Becoming UnDone: Episode 127 Summary
Title:
The Life, Lessons, and Legacy of Dick Tomey Part 14: The Untold Love Story of Coach Tomey & Nancy Kincaid
Host:
Dr. Toby Brooks
Featured Guest:
Nancy Kincaid, Acclaimed Novelist and Widow of Coach Dick Tomey
Release Date:
July 12, 2025
Introduction
In Episode 127 of Becoming UnDone, Dr. Toby Brooks delves deeper into the inspiring legacy of Coach Dick Tomey, exploring not only his professional achievements but also the profound personal relationships that defined his life. This episode, the penultimate installment of the series, features Nancy Kincaid, Coach Tomey's widow, offering an intimate glimpse into their untold love story and the enduring impact of his leadership both on and off the football field.
The Significance of Coach Dick Tomey
Coach Dick Tomey was more than just a football mentor; he was a transformative leader who left an indelible mark on his players, staff, and the broader community. Known for his unique ability to inspire and elevate those around him, Tomey's approach to coaching emphasized collective success over individual glory.
Notable Quote:
Nancy Kincaid opens the episode by highlighting Tomey's coaching philosophy:
"Great coaches go into impossible places and make them possible. You know, they take no five-star kids and turn some kids into five stars. They're a great coach and that's what he was."
[00:04]
Nancy Kincaid's Relationship with Coach Tomey
Nancy Kincaid recounts the unexpected and serendipitous meeting with Coach Tomey. Despite never having met him formally, their paths intersected when Tomey found himself in Boston during a stint with the Hawaii football program. This chance encounter blossomed into a meaningful relationship grounded in mutual respect and shared values.
Meeting Story:
“We never met. He was actually coaching at Hawaii when my first husband, Al Kincaid, was coaching at Wyoming. And we used to go to the WAC meetings...”
[15:11]
Notable Quote:
Nancy reflects on Tomey's genuine interest and authenticity:
"He didn't talk about football. I really thought coaches mainly had football as their primary conversation... but that's not what he talked about."
[17:34]
Leadership and Legacy of Coach Tomey
Coach Tomey's leadership was characterized by his "Five Keys to Victory," a framework that emphasized teamwork, mental resilience, and consistent execution. These keys were not only tactical but also served as life lessons for his players.
Five Keys to Victory:
- Win the turnover battle
- Win the critical situation
- Win the mental game
- Win the kicking game or special teams
- Win the fourth quarter
Each key was symbolized by paw print decals on the players' helmets, serving as a visual reminder of the team's collective goals.
Notable Quote:
Nancy highlights the collective nature of Tomey's approach:
"The keys were collective. From the head coach to the part-time McHale Center maintenance staff, even the lowly graduate assistant athletic trainer, they showed how we performed."
[07:52]
Challenges and Triumphs
The 2000 season was a pivotal and challenging period for Coach Tomey and his team at San Jose State. Despite the hardships, Tomey's unwavering commitment to excellence and his ability to inspire resilience in his players were evident.
Season Highlights:
- Transition from a struggling program to one that competed in bowl games within three years.
- Emphasis on adapting strategies and fostering a culture of continuous improvement.
Notable Quote:
Nancy emphasizes Tomey's approach to challenges:
"He doesn't expect things not to be hard... he loved the challenge of it."
[33:04]
Legacy Beyond Football
Coach Tomey's influence extended beyond the gridiron, shaping the lives and values of those around him. His legacy is preserved through various traditions and events that honor his contributions to the sport and the community.
Ongoing Traditions:
- Dick Tomey Game: An annual football game between Hawaii and Arizona featuring a trophy exchange in his honor.
- Golf Tournament: The Coaches Classic at Pebble Beach continues to celebrate his enduring spirit and commitment to community.
Notable Quote:
Nancy discusses the enduring nature of Tomey's legacy:
"Great coaches go into impossible places and make them possible. They take no five-star kids and turn some kids into five stars."
[38:34]
Personal Reflections and Lessons
Nancy Kincaid shares heartfelt insights on the personal impact of Coach Tomey’s leadership and their life together. She underscores the importance of forgiveness, continual growth, and the power of making conscious decisions towards happiness.
Lessons Learned:
- Forgiveness: Tomey's ability to forgive effortlessly fostered a trusting and supportive environment.
- Flexibility: His motto, "The plan is never the plan," encouraged adaptability and responsiveness to change.
- Happiness as a Choice:
“Happiness is not something that happens to you if you're lucky. All happiness is a decision you make to be happy.”
[40:04]
Conclusion
Episode 127 of Becoming UnDone offers a profound exploration of Coach Dick Tomey's life, leadership, and lasting legacy through the lens of his widow, Nancy Kincaid. Their story is a testament to the enduring power of love, resilience, and the transformative impact of authentic leadership. Coach Tomey's life exemplifies how setbacks can be transformed into comebacks, inspiring listeners to embrace change, foster forgiveness, and pursue continuous growth.
Key Takeaways:
- Collective Success: Emphasizing team achievements over individual accolades leads to a more cohesive and motivated group.
- Adaptability: Flexibility in plans and strategies is crucial for overcoming unforeseen challenges.
- Forgiveness and Compassion: Building a culture of trust and support enhances both personal and professional relationships.
- Legacy Building: Lasting impact is achieved through meaningful relationships and the continual celebration of shared values.
Notable Quotes with Timestamps:
-
"Great coaches go into impossible places and make them possible."
— Nancy Kincaid, [00:04] -
"Happiness is not something that happens to you if you're lucky. All happiness is a decision you make to be happy."
— Coach Dick Tomey via Nancy Kincaid, [40:04] -
"The plan is never the plan."
— Coach Dick Tomey via Nancy Kincaid, [40:30] -
"He doesn't expect things not to be hard... he loved the challenge of it."
— Nancy Kincaid, [33:04]
This episode serves as a poignant reminder that true greatness lies not just in victories but in the lives we touch and the values we uphold. Through Nancy Kincaid’s heartfelt narration, listeners gain a deeper understanding of Coach Dick Tomey’s multifaceted legacy—a legacy that continues to inspire and uplift those who had the privilege of knowing him.