← Becoming UnDone
Becoming UnDone
119 | Part 8: Positive Coaching Alliance’s Rich Tomey Reflects on the Lasting Impact of his Dad, Coach Dick Tomey
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- [00:04]
Toby Brooks
This is becoming undone.
- [00:17]
Rich Tomey
Along with their rushing stampede and penetrating defense, Arizona began to smell the roses until Cal caught them sleeping. Rest assured, Dick Toby in his bowl game coaching debut will have his troops ready for the Wolf Pack as the new decade looms in the Wild West. North Carolina State and Arizona will meet for the first time unsaddling in the Copper bowl ready to ring in the 90s. Live from Arizona Stadium in Tucson, Arizona, the NC State Wolf Pack versus the Arizona Wildcats in the first annual Copper.
- [00:57]
Dick Tomey
Bowl 1989 the inaugural Copper bowl the 7 and 4 North Carolina State Wolf Pack rolled into Tucson to take on the hometown Wildcats, headed up by third year head coach Dick Tomey with former guest Rip Shear as the offensive coordinator. The Cats had gone seven and four the season before, but missed out on a bowl game in an era where there weren't a kajillion bowls and you had to have an awesome season in order to even play in the postseason at all. However, following that up with another 74 campaign in 1989 coupled with the timing of an ambitious new Copper bowl initially named the Cactus Bowl. The game was played at Arizona Stadium in Tucson for 10 years under the Copper bowl name, which was a classy, dignified name for a bowl game. However, in 1997, Phoenix based Insight Enterprises bought the naming rights and the Copper bowl planning committee gladly cashed the check. The Copper bowl was dead. The insight.com bowl was born. The Cats also played in the inaugural insight.com bowl in 1997, defeating New Mexico 20 to 14 in front of nearly 50,000 fans and the Old Gray lady, otherwise known as Arizona Stadium. In 1998, the Wildcats made that historic run, going 12 and 1, winning the Holiday bowl and finishing ranked number four in the country. Unfortunately for me, I didn't get to travel with the team to San Diego. In addition to the memorable victory, Wilma the wildcat actually fell 15ft into the harbor off the USS Midway while the team was visiting, and for some reason I recalled that Wilbur actually jumped in to save her. But according to the LA Times article that I found, she was actually fished out by some nearby Navy personnel. All's well that ends well. Back in Tucson, I wasn't privy to the bull swag bags, tours of aircraft carriers, or falling mascot kiddies dropped into the ocean. Instead, I got the chance to be the host athletic trainer for the visiting insight.com bowl teams. That year, number 23 Mizzou won a close one against an ACC West Virginia team. As host, I made sure that the medical staffs had everything they needed connected them with area specialists like imaging clinics and other such things that a football team spending a week in Tucson in December might need. I think I got like 150 bucks for the week's worth of work, along with a really cool set of four engraved pint glasses that remain to this day. To this day, the nicest glassware my family owns. If you come over to our place, my wife or I break out the insight.com bowl glasses, you're damn near royalty in our eyes. As fun as it was to watch the game from the sideline and connect with the athletic trainers from the participating schools, it wasn't nearly as fun as what my colleague Aaron Barnett was doing in San Diego, working with the team for the best season in school history. Sure, I was disappointed I didn't get to go, but I understood. After all, my primary job was working with our women's gymnastics team and a trip to a bowl game for a team that wasn't my primary responsibility wasn't expected. That's why the next season in 1999, I was absolutely stoked when our head football at Maggie Lacombra called me into her cubicle to have a word and invite me to the game. Now I'm not sure you know Maggie. Today she's a dear, dear friend, but at the time I was totally intimidated by her. Now I'm 6 4, nearly £250. Maggie's around 54 or so, and while it'd be rude for a gentleman to guess a lady's weight, we will say she was not an imposing physical presence. But still, she could be intimidating. And she had to be. In 1999 to be a woman head athletic trainer in Division 1 football program, you had to endure some stuff, whether overt sexism or more snide comments on the side. Regardless, it was an era where women had not yet fully been able to open the doors of opportunity. As a result, Maggie was always friendly to me, kind hearted, helpful, but somehow despite all that, still an intimidating presence. That said, the other gas and I still messed with her. In our mind, it was kind of like poking a lion whose attention was locked elsewhere, seeing if you could get away with it before she caught you and ate you alive, I swear she's not that bad. She never was. But if you've seen the sand lot and you know how the neighborhood kids made that dog out to be like this 15 foot tall monster made of snarls and teeth, even though in reality it was just a normal dog, it was the folklore of the gas who'd Worked with Maggie and her predecessor Sue Hillman, who had made us think she would murder us if we got caught. Anyhow, here's the prank. Maggie had this big blue laundry cart she'd borrowed from the equipment room, or maybe stolen, I'm not sure. Either way, she had it. McHale Center's athletic training room at the time had all of us first year GA sandwiched together into one big cubicle. Early on in the year, we actually tore out a wall to double our space and christened it the Huge, while the rest of the full time staff had their own cubicles. All in a row, the guy GAS were up first. Then men's basketball at Ed Orr, then Wildcat baseball at Greg Ramin, then Maggie, then Lisa McDonald and Cindy Machad in the second year gas with track and softball respectively. Maggie's cubicle had a tendency to pile up with stuff that she knew she needed to deal with. But in the middle of those crushing 80 hour work weeks and the grind in season, she also needed to make room somehow so that her desk would be usable. So early in the season, she starts loading up this laundry cart with all the stuff that she planned to get to eventually once the season was over. And so here's where the prank began, which if I recall, was volleyball GA Mitch Doyle's idea. First we snuck in a daily Wildcat newspaper dated in August. We thought it'd be funny when she started unpacking that cart to see a five or six month old newspaper in the bottom. Then we started getting a little bit more brave. A random smelly single cleat one of the players had left in the training room, an old VHS game tape from the volleyball team, a softball, a baseball bat. We started loading it up, always being careful to hide the most recent addition, mind you, with the most random stuff we could find in hopes that one day when she actually did decide to empty it out, she'd be absolutely stumped as to how or why all that random stuff got in there. Anyway, back to this story. I respected Maggie. I was also scared of her too. So when she called me into her cubicle, I wasn't really sure what to think. At the time, the team had been struggling. They entered the season with high hopes. But an opening day beat down at the hands of Penn State and Happy Valley had left a lingering impact. By November, they were clinging for dear life to hopes for an Aloha bowl birth. And that's why Maggie called me into her office. In my mind, the ask went something like this. Toby, I've seen how Hard you worked to help us out this season. If we can beat asu, the thinking is that we'll get a bid to the aloha bowl. And it would mean Christmas day in Hawaii. And your wife could even come. Would you be interested? Now, I've told an angle of this story on here before, and you know I was interested. You also know we lost to asu. We didn't get to go to Hawaii. Sadly, the same thing happened again the next season When I was working with football. But what I haven't told you Is what I ended up doing for Christmas break in 1999 instead. With Hawaii now off the table, Stuck in tucson, I was offered the chance to work the inside.com bowl again. Another 150 bucks. Okay. Sadly, for whatever reason, no custom engraved pint glasses that year. But almost sadly, My buddy Aaron Wasn't traveling with the cats for the bowl game like he'd done the year before in San Diego. But on the plus side, we'd get to work together in 99. What could possibly go wrong? The game was scheduled for December 31, 1999. It was literally the last college football game of the century. And I don't know if you remember Y2K, but people were like a little freaked out that the world would be coming to an end. Aaron and I had met the staffs of the participating schools, Colorado and Boston college, the week before. Both were practicing at some area high schools. I don't remember which, but we connected with them, Gave them our phone numbers, and promised to be available if they needed anything. What we were also supposed to do that week Was to take the university vehicle, this kind of clapped out junky Chevy Lumina, if I recall, over to the university motor pool and fill up the tank. I'd worked visitor sideline all season, and I never once had forgotten to do it. And even if I had, the car had never been below 3/4 of a tank. The car was there to provide non emergency transport. Sure, there was an ambulance on site, but if a student athlete needed to be taken for an X ray or something, In a non emergency situation, it would actually be faster to take them A few miles down the street to the university medical center in the car. So our first mistake, we didn't fill it up. No biggie, right? Wrong. We got there on game day to pick up the car, and it had like an 8th or maybe a 16th or some kind of really small fraction Of a tank of gas. As in the needle barely moved and lifted up when you started up the car, Aaron and I had a quick conference. The motor pool was closed. Should we go to circle k and fill it up on our own money, or should we risk it? We were broke grad assistance. So we decided to roll the dice. We'd risk it. What could go wrong? So aaron's driving, and we park the car in the north end zone, where today there's an incredible new coach's office suite, Luxury boxes. But back then, it was a parking lot, A concession stand, and a video board. And just as aaron's backing in, we see colorado's mascot handlers Walking through the gates with ralphie, the colorado buffalo mascot. Now, I'd never seen a real live buffalo before, and I'm not sure, But I don't know if aaron had either. Regardless, Aaron backs into that designated parking spot, Car still running. And we both step out of the car so that we can get a real live look at ralphie. The creature was magnificent. Somehow, with our respective mouths open, we both managed to step out of the car and the doors closed behind us. With the car running. Except the doors were locked. Three hours before kickoff. On a federal holiday on the last day of the century, we had one job. Park a car with a tank full of gas in the north end zone and be ready in case anyone from the medical staffs of either team needed it. Instead, we had a parked car nearly out of gas with the keys locked inside and the engine running. After a brief moment of panic, we managed to track down nick, the athletics facilities guy. He happened to have slim jim tool in his truck, and he managed to pop the lock and get us in. Crisis averted. The 1999 Insight.com bowl would go on as planned. Y2K turned out to be a joke. And there we were. You know, sometimes it takes locking yourself out of a running car in the north end zone, Staring at a live buffalo, and celebrating new year's eve with the smell. Insight.com Bull nachos in your nose to fully appreciate Just how weird and wonderful and unpredictable College football really is. But even more than that, Moments and memories like these remind me how the game we love is really just the backdrop. The real story isn't played out between the lines. It's written in the relationships. Few people I've ever known Built relationships better than coach dick tony. Admittedly, I didn't play for him. I wasn't one of his assistants. I was just a ga. But like so many others, I felt seen, I felt valued. And I watched as he poured into people, not because of what they could do for him, but because of who they were. If you've stuck with me this long, I guess it's worth mentioning that I'm Toby Brooks. These days, I wear a few different hats. Professor, speaker, podcaster. But in the late 90s and early 2000s, I was just a wet behind the ears graduate assistant athletic trainer at the University of Arizona. Little did I know I'd be part of Coach Dick Tomi's final season with The Cats in 2000. The numbers might give you a glimpse into Coach's career, but I think we can agree they never really captured what made him special. You see, if you ask the people who played for him, coach beside him, even worked under him like I did, they'll tell you shape them in ways that can't be measured on a stat sheet. Coach always used to say that football isn't complicated. People are. And he's right. Matter of fact, I'd argue that's true of just about any line of work. Job is straightforward, but it's the guiding the people that can test you every day. And if you ask me, nobody did it better than Coach Dick. Tell me. Sadly, we lost Coach Tomi to a brief but valiant bout with cancer in 2019. But lately I found myself thinking about him more and more. And as I've grown in my own career, I kept wondering, how can I lead people the way he did? How can I serve people the way he did? How can I love people the way he did? What was his secret? How did he get people to buy in, to follow him, to carry his lessons forward in their own lives long after they'd hung up their pads or closed their office door for the last time? Because in the profession of college football, where wins and losses can scream the loudest, Coach Tomi stood out for something more. It reached far beyond the game and it's way more enduring relationships. It's those questions that won't leave me alone. So I decided to do something about it. I started tracking down his players, his staff, his family, the people who knew him best. Together, we've been unpacking the moments that define him, values he passed along, and the lasting mark he made on the game and beyond and everyone he led. Together, we've traced his path through those early years in Indiana, his breakthrough first head coaching job at Hawaii, his storied run at Arizona. Soon enough we'll talk about his return to the sidelines at San Jose State, and even his so called retirement years where he basically never stopped mentoring, coaching, loving and serving people. It's been a journey of rediscovering a legend while learning how to become better leaders in our own right. And if you've listened to this series so far, you know how many lives Coach touched. But to really understand the man, it helps to hear from someone who didn't just know him as coach, he knew him as dad. This week, I'm thrilled to be joined by Rich Tomey, coach's son and one of the most thoughtful voices carrying on his legacy. Today you're tuned in to becoming undone and this. Well, this is part eight of the Life Lessons and Legacy of Coach Dick Tomey, a Toby Brooks passion project. Foreign is the podcast for those who dare bravely risk mightily and grow relentlessly. Join me, Toby Brooks, as I invite a new guest each week where we can examine how high achievers can transform from falling apart to falling into place. And here lately, we've been doing a deep dive on the life, the lessons and the legacy of the late coach Dick Tomey. And this week, I'm really excited to have Coach's son Rich on the show. So, Rich, thanks so much for joining us. Joining me.
- [16:46]
Toby Brooks
My pleasure. Thanks for having me.
- [16:48]
Dick Tomey
Yeah, so I got connected with you through our mutual friend Maggie Lambre, and I didn't have. I was just a ga. I always say I was just the ga back in. In the U of A day. So looking forward to kind of digging into your story and seeing how the lessons that Coach learned as part of his journey are still having influence in the lives of others today and most notably yours. So I'm looking forward to. To getting into that. We've had a chance to talk to Dick Vermeil and Mike Flores and Lance Tomonaga, who did the book about the rise of the rainbow Warriors. But all that was really kind of football centric. So I want to start at the beginning of Swords. What was it like growing up in the Tomy household?
- [17:35]
Toby Brooks
You know, looking back, it was. I couldn't have put together a better childhood. Being raised basically on a football field, being raised on the sidelines standing right next to my dad. Those were the old days when actually had cords attached to the headsets, you know, so I grew up being the cord boy, the cord guy and just following him around. And, you know, looking back, I just, as a father myself, I always put myself in that situation where, man, what a, what a, what a blessing it would be to have your son standing right next to you during a game or this and that. I mean, I've heard a earful, you know, from everybody and, you know, coaches and Four letter words were pretty quick in my vocabulary. But I had a pretty unique experience growing up because for a long time, basically from when I was in, from sixth grade through high school, I, it was basically me and my dad, my mom and dad had divorced and my sister moved with my mom. And so I actually was pretty much raised by my dad, just him and I. So we, we had a really special bond and you know, a lot of, a lot of ham and tater tots for dinner and, and just quick ones, you know, so we really had a special bond and just look back as at just what a magical time that was.
- [18:54]
Dick Tomey
Yeah, that's tremendous. I love visual there. And, and we've kind of dug into how coach was. He was not the, the, you know, the high brow, multi million dollar booster type. He was assault of the earth, just an everyman in, in every sense. And that's in no way meant as a criticism. If anything, I think it's the thing that endears him so deeply to players and, and families alike. Your dad was known for his leadership and for his ability to inspire folks. What would you say is a specific lesson or phrase that he would commonly say that's stuck with you over the years?
- [19:31]
Toby Brooks
You hear it all the time from probably people you've interviewed and just across the board how football is not complicated, people are. And his gift, and I think his, what he really, you know, inspired in people was his ability to connect with people. He truly had an open door policy. Still to this day I get calls from former walk ons or people that he had an impact with and he treated everyone the same. And whether you were walk around McHale, whether you were delivering the mail or the janitor or the athletic director, whoever you were, he knew your name, he knew practically what high school you went to. I mean I remember sitting in amazement watching him in front of his team of 90 plus guys. And he could go through each guy where he went to high school, what his mom's name was, what his dad name was, what his brother, sister, you know, he really did connect. But like you said, he made you feel comfortable. And I think from the second he walked in the house, you talking to recruits and people, it's like he went right to the fridge and just opened the door, see what's in there. And he just had no qualms about making himself comfortable and making you comfortable in return. So I think that was one of his biggest gifts is just the, the fact he was so approachable. And I've heard coaches over the years say yes, he was a very tough coach and, and, you know, he demanded a lot, but I think at the end of the day, he loved everybody. He used that word, love a lot. Every time I go back and listen to videos or watch things, and him talking about how much he loved his guys and those big hugs, giving them, you know, man hugs, he always called them, and just. He really, truly loved his team. His. His guys. Every team was his favorite team. I mean, it's just like it couldn't get better. He loved all the Hawaii guys, the Arizona guys, the San Jose State. Every team had a special bond. So I think his ability to keep those relationships, and they carried on, and they still carry on. So, I mean, I think that's a true testament to the power he had with people. And, and it's. It rings true today with, with people still in touch with me and random people from college, even his. His roommates and people that he. He was around. I mean, they all still reach out. So it's. It's pretty amazing, honestly.
- [21:40]
Dick Tomey
Yeah. Yeah. I think the one thing that's really kind of come to the surface for me in talking to so many folks and, and as of right now, on this day, I've published three episodes. I've done four or five more interviews, so I'm a little further along than the listener would know. But the message that I've heard over and over is in some instances, no one had more impact than Coach Tomi. Others would say no one other than dad maybe had more impact. He was seen as this father figure to so many of his players and even his. His young coaches or players who became coaches. How did he balance being a mentor to so many young men while still being. He was actually your dad. How did he balance those things?
- [22:25]
Toby Brooks
Yeah, I always say I have a. You know, I have thousands of brothers and sisters out there. It was a balance and he evolved over. Over time. I think when he first started, he was very driven, obviously driven through his whole career, but very career focused. You listen to. There's some interviews on YouTube I saw of him, you know, when he was at Hawaii. Just, you know, he's very focused, very driven to succeed.
- [22:53]
Rich Tomey
The Rainbow Warriors, 1981, have not only continued the winning tradition of the University of Hawaii football program, but have reached new horizons for Rainbow Football in the years to come by attracting more national attention and recognition than any team before them. Five years, Dick. The Boas have reached a new plateau, a new era of football at the university.
- [23:15]
Toby Brooks
Well, certainly this team did.
- [23:17]
Rich Tomey
I take. It took us into a National prominence gave us a lot of good national publicity and certainly something that will give our program more and more exposure. But every team after this has got.
- [23:27]
Toby Brooks
To establish itself on its own merits.
- [23:28]
Rich Tomey
But I think this team has certainly, and this group of seniors has certainly a lot to be proud of.
- [23:33]
Toby Brooks
The early years, he probably was more focused on the actual, you know, not to say he wasn't focused on his family, but he was super driven and determined to be the best. But through all that, I never felt like second place or second fiddle to anybody, especially growing up playing baseball. His first love was baseball. He loved playing baseball. We played together for years and, and that was a. Just a treasure in itself too. I think the thing that, that makes me feel like I still think about it, how special it was to think about like, you know, he would literally structure practice around my schedule, you know, if I had games. As soon as he got the, Whether I was pitching at South Point or the later years at Pima and University of Arizona, I was pitching. He would get the schedule. He would look at the way. Schedule, okay. And the coaches used to always joke they, they'd always wonder when they would have time off and they would say, well, the first thing we'd have to do is look at Rich's baseball schedule because we knew we weren't, we haven't any meetings or anything that day.
- [24:41]
Dick Tomey
This right here is incredible parenting from a Division 1 coach. The demands of the job were, and even today are incredible for so many coaches. Today, the family suffers at the hands of a brutal schedule that can regularly demand 70 or even 80 hour weeks. However, coach Tomi didn't let anything stand in his way of being an ever present figure in his son Rich's life. At the same time, it was good to be the king too. The head guy got to make the schedule. Which for Rich meant his baseball schedule was the factor around which all U of A football obligations were set in the springtime. So for any former players out there wondering why, like your practice times might have seemed a bit random at times now, you know, it was a loving dad doing his best to be fully present and watching his son do what he loved to do on the diamond.
- [25:31]
Toby Brooks
So he traveled to literally every road trip I was on when I was a pitcher at Arizona. He, you know, dropped everything. He just wanted to be a part of that. And, and I, I just, you know, I never didn't look in the stands and see my dad there, you know, so it was like he just really, that was his, his, his focus and his priority. You know, he grew up in a house where his dad was very old school. He was Pop, we called him Pop. He was very old school, you know, living in, in Bedford, Indiana, worked in the limestones, was, was one of the, the folks that built the Empire State Building. His team was on that because the limestone quarries, all that stone came from Indiana and he was working in it. And his dad wasn't a very emotional guy, wasn't a very touchy feely kind of guy. And I think when talking to my dad, I remember him saying, telling us he's like, growing up, he never got those. He never felt the love and affection that he promised that if he ever had a kid, he would do that.
- [26:34]
Dick Tomey
Isn't this the truth? I've seen this play out in my own life. So often, what we miss or even perceive that we miss as kids, we can go one of two ways with it. We can either repeat those errors of our parents and follow their example, or we can decide that it ends with us and make sure that our kids don't have to endure. Coach tell me his dad showed him an incredible work ethic, that he would not only go on to embrace himself, but also expect out of everyone in his program. But on the other hand, the love and affection that he'd missed out on from a stoic dad was something he would run from. And in the process, he'd run toward a standard of love and care for family, team, staff and friend alike. Unlike his dad, he decided that he'd tell and show the people he cared about that he loved them. And it was something rich to this day remembers fondly.
- [27:26]
Toby Brooks
So my sister and I, he kissed us, you know, he, he'd still kiss us to this day if he was around. Right on the lips. He just loved. He loved affection and he loved to kiss his kids. And I think that spilled over to the guys he coached as well. He just, love was just in his just belief in people was such a big part of his life. And I think that just came from something he was missing earlier in his life. But yeah, I was so fortunate and that just inspired me the way I. With my kids, I can't. My schedule is full of all my kids stuff. I go to my daughter's swim meets, my. I coached at my son's high school for baseball and I coached my 14 year old's team. And it's like, I don't want to miss those moments because at the end of the day, you know, we all, all of us who have kids know those are very short time. So I think he really understood that and didn't want to miss one minute. And so it was, it was really a great upbringing from that perspective.
- [28:19]
Dick Tomey
Absolutely. So well said. I think what really started this whole project for me, and we've been in conversations, you and I, for a little over a year now about this, is I really just wanted to do a deep dive on the great leaders I've been around. And I realized pretty quickly that it's a short list and coaches right there at the top. Even though I was never like directly under him, just watching how he led people before I knew the terms transactional versus transformative leadership, it was never a transaction. He didn't bring you there just because you could play football. He brought you there to grow you, to turn out someone better for society than he got. And that was just so powerful. And the same thing, like you said, whether it was his offensive coordinator down to the janitor, he was willing to pour in and learn about people in a way that I haven't seen before. Since you've dedicated your career to the Positive Coaching Alliance, I don't think that's a coincidence. It promotes character driven coaching. How did your dad's coaching philosophy shape your views and ultimately led to your work?
- [29:27]
Toby Brooks
Absolutely. Well, it's funny because I, you know, when I left, when I graduated college, I actually went and worked as a graduate assistant for my dad for two years at the University of Arizona, doing a lot of travel stuff. And I was kind of all things off the field and to be in all the staff meetings and it was just a fun experience to see and because I'd never really, I'd obviously been around him, but I'd never really been in all the meetings and seen how he operates and things he says and how they talk about people. And that never wavered. What you see behind the closed doors and outside of it is it was always the same. I think for me. I ended up working in pro sports. I worked for the Arizona Cardinals for 15 years, the Diamondbacks for five years. I had been around sports my whole life. And then at one point in my life, towards the end of my 15 years with the Cardinals, you know, an opportunity came along with Positive Coaching alliance, and it really wasn't directed at me, was they were looking for someone to kind of take over Arizona for them. And I had really never heard of it. And I remember, you know, it was a time in my life where I was sort of at the, at the top of where I was going to be with the Cardinals at the time. And I remember talking to my dad about, look at this organization and all the things that it does. And, you know, it just really resonated 100% with. With me and especially my dad. He loved it, every minute of it. And the things we teach are the things he. He really believes in, you know, the character and the leadership and the life lessons you learn through sports. And that's really the driving factor in how the impact a coach can have on a kid's life. It can either go, you know, it can be a great job. We've all. We've all played for coaches that are not those guys, you know, so I think they can also ruin an experience. So I think that really resonated with me and him. And he was involved with our organization, you know, up until he couldn't, obviously. But he was a big, big proponent of this. And just the message of. And I still to this day, you know, people with Positive Coaching alliance, we created. When he passed away, we created a Dick Tomy Legacy Fund, which is. It's a restricted fund where people would donate and we would do character and leadership in all our workshops here in Arizona and Hawaii, the places that meant the most to him. And I still look at this to this day, the support that was behind it. We've. I mean, we've raised over a half a million dollars, you know, through that to. To do this type of work.
- [32:05]
Dick Tomey
Through the work of the Positive Coaching alliance, the Dick Tell Me Legacy Fund has raised over a half million dollars. And 30,000 of that came from recent guest Dino Babers, who when head coach at Syracuse first partnered with former Washington Huskies coach Rick Neuheisel to take second place, which they tied with Dabo Swinney and Paul Johnson in the 2023 Peach Bowl Challenge golf tournament. And they designated their $20,000 in winnings to the Dick Comey Legacy Fund the year before. In 2022, Babers and partner Chan Gailey took sixth place and won 10,000 for the fundamental. Through the work of the PCA. The fund is a perfect combo of Coach Tell Me's values and passion to directly support coaches, athletes and parents training in places Coach Tell Me had the biggest impact. Hawaii, Arizona and San Jose. The work continues today.
- [32:56]
Toby Brooks
So the fact that people believe in what he did so much, that it really inspires me to keep on the legacy. And that's one of my most. Probably one of the biggest accomplishments in my life is developing this in his name. And it's so important to me to carry on his legacy because, like, you're doing now and what other people. Even though he passed in 2019, it's still. It's still a big deal for a lot of people. And it really. And I don't see it ending anytime soon. So I'm going to keep doubling down on it and make sure that we all know who he was. And a lot of Coach Aquina, I think, talked in depth about it when I've heard interviews about passing on his legacy to our kids and their kids. And because you're right, I think people like him don't come around a lot and we gotta really grasp onto that. So the more I can share his lessons and you share and the things people are sharing is amazing.
- [33:52]
Dick Tomey
Yeah, I was really impressed and didn't realize. I mean, I had heard of the coach Tommy Legacy Foundation, Scholarship, those types of things, but also the golf tournament that he does. Did for coaches that has carried on just so many things that he planted in his lifetime. And they weren't intended to be these major ordeals. It was just. He wanted to connect with people and he wanted to bring a community to something that had gotten very businesslike. And college coaching is an industry in and of itself. And he was never the type that was going to allow that to. To happen in a vacuum. He wanted to connect people and support people. I've mentioned to you offline that I'm looking forward to connecting with Mark Harlan and hopefully Willie Taggart, who he mentored after he had retired, not because he was looking to get a paycheck, but because he knew how hard it is to be a head football coach and he just wanted to help. And that's tremendous. So your dad wasn't just about football. He emphasized personal growth, accountability. I know I've seen plenty of examples of tough love accountability sessions for players. Can you share a moment when maybe he challenged you to be better, either as a son or in your own career, and maybe, maybe it wasn't comfortable, but you look back on that and realize that that accountability helped you grow.
- [35:18]
Toby Brooks
Absolutely. I mean, all through my life, I mean, I've had, like any kid, you have moments where you're feeling bad about yourself or down or something's happened in your life and you're seemingly given up, or there's just so many things I can point to, tough things that have happened throughout my life. It's funny, I found. I find all these in my. I mentioned about my office. I have a trove of, of. Of letter of letters and binders and things with his notes and like his sayings and Burn the boats and all the. Every. He had all these great, like, things. He loved history, and he'd always come up with all these sayings, and people half the time wouldn't know what the heck he's talking about. And. But the message behind all this stuff and just. I remember he would always give me notes and the papers he would give his players and just, hey, you need to read this or you need to do that. And I remember, and I think to this day, like, man, I wish I had all that stuff because my kids are going through a lot of this stuff, too, and it's like, hey. So I think at the end of the day, the thing he taught me most about perseverance, I think. It's funny. I told this story a lot, but it's. It's. It actually, it. It's pretty amazing. So when I was a high school baseball player in Hawaii, he had just taken the job at Arizona. I was a sophomore, leaving. Leaving Hawaii as a sophomore, so going to my junior year in high school and in Arizona and not knowing anybody, and I was. I was sort of a late bloomer. I really didn't grow till later in my junior year. And I remember leaving Hawaii, and some of the players on my team are, like, still gonna play baseball. I'm like, yeah, I love it, and that's what I want to do. And they're like, well, they're really good baseball over in Arizona, it's like. It's a different level. And I was like, oh, I. I hope, you know, I. I'm gonna go out and hopefully I'll make it. And then the one kid on my team I won't name, he. He told me, you're just not. I don't see how the hell you're gonna make that team, because you're just. I mean, you're super skinny. You're just. You know, there's. There's just not a lot there. And I was. And I just. He was probably right. But it's funny because that. That still rings in my mind. I remember talking to my dad about it and just him saying, you know what? You. Anything you want in your life, you can get. You just got to put your mind to it. You got to. You got to work harder than the next guy. There's always someone trying to work harder than you. So I remember working my butt off, you know, whatever. Okay, So I make. So I made the team, you know, great. Had a great career in high school, got a chance to pitch in college. So my first year in college, I Was playing at Pima College. I got a scholarship to go play after high school at Pima. And lo and behold, the, the kid who told me that I wasn't going to make the team in high school was on that team. And he ended up getting cut that first year. So I just remember these things and just like all the, and obviously the support he gave me was tremendous and injuries over my career and people telling me, you're just, you're not gonna be able to play with this arm. I had a, it was called a, I don't know, it was like a show. It was like a shoulder that it was really loose. I remember Sue Hillman working on me and just said, you just, I don't see how you can be a pitcher because you have a loose shoulder. There's nothing there. It's like you're just gonna have arm injuries. So I remember crying my eyes out one night going home and, you know, sue told me, I'm not gonna be able to pitch. And he's like, really? She took you? You know why she told you that? Because she's trying to see what you're made of. And like you said, with tough love, sometimes you got to challenge kids. And he was on board and he challenged me and I worked my tail off, fixed that shoulder, ended up being a scholarship athlete. And I just think, you know, the tough love piece is something that at some point he gets tired of hearing the pity stuff and it's, you need to just suck it up. Look around, there's all these kids that are worse situations than you are and just, just really gotta strap it on and get after it. And I think like you said, I mean, there's so many players that he had to have really tough conversations with. And a lot of those guys I'm, I still talk to. And for a lot of those guys, those conversations change their lives. You know, they, they could have gone back the other way or they could have turned their life around. And, and the ones I at least talk to, I mean, their life completely changed because of those tough conversations, for sure.
- [39:43]
Dick Tomey
A couple of my favorite quotes are nice is nasty and clarity is kindness. Sometimes if we just push people down the road, you know, hey, that half hearted effort you're doing, it's all right, you know, whatever. It's harder to coach somebody hard. And if you haven't cultivated that relationship, it's almost, it's almost natural that there'll be resentment or a rift will form. You know, this guy's just a tyrant. He's just coming down on me and he's unfair. But that isn't what I heard. People took tough coaching from coach Tomi because he had invested in them and they believed that he was coaching them hard because he believed that there was more within them. And that's a totally different thing. His coaching style wasn't always conventional. Clearly he valued grit over raw talent. He wasn't in the business of bringing, you know, first overall draft picks to campus. He would bring two and three stars and walk ons, for that matter, to campus and turn them into NFL players. How did you see that play out over his career and how do you think it's influenced your approach to leadership?
- [40:53]
Toby Brooks
Yeah, I, I agree. I think looking back, his teams weren't built like you said, on, on. They couldn't get the five star guy. They got the Teddy Bruskies, the guys that had the heart. You know, he really knew how to. Him and his staff knew how to identify character and heart and drive and desire and all the intangibles that a good coach like him had a gift to find. And I think you look back at those years where they were on tear with that 12 and one team and all the other Fiesta bowl teams. I mean, those guys, they could really play. He had a knack for really having guys believing in each other. And I think unfortunately, you know, in this day and age, it's, it's a whole different ball of wax because every year you're recruiting your own team back basically. So it's like you don't have the ability to develop a mindset or a, you know, guys coming in as freshmen and working them up through senior year and you know, now it's, it's what have you done for me lately? Which, there's always been some of that, but it's, it's completely different nowadays. But I just think his style, his belief in people, his ability to identify the kind of guys that were going to make a difference was just something that he had a real knack for. And as a coach, I coach to this day, I'm coaching baseball and I definitely pull things from that when I watch players and kids trying to make the team and you see, you can tell, you know, which kids may not have the most talent, but at the same time they're a great teammate and they're the kind of kids that'll develop. So I think to me that's the most important thing. Like he always said, the wins and losses, if it was, if he was just judged on that, he would not have been a Good coach, because he really didn't. I think when you. You had played his. His hall of Fame induction speech at the Pima county thing, he talks about that. You know, he talks about, you know, if it was about the X's and O's, he would never have been a good coach, or it's all about the people. And I think that the common denominator in his success was the people. And whether it was coaches or players or friends or family, it was the people that really mattered. So to me, that breeds success. And there's a lot of coaches out there that. That really try to emulate that. I mean, I know he spent a lot of time with Coach Cristobal at Miami when he was at Oregon, he flew up there and spent a lot of time with his staff when Joe Salaba was there. And just really that culture resonates with so many coaches. And I think there's. He got calls all the time about, hey, can you come in and work with us and, you know, mentor us and what are we doing, Watch our games, watch our practices, come in our staff meetings. And he didn't mind just telling people what the real deal was. You know, he told it straight. And I think he would have coaches call him at halftime, end games. You know, when he was here, like, it's. It was amazing. It's like, who are you talking to? They're playing right now. He's like, no, I mean, guys are bouncing stuff off him during the game. You know, it's like, hey, how do I handle this? Or, you know, I'm sure Coach Brennan had a thousand stories about his, you know, his. His world with him, and it's just. He just had a real different way with people in a way that people really trusted.
- [44:12]
Dick Tomey
Yeah, I think that's. That's a. A great observation for you. Formative years in Hawaii. Hawaii is a wack school. Going to Arizona is a step up to the pack 10. So you finish your high school career in Tucson, you ultimately end up at the U of A. I saw firsthand what that 2000 season felt like. I mean, we started well, and it, it just. One thing led to another, and a season with so much promise and being in the top 25 ends up being a 5 and 6 season. And I just saw his countenance change over that. He was wearing it. There was just a gravity to it. And now knowing what I know about him, I'd be willing to bet that a fair amount of the gravity was realizing that this is going to impact young families, that, that you know, this is not just going to impact players, but the entire staff. Yeah, you're an Arizona alum. I'm an Arizona alum. And I still struggled with 2001 and the years beyond. You go from 12 and one best record in school history, number four in the standings, to a couple seasons removed, and people want to run you out of town. What was that like for you emotionally, 2001 to. To whenever.
- [45:29]
Toby Brooks
Yeah, that was tough. I mean, that was a really hard time. You read the paper and all the, you know, there was the fire Dick Tomey website and all the, you know, you name it. And this was just right. When social. There was no social media, really, but there it was, the Internet and the newspapers, and it was hard. I think one of the things that was always hard for me was growing up was a win and a loss affected my week of school. You know, if we had a tough week or we lost a game, we were supposed to win. I dreaded going into school on Monday because the first thing I'm going to get is what happened, what, what, what, you know, it's like. And I. It just really was hard. And. And there was many a time where I was just. I. It was. It was tough. And I think that was. That, that. But I think all kids that have their dad as a high profile person will go through that. But, you know, growing up, for me, being in the middle of it, standing right next to him, emotionally, that was always really hard. And then obviously, when we got to the 2000 season, when you could kind of see the writing on the wall with some things and the talk and. And it was just really loud. And, you know, my dad really never spoke to me about exactly what was gonna happen if we had won that game or lost that game. But in my heart, I remember walking right when that final second ticked off the clock, I just started bawling on the sideline. Cause I knew that was it, and he knew it. And I remember looking at him and no one else really knew what was coming, you know, And I think that was. People might have known. And I think there's been a lot of uncertainty about exactly what happened or if there was a he could have stayed or he could have gone, but that was a tough one. And I remember he's talking to the team, or it took him a while to actually speak to the team, because you could see him thinking. And then once he said, that's it. I mean, it was just like a tidal wave of emotion. And I'm not. I'm not quite sure. It's fully recovered. You know, I think that left a huge. A huge dent on that school. There's been some great teams, but I think looking back, they'll probably never go through a. A stretch of. Of success like they had over those years. And. Yeah, but, you know, but then again, he. He went on and. And got it, you know, went on to other coaching opportunities and had some of the most fulfilling experiences of his life. San Jose State, when they took him to a bowl game and going back to Hawaii. And I think he kind of reinvented himself a little and had a chance to do a couple things he, he probably wouldn't have done, but he was a very loyal person. Loyal to a fault in the coaching industry. I think he had opportunities to leave Arizona many times. You know, when they, when they won the Fiesta Bowl, University of Miami offered him the head coaching job. I mean, he turned it down. He was offered. The head coach in Washington turned it down. You know, he just. He believed in his guys so much, and I think he lived that. And like you said, he wasn't materialistic. He did not care about the money, and he didn't make much. I mean, honestly, those were the days when coaches weren't making a ton of money. So I think he just really, really had a great perspective, and I think he. He lived the right way, and he. He will never. I don't think he'll ever would have ever admitted looking back and regretting anything he ever did.
- [48:57]
Dick Tomey
Yeah. So I was surprised in the book and in speaking with Lance that when he took the U of A job, he actually kind of recanted that and backpedaled and wanted to undo the deal and wanted to stick around Hawaii because he felt an obligation to players that he'd made promises to. Were you privy to any of those conversations? Were you aware of his kind of second thoughts?
- [49:19]
Toby Brooks
Yeah, I remember him. I remember he said, we're. Well, all the Arizona stuff is going down. He was traveling back and forth. He said, looks like we're. We're going to Tucson. And I was like, where is that? And so he, you know, and I was fine with it. But then he did say, he's like, you know, I. I'm thinking about this, and I, I just, you know, I think we still got a lot more to accomplish here. And I remember he went to see. I think it was Ray Nagel. Was. Was the AD there the time? Or maybe it was Stan, I don't know. But he said, coach, it's too late. You know, you're we already got, we've already had the conversations and I think, I think at some level they knew he needed to go to a get. They knew what he was capable of. It was time for him to go to the next step, you know, so. But I know that was one of the hardest. He cried so much. Like when he came home, I remember just, he was a mess and he just really felt like he let them down. But I think looking back, everybody and that when you show your true colors like that, I think there's so many coaches that will say one thing and do another and I'm not. I would never leave. And then they're gone. And he was never like that.
- [50:30]
Dick Tomey
So I know just the opposite. I mean, I can think of some high level coaches who last game of the season, they'll look their players in the eye and say, don't believe what you reading the media. And the next day they're on a private plane to their new job. Coach tell me was just the opposite. He. He told his team he was leaving and then, you know, you could just feel the heartache.
- [50:53]
Toby Brooks
Right.
- [50:54]
Dick Tomey
I made promises to these moms and dads that I was going to take care of their son. Yeah. And they just don't make them like that anymore.
- [51:01]
Toby Brooks
No, absolutely.
- [51:02]
Dick Tomey
Well, clearly coach's career had its ups and downs. There were certainly high points and, and I think Coach Vermeil pointed out just about anybody could go to an Ohio State and crank off 8, 9, 10 wins. But to take San Jose State to a bowl game, that's doing something. What lessons did you take away from how coach handled adversity both professionally and personally?
- [51:29]
Toby Brooks
I almost feel like he welcomed adversity. He always told his teams he almost loved road games more than home games, to be honest. He loved the us against them mentality. He wanted these players to feel like they didn't have a chance. You know, he wanted people to always, he wanted his guys to always feel like they were the underdogs. And I think that underdog mentality is what made him so successful because he had a real knack for just being able to get the most out of their players. And I think that carried on when he took the San Jose State job. It was the jobs that no one's, no one wanted. And everyone's like, you're crazy for taking that. And then he goes ahead and flips them around and you got a couple NFL players out of that team and a bowl game and is probably one of his most amazing jobs of coaching. And I think a lot of those guys would tell you that. But I guess when it comes to adversity, being able to and that, that's something I'm. Whenever I have a bad day or think of something or my kids are, it's like, you know what? Life is full of adversity. And it's like this is, this is where you find out what you're made of. And he was really good at identifying that and, and getting his, getting his players to really truly believe that they had a chance. I mean going into Miami that one year when we lost, I think it was, I don't know, it was like a single digit game but no one thought we had a chance and Miami had not been beaten at home. I, I think I want to say we lost by, you know, we missed a field goal to lose it. And then I remember that was one of the most amazing games ever. And then I remember Brent Boyer in the locker room after just getting the whole team together said we are never losing again like this. This year. We, I mean it changed. That team's like dynamic like tremendously and they didn't lose the rest of the year and it was just like those types of things. But his, his guys bought into that and adversity was one of his strengths, I think. And yeah, being able to handle it and exemplify what it means to get through it and get the most out of his guys. So it was something he, he thrived on, I really, truly believe.
- [53:35]
Dick Tomey
I agree. And I think in retrospect he's such a perfect fit both for Hawaii and for Tucson because Tucson has this kind of chip on its shoulder. It's not Phoenix. It's, you know, the kid brother in some ways and, and something to prove and you know, you can do what you can do with your resources. Watch what we can do with ours. I remember that 2000 season when he walked the team into Sun Devil Stadium and looked around and he said, you know, this, this thing's a myth. They walk around like they are this blue blood program and you know, this powerhouse and we've owned them. And sadly it didn't end well for us that day. But I think he relished being the underdog and was maybe even a little uncomfortable when he wasn't, you know, being on the COVID of Sports Sports Illustrated was not what he wanted. He wanted to be picked last in the pack 10 and with something to prove. Like, I'm pissed off. Watch what we can do with, with less than what you have.
- [54:34]
Toby Brooks
Yeah, it was funny because like every, when you Looked at the schedule and, you know, we all looked, and you're playing, I don't know, whoever. It's like every team was the best team that week, you know, never. It didn't matter if it was Purview or some other hyphen school out there, you know, it was like that team, if he ever heard England say, oh, this is going to be a cakewalk this week, or we got this, these guys, or we got to get through this so we can get to this, it was like the, the world had ended because. And I think he just, always just treated every game like it was the national championship and that is the best team we're going to play. You'd always say it, this is the best team we're going to play all year. He didn't care what team it was, you know, so he always found ways to, to. To make sure there was no big bulletin board material out there. And he just. You believe that and that that's hard to do when, you know you got someone that's paying you to come play there. Basically a couple of these early games every year. It's like he, he really found a way to make sure those were not layups for sure.
- [55:39]
Dick Tomey
Yeah. So. Absolutely. Well, again, Rich Tomi, positive coaching alliance Coach Tomi's son. Rich, so thankful for you spending some time with me here today to shed some light on. On the, the family man of Dick. Tomi, one last question. If you could sit down with your dad today and have just one more conversation, what's the one thing you'd want to say to him?
- [56:01]
Toby Brooks
Oh, I would love to have a con. I mean, I, I miss him so much. I, I would just. I would love to just give him a big old hug and just say thank you. You know, I mean, it's just. It's just amazing the, like, all these years of, of that he's been gone, it. It feels. That still doesn't feel like he's gone to me. You know, it feels like he's. He's still here. He's such a huge part of my life and just. I kind of feel like it's, it's my, My mission in life now is. Is to help. Help build his, his goal or his legacy and help carry it on. And I'm nowhere near as good as he was. And I would just. Man, I. I have dreams all the time about me and him and talking and just. I still wake up sometimes. Oh, shoot, he's not here. And I know my sister and all my family just. Just truly misses him, and I know everyone does. And it's. It's. It's just. It was such a blessing to grow up with him. And I would. I would just really want to give him a big old hug and kiss him and just say thank you for just being the best dad in the world. And, you know, all the. All the other stuff aside, the football, the things he meant to so many people, he just truly was the best dad a kid could ask for. And if my sons ever feel like that about me, I've accomplished something great. So I think just he. He did a great job and. And job well done, sir.
- [57:31]
Dick Tomey
Yeah, no doubt. Well, I think if this show, in this series of interviews has taught me anything, it's that this is a guy who admittedly, football wasn't his favorite sport. Can you imagine what kind of baseball manager he might have been? Maybe a little too tough to be a baseball manager. I don't know. But. But yeah, to. To think about what he was able to do in a sport that wasn't ever really his favorite. And he made no excuses about that. He always loved baseball. His.
- [58:02]
Toby Brooks
His favorite years were those years when we were playing city league ball together and he had a ragtag group of guys that had played pro ball. And you got Butch Henry and I mean, you got some guys. I think that was one of his prerequisites is if you. If you had played baseball at all, you're going to play on this team. Because we need to win some games. And if we didn't have enough guys, God forbid, that night I felt so bad for everyone. Cause he would just get on them. Cause he just loved to play baseball. And I remember, I think it was his 50th birthday. He played all nine positions in one game. And Tom Guttleston and those. Dave Hirsch. Yeah, I mean, it was just a fun group of guys and just a tremendous, tremendous time in his life. But yeah, he loved baseball and. And maybe that's why I. I guess I love baseball.
- [58:51]
Dick Tomey
Well, I will never forget. I. I've talked about our all staff meetings. In one of the previous episodes, we also did an all staff, like a cookout, barbecue, softball, just kind of social thing at. It might have been at Keno. I don't remember where it was somewhere high Corbett, something like that. It was just a city field. And so I show up. I'm just a ga. We're there to have some hot dogs and hang out, and coach Tomi comes and he's got his gear bag like he's ready for this softball game. Like, he is taking no prisoners. Like, I'm like, I'm like, maggie, did we bring anything? Because he's gonna slide cleats up into somebody at center.
- [59:33]
Toby Brooks
Oh, yeah, so true. So true. But yeah, he, he loved it and we were good. We. It was right when I was playing or finishing and so we, I would, I would always give him a chance. So it was, it was pretty fun.
- [59:44]
Dick Tomey
Well, Rich, this has been a lot of fun. I really appreciate you coming in and spending some time with me today.
- [59:50]
Toby Brooks
This is Rich Thomey, and I am undone.
- [59:53]
Dick Tomey
What a gift to sit down with Rich Thomey and hear not just about coach Tomi the leader, but Dick tell me the dad, the mentor, the man. It's one thing to hear about legacy from the outside looking in. It's another thing entirely to hear it from someone who lived it every single day. Coach tell me wasn't perfect, but he was present. He listened. And as we've heard again and again, he didn't just coach players, he built men. That's a legacy worth remembering and more importantly, it's one worth continuing. So whether you're a coach, a parent, a leader, just somebody trying to figure it all out, maybe the greatest impact we can have won't be in what we achieve, but rather in what we see and how we serve the people around us. Thanks again to Rich for sharing his heart and his story. For more info on today's episode, be sure to check it out on on the web. Simply go to undonepodcast.com ep119 to see the notes, links and images related to today's guest, Rich Tomey. Coming up next week, I've got my conversational current Arizona Wildcats head coach Brent Brennan, whose career has been deeply impacted by coach Tomi at multiple stops along the way. After that, we'll check in with the not so intimidating former head football athletic trainer Maggie lacambra. And I'm working on tracking down former U of A equipment manager Wendell Neal, too. We'll have lots more after that as well, so stay tuned. If you've listened this long, I have a favor to ask. Please send a text or DM or phone call to a friend or former teammate or former staff member who worked with Coach Tell me. And tell them about the show. We're now eight episodes deep and I would love nothing more than for thousands of people whose lives were also touched by coach to take this journey right along with us as we wind it down. In the meantime, stick with me. I promise there's tons more to come for this and more on Becoming Undone the life lessons and legacy of Dick Tomey A Toby Brooks passion project. Becoming Undone is a nitrohype creative production written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. Tell a friend about the show and follow along on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn at Becoming Undone Pod. Follow me at Toby J. Brooks on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn. Check out my link tree at linktr EE backslash. Tobyjbrooks Listen, subscribe and leave me a review at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you so much for listening and until next time, keep getting better. It.