How Do I Make The Most of My Time With My Kids?

Summary

---

All Pro Dad Podcast

Episode: “How Do I Make The Most of My Limited Time With My Kids?”

Date: March 30, 2026
Hosts: Ted Lowe, Bobby Lewis, BJ Foster

---

Episode Overview

This candid, heartfelt, and often humorous episode explores a central anxiety for many fathers: How can they make the most of their limited time with their kids? The hosts reflect on the relentless passage of time, share real-life parenting successes (and failures), and offer practical advice for being an intentional, present dad despite work schedules, changing family rhythms, and the inevitability of children growing up. The conversation weaves personal stories with research, relatable struggles, and encouragement—reminding dads that it's never too late to deepen their connection with their kids.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Fast-Forward Feeling of Fatherhood

[00:13–03:15]

• The episode starts with BJ describing the bittersweet emotions at his youngest child’s sixth birthday party. While enjoying the celebration, he’s struck by how quickly his older daughter (now 14) grew up:

  “I just see the time, like, slipping through my hands like sand. And I’m like, there’s nothing I can do to stop this...and older and older and older.” — BJ Foster, [00:25]

• Ted chimes in with humor, redirecting the group from “sad dad” mode, but acknowledging the universality of this parental grief:

  “Stop it. Stop it. Yes, it goes fast. Confirm it. Great. Moving on.” — Ted Lowe, [02:40]

2. The Numbers Behind Time

[03:22–04:56]

• BJ shares research-backed stats to illustrate how fleeting parenting time can be:

  • By high school, dads with busy teens may only spend about 8.5 hours per week with each child.
  • Balancing work, school, and kids’ activities shrinks time even further.

• Bobby adds:

  “When they get to their teen years…they want to spend more time with their friends. So, like, eight hours is probably even less than that.” — Bobby Lewis, [04:18]

3. Are We Raising Our Kids or Just Around Them?

[04:56–05:45]

• Ted poses the episode’s big question:

  “Are we raising our kids? Or are we just around our kids? Because we’ve got limited time to shape them, and this is super important.” — Ted Lowe, [04:56]

4. Encouragement: Dads Have Gotten More Involved

[05:16–07:57]

• Ted shares brighter news—dads today are spending much more daily time with kids than a generation ago (from 16 minutes a day in 1965 to 59 minutes in 2012).
• Bobby and BJ discuss the influence of involved TV dads (e.g., Jason Seaver, Danny Tanner, Phil Dunphy) as cultural models.

5. Still Room for Growth: Reliability and Connection

[07:57–08:28]

• Despite progress, only 60% of kids in two-parent homes say they can rely on their dad in times of need; a higher percentage turn to moms.

• The hosts urge self-reflection and openness:

  “What would my kids say? We should do that. It’s homework tonight…” — Ted Lowe, [08:28]

6. Modeling Matters More Than ‘Lesson Plans’

[08:49–10:23]

• Bobby stresses that what dads model has the biggest impact:

  “Your kids are really looking at how you respond to things, how you approach things. They’re paying attention a lot more than you think.” — Bobby Lewis, [09:10]

• Too much lecturing turns home into “school”—kids value presence and attitude more.

7. Action Steps: Being Intentional & Relational

[10:23–13:50]

• Don’t Get Discouraged by the Clock: It’s always possible to be intentional, regardless of kids’ ages.
• Don’t Buckle Under the Pressure: Enjoy the moment; avoid making fun time feel like a chore (e.g., “taking trips to all 50 states” — don’t let goals become burdens).
• Live in the Moment: Ted shares that children notice when parents dwell on nostalgia instead of appreciating current ages and stages:

  “What about this me? ... In other words, you know, you’re reliving this. What about this me?” — Ted Lowe’s son, [12:56]

• The Relationship Continues After 18:

  “You don’t stop being a dad, when they turn 18, you don’t. The relationship is not over at 18. It just changes.” — Ted Lowe, [13:26]

8. Handling Regrets, Failures, and Maintaining Connection

[13:50–17:24]

• Ted encourages dads not to let regrets about the past stall their relationships now.
• Bobby shares a story about losing track of his son’s favorite color as a reminder to keep up-to-date with changing interests and personalities.
• Moments of “failing” can pull parents and kids closer—if handled with sincerity and apology:

  “My mistakes when we talked about it pulled us together. So it’s not too late.” — Ted Lowe, [22:45]

9. Teachable Moments, But Don’t Overdo It

[17:24–18:53]

• BJ and Bobby use media (like movies) as opportunities for quick moral discussion—but caution to keep it brief and relevant so kids don’t tune out.

10. Don’t Pull Back—Push In (Especially With Teens)

[18:53–20:33]

• BJ encourages dads (especially of daughters) to stay present and involved through adolescence, not deferring everything to mom or shying away from emotional moments.
• Bobby uses the metaphor of a calm mooring post amid the “stormy seas” of teen emotions:

  “We need to be very calm, centered, kind of. And so as they go around, there’s something that they’re tethered to, that’s us...” — Bobby Lewis, [19:45]

11. Emotional Regulation

[20:33–22:00]

• Ted and the hosts stress the need for dads to avoid reacting too strongly so kids feel safe and don’t internalize parental outbursts instead of working through their own struggles:

  “Only thing that she saw when my reactions were too big, [was] my reactions. She didn’t think about her behavior...” — Ted Lowe, [21:19]

12. Scheduling Connection: The Power of One-on-One Time and Traditions

[22:20–27:36]

• Schedule Individual Time:

  “You schedule everything else. Thank you for scheduling me.” — Ted Lowe, [22:59]

• Ted notes that regular, planned moments (breakfasts, bedtime talks, daddy-daughter outings) create memories and relational “glue.”
• Traditions Matter: Family rituals—however small or silly—build security and belonging. Ice cream before dinner, annual gingerbread houses, or reading the same Christmas story every year:

  “Those traditions are so important…they put markers in their lives and memories and structure that just matter.” — Ted Lowe, [27:21]

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “There’s nothing you can do to slow things down. There’s nothing you can do to speed things up. So just let’s enjoy the moment with our kids.” — Ted Lowe, [27:40]
• “Your kids are really looking at how you respond to things, how you approach things. They’re paying attention a lot more than you think.” — Bobby Lewis, [09:10]
• “Push in, man. Be, be present, be helpful, hold your daughter’s hand, be a part of her life... Don’t back out. Don’t leave that for your wife.” — BJ Foster, [18:36]
• “The more that we invest now in our kids increases our odds of having a great relationship with their kids when they are older, after 18.” — Ted Lowe, [13:47]

---

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |----------------|----------------------------------------------------| | 00:13–03:15 | BJ’s birthday reflections; time slips away | | 03:22–04:56 | The “math” of time with kids; it dwindles fast | | 04:56–05:45 | “Are we raising our kids or just around them?” | | 05:16–07:57 | Dads today more involved; TV dads as a model | | 08:49–10:23 | Modeling vs. lecturing; what kids really notice | | 12:42–13:47 | The relationship continues & evolves after age 18 | | 17:24–18:53 | Teachable moments and moral “pauses” | | 18:53–20:33 | Don’t pull back from teens; be their mooring post | | 22:20–24:52 | Scheduling, apologizing, and reconnecting | | 25:33–27:36 | Family traditions, favorite rituals, and legacy | | 27:40–28:26 | Final encouragement: Enjoy, don’t pressure |

---

Practical Pro Tips from the Hosts

• Be intentional with your time—even small gestures add up.
• Don’t fret over lost time; start today to connect or reconnect.
• Schedule regular one-on-one moments (ice cream, walks, bedtime, shared hobbies)
• Maintain family traditions as anchors amid change.
• Be calm and stable when kids are emotional—be the steady mooring.
• Model what you want your children to become—actions speak louder than words.
• **Apologize and repair if you blow it—**kids recognize humility and grow from it.

---

Tone

The episode is warm, honest, and often funny, balancing vulnerability with practical wisdom. The hosts repeatedly reassure dads: No one gets this perfectly, but every intentional effort counts—at every stage, and it’s never too late to deepen your relationship.

---

Pro Move of the Week:

“Make it a priority. Schedule one-on-one time with your kids each week. Even if you just try it this week, schedule a little time...It could just be ice cream.” — Ted Lowe & BJ Foster, [28:04]

---

For Dads Who Feel Like Time is Slipping Away: This conversation will encourage, equip, and remind you—what your child needs most is you, present and invested, as both their anchor and their enthusiastic, imperfect, but loving dad.

---

Transcript

[A]

Hey, welcome to the All Pro dad podcast. My name is Ted Lowe. I'm joined today by Bobby Lewis and BJ Foster.

[B]

Good to be together again.

[A]

Good to see you guys together. We have how many children?

[B]

Nine.

[A]

Nine.

[C]

I just had a birthday in our house. How old your oldest?

[A]

25.

[C]

25. How old's your oldest?

[B]

17.

[C]

17, okay. So my youngest is 6. We just had her birthday. So fun. We did the birthday cake. We did. We also do ice cream for birthdays in our house. So we had a big celebration. She got the blow up, the candles, whole thing. I'm like, this is so fun. Like, I'm having a great time with this birthday. And then I look over three feet and there is my oldest, who's 14. I'm like, how'd you get to be 14? Like, weren't you just six the other day? Like, and it, it like, made the party sad for me. I was like, man, I'm having such a good time with my youngest. Like, oh, you're six and you're little in your first grade and it's so cool. And then like, over here you're a freshman in high school. And I'm like, I just see the time, like, slipping through my hands like sand. And I'm like, there's nothing I can do to stop this. Like, the water's going down the drain. You can't plug it. Like, it's. She's going, she's going. And older and older and older. And like, you guys are looking at me like, yeah, dummy. Welcome to parenthood. You got like older kids and, you

[A]

know, but like, these are pain and tears.

[C]

I didn't mean to like, bring the room down, but like, well, you did, but it's like, this stinks, man. Like, when was the first time that you guys are like, oh, crap, they're not little anymore.

[B]

I think the time when we're with our kids from up until age 10 feels like it's just never gonna. It's not moving at all. And then they get to be 10 and you're like, oh, they're halfway, kind of almost halfway outta here, like. And there's something about the time when they're 10 until, I mean, my kids are the second half of their teen years. It just, time starts to fly by and it's like, where did it go? Why is it going so fast now? So, yeah, I get that.

[C]

Well, and it's weird because there's, there's an eight year gap between my oldest and my youngest and there's a little guy in the Middle. But like, it's that it seems like she's just so much older than I always pictured my oldest daughter. Like, I always picture you as, like, little. But then I look up, I'm like, oh, no, you're. You're not little. You're like, gonna be able to drive very soon, you know? And it's. It's just such a weird feeling and I don't really love it. But again, like, I'm also excited about the new things she's getting to do. But I still grieve. Like, those. Most of the days in my house, they're gone. Like, she's on the back nine. Like, she's not gonna be in my

[A]

house as long this horse is dead. You guys, I would just like to say, as somebody's older. Kids, shut up.

[C]

Okay?

[A]

Just get it, get it. It's like there's this magic dust that you could sprinkle on your kids and they would stay little forever, but we're choosing not to use it. Stop it. Stop it. Yes. It goes fast. Confirm it. Great. Moving on.

[C]

Sorry, Ted.

[A]

Sorry. I'm like, what are we doing? I get it. Well, you're definitely so sad over here. I'm leaving. You're definitely know what a mushball I am. You're tapping into the wrong part of me.

[B]

I won't tell you how when my kids are not around, I scroll through Disney jun things and look at all the old shows they used to watch when they were like four.

[A]

Continues.

[C]

Well, then, closure ears.

[B]

Actually, no. Now I feel like torturing you a little bit more after that outburst that you just had.

[A]

Was that an outburst?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, that was a lot.

[C]

I would invite you, Ted, to close your ears for this next part because I have some numbers to crunch. Are you ready? All right. If you had a baby born today, today, by the time they graduate high school, you'll work roughly 40,000 hours of your life, give or take. If you have a full time job, you'll spend about 25,000 hours with that child awake. And those are mostly likely. You said like the first 10 years, right? And then by the time they get to high school. So right where your kids are now, the average amount of time you will see that kid, if they have like a part time job or extra curricular, like sports or something. Eight and a half hours a week. A week.

[A]

What else you got? Depressing to say. Well, I mean, let's take us down. Just keep going. Just go. We're going to do this.

[C]

Ted's going to kick me under the Table for just reading the numbers.

[A]

What are we going?

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Well, when they get to be their teen years, you know, all this. Yeah. They want to spend more time with their friends. So, like, eight hours is probably even less than that. Like, I. I mean, look, my kids are homeschooled, and so my kids are around the home a lot more than most. But I think most dads, when they get to have kids that are 15, 17, their kids are in school all day, they might have after school activities, they might have jobs, and then they want to hang out with their friends. And so, yeah, it's. It could be less than. It could be even less than eight hours.

[A]

And that is why our big question of the week is, are we raising our kids? Are we just around our kids? Are we raising our kids? Are we just around them? We've got limited time to shape them, and this is super important. So I want to start off with something positive, please.

[C]

Oh, good. Please, please, Ted.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Point number one is dads. If you're hearing this and you want to punch these guys like me, I get it. So here's what you need to know, though. You're not failing at this time thing. Most of us. A study said in 1965 that fathers in Western countries spend about 16 minutes per day caring for their children. By 2012, this had jumped to 59 minutes per day. So come on.

[C]

Yeah, we're doing great.

[B]

And I kind of wonder, like, when I. When I better. I kind of wonder. And my mom has said this before, too. She's like, oh, man, fathers are so wonderful today. They're all so involved. And it's got, you know, like, that is not. My dad changed one diaper in his entire life, and he had four kids, so one diaper.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

So, yeah, we're a lot more involved. And I'm kind of wondering, you know, like, did TV dads of the 70s, 80s and 90s, like, where they seemed way more involved, is that. Did that contribute to this whole thing, or is that just a reflection of what was happening in the culture?

[A]

Good question. I don't think those guys get enough credit.

[B]

I don't think so. I mean, there are, There are people that, that have told Alan Thicke that Jason Seaver raised them.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know, like, I think they gave us a lot of those guys, gave us a model for, you know, the type of men we want to be and, you know, what do we want our families to look like?

[C]

I was compared to Danny Tanner quite a bit. And I think it's because I. Tall and gangly, like, and corny and. Yeah. And really like, clean houses. Like, I think those are things that. But I remember watching, like, Family Matters and Carl Winslow. I was like, that guy's a good dad. Like, I. There is something to that. There's some validity to the idea that these dads who were written into the script as involved parents, maybe that kind of helped push some of Those dads by 2012 who were spending an hour of, you know, their lives each day working on their relationship with their kids. I think that's good.

[A]

My sons have told me that they. Before we met their girlfriends, that they described me as Phil Dumphy from Modern Family. So I'm going. I don't know where to be compensated.

[C]

Is that good? Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, you don't like.

[A]

I like.

[C]

I like Phil Dunphy.

[A]

But yeah, no, yeah, they did say but not dumb. So I appreciated that little cat. The caveat. I think he's hilarious. But anyway, TV dads, thumbs up. Yeah, they made us better dads. Yeah, maybe, maybe not. Or it's a reflection of it. Yeah. So dads were doing better, but there's also room for improvement. One study shows that about 60% of kids in two parent homes felt their dad was someone they could rely on in times of personal need. 60%.

[B]

Only.

[A]

60% only. A much higher percentage of both boys and girls answered that they could always go to their mom for help. So room for improvement. So how do we go?

[B]

And by the way, I'm kind of wondering what my kids would say. Like, yeah, I mean, I might be very. You know, there might. There might be some assumptions there that aren't true. You know, like, I like to be somebody that they can come to, but I'm kind of wondering if my kids would be like, yeah, is mom around? You know, Yeah, I would rather go to mom.

[A]

See, that's where. Where my stuff is. What my kids would say. Yeah, that's a good question. We should do that. It's homework tonight and see what happened.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

I'm afraid so. To go from just being around our kids to raising our kids requires intention. And what we do impacts our kids desire to be with us and to lean on us and to learn from us. It's important.

[B]

Yeah, well. And I like. But I think it's important to kind of understand that. I think that the most. The biggest impact you're going to have is what you model. Like, I think a lot of guys will watch this and kind of go, oh, shoot, I need to Come up with lesson plans. I need to think about all the things to say. Particularly as kids get into the teen years, we start to realize we're running out of time. So we start trying to jam things in or we make everything a lesson. We kind of constantly have, have to. But really, your kids are really looking at how, how you respond to things, how you approach things. They're paying attention a lot more than you think. And the reality is, is when we're trying to fit in all these teaching moments and lessons, like, how much do you want to be around someone who's trying to teach you all the time?

[A]

It's like school.

[B]

It's like school. It's like constantly being like you don't have a moment to be yourself. You kind of feel like you're being talked down to. Whereas, you know, start moving into those teen years. We really need to just like work to spend more time with them and to enjoy things together.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And they're going to be picking up on all the little things you're teaching them just in terms of your attitude and your approach. And just even, even when you pull them aside and say, you know that here's one of the things I've been thinking about lately. What do you think about this? All of those things kind of, I think, help sort of guide and raise and. But anyway, so being intentional about how we, what we model.

[A]

Absolutely. Here's a few action steps to help us not just, you know, the time go flying by. Someone don't get discouraged by the clock. Yeah. Yes. Our time is limited, but it's never too late to be intentional with our kids, no matter their age.

[C]

Well, that was me. Like I was looking at the clock during the birthday party. I'm like, cute little six year old, we're having cupcakes. And over there, 14 year old who's like moving out in five minutes. Like, at least it feels that way. And so I can slip into depressed dad and I don't like being there. But you know, I got other buddies who are in similar stages of life and they're like, yeah, man, like there's only like four summers until they graduate high school. And then what? I don't know. Maybe they stay, maybe they move, maybe they go to school. I don't know. But all I know is that I'm not guaranteed anything. And so I got to maximize today. I got to make sure this counts. And I think that's a good attitude. But I still do find myself being depressed dad sometimes.

[B]

It's a good attitude. I like It. We just have to make sure on the flip side that we don't put too much pressure on it, because the kids are going to pay if we're thinking, like, we're feeling this in our house because we've. We've talked about this on the podcast before. My wife and I have a goal of. Of taking our kids to all 50 states by the time they graduate. So we take pictures and put it up on the. It's up on this map and. And everything. And we've got 15 states left, and there's 17 and 15.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

And so we've got. We've got a good way to go.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And so. But we can put all this pressure on. We got to do this. Got to do this. And then it'.

[A]

About.

[B]

We got to get in all of these experiences, and it's. You lose the. Okay. The whole point of this is to be together and have fun and kind of. And we put all this pressure on. We got to do this stuff so that you guys have a great childhood and all that stuff. And the kids pick up on this pressure or this intensity, and then it's neither fun for them. It's a bad experience. They'd rather not be a part of it. So. So we need to relax, you know, like, we need to try to take. Be intentional, take advantage of when you see opportunities. Yes. Have goals like, hey, let's go do these things. But remember, the whole point of the thing is to be together and to kind of help to help these kids

[A]

grow in this moment.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To be with this moment.

[B]

In this moment. Yeah.

[A]

We'll. Nancy and I love to watch videos. You know, when they were little. Bobby, I think we can do, like, you going, oh, where did the time go? You know, you watch them, and I've watched it, and our kids, especially, you know, our sons are like, they don't like it. And I looked at my second son, and I said, you don't like it when we do this, do you? And he goes, no, I don't. Why is it? He goes, because I'm kind of wondering, what about this me? Like, in other words, you know, you're reliving this. What about. What about this me? Sometimes my boy, he can just nail it really quickly. But I thought, that's so true. Like, what about this me and living in this moment for them not to see that nostalgia taking over from where we are now and loving them now. And I want to say this, as somebody does have older kids, you don't stop being a dad, when they turn 18, you don't. The relationship is not over at 18. It's not like, see you later. It just changes. And in some ways it's, you know, you miss them. You don't get to see them as much. You have to schedule the time you're pursuing them instead of them pursuing you.

[B]

But it's.

[A]

They're still there, and it's. It's something to look forward to. We're really loving the season right now with our older kids. They're like being, you know, it's like being with our friends and we've got all this history and we laugh our heads off. They're ridiculous. And I love them. You know, I think the more that we invest now in our kids increases our odds of having a great relationship with their kids when they are older, after 18. So that's why these conversations so important now as it leads to that later.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely.

[C]

I'm encouraged to hear you say that because for someone on the front side of that magical 18 number, like, I'm fearful of it because, yeah, life's not over. You're still the parent, just like my parents are still my parents now and I'm 40. Life is just going to be different. And I don't know if I'm going to love that different.

[A]

Well, here's the great thing. When their frontal lobe shows up about 23, 24, it is a glorious day.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, we've got some frontal lobes at the house now with our children, but I get it, Bobby, and it is. I have to watch that nostalgia thing, not wishing for that. I mean, I had photos of my children out right before recording this. Look, this is now. This is that. But. But I get it. But just. Just take heart. This is the beginning of your relationship with them. It changes. But this time is so sweet and so important.

[B]

Well, and that's one of the things, like I, you know, I did say what we model is kind of the number one. But you do want to look for. You want to look for the teachable moments, you know, you. When they fail. You know, failure is an opportunity. It's an opportunity to grow. It's an opportunity to learn things. We want to be teaching them that we want to. You know, I think a lot of times we just kind of jump in and we're like, let me tell you how to do this so that you overcome your failure. And that's really not the best way to go. It's. It's just kind of the encouragement. Yeah. Like. Like you're gonna Fail. I failed. And they're gonna figure it out. You just got to tell them to kind of get back onto the. Up to the plate again. And then, you know, we. We also want to be up to date just kind of on their lives, so we want to keep. Kind of keep track of what they're doing. I. I was really shamed recently. Like, my. It was my son's birthday, and I. I put on a red shirt because I'm like, I'm just gonna wear his favorite. We're gonna take him out to lunch. And I'm like, I'm gonna. We color.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm like. And then I just kind of had a thought to myself. I'm like, maybe his favorite colors changed. So I went down and I said, hey, buddy, what's your. What's your favorite color? And he goes, yeah, purple. And I was like, purple? And. And he goes, yeah, yeah. I said, I thought your favorite color was red. He goes, yeah, my favorite color was red when I was 4. And I was like, but it. But it just changed recently because now it was, like, white for a while, and then it was, like, black, and now it's purple. And. And. And I was like, oh, my gosh. This. No one must have known this. So at lunch, I asked my wife and my daughter, and I was like, hey, what. What's Luke's favorite color? And they're like. Immediately, they're like, purple. And I'm like, ugh. And the rest of the day was, let's play a game called who know who knows Luke the best. And I just got so many questions wrong. At one point, I just looked, and we were joking with one, and I was like, do I even know you at all? You know? And so I spent the rest of the. The day like, so, what's your favorite? You know, like, I went through the whole list of things, so we got to keep up to date. So do a better job than I. That I did on that or do on that.

[C]

Yeah. You mentioned teachable moments. For us, the teachable moments are kind of in the. The sphere of morality. So we'll be, like, watching a movie or something, and. And somebody says something or does something that doesn't really line up with our family, you know, values. And we pause it. We're like, stop. Like, okay, here's a teachable moment. We're going to say, this is not something that we think is good. Here's why. And then we'll continue. My kids love that because movies right in the middle, they can't wait for

[B]

you to stop the movie.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Pause. Monsters. Yeah. No breaking and entering kids. You don't know. No, I'm just kidding. But like, I do think that it kind of acts as bumpers. Like, if you're going bowling, you know, you kind of prevent yourself going in the gutter. Like, these little teachable moments prevent your kids from going too far the wrong direction. So we gotta look for those. Another action step for you dads is to, to not pull back, but to push in. And I know that as you know, my daughter, my oldest daughter's gotten older. Like, there have been moments where I wasn't comfortable, like, pushing in. It was easier for me to, like, pull back and like, defer to mom, you know, and be like, all right, dad, you really shouldn't do that. They need two parents on deck here, not just one and a half at best. And I, I, that's happened for me, like, as girls get older, obviously the bodies are changing. Like, dad, if this is you and you're in that, that phase of life, like, push in, man. Be, be present, be helpful, hold your daughter's hand, be a part of her life. It's just there's a lot of hard when they get to that middle school age and even in the first couple years of high school for me, there's a lot of hard. Don't back out. Don't leave that for your wife. Push in.

[B]

Yeah. And I, I mean, I think about those teen years and how kind of rough they are, you know, as they, as kids start to move into puberty and, and their emotions are just kind of going off the charts. And it can be very unset for any parent when you start to enter into that. I had a friend call me one time, and she was just really upset about her son. Like, my son is just acting crazy. He's doing this, he's doing that, he's all over the place. And that caused her to get really frazzled and react and kind of explode and things. And then he sees her explode and then his emotions come up and they build on each other. And I lived in annapolis, Maryland for 12 years. And if you go down of the inner harbor area down there, there are all these boats and they're all kind of tied up to these little moing things. And it doesn't matter what happens in terms of the weather. The, the wind comes in, the waves start going around, and these boats just kind of stay, they, they, they kind of move around with the waves, but they stay tethered very much to these moorings. And when our kids are reacting and going crazy, you know, like, they're. They can be all over the place. And if we go with them, then it just makes everything worse. And the whole temperament that we really need to take is these moorings. We need to be very calm, centered, kind of. And so as they go around, there's something that they're tethered to, that's us, that can kind of bring them back into, that they can sort of trust. And it's like, no, this is the center. You're going to drift. You're going to drift. You're going to drift with. Here's the center where we come back into.

[A]

I want to say amen. Amen. Amen to that. Just. He'll keep teasing about being further down

[C]

the road or whatever.

[A]

This is one of those things, bj, when you start talking about being the one that doesn't fluctuate, goes back and forth. And to be safe, I wish could go back.

[C]

Right.

[A]

I wish you could go slow down, settle down. And when our youngest came to us when she was. When she was 9, and she would just do things, and I would be like, wow, I not had this one. It was just different. The way she would express herself, the things she would do was just off the chart. Sometimes I'm. I'm so stuck. I do not know what to do. And sometimes my reaction would just get really, really big. And then when I'd have to backtrack, only thing that she saw when my reactions were too big, what were my reactions? She didn't think about her behavior. That cost it at all. It was that reaction, and that's what I was repairing. And instead of, like, restoring and helping her with the things she was struggling with, we were just working through my reaction. So, yes, we've got to slow down. In fact, the lady counselor that really helps us with her on a regular basis, she says when she does things like that, that trigger you, you just go, huh, I'm gonna need to think about that.

[B]

Well, and like, I think a lot of dads are kind of like you. They're just sort of like, if only I could go back, or, like, I've messed things up or it's too late.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

But what you said earlier in this episode is you don't stop being a dad when they turn 18. So it's never too late to just kind of start doing the right things, to grow to a little bit more, to start doing one more right thing compared to what was done in the past. And so it's never Too late to start doing these things.

[A]

Well, this reminds me, my 20 year old was going off to college and I've shared before, like when she would have panic attacks, I just didn't respond really well.

[B]

I just.

[A]

She's leaving and we're just, I'm kind of hanging in the car, you know, she's leaving.

[B]

Like, don't go.

[A]

But we're, we're talking and she's really mature for her age sometimes. And I was just saying, I just, I'm sweeter. I'm so sorry that I did that. And she goes, dad, and she goes, and I need you to hear me. Her name's Teddy. Listen, Niecy calls us the te. She said, I don't think about that. You think about that. I know now that you were afraid when that was happening. And I went, you're so much more mature than me. This is amazing. But just to have those moments, we can still talk about those things. And I thought this moments pulled together. Like my mistakes when we talked about it pulled us together. So it's not too late. Another thing. And we talk about this a lot on here. It's schedule one on one time for them. You got, you got to schedule it. And it said to them, you schedule everything else. Thank you for scheduling me. Thank you for letting me know. Planned ahead and when you do all. And my traveling schedule used to make that happen because I would take one of them with me when I go speak and so that it forced the calendar on that. But scheduled time with them, whether that's a breakfast every Friday, just what is your time with them? Because that's what they remember. Even tucking them in at night is a scheduled time that they go. You get to do all the fun things with them. That's how you don't miss it, is those traditions. And they will bring them up. And that's been fun on the podcast, is like, I'll call them, hey, what did we do when you were. Whatever. And they've got all these things in their head. It's not the things, the big things. It's those little traditions that they remember.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So at this birthday party, when I got so depressed that my oldest kid was with. Yeah, you know, yeah, it's going to be okay. Like a couple days later, I drove my oldest daughter to her piano lesson. And on the way home, I didn't tell her what we were going to do. But like said I, I stopped at the ice cream shop and we got ice cream on the way home, just the two of us. Like, she knew we were going to the lesson. She thought we were just going straight home. But I did that on purpose because I'm like, here's a beautiful opportunity. I normally don't take her to piano lessons. Normally mom takes her to that. But I brought her and dropped off the ice cream, and we were eating it and talking about all the sorts of things. We're like, oh, maybe we'll go eat gelato in Italy one day. And, like, all these cool things. She didn't know, but it was this cool pocket of time that I intentionally carved out. And she still says, hey, when are we going back to get the gelato? I'm like, right now. Let's go. You know, it's a cool thing.

[A]

It is a cool thing, you know?

[B]

Well, that's. I mean, and that's another one right there. It's in a great action. Step is to embrace the traditions that you have. I mean, whether they're weekly, monthly, or just even kind of. I mean, holiday Christmas. Like, we sit down and watch the same movies every single year. Hey, we're gonna. It's time to do this. We. There's a. They're like these Halloween ginger gingerbread houses and then Christmas gingerbread houses that we do. And my kids are, like, way too old to be doing them, but they. We still get them and they still do them, and stuff like that is just a blast and memory to create. So. Yeah.

[C]

Well, on summer vacation, we always go to the same family house. On summer vacation, we always have ice cream before dinner at least once during the trip. The same little ice cream shop. What is it with us on ice cream?

[B]

Apparently you guys are really into it.

[C]

Yeah, I like that. But my oldest is like, oh, we're going to get ice cream before dinner.

[B]

Winter.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Like, it's an expectation, and it's kind of a cool thing that we get forward to, you know, look forward to doing every single summer.

[A]

I love that. I just. I just wonder with kids if traditions are even more important now, because everything's always changing. It's the steady things. I mean, we still go on family vacations, and we're planning this year's. They're like, we want to go the exact same place, and we want to do the exact same things. Like last year. Yeah. Which is really funny, you know, because I'm like, hey, let's try something else. They don't want to try something else. But those traditions are so important. And Christmas, I always wanted to stop and, you know, make a spiritual point of Christmas. Like, let's don't forget, you know, we're Christians. And so I would want to stop. And so they acknowledge, you know, this is what Christmas is all about. So we had this, this book called the Tale of Three Trees. And I would read it and they would.

[B]

Great book.

[A]

Is it. Do you like it or do you like it?

[B]

I love the tales. Oh yeah. My daughter memorized it for. Yeah, it's a great book. Three trees. Fantastic.

[A]

I didn't. You're the only person I've ever heard.

[B]

No. Yeah, my daughter memorized and delivered it in your class. Oh, that's awes. Great. Great.

[A]

It's a great book. And I thought when we were. We did it every year and I thought they're not liking this or they're not paying attention or they're squirreling around or they're like their dad, you know. And I thought that I'd kept. Keep doing it, keep doing it. And then we'd let them read it and they would read it with a silly voice. And I'm like, they're not getting part of this. You know, I wanted a moment. And two of our kids have spoken at church and they both used that story and they still now at Christmas they want to read the Tale of Three Trees. There's traditions just they put markers in their lives of. And memories and structure that just matter. It just matter.

[C]

Well, you've. You've made me feel a little better about things.

[A]

It's going to be okay.

[C]

Yeah. Good.

[A]

Yeah, that's okay. Be in the. Be in the moment. Enjoy the moment. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. There's nothing you can do to slow things down. There's nothing you can do to speed things up. So just let's enjoy the moment with our kids. Which leads us to our pro move of the week. Make it a priority. Schedule one on one time with your kids each week. Even if you just tried out this week, schedule a little time. And it's like Bobby said, it could just be ice cream.

[C]

Oh, do ice cream. Yeah.

[A]

It can be My kids, if I ask my boys when they're little, it's always, throw the ball with me, throw the ball with me, throw the ball with me. And so what at the time would just one on one time really matters? You guys got a little triggered. The amygdala got a little hot. I came out hot. But I don't regret it and I still stand by it. But we ended a good place.

[C]

Right?

[A]

And thank you. And we want to ask you a quick favor. If you could, could you go rate and review the podcast and also send it to a friend. It helps other dads to find us. I want to say thank you for that. I want to say thank you most of all for listening. Listening. We know that you and your kids will be glad that you did.

[D]

Thanks again for listening to the All Pro Dad Podcast. Behind every episode is our amazing team producer Haley Moatt, audio and video editor Buck Buchanan, and production coordinator Corey Wolfe. AllPro dad is the fatherhood program of the non profit Family first along with our motherhood program IMOM. We exist to help you love love your family well. So remember, if you have more questions than answers, then you're probably in the right place. See you next time.