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[00:00]
A
Hey, welcome to the All Pro dad podcast. I'm Ted Lowe. You know, every dad has asked the question at least once. Why don't my kids think Today, bj, Bobby and I are getting into why critical thinking is hard for kids, what actually gets in the way, and what dads can do to help their kids slow down and start thinking more deeply. Let's get into it. So our big question of the week. Why don't our kids think critically? You guys ever experienced that with your kids?
[00:30]
B
Yeah, daily.
[00:33]
C
Yeah, I, I mean, I think the big thing for me is like, you know, do. Do the things that I've told you a million times. Like you see dishes that need to be put away, Put them away. You need to be put in the dishwasher. Put them in the dishwasher. Every year for Valentine's Day, I, I do a scavenger hunt for the kids for their little heart candy kind of thing year, and I write little poems. And this year it was like, you know, go to the place where your shoes are supposed to go.
[01:06]
B
You know, like very passive aggressive dad notes.
[01:10]
C
At one point they finally were like, this whole thing is like, what we need to be doing better around the house. And I'm like, well, yeah, I tell you, man. But it's like, okay, if you see trash, don't step over it. Like pick it up and put it in the trash can. Like, those are the little things I think with my kids say.
[01:25]
B
Yeah. My 11 year old son brought me food the other day. I was sitting at the table and just put it on the table. No plate, no bowl. He just brought me a hand of food. It was like, like chicken or something. He just left it on table. Like, what in the.
[01:37]
A
He just put the piece of chicken and lay it.
[01:40]
B
Yeah, he was still like leftovers. He warm. He just brought it out and left it. And, and he looked at me, he goes, what? And I was like, that's really nice. And I didn't know what to say. And he's like, oh, you probably wanted a plate.
[01:49]
C
We going to put the entire table. I would love a plate.
[01:53]
A
He was like, why did you.
[01:54]
C
What were you thinking?
[01:54]
B
And he wasn't, he wasn't critically thinking at all.
[01:57]
A
Okay, I love it that he brought. You put the entire table.
[02:05]
C
Is that a stupid statement?
[02:10]
A
And let me tell you something, as someone who has adult children, it doesn't get any better. They just think about the now instead of the later. I remember driving to my oldest son's graduation and I'm thinking, this is the perfect time to talk to his brother about goals and different things. Cause his brother graduated with honors. And so I was like, hey, you know, your big brother's, you know, look at him, he's worked really hard and look so great. I go, you know, about to jump into college, I said, buddy, what do you want to be when you grow up? He takes a beat and goes, I want to be a stay at home son. I've never been more simultaneously proud of him. That is comedic goals. So well done. 2nd Terrifying. And all that's lived out in his life, it's turn. We're still figuring out life a little bit. I think the thing we've got to remember is dads, we're going, what in the world are you thinking? Just bringing me food. That's fun. It's just remember a kids, they think in the now instead of the later.
[03:17]
B
So if you're frustrated, if you're like, man, my kids do not think critically, we can't blame them too much because developmentally they're just not able to do a lot of the things that we can do as adults. If you've got kids who are elementary, 6, 7, 8 years old, they're starting to figure out that other people have different perspectives than them. And so that's something they're factoring into their, their thinking. When they're 10, 11, 12 years old, logic finally starts to show up to the party. And they can kind of think through problems. And by the time they get to middle school, hopefully into high school, they can evaluate evidence and they can kind of realize that, okay, if I make this choice, maybe this will happen. And so it's just developmentally, it's difficult for kids at a lot of stages.
[03:56]
C
So I think a lot of parents are kind of hearing that like, oh, yeah, great. 10 to 12 years old, they're starting to think logically and they're doomed. Well, I think there are a lot of parents out there that are like, I'm not seeing any logic coming out of my 10 to 12 year old. And the reality is that we need to remember in terms of their development. Yeah, they're starting like they're at the bare minimum of this whole thing. And we see middle schoolers and they start to look older and you know, that they, we want to treat them older. But really it's, you're, you're still talking about the brain of a child.
[04:33]
B
It's half developed.
[04:34]
C
Yeah, it's still, the, the brain still functions in very black and white terms. So sometimes they can say things that sound kind of nuanced. And they, they, they, it's. It sounds like they're really hitting, you know, something like right on, on the, you know, the kind of the nail right on the head. And we think o, yeah, you know, they've really come a long way but a lot of times sometimes what that is is they're just parroting things that they've heard. Okay, so, so they're, they're able to understand that, okay, I've got this relational problem and I've heard this relational problem thing said on TV or I've heard my parents say it and they understand that this is something that they can plug into a relational problem. We're like, oh, you know, like, like they might have, they might have a situation with a friend where they're like, you know, they're struggling with one another and you're like hey, what's going on? And they're like, we're just not really there for each other when it's important. You're like, wow, that's really insightful. You've really matured. But really they heard it on some show. They know they can plug it in into this situation and it makes sense for a relational problem. But they don't really understand how those dots connect. And that's the thing is we have to help them get really black and white with a situation. Like, okay, so hey, something, what happened today with your brother? And they'd be like what, what, what do you mean? And it's like, okay, after school you and your brother came home, you went outside, you were playing basketball and it sounded like you did something, you and your brother got upset with one another. Tell me what happened. Yeah, you gotta, you gotta start connecting, you know, like so it's, so it's those types of things. Ok, can we connect the dots with our kids? How can we take them into the black and white?
[06:28]
B
And it's not a just a 7 year old or a 14 year old or a 18 year old conversation. It continues. Like I, I saw a video earlier this year and oddly enough it was right around spring break time. So a lot of college students were home or they were going to the beach or whatnot. And there's a TV reporter at the beach and he's like, let's see what these college students know about the world. And he's sticking microphones in these kids faces like tell us about war, tell us about inflation. And they're like, I don't know what you're talking about, man. Like what war? I was like, wow, they, they're really focus tans. They're really focused on partying, they're really focused on their buddies, but not focused at all on, like, some of the bigger things that are going on. And that's a symptom of not thinking about the world around you much more than what you see. And I saw another article earlier this year that really bummed me out. It was about this looks maxing trend. We've talked about this before as a young man, 15 years old, and he had fallen into the, you know, cycle of just taking steroids all the time just to bulk up, get big and strong for girls. And the interview that was done, I think it was 60 Minutes, they're asking him and he goes, yeah, I know it's hard. I know it's probably not the best for me. If I have a heart attack when I'm 30, whatever. I have a heart attack when I'm 30. And I'm like, that is just a wild statement. But it's indicative of someone who can't think past the current moment. And a lot of kids fall into that.
[07:40]
C
And by the way, this is a guy who's taken some serious dangerous steroids, and a lot of them well.
[07:45]
B
And it made me think, like, is this guy not thinking critically because he's not being asked to think critically? Like, did anyone in his life, a coach, a dad, you know, friend, whatever, say, hey, have you thought about what's going to happen when you're 30 years old? Or was that the first time in that TV interview where anyone had ever said, what do you think your life's going to be like, 10 years from now, 15 years from now? I don't know if they're being asked to think critically.
[08:09]
C
You know, to his dad's credit, I did watch that story to his dad's. His dad did say, this is really dangerous. I don't like it. Yeah, I kind of wonder if my son is doing that. I might intervene physically.
[08:24]
B
Yeah, well, and sometimes we do have to do that to step in and help them think critically. Because developmentally, like we talked about, it's. It's a challenge. But I think it's important for us now in this particular conversation to really talk about what it means for kids to actually think critically. Well, how would we define that as dads?
[08:42]
A
You know, if we were to say to our kids, you've got to learn to think critically, they're going to go, what are you talking about? So what are. What are we talking about? We're talking about slowing down before taking a pause before acting. Now, I have to speak on behalf of the ADHD community, those who have kids with adhd. To say to a kid, you need to pause before reacting, that's a little bit of a different thing. It's. But what I've learned with that is after they react without thinking, and maybe this is a great question for all our kids is to say, tell me what happened right before you did this. No judgment, because kids with ADHD, and probably kids in general, they're already feeling shameful about it. So we helping our kids to pause and to say, hey, before you do things, think about those things. We got to keep it on simple terms for them.
[09:37]
C
I think another part of thinking critically that we need to kind of walk our kids through and almost be kind of out in front of them is just being able to see things from different angles developmentally. I think it's the analogy that I kind of grabbed onto, that I saw someone use with me, is that when kids are middle school, they see the world like first person shooter game. They're just seeing this. They're not seeing all around them. And then as they start to move into high school, it goes from first person to kind of third person, where you're looking down on the person running around and you starting to see things around you. Except developmentally, they're still very egocentric, you know? Right. So. So it's kind of hard for them to get out of kind of that whole thing of where they're. So we need to be the one to kind of be like, hey, listen, like, even in the illustration I gave. Okay. Like, hey, what happened with you and your brother? Like, out on the. You know, like. Well, we were just playing and I was winning, and he got upset and he came over and shoved me and I pushed him to the ground. Okay, well, like, I've seen you play basketball with your brother, and you're really rough with him. Were you. Were you being rough with him? Do you like. Well, I don't think so. Okay, well, like, he thinks what he thinks. Yeah. Is that what he. You know, you're connect. You're kind of saying you're helping them see the other perspective. And it's going to be very hard for them to do that. You kind of have to take them there in order to do that. And again, you have to get very black and white. Another one is just seeing the consequences of their actions before they actually do the action. This was something that I'm so grateful for my father for, because at age 6, he taught me chess and we played chess all the time from the, from the age six to the time he died. And that trained my brain to think a couple moves ahead. So, like, I was just, just on a natural kind of a thing. Before I even understood it, my brain was going, okay, if I hit this guy, you know, I'm getting into an altercation with somebody. Okay, if I hit him, what happens next? He hits me back, Maybe somebody gets really hurt. A teacher comes out, we get in trouble, we get expelled, we get suspended. That affects my record moving forward. College is my, like I'm doing all this calculation in my mind, and it was just because I played a game that trained my brain to think that way. I think for most kids, they really don't learn cause and effect until their brain, the prefrontal cortex develops, doesn't fully develop until they're 25, but it starts to develop. And, and so in early development, it's hard for them to think. Consequences. And that's a part of critical thinking, too.
[12:30]
A
Bj, I think that's great points. And so what I'm hearing from you, well, both of you guys, is we can expect our kids to naturally think long term, critically. Think that's part of the role is, is a dad. So what are some of the things are getting in the way for kids to think critically? I think one of the things getting in the way, you guys know this attention spans are really short. So we have to be intentional about giving them space to have time to think more deeply.
[13:03]
B
Oh, absolutely. I mean, there is no shortage of stimulation going on around kids. They got phones, they got screens, they got, you know, all sorts of stuff happening. And I was thinking about this recently. Is, is this generation, maybe the generation before the first generation, that boredom was a choice. You get to choose to be bored because you can just pop this little machine out of your pocket and, you know, pull up Netflix or pull up YouTube or whatever, and you're not bored anymore. You know, you, you have to choose to be bored. And I love it when my kids actually come to me and say, I'm kind of bored, dad, because that's where imagination kicks on. And imagination is kind of like training wheels for critical thinking. You want your kids to start thinking long term? Well, they got to start getting the brain stewing and thinking about what could be and what do I imagine, what, what's make believe. All this sort of stuff is really good. I don't hand my kids screens when they say they're bored because that cuts off the training wheel. You need to kind of Develop that as you go. And I, I think if we can kind of inject a little boredom into our week, I think you're, you're actually on to something as a dad.
[14:01]
C
Yeah. I mean, and that's boredom. You learn problem solving and all that stuff. And this is the, this is the, the problem is that screens are so, it's such instant gratification, it's such a dopamine hit. And then it, it causes your brain to crave more and more and more and more like a drug.
[14:17]
B
I think another thing that's kind of getting in the way of our kids thinking critically is kids just don't read anymore. I was looking up some statistics on this. In 2023, only 14% of 13 year olds said they read for fun every day. There's a gigantic drop off from 1984 when 35% of kids said that they read for fun every day. If you're not reading for fun, and I get that they're reading in class, they're reading in school, they got all this stuff to do. But if you're not reading for fun, your brain's not challenged as much. Right. And so I think that's how you get the muscle memory going of critical thinking. Reading is incredible to develop your imagination to problem solve. Like you said, BJ and if we're not reading and the kids are just not doing it for fun anymore, then they stop thinking.
[15:01]
C
My wife came across a story of a college professor from Columbia who said that one of his students came to him and complained about all of the books that they had to read. And he said, well, surely you've done this before. And she's like, no, I've never had to read an entire book for any class. Wow, she's going to Columbia. This is not like, like this is a really good college. Another reason would be that the future just feels far off to a kid. Like, like for a 13 year old, 20 seems. I mean, I remember being 12 years old and I think there was a show called 30 something. And I was like, those people might as well be 100 years old. And so they just sort of feel like it's, they're in the, they're in the here and now. They're not really thinking about what the future should be because it seems so far away. They think I'll just kind of deal with it when. So interesting statistics. Despite high reported confidence, approximately 18 to 40% of students remain unclear about their specific career expectations. And that number has doubled over the last decade. So unclear.
[16:17]
A
So why should we help kids to think more deeply. I think it just reminds them that the world is really big. Because we talked about this. Kids are born narcissistic. They're thinking, you know, they're thinking about themselves. How do we help them to see bigger? And I think we have to put them in situations where they're going, oh, it's not just about me and even. Even our family or even my school in this little world that we live in. Took my second son downtown to work with soup kitchen, and we actually went and gave sandwiches. And at one point, we're under a bridge handing out sandwiches. And I think my kid. I don't know, I think he's 9 or 10 at the time. And we get in the car, and I said, so what'd you think about that, buddy? Thinking he was gonna. His heart was gonna be broken. And the whole thing goes. I think that is crazy. And it. It wasn't a judgment on the people. Just his brain went, it's crazy that people are having to live under the bridge and eat food this way. But what it did, it allowed me to have a longer conversation with him about what we believe and what we're supposed to do to help. And then not everybody has it as good as we do. So to help them think it critically, we got to show them that the world is big.
[17:30]
C
So another reason I think we need to teach them critical thinking is it challenges them to have their own point of view, like, rather than the pressure to go along with the crowd, that they can think about for themselves what is true, what's right, what's just. It helps them to stand apart and really reinforces that they have a unique perspective in this world and that. And the world needs them to. To not only form their own perspective, but to share that perspective. It's important. Even sometimes when that perspective is different from yours.
[18:07]
B
That's good. I did come across a really cool quote recently. I want to read it to you. It says the best math you can learn is how to calculate the future cost of current decisions. I don't know who it's attributed to. It wasn't there when I read the quote. But I really like that. I want my kids doing those calculations. If I study A, I can do career A. If I make decision B, I can end up here. And I think that that's just such a really cool thing for kids to benefit from thinking critically.
[18:35]
C
And if I could add one more thing to kind of. To this whole deal is being able to think critically. And part of that, again, we Talked about seeing the world from other people's perspectives. If your kids are able to do that, when you help them do that, then it increases their understanding, and then they have less fear. And if we're able to. Like, if we did that more as a society in general, like, if we just were able to understand one another's perspective, it would eliminate the fear that we have. And if you think about it, it would eliminate every conflict in the world. So if we can help our kids get to this place where they see the world from different perspectives, then all of a sudden, it can make a huge difference, just globally.
[19:23]
A
So for our kids, wisdom is not downloaded. It's developed. We have to put them in those developmental situations, which isn't always easy. It doesn't flow with the nature of life and all the busy things that we've got going on. You know, one of the things. And again, Bob, you've touched on this. It's just to allow for boredom, Give them space to be bored so they can think, so they can dream, so they can play. We've got an episode that will connect you to about giving kids unstructured play time. But again, to allow for that boredom. And it's understandable that kids don't understand being bored. They don't have to. Bobby, you said, I remember taking my son a canoe trip. Both my boys on a canoe trip. I think, like, five and five and eight. And my youngest one went, so we're just gonna be in this boat and paddle. And you guys, we are in God's creation. It was the most beautiful thing ever. And again, because it's the way he's wired, he just simply asked a question. I said, yep, that's what we're doing. Oh, great. This is what we're doing. But I think, in all fairness to him, compared to what he sees on video screens, I could see when that was bored, he was fine after that, but he needed to know. So I think we got to know what we're competing with when we talk about giving them boredom. But it's. It's powerful when we do.
[20:41]
B
Yeah, I think.
[20:41]
C
And a couple ways that we could do that is, you know, do car rides. If you're doing a short car ride, do it without devices so that you can have conversations, so you can ask them questions and kind of gauge where they're. Where they're thinking, have quiet moments without filling the space. A lot of times, we feel like we need to fill every space that goes back into the boredom thing, Let their. Their mind kind of let them Fill their own space and their own thoughts. And like I said, you know, like I, I play chess with my dad, introduce some strategy games where they have to think ahead.
[21:15]
B
Start with checkers.
[21:16]
C
Y, maybe play checkers. Chess is a little bit more fun in my opinion. But yeah, do some strategy stuff where they have to, where it kind of forces their mind to think ahead.
[21:27]
A
I think car riding time is some of the most powerful time that you can have with your kids. We have the rule that was passed on to us. Don't be on your phone when you're in the car with your kids. It is the perfect time to say, hey, we're not going to do phones in the car. That's when you can ask those questions. That's, that's that window that's carved out in our busy schedules to say for all those people thinking, when are we going to talk about critical thinking with their kid? Try it in the car. Give that space in the car. The next thing we have to do is stretch their time horizon. And this is something you can do depending on your kids age, get them to think critically. You know, again, we're talking about looking ahead. You know, what are you about tomorrow? What are you thinking about this? What about the next day? What about when you grow up and don't want to be a stay at home son? But you have to expand it with them depending on their age. But just like you said, it's just asking questions to help them to imagine and to think.
[22:27]
C
Kids who learn to think critically tend to have people who challenge them to think critically. Okay, so we, we can't assume that our kids are different and that they're going to get there on their own. Okay. We have to assume that they're just like every other kid who is going to live in a world of 10 second videos, who's going to delay their critical thinking for as long as possible and just continue to live in the moment. We have got to be there and shepherd them kind of through this and we've got to get them to think outside of TikTok and Instagram and whatever else they're doing.
[23:04]
A
You guys glad we had this conversation. It would be a conversation I don't think I would have thought of in a million years unless we did this podcast. So well done, Bobby. I think this was your idea.
[23:14]
B
I was thinking really critically when I was coming up with ideas. Yeah, yeah.
[23:18]
A
And speaking of thinking critically, Bobby, let's move into our pro move of the week, which is to ask your kid a question, a thoughtful question, and allow them to think critically. Don't correct it, don't manipulate it. Just get them to think. Get their answer. Well, thanks again to Bobby and BJ for this great discussion. Hey, if the podcast has been helpful, check out our everyday email called the All Pro Dad Play of the Day. It lands your inbox and gives you two to three minutes of great content. You're going to want to check that out, but we want to say most of all, thank you. Thank you for joining us. We know that you and your kids will be glad that you did.
[23:57]
D
Thanks again for listening to the All Pro Dad Podcast. Behind every episode is our amazing team producer Haley Mwat, audio and video editor Buck Buchanan, and production coordinator Corey Walliff. All Pro dad is the fatherhood program of the non profit Family first along with our motherhood program imom. We exist to help you love your family well. So remember, if you have more questions than answers then you're probably in the right place. See you next time.

Summary5 min read

All Pro Dad Podcast: How to Raise Kids Who Think for Themselves

Episode Date: August 10, 2026
Host: Ted Lowe
Guests: BJ, Bobby

Episode Overview

In this episode, Ted Lowe is joined by regular guests BJ and Bobby to tackle a core parenting challenge: how to raise kids who think for themselves. With humor, candor, and real-life stories, the hosts explore the hurdles kids face in developing critical thinking, why this skill matters, and actionable strategies for dads to foster independent thought and perspective in their children.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Don’t Kids Think Critically?

Developmental Factors:
- Kids often live in the present and struggle to foresee consequences.
- Critical thinking skills develop gradually, beginning with awareness that others have different perspectives (around age 6-8), and logical reasoning starts kicking in by ages 10-12. (03:17, 03:55)
- Even adolescents and young adults may have brains that "still function in very black and white terms." (04:34)
Real-Life Examples & Humor:
- Bobby’s story about his 11-year-old son bringing food to the table—without a plate—illustrates the sometimes baffling lack of foresight in kids.
  
  "He just brought me a hand of food. It was like, like chicken or something. He just left it on table. Like, what in the—" —Bobby (01:25)
- Ted’s son’s response to a question on future goals:
  
  "He takes a beat and goes, ‘I want to be a stay at home son.’ I've never been more simultaneously proud of him... So well done. 2nd Terrifying." —Ted (02:09)

2. Obstacles to Critical Thinking

Biological Maturity:
- The prefrontal cortex (responsible for judgment) isn’t fully developed until age 25. (11:54)
- Many kids, even in college, still show limited forethought, as highlighted by media interviews with oblivious college students (06:27).
Screen Time & Instant Gratification:
- Constant stimulation from devices leaves little room for boredom or creative problem-solving.
  
  "Is this generation...the first generation that boredom was a choice?" —Bobby (13:02)
Decline in Reading:
- Only 14% of 13-year-olds read for fun daily (down from 35% in 1984). This stunts imagination and the 'muscle' for critical thinking. (14:16)
Near-Term Thinking:
- Kids often see the future as distant and abstract, with little motivation for long-term planning. “For a 13-year-old, 20 seems...might as well be 100 years old.” (15:01)

3. What Can Dads Do? Strategies & Practical Tips

Model and Encourage Perspective-Taking:
- Use real-life situations (e.g., sibling disputes) to help kids connect the dots and examine other viewpoints.
- BJ uses the analogy of first-person vs. third-person shooter video games to describe developing perspective. (09:36)
Help Kids See Consequences:
- Share tools that naturally cultivate looking ahead—BJ was taught chess at age 6, which helped him plan multiple moves ahead. (09:36)
Facilitate Boredom and Unstructured Time:
- Allow or even encourage boredom so imagination and problem-solving skills can take root.
  
  "Imagination is kind of like training wheels for critical thinking. You want your kids to start thinking long term? Well, they got to start getting the brain stewing." —Bobby (13:02)
- Avoid handing over screens when kids complain of boredom. (13:02)
- Strategic use of car rides and quiet moments as opportunities for conversation and reflection. (20:41)
Ask Questions, Don’t Just Give Answers:
- Challenge kids with open-ended questions about their actions and choices, without immediately correcting their answers. (23:17)
- Allow for pauses, multiple perspectives, and the calculation of future consequences.
  
  "The best math you can learn is how to calculate the future cost of current decisions." —Bobby (18:06)
Encourage Reading and Strategy Games:
- Introduce books and games like chess or checkers to build reasoning and foresight. (21:16)
Expand Their Horizons:
- Put kids in situations that broaden their awareness—volunteering, travel, service projects—to see beyond their own experience. (16:16)

4. Why Critical Thinking Matters

Builds Empathy:
- Seeing other perspectives develops understanding, reduces fear, and can help prevent conflict—“If we just were able to understand one another’s perspective, it would eliminate the fear that we have...it would eliminate every conflict in the world.” —C (18:35)
Fosters Independence and Confidence:
- Kids who think for themselves are less likely to simply follow the crowd and more able to define what’s right and just. (17:30)
Prepares Kids for the Real World:
- Helps with long-term goal planning, career choices, and navigating adulthood. (18:06)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Classic Dad Humor:
- “Why did you bring me just the chicken?” — Ted (01:37)
On the Struggle of Letting Go:
- “Wisdom is not downloaded. It's developed. We have to put them in those developmental situations, which isn’t always easy.” — Ted (19:22)
Critical Thinking Analogy:
- “Imagination is kind of like training wheels for critical thinking.” —Bobby (13:02)
Cultural Reflection:
- “You have to choose to be bored...If you just pop this little machine out of your pocket...you’re not bored anymore.” —Bobby (13:02)
On Perspective-Taking:
- “If we did that more as a society... it would eliminate every conflict in the world.” — C (18:35)

Key Timestamps

00:00 – 01:54: Real-life examples of kids’ lack of critical thinking; why dads often feel baffled
03:17 – 04:34: Developmental milestones for critical thinking
06:27 – 08:23: Examples of young adults’ struggles; role of adults in prompting critical thinking
09:36 – 12:30: Strategies and analogies for perspective; chess and forward thinking
13:02 – 15:01: Importance of boredom, reading, and strategies to foster deeper thought
16:16 – 19:22: Why critical thinking matters for empathy, independence, and seeing the bigger world
20:40 – 23:17: Practical routines (car rides, unstructured time, strategy games), Pro Move of the Week: ask thoughtful questions

Actionable Takeaways for Dads

Create intentional pockets for conversations—especially in the car.
Treat boredom as an opportunity, not a problem.
Engage kids with developmentally appropriate questions about choices and consequences.
Model and encourage perspective-taking and empathy.
Reduce screen time and reintroduce reading and strategy games.
Embrace the idea that critical thinking isn’t innate—it’s cultivated through patient, real-world experience and open-ended exploration.

Pro Move of the Week

Ask your kid a thoughtful question, let them think critically, and don’t correct or manipulate the answer. Just let them practice the skill of thinking for themselves. (23:17)

A podcast for dads who want to go beyond simple instruction, this episode blends practical advice, research, and plenty of laughs to help fathers nurture the next generation of independent thinkers.

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[00:00]
A
Hey, welcome to the All Pro dad podcast. I'm Ted Lowe. You know, every dad has asked the question at least once. Why don't my kids think Today, bj, Bobby and I are getting into why critical thinking is hard for kids, what actually gets in the way, and what dads can do to help their kids slow down and start thinking more deeply. Let's get into it. So our big question of the week. Why don't our kids think critically? You guys ever experienced that with your kids?
[00:30]
B
Yeah, daily.
[00:33]
C
Yeah, I, I mean, I think the big thing for me is like, you know, do. Do the things that I've told you a million times. Like you see dishes that need to be put away, Put them away. You need to be put in the dishwasher. Put them in the dishwasher. Every year for Valentine's Day, I, I do a scavenger hunt for the kids for their little heart candy kind of thing year, and I write little poems. And this year it was like, you know, go to the place where your shoes are supposed to go.
[01:06]
B
You know, like very passive aggressive dad notes.
[01:10]
C
At one point they finally were like, this whole thing is like, what we need to be doing better around the house. And I'm like, well, yeah, I tell you, man. But it's like, okay, if you see trash, don't step over it. Like pick it up and put it in the trash can. Like, those are the little things I think with my kids say.
[01:25]
B
Yeah. My 11 year old son brought me food the other day. I was sitting at the table and just put it on the table. No plate, no bowl. He just brought me a hand of food. It was like, like chicken or something. He just left it on table. Like, what in the.
[01:37]
A
He just put the piece of chicken and lay it.
[01:40]
B
Yeah, he was still like leftovers. He warm. He just brought it out and left it. And, and he looked at me, he goes, what? And I was like, that's really nice. And I didn't know what to say. And he's like, oh, you probably wanted a plate.
[01:49]
C
We going to put the entire table. I would love a plate.
[01:53]
A
He was like, why did you.
[01:54]
C
What were you thinking?
[01:54]
B
And he wasn't, he wasn't critically thinking at all.
[01:57]
A
Okay, I love it that he brought. You put the entire table.
[02:05]
C
Is that a stupid statement?
[02:10]
A
And let me tell you something, as someone who has adult children, it doesn't get any better. They just think about the now instead of the later. I remember driving to my oldest son's graduation and I'm thinking, this is the perfect time to talk to his brother about goals and different things. Cause his brother graduated with honors. And so I was like, hey, you know, your big brother's, you know, look at him, he's worked really hard and look so great. I go, you know, about to jump into college, I said, buddy, what do you want to be when you grow up? He takes a beat and goes, I want to be a stay at home son. I've never been more simultaneously proud of him. That is comedic goals. So well done. 2nd Terrifying. And all that's lived out in his life, it's turn. We're still figuring out life a little bit. I think the thing we've got to remember is dads, we're going, what in the world are you thinking? Just bringing me food. That's fun. It's just remember a kids, they think in the now instead of the later.
[03:17]
B
So if you're frustrated, if you're like, man, my kids do not think critically, we can't blame them too much because developmentally they're just not able to do a lot of the things that we can do as adults. If you've got kids who are elementary, 6, 7, 8 years old, they're starting to figure out that other people have different perspectives than them. And so that's something they're factoring into their, their thinking. When they're 10, 11, 12 years old, logic finally starts to show up to the party. And they can kind of think through problems. And by the time they get to middle school, hopefully into high school, they can evaluate evidence and they can kind of realize that, okay, if I make this choice, maybe this will happen. And so it's just developmentally, it's difficult for kids at a lot of stages.
[03:56]
C
So I think a lot of parents are kind of hearing that like, oh, yeah, great. 10 to 12 years old, they're starting to think logically and they're doomed. Well, I think there are a lot of parents out there that are like, I'm not seeing any logic coming out of my 10 to 12 year old. And the reality is that we need to remember in terms of their development. Yeah, they're starting like they're at the bare minimum of this whole thing. And we see middle schoolers and they start to look older and you know, that they, we want to treat them older. But really it's, you're, you're still talking about the brain of a child.
[04:33]
B
It's half developed.
[04:34]
C
Yeah, it's still, the, the brain still functions in very black and white terms. So sometimes they can say things that sound kind of nuanced. And they, they, they, it's. It sounds like they're really hitting, you know, something like right on, on the, you know, the kind of the nail right on the head. And we think o, yeah, you know, they've really come a long way but a lot of times sometimes what that is is they're just parroting things that they've heard. Okay, so, so they're, they're able to understand that, okay, I've got this relational problem and I've heard this relational problem thing said on TV or I've heard my parents say it and they understand that this is something that they can plug into a relational problem. We're like, oh, you know, like, like they might have, they might have a situation with a friend where they're like, you know, they're struggling with one another and you're like hey, what's going on? And they're like, we're just not really there for each other when it's important. You're like, wow, that's really insightful. You've really matured. But really they heard it on some show. They know they can plug it in into this situation and it makes sense for a relational problem. But they don't really understand how those dots connect. And that's the thing is we have to help them get really black and white with a situation. Like, okay, so hey, something, what happened today with your brother? And they'd be like what, what, what do you mean? And it's like, okay, after school you and your brother came home, you went outside, you were playing basketball and it sounded like you did something, you and your brother got upset with one another. Tell me what happened. Yeah, you gotta, you gotta start connecting, you know, like so it's, so it's those types of things. Ok, can we connect the dots with our kids? How can we take them into the black and white?
[06:28]
B
And it's not a just a 7 year old or a 14 year old or a 18 year old conversation. It continues. Like I, I saw a video earlier this year and oddly enough it was right around spring break time. So a lot of college students were home or they were going to the beach or whatnot. And there's a TV reporter at the beach and he's like, let's see what these college students know about the world. And he's sticking microphones in these kids faces like tell us about war, tell us about inflation. And they're like, I don't know what you're talking about, man. Like what war? I was like, wow, they, they're really focus tans. They're really focused on partying, they're really focused on their buddies, but not focused at all on, like, some of the bigger things that are going on. And that's a symptom of not thinking about the world around you much more than what you see. And I saw another article earlier this year that really bummed me out. It was about this looks maxing trend. We've talked about this before as a young man, 15 years old, and he had fallen into the, you know, cycle of just taking steroids all the time just to bulk up, get big and strong for girls. And the interview that was done, I think it was 60 Minutes, they're asking him and he goes, yeah, I know it's hard. I know it's probably not the best for me. If I have a heart attack when I'm 30, whatever. I have a heart attack when I'm 30. And I'm like, that is just a wild statement. But it's indicative of someone who can't think past the current moment. And a lot of kids fall into that.
[07:40]
C
And by the way, this is a guy who's taken some serious dangerous steroids, and a lot of them well.
[07:45]
B
And it made me think, like, is this guy not thinking critically because he's not being asked to think critically? Like, did anyone in his life, a coach, a dad, you know, friend, whatever, say, hey, have you thought about what's going to happen when you're 30 years old? Or was that the first time in that TV interview where anyone had ever said, what do you think your life's going to be like, 10 years from now, 15 years from now? I don't know if they're being asked to think critically.
[08:09]
C
You know, to his dad's credit, I did watch that story to his dad's. His dad did say, this is really dangerous. I don't like it. Yeah, I kind of wonder if my son is doing that. I might intervene physically.
[08:24]
B
Yeah, well, and sometimes we do have to do that to step in and help them think critically. Because developmentally, like we talked about, it's. It's a challenge. But I think it's important for us now in this particular conversation to really talk about what it means for kids to actually think critically. Well, how would we define that as dads?
[08:42]
A
You know, if we were to say to our kids, you've got to learn to think critically, they're going to go, what are you talking about? So what are. What are we talking about? We're talking about slowing down before taking a pause before acting. Now, I have to speak on behalf of the ADHD community, those who have kids with adhd. To say to a kid, you need to pause before reacting, that's a little bit of a different thing. It's. But what I've learned with that is after they react without thinking, and maybe this is a great question for all our kids is to say, tell me what happened right before you did this. No judgment, because kids with ADHD, and probably kids in general, they're already feeling shameful about it. So we helping our kids to pause and to say, hey, before you do things, think about those things. We got to keep it on simple terms for them.
[09:37]
C
I think another part of thinking critically that we need to kind of walk our kids through and almost be kind of out in front of them is just being able to see things from different angles developmentally. I think it's the analogy that I kind of grabbed onto, that I saw someone use with me, is that when kids are middle school, they see the world like first person shooter game. They're just seeing this. They're not seeing all around them. And then as they start to move into high school, it goes from first person to kind of third person, where you're looking down on the person running around and you starting to see things around you. Except developmentally, they're still very egocentric, you know? Right. So. So it's kind of hard for them to get out of kind of that whole thing of where they're. So we need to be the one to kind of be like, hey, listen, like, even in the illustration I gave. Okay. Like, hey, what happened with you and your brother? Like, out on the. You know, like. Well, we were just playing and I was winning, and he got upset and he came over and shoved me and I pushed him to the ground. Okay, well, like, I've seen you play basketball with your brother, and you're really rough with him. Were you. Were you being rough with him? Do you like. Well, I don't think so. Okay, well, like, he thinks what he thinks. Yeah. Is that what he. You know, you're connect. You're kind of saying you're helping them see the other perspective. And it's going to be very hard for them to do that. You kind of have to take them there in order to do that. And again, you have to get very black and white. Another one is just seeing the consequences of their actions before they actually do the action. This was something that I'm so grateful for my father for, because at age 6, he taught me chess and we played chess all the time from the, from the age six to the time he died. And that trained my brain to think a couple moves ahead. So, like, I was just, just on a natural kind of a thing. Before I even understood it, my brain was going, okay, if I hit this guy, you know, I'm getting into an altercation with somebody. Okay, if I hit him, what happens next? He hits me back, Maybe somebody gets really hurt. A teacher comes out, we get in trouble, we get expelled, we get suspended. That affects my record moving forward. College is my, like I'm doing all this calculation in my mind, and it was just because I played a game that trained my brain to think that way. I think for most kids, they really don't learn cause and effect until their brain, the prefrontal cortex develops, doesn't fully develop until they're 25, but it starts to develop. And, and so in early development, it's hard for them to think. Consequences. And that's a part of critical thinking, too.
[12:30]
A
Bj, I think that's great points. And so what I'm hearing from you, well, both of you guys, is we can expect our kids to naturally think long term, critically. Think that's part of the role is, is a dad. So what are some of the things are getting in the way for kids to think critically? I think one of the things getting in the way, you guys know this attention spans are really short. So we have to be intentional about giving them space to have time to think more deeply.
[13:03]
B
Oh, absolutely. I mean, there is no shortage of stimulation going on around kids. They got phones, they got screens, they got, you know, all sorts of stuff happening. And I was thinking about this recently. Is, is this generation, maybe the generation before the first generation, that boredom was a choice. You get to choose to be bored because you can just pop this little machine out of your pocket and, you know, pull up Netflix or pull up YouTube or whatever, and you're not bored anymore. You know, you, you have to choose to be bored. And I love it when my kids actually come to me and say, I'm kind of bored, dad, because that's where imagination kicks on. And imagination is kind of like training wheels for critical thinking. You want your kids to start thinking long term? Well, they got to start getting the brain stewing and thinking about what could be and what do I imagine, what, what's make believe. All this sort of stuff is really good. I don't hand my kids screens when they say they're bored because that cuts off the training wheel. You need to kind of Develop that as you go. And I, I think if we can kind of inject a little boredom into our week, I think you're, you're actually on to something as a dad.
[14:01]
C
Yeah. I mean, and that's boredom. You learn problem solving and all that stuff. And this is the, this is the, the problem is that screens are so, it's such instant gratification, it's such a dopamine hit. And then it, it causes your brain to crave more and more and more and more like a drug.
[14:17]
B
I think another thing that's kind of getting in the way of our kids thinking critically is kids just don't read anymore. I was looking up some statistics on this. In 2023, only 14% of 13 year olds said they read for fun every day. There's a gigantic drop off from 1984 when 35% of kids said that they read for fun every day. If you're not reading for fun, and I get that they're reading in class, they're reading in school, they got all this stuff to do. But if you're not reading for fun, your brain's not challenged as much. Right. And so I think that's how you get the muscle memory going of critical thinking. Reading is incredible to develop your imagination to problem solve. Like you said, BJ and if we're not reading and the kids are just not doing it for fun anymore, then they stop thinking.
[15:01]
C
My wife came across a story of a college professor from Columbia who said that one of his students came to him and complained about all of the books that they had to read. And he said, well, surely you've done this before. And she's like, no, I've never had to read an entire book for any class. Wow, she's going to Columbia. This is not like, like this is a really good college. Another reason would be that the future just feels far off to a kid. Like, like for a 13 year old, 20 seems. I mean, I remember being 12 years old and I think there was a show called 30 something. And I was like, those people might as well be 100 years old. And so they just sort of feel like it's, they're in the, they're in the here and now. They're not really thinking about what the future should be because it seems so far away. They think I'll just kind of deal with it when. So interesting statistics. Despite high reported confidence, approximately 18 to 40% of students remain unclear about their specific career expectations. And that number has doubled over the last decade. So unclear.
[16:17]
A
So why should we help kids to think more deeply. I think it just reminds them that the world is really big. Because we talked about this. Kids are born narcissistic. They're thinking, you know, they're thinking about themselves. How do we help them to see bigger? And I think we have to put them in situations where they're going, oh, it's not just about me and even. Even our family or even my school in this little world that we live in. Took my second son downtown to work with soup kitchen, and we actually went and gave sandwiches. And at one point, we're under a bridge handing out sandwiches. And I think my kid. I don't know, I think he's 9 or 10 at the time. And we get in the car, and I said, so what'd you think about that, buddy? Thinking he was gonna. His heart was gonna be broken. And the whole thing goes. I think that is crazy. And it. It wasn't a judgment on the people. Just his brain went, it's crazy that people are having to live under the bridge and eat food this way. But what it did, it allowed me to have a longer conversation with him about what we believe and what we're supposed to do to help. And then not everybody has it as good as we do. So to help them think it critically, we got to show them that the world is big.
[17:30]
C
So another reason I think we need to teach them critical thinking is it challenges them to have their own point of view, like, rather than the pressure to go along with the crowd, that they can think about for themselves what is true, what's right, what's just. It helps them to stand apart and really reinforces that they have a unique perspective in this world and that. And the world needs them to. To not only form their own perspective, but to share that perspective. It's important. Even sometimes when that perspective is different from yours.
[18:07]
B
That's good. I did come across a really cool quote recently. I want to read it to you. It says the best math you can learn is how to calculate the future cost of current decisions. I don't know who it's attributed to. It wasn't there when I read the quote. But I really like that. I want my kids doing those calculations. If I study A, I can do career A. If I make decision B, I can end up here. And I think that that's just such a really cool thing for kids to benefit from thinking critically.
[18:35]
C
And if I could add one more thing to kind of. To this whole deal is being able to think critically. And part of that, again, we Talked about seeing the world from other people's perspectives. If your kids are able to do that, when you help them do that, then it increases their understanding, and then they have less fear. And if we're able to. Like, if we did that more as a society in general, like, if we just were able to understand one another's perspective, it would eliminate the fear that we have. And if you think about it, it would eliminate every conflict in the world. So if we can help our kids get to this place where they see the world from different perspectives, then all of a sudden, it can make a huge difference, just globally.
[19:23]
A
So for our kids, wisdom is not downloaded. It's developed. We have to put them in those developmental situations, which isn't always easy. It doesn't flow with the nature of life and all the busy things that we've got going on. You know, one of the things. And again, Bob, you've touched on this. It's just to allow for boredom, Give them space to be bored so they can think, so they can dream, so they can play. We've got an episode that will connect you to about giving kids unstructured play time. But again, to allow for that boredom. And it's understandable that kids don't understand being bored. They don't have to. Bobby, you said, I remember taking my son a canoe trip. Both my boys on a canoe trip. I think, like, five and five and eight. And my youngest one went, so we're just gonna be in this boat and paddle. And you guys, we are in God's creation. It was the most beautiful thing ever. And again, because it's the way he's wired, he just simply asked a question. I said, yep, that's what we're doing. Oh, great. This is what we're doing. But I think, in all fairness to him, compared to what he sees on video screens, I could see when that was bored, he was fine after that, but he needed to know. So I think we got to know what we're competing with when we talk about giving them boredom. But it's. It's powerful when we do.
[20:41]
B
Yeah, I think.
[20:41]
C
And a couple ways that we could do that is, you know, do car rides. If you're doing a short car ride, do it without devices so that you can have conversations, so you can ask them questions and kind of gauge where they're. Where they're thinking, have quiet moments without filling the space. A lot of times, we feel like we need to fill every space that goes back into the boredom thing, Let their. Their mind kind of let them Fill their own space and their own thoughts. And like I said, you know, like I, I play chess with my dad, introduce some strategy games where they have to think ahead.
[21:15]
B
Start with checkers.
[21:16]
C
Y, maybe play checkers. Chess is a little bit more fun in my opinion. But yeah, do some strategy stuff where they have to, where it kind of forces their mind to think ahead.
[21:27]
A
I think car riding time is some of the most powerful time that you can have with your kids. We have the rule that was passed on to us. Don't be on your phone when you're in the car with your kids. It is the perfect time to say, hey, we're not going to do phones in the car. That's when you can ask those questions. That's, that's that window that's carved out in our busy schedules to say for all those people thinking, when are we going to talk about critical thinking with their kid? Try it in the car. Give that space in the car. The next thing we have to do is stretch their time horizon. And this is something you can do depending on your kids age, get them to think critically. You know, again, we're talking about looking ahead. You know, what are you about tomorrow? What are you thinking about this? What about the next day? What about when you grow up and don't want to be a stay at home son? But you have to expand it with them depending on their age. But just like you said, it's just asking questions to help them to imagine and to think.
[22:27]
C
Kids who learn to think critically tend to have people who challenge them to think critically. Okay, so we, we can't assume that our kids are different and that they're going to get there on their own. Okay. We have to assume that they're just like every other kid who is going to live in a world of 10 second videos, who's going to delay their critical thinking for as long as possible and just continue to live in the moment. We have got to be there and shepherd them kind of through this and we've got to get them to think outside of TikTok and Instagram and whatever else they're doing.
[23:04]
A
You guys glad we had this conversation. It would be a conversation I don't think I would have thought of in a million years unless we did this podcast. So well done, Bobby. I think this was your idea.
[23:14]
B
I was thinking really critically when I was coming up with ideas. Yeah, yeah.
[23:18]
A
And speaking of thinking critically, Bobby, let's move into our pro move of the week, which is to ask your kid a question, a thoughtful question, and allow them to think critically. Don't correct it, don't manipulate it. Just get them to think. Get their answer. Well, thanks again to Bobby and BJ for this great discussion. Hey, if the podcast has been helpful, check out our everyday email called the All Pro Dad Play of the Day. It lands your inbox and gives you two to three minutes of great content. You're going to want to check that out, but we want to say most of all, thank you. Thank you for joining us. We know that you and your kids will be glad that you did.
[23:57]
D
Thanks again for listening to the All Pro Dad Podcast. Behind every episode is our amazing team producer Haley Mwat, audio and video editor Buck Buchanan, and production coordinator Corey Walliff. All Pro dad is the fatherhood program of the non profit Family first along with our motherhood program imom. We exist to help you love your family well. So remember, if you have more questions than answers then you're probably in the right place. See you next time.