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Affirmations for Black Girls
418 | Absorbing Love: How Our Fathers Shaped Our Emotional Blueprint
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Hi, Zoe Saldana. Welcome to T Mobile. Here's your new iPhone 16 Pro on us. Thanks. And here's my old phone to trade in. You don't need to trade in. When you switch to T Mobile, we'll give you a new iPhone 16 Pro. Plus we'll help you pay off your old phone. Up to 800 bucks and you still get to keep it. There's always a trade in. Not right now. At T Mobile. I feel like I have to give you something in return for karma. That's okay. I don't really have much in my purse. Oh, let's see. Hand sanitizer. It's lavender. I'm good. Seriously. Let me check this pocket. Oh, mints. Really, I'm fine. Oh, I have raisins. I'm a mom. Wait, wait one sec. I've got cupcakes in the car. It's our best iPhone offer ever. Switch to T Mobile. Get a new iPhone 16 Pro with Apple intelligence on us. No trade in needed. We'll even pay off your Phone up to 800 bucks with 24 monthly bill credits. New line $100 plus a month on experience beyond finance agreement. $999.99 and qualifying. Ported for well qualified plus tax and $10 connection charge. Pay off via virtual prepaid card. Allow 15 days credits end in balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel. Hello, friends, old and new. Do you like video games? Do you like interviews with industry insiders? Do you like stupidity? I'm Jess Pardew, host of the brand new podcast, Stupid Little Games. Every other week, I sit down with various members of the gaming industry, from CEOs of AAA studios to indie devs shipping their very first title. We chat about our current gaming obsessions. We tell stories from projects past or present. And then we play a stupid little game that I've written specifically for each guest. So search for stupid little games wherever you get your podcast. See you next Tuesday. You ever realize you pick something up just by being around it? Like your mama's favorite phrases or your best friend's laugh, or that one song your grandma played every time she cleaned the house? Love can be like that, too. Sometimes. We don't learn love, we just absorb it just by being in the room. Especially with the men who raised us or who we are, who we were around. As kids, we often watched more than we actually were told. And if you grew up around a man who showed love through doing, through fixing things, paying the bills, driving silently, protecting without talking, you might have grown up thinking that was all love. Was supposed to be not soft, not expressive, not maybe not emotionally safe. Just stay stable and quiet. That's just one example. So what did you absorb and how did it shape what you now accept, seek and sometimes confuse as love? What is going on? Beautiful people? You are listening to the Affirmations for Black Girls podcast where we focus on personal growth and cultivating a healthy relationship with ourselves. I'm your host, Tyra, the creative actress, content creator and mental health enthusiast. And y' all, today we are holding space. We're holding space for the quiet reflections, the moments, the that may not make it into the group chat, but can live heavy in our hearts. And I don't want this episode or I don't want you to turn away from this episode because it's not going to be a sad episode. We're just going to be talking about some real ish today. Now, I don't really talk much about my relationship with my daddy or with male figures in my life. And I thought with Father's Day right around the corner and I could open up the conversation if this is triggering for you, take a beat, try to get as far as you can. And if you need to stop, go ahead and pause the episode. But it's not going to be super, super deep or super heavy. I do want to say that we're just talking and we're just exploring. So I will say this. Me and my daddy have a pretty good relationships in terms of how we talk to each other now. Like we say I love you over on the phone and I talk to him, I would say once a week if he's busy every other week. But growing up, I felt it felt a little weird, my relationship with my daddy. And we'll get into that a little more. But there was a time when I didn't speak to him for about a year. I and that was when I was a freshman in college and I basically erased that from my memory. Why? I'm not completely sure. Gotta unpack that in therapy one day. But I didn't want that to stop me from sharing with y' all today. So if you've ever found yourself unpacking old memories or questioning the way you are taught to give and receive love or just needing a moment to feel seen, this is the episode for you. And this episode is not about finger pointing, finger pointing at all. It's about a gentle awareness and offering ourselves the compassion that we may not have always received and may not have given to ourselves when we were growing up. So before we dive into everything else let's go ahead and get into our affirmation of the week. So this week's affirmation is I deserve softness in how I speak to myself, how I love, and how I'm loved in return. Let's go ahead and drop in, y' all. This one is a mouthful, but it's so powerful. I deserve softness in how I speak to myself, how I love and how I'm loved in return. I deserve softness in how I speak to myself, how I love and how I'm loved in return. I deserve softness in how I speak to myself, how I love and how I'm loved in return. I deserve softness in how I speak to myself, how I love and how I'm loved in return. I deserve softness in how I speak to myself, how I love and how I'm loved in return. Let's really focus on the beginning of this affirmation and say it one last time together. I deserve softness in how I speak to myself, how I love and how I'm loved in return. Y' all, we deserve it. You deserve it. You deserve it. Saying I deserve softness isn't just about being gentle with yourself. It's giving yourself permission to expect kindness and care in all areas of your life. It's a quiet reminder that you don't have to settle for less than love. That feels safe and that feels real. When you start believing that you deserve softness, it changes how you show up. It changes how you show up with yourself and with other people. It's a small shift. It's a small shift that makes such a huge difference. When I think about the men who raised us, whether it was your daddy, your granddaddy, your stepdad, your uncle, or a family friend, or your adoptive parents, your foster parents, whoever. A lot of what we learned about love wasn't taught directly. It was absorbed. And I am making a generalization here, because I am one person, and I can really only speak from my experience, but I do believe a lot of us as black women, well, black anybody, grew up with that. Not being taught love directly, being taught by seeing. I mean, when you're growing up, you. You learn more by seeing what's around you than what you're told anyway. Because you know what parents say. The old saying, do as I say, not as I do. And that is a direct illustration of how we absorb what is around us. But it's not like somebody sat us down and said, okay, this is how you show love, or this is what it looks like to be emotionally available. At least nobody has ever said that to me, ever. Instead, we picked it up from watching how they moved, how those figures in our lives moved. And a lot of times that movement was silent. And for me, there was a time in college, like I just told you guys at the top of the episode, that I didn't talk to my daddy for a whole year. And to this day, I cannot remember what exactly started it, but I do know that was a little bit after my mom and dad got a divorce. And actually, I haven't talked about that much on the podcast. Let me know if you guys want to hear about growing up with two parents, a two parent household, and then in ninth grade, you're life changing. My parents got a divorce when I made it to high school. And yeah, send me an email if you guys would like some sort of episode or little series on that. But anyways, I can't remember exactly why it started, but I remember being so upset with my daddy and just hurt. Honestly, I was super sad. I was hurting. And the distance between us felt like a hole because that's my road dog, y' all. Me and my daddy was two peas in a pod when I was growing up. And it was just very. It was just a very weird place in our relationship. And I get it. I was. I had just got to college. So how old am I? 18? Not even. I didn't. I turned 18 when I was already in college. I was 17. So I'm still young, hormonal, all of the things. But at that time, my dad had never been. Ew. I said, dad. Y' all call him Daddy. And I, when I say, let me just sidebar. I know I'm all over the place, y' all, but let me just say this. Whenever I be saying daddy, people be looking at me like, girl, ain't you 30 years old? Yes, that's my daddy. In the south, we still say daddy no matter how old we are. Okay. But anyways, my daddy was never super affectionate when I was growing up. I don't remember exactly, like, when I was a little kid, but the ages that I remember, he was never super affectionate. And honestly, neither was my mama when I was growing up. I didn't get a lot of physical touch or I'm proud of yous. And I learned to associate love with action. Like, if they're doing something for you, then they must care. And I think I associated it with action because, one, I didn't receive physical touch or words of affirmation. But also I remember. This is the only instance that I can remember off the top of my head right now as I'm talking, I showed my daddy my report card one day, and he said, so on a report card? I don't know. I'm like, in middle school at this point. On the report card, I have straight A's, but on our report cards, they don't say A, A plus, A minus, whatever. They have the percentage. So I had some 100%. I also did a lot of credit, so I would have over 100 in some of my classes. And then I would have some lower A's that were like a 95. And I remember one of them, he was like, this good. But where the rest of the points on this one, he was pointing to one of those lower A's. And granted, I don't think my dad. Now that I'm older, I don't think my daddy meant anything by. Because he didn't say it in, like, a bad way or, you know, anything like that. But I was like, okay, this is what I got to do to get your approval as a child. And I didn't have the tools to talk to my daddy about any of that. And we still haven't talked to it this day. I'm definitely past that in a. In a sense of. I don't think he was just saying that I was not good enough. I do not think that y' all. But what it did tell me as a kid was, okay, I got to keep on grinding because I got to get this 100 so that I can get the I'm proud of you. You know, that is how I felt. And I went on to be valedictorian of my class, so it turned out to be great. And by the time I was graduating from high school and stuff, that is when the I'm proud of yous and stuff started to roll out from both my mama and my daddy. But anyways, I learned to associate love with action, and that kind of leaves. That kind of love leaves a gap sometimes, because what about the moments where you just need to be held? My parents did not hold me. Neither one of them held me when I was younger or the times that I can remember you guys. So fast forward to years later, and I'm just thinking, like, me and my brother were actually having a conversation, and I think I talked about this in a previous episode, but my mama and daddy are still young, y' all. My daddy turns 53 this year. He's 52. My mama is 51, and I'm 30. They were in their early 20s when they had me and My brother, I could not imagine. I could not imagine. So it made. While it makes a lot of sense, it doesn't really change the way that I feel, but it makes a lot more sense within me now. And so this was like a couple years ago now, so I want to say my daddy was 50 or about to turn 50 or just turned 50 something, y' all. And there was a moment where we were on vacation with family and my family, my extended family likes to joke a lot and the jokes don't be funny. So something was said and it really hurt my feelings. And my daddy, I kind of like walked off from. We were at a restaurant and I kind of like walked outside to catch some air and my daddy came over and was like, what's going on? And I just started bawling my eyes out and he embraced me. And that is what 10 year old Tyra needed. That's exactly what I needed. It was just very raw and it was vulnerable. And after that, we sat in the. We drove home. Cuz we were on vacation in Tennessee. We drove home and we sat in the car and I just was able to open up and I felt heard and seen by my daddy. And I just saw how mature he had gotten in his old ripe age of 50. I just saw how much, how much more mature he was. And he held space for me and I truly appreciated that. And y' all, I just love that for the first time I can remember. And I'm trying, as I'm saying this, I'm trying to think. I don't want to say that's the first time my daddy has ever consoled me because I really don't believe that to be true. I don't feel that in my heart. It could be, but I don't feel that in my heart. But he consoled me. He showed up emotionally. No joking, because my daddy loves to joke. No, you'll be all right. No, suck it up. He was just present and he was just there. He just held that space. And I needed that more than I realized. That one moment didn't undo the years of the silence or the looking away or the making everything a joke or shift who he's always been. But it reminded me that even the emotionally distant people in our lives have the capacity to soften, even if it's only for a moment. And it reminded me that just because I didn't receive expressive love growing up doesn't mean I can't learn to love or I can't learn how to give and receive it now there are Times in my life now where I'm like, oh, okay, I know that that came from this person in my life. Oh, I know that that came from this experience in my life. And I'm going to bring this up for a split second because I already feel myself getting emotional. But, oh, gosh. I have an uncle who passed away in 2007. I was in seventh grade and he was so good to me. His name is Edward. My uncle Edward is my grandmother's brother. So he's my great uncle. And every time he saw me, he would just embrace me and it would be so happy and full of love. And at the beginning of it, it was a little weird because I didn't receive that at home, but he would always pour into me, oh, you're my beautiful black baby doll. You're so beautiful. Oh, you like saying things like that that I absolutely needed to hear, especially at that age. And I lost him in 2007. And I'm just so grateful that I had him in my life for as long as I did, because even that little glimpse into being poured into by a black man in just a loving way has helped me know that I do mean something today. So I did absorb that I am important and I deserve softness in my life. And I. I'm just so glad that I got that. I don't know why I wanted to bring that up, but it just reminds me that just because I didn't receive that expressive love from my daddy at that age, because he was also young, he was in, like I said, he was 20 years old or 21 when he had me. My mama was 20. They were so young. I'm so glad that there were other people in my life that were pouring into me. And I think I did. I wasn't even thinking about talking about that today, but God knew that I at least needed a little bit, a sprinkling of it because growing up being dark skinned as I am, I didn't feel pretty and all of that. So I did have a little bit of physical touch and words of affirmation, and it made a huge difference. Our father figures and the men that are in your life really make a huge difference in who you. In who you grow up to be. And maybe on the other end of the spectrum, you did grow up in a home with an active and present father who had words of affirmation for you. And maybe he was at every game day, every award ceremony, and every life milestone. But because of that presence, you might have internalized smaller or more nuanced moments as bigger signals to love or even the lack of it. And maybe it's a text not responded to, a forgotten birthday, a subtle dismissal of your emotions that now feel so much louder than it probably was. What I'm trying to say is, no matter what your experience was, whether it was, whether you viewed it as positive, negative, neutral, whatever it is on the spectrum, all of that affects the way we absorb what love is and what love should be. And that's the thing about love. What we absorb, whether it's the presence or the absence, the loud or the quiet, it becomes the framework we carry into our adult relationships. And if we're not conscious of it, we start to believe that love only comes in the form we first recognize it in, even if that version no longer serves us. And I have seen that play out in previous relationships in my life. And this is why doing the work to unlearn and relearn our definitions of love is so important, so we can move forward with awareness instead of assumptions. Okay y' all, I have a confession to make. I am a hot sleeper. My body be running so hot y' all and sometimes it has me tossing and turning all night. First I'm too hot because I'm under the covers, then I get too cold because I didn't took them off of me. I'm flipping my pillow every 10 minutes to find the cool side and eventually I just end up with one foot in and one foot out to regulate my body. But I recently realized that it's not just me, it's also my bedding. Heat trapping sheets and duvets are a recipe for a restless night and no matter how tired you are, I cannot get jiggy. Witty. Now I already upgraded my bed. I told y' all I got the avocado green mattress and with the warmer weather approaching us, it has given me the push to give their bedding a try. So Avocado's bedding collection is warm weather ready and that your bed deserves. From soft organic cotton sheets to light as air silk duvets, their bedding is designed to naturally regulate temperature and keep you cool, comfy and sleeping soundly all night long. Amen. Everything is sustainably made, non toxic and super luxe without the heavy hot feeling that usually comes with high end bedding. And y' all know y' all know what I'm talking about. And I can feel confident knowing that my pieces are high quality and will last longer because we trying to make that dollar stretch honey. I really recommend checking out all of AVOC bedding options and Finding the right items to ensure a cooler and more comfy night sleep. So y' all head to avocadomatress.com today to save 10% on all bedding and 50% on clearance bedding. Avocado Dream of better Okay, y' all, so I have a confession to make. As the treasurer for the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, I want to let y' all know that I gave up on regular bras a long time ago because they were always so uncomfortable. Either the straps would dig in or the cups would have that gap that really got on my nerves. Now, while I said I do have a smaller chest and bad bralettes aren't exempt from this criticism either, I just always wanted something that felt good on my body. Something that worked for me instead of against me. Amen. Now I'm pretty sure I wanted to last people to try skims. But baby, why didn't y' all tell me that the scoop roulette from the Fits Everybody collection was so freaking good. I don't think I ever experienced fabric like this. It's buttery, soft and it's smoothing. It's like melt into your skin soft, but it still provides that support and that secure feeling without digging or pinching or weird gapping. Okay? And there are also no weirdly placed seams. And y' all know what I'm talking about. You know that over the nipple seam that pokes through your shirt, especially if you got a small chest. I absolutely hate that. But y' all, I love this bralette. It's lightweight and it moves with me, which means I can go all day without even thinking about it. And I got it in two colors and I wear them under everything. Now listen, this part is important. Shop Skims Fits Everybody Collection and more@skims.com after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show affirmations for black girls in the drop down menu that follows. So sometimes I randomly feel a little off and I always wonder, is this stress? Am I not drinking enough water? Is this just just what getting older feels like? Because I'm 30 now and I'll also be the first to admit that I'm curious about the role hormones play in how I feel day to day? But who really feels like shelling out extra coins to find and book an appointment with a specialist? But not knowing what's going on is just as stressful. So I have to start somewhere. So y' all, I recently learned about a free two minute quiz that can help you uncover the root of your hormonal symptoms. Made by Happy Mammoth, it's right there on their website and it's all pretty straightforward. I just answered a few questions about my symptoms, my habits and where I'm at in my life. And they offer a range of products designed to help women feel like themselves again. And with personalized recommendations from the quiz, you'll know exactly where to start. My results recommended that I give their hormone Harmony a try, so I'm gonna see what it's hitting on. Are you ready to start feeling like yourself again? Head over to happymammoth.com and take their free 2 minute hormone quiz today to find out ultimate answer to your stubborn hormonal issues. And for a limited time, you can also get 15% off your entire first order with my code affirmations at checkout. That's happy mammoth.com and use the code affirmations for 15% off today. Oh, y' all. I hope y' all stand with me. I hope y' all stand with me. But this may be a little touchy, but let's talk about something that a lot of us don't always have the language for. The father wound. Now, don't let that term scare you. A father wound doesn't always mean that your daddy was absent or that your childhood was traumatic. And I will be the first to say my daddy was not always absent and my childhood was not traumatic. My daddy was at all of our games. My daddy was the one cooking us dinner at night. My daddy was the one picking us up from. From school and from my grandma's house and taking us where we needed to go. Because when we were growing up, my mama was in law school. So don't think that that's what it always means. Hear me out. Sometimes it's way more subtle than that. Maybe he was physically there, but emotionally distant. Maybe he provided financially but didn't know how to pour into you emotionally. Maybe he poured into you emotionally but could not be there financially or even physically. Maybe he loved you the best way he could, but you still felt unseen or unsupported. And that ache. That's what people mean when they say a father wound. It's the gap between what you needed emotionally and what you actually received. And for so many of us, especially women, black women, I'm going to say black women because I'm black. That wound can follow us into adulthood in ways we don't realize. It can show up as people pleasing, as perfectionism, as keeping your Guard up around men or being drawn to emotionally unavailable ones. It can show up as that feeling of, I gotta do everything myself, even when you don't have to anymore. And everything I just named I have experienced in my twenties while dating. Heavy on the people pleasing, heavy on the perfectionism for me. And I'll be honest, like I said, I did not grow up in an affectionate household. Saying I love you or hugging my parents was weird. It felt weird. I felt uncomfortable. My daddy wasn't the hug and kiss you type. Well, he would, but you know what? Now everything is. Now everything is coming back a little bit. So he would. But it would be like after a baseball game or after a basketball game or after a sporting event. And it's like a congratulations on your win. You know, that type of thing. That's one affection showed up, right? But now I think one of the biggest things for me is since I moved away, both my mama and my daddy are way more affectionate. That will definitely help you get some affection. My brother is still getting there. I tell him I love him all the time, but he just says, literally, this is what happens every time we talk on the phone, y' all. I'll be like, all right, gotta go. Love you. He be like, get off my line. He said it every time. And I know that that is his way of saying I love you. But I know how uncomfortable it was the first time I said I love you to him. And that's why I'm continuing to flex that muscle regardless. Because we grew up in the same house, we have a lot of the same experiences. And I just want to make sure that. That that door is always open for whenever he decides to say it back to me. Now, as far as my parents being more affectionate, both of them are so much more affectionate now. And all of that is a reminder that people, even your parents, because they're just human. My mom is just a girl. My daddy is just a guy. And they were just kids when they had me and my brother. Even your parents can grow and love can evolve. That love you share can evolve. So I want to ask a couple questions to see, or I want you to ask yourself a couple of questions just to see if you have some sort of father wound. If you need to grab a notebook, grab one so you can write these down. The first question is, do I struggle to accept compliments or affection without brushing it off? I've definitely struggled to accept compliments in the past. It's a lot easier now, I will say, because I allow Myself to sit in that discomfort for a second, and then I respond, thank you. Question number two. Do I feel like I need to be useful in order to be loved? I've been there. I have 100% been there. Question number three. Do I chase emotionally distant people trying to prove I'm worth it? For the longest time, I didn't know what it meant for somebody to be emotionally unavailable or emotionally distant. And in this moment, I don't have the exact words for it. But if you're trying to be with somebody who is not pouring into you, who is not showing their true feelings or always feels distant, like they're hiding something or covering something up, I chalk that up a lot to their emotional maturity. So their emotional distance or emotional unavailability. Question number four. Is it hard for me to ask for help or to trust people with my needs? Ooh. And question number five. Do I secretly feel safer when I keep my emotions private, even in relationships? Now, if you nodded your head or agreed in any way or whispered yes to any of those, that doesn't mean something's wrong with you. It just means there might be something tender that needs a little love and care. It might mean you're holding patterns that were shaped by the love you didn't receive, and now you're learning how to unlearn them. And that's why I say healing is not about assigning blame to any person or anything. It's about reclaiming that softness. It's about chipping away at that rough exterior. It's about choosing to love or choosing to believe that your emotional needs do matter, even if they weren't nurtured back then when you were growing up or even last week or whatever. So be gentle with yourself if you're realizing some things by those questions. And remember, it's not a weakness. It's growth. You know, after all the ways love showed up or didn't in our past, sometimes it feels like we're carrying around those old blueprints that don't quite fit anymore. But what if we could take those blueprints, we could tear them up, and we could sketch out a new version of our home that our heart lives in, one that feels more true to who we are now. First of all, I want to say this. You are not wrong for craving softness, that gentle, steady kind of love. You don't have to hustle for it or perform just to earn praise or affection. Love shouldn't feel like a job or a checklist, the men from your past or in your life right now, your daddy, your granddaddy, whoever, they may not have had the tools to show up, to show love fully or in the way you need it. And that's okay. I know for me, they. Well, I grew up in the South. Very tab therapy was taboo. It was a very stressful time that I grew up in. It was a time where men couldn't really share that they were having mental health stuff. My daddy was also in the military, so I know for a fact that he is struggling with PTSD from that now. It all makes a lot more sense. My daddy also, I think he will not talk about it, but my daddy feels abandoned by his daddy. He made one comment to me that gave me that. I asked him about his daddy, and he was like, well, that man left me and my mama. He feels abandoned by his daddy. And all of that makes a lot more sense and is not taking up for anything, but it is identifying the things that my daddy went to, went through the way that he absorbed love. Because everybody, when they're a kid, male, female, whatever, absorbs love in the things that they had and in the things that they didn't have. Your experiences are based on that. So that could be a huge part, because he was young when it happened. So, yeah, I don't hold any of that against them. They did the best that they could with what they had. But you and me, you get to learn new tools now. Light. We are so progressive now, especially when it comes to mental health. And I am so grateful that we as a society have gotten to this place. I'm so. That's why I started a podcast like this, because there was nothing like this when I was growing up. I needed this, and I've told y' all that before. That's why I started this podcast in the first place. You get to learn new tools now, new ways of loving and new ways of being loved. And that's not a betrayal or turning your back on your past. That's healing. That's growth. That's transformation. That's taking a step up. Maybe the love you want looks like morning check ins over text, Deep conversations that leave you feeling more understood. Sharing a playlist that speaks to your soul, or just sitting together in silence and feeling safe in that space. Maybe you want love that doesn't try to fix your pain, but actually sees it, acknowledges it, and sits with you through it. And here's the thing, y' all. You get to decide what love looks like in your world now. No more trying to squeeze into somebody else's mold or Hoping for love to look like a TV show or a movie scene. This is your love story. This is your language, your rhythm. And the best part about it, you don't need anyone's permission to do that. You don't owe anyone an explanation for how you want to be loved or how you want to love back. So yeah, reclaim your love. Reclaim that softness. Redefine it on your own terms. And most importantly, give yourself permission to receive it exactly as you need it. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home, and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you when you need it. So your dollar goes a long way. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states or situations. I am so glad that you guys stayed here with me. I know that this episode might have stirred up some feelings. It definitely stirred up some in me that I did not know was gonna happen. Maybe you started to feel a little bit of tenderness, a little bit of discomfort, maybe some heaviness. But thank you for listening. Sometimes those are the conversations we need most. And as I look back on the men who shaped my world, it's clear that I don't need a reason to be joyful. Joy itself is the reason. And I'm not broken for carrying a father wound, and neither are you. You're not broken for any other kind of emotional gaps that you might carry. And you never too far gone to start healing them. So this moment right here, this is your permission slip. It's not just to name the grief, but to also name the growth. To say, yeah, that part hurt. And it might have hurt a lot. But I get to rewrite what love means to me. When you choose to practice love on your own terms, with no conditions, no waiting, you're telling your nervous system that safety, softness and pleasure aren't just rewards after the hustle or after all the bad stuff, they're what life is made of and what you're here to receive and experience. So if this episode brought up gratitude, grief, or a little bit of both, I want you to know this. You are so deeply loved. I am so glad that you're here. And you deserve to feel that love fully every day. Not just on days marked on the calendar, but every single one of them. 365 and 366 on a leap year. Amen. You deserve it. Always and always. Oh, y' all, you know what time it is? It is time for our fun closing segment. And y' all, today I the closing segment is just going to be some fun announcements that we have for the podcast. First of all, I want to say this again. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. I know we haven't done an episode like this in a minute, so thank you so much for listening through and really holding space for yourselves to make sure that we are exploring this area of our lives, even if it's a little tender, even if it's a little uncomfortable. So today I just have a couple of announcements for y' all. Oh, my gosh. Y' all are the first people to know about the second announcement, but I'm gonna start with this other one first. So I am super excited, y' all, because when was the last time. Let me ask you a question first. When was the last time that you poured into yourself? And I don't mean surface level stuff, but, like, you really pause, like today and gave yourself space to breathe, to reflect, to refill. Can I get a refill? That song popped into my head as soon as I said that. But, y' all, I am so excited because I have started an exclusive community. I had this in the past when I. When my podcast was a Spotify podcast, but now that I have moved to a new hosting platform, I was like, you know what? I think it's time to bring back exclusive content because you guys like that. So I created the refill room. So every month, I'm going to be sharing a bonus pep talk. Some journaling, prompts, affirmations, some voice notes. Really, like, it's going to be the inner circle, okay, for us. And it's for those who want a little more stillness and a little more softness in their lives and who want to just live or lead with joy. You feel me? I want to talk more about how I am experiencing joy in my life. And I'm also doing some. What are they called, virtual happy hours with you guys over there. It's gonna be. I don't know everything that it's gonna be, but mainly it's gonna be bonus episodes and bonus resources and affirmations, voice notes. And just like, I'm talking to a friend over there at the refill room. And I just want to give people who want that little bit extra, like, to invest in themselves and really be around, like, minded people who also want to better Themselves and are super focused and honed in on their personal growth and getting out of the sad girl stage or, you know, just moving to the next chapter in life. Right? That overflow, that abundance mindset, that is what the refill room is for. So like I said, it is exclusive content. So it will be available to you for $3 a week or $8 a month. That's it. $8 a month to invest in yourself or $3 a week if you more of a week to week person. We have different options there for you so you can give it a try. And if you're like, girl, I don't want this, then no harm, no foul. I ain't gonna take it personally, but I really wanted to do something where I could get more deep into certain topics or things with you guys. And the happy hours will be so great because that'll be our time to actually be not in real life, but you know, like talk to each other in real time about what's going on. Because I do like getting Yalls emails and stuff like that, but sometimes it takes me a little while to get back to you on them. So like I said, I created the refill room. And the link to join is down below in the show notes. So if you want to check it out, go ahead. It's starting now. We launching it today. We launching it today. So if you were to purchase Today, which is June 9, there isn't any content there yet because this is day one. So you'll get those bonus pep talks per month, those journaling prompts, the affirmations, voice notes and happy hours and all of that stuff. So if you click the link, it'll tell you exactly how to sign up and where all of your bonus content will live and all of that kind of stuff like that. And also the great thing about it is since it's new and since it is exclusive, it's solely what you guys want. So hey, Tyra, I want more of X, Y and Z. Baby, we got you. Okay? Because you guys are investing in yourself and you're also investing in me. And investing in something like this will help us make more dope stuff like this. You know, for example, I would like to also give other resources, like let's just say, oh, at the top of the episode, or not top, but in the middle of the episode when we were talking about those questions, having those documents for you ready to go. Having those notes for you ready to go, all of those additional supplemental resources will be ready to go. So join the refill room. I Would love to see you there. It's going to be dope. It's going to be a space to breathe, reflect, and refill. And we can go deeper. So join now in the show. Links. Okay. And my second announcement, y' all, I'm so excited. Oh, my gosh. I have been working on this project for so long. It's been almost a year, I will say, but I am finally launching my website, Tyrastable.com. you guys know I'm a pastry chef. You know, I'm a foodie. You know, I create food content over on Instagram and YouTube on my personal page. And it's just been a long time coming. It's been a long time coming for me to have a website where I can house all of my recipes, because people are always asking me for the recipe and I'll be having to send it to them. And I'm just like, I can't keep doing it. I can't keep texting you the recipe. So go to my website. It's going to be there. So it's finally launched. I haven't. This is the first announcement I've made. You guys are getting, like, the. The pre screening of it, but my website is tyrastable.com if you would like to check it out. It only has like six recipes on there right now, y' all. That's it. But we're adding more. Well, it. I'm. I say we. I am adding more. I do not have a team to do, you know, that sort of stuff. So it will be a work in progress. But if you ever wanted to make any of the recipes that you've seen me make, they will be on my website in the coming days. But the website is finally live and it looks so good, and I'm so excited to add more to that. But, yeah, I just wanted to bring the mood up a little bit in case there were some people who got emotional like me. So thank y' all. Thank y' all for holding space for me as well to share a little bit more about my life and my childhood and growing up. And if there was anything I mentioned today that you would like me to expound upon, shoot me a message, shoot me an email or a DM on the Affirmations for Black Girls page. Not tired of the creative, y' all be at entire. The creative at me at Affirmations for Black Girls. And you can do tired the Creative only if you do AFBG as well. Okay. At Affirmations of Black Girls on Instagram. But, yeah, I wanted to bring the mood up just a little bit. But if you do DM me. Hey, I noticed that you talked about growing up with super dark skin. I would like to. I would like more episodes on that. I think the refill room will be a great place for those really raw moments. So just to give you guys a little insight, I think the first bonus episode, voice note, whatever it's going to be, I really want it to be real raw and regular over there. So it won't have all of the glitz and glam all the time, but something that I do want to talk about over there. Like today. I'll probably record this today. Oh, gosh. I don't even want to talk about this. Am I gonna talk about this stuff with y' all? Okay. So yesterday I found out that a guy that I really, really loved when we were together, this was. This was years ago, but he got engaged yesterday. And when I said I. And when I say I wanted to just wallow in misery, that's what I wanted to do. But I didn't. I started playing my Defeating doubt playlist and I got up. I'm happy for him. I really am happy for him. But this is, I think, the first conversation that we're going to unpack in the refill room. And getting over things like that, when someone who you expected to be in your life for the rest of your life moves on and hits a major milestone that you would have liked to hit with them with another person. I do want to chat about that over in the refill room. But anyways, y' all, I'm gonna let y' all go ahead and get up out of here. Thank you so much for listening. I love each and every one of you. Make sure that you subscribe to our YouTube channel. Make sure that you subscribe to the podcast or follow it on your favorite listening platform and rate us, please. Please give us a rating, please and leave a review. I love reading through all of the reviews and they help us out so much. They're so important. That's why I say that at the end of every episode, they are very important. If you want more of afbg, you have to leave reviews, you have to rate. You have to listen through to the episode, all of the things. So thank you so much for listening through to the end again. I love you and I will see you guys again next week for another episode. This is affirmations for black girls. Plan on flying. In order to board domestic flights, your driver's license or state issued ID must be a real ID. Learn how to get your real ID today@tsa.gov realID or visit your local DMV. As a hockey player, I love sports. But sometimes when I take a puck to the teeth, I wonder, is sport clips better than sports? Because sport clips haircuts is sports on tv. Plus an expert haircut, hot steam towel and massaging shampoo, which is better than sports? Plus orthodontists sport clips. It's a game changer. Check in online@sportclips.com.