← Affirmations for Black Girls
Affirmations for Black Girls
420 | Letting Go Isn’t Failure. It’s a New Beginning. Learning to Love Again After Grief & What Healing Really Looks Like | Pep Talk Wednesdays
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- [00:01]
Tyra
Okay y' all, I have a confession to make. I am a hot sleeper. My body be running so hot y' all and sometimes it has me tossing and turning all night. First I'm too hot because I'm under the covers. Then I get too cold because I didn't took them off of me. I'm flipping my pillow every 10 minutes to find the cool side and eventually I just end up with one foot in and one foot out to regulate my body. But I recently realized that it's not just me, it's also my bedding. Heat trapping sheets and duvets are a recipe for a restless night. And no matter how tired you are, I cannot get jiggy. Witty. Now I already upgraded my bed. I told y' all I got the Avocado green mattress and with the warmer weather approaching us, it has given me the push to give their bedding a try. So Avocado's bedding collection is warm weather ready and the refresh that your bed deserves. From soft organic cotton sheets to light as air silk duvets, their bedding is designed to naturally regulate temperature and keep you cool, comfy and sleeping soundly all night long. Amen. Everything is sustainably made, non toxic and super luxe without the heavy hot feeling that usually comes with high end bedding. And y' all know y' all know what I'm talking about and I can feel confident knowing that my pieces are high quality and will last longer because we try to make that dollar stretch honey. I really recommend checking out all of Avocado's bedding. Opt right items to ensure a cooler and more comfy night sleep. So y' all head to avocadomatress.com today to save 10% on all bedding and 50% on clearance bedding. Avocado dream of better. So sometimes I randomly feel a little off and I always wonder is this stress? Am I not drinking enough water? Is this just what getting older feels like? Because I'm 30 now and I'll also be the first to admit that I'm curious about the role hormones play in how day to day. But who really feels like shelling out extra coins to find and book an appointment with a specialist. But not knowing what's going on is just as stressful. So I have to start somewhere. So y' all, I recently learned about a free two minute quiz that can help you uncover the root of your hormonal symptoms made by Happy Mammoth. It's right there on their website and it's all pretty straightforward. I just answered a few questions about my symptoms, my habits, and where I'm at in my life. And they offer a range of products designed to help women feel feel like themselves again. And with personalized recommendations from the quiz, you'll know exactly where to start. My results recommended that I give their hormone Harmony a try, so I'm gonna see what it's hitting on. Are you ready to start feeling like yourself again? Head over to happy mammoth.com and take their free 2 minute hormone quiz today to find out the ultimate answer to your stubborn hormonal issues. And for a limited time, you can also get 15 off your entire first order with my code affirmations at checkout. That's happy mammoth.com and use the code affirmations 15 off today. I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to truly let go. About what it means to grieve. Not just letting go of people who aren't here with us anymore, but the messy process of letting go of pain. Titles, identities and dreams that no longer fit, and how to do it without losing yourself in the process. Few things are as powerful Few things.
- [03:35]
Zoe
Are as powerful.
- [03:42]
Tyra
What is up, beautiful people? Welcome back to another Pep Talk Wednesday. I am Tyra the creative, your host and virtual cheerleader for the day, delivering a midweek pick me up that you have been craving. So get ready for some encouraging words and a dose of inspiration to brighten your day. Now y' all, we all know that grief is a touchy subject. We've all met it in some way or another, and chances are, if we live long enough, well, if we live every single day, we will meet it again. And it doesn't always look like loss in the big, obvious sense. Sometimes it's letting go of a version of you that held it down for such a long time, or realizing the dream you swore would happen just doesn't fit who you are anymore. And the healing? It doesn't come with instructions. Some of us need the group chat. Some of us need to disappear for a while. And there's all this quiet stuff no one really preps you for. Like how hard it is to trust again, trust yourself to trust other people. Or how scary it feels to even consider letting love back in after something breaks your heart. So today's episode is inspired by one of this month's AFPG Book Club picks that really had me thinking differently about what it means to grow while grieving and still live a full life. A satisfying life. And it's called Before I Let Go by Kennedy Ryan. And no, y' all, you don't have to already have read the book for this episode to make sense, so make sure that you still, you know, tune in. But I'm sure that the almost 500 of y' all that are in the book club will appreciate an episode that is more bookish. I really hope to create more episodes like this down the line, so please let me know how you guys enjoy it. So let me give you a little bit of spark notes before I Let Go follows a woman, Yasmine, who's learning how to exist after deep and very layered loss. So Yasmine and her husband, Josiah Wade. There are a couple whose seemingly perfect life unravels after the stillbirth of their son. The tragedy strains their marriage, it leads them to divorce, and two years later, they start co parenting their children and running a restaurant together. When Josiah starts to date again, Yasmin reevaluates their past and the possibility of rekindling their relationship. So there's notes of grief, motherhood, mental health, and trying to move forward when you're not even sure you're ready, but knowing deep down that you can't go back. And in the middle of all of that, there is still softness, there's still love, and there's still hope. And these themes reminded me that maybe the real work isn't pushing through. Maybe it's giving yourself permission to grow even when part of you is still grieving, not waiting for the pain to leave before you let the light in. So have you ever noticed how grief can sneak up on you? Not just the grief of somebody passing, like we mentioned, but the grief of a dream that didn't work out, a relationship that you outgrew, an identity that no longer fits who you are. Maybe an idea of someone, whether they're a partner, a friend, a sibling, a parent, or another family member or loved one. That kind of grief feels different. It's quieter, but no less heavy. Now, Yasmin's story in Before I Let Go captures this perfectly. She's living through all of that. The loss of a marriage, a business she built, a version of herself that she thought was untouchable. And that grief isn't just about what's gone. It's about what she has to learn to carry with her moving forward. There's a moment when Yasmin actually smiles in the book, genuinely and fully after loss, and immediately questions herself, like, am I allowed to feel this? And that hesitation and that little bit of guilt is so real. And I know we've all been there at one point or another in Some way, sometimes when we start to feel better or even just feel lighter for a moment, there's this internal whisper that maybe we're forgetting, or worse, we are betraying what we lost. But healing doesn't ask you to forget, y' all. It asks you to make room for more, for new experiences. It means making peace with your story without letting it hold you hostage. And here's the thing. The stages of grief aren't a straight line or a box you check off. It's messy, unpredictable, and often very cyclical. You'll have days when you think you are over it. And then something small hits you like a wave. And that's okay. I've been there. I've been in a space where I'm waiting for some big dramatic moment when I just feel healed. But healing is often very much more quiet than that. It's showing up for yourself again and again, even when it's hard. And if you guys listen to our Father's Day episode, Was that last week or at the beginning of the week? At the beginning of this week, when we talked about my uncle that I lost in 2007, then, you know, after all this time, emotions can still come up super unexpectedly and hit you like a wave. Letting go of what no longer fits doesn't mean that you have failed. It means you are making space for something new, something more true to who you are now. And sometimes that means redefining what love, success, or even family looks like for you. And Yasmin's story reminded me, and maybe it'll remind you, too, that moving forward doesn't mean forgetting. It means living with all the pieces of your story. The pain, the joy, the hope, all at the same time. If you're in that in between space, feeling torn between holding on and moving on, know that this is exactly where the growth truly happens. Not imperfection, but in the real, raw and regular moments where you choose peace instead of that pressure. That's strength. That's growth. That's healing. And it's any and everything but failure. And a quote that I've been seeing a lot lately is that grief is just love that has no place else to go. Okay, y' all. So I have a confession to make. As the treasurer for the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, I. I gave up on regular bras a long time ago because they were always so uncomfortable. Either the straps would dig in or the cups would have that weird gap that really got on my nerves. Now, while I said I do have a smaller chest and bad bralettes, aren't exempt from this criticism either. I just always wanted something that felt good on my body. Something that worked for me instead of against me. Amen. Now I'm pretty sure I want to last people to try skims. But baby, why didn't y' all tell me that the scoop bralette from the Fits Everybody collection was so freaking good. I don't think I ever experienced fabric like this. It's buttery soft and it's smoothing. It's like melt into your skin soft, but it still provides that support and that secure feeling without digging or pinching or weird gapping. Okay. And there are also no weirdly placed seams. And y' all know what I'm talking about. You know that over the nipple seam that pokes through shirt, especially if you got a small chest. I absolutely hate that. But y' all, I love this bralette. It's lightweight and it moves with me, which means I can go all day without even thinking about it. And I got it in two colors and I wear them under everything. Now listen, this part is important. Shop Skims fits everybody collection and more@skims.com after you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show affirmations for black girls in the drop down menu that follows. Y' all. Do you remember back in the day when stretching $20 could carry you through the weekend? Yeah baby. That ain't the world we're living in anymore and I 100 miss it. But these days it feels like your check disappears before payday even hits. Between surprise bills, overdraft fees and that one late night food delivery, we have all been there. Staying on top of your money can be a whole other full time job. So enter Chime. It's a digital banking app that's doing it right. The moment you set up your direct deposit, you can start getting your paychecks up to two days early, which can come in clutch in sticky situations. And can we talk about fee free overdraft protection, y' all? Chime will spot you when you need it, no questions asked, providing a little extra peace of mind. And the best part is there are no monthly fees and no maintenance fees. Just real time updates so you're always aware of what's coming in and going out. And banking with Chime comes with Access to over 50,000 fee free ATMs making your money accessible whether you're across town or across the country. Work on your financial goals through Chime today. Open an account in 2 minutes at chime.com affirmations that's chime.com affirmations Chime feels like progress.
- [13:24]
Zoe
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- [13:48]
Tyra
The fear of letting love back in after heartbreak or after trauma is something that a lot of us carry very quietly. It's not just about romantic love. It's about trusting people again and trusting yourself to be vulnerable without getting hurt. It's also about trusting your intuition and knowing when you should lean in or lean further out. Now in Before I let go Yasmin and Josiah's second chance relationship isn't the kind of happily ever after that you would expect. Their love is very messy. It's tender, and it's filled with hesitation. They both have wounds, wounds from the past and from each other, and every step towards closeness feels risky to them both. Josiah doesn't come in like a hero to save Yasmin. Instead, he stays present in the small moments, the quiet support, the willingness to be patient. That kind of love, steady and soft, can feel unfamiliar if you're used to more dramatic or chaotic relationships. And baby, I'm trying to get a man like Josiah in that way, someone who provides that quiet support and that willingness to be patient. Because I am one of those people that is more used to dramatic or chaotic relationships, both platonically and romantically. Now, after my breakup, after both of my last breakups, honestly, I understood that fear far too well. I was nervous to let love back in, and I was afraid of opening up because I thought that it meant risking the same heartbreak again, which it it always does. Sometimes I caught myself pushing people away before things got real, and I sabotaged what could have been good because it felt safer to stay behind the walls that my heart put up than to be vulnerable. It was also super uncomfortable. But now that I'm 30 and I've gone through two relationships with that type of heartbreak, my perspective on it has changed. I realized that I don't want to live in fear of loss. I want to live my life, and I want to love myself fiercely. So fiercely that I can welcome love from others without losing myself in the process. And that means recognizing that softness is not a weakness. It's A form of strength. It means saying I am worthy of love that stays even when it's hard. There's also grieving that version of yourself that was harder or maybe more guarded. That version helped you survive. It got you to where you are the next today. It was your armor through the tough seasons. But letting that go doesn't mean forgetting it. It means making space for a new version of you. Someone who is brave enough to trust, to rest and be supported. If you're trying to move past fear and self sabotage, here are a few things that helped me 1. Catch your fear early. When you notice yourself pulling back or thinking this won't last. Challenge that thought and ask yourself, what evidence do you have, Tyra, that this will not last? What is telling you that? Is it fear? Or have you really noticed something that will not work for you in the long run? Also, practice small acts of vulnerability. It could be as simple as sharing a feeling or asking for support. Let yourself get comfortable with being seen bit by bit. However much that bit is, is different for each and every one of us. But little by little, be a little more vulnerable with that person. The third thing, Be gentle with your boundaries. Loving again does not mean rushing in. And I will raise both hands and say I can definitely go full force and head first into a new love. But it doesn't mean rushing in. Protect your peace while staying open to that connection, growing stronger, and also put yourself first. Love starts with how you treat yourself. I'm not talking about being selfish, but it starts with how you treat yourself. Do you give yourself rest? Do you give yourself kindness and the ability to say no when you need to say no? And also allow time. Healing and opening your heart happen on their own schedule. Baby. We cannot do it on our own. We cannot say, okay heart, let's go ahead and heal. So give yourself that time. No timelines and no pressure. One of the things that really struck me in Yasmin's story was how love after loss isn't a reset button. It doesn't erase pain or fear, but it instead holds space for all of it to coexist. The joy, the grief, the hope. And she moves forward anyway. And that's real love. It's imperfect and it's patient. It doesn't pretend everything's okay when it's not. And it asks you to keep showing up even when your heart is scared. And here's the truth. You've lost whatever it is, but God gave you more days here on this earth not to live every day scared, not to hold back, but to fully show up, to love yourself fiercely, to let love in, and to use every single day to build a life that feels whole. Because that kind of love, that soft, that's steady, that brave love is the kind of love you deserve. As you guys know, we have a challenge of the day every single pep talk Wednesday. And this week's challenge, I really wanted to do something that was super personal. Since our episode is very personal, I want you guys to write a short letter to a version of yourself that you have outgrown. Tell her thank you. Tell her that you love her. Tell her that you understand why X, Y and Z had to happen, why she had to be the way she was. And then tell her it is okay to rest now. I want you guys to let this moment be a moment of grace, honoring the person who got you through that hard season while making space to move forward with compassion and strength. Now, take your time with this. And this letter is just for you. I'm not going to ask you to post it nowhere or share it or anything, but if you do have any thoughts on this exercise, I would love for you to send me an email and tell me how it went for you. The person that I. Well, the version of Tyra that I have outgrown, that I am writing my letter to is 21 year old Tyra. 21 year old Tyra lived in New Jersey. She was a very sad girl. She had just gone through a breakup. I feel like I be going through breakups every year, but I really don't. I'm. I'm a serial monogamous y' all, and I'm typically in very long relationships, but I was going through a breakup. This was right after I graduated from college and I was going to culinary school. And this Tyra was just doing some very wild things. But that Tyra helped get me to where I am today. So that's who I'm writing my letter to. And again, this letter is an intimate conversation between you and that version of yourself. So take your time with it and make sure that you are giving yourself grace. Don't sit there and say anything you regret. You know, just really give yourself grace. Because this version of you was there during that hard season. And sometimes we gotta show up as that during a hard season.
- [21:56]
Zoe
This is an ad by Regain Couples Therapy. Let's be honest. Loving your partner doesn't mean you always like them. And guess what? That's normal. Regain, powered by BetterHelp, offers couples therapy that's flexible, affordable, and 100% online.
- [22:12]
Tyra
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- [22:24]
Zoe
That's regain.com couplespod.
- [22:39]
Tyra
Letting go doesn't have to feel dramatic. Sometimes it's a simple, personal decision made in the middle of the night. I'm choosing peace this time. If you're grieving, if you're in the in between, if you're still learning how to receive what you've always deserved, know that healing doesn't necessarily mean forgetting. And it's not easy. But it's not the end of your story. You're allowed to hold what hurt you without letting it keep you from what could possibly heal you next. Letting go doesn't mean you're losing yourself. It means you are making room. Room for peace, for joy, for new dreams, new love, new experiences. One of the last chapters in Before I Let Go brings this idea full circle in a very beautiful way. After all of the heartbreak and the hesitation, Yasmin and Josiah have a raw and honest conversation where they lay their grief and their love side by side. Yasmin admits her fears about being vulnerable again, about letting someone see all her guarded parts, and Josiah listens without judgment, showing that love can be patient and steady even when things feel fragile. It's messy and real, but it's proof that grief and love can share the same table. Healing doesn't erase what we've lost. It makes room for what we still deserve. So if you're in a season where you're learning how to receive again, whether it's love, support or softness, grace, any of that, just know you don't have to earn your healing. You just have to allow it to happen, make space for it, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. And I'll be the first one to say I'm still learning to truly make space for love and support. I've been such an independent girl all this time. It feels foreign to let someone in. But at the end of the day, letting go is not a failure. It's not saying bump the past. It's saying I'm ready to receive what is for me in this new season, even though I have been through and experienced all of that and knowing that you are worthy of a life that feels like yours. Again. With that being said, you guys, that is all that I have for you today. I really hope you enjoyed this pep Talk Wednesday episode. I know it was a little different, so my book club Family, please let me know if you enjoyed this. I wanted to start with a pep talk Wednesday just so I can, you know, get my feet wet in incorporating things from our reads. And also if you are listening, you're like, what, you got a book club? The link is always in the show notes. You can always join our book club. And for June, our two reads are seven days in June by Tia Williams and before I let go by Kennedy Ryan. And next month, I'm not sure if our email went out went out yet about this, but our next month's reads are you made a fool of death with your beauty by. Oh, I'm gonna butcher the name Akawe Emezi. And our second read is when I think of you by Maya Ariel. Now, I really want to incorporate this type of conversation into our episodes because there are so many real experiences that are in these books and we've all experienced some of these themes in one way or another. And I think having these real life conversations just, just illustrates it and paints the picture all the more better. So make sure that you guys join us again next week for a new episode. On Monday we have a full length episode. Tomorrow is Juneteenth. So happy Juneteenth, all my negroes out there. And make sure that you subscribe to the podcast, rate it and leave us a review. And I thank you guys so much for listening and I'll see you again next week. This is affirmations for black girls.
- [26:51]
Zoe
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