Bellied Up Podcast - Episode 139: "Addicted To Hardware Stores"

Release Date: February 13, 2025

Hosted by Emmy-winning comedian Charlie Berens and Myles, the You Betcha Guy, Bellied Up takes listeners on a humorous journey each Thursday as Charlie and Miles engage with live callers from across the Midwest and beyond. In this episode titled "Addicted To Hardware Stores," the duo delves into a variety of entertaining topics ranging from bowling antics and heartfelt proposals to workplace safety and quirky confessions about hardware store addictions.

1. Bowling Banter

00:00 – 02:17

The episode kicks off with Charlie and Miles exchanging friendly jabs about their bowling skills, setting a light-hearted tone. Charlie boasts about his impressive high score, while Miles modestly shares his consistent performance.

• Charlie (00:32): "I can bowl a 200. I bowled it. My high score is 258."
• Miles (01:32): "I think I confidently say a 500 at least, what, 700 hours with this podcast? I don't think I've ever sneezed. Well, live on here."

Their playful conversation highlights their competitive yet genial relationship, with a humorous detour into the topic of sneezing, likening it to an "eighth of an orgasm" (02:17).

2. Carter’s Engagement Story

10:22 – 25:47

A heartfelt story unfolds as Carter calls in from Canada to update the hosts on his engagement. Initially hesitant, Carter shares how he orchestrated a romantic proposal with the help of friends and a scenic bridge setup.

• Carter (11:28): "I got her friends to help me out, and then I took... I got her friend to help me out, and she snuck down and lit some candles on the bridge. And then I dropped to one knee and she said, yeah."
• Charlie (13:05): "We are men of our word... We are so happy for you. We are excited for your lives together."

The segment includes Carter’s mother, Stephanie, who adds her own flair by recounting her prowess in managing bar brawls, painting a vivid picture of their lively family dynamics.

• Stephanie (16:20): "I think the latest one on my 50th birthday, rocking it out with Carter. I think that's got to be my favorite one."
• Charlie (23:11): "You are a classic Canadian mother. I love it."

Their interactions are filled with humor and warmth, culminating in congratulations and well-wishes from Charlie and Miles.

3. Workplace Safety with Craig

25:51 – 40:58

Craig, a safety manager at a manufacturing plant, joins the conversation to discuss the intricacies of forklift certification and general workplace safety. His expertise provides valuable insights, delivered with a blend of seriousness and humor.

• Charlie (28:02): "Alright, so they want the classroom thing. Then what?"
• Craig (28:28): "Step two would be in-person training. So actually getting on a forklift and doing the training with it."
• Miles (32:29): "Yep. You fail forward."

Craig elaborates on OSHA requirements for forklift certification, emphasizing the importance of proper training to prevent accidents.

• Craig (38:43): "So I always like to drive by construction sites and look for things like fall protection and crane rigging. Those are my two favorites."

The discussion shifts to ladder safety, a timely topic given the proximity to Christmas, with Craig providing practical tips.

• Craig (39:24): "You always gotta make sure you pick the right ladder for the right job. A frame ladder must be fully extended at all times, and extension ladders must be leaned up against something before you can use them."

Charlie and Miles infuse humor into the segment, making safety talk engaging and accessible.

• Charlie (36:57): "Well, if it doesn't come out, just throw the fire extinguisher into the flame. It'll melt the metal on the outside, and then it should put it out."

4. Hardware Store Addiction Confession with Dustin

44:02 – 60:31

In a candid and comedic confession, Dustin reveals his "addiction" to hardware stores. Residing in Lincoln, Nebraska, Dustin frequents nearby Harbor Freight, Menards, and Home Depot, often spending hours browsing and purchasing tools.

• Dustin (44:29): "I'm in Nebraska and I work in Lincoln... every time I go shopping, I at least have to stop at one of those places. Then I'm there for a solid like two hours."

Charlie and Miles respond with relatable humor, acknowledging the allure of hardware stores with their vast selection and enticing smells.

• Charlie (45:35): "There's nothing better than that smell of lumber. It's possibilities, you know."

The conversation evolves into a creative brainstorming session where Charlie and Miles pitch innovative ideas to Dustin about integrating a bar into a hardware store, blending their comedic expertise with Dustin’s passion.

• Miles (51:06): "We put a bar in a hardware store... fix something that maybe you can't yourself."
• Dustin (52:31): "I see one dilemma... Once a beer gets cracked up in the garage, I ain't getting shit done."

Their playful exchange explores the potential (and humorous pitfalls) of combining a social bar environment with practical hardware needs, complete with suggestions for safety enhancements and interactive tool displays.

5. Valentine’s Day Specials

41:06 – 43:58

As Valentine's Day approaches, Charlie and Miles weave in festive jokes and anecdotes, tying them into their signature style of humor.

• Charlie (41:34): "If your Valentine's Day is ruined, you don’t want your bank account to be ruined too."
• Miles (43:58): "You just roll over that thing, stop, drop, and roll the fire extinguisher. Exactly."

They humorously promote Nicolay Law, joking about the potential mishaps one might encounter on a romantic day, ensuring listeners are entertained while subtly integrating promotional content.

6. Closing Remarks and Additional Calls

60:27 – 60:31

Wrapping up the episode, Charlie and Miles reflect on the engaging discussions and final caller interactions, maintaining their comedic flair until the very end.

• Charlie (60:27): "We love you so much."
• Miles (60:31): "Don't forget, tip your bartender. See you next one, guys."

Key Takeaways and Themes

1. Humor in Everyday Situations: Whether discussing bowling scores or hardware store addictions, Charlie and Miles employ humor to make relatable topics entertaining.

2. Community and Engagement: Live callers like Carter and Dustin bring personal stories and confessions that enrich the podcast’s communal feel.

3. Practical Insights with a Comedic Twist: Episodes seamlessly blend practical advice on safety and everyday tasks with comedic elements, making learning enjoyable.

4. Innovative Brainstorming: The hosts' inventive ideas, such as integrating a bar within a hardware store, showcase their creative dynamics and rapport.

5. Festive Spirit: Incorporating seasonal themes like Valentine's Day ensures the content remains timely and relevant.

Notable Quotes

• Charlie (00:32): "I can bowl a 200. I bowled it. My high score is 258."
• Miles (02:17): "That looks like two eighths of an orgasm."
• Carter (11:28): "I got her friends to help me out... and she said yes."
• Stephanie (16:20): "I think the latest one on my 50th birthday, rocking it out with Carter."
• Charlie (28:02): "It's basically like a substitute teacher. All right, I'm hungover today."
• Craig (38:43): "So I always like to drive by construction sites and look for things like fall protection."
• Dustin (44:29): "I'm pretty close, so I go there pretty frequently... It's just my happy place."
• Charlie (41:34): "If your Valentine's Day is ruined, you don’t want your bank account to be ruined too."

Conclusion

Episode 139 of Bellied Up masterfully combines humor, personal stories, and practical advice, creating an engaging and multifaceted listening experience. From lively discussions about bowling and engagements to essential safety tips and confessions of hardware store indulgence, Charlie and Miles ensure that every moment is both entertaining and insightful. Whether you're a regular listener or tuning in for the first time, this episode offers a delightful blend of laughter, community, and valuable takeaways.