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Affirmations for Black Girls
442 | Am I a Good Friend?? Friendship Lessons: Growing, Letting Go, and Showing Up
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Why is it that as we get older, it feels harder and harder to get our bodies to cooperate? We're out here trying everything, measuring this, avoiding that, eating the yogurts, drinking those sodas, and still not feeling like we've cracked the code. But what if the answer was simpler than we've been making it? Scientists now say the gut is the cornerstone of our health. It affects everything. Our energy, our mood, our sleep, even how we manage our weight. As women who just want to feel our best. I'm happy to say that Bioma takes the guesswork out of gut health with just two little capsules before breakfast. No fuss, no overwhelm, just the good stuff. Your body needs prebiotics, probiotics, and postbiotics, all working together to help you finally feel imbalanced. And that's backed by science, baby. So if you're curious and ready to take the guesswork out of feeling your best, visit gobioma.com affirmations today y'. All. I'm so serious. I want us all walking into this next season feeling strong, clear, and taken care of from the inside out. So again, visit gobioma.com affirmations today. That's G O B I O M A.com affirmations. Okay, does your brain just refuse to clock out at the end of the day? Like you're trying to relax but your thoughts are still doing overtime? Yeah, that's me. Okay. I'm learning that when my mind is moving a mile a minute, sometimes the best thing I can do is pause, breathe, and reach for a little support to slow everything down. Calm is the number one app for sleep and meditation and it's here to help you feel better. They've got guided meditations to help with stress, focus, and build real deal healthy habits. But my personal favorite, y', all, the sleep stories and the calming music that help me knock out fast and naturally. They even have expert LED talks on everything from grief to self esteem to nurturing healthy relationships. It's a great support system resource for your mind, your heart, and your whole lifestyle. No wonder Calm has over 2 million 5 star reviews. Okay, now I have a challenge for y'. All. Download the Calm app and tonight before you go to bed, listen to the sleep story, Daddy's Front Porch. It's narrated by Tiana. Yes, Tiana from the Princess and the Frog. And it instantly transports you to New Orleans. This is one of my favorite sleep stories as a southern girl from Louisiana and it instantly calms me. So I really wanted to share that with you guys. So calm your mind. Change your life. Calm has an exclusive offer just for listeners of our show. Get 40% off a Calm premium subscription at calm.com affirmations this is an amazing value. Y' all go to C-A-L-M.com affirmations for 40% off. Unlimited access to Calm's entire library. Calm.com affirmations and tell Calm you heard about them from me. Good friendship is one of the purest forms of love we can experience in our lifetime. It's honest, it's unfiltered, sacred, and deeply human. But it's not always easy to maintain. We all want our Buzz to our Woody, our Kim to our Moesha, our Donkey to our Shrek, or even our Molly to our Issa. That person who just gets us and is ride or die, right? The one that you can call after a long day or sit in silence with and it still feels like home. But the truth is, even the best friendships take work sometimes. Good friendship is showing up when you're tired. Sometimes it's saying, hey, I feel like there's some weird energy between us lately. Sometimes it is you giving 90% while the other gives their last 10%. And it can also mean realizing that the friendship you thought would last forever has run its course. Or maybe it just needs to be re categorized in your life. And that's not a bad thing. Every friend cannot be our best friend. But sometimes that realization can come with a little or a lot of shock. But when something like that happens, it makes you pause and ask, wait, am I a good friend? Am I showing up for people the way I want them to show up for me? Am I listening to them or am I just waiting to respond? Am I being intentional with my relationships or am I just present out of habit? Because the truth is, friendship, just like any other relationship, takes work, honesty and good old fashioned communication. Powerful. Few things are as powerful. Few things are as powerful as power. What is going on? Beautiful people? You are listening to the Affirmations for Black Girls podcast where we focus on personal growth and cultivating a healthy relationship with ourselves. I am your host, Tyra, the creative actress, content creator and mental health enthusiast. And something that that I've been really grappling with lately is the question, am I a good friend or not? Now this has been something that has been at the forefront of my mind for a while because lately I've been feeling disconnected from my friends because of the season of life that I'm in. I kind of touched on it briefly in many episodes, but I'm really in a season of uncertainty, and my focus has been redirected majorly to myself and getting myself to where I want to be and for various reasons. But it made me think, hold on. Am I a good friend? Now, I know this is a loaded question, and the answer can vary depending on who's answering the question. Okay? But before we dive into all of this, let's go ahead and jump into our affirmation of the week. This week's affirmation is, I am open to giving and receiving the kind of friendship that feels like home. Let's go ahead and drop in, y'. All. I am open to giving and receiving the kind of friendship that feels like home. I am open to giving and receiving the kind of friendship that feels like home. I am open to giving and receiving the kind of friendship that feels like home. I am open to giving and receiving the kind of friendship that feels like home. I am open to giving and receiving the kind of friendship that feels like home. I am open to giving and receiving the kind of friendship that feels like home. Now, let's say it one last time together. I am open to giving and receiving the kind of friendship that feels like home, y'. All. I think this affirmation really made me pause for a second. The type of friendship that feels like home. Because when you think about it, what does that actually mean? For some of us, home does feel cozy and dependable. But for others, it might be complicated or even something that we had to create for ourselves later in life. And I think that's where friendship comes in. Good friendship gives us a glimpse of. Of what emotional safety can look like. People who see us, people who check on us, people who make space for who we're becoming. But if we're honest, that kind of friendship does not just happen. It takes reflection, effort, and a willingness to ask some real questions, like, am I a good friend? Now, before we even dive all the way into this, I will say this. The topic of friendship as a whole is subjective, and it has a bunch of twists and turns. And I know there are a lot of us out there who have childhood friends and some childhood friends that are still your close friends and others that you catch up with when you go back home. But something that I have had to relearn as an adult is the idea of what a friendship truly is. Because for so long, I used to think, okay, well, we've been friends forever. That automatically meant that we'll always be close. But sometimes that mindset keeps us stuck. It keeps us stuck in the Nostalgia of the friendship instead of the reality of one. The the thing is, a lot of us are grappling with we've been friends forever, which is a mindset versus acknowledging when the friendship dynamic is no longer aligning with where we are in life. So again, you have the nostalgia trap, which is staying in friendships out of a history instead of the health of that friendship. And the thing is, a lot of people grow apart, especially when you're growing up. Your childhood friends are people that you grew up around. It's a proximity thing, and it's people that you see day to day for most of your formative years. And the thing is, you eventually obviously grow apart because you are spending elementary school together, middle school, high school, and then you go off to college. And that already is a growing apart type of experience that you have. But it is nice to have those people that are always there. But the other part of it is some people are just meant to be in your life for a season. You don't know what that season necessarily will be. But sometimes the friendship has run its course, and sometimes it's the memories that we have with sad friends and not necessarily the mutual efforts. And sometimes life just takes us in different directions. One thing that I have dealt with with my childhood friends that earlier on kind of hurt, but it's something that a lot of people actually experience when they start to grow apart from their childhood friends or, you know, anybody from home. Right. Friendships or relationships from home is the fact that they'll start saying that you've changed. And the one thing that I have to say about that is, hell, yeah, I changed. Why would you want me to be stagnant and staying in the same place that I was in 15, 20 years ago when I was in middle school? Like, we are human. We are meant to grow and change. Another type of friendship that I really want us to see if we have in our life right now is when loyalty becomes guilt. And learning to love from afar. We need to learn that loving someone from afar doesn't mean that we do not care. It just means that you value your peace over your proximity to them. And also realizing that people can be good people, but may not necessarily be good for you in this season. Some friends were perfect for who you were then, but not who you are becoming. And I think it's important to be able to make that distinction without stepping on any toes, making everybody upset. Right. I have been trying hard to learn how to have more honest conversations when we outgrow those connections that we've had for a long time. Because I. I will honestly say I had a lot of friendships that were more so off the strength of we've always been friends than it actually being a beneficial relationship to us. And I've talked about this. I know I've talked about this in finding peace in group chats. If you haven't listened to that episode, you can type that in to really listen. But that's when I came to my realization that, oh, okay, a lot of these relationships that I am massaging are not the types of relationships that I need in this season of life. They had their place, and they will always have their place, but they don't need to have. They don't need to hold as much weight in my life as they do right now. So having those honest conversations and talking about how we are growing apart without resentment and also learning how to release those connections with grace show one growth and maturity. Another situation that I've actually never mentioned on the podcast is one of my best friends came to me when was this? It was like 2018, 2019. She came to me with a bunch of feelings that she had been feeling over, like, the past eight, 10 years of us, you know, being friends. And one thing that she said to me was, I just don't appreciate the way that you speak to me. And I was like, well, I've always spoken to you like this. Like, what? What do you mean? Like, since day one, I've always spoken to you this way. And obviously, there's deeper stuff on both ends of us. But what I was meaning in that moment was, I've always spoken to you this way, and I love you, and I am your friend, and I want to be continue being your best friend. But what she was saying was, I let some of these things slide early on, and I've never been okay with them, but I do love you as a friend. How can we make this work? Right? And this was one of the first hard conversations that I've ever had to have with a friend. And long story short, we had, like, a long conversation about it, and it brought us closer. So I would say having those talks about growing apart without that resentment can open the floor for you to actually deepen your relationship with that friend, which can be an amazing thing, right? So a question that I want you guys to ask yourself is, do you feel seen and safe in this friendship, or are you just comfortable? And as we grow and evolve, our friendships have to evolve with us. And that means learning not just how to let go, but how to make space for New kinds of connections that match where you are now and not where you were five years ago. So let me ask you guys a couple of serious questions. Do your joints feel older than you? And do you really know what's going on inside of your body? Yeah, me either, y'. All. Now, y' all know whenever I go home to Louisiana, family time is everything to me. When we're all together, I'm always so grateful for that quality time. It always reminds me to take care of myself so that I can keep making memories with the people I love for years to come. And I'm ready to get even more serious about that. So I just learned about True Diagnostic and their True age plus True health test, y'. All. This ain't nothing like a grade school test, okay? But the more research I do on it, the more I'm interested. Did you know that a single painless finger prick at home can lead you to over 180 personalized insights into your health and how you're aging? On one hand, True Health runs tests to look over 100 biomarkers, which is stuff like your vitamin levels and nutrient balance, your immune system, and even stuff like gut and cognitive health. On the other hand, True Age goes even deeper, y'. All. Their test shows your biological age, which is the pace of your aging. And it shows shows how important organs and systems like your heart, your brain, your liver, and your immune system are aging, which means I'm 30 years old, and my biological age could be more than 30, or it can even be less than 30 years old. And this test will help to show me where I'm at. So this is a full snapshot of how your body's really doing on the inside. And with an easy to read report and personalized recommendations, I honestly feel like this is a tool that can help me actually stay on top of my health and put energy into the right habits where I not just guessing all the time. So if you want to dig a little deeper and if you're serious about living healthier and longer, visit True Diagnostic.com and use my code affirmations for 20% off your entire order or subscription. That's True Diagnostic.com code affirmations for 20 percent off your future self will. Thank you. Okay, can I let y' all in on a little secret that you probably already know? I love giving a good gift. And honestly, it is for selfish reasons, but it's because I get excited when I find a gift that feels super personal and perfect for the person that I'm giving it to. Because One thing's for sure. I'm not about to show up empty handed or with something basic. Okay, now let me refresh y' all's memory on Uncommon Goods before the holiday season arrives, because their site is packed with unique gifts that you will not see anywhere else. Now, I love planning ahead, so of course I started bookmarking some things that you would never find in a regular store. But what really stopped me dead in my tracks this time, y', all, as I was perusing on the site, was the fact that Uncommon Goods has experiences that you can gift to your loved ones. I'm talking classes, cooking workshops, crafting tastings, and all kinds of creative adventures. That's not just a gift, that's a memory. Uncommon Goods has something for literally everybody. From moms and dads to kids and teens. From book lovers, history buffs, and die hard football fans to foodies and avid gardeners. You'll find thousands of new gift ideas that you won't find anywhere else. Plus, every time you shop, you're supporting independent artists and small businesses. And they even give back $1 to a nonprofit partner of your choice. So shop early, have fun, and cross some names off your list today. To get 15% off your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com affirmations. That's Uncommon Goods affirmations. For 15% off, don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary. Okay, so the holidays are literally knocking at our doors. We only have about T minus five days before Mariah Carey thaws out. Okay, now the holidays mean two things. Great soul food. And for girls like me who are single, 30, and live far, far away from home. Aggressive questions. When you get married, did you get that new job yet? Wait, you still paying how much for rent? Like, golly, y', all, can I finish my plate of macaroni and cheese in peace? But listen, this year we not just pulling up with a puck on pie, we're pulling up with a plan. Okay, so I've been doing a little financial reset with Chime because I deserve to feel proud of the money moves that I'm making, even if it's one step at a time. With a chime checking account, you get fee free overdraft up to $200. With Spot Me, get your paycheck up to two days early with direct deposit, no monthly fees, no minimum balance fees, and no overdraft fees. Period. Chime is truly for the everyday girly trying to build stability and celebrate progress over perfection. The holiday season can be stressful enough, y'. All. Your bank shouldn't add to that. Work on your financial goals through Chime today. Open an account in two minutes@chime.com affirmations. That's chime.com affirmations. Chime feels like progress. Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancor Bank NA or Stripe Bank NA members FDIC Spot Me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Timing depends on submission Payment file fees apply at out of network ATMs. Bank ranking and number of ATMs according to U.S. news and World Report 2023 Chime checking account required. One of the hardest things that I have done since moving to LA is make new friends that are like minded. The kind that feel like they could grow into real close friendships. Now I have made a couple and I'm so grateful for them. But I've also learned that not everyone can be a best friend. There are so many levels to friendship and honestly, those levels are more important to me now than ever because I had to realize that it's up to me to define what these friendships look like for me and to be real with y'. All. It's not just about finding good friends. It's also about asking, am I a good friend? I know the objective things that make one listening, being supportive, showing up. But am I actually exhibiting those traits consistently in these relationships? Sometimes we have to pause and check ourselves before we check our circle, right? And it can be to build and maintain new adult friendships, especially in transplant cities or when your mindset evolves. And this is something that I am currently experiencing because you guys know, I live in Los Angeles and I have been here for eight years now. But something that I am seeing is that adult friendships feel very high risk because there's vulnerability, fear of rejection and time scarcity. So in my late 20s and early 30s, we're. Well, all of us that are in that age bracket are typically trying to make it in a new space. We are trying to get to the next level in our career, all the things. So it's hard to find a ton of time. Everybody is busy and putting yourself out there can feel like you're dating over again, even though these are just for friendships. So a lot of us can say, well, what's the point? I have done this and I know a lot of us may go through that. We may find that we have a tendency to cut people off too soon because there is no deep history yet. When there's no deep history, yet it's easy to assume this person just ain't for me. Okay? We just do not click. I hung out with them one time, and I was like, you know what, girl? Boo. We don't want to hang out again. Instead of giving the connection and space and time to grow. But it's very important to understand that building friendship is an intentional practice. Just like dating. Like dating or working out, it takes effort, and you have to show up, you have to follow up, and you have to nurture it if you're interested, even when it's not instantly comfortable. And that's why it's so important for us to really take inventory of the types of relationships that we want to have in life. Right? Because it's not going to be, hey, you want to be friends? Okay, let's be best friends like it was in first grade. We really have to massage these relationships. Because the same way that you're trying to make it to the next stage of your life is the same way that these other people are also trying to do the same thing. They have a lot of priorities as well, and making friends can obviously be one, but we all have so much going on, so adult friendships require so much grace. And I think we all can benefit from giving our adult friendships a little more of that. Now, I will say something that I have also done. I've done. The reason I'm even having this conversation, y', all, is because I've done all of these things, and I'm really preach it to the choir, right? So something that I used to do a lot was compare new people to my forever friends. And I was like, tyra, you gotta stop doing that. Because at one point in my life, I was like, okay, well, this friend takes the place of this older friend that I have. And, oh, this friend is just like this friend from high school. So I was just trying to fill in those spots since I had moved away. And that isn't inherently bad, but I think I needed to stay a little bit more open to new people without comparing them to my forever friends, because every friend isn't meant to fill that same role. Your new friend might not know those funny stories from middle school or know what you went through in high school, but they understand that woman that you are becoming in a way that your childhood friends maybe can't do. I also think it's very important to create community in a new city or when you've outgrown your own one. We've talked about this all the time, whether it's through church Events, co working spaces, hobbies, community will not just knock on your door. You have to build it one interaction at a time and start putting down those roots on your side. I have tons of episodes about finding hobbies and building communities, so try to listen to those. If you're one of those people that are in that season of life where you need to build that new community. So I want to ask you, what kind of friend are you looking for now? Or what kind of friends? Not just one. What kind of friends are you looking for now? And how can you model that same energy in the connections that you already have? For me, the types of friends that I have really been craving, I have two that I want to mention for this one, I've been craving way more kingdom friendships. I want to start surrounding myself with women who are also pouring into their faith and building their lives with God at the center of it. Because when your foundation is faith, the way you love, the way that you give advice, the way that you hold space for one another, it just hits a little different. And I'll also be honest. I found myself wanting. I said this the other day. I found myself wanting to be around more friends who are in serious relationships or married. Not because I'm trying to fast track my own love story, y', all, or manifest a man through proximity. Let's make that clear. That's not what it's about. But when you have friends in that season of life, you start to see commitment, patience, and partnership modeled in real time. You get to witness healthy communication, how they balance their individuality with their togetherness, and how they invite God into their relationships. And that kind of energy can be super inspiring when you're desiring that for yourself. And they partners have friends. Okay, now that's all that I'm gonna say on that. But I just. From the outside looking in, like I told you guys, my brother is getting married. Almost all of them in their friend group is married now. That's all I'm saying. Once one start, the domino effect starts to happen. So that's all I'm gonna say on that. But still, I know that it's not the most important thing to have friends that are specifically married or, you know, those types of things. And the goal isn't only to surround yourself with people in a certain life stage. It's about surrounding yourself with people who push you closer to your purpose and who you want to be. People who love you enough to call you higher, to pray with you and challenge you to grow. So whether my friends are single Dating, married, all that. What matters most is that we're all rooted in something real. Now I say all of that to say, once you know what kind of friends, what kind of friend you want to be, and what kind of energy you want to attract in these friendships, the next step is learning to actually maintain those friendships through the ever changing seasons of life. So we are finally at the part of the episode where you ask yourself, am I a good friend? And I intentionally wanted to focus inward for this episode because it's so easy to point out when somebody's not showing up for us. But are we showing up in the ways that we value? Are we emotionally available? Are we consistent? Are we being kind of. And listen, being a good friend is not about being perfect. It's about being present. It's about doing your best with what you have, even when life starts to get loud and messy. So let's talk about what that actually looks like. The ingredients to a healthy friendship. Right? So I have four things that I'm going to say about four ingredients that create healthy friendship. So number one is communication. Saying what you feel without avoidance. No more I'm fine. Text messages when you're really not healthy. Friendships need honesty to breathe and it can be very uncomfortable. But if you value that friendship, baby, communicate honestly and openly. Reciprocity is another big one. Checking in as much as you expect to be checked on, friendship isn't about keeping score, but it's about a shared effort. And I know that some people consider themselves more low maintenance friends. I consider myself a more low maintenance friend. But some friends would like you to check in a little more. That's where that communication comes in. You can't just expect your friend to know, hey, I want you to check in with me at least once a week, or at least once a month, at least. Whatever. You can't expect them to just know that you have to be able to have those conversations no matter how uncomfortable it may make you feel. And some of that discomfort can even look like, well, they ain't my boyfriend, girlfriend, so how am I going to say this stuff to them? Just talk to your friend. If you think your friend is your friend, hey, I feel loved when you do X, Y and Z. Is there any way we can make this work? Because I've been feeling a little thrown to the side by you lately. Have a conversation and whatever words come out, if it is a friend, genuinely, they will hear you and be able to have a conversation with you. Which brings me to empathy. Making space for your friend's Humanness. Everybody is going through something, even the strong ones who don't say that much about it. And that's actually where the idea for this episode came from. Because, like I said at the beginning, I've been going through a very trying season in my life right now. And I'm like, dang, I haven't checked in on any of my friends, but I've been the friend to always be there when people need X, Y, Z. The third. And I am truly in a season right now where I'm tired. I'm tired. And I have tried to make that known through communication with my friends whenever they need something or say something to me, hey, this is what I'm going through. I'm kind of having, like, you know, I have a lot going on on myself instead of just shunning them away or not answering their phone calls, even though I am, like I said, one of those strong friends who don't say much about what's going on. I at least say that to open the door for conversation if they want to know more. But majority of my friends that I've said this to, they are more of those forever friends. They are the types of friends that know me, and what I have said to them has been enough. But that also brings me to the fourth thing about what makes a healthy friendship, and that is accountability. So owning your part when things get tense, saying things like, hey, I could have handled that better. Hey, I could have answered your phone call. Hey, I could have told you a little bit more about what I was going through. It doesn't make you weak. It makes you emotionally mature. But I want to pause and talk about something that I think a lot of us overlook. Yes, we have all of the ingredients that go into a good friendship, but I think one thing that we don't talk about enough is the levels of that friendship. For such a long time, I would feel sad and hurt when a friend didn't necessarily reciprocate in the ways that I expected them to. And for a while, my friend Alexis was like, girl, why do you call everybody your friend? I know I've said that to y' all before, but she'll be like, tyra, why do you call everybody your friend? Everybody is not your friend. And in my head, I'm like, I know everybody is not my close friend, but a friend is a friend, right? So everyone is not meant to sit in the front row of your life, and that's okay. Literally, there's not enough space for the front row. There's only so Many seats in the front row of your life. Some people are acquaintances, some are friends for a season, and others are your inner circle, your forever friends, the ones who see you at your worst and still pull up with love and snacks when you need them to. So when you recognize those levels, you stop overextending yourself, where the energy is in mutual and you start showing up better where it truly matters. Here's how I like to think about it now. I saw a lot of different charts online, so I just mashed them together to the bits that I actually liked. So number one, which is like the bottom of the pyramid, they had like pyramids on there, which shows that you have more of these friends to less, just like a, you know, a food chart would do. So at the bottom we have acquaintances or surface level friends. And these are people that you see at work, at school, at the gym, or any online communities. The conversations are typically very casual and mostly surface level. And you might not know each other's deeper struggles or dreams. So these are all of your friends that are like your co worker that you grab coffee with occasionally, or your neighbor that you say hi to, or somebody that you follow on social media and you interact with lightly. But all of these friendships have purposes, right? So these friendships are low maintenance and they're fun and sometimes they can be educational. They aren't meant to be deep emotional investments. And the surface level friends that I have, I invite a lot of these people to my apartment for the random theme parties that I like to have. Right above those acquaintances, you have your seasonal friends. And these are people who enter your life for a particular chapter or season of your life. Maybe a move to a big city or a new city, or your class or a job. You bond over a shared experience and sometimes your closeness fades as life changes or the schedule shift or your interests evolve. So for example, your college roommate who moves away, the workout buddy who stops going to the same workout class as you, or someone you meet in a networking group, those are this type, that's this type of friend. But their purpose is to provide connection lessons and memories for a specific period of your life. And letting go of them or transitioning them to a lower level of closeness doesn't make it a failure. I have a ton of these types of friends from culinary school, from the current gym that I go to, a lot of the hobbies that I have around la, when they need something, they text or message me and I respond. And I love that we all still follow each other on social media now. One of them I will say this is one of my culinary school friends. I was so shocked because when I moved to California, she sent me a housewarming gift. Very, very sweet. And when she needed something in return, I had to return the favor. Now, I don't talk to this person all the time, and we keep up with each other on social media and stuff, just, you know, seeing what everybody has going on. But those friends have that. They know that they are at that level. And I know what type of energy I want to give to friends at this level. Right. So then number three, you have your core or inner circle friends. And these are the friends who you. Who see you at your best and your worst, who celebrate your wins and who comfort you during your losses. They know your quirks, your dreams, they know your insecurities, and they still show up without judgment. So, for example, these are your ride or dies from childhood. The friend that you call at 2am during a breakdown, or the person who sends you encouragement when you are doubting yourself. These friendships require effort, trust, and consistency. And they are your emotional home base where vulnerability feels safe and love is mutual. Now, what I will say about these friends, I will say one of my very close friends who I already told you about, Tracy, speaking of the breakdown. So, yeah, I remember the guy that I moved out here with from Jersey, my first boyfriend out here. I remember I called her. It was like, I don't even know. It was late. She lived right down the street at the time, but it was so late. And I called her and I was just boohooing and I was just like, girl, I cannot do this anymore. And she was like, I'll be right there. And she came to my house and I was sitting in my hallway just crying my eyes out. And I was just so done. And we didn't really talk about anything. But that is a ride or die friend. That is someone that sees you during your lowest and is still there for you. That is someone who is there for you no matter what you're going through and will not judge you. And again, these friendships require a lot of trust and they require consistency from both sides. So you guys can water that relationship that you have, because this is a place that feels like home. These relationships are the ones where vulnerability feels safe and the love is mutual. Now moving on to the next friend. Mirror friends. Mirror friends are the friends that reflect the best version of you. They inspire growth and they challenge you in healthy ways. They can be in your core circle, or they can be new friends that you intentionally cultivate. So, for example, a friend who pushes you to pursue a dream, or a mentor like Pierre who helps you level up, or someone who gently calls you out when you you're not showing up for yourself or others. These friends are important because mirror friends hold up a reflection that helps you grow, that helps you evolve and even see blind spots without judgment. And I don't have too many of these types of friends. I can think of one. Bria, definitely. But like we mentioned, friends who are in healthy marriages will fall into this category too. And that's my friend Bria. And she also holds me accountable. She's like, hey, you said you was going to do this for yourself, and I don't see you doing it. And I'm like, she reads me for filth in the most loving way all the time. And I cannot even begin to explain how much that girl means to me. She is definitely my best friend. She is my core, one of my core friends. And she is also my mirror friend. And now the last one we'll talk about is digital or distant friends. So these are the friends that you love from afar. Maybe you met them online, maybe they moved away a long time ago, or they just live in different cities and you really never see each other. Your bond is maintained through text, video calls, or social media interactions. For example, a pen pal friend, a long distance bestie, or someone that you met at a conference but you don't really see in person often. But y' all kind of hit it off. These friends are important because they they remind you that distance doesn't have to mean disconnection. These relationships can provide inspiration, perspective, and emotional support without that necessary daily presence. So the biggest takeaway here is that every friendship has its own season and level. And recognizing this helps you avoid expecting too much or giving too much where it isn't reciprocated. Some friends are meant to be lifelong and others are meant to teach you a lesson, make you laugh, or simply share a single chapter of your life. Because friendship, real friendship, is a practice, y'. All. It evolves as you evolve. The same way that you have to check in with yourself, you have to check in with your loved ones and your. Your friends too. So here is a reflection moment for you. And I really want y' all to think about this. How do you show up as a friend when life gets hard? Who in your life brings out the best version of you? And where might you need to reevaluate how you love or let people in? Because at the end of the day, being a good friend isn't about doing everything right. It's about loving people well, learning when to give grace, and letting your friendships grow with you and not grow around you. Okay y', all, picture this. A candle is lit, your favorite book, and a story that sweeps you completely away. Suddenly you're at a lavish Regency house party surrounded by corsets, champagne and secrets. And somehow you've caught the eye of not only one, not two, but three very eligible men. Now, what's a girl to do? If that sounds like your kind of chaos, baby, you need to grab His Grace the Duke by New York Times best selling author Emily Rath, who is also known for the Second Son series. Okay, so boom. This book follows Rosalie, someone who is rewriting the rules of high society for herself. It's smart, sexy, and gives you all the emotional payoff. Re releasing with a gorgeous new cover, this deluxe limited edition printing is a stunner. We're talking stenciled edges, exclusive character art, and elegant design elements that'll make it the crown jewel of your bookshelf. Available while supplies last. And y', all, I got mine and baby, I'm keeping it front and center. Okay? Now it officially goes on sale on October 28, 2025, so this is your sign to add it to your fall reading list right now. So if you've been wanting to mix up your reading routine and dive into a new genre that feels rich and romantic, do not sleep on this book. Especially with the series getting a stunning new set of covers with limited edition sprayed edges and character art. His Grace the Duke is on sale October 28th and is available for pre order and purchase wherever books are sold. Friendship is complex, beautiful, sometimes messy, but above all else, essential to the soul. And let's be honest, so much of the debate around friendship can feel so trivial. Who pays the check at dinner? Did they RSVP to your birthday dinner? Did they text back fast enough? Those things matter, but only after you've looked inward first. Because here's the truth. Nothing external can make up for internal clarity. You have to clean up your side of the street and keep it clean. Okay? Are you showing up the way you want others to show up for you? Are you communicating honestly? Are you setting boundaries and being intentional with your energy? Are you consistent? Are you emotionally available and kind to your friends? Until you're doing that, the other little things are just distracting you from the bigger picture. It's also your responsibility to communicate with friends or people who think they're your friends. If your definition of friendship differs from theirs, don't assume they know that we can't be selfish in friendship. Friendship is about mutual care, respect, and understanding. So whether you're navigating long time friendships or cultivating new ones, keep this in mind. We all want our Buzz to our Woody, our Kim to our Moesha, our Donkey to our Shrek, or our Molly to our Issa. That one person who just gets us, who shows up and who feels like home. That kind of friendship doesn't just happen. It's built through reflection, effort, honesty, and love. So start to let go of the guilt over friendships that have naturally evolved. Make space for new connections and cherish the ones that bring out the best in you. Because it's not about perfection. It's about practice. And I know it can be a lot easier said than done. However, it's about showing up, loving well and evolving together. So keep checking in on yourself, keep showing up for the ones that you love, and keep being the kind of friend who reflects love, honesty, and feels like home to the chosen family that you love. Foreign. Y', all, you know what time it is. It is time for our fun closing segment. And today's segment is called I Beg to Differ. So this segment is where I share some of my hot takes, or not even hot takes, some of my thoughts on some hot topics. And today we're just going to keep that same friendship through line and we're going to talk about a couple of things that have to deal with friendship. And the first one that we're going to touch on is splitting the bill. Okay, I see so much discourse around splitting the bill. It's like, okay, well, if you go out in a big group, then you just need to split the bill. Or if it's a birthday dinner, then y' all need to split the bill. And don't even include the birthday girl. Like, there are so many stipulations around splitting the bill. Here's what I got to say about splitting the bill. If we in a big old group and you down there is ordering six cocktails, an appetizer, entree, and a dessert, and Tyra only got her entree, baby. We not splitting no bill. We not splitting no bill. I don't care who you is. I do not care who you is. We ain't splitting no bill. This is what I have to say. First of all, have some decorum. If you are the type of person who knows that you like to order a surplus of drinks, go to the bar and order your drinks. Right? As long as we at the table have ordered about the Same thing. Like if I got. If we all got a cocktail and an entree, then we can split the bill. A few dollars doesn't really matter to me. The issue that I have with splitting the bill is when there is one, and there always is one or two people who go above and beyond and do the most. They order multiple drinks. They order appetizer, entree, and dessert, or whatever the case may be when everybody else ordered less or they order the most expensive thing on the menu, like a tomahawk steak. And then they scream, okay, we splitting the bill. That's not okay. And it's disrespectful, honestly, because I don't care how much money I make, baby, it's my money, and I did not come here to spend money on yo tomahawk steak, okay? Now, I've had issues like this in the past, and I think that's why I'm very turned off to the idea of splitting the bill. I will say, when I go out to eat with my friend Alexis, we'll split the bill all the time because we have awareness of what each other ordered. If I order a cocktail and an entree, she'll probably get. If she's not drinking that day, she'll get an appetizer and an entree and we'll split the bill. But if you know that your bill is a good 40, $50 more than everybody else's, don't try to split that bill with me. And another part of splitting the bill that really gets on my nerves is whenever you go to a restaurant and you actually can't split the bill right each way, and you have to put it on a certain number of cards. I have been in situations where people have walked out without paying and we've all had to pay more. And I think that's really where my disdain for splitting the bill comes with large groups, because that means people are at the table that I don't really know, or I can't just ask them for my money. I am very against splitting the bill, y'. All. I'm sorry. And you may be saying, okay, well, then don't go out to eat. I don't. If I have a problem with how it's going to be split, baby, I'm not going out to eat with you, or I'll order my food at the bar or whatever the case may be, I will make it work if it's that type of situation. But one of my biggest pet peeves is when people want to split the bill and they know that their Bill is much higher than everyone else's, and they don't want to put up their fair portion. Now they're like, hey, y', all, I know I got this tomahawk steak, and I know It's a good 80 more than everybody else's. I'm adding that extra. And you let everybody know, then that's a different story. But a lot of times we are these days. I have been in situations where people who order in excess just don't really know group dinner etiquette, and I think that's important as well. When you are at a group dinner, you should try to order. Not. Not don't, like, skimp yourself, but order minimally. We not at this. You already know that everybody can't get their own check because they only saying they can take two cars. You already know this. So if it's a situation where you have to split, you have to split the bill any kind of way because they not gonna let you pay for your own stuff. Just have some etiquette. Don't order six cocktails, don't order an entree and a dessert when everybody else just got a little bit less food. Like, just go order the extra stuff at the bar. But anyways, that's what I got to say on that, y'. All. The other thing that I want to talk about is expensive birthday. I don't know how I ended up on the side of Tick Tock where some. I don't even remember the exact video because this was a while ago, and I did not care to look the video up. But long story short, there was this girl who was upset that her friends didn't want to go on her birthday trip. I can't remember where she was going, but I think it was like her 27th birthday or some odd birthday like that. Not a milestone birthday, let me say it that way. And she was upset because some of her friends that she considered close friends did not want to go and it was out of the country. This is what I gotta say. Or this is the question I have. Why does everybody want to make their birthday every. Every occasion, such a big travel out of the country thing? Baby, don't you know all of us got birthdays this year? And it's your 27th birthday and you trying to take me to Singapore. You want me to spend thousands of dollars on your 27th birthday to Singapore when I'm also turning probably 27, 28? Because friends are normally around the same age? Baby, no, we not doing that. Miss me if it's my. Here's the thing, if it's my best friend, that's a little different. But for every friend, I'm not doing no expensive birthday plans. And I'm also not doing no this my entire birthday month, I expect you to be at all my festivities. I'm not that type of person. And I think a lot of that has to do with the type of. Just like we were talking about in the episode, reciprocity. So I don't expect you to come out to country with me for my 27th birthday. Don't expect me to come out to country with you for yours. Even if it is a closer friend for a birthday that's not a milestone like that and you are expecting your friends to come out. That is inconsiderate. What if they have a wedding this year that's a destination wedding? What if they are going on a group trip with their family out of the country this year? People have other things going on. So I think my issue here is when people get on social media and start to say that they need new friends because their friends don't want to do these things, when they're honestly just outrageous. What happened to going to the skating rink for your birthday? What happened to you throwing a birthday party? So let's start there because I have seen that there are so many people now where you gotta spend so much money on their birthdays. And maybe it's because I'm Southern, but I'm used to having a party in the backyard. I had a party in the backyard for my 31st birthday. My guests didn't have to pay for nothing. They just brought gifts and ate the food that my mama and daddy cooked. What? Why can't we get back to that? Why does it have to be this whole thing where all your friends are shelling out all this money for you? Granted, sometimes. Yeah, yeah, sometimes. But for non milestone birthdays, expecting these big things and I'm just, you know, I'm just talking about blanket, blanket, y'. All. Every. To each their own. But to expect your friends to shell out thousands of dollars for your 27th birthday is kind of weird. It's kind of weird. That's really all I got to say. Anyways, y', all, that is. I beg to differ. So that's all I got for y' all today. I really hope you guys enjoyed this episode and I would actually like to talk about friendships a lot more on the podcast. I think it's a very important and complex topic. Something that I really, really need y' all to start doing is going into the show notes and clicking the link for the letters from listeners and leaving us a letter. I want to start incorporating more of those into the podcast and it would be so dope for y' all to literally write a letter. Like remember how they used to do on advice columns in magazine articles and stuff? Write a letter if you got some juicy gossip about your friend, your next door neighbor, your relationship, your job. It don't have to just be about relationships, but anything that you want to share with the show that you think can be either a learning moment or something that you think other people will relate to. Go ahead and share that because we really want to start incorporating those into the episodes a lot more. Now this is the Monday before Thanksgiving that this episode goes live. So I want to wish you guys all a very, very, very happy Thanksgiving. And I am so grateful for each and every one of you. That makes AFPG what it is today. I would not be here without each and every one of y'. All. Make sure that you eat a plate for me. Get some turkey for me, some dressing. Oh, for me. Don't forget the cornbread. Don't forget the cranberry sauce. Okay. Don't forget it. Some macaroni and cheese, baby pie. All of it. Have a plate for Tyra. Happy Thanksgiving and I will see you guys again next week. This is affirmations for Black Girls. Shopify is a global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business and sell more with less effort. Thanks to the Shopify Magic, your AI powered all star sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com redcircle all lowercase go to shopify.com redcircle now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com redcircle what do you think makes the perfect snack? Hmm, it's gotta be when I'm really craving it and it's convenient. Could you be more specific when it's cravenient. Okay, like a freshly baked cookie made with real butter, available right down the street at am, pm or a savory breakfast sandwich I can grab in just a second at am, pm. I'm seeing a pattern here. Well, yeah, we're talking about what I crave, which is anything from am, pm. What more could you want? Stop by AMPM where the snacks and drinks are perfectly craveable and convenient. That's cravenience. Am, PM too much good stuff.