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So sometimes I randomly feel a little off and I always wonder, is this stress? Am I not drinking enough water? Is this just what getting older feels like? Because I'm 30 now and I'll also be the first to admit that I'm curious about the role hormones play in how I feel day to day. But who really feels like shelling out extra coins to find and book an appointment with a specialist? But not knowing what's going on is just as stressful. So I have to start somewhere.
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So so y'all.
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I recently learned about a free two minute quiz that can help you uncover the root of your hormonal symptoms made by Happy Mammoth. It's right there on their website and.
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It'S all pretty straightforward.
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I just answered a few questions about my symptoms, my habits and where I'm at in my life. And they offer a range of products designed to help women feel like themselves again. And with personalized recommendations from the quiz, you'll know exactly where to start. My results recommended that I give their hormone Harmony a try, so I'mma see what it's hitting on.
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Are you ready to start feeling like yourself again?
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Do y'all remember a few episodes ago when I was talking about how I.
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Needed a new mattress? Well, y'all, it took me a while.
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To admit it, but I had been.
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Getting good quality sleep for a long time. My mattress was way too firm and honestly my back just did not like it. Sleeping on that thing for so long started to affect my stress levels and my productivity and more often than not I was sleeping on the couch. Well, I am happy to report that I recently upgraded to a queen sized Avocado Green mattress. And y'all call me Goldilocks because I think I found my perfect match. I got the plush box top which is the Plush the Green collection. And Avocado isn't just any mattress. I have been eyeing them fun fact since 2019. So I'm so excited that they are sponsoring my podcast. But they're not just any mattress. It's made with certified organic materials and built to actually last longer, meaning fewer replacements and fewer mattresses in the landfill. And y'all these mattresses are breathable, so the ladies that run hot like me stay cool and comfy and I have been loving that. And all I can say is I.
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Really love it, y'all.
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And I'm so glad that I finally upgraded one from a full size to a queen size. Amen. This Earth Month, Avocado is highlighting just how sustainable good sleep can be. And if you're ready to truly invest in your sleep, they've got some easy financing options with Affirm plus sleep trials for up to one year. Yes, you can try out that mattress for up to one year. So head to avocadomatress.com today and save up to 10% on certified organic mattresses. When you sleep better, you feel better.
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AFBG Rewind. I just saw a post on Instagram that reads, let's acknowledge how hard it is to have a healthy romantic relationship if you've never seen one growing up. While it's not impossible for us to learn how to have healthy relationships, it takes a lot of inner work, discipline, and vulnerability to achieve powerful power. What is going on, beautiful people? You are listening to the Affirmations for Black Girls podcast where we focus on personal growth and cultivating a healthy relationship with ourselves.
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I'm your host, Atara, the creative actress.
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Content creator, and mental health enthusiast. And you guys know I am single now and I have put myself back out on the market, as they say. And through dating in this new season of my life, I've began to realize some of my personal dating red flags. But before we get into that, let's jump into our affirmation of the week. This week's affirmation is I am growing into the best version of me. Let's go ahead and drop in, y'all, if you can. Close your eyes, close your eyes and really get present in the moment. I am growing into the best version of me. I am growing into the best version of me I am growing into the best version of me I am growing into the best version of me I am am growing into the best version of me I am growing into the best version of me. Let's say it one last time together. Really envision what it means to be growing into the best version of yourself. I am growing into the best version of me. Oh, y'all. I feel like every single time we do an affirmation, I have to say, oh y'all behind it because the affirmations be on point for the episode. Amen. So I think it's super important to recognize where your opportunities for growth lie within yourself. I'm gonna say that again. I think it's super important to recognize where your opportunities for growth, not your weaknesses, your opportunities for growth. Let's have a mindset shift there. Where your opportunities for growth lie within you. I've always struggled with dating, and I. I don't think I've told this story on a podcast, but when I was younger, I got called to the altar at church and by the first lady of my. Of my church, my home church back in Louisiana. And she basically told me that dating is going to be hard for me. The devil is using dating as a distraction or using boys as a distraction in my life. And I saw that a lot growing up. And I'm glad that she equipped me with that knowledge because I was able to recognize where my opportunities for growth were lying when I was in high school, when I was in college. Now there's always going to be opportunity for growth. There's always going to be something that we can grow in and get better at. So I'm not perfect, but like I'm saying, I have always struggled with dating in some way. And this affirmation reassures me that I am always evolving and growing, even if it doesn't feel like I am. I am growing into the best version of me every single day. And a major part of growing into the best version of myself in my personal dating life is recognizing my weaknesses, my opportunities for growth. So let's go ahead and jump into these red flags, because I got 1.
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2, 3, 4, 5 of them.
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Let's jump in. So I'm making this episode because I'm 28 years old and I'm dating again. So starting from. I don't even want to say it like that, y'all, because I'm not starting from scratch, but I'm starting from scratch in a sense of I'm gonna meet someone new, I'm gonna get to know them, we're gonna do the dating thing. Who knows if we end up in the relationship, and so on and so forth. So just to give you perspective, I ended my. Or I didn't end it, but our relationship ended my la. Oh, gosh, y'all. My last relationship ended in December of 2022, and I decided to start dating again in March. So I haven't been dating that long. Started dating again in March. And this time around, I have been way more aware of how I act in situations, and I've been able to better pinpoint different triggers. Different. And not necessarily triggers in a negative way, but even positive triggers or Things that happen positively that make me. That lead me to do something else. And also on the flip side of that, things that trigger me in a negative way that make me want to either run away, not be vulnerable, or whatever the case may be. So through dating this year, I have realized some of my dating red flags that I have always exhibited, but I never thought about it in this way. So the purpose of this episode is to share my dating red flags, because even though I've been on this journey to, you know, become the best version of myself, there are still things that I can work on every single day, and there are things that we can all work on every single day. So the first thing that I noticed was one of my personal red flags in dating is, and, oh, it's a big one, y'all. I'ma just hit y'all with a heavy hitter first, because I feel like a lot of us do this. The first one is I make space too quickly. So with each of these dating red flags, I'm going to give you a little bit of my current dating life. So in March, yeah, in March, I started talking to this guy, and long story short, y'all, he cute. I like him like, I like this man. And I recently realized that I found myself making space for him in my life, and he wasn't doing the same thing. And on the surface level, I was like, okay, this man don't like me. Like, why you ain't doing X, Y, and Z? Why you ain't inviting me over? Why you ain't, you know, all of these things that were going through my head. But what I realized was that I needed more boundaries on my side in order to keep myself safe. I just met this man in March, and when I say that I started making space, I don't mean physical space. I started making space for him in a sense of, oh, I know what time he gets off work. So I'm going to make sure that I'm not always busy at the time that he gets off work, because he may FaceTime me or he may text me or whatever the case may be. So I know his work schedule. I know when he's off work and all these things. He works a lot. And I just started to kind of not necessarily stop doing what I was doing, but when I knew he would be available, I would say to myself, oh, well, he's off this day. Let me just. Just in case he wanted, like, take me on a date or something like that. Let me make sure that I don't have anything pressing going on and in itself, making space some for someone is not a bad thing. But like I just said, yeah, I met this man in March and I just thought that he was fine. And we just started, like, dating. And in my head, my. In my head, I automatically went into girlfriend mode. So how I'm trying to combat making space too quickly is just recognizing it and having a little moment with myself to say, Tyra, are you making this decision for you, or are you making this decision based on a potential situation or a potential experience happening with this person that you have just met that has no ties to you? And since I've realized that I am making space too quickly in these ways, I have been able to say, okay, yeah, I know he off on this day, but this is what I want to do. So I'm going to do it. I want to go to this boxing class. I want to go on this hike with my friends. I want to go to the mall today. But on the flip side, I am also dating. And something that is very important to me is recognizing when I want something. So me making space is because I want something from this person and not necessarily physically want something from them, but maybe I want closeness. Maybe I want to just go on another date. Maybe I want more communication, have a talk. Whatever the case may be, I. I know that when I'm making space for someone, it's because I enjoy having them in my space. So to also combat this, if you're like, girl, I do the same thing. What can I do? What can I do? Communicate to that person, hey, I like spending time with you. Hey, I noticed that you are always off on Saturdays. Can we kind of make some type of agreement that we're going to have dates on Saturdays or not have dates on these days? Whatever the case may be for me, having that bookend and having a set schedule in a sense, so I'm not left thinking, what if, what if? What if has really helped me a lot. And it's also helped me not feel the need to make so much space for people in my life so early on. Because honestly, that can become very daunting for a new person in your life, especially a man. It can become very daunting. It can make it seem like you're coming on very strong to. Depending on the way that you do it and depending on the type of person you're dating. Like, for example, this man, he loves his personal space. He loves to have time to himself and all of this. So when I would, you know, start making space, I would say, hey, Well, I know you're off. Let's do this. And he's like, well, I just need, you know, sometimes myself, when we would have a. We had a conversation about it so I could better understand where he was coming from. But all in all, I realized that I was just making too much space too quickly in my life for this person. And I ended up being disappointed in the long run when they didn't meet that unspoken expectation that I just made on my own. Which leads me to my second red flag in dating. Now, I was recently talking to one of my best friends out here, and she recently went through a breakup as well. So we were just talking. This was probably a couple months ago. We were both talking about getting back out there and, you know, putting ourselves back on the market, all of the sayings. And what she was saying was, we are in a time in our lives, you know, late 20s, about to hit our 30s, where we can't always be putting ourselves on the shelf. And that was one of my dating red flags. It's not really like a dating red flag, but for me, from my perspective, it is a dating red flag because I am deliberately putting myself up on a shelf just because I just got out of a relationship now. Disclaimer. I'm not saying that if you break up with. Break up today, be back out there tomorrow. No, heal, work through and process all of your feelings, But I have always been the type of person to put myself up on the shelf for, like, a year. Like, give. Give dating a break for like, a year, y'all. I'm almost 30. I can't keep doing that after every relationship. And after my relationship ended in December, I kind of wanted to do that. I was like, okay, let me just take a year. A year. A long time, y'all. A year is a long time. So if you are a person who has just gotten out of a relationship and you have processed the relationship and grieved the relationship, and you are whole in that sense of not, you know, wanting to go back to that relationship or whatever the case may be. Date, or at least have your heart open to the possibility of meeting someone new. You don't have to actively date. But the red flag for me, within me was that I was actively taking myself off the market. I was like, I'm not dating, y'all. Nope. I'm not doing it. And sometimes that's okay. But based on my relationship and how it ended and all of the steps I took to get back to me, I did not need to put myself back up on the shelf. I needed to put myself back out there to continue to learn what I actually want in a partner. Because I was thinking about or when I was talking to my friend about this, I was thinking about it and I was just like, I've only been in four relationships. How on earth do I know what I like in a man? So I was reading something, y'all, probably a blog post or something, and I was just reading up on how to actively date and how to date multiple people. I've always been the type of person who didn't want to date multiple people at the same time because I felt like that wasn't right, you know, like, I just felt like it wasn't right. But at the end of the day, if you're dating, you are dating. You're not in a relationship. And I think a lot of I heard this somewhere, I can't pinpoint where, but a lot of women date one man at a time because we believe in monogamy. And yes, I believe in monogamy. I want a monogamous relationship. I want to be married to a God fearing man. Like, I'm not saying that I'm against monogamy, but when you are dating, you are playing the field. And I think the entire world of dating has been tarnished by today's culture. But what I think of dating is having great conversation with potential partners, getting to know them, seeing if you can be yourself around them, seeing if they can be a great potential partner for you. And once you figure out, oh, I don't think this will work, I kind of want to move on. Then you move on. You don't just keep this person around forever. But a lot of people think like. Or a lot of people present themselves in a way of, oh, I went on a date with this person. Okay, let's see how long I can date this person before I start going to the next. And the issue with that is that can take a lot of time. So right now, you know, God, I really hope these, these people are not listening to my podcast. But right now I'm dating two people, two men, and they are both amazing. They like, you know, I'm having a great time, but I just met both of them. So I'm really trying to just have an open heart, an open mind, get to know them both and see where it takes me. Now you may be saying, okay, so how do you know when you should stop dating one of them? Girl, you know, you know, you know, deep down you will know when it's time to stop. Dating one of them. And the other piece of it that I want to give is don't compare the two guys to each other. Think about how they complement you in the lifestyle that you want to live and how you complement them as well. But, yeah, my second dating red flag was that I will put myself up on the shelf. And I'll honestly say, y'all, I'm having fun right now, getting to know myself, getting to know these guys. They're both very, very nice, very funny, very amazing, all the things. So I'm just trying to see, like, where it takes us. It's still very new. Who knows? I may start dating someone else tomorrow. Who knows? You know, I'm. I'm just open because I'm not putting myself up on a shelf just because I just got out of a relationship at the end of last year. Okay, y'all, so I have a confession to make.
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As the treasurer for the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, I want to let y'all know that I gave up on regular bras a long time ago because they were always so uncomfortable. Either the straps would dig in or the cups would have that weird gap that really got on my nerves. Now, while I said I do have a smaller chest, and bad bralettes aren't exempt from this criticism either, I just always wanted something that felt good on my body, something that worked for me instead of against me.
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Amen.
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Now, I'm pretty sure I wanted the last people to try skims. But, baby, why didn't y'all tell me that the scoop bralette from the Fits Everybody collection was so freaking good. I don't think I ever experienced fabric like this. It's buttery soft, and it's smoothing. It's like melt into your skin soft.
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But it still provides that support and.
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That secure feeling without digging or pinching or weird gapping.
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Okay?
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And there are also no weirdly placed seams. And y'all know what I'm talking about. You know that over the nipple seam that pokes through your shirt, especially if you got a small chest? I absolutely hate that. But, y'all, I love this bralette. It's lightweight, and it moves with me, which means I can go all day.
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Without even thinking about it. And I got it in two colors.
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And I wear them under everything. Now, listen, this part is important. Shop Skims Ultimate Bra Collection and more@skims.com and SKIMS LA flagship on Sunset Boulevard. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we okay. I'm nosy. So who was the person who first taught y'all about Money I'm sure most of us learned about dollars and cents around elementary school age, but at what point were we taught some real financial literacy? Was it high school? A random college course? Advice from your grandma that don't quite hold up these days? Hello, I know that I still learn a new lesson every once in a while from trial and error, but now more than ever is a good time to take control. And hey, everybody has to start somewhere, okay? So it's perfectly okay not to know everything yet. April is Financial Literacy Month. That's right. They made a whole month reminding you to finally take control of your money. And the good news is, you don't need 30 days. Acorns makes it easy to start saving and investing for your future in just five minutes. You don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that matches you and your money goals. You also don't need to be rich. Acorns let you get started with the spare money you've got right now, even if all you've got is spare change. And as we get older y'all, wanting to be smarter about your money is a good thing. Knowledge is something you can always fall back on in those moments in life where you don't feel in control of your money. So sign up now and join over 14 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $25 billion with Acorns. Head to acorns.com affirmations or download the Acorns app to get started.
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Hey.
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A time, I was feeling like I.
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Was on top of my finances. Bills paid, budget set, everything looking good. But then life, you know, started. Life in a financial journey is rarely ever linear. And sometimes the old me would have just taken an overdraft hit, okay, shed a little tear and kept it pushing.
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But now I've learned to plan ahead.
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For those sneaky charges. I set reminders. I try to keep a little cushion in my account and I make sure I'm not out here letting random transactions throw off my whole flow. Because who has time for unnecessary fees? Sometimes I think getting my finances together means making huge sacrifices, like giving up certain hobbies that genuinely bring me joy. But the truth is, I saw the.
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Biggest change when I started.
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With small, manageable changes. I can appreciate Chime for its checking account because it comes with a ton of useful perks like no maintenance fees. Hello fee, free overdraft coverage up to $200 hello. And the ability to get paid up to two days early with direct deposit.
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Hello.
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Really do stack up.
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Oh y'all, this one is a doozy. So my third dating red flag. Oh, I and the thing is, before I even tell y'all what it is, I it's crazy that this is one of my red flags because this is something that I have recently experienced. So my third dating red flag is that I ghost. I don't communicate openly and honestly with men that I no longer want to pursue or talk to. And that is a very bad thing. I and I really want to make an entire episode on ghosting, but for me, this is tied to my abandonment issues. And I know this because I have abandonment issues from my childhood that I am working through. And the way that this shows up in my adult relationships is that I just go radio silent so that it can seem like this person is making the decision to not talk to me anymore versus me communicating openly and honestly. So I have done this twice in the last year. So before my previous relationship, I was talking to this guy that that I met in Dallas when I went on a trip there, and I all of a sudden I just ghosted him. Now my reasoning for ghosting him was that I just didn't think that he really liked me. But the fact of the matter is he contacted me multiple times after I decided not to contact him anymore. And I could have easily just had a conversation with him at that point, but I decided not to y'all. And to be honest, that was a very shitty thing to do because I don't want to be ghosted. Like, that's not that's not cool. So, eventually, I did apologize to him. I think I apologized to him, like, literally, like, two months ago. @ this point, you guys, it was over a year, and I'm glad that I apologized, but I really wish that I wouldn't have done that. And I did it again, kind of. I did it again with this guy that I went on a date with, like, last month. Now, remember, the. The guy that I told y'all catfished me. That's who I'm talking about. So I kind of ghosted him. I just stopped responding to his messages, and I thought it was going to be fine because we only went on one day, you know, all the things. We had just met. So he wasn't really that invested in my head. That's what I was telling myself. So he texted me one, one time while I was at home. I was at home for Mother's Day recently, and he was like, hey, I haven't heard from you in a couple weeks. Like, what's going on? So I texted my friend JC and I said, girl, I need you to help me say something to this man. Because I don't know what to say, because I'm used to just ignoring. Ignoring and ghosting. So she crafted a message that was still very nice, and I sent it over. He was like, okay, cool. Thank you. I understand. It was so hard for me to send that message, and I think it's because I don't want anyone to feel unwanted. And it's like a. It's like a paradox because I don't want them to feel unwanted or thrown away, but at the same time, I'm literally throwing them away, and I'm literally ghosting them, and that is a very shitty thing to do. So, like I said, ghosting is a. Is tied for me. It's tied to my abandonment issues. And we can dive deeper into this. If you guys want, send me an email or a DM on Instagram and let me know if you want to dive more into childhood trauma attached to your dating style styles. Because there's a lot of rich things there that I have been learning about that have really helped me start being a better person in my dating life. So, yeah, I be ghosting people, and I. I. It's happened to me, and I will never do that again. I'm going to start flexing that muscle of communicating openly and honestly when I'm ready to break something off with somebody that I'm dating. Am I. What number is this? 1, 2, 3, 4. The fourth thing that is a Dating red flag for me, y'all. Oh. And I feel this one in my soul. I be given too many damn chances. And I know we all do this. I read a book a couple years ago called the Man God has for Me. And one of the chapters was about how we date a man's potential. And I'll be the first one to say, yeah, I'll be doing that. Yes, I do. And it's some. For me, it's. Especially with a creative brain, it's so hard for me not to date a man's potential because I don't necessarily think, oh, he isn't a good man now, but I know he could be. I just see it so vividly within him, and I'm like, wow. Like, you just have so much amazing things in you. Cool. Like, I know. I know it's there. So I stay right? And that's what I mean by. By chances. So I give them too many chances because I see their potential. I see what our relationship could be. But if you're the type of person to give too many chances, look at what's going on right now and ask yourself, if this man do not change anything right now, will I be happy in 10 years? Will I be happy in 5 years? Will I be happy next week? Okay, ask yourself these questions. And this is what I had to do in a previous relationship with the boyfriend that I moved out to California with. I had to start asking myself these questions because I 100 dated his potential. I didn't date. I'm not even gonna lie, y'all. I didn't date who he was in front of me. I only dated his potential because he was very good with words, and he would say all of the things that he wanted in life and all of that. And I believed that he could do those things. So I just stayed because I felt like, well, if I'm putting in this much time and effort, then I need to get something out of it, right? So that's how I was feeling. And I just gave him chance after chance after chance because I just. I thought that the thing would work. So to combat this, ask yourself, if this man does not change today, if he does not change one bit, will I be happy in the future? If that answer is no, then y'all got something to talk about. At the very least, y'all have something to talk about. This one feels like I'm coming for or it's coming from my neck. The fifth and final dating red flag that I want to talk about today that I have exhibited. Y'all and don't come for me. Don't come for me. This is a, this is a judgment free zone. But I throw away my list of non negotiables. I have been a serial list throwawayer. I know that ain't a word, but I do it so often and I think I do it because deep down and I, I did talk about this recently on a podcast. Deep down, I don't know if I believe that I deserve the best. And even though I know I deserve so much great, so many great things, I don't believe it. And I think that's where this stems from, me throwing away my list of non negotiables. So, for example, I was in a relationship with the boyfriend I moved out to California with. And something that's at the top of my non negotiable list of non negotiables is I want to be with a God fearing man. I want to be with a man who prays, a man who will, who will pray with me, who will pray for me, like, who wants to live a Christ filled life. And he wasn't it. And he said he was open and honest about that, but I said, okay. And in my head I was like, well, we ain't gonna be together forever anyway. If you find yourself saying that, run, do not, don't do that to yourself because it's just going to cause so much heartache. And granted we got to go through these things, we got to experience them ourselves. But I just want to plant that seed that if you find yourself saying, well, I, I'm not here for a good, for a long time, I'm just here for a good time. You are doing nothing but hurting yourself in the long run. And that's something that I had to come to terms with in that relationship. It's something that I spent countless hours talking about in therapy because I allowed myself to get attached to this man who didn't have the number one thing on my list that was a non negotiable. And it wasn't because he was a bad person or any of that. It was simply because we had a different outlook on life in our faith and we shouldn't have ever been in a relationship because that should have been one of the questions that you ask when you're dating. And granted, I did talk about that with him when I was dating, but in my head I was like, I'm not gonna be with this boy forever. So none of that mattered to me. And as I continue to date, I want to make sure that I am dating with intention because, y'all, life is short. And I don't like to waste time. I don't want to waste anyone else's time. And that's what I started to say in that relationship. I was like, okay, I know I don't want to be with this man. Let me stop wasting his time, because there is somebody out there for him, and that's not fair. It's not fair that we're wasting each other's time. And I'm using air quotes because time isn't really wasted when you are learning and having new experiences and they're growing you into the best version of yourself. But in a sense of, I know I don't want to be with you, but I'm still with you. Don't waste that time when you know that this is something that you don't want for the rest of your life. So with that being said, there are so many dating red flags, green flags, all of the things. I want you guys to sit and reflect on your past relationships. Think about the things that have shown up consistently in all of your past relationships. Think about the good and the bad. Think about the things that have shown up in your dating life, the good, the bad, and the bad. Think about how you have responded to those things that are showing up, and just write them down and sit with it and think and see what your green flags are and what your red flags are. And if there are red flags, how can you combat these tendencies that you have? And the green flags celebrate yourself and continue growing into the best version of yourself. Oh, y'all, you already know what time it is. It is time for our fun closing segment. And today's fun closing segment is going to be a little different. I say that so much. I'll be saying the same thing to y'all all the time. But today's fun closing segment is going to be some stuff that I found on Instagram. So I've been making a save folder on Instagram because there have been a lot of reels coming across my timeline filled with prayers that I just want to keep on deck when I need. Now, they're short prayers, so I'm gonna read a few with you guys. I'm gonna.
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We're gonna pray a few of these.
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Prayers as it relates to what we've been talking about today as far as dating is concerned. And the reason I want to do this is because I am not the best prayer, in a sense of I will ask God for exactly what I need, and I will praise him and say thank you and all of those things, but sometimes I don't have. Sometimes I'm not equipped with the words that I want to pray with. And through finding these prayers, I'm able to increase my vocabulary in my. In my prayer life. So I want to share a few with you guys today. Let me pull a couple of them up. So we're gonna do five prayers, and they're very short, you guys, so if you want to stop in between and write these prayers down, definitely do that. But let's jump right on in. Here's the first one. Dear God, please help me to stop trying to please people so I may focus more on pleasing you. Dear God, remove any laziness and procrastination from me and help me be more disciplined and faithful at doing your work. Dear Lord, please stop me from going back to the things you're trying to save me from. Dear Father God, no matter how much I think I may love it, if it is not from you and it is not for me, please remove it from my life immediately. Dear God, please take my worries away and give me peace. Help me to trust you even when it is hard to do so. Oh, y'all, those were amazing. I really love how they're just so short. They're short prayers that you can just have in your back pocket when you really need to just have a moment with God. Because let me just tell you this, God is always with you. You can always whisper a prayer. No matter how, you know, elaborate or thought out or how colorful the prayer is, like, what it really is about is you having an intimate moment with God. And the reason I wanted to give these prayers is because, like I said, sometimes we just don't have the words to pray for what we actually do want to pray for. So these can help. So I hope you guys enjoyed these prayers. I will also link the Instagram video that I just got these prayers from down below in the show notes, so make sure that you check those out. And do not forget to try athletic greens, you guys, they are amazing. I feel so great since I've been taking athletic greens. And y'all know I would not be telling y'all about nothing that I do not use myself. Okay? But thank you. That is all that I have for you guys today. Please join us again next week and don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast and follow us on Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube. YouTube. And thank you all so much for listening. This is affirmations for black girls.
Affirmations for Black Girls Podcast - Episode Summary
Title: Dating In Your Late 20's. Recognizing & Acknowledging Your Own 'Red Flags' When Dating & Refusing To "Put Yourself On The Shelf" After A Break Up | REWIND
Host: Tyra The Creative (Atara)
Release Date: April 14, 2025
In this empowering episode of the Affirmations for Black Girls podcast, host Atara delves deep into the intricacies of dating in one's late twenties. Geared towards fostering personal growth and emotional well-being, Atara shares her journey of recognizing and addressing her own dating red flags. Through heartfelt storytelling and reflective insights, she encourages listeners to cultivate healthier relationships and embrace self-improvement.
Timestamp: [03:54]
Atara opens the episode by guiding listeners through the weekly affirmation practice:
"I am growing into the best version of me."
— Atara [04:10]
She emphasizes the importance of recognizing opportunities for growth within oneself rather than viewing them as weaknesses. This affirmation sets the tone for the episode, encouraging listeners to embrace continuous personal development, especially in the context of their romantic lives.
Timestamp: [03:54] - [40:32]
Atara transitions into the core of the episode by sharing her personal experiences and insights on dating red flags. She outlines five key red flags she has identified in her own dating life, providing both personal anecdotes and actionable advice for listeners.
"I realize that I was just making too much space too quickly in my life for this person. And I ended up being disappointed when they didn't meet that unspoken expectation."
— Atara [07:50]
Atara discusses her tendency to prioritize potential partners over her own activities and boundaries. By making space for someone too soon, she found herself disappointed when expectations weren't met. She advises setting clear boundaries and communicating openly about availability to maintain personal well-being.
"I'm almost 30. I can't keep doing [taking a year off from dating] after every relationship."
— Atara [10:00]
Reflecting on her habit of withdrawing from the dating scene post-breakup, Atara acknowledges the need to remain open to new relationships to understand what she truly desires in a partner. She encourages breaking the cycle of extended hiatuses and actively engaging in the dating process to foster self-discovery and growth.
"My third dating red flag is that I ghost. I don't communicate openly and honestly with men that I no longer want to pursue."
— Atara [18:00]
Atara confesses her pattern of ghosting individuals she loses interest in, linking this behavior to childhood abandonment issues. She recognizes the importance of open communication and vows to overcome this habit by addressing underlying emotional triggers and striving for more transparent interactions.
"I give them too many chances because I see their potential. If this man does not change today, will I be happy in 10 years?"
— Atara [26:00]
Atara highlights her inclination to overlook current incompatibilities by focusing on a partner's potential. She underscores the necessity of evaluating whether fundamental aspects align to ensure long-term happiness, advising listeners to prioritize present compatibility over speculative future improvements.
"I throw away my list of non negotiables because deep down, I don't believe that I deserve the best."
— Atara [31:00]
Addressing her struggle with maintaining personal standards, Atara explains how she often compromises on essential values, such as faith, leading to unfulfilling relationships. She stresses the importance of adhering to one's non-negotiables to foster respect and mutual understanding in romantic partnerships.
Timestamp: [40:31] - [40:32]
Concluding the episode, Atara introduces a segment dedicated to prayers, tailored to the themes discussed. She shares five succinct prayers designed to support listeners in their personal and relational journeys:
"God is always with you. You can always whisper a prayer."
— Atara [40:32]
These prayers serve as a tool for listeners to enhance their spiritual connection and seek guidance in navigating their emotional landscapes.
Throughout the episode, Atara emphasizes the significance of self-awareness and intentionality in dating. By openly discussing her vulnerabilities and the red flags she identifies in her behavior, she fosters a relatable and supportive environment for listeners. Key takeaways include:
Atara's candid exploration of her dating red flags serves as a beacon for listeners striving to cultivate meaningful and fulfilling romantic relationships while prioritizing their own growth and well-being.
Notable Quotes:
"I am growing into the best version of me."
— Atara [04:10]
"If this man does not change today, will I be happy in 10 years?"
— Atara [26:00]
"I throw away my list of non negotiables because deep down, I don't believe that I deserve the best."
— Atara [31:00]
"Ghosting is tied to my abandonment issues."
— Atara [25:25]
"Building a solid financial future isn't about perfection, it's about consistency."
— Atara [26:19]
Final Thoughts
This episode of the Affirmations for Black Girls podcast serves as a heartfelt guide for women navigating the challenges of modern dating. By sharing her personal journey and offering practical advice, Atara empowers listeners to embrace self-improvement and maintain healthy relationship standards. Whether you're re-entering the dating scene or seeking to enrich your existing relationships, this episode provides valuable insights to support your path toward emotional resilience and fulfillment.