All Pro Dad Podcast
Episode: What Do Dads Need to Stop Saying to Their Kids?
Date: March 2, 2026
Host: Ted Lowe with guests Bobby Lewis and BJ Foster

Episode Overview

This episode centers on the power of a dad’s words and the often-unintended hurtful things fathers say to their kids—sometimes out of fatigue, frustration, or habit. The hosts, all experienced dads, share personal stories of regret, dig into why dads say certain phrases, and break down what to stop saying to sons and daughters specifically. The focus throughout is on building intentional, affirming family communication with practical, down-to-earth advice delivered in a conversational, humorous style.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Regrets: Hurtful Words We've Said

• Opening Reflection:
  • [00:28] BJ shares the story of discouraging his young son’s joke-telling with, “Okay. Well, this is the last one because these aren’t funny,” and realizing immediately the pain he caused:

    "The look on his face when I said that, I'm sure that I took five years off of his life…And the look my wife gave me took about 15 years off of my life." — BJ [01:05]

  • Bobby admits to telling his kids to “stop asking questions” when overwhelmed, realizing only later that it hurt their feelings. [02:18]

2. Why Do Dads Say These Things?

• Fatigue and Stress:
  • "I think we're tired...You just sort of react, and you just say stuff. And sometimes it's like, okay, we don't know, or we're mean. We're just straight up mean...Being tired allows us or kind of propels us to say some pretty thoughtless words." — BJ [03:54]
• Perspective Gap:
  • "Everything's big to them…If it's not a big deal to me, they're going to pick up on that, and then it's going to hurt their feelings." — Bobby [04:56]
• Intent vs. Impact:
  • "I've never intentionally set out to hurt my kids' feelings, and yet it still happened." — Bobby [06:01]

3. What Dads Need to Stop Saying to Sons

(a) "You Can't Do It"

• The message suggests inherent inadequacy and breeds lifelong feelings of inferiority or never being good enough.
  • BJ shares: "My dad gave me the greatest gift ever. He believed in me." — quoting Jim Valvano [08:22]
• Avoid both extremes: Don’t say they can do anything unrealistically, nor put artificial limits on them. [09:07]
• Instead: “Give it a shot. You might succeed, you might not. But I believe in you.” — BJ [09:52]

(b) "Don’t Be a Wimp" / "Toughen Up"

• Calling boys weak from a father figure is deeply damaging and can shape self-perception for decades.
  • Story: A friend's dad told him "You're not strong enough," which echoed for years. [10:25]

(c) Physical Comparisons or Negativity

• Avoid comments on height, strength, or physical traits. Even "You’ll hit a growth spurt one day" can suggest inadequacy now. [11:03]

(d) "I’m Disappointed in You"

• Critique the behavior, not the person.
  • Story of a star athlete whose father said, "You're a disappointment," leading to visible emotional pain years later. [14:11]
• Key distinction: “I’m disappointed in the choice” vs. “I’m disappointed in you.” [16:46]

(e) "I'm Busy—You'll Have to Wait"

• Repeatedly prioritizing other tasks over kids communicates they’re less important.
  • “You're not going to remember that task…Go play with your kid.” — Ted [18:54]
• Instead: Give a specific time, then follow through.

4. What Dads Need to Stop Saying to Daughters

(a) Comments about Weight, Food, or Appearance

• Never say "Have you gained weight?" or "Do you really need that?"
• Avoid all negative or comparative remarks about looks, food, or physicality.
  • “There’s so many messages that go into girls already that their value is based on their looks or their weight…If there’s one guy that should be sending the message that her value is way bigger, it’s the dad.” — BJ [20:47]

(b) "Stop Being So Dramatic"

• While kids (of both genders) can be dramatic, don’t dismiss daughters’ feelings as “drama.”
  • “...in that moment, rejecting who they are in these emotions that they're having.” — Ted [21:37]
• Instead, empathize and revisit perspective later.

(c) "You’re Just Like Your Mother" (as criticism)

• Negative comparisons to moms can create division and insecurity.
  • "If you're using it as a negative, you're introducing the idea there's a problem with mom…Compliments, good. Negative comparison, no." — Bobby [23:01]

(d) Backhanded Compliments

• “If you had only done X, you would have done even better.”
  • These ‘add-ons’ cancel out the initial praise.

(e) Unsolicited Advice for Teens

• Overloading advice often backfires; instead, wait for teens to come to you.
  • “The best thing you can do for teens is to wait for them to come to you, because they will.” — BJ [24:32]

5. What Dads SHOULD Say Instead

• "I love you."
  • "You can't say it too many times. Say it every day." — Bobby [25:49]
  • Ted’s Q&A ritual with his kids:

    "When do I love you?" – "All the time!" [26:00]

• "I'm grateful to be your dad."
  • “It gives them the affirmation they need.” — BJ [26:26]
• "I believe in you."
  • Let kids know you’re their biggest fans, especially when stepping outside their comfort zones. [26:48]
• Affirmation game:
  • Challenge for dads: Give your kids one new affirmation every day for a week. [27:51]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "The look on his face when I said that… I'm sure that I took five years off his life… and the look my wife gave me took about 15 years off of my life." — BJ [01:05]
• "Everything's big to them… If it's not a big deal to me, they're going to pick up on that." — Bobby [04:56]
• "My dad gave me the greatest gift ever. He believed in me." — BJ quoting Jim Valvano [08:22]
• "You don't have to tell them they can accomplish everything, but we certainly don't need to tell them they can't accomplish something." — BJ [09:27]
• "The worst thing possible for boys is to be perceived as weak, and for their father to perceive him as weak." — BJ [10:25]
• "If there’s one guy that should be sending the message to this girl that her value is way bigger far beyond anything that she looks like, it's the dad." — BJ [20:47]
• "Stop being so dramatic…we can say it a million different ways. With a roll of the eye, you know." — Ted [21:37]
• "You can't say ‘I love you’ too much." — Bobby [25:49]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Personal Regrets / Hurtful Comments: [00:28] – [03:54]
• Why Dads Say Hurtful Things: [03:54] – [06:15]
• What Not to Say to Sons: [06:42] – [19:26]
• What Not to Say to Daughters: [19:26] – [25:04]
• What TO Say to Both: [25:49] – [27:51]
• Pro Move of the Week (Daily Affirmation): [27:51]

Tone & Style

The hosts are open, honest, and self-effacing, sharing mistakes and lessons learned with humility and a sense of humor. They support one another and relate like close friends, making the weighty topic of parenting both accessible and encouraging.

Practical Takeaway

Pro Move of the Week:
Give your kids a new affirmation every day this week—then notice the impact and let the hosts know how it went! [27:51]

This episode is a must-listen for dads seeking to deepen their connection and build up their children with words that last a lifetime.