Listener Question Episode: Bec drops the kids at school, the kitchen's a mess, and she can't let herself eat breakfast until it's clean. Loads the washing on too — wouldn't want to waste time. She finally sits down at 11am. She's wondering if it's an ADHD thing or if she's just weird. She's not weird. She's been trying the wrong strategy on the wrong problem for years.

What We Cover

Bec's voicemail, the kitchen, the load of washing on while she eats, 11am breakfast
Why "you deserve rest, mama" advice slides right off — and why feeling worse after reading it isn't a personal failure
The four different drivers underneath one behaviour — same cry on the surface, completely different things going on inside
A four-question audio quiz to figure out which one is the loudest in you
Why every behaviour you're stuck in is meeting a need — and you can't change it until you know which one
Why my dad and my 80-year-old grandma chainsawing down a tree while telling each other to sit down haunts me — and why I'm watching my daughter start to do it too
The advice isn't wrong. It's just for the wrong problem.

Free Resources

Facebook Group — come tell me and join the fun: https://facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

Energy Accounting Guide — https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/

Breaking Free from Unhealthy Habits Kit — for the loops you can't seem to break: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/breaking-unhealthy-habits-adhd-mums-kit/

Paid Resource

ADHD Reset Workbook — Values, Energy & Planning: https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-planner-and-values/

Related Episodes

S3 EP35: You Were the Good Girl. That's Why You're Falling Apart Now — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/
EP49 QUICK RESET: I'm Not Lazy, My House Doesn't Have a Memory — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-49-quick-reset-im-not-lazy-my-house-just-doesnt-have-a-memory/
EP71: When You Can't Relax Even When It's Quiet — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/
S3 EP59: The Red Pen Christmas — Stop Editing Yourself for Everyone Else — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-59-stop-editing-yourself-red-pen-christmas/
EP72: You're Not Behind — You Learned to Carry Responsibility Too Early — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/youre-not-behind-you-learned-to-carry-responsibility-too-early
EP81: The Hidden Cost of Being the 'Good Girl' — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-hidden-cost-of-being-the-good-girl-how-the-mental-load-became-ours/
EP80: The Invisible Coordination Load — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/the-invisible-coordination-load-why-adhd-mums-carry-the-work-systems-wont/
EP93: When You Remove the Stress and Start Wondering What's Wrong With You — https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-you-remove-the-stress-and-start-wondering-whats-wrong-with-you/
EP53 QUICK RESET: Self-Care Feels Nice. Self-Regulation Keeps You Alive — https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-53-quick-reset-self-care-feels-nice-self-regulation-keeps-you-alive/

📬 Listener Questions & Community

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References

Volkow et al. — Deficits in the brain's reward system in ADHD. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/09/090908193432.htm

Furukawa et al. — Abnormal striatal BOLD responses to reward anticipation and reward delivery in ADHD. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3935853/

Aarts et al. — Reward modulation of cognitive function in adult ADHD: the role of striatal dopamine. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25485641/

Panagiotidi et al. — Altered somatosensory processing in adult ADHD. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC11323665/

Neurodivergent Insights — Sensory Overload in ADHD (cites Miller et al. 2017). https://neurodivergentinsights.com/sensory-overload-in-adhd/

Attachment Project — Unrelenting Standards / Hypercriticalness Schema. https://www.attachmentproject.com/early-maladaptive-schemas/unrealiting-standards/

Bay Area CBT Center — Unpacking the Unrelenting Standards Schema. https://bayareacbtcenter.com/unpacking-the-unrelenting-standards-schema/

IFS Institute — Internal Family Systems Model Outline. https://ifs-institute.com/resources/articles/internal-family-systems-model-outline

Positive Psychology — Internal Family Systems Therapy: 8 Worksheets and Exercises. https://positivepsychology.com/internal-family-systems-therapy/