right. I got this last night. So this doesn't explain the entire. Okay, True, true, true, true, true. Does not help. Does not help. And the other thing that I want to tell you because I know I made a lot of fuss about it while you were away. I said that I would start Christmas decorating on the first at the time of this recording. It's not. It's later than the first. And I have not begun.

[Phoebe Robinson]

I see. And I've noticed at the beginning of this call, you guys, the zoom. I see her matte black fireplace behind her. There's not a garland, a wreath, a holly or a fat partridge bird askew on that thing.

[Soojin Pak]

I have all those things, too.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yes, I've seen all those things. I've seen her. I mean, she's got groupings of birds just.

[Soojin Pak]

I do.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Peppered around the holidays, wherever. Brass birds that bring so much joy. And you.

[Soojin Pak]

It's not there. They're not up yet.

[Phoebe Robinson]

No. I gotta feel it, though. Cool.

[Soojin Pak]

I've just been. I was out of town.

[Phoebe Robinson]

You have headaches. You've got cluster headaches. Listen, you have.

[Soojin Pak]

By this weekend. By this weekend, I promise you, at least two trees will be up.

[Phoebe Robinson]

I don't know much about the holidays and I. And. And God strike me down here as I'm trying to lecture the holiday queen, but if I know you, I know that unless the spirit moves you, it's not worth it. Because that's the joy in decorating for you is the giddiness you feel, the clapping of the feet as you. As you jump around throwing your merry holiday glitter.

[Soojin Pak]

Thank you.

[Phoebe Robinson]

And so if you're not feeling that, don't even bother. It's gonna come. Wait till you're feeling it. Then you can enjoy it. I mean, you look forward to this time every year. There's no rush. Didn't I just say this? Remove from cart. Yeah, you're right. I know you keep telling everybody that there's a rush. I do.

[Soojin Pak]

I do.

[Phoebe Robinson]

But there really isn't.

[Soojin Pak]

There isn't. And look, if it happens, say, this Friday, it will still be crazy early.

[Phoebe Robinson]

It will be Weeks before a turkey hits a table.

[Soojin Pak]

I promise you, weeks before will my. My house will be fully decorated.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Tell us if you want to see our annual Instagram live of cool ops decorated house when it goes up. Yeah, we did it once. And that's why it's an annual thing.

[Soojin Pak]

Speaking of doing things, once.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Oh, yeah, yeah, once and never again. You guys. Just kidding. But also not. This is the last day to enter our anniversary giveaway. My God, this box has been such a joy. And also an albatross. No, you have until tonight though. Today is it 7pm PST to enter at our Instagram DTocartPod, you can enter multiple times.

[Soojin Pak]

And if you don't know, each box has almost $2,000 worth of goodies. And it's all our favorite goodies, so you know we'll never turn one again. So you gotta enter now and enter a lot.

[Phoebe Robinson]

This is it. It's your last chance. I mean, I'm sending this box out. I'm gonna write little notes in there. It's all our favorite things. We're so excited. Okay, on to the next part of our episode because we have, I mean, the queen herself. Truly, truly, royalty is among us.

[Julia Louis Dreyfus]

Hey, Julia, Louis Dreyfus here. If you listen to me on my Wiser Than Me podcast, you probably already know that I'm an investor and an evangelist for the mill food recycler. There are a lot of reasons to love mill, but for me, it's all about the impact. Keeping food out of the garbage is one of the most powerful things we can do to help the planet every single day. We're talking banana peels, carrot tops, old takeout. When that stuff heads to the landfill, it becomes a huge driver of climate change. If you already compost, great. But of course, there's the smell, the flies, the running to the curb every day with a little leaking compost bag made of cornstarch. That's where mill comes in. It makes keeping food out of the trash as easy as dropping it in. It can handle nearly anything from a turkey carcass to like 20 avocado pits. It works automatically while you sleep. You can keep filling it for weeks and it never, ever smells. Mill makes dry, nutrient rich grounds that you can use in your garden, add to your compost feed to your chickens. Or mill can get them back to a small farm for you. But you kind of have to live with mill to really get it. And that's why they offer a risk free trial. Go to mill.com wiser for an exclusive offer.

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[Soojin Pak]

Oh, add to Carter's this is exciting. Our guest today is a stand up comedian, writer, producer and actress. She's a media mogul, a fashion plate, a fan of U2. You know her from 2 Dope Queens. She's the author of three New York Times bestsellers, including her most recent, Please don't sit on my bed in your outside clothes. Check out her HBO Max Comedy Hour special Sorry Harriet Tubman.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Give it up for the one, the only, Phoebe Robinson. Wow. Talk about an intro. Oh, my gosh, that was great. Thank you.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Get ready to rumble, Phoebe. This is what we do. We just get physical.

[Soojin Pak]

It's what you deserve. Welcome, Phoebe.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Thanks for having me, y'.

[Phoebe Robinson]

All.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

This is. I already know this is gonna be fun. I'm, like, ready to laugh my ass off with the two of you. This is great, Phoebe.

[Soojin Pak]

We like to start with asking our guests, what type of shopper are you?

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Ooh. I'm a person who. I love to go carton. So my favorite thing is, like, either in the morning or at night, I just put a bunch of stuff in my cart, and then I'll just keep adding to it until it reaches, like, the maximum number of things it can hold. And then I'll go through and pare everything down, and then I'll make the purchase. Wow. This is.

[Soojin Pak]

First of all, she called it carton, which made me think, like, this is an extreme sport.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

And then she.

[Phoebe Robinson]

I thought she was go karting. I was like, you know, she's a working woman. She's got a go kart track. I mean, that's what these.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

You know what I mean?

[Phoebe Robinson]

It's been a good year. But no, she means add to carton.

[Soojin Pak]

And she is thorough. She's like, first glance, what do I like? And then I come back, and I really. I'm mindful. I'm mindful about what I purchase.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Yes. For example, like, on Shopbop, I think the item limit is, like, 100. So I'll add all the way up to 100.

[Soojin Pak]

Wait, by the way, that is a concept.

[Phoebe Robinson]

I didn't know that.

[Soojin Pak]

First of all, I didn't know there were limits.

[Phoebe Robinson]

No, I had no idea that shopping carts.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

What? Yes. I think, like, at a certain point, Shop Bob is like, bitch. Like, what is happening? Like, we got to figure this out. And so are you a bot? Yeah, are you a bot? Like, what's happening? So then I'll, like, pare down to, like, 19 things, and I'm like, oh, I only bought 19 things out of 100. That's really good. It's like, such, like, psychological bullshit just to fool myself into pretending like I wasn't overspending. It's so ignorant. Oh, man.

[Soojin Pak]

I feel I. I bow down. I really do.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Now, does it take you more time to fill the cart or to edit the cart?

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Oh, I'm just adding, like. I'm like, oh, this is cute. This is cute. I'm like, oh, this will be me in Paris. I've only Been once for two days. But I'm always like, when I'm back in Paris. Paris, it's like, bitch. What?

[Soojin Pak]

Stay ready. You don't need to get ready.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Phoebe. I'm like, when I go to Milan, I'll wear this dress. Never been. Have never been. Like, never even planned a trip to Milan. Never been interested. But I'm like, when I'm there, it's like.

[Soojin Pak]

I mean, I like that in my head. Your closet is divided by collections.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Travel.

[Soojin Pak]

Travel collections.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Travel collections. Yes, they're travel collections by Phoebe. Oh, my God. That's an amazing way to arrange a fashion.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Yes.

[Soojin Pak]

These wedges for the Maldives.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Like this. I've got this off a Shop Bop. This little, like, fringe sweatshirt. It's like, from Lee.

[Phoebe Robinson]

So cute.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

I think it's Levi's made it. And it's like my favorite sort of. Like, I'm like, when I go to, like, when I go to a cabin, I don't like going to cabins. I fully hate cabins. With a passion. I'm like. But when I'm in a cabin, I got this fringe. Gosh, you guys, I need help. I love it. I love it.

[Soojin Pak]

I love that sweatshirt. Number one. Thank you for showing me that flair.

[Phoebe Robinson]

You guys. This sweatshirt is so good. Wait, can I add to cart after we go?

[Soojin Pak]

Can we find out?

[Cool Opulai Sock]

I actually want that sweatshirt, you guys.

[Phoebe Robinson]

It's a cream sweatshirt. Sweatshirt. And then her arm is fringed.

[Soojin Pak]

Yeah.

[Phoebe Robinson]

So it's like when she's not in full, you know, bird mode or in full, you know, flex mode, you're just cash. Yeah, super cash in the cottage. But you never know when that Milan invitation is gonna come. And then you gotta leave the cottage, guys.

[Soojin Pak]

Well, I can't wait to see what add to carts you've brought to us. And let's go with the first one.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Oh, boss.

[Soojin Pak]

Oh, I like this. Okay, you're not just bringing items. You're not just unloading your shop up cart right now.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

You are.

[Soojin Pak]

This is bigger. This is about life.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Yes.

[Soojin Pak]

Now, Phoebe, please tell us about compassionate detachment.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Ooh. So this is something I've been working on, cuz as a person who has employees. Like, I think when I first started to have, like, running a company, I was very much like, we're family and we're all this and all that. And I. I've been in therapy for a year to sort of like, undo that habit of like. No. Like, I told my therapist this, and she was like, y' all are not a family. And I was like, but, like, we're like, Comes she's like, they are not related to you. You guys are not related by marriage. This is not how you run a business. And so I had to. I've been like working on sort of like removing sort of. I don't see the personal, but knowing when to compartmentalize emotions in order to do the most effective job and to be the best leader to my employees and to be the best boss for myself. And so I've had to be able to learn how to like, empathize without being like, oh, I have to take this on personally. And I don't know if it's like a Libra thing. I don't know what it is, but I think I'm just like, I like to encourage and nurture and do all those things, but I have to learn how to have boundaries and not be like, this is like not a professional environment. Yeah.

[Soojin Pak]

Yes. Okay, so let's talk about. You mentioned you have employees now you have tiny reparations. Can you tell the people who don't know what that is, what it is?

[Cool Opulai Sock]

It is a production company, which I'm very excited about, and we're producing comedies. We want to get into the one hour drama space downline. We would love to do movies, but we really just wanted to have a place for women, people of color, people from the queer community to really like, celebrate their stories and not sort of live in this trauma space. Because I feel like so often, like anytime there's. It's starting, people color, it's just like, let's talk about the sad shit. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, we're not doing that here. There's enough sadness out there. We need to have some joy. We need to have some like, uplifting stuff. There's so. There's so much to all of our lives that's not tied to like, oh, white people could be mean to me sometimes. Like, I just don't want that. You know what I mean? Not to. To minimize what that those kind of storytelling stuff is, but it's just like, not what I'm interested in. And yeah, we've been around for two and a half years at this point. It's really exciting. It's been good. Got some stuff in development and everything.

[Soojin Pak]

Yeah, I mean, yes, that's so exciting. You've got. You've got shows that you're starring in coming up. But isn't there also a literary arm of it too?

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Yes, that's called Tiny Reparations Books.

[Soojin Pak]

Okay.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Excuse me.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Yeah. Which is really exciting.

[Phoebe Robinson]

That's Another department? Yes.

[Soojin Pak]

Okay.

[Phoebe Robinson]

You gotta let her know which hallway, you know, we're going down.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

It's the same thing as the production company. All the. I think all the authors on our slate are debut authors. This is really exciting, and I think it's really important to me because I know in 2015 how hard it was when I was shopping around my book where people are just straight up being like, oh, no one's gonna buy this. You're a black woman. This is, like, not relatable. This won't sell. And so I really wanted this imprint to be a place where I don't. I hate saying, oh, I'm taking a chance on somebody. I'm not taking a chance. I'm just recognizing someone's talent and being like, can I jump aboard this train before you, like, take off? We have this book I'm so excited about. Netflix option the rights is called Portrait of a Thief by Grace D. Lee. And she's amazing. She's in medical school while she wrote this. This is how talented this woman is. And it's about 5, 20 something Chinese Americans who are hired to steal Chinese artwork from American museums and bring it back to China. And it is fun of page turner. It has like that, like. It has like, the oceans, like 11, where you're like, oh, my God, what's going to happen? But then there's like all this, like, heart to it. And the characters are so well thought out. I am so obsessed with this book. And that comes out in April 2022.

[Soojin Pak]

Phoebe, my goodness, so exciting.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

I was like, trying to get in there with, like, my little, like, you know, 25 cents. And Netflix was like, lol. Back up, bitch.

[Soojin Pak]

And then they just came in with.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

All, like, sacks of money, and I was like, okay, bye, bye.

[Soojin Pak]

Yeah, receive. Rece. Receive. But that makes sense to go back to what you added to cart, which is compassionate detachment, which is, you know, with our backgrounds, how do we. Because, Phoebe, you're scaling up. You're scaling up, so how can you be.

[Phoebe Robinson]

She's got a go kart.

[Soojin Pak]

You're carting. You're carting.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Carton.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Just got 100 laps.

[Soojin Pak]

You're carting all. All quadrants of your life.

[Phoebe Robinson]

You're carting.

[Soojin Pak]

So how do. Yeah, like, how do you healthfully run this company with integrity, like, stays true to your own integrity and who you are? And this is, I think, a key.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Yeah, absolutely. You know, like, you start out as a performer. You start doing anything where it's sort of. You're getting audience feedback. You know what I mean, you. Whether you intend to or not, there's some part of this sort of absorbs that, like, oh, I hope, like, everyone, like, walks away liking me. Right? But that you can't take that into the workplace because then you're not going to make the best decisions for your company or for anyone else or for yourself. And so I have to, like, sort of be, like, accept that there are going to be moments where my employees are not going to like me, and I just need to get over it. It's also not my business if they're not feeling me at the moment. Like, they're. They're tired to feel what they want to feel, and I need to stay focused on, like, what a. I can actually control and what is professional instead of sort of like, being like, oh, I don't want to say this thing, or I don't want to do this thing, or, oh, this thing happened. I should, like, overextend myself. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. Just keep it neutral as possible.

[Phoebe Robinson]

That fits in every aspect, by the way, because I'm just listening to you and I'm thinking I should probably bring some of that into my parenting as well, you know, who. Boy, you know, just. Just detach a little, you know, have some boundaries, you know, take care of yourself. Don't be responsible for everyone else's feelings, you know?

[Cool Opulai Sock]

How old are your kids?

[Phoebe Robinson]

So my son is 9 and he's going on 4, and my daughter is 7 and she's going on, like, 48 on her third pack of, you know, Newports for the day. They're two completely different unicorns. And they come out of the room, out the gate in the morning. This morning, it was just immediately they go right into their brand. And whether you're at work, at home, not to be like, oh, right, your emotions aren't my responsibility to fix. I can just make toast. Just butter the bread.

[Josh Mankiewicz]

An Australian hiker travels to the American west to walk a wilderness trail.

[Soojin Pak]

Wasn't afraid to be out on his own.

[Josh Mankiewicz]

But Eric Robinson vanished in the Hyuinta Mountains.

[Phoebe Robinson]

I remember thinking, eric, what were you thinking, mate?

[Josh Mankiewicz]

I'm Dave Colley. Join me on my podcast Uinta Triangle, where I travel the world to answer the question, what happens to Eric Robinson? Follow Uinta Triangle. That's U I, n T a triangle. On Apple podcasts or wherever you listen.

[Julia Louis Dreyfus]

Hi there, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus. This fall, my podcast Wiser Than Me is back for season three with even more wisdom straight from some legendary old ladies These chickadees have a lot to teach us. Every word is a lesson in living unapologetically. And find focusing on the stuff that really matters from Lemonada Media Wiser Than Me. Season three out now. Find it wherever you get your podcast. Subscribe to Lemonada Premium in the Apple Podcasts app and listen to every episode of season three A.D. free.

[Soojin Pak]

Phoebe, what is Lonely at the Top?

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah, what is that? Let me click on that.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

So is this video that this guy, his name is Speedy Romeo, I think, and he was a host of that. Gosh, what was that show on HBO Max about the streetwear competition with.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Is it behind the Hype? Yeah, I think it is.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

I think it is called the Hype or something like that. I got super obsessed with that show because I love streetwear, even though I don't think I can pull it off. I love to watch other cool people wearing super cool things. And he was. He was on like, some radio interview. He was just sort of talking about how, like, as you are sort of like ascending in your career, it gets lonelier, you have less people around you.

[G]

You know, they say, like, you know, it's lonely at the top. In my opinion, like, a big reason why it's lonely at the top is because a lot of people aren't willing to do the work that it takes to get there. People just weed themselves out. Like, as the. The. As the going gets tougher, people just start dropping like flies. So when it comes to putting in the work, like, to me, it wasn't an option. It was something I was going to do regardless.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

And I was just like, oh, that's so fascinating. It's like. Like, it's not necessarily how I feel, but it just was something sort of just. Just kind of like think about and just sort of be like, wow, you.

[Soojin Pak]

Know what I mean? I just associate what we've been through in this pandemic as just very isolating and lonely. And I'm trying to think, because the thing that I wanna do is for us all to be vaccinated so we can be in so many rooms together. And Phoebe maybe not have boundaries.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Yes.

[Soojin Pak]

If I'm being honest, I'm so hungry for that. But part of me goes, yeah, it does make sense that there would. How that could. You could be lonely at the top. But then part of me, in a Virgo way, thinks it's about, like, oh, you, you know, like you said, when we're coming up in comedy, we're with a bunch of people. And then as you get older, it sort of pares down to the people that matter, hopefully, right? And then relationships evolve. But hopefully you're coming up with a group of people of like minded and driven folk that like, you know, you all are royalty tending to your various kingdoms and you can support one another.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Ooh, I love that. Royalty to your various kingdoms. Damn, that sounds great. But no, like, when I saw that like that clip, it just made me think about someone like a Lady Gaga, right? It's like for the rest of her life, like, how is she ever gonna truly know like when someone is meeting her if there, if there's no ulterior motive? And that's the sort of thing it's like, how do you navigate your life when you achieve or you don't even have to be as successful as a Lady Gaga. You could be like, I don't know, like an influencer or like have your own company or like whatever. But like, how can you ever trust like someone else's like motives? And that's always like a scary thing to sort of like think about, especially as a woman because you're just sort of like, who's here? It's already hard enough to be a woman. It's already hard enough to be a woman of color. And then like add that into when you like get older and your career is like, do the things you want to do. Like how? Like, I don't know, like how can you be sure? And I guess the answer is you can't be sure. No, but that's tough.

[Phoebe Robinson]

This is why I'm all for going full hermit, you know, I just full acceptance that I have no interest in people the older I get. And it's harder and harder to feign that interest. Really. Anyway, that took a dark turn.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

No, no. That's interesting. That is. So are you like, do you feel like you have, as you've gotten older, you have sort of pared down the people who are in your circle?

[Phoebe Robinson]

I think it's pared down. I think it's this because I was thinking about what you were saying and how that's relatable. I think as you even get older, you know, because you A, have less energy and B, you just have more on your plate. But I think also too Phoebe, and correct me if I'm wrong, because I think we've all been around and we've all done this for so long. We've seen people rise and fall in their careers and it does get lonely, I think when, when you do, when you are on the rise or when you achieve a certain Thing. Because even as a friend, it's like you can't help even kind of changing how you feel. And you're like, wait, what is. I mean, I've had friends like that I've had for years and years. And then, you know, over night or over some time, you're like, oh, this looks like a different birthday party than it was two years ago. Oh, my God, that's amazing.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

So at the.

[Soojin Pak]

At the.

[Phoebe Robinson]

At the margarita stand, you know, like, okay, I guess there's an elephant, you know, and so you're in the middle of a Moroccan desert theme, you know, party. And. And I just. Even watching it, I'm like, oh, I don't. I don't know. Like, am I laughing a little bit louder? Am I, you know, am I feeling a little certain way about some? And if I'm doubting that, I can't even imagine what that person as they look around it. Yeah. Yeah, this is great. But like, how many of these people are so genuine? Which is why, you know, you just. You just gotta have. I always say, you just gotta have like three. You know, Three. Just like.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Good.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Just. That's it.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Yeah, that was good. I'm taking mental notes.

[Soojin Pak]

We are really diving deep, guys.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Phoebe, you.

[Phoebe Robinson]

All I can think about is Shopbop100. Though, let's be honest, I keep thinking.

[Soojin Pak]

Wait, Yeah. I am also thinking about Cart limits. I wasn't aware till now, but you're.

[Phoebe Robinson]

We hold many things. We hold many things in our brains, Phoebe.

[Soojin Pak]

You contain multitudes, including this revolutionary idea, parallel play. Parallel play.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

So I didn't even realize I was doing that until I saw this New York Times article. But BAE and I, you know, quarantining with a significant other for so long. You are like, I want to be around you, but I legitimately do not want to talk to you. But we could be in the same room doing separate things. And that also counts as spending time together. And I think it's something that, like, pre Covid, it would have been like, oh, there's a sign about your relationship not being great. But now it's like your relationship is not going to survive if you don't have moments where you're around each other not talking. And it's great. I love it.

[Phoebe Robinson]

This may reframe my entire marriage. I just want to tell you, Phoebe, I cannot wait to read this article. I mean, every. I'm like, tingly. Like, this is exactly how I exist. And in all of my relationships, that's how I want all.

[Soojin Pak]

I want you to come over I.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Don'T want you to talk to me, and I want you to sit. I want to serve you things as they inspire me. Teas, biscuits, socks. And I want you to do your thing, and I want me to do my thing. And then every once in a while, we'll be like, oh, wait, remember that friend of ours? Oh, my God. And then we go back to doing our thing. That, to me, is. Is harmony. That synonym is relationship bliss.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

It's great. Like, he would play his video games and I would be watching, like, Real Housewives of Potomac. And it was, like, perfect. Like, we were in the same room. He was in the bed. We were both in bed. And it was great. It was like a great two hours.

[Soojin Pak]

So really, parallel play is just we are in the room together doing our own things, but we are harmoniously in concert. No, that's not the way to put it. What's. What's the quick way to put it?

[Cool Opulai Sock]

But it, like your energy, like, you're. You're. You are quote, unquote, spending time together, but it's in a less sort of, like, intense way because, like, so many times you'd be like, what do you want to watch? Well, I want to watch this. No, I want to watch that. I want. So it's like, if he, like, he's super into ncis, I will never watch that show. I will never watch it.

[Phoebe Robinson]

How have you survived this long with a partner who's into ncis? But, oh, my goodness, that is a deep, deep, abiding love, Sue.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

This is the true tea. So he. He works with musicians. So he was on tour, like, end of August or end of July till, like, October. He started watching NCIS during that time and is now on season six. Like, this isn't like he's watched from the beginning. He just. One day we were on FaceTime. He's like, you know, I think I'm going to start ncis. And I'm like, that show's been on the air for 20 years. And he was like, I think I could do it. And I was like, what? He's on season six now? Yeah.

[Soojin Pak]

Guys, that's Scott Aukerman with Star Trek. Which I'm not. I'm not saying it's. I drop in. It's a fine show. It's just, he's watch. Where are we now? Are we Deep Space Nine?

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Yep.

[Soojin Pak]

Like, it's wild.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Wild to watch your partner just drop down that deep a level front row. That's. Yeah, that's parallel playtime.

[Soojin Pak]

Yeah, I like watching. I was like, oh, you're watching your space stories. I'm gonna head back over here. I'm gonna do something. Phoebe, thank you so much for joining us.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Oh, my God.

[Soojin Pak]

I know. You are Phoebe Robinson on everything, right for your socials.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Dopequeen. Phoebe's P H E E B S. Yes. Yeah.

[Soojin Pak]

When do you do the hot men post?

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Thirsty Thursday. I'm so inconsistent with it. I have to get back on track because I do love just talking about hot dudes. I could never, ever bag the sexiest.

[Soojin Pak]

Photos with the most hilariously accurate commentary. It's truly the best thing ever. Like, I. There you have, like. I was like, whoa, Phoebe, you're right. Like Chris Evans in those corduroys. Boy, yo yo yoing.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Boy yoyo yoing.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Oh, my God.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Cool.

[Phoebe Robinson]

That's a new sound. She must be really into it.

[Soojin Pak]

That's my boner looking at his junk.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Oh. Oh. We knew what that was.

[Soojin Pak]

Okay. I wasn't sure we know this. I didn't know.

[Phoebe Robinson]

Yeah.

[Soojin Pak]

But thank you.

[Cool Opulai Sock]

Thank you for having me. This has been the best hang. I love this so much. Thank you so much.

[Soojin Pak]

Okay, that's it for our show. As always, find everything on Dtocartpod. You can also leave us a message at 833-453-66662.

[Phoebe Robinson]

We will catch you all next week.

[Soojin Pak]

Add to cart is a production of Lemonada Media. Our producer is Claire Jones. Our mix is by Ivan Kurev and Veronica Rodriguez.

[Phoebe Robinson]

The music is by Wasabi and produced by LA Made it and oh, so familiar with additional music by APM Music. Executive producers are Cool Up Vlasak, Sujin Pak, Jessica Cordova Kramer, and Stephanie Whittles Wax.

[Soojin Pak]

Be sure to check out all the items we mentioned today on our Instagram d2cartpod. Also, please take a moment to rate, review and subscribe to this show wherever you get your podcasts.