Addicted To Hardware Stores #139

Summary

Bellied Up Podcast - Episode 139: "Addicted To Hardware Stores"

Release Date: February 13, 2025

Hosted by Emmy-winning comedian Charlie Berens and Myles, the You Betcha Guy, Bellied Up takes listeners on a humorous journey each Thursday as Charlie and Miles engage with live callers from across the Midwest and beyond. In this episode titled "Addicted To Hardware Stores," the duo delves into a variety of entertaining topics ranging from bowling antics and heartfelt proposals to workplace safety and quirky confessions about hardware store addictions.

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1. Bowling Banter

00:00 – 02:17

The episode kicks off with Charlie and Miles exchanging friendly jabs about their bowling skills, setting a light-hearted tone. Charlie boasts about his impressive high score, while Miles modestly shares his consistent performance.

• Charlie (00:32): "I can bowl a 200. I bowled it. My high score is 258."
• Miles (01:32): "I think I confidently say a 500 at least, what, 700 hours with this podcast? I don't think I've ever sneezed. Well, live on here."

Their playful conversation highlights their competitive yet genial relationship, with a humorous detour into the topic of sneezing, likening it to an "eighth of an orgasm" (02:17).

2. Carter’s Engagement Story

10:22 – 25:47

A heartfelt story unfolds as Carter calls in from Canada to update the hosts on his engagement. Initially hesitant, Carter shares how he orchestrated a romantic proposal with the help of friends and a scenic bridge setup.

• Carter (11:28): "I got her friends to help me out, and then I took... I got her friend to help me out, and she snuck down and lit some candles on the bridge. And then I dropped to one knee and she said, yeah."
• Charlie (13:05): "We are men of our word... We are so happy for you. We are excited for your lives together."

The segment includes Carter’s mother, Stephanie, who adds her own flair by recounting her prowess in managing bar brawls, painting a vivid picture of their lively family dynamics.

• Stephanie (16:20): "I think the latest one on my 50th birthday, rocking it out with Carter. I think that's got to be my favorite one."
• Charlie (23:11): "You are a classic Canadian mother. I love it."

Their interactions are filled with humor and warmth, culminating in congratulations and well-wishes from Charlie and Miles.

3. Workplace Safety with Craig

25:51 – 40:58

Craig, a safety manager at a manufacturing plant, joins the conversation to discuss the intricacies of forklift certification and general workplace safety. His expertise provides valuable insights, delivered with a blend of seriousness and humor.

• Charlie (28:02): "Alright, so they want the classroom thing. Then what?"
• Craig (28:28): "Step two would be in-person training. So actually getting on a forklift and doing the training with it."
• Miles (32:29): "Yep. You fail forward."

Craig elaborates on OSHA requirements for forklift certification, emphasizing the importance of proper training to prevent accidents.

• Craig (38:43): "So I always like to drive by construction sites and look for things like fall protection and crane rigging. Those are my two favorites."

The discussion shifts to ladder safety, a timely topic given the proximity to Christmas, with Craig providing practical tips.

• Craig (39:24): "You always gotta make sure you pick the right ladder for the right job. A frame ladder must be fully extended at all times, and extension ladders must be leaned up against something before you can use them."

Charlie and Miles infuse humor into the segment, making safety talk engaging and accessible.

• Charlie (36:57): "Well, if it doesn't come out, just throw the fire extinguisher into the flame. It'll melt the metal on the outside, and then it should put it out."

4. Hardware Store Addiction Confession with Dustin

44:02 – 60:31

In a candid and comedic confession, Dustin reveals his "addiction" to hardware stores. Residing in Lincoln, Nebraska, Dustin frequents nearby Harbor Freight, Menards, and Home Depot, often spending hours browsing and purchasing tools.

• Dustin (44:29): "I'm in Nebraska and I work in Lincoln... every time I go shopping, I at least have to stop at one of those places. Then I'm there for a solid like two hours."

Charlie and Miles respond with relatable humor, acknowledging the allure of hardware stores with their vast selection and enticing smells.

• Charlie (45:35): "There's nothing better than that smell of lumber. It's possibilities, you know."

The conversation evolves into a creative brainstorming session where Charlie and Miles pitch innovative ideas to Dustin about integrating a bar into a hardware store, blending their comedic expertise with Dustin’s passion.

• Miles (51:06): "We put a bar in a hardware store... fix something that maybe you can't yourself."
• Dustin (52:31): "I see one dilemma... Once a beer gets cracked up in the garage, I ain't getting shit done."

Their playful exchange explores the potential (and humorous pitfalls) of combining a social bar environment with practical hardware needs, complete with suggestions for safety enhancements and interactive tool displays.

5. Valentine’s Day Specials

41:06 – 43:58

As Valentine's Day approaches, Charlie and Miles weave in festive jokes and anecdotes, tying them into their signature style of humor.

• Charlie (41:34): "If your Valentine's Day is ruined, you don’t want your bank account to be ruined too."
• Miles (43:58): "You just roll over that thing, stop, drop, and roll the fire extinguisher. Exactly."

They humorously promote Nicolay Law, joking about the potential mishaps one might encounter on a romantic day, ensuring listeners are entertained while subtly integrating promotional content.

6. Closing Remarks and Additional Calls

60:27 – 60:31

Wrapping up the episode, Charlie and Miles reflect on the engaging discussions and final caller interactions, maintaining their comedic flair until the very end.

• Charlie (60:27): "We love you so much."
• Miles (60:31): "Don't forget, tip your bartender. See you next one, guys."

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Key Takeaways and Themes

1. Humor in Everyday Situations: Whether discussing bowling scores or hardware store addictions, Charlie and Miles employ humor to make relatable topics entertaining.

2. Community and Engagement: Live callers like Carter and Dustin bring personal stories and confessions that enrich the podcast’s communal feel.

3. Practical Insights with a Comedic Twist: Episodes seamlessly blend practical advice on safety and everyday tasks with comedic elements, making learning enjoyable.

4. Innovative Brainstorming: The hosts' inventive ideas, such as integrating a bar within a hardware store, showcase their creative dynamics and rapport.

5. Festive Spirit: Incorporating seasonal themes like Valentine's Day ensures the content remains timely and relevant.

Notable Quotes

• Charlie (00:32): "I can bowl a 200. I bowled it. My high score is 258."
• Miles (02:17): "That looks like two eighths of an orgasm."
• Carter (11:28): "I got her friends to help me out... and she said yes."
• Stephanie (16:20): "I think the latest one on my 50th birthday, rocking it out with Carter."
• Charlie (28:02): "It's basically like a substitute teacher. All right, I'm hungover today."
• Craig (38:43): "So I always like to drive by construction sites and look for things like fall protection."
• Dustin (44:29): "I'm pretty close, so I go there pretty frequently... It's just my happy place."
• Charlie (41:34): "If your Valentine's Day is ruined, you don’t want your bank account to be ruined too."

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Conclusion

Episode 139 of Bellied Up masterfully combines humor, personal stories, and practical advice, creating an engaging and multifaceted listening experience. From lively discussions about bowling and engagements to essential safety tips and confessions of hardware store indulgence, Charlie and Miles ensure that every moment is both entertaining and insightful. Whether you're a regular listener or tuning in for the first time, this episode offers a delightful blend of laughter, community, and valuable takeaways.

Transcript

[Charlie]

Hey, folks, welcome to the Bellied up podcast. I'm here with my buddy, my best buddy, Miles, the you betcha guy.

[Miles]

Hey, Charlie, how you doing?

[Charlie]

I'm doing great, Miles.

[Miles]

I like your Holler House sweatshirt you got.

[Charlie]

I like your howler house T shirt you got.

[Miles]

Look at that.

[Charlie]

Look at that. It's a bowling ball. Miles, are you a good bowler?

[Miles]

Look how big the bowling ball gets when I do this.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah, you got some guns stretching out.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Too bad you can't beat me in an arm wrestle.

[Miles]

I have little videotape.

[Charlie]

Have you cheating. So, Miles, are you a good bowler?

[Miles]

I could consistently bowl like a 115.

[Charlie]

Really? I never bowl under 100. Not me. No.

[Miles]

I have bowled quite a few times under 100.

[Charlie]

Never have I ever. I can bowl a 200. I bowled it. My high score is 258.

[Miles]

No way.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I feel like we talked about this before.

[Charlie]

Nope, we haven't. Have we ever talked about this? Nope. Jared doesn't know. I bowled at 258 before, Miles. And I tell you that 259 was the best bowling round I ever had at 263. It was the high score at the bowling alley. I was doing that. But anyways, they got bowling here at the Holler House. It's the oldest bowling alley in the continental and uncontinental United States. It's a fantastic place. You what I like about bowling, Miles? You guys sneeze. Coming on. Look at that. Look at. Oh, good one. Wow.

[Miles]

I. I think I confidently say a 500 at least, what, 700 hours with this podcast? I don't think I've ever sneezed. Well, live on here.

[Charlie]

No, but that was a good sneeze. I could tell. They say a sneeze is an eighth of an orgasm. That looks like two eighths of an orgasm.

[Miles]

Or one certainly got an eighth of clarity right now.

[Charlie]

Oh, my God. What am I doing with this podcast?

[Miles]

What am I doing with my life?

[Charlie]

I don't know.

[Miles]

Why am I doing this?

[Charlie]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. That was mean.

[Miles]

Don't you dare put that in slow mo either.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I saw a little something come out, too.

[Miles]

Yeah. Wouldn't that be funny if I was like, oh, God, and there's just booger hanging out?

[Charlie]

I wouldn't tell you.

[Miles]

That'd be a nightmare.

[Charlie]

I wouldn't tell you. You only like about bowling.

[Miles]

What do you like?

[Charlie]

I like it because it's like. It's like a physical activity. I feel like as Adults, we don't get like enough physical activity.

[Miles]

That's why golf, Charlie.

[Charlie]

No, I know, but I, I mean it's like. Golf is great, but you can't do golf in winter. And so much of the Midwest is winter. I want to develop this whole facility called indoor recess. And it's just like a big friggin gym with some astro turf or whatever. And it's like all glass, so you can be outside, but then you can just play basketball and you can play square four square.

[Miles]

Wall ball.

[Charlie]

Wall ball is good. Surge or 500. Yeah.

[Miles]

And then, and then like. So let's say you know, every, like every like randomly throughout the day they'll have, they have a loudspeaker and then someone just comes on and goes. The floor is la. To run onto a piece of equipment. Yeah, that be kind of fun.

[Charlie]

That'd be great.

[Miles]

And then who's ever the last one still on the floor? Is it.

[Charlie]

I like that. I like that. But no, seriously, it's just a place where you can go and where a kid can be.

[Miles]

Adult recess.

[Charlie]

Where an adult can be a kid. Adult recess. I mean, I miss it. And they should have playground there too. Like we should have a playground portion as well. It shouldn't just be.

[Miles]

I thought that was what the whole thing was, the playground.

[Charlie]

Oh, sorry. I meant more specifically what do you call like the jungle gym or whatever?

[Miles]

Oh yeah. Like with slides and stuff. Yeah, I thought that's what we were doing.

[Charlie]

No, I. But I meant like it's a whole area. So you have fields and stuff too.

[Miles]

Oh yeah.

[Charlie]

And then I want a separate thing with like an adult kind of.

[Miles]

What was your area of expertise at recess? Were you a monkey bars guy?

[Charlie]

Was I a monkey bars guy? If you want to do monkey bar wars, you and me.

[Miles]

See, I wasn't a monkey bars guy. I couldn't do a pull up, so.

[Charlie]

Are you kidding me? Doesn't surprise me. Actually, now that I think about it, I was also a great swinger. I can pump like nobody's business. I can pump and jump. Let me tell you that I would beat you in a pump and jump any day. I know the right trajectory to get me going.

[Carter]

Yeah?

[Miles]

Yeah. See, I was a merry go round guy.

[Charlie]

Were you?

[Miles]

Oh yeah. I got these, I got these American thighs.

[Charlie]

Oh yeah. So you were the runner and the, the get on, get in the horse. That comes in handy, you know, for when you're stealing a car and you're like the go guy. You're like go, go, go. And the car is Going off and you're running after it and getting in. Yeah, that's you.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah. I'm not quite seeing the correlation, but.

[Charlie]

You got the ties.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Charlie]

Or you can. You can run, start a car, you know, to pop the clutch.

[Miles]

Yeah, that'll be you see what else you got? The slides. You ever climb up the slide on the outside? I get the ones with the. That were the enclosed domed.

[Charlie]

Yup.

[Miles]

To the tube slides. You ever climb up the top?

[Charlie]

I did.

[Miles]

I think I did more climbing up it than I did sliding down it.

[Charlie]

Really? That's for a guy with a fear of heights.

[Miles]

That's not very high. It's not very high.

[Charlie]

Okay. How high is where you're getting afraid?

[Miles]

20Ft'S pretty up there.

[Charlie]

Would you go, like, indoor rock climbing with me?

[Miles]

Like, so we actually ate dinner next to a rock climbing place yesterday in Milwaukee.

[Charlie]

Oh, really?

[Miles]

We were. We almost did it then. We also saw that there was a candle making bar in town. We almost. We almost made you a candle, Charlie.

[Charlie]

Really? I didn't even get a phone call from you guys.

[Miles]

Well, you were busy.

[Charlie]

I was helping my sister move that bed.

[Miles]

Yeah, How'd that go, by the way?

[Charlie]

It was fine. It was just a full bed.

[Miles]

We talking a box spring as well?

[Charlie]

No, box spring. And I. The problem is I had to clear out the bed of my truck. And the bed of my truck was awful. Like, just wood parts. Like scrap wood.

[Miles]

Mm.

[Charlie]

And boxes. So then she was. She was giving me a little guff about her bed getting dirty. I was like, are you kidding me right now? Like, this is a free bed moving service. Wash the sheet. You know, she had a little sheet over.

[Miles]

At what point does a free service become an annoyance? Because in her situation, she said, hey, let's do it on Monday. And then you forgot.

[Charlie]

I forgot.

[Miles]

You showed up in. Your bed of your truck isn't clean. And then you got her bed dirty. Like, at one point. Is it okay even though it's free to complain?

[Charlie]

It's a good point.

[Miles]

I think she did reach that threshold.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Yeah. Showed up a day late and a bed for the bed, a dirty bed for the bed. Yeah, it's still free. You get what you pay for. As we like to say in the class.

[Miles]

Are you like my younger brother that you do such a bad job on this that you'll never get asked to do it again?

[Charlie]

I get that from my grandpa tg. My grandpa tg. Speaking of recess, he had to do recess duty one time. And what he did Is he got a big bag full of suckers. And before the kids went back in, he opened the bag, he said, everyone take a sucker. So he sends all these second graders in with a sugar high. They never asked him to do it again.

[Miles]

So smart.

[Charlie]

Just a genius. The wisdom of our grandparents, I tell you. But I think indoor recess, I think we should brand that bellied UPS indoor recess. Serve booze and recess. What could possibly go wrong?

[Miles]

Yeah, nothing.

[Charlie]

By the way folks, if you get injured at indoor recess, call Nicolay Law.

[Miles]

I just have it plastered all over money, you know, but billboards inside.

[Charlie]

Yeah, we just advertise. We get all the Nicolay advertising and then we just pay it back and settlements at the end of the deal. Oh boy.

[Miles]

We'll workshop that idea. Yeah, you know. Do you like the floor is lava randomly throughout the time too? I like it. You know, 20 minutes of floor is lava.

[Charlie]

I like it. And then, then we, we do this long enough, we start playing squid games. But not lethal squid games. We just get people up there with paintball guns, you know, in the sniper's tower.

[Miles]

Oh my God.

[Charlie]

That's actually painful. Have you ever been paintballing?

[Miles]

Oh yeah, yeah, I got shot by paint golf. Damn. Damn near point blank.

[Charlie]

Paint golf.

[Miles]

Paintball.

[Charlie]

Oh, paint golf could be fun. I should show up to your country club with like a little like, like a machine gun paintball thing, like rolling up like convert a golf cart with like a little gunner tower on it.

[Miles]

And you're just going to start shooting people?

[Charlie]

No, just you. Oh yeah.

[Miles]

If I hit a bad shot or.

[Charlie]

If you hit the ball and I try to shoot your ball out of the air. Fun. That could be a lot of fun.

[Miles]

Clay pigeon style.

[Charlie]

Yeah, that's not a bad idea right there. That's not a bad idea.

[Miles]

Not a good idea.

[Charlie]

This one time I was in South Carolina and the stuff that's legal in South Carolina is unbelievable. We went to this BB gun shooting place, so. But you would, you would shoot other people with BB guns.

[Miles]

Is it airsoft?

[Charlie]

No, BB guns. And I showed up in a T shirt and I thought that they were going to give you protective clothing. Not the case, dude. Shorts and a T shirt and you were doing like laser tag with BB guns. I was pelted up. Why are you looking at me like that?

[Miles]

So dangerous.

[Charlie]

It was very dangerous. But like I said, S.C. yeah.

[Miles]

You can't be the guy that shows up and sits it out.

[Charlie]

No, no, I find out what it really is. I did after like one and a half games. I Was like, I'm over this, dude. I don't have it. Me.

[Miles]

My buddy had some paintball guns. And so we were in a forest playing paintball as kids, and I came around a tree, and he was just standing there waiting for me.

[Charlie]

Oh, no.

[Miles]

And I had. You can see how I turned away from him and ran away, because I had literal pelts go up and then across my back as well. Hurt really bad.

[Charlie]

Retreat.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Stephanie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

The whole summer, I had a welt on my. On my belly because of it.

[Charlie]

They hurt, man. They hurt. But anyways. Well, good. Good reminiscing.

[Miles]

Should we take some calls?

[Charlie]

Let's do it.

[Miles]

Carter, are you there?

[Carter]

Hey.

[Stephanie]

Hello?

[Miles]

Guys, you got Charlie and Miles again, man. How you doing?

[Carter]

Hey, I'm doing really good. I got a bellied update for you guys.

[Miles]

All right, so, guys, we have Carter calling in from Canada, A bellied update. If you guys remember, he's the one that came up with the idea for the Hired from the neck down T shirt Charlie, which we sold, and we sent him a check, and that's all we know. He was wanting us to raise money so he could buy an engagement ring for his girlfriend.

[Charlie]

Oh, yes, I remember.

[Miles]

Did you buy an engagement ring or did you blow it all on pull tabs?

[Carter]

Yeah, I got cold feet.

[Charlie]

He got cold feet. Did you swindle us, Carter?

[Carter]

I'm just kidding. She said yes, please.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah. She said yes.

[Miles]

She said yes. Let's go.

[Charlie]

How did you do it, Carter? How'd you do it?

[Carter]

So I got. I got her friends to help me out, and then I took. There's this really nice waterfront loft that we have here, and there's this really nice bridge. I got her friend to help me out, and she snuck down and lit some candles on the bridge. And then I. I dropped a knee and she said, yeah.

[Charlie]

Oh, that is so cool. Do you have a picture of it?

[Carter]

Yeah, we got a picture. And then we got. She hid in the woods and she took a little video. You can only kind of really hear it. You can't really see anything, but that's awesome.

[Craig]

They actually.

[Carter]

It was kind of a cluster, like. So I got home after work, and I'm trying to set it off, and I couldn't get a hold of her friend. And then I was just about to go for a shower, and then my grandma calls about seeking Santa, and then her dad comes in, and I'm in my underwear getting ready for the shower, and her dad's like. He drives logging truck. His vlogging truck is broken down. So then he's like, I need you to drive me in my truck so I can pick up my logging truck. You drive my truck here, I'll stock it up. And then I'm in my underwear. I'm like, hey, like, I'm trying to set up this proposal. So I was all flustered, and on the drive, I told her dad, I'm like, yeah, I got the ring. I'm going to propose to your daughter. And then she was like, oh, it's not even a starry night. Like you got to pick a special. I'm like, I'm just going to get her done.

[Charlie]

That's very good. Are you just going to make it happen? I like it. That's great. Did you. You asked her dad's permission then before doing it?

[Carter]

That was kind of the thing. It was more afterwards. Her dad called and then my fiance, Maddie there, she. She's like, oh, car, suppose I'm engaged. And he's like, well, he didn't ask me. And I was like, well, I kind of told him I didn't really ask.

[Miles]

I like that.

[Charlie]

Yeah, that's great. Good for you. What does the ring look like?

[Carter]

Oh, I. I love it. So it's our birthstone. She really didn't want any diamonds, so I snuck two diamonds in there. And then like when we get a wedding band, I get to choose that. So I'm gonna get way more diamonds on the wedding band.

[Charlie]

Good for you, man.

[Miles]

Well, Charlie, we did a good deed, man.

[Charlie]

Another thing done. Yeah, another one done. And hey, you know, I know sometimes I can be a little, some would say cynical toward, you know, long relationships.

[Miles]

Committing to a long term legal relationship.

[Charlie]

But, and what that is is just me not necessarily feeling the love of the relationship on the phone call. And I can tell there's a lot of love here. This one's gonna last, Miles.

[Miles]

And remember, you just gotta love yourself, Charlie.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You don't love yourself, you can't love someone else.

[Charlie]

I resent that frickin therapist that called in, man.

[Miles]

Oh, we gotta get her back on. I like her a lot.

[Charlie]

Nah, she's banned from the podcast.

[Miles]

Okay, when's the wedding? Do you know yet?

[Carter]

Well, she said she's okay with being engaged for 10 years. And I was like, oh, that's awesome. And now she's like, well, you know, 20, 26 isn't looking so bad.

[Dustin]

So welcome.

[Miles]

Welcome to marriage, man. They tell you one thing and then they do another.

[Carter]

I. I really gotta thank you guys. Charlie. Miles. I gotta thank Ryan, the T shirt guy. Jared. Tyler. I've been talking to Tyler this whole time. And thanks to callers for buying the shirt. And thank you, guys. I really, like. I thought it was a gag at first, and then when you guys. Actually, I made the shirt and everything, that was super cool. I thought that was awesome.

[Charlie]

Oh, absolutely.

[Miles]

We're. Hey, we're men of our word, Charles.

[Charlie]

We are men of our word.

[Miles]

Handshake means something around that does, you.

[Charlie]

Know, especially when you tickle the palm in the handshake. I gotta tell you, Carter, we are so happy for you. We are excited for your lives together. And anytime you need anything, you just call us up, all right?

[Carter]

Oh, you guys are cool. So last time, you know how I was talking about my mom getting in the bar fight?

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah, yeah, Badass. Today you brought your mom.

[Carter]

Yeah, so she's listening right now. So here, I'll get her to introduce us to my mom. Here's mom.

[Stephanie]

Hi.

[Charlie]

Hi. How are you doing? What's your name?

[Stephanie]

I'm Stephanie.

[Charlie]

Stephanie, we hear that you can hold your own when it comes to bar brawls. Is that true?

[Stephanie]

100 true. Yeah.

[Charlie]

Wow.

[Stephanie]

And then Carter made me add it all up. Like I. I told. I think there's been seven.

[Charlie]

Seven bar fights. What's your favorite bar fight of all time?

[Stephanie]

I think the latest one on my 50th birthday, rocking it out with Carter. I think that's got to be my favorite one.

[Charlie]

You know, there's something just wait, it's parent.

[Stephanie]

And so we are usually living in small towns. So at one point I was, wait, when you're waitressing and the bouncer and the bartender, you got to take it all in to consideration. So four of those fights were with gentlemen that I sort of politely escorted outside.

[Miles]

Sort of.

[Stephanie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

So it almost feels like you're. You're like. I feel like you're a little bit like a UFC fighter where, like, you're. You train in between.

[Charlie]

Yeah. What.

[Miles]

How do you currently cut and wait for the next fight? Yeah. When's the next weigh in.

[Stephanie]

For training? I was a single mom, and then, of course, Carter has an older brother. And I think my last training bug was we were wrestling the boys and I in the living room, and I was on top of Carter just, you know, feeding them kidney shots. Well, he sort of just picked me up and threw me off the couch over top of the coffee table, and I landed on the floor. So that was our last. I think they were 16. That was the last time I wrestled with the kid.

[Carter]

I had it on my shoulders. And I was spinning her.

[Miles]

Your guys Christmas looks a lot different than my family's Christmas, tell you that.

[Charlie]

Oh, man, you. You are a classic Canadian mother. I love it.

[Stephanie]

And we. We play hockey.

[Carter]

Yeah. Both of us are goalies, so we're weird.

[Miles]

Do you guys ever do a goalie fight at center ice? Because that's always a leg.

[Stephanie]

Yeah, we've done that jersey.

[Carter]

And I make a. I play beer league in. In hockey, and I'm the goalie. And I bought. This year, I bought a Justin Trudeau jersey.

[Dustin]

Yeah.

[Carter]

So it's got Trudeau's face on the front, kind of like a target. And then on the back, I thought I voted two times. And then the number 69. And I made myself the captain because I got Trudeau on my jersey.

[Miles]

I made myself the captain.

[Stephanie]

It's a perfect, actually goalie move because most people are just shooting towards Justin's face. So Carter doesn't have to make any good saves anymore. I'm gonna make better save now than Carter because everybody was just shooting at him, not around him.

[Charlie]

Oh, that's great. Well, you guys, you're an inspiration to all of us.

[Miles]

Okay, so I gotta maybe pitch this to my mom. Mom, we gotta fight more. It'll keep you young.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

You don't have to worry about staying young in other ways. Just. Let's just duke it out at Christmas. You should just toss you across the room. I know a guy has done it.

[Charlie]

Now get a shirt with your face right on your kidneys. That's all the targets.

[Stephanie]

But don't ever dare her. Yeah, my son dared me one time.

[Charlie]

I don't know.

[Stephanie]

I was. I was doing dishes.

[Carter]

Great.

[Stephanie]

Washing up the dishes. And he's in the living room, which is a straight shot from the kitchen. It's probably at least 30. 30ft. And I looked at him, he said something, smart ass. Which you don't do. You don't do that to your mom. So I looked at him. So I was washing a fork, and I held up the fork and I said, really? He goes, yeah, Mom, I dare you. So I let that fork fly, and.

[Carter]

She whipped it, and it stuck in my brother's lip, and it's like, hanging out of his foot. And he was like, mom, like, I gotta go to school.

[Charlie]

Oh, that's great. One time, my brother got a pencil stuck in my face. But I think the fork takes. Really takes it. Was it a bleeder after that, or did he. Did he just suck the blood out and call it a day?

[Carter]

Yeah, I just kind of More or less. Turned into a little fat lip. It wasn't that bad.

[Dustin]

It was.

[Carter]

It was. You can walk it off.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Rub some dirt on it.

[Stephanie]

Oh, that's okay.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Well, that's really good, guys. We know there's a lot of love in that family. I can.

[Miles]

She should write a parenting book.

[Charlie]

Yeah, you should.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Get a first draft of that done.

[Miles]

I would love to give one of the. Give one of your book copies to my wife. You know, I think she. I think she could learn a lot from you guys.

[Stephanie]

Hold up a second. I need a beer.

[Charlie]

What kind of. Well, that's awesome. I can already hear that beer can being crushed over your head. Or your sons.

[Carter]

Yeah, probably mine for sure. Yeah.

[Stephanie]

Carter, little underage. Not very much. Whatever. Small town. Mom, can I have a six pack? I'm like, sure. Clean this yard. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Mom, I'll clean the yard. Okay, perfect. So I get home with his little six pack and. Oh, okay. Thanks, Mom.

[Miles]

Gotta go.

[Stephanie]

I'm like, wait a minute. Didn't clean the yard. He says, oh, yeah, I'll do that later. I might. Really. So I took one of his beers, opened it up, and started chugging it. I've never seen a kid clean my yard so fast. I've been drinking all the beer.

[Miles]

Yeah. Ticking time bomb. You know, it's like one of the. One of the games where they have the hourglass. So you flip over and it's like a minute long. Each beer is one minute that he's got. So he had a total of six minutes to get the yard done.

[Charlie]

Oh, man. Well, thank you guys very much for this bellied update. This has been wonderful.

[Miles]

Carter, did you get a phone yet? Are you still phoneless?

[Carter]

Actually, like, so after our call, I got a house phone. It's 10 bucks a month, but I don't have caller ID and I only get, like, three rings to jump up and catch it, so it's got to be quick.

[Charlie]

Well, we're lucky we got you on the horn today.

[Carter]

Yeah. Thank you, guys. You guys are literally the best. It's life changing. It's cool.

[Stephanie]

Very nice to meet you.

[Charlie]

Nice meeting you, too. Keep fighting the good fight. All right.

[Miles]

Literally.

[Carter]

Literally. It was the day after I called in, like, to record the first one. There was a big, huge lightning storm, and lightning hit like, half a kilometer away from my mom's house, so she got evacuated. And then she had. She came and lived with me for three weeks, and everything kind of got flipped on its head.

[Craig]

She.

[Carter]

She's like, oh, I'M gonna leave all your lights on. I'm gonna drink all your beers and I'm gonna wake you up. We'll wake you up at three in the morning. And I was like, no, when you're under my house, it's my rules, mom.

[Miles]

And then she started lipping off to you and you threw a fork at her.

[Carter]

Yeah, that's right.

[Charlie]

Lipping off. Oh, I'm still trying to figure out how far half a kilometer is, but I'll keep thinking on that. Thank you guys very much.

[Carter]

Yeah, Canada's weird where we use metric and imperial, so it's.

[Craig]

It's.

[Carter]

We can't pick one, so we just go with both of them.

[Miles]

I like that.

[Charlie]

Go with it. Well, cool, guys. Well, you take care now, all right? And watch out for deer and moose up there too.

[Carter]

All right, well, thank you, guys. Tell everyone I say hi and thank you again.

[Charlie]

All right. Tell your mom we says hi.

[Miles]

Congratulations too, by the way.

[Stephanie]

Goodbye.

[Charlie]

See you now.

[Miles]

I'm glad we got to talk to her. To his mom.

[Charlie]

I know. That was badass, dude. That was that. I. I like how the fact that he's three calls, that's all he gets to get on the horn.

[Miles]

Three rings. Yeah.

[Charlie]

Yeah, Three rings. This guy's a badass, man. That was funny.

[Miles]

Now I would love to talk to his fiance.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Into a family like that is very interesting.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I mean, that her mom better give the punching bag for the. For the wedding gift, you know, because once you're an in law, she was.

[Miles]

Like, I was on top of them, just hammering them with kidney shots. Well, Charlie, another good deed done.

[Charlie]

Another good deed I'm happy for.

[Miles]

And thanks to the people that did buy a shirt. That was awesome. Obviously, you know, you changed his life and.

[Charlie]

Yeah, feels good, guys. You guys did that? Our bellied up listeners.

[Miles]

We were. Yeah, we were just the mediator.

[Charlie]

We were. We're just. We're the. We're the. The caulking. That's all we are. We're just holding things together.

[Miles]

Yep.

[Charlie]

Yep.

[Miles]

All right. Should we take another caller? Let's do it. Craig.

[Craig]

How's it going, guys?

[Miles]

Greg, you got Miles and Charlie bellied up podcasts. What's going on, Craig?

[Craig]

I just got off work. I'm headed home now.

[Miles]

Where do you work?

[Craig]

I work at a manufacturing plant as their safety manager.

[Charlie]

Safety manager.

[Miles]

Professional narc on our hands.

[Charlie]

Look at Craig with the big safety tips. Well, Craig.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Well, what do you do? Yeah, what do you do on a day to day?

[Craig]

On a day to day? I try to make sure nobody leaves without any missing fingers. That's my main priority.

[Miles]

But I know you guys were talking about what is. What is. What is your batting percentage on that?

[Carter]

Well.

[Craig]

Well, I've been at this company.

[Charlie]

400.

[Craig]

Any fingers yet?

[Miles]

No fingers.

[Craig]

I guess I'm batting a thousand.

[Miles]

Okay, I like that. Good job.

[Craig]

Had a couple lacerations, but nothing too crazy. I. I know you guys had talked about doing or you've talked about some forklift safety in the past, and I have quite a bit of experience with that.

[Miles]

Okay, forklift safety. What's that?

[Craig]

Exactly?

[Miles]

So let me get this right. You are a forklift certifier?

[Craig]

I am. I am legally able to certify our forklift drivers.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Charlie]

No kidding. We are so glad that you called, Craig. We have never had a certified forklift. A certifier forklift driver guy on never in the history of the Belly Dub podcast, so I didn't know they existed. I didn't. I thought it was.

[Miles]

I thought it was just something you declare, like, bankruptcy. I declare. I am forklift certified. Everyone's like, yeah, that checks out.

[Charlie]

We are so sorry.

[Miles]

You slipped to the OSHA guy.

[Craig]

You're not too far off there, Miles.

[Charlie]

So what do you have to do to certify a forklift driver?

[Craig]

There's three main steps according to osha, and any competent person is able to do this. So it's not. There's no special training that you have to go through. So step one, you have to do a classroom training. You gotta sit down and either watch a video or go over some PowerPoints.

[Charlie]

So it's basically.

[Miles]

It's like a substitute teacher.

[Charlie]

Say substitute teacher. All right, I'm hungover today. Everyone watch this video. And done.

[Miles]

Normally we do a PowerPoint, but I'm a little hungover. So we're gonna watch a video today. He pops it in. It's Die Hard, and you're like, sorry, wrong one. But I forgot the VHS at home. So we'll just watch Die Hard today.

[Charlie]

And yes, it is a Christmas movie. I agree.

[Craig]

Charlie. I agree.

[Charlie]

Yeah. All right, so they want the classroom thing. Then what?

[Craig]

Step two would be in person training. So actually getting on a forklift and doing the training with it.

[Charlie]

Okay. And step three.

[Craig]

Step three would be an in person evaluation. So I have to watch the person actually drive the forklift without any help and make sure that they know what they're doing.

[Charlie]

What's the scariest thing you've ever seen someone do with a forklift?

[Craig]

Oh, geez. I. I have seen people Stand on the forks and get lifted 10, 15ft up in the air.

[Charlie]

Awesome.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

First of all, you're a typical day. You're the forklift certifier. How did you let that happen?

[Miles]

Well, hold on. Yeah, go ahead.

[Craig]

I can't be everywhere at once. Everybody's on their best behavior whenever I'm around.

[Miles]

Charlie, I want you to ask me. Miles, when we moved into our office.

[Charlie]

When you moved the pallet racket and you put up the pallet rack and.

[Miles]

We needed to get things on top.

[Charlie]

You had to get things on top.

[Miles]

But things weren't on a pallet.

[Charlie]

But things weren't on a pallet.

[Miles]

What did we do?

[Charlie]

What'd you do, Miles?

[Miles]

Well, obviously, we put someone on the forks and forked him up there.

[Charlie]

Who? Was it me and Ryan you got. Were you straddling the fork and honestly.

[Miles]

It wasn't that scary. It wasn't that bad.

[Charlie]

And Miles has a fear of heights.

[Miles]

I do. So what? What's so dangerous about that?

[Craig]

Well, there's no fall protection, Miles. But as long as the safety guy's not around, then. Did it really ever happen?

[Miles]

Well, that. But also, you're forgetting that I'm an athlete.

[Charlie]

Oh, here it is again. Sorry. Hang on, Craig. We're bringing out the yearbook.

[Miles]

Well, no, I'm just.

[Charlie]

That was me blowing the dust off it. Wow. Miles, you played football in college.

[Miles]

Can you fast track the forklift process? If you just say that you're an athlete.

[Craig]

You can fast track it a little bit if there is verifiable experience.

[Miles]

So, yeah. So you're saying that that was scary? That doesn't seem that scary to me.

[Craig]

Well, I've been lucky enough that there haven't been a whole lot of issues with forklifts. I've had people drive through wet concrete before with forklifts and get stuck.

[Charlie]

They're just leaving their handprint. That's all that is. They just want. Did they sign it? They signed their track marks.

[Carter]

Nah.

[Craig]

They should have, though. They should have.

[Miles]

Has anyone ever failed your forklift certified class?

[Craig]

I've actually just today, I had to fail somebody.

[Charlie]

Really? You didn't even have to fail the guys standing on the forks, but you failed someone today?

[Craig]

Well, the guy standing on the fork, I had to take his license away a little different.

[Miles]

So what did he do to fail?

[Craig]

I would just say they're more inexperienced than anything. So we'll just put them through some more training and hopefully get them certified again in another week or two.

[Miles]

I mean, It's a catch 22 right. You can't drive a forklift until you get forklift certified. How you supposed to get forklift certified if you have never drove a forklift?

[Charlie]

Yep. You fail forward.

[Craig]

Exactly.

[Charlie]

Forklifts fail forward. Especially if you hold a pallet a little too far off. The forks way up high. Then you are failing forward.

[Craig]

I've had that happen a couple times too.

[Charlie]

Have you?

[Craig]

Oh yeah.

[Miles]

Do you guys have a forklift simulator? Because that could also speed up the process.

[Craig]

Oh, we do not. No. I have been looking at some of the new fancy technology though, so that might be Christmas.

[Charlie]

That's actually not a bad idea, Miles. A video game of forklift. Video game. Because you think about it, Call of Duty is what the military put out there to like train people to like war and all that sort of stuff. Do the same thing with forklifts. What would you call it? Call.

[Miles]

We're getting less blue collar workers. That's because we don't have the Forkless Simulator 2025 game out yet.

[Charlie]

Yeah, what do you call it?

[Miles]

Forklift certifier.

[Charlie]

No, it's gotta. It's gotta sound cooler. Fork. Fork cert. Sim.

[Miles]

You guys like playing fork overthink? They have Farm Simulator 2025. We could just go forklift simulator.

[Charlie]

I don't play video games. I'm better than you.

[Craig]

I know. They have construction simulator, so I'm sure somebody's working on forklift Simulator.

[Charlie]

Well, if not, we should do it and brand it bellied up. We become rich. Yeah. Well, that's cool. Anyone almost die with the forklifts?

[Craig]

Not recently. No, unfortunately. Fortunately.

[Miles]

So as a safety officer at a company, how stressful is your job?

[Craig]

I say it's probably one of the least stressful jobs in the company. Honestly?

[Miles]

Yeah, classic. If I don't see it, it didn't happen.

[Charlie]

It's like they put them in an.

[Miles]

Office with no windows.

[Craig]

Like I always say, if common sense were a thing, I wouldn't have a job.

[Miles]

It's like they hired them to cover their ass, but then they like, they give them like four months of vacation a year. You know Crai, why don't you just take the rest of the week off? You've been working hard.

[Craig]

That would be nice. I wish I could. Even with Christmas around the corner, they.

[Miles]

Make the safety officer work on Christmas.

[Craig]

Oh, I used all my vacation, so yeah, I'll be working around Christmas.

[Charlie]

Oh, lame.

[Miles]

Where'd you go on vacation?

[Craig]

Florida. You gave up Midwest every once in a while.

[Charlie]

You gave up Christmas for Florida, huh? That's interesting.

[Craig]

Yeah, I Would take the family to Disney World.

[Charlie]

Oh, man.

[Miles]

When you walk around Disney World, are you pointing out safety violations or do you leave work at work?

[Craig]

When I go other places, One of the things I like to look at are the fire extinguisher expiration date Just to see how out of date people are.

[Charlie]

How big of a deal is that?

[Miles]

How did you ever do the deed to be able to have kids?

[Craig]

You'd have to ask my wife.

[Charlie]

That was his pickup line at the bar. Hey, see that fire extinguisher over there? Yeah. It's expired.

[Craig]

I will say I did find one on an airplane once, and that made.

[Charlie]

Me feel comfortable that it was expired. On the airplane?

[Craig]

Yes.

[Charlie]

Really? I mean, it's. That's like the expiration date on food. Does it really matter?

[Craig]

Yes, it does. They need to be changed out every six to 12 years, Charlie.

[Charlie]

Really? Six? You just said six.

[Miles]

Six to 12.

[Charlie]

They need to be changed out every decade to 20 years. Otherwise you're gonna have a problem.

[Craig]

Six to 12 years depends on the. Just depends on the type of fire extinguisher. Not all fire extinguishers are made the same.

[Charlie]

Okay, what is a dud fire extinguisher? What does it do? Is it just completely ineffective?

[Craig]

It'll either not spray because the chemicals inside are solidified, or it will just not be effective and not put out your fire.

[Charlie]

Well, and then you just beat the fire out. You just roll it over that thing, stop, drop, and roll the fire extinguisher. Exactly.

[Miles]

Yeah. If it doesn't come out, just throw the fire extinguisher into the flame. It'll melt the metal on the outside, and then it's should put it out.

[Charlie]

Yeah. You might lose a house, but that fire extinguisher eventually will do something.

[Miles]

Well, that's a great point to bring up. What are some other things that you keep an eye out for when you're in the wild?

[Craig]

So I. I did a lot of work in construction before I moved to manufacturing. So I always like to drive by construction sites and look for things like fall protection and crane rigging. Those are my two favorites.

[Miles]

Okay, question. You've worked in the manufacturing, you've worked in the hard construction. Who's got more degenerates working for them? A manufacturing company or a construction company?

[Craig]

100% a construction company.

[Miles]

So he, like. He did his, you know, like, you do your residency or whatever? Yeah, he did his residency in construction, and now he gets to just like a dentist, just go in and poke around at people's gums. And then walk out and get paid shitloads of money. That's what working in manufacturing is like.

[Charlie]

Not a bad gig. Not a bad gig if you can find.

[Craig]

Yeah, it's night and day.

[Charlie]

All right, well, what. What are the most dangerous things outside of the fire extinguishers being expired? What's the. What are the big things that people want. Look out for that they might not know. Something that could save somebody's life one day.

[Craig]

Well, it's Christmas time, so we can always talk about ladder safety.

[Charlie]

Ladder safety.

[Craig]

Putting up Christmas lights.

[Charlie]

Yeah, Just make sure it's all on the. All on the ground.

[Craig]

Yeah, I can give you my little ladder safety spiel. I give $. New hierarchy.

[Miles]

Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. I can't promise it'd be great podcasting, but we'll do our.

[Charlie]

I would like to hear it.

[Craig]

Okay. All right. So you always gotta make sure you pick the right ladder for the right job. A frame ladders must be fully extended at all times, and extension ladders must be leaned up against something before you can use them.

[Charlie]

And the cleats gotta be facing the right way.

[Miles]

I can't climb a ladder if it's not leaned up against. Oh, you think I'm in Circus Ole?

[Charlie]

It's Cirque du Soleil. What the hell did you just call it?

[Miles]

You think they think I'm the flying Midwest guy? Or as an acrobat or what?

[Craig]

I have seen people use them to bridge two gaps and.

[Miles]

Oh, so, yeah, that's supposed to get between.

[Charlie]

That's just standard practice. I mean, that's a. That's a portable catwalk is what that is. You can actually make monkey bars with three ladders.

[Craig]

Yeah, I'm sure your homeowner could, but I'm not. I wouldn't let that fly at my place, Charlie.

[Charlie]

Well, Craig, you sound like you're no fun. I hate to say it. You sound like you're no fun. You're not letting us.

[Craig]

Unfortunately, it's true.

[Charlie]

But you're safe. And sometimes safety. You know what's really no fun? Funerals before. Before your expiration date. And, Craig, you are. You are saving us all from that. So thank you for your service to the safety of this country's manufacturing plants and Disney World.

[Miles]

Well, Craig, we appreciate you calling in today. And although, you know, I was making a little bit of fun, we do appreciate your service, keeping everybody safe.

[Craig]

No problem, Miles. Happy to do it.

[Miles]

Hell, yeah, man. We'll have a good one.

[Craig]

Thanks, you guys too.

[Charlie]

Bye. Bye.

[Miles]

Can you imagine how unlucky that would be? You actually have a fire in your fire. Extinguishers expired and it doesn't work.

[Charlie]

I'll be honest, I didn't know they had expiration dates.

[Miles]

Me neither.

[Charlie]

Learn something new every day here on the Bellied up podcast, folks. We're saving lives.

[Miles]

Should we take another one?

[Charlie]

Let's do it. Miles. Love is in the air.

[Miles]

I can. I can smell it.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah, there it is. You know what?

[Miles]

Nice musk.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

In the air.

[Charlie]

Yeah. You know what says love to me, Miles?

[Miles]

What, Charlie?

[Charlie]

Little tippy cow. If you want to show that person in your life that you love them, you get them a big old body.

[Miles]

Big old, big old body.

[Charlie]

Huh? Sorry. All right, Freudian twist there. You get them a big old body, big old body of this tippy cow and tip it on back this Valentine.

[Miles]

I mean, what's more romantic than a delicious creamy treat after dinner?

[Charlie]

Nothing, Miles. Nothing. So, hey, this Cheers. Is to you, Miles. If. If this Valentine's Day goes. Goes awry for you or me, I. I want you to know I'll call you and we'll spend it together, okay?

[Miles]

Okay. I don't know that's going to happen.

[Charlie]

Cheers.

[Miles]

Oh, and Charlie, another good gift would be what?

[Charlie]

This T shirt someone just threw on your back. This, folks, is a tip of glass, not a cow.

[Miles]

Hopefully Anne doesn't listen to this because she now knows what her whole Valentine's Day is. Oh, and a tippy shirt.

[Charlie]

Folks, if you really want to score this Valentine's Day with your loved one, get them this tip a glass, not a cow shirt off. Oh, you bet you dot com. And oh my gosh, they're gonna love it. And don't forget to bring a bottle of the tippy cow. Moo.

[Miles]

Charlie. Miles, you ever gone on a date on Valentine's Day before? You know, it's cold out there in the Midwest on Valentine's Day.

[Charlie]

Yes, it is.

[Miles]

And you happen to be so love struck.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

That when you get outside of that restaurant, you happen to go ass over tea kettle, slip on some ice. Oh, that's a good way to ruin Valentine's Day.

[Charlie]

Yup. But if your Valentine's Day is ruined, you don't want your bank account to be ruined too.

[Miles]

Paying for that insult to injury, Right?

[Charlie]

Exactly. So whether you're suffering from a broken angle ankle or a broken heart, call Nicolet Law and they will help you out. 1-855-NICOLET with a T. Or go to nicolelaw.com. yes, sir.

[Miles]

And honestly, it might not be a bad move because then you know you're gonna get a lot of attention on Valentine's Day. You get hurt.

[Charlie]

Oh yeah.

[Miles]

The next rest of the night nursing you.

[Charlie]

Oh, okay.

[Miles]

Romantic.

[Charlie]

Yeah, it is romantical. Thank you, Miles.

[Miles]

Dustin guys has a Midwest confession for us. Charlie. So Dustin, welcome to the confessional.

[Dustin]

Yeah, thank you. Thank you father.

[Charlie]

Thank you.

[Dustin]

I really appreciate it.

[Charlie]

Call me daddy.

[Dustin]

Oh yeah, I don't know about that one, Charlie. Sorry.

[Charlie]

It's worth a shot.

[Dustin]

Anyways guys, I think I'm addicted to hardware stores.

[Charlie]

It's pretty bad hardware storage now.

[Miles]

Okay, now what's the problem? Is it the time it takes to visit them all or is it how much money you spend? Or both?

[Dustin]

Well, it's a little bit of everything. So I, I'm, I'm in Nebraska and I'm, I work in Lincoln and I'm pretty close, linked, so I go there pretty frequently and there's, I'm not kidding, within not even a 1 mile radius. A harbor freight, a menards and a Home Depot. All right. Next to each other. So every time I go shopping, I at least have to stop at one of those places. Then I'm there for a solid like two hours. And you know, it's just, it's just my happy place. And I don't, I don't know if it's a problem or maybe I should just keep going there. Just maybe move in there. I don't know.

[Charlie]

Hey, don't yuck your yum. Dustin. I gotta tell you, there's nothing better than a good hardware store. There's nothing better than ah, that smell of lumber. It's possibilities, you know, and then you, you start with one thing, you move on to the other. There's always another tool you need. There's always another tool you want.

[Miles]

Yeah, a good, a good workshop is never done.

[Charlie]

No, it's not. It's only just begun. So I don't think that there's a huge issue here. How much money on average do you spend when you walk into a hardware store?

[Dustin]

Well, maybe, maybe about, maybe a couple hundred bucks. 200 bucks maybe.

[Charlie]

Okay, I see why we're in the confessional.

[Miles]

Yeah, this isn't about the hardware stall at all. It's about his inability to budget.

[Charlie]

Yeah, he is buying away his feelings right here. Okay, and now do you, Are you a hardware store tourist? Like if you go to a random city, you're going to check out that hardware store?

[Dustin]

I guess you wouldn't really save that. That I've been looking forward to have A flea farm here in the area. But there hasn't been anywhere anything near here for that. So I just been mainly going to Harbor Freight and Home Depot Menards, which is hilarious because the Home Depot and the Menards that I go to basically share the same parking lot. So it's kind of a war there.

[Charlie]

Oh, that's kind of.

[Miles]

I mean, that's a whole scene, a whole concept for a sitcom, Charlie.

[Charlie]

It is. It is. You get the. You get the. It's almost like a sort of an anchorman thing where you get the. The gang from one and the gang from. Yeah, snapping the fingers. What's your favorite hardware store?

[Dustin]

I think at all the hardware stores, it's probably the Menards.

[Miles]

More honestly, 1%.

[Dustin]

Yeah. That rebate, it's hard to beat that.

[Miles]

I got a question for you. Why do we have to do a rebate? Why can't they just give you the discount in the store?

[Dustin]

You know, Harbor Freight does a really good thing with that. They. They get. They have deals all the same time. I don't know why Bernard's gonna do that, but I don't know, maybe Mickey have to go back into the store to get the receipt. I don't know.

[Miles]

Tell me, the last time you went to the hardware store, what'd you buy?

[Dustin]

It would have been last weekend. And actually I returned something this time. I returned some welding wire from Harbor Freight that I. I ordered online that I didn't need. But I've been going there pretty frequently the last about month or so because I'm kind of knees deep in a project right now. But before that, I was still going there pretty frequently just to sniff around and maybe grab a cheap tool or something. But.

[Miles]

So what did you buy the last time you went to the hardware store?

[Dustin]

The last time it would have been a couple big pieces of sheet metal, maybe. I think I bought a hammer.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Dustin]

That's about it.

[Miles]

Okay, so this is a fun game, Charlie. What project is he currently knee deep on after knowing he bought some sheet metal, a hammer, and some drill bits?

[Charlie]

Oh, I think he's. I think he's making his own. His own duct work, I think, is what he's doing.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Charlie]

I mean, I think he's doing some exposed duct work in his living room. You know, he's walked into enough bars recently and seen that that's in. So that's what he's doing.

[Dustin]

Yeah. Not a bad idea, actually.

[Miles]

I think he's a wicked fan. Oh, and he's finally given the Sheet man or the Tin Man a Sheet metal. Sheet metal joke.

[Charlie]

That's not bad, Miles. That's not bad. I wasn't expecting that.

[Dustin]

That's a good one.

[Miles]

What does that say about me? As soon as you said she metal, I thought of.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I, I don't know. There's nothing about that.

[Dustin]

Miles, get your hand on the gun. Come on.

[Miles]

What are you building?

[Dustin]

So I have a 1960 Chevy Bel Air, and I've, I've been cutting out holes in the floor because it's all rusted, and I don't want people fred. Stoning their foot through the floor and cutting their leg up. So I've been buying some sheet meter to kind of patch all that up. And I got before all patched up. Now. I'm still in the process of getting some other stuff done with it, but I'm, I'm getting there.

[Charlie]

Oh, that's cool. That's really sweet. Are you keeping that thing or are you buy selling or trading it?

[Dustin]

Well, I, I, I keep, I'm keeping it. I've had it since 2016. My dad bought it for an original owner back in 98. My dad bought it from the guy for 50 bucks back then.

[Charlie]

Wow.

[Dustin]

And yeah, he's. I've been, I've been, I've had it ever since 2016 because he just gave me the range. It's like, I don't want it. Just you, you have fun with it. So I've been driving it and enjoying it a lot. So me and my girlfriend, like, go cruising and whatnot and whatnot too.

[Miles]

So I like it. All right, so you're a hardware store guy. Me and Charlie are gonna pitch you our hardware store business idea. Do you remember this, Charlie? It's okay if you don't.

[Charlie]

I do.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Charlie]

Memories. Bar in the hardware store. The barware store.

[Dustin]

Oh, bar. The hardware store. Yes, I do remember that. That episode. I do remember that. All right, give me the pitch. What's the pitch?

[Miles]

The pitch is that we put a bar in a hardware store. And it's kind of a. It's kind of a club in the sense where, let's say you're struggling with a small engine of some sort. You can't figure out why you can't get it running. You bring it in, everyone has some beers. The guys at the bar rail take a look at it, and it becomes a group effort to try and fix something that maybe you can't yourself.

[Charlie]

It's an idea, an innovation.

[Miles]

It's an incubator is what it is, Charlie. It's called incubator.

[Charlie]

Huh.

[Miles]

What do you think of that?

[Dustin]

I see one dilemma from. From my own personal experience. Once a beer gets cracked up in the garage, I ain't getting shit done.

[Miles]

I mean, that's kind of the point.

[Charlie]

Yeah, we're not actually getting stuff done. That's what keeps people coming back.

[Miles]

Because if you fix. If you fix the thing you're looking at, then you don't have to come back anymore. No one's gonna actually fix it.

[Charlie]

Yeah, we're trying to sell beer here, not fix your shit.

[Craig]

Club.

[Miles]

It's not a fix.

[Dustin]

My bad. My bad. Well, I do have a safety idea. What you guys could do is maybe, like, since you're having the bar and the hardware store mixed in one, maybe you have, like. You have the section of the hardware store, like a workshop area. Make, like, a giant area with, like, plexiglass, so just in case some shrapnel flies out and hits the. Doesn't want to hit a patron at the bar, you know? Just an idea.

[Miles]

Why would we get rid of the one thing that makes us different?

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Dustin]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

That's entertainment value, too. And people know not to get too close to the barware store. You know, that's like walking into the hippopotamus thing at the zoo. You just don't do that.

[Dustin]

Yeah, that is true.

[Miles]

Do people do.

[Dustin]

I mean, I like the idea. I see no problem with it.

[Miles]

So, yeah, I mean, we kind of weren't pitching it in the sense of looking for critiques, really. We were mostly just oh, okay, okay. We just wanted to tell you what we came up with with maybe have, like.

[Dustin]

Instead of, like, having beers on tap, have, like, tools on tap that you can try out when you're sitting at the bar with the beer in your hand. You know, like.

[Miles]

Yeah, that's a good.

[Dustin]

Like, when you go to, like, the. The phone store and they have, like, the cord attached to the phone, you kind of grab it, mess. Something like that.

[Miles]

Yeah, I actually do like that. It's like Apple store where the table's got all the stuff on it. You can belly up to it and just.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Maybe, like, screw into the table.

[Miles]

Yeah, they got, like, a little. They got a. They got a thing of screws and a little piece of wood that you can just test it out on that. I would actually enjoy that.

[Dustin]

Hammer slogan.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Hammer slogging. Yeah. Drill slogan. No, this is like. You know how you go to, like, fancy restaurant, like. Like the Olive Garden, they give kids coloring books. You know, that's like our version of the coloring book.

[Miles]

Bucks Okay. I also thought of another good idea. You know, there's gonna. In a bar, there's always repairs that need to be done. You get your bar tab for free that day. If you repair something at the bar.

[Charlie]

Oh, free labor. Wow. No, that's where innovation, that's incentivizing innovation is what that is.

[Miles]

Now we're thinking long term, Charlie. A lot of this stuff is, you know, right now, but if you out of this bar for 10 years, stuff's gonna break down. Down.

[Charlie]

Yep.

[Dustin]

Yeah, you just, you have, you know, you have Charlie in the bar. Be like, hey, Charlie, get up on the roof. Re. Nail down that shingle for me. I'll take your cab.

[Miles]

Yeah, like that. You know, I don't know if Charlie's the right man for that job, but.

[Dustin]

Why didn't Charlie base that flood or something recently? Was that what he was talking about the last episode of the podcast?

[Charlie]

I do what?

[Dustin]

Or something like that. Well, weren't you having problems with your pal Harley recently?

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah. Did I say that, like where I. Where I was doing plumbing? Did I say that on this pipe?

[Dustin]

Yeah, that one.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I fixed it.

[Miles]

Oh, you did? Now wouldn't that have been nice if someone handed you a free beer because of it?

[Charlie]

That'd be real nice. You get a little pat on the.

[Dustin]

Back or more pizzas with it too.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Oh, you know what else we're gonna have have at this bar? Maybe we said this the last time, maybe not. We're gonna have a real key guy. I miss the key guy.

[Dustin]

Oh, the guy that remake.

[Charlie]

Yeah, the guy that makes the keys. I miss that guy.

[Dustin]

Yeah, those machines are kind of dull. I guess they don't work very good.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I tried copying my neighbor's key in one of those machines. It didn't even work. I had to use. I had to use a tire iron to get in that house.

[Dustin]

Did it eat the key when you tried to put it in the machine?

[Charlie]

What is that?

[Dustin]

Did it eat the key when you tried to put it in the machine?

[Charlie]

No, it's just because the key said do not duplicate. It actually didn't duplicate it. You think Larry ever didn't duplicate a key? No, Larry duplicated that shit all the time. I just, ah, it's my key. He said, okay, I trust you.

[Dustin]

Shoot. Yeah, Yeah, I guess you could add it. Add it to, like, one of the, like, corner thing. Have, like, his own thing in the corner, like with the bar game, kind of something like that.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pull tabs and key copying.

[Dustin]

Yeah, there you go. There you go.

[Miles]

Sounds like a good band name. We'll workshop. Well, Dustin, I don't. Hey, don't view it that you have an addiction. You have a hobby. Okay, okay. It's way different.

[Charlie]

You could be doing heroin.

[Dustin]

Sorry. Sorry I cut you guys off. I did have one more question before I let you guys go.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Dustin]

Since it is. Christmas is around the corner. Merry Christmas to you guys, by the way.

[Miles]

Merry Christmas.

[Dustin]

What's the best Midwest Christmas?

[Miles]

I think you gotta watch Christmas Vacation for that. I think they documented it pretty well.

[Dustin]

Yeah, yeah, true.

[Charlie]

Best Midwest Christmas is you got a cabin and it's overlooking the ice, and you got tip ups there, and you're sitting by the fire and you're looking at tip ups, and then no one's complaining that they didn't get enough presents because their present comes from God. It's when that flag goes up and then you tell them to go get that fish. I don't know.

[Dustin]

All right, so look, my dad's side of the family likes to do. And we all get together before Chris. We usually had a little get together before, actually, Christmas Day, just as a giant family. Then I have one of my parents and whatnot. We don't go on walks. We say we're gonna go check cows, and we just end up going to the bar for a beer or two.

[Miles]

I like that. I like that a lot.

[Charlie]

Very smart. That's like saying, yeah, I'm going to church again. You know, you do the midnight mass and you do the three on Christmas Day and the bars just call it the church.

[Dustin]

Yeah, there you go. It's usually a big group of us that go. So they kind of know what we're doing at that point. It's been kind of an old joke for years, but it's still fun to say, you know, we're gonna go check. Cows sleep for like an hour or two.

[Charlie]

But I like that. I like going to check the cows. That's. I'm gonna start using that.

[Dustin]

That you're more than welcome to, Charlie.

[Miles]

Well, listen, I don't know how well they'll go over in Milwaukee or Fargo, but we can try it.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

All right, man. Well, we appreciate calling in, and it's good to talk to you. And, hey, have fun at the hardware store next time. And you got to get up to a flea farm at some point.

[Dustin]

Yeah, I've been wanting to.

[Miles]

Man.

[Dustin]

It's an itch I gotta trash here eventually.

[Charlie]

Next time you're at the hardware store, get a rolling pin for that sheet metal. Okay?

[Dustin]

Okay.

[Craig]

Yeah, I'll do that, Charlie, to make the cock.

[Charlie]

You're welcome.

[Dustin]

Yeah.

[Carter]

What I end up making.

[Dustin]

I'll send you guys a photo.

[Miles]

All right, Cool, man. Well, appreciate it. Have a good one.

[Dustin]

Yep. You too.

[Charlie]

See it. Dustin? Yeah? What is wrong with you turning my popcorn away from me?

[Miles]

It wasn't me. I was getting a look from Jared, who was telling me that it was.

[Charlie]

Too loud with me eating it. Crickling of the bag.

[Miles]

Just because you know that it was wrong doesn't mean you have to get defensive at us and project.

[Charlie]

I didn't know it was wrong.

[Miles]

I know.

[Charlie]

I knew I was being a bad.

[Miles]

Boy, getting the classic, I know I was doing something wrong, but I don't like it that you called me out, so now I'm gonna lash out.

[Charlie]

Well, that's called karma, because we know that's your MO.

[Miles]

Okay. Really?

[Charlie]

Yep. Yeah.

[Miles]

No, what I was gonna say, Charlie, is actually pretty good innovation. Having the tools with the little cable on them and you can test them out and. Yeah, that actually is a great concept for a bar.

[Charlie]

Mm. Yeah, it's awesome.

[Miles]

You don't even gotta play music.

[Charlie]

No. And then the best part is when new tools come in, we replace them and then we get the old tools.

[Miles]

We can do an auction for the old tools.

[Charlie]

Oh, that'd be good, too. Them.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Or we could just take them.

[Miles]

Yeah, we could. Well, is that it? That's it.

[Charlie]

That is it. For this episode of the Bellied Up Podcast. We thank you all for listening. We love you so much.

[Miles]

Don't forget, tip your bartender. See you next one, guys.

[Charlie]

Bye.