← Affirmations for Black Girls
Affirmations for Black Girls
436 | Dear Future Husband: Journaling Prompts to Reflect, Manifest, and Prepare for the Love You Deserve
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If you're a podcast host, listen up. This one's for you. My name is Ali Jackson. I'm the host of Finding Mr. Height, a dating and relationship podcast that I've been doing for four years now, sharing my positive and practical approach to dating that's built on my own life experience. And I wanted to share another experience that I've had, my secret behind monetizing my show. It's called Red Circle. And I was just telling my colleague about how much I love their platform. With Red Circle, not only am I getting a seamless hosting experience, but I also love the support I receive in ad sales. I it's not just typical ad sales either. It's targeted opportunities based on my show and my life. And the platform is super simple. You just set your preferences and Red Circle matches you with sponsors that align with your show. You can vet every opportunity, and their platform gives you great analytics. More recently, too, my Red Circle team has brought me opportunities outside of my podcast on social media to really augment the podcast partnerships. Bring them full circle. I just can't recommend them enough. If you want to give it a try, go to redcircle.com to get your free trial. That's red redcircle.com for a free trial.
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Sometimes I wonder if my future husband is sitting at home thinking about me the same way that I am thinking about him. Or is he still figuring out himself the same way that I am? And I catch myself thinking about the tiny little moments in his day. Like, I wonder what he's watching on Netflix this week. Or what was a funny joke that he heard recently. Or if he's currently off somewhere traveling to a remote village in Northern Europe to live on a farm for a few weeks. Hey, we'd never know. But then, once I come back to reality, I realize that I have truly been dreaming about the highlight reel of love. And not all of the real stuff. The real love can be messy. It's learning from the people who weren't right for me that helped me notice the patterns that I refused to bring into my next relationship. The next one being the one where my future husband is present. Okay. And figure out what. What I actually deserve. Maybe the best way to find out isn't out there. It's in here. It's in how I write about myself, how I reflect on myself and refuse to settle for less than the love that I want. And I say all this to say that sometimes those little daydreams can be more than just fun. We can use them as a chance to Check in with ourselves and see what's really going on under the surface. Powerful. Few things are as powerful. All what is going on. Beautiful people. You are listening to the Affirmations for Black Girls podcast, where we focus on personal growth and cultivating a healthy relationship with ourselves. I am your host, Tyra, the creative actress, content creator, and mental health enthusiast. And if you guys are listening right now, this is a video episode as well. So go over to our YouTube channel if you would like to, you know, watch along now. Lately, y', all, I have been having a lot of feelings. I have even just today, I have been feeling like I am behind. I have been feeling like I am mediocre. I have been feeling like I may not get the love story that I truly want in life. And I found myself just kind of stuck in a few daydreams because it's a lot. It feels a lot better to be there in this season that I'm in right now than it does to actually deal with what's happening in the real world. I'm actually dealing with, like, a lot of feelings of doubt and feelings of being afraid and worried about what the future holds for me when it comes to specifically romantic relationships. And like I said, it's just so much easier for me to just sit in a daydream all day because in my daydreams, I have control over what that looks like. I have control over making sure that the perfect man is there. And it's just been so nice to be there versus dealing with the actual feelings that I'm feeling right now. And as much as I love to dream about the future, I have learned that journaling is one of the best ways to get clear on what I actually want and what I need to work on in my life. And also one of the biggest things for me, getting clear on what I refuse to settle for. So before we go ahead and jump into everything that I want to talk about today, we have to jump into our affirmation of the week. This week's affirmation is I deserve a partner who respects my heart, mind, and soul. Let's go ahead and drop in, y'. All. I deserve a partner who respects my heart, mind, and soul. I deserve a partner who respects my heart, my mind, and soul. I deserve a partner who respects my heart, mind, and soul. I deserve a partner who respects my heart, mind, and soul. I deserve a partner who respects my heart, mind, and soul. I deserve a partner who respects my heart, mind, and soul. I deserve a partner who respects my heart, heart, mind, and soul. And let's say it together one last time. I deserve a partner who respects my heart, mind, and soul. Y', all, y', all, y'. All. I do think that we should have said heart, mind, body, and soul, because that's typically the four things that we say. But I love this affirmation personally, because I've been in relationships where I was not respected, and I didn't necessarily realize that as early as I think I should have. I kind of just, you know, suppressed that. Granted, everything happens for a reason. We know this. But I want to start actively living in a space where anyone who comes into my life romantically moving forward, truly respects me as a whole person, the whole person that I am. And. And transparently speaking, earlier on in my life, it just wasn't something that was truly a priority. So today's episode is just a reflection episode. So I urge you guys to grab a journal and write as you go. If you have time or if you just want to listen through to these prompts and then take some time let later on, that's okay as well. I will say that everything that we are talking about today, the journaling prompts are linked down below in the show notes of the episode. And if you are watching on YouTube, they are in the description box down below. And I have created an e journal for you guys so you can print out all the questions and there's space to write with each question, and you can just really have some time to truly take some time to reflect on the things that you need to work on, the things that you want out of life, all of the things. So with that being said, I've talked about this before, but get you guys a journal. Here are my current two journals here. This one is I told you guys in a previous episode that I am currently doing the Artist Way with my best friend Bria. And this is a journal that I write in every morning. I do my morning pages in this journal, and we're supposed to do three pages a day. Your girl hand been cramping up a lot, but I have a journal for that. And the I have to get journals that actually, like, really work for me. Like, I'm excited to write in. So this one says never stop growing, and it has all types of plants on it, and it's super cute. So I've been doing that every morning in here. But I told you guys a while ago about this other journal and I got both of these journals from Target, but shop wherever you want. Okay? So I got this other little journal called on the front of it, it says, write it down. And brought this journal up to you guys before. Well, it's a notepad, but when I brought this up to you guys before, I said that a lot of times, the things that are near and dear to my heart that I truly want out of life, sometimes it's hard for me to articulate them in prayer through words. And something that. Through audible words, through dialogue. And something that has always come a little easier to me is writing down what I feel or to express myself in on paper. And so everything inside of here, these are like my prayers to God. And I just pray over this notebook and just say, God, everything in this notebook, this is the desires of my heart, okay? And it just makes it a little easier for me. One day, I really want to get to the point where it's not so hard for me to say some of my deepest desires out loud. But I think when I was growing up, I kind of conditioned myself that way. You know, sometimes we're like, oh, we don't want to jinx it, and all that type of stuff. Growing up, I took that very seriously. I was like, well, I don't want to jinx my life. And I'm still trying to unlearn those tendencies that I instill within myself, because it really wasn't anybody around me that was actively saying, girl, don't do this, and all that type of stuff. So I'm still trying to actively unlearn those things that I was doing as a child. So get you a notebook again. Mine says write it down. I need mine to be on brand at all times. So we're just going to go through these journal prompts. So the first question is, what lessons did I learn from my last relationship? You know, a lot of times on this show, I talk about my longest relationship, which is not actually not my last relationship. My last relationship lasted a little under a year. And I never really talked much about it, my last relationship, because it hurt. It hurt. When that relationship ended, I didn't expect it to end. It was kind of abruptly, and it wasn't done in a way that I think was very nice. Long story short, I got ghosted after almost a year of being together, but almost like a year and a half of dating, I got ghosted. And I still have not talked to that man to this day. But it's been almost three years now. So this is. This has been some time, right? But I would say one thing that I learned from my last relationship is no matter how uncomfortable a conversation may be, it always feels better to have it with a partner that you actually want to be with. Right. I don't really have a lot of, like, bad or negative things to say in that relationship because I'm actually proud of myself and how I handled myself in that last relationship because I actually wanted to be with that man. I really did. And I was in it 100%. And in my mind, we were on the same team and it was never me against him. And I really wanted it to work out. And I was also going to therapy once a week at that time. So it was very. I had my life set up in a way where I had the support that I needed to have a healthy relationship, to cultivate a healthy relationship. So I would say that's one thing that I, I learned from my past relationship. It didn't last long. There wasn't much that went on. So that's something that I learned. But I will say that relationship was a lot more healthy, at least until, you know, what happened, happened. That relationship was a lot more healthy than the one prior to that that I'm always talking about on this podcast. And some of you might be like, girl, why is you always talking about this relationship? I will say this, the relationship that I was in when I moved to California, I moved to California in 2018. So how old was I? 23 years old. And that was a very pivotal time in my life. And I was dragging along this freeloading man for four years of my life. So there were things. And that was really like my first long term relationship. And I just learned so much about myself. I started to see where I needed to work on me and where I needed to love me more in that relationship. And that's why I talk about it so much, because everything kind of just like blindsided me in that relationship because I, when I went into that relationship, I wasn't really thinking about, okay, this is healthy, this is not healthy. This is what I should be doing. This is what I want, this is what I can bring to the table. This is what I need in a partner. This is my attachment style. This is my love language. I wasn't thinking about any of that stuff. I was like, okay, he want to be with me, let's do it. And I didn't go much past that. And growing up in the Deep south, one thing that is ingrained in you, but not necessarily through people telling you, but it's like subconsciously ingrained in you, is that love is hard, love is rough, love hurts. And I embodied those things, even though My mama. And you know, people like that didn't say, girl, love is hard, you just need to stay with that man. That was never said to me. But seeing certain things, it kind of just like gets put on you. And I think that's why I was in that relationship so long. So I'm going to talk about that relationship as much as I need to because I know it's other girls out there who have been in situations like I was in that relationship. I know there's other girls out there who are taking care of grown men. I know there's other girls out there who are being manipulated by their partner. I know there's other girls out there who are in a situation that they don't think they can get out of, who feel stuck. And that was me for about four years of my life. I took care of that man. I was stressed out to the max. I remember one of my friends, Daria, said to me one time, this was like right after we broke up, she's like, girl, I haven't talked to you for real in like four years. And I was like, you know what, that makes sense. I started to isolate myself. I felt so. I didn't feel alone. I didn't feel like nobody was there for me. But I was so stressed out that I didn't have the energy to talk to my friends in a way that I used to talk to my friends before that or the way that I talk to them now. I was always stressed out because there was always, we were always fighting. I was always having to pick up extra jobs so I could pay for both of us to live out here in la. Like it was a lot of that type of stuff going on and I honestly did not have help or support. I was 23 years old, taking care of a almost 30 year old man and he let me do that because I was boo boo the fool who went ahead and let it happen. The next question is what patterns do I want to break? I think the biggest pattern that I want to break, that I have seen even in my last relationship and the one before that and all of them that I've been in, is sometimes when something is very uncomfortable, I can hold it near and dear to my heart. Instead of having that conversation with my partner head on, I start to feel a little embarrassed that I feel this way about something. I try to suppress it. I try to make it seem like it's not a big deal to me and that's not fair for one to my partner and it's not fair to Me to not bring that to the table and say, hey, this thing I'm struggling with, or this thing I'm dealing with, or this makes me uncomfortable, or I'm feeling a little discomfort here. We need to be on the same page about this thing. I want to break that pattern. Another pattern that I would love to break is would I be considered a pick me for this anytime? Not any anytime, but y' all know what I mean. A lot of times I get into a relationship with a guy just because they have asked me to be their girlfriend. I'm like, oh, well, he wants to be my boyfriend, so I'm single, so I should just do it. And I've been like that since high school. And that is a pattern that I have actively said, girl, we're going to break that. And I was actually put in a position where I had to tell a guy, no. I've mentioned this on the podcast before, but I will tell you about this situation too, y'. All. I was dating this guy. He was, what am I gonna tell y' all about this man? Because I brought this man up before. So I was dating this guy. This was like, what, a year to a year ago now? A little over a year ago now, I was dating this guy, and he had five kids, four baby mamas. And apparently he had been married twice, and apparently he was 32 years old now. We had been dating for a little while before I finally asked him if he had kids. And I was like. Because something I saw on his page made me say, oh, wait, he has a child. So I asked. I finally asked. And he was like, yeah, I have kids. And I was like, kids? How many kids do you have? And that said five. And I was like, okay. We had been talking for a little minute, not too long, but we have been talking for a little minute at that point. So I was like, oh, my gosh. You have five kids? And you didn't think to say that up front? And he was like, well, I just really wanted you to get to know me first. I didn't want to bring that up because when I say that to people, they don't give me a chance. I was like, I'm 29, and you have five kids. Like, that's a lot. Like, that's a lot. So it don't matter to some people, but that's a lot for me, right? So I was like, you know what? Thank you for being honest. I didn't ask up front at the beginning. Beginning. So, okay, I'm not gonna write you off. Just Yet. But as we continue to talk, I found out that he was a liar. Y', all. That man be lying about everything. Not about his kids and, like, all that type of stuff, but just. He would just. Like. It would just be little lies that he would tell, and I don't like that. Like, it was very. It was very weird. Like, he said that he was gonna be in the next Black Panther movie. And, Sir. What. It's a lot like, this was. This was years ago at this point or a year ago, year and a half ago when we stopped talking. So at least two years ago when he was saying, oh, I'm gonna be in the next Black Panther movie. I have my audition next week. And I was like, how they calling you for an audition? And they don't even know the main characters that's gonna be in this movie yet. Like, they not even put information out about that yet. We don't even know who gonna direct it yet. At that point, nothing had been greenlit, and he's not an actor or anything, so it was just very, very weird. One time, he also lied. I don't know why I'm telling y'. All. This one time, he also lied about going to the dentist. Like, it was the. It was the weirdest. He told the weirdest lies. And he also. I really think that he also lied about being in a Greek organization, which we would call a perp. I think he was perfecting in urug, and it was just too much. The stories just never really made sense that he would tell. And I was like, you know what? I don't really want to do this. So everything came to a head when we were supposed to take, like, a vacation to San Diego. And we had been planning this. Apparently, we had been planning this for, like, a couple weeks. It was just gonna be for a couple days. And he told me, okay, everything is booked, so you just need to be ready to go. And I was like, okay. He booking stuff. Okay, let's see what this is about. So a couple days before the trip, I'm noticing that he's not talking about the trip anymore. And I was like, well, I don't want to be that person that's like, okay, are we still going on this trip? Like, what's going on? I was like. He said he booked everything, so I'mma just pack and make sure that I'm ready to go. The night before the trip, I remember I was getting ready for bed, and he FaceTimed me, and I was like, are we still going on this trip tomorrow? Because you haven't talked about it in, like, a week. And he was like, no, actually, we not going on the trip. I forgot what he said, but I also did not care after that because you told me that everything was booked. So are you losing deposit on the trip, or did you not book this trip at all? And I didn't really like that because he had talked it up so much that it had to be nothing but a lie, because if it was really something that you were actually going to do whenever you couldn't go on the trip anymore, you would have said that you couldn't go on the trip anymore. So I was like, okay, well, at that point, he had been, like, lying about stuff, and, like, little white lies, y'. All. Nothing super crazy, but it's like, why are you telling all these little white lies? Like, that's weird. So he had been telling all of these little white lies, and now we're not going on a trip, and he got five kids. And I was just like, this is this. It's not fun. Like, I thought it would be because I. When I went into this, I was like, okay, well, I'm just starting to date again, so I'm just going to see where this takes us right now. At this point, it had been like two months of knowing this man. Two months. And so the thing with the trip fell through, and I was like, okay, well, I'm gonna back off. Because I. It just felt like he was just not being a genuine person. And I was like, okay, well, whatever. So I didn't talk to him the next day. And then the day after that, he texted me and was like, dinner at catch at 5pm question mark. And I looked over. Alexa was in the car, and I was like, alexis, he just sent me this message. She was like, go to the dinner, y'. All. At this dinner. This man. So you go to Catch la, which is like a bougie place in la, and I'm not a bougie girl. I like a little mom and pop shop, hole in the wall, all of that type of stuff. You don't have to try to wow me with expensive dinners, right? The tab ended up being, like, 500. And he made sure that I saw the check. And that's. I don't like stuff like that. I don't like it. So anyways, right before. After we finished eating and all the type of stuff, had fun, had a good time, But I see the entire waitstaff coming out with, like, a. A bowl and a candle and stuff, and I was like, oh, somebody Got, you know, something. A good treat or something, y'. All. They made their way to our table. This man had the whole wake staff come out with, like, a brownie dessert thing. And they stood at the table, and I looked down when they put it down, and it said, will you be mine? I was like, oh, my God, this is happening. Here's the thing. Two things here. I love a grand gesture. I really, really applauded that grand gesture because there has literally been no guy ever who has done something like that for me. But I think it was manipulative. You blew a bag on me after I expressed that I was upset about the trip. I wasn't upset, like, how you do. I was like, oh, well, this is just weird how you handled us not going on this trip is the night before the trip, and you still haven't said anything. I had to ask. And then it's like, no, we're not going. And then we didn't talk the whole day, the next day. And then you want to asked me to be your girlfriend the next day, and it's only been two months, and you be lying, and you got five kids. And I didn't even say this, but one of the kids was, like, a newborn newborn, like, two months old. So it was just too much. And normally, if I were younger, Tyra, I would have said yes in the moment, because the waitstaff was just standing there trying to get me. Trying to get me to answer. And I was like. I just. I was stunned. I was like. Because I didn't know what to do. And eventually they left, and I said. All I said to him was, I can't say yes. I can't say yes. I can't say yes. I can't say yes. And I was saying, like, that. I was like, I can't say yes. I can't say yes. And he was visibly, like, a little, like, upset about it. But it's like, sir, it's been two months, and you be lying a lot, and you got five kids. And I just want to fill this out a little bit more before, because I feel like you love to hop into relationships. And the one thing that he said about his five kids that made me go, oh, my gosh. Was. He was like, yeah, I think my. My purpose on this earth is to just raise black kings. He was like. And I was like, oh, okay, well, do you think you're done having kids? He was like, no, I'm just getting started. Okay, we're done. We. That's. That's just too much. That's just too much because he has five boys. And I was just like, that's, that's a lot for you to come and ask me to be your girlfriend at that point in time. When you have a newborn for one and you have all these baby. Like, that's a lot. That's a lot. So I applaud myself for being able to say no in the moment because old Tyra would have said yes in the moment and then when we weren't in front of people would have said. I just felt like I had to say that because it was a grand gesture and the way staff was just standing there. But I think once they realized that I wasn't going to say a resounding yes, they're like, okay, this is awkward. Let me go ahead and go. But that is a pattern that I am so glad that I have already been put into a position where I had to break after I. After it was made known to me or after I discovered that that was a pattern that I had. Okay, and the last question in this section is, where have I accepted less than I deserve? We talked about this already, so I'm going to just keep it brief. For me, I accepted less than I deserve in that entire relationship that I was in. When I moved to California, I was so stressed out, I didn't feel loved. We would constantly fight about things like having furniture in the apartment. He wanted to get all of our furniture off of the street. And I was like, I don't want to have all of my furniture off the street. Our bed was on the floor the entire time we lived together. For the first six months living together, he didn't pay his half of the rent. Anytime I would bring up any of this stuff about money specifically, he would cry like crocodile tears. Cry. I'm not over exaggerating. He would cry, he would boo hoo. He was very manipulative and it just wasn't. I never felt like he liked me. But I stayed in that relationship because we were in a new place. I didn't know anybody else in California and it became comfortable and I didn't want to be alone. So I would say that's where I've accepted way less than I have deserved. I also found out that he was paying some girl rent back in New Jersey. Like it was a lot of stuff like that going on while I was stressing myself out, making sure that we had what we needed over here and it just wasn't reciprocated in a way that anybody should have to deal with. So that's when I accepted less than I deserve. But I want to say the. The biggest thing that I have learned from reflecting on past relationships is that growth starts with actually being honest with yourself. You can't heal what is you won't acknowledge. And when you take time to really see your patterns and not judge them, just see them, you give yourself a chance to do better next time. It's not about blaming who you were. It's all about understanding her and who you were then so you can show up differently now. One of the other parts of myself that I'm like, okay, I definitely have to take a second and really reevaluate is one thing that I will say more so negatively about myself. In that first relationship that I had when I moved to California, I would. I got to the point where I didn't respect him anymore. And when you get there, you need to leave. Because I used to talk out the side of my neck to that man, and I did not care because I had been stressed and stretched and bent out of shape in that relationship in ways that I never needed to live in for extended periods of time for so long that I didn't care what came out of my mouth. And I didn't respect him because he wasn't really helping out. It was having him around. He was a dependent. And I said to myself, I cannot treat people that way, and that is not okay. That wasn't fair to him, and it wasn't fair to me to keep myself in a situation like that any longer. So once I said, you know what? I don't want to be like that in my next relationship. After I started to reflect on all of different things that happened in that one, I said, it's time to grow. And growth starts with being honest with yourself. 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I want us all walking into this next season feeling strong, clear, and taken care of from the inside out. So again, visit gobioma.com affirmations today. That's G O B I O M a.com affirmations y' all know over here we're all about finding hobbies that feed you, and one that's been on my to do list lately has been cozying up with an audiobook. If the AF Book club keeps you busy but you're curious about something different, maybe something thrilling and a little spooky for the season, I recommend checking out Audible right now. I've been curious about The Prophecy Season 2 Kerry Washington yes, that Kerry Washington is back as Dr. Virginia Edwards. And when I say this supernatural thriller has piqued my interest just off the first few minutes, baby. And add in that the cast is stacked with talent and I just. I just might be hooked up. I heard this new season is wild, y'. All. The fight between good and evil, family drama and those haunting visions that just keep you guessing. It's got action, it's got heart, it's got suspense. And it comes in handy being able to pop it on while I'm cooking, journaling, driving, or while working on another cozy hobby. Evil is rising and time is running out. Do not miss Kerry Washington in Audible's new action packed must listen the prophecy season two. Go to audible.com prophecy2 that's the number two. And start listening today, y'. All. Cozy season is upon us and one thing I love at night before I go to bed, especially during these colder months, is a good bedtime story. I am super excited for today's partner because I have talked about them for years on the podcast now and that is Calm. Calm is the number one app for sleep and meditation and it's here to help you feel better. If you've been rocking with me for a while, I know you already know. This app has been in my self care toolkit for a while and most times for me it's the bedtime stories to rock me to sleep. I love the voices, the music, all of it. And I've really been into the Daily J lately. It's like this gentle dose of mindfulness and motivation that helps me reset my perspective before I start my day. And when I'm traveling, y'. All. I love to listen to the Calming Flight Anxiety series by Tamara Levitt. I love her voice, y'. All. It scratches my brain in all the right ways. All I'm trying to say is this. The Calm app is just one of those things that keeps me grounded no matter what season I'm in. And as far as the meditation part goes, you don't have to be an expert to feel the difference. What I love is that it fits into real life. And having such a rich resource that helps me take care of my mental health in small, realistic ways is the kind of self care that I can actually keep up with. So if you've been looking for a little more peace in your day, a way to wind down in a very good deal. Calm your mind, change your life. Calm has an exclusive offer just for listeners of our show. Get 40% off a Calm Premium subscription at calm.com affirmations this is an amazing value. Go to c-a l m.com affirmations for 40% off unlimited access to Calm's entire library. Calm.com affirmations and tell Calm you heard about them from me. Me. How do I show up in relationships right now, emotionally, mentally and spiritually? I haven't been in a relationship for quite some time, so I don't really know how I show up in relationships. I can just talk about how I show up in platonic relationships, which can be different for each and every one of us. But to answer that question, based on my last relationship, I would say I show up very open and I give a lot of grace. And sometimes I wonder if it's almost too a fault. Like do I give too many chances? Do I give too much grace? Meaning, am I I not putting myself first? Am I not making sure that I have everything that I need in a relationship? I like to. I think I have a a very slight tendency to like project men, like people who are a project for me. I can help them do whatever. But at the root of all of that, my intention is to show up fully as myself and show up and want to give 100% in that relationship mentally, spiritually and emotionally. The next question is which of the five love languages feels most like me? Well, first I want to go through the five love languages, just in case you don't know what a love language is or what they are. So a love language is literally just the way that you express and receive love, the language in which you understand love as a whole. So there is words of affirmation which is and I'll give an example of each one. So words of affirmation is when you feel most loved, when you are encouraged or appreciated and spoken to with kindness. Acts of service is another one, which means actions mean everything to you. When someone helps lighten your load, it makes you feel seen and cared for. Then there is receiving gifts. Gifts. Which is it? It's like it's not about the price tag. It's the thought and the effort behind the gesture that makes you feel valued. Like if a partner comes home with one rose, you don't have to be a bouquet of roses or you have been saying, oh my gosh, I really, really have been craving Jolly Ranchers all week. And on his way home, he grabs you some Jolly ranchers and he brings them to you like that. That's receiving gifts. Then there's quality time, which is undivided attention. And being fully present matters more than anything fancy to you. Then there's physical touch, like a hug or a handhold or a simple touch that says I love you louder than words ever could. So I took a test just to see, like, where my love language lies and it's still the same. I have recently been feeling like, oh, physical touch is my top love language right now in this season of life. And I will say physical touch, quality time and acts of service are all pretty much equal for me. But with this test that I just took and you can find any test online and and answer some questions and it'll give you an idea of what your love language is. My top one is acts of service and the test I took said your love tank overflows with acts of service. A thoughtful, selfless deed or gesture is sure to win your heart. When a loved one goes out of their way to make your life easier, you feel connected to them. An act of service communicates that you are their top priority. Actions for you speak louder than words. Acts of service quickly fills your love tank. I love language is acts of service. So I really hope that you guys take a second if you don't know what it is or if you just want to check and see if it's changed because it is different or it can be different with how you receive love versus how you give love. Mine is is generally the same, but I will say now I do give love with physical touch a lot more than I used to and that has actually surprised me as I get older. But take a test and see where it falls. Try to see out of what I just said, like which one you think it is and then take a Test and see if you are aligned with what you think your love language is. And the next question is, how do I naturally express love to others? I kind of touched on this a little bit, but I love acts of service as a for platonic love and romantic love. And then romantic love, I would say acts of service and physical touch. I love to touch on my girlfriends too. Not like that, but you know what I mean. I love to, I be like, I'll touch their shoulders or I'll give them a hug or I'll be like, hello, I don't know. I like to touch them. I naturally I would say acts of service for this too. So if you follow me on Instagram, then you would have seen like I will make like peach pepper jelly and give it to friends or I will cook a pot of red beans and say, hey y', all, come eat. Giving acts of service really fills my cup just as much as receiving acts of service, I would say. So that's how I have always naturally shown love or expressed love to others. I would actually be curious to know like if any of my friends think otherwise, like how do I naturally express love to them that I would actually want to know that I need to ask. Next question is what standards and non negotiables do you refuse to bend on in this day and age? As I am 31 years old, I refuse to bend on my faith. In the past I have dated guys who say they are spiritual, who say they are Christian, but then the things that they do just don't align with, with the type of Christian man that I am looking for. You can do whatever you want, but we need to be equally yolked. We need to for more or less have the same morals and standards and think the same way on that level. Right? Like I, of course I'm looking for someone who can challenge me in certain ways. And I hope that I can challenge them in certain ways too, certain areas of their life. But in the spiritual sector of our lives, we need to be equally yoked. I will, I want a God fearing man. That is, that is one of the biggest things that I will not bend on my biggest non negotiable as far as standards. Hygiene, baby. If your hygiene is bad, we cannot talk. I cannot especially like your dental hygiene. I will say dental hygiene has become so important to me because did y' all know that you can transfer cavities by kissing? I just found that out like when I was like a few years ago when I moved to LA or whatever. I read it somewhere and I have always gone to the dentist and all this stuff, but once I got kicked off of my mom's insurance, or actually, a few years before that, I stopped going to the dentist, right? Because I moved to la. And I was like, I gotta focus. I gotta do, you know, X, Y, and Z. And I remember one time I had to go to the dentist. Well, I had a headache, a really bad headache. And my mom was like. Like, maybe you have a cavity. Maybe you need to go to the dentist. And I was like, girl, what are you talking about? I don't have no cavity. And how I got a cavity. Long story short, y', all, I ended up needing a root canal, right? And ever since then, I went down the rabbit hole of dental hygiene because I thought I was doing all the right things. Granted, I wasn't going to the dentist as often as I should. I should have been going like, twice a year, but I was going once a year at the time because didn't have insurance, all of the things, right? And I learned that you can get cavities from other people. And let's just say that at that time, had kissed people that had cavities, like visible cavities, lots of them, in their mouths. And I was like, you know what? That I can't do that. Because if I'm taking care of mine over here, which, granted, I wasn't taking as good a care back then, but I have a pretty nice set of teeth, okay? Never had braces, nothing, right? And having to get that root canal, I was just like, what in the world? Like, that is crazy. Never again, right? So after going down a rabbit hole, I was just like, like, I'm gonna make sure that I'm doing what I need to do inside my mouth dentally, okay? And I need to make sure that my man is also doing the same thing. So hygiene is very important, but at the top of that hygiene list is definitely dental hygiene, because you ain't gonna be kissing me in the mouth with all that going on. You ain't gonna be kissing me in the mouth with inflamed gums. You ain't gonna be kissing me in the mouth with all that tartar on your teeth. That plaque build up, baby. We got to go to the top dentist. It's important. We got to go to the dentist, okay? And the last question for this SE section is, what kind of love do I know? I give best for me, I would say that it's still my. A lot of these questions kind of piggyback off of each other, but they're pointing at different things. Like with this one, it's like, what are you most proud of in the way that you give love or the one that you have the most pride in? And I would still say acts of service for me, I think, think I'm very good at that. And I just, I just want to really get an idea of what my friends would say about me as well. But I. I do know that I give that kind of love in a good way. And as far as quality time, I think I'm very good about that as well. I have been complimenting on the fact that. Which is crazy to me, by the way, but I've been complimenting on the fact that I'm not always on my phone when I'm with a guy or when I'm trying to get to know them. And I'm like, I'm trying to get to know you. I cannot focus on what, what's on this phone and what's in this phone is clearly as interesting or attention grabbing as the man that is sitting in front of me. Like, I've always been like that. And my mama raised me with some sense. Okay, if I'm trying to get to know you, even if it's not romantically or whatever, if this, if the purpose of us being together in this moment is to spend time with one another and get to know each other for whatever reason may be, I need to put my phone down. That phone gonna be there when we finish this one hour meeting or whatever the case may be. So I think I give quality time and undivided attention pretty well in addition to acts of service. So I think I love all of these questions that we answered in this section because this part of the work is all about clarity. Because you can't attract what you aren't ready to hold, right? So the more you understand your needs and how you love, the easier it becomes to spot the kind of connection that is actually a good fit for you. What kind of partner do I want to attract emotionally, mentally and spiritually? I really want a partner who is kind. I really want a partner who loves Jesus and is on a walk with Christ that is in line with the same walk I am on. I want to attract a partner who is emotionally intelligent, who is mentally stable. Amen. And who has the space to make me a priority in their life. Not necessarily the 1 priority, but who prioritizes is getting to know me and prioritizes our relationship that we are building. I want a partner who believes in the power of therapy and personal growth, Personal development. Someone who always asks the question of how can I continually be my best self. Someone who loves enriching their lives. Someone who does more than go to work and go home. Someone who loves adventure. Someone who is curious about the world around us. Someone who knows. Or someone who wants to constantly learn new things. That's, in a nutshell, the type of partner that I am hoping to attract. Now this next prompt. I did it and I really urge you guys to do it. The next one is Write a brief letter to your future husband. I wrote mine down. I did mine in my morning pages for my morning pages yesterday. O so I guess I'm going to read it to y'. All. It's short. Oh, I'm so nervous. Okay, here's my letter to my future husband. Dear My future husband, I cannot wait to meet you. I'm busy preparing my heart to be accepting of you you. But I'd be lying if I said the wait has been easy for me over the last year or so. I feel like a failure since I haven't found you yet. I keep asking myself if I'm doing something wrong because I thought I'd at least have an idea of who you are by now. One thing that is high on my to do list is to pray for you. I truly pray that life is being kind to you and giving you the space to blossom into the man that you dream of being and space to find me. I always think to myself, well, what will he look like? And the older I get, the less I focus on that. Now don't get me wrong, I already know you fine with a capital fine. But I truly hope you are well and you're happy and you are fulfilled and you are enriched and you are whole and God fearing and that your heart is open to receive me. Me waiting on you. Your future wife. I can't believe I just read that to y'. All. I urge you to take a second. It felt so weird writing that, but I urge you to write your own to your future husband. What experiences do you want to share together? I think there are a lot of experiences in my life that I have been saving for later and I have now moved into a space where I'm not going to save these experiences for my future husband. We can just do them again and we can I can tell him about the time I did it alone. I can. He can tell me about the time he did something alone or with, you know, his family or whatever the case may be and vice versa. I don't want to live in a space where there are things that are off limits. Because at the end of the day, we don't know what the future holds for us. And I don't want to try to save a million things for when I get married, because who knows when that will be? Who knows what obstacles we'll face during that time? Who knows what my priorities will be when I find my future husband? So I want to experience life. Life with my husband. I want to do all of the things that I do now, but with companionship. I want to travel the world with my husband. I want to make memories with my family with my husband, I want to make memories with his family. I want to host get togethers. I want to host holidays with my husband. I want to do pottery with my husband. I want to work out with my husband. I want to garden with my husband. I want to do the things in my husband husband loves. If my husband loves traveling to see his favorite football team play. Baby, I'm in there. Like, swim. Where? Okay, I got the snacks. All right. I want to do anything that makes my husband happy, anything that he loves fervently. Like, I want to be a part of those things, whatever it may be. And the last question in this section is, what quality make you feel seen and safe? Like, what qualities in a man makes you feel seen and safe? I love when a man is observant. I love when a man listens and repeats to you what he has heard and downloaded. And I don't mean if I say the sky is blue. He says, you just said the sky is blue. I mean, he has heard. If I say, oh, my gosh, I love how blue the sky is. And then he does something in line with that. While I know that you always talk about how much you love the color of the sky, I painted this picture for you. You know, love in action. Being able to observe something that I say and then take it into his own hands and reinterpret that into something to show that he listens, that he cares about the things that comes out of my mouth. Something else that makes me feel seen is a kind man with a gentle touch and a man that looks at me like, I feel like you looking into my soul. Like, y' all know how people say that all the time. Like, oh, I feel like you looking straight through me into my soul. Like someone who knows how to hold eye contact and also someone who knows how to hold space, Even in situations where it may be something that you don't necessarily think is super important or Something that you don't know much about, but you can see that it is important to me and you're able to hold space for me. That helps me feel seen. I think those are the big ones. And of course, I would like a big, strong man, you know, because I feel safe, because he big and strong and he can protect me. You know, a man that walks on the outside of the street because I need to be walking on the inside. I think that's a Southern thing. Because these men that I've been dating out here in la, they ain't been doing that. There was this one guy when I was. There was this firefighter that I was talking to a while ago, and he would literally, because I. I don't normally think about stuff like that. I just be walking down the street, especially since I've been single for so long. But back when I was talking to this firefighter, he was just like, nudge me over to the side. I'm like, why is this man pushing me? And then I realized, girl, he trying to walk on the outside because he's actually a gentleman. I was like, oh, okay, okay, fireman. Push me to the side. But anyways, yes, I love when a man is just genuinely excited to be a gentleman. Helps me feel seen and loved in whatever capacity he has to offer. So the biggest thing about this section that I want to say is dreaming ahead isn't about checking boxes or expecting perfection. It's about being clear on what you want and knowing your worth and keeping your eyes on the prize. And keeping your eye on the prize means every choice you make aligns with the love that you are trying to attract. You won't waste your time on the people, the habits, or the patterns that contradict your vision. And when you imagine the love that you want and you put it on paper, you're planting seeds for a relationship that honors your heart, reflects your values, and draws in the right energy. All you got to do is show up and be open to you to it when you. When it decides to find you. When you can look at your past and say, I see what happened and I understand what it taught me. That is growth. Not just the kind that feels good on paper, but the deep, quiet kind that shifts the way you show up for yourself and for love. Love. Every lesson, every heartbreak, every misstep. It's all a part of clearing the space for what you actually deserve. And journaling about love isn't about trying to predict the future. It's a great way to get into setting yourself up to Receive it with open eyes and an open heart. When we look at where we've been, honor where we are, and dream about what's ahead, we remind ourselves that love isn't solely about finding the right person. Person. It's also about being ready for them when they finally do arrive. Oh, y', all, you know what time it is? It is time for our fun closing segment. And today's closing segment, y' all is called Future Husband Rapid Fire. Now, y' all know Tyra B. She does the closing segments, and I'm like, girl, what you got up here for this? Okay, so, so. So we're gonna have a couple of questions, and I'm going to have to answer Rapid Fire. Now, I might be scared to answer a little bit of these, but you know what? I'm just. We just taking it there. We just taking it there. I'm being open and honest in this, so we just taking it there. Okay, now, y' all can answer with me either in your journals or you can answer out loud real quick as I say each one. So the first one is your dream date night. Okay, this is a dream date night that I've had for a long time. And I've actually told a couple of my friends this. I actually said, this is how I want to be proposed to, but that's changed. I would love to have dinner at, like, an underwater restaurant so we can be underwater under all the lights. And I want to get all cute. I want them to have, like, a string quartet playing over there, you know? And I just want to have a nice, romantic evening with my man, My man, My man. Okay, One song that will play at my wedding. So, okay, hear me out. I think I've been seeing this on social media a lot, but people have been, like, taking songs from spongebob and they've been making them into the bride walking down the aisle song. So they have best day ever. And there's a version of it where it's, like, on piano. I really think that has to play at my wedding. I'm not even lying because it's so millennial coded and it's so me. I'm always making spongebob references. I just gotta wait for my husband. Like, if he didn't watch spongebob grow up, then I'll have to change it up. But if he watch SpongeBob growing up, oh, baby, that's gonna be the song. I walk down to the. Down the aisle with the best day ever. It's the best day ever on piano. Oh, baby, that's Gonna be lit. Okay? And then the last one is the one chore that my future husband better not mind doing. That man better not mind cleaning the bathroom. One good thing that I will say about the guy that I was talking to when I first moved out to la, he had no problem cleaning the bathroom. That was his Sunday ritual. Baby, clean the bathroom. Because Tyra don't like cleaning bathrooms. I don't know what it is, y'. All. I just cannot make myself clean the bathroom. Now, obviously I do if I have to clean the bathroom, but I'm not gonna lie, I got a housekeeper right now and she gonna be here on Thursday to clean that bathroom. But I obviously keep it like I spot clean and things. But for some reason, cleaning the bathroom just makes my skin crawl. Look, I'm scratching now. I don't know. It just makes my skin crawl. So he better be okay with cleaning that bathroom. And if he's not okay with cleaning the bathroom, then we just gonna have a housekeeper. They just gonna clean the bathroom. And that's okay. I know how to make sure that I can afford the things that I feel like I need that are actually just wants that I need. If you picking up what I'm putting down. Okay, you guys, that is all that I have for y'.
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All.
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I really hope you enjoyed this episode. I really hope that you truly take the time to to at least think about these journal prompts that I have given you. And even if you are in relationship, these can also help you gain clarity in the relationship that you are currently in. Again, we have an E journal that is linked down below in the show notes. So if you do want to just have all of this in one place somewhere that you can refer back to, go ahead and download it, print it out, staple it in the corner, baby, and write to your heart's content. And also get a journal again. In here are my two journals that I absolutely love and they help to keep me sane when I'm not, you know, in a therapy session. So if you guys enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone who can benefit from it. And I just want to thank you guys so much for watching. If you're on a YouTube channel, please give this video a like and hit the big red subscribe button down below and make sure your notifications are on so you can get all of the alerts. Anytime we post any new videos, we have episodes going live live every Monday and bi weekly, we have our pep talk Wednesdays that are just a short little snippet, a midweek pickme up. So turn your notifications on so you can get the alerts when those go live. And if you are listening on your favorite listening platform, make sure that you rate the podcast, make sure that you are following the podcast, and leave us a review. Because y' all reviews, they really touch my heart. They truly do. I want to thank each and every one of y' all for being here. And if you're in a boat like me, you're in your 30s now, and you're like, God, where is my bows? You're not alone. A lot of us are in this boat, and it is our job to make the most out of our time being single and making sure that we are setting our heart up to be open to receive the man that God has for us. And we are reflecting on all of the things that we could have done better in last. In our last relationships or our previous relationships relationships. We're reflecting on those things because nobody is perfect. I gotta work it again and again till I get it right. That was Hannah Montana. If y' all didn't. If y' all didn't catch that. But seriously, y', all, there are things in my past relationships that I'm like, I really could have done better in that regard. I really could have been a better partner in. In this part of the relationship. And it is my job and my duty to my future husband to make sure that I am healed, to make sure that I have tools in place, to make sure that I am able to give 100 in a relationship, that I am having an open heart and making space for him the same way that I hope he makes space for me. So with that being said, I'm going to go ahead and get up out of here. Thank you guys so much for listening. This is affirmations for black girls.
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If you're a podcast host, listen up. This one's for you. My name is Allie Jackson. I'm the host of Finding Mr. Height, a dating and relationship podcast that I've been doing for four years now, sharing my positive and practical approach to dating that's built on my own life experience. And I wanted to share another experience that I've had, my secret behind monetizing my show. It's called Red Circle. And I was just telling my colleague about how much I love their platform. With Red Circle, not only am I getting a seamless hosting experience, but I also love the support I receive in ad sales. It's not just typical ad sales either. It's targeted opportunities based on my show and my life and the platform is super simple. You just set your preferences and Red Circle matches you with sponsors that align with your show. Show you can vet every opportunity and their platform gives you great analytics. More recently too, my Red Circle team has brought me opportunities outside of my podcast on social media to really augment the podcast partnerships. Bring them full circle. I just can't recommend them enough. If you want to give it a try, go to redcircle.com to get your free trial. That's redcircle.com for a free trial. Ever wondered if that UFO sighting was a secret government project? Not because they didn't go to the moon, but because because they seen something on the moon they weren't supposed to? Or if ancient civilizations really had alien.
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Architects like so Roswell? Obviously they think they recovered crafts and beings. On Theorists Theorizing Wild speculation meets seasoned storytelling. How they dug 2 km below these.
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Pyramids and created all the structures that we're now finding. Join the theorists as they dive into.
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UFOs, cryptids, government cover ups, true crime, and the weirdest theories the Internet and humanity has to offer.
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Giza and the pyramids itself being an energy source. You know, it's not a lecture, it's.
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A roundtable of curiosity, comedy. And what if maybe they got tipped off by these U boats that fled to Argentina that there was something there?
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Theorist Theorizing subscribe now, wherever you get your podcasts.