262: Tracking Teens: Safety Tool or Trust Breaker?

Summary

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Episode Overview

Title: Tracking Teens: Safety Tool or Trust Breaker?
Podcast: Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens
Host: Dr. Lisa Damour (clinical psychologist) & Reena Ninan (journalist & mom)
Date: March 10, 2026
Main Theme:
The episode explores whether tracking teens’ locations via digital apps is a responsible safety measure or a breach of trust and privacy. Responding to a letter from a concerned dad, Dr. Damour and Reena unpack the complexities and emotional stakes for both parents and teens around digital monitoring.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Tensions Around Tracking (02:52)

• Listener Letter Context: A dad writes in about conflict with his 16-year-old son, who has started turning off his location tracking, citing a need for privacy, while the dad feels anxious not knowing where he is.

• Lisa’s Immediate Response:

  “It's perfect, Reena. It is perfect. They are both right…This is the picture of healthy adolescence.” (02:52, Dr. Lisa)

• Insight: The scenario is emblematic of the push-pull of adolescence: teens striving for autonomy; parents anxious for their safety.

2. Examining the “Safety” Argument (03:56–08:22)

• Dr. Lisa Challenges the Safety Rationale:
  • Tracking doesn’t guarantee safety: “I have seen kids do all the wrong things in all the right places.” (04:22, Dr. Lisa)
  • Sometimes parents misinterpret location data, leading to unintended consequences.
  • True safety depends on teens’ own choices, not parental surveillance.
  • Quote:

    “We can't keep our kids safe when they're not with us. That's not actually how safety works.” (05:25, Dr. Lisa)

• Alternative Justification – Parental Peace of Mind:
  • Tracking is more about reducing parental anxiety than ensuring actual safety.
  • Reena’s Perspective: She openly admits her discomfort:

    “I want to be able to track my kid…For any parent who needs a scientific reason, there you go, we have it.” (06:27, Reena)

• Lisa’s Candid Admission:

  “I love tracking… I’m totally with you… I wish I could track everybody.” (07:09, Dr. Lisa)

  • Lisa admits her own hypocrisy: she tracks her younger daughter, spouse, and elderly parents.

3. Negotiating Compromises (08:36–11:05)

• Shifting the Conversation:
  • Dr. Lisa suggests being honest about the real motive (“peace of mind”), framing it as a compassionate appeal rather than an issue of trust.

    “It is very hard for me to go to sleep at night if I don't know where you are…just do me a solid.” (08:53, Dr. Lisa)

• Contingency Plans:
  • Lisa recommends a reciprocal agreement: If the teen is in real trouble, he should share his location and reach out.

4. Adjusting for Risky Behavior (11:05–11:25)

• Different Rules for Different Circumstances:
  • If a teen has displayed risky behavior, increased tracking may be justified—sometimes as a condition for continued privileges.
  • Example:

    “The only way they were able to let this kid go out again was that…we need to know where you are at all times for a period of time.” (11:25, Dr. Lisa)

5. Respecting Psychological Needs for Autonomy (19:59–22:54)

• Why Teens Crave Privacy:
  • Adolescence is about practicing independence—even under the same roof.
  • Privacy, hanging out alone, turning off trackers are ways teens stake out autonomy.
  • Quote:

    “We ask of teenagers something nearly impossible: to become independent people while living with us… It's like midwifing their way into adult independence.” (20:48, Dr. Lisa)

  • Losing privacy up to the moment a child leaves for college is “so weird…like it’s falling off a cliff.”

6. The Core Parenting Goal – Maintaining Connection (23:11–24:33)

• The Power of Relationships:
  • The true safety net is a teen’s belief that they can call home if something goes sideways.
  • Prioritizing surveillance over the relationship can damage trust and reduce the likelihood of kids reaching out when it matters.
  • Memorable Quote:

    “It’s relationships that keep teenagers safe… The negotiations around this phone, I think that's actually what you're trying to protect more than your right to know where the kid is.” (23:11, Dr. Lisa)

  • For “well-behaved” teens, Dr. Lisa warns against over-surveillance as it risks eroding the relationship.

7. Age, Family Policy, and Evolving Attitudes (14:55–17:03)

• When is Tracking Okay?
  • Lisa is “pretty easygoing” about tracking for younger kids, especially when it grants more freedom. But as kids mature (16 and up), their calls for privacy gain weight.
• Lisa’s Evolving Perspective:
  • Her own comfort and usage of tracking have increased due to family logistics and convenience, but she recognizes when a child pushes back, it’s time to renegotiate.

    “If the day came where she [younger daughter] was like, it feels creepy…I would have to sort of say, all right, well, here are my concerns…” (13:10, Dr. Lisa)

8. Practical Compromises (18:14–19:59)

• Suggested Family Conversations:
  • Parents should clearly express their motives: “the number one thing in my whole world is you being safe.”
  • Proposing context-specific tracking (e.g., long highway drives) and allowing for “off and on” settings.
  • Inviting teens to propose their own solutions.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “They are both right… This is the picture of healthy adolescence.” (02:52, Dr. Lisa)
• “We can't keep our kids safe when they're not with us. That's not actually how safety works.” (05:25, Dr. Lisa)
• “I love tracking. I’m totally with you… I wish I could track everybody.” (07:09, Dr. Lisa)
• “It is very hard for me to go to sleep at night if I don't know where you are…just do me a solid.” (08:53, Dr. Lisa)
• “The only way they were able to let this kid go out again was that…we need to know where you are at all times for a period of time.” (11:25, Dr. Lisa)
• “We ask of teenagers something nearly impossible: to become independent people while living with us.” (20:48, Dr. Lisa)
• “It's relationships that keep teenagers safe… that's actually what you're trying to protect more than your right to know where the kid is.” (23:11, Dr. Lisa)

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Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-----------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:52 | Dr. Lisa’s initial response – both teen and parent are “right;” healthy conflict is part of adolescence. | | 04:22 | The limits of tracking as a safety tool; misinterpretations, lack of real control. | | 05:25 | Why true safety comes from teens’ own choices, not surveillance. | | 07:09 | Hosts discuss their personal affection—and hypocrisy—around tracking family members. | | 08:53 | Framing tracking as a favor asked for parental peace of mind. | | 11:25 | When risky behavior makes tracking a justified condition. | | 13:10 | When and how to discuss changing tracking behaviors with mature kids. | | 20:48 | The psychological necessity for teens to carve out autonomy—even from loving parents. | | 23:11 | Why preserving a strong parent-teen bond matters more than the ability to track. |

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Takeaway Advice ("Parenting To Go")

• Core Guidance: Prioritize maintaining a trusting, open parent-child relationship over asserting the right to track at all costs. Focus on communication, mutual respect, and creative compromises.
• Key Principle:

  “The thing that keeps the kids safe is a good working relationship with at least one loving adult. So the negotiations around this phone, I think that's actually what you're trying to protect more than your right to know where the kid is.” (23:11, Dr. Lisa)

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Summary for Busy Parents

• Tracking teens is emotionally charged for both parties and requires acknowledging both parental anxieties and teens’ developmental needs for privacy.
• The safety argument for tracking is less robust than often assumed; true safety derives from open communication and mutual trust.
• Compromises can include situational tracking, committed check-ins, and clear, honest family policies.
• The “negotiation” around tracking is ultimately less about technology and more about relationship-building and preparing kids for independence.

If you’re wrestling with whether or how to track your teen, ask yourself: Does this enhance our relationship and honor their growing autonomy—or does it risk undermining trust?

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Transcript

[A]

Tell me a parenting issue everyone struggles with with tweens and teens, but no one talks about.

[B]

Rena. I think a lot of people feel like they just don't know how to connect to their kid anymore.

[A]

I'm Rena Neinen and welcome to Ask Lisa the Psychology of Raising Tweens and teens.

[B]

And I'm Dr. Lisa Damore. We bring you science backed strategies for managing anxiety, discipline, intense emotions and more.

[A]

We decode tough parenting issues with tips you can use right now. So subscribe to Ask Lisa the Psychology of Raising Tweens and Teens and join our YouTube community. Today, just Google Ask Lisa podcast.

[B]

We're here to help you untangle family life.

[A]

Episode 262 Tracking Teens Safety tool or trust breaker? You know, one of the things about parenting that I love in the digital era is you can kind of see where your kid is. They can kind of see where I am, how close I am to pick up if I'm really, really where I say I am.

[B]

I'm on my way. I'm on my way.

[A]

That's exactly right. Exactly right. But I love that we're taking on this topic about, you know, is it really okay to continue tracking your teens as they get older? What do we need? How do we need to think about this? I'd love to get into this letter, Lisa.

[B]

Yeah, do it.

[A]

Dear Dr. Lisa, I'm writing because I'm stuck in a standoff with my 16 year old son and I'm not sure what to do. Until recently, we used location sharing on his phone. It wasn't something we talked much about. It was just part of the deal mostly. So I knew he got where he said he was going and could find him if something went sideways. A few weeks ago, I realized his location was no longer available. When I asked about it, he. He told me calmly, not defiantly, that he'd started turning off his location sharing so he, quote, wouldn't be tracked. Part of me understands that he's a teenager and wants privacy. Another part of me feels genuinely anxious. This is a kid who's driving more, staying out later, and spending time in places I don't always know well. I'm not trying to spy on him, but knowing where he is has actually helped me sleep at night. When I explained that, he pushed back. He said it makes him feel like I don't trust him and that he deserves some autonomy. He also pointed out, accurately, that he's never been in serious trouble and generally does what he's supposed to do. Now we're locked in a Loop. I worry that turning off his phone is unsafe, and he insists that being tracked is unfair. I'd really appreciate your guidance on how to think this through and how to talk about it with my son in a way that doesn't turn this into a power struggle. We both lose. Thank you. A concerned and tired dad. So, Lisa, who's right? The dad or the kid?

[B]

It's perfect, Reina. It is perfect. They are both right. They are both right. There's no answer on this one. Where that is anything other than this is the picture of healthy adolescence. And it is we. Why teenagers are hard. It's why teenagers are hard. We cannot guarantee their safety. We do lose sleep worrying about them and where they are and what they're up to. This, Rena, I have found over the years is an irreducible reality of having a teenager. And I get it where the kid is coming from, and I get it where the dad is coming from. So they gotta figure this out. I mean, we can try to help, but, like, there is no slam dunk answer on this one.

[A]

So on the part of trying to figure this out, I think all of us parents feel the dad's concern. You just kind of want to know, and especially if, you know there are new locations that he's going to be at or maybe new friendships, you just want to know. Especially at night, you know, you really do. So what would you say about the dad's worry here?

[B]

So I will tell you, like, the convenience. The dad is centering this on safety. And I actually don't think he has much of a leg to stand on. And I. But I do think. I do see why he's bringing that up with the kid, right? Because the kid might be like, why do you need this? And if it has as well it's a safety thing, then there seems to be an argument there. I actually don't agree. I think there's a couple things, you know, one is I have seen kids do all the wrong things in all the right places, right? Like the parent thinks they're like, oh, they're at that very tame household. The kid is doing all sorts of things they should not be doing at that household. I have also seen kids who are in the parent feels to be the wrong place, who are. Actually, I had a kid get in big trouble. Her parent had told her not to go to a particular house after a homecoming dance. And then her date wanted to go to a party there. And the girl went to drop the kid off, her date off at the party and was headed Home. And the parent was watching this and thought that his daughter was going to the party and got super pissed and she got. And she, like, she actually was conforming. So I think, I think the safety question is a tricky one. Is a really tricky one because the other thing, and I feel this very strongly, we can't keep our kids safe when they're not with us. That's not actually how safety works. And so if your kid is out and about, you are basically having to assume that they can keep themselves safe. And so I think to say I track you to keep you safe. Well, I don't want some teenager thinking I'm at a party, I can do whatever I want because eventually somebody will find me. Like, that's not the kind of reasoning that actually keeps kids safe. So I don't think the safety argument holds up. I think the parent peace of mind argument can. Right. Like if the parent is like, I need to know that you are at the house where I think you are so I can go to sleep or I need to know that you are, you know, you're later than I thought you would be coming back from this, you know, sports event. I am now worrying that you have gotten into a terrible accident. I can look and see that your car is moving along at a steady pace towards the house. Now I can go to sleep and trust that you'll be home at a reasonable hour. Like, if there's an argument to be made, it's the parent peace of mind argument. But I don't know that the parent peace of mind argument outmatches the teen privacy argument. What do you think?

[A]

Well, I, I want to be able to track my kid, you know, I want to be able to know where they are. Quite frankly, I just, I know it. So I'm, quite frankly, I'm having difficulty accepting this answer because I'm on the dad's side. And I do agree with the safety piece because I think that is legit. You know, they're. What is it? Their frontal cortex? Their front.

[B]

Yeah, their prefrontal cortex is still developing. They make bad choices. They definitely do.

[A]

For any parent who needs a scientific reason, there you go, we have it. But I understand you're also trying to protect the teen here. But I just, I mean, I know someone who tracks her 80 year old mother, you know, is able to know where she is, you know, at any given time, actually.

[B]

And I now track my folks because they are well into their 80s. And Reena, I will tell you, I mean, we did an episode on this several years ago. My own tracking activity has changed dramatically in that time. And I frankly love tracking. Like, I will. I'm totally with you. I track my husband, I track my 15 year old. I track my parents. And sometimes I'm like, I wish I could track everybody. I have my work wife who at my office, and I'm always like, oh, is she on her way? I'm like, why can't I track her? Because she's a grown adult who I don't have any reason to track. But I love tracking. I love tracking my younger daughter. And I am such a hypocrite because I will tell you that tracking has allowed me to let my younger daughter, my 15 year old, do more of what she wants because I'm like, well, I can see her walk into her friend's house and I can see she got there. So I. I absolutely am with you on the complexity of this. And yet I am thinking this is a 16 year old who has said it feels like an invasion of my privacy. I have done nothing to make you think that I need to be tracked. I don't want it. And I think the reason I'm coming down on the kid's side. Yeah, yeah, go for it.

[A]

No, Okay, I hear you. On the kid's side. I hear you. But why is this child shutting the tracker off in certain moments when, especially if it's at night, I want to know where. So I'm having difficulty accepting your answer today, Lisa.

[B]

I know, I know. I love it. I love it. I think a lot of people will. I think a lot of people will. Okay, So I think that if the dad needs to make the case, if the dad truly needs to make the case, he's gonna have to go through the peace of mind door.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like that. It is very hard for me to go to sleep at night if I don't know where you are. And frankly, you know, you're a good kid. I'm going to give you a re. You know, if you want to stay out till midnight or whatever the driving laws in our community allow by way of curfew, I'm okay with that. But I actually also don't want to stay up until you get in the house. So, you know, I think that there may be a conversation where the dad says, buddy, just do me a solid. It's not that I actually don't trust you. It's that I need to sleep at night. Is that an opening? Right. Because that I think, is actually more. I think that's usually what the issue is. Right. Because if we play out the safety thing, you worry that your kid has gotten into an accident. Say that. That's the worry. You worry that your kid has gotten into an accident and they're not coming home and you need to see where their car is. That is the worry. Okay. What can you do in that moment to have addressed this problem? Not really anything like it's happened. Right. The solution is not in the hands of the parent in this moment. The solution is elsewhere. Okay. You worry your kid is passed out drunk at a party, right. And you are texting and calling them. Or you worry that your kid's gone to the wrong house. If the kid has passed out drunk at a party and you're texting and calling and they're not responding, but you can see they're at the party. You don't know if they're passed out drunk or if they're just not responding to you. What are you going to do? Are you going to drive over to the party? Right. I mean, like, if you actually play out all the safety stuff, it's hard to come up with situations where the parent knowing the kid's location is the thing that's going to keep the kid safe. Right. It's really hard. What I will say, I think there's two, like, places the dad could try to like, make some headway. One is like, buddy, just let me sleep at night. That's the only reason. It's not that I don't trust you. The other is, I will be okay with this. But we need to agree that if you ever feel like you're in a jam, you're going to send me your location and I will come for you. Right. Like, so that's a way where the parent can say, you are able to keep yourself safe and you are making good decisions and I'm going to generally trust that. Also, things go sideways for teenagers sometimes. And I am on your team and I am on your side and I'm going to count on you to reach out to me if that happens.

[A]

I wonder if your advice, I mean, you seem to sort of really lay out the teen side on this and kind of supporting that standpoint of helping us understand that this is a well behaved teen. I mean, in this letter the dad says he's never been in serious trouble. Would your guidance be different if it was a teen showing us risky behavior?

[B]

I think it would. I think it would. And actually clinically I've cared for a family where the teen did do something really dumb, got very, very drunk at a party. Ended up in the er. Right. Okay. So like terrible nightmare scenario. Right? Terrible scenario. And you know, the parents had tracking on the fact that they had tracking did not prevent this from happening. And the only way they were able to let this kid go out again was that he, they said we're going to track you and we need to know where you are at all times for a period of time. And that was actually the thing that allowed him to leave the house at all. I mean they were basically ready to be like, you're on house arrest for good. For good, for good. So I think there's that situation. I'm also thinking though, like, I'm really trying to be sympathetic to like, I get it, like a lot of people feel like this is a safety issue. This is a safety issue and I really don't want to be dismissive of that while prioritizing the fact that like I don't think it's worth blowing up a relationship with a good 16 year old who's behaving. I mean they're all good, you know, well behaved 16 year old over surveillance questions. Right. I think that's why I'm coming down so strongly on the kids side. Are there other scenarios though? Like I think we think about like, what if there were a terrible event at a kid's school, right. Like would, would tracking somehow benefit anybody? Right. Like, can you think that one through with me? Like, what do you think?

[A]

Just being able to know where they are. You're able to.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, and I think that's always the concern as a parent. You just, it gives you a peace of mind just knowing, okay, they got to where they, they are or they, they're at where they are. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, and maybe it's instead of saying, I just want to know where you are for safety, maybe it's, you have to say what it really is, which is it puts my mind at ease and maybe that's the way we need to frame it.

[B]

I think that usually I think that's honestly, you know, well, they're connected obviously. Right. Like we're. Our worries about their safety then mess with our peace of mind. But we don't really keep them safe by tracking them though. There may be situations I'm not thinking of, but I'm trying to think of them. But I think saying it just, it just makes me more at ease and it, and frankly it allows me to grant you more freedom. Right. I think there's a lot of, you know, that's an argument that I really believe like we want kids to be having more freedom. And if this is something in this anxious universe in which we exist that makes that possible, that's probably, you know, a net benefit. Right. And, and I'm thinking about my own hypocrisy where I'm saying, like, I totally track my 15 year old, right? And part of it is she isn't bristling at it. If the day came where she was like, it feels creepy, like this kid is saying it feels creepy, I would be in the very uncomfortable position of having to be where this dad is, which is. But I still like it, I want to do it. And you don't want me to do it. But I think if I'm really honest about it, I would have to sort of say to her, all right, well, here are my concerns. I, I need to know that you're going to be in touch with me if something goes wrong. If you're going to be out late. I think I want to revisit this question of going to sleep at night. And can we maybe have a conversation about tracking you for certain situations where you turn the tracking off and on? But it's not an all the time thing. I think that that's some of what I would want to have to think through.

[A]

Is there an age where up until this age it's always okay and totally acceptable to track your kid?

[B]

I don't know. I mean, I think, I think there's lots of families who have devices of one kind or another that they use with younger kids that actually let the kids roam more free. And I'm a pretty big fan of those. I know in some of our suburban communities around here, like, you know, they're, whether they're watches or things like that, where it's the thing that lets the family be like, yeah, take your bike, you know, just, you know, well, as long as we know where you are. So I think that I'm very easygoing about. I think this 16 year old's like right in that sweet spot of like, I get it, I totally get it. Where the kid doesn't like it and the parent still wants it. I do think, I think there's really interesting questions about tracking kids at college, right when you are home and your kid is at college. I do not track my college age daughter. She does not want to be tracked. If I asked her, she'd say no. But Reena, back to your point, there was a night where she was getting back to college and it was late. Her sister tracks her and I asked to see her sister's phone to know that she had made it back to her dorm. Right. So I can live in the complexity of this while also calling. A lot of questions about whether tracking kids actually keeps them safe. But I wanted to go to bed, and I needed to know she was back in her dorm. And I wasn't 100% sure that if I texted her saying, let me know when you get back to your dorm, I don't know that she would have caught it. She's very good about turning her phone off. Like, I mean, like, I cheated.

[A]

I don't know if that's really cheating. I think that's good to have back way options to get in. You know, we talked about tracking a few seasons ago, and, you know, so much changes so quickly in the digital space, but I'm just curious if your thought process on this has changed at all since we spoke about it a few seasons ago.

[B]

I think my sympathy for tracking has gone up. I think a few seasons ago, I wasn't tracking as much as I am now. I didn't like it as much as I do now. And, you know, a lot of what I'm using it for, Rena, and I think a lot of families are. My younger daughter runs cross country, and so she has meets all over northeast Ohio, and there are long bus rides back. And I'm not worried about the safety of the bus so much as, like, I want to know how much time I have before I need to get in my car to go pick her up at school. Right. And so being able to see where her. She is is a huge asset. So there's. I think what we're opening up is if we call it what it is, right. That it's a lot of peace of mind. Right. It's not necessarily safety. It's like, I need to. I just want to be able to know that you got back to your dorm safe or that, you know, how far you're. Sometimes it's convenience, right? Like how far away you are. If a kid didn't want to be tracked, I think you could also then say, okay. But then the trade off is I still need the peace of mind. Right. So I need you to text me that you got back to your dorm, or I need you to text me that you got to the party safely. Or, like, I think that's probably where you could meet a kid halfway. What do you think?

[A]

Yeah, no, I think that's a great. I actually wanted to come back to this dad and the son and ask you about that. Like, what is the compromise here. So is that what you would suggest for them?

[B]

I think that it would be something I'd have the dad put on the table, which is like, this is a peace of mind issue. So it's not about you being a bad kid. You're a great kid. It's just that I love you so much and I worry about you and I just need to know you're safe, you know? And I think, I think sometimes saying that like the number one thing in my whole world is you being safe. Right? Like nothing matters in my world if you're not safe. Right. I think reminding adolescents that what can feel like hovering or surveillance, it doesn't, it's not about trust almost all the time. So I think that may soften the kid on being like, okay, fine, if that's what it's about, you could drag me. I doubt it. But then I think the dad may say, here's a solution I can think of that would let me sleep at night. What do you think about it? What other solutions do you have? Right. I mean, the kid may be able to come up with stuff. It's nice that tracking can be turned off and on so easily. So there may be scenarios where the dad says, you know what, you're going to be on a highway for three hours. I'm only cool with this if I can just know that you're not. That you're moving along at a steady pace. Like it's not about safe, it's not about me trusting you. It's just, I'm just going to be anxious because you're on the highway. Right. I think there may be some room to work in that. But if the kids, if the kid's done nothing, if the kid's done nothing to raise questions about his judgment or his behavior. I have a lot of respect for kids rights to have privacy, guys.

[A]

I'm surprised. I didn't expect that to be what you say, you know, I mean, you've always been on the side of we've got to be realistic about technology. Right. We have to have realistic parameters. You've always been on the side of that. Is there something psychologically that we should know about why teens choose to shut their location services on and off? Like why? For parents who don't understand, because we're so consumed by the safety issue and we, this is maybe our first kind of head to head on a big issue that's, that's of importance. But why are they doing it? Why do they feel so emphatic about it? Because I Feel like what I am missing in this podcast is understanding why. You really get why this is important for them.

[B]

It's such a. It's such a key question, I think, that we ask of teenagers something that's nearly impossible, which is to become independent people while living with us. I think this is an extraordinary ask, right? Like, I know what my kid ate. I know what she wore. I know if her socks didn't match, right? I mean, I know so much about my kid who lives under my roof, and yet this is a kid who, in theory, is supposed to be getting ready to leave us and move on and become a fully fledged mini adult when she moves out. I think that so much of how teenagers try to address this basically impossible task of becoming independent while living under our roofs is to accomplish some sort of psychological autonomy, right? They hang out in their rooms and close the door. They want to be out and about without us knowing where they are or what they're up to. It's like midwifing their way into adult independence. If we have total knowledge of every aspect of what they're up to, where they are, what they're doing up until the moment they go on. Right? Move out. That's so weird. Like, that's like it's falling off a cliff, right? The kid's trying to actually do something in between. So I think I just have kind of a. Just a general respect for the ways in which teenagers try to carve out a sense of an independent life while we know when their next ortho appointment is. You know, I mean, it's just like. It's such a funny thing, you know? It's such a funny thing. So I. I am. I. I just. I value it for kids, and I've. We had it, Reina. We had it. And there's not a lot of evidence, I think. I mean, setting aside, frankly, gun violence, like, I don't know that the world's less safe now than it was. And I don't know that you can set aside gun violence. But like, we. Our parents. Our parents didn't. They lost some sleep because we were teenagers.

[A]

Great perspective, Lisa. Great perspective. And it's also hard, I think, sometimes for us to accept that we are preparing them for independence when it's the opposite of what we have done for decades with them. So, yeah, it's a good reminder. It's a very good reminder. So what do you have for us for parenting to go?

[B]

I think the reason. It's. So despite all my hypocrisies and all of the yeah, buts and all the asterisks on my guidance here. I think the reason I have such a strong sense of like, you gotta meet this kid where they are maybe even more than halfway, is it's relationships that keep teenagers safe. If you want to know what keeps a teenager safe is it's their sense that if something goes sideways, I can call my folks, right? And I know this, like, to my marrow, right, the kid who doesn't feel like they can reach out to their parents because they are, you know, they don't have parents who are trustworthy or who, you know, they feel comfortable doing that with. Those kids make me the most anxious in terms of their safety. And so given that this teenager is being reasonable, being respectful has not given the dad any reason to think that he's up to something he shouldn't be. I think there's a real hazard if the dad is insistent that it could damage this relationship. And I'm like, that's the safety measure. Like, that is the safety measure of the phone. Like, kids can ghost, they can turn off their phones, they can do all sorts of things. The thing that keeps the kids safe is a good working relationship with at least one loving adult. So the negotiations around this phone, I think that's actually what you're trying to protect more than your right to know where the kid is.

[A]

Well, thank you, Lisa. Thank you so much for your perspective and for getting us to look at a situation that feels so problematic, but from a totally different. I feel like this was an out of body experience trying to see what it's like for the teen. But no, I appreciate it. Next week, Lisa, we're going to talk about a daughter who is very obsessed with her appearance. I'll see you next week.

[B]

I'll see you next week.

[A]

Thanks for joining us. Be sure to subscribe to the Ask Lisa podcast so you get the episodes just as soon as they drop. And send us your questions to Ask lisa@drlisa d'amour.com and now a word from our lawyers. The advice provided on this podcast does not constitute or serve as a substitute for professional psychological treatment therapy or other types of professional advice or intervention. If you have concerns about your child's well being, consult a physician or mental health professional. If you're looking for additional resources, check out Lisa's website at drlisademoore.com satisfaction.