Hello and welcome to another episode of Authentically ADHD. I’m Carmen, and today we’re diving into how the holiday season feels through the eyes (and brain) of someone with AuDHD – that is, co-occurring autism and ADHD. For many of us, the holidays can feel less “holly jolly” and more like a perfect storm of stress. In this episode we’ll explore why the season can be extra hard, what it looks and feels like, and science-backed strategies to survive (and maybe even enjoy) the holidays. Whether you’re a newly diagnosed adult or a parent of a neurodivergent child, this one’s for you.

What Is AuDHD? (Autism + ADHD)

First, a quick science check. Autism and ADHD often go hand in hand. In fact, research suggests roughly 50–70% of autistic people also meet criteria for ADHD. Likewise, about two-thirds of people with ADHD have another condition like autism. In plain terms, having AuDHD means your brain experiences both sets of traits – the social-pragmatic and sensory sensitivities of autism and the attention-dopamine challenges of ADHD.

This combination can feel like a constant tug-of-war in the mind. One part of you craves novelty and spontaneity (hello, ADHD!), while another part craves predictability and routine (hello, autism!). Imagine loving new experiences but also needing your favorite cookie recipe exactly the same every year. The result? It can be disorienting: you might feel like you “don’t fit” neatly into either camp. Some people with AuDHD describe it as an internal “tug-of-war” or seesaw: one side impulsive and messy, the other organized and anxious to plan.

In practice, AuDHD often means compensating and crashing. For example, someone’s autism-driven focus might compensate for their ADHD-driven distractibility at work, or vice versa – ADHD-driven chaos can overwhelm autistic need-for-order, leaving them paralyzed by overwhelm. Dopamine is also at play: ADHD brains naturally crave dopamine and may impulsively seek novelty to get it. This can collide with autistic routines (which prefer sameness), causing even more internal conflict. All of this can be exhausting, but it also means AuDHD brains are vividly tuned in and often intensely creative. Think of it as life on high-intensity mode – colorful and chaotic, requiring constant balancing.

Why the Holidays Are Extra Challenging

Now layer on the holidays, and the pressure cooker heats way up. Even neurotypical people report elevated stress: one survey found 62% of adults felt “very or somewhat” more stressed during the holidays than at other times of year. But for AuDHD brains, the holidays can amplify every stressor:

Routines Disrupted: The holidays upend our anchors. School break means new daily rhythms, late nights, irregular meals – everything that might keep an autistic-AuDHD person grounded gets flipped. As one ND observer notes, “routines are often our anchor, and when they’re pulled away, it can leave us adrift”. Even small changes (late start on Monday, new host home, delayed bedtime) can throw our whole system off.

Sensory Overload: Holiday sights, sounds, and smells come at you hard. Think bright lights, loud music, clanging dishes, lots of chatter, and maybe even firecrackers or poppers. These environments can push a neurodivergent nervous system into sensory overwhelm. In fact, decorations blaring carols while a dozen relatives talk at once – that’s the classic recipe for sensory overload. Neuroscience explains it as bombarding the five senses: your brain goes into fight-or-flight mode, and it can stay on high alert even after you’re home. One ADHD resource describes this: “the body’s nervous system shifts into ‘fight-or-flight’ mode… After the event, the body may remain on high alert, struggling to return to a relaxed baseline – leading to fatigue, overstimulation, and emotional shutdown.”. In short, holiday clamor can fry an AuDHD brain.

Social and Family Dynamics: Holidays often mean forced proximity. You’re expected to play nice at a crowded party, join in traditions, maybe hug or kiss relatives, and make small talk. That’s a lot of unstructured social juggling. Neurodivergent people often need more downtime than society assumes, but the holidays cram intense social demands into the shortest days of winter. Feeling like you should be joyful and festive can clash with feeling drained, anxious, or withdrawn. This is the “disconnect between ‘should’ and ‘feel’” one psychologist talks about: everyone else is pretending joy, but you might feel agitated, melancholic, or exhausted instead. In fact, holiday stress can bring out “regressive” feelings: snapping at family, ruminating on past hurts, or longing for a perfect moment that never happens.

Executive Overload: Then there’s all the planning and to-dos. Making a menu, shopping for gifts, wrapping, hosting – the holiday season can demand supercharged executive function. Neuroscience shows that high demands on the prefrontal cortex (the brain’s planning center) can impair memory and even slow down new brain cell growth. In other words, tackling 1,000 tasks can literally short-circuit our focus and memory. A coaching article notes that the “mental burden” of remembering everything impedes memory and interferes with brain-cell production. Even if you usually manage your ADHD well, the holiday juggle can make you feel like you’re losing control. It’s no wonder stress and forgetfulness skyrocket.

Emotional Intensity: Holidays can stir deep emotions. The idea of a “perfect family celebration” is a myth, and that gap can trigger sadness, anxiety, or frustration. A 1950s concept called “Holiday Syndrome” described it well: diffuse anxiety, irritability, helplessness, and nostalgic/bitter rumination about past experiences. Many people (autistic or not) feel a low-grade hum of agitation or melancholy under the tinsel and carols If you’re also AuDHD, ADHD’s emotional dysregulation can supercharge those feelings. Research on ADHD shows that after a high-energy event, brains can “crash” with deep fatigue or emptiness as dopamine levels plummet. So after a big family gathering you might feel emotionally drained – like you’ve hit a wall. As one expert puts it, the ADHD brain gets a dopamine surge in the moment, then a drop afterward, leading to confusion and exhaustion. Cue the tears or irritability after the decorations are taken down.

In short, every holiday pressure – social expectations, sensory chaos, broken routines, endless chores – hits AuDHD brains all at once. It’s like the perfect neurodivergent stress cocktail. One Autism/ADHD coach even calls the holidays “every AuDHD stressor at once”: unpredictability + social evaluation + sensory intensity + disrupted routines. No wonder we might feel totally fried by Dec 25.\

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What It Feels Like: Overwhelm, Meltdowns, and Masking

So what does all that actually feel like? Picture this: You step into a brightly lit living room filled with holiday music, clinking dishes, and chatty people. Immediately, your senses are on high alert. You feel your heart rate up (fight-or-flight kick in), your thoughts start racing, and your tolerance for noise plummets. You might grit your teeth through forced smiles, struggling to follow 5 conversations at once. In that moment, you’re using every bit of your brain’s executive function – planning what to say, filtering stimulation, remembering everyone’s names, and suppressing the urge to bolt for silence. It’s exhausting.

Later, when you finally escape, you might hit the proverbial wall. Suddenly you feel mentally numb, weepy, or totally blank. This is the classic AuDHD “crash.” As one ADHD writer explains, after the stimulus ends “your brain experiences a dopamine drop – leading to emotional disorientation, fatigue, or a deep sense of emptiness.”. You could become super-snappy or oversensitive (even minor things trigger tears or rage). You might replay awkward conversations and feel a wave of guilt or paranoia. Or you might simply withdraw – closing your eyes, zoning out, or curling up until you “recharge.” These aren’t just mood swings; they’re neurological reactions to overload.

Kids and adults alike can shut down too – becoming nonverbal, hiding, or refusing to participate. You might have meltdowns (full emotional blow-ups) or shutdowns (going blank). It might look like bursts of crying, rage, or stimming (repetitive self-soothing behaviors). This is especially common if surprises disrupt expected plans. And if you’re masking (pretending to be “normal”), this takes even more energy. One psychologist notes that neurodivergent folks “must mask extra hard” during holidays when everyone expects cheer, which makes us even more exhausted and anxious.

If you’re a parent, you might watch your neurodivergent child display these behaviors. Maybe your teen suddenly “shuts down” mid-game, or your kindergarten child bursts into tears over a drop of water on a new shirt. They might meltdown over something as small as being served pie in a different dish, or hyperfocus on one toy ignoring the party around them. Either way, the feeling inside is similar: overwhelmed, dysregulated, and just done.

It may help to know: You are not alone and not wrong. Feeling relief when others appear joyful, or feeling resentful for holiday expectations, is norm...