All Pro Dad Podcast: "What Should I Do When My Kids Are Scared?"
Date: January 12, 2026
Hosts: Ted Lowe, BJ Foster, Bobby Lewis

Episode Overview

In this episode, the hosts delve into a common parenting challenge: how dads should respond when their kids are scared. Drawing from personal stories, their own children's fears, and research, they discuss the origins of childhood fears, how to distinguish between fear and worry, why acknowledging fear matters, and practical strategies dads can use to help their kids build bravery. The conversation is honest, empathetic, and peppered with humor—reminding listeners that fatherhood is a journey with plenty of questions and not always easy answers.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Childhood Fears: Personal Reflections

• Opening Stories (00:16 – 04:31)
  • The hosts share fears from their own childhoods—from creepy stuffed animal clowns (inspired by "Poltergeist") and losing parents (Bobby), to the fear of the dark and the band KISS (BJ and Ted).
  • Memorable Quote:
    "So like every—All the movies kind of geared to it. So I was very afraid of my parents dying." — Bobby Lewis (02:17)
  • They discuss how kids' imaginations amplify their nighttime fears.

Kids’ Fears Today

• Kids’ Current Fears (05:32 – 08:55)

  • The hosts describe their own children's irrational and practical fears, like bugs, ceiling fans, being alone, and performing in public.
  • Notable Moment: Bobby recounts the flying roach incident in his son's hand—"It’s like the guy and the Godfather, the horse head in his bed. That's how freaked out he got." (06:49)

• Serious Underlying Fears

  • For older kids, fear of change, trying new things, or unpredictability become predominant.
  • Ted notes that for his 14-year-old, fears are shifting towards social situations.

Fear vs. Worry: Why It Matters

• Distinguishing Between Fear and Worry (09:23 – 10:10)

  • The hosts clarify that fear pertains to immediate, present dangers, while worry refers to future, hypothetical problems.
  • Quote:
    "Fear is something that's happening in the present...worries are a future problem. So today we're not talking about worries, we're talking about fears." — BJ Foster (09:35)

• A Dad’s Role

  • Acknowledging the type of distress helps dads choose the right way to help—a physical response for immediate fear, and emotional reassurance for worry.

How Fears Change Over Time

• Age-Related Shifts (11:14 – 12:42)
  • Young children’s fears are often imaginary (monsters, separation from parents).
  • Older kids' fears skew to social concerns: bullying, failure (as highlighted by Pew and show research).
  • Quote:
    "So overall, like, it's bullying. But I think one of the biggest fears, particularly for older kids, is failure." — Bobby Lewis (11:55)

Strategies for Dads: Responding to Kids’ Fears

1. Acknowledge, Don’t Dismiss (13:12 – 14:45)

• Avoid minimizing kids' fears, even if they seem irrational to adults.
• Quote:
  "So we have to acknowledge what they're feeling and not just fluff it off. Because we're older and we're not feeling the same thing." — Ted Lowe (13:12)
• Create space for honest conversations about what's making them scared.

2. Share Your Own Stories (15:05 – 15:22)

• Relate personal experiences of fear to make kids feel understood and less alone.
• Encourage conversation: "When I was your age, I was scared of this, too..."

3. Be Careful With Your Words (16:25 – 17:20)

• Avoid projecting your own fears onto your children.
• Children overhear and internalize parental anxieties; "choosing your words, that's important." — BJ (17:20)
• Overblown warnings (like “stranger danger”) can inadvertently feed anxiety.

4. Encourage Independence & Exposure (19:24 – 24:55)

• Allow appropriate, age-based opportunities for kids to face their fears, like running errands alone or navigating mildly challenging situations, while ensuring safety.
• Stories:
  • Ted lets his son figure out how to return after drifting down the beach (24:01 – 24:55):
    "He surveyed, figured it out, and he made his way back. And I think that was a growth moment."
  • Bobby and BJ discuss letting kids bike around the neighborhood, and BJ recounts giving his kids freedom to explore on their grandfather's farm.
• Key Insight:
  "Fear gives an opportunity to build bravery. Bravery is something that's built like a muscle that needs to be exercised." — Bobby Lewis (25:28)

5. Let Kids Experience ‘Good’ Fear (25:47 – 28:05)

• Examples: jumping off a pier, tubing at the lake.
• Encourage and celebrate efforts to push their own boundaries—even if there are tears or hesitations at first.

6. Ask Reflective Questions & Offer Reassurance (28:05 – 29:42)

• Good questions:
  • Is this an immediate danger?
  • Why might they be feeling this way?
  • Have I dismissed their feelings?
  • What do I need to say right now?
• Helpful responses:
  • "I hear you."
  • "You can do this."
  • "I'm with you."
• Quote:
  "What your kids need more than anything is not to just you to sweep in and be the hero and just wipe all fear away. They need you to stand there and hold their hand when they feel it." — Ted Lowe (29:42)

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Childhood Fears and Movies:
  "That's every Disney movie ever. Yeah, ever. That's the storyline." — Ted Lowe (01:59)

• On Social Fears for Teens:
  "Change is like a big fear of theirs…anything that's, like, unpredictable is kind of difficult. It can be hard." — Bobby Lewis (07:13)

• On Distinction Between Fear and Worry:
  "A fear…might require immediate physical response...a worry might require immediate emotional response." — Ted Lowe (10:10)

• On the Power of Acknowledgment:
  "Dismissing it because you know that there's no monster under the bed doesn't make the fear go away." — Ted Lowe (13:12)

• On the Parental Impact:
  "If you are projecting fear, the kid's natural response is, well, I guess I should be afraid too." — Ted Lowe (18:44)

• On Helping Kids Build Bravery:
  "Bravery is something that’s built like a muscle that needs to be exercised." — Bobby Lewis (25:28)

• On Being Present for Scared Kids:
  "They need you to stand there and hold their hand when they feel it and eventually they'll get through it." — Ted Lowe (29:42)

Important Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------------|-----------| | Childhood fears: personal stories | 00:16–04:31| | Kids’ current fears (funny vs. real) | 05:32–08:55| | Fear vs. worry distinction | 09:23–10:10| | Age-related shift in fears | 11:14–12:42| | How to respond: acknowledge and validate | 13:12–15:22| | The power of parental words | 16:25–17:20| | Projecting fears and encouraging independence | 18:44–25:28| | Building bravery through experience | 25:28–28:05| | Reflective questions for parents | 28:05–29:42|

Actionable Takeaways

• Distinguish between present fears and future worries; respond accordingly.
• Acknowledge and validate your child’s feelings; don’t minimize or try to talk them out of their fear.
• Be mindful of what you say—kids absorb your anxieties and attitudes.
• Encourage brave behaviors by offering appropriate opportunities for independence and reinforcing their efforts.
• Hold space for fear, share your own vulnerable stories, and reassure your kids that you’re with them in hard moments.
• Let children exercise bravery gradually, like a growing muscle—don’t shelter them from every difficulty.

Pro Move of the Week

Next time your kid shares a fear:
Tell them about a time you were scared, how you responded, and how bravery grew from it. Remind them: “You can do this.”

The episode offers a candid, empathetic discussion about one of parenting’s most universal struggles. It encourages dads to face their kids’ fears with acknowledgment, wisdom, and a gentle push toward courage—leaving both kids and parents a little braver for the journey.