Affirmations for Black Girls

Host: Tyra The Creative
Episode: 428 | Put Them on Mute: Protecting Your Peace in Group Chats & Social Spaces. You Don’t Owe Everyone Access to You
Date: September 24, 2025

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt and relatable episode, Tyra The Creative addresses the often-overlooked exhaustion that comes from hyper-connectivity and maintaining constant contact in group chats and social spaces. She discusses the necessity of setting digital boundaries, handling guilt around withdrawing from chats or conversations, and prioritizing personal peace, especially for Black women who are commonly pressured to be constantly available and accommodating.
This episode is a guide and encouragement to reclaim your time and emotional energy by asserting boundaries — digitally and socially — for your own well-being.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Story: Leaving Old Group Chats

• Tyra shares: She left her high school friends group chat after eight years, without an announcement, and felt immediate relief.
  • "A space that was once fun, felt judgmental and uninviting...I left the chat after eight years...it was one of the most freeing things I had ever experienced." (03:00)
• Main takeaway: You are not obligated to remain accessible to everyone just because of history.
• Quote:
  • “There should be no guilt associated with leaving the chat and every message doesn’t warrant a response. It is up to me and only me to protect my peace at all costs.” (03:25)

2. The Affirmation of the Week

• Affirmation: “I can be present without being overly accessible.” (05:08–06:09)
• Tyra’s reflection:
  • “Setting a boundary isn’t rude, it’s responsible. Your boundaries are your guardrails.” (06:25)
• The repeated affirmation serves as a grounding reminder for listeners to meditate on throughout the episode.

3. The Hidden Burnout: Social Exhaustion

• Reality check:
  • The constant pings, chats, invitations, and expectation to always respond is a unique, modern burnout that goes unspoken.
• Tyra’s phone stats:
  • “I currently have 124 unread text messages...and 161 unread text messages on my computer...It’s mainly because I’m in so many group messages.” (08:13)
• Coping strategy: Tyra mutes all group chats to read and respond at her own pace.
• Quote:
  • “You do not owe everyone access to you or your time whenever they want to talk to you.” (10:30)
  • “This hyper-connectivity wasn’t a problem in the 90s, baby. If you didn’t want anyone calling, you unplugged that house phone.” (11:07)

4. Group Chat Etiquette & Digital Boundaries

• On etiquette:

  • Tyra laments the lack of social etiquette and generational differences in group chats, especially with family.
  • Emphasis on muting or leaving chats as a form of self-care.

• Digital boundaries:

  • Setting boundaries in digital spaces is just as vital as in-person ones.
  • Evaluate: “How do I feel when these messages pop up? Do I want to be in this space?” (13:50)
  • Advice:
    • “If you don’t, baby girl, remove yourself from said group message.” (13:54)

5. Difficult Family Boundaries & The Guilt of Not Responding

• Ongoing challenges:
  • Tyra sets limits on conversations with certain family members who overstep sensitive topics (e.g., marriage, children).
  • Shares the concept of “emotional drive-bys” — when people bring up topics you’ve asked them to avoid.
• Quote:
  • “I call it emotional drive-bys...and I hate that so much.” (16:35)

6. Protecting Your Peace in Real-Time Social Spaces

• Parallel in-person situations:
  • Tyra applies similar boundaries to phone calls as she does to group chats.
  • The struggle: Balancing closeness with family versus self-preservation.
  • “At the end of the day, you have to make sure you are putting your feelings first and the things you need...Even if it means not answering the phone.” (15:26)

7. Digital Tools: Using “Do Not Disturb,” Focus Modes & Read Receipts

• Routine for digital peace:
  • Tyra walks listeners through her use of iPhone’s Focus Modes:
    • Sleep Mode (10pm–8am): Only favorites (immediate family) can get through.
    • Fitness Mode (8am–9am): Messages allowed, no calls or social notifications.
    • Work Mode (11am onwards): Limited to closest family members.
    • Social Media Mode: Blocks all social notifications.
    • Personal Mode: Total “Do Not Disturb” for personal activities like meditation or reading.
  • “I love having my phone in these focus modes...I have a lot more clarity throughout the day.” (29:37)
• Read receipts:
  • Tyra keeps these on to signal she’s seen messages, setting boundaries for further communication.
  • “Whatever you need to do to protect your peace, baby, that's what you need to do.” (32:46)

8. Pressures of Social Obligations & "FOMO"

• Pressure to be present:
  • “There is this unspoken pressure, especially as Black women, to always be the life of the party, to always show up, to always smile.” (39:16)
• Rejection of guilt-tripping:
  • Tyra reframes saying “no” as self-awareness rather than antisocial behavior.
  • Clarification:
    • “‘Antisocial’ literally means against society...Choosing rest and peace is not being antisocial, it’s being self-aware.” (39:35)
• Self-inquiry questions before attending events:
  • “Do I actually want to go?...Do I have the capacity?...Will this pour life into me or pull from me?” (41:30)

9. Honoring Community Vs. Honoring Yourself

• Balance:
  • Recognizes sometimes “inconveniencing” yourself for important events is part of sustaining community, but rest and boundaries are equally valid.
  • “Sometimes...having community does mean that you will inconvenience yourself. That is the price you pay to have community. But when you genuinely need rest, the people who are in your community will understand that.” (36:57)

10. Choosing Self-Preservation Over Social Performance

• Final encouragement:
  • “You shouldn’t feel like you have to perform in your social relationships. You don’t owe anybody a 24/7 version of yourself.” (42:51)
  • “Saying no when your spirit says no is not selfish, it's self-preservation.” (42:57)
  • “Allow people to love you within the boundaries you’ve set, not through the exhaustion you’ve been surviving with.” (43:40)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Every message doesn’t deserve a response. Every invitation doesn’t need a yes. And every season doesn’t require your constant presence.” (43:45)
• “One is avoidance and the other is self-preservation. And over here, we are choosing self-preservation every single time.” (41:43)
• “Your peace is your priority and protecting it is the most radical act of self-care that you can give yourself.” (43:50)

Practical Tools, Tips & Strategies

• Mute group chats to control when you engage.
• Use Focus Modes on your phone to regulate availability and minimize unexpected intrusion.
• Keep read receipts on (if it works for you) to communicate presence without pressure.
• Set explicit boundaries for how you receive sensitive news from family.
• Check in with yourself before accepting social invitations — protect your peace, energy, and capacity first.
• Maintain open communication with loved ones about your need for rest or boundaries.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Leaving the Group Chat & Affirmation: 02:55 – 06:09
• Phone Overload, Muting Chats & Digital Etiquette: 08:13 – 13:54
• Family Boundaries & Emotional Drive-Bys: 13:54 – 17:22
• Digital Boundary Strategies (Focus Modes): 23:25 – 33:18
• Navigating Social Invitations, FOMO, and Community: 35:14 – 42:06
• On Performance & Intentional Rest: 42:51 – 43:50

The “Would You Rather: Social Edition” Closing (44:00–48:00)

• Tyra reveals her preferences for social interactions, sharing personality insights and emphasizing the value of authentic connection over performative socializing.
• Key takeaway: Prioritizing the people and environments that genuinely nourish you is essential.

Episode Takeaway

Tyra’s message is clear:
You do not have to apologize for prioritizing your peace in digital or real-world interactions. Boundaries are self-care, not selfishness.
If you’ve ever felt guilty for muting a group chat, leaving a conversation, or saying no to an invitation, this episode empowers you to own those choices as wise, necessary, and loving acts toward yourself.