257: How Do I Guide a Kid Who Only Cares About Becoming an Influencer?

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Ask Lisa – Episode 257

How Do I Guide a Kid Who Only Cares About Becoming an Influencer?

Release Date: February 3, 2026
Hosts: Dr. Lisa Damour & Reena Ninan

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Lisa Damour and co-host Reena Ninan tackle a challenging, all-too-modern parenting dilemma: what to do when a tween or teen seems entirely focused on becoming an influencer—at the expense of their education and real-world engagement. Responding to a heartfelt listener letter, they explore the psychology behind the influencer dream, consider neurotypical and neurodivergent perspectives, and offer science-backed strategies (and empathy) for parents concerned about disconnection from school, disrespect at home, and excessive screen time.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Influencer” Dream: Then & Now

• Observation: Interest in fame isn’t new—teens used to aspire to be rock stars; now it’s TikTok.
• Dr. Lisa: “This isn’t new, but this is the new form.” (01:35)

2. The Listener Letter & Core Crisis

Letter Snapshot:

• 13-year-old boy, 8th grade, failing classes, convinced school is useless because he’ll make a living as an influencer.
• Sees parents’ traditional jobs as “loser” choices.
• High-functioning on the autism spectrum, refuses help, well-liked by adults, has an occupational therapist.

Dr. Lisa's Initial Reaction:

• Primary Concern: Academic failure and detachment from school—not just the influencer dream itself.
• “What makes this one on fire is the fact that this kid’s shooting himself in the foot and that the school is, you know, on the verge of kicking him out. [...] This is very, very concerning.” (04:02)

3. Understanding Disengagement from School

• Critical Question:
  • Why is there nothing pulling this child toward school? Where’s the “glue”?
  • School investment often depends on “the clubs they're in or the friends they have or the teachers they actually like, even if they don’t maybe like the subject.” (05:38)
• Recommendation:
  • Parents should work to help tether the child to school through activities, clubs, or real-world connections.
  • “If you feel like my kid phones it in at school and comes home and gets on his video games and has no meaningful connection…that’s a place where a parent might start to say, there will be no video games, there will be no time online until you are going to this club...” (07:00)
• Goal: Find a “hook”—something at school he cares enough about not to want to lose. (08:17)

4. The Role of Developmental Maturity

• “He’s 13, right? If this were a 15 or 16 year old, I would be like, that’s not good, right? [...] With this kid... a little bit of it is trying to help him keep it together until he is 14 or 15, and you can start to say things to him like, listen, 18 year old you is going to be really annoyed with 14 year old you if you don’t get it together academically.” (10:42)
• 13-year-olds are concrete and often block out adult advice; experience and brain maturity tend to add perspective.

5. Setting Boundaries, Finding Leverage

• Strategy: Tie online access and privileges to academic performance.
• Quote: “If you want to look at influencers all day? Well, then you need to be actually getting passing grades in school. [...] If you can’t, then you’re going to do your homework in the kitchen until we can get this together.” (12:23)
• Leverage “wants”: “…he wants to spend time online. Other kids want to go to that concert. Other kids want to drive. There’s your leverage, right?” (14:21)

6. Dealing with Failure and “Feeling the Floor”

• Sometimes, natural consequences may be the only thing that prompts change.
• “I hate it that kids sometimes have to feel the floor. But if they’re going to feel the floor, let them feel it in middle school.” (13:28)

7. Challenges Unique to Autism Spectrum

• Persistence of Black-and-White Thinking: Developmental timeline for evolution in concrete thinking is different.
• Potential for Meltdowns: Trying to ‘make’ an autistic child comply can backfire, leading to distress and even meltdowns.
• Recommended Shift in Approach:
  • “Try to make the case that school will help with the plan that the young person has.” (18:06)
  • Link schoolwork to influencer skills: e.g., analyzing analytics (math), telling stories (English)—make it relevant to their passion.
  • Use more carrot, less stick: Offer studio time or help with a studio setup as a positive incentive for completing schoolwork.
  • “It’s not you can’t have this thing until you get the work done, but it’s like you can have this other thing once you start doing the work.” (20:50)

8. Don’t Crush the Dream—Channel It

• Use the influencer dream as motivation, not confrontation.
• “Don’t crush their dream. Like, use it as an opportunity to get them onto the right track, maybe.” (21:34 - Reena)
• Building a skill or work ethic is valuable, even if the dream shifts. Real-world skills are transferable.

9. Broader Preventative Lessons

• “This letter just underscores: it’s not just about driving the kid around. [...] You want them attached to the real world and real people in the real world and real relationships in the real world because those are valuable and growth giving and also because they help to serve as a check against situations like this one.” (23:33)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Desperate times call for desperate measures.” (02:50 – Dr. Lisa, quoting her mentor)
• “One of the things we know… kids investment in school is often not because of what’s happening in the classroom, but because of the clubs they’re in or the friends they have or the teachers they actually like.” (05:38 – Dr. Lisa)
• “If you want to look at influencers all day? Well, then you need to be actually getting passing grades in school.” (12:23 – Dr. Lisa)
• “Sometimes kids have to feel the floor, right?” (13:28 – Dr. Lisa)
• “Trying to make them do stuff…can often backfire. They can be very reactive…” (18:22 – Dr. Lisa on neurodivergent kids)
• "Don’t crush their dream…use it as an opportunity to get them onto the right track, maybe.” (21:34 – Reena)
• “I would take an overscheduled kid over a kid who’s online some ungodly number of hours a day.” (23:11 – Dr. Lisa)

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Actionable Takeaways

• Find real-world anchors: Clubs, sports, volunteering, quirky interests—anything that connects your child to people and activities outside screens.
• Leverage their motivation: Tie desired privileges (especially screen time) to meeting basic obligations.
• Channel—the dream, don’t crush it: Use their passion as a way to build useful skills—writing, data analysis, self-presentation, or discipline.
• Avoid pure confrontation (esp. for autistic kids): Use incentives and frame academic tasks as steps toward their own goals.
• Accept natural consequences sometimes: If a child has to “feel the floor,” ensure they do it where the stakes are lowest—before high school if possible.

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Important Timestamps

• 01:37 – Introduction to the influencer trend and listener letter
• 04:02 – Identifying the real crisis: academic collapse and disconnection
• 05:38 – The “glue” of school: social and activity anchors
• 07:00 – Tactics for building school connection
• 10:42 – Why age and maturity matter
• 12:23 – Enforcing boundaries around online time
• 13:28 – Handling consequences and “feeling the floor”
• 14:21 – Leveraging what matters to the child
• 18:06 – Adjustments for children on the autism spectrum
• 21:34 – Don’t crush, but channel their dreams
• 23:33 – Value of real-world engagement as a preventative

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Parenting To Go

“You want them attached to the real world and real people in the real world and real relationships in the real world because those are valuable and growth giving and also because they help to serve as a check against situations like this one.” (23:33)

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Summary prepared for listeners and busy parents—useful even if you missed the episode! Share or revisit for practical, psychological parenting insight.

Transcript

[A]

Tell me a parenting issue everyone struggles with with tweens and teens, but no one talks about Rena.

[B]

I think a lot of people feel like they just don't know how to connect to their kid anymore.

[A]

I'm Rena Neinen and welcome to Ask Lisa the Psychology of Raising Tweens and teens.

[B]

And I'm Dr. Lisa Damore. We bring you science backed strategies for managing anxiety, discipline, intense emotions and more.

[A]

We decode tough parenting issues with tips you can use right now. So subscribe to Ask Lisa the Psychology of Raising Tweens and Teens and join our YouTube community. Today just Google Ask Lisa podcast.

[B]

We're here to help you untangle family life.

[A]

Episode 257 how do I guide a kid who only cares about becoming an influencer? So we're gonna talk about how kids wanna be influencers. Is this really a big trend you're seeing?

[B]

I think it's. I think a lot of kids think about it. I think a lot of kids follow them. I think there's kids who are interested in it and have aspirations, and then I think there are kids who are like, that's gonna be me. Like, I think there's a wide range of how kids engage it. But I. It's funny, Rena. Like it used to be they wanted to be rock stars, Right, boys?

[A]

Totally.

[B]

Yeah. A million years ago when I practiced, like when boys would daydream about their fan, like, it was like they'd be rock stars.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

So this isn't new, but this is the new form.

[A]

All right, I want to get right into this letter. It says, Dear Dr. Lisa, I'm seeking your help in supporting and guiding our son. Our son is 13 years old and in 8th grade. He's failing many classes at school and would be expelled at the end of this year if he continues to fail. As he's currently in a private school, he's gotten into his head that he does not need school. He thinks that once he has a TikTok account, he'll be making thousands of dollars every month. He thinks my husband and I, who make a good living are real losers because we work for a living and can't afford luxury items. He's convinced school is useless. He does not accept any help from us to get himself back on track academically. To complicate matters, he's on the autism spectrum. He is high functioning, but we can't seem to get him to understand the importance of school. We've spoken with our priest, the teachers and the school. He has an occupational therapist and everyone Thinks he's a great kid, full of potential. I don't know how to help him anymore. What can we do? So what, tell me, where do you begin with this one, Lisa?

[B]

Right? I mean, this is on fire, right? And I think when we talk about, you know, the range of kids I talked about, this kid's at the far end of, you know, really, like, throwing it all over because of fantasies of being an influencer. Reena. I want to take this one actually twice. First, I want to take it, leaving aside the fact that the kid's on the autism spectrum, that's such a significant variable, that actually changes this pretty significantly. So I want to do it first for neurotypical kids, because I also hear this with neurotypical kids. And then we'll come back and we'll think about, like, let's layer in, you know, an autism diagnosis and then think about it. Okay, so this is not good, right? I mean, this is not good. This kid, it's interesting. The thing that I'm reacting to is that he's failing his classes. Like, I don't love how he's talking to his parents. I don't love that this is his career goal. If he were simultaneously holding it together academically, this would be a very different ladder, right? What makes this one on fire is the fact that this kid's shooting himself in the foot and that the school is, you know, the verge of kicking him out. So where does one start? You know, that's the issue, right? Is that this kid's about to fail out of school. And I think, you know, I had such good training, and I'm so grateful for the people who trained me. And I remember one of my wonderful, wonderful supervisors, a guy named Jim Hansel, who I actually ended up co authoring a textbook with. We went on to be very close colleagues. I remember one time I had a case where things were pretty bad, and. And he said, listen, desperate times call for desperate measures. And I've always held onto that, right? Like, there's adolescent stuff, and it exists in a wide range, but every once in a while, you come up into something where you're like, okay, this is on fire. This is actually on fire, right? And a kid who's failing out of the eighth grade, like, that's a big problem. That is a big problem. And so I think I'm thinking through, like, what we do about this, but I just want to, like, level set. Like, this is. This is very, very concerning. Like, this is not, you know, things we, like, we talk about a whole Bunch of things that are just like annoyances of raising kids. This is a big one. This is a really big one.

[A]

What do you think his family should do, Lisa?

[B]

So I think there is. There's a lot I wonder about in why this kid is so disinvested from school, right? So there's two things happening. One is he's pulled towards this fantasy of, you know, a career as a tiktoker, which honestly, among 8th grade kids, it's not that rare, right? The kids have these ideas of like, I'm going to grow up to be famous and it's going to be awesome, right? Like, that, to me, does not fall very far outside the, like, typical range. But he's pulled towards that. But what's interesting is there's nothing pulling him towards school, right? That there's like, he's not attached to school in any meaningful way. And I assume from this letter that, like, he doesn't even seem to mind that much, that he's maybe on the verge of having to leave this school. Okay, that should be a huge deal, right? Like, one of the things we know, we have tons of research on this is like, kids investment in school is often not because of what's happening in the classroom, but because of the clubs they're in or the friends they have or the teachers they actually like, even if they don't maybe like the subject. And so the first question, if this kid were sitting in my office with his family, the first question I would be asking is, like, what is going on with his relationship at school that there seems to be no glue for this kid that he's willing to throw it over so quickly. So that's not exactly an answer, but it's a place to look like. Why is he so untethered to the life of the school?

[A]

I just think, especially for boys, school is hard, especially in the middle school years if you're smaller. There's just so many factors that I think we don't think about or talk about how to help them. So if they don't have that glue, Lisa, how do you even create that glue if it's not there?

[B]

Well, it is interesting, right? So it does get to the question of, like, whether you can. And I think you should start requiring this kid to do more that plugs him into the life of the school. And, you know, it may or may not. I mean, it's very hard. Like, you can't actually make a kid do well academically. But one thing you can do as a parent is if you feel like My kid like phones it in at school and comes home and gets on his video games and has no meaningful connection to this building and the people there and the kids there and the activities there. I think that that's a place where a parent might start to say, there will be no video games, there will be no time online until you are going to this club or doing. And the best thing, I mean, he's in eighth grade, so there starts to be more clubs. Ninth grade, there starts to be lots of clubs and they could be so fun and goofy. And I'm like, there needs to be something that attaches this kid to school and also attaches him to something that's not on the Internet. That's the other thing I'm like feeling myself anxious about as I hear this letter is it feels like this kid's world is in a digital environment. Like it's not. He's connected there. His fantasies are there, but his relationships are not in the real world.

[A]

So you've got to find a hook at school, something to tether him to that he's excited about something right where

[B]

he may feel like, oh, I don't want to leave this place or I don't want to lose this place. So you know, that doesn't mean he's instantly going to be like, so now I'm going to start doing my homework. But I think that going straight at the academic piece, only I don't. It sounds like it's not working. It hasn't worked. So doing more of what's not working tends not to actually work very well. So I would start to think like, where are the other footholds this kid could have in the school community? So he's invested in trying to stay there. So every time I'm at somebody's house and they have compost set up in their kitchen, I have two feelings. One is I really should be doing that. And the other is, but the smell kind of grosses me out. I now have found a solution and it's mill. Mill is an odorless, effortless, fully automated food recycler. You can take almost anything and put it in there. Potato peels, avocado pits, chicken bones, even dairy. And while you sleep, mill quietly transforms those scraps into nutrient rich, shelf stable grounds. No mess, no smells and no fruit flies. Try mill risk free for 90 days and get $75 off at mill.com asklisa and use code asklisa at checkout. That's $75 off at mill.com AskLisa and use code asklisa mill.com and use code asklisa.

[A]

Raising tweens and teens comes with a lot of questions, and Lisa and I are here to help you find answers.

[B]

That's right. And if you like the Ask Lisa podcast, you'll love my free weekly newsletter that delivers seasoned parenting guidance right to your inbox.

[A]

Every newsletter pivots off of a recent podcast episode to highlight key points in raising tweens and teens. This incredibly popular newsletter is a quick, easy read, full of practical parenting guidance.

[B]

So go to my website, drlisadamore.com to sign up today.

[A]

Lisa's weekly newsletter is one more way that we're here to help you untangle family life. Do you think he'll grow out of this?

[B]

Yeah, actually I do. I mean, what's so essential is that he's 13, right? If this were a 15 year old or a 16 year old, I would be like, that's not good, right? Like, we usually see less concrete thinking, less black and white thinking, you know, once kids cross 13, 14 to 15, right? And we've talked about this and it's like, it's such an important topic that comes up over and over again here because I think people think like teenager and they lump them all together. But like, oh my gosh, a 12 year old versus a 16 year old, like those are completely different creatures, right? A 13 year old versus a 15 year old, once they've crossed that threshold under abstract reasoning, totally different creatures. So I do think that with this kid, and this is a neurotypical kid, right? So we'll come back and do it again, a little bit of it is trying to help him keep it together until he is 14 or 15. And you can start to say things to him like, listen, 18 year old you is going to be really annoyed with 14 year old you if you don't get it together academically. Because 18 year old you is going to want to have a lot more options than 14 year old is currently making available. That's a conversation you can have with a 14, 15 year old that honestly, 13 year olds, no matter how bright they are, they're like, nope, I will be an influencer, end of story, leave my room. Right? I mean, it's really frustrating sometimes as parents.

[A]

So what should a parent do as they're waiting for their kid to mature and reach that point?

[B]

It's funny, I have several colleagues, wonderful colleagues, who take care of a lot of adolescent boys. And sometimes I've heard one of them use the expression of like, what, foot on the neck Right. And I'm like, oh, man. Like, it's so not how I like to be.

[A]

Like, you've got to come down hard.

[B]

You know, like, yeah, like. And you know how I talk and think about teenagers. And foot on neck is not high on my list of how anything gets done. But my hunch, if I try to, like, imagine my dear colleague who cares for a lot of adolescents. I think he would be like, nope, this kid's going to need, you know, he needs to be in a sport and he needs to be doing a club and. And if he wants to spend time online and we're going to. I want to come back to how much time this kid's spending online if he wants to spend time online. You know that tech is made available through this family, right? The kid is not buying his own devices. He's not buying his own subscriptions. It becomes contingent on him actually doing his homework. That you really do. Tether those things together. Like, okay, kiddo, you want to look at influencers all day? Well, then you need to be actually getting passing grades in school. And if you can do that on your own and get your studying done, fine. If you can't, then you're going to do your homework in the kitchen. You know, until we can get this together.

[A]

One of my worries is, what if he gets kicked out? What do you do then?

[B]

Well, you know, I mean, sometimes kids have to feel the floor, right? That it's not great. Right? We don't want this for this kid. Frankly, it's better in the eighth grade than the ninth. Right? I mean, if this kid, you know, we hope eventually will be. Have good options after high school, you know, he's in a private school. Private schools can do pretty much what they want. If he's not, you know, a contributing member of the community and, you know, thriving in that environment, they can tell him it's his last year. I hope that their public school district is a good one. You know, there may be another private school that they can consider. I hate it that kids sometimes have to feel the floor. But if they're going to feel the floor, let them feel it in middle school. Don't, you know, let this crisis take this kid into high school?

[A]

When kids don't take school seriously, is there something that parents can do to make them take it seriously that'll actually set in?

[B]

Huh? Okay, so two thoughts run through my head. One is you kind of can't make teenagers do anything, right? And as soon as you want to make them do something they don't Want to do it right. So, you know, I always fall back on this story. I just had this fabulous, fabulous. I mean, this kid was so terrific, this junior girl in my practice. And, you know, she came in one day. I wrote about this, I think, in untangled, super grumpy one day. And the reason she was grumpy is that her room had been a mess. No, it wasn't her room. It was her dining room table. She actually was a kid who studied on the dining room table. Been a mess all week. Wanted it tidied up before the weekend. You know, knew she'd just been really overwhelmed. Had time set aside to, like, organize all of her materials and get everything cleared up. And she. It was before our appointment that she was planning to do that. She walks in the house, her mom is like, you need to straighten up the dining room table. And the kid came in my office, and she's like, I'm so mad. I had an hour to get everything organized, and my mom told me to do it. So I just spent that hour fighting with her about how I wouldn't do it. Telling me. She was like, oh, man, I really did myself in. But, so, okay, so to your question, can you make a kid do stuff? It's very hard to make kids do stuff. Very hard to make teenagers do stuff. But desperate times, desperate measures, here we are. I think the leverage you have is that he wants something, okay? So I think this kid wants to spend time online. Other kids want to go to that concert. Other kids want to drive. Other kids want their curfew extended, Right? Like, healthy teenagers want things their parents may not be all that inclined to give them. There's your leverage, right? So I think you start saying you want this, then you have to show me that. Now, the kid may. And I've seen kids do this. They may do themselves in to take the parent down with them. Like, they may actually be like, you know what? You still can't make me. And I will. You know, it's hard when a kid's like this, when they're like, fine, I won't even go online, and I will fail out. And then what are you going to do? Right? I mean, and I think, first of all, get yourself a good clinician. Get yourself, you know, talk to your pediatrician. Find a clinician who can help you work this way through. Um, but I think the first step probably is leveraging something he wants that the parents can tolerate and making that only accessible when he's holding up his end of the bargain, which is to get at least passing grades in school. If you're someone who wears makeup and you have not yet tried Jones Road, I'm not really sure what you're waiting for. I love this product. From the ever reliable fabulous Bobbi Brown to this makeup is easy. Looks so natural. Feels incredible on my skin. My latest obsession is the tinted moisturizer. It really is moisturizing, which, believe me, especially in the middle of the winter, is incredibly welcome. And it gives just this very light and even finish, but it doesn't look like makeup at all. So if you're looking for makeup that brings out your natural glow and stick instead of hiding it, Jones Road is the way to go. For a limited time, our listeners are getting a free cool gloss with their first purchase. When they use code ASKLISA at checkout, just head to Jonesroadbeauty.com and use code ASKLISA at checkout. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you.

[A]

So, Lisa, if you take all of what you've said and you now apply it to somebody who is on the autism spectrum, what, what would you say differently? What would that look like?

[B]

It gets a degree of difficulty. Quite, quite a few. Degree of difficulties. Harder. Right. I think what we can reasonably predict in a kid who is neurotypical is that once they hit 13, 14, 15, 14, 15, you know, once they get into that sort of, you know, like later puberty or like, they're definitely into puberty and they're definitely, you know, the neurological changes of puberty are almost certainly happening, that they will get some perspective and that they can sort of start to think ahead and have a different perspective on the situation. I think when we layer in a kid who's not neurotypical and let's say on the autism spectrum, typically that kind of black and white thinking persists that you're actually biting, your time isn't going to work in the same way it would work for a neurotypical kid. So that's one thing. The other thing is given that kids who are on the autism spectrum can be pretty concrete, pretty black and white in their thinking, they see it the way they see it, trying to make them do things. I think with the neurotypical kid, you might be able to make him, if you hold enough stuff over him, trying to make them do stuff, I think can often backfire. I mean, they can be very reactive or they can, you know, I've cared. Some fam. Some families with kids who have autism where One family would describe it as the kid would have fits. I mean, the kid would become very, very violent with himself, you know, and bang his head and kind of become undone. Like that's a terrible place to be in. You know, you don't want your kid going there and you don't want to do anything getting your kid there. So, okay, so if the kid is not neurotypical and there's not a sense of time is on your side, I think the kinds of things I would suggest is trying to make the case that school will help with the plan that the young person has. You could also do this with the neurotypical kid, but I think you're gonna need it for the kid who's not neurotypical. So make the case of like, oh, influencers tell really amazing stories. Right? That's what makes somebody a good influencer. Your class, reading the material in English and understanding the material in English is going to feed your dreams of being an influencer. Influencers need to track analytics. They need to track what's happening with the trends in their followers. That's math. You're going to need math. Right. I think trying to make that argument might work. The other thing I can think of is if there's an interest in a studio, I need a studio for my influencing. I need more of the carrot. I think stick isn't going to work more carrot. So say we can think about building or finding a way to do your room a little bit to make it more like a studio. Or we can set aside studio time. We can create studio time as part of your schedule. But to do that, we're going to need you to do this, this and this. Right. So it's not you can't have this thing until you get the work done, but it's like you can have this other thing once you start doing the work. And the other thing may be down the line of the dream of being an influencer. So that's what I got.

[A]

No, that's great. And also what I'm hearing you say is don't crush their dream. Like, use it as an opportunity to get them onto the right track, maybe.

[B]

I think that's right. And it, it's interesting. There's a lot of places in parenting where a kid's into something the parent's not into. Right. Like the kid wants to be a drummer. Right. Or the kid wants to be, you know, go into the military. And maybe that's not the parents thing on those. If it means they're building a skill, if it Means they're learning how to work at something. I think we got to have a lot of latitude for it. Right. Teenagers are teenagers. They're autonomous. If they're developing something, then either they get good at the thing they say they want to do, which we have to allow, or they can take that skill set and move it over to other things. Like they know how to work, they know how to get better at something, they know how to self monitor their own progress. Right. Like that can be really good. Back to the. Actually I would say both versions of this story. Right. The neurotypical and the not neurotypical. I just, there's such a strong feel. And do you feel this too of like this kid feels like they're online a lot, like their world is an online world. Like I would just no matter what, try to vary this kid's experience more. You know, less with the video games, less with time online, more with volunteering, more with being in the world.

[A]

Find in real life events and things that, that will force the child to get offline and engage in. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like keep them busy. Right. I mean, I think we worry about kids being busy, but I'm like, you know what? I would take an over scheduled kid over a kid who's online, you know, some ungodly number of hours a day.

[A]

Yeah. So Lisa, when you step back, what do you have for us for parenting to go.

[B]

So for parenting to go. You know, it's interesting to think about like preventatives. Right. If this is an outcome in the eighth grade that like now, now you're really up against it, like there's one more year before high school. This kid is like digging themselves in. You know, it does make me think about all of the things that we do as parents to plug our kids into community and the value of doing that as a preventative of outcomes like this. Right. So kids playing sports or kids doing stuff like School of Rock in some communities is a place where people, kids find their thing and find their people, find their band and then they feel connected in a really meaningful way. So it just, I feel like this letter just underscores like it's not just about driving the kid around. It's not even really about like some like that they're going to go on to play college sports. Like next to no kids go on to play college sports. It's that you want them attached to the real world and real people in the real world and real relationships in the real world because those are valuable and growth giving and also because they help to serve as a check against situations like this one.

[A]

It's great, Lisa. I think it's really hard when you know in your mind this is a crazy idea, but your child has not had the life experience to realize what you do and to kind of bite your tongue or figure out the right way that doesn't create a wedge between you and them. So you've walked us through a lot of, a lot of scenarios here.

[B]

It's a tough one. I really, I really appreciate people writing us with not, not fluff. I mean, this is a tough one.

[A]

Absolutely is. Speaking of tough one or a parenting topic I've never heard about that. We're going to tackle next week. Fan fiction. What do you do when a kid is looking at naughty things in the fiction they're reading at? It's called Romantasy.

[B]

Lisa.

[A]

What?

[B]

Some of it's Romantasy. A lot of it's online fanfiction. This will be one that I am very interested to talk about with you.

[A]

I cannot wait to hear more. I'll see you next week.

[B]

I'll see you next week.

[A]

Thanks for joining us. Be sure to subscribe to the Ask Lisa podcast so you get the episodes just as soon as they drop. And send us your questions to ask [e-mail] and now a word from our lawyers. The advice provided on this podcast does not constitute or serve as a substitute for professionals and psychological treatment, therapy or other types of professional advice or intervention. If you have concerns about your child's well being, consult a physician or mental health professional. If you're looking for additional resources, check out Lisa's [e-mail].