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Becoming UnDone
130 | Jacyln Emery: Navigating Identity and Resilience Beyond College Basketball's End
00:44:32
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- [00:00]
Toby Brooks
Foreign.
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Jacqueline Emery
This is becoming undone. Sophomore year, I'm starting half the games, maybe 50, 60% of the games. And then junior year, expecting to be amazing, like, I'm gonna start every game. I earned a spot. That coaching change happened. This coach was actually on staff before, so they've seen what I've done. So I was like, oh, this is good. Like, they know what I can do. And then she came with a whole new vision, and that's fine. She has every right do that. But I didn't understand that then. And a lot of my teammates quit at Christmas, and I couldn't. And I can't tell you why, but I couldn't. And it was the hardest year of my life, I can tell you that. Nobody could really try to see something was wrong, and I finally cracked and said, I don't know what's going on. This is all the stuff that I'm doing. I don't know why I'm not getting playing time. I understand y' all want me to play, and I see it, but it's destroying me at the same time. But I couldn't even say that it was destroying me until I quit. Officially, I am Jacqueline Emery, and I am Undone.
- [01:12]
Toby Brooks
Hey, friend. I'm glad you're here. Welcome to yet another episode of Becoming Undone, the podcast for those who dare bravely risk mightily and grow relentlessly. I'm Toby Brooks, a speaker, author, professor, and a performance scientist. I've spent much of the last two decades working as an athletic trainer and a strength coach in the professional, collegiate and high school sports settings. And over the years, I've grown more and more fascinated with what sets high achievers apart and how failures that can stink in the moment can end up being exactly the push we needed to propel us along our path to success. Each week on Becoming Undone, I invite new guests to examine how high achievers can transform from falling apart to falling into place. Quick reminder that this podcast is entirely separate from my role at Baylor University. It's my personal platform to explore the inner workings of identity, resilience, and reinvention, and how, in the midst of setback and failure, you can navigate your own purpose storms. Today's conversation is one I think every athlete and every human who's ever had to walk away from something they love, for that matter, needs to hear. Jacqueline Emery knows firsthand what it's like to see a lifelong passion slip away, to feel the sting of a dream ending before you're really ready, and to wrestle with who you are when the uniform comes off. For the last time. From her days as a multi sport standout athlete in high school to her current role as a high school athletic trainer, she's learned that sports can shape us, but they can't define us.
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In this episode, we talk about the.
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Grind, the grief, the resilience, and the unexpected ways our hardest losses can prepare us to serve others. And if you've ever faced the end of a chapter and wondered now what this one's for you, let's jump into episode 130 with Jacqueline Emery.
- [03:02]
Greetings, friend. Welcome back. Becoming Undone is the podcast for those who dare bravely risk mightily and grow relentlessly. Join me, Toby Brooks, as I invite a new guest each week where we can examine how high achievers can transform from falling apart to falling into place. Got a special treat for you this week. This is a spouse of one of my former students, but not a former student, but an athletic trainer nonetheless, working in a massive high school. Particularly for those of you not from Texas, joining us tonight is Jacqueline Emory. Jacqueline, thank you so much for joining me.
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Jacqueline Emery
Thank you for having me.
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Toby Brooks
Yeah, so we were talking a little bit off camera before we started. Your history as a student athlete yourself gives you a unique perspective and you work with high school students now, but still a lot of your student athletes are facing the ends of their careers and helping them navigate that space is really something that's become a passion for me. Before we go there, though, I want to start with you. Take us back to the beginning, wherever that is for you.
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Jacqueline Emery
I can start from as little as. I've always was an active kid. My parents chose to put me into a lot of different activities. I danced for 11 years. I played tennis for a few years. I had soccer as a little, as a little, little kid. Not my favorite. I just was a tall kid, my goal, and basically picked the dandelions as they came by. But I was just always active. I was at sports camps all summer. I would do things just whenever I could get my hands on it. But dance and basketball were really my two biggest things. Picked up volleyball around middle school just because I was tall and lanky and I could block pretty well. But basketball was really where my passion was. I liked the pumpkin thumb thump. So I always had a. I was almost six feet tall as a sixth grade, sixth grader, seventh grader. I had to walk around with the birth certificate everywhere I went. And the competitiveness just inside of me that really just lit a fire. And I like basketball a lot. I like the physical contact of it, which is where a Lot of girls don't like and I don't know, I like to be in a little bit of a manhandler down in the paint. I was in center and post player my whole life and really I played a lot like I was blessed by height, by God, and I was able to have a great work ethic from my parents and I was able to start and literally play all the time, which is why I loved it so much, including in high school. I was a four year letterman for basketball and I was playing volleyball in middle school and I kind of had to choose between the two. Volleyball's not where I was phenomenal at. I was a little bit on the thicker side, you could say, for a volleyball player. But obviously I was not overweight or anything like that. It's just crazy how that's a whole another topic. But female athletes that I was more of a basketball player body. And so I had to do first period volleyball, freshman or varsity basketball, seventh period. And I chose to do basketball because varsity, that's also where my heart and passion was. So I did that for four years and I did track and field and I was on varsity track and field for four years as well. So I was a two year, or sorry, two sport, four year letterman. Coming into a 4A high school in mid Texas. They're now 6A, it's Birdville High School. So it was still competitive then, but they were growing around and so we had like the Alito, the Springtowns, the Azel, all those smaller schools that are now five A6A schools.
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Toby Brooks
For Jacqueline, it was a childhood defined by sport. Her early growth had given her an advantage over other girls her age. But it was that motor and the preference for contact that led her to gravitate toward the basketball court. While the competition around her in Texas was stiff, she found success as a prep athlete, which opened doors for her to compete at the next level, eventually ending up in abilene, Texas at NCAA Division 3 Hardin Simmons University, where she'd ultimately pursue a career in athletic training. While she had remained healthy in high school, she couldn't have known the psychological strain and the emotional roller coaster she was headed for as a college athlete.
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Jacqueline Emery
So that's kind of where I started and then I got the opportunity to play in college. I went to Hardin Simmons University, so D3, but I also knew my high school athletic trainer. I told her I wanted to do physical therapy or orthopedic surgeon. And she goes, well, have you considered athletic training? I was like, what you do? No, I don't want to do that. And I was not really. I've been super blessed even through my college career. I was never really injured but I saw how much she cared for people and I literally called her mama for a reason. And so she was my mama at campus and I was able to go to her for anything. And I love that about her. And she said you should really, even if you do go to be an orthopedic surgeon or a physical therapist, this would be a great pathway. So went off to college, played college basketball, but I knew I was going to harden Simmons for athletic training as well. I knew obviously sophomore, junior year that WNBA not realistic and honestly it was more for the pay salary. I am slightly bit of a hustler. I like to make money and I like to feel successful. So I knew that was not going to be in the range. And then I went to school and I started doing physical therapy stuff and I just didn't really like it. So go back onto the athletic training side of things. But I was a, a college athletic trainer, student athletic trainer as well as a collegiate athlete. So needless to say, my plate was full. It was overflowing.
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Toby Brooks
Yeah, well, let's stop there and, and I want to dissect some things you said a little bit. So you started early on as a multi sport athlete, supportive home, you know, all great things. But so many times high achievers can take great things and turn them almost into idols. They can take something that on paper is non directional. Sport isn't good or bad inherently. I think if I were to argue.
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It would be more good than bad.
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But certainly we can take it to an extreme and it can become something that is really the core of our identity and the risk for that. And you know this as a health care professional, if you've got a high school senior who's facing graduation and has no opportunity to play at the next level, they've got a crash coming. So for you as a student athlete in high school, knowing that you likely had opportunities to play collegiately, talk me through your identity and where did you put who you thought you were at that stage of your development?
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Jacqueline Emery
Sure, the earliest. It kind of seems like a blur now, but the earliest I can think is freshman year. When I was a freshman coming in to varsity, I had to prove to the older girls that having me on the team was worth it and that I was valuable and my coach believed in me 110%. So that was very easy. On that side of it, when you have adults that believe in you and you Just have to deal with the girls on the squad. And honestly, I don't know if it was my parents. I don't know. Like something inside me just kind of said, you don't have to be everybody's friend. You don't have to be everybody's go to person. But when it comes to being on the court, I'm all in. So I now I feel like I struggled with that during high school, like trying to tell the older girls, I'm not here to take your spot. I'm not here to push you around. I'm not here to make you feel uncomfortable or anything. Like, I'm here to honestly win. And if you're not along with that, then you can get off the team. That's kind of how I. The attitude I had as a freshman. And so I just took that some strides and I was team captain my sophomore year, which was kind of unheard of. You know, young kids still having to mature. I was an assistant team captain. Wasn't the, like the main one. Kind of like an honorable mention. But even then it was a struggle to have a little token of leadership. But the older girls still wanted to have that control, and I respected that. They've had their time, they've put in their practices and stuff like that. But also when I'm the one on the court producing, I have to be the one to have some say. And so that was. But then it's all good things. Like, Birdville was not the most successful sports school. Very similar to where I work right now. It is very competitive. It's a very competitive area. The kids are not all D1 athletes. We are not all D1 athletes. I was not a D1 athlete. Could I have been?
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Toby Brooks
Sure.
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Jacqueline Emery
I was aiming for it. My goal was to go to UConn, obviously. And so that's where my head was. Like, I'm making it. I'm making it. I'm going to UConn. This is going to happen. And so I would be put in extra hours on top of hours on top of hours at lifetime outside the gym, putting up shots, you know, working on my post moves, rebounding, jumping, lifting weights. So all that stuff, needless to say, took a toll. But I never, I was blessed to never really have severe injuries. Shin splints, yes. Ankle sprains, yes. It's a grind. And honestly, I think that's something that sports has done is where I'm so successful as an athletic trainer because of the grind. And I don't think people realize that that grind never really Turns off. And it just. Your brain is constantly saying, what now? What more? What can I do?
- [12:14]
Toby Brooks
Here we get a glimpse into who Jacqueline is, not only as an athlete and a competitor, but as a human. That mindset, that throbbing question of what now? What more can I do? It can be a gateway to all the achievements we've ever dreamed of. There's also a darker, less charitable side that can feed the narrative that our worth is conditional. You know, I'm not gonna lie. I struggle with this one, too. Consider this perspective from the Rock.
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Dwayne Johnson
Paradise on this Sunday. If I'm ever wanted by the FBI, I'll never be hard to find. They'll be right here in the iron paradise, where dues are paid and the rent is due every day.
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Toby Brooks
Hard week? Tough week.
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Dwayne Johnson
Broken down, beat down, ass kicked, face, punch, bones hurting. That kind of week. About what if I took a day off? Let me take a day off. Might be good for me. And then I started thinking about the 99 out there. The competition, my competition, who's not willing to put in the work today. I thought, wait, there's 1% out there who is willing to put in the work. So whoever who he is, or whoever she is, she's a badass, too. That's enough to get me motivated. So let's use that 1% to get us going. 1% of club.
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Toby Brooks
Here we go.
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As a virtue.
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This is the heart of persistence. And it's good. In fact, it's most likely that in all the high achievers, you know, it's central to who they are. But as Aristotle once described, taken to an extreme, it becomes what the nerds among us might call intransigence. It's a lack of balance. Let's consider another extreme view from a personal favorite of mine, David Goggins.
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David Goggins
It's okay to be unbalanced for a while. It's okay. Don't be all this. Some people say you got to be balanced to be the best in the world at what you do. You have to be unbalanced to find every bit of energy and strength that you have to pull it off. Then you get balanced once you become great.
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Toby Brooks
Jacqueline, the mindset had served her well, and she had gained the admiration and the respect from her coaches and her teammates. But along with that relentless devotion can sometimes come an identity that becomes interwoven with whatever it is we're pursuing so hard. So in this case, sport becomes not what we do, but who we are. Fortunately for Jacqueline, she had a clear understanding of who she was as a person off the Court, but it didn't mean that others didn't try to put that idea on her repeatedly.
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I'm curious, so. So you set the bar as high as it can go, WNBA, UConn Elite Women's Basketball program, and you end up at Hardin Simmons. I'm curious what your mindset was going there. Did you feel like you had failed or did you feel happy that you could continue to play collegiate basketball anywhere?
- [15:12]
Jacqueline Emery
I think it was content and facing the reality of I'm only 6 foot tall, I'm a little bit thicker, like Fuller figured. I don't always like saying the word thicker, but low Fuller figured, post true center, post player, cleaner, upper janitor, whatever you want to do. I hustled hard. I hustled after Vol, got every rebound cut, every put back. Like intercepted passes. I could do a full court, like that was my jam. I like the grit and dirtiness of being a post player. And the coach again, invested a lot. And I knew I wanted to do athletic training or medical of some sort. And the reality of going to WNBA when looking at salaries just didn't seem worth it to me. And so my dad, and I think my mom too, but I remember my dad having conversation at the dinner table, just saying like, pros and cons list, you know, doing this like, and if you really want to do the WNBA life, you got to put even more work in than what you're doing now. And so do you feel like this is doable? And then it came to the decision of I could have gone D2, I could have gone to University of New Mexico and I had a walk on offer. So not guaranteed team spot, but try out seemed pretty promising, you know, and then that I even got the guarantee that I would be on the practice squad if it didn't work out, you know, so started doing like the pros and cons of D1, D2, D3. And I didn't want it to be a job and my only identity. And that's where I struggled a lot because I'm also an only child and if I said something to my mom, I had to repeat it to my dad. And as a moody teenager, I'd be like, we both did that at the same time. Like, I don't want to explain it multiple times, but it came to. Even when I was going to family events or holidays, everyone just asked me, how's basketball? How's basketball? How's basketball? I remember actually having a blow up on holiday. I think it was Christmas or Thanksgiving with my grandma at my grandma's house. And I said, I am not Jacqueline the basketball player. Like, I am so much more than this. And so that's kind of when I was figuring out that basketball is not everything. It's a good component of my life, but it's not everything. And that's why I felt like it was not the thing.
- [17:29]
Toby Brooks
Right. There's so much we can take from that, that that's still valuable in professional pursuits. Teamwork and resilience and grit and all things that can serve you well in that next season, but in the moment when we're actually losing those things, whether that's a high school athlete who's hanging up their sneakers for the last time, or in your case, a collegiate athlete that, you know, in basketball, I always say it's the worst because so few teams do. You get to go out on top. Like, every team has a postseason tournament, and you're almost guaranteed to lose your last game. I mean, it's. It's just. It's hard to end that sport on a high note. So talk me through that transition. Did you just lean all in on the academic side? Was there a season of grief for you when basketball was over?
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Or was it relief?
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Jacqueline Emery
So I didn't have the prettiest breakup with it. I only got to play three years. I. I say I only got to. I got to play three years. And that fourth year did not happen. To make a long story short, it was just a coaching change, and basically anybody who was a recruit of the previous coach got shafted. And I played for a lot of teams, and I was even the kid that had multiple summer teams. Like, I would play for schooling an AAU team like an elite one back when AAU was where you had to try out multiple weekends in a row to get to a national. So I would do a national aau, a local aau and then school league, like, summer school league. So I was all over the place in summer. Like, I loved it so much. So I played for a lot of coaches, a lot of dads. Like, I played for all different types of people. And my college experience was really my first female coach experience. And just a personal opinion. For me, I don't know, it's because I'm just a daddy's girl. Like, I just prefer men coaches. Like, I just don't know what it is, like a kind of like a dad daughter relationship, but you don't ever want to let them down, you know? And with a female coach, I just. I only have two coaches I've had, but I feel like Those were the most drama filled, unhealthy relationship coaches I've ever had. And my first college coach was actually great and she invested in me and I felt like it was good. Me and another freshman in college were playing, like, had playing time as a college athlete, so that's like good. And sophomore year, I'm starting half the games, maybe 50, 60% of the games. And then junior year, I started to be amazing. Like, I'm gonna start every game. I earned the spot. That coaching change happened. Wasn't mad about it. Like, I was actually excited. Like, okay, I'm with it, let's buy in. And this coach was actually on staff before, so they've seen what I've done. So I was like, oh, this is good. Like, they know what I can do. And then she came with a whole new vision, and that's fine. She has every right to do that. But I didn't understand that then. And a lot of my teammates quit at Christmas and I couldn't, and I can't tell you why, but I couldn't. And it was the hardest year of my life, I can tell you that. So it's just always trying to prove myself and like, trying to. Why am I not starting anymore? Why am I not playing anymore? Why are my percentages not mattering anymore? I'm losing weight, I'm getting strong, my mile time's going down. Doing all these things, that playing time is not happening. That's all I ever wanted, you know?
- [21:08]
Toby Brooks
Right. I think for so many athletes in a situation like that, maybe not the exact circumstances that you described, but facing the potential of the end of their career, when you're in the middle of that, when you're confronted with the reality that this can be it, this might be all the athletic mindset, and hopefully I'm not speaking just for myself here, but you tend to be tough. You want to be tough. You don't want to tell anybody. You want to keep it to yourself. You don't want to expose yourself as being weak or vulnerable or anything else. During that season of your life, was there anyone you relied on to help you navigate through that space?
- [21:53]
Jacqueline Emery
My husband now, so boyfriend then, and my parents. So where the college I went, we have a. Basically a group of older people, couples and who are called donors, and that was basically just fundraiser people. They came to the game every week like they live in Abilene. This is their life. They've been here forever. They love Hardin Simmons, they go to every sporting game, all that kind of stuff. And they were coming up to me. My parents are coming up to me and going, what is going on? And I'm like, I do not know. Like, you have to go talk to them, you know, and that's where it started. Then it got repetitive and they're like, why are you not playing? Why are you not playing? And then my parents thought it was Dustin, my husband. People thought it was everything else. And eventually I cracked and I just said, I don't know what's going on. It's not me. I'm doing this, It's. I'm doing this, this, this, this, this. I have athletic training on my plate. I have a job. Like, I worked a job too, a part time job on top of. I was doing observation hours, I was doing intramural work at this campus. Like, I just try to stay so busy that nobody could really try to see something was wrong. And I finally cracked and said, I don't know what's going on. This is all the stuff that I'm doing. I don't know why I'm not getting playing time. I understand y' all want me to play and I see it, but it's, it's destroying me at the same time. But I couldn't even say that it was destroying me until I quit officially. And I just had no words. I couldn't, I couldn't describe it. And it was really like an abusive relationship. It sounds horrible to say that, but obviously looking back, gosh, all up 12 years now, that makes me feel old, but 12 years now, I learned so much from that year. So God put it in, you know, in my life for a reason. It taught me a lot. So.
- [23:44]
Toby Brooks
Yeah, well, frequently I find solace in the fact that the trials, the tribulations, the failures, the shortcomings that I've had to experience are for nothing unless I can use them to help the next generation. Whether that's my kids, whether that's student athletes that I serve, whether that's students that I serve. So now you find yourself in a role as the mentor that you once had, who turned you onto the profession? I think we, as a profession of athletic trainers, we're stretched so thin, typically under resourced. The last thing on earth most ats have the bandwidth to do is to chase after college freshmen. In your case, like they graduated, they're out of your program, you're not responsible for college freshmen anymore. And in the collegiate setting, if someone graduates, if, heaven forbid, they're injured and they leave your program, or in your case, they got pressured out, whatever they're no longer someone I'm directly responsible for. As I've looked back over my career, I've realized there were probably so many student athletes that could have benefited from, if not for me directly, at least from me connecting them with healthcare professionals, with counselors, with even just friend, you know, support. Like you had at Hardin Simmons, perhaps. So, using the story that you've been through as a student athlete, how has that impacted you now as a clinician?
- [25:12]
Jacqueline Emery
That's a good question. I think it's honestly developed my com. Like, just compassion, empathy in general. I find myself telling myself that I'm not being very empathetic or sympathetic. I'm kind of just like a little bit of a hard ass all the time. And that's my personality. And it's taught me to be like, you really never know what's going on between that kid's ears. You really never know what that kid is being told. I had a very supportive, very supportive, you know, family source and friend source and one of my best friend's teammates in college who left the team at Christmas. She would tell me, why are you doing this? Like, why? And I'm like, I. I can't quit. I can't quit. And so she was being like, okay, okay, you know, just that kind of. I don't really know why you're doing it, but I'm support you. I'm keeping tabs on you, you know, and that's kind of where these kids walk in the door. And I think that's why I love athlete trans so much as a puzzle every time, and it gets exhausting. And honestly, becoming a mom made me feel like, gosh, this is like, I don't have time to figure out this puzzle. I'm trying to figure out what this puzzle is that I'm raising at home. And. But when that kid comes in and you just say, hey, the door was. It's like, some of those kids, that door just swings wide open. And I have a perfect example. It's like this last year, a girl that I would probably not normally just talk to, like, normally, but she came in, had a question. I could tell something was going on. Like, you know when you just have a feeling after so many years, like, there's something going on. Like, blood pressure is high, she's breathing fat. Like, something. She's not really expressing that something is wrong, but there's something wrong. And she ended up having high blood pressure. She felt like she was gonna faint. She sat down for a minute and I was like, where are you from? I'D never seen her before. I said, what's your story? Like, you, you look, there's something here, you know, and she opened up and her story is her background. If I, if I went through a fraction of what she went through. And this is like just something from, like, domestic violence, sexual abuse, foster home, from foster home to foster home to foster home her whole life, so multiple different schools. And I'm like, yeah, you come in here every day and you smile and you tell me hello. Like, I mean, every day. And sometimes you're like, this girl would walk in. I'm like, oh, I do not have time for her right now. I'm so, so much to do. I'm busy. But she would walk in and say, hey, coachee, how's it going? I'd be like, hey, girl, how's your day? And she would either spill the beans or she would say, I just want to say hi. You know, and having kids like that, I think is so refreshing. That's what keeps me young and what keeps me invested in the profession. So it's kind of a long answer.
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Toby Brooks
For that, but no, I love it. I love it because kids like that don't realize how strong they are. Like, recognize the strength it takes to get yourself out of bed, force a smile, and be kind to somebody. Like, what life has dealt to you is not the same as everybody else. And so I think having that experience helps us view life through a different lens. And it's great to hear that she felt comfortable opening up to you. If you could go back in time and speak to your athletic self, who would you choose? I mean, there's. There's Jacqueline as a. A 10 year old, and there's Jacqueline as a 21 year old. Where would you go and what would you tell yourself?
- [28:34]
Jacqueline Emery
I would go back to probably. I was super blessed, honestly. Middle school to high school. I had my head on my shoulders pretty well. Like, I was confident, I was playing. I had no, like, really adversity kind of in a way, because I was good. I. I work to be good. And then college came, and I knew the competition would be there, but I would go back to that 21 year old self and just say, it's okay, let go. You know, And I think that's hard to say, but also that same back end of that voice, I would say, okay, we're here, we're going to finish it. Like, whatever your mind is going through. And there is no perfect answer. There is no perfect way to train. There is no, like, all these things can happen. I had multiple teammates question why I was still doing it, supporting the team, and then I had other teammates there saying, why wouldn't you? You know?
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Toby Brooks
Yeah.
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Jacqueline Emery
So I would just go back to say, it's okay, it's. It was a rough breakup. That's the best way I can explain it. And I don't know if anybody ever prepares you for a breakup. And it was just something that I had to do on my own. I had to process it day by day, hour by hour, on my own.
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Toby Brooks
For Jacqueline, leaving the sport that had given her so much behind on less than great terms was hard. She describes it as a bad breakup. And I've seen that time and time again. Sometimes we're forced out early because we can't compete at the next level. That wasn't the case for her as she'd already proven herself as a college player. Other times it's an injury also in this case, not it. While Jacqueline acknowledges she had the support of a boyfriend at the time, now husband, Dustin, friends, teammates, even members of the Abilene community, in retrospect, she also now sees how God was at work through the whole situation. And it was him who was helping prepare her for the journey ahead, even in becoming a mom.
- [30:35]
Jacqueline Emery
But now that I'm talking this out loud, I had someone and that was God. So it's all about his timing. And it was that little voice I was saying, it's okay, it's good.
- [30:46]
Toby Brooks
Yeah. So powerful. Again, we're talking with Jacqueline Emery, athletic trainer at McKinney Boyd High School just outside of Dallas. Jacqueline, there's so much to these stories. And like you said, so many student athletes are struggling through things. Force them a smile, you know, whether they're faking their way or just learning as they go, either way, they are. They're our responsibility. And you know, if someone breaks their leg, you know, right away to get the splints and you know what to do, you can see it with your own eyes. Your tests that you've been trained to deliver are there. But so often student athletes dealing with mental and behavioral issues, they can hide that. So what for you has been maybe the most eye opening aspects of serving student athletes instead of being one yourself.
- [31:44]
Jacqueline Emery
Kind of like I'm going to punch back to what I said earlier. You don't know what's going on between their head. It took me probably a good solid five to six years of being a certified to understand that. And that means just getting older too. Like I had a job at 22 years old. Like by the time that I was 27, 28, pregnant with my son, like, becoming a mom, like, all of a sudden, I'm now like, this knowledgeable person come along, right? And so. But not knowing what's going on between their head. Because I was going through what I was going through even post pregnancy. And so I would say, like, God works in weird ways. I say this all the time. My kids hear that all the time. Having to go through what I went through with basketball and that ugly breakup with it helped me post pregnancy, too. Postpartum. And so having that kind of like, you had to shut off another door to your identity. And when these kids get hurt, you know, catastrophic or not, or even just they're so hard on themselves, and now they can't play next week's game. And you're like, chill, bro. You're going to play in a week. Like, it's fine. Like, you know, but the. I was there once. I refused to walk to the train. We can ask my mama, Like, I would, like from around the corner of the, like, the door frame and be like, gosh, it should be like, jack, get in here. And I'm like, no, you didn't see me. Bye. Kind of thing. And so I was a kid that. It was like, hell walking into there, I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm doomed. She's gonna say, no, I can't play. And so that's what. The same feelings. If I had that back then, they're having it here now, if not more. Because the mental health thing is just way more heightened and more spoken about, which is good. But I also feel like it kind of makes it seem where kids think they're not normal for having questionable thoughts. And, yeah. Now, obviously, it's the extreme. Yes, that's probably not. You need some help. But just having the question like, oh, I don't want to be in here. I don't want to be out. I don't want to have something go negative. That's all normal, and that's part of life in general. I'm like, I got up today. I didn't want to work out, but I told myself I had to, like. And I just feel kind of that same thing as an athlete. And when they walk in and they're like. I'm like, are you in here because you don't want to do weight room, or is it because you're actually hurt? You know, constantly do that whole thing every day, multiple times a day. And just teaching these kids honestly, how to function as an athlete is what I Enjoy, Enjoy. More than the first aid, the blood and gore, the diagnosis, like, just having them relate this to their life in the future is more of what I'm about. And honestly, I think that's kind of what has helped me become like an ambassador for Nexus and in first form supplementation and like saying, there's so much more to this. This is just the pillow level. Like, this is the pillow not even down to the springs and the mattress yet, you know, like the way you feel, you've got to work hard and that's the rest of your life, period.
- [34:32]
Toby Brooks
Perfect. I love that. So you alluded to that. Great segue into the next question. So I see you on social media. You've got a growing presence. I saw an update today. So tell us a little bit about. In addition to being an athletic trainer and a wife and a mom, you've got a lot of other things going. So tell us a little bit about that.
- [34:50]
Jacqueline Emery
Sure. I'm actually very introverted. I'm extroverted when I have my people. Otherwise, if you walk up to me, I'm gonna make you say hey before I say hey for the most part. But my husband, as you know, is very, very sexual.
- [35:03]
Toby Brooks
And I know this.
- [35:06]
Jacqueline Emery
During COVID he started like the whole at Twitter thing and he started. I'm like, oh, my gosh, you're always on social media. Like, pay attention to me. And like, ended up being a good thing because he met some amazing people and they took me in when we first came back after Covid to Nata and when we met them, I was kind of like, I'm just a nobody. Like, this is not, like, I don't need to do this. And they're like, no, you should start posting stuff. And I was like, doing just my personal things here and there. And then I saw what they could do and I saw that they were sharing the sarcasm and the funny and the great part of athletic training, but also the hard times and the hardships of athletic training. And I said, I could do that. I can definitely do that. And then now I've grown into like this kind of brand where I am like the 18 mom. And so we hand out stickers at Nata in the last couple years. I've had a few people last year especially, but this year a lot was kind of defining moment of like, they're like, they could walk up to me and go, I see your tick tocks. You're so funny. I love them. I love what you're saying about, like, women in sports and being a mom. And you're getting your stuff done. You're making everyday life be look normal. With a busy athletic training schedule, I was kind of like, I'm doing it. And so for me, like, just kind of having receipts that I'm doing what I should, what I'm telling myself I should be doing. So having that mental game of I said I was going to work out, I said I was going to eat right, I said I was going to meal prep, I said I was going to go to this game, I said I was going to hang out with my family. I said these things to myself and I need to do it. And so posting for me was receipts and proof for myself. If you like it and you want to watch it, great. I don't care. But it's mainly for me. And when I made that flip, that's when I started feeling. I started getting more attention. It was like that raw, genuine side of social media that people love and they want to see what you do. And I didn't realize, like, the Day in the Life videos are honestly my biggest videos. Like, they're like, oh, this girl's up forever. Yeah, I don't sleep. I don't know how I don't I survive. But having that and then going into the convention this year and people just saying, like, I love what you do was so refreshing. And then like, me being able to that to other athletic trainers who are younger, who are following our steps. And we were kind of the first, you know, athletic trainers who did TikTok and reels and stuff. And so post Covid and so it's just nice to kind of see that. I feel like a little old head kind of saying that, but, yeah.
- [37:34]
Toby Brooks
It sneaks up on you slowly. It's like you go from being relevant and cool to old school. Like overnight it happens. There's no in between. So hopefully you're still on the early end of that, but it's coming. I will warn you.
- [37:49]
Jacqueline Emery
Yeah, he can upload it.
- [37:51]
Toby Brooks
Yeah. Well, I asked this question of all my guests. I love music and the emotions that it can frequently represent. If we were to watch a montage of your life, what song would you pick to play in the background and why?
- [38:01]
Jacqueline Emery
Oh, I'm a music freak. This is really hard. This is really hard. Let's see. If I had just like a vibe, like just a vibe of my life, I would say Amber by 3:11. I love that, you know, Amber's color of energy. Be warm, be kind, be welcoming, have open arms, et cetera. If I'm gonna Go for my athletic training group, we would play something, creed, any of those arms wide open, anything. So that's probably the life thing is just be kind, be a good human. I feel that when I'm at my kindest moments of life, it comes back in return in the universe. I'm a big believer in that whatever you put in the universe, it's going to put back. So if you put negativity in the universe, bad things are going to happen to you. If you're positive you're good and you love people and you're kind, you're going to get all that back to you.
- [39:01]
Toby Brooks
Yeah. Love it. What for Jacqueline and remains undone.
- [39:06]
Jacqueline Emery
I had a chance to get out of the athletic training a couple years ago and meaning a chance, just saying like there was an opportunity that was on the table or I could have applied for a totally different job and I couldn't leave. And it was something very similar to not quitting basketball my junior year, having to finish that season out. So becoming undone would be not having sports and giving back to athletes in my life. I, I know for a fact now that that has to be in my life for me to be happy and for me to feel successful. But on top of that, I would love to have a platform for athletes to know that sports is life. But it's not the only life that you have. And having kids understand that you can be a mom and still be a former athlete and you can be an athletic trainer and still have with that whole athlete sense of things, you can be a teammate of somebody who got totally obliterated injury wise. And yet your value, you seeing them go through that is something that you can tap into while you're an athletic train or even a healthcare profession.
- [40:24]
Toby Brooks
Yeah, I've heard it described as it's what I do, it's not who I am. But even though it is what I do, I can love it with all my heart. But the moment I let it become who I am, the moment I've put it out of order and it's, it's a danger, it's a risk, it's something that, that I can in my case, and you mentioned it yourself, something we can put between ourselves and our relationship with the Lord. And that's never healthy. How can listeners connect with you? Those that are looking for your socials, great follows. So drop, drop them here and I will also put them in the show description.
- [40:56]
Jacqueline Emery
Yeah, Instagram @jme, underscore, atc, tick tock, jmory @ and then Facebook if you want that just kind of gets the repost. And that's for my family. Jacqueline Emery But I post a lot about bettering yourself, bettering humans around you, continuing to grow, continuing to challenge yourself. Life's hard. Success is harder. Keep on pushing.
- [41:19]
Toby Brooks
Yeah, love it, love the message and just entertaining as well. So I appreciate that.
- [41:25]
Jacqueline Emery
I am Jacqueline Emery and I am Undone.
- [41:35]
Toby Brooks
Today's show was such a powerful reminder from Jacqueline Emory that our worth is never just about the scoreboard or the stat sheet. It's about who we become through the grind, the setbacks, and the people we serve along the way. I'm thankful to Jacqueline for dropping in and I hope you enjoyed our conversation. For more info on today's episode, be sure to check it out on the web. Simply go to undonepodcast.com backslash ep130 to see the notes, links and images related to today's guest, Jaclyn Emery. Jacqueline's story resonated with you. I'd love for you to stay connected beyond the podcast. Head over to UndonePodcast Kit, that's Kit.com and join my mailing list. You'll get first access to new episodes, resources and behind the scenes content that I don't share anywhere else. If your team, organization or event needs a shot of inspiration, I also offer keynote speaking and coaching designed to help high performers navigate their own Becoming Undone moments and come out on the other side stronger. You can find more details@tobyjbrooks.com if you or someone you know has a story of transformation and rebuilding, I want to tell you the truth. Not telling that story is actually selfish. You're actually being selfless in sharing it because we can all learn and grow from it. So if you or someone you know has a story that we can all be inspired by, tell me about it. Surf over to undonepodcast.com, click the contact tab in the top menu and drop me a note.
- [43:09]
Coming up on the show, we've got.
- [43:10]
More incredible conversations coming your way, including award winning author Nick Peck, who made his way out of childhood abuse through football before becoming a journalist and an author. Then we'll have Kwon Amy, whose rising military career was cut short because of a tragic motorcycle accident that claimed his vision. Today. He's a drummer, an author and an incredible motivational speaker who will leave you charged up and ready to fight your own battles. This and more coming up on Becoming Undone. Coming Undone is a Nitrohype creative production written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. Tell a friend about the show and follow along on facebook. Instagram and LinkedIn at Becoming Undone Pod and follow me at Toby J. Brooks on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn. Check out my link tree at linktr EE backslash. Tobyjbrooks listen. Subscribe and leave me a review at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or wherever you get your podcasts. Update this week we're still sitting around nine in the world on Apple Podcasts for self improvement, so I'd love to keep moving on up. So if you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend, you do us both a favor. Till next time, this is Toby Brooks reminding you to keep getting better.