Affirmations for Black Girls

Host: Tyra The Creative
Episode 442: “Am I a Good Friend?? Friendship Lessons: Growing, Letting Go, and Showing Up”
Date: November 24, 2025

Overview

This episode explores the intricate realities of adult friendship: how to grow, how to let go, and how to consistently show up as a good friend. Tyra reflects on her own experiences—navigating changing friendships, setting boundaries, and rethinking what true, supportive friendship looks and feels like in adulthood. Tyra encourages listeners to pause for self-reflection, to consider not just the friends they have, but the kind of friend they are—and want to be. The tone is nurturing, honest, and often playful, with Tyra drawing from personal stories to ground the conversation.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Nature of Adult Friendship (13:28–16:33)

• Nostalgia vs. Reality: Tyra discusses the “nostalgia trap”—staying in friendships purely because of shared history, even when the connection isn’t healthy or relevant to who you are now.
  • “A lot of us are grappling with ‘We’ve been friends forever’, which is a mindset versus acknowledging when the friendship dynamic is no longer aligning with where we are in life.” (14:30)
• Growing Apart: It’s natural for friendships, especially those from childhood, to change or end as lives diverge.
  • “Some people are just meant to be in your life for a season. You don’t know what that season necessarily will be. But sometimes the friendship has run its course, and sometimes it’s the memories that we have with said friends—and not necessarily the mutual efforts.” (15:15)
• When Loyalty Becomes Guilt: Tyra talks about learning to “love from afar”—recognizing when maintaining proximity to an old friend drains your peace.

Honest Conversations & Repair (16:34–20:55)

• Tyra shares a story about a tough conversation with a close friend, which improved their relationship instead of ending it.
  • “Having those talks about growing apart without that resentment can open the floor for you to actually deepen your relationship with that friend, which can be an amazing thing, right?” (18:30)

Affirmation of the Week & Reflection (12:11–13:24)

• Affirmation: “I am open to giving and receiving the kind of friendship that feels like home.”
  • Tyra guides listeners through repeating this affirmation and prompts them to consider what “home” means to them in the context of friendship.
  • “Good friendship gives us a glimpse of what emotional safety can look like. People who see us, people who check on us, people who make space for who we’re becoming.” (13:10)

Redefining Friendship in Adulthood (24:56–28:20)

• Creating New Friendships: Adult friendships take work, involve vulnerability, and often feel “high risk” because of fear of rejection and time constraints.
  • “In my late 20s and early 30s…adult friendships feel very high risk because there’s vulnerability, fear of rejection, and time scarcity.” (25:50)
• Practice, Not Perfection: Tyra likens making friends as an adult to dating, with similar effort and intentionality required.
  • “Building friendship is an intentional practice. Just like dating—or working out—it takes effort, and you have to show up, you have to follow up, and you have to nurture it.” (26:40)

Types & Levels of Friendship (38:50–47:27)

Tyra introduces a pyramid structure to classify friendships, emphasizing that not every friend has to play the same role in your life:

1. Acquaintances/Surface-Level Friends: (38:55)
   • Colleagues, neighbors, fellow hobbyists. Interactions are casual and low-maintenance.
2. Seasonal Friends: (40:42)
   • People who share a stage of life or specific experience with you (e.g., college roommates, gym buddies).
   • “Letting go of them or transitioning them to a lower level of closeness doesn’t make it a failure.”
3. Core/Inner Circle Friends: (42:30)
   • “Ride or die” friends who know your dreams and insecurities. Provide emotional safety.
   • Tyra shares a personal story about a friend who showed up at 2am during a rough period.
     • “That is a ride or die friend…someone that sees you during your lowest and is still there for you.” (43:32)
4. Mirror Friends: (44:41)
   • Friends who reflect your best self, challenge you lovingly, and call you to grow.
   • “She reads me for filth in the most loving way all the time and I cannot even begin to explain how much that girl means to me.” (45:39)
5. Digital/Distant Friends: (46:45)
   • Bonds maintained via text, calls, or online—providing support and perspective across distance.

Being a Good Friend: The Core Ingredients (32:55–38:50)

Tyra offers four “ingredients” to healthy friendship, emphasizing self-reflection and maturity:

1. Communication: Open, honest dialogue—even about difficult emotions.
   • “No more ‘I’m fine’ text messages when you’re really not.” (33:25)
2. Reciprocity: Shared effort and mutual check-ins, even if both people have different “friend maintenance” needs.
   • “Have a conversation…if it is a friend, genuinely, they will hear you and be able to have a conversation.”
3. Empathy: Making space for your friend’s humanness, recognizing that even “strong” friends go through things.
   • Tyra describes being in a tough season and communicating that openly instead of withdrawing. (35:20)
4. Accountability: Owning your own mistakes or lack of presence without shame.
   • “It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you emotionally mature.” (37:32)

Tyra highlights not overextending yourself where energy isn’t reciprocated and letting friendships settle into their natural place in your life.

Defining the Friendships You Want (28:35–32:54)

• Tyra encourages listeners to intentionally seek out friendships that align with where they are now, not where they were in the past.
  • “What kind of friends are you looking for now? And how can you model that same energy?” (29:15)
• Faith & Partnership: Tyra expresses wanting “kingdom friendships” and friends who reflect values she currently prioritizes, like faith and healthy relationships.
  • “When your foundation is faith... it just hits a little different.” (30:00)
• But she cautions against only seeking friends in the same life stage: it’s about who helps you grow into your best self, not just who shares your circumstances.

Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes

• Learning to Let Go Without Guilt:
  “Loving someone from afar doesn’t mean that we do not care. It just means that you value your peace over your proximity to them.” (15:40)

• Reflection Prompt:
  “How do you show up as a friend when life gets hard? Who in your life brings out the best version of you? And where might you need to reevaluate how you love or let people in?” (48:53)

• The Purpose of Friendship:
  “Being a good friend isn’t about doing everything right. It’s about loving people well, learning when to give grace, and letting your friendships grow with you—not around you.” (50:10)

The Lighter Side: “I Beg to Differ” Segment (51:05–1:00:00)

A playful, opinionated segment where Tyra responds to trending friendship debates, with genuine Southern humor:

On Splitting the Bill:

• “If you are the type of person who knows that you like to order a surplus of drinks, go to the bar and order your drinks. Right? As long as we at the table have ordered about the same thing… then we can split the bill. The issue that I have…is when there is one or two people who go above and beyond and do the most.” (51:55)

Expensive Birthdays:

• Tyra questions the trend of expecting friends to travel abroad for every birthday, especially non-milestone years.
  • “Don’t you know all of us got birthdays this year? And it’s your 27th birthday and you trying to take me to Singapore. You want me to spend thousands of dollars on your 27th birthday? … That is inconsiderate.” (56:22)
  • Praises low-key, family-style celebrations: “Maybe it’s because I’m Southern, but I’m used to having a party in the backyard. My guests didn’t have to pay for nothing…Why can’t we get back to that?” (58:00)

Episode Timestamps

• Opening Reflection & Affirmation: 12:11–13:24
• Nostalgia & Outgrowing Friends: 14:30–16:33
• Loving from Afar: 15:40–16:10
• Honest Conversations & Repair: 16:34–20:55
• Adult Friendship Challenges: 24:56–28:20
• Intentionally Seeking & Modeling New Friendships: 28:35–32:54
• The Four Ingredients of Healthy Friendship: 32:55–38:50
• Types & Levels of Friendship: 38:50–47:27
• Reflection Prompts: 48:53–50:10
• I Beg To Differ (Splitting the Bill, Birthdays): 51:05–1:00:00

Final Takeaways

• Adult friendships aren’t automatic or effortless—like all relationships, they require honesty, consistent action, and periodic self-inventory.
• Every friendship has its purpose and its season; learning to “let go with grace” frees everyone to grow.
• Being a good friend is about presence, not perfection.
• Check in on your “front row” friends and honor boundaries with acquaintances and seasonal companions.
• Don’t be afraid to have honest conversations about needs, expectations, and when things aren’t working.
• Be the friend you want to attract: supportive, reflective, and ready to grow.

Memorable Sign-Off:
"Keep checking in on yourself, keep showing up for the ones that you love, and keep being the kind of friend who reflects love, honesty, and feels like home to the chosen family that you love." (50:48)

For deeper dives, Tyra encourages listeners to write in with their own friendship stories and to continue the conversation in future episodes.