One thing moms struggle with is feeling bad about their progress in becoming calm and showing up calm with their kids.

We all know we aren’t at our best when we’re stressed, overwhelmed and reactive. But knowing how to calm down in the moment isn’t always as easy as it sounds.

You’ll Learn:

Why you become reactive and yell, threaten or ice your kid out
Three steps to pause and get back to calm
Clues you need a Pause Break
What to do after you’ve reacted in a way you don’t love

I’m walking you through my 3-step process to catch yourself, pause and get back to feeling calm.

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Why Do I Still Get So Mad?

All moms experience really tough parenting moments. Moments when you’ve been stuck in what I call Mad Mom Syndrome

You know what I'm talking about.

Moments when your child is a bit off track and you get upset and all of a sudden you are yelling, threatening, and lecturing, followed by guilt and rushed apologies.
Moments you are worried that the behavior you see in the present is a predictor of the future, so you act super strict and controlling.
Moments when you are frustrated and say a snide or mean remark to your kid.

Then, when you have a mad mom episode and act in a way you don’t think you should, a lot of criticism, guilt, and doubt pours in. You feel bad that you aren’t calm or think you should be getting there faster.

But here’s the thing…Becoming calm is a PROCESS. It’s a PRACTICE. It’s something you work on over time. Some days it’s easy, and some days it isn’t. All of that is ok.

These types of moments are a clue that you are in your stress cycle and feeling emotionally overwhelmed.

Your brain is convinced that the circumstance is an emergency. Then, the brain activates a BIG, INTENSE STRESS RESPONSE.

You become super reactive and respond to your children with stress, anxiety, frustration or anger.

Then they escalate their stress behaviors and the next thing you know you are in a chaotic argument with your kids.

The 3 Stages of Becoming Calm

Becoming Calm is a process. It takes time. Be gentle with yourself. When you feel yourself spiraling, CATCH YOURSELF AND PAUSE. This is simple but not easy, and it comes in stages.

Stage 1 - The AFTER. When you’re first starting out, you may only catch yourself after you've yelled or gotten upset.

Stage 2 - The DURING. After a while, you’ll catch yourself while you are yelling or acting upset.

Stage 3 - The BEFORE. Eventually you start to catch yourself before you yell or act out your frustration/overwhelm. This is the goal that you’re working towards.

No matter what stage you’re in, to get out of Mad Mom Syndrome and get back to feeling calm, you need the Pause Break.

There are also 3 steps to the Pause Break:

Step 1: STOP

Don't Talk. Don't Engage. You can stop yourself at any point when you notice you are in your stress response and are seeing signs of Mad Mom Syndrome.

Step 2: DELAY

Don’t decide. Don’t act. Don't do anything about the situation (unless it’s a true emergency). Give yourself time to think and get calm.

Step 3: RESET

Actively do something to calm your stress response. During a "Reset", you will move your body, your mind or both.

Pause is where all of your personal growth happens. It’s the space where change occurs. If you only take one thing away from this episode, I hope it’s this: You can always PAUSE.

This process is what it ACTUALLY looks like when you are changing your brain and the way you show up as a parent. Be gentle with yourself, Mama. You’ve got this!

Mentioned in this Episode:

Episode 2: Getting to Calm with The Pause Break

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet here

Connect With Darlynn:

Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips
Rate and review the podcast on Itunes