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Autism Parenting Secrets
Financial Clarity Reduces Overwhelm
00:34:57
Ann Hynek joins the show to explain why financial planning for families navigating autism and developmental disabilities must begin with clarity, not numbers. She shares practical insights for reducing overwhelm by aligning financial decisions with a family’s goals, values, and long-term vision. The secret this week is… Financial Clarity Reduces Overwhelm
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- [00:00]
A
What happens when I'm not here? And I think a lot of us think, like, I'll be well into my 80s before that's even a thing. But things happen, you know, and you might not be 80 just having a plan in place where it's like, I know that if something were to happen to me tomorrow, this would all be figured out and my child, my loved one, will be taken care of in the best possible way because I put this framework in place, I put this roadmap in place.
- [00:32]
B
If you're a parent of a child with autism, you are being called to rise with love, courage and clarity. This journey isn't easy and most parents aren't equipped, but you can be. This podcast is your invitation to rise higher because how you navigate matters. I'm Len and this is Autism Parenting Secrets, where you become the parent your child needs now. Hello and welcome. Today, this week, we're going to talk about something that every parent supporting a child with complex challenges eventually faces. How to make better decisions when there are so many competing priorities. And it's really easy to focus on what feels urgent right now. The therapies, the practitioners, schools, supplements, interventions while unintentionally neglecting the bigger picture and the long term plan for your child and family. So today's conversation is about clarity before tactics and strategy before reaction, and why the right guidance and roadmap can help families move forward more intentionally. My guest is Anne Hynek. She is the founder of Hestia wealth and Wellness, where she helps families navigating autism and other developmental disabilities create thoughtful long term plans with greater clarity, confidence and support. After her own son was diagnosed with autism at age 3, Ann realized families need far more than financial advice. They need guidance, trusted relationships, and a roadmap that helps them move forward intentionally. The secret this week is financial clarity reduces overwhelm. Welcome, Ann.
- [02:14]
A
Great to be here, Len. And yes, that's the hope. Financial clarity reduces overwhelm. Because goodness knows, of families that we work with, there's a lot of. Of overwhelm.
- [02:24]
B
Overwhelm on a lot of fronts. Right. So financial. The financial piece tends to not get the immediate focus correct, but that is absolutely a source of overwhelm. And like every other aspect of the journey, there's actions you can take to reduce that overwhelm, which is why I'm excited to have this conversation.
- [02:42]
A
Likewise.
- [02:43]
B
So maybe, I guess the best place to start is with your own journey. So your son was diagnosed when he was three. He was going back to that moment. What do you wish Someone would understand much earlier about navigating this journey that you wish you knew even, you know, just a few years ago when your
- [03:01]
A
son was diagnosed, before I founded my company, I was trying to, as any, every parent does, trying to navigate a system that is fragmented. And again, I think the word of the day is overwhelming. But then of course there's also that emotional aspect of a diagnosis. And so that just compounds that sense of urgency and that sense of I gotta get this right the first time because I only have one shot. And it was interesting because I, you know, I went down the Google rabbit hole and there were resources seemingly all over the place, but obviously it's hard to know which one is right. And then when you do find one, you know, everyone seems to have their own experience and their own bit of advice and, and that advice tends to be fragmented. So for example, try this therapist or apply for these benefits, or talk to this attorney or go get an able account. And no one really asked, you know, what kind of life do you want for yourself and for your child? And I think ultimately that would have probably been the question that would have brought me the most relief because I think we feel so out of control sometimes just trying to live the day to day. And if someone would have said, you know, well, what do you want versus what do you have to do in this moment? I think would have, would have brought some, a sense of calm in the,
- [04:29]
B
in the chaos that's very powerful and important. And really, it's saying it another way. It really comes down to helping a parent get clearer on the vision. What are they going after? Which sounds so obvious, but in the throes of a diagnosis, your focus may not be on that long term vision.
- [04:47]
A
Exactly. And so I think, you know, to that exact point, people are thinking, how am I going to save for this? How am I going to pay for this? Do I need an able account? And ultimately, the financial plan and the plan in general just should not begin with numbers. It should begin with clarity, as you said. And so the way that I like to think about it is breaking clarity essentially into three separate buckets. So you start with your goals, you have your values, and then you create that vision. So when we're talking about goals, that's really the practical piece of it, right? So do we want to work towards independent living? Are we thinking that we want someday supported employment? Are we going to focus on working towards college? Is a day program something that would make sense? Like what are, what are we trying to do to accomplish in the now and Then ultimately those, those decisions will impact the financial strategy. But setting the goals are, are just the beginning. And I think, you know, if you, if we consider the next bucket, which is values, values are different from goals. And I know that's probably stating the obvious, but the way that I like to think about it is values are really that emotional layer. Like that's where the emotions come into play. Two families can have the exact same diagnosis and have completely different decisions because their, their values are different. So for example, one family may prioritize, really working towards independence for their loved one, while others really value safety and having that long term supervision and you know, they're going to, they're going to live with me forever. And then some families value you inclusion in mainstream environments and others prefer, you know what, let's just focus on emotional stability and reduced stress in any possible way we can get it. And then I think as we move on to that third, that third bucket vision, that's really where the long term picture comes in and that's really asking yourself what do you want life to look like in 5, 10, 30 years down the road? So like really, really looking at like what adulthood is going to look like for our loved one, who will care for them as we as parents age, how siblings might fit into the picture and really just what quality looks like for all family members. The focus is obviously on the individual. They are the number one priority. But you have to remember that you as the caretaker also have to consider what works best for you. Like yes, you want to be able to do everything and be the support that they need, but ultimately that's not possible and ultimately that's not good for you in the long run. So I feel like as we, as we discussed, many families are just trying to get through the day today. And of course it's hard to imagine and even scary to imagine, you know, the next few decades. But when that clarity exists, I feel like financial decisions become much easier because there is context. It's like, why am I making this decision? Why am I choosing this solution? And you have that framework in place to help you guide those decisions.
- [08:12]
B
I appreciate all those three pillars that you mentioned. They're all extremely important and they're iterative, they're all interrelated. And what you just characterized, right, is how wildly unique this journey is both for the child and as well as for the parent and that family. And sure, I mean, there's no question that the values that you have will inform the goals that you set or the vision that you have. And it's something that a lot of us don't walk around with the list of what our values are. So it's a little bit deeper to kind of tap into what matters most. But without those things in place, Right, there's chaos. If you don't have any goals, there's chaos. It's just you're going from one thing to another. If you have no vision, you have no way to evaluate anything that you're doing to see if it relates to what you're going for. So having a vision is really important, and it's very personal. And some parents may have, you know, a vision that's an improvement over perhaps what's happening now. And some may have this huge leap that they're going for that they want for their child. And that's where I've learned not to judge anyone else's vision. Parents can. Can unapologetically go for what they want.
- [09:24]
A
Right.
- [09:24]
B
And if they do that, which many parents don't have, that clear vision, then it becomes much easier to discern what the best moves are in terms of what's gonna help your child the most.
- [09:36]
A
Yeah, absolutely. And I think it's also. And I'm sure. I'm sure you face this all the time in your practice. It's like, goals will change, you know, and that's. And that's perfectly fine. I know. You know, my son will be starting second grade in the fall, and one of my first questions when he was diagnosed was, well, do I even need to save for college? And I was getting ahead of myself a little bit there. I'm setting the vision that I am hoping for, but I also understand that things can change, and sometimes things might not work out the way that you expect them to. And I think that's why it's so important to have those values in place as well, because it's like, okay, I want him to be independent, but that might not necessarily mean college. You know, it's all. It's all relative in terms of what someone is capable of and what they will eventually be capable of. Potentially.
- [10:35]
B
Yes. That makes a lot of sense to me. And it brings me right back to the key concept that comes up in every aspect of, you know, navigating a diagnosis like autism or whatever the case may be. It's always about a balance between different things. So it's never black and white. So in this case, goals are really important. A vision is incredibly important. Goals are really important. Not having them can only create more friction. But just because you create a vision or you Have a vision or create a goal doesn't mean it's locked in, but having, having some stake in the ground is so beneficial and essential. And yes, as things change, you can tweak, you can change your, your. And perhaps as things unfold, goals don't matter at all other than what you're doing right now. And so you can set a goal and have it and really bring your best self toward it. And if you don't achieve that goal, it's not an utter failure because you've learned so much, but it really does. Goals really do help you channel your focus. I know I would be reluctant to setting a vision or a goal if I didn't think I could attain it. But you don't have to have certainty. You can still do it and they can still serve you even if they change or, you know, things fall short of what you might be hoping for.
- [11:52]
A
Also, just going back to what I mentioned earlier, earlier about having the same diagnosis but having a completely different thought of what success looks like. I think we may all at some point in our lives set a goal of I want to be successful. And what that means to me might be completely different than what it means to you, Len. And that's, it's the same when it comes to long term planning for a loved one. You know, success for them might be living on their own, but for you it might be, I will be equipped to take care of them until my last breath, you know, and it doesn't make one better than the other. It's just a different interpretation.
- [12:29]
B
That's right. And as this journey unfolds year after year, so much changes. And then that's where what I might, what I might have been really certain of early on, you know, I look back now, I'm like, okay, I was way off, right? I was way off in terms of what I was wanting or what might have been happening. So that's where there's a way of having more, for lack of a better word, structure or planning and thinking more about the long term. And again, doing that in a way where it doesn't lock you in and it doesn't create more stress. And actually the title of this episode, right, with having a clearer idea, particularly of the financial piece that actually brings more calm so you can be more relaxed and focused and have at least one less thing to be anxious about if you have, if you have that plan in place, which frankly, I did not and probably still don't like, I think that's still for me because I think that's where, you know, with, with my son Ry, from the beginning, the financial planning piece, I always downplayed it. I downplayed it because it just felt secondary. And I was so focused on the tactical what was happening now. And I think a lot of parents can probably relate to that tension. I'm sure you get that all the time.
- [13:47]
A
Yeah, I mean, I felt that way too. Yeah, I think that's the natural reaction. I mean, there's so much pressure to act quickly after a diagnosis or know when approaching, when approaching a life, a life transition. And I feel like, I feel like all the jargon makes it worse. It's like SSI or SSDI or Medicaid or Medicare. Do I need an able account or a special needs trust? And that just leads to complete chaos in my mind. I was going to say overwhelmed, but we keep using that word. But I think, you know, the, as we said, the goal is just getting through the day today. And that long term picture, it's like I can't even think about that right now. I think that's, I mean that's just the natural reaction. But I think if you're able to take the time when you can, you don't have to have, have it all figured out, you know, within a month or two. This is, this is an ongoing process. But I think if you're able to articulate what it is that you ultimately want, maybe even the day to day will feel less overwhelming because, you know, there's a destination and you are setting the groundwork to get there.
- [15:05]
B
That makes sense. And I'm internalizing this and thinking going back in time, you know, in terms of just what was happening inside my own head. And so I'll throw out something which I think you probably have run in to with many other parents, you know, where at least one reason why I didn't want to prioritize this is because I thought in some way it was basically at least emotionally feeling like I was giving up. Like, in other words, I, I, I really wanted so much to find answers for my son, to help him improve that preparing for something where it was less than what I was hoping, independence or whatever seemed like it may have been a sign of, you know, defeat, throw, you know, waving the white flag. And my mindset was I'm never giving up to find what's going to help him, not to help him recover or even lose his diagnosis, but it was just wanting to, to take actions that helped him thrive. And I was never going to give up on that. And I felt like if I kind of was planning for something that was less than what I was hoping for him, that it was a kind of surrender. So, so have you, have you run into that either personally or with clients that you've been advising?
- [16:20]
A
I think that that's where my personally, where my need for speed came from, like immediately it was just like going down the Google rabbit hole trying to figure out like, what's the best thing for him. I wasn't thinking, you know, 10 years down the line because a diagnosis is very difficult to accept. And so you want to figure out, you want to understand everything you can possibly know about it. So you educate yourself on all of those things and then you try to surround yourself with all of the people who can help in that situation. And I think sometimes when you start to realize that the outcome might look a little bit different, that's yet another thing that you have to process and that you have to, that you have to deal with. And so I absolutely see that, you know, in my own personal experience, it was something that I definitely delayed. But for, for the clients that I, that I talk to, their biggest question is, you know, what happens when I'm not here? And I think a lot of us think like, okay, I'll be, I'll be well into my 80s before that's even a thing, but things happen, you know, and you might not be 80. And so just having a plan in place where it's like, I know that if something were to happen to me tomorrow, this would all be figured out and my child, my loved one, will be taken care of in the best possible way. Because I, I put this framework in place, I put this roadmap in place.
- [18:00]
B
Right. And even if it's not something that you're waking up cognizant of, if there's no plan, it's, it's going, it's going to be weighing on you in some way, even if it's subconscious.
- [18:10]
A
Of course that question only comes. That question of what happens when I'm no longer around only comes at like 4 o' clock in the morning. And I think, I think there is some comfort in, you know, that middle of the night, like, oh God, what's going to happen? And then knowing, oh, yeah, I've, I've selected a guardian, I've selected a trustee, I've created a community of people who said that they can help with this. Maybe I can actually go back to sleep.
- [18:37]
B
Right, Right. Well, I think when I, when I try to visualize, you know, in terms of how you support parents and and even what this podcast is all about in terms of, you know, autism parenting secrets. But the key insight is that, parent, you are the key, and parents, the key to discern what makes sense. And that all starts with having a strategy, a plan. And I found, you know, and I have deep appreciation and respect for all parents, so I say this with that respect that I've found virtually no parent has a really good strategy for their child. I know I did not. Pretty much. If anyone said, what's your strategy? You just got this autism diagnosis, I would just list all the things that, you know, my wife Cass and I were doing for my son. Yeah, but doing a bunch of things is not a strategy. So, like, even to articulate what the strategy is, is such a big missing step in order to have a plan that you feel great about, let alone implement it. So my guess is, for you, it's the same thing where parents may come in, but they don't really have a strategy of what they're wanting, which is where part of what you're providing is helping them to piece that together. Correct?
- [19:46]
A
Yeah, exactly. Usually when I have conversations, the initial conversation is, you know, I'm hoping to retire in 10 to 15 years. This is what my financial picture looks like right now. This is how much I want to leave behind. Do I need life insurance? Should I consider disability insurance for myself in case something happens? And again, it's.
- [20:08]
B
It's.
- [20:09]
A
You're leading with all the things that you've heard about that you need. And the reality is you might not need any of those things, especially when you start to pinpoint, okay, you do have a goal. You want to retire in 15 years. So what do we do to help you make that a reality? Like what, what does retirement look like for you? Where do you want your loved one to be living? Are they going to be living with you? Is it something where you want to consider that they transition to a different place of residence so that when you are no longer around, it's less of a transition for them? So things like that to help them really articulate, like, okay, retirement, great, you have these accounts, perfect. But what does that actually look like and what matters? And I feel like just slowing down and asking yourself that question. Maybe I don't need that insurance policy, or maybe I do need that. Like, it makes the decisions easier to navigate because, you know, what you're actually working towards. It's not just, I want to retire and live comfortably and have my kid live comfortably forever. You know, that's. That's something that we all hope for. But what does that actually mean to you and what does that look like? And then that's where we start to build the strategy.
- [21:27]
B
And that's why there is no ideal strategy. Everyone needs to have this strategy.
- [21:31]
A
Exactly.
- [21:33]
B
It's so individualized and personalized again based on the factors you mentioned, their goals, their values, et cetera. But my guess is when you think about the financial strategy that you help parents put in place, yes, if you look at those strategies, my guess is there's at least two or three common denominators of what makes a sound financial strategy. So can you share a little bit more about what some of those items might be?
- [21:57]
A
You know, I do get questions sometimes of, you know, should I, should I save less for retirement so that I have more for my loved one? And generally my answer is no. You need to take care of your own retirement so that you are there to support that person, your loved one. So I would say the basics that I, that I tend to, to you utilize or my go tos if you will, would, would be, you know, focusing on that retirement account, seeing if we can really maximize those benefits. Maybe there's catch up contributions, something else that we can take care of. But where are you saving and investing for your child's future if you're able to do so? You know, do you have an able account that's set up for them? Is a special needs trust something that you considered? And then I think a lot of parents ask. I've heard that applying for public benefits when they turn 18 is the best choice. And again it can be for some people and for others maybe not. There's no hard and fast rules. So I would say like I said, my go tos are the parents retirement account, any savings and investments they have for their child, the investment vehicles that they use for that and then public benefits as sort of that third leg of the stool.
- [23:22]
B
Got it. And for that third leg, I'm guessing that's going to vary state to state. It's not going to be a straightforward exactly.
- [23:30]
A
The rules vary. The answer is it depends which everybody loves. But yeah, that tends to be the way it is, particularly with public benefits.
- [23:41]
B
That seems clear to me. But I think again, even though it's going to be so individualized, there's some common features, some basic straightforward questions to help people anchor what's going to make sense for them. So again I think it's nuanced which is why there's no one size fits all. Here's the game plan. And like everything Else with respect to supporting your child, not everyone's going to agree on the right way. And so that's where it really comes down to, to what's right for your family. Which is why I always like to suggest to people, if any, you're working with anyone who's got a one size fits all approach, you should probably run screaming the other way because it just really doesn't work that way. And that's, that's for yourself with respect to the financial piece of it and for your child in terms of what's going to be the right fit in terms of what you're thinking that might help them. You know, really again it comes down to just that parent's sense of what's right for their child. And so that applies to interventions or how you help your child with gaining skills or reducing behaviors, whatever the case may be, but it applies as well in terms of the financial piece of it. And it is hard though to take yourself out of the day to day and to think long term.
- [24:57]
A
Right? Yeah.
- [24:58]
B
So do you have any suggestions on how a parent can get in the frame of mind to be able to have a, have a longer term focus?
- [25:05]
A
One thing that I will add on to the three things that I tend to focus on, I think a special needs trust and an able account. It's important to know that those two can work together. It's not one or the other. It's not public benefits or saving and investing. You can actually do both. It's not saving for your retirement or saving for your child. You can actually do both. So I think again, it's not one size fits all. Everybody will have a different solution. But it's not so black and white that you only have one choice. Like there are ways to navigate it and pull benefits from one place and have one strategy then complement another. I just thought that was important to
- [25:48]
B
add if you can bottom line, for a parent listening right now, you know, and assuming that they feel some degree of overwhelm, uncertainty. From a mindset perspective, what would you suggest for a mindset shift? Because we tend to only think in what's the here and now. And to have a long term perspective is hard. And so from a mindset perspective, what have you found is helpful to help parents be able to pause and to, you know, kind of take a longer term view?
- [26:21]
A
I think the word pause definitely sums up my, my first piece of advice and that is slow down. You don't have to have all of the answers. And I think that's where articulating your Goals and your values can be helpful because I think if you're thinking, I need to take care of all of these things right now and I need to have all of the answers right now, even though some of those answers might not apply to your family, that's why it's important to have, to have that clarity. So to a family that, who is overwhelmed and thinking, I can't even focus on this right now, it's really just an exercise in slowing down and just asking yourself, what do I want for my family? And just articulating that, I think can bring hopefully some comfort in that. When you're being inundated with acronyms, you're not thinking, what am I missing out on? You're still focused on that goal, the one that fits your family, the one that aligns with your values, the one that aligns with your, with your vision. And to be completely honest with you, like, when I first received my son's diagnosis again, it was like I just, I googled something which led me to click on something else, which led me to click on something else. And that was probably the worst, the worst approach I could have taken. And I feel like it, it actually added more stress because you just feel like you're missing out on something. And I just feel like had I just written down, you know, what are, what are my biggest questions, what am I most concerned about? And then just started to organize my thoughts in a way that then led to a productive Google search or maybe reaching out to somebody who could help me with some of those answers. I think, you know, at the end of the day, we are, we are experts on our kids and what they need. But that doesn't mean we have to know everything. You know, that's why there are specialists, that's why there are therapists. That's why there are people like you, Len, who work with parents to help them navigate their, their own journey and what, and what they need and want. And so just remember, you know, you don't have to figure all of it out because other people have spent their entire careers figuring it out to them to then help you.
- [28:51]
B
That's an important point. And I think especially now, the way things have shifted so radically. There's so much information not just in the Google rabbit hol, in the AI rabbit hole, where there's a lot, a lot of incredible capabilities now to piece things together, but at the same time, because of how nuanced this particular field that you and I are both in, in terms of this space, you can leverage AI, especially in A powerful way. But in terms of coming up with what's right for your family, you as the parent, tapping your intuition, your values, you can't skip that. It's just too incredibly important. And I say that me even making a lot of mistakes, even now where I'm using AI and I'm asking what it thinks on certain situations, I'm kind of advocating the decision making in case and I have to check myself. And I think everyone's falling into overly relying on chatbots and AI tools. And again, there's a place for all that. But otherwise, for something as important as your strategy for your child or what makes the most sense and the financial piece of it, which you articulated, there's a lot of key inputs there. It's impossible to expect some AI tool to come back with a great plan. It requires the human intervention of somebody helping guide you to the right place for you. Because if you rely on any search tool, it's going to come back with more of a one size fits all type of approach. Even if it may not seem that way because you're getting that guidance personally. But that's where it's a slippery slope where some of these tools might steer you in the wrong direction of what's going to be right for your family.
- [30:33]
A
Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I would say the AI tool has not met you, it does not know the dynamics of your family. And I would not spend time asking AI what you should do and entering in the balances of all of your accounts and giving all of that information. That's probably not, probably not a good idea. I would say maybe for the sake of asking what something is, like, what is a special needs trust. Great. Like that enables you to be more educated when you have the initial meeting. But when you're looking for that full picture of guidance, I think it requires a human. At least today it does. And hopefully in the foreseeable future it does.
- [31:15]
B
Yeah. There'll always be a need for the lived experience of a human being to be able to help guide another human being.
- [31:22]
A
Yes.
- [31:23]
B
The importance of that's never going away. And I hope people hear this and understand that. And again, that doesn't mean let's leverage AI as much as we can for the things where it makes sense, but for something as critical as what's that? Right. And a key word here, I think is the strategy. Whether it's about, in terms of your child's challenges or whether it's the financial piece where you come in, that strategy is too important to outsource to the decision making anywhere else. So for sure, I thought that was an important, important message.
- [31:53]
A
Absolutely. Glad you brought that in.
- [31:55]
B
I really thank you for this conversation and for the work you're doing. That this specialty is important, you know, in terms of. In this space. And I know there's not many, you know, people who do what you do. And I know you even shared with me before this where a lot of people were telling you, don't do this work early on or trying to dissuade you because it might not be that profitable. You want to talk? Maybe a great way of ending this conversation is can you talk a little bit more about that inflection point for you with why you called to do this work in this way?
- [32:24]
A
I had a very successful career in the corporate space, and I just hit a point, you know, in the last year where it was like, what legacy am I leaving behind? And I sat down and really thought about, like, what is something that I could do that helps other people and doesn't feel like work? And so I did some soul searching and was really trying to figure out what it was. And then I thought back to when I got my son's diagnosis. And at that time, I would have given anyone any amount of money to just take it and say, we have time. You've got this. We'll do it together. You don't have to know everything. Here are the steps that we can walk through. And you, you're not alone. We can do it together. And so when I was thinking about really what was the most meaningful to me in my life at this time, it was like, oh, I want to be that person. I want to be that person that I was. That I was looking for. And, you know, I even. I even have prospect calls today where I'm talking to people who will probably never become clients. And after those conversations, my cup is full, and that's enough.
- [33:46]
B
I really appreciate you sharing that. And again, I feel the same way. It's an honor to be with these parents, to walk alongside of them, to be helpful in some way, shape or form. But again, nothing but respect for parents who are in this situation. It's navigating uncertainty under pressure and just making better decisions. You can do it. You have what you need, lean on resources to help you. You don't have to do it all alone. But again, I really appreciate that the unique lane that you're playing and really is needed trusted guidance, helping parents with that roadmap, the support that helps them think clearly, you know, not only on what matters now, but what matters in the long term. I mean, that's just a very, very powerful option to provide to parents. So I appreciate what you're doing and I thank you for taking the time today.
- [34:32]
A
Thank you so much, Lyn, for having me. And I appreciate, I appreciate all that you do.
- [34:36]
B
Your child needs you. Running on all cylinders now. And the fastest way to rise is with personalized one on one support. Get started today. Go to elevatehowyounavigate.com.