← ADHD reWired
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- [00:03]
Eric Tilbers
VHD Rewired for those with good intentions
- [00:09]
Elise Smith
and a slightly wandering attention.
- [00:12]
Eric Tilbers
Hosted by Eric Tilbers, adhd an autistic therapist and coach. Here, stories and strategies from folks like you and me. You don't have to mask, you don't have to hide and let yourself be seen. ADHD Rewired. It's more than just a podcast. ADHD Rewired. It's coaching and community. We're wired for connection. You are not alone. ADHD Rewired. Find us@adhd rewired.com for the links and more. Starting is the hardest part, so let's
- [00:47]
Brian Antler
get started real quick. Before we get started, for those of you who are interested in our summer coaching groups, we just added more opportunities for you to join groups now starting
- [00:59]
Eric Tilbers
June 18th and 19th, ADHD Rewired coaching and accountability groups. Coaching Rewired.com coaching Rewired.com pre register today
- [01:10]
Kristin Martz
coaching Rewired.com welcome back to another episode of ADHD Rewired. Today's guest is Elise Smith.
- [01:19]
Brian Antler
Elise is a business coach, TEDx speaker
- [01:22]
Kristin Martz
and founder of Socially awesome with an Au A U S O M E where she helps ADHD entrepreneurs build simple systems that actually work with their brains. As a mom of three and an autism advocate, she brings a real life experience into her work, blending strategy with honesty. Elise is the host of a podcast focused on ADHD and entrepreneurship and the creator of programs that help women move from scattered and overwhelmed to consistent and profitable without burnout.
- [01:57]
Brian Antler
Welcome to the podcast.
- [01:58]
Elise Smith
Yes. I'm so excited. Thank you for having me.
- [02:01]
Kristin Martz
Absolutely, absolutely. So let's, let's start with this. So I want to know a little bit about your story from our discussion that we had when we had our pre interview. I share that you spent kind of years masking in your ADHD in corporate environments. What finally broke that pattern for you and what changed in your business when you stopped hiding?
- [02:30]
Elise Smith
Yes. Okay. So for me the pattern, the pattern actually kind of broke. I was still in corporate and in 2018 my middle child was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. Non speaking we were doing a lot of eloping, there was a lot of safety concerns and so of course mama bear here, the first thing I did was just, I researched the whole three hour drive home and then probably another six, seven hours when I got home actually googling like what is autism? You know, how do I help my son with autism? Autism resources for me, like all of those things and because there was a lot more challenges for him that maybe I didn't have, especially the non speaking that Was very hard for us to know if he's hurting, is he hungry, is he just tired? Why is he crying? And so reading through this, I learned a lot more about neurodivergency as a whole. And there are some crossover symptoms. A lot of people are AU hd and so there's different things there. And I just saw somewhat of a reflection in a lot of what I was learning because for me, I knew I was ADHD already. I'd already been diagnosed, I'd already been on medication.
- [03:43]
Eric Tilbers
I.
- [03:43]
Elise Smith
But for me it was just like, ah, she's, she's a little scattered. When I started reading and learning and researching for my child, obviously I put a lot more attention to it as a, as a parent and an adult. We always go in the back burner. And so things started to make sense and I started to give myself a little bit more grace around. I'm not just scattered. There's a reason my brain works this way. And starting learning about the neurology behind it and the science behind it, and then from there, creating almost systems and routines for my child kind of forced me to create some for myself as well. And so there was kind of a breaking point in corporate in 2022 when, you know, I was trying to get him speech and OT and ABA and all these therapies. We wanted early intervention. We wanted to get him as much help as he needed to be able to be as successful as he possibly could. And doing that with a 9 to 5 just wasn't working. I, you know, they call and say, hey, we had a cancellation an hour ago. Can you be here in an hour? And I'd be in a meeting at work. And so having to turn down those options, I got to a point where I was like, I'm not putting my job in front of my child's health care. I don't know how I'm going to pay for his health care, but we will figure it out. And so I left my job in 2022 and started my business. And I immediately went into starting my business trying to operate the same way I did in corporate because that's what I'd done for so long. Long. I operated that way as a teenager, in high school, in college, I had mad all of my systems. Yes. And I did what I knew. My symptoms just don't show anyone, you know, keep the, keep the face on. And with that, I got to another breaking point in my business where I was just burnt out and I was successful. I hit six figures in less than six months. I Was making way more money than I made in corporate, being able to somewhat make my schedule. But you know, going into entrepreneurship, you know, it's a 247 thing. It's very hard to have a work life balance. And so while I was making more money, I was burnt. I was burnt. I was just fat. I was ready to burn it down, go work at Walmart, like whatever I had to do. Just so I was like, can I just be, you know, can I just be a cashier? I don't even want to think anymore. I just want to scan. Like I just want something that's easy to do.
- [06:02]
Kristin Martz
And I remember during our, our pre interview you had shared with me that you were regularly kind of working till 2 or 3 in the morning trying to meet like all the demands of, of basically unrealistic client expectations.
- [06:17]
Elise Smith
Yeah, yeah.
- [06:18]
Kristin Martz
What were you telling yourself sort of in those moments that kind of kept you stuck in that cycle continuing to do that pattern?
- [06:27]
Elise Smith
I needed to learn more and I love to learn. I mean I'm the person that I hear something on TV and I immediately pick up my phone to Google. Is that true? I need to fact check that. Like I love to learn. But sometimes those research rabbit holes, 90% of the time probably they're more of a distraction. And so I, I would sit at my computer all day working my business while my kids were at school, which is what the ideal life looked like. But honestly, throughout that day I would get distracted by saying, oh, I need to go research what I'm doing for this client so I could be better at it. I could be better at it and second guessing myself and over delivering and over promising and people pleasing.
- [07:10]
Kristin Martz
And so what this service that you're
- [07:12]
Elise Smith
delivering, I did done for you social media marketing, that's what I did in corporate. And so that was the easiest thing for me to plug and play. And when you're doing a done for you service, people are like we're paying you to do something like come on. And I struggled with boundaries. I'd always struggled with boundaries. So I'd have a client that would text me at 4:30. Hey, can we get this on our Facebook like yesterday? Oh yeah, hold on one second. I can get that done. And so boundaries was the real reason. But not just boundaries with my clients, boundaries with myself. And so not being able to control my schedule, getting distracted all day kept me up till 3 delivering the work I was actually getting paid for. And then when clients saw me emailing them at 2 and 3am they're like, oh, she works 24. 7. And it just got worse. That's when I learned Gmail allows you to schedule emails for tomorrow.
- [08:01]
Kristin Martz
Yes.
- [08:01]
Elise Smith
And I started using that feature quickly. And I mean, at one point the boundary setting got so bad that I, before I hired an assistant, I faked that I had an assistant. Like, I would literally reply to emails and be like, yes, I will let Elise note this message. And I would. I. Because I, I was, I sucked so bad at setting those boundaries. And even though my contract had it in there, these are my business hours. I. Yeah, let me do that for you real quick. And it was just this fear of rejection.
- [08:31]
Kristin Martz
Let me ask you this. When you were operating that way, I think, you know, probably part of the motivation was you're wanting to deliver excellence.
- [08:39]
Elise Smith
Yeah, always.
- [08:40]
Kristin Martz
Were you?
- [08:47]
Elise Smith
You know, I'm going to sound like an ass right now. Can I say the a word? Yeah. My work is superior. I mean, I, I will say that. Like I, I will boast to myself, if I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it right. So to them, yes, I was okay, but was I happy with it?
- [09:07]
Kristin Martz
No question. Was it worth it?
- [09:13]
Elise Smith
I learned a lot. So yeah, I, it was because I got very quick. I say quick. About a year in, I was like, I'm about to put up a cement wall of boundaries. And so once I burnt out and was ready to quit and my husband was like, is that really what you want to do? Like, he and I had a very. He called me out and he's like, you're just terrible at being your own boss. Like, you gotta, you gotta be an actual boss. You just became an employee for your own company. And so when he kind of called me out some, I became a brick wall of boundaries. And I am very quick to say that's not in our contract, but I'm happy to invoice you for that. Or, oh, I love. Hey. Or, you know, I don't have any availability this week, but I'd be happy to go ahead and get you on the schedule for next week. Like, I. So it was worth it because I learned boundaries and then I've started to kind of teach my kids some of those boundary setting as well with like friends. Because that was. I let friends take advantage of me as a child and as a teen and even in college because I have just always had that fear of rejection, wanting to be accepted and people pleasing. And so I didn't have boundaries even then.
- [10:29]
Kristin Martz
Let me ask you this. So I think, you know, you and I think both see how masking and people pleasing. Absolutely. Drive burnout.
- [10:39]
Elise Smith
Yeah.
- [10:41]
Kristin Martz
What were some of the early warning signs that you saw on yourself or maybe even if you've seen this in other people as well, kind of connecting those dots and seeing those patterns. What are the early warning signs like for you anyways, before you crashed?
- [10:58]
Elise Smith
Before I crashed, yeah. For me particular, definitely avoidance was the number one. Like, I would just, you know, I almost, for some days, would feel physically ill. Like, my stomach would turn. I just don't want to even open my computer today. I was just avoiding it at all costs. I was doing things I hate. I was scrubbing toilets over opening my laptop because I just wanted to ghost. I even had a lot of fatigue, you know, on unexpected fatigue. Like, I'm just so tired today, I can't do it. And, you know, with dopamine regulation in our brains, that's. That's not uncommon. But for me, it was pretty uncommon because I enjoyed what I was doing. I would get dopamine by working. I loved it. In other people, I've also seen where they pivot. When all the signs show it's working, they pivot. And so I will never. I'm a very gut LED person, so I will never tell another entrepreneur to not pivot if they feel it in their gut. Like, this feels aligned for me, because for me, alignment and clarity are everything because that's what builds confidence and conviction. And, you know, there have been times in my business where I've. I've pivoted too quickly because I either got bored or I was scared of success or, you know, fearful of not being successful. So I went and did something easier. I mean, there's been points of that, but I've watched a lot of my clients that. I've had conversations with them about what they were doing and why we started working together. And they. They would go rebuild a Brooklyn Bridge just to avoid finishing this one thing they've been working on. And all the signs are showing. It's going to be amazing. Just because of the fear of putting it out there. And they've exhausted. They feel so exhausted and so burnt out from the worry and the fear, like the mental capacity of it.
- [13:01]
Kristin Martz
So what do you think? For you, because you said that, like, sometimes pivoting is just procrastination. Sometimes pivoting is a really, like, good move. Once. Like, how do you determine that for yourself?
- [13:15]
Elise Smith
For me, I have to learn to sit with it. A lot of times the pivots I've made that have been quick because I am an impulsive person. So I take quick action. I mean, I, I had a conversation with my nonprofit board the other day about building an app and I was building it before I got home that night. Like I was ready. I'm, I'm a quick action taker and that's helped me and it's hurt me sometimes.
- [13:37]
Kristin Martz
Yeah.
- [13:37]
Elise Smith
But for me, I've had to learn to sit with it. I have a, you know, a 48 hour rule before I'm going to burn the down. I need to sit with it 48 hours and you know, if I am still fired up 48 hours later about it, then it's probably a good move if it's aligned with being a lot of the pivots I've made that have not been the right have either been chasing money or shiny objects. If my gut feels like I am passionate about this, that's a good pull. Because for me, passion, that's when our hyper focus works best, is when we're passionate about something. That's when we do our best work. That's when we're fueling dopamine constantly.
- [14:22]
Kristin Martz
Yes.
- [14:22]
Elise Smith
And that's when that's your zone of genius when you never feel like you're working. And so for me, I would rather work on a passion project for ever and not make a single dollar because I feel aligned, I feel clear, I feel confident what I'm doing.
- [14:37]
Kristin Martz
And would you say that for that burnout for you, like, is when even the things you're passionate about, like, they're still, like, you can't even get a spark going for action.
- [14:47]
Elise Smith
If you can't get a spark going for action, you're not passionate about it. If you are truly passionate about it, you can't stop thinking about it. It's almost obsessive. I mean, I, my husband gets onto me constantly because he's like, you're working 24 7. But now that I, I run a non profit for children on the spectrum, the founder and president of that and I have been speaking at a lot of engagements recently about my, my own neurodivergency and my frameworks. And now that I am working in a space that is serving neurodivergent children and neurodivergent adults and I've brought it full circle for me. I can't stop working. I mean, I'm in the shower like.
- [15:34]
Kristin Martz
And how long have you, let me ask, how long have you been at, at like doing both of these things?
- [15:40]
Elise Smith
Since last, well, last January is when I made the pivot my own. I, I Kind of came out of and started talking about my own adhd. Prior to that, I hit it. I mean, I was afraid no one would hire me, no one would want me, you know, want to be my client because of that. So since last January, year and a half, that's pretty long for me. I have never kept a car that long, so I could tell you it's passion. I started the nonprofit we launched in June of last year. So we're almost at a year with that. But I started the preparation of forming the board last February. When I, when I made that pivot in January, I immediately said, you know what? We're going all in. I pulled the nonprofit off my vision board. We went. And I've been doing both.
- [16:27]
Kristin Martz
When you move, you move.
- [16:29]
Elise Smith
I do, I do. And I. One, if I don't move quickly, I will forget. I mean, that's why I have systems in place to help me. I. I will. But two, I. Momentum is what fuels me. When things slow down. I create chaos. I always have. I mean, when things get slow, I will create chaos. And I don't need to create chaos. I'd rather live in good chaos than something I created for no reason.
- [16:57]
Kristin Martz
So how do you know when you're, when you're getting like fatigued? Do you, like, you ignore that? Do you push through that?
- [17:05]
Elise Smith
Like, I, I build rest in now because I've gotten so good at setting those boundaries. So I don't often see the fatigue that I used to. Yes, there are days where I am like, today is just not the day. And if so, I have what I call my minimum work day, my minimum. And it's usually like skimming my emails just to see if there's anything urgent, which, let's be honest, if it was urgent, they're not in my emails. But I skim it. Let me just double check. And that's it. That, that's like it. Unless there's something that has a serious deadline. But for me, I build a lot of rest in. I almost pretty much completely unplug off social media, at least Saturday and Sunday. My daughter plays travel ball, so I'm usually at the ball field anyway. I know it's hard for our clients and our audiences to understand that things can be pre scheduled. And I don't apologize when I come back in and I message them on Monday. I'm not like, oh, I'm so sorry. I took me two days. I'm like, yo, I'm not in here on the weekends. Happy to see, you know, like, I don't Apologize for that anymore.
- [18:09]
Kristin Martz
Yeah.
- [18:11]
Elise Smith
But for me, I build that in. And if I took my work week down to a four day work week also last January, so a year and a half ago. And so Fridays is when I really do a lot of my, my errands. I work a lot on the nonprofit that day, which just is good energy, good vibes for me. And so, and, and the way I've structured my week out, you know, Mondays are admin, so I can stay in my pajamas. I'm just doing all the things my CPA says I have to do, all that kind of stuff. Tuesday, Thursdays are calls, Wednesdays, content creation, podcasts, recordings, whatever. But I'm not doing the same thing every day either. So I'm not getting in a point where I'm like, I just did this yesterday. So it's about understanding what your brain needs to stay focused and fueled and building in that rest.
- [19:04]
Kristin Martz
That really sounds like you've really like harnessed the idea that getting shit done is way more about energy management than it is about time management.
- [19:14]
Elise Smith
Yeah. And that's that, that's the whole thing. It's about managing your energy, not your tasks. Because I could tell you I could do more in four hours than most people can do in four days. When my focus is on when my energy is there, I don't need someone to motivate me. I need my own internal momentum. And that is driven by knowing if I put four hours in right now and I lock in, which usually turns into six to eight hours, because I have time blindness. But that's a different conversation. But when I'm locked in, okay, when I'm locked in, I don't need anyone to motivate me. And so a lot of times what I see from entrepreneurs is they're looking for this, like, external motivation. That's why they join these containers. That's why they hire coaches and they buy all these courses. They're looking for external motivation. It's great to have someone tell you that for most of us you're doing a great job. But I don't even like praise. Praise is awkward to me. Like, I don't need you to tell me I'm doing a good job. I know I'm doing a good job. And so we, a lot of entrepreneurs rely on motivation and willpower. And I'll just remember to do that. Adhdpreneurs, from what I have seen, work better with systems and structure, automation. And without those, you're kind of just winging it every day.
- [20:32]
Kristin Martz
Is there one? Like, maybe tool that you use to help develop systems or automation in your business that you're like, I don't know how I would do this without it.
- [20:44]
Elise Smith
Yeah, yeah. So systems. Oh, I don't know. I'm kind of getting in the cloud right now. I'm not even gonna lie. Claude. Cowork. I've been learning that a little bit. But for me, definitely the way I manage my calendar, manage my schedule, obviously, like I said, having specific days for specific things, it helps me from context switching so much. It helps me from getting bored with what I'm doing. Um, and so I've kind of created a system on how I manage that. I've got specific days and then specific weeks. So the first week of the month, I spend that Wednesday doing content creation. The second week of the month, I spend that Wednesday recording my podcast. The third Wednesday, Like, I haven't kneeled down that way.
- [21:28]
Kristin Martz
Let me, let me ask you this because I'm always curious. I know batching does, like, that does work, or theming your day every week does work for, you know, many idiot years. The thing that always, like, makes me nervous about it is a what if I'm just having a bad brain day on the day I have set aside. They only do, let's say once a week or once a month. How do you, how do you deal with that?
- [21:50]
Elise Smith
It's not set in stone, right? I run this ship. I do. And Fridays are my personal days. So there have been times where today's a great example. Right before you and I started recording, my kids had a field trip. So I did not do any of the things that I would have normally done today. So I've got Friday. I could sub it out or. A lot of times I have. I've gotten to a point where I overestimate how much time things take me because of my time blindness.
- [22:18]
Kristin Martz
How much do you overestimate?
- [22:21]
Elise Smith
Depends on the task. You know, like, if I have a 30 minute call with a client, I usually will block myself for a full hour. Not that we talk for a full hour, but usually I have. I do it. I still struggle. If they're paying client, I still struggle with cutting them off. Like, yo, it's been 30 minutes. Okay, you're out. I give like a 10 minute leeway, max. If we're really deep in the conversation and I want to have the conversation, I'm not going to cut somebody off. That's.
- [22:47]
Kristin Martz
Are you meeting with your clients on Zoom?
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Elise Smith
Yeah, me.
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Kristin Martz
You ever use the time the.
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Elise Smith
The.
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Kristin Martz
The timer feature?
- [22:54]
Elise Smith
I don't Think Google Meet has one. I will find that though. I bet there's like a Chrome extension or something.
- [22:59]
Kristin Martz
Well, you can also use, there's, there's like virtual cameras, like many cam is one of them where you can actually like overlay a timer. And you know, I always tell my clients like it's for me and it's probably, you know, also for you. Yeah, right.
- [23:15]
Elise Smith
But I also know that after I get off a call, I need a minute. Right when you're having that conversation, even if it's a great conversation and you're really into it, you just poured energy out. And so I need to get up, I need to get a bottle of water, I need to go to the bathroom, I need to walk around, stretch for a second before I get back into the next task. You have to have a transition period. And so I, I usually block my calendar for a full hour for that transition period. Same thing with like, you know, afternoon tasks. I have like a lull that hits around 1:30 or two about 5 o' clock when it's dinner time, I start getting another zip of energy. And so for me during that, that downtime I usually will get up, I'll move laundry, I'll just do some things I don't even have to think about. And I have a transition period in there. And that's just, I learned that by studying my own energy patterns.
- [24:10]
Kristin Martz
One of the, one of the shifts that I've actually made as I've been working through a lot of my own burnout over the last couple of years is you know, my, so my, I've been shifting a lot of my, my business stuff. So I'm doing a lot more one on one stuff than I then compared to group. And so I used to, when I used to do one on one stuff and I think a lot of therapists are sort of like this where they, you know, it's, you see the client for 45 minutes, you have 15 minutes in between next client, you know. And one of the things that I was realizing that when I had days that was basically back to back meetings all day. By the end of the day my brain just felt like shit. Like it was just like foggy and it felt like an engine trying to move without any oil. Right. It was just like, it's one of the sort of micro changes that I made to my schedule is 30 minutes now in between meetings. And that has been, been huge. Like my, my goal is to like. I don't want to end any day feeling mentally exhausted because I think that I had done that for years and years and years, which compounded so hard, which put me in such like, they for. Gave me this burnout for years, right? Because I was just ignoring that and just thinking, yep, that's just what I do. I gotta push through. Gotta push through because, you know, because that's. I wanna prove to, you know, I don't know, whoever.
- [25:30]
Elise Smith
Well, you start resenting what you're doing when you get to that burnout. You start resenting the job, right? And, and so like I said, when my business, when I first started, a year into it, I mean, I was like, what are we buying, man? Like, I had more money than I'd ever made in my life. I never thought I would make that much money. And I'm like, vacation club. Y' all want it? Mom bought it. You want this? Mom bought it. You want this, Mom? And.
- [25:52]
Kristin Martz
But you get a car.
- [25:54]
Elise Smith
I know, right over here. And I. But I wasn't even emotionally available to enjoy any of it. And then about a year and a half into it, when I realized that I can't keep going like this, like my body physically can't keep going like this, I started being resentful of my business and I started something then. Yeah, yeah. And so I did. I shifted then. And then about a year after that, I shifted again. Because, you know, I actually had a client that asked me. We were doing a one on one because in one of my group programs you get a certain amount of one on ones throughout the six months. And she asked me, she's like, I have never seen anybody, you know, break things down the way you break things down. And I said, I don't know, maybe it's my adhd. And that's, that was kind of the moment for me. And she was like, you're what? There's no way. You're so organized. You're so put together, you know, responses.
- [26:51]
Kristin Martz
And it's like, oh, honey, let me be real clear with you.
- [26:54]
Elise Smith
I know. I was like, girl, yeah, no clue. Rest. So I was like, you have no much. You don't understand how much energy it takes for me to look this put together. Like, I am exhausting so much energy.
- [27:06]
Kristin Martz
And that's masking. Like, that's masking.
- [27:08]
Elise Smith
Exactly, exactly. And so I sat with that comment for probably three or four months. I mentioned it to my therapist, I mentioned it to my husband. And the more it. It just. I ruminated on it, right? I replayed it over and over. I'm like, I can't believe she really didn't People don't really see it, do they? I must be really good at hiding it. I just, I thought about, thought about it. Finally one day I made a Facebook post that was like, you really don't understand what ADHD actually looks like in females. And I just kind of broke it down like an educational type post. And the amount of women in the comments that were like, me too, me too, me too, me too, me too. And so then I sat with that for a while and that's when I told my husband. I was like, this just feels right. Like, if you have adhd, you're what, five times more likely to be an entrepreneur anyway, and people don't understand it. Yeah, just that one comment changed everything for me. And ever since then, I feel free because now that it's out there and everyone knows I have adhd, then when I do something, they're like, man, you're super good. You know, they're not like, oh, that's pretty good for someone with adhd, you know? So it's like. And I love being an ADHD keynote speaker because they don't expect me to stay on track. They really don't.
- [28:31]
Kristin Martz
That's great. Speaking of, we're going to take a really quick break.
- [28:35]
Elise Smith
Okay.
- [28:36]
Kristin Martz
The plugs and stuff that we're working on here at ADHD Rewired, and then we will be right back.
- [28:42]
Brian Antler
Before we get back to the episode, I want to share two things with you. The first is about our upcoming coaching groups, and the other is about a neurodivergent LGBTQ pride event coming up that I'm participating in. So, first up, ADAQ Rewired's coaching and accountability groups are still open for registration. We actually moved the start date back two weeks, which means there's still time to complete pre registration and join us this season. So if you were interested, but you thought you missed the window, you haven't. As of this release, our next registration event is on this Friday and next Friday. That's May 29 and June 5 at 8am Pacific, 11 Eastern, and one more on Tuesday, June 2 at 11am Pacific, 2 Eastern. Pre registration is required before attending. This season, we have two sections. The morning section with Brian Antler begins Friday, June 19 and runs through Aug. 14. His section meets Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 7:30am Pacific, 10:30 Eastern. The evening section is led by Kristin Martz and that begins on Thursday, June 18, and runs through Aug. 13. It meets Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays at 4:30pm Pacific, 7:30 Eastern. The full schedule, including extended sessions and accountability Team details is available@coaching Rewired.com Our coaching and accountability groups are an 8 week live coaching program for adults with ADHD who want structure, support, accountability and help turning good intentions into actual action. We meet three times a week for coaching, planning, accountability and support and starting week three members also meet in smaller accountability teams so the support continues between sessions. This isn't another self paced course to forget about and then feel bad about later. It's a real live support group experience designed for ADHD brains. Because for a lot of ADHDers, the problem isn't that we don't know what
- [30:51]
Kristin Martz
we want to do.
- [30:52]
Brian Antler
It's that gap between intention and action that can just feel enormous. And trying to cross that gap alone can leave you feeling stuck, frustrated and exhausted. These groups are designed to help you build practical systems, get consistent support, and keep coming back to what matters even when life gets messy. We've been running these groups since 2014 and more than 1200 people have gone through the program and we have an over 99% completion rate, which is pretty darn amazing. If you've been thinking, I probably need something like this, but I just don't know if I'm ready, Let me just offer you this gently. Ready is not always a feeling that shows up first. Sometimes ready is what happens after you take the first step.
- [31:42]
Eric Tilbers
ADHD Rewired coaching and accountability groups coaching rewired.com coachingrewired.com pre register today coaching rewired.com
- [31:56]
Brian Antler
and secondly, I want to invite you to something special happening next week. For the third year in a row, I'll be part of Shimmers neurodivergent Pride Panel, a free online Pride Month event on Zoom, bringing together neurodivergent voices from the LGBTQ community to talk about identity, stigma, masking, belonging, and what it means to build more inclusive spaces. As a bisexual, queer RDHD human, this is a conversation I'm really looking forward to. Because pride isn't only about celebration. It's about visibility. It's about being able to say, this is who I am. It's about getting to be more of who we are out loud. For many of us, queerness and neurodivergence have both involved some version of masking, translating ourselves or wondering which parts of us were just too much. This panel is a chance to talk honestly about those intersections and to celebrate the creativity, complexity, resilience and joy that live there too. You can register for the Neurodivergent Pride panel at ADHD rewriter.com pride that's ADHD rewired.com pride. And finally, support for this podcast comes from Adult Study Hall. ADHD Rewired Virtual Co Working Community. Learn more at adult study hall.com all right, now back to the conversation.
- [33:29]
Kristin Martz
All right, we are back. A few more questions before we kind of start to bring this one in for a landing.
- [33:39]
Brian Antler
I think that you talk a little
- [33:40]
Kristin Martz
bit differently about sort of inconsistency than maybe a lot of other people might.
- [33:47]
Elise Smith
Yeah.
- [33:48]
Kristin Martz
What do you think that maybe people are getting wrong when we basically say ADHD entrepreneurs, they're sound consistent. What do you think we're getting wrong about that?
- [34:01]
Elise Smith
Honestly, it's again, back to the motivation like we talked about earlier. Dopamine runs the show. Okay. You can Google it, you can look it up. There are studies from Harvard, there are studies from the cdc. Like whatever source you want to pick, they're out there. Our run, our brains run on dopamine. And so people tend to think that we're scattered. And you might even tell yourself that because you've probably heard that a lot growing up, right? I'm just so scattered. Or oh, look, a squirrel. I hate that one. But that's, you know, you hear it all the time.
- [34:33]
Kristin Martz
My thing growing up, I was. My diagnosis was lazy.
- [34:37]
Elise Smith
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And so we often believe that about ourselves because that's what we've been told. But it's nine times out of 10 not that we're scattered. We're bored. It is boredism. There is a. There is neurology behind it. Science proves it that our brains are chronically bored and understimulated.
- [34:58]
Kristin Martz
And so I don't know if you saw the study like about a year ago came out that showed that they put ADHD years on was the ADHD was general population. Was a study that looked at under FMRI scan that showed that. That boredom looks like pain.
- [35:17]
Elise Smith
Yes.
- [35:17]
Kristin Martz
Must have been an ADHD study.
- [35:19]
Elise Smith
Yes. Yes.
- [35:21]
Kristin Martz
That's validating because, yeah, it is painful.
- [35:24]
Elise Smith
So when your brain registers as. As pain, it's going to try to avoid it. And so that's why you feel scattered or appear scattered to other people, because you try to go find something that's exciting that's going to give you that dopamine. And that's why you end up starting strong a lot of time. And then our brain checks out, right. We buy the calendar, we write in it for three days, and then it goes in the drawer with the other 50 calendars we own. It's just how it is. And so it's not that we don't care. It's that our brain just kind of stopped paying us to do what it wanted us to do. And so we're really good at starting. But finishing, it takes sustained attention and it's delayed reward and it's boring and it's repetitive and that's what we struggle with.
- [36:05]
Kristin Martz
You know, it's funny because the, the intro of my podcast is starting is the hardest part. And I've always thought, and I've always thought like I, I should have my outro be something about like, well, after we start, finishing is the hardest part.
- [36:16]
Elise Smith
Yeah.
- [36:17]
Eric Tilbers
Yes.
- [36:17]
Elise Smith
And there's so many pieces that go into this. Right. Because another thing is like decision fatigue. Right. Decision overload, brain shut down. That's why almost every day you're going to see me wearing the same thing. I have about 20 T shirts with my logo on them and you know, jeans or leggings. It's like I have like my own uniform.
- [36:37]
Kristin Martz
That's great.
- [36:38]
Elise Smith
If I have to go into my closet and pick something out to wear today, it's going to be pajamas. That's just, that's what's going to be. And so entrepreneurs with ADHD aren't inconsistent. They're under supported, they're overstimulated, they're running businesses just with systems that don't fit their brain. They're buying all these courses and trying to learn and going down these research Rabbit holes and YouTube University, trying to understand, you know, what a workday looks like or how they should be doing this or how they should be doing that and what, what they should be doing is paying more attention to their energy patterns so that they can build that are accustomed to them. Yeah. Because you have spark times, your brain has natural energy peaks. Okay. It's called your chronotype and it's a lot more than just being a night owl or, you know, a morning person. And I mean, there's again, studies around your chronotypes. When you're working during your chronotype, you're like up to 74% more productive. So you don't need to work eight hours a day. You need to work during your chronotype and your peak time. Your spark times.
- [37:40]
Kristin Martz
Yeah.
- [37:41]
Elise Smith
And when you're not in your spark time, you need to do something that you don't even have to think about, like folding laundry.
- [37:47]
Brian Antler
Agreed.
- [37:49]
Elise Smith
We often waste our best energy times doing things that don't take any brain power at all because that's just how it's always been done. Right. In corporate, you're taught to first thing you do at your desk in the morning, you sit down with your coffee, you check your email. Well, then you have just unloaded everyone else's problem on you. Right.
- [38:07]
Kristin Martz
I always say the email is a list of other people's priorities.
- [38:12]
Elise Smith
Exactly. Exactly. And so do you really need your best brain power for that? No. That shit can wait until you're exhausted and you're like, okay, I'm just gonna. Nope, Tim, not doing that. Delete, delete, unsubscribe. You know, like, that's something you could do on the toilet. It does not have to be your best energy hours, you know, like, it's not. And so it's just. Because that's how it's always been done.
- [38:34]
Kristin Martz
Yeah.
- [38:34]
Brian Antler
Yeah.
- [38:36]
Kristin Martz
So you have a book that I think just recently came out. Want to talk a little bit about that?
- [38:42]
Elise Smith
Sure. So flow first thinking is my framework that I operate on every day. And flow stands for F is find your spark times. That's what we were just talking about. And you know when your spark times are, you can plan your schedule around it. That's why I work the way I work. Monday's this, Tuesday's this, Wednesday's this. If I did calls Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, I wouldn't have the energy to do calls. Wednesday and Thursday. I'd be out. L is for linking boring with stimulating. So a lot of times when you're avoiding things, it's because they're boring and you don't. I don't want to fold laundry. I want someone else to fold my laundry. But unfortunately, I got to wash, like three loads a day with all these kids, and I don't have anyone that's volunteering to do it. So there are ways called temporal building that you probably already do, and you don't even realize you're doing it. Like watching Netflix while holding laundry or listening to a podcast while you're cleaning or driving or whatever to get you through that boring thing. But you may not be using that process for things in your business, like organizing your receipts or things that you just keep avoiding. So I talk a lot about there's different ways to linking an urgent task or what feels urgent and to stimulate your brain to get through that. O is organize your overflow so those shiny objects that distract us, or you get the best ideas when you're sitting still just in the shower right before you go to bed, that's where they come. And then you immediately go start them, and you go hard for 12 hours and then you stop. It may be a you probably have million dollar ideas in your notes on your phone, but we've never executed on them because after was over. So I have like a parking lot system where I drop all my ideas and it's built in my schedule to go through it and review it. Sometimes they're dumb stuff like water the plants, okay. But if it comes through my brain, I got to get it out. If not, I'm going to keep thinking about it. And so I brained up every morning, I put it in my parking lot, and then I review my parking lot and either delegate, delete, you know, go through the system and then w is work your week around your peaks. So when you know your spark, work
- [40:49]
Kristin Martz
your week around your peak. Okay.
- [40:50]
Elise Smith
Yeah. When you know your spark times the F, when you know what you avoid doing and how you can stimulate your brain to finish it or find someone else to do it. Either way works. And then you know how to organize your overflow of thoughts so that you can focus. Then you build your schedule like I did mine. And it looks very different for every one of my clients, but I worked with someone in corporate and used the system and he actually took it to his boss, got approval to kind of make some shifts on his schedule and they allowed him to micro test it. Like, hey, if you can prove results, we're good with it. He saved him over $300,000 in company waste in the first quarter of him just being able to make changes to his schedule, just being able to work his way through on his peaks over. Not, not too shabby at all. So it's what I did my TedX on. But obviously a TedX is like an appetizer because they're like 11 minutes you're off the stage. So the book actually teaches you my framework and goes through all different scenarios because it's not just for entrepreneurs. If you can get your boss on board to allow you to be a little more flexible, I think that's a really big missed opportunity as some of these bigger companies, you know, they're, they're wasting their best employees because of. Of the man micromanagement and not allowing them to be a little more flexible.
- [42:13]
Kristin Martz
So let me ask you this. So as you've been sort of testing out your, your system with, with clients, what do you think or where do people kind of maybe get certain pieces of it wrong when they're trying to apply something like this?
- [42:27]
Elise Smith
The F always.
- [42:29]
Kristin Martz
And tell us what the F was again, because that was like three minutes ago when we've all forgotten.
- [42:34]
Elise Smith
Find your spark times. So A lot of people either misunderstand what their spark time is. It's not always when you have the most energy. It's when your brain's most alert and most focused. And so the only way to find that is to really do like a time audit and track. Because I'm pretty wired up at 8pm but that's body energy. That's not. I'm not focused according to the. All the laundry still sitting on my couch and dishwasher that's half loaded and all the things I try to do with all the extra energy, but understanding that and, and then breaking the pattern because they've been doing the same schedule for so many or trying to for so many years. Check the email, then talk to this client and then this. Making changes to their schedule is uncomfortable a lot of times, especially if you have to set boundaries. Right. When I had to go and. And change my calendar link to where people couldn't book calls with me anymore. No, I don't book more than three calls a day. That's my max for the day. So when I had to go put those settings in and somebody's like, I can't book with you and for another two weeks, I had to be like, that's my next availability.
- [43:43]
Kristin Martz
Right.
- [43:43]
Elise Smith
That's uncomfortable.
- [43:45]
Kristin Martz
Yeah.
- [43:45]
Elise Smith
And so getting past that F is is usually the hardest part. Or saying no to something. You know, saying no to like my Spark Time's between 10 and 2 personally. And so for me, being able to. My grandma calling and I'm like, hey, I'll call you after two. Like me tell my grandma that. She's like, well, why can't you talk now? And I'm like, I'm in the zone, man. I can't. I'll call you later. I love you. Bye. Like, setting those boundaries or getting out of those routines and habits is the hardest part. Yeah.
- [44:18]
Kristin Martz
So let's ask you one more question here. You know, if. Because I want listeners to get something, I'd be very sort of concrete and actionable to wrap us up with. So if someone's listening and they're feeling overwhelmed or behind or stuck, what do you think is one just really small shift that could actually move the needle? I know it's kind of an abstract question and it's much easier to apply for a specific situation. But if you're able to kind of zoom out and with, you know, your ability for kind of pattern recognition of other ADHD entrepreneurs, like what's. What's one small shift.
- [45:06]
Elise Smith
Actionable item they could do, I would recommend A brain dump immediately. I personally love a good voice message. Some of them in my phone are like 15 minutes long. I'm not gonna lie. I just ramble and then listen back to that and see what doesn't feel good to you on there. Not like, what, what is something you don't want to do? Like, no, again, no one wants to do laundry, like literally. But what doesn't feel good to you? Is there a phone call that you just do not want to make? Is there a crucial conversation you just don't want to have? Is there, you know, something in there that just makes your stomach turn when you listen back to it? Because your influx in your voice tells you a lot. I recommend a brain dump every day. So I drop my kids off at school and I've got about a 5 minute drive back from the school line to my house. I just, I just let my voice memo run the whole time and I'm just like, call this person, do this, do that, email this person, sweep that goldfish crumb off the floor. That's been there for four days, whatever. Like, I just, I let it all out. And does it mean it gets done? No. But it also means I don't sit at my desk going like, goldfish crumb is still there. You know, I don't think about it, but I often will listen back to
- [46:21]
Kristin Martz
them and plug it into like AI.
- [46:24]
Elise Smith
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually use the app called Voicepen. 10 out of 10 recommend. Of course, I think iPhone actually will do it now too where you can get the transcript.
- [46:33]
Kristin Martz
Yeah.
- [46:33]
Elise Smith
From regular voice memos. But voicepen will actually like with a click of a button, turn it into an action item list or it will give me like high priorities. Well, it's, it's pretty freaking awesome.
- [46:47]
Kristin Martz
Voice pen.
- [46:48]
Elise Smith
Voice pen. Yep. And one of the reasons I love it, I'll plug this in here. It. I can actually. So I'm a YouTube university, er, and a lot of times I'll want to watch this video, but it's 30 minutes long and I'm like, I really don't need to. You could plug that link in and it will transcribe the video and then give you like the bullet points of what they covered in the video, the links to what they recommended and I'm like, that's great. Oh, dawn podcast. All that is all that.
- [47:12]
Kristin Martz
I don't know if you've seen the Apple podcasts now or it like automatically extracts links or resources mentioned and it will actually plug it into the, the, your podcast, like on the app itself.
- [47:25]
Elise Smith
I have not. When did that happen?
- [47:28]
Kristin Martz
I think in the last, like, month or two. Like, and if you. And if you mention other podcasts, it will show up, like, in there as other podcasts that were mentioned.
- [47:38]
Elise Smith
It's not. I listen to podcasts a lot of times on my computer on.
- [47:41]
Kristin Martz
Okay.
- [47:41]
Elise Smith
On my computer in the podcast. So I don't know. Maybe my computer needs an update, but I'm gonna.
- [47:46]
Kristin Martz
Yeah. I don't know if it does that on the computer. For just the phone.
- [47:49]
Elise Smith
Yeah.
- [47:49]
Kristin Martz
Not sure.
- [47:50]
Elise Smith
But I would. I would listen back. To what? Listen back to your own voice and what doesn't feel good to you, like, in your gut. I don't like the way this sounds. Feel good to you. And then sit with that for 48 hours and make a decision, you know, whether it's something you need to bless and release, whether it is something you need to find someone else to handle, if it's, you know. But there's very often something you're putting pressure on yourself to do because someone else either made you feel that way or you weren't as open with them. When you learn more about your brain and how you operate, the conversations you can have with people are more informed. And this is one of the things I teach my students a lot. But it's a lot easier for me to communicate with people now because I know how I operate. And so rather than feeling like I'm being harsh by saying, no, I don't have a time available for the next two weeks, it's. I understand why I don't have a time available. And so I'm more confident saying that. And so go learn as much as you can about why your brain operates the way it does, because you'll be a lot more confident about making those changes. And. And you won't put that blame on yourself. You won't internalize that.
- [49:01]
Kristin Martz
Can you leave people with your website and any other way that people can
- [49:05]
Brian Antler
reach out to you?
- [49:06]
Elise Smith
Of course. So socially awesome dot com. And that's a U S O M E. It's a name play on being an autism mom. You can find me on. On Facebook, Instagram. Please don't DM me on TikTok because their. Their DMS are terrible. Okay. If you want to. If you want to chat, and I do want to chat with you, please reach out Facebook or Instagram, because TikTok's DMS are just not it. All right. But I would love to connect with anyone, get a copy of the book, you know, let me know what you think about it. It's full of resources and I've got trackers and all kinds of resources to help you implement my flow first thinking system in it. Because I don't want you just to, I don't want you just to have a concept. I'm a tactical person. I'm very much telling me what to do so I could do it. And so I, I want to equip you with everything you need to, to make those changes because it's been a huge, it's, it's been a huge piece of my life the last two years and it's brought a lot of confidence and conviction into my business, into me as a mom, into me as a wife. And yeah, I want that for everyone that brings more happiness.
- [50:15]
Kristin Martz
Elise Smith, thank you so much. This was a fun conversation and I hope that. Yeah, absolutely. And maybe I'll come on to your show in the near future.
- [50:26]
Elise Smith
I hope so.
- [50:28]
Kristin Martz
So thank you and we'll, we'll be in touch and I hope that listeners, you got a lot out of this and thanks.
- [50:36]
Elise Smith
Perfect. Stay awesome.
- [50:37]
Eric Tilbers
You got 43 tabs open in your mind. A planner you love for a week like last time. You mean to start. You really do. You had good intentions but didn't follow through. It's not just you. This group gives structure, not pressure, accountability, not shame. A group that helps you do the thing instead of overthinking once again. You've been meaning to decide since honestly, who knows when. So come see how group coaching can work for your ADHD brain instead of bookmarking this again. Registration events this week, coaching Rewired.com links in the show notes coaching Rewired.com.