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One of the hardest things that I have been trying to get into my very thick skull is that God will not allow me to settle. And he won't allow me to settle because he loves me and because he has great things in store for my life. Time after time I have personally tried to take control of the situation and over and over again he be telling me to take several seats. And as frustrating as it has been lately, I think I finally get the idea Few things are as powerful. Wow. Few things are as powerful as what is going on. Beautiful people. You are listening to the Affirmations for Black Girls podcast where we focus on personal growth and cultivating a healthy relationship with ourselves. I am your host, Tyra, the creative actress, content creator and mental health enthusiast and brand new dog mom. Hello. Hey, how y' all doing? If you did not listen to last week's episode, I'm going to say this once again. I'll probably say this for the next couple of episodes as people trickle back in because I took a long hiatus at the top of the year. But the format of the show is going to change just a little bit for the time being as I am in a transition period. If you want the nitty gritty on, why go back and listen to episode 501. It'll, you know, tell you a lot more. But basically I am in a transition period. I'm also in a new decade of life and I started this podcast in my late 20s and I am trying to find the next look, the next format, the next thing that feels right for the podcast as far as the packaging of the content goes, I will not change. Our affirmations will not change for the most part, because this is the Affirmations for Black Girls podcast, of course. But I'm really trying to figure out what makes me happy as far as the packaging of it all goes. So we'll still be having our Monday episodes and some pep talk Wednesdays, maybe. They may be there, here or there, you know. But the biggest thing is I am leaning away from the more narrative, scripted, polished content just for a while. I just want to be able to talk to you guys directly from the heart and we'll see how it goes. Anyways, God will not allow me to settle. He also won't allow you to settle. And I came this, this thought came into my mind in January and I'll definitely get into when this came. But before we do, I have last week I gave you guys a sentiment that you basically. Basically a little prayer, right? And this week, I also have another one for you based on what we're talking about today. So this week, instead of an affirmation, this is in place of our affirmation, I have this little micro prayer or this. I don't even know what to call it. It's a sentence. It's just one sentence, but it's speaking directly to God. And it's so prevalent in my life right now, especially with what we're talking about today. And it is, God, raise my standards to match your promises. God, raise my standards to match your promises. I really think this is actually still an affirmation. This is still an affirmation. Just let's dive in. Let's say it a few more times together and write this down and have this in your back pocket to just say to God when you don't know what else to say. God, raise my standards to match your promises. God, raise my standards to match your promises. What are the promises that God has over your life? What has he promised you? God, raise my standards to match your promises. Let's say it one last time together. God, raise my standards to match your promises. I actually really enjoy this affirmation. I don't know why in my head I didn't consider it an affirmation. Don't mind none of that I said beforehand, but I love this affirmation because honestly, his promise is at the top of my priorities for my life. I want the promises that God has for me. I want my plan A. I've talked about this in the past, like, God, I Want my plan A. I want my plan A. And I'm finding that I personally need to raise my standards to match those promises that he has for me, even if I don't know what. What the journey to get to those promises looks like. And that's why I say, God, just raise my standards. I don't have to know the nitty gritty. But as long as my standards are raised, that means my body will not allow me to accept anything below that. So I'm gonna go ahead and keep it a beam with y'. All. The reason I say God will not allow me to settle is because I have tried to settle. Okay, let me back it up. And I'm really gonna take y' all through it with me, because in this new format, I'm just. I'm laying it all there because I know I'm not the only one. So remember last year when I was telling y' all about this guy that I really liked that lived, that didn't live in California? It would be a long distance thing. All of this stuff that I told you guys at the end of last year, Long story short, we do not talk anymore. And basically, it was an abrupt thing, and I don't even really know what happened. He basically ghosted me. And that hurt because we've known each other for a long time when our, you know, went our separate ways, whatever, went off to college, all of those things, and then reconnected. So this is someone that I have not romantic history with, but this is someone who has. Who I've known my whole. We grew up together, you know. So being ghosted by someone that you have so much history with, even in a platonic way, it hurts and it's. And it's frustrating. So long story short. Okay, so, boom, this what happened. Back when I was still at home for the holidays, I did an extended stay, as you guys know. So my brother is getting married this month. He's getting married. Oh, my gosh. In a couple weeks. And in January, I. I stayed home a little while longer to go to his fiance's bachelorette party. It was a surprise bachelorette party, so I stayed in town for a little while longer. So mind you, the whole time I'm home, I'm still talking to him, but the. The communication is getting spotty and all of this stuff. And I've already said, hey, listen, if you don't want to do this, this is totally fine. Let's just nip it in the bud here. And because for me, I would rather maintain the relationship that we have, which isn't much of a relationship. But, you know, I, I don't want to be upset and all, you know, all of the extra stuff that don't need to be there if you ain't interested in this for real. Right? And he ended up saying that he was interested. This was actually before the holiday. So in my head I'm like, okay, he's interested. We talked all the way through September, October, November, up until Thanksgiving. That's when stuff started to get a little. A little rocky, right? And I just constantly said like, hey, we don't have to do this. And that was my first mistake right there because I felt something in my spirit. And instead of me cutting it off and preserving myself, I just kept trying to make sense of what was going on. Giving grace on top of grace on top of grace where I should have been giving grace to myself and I should have been taking care of Tyra. But anyways, fast forward to the. The bachelor party. We had plans to see each other on my way back from New Orleans. He was actually going to go with me to pick up okra because okra was in Mississippi. So we were going to ride together in Mississippi. And that was like a. That was going to be like a six hour travel day. So I talked to him Friday while I was on my way to New Orleans. I. We texted very briefly on Saturday, and then Sunday I'm calling him. He didn't answer. Or I called him once, he didn't answer the phone. So I texted him. I was like, hey, I'm be at your house in 40 minutes. And he was like, what did he say? He said, I can't. I got stuck at work, y'. All. I started bawling my eyes out. And I started bawling my eyes out, not because he just couldn't come, but because I knew that this was going to happen the whole time I was home. Well, before I got home, he said he would take me on a date. We ended up not going on a date. And that kind of hurt a little bit. And also the communication just continued to dwindle. But I think I had my mind made up about the fact that, you know, he's very attractive, he's from home. I've known him my whole life. I haven't known him intimately, you know, but I've known this person. He's from. He's from where I'm from. And something that I try to explain to a lot of people from home is that I miss that. I miss that feeling of familiarity. I miss that feeling of knowing someone from childhood, because of the industry that I am in, I'm in an industry where people be using each other. People are not being authentic. People are not. People are doing things for the wrong reason. So it just felt very nice to kind of feel. Feel, you know, you can still deal with that type of stuff with people from your past, whatever, but it. It felt nice to feel secure in that way that this person wasn't using me to gain fame or, you know, get. Be friends with the famous people that I'm friends with, you know, all of that type of stuff. So it felt very nice. And I have always wanted to be with someone from the South. I. Until this whole thing blew up in my face, I was like, I really would love to marry somebody from Louisiana. It just makes it easier when you get married, when you holidays, when you have kids, each other's families. All of that stuff sounded very, very nice. And I sold myself a dream. And I say, God won't allow me to settle, because that's exactly what I was gonna do. And I'm not saying he was a great guy or he is a great guy. I think he's very dop. I think the settling part comes in because, one, he wants to stay in Louisiana. He doesn't want to leave Louisiana. He actually wants to live in our hometown that neither one of us live in now. We. My mom moved out of our hometown, population 1200 people, in St. Francisville. He wants to live there and all this stuff. And I'm like, you know what? That's cool. I will do that. I will be barefoot and pregnant. Put me on a lot of land. I will be a trad wife, all of those things. And I would be giving up what I have dreamed about for so long. And in my head, I made myself okay with that. Okay, I know y' all know this, but I' ma say it anyway. Y' all know how I like to keep my hands busy. So I have been in full spring refresh mode in my apartment, and my kitchen was at the top of the list. Now, like I said, I'm in an apartment, so I can't knock down any walls or, you know, do anything permanent with my space, but. But I can make it feel more like me. And that's been a goal since day one. So if you know me, you know that my vibe is warm, inviting, slightly modern, and a little eclectic, and then a sprinkle of farmhouse chic. And one thing about the kitchen, the backsplash, y', all, the backsplash in My kitchen is not doing it for me anymore. So I went on Wayfair and I found the cutest peel and stick tiles that will completely change the space and add so much color. Now the tiles just came in, but I'm so excited to do this project this weekend and of course I will share pictures on Instagram and I actually think I'm going to vlog it. But anyways, what I love about Wayfair is how easy it is to narrow down exactly what works for your style and your budget. Because black backsplash tiles, they got pretty pricey. But I use the filters to sort by color, by price and by material and I ended up going with a cream and terracotta. And these days for me, y', all, it's all about the reviews. So I read through all the reviews for all of the tiles that I was thinking of so I could actually see how the tiles looked in real customers kitchens before I ordered them. And it's not just for decor. I bought a little bit of everything from Wayfair over the years. One of my oldest pieces is my bar cart that has traveled with me from home to home over the last eight years of me living in la. And Wayfair really does make it easy to find what fish your space. Everything ships fast. And there's also assembly and installation options available if you do need them, which makes the whole process feel seamless instead of overwhelming because y' all know if you buy furniture, they be coming in a lot of pieces, but they do offer that assembly and installations for you. But anyways, buying furniture, decor and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair Every style, every home. So I've been paying a lot closer attention to my body lately. Not in a super dramatic way, but just listening a little more closely. And recently I did a blood panel and I got my results back, y'. All. One of the recommendations that. Well, first a lot of stuff was very, very good. We're in the green. But there was one recommendation that came up for me and it was iron supplementation along with a few other nutrients. And it was a reminder that sometimes what feels like stress or exhaustion actually deserves a little bit of a closer look. Because low iron doesn't always announce itself loudly. It can show up as fatigue that doesn't improve with rest, brain fog, headaches, and even brittle nails. Things that are easy to normalize and move past. And for a lot of people, traditional iron supplements aren't the answer because they can be hard to absorb in the body or come with side effects like nausea or constipation. And who got time for that? And that's why I want to share. Citol from pharma neutral. It's a premium iron supplement made with patented sucrosomio technology, which basically means it's designed to help your body absorb iron three to four times better than standard iron supplements while also being gentle on your stomach. And it's backed by over 20 years of research and more than 150 clinical studies and trusted by over 2 million people worldwide. It's a simple once a day capsule that fits easily into your routine. No complicated timing and no metallic taste. So if you've been feeling a little off or a little tired and haven't quite figured out why, this could honestly be worth learning a little bit more about. So head to pharma neutral-us.com and use code affirmations for 10 off your first order of Citrol. That's P H A R M a n U T R a-us.com with promo code affirmations. Hey, Sal. Hank. What's going on? We haven't worked a case in years. I just bought my car at Carvana, and it was so easy. Too easy. Think something's up? You tell me. They got thousands of options, found a great car at a great price, and it got delivered the next day. It sounds like Carvana just makes it easy to buy your car, Hank. Yeah, you're right. Case closed. Buy your car today on Carvana. Delivery fees may apply, and what that leads to is feeling resentment and all of this stuff. And I would. I would only be able to resent myself at the end of the day. So when this didn't work out, I felt a little embarrassed. I felt very heartbroken and sad in a way that, oh, I had this. This idea of what it could be in my head. I felt rejected. I started to feel like I'm falling further and further behind in life. And what this really was was God just closing that door because he know how I get down. I love to be in control. And I think I don't even like to say that I'm settling. I was settling with. With this guy because I did actually really like him. But in a sense, I would be settling. So I think that honestly came from me just being tired of being in the dating world. It's very tiring. And I will say I'm discouraged at this point. And I'm like, okay, guys, so what do you have for me? Because I started to say, dang, you really just don't want me to settle. Because I. After. I mean, through. Through me talking to this guy, I was still kind of talking to other people. And I went on one date while I was home. I did not care for it at all. And after he said that he had to go to work or whatever, I said, you know what? Oh, yeah, I gotta go. I stopped talking to all of these people that I was, you know, talking to. And I'm saying all. Like, it was so many. It was literally just three. Him, this other guy that I ended up going on a date with, and one guy that I met off hinge, all of them from Louisiana. And I ended up cutting all of that stuff off. And I think because I was talking to him, I was just convincing myself that this is enough. And I really did feel that way. And I interpreted this redirection in this closed door that God has, this door that God has closed as a failure. But what it. What it is, it's simply redirection. It's not a failure at all. But being in my 30s and wanting to be in relationships so badly and wanting marriage and all of these things that all of these people around me, my loved ones around me are celebrating these milestones, I'm like, dang, God, when will it be my turn? So it's very hard for me, someone who is very solution oriented, to sit there and let Jesus take the wheel in that regard. But there are two things. There's settling and then there's contentment. And being content is something that I'm trying to learn. So settling is when you shrink your standards. And like we said at the top of this episode, we need to raise our standards to match the promises that God has for us. And contentment, on the other hand, is trusting the timing that God has for us while maintaining our standards. And that is very hard to do for me. It might be easier for some people, but it's very, very hard for me to do in this area of my life. And a question that I'm asking myself these days now are, is, am I compromising my values or am I practicing patience? Did I lower my expectations because I was afraid? Am I fearful? Do I think that nothing is coming for me? Like, am I impatient? What is it? Right? Why did I lower my expectations? And I think in this specific scenario with this guy that I really, really liked, I. I think I lowered my expectations because I Thought it was good enough. That's the best way I can put it. And I'm not. This is no shade to him in, you know, and the type of person that he is or whatever. Honestly, I would still like to be with that man. I'm not even gonna lie to you. I mean, like, the. The stats are good on this guy. He just wants to stay in our small hometown. And that lifestyle is not what I have dreamed for myself. That's my biggest thing. And that's a huge lowering of my expectation because I'm out in LA trying to do the whole acting thing. He wants a bunch of land in the middle of nowhere and a farm and to live the country boy life. And I love that. I love that so much. I want a sprinkle of that in my life. But I know down the line I'll be like, okay, I need something else. So God refuses to let me settle. I'll also say this. So once that door closed, mind you, I haven't talked to him since then, since that was the last message he sent me, hey, I got stuck at work. I'm not gonna be able to go, whatever. That's the last time I've spoken to him, and it's now March. But in other regards, I've just noticed that any time I even remotely start talking to a man, God immediately closes the door. And like I said, that makes me feel discouraged. I'm asking myself, dang, well, am I ugly? Like, what is going on? What is causing these men to almost immediately just fall off the face of the earth? And the only logical thing that I can think of is that God is closing those doors. I think it's divine disruption. And I think God is disrupting my pattern because I. I'm not going to lie. I'm a simple girl, okay? I've noticed a pattern in me. If a guy likes me, I' ma talk to him. I'll be like, okay, cool. I've been very passive in my romantic relationships, and lately I have been changing that up. I really have. But from the beginning of me starting to date when I was in high school and all of that stuff, if somebody liked me, I would just say, okay. I mean, I guess, okay, sure. And I think God is disrupting that plan now, which hasn't happened to me in the past, like when I was younger, and it feels very inconvenient. And I think he is withdrawing access completely because he knows that I have that tendency in me to accept less. And I say that in hindsight because I look back And I say, golly, God, thank you so much that that thing didn't work out. Thank you so much. You took that away from me. Because even when I look at my past relationships, who I broke up with, girl, I broke up with two of my boyfriends, but I also begged him to come back. We broke up again, and I begged him to come back. And that is how I know that this is divine disruption. Because he is disrupting this new thing that is not his promise for me. And he's also disrupting old patterns that I tend to show right now as a black woman. I think something that I subconsciously learned is to be grateful for crumbs. And I've also been guilt tripped in past relationships for wanting more. And I've been told things like, you're too much. And I think all of this stuff has combined and become. And made me become a little more passive and not an active participant in my love life. And I'm just so grateful that God won't allow me to settle, even though it's against my will. Because as I sit back and I meditate on all of this and I reflect on all of my life experiences, and it makes a lot more sense now why all of these doors are being closed abruptly. I'm also the type of girl, when I'm talking to a guy that I really, really like. Oh, career girl, that's going out the door. And I've always been like that. I am more of a traditional woman. I do want more of a traditional role, but I also want my career. But I am not. There are some people who are like, oh, yeah, my career come first. That is top priority. I'm not that person. And I've accepted that about myself. But I do think that there's a lot of stuff on the opposite side that comes with that that I have to say. Okay, Zara, look, baby girl, you need to take a step back and really see. Make sure that you're seeing this stuff clearly. So even though I've been super frustrated with God and, well, I don't. I'm not even gonna say that. I'm not. I'm not gonna say that I've been frustrated with God. I have been frustrated with the fact that doors keep slamming in my face in the relationship world, and they slam before anything has even happened. So it's hard for me to even draw a conclusion. You know how, like, if you break up, you're like, okay, yes, we broke up because of X, Y and Z. I'll be talking to a guy for A couple of months and everything is going well, and then they will literally fall off the face of the earth. We won't have a disagreement. It won't even be a, like a weird thing that happened. It'll be a great conversation or whatever, and then, boom, they're gone. The only explanation for that is divine disruption from God. God is disruption disrupting my plan, because my plan is not what his plan is for my life. And me being the control freak that I have been, a lot of times I can get headstrong. And I know that when I'm headstrong like that, I'm like, look, we gonna get this done and we're gonna do it this way, because I know it can get done this way. And no other logic in the world can make me believe that it is not God that is closing these doors, because there is nothing else that makes sense in that regard. So maybe there is nothing wrong. It's just that I'm not meant to settle. I think the right things won't require us to betray ourselves. I was actually talking to my best friend Bria on my drive back to la, y'. All. I drove back to la, by the way. It took me three days. I stopped in Texas, I stopped in Arizona, and then the third day, I made it all the way here, but I was talking to my best friend on the way, and I was listening to Jay Shetty's podcast, and she was like, what, what was the episode about? So we were just talking about it, and one thing that really stuck with me from that episode is that I need to make sure that I am being emotionally available to myself. Sometimes we can be so worried about the other person that we're trying to talk to. Oh my gosh, what did I do? What, what can I. What can I do? How can I make sure that they know that I love them? All this type of stuff and sometimes we can forget about ourselves. And when he said, I can't remember exactly how he said it, but I was like, oh, wow, am I being emotionally available for me? Because if I'm not emotionally available for me, how can I expect other people to be? I cannot abandon myself for the sake of someone else. And being emotionally available for yourself means like practicing self attunement and knowing how to process your internal emotions without judgment and creating a safe and compassionate space for your own feelings and nurturing your inner child. Right? So when you are feeling things, it's like, how. What is your self talk look like? Are you, you know, giving yourself a pep talk? Are you giving yourself a hug or are you saying, oh my gosh, I'm so stupid. I'm so this. I'm so that. What is it? How are you. Are you able to self soothe? You know what I mean? Are you able to nurture yourself through a difficult time rather than relying on other people or escaping or advice or anything like that? And I was like, oh, wow, I never even thought about it like that. I always say that I'm emotionally available. I am an emotionally available partner, but I have abandoned myself in the past and I don't want to continue to do that. So I say all that to say God will not allow me to settle. And as frustrating as it is in the moment when those divine disruptions happen and when those doors slam in my face, I'm grateful that God loves me enough to not water down the promises that he has for me. Now. With that being said, y', all, I'm gonna go ahead and get out of here. If this message resonated with you at all, I pray that our affirmation at the top of the episode helps you to raise your standards to match God's promises for your life. And thank you for listening. I really want to do more open thought, open letter episodes like this this season. So let me know if you liked it. As always, you can shoot me an email at Affirmations for black girls gmail.com or. Or you could send us a DM on Instagram Affirmations for Black Girls. But thank you guys so much for listening. This was very cathartic for me to talk about my latest relationship fails. And, oh, before I get out of here, I'm not really. I'm not actively dating right now. I guess we'll talk about that in another episode. But after the whole situation with the guy that I really like, that didn't go anywhere, I said, you know, I'm gonna take a step back. I'm not going to initiate with guys anymore because I initiated with him. I'm always the initiator and I'm always getting the door slammed in my face. So I'm going to take a step back and I am actually going to focus on my career more this year and building my relationship with God and really trying to fine tune my ability to hear what I God's voice in my life day to day. So that's where I am with that. Again, thank you guys so much for listening. I'm gonna go ahead and get out of here because I'll yap for like 10 or 15 more minutes. If you are not already subscribed to our YouTube channel, please go over to YouTube and subscribe. It's at Affirmations for Black Girls. We will be having more videos coming shortly. This is just a audio only episode but we will have more videos over there so go ahead and subscribe. And please make sure that you rate the PODC best and leave us a review on your favorite listening platform. Trying to hit Apple top 100 again in 2026 you guys. But with all of that being said, I love you guys so much and I will see you again next week. This is Affirmations for Black Girls. The sun shining, birds are singing and all feels right in the world. Until the season changes and suddenly you lose your motivation to get out of bed. In fact, one in five people experience some form of depression no matter the season or time of year. At the American Psychiatric association foundation, our vision is to build a mentally healthy nation for all because we want you to live your best life and be your best you all year round. Please visit mentallyhealthynation.org to learn more. Support is available 247 with VRBoCare. We're here day or night, ready whenever you need help because a great trip starts with the right support.