← Affirmations for Black Girls
Affirmations for Black Girls
422 | Third Spaces Are Disappearing and Loneliness Is On The Rise | Exploring Your City Like a Tourist & Build Connection Right Where You Are | Pep Talk Wednesdays
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- [00:00]
Tyra
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- [00:38]
Shelby
Do you ever feel like you're just existing where you live? You have the same routine, the same streets, the same grocery store runs. I used to see my hometown as a container. Something that I was stuck in. Just St. Francisville and me. St. Francisville is where I grew up, y'. All. It's a small town at the time, population like 3,000 people and me and we were all just going through the motions. But recently I was reading about this idea of third spaces. Places that aren't your house and aren't work, where you can just be. So think of coffee shops, libraries, your church gyms, bookstores, parks, things of that nature and the research around it, y', all is so eye opening because sociologists say that as these spaces start to disappear, our mental health and sense of belonging take a huge hit. One study I read said that the loss of third spaces has been directly linked to rising loneliness, especially for people who live alone. And y', all, that really hit me. Because when you think about it, a lot of us don't really have those casual drop in spots anymore. The places where you might meet a neighbor, strike up a conversation, or just feel like you're part of that community. And I will go as far as to say a lot of us will actively avoid places like that. Amen. But without them, we go from home to work and back home again. And for some of us, work is still at our home. So. So we go from home to home to home to home. We stay at home. And with that, life starts to feel smaller and smaller. So this isn't just about being a tourist in your city just for fun. I mean, yes, have fun, but it's also about connection. It's also about intentionally stepping outside of your routine and reclaiming that sense of belonging right where you are. Even if you think you know every corner of your city or the town that you're living in. It's time to step outside of your routine and find some joy in your own neck of the woods because your livelihood depends on it. What is up beautiful people? Welcome back to another pep talk Wednesday. I am Tyra the Creative, your host and virtual cheerleader for the day, delivering a midweek pickme up that you have been craving. Today we're talking about what it really means to romanticize your everyday life by engaging with your city through fresh eyes. Not just for aesthetics, not just for Instagram, not just for a tik tok, but because we need spaces and experiences outside of work and outside of home that remind us that we're still human. Now the this entire idea of third spaces, it's not a new idea, but I was watching a video on YouTube by Shelby Church. I don't know if you guys know who she is, she is a youtuber. I've been watching her for a long time, but she does a lot of these fun, educational, kind of like docu style videos where she explores a topic. So she was talking about the idea of third spaces and she lives in Los Angeles just like I do. And it was very eye opening because I know that our title says that third spaces are disappearing. And in her video she was going over the fact that third spaces are technically not disappearing, they are just getting harder and harder to access. So we're going to be diving a little deeper into this and talking about exploring our city like a tourist, because that can definitely open us up and really get us in the present moment. So get ready for some encouraging words and a dose of inspiration to brighten your day. Ready? Okay. Now this could be easier said than done, but truly believing that you can only find joy when you're off somewhere on vacation will trick you into thinking that there can only be misery where you live. It's very easy to fall into, though. When I go to Thailand, or when I go to Mexico or Japan, I'll feel better. Trap we think that a vacation or a big move or a major life change is the only way to feel alive again. That's why so many people look forward to Friday. So many people look forward to the weekend. So many people look forward to summer. So many people look forward to going on that vacation because we it's so easy to fall into that trap. But when we think like that, we train ourselves to see misery in our current surroundings and only that. So romanticizing where you are doesn't mean pretending that your city is perfect. It's about choosing to notice the beauty that is Already here around you. So that corner cafe that always smells like fresh bread. The neighbor's flowers that bloom differently every season. For me, I love passing by one of my. I live in an apartment, but one of the apartments down the street from me, there's one neighbor. All of these people I would consider my neighbors. But there's one neighbor that has a fig tree. And I have just been loving seeing the blossoms and then seeing the figs growing, and now they're ripe. I've been loving seeing that. Maybe you see that new restaurant that you've been meaning to try, but you keep just driving past it, and it's on your list. So while I was home for two weeks, I told you guys, I was home for a while. I asked my mama what her third space was. I don't even know how we got on this conversation. I guess we were talking about hobbies, really. And I asked her if she had a third space. And at first, she didn't even have an answer. She was like, girl, I don't know. A third space? What is that? And then I told her what it was, and then she said, well, I guess church is my third space. And as soon as she said that, I was like, wait, okay, but what else? What else is your third space? Because in my head at that time, I was like, it can't be home, work, in church. Because in my head, based on how I grew up, home, work, and church, those are three necessary places. Those are three places that you have to go at a certain time. And I was like, okay, well, I would like you to have a little something more, because I don't know if this is enough for you to really feel connected to life. But, y', all, in my mama's case, as I continue to stay home and, you know, do things with her, I actually saw all of the extra stuff, the extracurriculars and the resources that her church was offering. And I was like, this is dope. They do, like, game nights, group outings there. My mama was doing, like, a lot of seminars and things. There's opportunities for you to learn new, new skills. Like, it was so dope that this is actually an actual third space. Outside of just going to church on Sunday morning or just going to Bible study. That's what I meant by I don't know if it's more than just church. I don't know if it's a third space that can help you feel present in the moment, a place that you can just go to to connect with people outside of, you know, being there for the sermon on Sunday is what I truly meant by that. But when I. When I lived in Louisiana, our church wasn't like that at all. So my perspective on that was a little different. I was expecting it to be kind of like how we were when I was growing up. You go to church on Sunday, you go to Bible study on Tuesday or Wednesday night. Boom, call it a day. But they have so many other things. And I was like, okay, wow, this is a third space for a mom. And I'm actually so proud of her because she's definitely the type of woman to just go to work, come home, do it all over again the next day. And on the weekends, she'll clean up the house, you know, do chores, those types of things. But there's so much more to life. She is engaging with people. She's building community. She's romanticizing where she is. She loves her church, y'. All. I'm so happy for her that she loves her church, and it's just amazing. But if that is also you. If your third space is just one thing, go find something to add into it. Call it. Your fourth space for me is my gym. I love the community that I have built there. Well, I love the community that is there and the community I have been become a part of. We have all types of events. We have potlucks. I just went to a karaoke night on Monday with them, and we have a Sunday run club. I also do pottery, am a member at a pottery studio. And I do that once a week. So that's another third space or fourth space, if you would like to continue the. The numeration of it all. But all of them are technically third spaces. And I'm always meeting people who just want to connect and be creative together in these places that I go to. So if you're like, okay, Tyra, how do I know if it is really a third space and it's not just me doing another errand or me being in a routine of just checking boxes and not truly living in the moment? Here's a little itty bitty checkl Go ahead and write it down if you would like, and think about a place that you want to make sure is a third space for you and answer these questions based on that. So, number one, you actually go. You actually want to go there, not just because you should go there. Number two, you feel welcomed and you feel comfortable just hanging out. Literally, just hanging out. You don't have to do anything just hanging out. Number three, you can be yourself and connect with others casually. And number four, there is some sense of community, whether that is events, people who know you by name, or opportunities to engage beyond just the transaction. Because the truth is, y', all, we need more than just work and home to feel rooted. And depending on the type of church you go to, you need more than church to just feel rooted. And I know some of us might be like, hold on, don't be doing, but I literally mean if you just go to church on Sunday morning and you go home and you go to Bible study on Tuesday or Wednesday night and you go home and you don't have like small groups or you do church outings or you volunteer, if you don't do all of that stuff, then you need another third space. Or like I said, you need to find something to add to it. You need to ask your pastor if you do have, if they do have any small groups or if they have any other community things that you can be involved in. But you need to add a little bit more than the transaction of I'm going to church on Sunday morning to pay my size and get this word and go home. That's what I mean by that. The right third or even fourth space can make your life feel bigger without you ever even leaving your town. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home and more. Plus you can count on their great customer service to help you when you need it. So your dollar goes a long way. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all of sorts, states or situations. I have a confession to make. I don't be eating y'. All. Now hear me out. I will sit at my house all day, stomach rumbling, focused on doing work for the podcast or honestly just doom scrolling and the next thing I know is 1pm and I am starving. Then I'm like okay Tyra, it's time to get your butt up and eat and stop playing. And then I get paralyzed because I don't know what to eat. I know we have all been there, but y', all, I have created an ingredient household. And while I love a good ingredient in the cabinet, something I realize I need in this season of my life is somebody else to plan out my meals. At least some of them. So lately I've been eyeing Green Chef. It's the number one meal kit for clean eating. And I'm liking what I'm seeing. You get to pick from over 80 options per week that are actually balanced, flavorful, dietitian approved. Amen. And designed to fit your lifestyle, even if your lifestyle changes every three days. And with specialty options like plant based, gluten free, protein packed and gut and brain healthy options, it's easier than ever to find something that fits you and your goals. For example, I've had it as a goal since the top of the year, y', all to one, eat more, but two, to eat more of the right things that are actually still tasty. And coming up with a meal plan for me is so daunting. And I'm also the type of person who refuses to eat the same thing every single day for the sake of getting my body right. The mental fortitude that it takes to eat plain chicken and rice and broccoli every day for months, y', all, I don't really care to have it, okay? But Green Chef has week to week flexibility and you can even adjust your plan to match your mood and delivery schedule. So, baby, best believe when my cycle comes, yeah, that meal plan is going to change up a little bit. And with their new heat and eat meals ready in just three minutes, plus salads and breakfast that come together in five, I'm excited to start enjoying enjoying real food real fast. And that's truly what I need. I find that by the end of the day, I'm ready to brainstorm a meal. But for breakfast and lunch during the week, oh, baby. Green Chef me, please. So make this summer your healthiest yet with Green chef. Head to greenchef.com 50 affirmations and use code 50 affirmations to get 50 off your first month. Then 20 off for two months with free shipping. That's code 50 affirmations@greenchef.com 50 affirmations. Let Green Chef handle dinner so you can get back to everything else. Okay. So do y' all ever feel like August still has that back to school energy even though we've been out of school for I don't know how long now? I know I'm not in the classroom anymore, but this time of year always make me think growth. One area where I'm still learning and leveling up is in my money. And I'm not just talking about the hustle culture of earning it, but building with it. Because yes, I got goals, baby, but I also be swiping my credit card at the grocery store like the rest of us. The difference is now those everyday purchases could help with growing my credit. I love what Chime is doing with their Chime Credit Builder Secure Visa credit card. It's a credit card, yes, but with no annual fees, no interest and no credit check to apply. Which means I can still swipe for groceries, a quick matcha, some gas or a creative course and know that my choices are actually helping build my future. The way it works is simple. You move money into your Credit Builder account and that becomes your spending limit. Use it everywhere Visa credit cards are accepted and make regular on time payments. You're ultimately in control. Chime then reports to all three major credit bureaus to help you build payment history. Because we're building soft life stable futures over here, honey. Okay? So make everyday purchases count with Chime Secure Credit Builder Visa Credit Card get started today@chime.com affirmations Chime feels like progress.
- [16:34]
Tyra
Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancor Bank, NA or Stride Bank NA members, FDIC spot and eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Timing depends on submission of payment file. Fees apply at out of network ATMs, bank ranking and number of ATMs, according to U.S. news and World Report. 2023 Chime checking account.
- [17:03]
Shelby
Exploring your own city can shift your relationship with gratitude, community and creativity. When you step out to explore your city, not just as a visitor, but with fresh curiosity, you're doing more than just seeing the new places. You are deliberately creating opportunities for community and belonging. And this matters, y'. All. Because while we might tell ourselves we're fine, the numbers tell a different story. Recent polls show that one in three Americans report feeling lonely at least once a week. And nearly 20% of adults feel lonely daily. Every day, y', all, 20% of adults feel lonely. That sense of disconnection isn't just uncomfortable, it's dangerous. The US Surgeon General has identified loneliness as a public health crisis, comparing it to comparing its risk to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Now that is crazy. 15 cigarettes a day. So when we only have three spaces or two spaces, depending on who you are at work and home, we're cutting ourselves out from. We're cutting ourselves off from the rest of our lives. No wonder so many of us end up feeling invisible, even when people are surrounded by us or when we're surrounded by people. Exploring your city isn't just for fun, even though it should be fun. It is a resistance. It's saying, I refuse to live an isolated life. It's about creating spaces where casual conversations, random connections and unexpected joy can happen when. Where you feel seen again. So in the video that I was watching that Shelby Church posted, she was just trying to go to third spaces. And the general consensus that she came to is that in a place like la, because she lives here in la, it is just hard to go to these third spaces. It's hard to. It's just not in your normal routine. They're not on the way anywhere. So this was a good example. And I was like, oh, shoot, this, this is so true. So she ended up going to. I forgot what part of la, but she ended up going to this part of LA that was like a. A neighborhood. So it was just residential houses and it had a small market that open since the 1920s, 1980s. I can't remember before zoning was a thing in that area. So it is the only retail space in that area. And it's always packed with people. But when you're there, you cannot be on your computer, you can't work there. But people are always frequenting there to spend time with their neighbors. And she was like, there are not a lot of places like this and we need that because it makes that 2 mile radius walkable and it gives people somewhere to connect. And I was like, you know what? That makes a lot of sense. Because when I was growing up, a third space could also be. And this is the name of the place, y', all. When I would go to my grandma, grandma's house. Well, actually I think this place is still open. But there was a, like a convenience store called Billbos. And we would just go up there and hang out with the other kids in the neighborhood and we would just be up there on our bikes. We might get us a little juice and some chips or a turkey wing and we would just be chilling. And I was like, that is so true. True. There are not a lot of places like that where you can just be there now. Loitering is a thing. They. It's been made so much harder to be in these places where you can meet your neighbors and just spend some time there. And on top of that, a lot of people are saying that they don't have time to do these things. I'm gonna tell you one thing. I am definitely in that 20% of adults that feel lonely on a daily. And I have been hinting towards that in some of our episodes and a lot of times I will subconsciously do things to get me out of that funk. But now I am actively working on that. That's one reason why I started going to the gym. I was like, I need to feel rooted. Remember the episode, y'? All? It was like two years ago now that I put that episode out. But I was like, I need to build a foundation. I need to be rooted in this place. And that starts with community. Community, the center of everything we do as human beings. We are not built to be isolated. We are not built to just go to work and go home. We are not built not to have fun. We are not built not to be creative and curious about life and experience new things. We ain't built like that. It's just not within our genes to do that. It's super important. So third spaces are not technically disappearing. They are just. Just getting harder and harder to reach, especially as cities continue to grow. And we have to make sure that we are consciously making an effort to put ourselves in these places. Because one day you might just look up, oh gosh, I've been working. I worked every week, every day for three years straight. No wonder why I'm sad. And I can't figure out why because I'm not filling my other cups. A part of self care is making sure that you are living a full life. And exploring your city and finding joy in the place that you live is a huge part of that. So here are five ways that you can explore your city like a tourist. And the reason I'm saying like a tourist is because typically when we live in a place and we don't think about it as a place to explore, we just go work, go to work and go home. That's it. We don't necessarily make the time to do stuff. But when you're on vacation, oh baby, you got a whole itinerary. You are doing stuff from sun up to sundown. You are excited about going to the little hole in the wall shop to see what's there because it's new, it's a new experience and never been there. Take that same mindset and the same energy in this regard to experience new parts of your city. So the first way you can explore your city like a tourist is to look for cultural or even black history tours or events in your city. A quick Google search. Well, it might not be quick depending on where you live, not gonna lie, but Google it. You could also try one new local cafe or a restaurant or a bakery a week. And one thing that you can do is, is if you're at the grocery store, ask. Ask locals what they love or even search, you know, if you're not really open to talking to people just yet. Search on Instagram or Tick Tock with your city name plus hidden gems. That is very popular now and I'm always searching for hidden gems. Number three is go to the touristy spots that you usually try to avoid and treat yourself like maybe you're hosting out of town company like like think about if you had a friend in town and they have never been there or whatever this is. If you live away from home, think about if a friend came to visit, where would you show them? What touristy things would they have seen online that they may want to see in person? You should go there and experience that yourself too at least once. If you already done it, then you can skip that one. The next one is to check local free events calendars like from libraries, parks departments and local newspapers because they often list free outdoor movie nights, live musical events and night markets. Kids I get this packet in the mail from my county that I live in and it tells me all about those free things. There's a park that I live close by and they have free outdoor movie nights all the time during the summer and it's so dope. But if you don't go and open yourself up to those types of things, you can miss out on it and it's just a dope opportunity to one be around other humans, especially if you live alone. We are living in such an isolated time, it is important for us to just just be around other human beings. And the last one is join a drop in class or a studio that you've been curious about like pottery or boxing, two things that I love to do, or even yoga or salsa classes. And just try one and don't worry about being good at it. I cannot talk about this enough. Class Pass Class Pass is so dope. I've told y' all about this a million times. I have my link in the description of this episode. It's always in the description, but I have the have a link in the description and you'll get some free credits to try whatever you want. So Class Pass is literally an app where you can try out different fitness studios, spas, or there's dance classes on there. There's all types of things that you can try out in your area to see if you like it. A lot of people that go to my gym actually do it on Class Pass and I was like, oh, that's dope. I didn't even know that you were doing it on Class Pass and I see them all the time. So if you want to start trying out things in your area. I think class pass is a great opportun me and especially if you use my code and get your free credits, you can do it for free. So the goal isn't to spend a ton of money or to pack your schedule, y'. All. The goal is to feel present, to remind yourself that life is happening all around you and you get to be a part of it. Let me be real with y' all for a second. I'm still on my mama's phone plan and and y', all I am riding it out as long as I can. I think as long as I don't mention it to her, I'll stay on it. But I've been shopping around so that I stay ready because stay ready so you ain't gotta get ready. And if I ever needed my own wireless service, Mint Mobile is the first place that I look. Because listen, especially right now, since it's summer, it's time for vibing, not stressing over surprise bills. Between cookouts and going to the beach and a spontaneous weekend like a weekend trip to Napa. Your phone should be working with you, not costing you extra just to check your group chat. Okay? Mint Mobile gives you unlimited premium wireless for just $15 a month. And that includes high speed data, unlimited talking text and the nation's largest 5G network. You can even keep your phone and your number, which means no awkward new phone. Who dis text messages? So if you've been thinking about making the switch, I'm going say this your sign this year. Skip breaking a sweat and breaking the bank. Get this new customer offer and your three month unlimited wireless plan for just $15 a month at mintmobile.com affirmations. That's mintmobile.com affirmations. Upfront payment of $45 required equivalent to $15 a month limited time. New customer offer for first three months only. Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. Foreign. You guys know every single pep talk. Wednesday we have a challenge of the week and I'm gonna need y' all to start tagging me in these challenges. Okay? I'm gonna need y' all to start taking pictures, posting them on Instagram and tagging us at Affirmations for Black Girls. Are posting it to your feed and tagging us at Affirmations for Black Girls so we can repost it so we can build this community. So this week's challenge is I want you to pick one place or an activity in your city that you have never experienced before or that you haven't done in years and actually go. But here's how you can make it easy. Because I don't want to say just pick something and do it because that can be a little overwhelming, especially if you live in a place like Los Angeles. I love to have saved Google Maps lists. I got one for restaurants, I got one for dessert shops. I have one for places that I want to actually shop, like different little. You know how they have like those little boutique gift novelty stores. I have one for that and other spots that I've been curious about. I will go through those Google Maps list and just pick something from that list. I also follow a few local pages on Instagram and TikTok. I follow accounts like infatuation, la and Los Angeles Bucket Listers. And these keep me in the know about pop up markets or about pop ups, about markets and hidden gems in Los Angeles. And I just love it because I don't have to necessarily actively look. I can just. When I'm scrolling on Instagram and I see something I like, I can go ahead and save it then. Or you can simply think about a spot that you pass by all the time but you never stepped inside. I did that with my gym. So when I first moved to North Hollywood, I saw the gym and I was like, oh, shoot, there's a boxing gym there. At the time I was still going to my previous gym, Mayweather. And I was like, okay, well, I'll keep that in the back of my mind. And as I continued to pass by that gym, I was like, oh, I need to stop in there. And I said, you know what? Next time I'm walking by, I'm gonna pop my head in. In. And that's what I did. I finally popped my head in. And now it is my favorite third space. So once you've picked your spot, make a day of it or an afternoon if you want to do it during the week, whatever. Invite a friend or a family member or make it a solo date and journal about how it felt to be somewhere new. And if you decide to share that moment, please tag us or use the code hashtag Affirmations with Black girlspodcast. Because I want to to see what you're discovering in your city and I want to share with other people in the community. I just think this is. If you ain't done none of the other challenges y', all, you need to do this one. We need to get out of the house and we need to be present in the moment. Even if we have a crazy schedule, even if we have a lot of work to do. Because life is more important than just work. The life that you're craving might already be around you, and you just haven't noticed it lately. Romanticizing your everyday life isn't about ignoring what's hard or pretending everything is perfect. It's about choosing to engage with your city and reach rediscover what's right in front of you. Here's what so many of us have gotten used to. The cycle between home, work, and maybe church, thinking we don't have time for anything else. But according to a Harvard Survey, a Harvard YouGov survey, nearly 62% of Americans say that working too much or being too busy is a major cause of loneliness. Meanwhile, 60% of US adults report feeling lonely at least some of the time. And that number has not improved in the recent years, y'. All. When work becomes life's main compass, we lose touch with the rest of ourselves. We forget what it feels like to wander, to meet new people, to linger in space outside of deadlines and chores. And that is where your third spaces come in. Spaces that are neither home nor work, where we can just be. These spaces help us feel known, seen, and connected to our community. Yet studies show thirds third spaces, third places are disappearing and that, you know, erosion is fueling a loneliness epidemic right here in America. But here's the good news. You don't need to move cities. You don't need to book a ticket nowhere. Sometimes all it takes is noticing what's already around you. A cafe that you pass by daily. A park that's been under your feet this whole time. A class that you keep bookmarking to try on class pass. You deserve to have places where you feel alive, where you feel like you belong, where you can laugh, where you can breathe and be seen not just by yourself, but by your community. So step outside the work home cycle and go to one of those third spaces. And if you can't find one that you like, build one. Start small. Maybe a walk, a coffee stop, a midweek pottery class, the gym that finally feels like family. Because the joy and connection you seek may not be somewhere far away. It might be waiting just a few minutes from your home. If you choose to open your eyes and walk through that door, you might be amazed at what you find. I want to thank you guys so much for listening to this pep Talk Wednesday episode. Go out there and explore your city like a tourist. Take back control of third spaces. Our mental health depends on it. If you enjoyed this episode. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, especially on our YouTube channel, and follow us on your favorite podcast listening platform. Don't forget to leave us a review and rate us and share this episode with a friend that also needs a third space. Okay. Because we all need them and we all need to. We can always benefit from more community. We really can. I was talking to a friend and she was saying how it's taken years for her to build community in Minnesota. Well, Bria, you guys know Bria, it's taken years for her to build community out there and she's going to be sad when she leaves it. And I'm like, that's actually a great place to be in. You have built something that you love so much, even in a place that you only want it to be temporarily. It is still important to build community in temporary spaces, no matter how long you're going to be there. Because you only got one life to live and the goal should be to live a full and well rounded life, no matter what. Work should not be your main compass. It's hard. We live in America. We're. We live in a very industrialized society over here. I get it. It. It's easier said than done. But one thing's for show. If you do not focus on your third spaces and filling your cup outside of work, that loneliness and that sadness will sneak up on you and blindside you. And if you're putting tools in place to where you're always feeling yourself in that way, it'll just help you in the long run. So don't forget to do the challenge of the week, y'. All. I'm super excited to see what you guys do. I actually already did the challenge and I took a place from my desserts Google map and I tried a new ice cream shop with a friend on Monday. And that was not Monday, that was Sunday on Sunday. And that was so fun. So I can't wait to see what you guys do. Thank you guys so much for listening and I'll see you guys again next week. For everybody, a full length episode. This is Affirmations for black Girls.