433 | Girl, Love Don’t Cost A Thing: Releasing Financial Stress & Learning How to Stop Over-Giving in Relationships

Summary

Affirmations for Black Girls – Episode 433

Title: Girl, Love Don’t Cost A Thing: Releasing Financial Stress & Learning How to Stop Over-Giving in Relationships
Host: Tyra The Creative
Release Date: October 13, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode explores the emotional toll of financial stress in romantic relationships, especially the burden many Black women experience as the "provider." Tyra candidly examines her patterns of over-giving—financially and emotionally—within her relationships, how this has impacted her well-being, and how she is working to break those cycles. Through personal stories and affirmations, the episode offers both reflection and practical insight into establishing boundaries, reclaiming feminine energy, and making financial decisions that serve your goals, not just your partner’s needs.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Affirmation of the Week: Financial Wellness & Intentional Choices

• Affirmation: "I make financial choices that support my goals and well-being." (06:29–07:54)
• Tyra and co-hosts encourage listeners to assess if their financial habits align with their personal goals, and to examine what triggers financial stress.
• They prompt listeners to identify and let go of behaviors and people that create unnecessary financial burdens.

2. Unpacking Financial Stress in Relationships

• Tyra and her co-hosts reflect on how financial stress is deeply emotional, often rooted in guilt and self-worth:
  • “Money stress is emotional, y’all. It’s sleepless nights over past due notices, the lump in your throat over the overdraft fees, and the shame of spending money that you will never get back.” (09:30 – Co-host 1)
• Tyra shares that always being “the provider” in relationships made her feel responsible for her partner’s well-being, but often led to resentment and exhaustion. She explains, “Supporting someone financially doesn’t make me a better partner, and not being a provider doesn’t make me selfish. It actually makes me human. It helps me live in my feminine energy and it keeps me sane.” (04:44 – Co-host 1)

3. Personal Stories: Over-Giving and Its Consequences

The “Moocher”

• Tyra details a significant relationship where she covered most living expenses, from rent to groceries, while her partner repeatedly failed to contribute:
  • “His name can’t go on the lease because his credit score is so bad… This man does not pay his half of the rent for six months. I have to come up with the entire… 1750, I think was our rent.” (18:51–19:27)
  • She later found he was sending his own money to another woman: “I found out that he was still sending money to one of his ex-girlfriends that was still living on the East Coast.” (19:44)
  • This left Tyra feeling “like a dark cloud was over me all the time because I had to take care of this grown man.” (26:25)

The “Judge”

• Another relationship caused Tyra to question her own financial choices and self-worth, as her partner projected his insecurities onto her spending on things like an interior designer or a housekeeper:
  • “He was like, ‘Why would you spend your money on that?...That doesn’t make any sense, y’all.’ And it made me feel like, dang, Tyra, maybe you’re not good with money.” (22:34–22:41)

College Provider

• Tyra traces her “provider” mentality back to college, when she spent her student refund and food stamps mainly on her then-boyfriend, setting a precedent for later relationships:
  • “I blew that whole $10,000 that semester, not just on him, but a lot of it did go to us doing stuff together and me footing the bill.” (24:51–25:19)

4. Breaking the Cycle: Boundaries and Self-Awareness

• Tyra recognizes she is a “certified over-giver,” often acting before considering what her partner has given in return. She now self-checks: “Whenever I feel an impulse to do something like [paying for a date], especially when it comes with a price tag, I take a beat and say, wait, Tyra, should I really do this?” (35:39–35:43)
• She shares boundaries for future cohabitation: both partners’ names on the lease and equal rent contributions, signaling growth in her financial self-care. (36:29–37:17)

5. Learning vs. Money Lost: "Lesson Learned or Money Returned?"

• In a closing segment, Tyra chooses “money returned” over “lesson learned” regarding paying for an unused timeshare at her ex’s encouragement:
  • “Anything dealing with that guy, I will want my money back, period. I would want my money back because it was not worth it… I was being taken advantage of a little bit.” (44:56–46:37)
• She tells another anecdote about drawing boundaries around her car and being shocked by her partner’s entitlement.

6. Letting Go of Guilt and Embracing a Balanced Future

• Tyra emphasizes the freedom found in closing the chapter on financial mistakes:
  • “Money mistakes don’t have to define you. And financial stress doesn’t have to hold you hostage…Letting go of that old stress isn’t just about closing the chapter on those past mistakes. It’s also about making room for what actually matters to you right now.” (42:33–43:03)
• She empowers listeners: “Stop taking care of that grown man because that financial stress is not worth it…And stop letting these men make this money stress you out.” (50:42–51:09)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On guilt from not giving:
  “If I didn’t share what I had, I would feel guilty if that grown man went without.” (04:04 – Co-host 1)

• On reflecting while single:
  “I have never had so much money in my pocket, and I think it’s because I’m single.” (15:01 – Tyra)

• Confronting masculinity/femininity standards:
  “He looked at me… and he said that I was too masculine…You are not providing me with the space to live in my feminine energy…You don’t pay nothing around here.” (39:17–40:01 – Tyra)

• Learning from past, not living in it:
  “It is time to stop letting money stress you out. Look back on every dollar, every choice, every chapter and say, that’s closed. That’s over with, that’s above me now. And then you’re free to move forward with peace, confidence, and intentional choices.” (42:41–42:55 – Tyra)

• On reclaiming confidence and self-worth:
  “Letting go of the guilt and patterns that no longer serve me creates space for confidence, peace, and security in my life.” (43:22–43:23 – Co-host 1)

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• Affirmation of the Week: 06:29–07:54
• Unpacking emotional money stress: 09:30–10:07
• Origin story of “provider” mentality: 10:07–11:24
• LA “Moocher” relationship story: 17:37–21:03
• The Judge’s subtle money shaming: 22:08–23:43
• College relationship and early habits: 24:16–25:32
• Personal boundaries and new practices: 35:39–37:17
• Lesson Learned or Money Returned: 44:31–49:28
• Final message to listeners: 50:00–51:09

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Takeaways & Best Practices

• Recognize and name financial stress within relationships; it often hides under guilt and habitual over-giving.
• Set clear boundaries—don’t shoulder expenses (rent, travel, bills) out of guilt or habit.
• Pause before giving: Check if a gesture is reciprocated or if you’re slipping into old patterns.
• Value your feminine energy: Allow space for your partner to give, and normalize expecting reciprocity.
• Forgive your mistakes: “Money mistakes don’t have to define you.”

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Final Encouragement

Tyra affirms:

“There is a world, there is a scenario where there is a man who will take care of us. Who will give 100%, and you also give 100%...Stop taking care of that grown man because that financial stress is not worth it…Stop letting these men make this money stress you out.” (50:14–51:09)

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For listeners who’ve experienced repeated financial stress in relationships, Tyra’s raw stories and careful guidance inspire a renewed approach to self-worth, monetary boundaries, and receiving love that doesn’t come at your expense.

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For more, watch the video episode on YouTube or join the community on your favorite podcast platform!

Transcript

[Tyra]

So let me ask you guys a couple of serious questions. Do your joints feel older than you? And do you really know what's going on inside of your body? Yeah, me either, y'.

All.

Now, y' all know whenever I go home to Louisiana, family time is everything to me. When we're all together, I'm always so grateful for that quality time. It always reminds me to take care of myself so that I can keep making memories with the people I love for years to come. And I'm ready to get even more serious about that. So I just learned about Tru Diagnostic and their True Age Plus TruHealth test.

Y'.

All. This ain't nothing like a grade school test.

Okay?

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All.

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[Co-host 1]

I don't know about y', all, but.

[Tyra]

These past few weeks have had me on the go. Between traveling back home, long days of doing everything for everybody and trying to squeeze in a little fun, my body has been telling me that I need some extra tlc. When I'm constantly on the move, the first things to slip are my good.

Sleep and staying focused during stressful days.

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And I love that.

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[Co-host 2]

I've got a box of their products.

[Tyra]

Headed my way and I'm super excited to try them because listen, even when life doesn't slow down, I still deserve to and you do too. Whether you want calm, focused, better sleep or just an overall wellness boost, CBDFX has something for you. And right now my listeners can get 40% off your first order with code [e-mail] that's cbdfx.com Use promo code affirmations to get 40% off today. Feel the difference with CBDFX?

[Co-host 2]

Over the years I've realized that a.

[Co-host 1]

Lot of financial stress that I've been.

[Co-host 2]

Carrying in my life has been tied.

[Tyra]

To my romantic relationships.

[Co-host 1]

I've always had this provider mentality, giving.

[Co-host 2]

My time, my energy, my money, because I thought that's how you showed someone that you care. If I had it, I felt like I needed to share it.

[Tyra]

And if I didn't share what I had, I would feel guilty if that.

[Co-host 1]

Grown man went without.

[Co-host 2]

I've been in relationships where I was.

[Co-host 1]

The one covering the bills, the dinners, the trips, basically keeping all things afloat.

[Co-host 2]

And essentially I was wearing the pants in that relationship.

[Co-host 1]

That mindset didn't just disappear once those relationships ended.

[Co-host 2]

It's something that I've had to unpack over time because even now in dating, the old habit can creep back in.

[Co-host 1]

And create stress that I just don't need.

[Co-host 2]

And learning to recognize it and separate my worth from my wallet has been.

[Co-host 1]

Hard, but it has been key. Supporting someone financially doesn't make me a.

[Co-host 2]

Better partner, and not being a provider.

[Co-host 1]

Doesn'T make me selfish. It actually makes me human. It helps me live in my feminine energy and it keeps me sane.

[Co-host 2]

Few things are as powerful. What is going on beautiful people? You are listening to the Affirmations for.

[Tyra]

Black Girls podcast where we focus on.

[Co-host 2]

Personal growth and cultivating a healthy relationship with ourselves.

[Tyra]

I am your host, Tyra, the creative actress, content creator and mental health enthusiast.

[Co-host 2]

And you guys, this is a video episode.

[Tyra]

If you are not watching on a.

[Co-host 2]

YouTube channel, if you're watching on your favorite listening platform.

[Tyra]

Hello. Hey, how you doing?

[Co-host 2]

You can go Watch us on YouTube.

[Tyra]

If that's something that you think you would like.

[Co-host 2]

But anyways, let's go ahead and jump in. I really think it's funny how moments.

[Co-host 1]

Like this remind you that money isn't.

[Co-host 2]

Just numbers and it's actually tied to how we live, how we love, how.

[Co-host 1]

We and how we show up for.

[Co-host 2]

The people that we care about.

[Co-host 1]

Now, I have been there, pouring love.

[Co-host 2]

And time and dollars into situations that didn't serve me. And it took a toll.

[Tyra]

A huge toll, honestly.

[Co-host 1]

But one thing's for sure, it won't hold me hostage anymore. Now, before we go ahead and jump.

[Co-host 2]

Into all of the things that I.

[Tyra]

Want to discuss with you guys today.

[Co-host 2]

We'Re going to jump into our affirmation of the week.

[Co-host 1]

This week's affirmation is I make financial choices that support my goals and well being. Let's go ahead and drop in, y'.

[Tyra]

All.

[Co-host 1]

I make financial choices that support my goals and well being. I make financial choices that support my goals and well being. I make financial choices that support my goals and well being. I make financial choices that support my goals and well being. I make financial choices that support my goals and well being. What does it look like to support your own well being financially?

[Co-host 2]

Are there some things that you should give up? Are there some things that you should start doing?

[Co-host 1]

I make financial choices that support my goals and well being. What financial choices have you been trying to make for a long time? As we think about this, let's say it one more time together. I make financial choices that support my goals and well being.

[Tyra]

This one is a doozy, y'.

[Co-host 1]

All.

[Tyra]

It is truly a doozy.

[Co-host 2]

So this affirmation is the epitome of what it's really about. Making choices that serve you and your.

[Co-host 1]

Future and not just reacting to old.

[Co-host 2]

Habits or pressures from the past.

[Co-host 1]

The choices that you make can work for you, not against you. But before we can start making those.

[Co-host 2]

Empowered financial moves, we have to take.

[Tyra]

A look at the stress and patterns that we've been carrying all this time.

[Co-host 2]

Sometimes we've been carrying stuff without even realizing it.

[Tyra]

So let's unpack that and get clear.

[Co-host 1]

On what's been weighing us down so we can finally let it go.

[Tyra]

Before.

[Co-host 2]

We can release financial baggage. We've got to admit that it's actually there.

[Co-host 1]

Money stress is emotional, y'. All. It's sleepless nights over past due notices, the lump in your throat over the overdraft fees, and the shame of spending money that you will never get back.

[Co-host 2]

Over the years, I've realized that money stress isn't always about what's in your bank account.

[Co-host 1]

It's emotional.

[Co-host 2]

So think about all the times that.

[Co-host 1]

You have paid for things, lent money, or felt guilt around money.

[Co-host 2]

All of that stuff adds up and.

[Co-host 1]

It can attribute to the financial stress that you have been feeling.

[Co-host 2]

I think the biggest reason why I have felt a lot of financial stress is because early on growing up, I've.

[Co-host 1]

Always been good at making money.

[Co-host 2]

And I've always been in a position where I have felt very secure around having money.

[Co-host 1]

And I think that security is something.

[Co-host 2]

That in romantic relationship, I used as.

[Tyra]

A tool to show that I loved someone.

[Co-host 2]

And I think a lot of times in my past relationships, it became more of a weakness in a sense of. I felt like I was taken advantage of sometimes. And I felt like no matter how I showed up in those relationships, I still wasn't treated the way that I thought I should be treated because I.

[Tyra]

Was taking care of things that traditionally.

[Co-host 2]

That a man should take care of. And I think the biggest lesson out of all of that that I learned is just because I got it don't mean I need to give it to that man. And now I'm not going to make any, like, blanket generalizations or anything. This is just based on my personal experience.

[Co-host 1]

But it gets stressful.

[Co-host 2]

I am currently 31 years old, and I touched on this in a previous episode. But I've been in relationships where I have been the breadwinner and I have worn pants, and out of the kindness of my heart, I would take care of things because I had it. I had it to give. I had it to help both of us out. And I never really felt appreciated after I gave X, Y and Z in those relationships.

[Co-host 1]

And after years of not feeling.

[Co-host 2]

Appreciated, resentment started to set in. And I can see that in a lot of the incidences that happen in one particular relationship that I'm talking about. But I have a few relationships that I definitely want to dive into today. But I think it's very important that we bring light to whatever that stress is that we have been carrying, because money stress can linger even after the situation is gone.

[Tyra]

I will even say, like, because I.

[Co-host 2]

Was talking to a friend, this was probably like a few months ago now, but the relationship that I was referring to has been over with for like five years. I was like, that man owes me.

[Co-host 1]

So much money and it pisses me.

[Co-host 2]

Off to even think about it. And while I'm halfway joking, I'm also halfway serious. And that just means that I shouldn't have been given what I was given. Because if I'm gonna feel the way that I feel, I shouldn't have been giving it in the first place. But on the flip side of that, I was giving it from a place of, oh, we're in this together and event. Hopefully he's going to pull his weight. I'm just going to tell you right now that weight had never been pulled on his side. Okay, but we'll dive into that a little bit later. But I just want you guys to ask yourself, if you've ever been in a situation where, especially if you're a.

[Co-host 1]

Woman and you've been the breadwinner, what weight am I carrying that should not.

[Co-host 2]

Be mine, that I should not be carrying anymore? What is that? Are you taking care of people that you shouldn't be taking care of? Are you making space in your wallet and in your finances for people that don't deserve to have that space being made for them? Are you making space for people in your finances to your own detriment? Because you shouldn't be doing that either. We need to make sure that we are making financial choices that reflect our.

[Co-host 1]

Goals and our well being as well. As a woman, I have poured so much time, money and love into people.

[Co-host 2]

Who quite frankly, didn't deserve it and.

[Co-host 1]

Or didn't know what to do with that love.

[Tyra]

And I didn't even realize how much.

[Co-host 2]

It was weighing on me financially until I took a step back. Facing that truth has been such an.

[Co-host 1]

Eye opening journey for me in my.

[Co-host 2]

Financial journey and with my relationship with money. I remember I was talking to my friend Bria. This is y'.

[Tyra]

All. This was a while ago now.

[Co-host 2]

And I have these spurts of time.

[Tyra]

Where I'm just like, huh, you know what?

[Co-host 2]

This is better.

[Tyra]

So I was saying this to her.

[Co-host 2]

This was a while ago. I was like, I have never had so much money in my pocket and.

[Tyra]

I think it's because I'm single.

[Co-host 2]

And when I said that, I was like, that is crazy.

[Co-host 1]

I really be spending money on these men.

[Co-host 2]

I really be spending money on these men. And it's never from a place of, oh, I need to impress them.

[Tyra]

It's always because the men that I have attracted, my track record of men.

[Co-host 2]

They'Ve always.

[Co-host 1]

Needed a helping hand.

[Co-host 2]

They have always made less money than me. They have always had times where they.

[Tyra]

Were in a position to ask me for money.

[Co-host 2]

And since I've been single now for what, three years?

[Co-host 1]

Three years almost, it's just been so freeing.

[Co-host 2]

And I've just been able to see since I've had to take a step back because I'm not in relationship and.

[Tyra]

I'm still doing good for myself, I'm like, oh, wow. All of this money that I'm now.

[Co-host 1]

Spending on getting my hair done or.

[Tyra]

New equipment or trips used to go.

[Co-host 2]

To me taking care of a grown man.

[Tyra]

Different grown men.

[Co-host 2]

And I do believe that my heart was always in the right place. But since I grew up and my.

[Co-host 1]

Mama and daddy really instilled in me.

[Co-host 2]

That money comes, money goes, you can make more money. I never really viewed it as, oh, I shouldn't be giving as much as I am to this man. So I'm gonna paint the picture for y'.

[Tyra]

All.

[Co-host 2]

Let me take a squig my Celsius first. So as always, I'll be telling y' all about the guy that I moved to LA with. We're gonna call him the Moocher today. I've told y' all this before, but when I was in a relationship with this moocher guy, we moved to, to LA together. But before that I'm, I'm start at the beginning of the story because I know that there are other women out here who have done this and who have been in these types of situations. So from the beginning I met this guy. I was at Howard University for something. I was seeing one of my neos down there. As you guys know, I am Greek. I am, I'm a Delta. But anyways, I was seeing one of my neos out there and I met this guy through some mutual friends. He asked me for my number. Long story short, we started dating shortly after that. I mentioned that I was moving to Los Angeles and he was like, oh, I'll move to Los Angeles too.

[Tyra]

And I was like, okay. So I graduated from culinary school, this.

[Co-host 2]

Is in 2017, graduate from culinary school. And I'm like, well, okay, about to move to la, but I'm gonna go home first. And I probably said, you can come with me, right? I don't know why I said that. Long story short, this boy moves into my grandparents house. We're only there for three months and I knew it was gonna be a short stint of time.

[Co-host 1]

We're there for three months.

[Co-host 2]

My grandparents are feeding him, they are washing his Clothes, mind you, this is a grown man that is four years older than me, by the way. They're washing his clothes, they're feeding him. And outside of our relationship, I come to find out that he's still talking to his exes and all this type of stuff like that. But I feel like I'm so deep in it. And I have a plan to move to la. We're supposed to be moving together. Because la, in my head at that time, which is still true, Louisiana is super expensive. I don't want to move out there by myself. So I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place. But I did find out that he was still talking to one of his exes. All of this stuff, right? And I remember we went to dinner one night before we were supposed to leave and he was like, I don't have no money. And I was like, I know you don't have no money, but when we get to la, we can make more money. So I still allowed him to come.

[Co-host 1]

To LA with me.

[Co-host 2]

We moved to la, stay in an Airbnb for a month. Guess who paid for the Airbnb? $1200 out of my pocket. I want to say he bought his own plane ticket, but I'm not even sure about that if I'm being completely honest. After that, I go and find me an apartment. His name can't go on the lease because his rent, his credit score is so bad, he moves into my apartment. This man does not pay his half of the rent for six months. I have to come up with the entire.

[Tyra]

I don't.

1750, something like that. 15, something like that.

[Co-host 2]

1750, I think was our rent. Back then I had to pay that by myself. But the thing that made me so mad about it was the fact that at the time I was doing brand ambassador work, which was, you know, gig based, worked. And just about every job I got, I got him on as well.

[Tyra]

I was like our secretary.

[Co-host 2]

I was getting us all the work. So I knew that this man was making money, but I didn't know where that money was going until years later I found out that he was still sending money to one of his ex.

[Tyra]

Girlfriends that was still living on the East Coast.

[Co-host 2]

Didn't know this at the time. So we were always fighting, we were always arguing.

[Tyra]

But within, like, I see why we.

[Co-host 2]

Were arguing because I was having to take care of a grown man who was four years older than me, by the way. And it just became a situation that I just hated to be in. And I don't know Why I stayed in for so long, but every step of the way, that man was mooching off of me. And I couldn't understand why. I would put my neck out for someone, I would put my resources out for someone, and they don't appreciate it.

[Co-host 1]

With the utmost enthusiasm.

[Co-host 2]

And that just taught me that money and relationships are intertwined in ways that we don't always see until we reflect.

[Tyra]

Like, I.

[Co-host 2]

Before that relationship, I would have never thought that financial stress was a thing. I would have never thought that people had different outlooks on money or different relationships to money. Like, I would have never thought that it would. We would be fighting because you not paying your half of the rent. Like, in my head, that's just common sense that you're paying your half of the rent. Now. There was this other guy that I was talking to after this guy. I met him out here in California. We don't call him the judge. I honestly loved being in this relationship with him because these things were. These things that he was doing was subtle. But when I would say things like, oh, I really want to work with an interior designer, because I don't know what to do with my apartment. I had just moved into this apartment that I'm in right now, y', all. And I was like, I wanted.

[Tyra]

Well, not just.

[Co-host 2]

I had been in here for, like, a year, and I was doing stuff around the apartment myself. And I was like, I'm starting to make more money, like, with my content, all of that stuff. I want to be able to treat myself. So I was like, I want to treat myself in a way that helps. That helps build a space that I love to live in. So I was telling him this stuff, and I was like, I want to get an interior designer to help me with my bedroom, because I don't know what to do in there. And he was like, why would you do that? And I was like, what do you mean, why would I do that? He was like, why would you spend your money on that? You can just do it yourself.

[Tyra]

And I was like, okay.

[Co-host 2]

I mean, I can, but I can also pay for it because it's my money. And there was another situation where I was like, a lot of you guys.

[Tyra]

Know that I also post a lot.

[Co-host 2]

Of food content on my personal social media page. And I was like, I really need to get a housekeeper, because cooking all of this stuff, editing it, editing it, and then turning around to clean my whole house. Sometimes I just get super tired.

[Co-host 1]

It's just me.

[Tyra]

And he was like, I would never.

[Co-host 2]

Hire anybody to clean My house. That doesn't make any sense, y'.

[Tyra]

All.

[Co-host 1]

And it made me feel like, dang.

[Co-host 2]

Tyra, like, maybe you're not good with money.

[Co-host 1]

Maybe you do spend your money on just frivolous things. But now, looking back at it, it.

[Co-host 2]

Was just his insecurities that were being projected onto me.

[Co-host 1]

Because this guy, he.

[Co-host 2]

I think I said this in the last. The last episode that I was talking about, like, money, stress and stuff, but.

[Co-host 1]

He used to live in an apartment.

[Co-host 2]

And I didn't find out until I was about to go over to his house one time that he had to downsize into a smaller apartment.

[Tyra]

That was very small, by the way.

[Co-host 2]

It was just a room room with a tiny, tiny bathroom. Like a bachelor studio type of thing. And not even a bachelor studio because he didn't have a kitchen. Yeah, he didn't have a kitchen. So it was just a room and a bathroom. But before that, he lived in, like, an actual studio apartment, and he had to downsize.

[Tyra]

And I was like, why didn't you tell me?

[Co-host 2]

And he was like, why? So what I got from that was that, one, he didn't have the funds to stay in a bigger apartment, obviously.

[Tyra]

But two, that he felt some type.

[Co-host 1]

Of way about sharing that with me.

[Co-host 2]

And I don't ever want to be in relationships like that. But I want to say when I was reflecting on all of this and.

[Tyra]

How, like, stressful those situations would be.

[Co-host 2]

Because in that relationship with the judge, I started to doubt myself and my relationship with money, and it started to.

[Co-host 1]

Make me feel bad about myself, and.

[Co-host 2]

That is also stressful. But I want to say that this honestly probably stems from a relationship that I had in college. I was with this guy and absolutely loved being with him as well.

[Tyra]

Didn't love being with the first guy.

[Co-host 2]

That I'm telling you about, but these.

[Tyra]

Other two guys, I actually did enjoy.

[Co-host 2]

Being in relationship with them. Now with the college guy, we are kids. We're in college. We don't have, you know, any real responsibilities yet. And at the time, I had, like.

[Tyra]

$10,000 saved up because I was on a full ride to Northwestern State. So I got a refund checked every.

[Co-host 2]

Semester, and I didn't spend it all.

[Tyra]

Because I know a little bit about financial literacy. I know how to save money a little bit.

[Co-host 2]

And I also have food stamps because I'm a college student. You could get it back then.

[Co-host 1]

And he didn't.

[Co-host 2]

He didn't. He wasn't on a full ride or anything like that and didn't have a job because he also Played football, all of these things. So I would spend my food stamps on him. I spent, I blew that whole $10,000 that semester, not just on him, but, you know, a lot of it did go to like, us doing stuff together and me footing the bill, those types of things. And I didn't mind it and it wasn't a weird thing between the two of us. But I think that's where this provider mentality and oh, I can just handle.

[Co-host 1]

It mentality came from.

[Co-host 2]

I think that's where it all started for me. And it just went downhill from there because everybody isn't.

[Co-host 1]

You shouldn't spend your money on everybody.

[Co-host 2]

Because it could just cause you way.

[Co-host 1]

More stress in the long run.

[Co-host 2]

I really think a lot of us are taught that giving our money and our resources or time is the actual tangible proof of us caring about someone. And for me especially, I feel like if we don't provide, we aren't good partners.

[Co-host 1]

Especially if we have it.

[Co-host 2]

And if we don't provide, we aren't good partners.

[Co-host 1]

Even if it is to an unhealthy.

[Co-host 2]

Extent, like, if I got it, I need to share it. That's really the mindset that I had for a very long time. But the takeaway here is giving your.

[Co-host 1]

Money doesn't automatically equate to love.

[Co-host 2]

It becomes a problem when it costs.

[Co-host 1]

You your peace, when it costs you your boundaries or your sense of self worth.

[Co-host 2]

And true care and love in a.

[Co-host 1]

Relationship should feel balanced.

[Co-host 2]

Both people need to be pouring into the pot, okay? Not like a financial burden on one person. And that I felt so burdened in that first relationship that I told you guys about with the Moocher. I. It was like a dark cloud was over me all the time because I had to take care of this grown man because one, he was living in my apartment and two, I wanted to hold on to some familiarity because we had just moved out to Los Angeles together. But recognizing that has been one of the most eye opening lessons for me in my entire financial journey. And one thing I'm going to say is I will never find myself in another situation like I was back in 2018.

[Co-host 1]

Never.

[Co-host 2]

Never.

[Tyra]

Y', all, Do y' all feel that breeze in the air? The weather is starting to cool down and the days are getting shorter and I want my apartment to feel like a cozy little retreat, y'.

[Co-host 1]

All.

[Tyra]

That's why Waypair has been my go to and September is my birthday month, y'.

All.

[Co-host 2]

And I always take the opportunity to.

[Tyra]

Put pour some extra love into my space, y'.

All.

Know how I am.

[Co-host 2]

So I just upgraded my kitchen with.

[Tyra]

Bar chairs from Wayfair and let me tell you y', all, they compliment my.

New wallpaper so perfectly and they add.

The perfect pop of color.

[Co-host 2]

Now every time I walk past, I.

[Tyra]

Stop and I smile.

It's those small details that pull the.

Whole room together and make it feel like me.

That's what I love about Wayfair.

It doesn't matter if you're into bold statement pieces, neutrals, or you just want a subtle seasonal touch. They've got a huge curated selection that fits every budget and every vibe, plus free and fast shipping. Even on the big stuff. My chairs came in two days and with fall creeping in, I've been inspired to keep layering in cozy touches like candles, throw blankets, and little accent pieces that make my place feel even warmer. So now is the perfect time to cozy fire your space before fall really starts to settle in. From warm bedding and autumn throw pillows to espresso machines for that perfect homemade latte, they've got everything you need to.

Make your home feel like a safe space that you deserve.

So cheers to another year, another cozy refresh, and a little more Wayfair sparkle. Cozify your space with Wayfair's curated collection of easy, affordable fall updates. From comfy recliners to cozy bedding and autumn decor. Find it all for way [e-mail] that's W A Y-F A I R.com Wayfair every style, every Home Every year I like to do a little life reset.

[Co-host 2]

Right before my birthday.

[Co-host 1]

I'll deep clean my apartment. I'll set some new goals.

[Tyra]

And lately I like to do what.

[Co-host 1]

I like to call a little financial find out.

[Co-host 2]

You know, I like to take a look at what's really going on with.

[Co-host 1]

My money before I head into a new season.

[Tyra]

It's my way of checking in with.

[Co-host 2]

Myself, asking me things like how well am I managing my money? And reflecting on times where I meant.

[Tyra]

To move a little something into savings.

But I just didn't. I found out that utilizing chimes tools.

Can really help make this process a breeze, y'. All.

Because with tools like the Chime checking.

Account, you don't have to deal with.

[Co-host 1]

Those sneaky monthly or maintenance fees.

[Tyra]

If you've got qualifying direct deposit, you can even get fee free overdraft up to $200 on debit card purchases and cash withdrawals.

That's a game changer for avoiding no surprise charges.

Plus, with access to over 47,000 fee free ATMs you're never really stuck without your money. For me, it's about making sure that.

My finances aren't another source of stress weighing me down. Amen.

Having a safety net and some flexibility, it truly makes a huge difference for your mental health. If you're ready to breathe easier and take your financial audit into a new direction, work on your financial goals through Chime today. Open an account in 2 minutes at chime.com affirmations that's chime.com affirmations Chime feels like progress.

[Chime Ad Voice]

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[Tyra]

Know over here we're all about finding.

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[Tyra]

All.

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[Tyra]

Evil is rising and time is running out. Do not miss Kerry Washington in Audible's new action packed must listen the prophecy season two. Go to audible.com prophecy2. That's the number two. And start listening today.

[Co-host 1]

Letting go of past financial stress isn't just about money.

[Co-host 2]

It's also about reclaiming your energy and your confidence and your peace of mind. Every dollar that you once gave away.

[Tyra]

Every financial compromise you made in relationship taught you lessons.

[Co-host 1]

But now the ones that didn't serve you.

[Co-host 2]

Throwing it out the window. I have been working so hard over.

[Tyra]

The last few years in dating because I don't. I don't date often, but I've been working so hard to make sure that I am not repeating those old habits.

[Co-host 2]

So I'm kind of talking to this guy right now, and there's parts of me like, whenever we're talking, I just.

[Tyra]

Want to do something, do a little something cute for him, for this man. And I have to stop myself and say, tyra, what has this man done for you? What has this man done for you? And granted, y', all, it's not one size fits all. And I'm not saying that it is inherently bad to do something cute for a guy because I do stuff that's cute for the guys, but I am a certified over giver, so I need to make sure that I am not embodying those same traits that once gave me terrible financial stress. Right? So, for example, I the even just saying it out loud and just like, oh, my gosh, how am I doing this stuff?

[Co-host 2]

So say, for example, a guy that.

[Tyra]

I'm talking to was like, oh, I'm so hungry. We can go get some food right now.

[Co-host 2]

And based off the strength of me.

[Tyra]

Saying, you know what? I suggested we do this. I'll pay for it. I won't even give that man time to pull out his wallet. I have found myself in situations like that, and I think that is me.

[Co-host 1]

Being a little too in the masculine.

[Tyra]

And my masculine energy. Right? I really want to live a softer life. I want to be a soft girl. I want to embrace that softer, feminine energy. And I just. It's a little uncomfortable for me because I've never been in a situation with a guy that has allowed me to live in that energy because I got it. Like, thank you, God.

[Co-host 1]

I'm blessed.

[Tyra]

I got it. I can. I can help out. I can give. I can just say, oh, this trip is on me. I can. But that doesn't mean that I always should. I think me doing that has really stopped a lot of the typical process of getting closer to a guy. I feel like I have just, like, thrown it all away. Like, I don't need all of that stuff. I'm just going put my money where my mouth is.

[Co-host 2]

Throw some.

[Tyra]

Not some racks, but throw some racks out there and do some things with you. And it's just been a huge learning curve. Like, I know I have identified the problem, but I'm still in a place where I am trying to physically live in a space where I am allowing.

[Co-host 1]

A man to be a man for.

[Tyra]

One, a man to do nice things for me.

[Co-host 2]

Because I'll just do like 10 things.

[Tyra]

Back to back for a guy, and.

[Co-host 2]

I won't even think about what that.

[Tyra]

Guy has done for me. Because, one, I do things because I like to do them. I really show my love. Language is acts of service. I've learned that. But I also have to make sure that I am not overcompensating for what I want from the person. Because if I'm like, oh, you know what? I want some flowers. Well, maybe he wants some flowers. Let me send him some flowers. And that's just an example. That's really my mindset when it comes to dating.

[Co-host 2]

And I have been actively saying whenever I feel like that or when I.

[Tyra]

Whenever I feel an impulse to do something like that for a guy, especially when it comes with a price tag, I take a beat and say, wait, Tyra, should I really do this? Because one thing about it, there should not be a power imbalance. There should not be an imbalance of energy being put into the relationship. And a lot of times, I think just because I like to do things for people, it does create that imbalance. But it could be because I'm doing.

[Co-host 1]

Too much too soon or too much.

[Tyra]

At the same time. The guy may feel like, whoa, she's. I don't know, she's trying too hard. She's doing this, that. And third, I don't know what they.

[Co-host 2]

Think, you know, But I want to.

[Tyra]

Make sure that I'm taking the time to slow down because I am a lover girl.

[Co-host 2]

I'm a lover girl, and I'm trying.

[Tyra]

To learn how to let these men.

[Co-host 1]

Love on me a little bit more.

[Tyra]

So I think best practices is definitely figuring out what has caused you this stress in the past. And I know we've talked a lot about, like, relationships in this way because that's where 99% of my financial stress has come from, being in relationships with men where we are not equally yoked financially. So identifying where that stress has come from, what has led to you, too, being stressed out in those areas and working from there. I know when I was living with the only guy that I've lived with out here and I was paying all the rent, that stressed me out. So a boundary for me now if I were to ever move in with another guy, One, both of our names need to be on the lease because his name was not on the lease last time. And two, you have to pay at.

[Co-host 1]

Least half of the rent.

[Tyra]

And I just really pray that God has something in store for me pretty soon where that's not even up for debate. Like, I really want A provider. And I think that's why I have embodied a provider mentality, because that's what I want in my life. And I'm like, well, I ain't got it, so obviously I'm gonna be it. So I'm just working on working on that. Some other things that have done that to me as well. In my last relationship that I was in, there was a lot of situations where I gave him jobs because he was also a creative. So he was on my payroll because I knew that he needed money. And I also. That stemmed from the previous relationship. Like I said, we were doing brand ambassador work when I first moved out to LA with that guy and I was getting him all the jobs. It's just something that I'm good at and it's easy. But there is something to say about restraint and there is something to say about giving a man space to be a man.

[Co-host 2]

And if you are put in a.

[Tyra]

Position where that man is not allowing.

[Co-host 1]

You to live in your feminine energy.

[Tyra]

And live in a space where you are not having to act like their mother, act like their caregiver, act like the breadwinner in the relationship to your detriment, then you need to back off. And that's something that I tell myself now, too. Not because I can't, but because I know that this is not the dynamic that will last long term. And the last thing that I'm going to say about the Moocher.

[Co-host 2]

Towards the end of our relationship, we had moved out from with each other.

[Tyra]

I was like, we can't live together.

[Co-host 2]

Because I'm paying all the rent anyway.

[Tyra]

You need to go figure out how to live on your own again. This man was four years older than me, y'.

[Co-host 1]

All.

[Tyra]

And at the time, I was what? I had just moved out here. That was seven years ago. What is that? I was 24. So he was like 28. He was almost 30.

[Co-host 2]

And I was taking care of this.

[Tyra]

Grown man towards the end of our relationship. He looked at me. He had came over to my apartment because I lived alone at the time. And he said that I was too masculine. And I probably cried about that for a week. And he was saying, I don't give him space to be a man, y'.

[Co-host 1]

All.

[Tyra]

I wanted to punch a brick wall.

[Co-host 2]

Because how am I not giving you.

[Tyra]

Space to be a man?

[Co-host 1]

You are not providing me with the.

[Tyra]

Space to live in my feminine energy. You are not stepping up to be a man. You are not paying the bills.

[Co-host 2]

You are not taking me out.

[Tyra]

You're not doing anything for Me like all of these very traditional things. Since you want to talk about I'm. I'm in my masculine energy too much. Let's talk about the traditional things. You don't pay nothing around here. You don't pay for me to get my hair done, nails done, feet done, nothing. You constantly ask me for money. What. How do. How do you want me to be feminine? What do you actually. What do you mean by this? I'm not giving you space because if I gave you space to be the.

[Co-host 2]

Man in this relationship, we would be.

[Tyra]

Living in a ditch. And I'm not about to do that with you. And I think that was definitely one of the straws that broke the camel's back in their relationship, because I am not about to play with you. I'm not about to constantly feel stressed out and take on more jobs because I'm taking care of a grown man. I just can't. I just can't continue to do that. And it has been very frustrating for me as someone who grew up in a household where my mom and daddy taught me financial security. As far as my attachment to money and learning that a lot of men. And I'm not making a generalization or anything, but a lot of men that I've talked to, been in relationship with have an unhealthy attachment to money.

[Co-host 2]

And I just really hope in the.

[Tyra]

Future that there is a man that comes around that is very secure in his relationship with money. He is financially literate, and he knows how to take care of himself. Like, this is the bar is in hell for me, y', all, if I'm being completely honest. But I say all that to, say, pinpoint where your financial stress is coming from, and then work your way backwards to see how you can make sure that you're not setting yourself up for failure again in the future.

[Co-host 2]

Over the years, I've realized just how much financial stress I've carried from my past relationships.

[Co-host 1]

I was the provider more times than I can count. And I thought that giving meant showing I cared.

[Tyra]

And if I didn't give, I would feel guilty, like somehow I was failing.

[Co-host 1]

The person that I thought loved me.

[Tyra]

And for a long time, that mindset.

[Co-host 1]

Followed me, shaping habits I didn't even fully recognize.

[Tyra]

Always covering, always giving. Always trying to prove my worth with my money.

[Co-host 1]

But here's the thing. Money mistakes don't have to define you.

[Tyra]

And financial stress doesn't have to hold you hostage.

[Co-host 1]

It is time to stop letting money stress you out. Look back on every dollar, every choice.

[Tyra]

Every chapter, every and Say, that's closed.

[Co-host 1]

That'S over with, that's above me now. And then you're free to move forward.

[Tyra]

With peace, confidence, and intentional choices. Letting go of that old stress isn't just about closing the chapter on those past mistakes.

[Co-host 1]

It's also about making room for what actually matters to you right now.

[Co-host 2]

When I think about money now, I.

[Co-host 1]

Think about choice, clarity, calmness.

[Tyra]

I think about spending and saving in.

[Co-host 1]

Ways that support my goals and my well being, not to prove something to anybody else.

[Co-host 2]

Letting go of the guilt and patterns.

[Co-host 1]

That no longer serve me creates space for confidence, peace, and security in my life. Moving on encourages peace to find you.

[Tyra]

Your pockets and put some power back into your decisions.

[Co-host 1]

It's not about being perfect.

[Tyra]

It's about being honest, intentional, and finally stepping into a healthier relationship with money and a healthy relationship romantically.

[Co-host 2]

Oh, y', all, you know what time it is?

[Tyra]

It is time for our fun closing segment. And today's closing segment is this or that. Now, this one is very nichely related to what we talked about today. So the this or that of this is lesson learned or money returned. Okay, so the question is, would you rather erase one of your biggest financial hiccups completely, or keep the mistake, but also keep the lesson it taught you?

[Co-host 1]

I got a few of these.

[Tyra]

I don't know what my biggest one is, but the one that I'm going to. Yeah, the one that I'm gonna say for this is. So when I was with that guy, the moocher that I was telling y' all about earlier on, we. Oh, just talking about this right now just pisses me off. So we ended up going to this timeshare thing.

[Co-host 2]

He was like, we should go. It's gonna be great. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Tyra]

Long story short, we go to. You know how timeshares work. So we go in, we listen to the presentation, then they come around and they hound you about getting these vacation rentals. Long story short, he convinced me to do it because we had, I don't know, like two or three years to use a certain amount of credits or something like that.

[Co-host 1]

As we know, that man didn't have no money.

[Tyra]

So all of that went on my credit card. And it was a couple thousand dollars that went on my credit card. And the idea was he was supposed to help pay it back because he didn't have no credit. Well, he had horrible credit. It was like in the 400s, his credit score. And I was like, okay, well, this was kind of like close to when we first moved out to la. So I hadn't gotten sick and tired of him yet. But anyways.

[Co-host 1]

I would want my money back because we never used the timeshare.

[Tyra]

At all, and he never paid towards it at all. I could. Honestly, I have stories for days about this guy. Like, there was also another time where. Lord, y', all, this is pissed me off. All of these lessons learned versus morning return. Anything dealing with that guy, I will. I will want my money back home. Like, period. At the end, I would want my money back because it was not worth it. I was really in a space where I was being taken advantage of a little bit. Especially since he was so much older than me and by so much. Four years. I get it. It's not that. That much. But I was in my early 20s when I was dating this guy, and he was in his late 20s, almost 30.

[Co-host 2]

So when my grandparents bought me a car.

[Tyra]

And I know this. This is. We didn't already talked about this, but I'm gonna tell y' all this one more story, and then I'm a. I'm gonna let it go. So when my grandparents were talking about buying me a car, they ended up.

[Co-host 2]

Buying my car, y'.

[Tyra]

All.

[Co-host 2]

I don't think I've ever said that.

[Tyra]

But the car that I have now, they bought for me in 2018. It's a 2019 Honda Elantra. So Hyundai Elantra. So I got it in 2018. And the reason I wanted to get a car was because it's obviously hard to get around la.

[Co-host 2]

And it just makes sense because everything is spread out.

[Tyra]

The public transit here is just not great.

[Co-host 2]

And I brought this up to the guy. I was like, hey, my grandparents are.

[Tyra]

Buying me a car. We'll have a car to get around. I mean, we live together. There's no way that he wouldn't be in the car with me. You know, we live together. And he was like. He started referring to it as our car.

[Co-host 2]

Baby, you ain't pay nothing on this car.

[Co-host 1]

Not a thing. Do not play with me.

[Tyra]

So one day I was just like.

And this was.

This was before I actually went home to get my car, right? They were having all these hypothetical conversations, and he was saying, our car, this type of thing. And I was like, you don't have to pay the car note, because one, my grandparents gave me, like, half on the car. I was like, I'm not even going to be paying this car note out of my pocket for at least two years.

[Co-host 2]

You don't have to do that, but.

[Tyra]

You need to pay the insurance if you Want to drive my car? If you want to drive it, you need to pay. You need to pay the insurance because you need to also be on the insurance. I'm not doing this thing because I got in trouble with my mama because.

[Co-host 2]

He was driving a car when we.

[Tyra]

Were still living in Louisiana. Got in trouble about letting him drive because I didn't understand how insurance worked. I didn't understand that it's not covered as somebody who is not on the insurance is driving the car. So obviously we had that conversation.

[Co-host 2]

And when I tell you he got.

[Tyra]

So mad that I asked him to pay the insurance on the car that he was trying to drive, I said, you know what? We can't do this.

[Co-host 2]

And I knew as soon as we.

[Tyra]

Started having conversations like that and there.

[Co-host 2]

Was times where I would ask him.

[Tyra]

Where his half of the rent was and he would just start crying like, it was just so much stupid stuff, to be honest. I'm sorry. It was stupid. It was so much stuff like that going on in that relationship that I was like, I. This is not my husband. I know this man is not my husband. He is a moocher. He don't know how to take care of himself.

[Co-host 1]

He is literally using me.

[Tyra]

And I was like, as soon as this leases up, we going our separate ways. Granted, I kept talking to him and I shouldn't have, but I was like, I'm not about to live with you because it's just like I'm living alone because I'm paying for all this stuff myself. And if I can provide for myself to this extent, I don't need you here adding all of that unnecessary stress.

[Co-host 2]

So again, to answer the question, money return.

[Tyra]

Run me my change. Give it here. I don't need the lesson. I don't need. I don't. Or at least half of the lessons I'll take, but the ones with the big price tags, no, Remy, my change. I don't. I don't need that in my life. Anyways, y', all, I hope you enjoyed this episode.

[Co-host 2]

And once again, this is a video episode.

[Tyra]

So if you were listening on your favorite podcast listening platform, you can go and check us out on YouTube. But with that being said, that is all that I have for you guys today. I really hope this episode planted a.

[Co-host 2]

Seed in you because I know, especially.

[Tyra]

As black women, we become the caregivers.

[Co-host 1]

For these grown ass men way too.

[Tyra]

Often and it's time for us to stop doing that.

[Co-host 1]

There is a world, there is a.

[Tyra]

Scenario where there is a man who will take care of us. Who will give 100%, and you also give 100%.

[Co-host 1]

We don't have to be in these.

[Tyra]

Unequally yoked and unequally balanced in these unbalanced relationships with these men. And I have been in one too.

[Co-host 2]

Many, and I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

[Tyra]

And I hope you are too. And I hope this pushes the right person in the right direction.

[Co-host 2]

You were meant to hear this episode.

[Tyra]

I'm telling you that right now. Stop taking care of that grown man because that financial stress is not worth it. That hit on your credit score is not worth it. Lowering your credit score for it's not worth it. Taking out that extra loan because he needs it's not worth it. No, no, don't do it. And I'm gonna leave it at that. Stop letting this money stress you out.

[Co-host 1]

And stop letting these men make this money stress you out.

[Tyra]

Okay?

[Co-host 2]

With that being said, you guys, that.

[Tyra]

Is all that I have for you today. If you're not already subscribed to our YouTube channel, go ahead and hit that big red subscribe button down below. And if you have not already, make.

[Co-host 1]

Sure that you leave a review and.

[Tyra]

Rate the podcast on your favorite listening platform. Again, we're trying to be Apple top 100 two years in a row. Okay, thank you guys so much for listening, and I will see you guys again next week.

[Co-host 1]

This is Affirmations for Black.

[Ali Jackson]

If you're a podcast host, listen up. This one's for you. My name is Ali Jackson. I'm the host of Finding Mr. Height, a dating and relationship podcast that I've been doing for four years now, sharing my positive and practical approach to dating that's built on my own life experience. Experience. And I wanted to share another experience that I've had. My secret behind monetizing my show. It's called Red Circle. And I was just telling my colleague about how much I love their platform. With Red Circle, not only am I getting a seamless hosting experience, but I also love the support I receive in ad sales. It's not just typical ad sales either. It's targeted opportunities based on my show and my life. And the platform is super simple. You just set your preferences, and Red Circle matches you with sponsors that align with your show. You can vet every opportunity, and their platform gives you great analytics. More recently, too, my RedCircle team has brought me opportunities outside of my podcast on social media to really augment the podcast partnerships. Bring them full circle. I just can't recommend them enough. If you want to give it a try, go to redcircle.com to get your free trial. That's redcircle.com for a free trial.