Bellied Up LIVE: Chicago

Summary

Podcast Summary: Bellied Up LIVE - Chicago

Hosts: Charlie Berens & Myles the You Betcha Guy
Date: August 21, 2025
Location: Live from Zanies Comedy Club, Chicago

---

Episode Overview

This special live episode of Bellied Up brings the signature Midwest bar banter and offbeat comedy to Chicago, featuring a rotating cast of audience participants. Charlie and Myles play matchmaker with live speed dating, riff on Midwest culture, share wild first-date stories, and dish out relationship advice. The packed bar crowd gets involved in real time, resulting in hilarious, unexpected moments and a distinctly community-driven flavor.

---

Key Segments and Highlights

1. Gail's Truly Wild First-Date Story

[00:00–10:47]

• Audience guest: Gail shares her infamous “weirdest first date” story, where her grandma’s friend, Bruno, tragically passes away in the car en route to a Depeche Mode concert.
• The hosts and Gail walk through the bizarre, darkly comic sequence—driving a 1986 "Mothmobile" and doing chest compressions on Bruno while stuck in Midwestern traffic.
  • Memorable Quote:
    “How do you know if it’s a dude moth? …You look for the mothballs!” — Gail (07:32)
  • Another Highlight:
    “Was she happy at that moment? ...Ah, the ground up cherry pits worked.” — Charlie, riffing on shady motives (05:40)
• Religious and medical humor with Catholic school references and onstage hymn singing.
• Audience erupts in applause as Gail nails punchlines and earns the first applause break.
• The story ends with the hosts joking about “Weekend at Bernie’s,” Depeche Mode lyrics, and the lack of expected inheritance for Gail.

2. Relationship Advice: Snip It or Wrap It?

[12:13–20:21]

• Ryan G bellies up to discuss whether to get a vasectomy (“snip it”) or keep relying on condoms (“wrap it”).
  • “I think if you get excited during a vasectomy, things could go wrong.” — Charlie (14:27)
• Ryan’s wife Kelly joins the stage. She’s a lawyer, Ryan’s an industrial robot technician—a dynamic the hosts can’t resist riffing on.
• The pros and cons of getting “snipped”: time off work, self-employment, opportunity (or lack thereof) for intimacy with two small kids.
  • “Kids take first and foremost. You got a one-year-old. There you go.” — Myles (14:49)
• The couple agrees “absolutely” on the vasectomy.
• Audience feedback—other couples chime in on post-vasectomy happiness.
  • “Everything still works? Good? Great.” — Charlie, confirming with another guest (19:32)

3. Midwest Matchmaking: Live Speed Dating

[20:21–41:09]

• The hosts facilitate multiple spontaneous speed dates (“Midwest speed dating”), pulling up single audience members for rounds of fast-paced Q&A.
  • “Welcome to the first Bellied Up Live Speed Dating.” — Myles (21:02)
• Rob and Kristen’s date is full of laughs and dog-person vetting.
  • “I'd much rather be around dogs than kids.” — Rob (21:36)
  • “Give me a pet peeve.” ... “Chewing with your mouth open.” — Kristen (23:35, 23:53)
• Another round features Josh (in a “I got my heart broken at Heartbreakers” stripper T-shirt) and Audrey dissecting what makes a great gentlemen’s club.
  • “You get great table service… It’s like first class treatment.” — Josh (34:12)
• Results are humorously mixed—some “second dates” enthusiastically agreed, others politely decline.
  • “I mean, I don’t think we need to do this because I think it’s pretty assumed they’re going on a second date but …No.” — Taylor (37:40), after a travel/beer-based connection fizzles out.

4. Wrigley Field Tales: “Bricked Up” Nick

[25:19–30:28]

• Nick from Chicago—sporting a “bricked up” shirt—shares stories from his job as a culinary supervisor at Small Cheval in Wrigley Field.
  • “Spite and ignorance.” — Nick, on the secret sauce at Small Cheval (26:19)
• Nick reveals the weirdest thing he’s dealt with at Wrigley: “filling out paperwork for folks having sex in the cooler” (26:45), prompting more jokes about confidence and workplace mishaps.
  • “That’s the last place, with what I’m working with, I want to be doing the deed.” — Myles (26:50)
• The hosts fish for him to offer up his shirt for trade; Nick resists.
• Touching moment: Nick says he “works and waits” for his girlfriend, who's away at college in Michigan (28:53).

5. Wisconsin vs. Illinois: The Serial Killer Throwdown

[41:09–49:17]

• Maggie from Crystal Lake rehashes a prior podcast conversation about “outsider” perceptions—specifically, the friction between Illinoisans (“FIBs”) and Wisconsinites.
• Maggie brings up Wisconsin’s infamous true crime figures (Steven Avery, Slender Man girls, and the comparison between Charlie and Jeffrey Dahmer), to raucous laughter.
  • “Doesn’t Charlie look just like Jeffrey Dahmer?” — Myles (44:47)
  • “When that frickin Netflix special came out, I mean, what am I supposed to do?” — Charlie (45:58)
• The conversation spirals into murder podcasts and Dateline scenarios, as Maggie insists her death would make for a perfect episode.
  • “If I die of, like, weird circumstances, please do a Dateline or 20/20 special on me.” — Maggie (48:50)
• To escape this morbid territory, Charlie pivots to marriage drama—specifically garage organization disputes between Maggie and her husband, leading to more Midwestern domestic comedy.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Gail’s “dude moth” joke gets the first applause break (07:32)
• Charlie’s Standout:
  “I think if you get excited during a vasectomy, things could go wrong.” (14:27)
• Nick’s Secret Sauce:
  “Spite and ignorance.” (26:19)
• Kristen’s Pet Peeve:
  “Chewing with your mouth open.” — A point of audience-wide applause (23:53)
• On Charlie’s resemblance to criminals:
  “That guy looks like Jeffrey Dahmer.” (45:58)
• Marriage Wisdom:
  “I feel you both think each other is gonna murder the other person, and that’s marriage, isn’t it?” — Charlie (49:14)

---

The Episode’s Spirit and Takeaways

• Tone: Playfully irreverent, fast-paced, with the unique flavor of Midwestern hospitality, morphing from heartfelt to darkly comic on a dime.
• Content Themes: Midwest relationships, family drama, dating woes, local quirks, barroom wisdom, and comically morbid tangents.
• Audience Involvement: Central to the night, with crowd stories, speed-dating success (and failures), and ongoing call-and-response with the hosts.
• Signature Moment: The hosts’ commitment to “solving” problems—relationship, romantic, or mechanical—regardless of how off-the-rails the live event grows.

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Gail’s Story: 00:00 – 10:47
• Snip It or Wrap It: 13:00 – 20:21
• First Speed Date (Rob & Kristen): 20:21 – 24:27
• Wrigley Field Tales (“Bricked Up” Nick): 25:19 – 30:28
• Extended Speed Dating/Matchmaking: 30:29 – 41:09
• Wisconsin/Illinois, Murder Podcast Comedy: 41:09 – 49:17

---

Final Thoughts

The Chicago live show delivers all the Midwestern charm, rowdiness, dark humor, and genuine warmth that define Bellied Up. Audiences can expect a party atmosphere, unpredictable participation, and the kind of laughs that come only from real stories told at the bar—with a little matchmaking, a dash of descent into true crime, and plenty of raising drinks to old friends and good-natured rivalries.

Transcript

[A]

All right. Is there a Gayle K in the house? Gayle.

[B]

Gayle K. Right here. Oh, Gail, right up front, our Gail.

[A]

Gail, come belly up to the bar with us.

[B]

This is Gail Argyle. Come on, Gail, where are you from?

[C]

I am born and raised in Southwest side, right by Nabisco Cookie Factory. But we live in the southwest suburbs now.

[B]

You live in the southwest suburbs? How's that been moving from the south side to the southwest suburbs?

[C]

Culture change.

[B]

Culture change, yes. Yeah. A lot more lawn to cut out there. He cuts the lawn.

[C]

Yeah, I've got him.

[A]

Yeah, you got a zero.

[C]

And we're close to the Joliet Rialto Theater where we saw you a few years ago.

[B]

The Juliet Theater. Thank you, guys, for coming out. All right. That's great. Hey, how do you turn a dishwasher into a lawnmower? You try that, Gail. All right.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Should I play a Nike Turner song?

[A]

He went there.

[B]

I just. All right. All right, Miles, what do we have here first?

[A]

Gail, those are wonderful earrings you are wearing.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

Hamburgers. Yeah, they're hamburgers. You got those at Kohl's.

[C]

I did.

[B]

Yeah. She did get them at Kohl's. Yeah. There we go, Gail.

[A]

So, Julie, I don't want to say it, but it looks like she's married and she shops at Kohl's, so, I don't know, maybe take some notes.

[B]

One plus one equals burgers. In the back can gets you a lawnmower. There we go.

[A]

All right. So, Gail, we asked you what your weirdest first date was, and you said you were going to meet a guy at a concert, and my gram's friend died in the car on the way there.

[B]

Yes. Oh, no.

[C]

Yeah, that's true. Totally true.

[A]

How was the concert? Was it good?

[C]

Enjoy the silence. That's how it was.

[B]

Wow. Can you put the mic just a little closer to your mouth? That's all right, Gail. That's all right. So what concert were you seeing?

[C]

Just Depeche Mode.

[B]

Depeche Mode. All right. Thank you. Thank you.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

All right, Kathy, then.

[C]

Rosemont Horizon. Yes. Thank you.

[B]

Okay. There you go. There you go. Now, on your way there, were you expecting this? Could go one or two ways with Granny's friend or.

[C]

Well, you know, I was a medical expert because I was a junior in high school or in college at the time for my nursing pro. For the nursing program.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

St. Xavier University, everybody.

[B]

All right, shout out.

[A]

That's an advertisement. She did die in the car, so I don't know.

[B]

Are you Catholic? Did you give her her last rights or any.

[C]

Am Catholic as 16 years of a Catholic school.

[B]

We're all Catholics on this or we went to Catholic school on this stage.

[C]

I sing along with you when you.

[B]

Guys sing the hymns, and I will raise you up on eagle swings. Good luck finding the key on this bell. All of them, Father in G, right? Yeah, yeah. Can you, you play us out with that bill?

[C]

So it's my first real concert. Junior in college, trying to dress up all nice, you know, look good for the time I drove my grandma's car, you know, the 1986 Chevy Mothmobile.

[B]

Oh, there you go. And that came with her friend. Yeah.

[C]

I'm like, just out the door. And Graham's like, oh, Bruno called. Could you pick him up?

[B]

Pick up Bruno. Pick up Bruno and take him where?

[A]

Just with or.

[C]

Bruno is Graham's friend. She used to work with him. Then they retired together and.

[B]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on. What kind of friends were they?

[C]

I don't know. I just heard during the Blizzard of 69, he would always, like, give good blizzard. It was a little questionable, you know. There was a lot of snow that.

[B]

Year during the Blizzard of 69.

[C]

That's a great or 67. 67, maybe.

[B]

I, I. It was Blizzard of 69.

[C]

Had a car then we drive real Jimmy quit. Anyway, I drive to Bruno's house. Bruno walks to the car with his wife.

[B]

We're in the well, Bruno's got a wife now. What the hell is going on?

[C]

They never had kids, dude.

[A]

It was the Blizzard of 69.

[B]

I won't ask questions.

[A]

What happens in The Blizzard of 69 stays there.

[B]

The winter of love. My bad, my bad.

[C]

So Bruno sits in the front seat. His wife sits in the back seat. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go down Lagrange. If you take Lagrange all the way down from my house, you get to rose my horizon. Except, like, we're over this part where you can't really pull off. And it looks like an expressway, except it's Friday night traffic bumper to bumper. And his wife says from the backseat, I don't think he's with us anymore.

[B]

Oh, my God. Was she happy at that moment? I don't think he's with us anymore. Ah, the ground up Cherry Pitts worked. It's an arsenic joke.

[C]

It is.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Where was that? I just saw that one. I'm like, I look over, I'm like, oh, I just saw one of these at work.

[D]

He isn't alive.

[C]

And they, they never Taught you how to do CPR while you're driving a car. So here's me, I, you know, up the air conditioner and the blowers to town.

[A]

I get them on ice. That's smart. You get them on ice. You don't want a bad smell when you roll into the concert.

[B]

See, I didn't think of that.

[C]

That was my oxygen source.

[A]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[C]

So then I'm pounding his chest like this as I'm driving.

[B]

Are you doing that? Uh. Stay alive.

[A]

Stay Alive.

[C]

Yes, I was. Or what's the other one? Bites the Dust is the other song. You do it, too.

[B]

This guy's dead and be pissed off right now. Is he looking up at us?

[C]

He was.

[B]

He was.

[E]

All right.

[C]

Where's the heart?

[A]

Good guy. With a girlfriend and a wife.

[C]

Grandma had. Grandma had her days. Yeah. So I. The day before I started clinicals, where you go to people's houses and do visits. So Grandma's like, you're gonna get a car phone. A car phone. So it was installed into the car, into the Mothmobile. Mothmobile's named that because she went to the cemetery and put mothballs so they wouldn't eat her flowers. And the mothballs. How do you know if it's. How do you know if it's a dude moth?

[B]

How do you know if it's a dude moth?

[C]

You look for the mothballs.

[B]

You look for the mothballs.

[A]

She's.

[B]

She's rocking and rolling here. That deserves a round of applause. First applause break of the show right there. Gail.

[A]

She'S dying up here.

[C]

Here I am driving. There's nowhere to pull off. Like, do chest. What am I going to do? Drag him out of the car and do chest compressions?

[A]

Probably, yeah, probably should stop driving.

[C]

Here's the most Midwestern thing I ever did, was stop at every freaking light on the way to the hospital.

[B]

No, you go ahead. No, you go ahead. I insist. After.

[A]

You were here first.

[B]

Dead for eight hours.

[A]

Well, I got caught up. We were driving by John's house, so we thought we'd just stop in for a beer. The AC was running, so he was good.

[B]

He was cold anyway, you know, he was.

[C]

I did a good job of that.

[B]

Cold to the touch.

[C]

So I pull into the emergency room. They had been expecting me because I used my car phone to make the call, and they rush out. They're like, is he a dnr? I'm like, wait, I know what that means. I know what that means. I'm like, no, no, he's not a dnr. So you know, they did everything. I'm like, looking at my watch, okay? It starts at, I didn't make it.

[B]

You didn't make it. Neither did he.

[C]

Bruno did not make it either.

[A]

Is there a little bit of you wish you would have done the Weekend at Bernie's with Bruno at the concert?

[B]

Give him one last round.

[A]

Come on, Bruno, we're going. Anyone got any sunglasses for him?

[C]

He needed. He met his own personal Jesus.

[B]

What did you say?

[C]

He said he met his own personal Jesus.

[B]

He didn't meet his own personal Jesus. Nice. You've been holding on to that one.

[D]

I have.

[C]

So, yeah, it was all good. But I did not make it.

[B]

No. Was his wife upset, though?

[D]

No.

[A]

Yeah. What was she doing during this?

[C]

And they had just had a conversation with me, like, you know, when he dies, we're gonna give you a lot of money. And they never did.

[B]

You never got that money? No. Didn't even get gas money.

[D]

Not even.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Never even got gas money.

[B]

You gotta be kidding me. Well, when it's their time to go, it's their time to go. You know, they say, well, and you never made it to the concert, but you did see the Deadheads. Shut up. Wow. That's incredible. Yeah, well, that's really good. Wait, did Gail have anything else she wanted to disclose for us here on the little list there? Miles?

[A]

Not unless anything she wants to buy, sell or trade. Joe?

[B]

Yeah, you got it. Did you. Did he have any.

[C]

The Moth Mobile.

[B]

The Mothmobile. What happened to it?

[C]

1986.

[B]

1986 mothmobile. Yeah.

[C]

Still fresh.

[B]

Still fresh. No Moth. Ladies and gentlemen, give Gail a big round of applause. Thank you, Gail. We appreciate you. Oh, your son goes there.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

All right. Half hug. No hug. All right. There.

[A]

I guess we could have figured that out. It says you and D. Mom on her shirt.

[B]

Oh, yeah, you got the mom there. There you go. Ph.D. in meteorology. All right.

[A]

He's a professional guesser, everyone.

[B]

There you go. Look at that.

[A]

Do they only have to get a 50% on their test to pass or. What was the name of the.

[B]

The departed? Bruno.

[A]

Bruno.

[B]

Handsome guy named Bruno.

[A]

Went for a.

[B]

Drive in her grandma's car. Bruno didn't look like he was doing great. Sure enough, we didn't get far. Oh, when I look back now, the stench, it seemed to last forever.

[A]

Now we're disrespecting Bruno. I can't wait till this song is over. Also, let's do a cheers for Bruno. To Bruno.

[B]

To Bruno.

[A]

Cheers. Charlie, who do we got up next?

[B]

I mean, where the Hell, do we even go from there? Miles, I think we go. We got. Do we have a Ryan G in the audience tonight? Ryan G, ladies and GS. Where is our Ryan G? Give him a big round of applause.

[A]

We didn't want you to come up here.

[B]

Ryan G. Bellion, up to the bar. Good to see you. You got an Old Fashioned going. Almost. What do you mean it's almost gone?

[A]

Can we get him?

[B]

Yeah. Can we get Ryan G and Old Fashioned up here? Yeah.

[A]

You're not doing anything, have you.

[B]

Yeah. Use the bathroom. Get him an Old Fashioned.

[A]

Wash your hands, please.

[B]

Yeah. How do you like your Old Fashioned?

[A]

The special of the night.

[B]

The special. And I know what that is, but let's confirm. Yeah. Whether you like it sweet Sour press.

[A]

I like it sweet.

[B]

He likes it sweet on Old Fashioned sweet with brandy. That's perfect. We don't drink that in Boston. I don't know what the hell. Ryan G, ladies and gentlemen. We had the prompt relationship advice and you said snip it or wrap it. Snip it or rap it, Ryan G. All right, let's. Let's dig into this. Are you married? Are you. Are you married?

[A]

Married, Two kids.

[B]

Married, two kids.

[A]

Four year old and a one year old.

[B]

Four year old and a one year old. Okay. And that's it. That's it. That's it. Sounds like. Okay. Sounds like a snippet or rapid situation. What are the pros? What are the cons?

[A]

That's actually probably a good question.

[B]

I. I mean, are you a guy.

[A]

Who goes, yeah, are you done having kids? Did you. Oh, we're done having kid. No, we're. Did you. Did you snip? Not yet.

[B]

No. That's what he wants. No. Are you sick of going to Walgreens and pressing the button for the condom?

[A]

They do make it so difficult.

[B]

They shouldn't make it difficult. I mean. Yeah, that's a tough. Are you scared of getting a vasectomy?

[A]

It doesn't exactly excite me.

[B]

No.

[A]

No.

[B]

I think if you get excited during a vasectomy, things could go wrong. So you're supposed to keep it nice and shaved. Have you shaved yet or yet recently?

[A]

No.

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Lucky lady. There you go.

[A]

He's got two kids. You don't even have to worry about getting sniffed. There's not much opportunity with two kids at this moment.

[B]

All right, there you go. Okay. Not much opportunity. Kids take first and foremost. You got a one year old. There you go.

[A]

So bad about getting vasectomy. Don't you just get a couple Days off of work and you can just hang out at home and all. Like, if I take off work, I don't get paid, so then that's kind of. I'm kind of my own boss. So it doesn't work real well. If you're self employed, what do you do? What do you do? You're self employed? Yeah. Robots.

[B]

You do robots? Oh, God damn it. How do you have two kids?

[A]

That's.

[B]

What do you do with the robots?

[A]

They're industrial robots. So they make stuff.

[B]

They're industrial robots.

[A]

Oh, this is the wrong guy.

[B]

My paranoia about these robots is through the roof. When are. When are they going to kill us?

[A]

Point where I couldn't talk to Charlie three minutes without him having a crisis about robots.

[B]

I'm just saying they're going to kill us all. What do we have, two years left?

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. My robots are still programmed the same way they were programmed in the 80s.

[B]

Oh, robots right now? Yeah, yeah. No, we're not talking about robots now.

[A]

Yeah, we're talking about robots.

[B]

All right, all right, so same robots you've been using in the 80s, do you make any, like, side robots, like just for fun, do weird things? I've seen. Did your wife just say yes?

[A]

Who said that?

[B]

I think that's his wife. Get her up here. Come on up. Come on up.

[A]

No. Why, what's your wife's name?

[B]

Kelly. Kelly.

[A]

Get on up.

[B]

Kelly. There she comes. All right. Hello, Kelly. Welcome to the stage. Yeah, you're welcome, you guys, you get. Yeah, you have a seat. What a gentleman. What a gentleman.

[A]

Have kid number three tonight.

[B]

There we go. There we go. We got a microphone right here for you. So what kind of robots has ry guy made for you, huh?

[C]

A lady doesn't tell.

[B]

A lady doesn't. I didn't mean that kind of robot, but no, he's making robots at home.

[A]

He doesn't make them. He just gets them at the Walgreens.

[B]

He makes it at work. Okay, what. What do his robots do to your understanding? They pick stuff off of lines. All right, all right, cool.

[A]

And what do you do for a living?

[D]

I'm a lawyer.

[B]

You're a lawyer? Damn. All right.

[A]

She knows what to say and not.

[B]

I can tell this is not gonna be a great interview. Yeah, this is gonna kill it.

[A]

Nicolay Law.

[B]

800 bucks a piece, paid. 800 more beers coming up. Dante, where'd these beers come from? Dante, where they all come from? The bar. Thank Dante Williams, ladies and gentlemen, producer of mine. Great, great guy. All right, so what do you think. Do you think he should get his stuff snipped or what? I'd be okay with that. Yes, you be okay with it. Okay. Yeah. What are the benefits of. What are the benefits of getting snipped versus the rubbers?

[C]

You asking me or him?

[B]

Both of you. Both of you. Group conversation. What are the. We're weighing the pros and cons. We don't have a solution yet. Okay, what are the pros and cons?

[A]

Well, there's no more repeats of the awkward first date where I had to stop at the gas station on the.

[B]

Way back to the hotel to get.

[A]

Stuff like first overnight date. Overnight date. Overnight.

[B]

Damn. Not very lawyerly, I'll tell you tell.

[A]

Him to plead the fifth right now. I.

[B]

You know, we get. We're just seeing how awkward of a conversation we can make. The ride home, it's getting more awkward. It is. All right, so no more awkward trips to the filling station for you to get your Michelin there. All right? So you think he should do it?

[C]

I do, yes.

[B]

Okay. So do you think you should do it? Absolutely. Oh, problem solved. Problem solved.

[A]

Well, so hold on, Charlie. Let's not move on here. There's got to be someone in the audience that's been sniffed. Do we?

[B]

Oh, you been sniffed. Gail got her guy snipped there.

[A]

Yeah, and he looks happy as hell.

[B]

Wait, Gail, did you do it yourself?

[A]

Medical professional.

[B]

Medical professional. Okay. All right, again. Are you happy with your snip? Snip? You're happy. Everything still works? Good. Great. All right, so you're getting snipped. I like it. All right, now, for relationship advice, Ryan G. You said, please, dear Jesus, find a BF for my wife's bff. I can't keep being the third wheel on date nights. Look to stage right. I'm the 14 old fashions in at 6pm on a Tuesday. All right? Where's your wife's friend? Where is she? Come on up here. Come on up. Come on up.

[A]

Come on now.

[B]

It's a family affair up here. You're there. Gotta what? What's your name?

[C]

Kristen.

[B]

Kristen. All right, Kristen, what are you looking for in the world today, huh? Hey, hey, were you into him? Rob, come on up here real quick. Rob, come on back up here. Come on back up here. All right, all right. We're gonna have a speed date. Ladies and gentlemen, a speed day.

[A]

Welcome to the first Building Up Live Speed Dating.

[B]

Side by side. You get here. Give me this. Rob, you sit here. Rob, sit here. Sit right here. All right? And I'm sorry, What was your name again? Kristen. You sit there. Okay, you guys get. You guys get three questions apiece. And go. Ladies first.

[A]

What a gentleman.

[C]

Kids, Dogs.

[B]

None and none. I would much rather be around dogs than kids. Okay, okay, okay, next question.

[A]

Rob, Rob, Rob, you're up. Funny guy. Funny guy.

[B]

Does it hurt? Did I. Did I fall from heaven? Oh, I thought you were going to be a sweetheart to me. That's two questions. Kristen, why don't you finish up with your third?

[C]

What do you do for fun?

[B]

I love to travel, and I love going to concerts and comedy shows and podcasts. Oh, there we go.

[A]

Got a politician.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Okay, so my first question would be, who chose this show and why?

[C]

Oh, me. 100.

[A]

That's what's up.

[B]

High fives right there. There we go.

[A]

You say choose the show.

[B]

Yeah. Who chose the show?

[A]

You should talk to my wife. I gotta do everything in decision land.

[C]

Well, I don't. I do all the decisions in my land, but I drag these guys along with me.

[B]

Rob, do you. Do you do all the decisions in your land? Well, I'm single. I live alone, so hopefully there isn't a little voice telling me what to do. Good. That's good. That's a big, big plus there. Most of the time. I've only had two Miller Lights, so I'm in good shape right now. Kristen, that was four questions by the. Just keeping track. Rob, go ahead. You get another. Cats or dogs?

[C]

Dogs.

[B]

All right, you guys are both dog people. You got two dogs like that.

[A]

How you guys are basing your relationships off of just cats and dogs?

[B]

Well, it's that. Okay, I'll ask the last one because I think what you should base a relationship on is what you hate. So give me a pet peeve.

[C]

I did not answer this on the side survey because I got too many to put on there. A pet peeve. Chewing with your mouth open.

[B]

Huge pet peeve. Yeah.

[A]

Applause. If you also feel that way, let's do that as she lifts them off. All right, chew with your mouth open. What else?

[C]

Another pet peeve. Not taking responsibility for your own actions.

[B]

All right, Rob's not in his head alone. I love that one as much. All right, that concludes the speed date right here. What do you think? Is there going to be another date on the count of three, yes or no? One, two, three. At Sandy's?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yes. Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match right here. Give Rob and Kristen a big round of applause. We got Rob a day. We got Kristen a date. You guys go down there, exchange text messages. No. 2am Text, Rob. All right, and then are we done with you? Yes. And give. Give Ryan G a big round of applause and his beautiful, lovely wife. He's gonna get the snippety style snip. We are solving problems, and I could have kept your glass there. All right, wait a second. Does your shirt just say bricked up? Come on up to the bar. Get on up here, Melanie. All right, well, what's your name? Bricked up. Where you from?

[E]

My name is Nick, and I'm from the great city of Chicago.

[B]

Nick from Chicago. Give him a big round of applause. There you go. Take that. So, Nick, what do you do for a living?

[E]

I work at Wrigley Field.

[B]

You work? Oh, what do you do at Wrigley Field?

[E]

I'm just. I'm a culinary supervisor for the small cheval that's in the bleachers.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

So you run a hot dog stand? It's a fancy way of saying that.

[E]

Yeah, but fancy burgers.

[B]

Okay. All right.

[E]

No hot dogs here.

[B]

So what are you doing? Supervising? Are you. Are you looking over shoulder saying, yes, chef, no, chef, no.

[E]

For how professional I am, I am chef.

[B]

You are chef.

[E]

I am the chef of small.

[B]

Damn, I didn't know we were dealing with that, Nick. I apologize, chef. Well, what's the secret sauce you guys put into those things? Give us. Give us the little insight.

[E]

Spite and ignorance.

[B]

Spite and ignorance. Here you go, guys. When you're getting undrunk at the ball game, that's what's getting you there. What's the weirdest thing you've ever seen at Wrigley Field, huh?

[E]

So I guess seen is the key word here. I haven't seen, but I've had to fill out paperwork for folks having sex in the cooler.

[B]

Whoa. Little cooler. Fornication. All right.

[A]

I don't know about you, Charlie, but that's the last place. With what I'm working with, I want to be doing the deed. Not gonna do me any favors.

[B]

Wow. Yeah.

[A]

Confident fella.

[B]

Yeah, Confident. Yeah. What. What happened to them? Did they get off or.

[E]

You know, That's a.

[A]

One of them did try.

[E]

That's. That's a great question. I don't know. I was just told to sign the papers.

[B]

You're told to sign the papers? Okay. What do you do outside work for fun?

[E]

Outside of work? I mean, I get bricked up.

[B]

There you go.

[E]

Truthfully, that's. That's what. That's what a growing boy does.

[B]

All right. Growing shower. So I, I, I. What do you just. You. You're not. Where'd you get the shirt? Hot Topic. Where'd you get that?

[E]

No, it's worse. I just. A YouTuber. I watch, man. He just. He likes to post like I do, and, you know, sometimes we like getting bricked up.

[B]

All right.

[A]

I thought he was gonna say he made it on his cricket machine at home.

[B]

I'm only 38, Bill. I'm only 38. So do a song about Blue Chew, Bill. You got one about it. Okay, you think about. We'll come back to it. I can't just throw you on the spot like that. Are you single? Are you dating? What's going on?

[E]

No, I am dating.

[B]

I am.

[E]

I just hit two years with my girlfriend.

[B]

Two years with a girlfriend. All right. Yeah.

[A]

What does she think of the shirt?

[E]

You know, she likes getting bricked up, too.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'm starting to wonder if I know the definition of bricked up at this point. That's wild. I know. She's not here tonight, as you have a single seat in the front row here. What? What's going on?

[E]

Nothing. She just goes to school in Michigan. She's a college student right now, and it's taking a summer. Summer semester, and I just. I work and wait for her.

[B]

You work and wait for her? That is. She's not here, dude, you can be honest with us, you know. All right, Miles, I am going to.

[A]

Write that one down to use that for my wife later.

[B]

I work and wait for her. Yeah. Working and waiting. Anything that you want to buy, sell, or trade tonight.

[E]

Buy small Cheval at Wrigley Field.

[B]

All right. Give him a big round of applause, ladies and gentlemen, Nick. Thank you. Thank you. All right, guys. Oh, yeah, go ahead. Bill. Thought he was going to offer up that shirt with the trade. Man, I was hoping. No, he knows what he's got. It's called don't buy a burger from Nick.

[A]

Want to know what's in the secret?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Here we go. Good job.

[B]

Miles. You've been back to school, right? Time.

[A]

To school. Back to school.

[B]

To prove to Mommy that I'm not a fool. Or Daddy. I forget I got to watch that movie again. But you going back to school, right?

[A]

I have been back to school before.

[B]

And sometimes, like, the. The school over the summer, they make some new steps, you know? Yeah, but they did it on a budge, you know, short for budget and.

[A]

Which is French for budget.

[B]

True. And sometimes you go ass over tea kettle over the steps, and you haven't even gotten a math class yet. Well, let me do some math for you okay? You go to the hospital after that, you're taking an ambulance ride. Well, one plus ambulance equals. Shoot, man, I'm out of money. But Nicolay is gonna, you know, talk to that insurance company and give him a piece of his beard. And you're gonna get that cashola back at you, baby. So call 1-855-NICOLET we were thinking it would be fun to do a little thing called you saw a little bit of the Midwest speed dating. But I do want to raise the lights one more time and see if there are any other single people in this audience tonight. Do we have any singles here? Any singles? If we can just raise the lights. There we are. Single, single. Perfect. Stand up, sir. There you go. Come up here real quick. We're gonna do a halfway. Midwest speed dating, one question and then you're off. All right? So step on up here. Oh, yeah, it's gonna be fun. We got two mics.

[A]

We have five people on stage.

[B]

We got five people. We gotta even it out. All right, you, sir, come on up here. Therehere we go. Six people. All right, we're starting it off. You guys get one question and we are gonna. Any mini miny moe you, sir, you're in the hot seat. Have a seat. You are right here. One question each. Let's see what it is and make it a good question. How many ex wives? Terrible. First question. First of all, say what your name is and where you're from.

[A]

My name is Josh. I'm from northwest Indiana.

[B]

Josh, right?

[A]

Nice to meet you.

[B]

Audrey.

[C]

Nice to meet you.

[B]

All right. Not awkward at all. We're liking it. Go ahead, ladies first.

[D]

I got a lot of mushrooms in here.

[C]

It's really so easy to you.

[A]

If you want some help, you should ask him about his T shirt. Yeah, yeah, you should do that.

[C]

Oh, I saw that earlier.

[A]

It says, I got my heart broken at Heartbreakers and a woman dancing on.

[C]

A pole broken at Heartbreakers.

[B]

I'm like, what is this place? That's two questions.

[C]

No, it's one with an extra.

[B]

One with an extra.

[A]

That's fine. That's fine by me.

[B]

We're learning a lot just in how you phrase the questions. Honest.

[A]

Well, Heartbreakers is my favorite gentleman's club in Milwaukee. You know, great favorite, great city. What's your top three? You know, top three gentlemen's clubs. Well, of course, Heartbreaker's number one. I just. I just went to Milwaukee last weekend. I went to Texas Jays. That was pretty good. That's got to be a good. And I gotta ask you, what makes A what makes a good gentleman's club? Well, you gotta think about it like you just. You're just on your own at your own table, and you're treated like royalty. It's. It's kind of like this place. You get great table service. You just get to hang out. Everything's brought to you. It's great. It's like first class treatment.

[B]

You want to ask her a question?

[A]

I think it's going good. I think it is. This is the best. It's gone. You sure got to answer a question. So.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, he's been in the hot seat long enough.

[C]

Shirt. What's your question?

[A]

Where are you currently from?

[B]

Where?

[A]

I know you're from California.

[B]

Where do you live now?

[A]

You gotta.

[B]

You gotta ask.

[A]

Talking to strippers.

[B]

All right, you can like strippers and be a bad listener. That's not a good combination.

[A]

Well, I listen to where you're from. From California.

[B]

It's where you currently reside.

[C]

Chicago.

[B]

Great question. That's your speed date. Who says you can. You can't find good guys out there these days, ladies.

[A]

That should have been your question.

[B]

All right, so on the count of three, are we going to get a second date? One, two, three.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, Bruno. Bruno. All right. Thank you. Give him a big round of applause. All right, sir. Welcome on up. There you go. Okay. All right, now, guys, look, the reason we're doing this is so many people are finding love on these dating sites, and we don't need robots to hook us up. No. You got the Bellied up podcast. No better place to meet a person than the bar. So what's your names? Where are you from? I'm Will.

[A]

I'm from Gray's Lake, north of Chicago.

[B]

All right, Will. There we go.

[D]

I'm Taylor.

[C]

I'm from McHenry, Illinois.

[B]

Well, it's not too far away. There you go.

[A]

You guys watched this happen before, so. Yeah, just jump into it.

[C]

If you had to pick any place to travel in the world, where would you go?

[A]

Ooh, in the world.

[B]

Colorado. In the world.

[A]

Colorado's like a second home to me. I've been there somewhere many times.

[B]

I want to go back. Okay. All right.

[C]

Okay. Tell me where you've never been if you've been to Colorado so many times.

[B]

Okay. Italy. All right.

[A]

I've got some family in Calabria. The door of the boot.

[B]

Whoa. Damn. Can you speak Italian?

[A]

No, unfortunately, I'm better with Spanish than I am Italian.

[B]

Oh, he's a traveled man.

[A]

All right, Renaissance man.

[B]

Renaissance man. It's your turn now to ask a Question.

[A]

If you drink beer, what is your favorite beer?

[C]

That's a great question. If I had a go to at any bar, it'd be Estella, but I like a good Belgian ale.

[B]

Oh, this is a beautiful thing we have brewing here. All right, Miles. Yeah.

[A]

Is it time for the.

[B]

It's time for them to. All right, Decide. That's how the game works.

[A]

I mean, I don't think we need to do this because I think it's pretty assumed that they're going on a second day, but. Three, two, one.

[C]

No.

[B]

No. Really? Damn.

[C]

I'm sure you're a great guy.

[B]

You know what? All right.

[C]

We can get a beer anytime, though.

[B]

Give them a round of applause. Thank you guys so much. Thank you. Thank you for coming on the show. This was fun. All right. There you go. All right. Now, our last contestants on the Midwest speed dating. Oh, no. That's right. All right, you guys know the game. First question. Go for it. Austin, from Austin, Texas. No, I'm kidding. Fort Wayne, Indiana. Awesome. Performing. India.

[A]

Sydney, technically from California. What is it? What do you mean technically? She moved around a lot.

[B]

She moved around.

[A]

Got it. A lot.

[B]

Military. Brad. No. Okay.

[C]

Mentally unstable.

[B]

Mentally unstable. Hey, we're off to a good start. Off to a good start. All right, go for it. Does size matter? Maybe we should stick to the dating app. Yeah.

[A]

Answer this question.

[B]

That's what you mean.

[A]

Oh, give me two different things.

[C]

Two different things.

[A]

My ex husband is 5, 6. And I think I've learned my lesson with short guys.

[B]

Oh, come on.

[A]

He's not short. I was probably that big in, like, sixth grade.

[B]

This is a date, not a roast.

[A]

What else don't you like about him? I didn't say I didn't like it. I'm just stating facts.

[B]

Yeah. All right, your turn for the question.

[A]

What's your, like, favorite, like, brain dead day where if you don't have to think about anything, what are you doing?

[B]

If I mean as a single guy.

[A]

Lotion and tissues don't count. Give this guy a Jergen sponsorship. Huh?

[B]

Oh, if I had a girlfriend. Just chill out. Watch movies.

[A]

Okay, but you don't. So what's your ass?

[B]

I just lock myself in my closet and just cry all day.

[A]

Okay, so we're the same person.

[B]

All right, because it is second date. Second date.

[A]

Three, two, one.

[B]

Yeah. Well, this has been wonderful, guys. You can't find love, but you can find friends. Thank you so much. I appreciate you coming on. You guys have been a lot of fun. Fun. All right. Wow. Well, Miles, I think we learned A lot. In doing that game.

[A]

You are not a good matchmaker. No, this is the segment I like to call Jerry Springer Charlie. Yeah, that's what these two bring your chairs.

[B]

You might want to throw them. All right, come on up here. There we go. So let's get to the bottom of this. What are your names? Where are you from? Didn't let me play against the wind for that guy.

[D]

I'm Maggie. I'm from Crystal Lake, Illinois. I'm a fib. I called onto your guys's show probably within the last year.

[B]

She said you had a chip on your shoulder, Charlie. Yeah, okay.

[D]

Right there on your shoulder.

[B]

I think I have a chip. What did you bring up in this conversation? Because I'm already on your husband's side about it.

[A]

The conversation. He just wants to catch everyone up to speed, Correct?

[B]

Yeah, that's exactly it. I've had a few.

[D]

Real quick. I do not like attention, so this is very uncomfortable.

[B]

Oh, are you all. Are you doing all right? Yeah. You came in the front row. Those are two empty wine glasses. You'll be fine for a couple minutes.

[D]

Yeah, okay.

[B]

Here, have some beer. Have some beer. I can't drink. Your husband just gave me the look.

[A]

Of like, see what I'm doing dealing with guys.

[B]

All right, so what's on your mind now?

[D]

So what did.

[B]

What? What? What?

[D]

So we didn't get to finish the conversation because I was on hold for a very long time.

[B]

Miles's fault. And.

[A]

No.

[D]

And I was like, miles, you know, sorry, this is, you know, I. About Charlie. And you're like, no, I. I want to hear this. Like, I love this. And so I was like, charlie, what's the big chip on your shoulder about?

[B]

Fibs, like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember this. I remember this. Yeah, I do.

[D]

You do?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay. So, you know, we went on. I was very nervous, and so I didn't get everything out that I wanted to say.

[B]

Okay, well, now that you've had two glasses of wine, what else was on your mind?

[D]

I was so nervous when you guys answered. I was like, am I on? And you guys are like, yeah, hey, whatever. And I'm like, don't get it. Don't I get a. Like, heads up or whatever? Like, you know, you're the next one. I'm like, you know, whatever. Okay, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, okay, so.

[B]

You'Re doing great. You're doing great. Just speak what's on your mind. It's just you and me here.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

So you said that, you know, people from Illinois are, you know, okay. But they're a little bit different. Okay.

[B]

Yeah, sorry.

[D]

So I wanted to say, but I was nervous. What about some people from Wisconsin?

[B]

Oh, we're very different.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, we got our issues.

[D]

What about, like, Steven Avery?

[B]

Oh, damn, you're bringing up our shit.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You can't bring up our serial killers. Slider Man Girls. Which one? The Slender Man. Yeah, you. Did you go Wikipedia all the serial killers from Wisconsin?

[A]

Charlie, this is what happened. She got off the phone with you and she was like, yes, Miles guy. I'm going to get her back. I don't know how long it's going to take. Is that what she was doing?

[B]

All she does is.

[D]

And Netflix.

[A]

How many murder podcasts do you listen to?

[D]

A lot.

[A]

Yeah? Yeah.

[D]

And your guys' I love.

[A]

Doesn't Charlie look just like Jeffrey Dmer?

[D]

Yes. I mean, come on, give this guy.

[B]

A pair of glasses real quick. It's uncanny, you know?

[D]

So I didn't get to get that into the conversation because I was, like, super nervous.

[B]

Yeah, like I said, you were nervous.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

So I'm bringing it up now.

[B]

Do I make you nervous? Is that the deal now?

[D]

No, no, you don't make me nervous.

[B]

Don't be strange now. That's my best serial killer voice. Does it make you nervous now? Hang on a second. What? You know what? I do have some resemblance to the guy. I'll give you that. Okay. Like, it just, you know, I. Like I was walking down the street of Los Angeles. When I was out there, I was very polite. I was saying hi to everyone I met, like, hey there. How are you? Nice to see you. Did they say hi back? No, the only thing they said is that guy looks like Jeffrey Dahmer. All right, so what do you think? It's like walking around in this world with this face. Okay. When that frickin Netflix special came out, I mean, what am I supposed to do?

[A]

You guys can tell he's very self conscious about this. So he hit a nerve.

[B]

Yeah. And now you're gonna bring it up in front of all these people? Yeah.

[A]

You brought that.

[B]

Go play a sad song. Play a sad song. He does have a lot of meat in his.

[D]

And the other two. Stephen Avery and the Splendor Girls.

[B]

Yeah, Stephen Avery and the. The Splendor Guy. Killer girl or what? Oh, the girls. Yeah. So what?

[D]

There are some weird people that come from Wisconsin, too. I'm not saying, like, there's not weird people that come from Illinois, too.

[A]

You're saying, like, serial killers come from Wisconsin.

[B]

I mean, what Happens is. No, you're not.

[A]

I thought you were telling me to stop.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

She was like, I got this, dude.

[B]

I don't need your help. And the guy.

[A]

I feel your pain.

[B]

I think I've heard. I've heard your steel. Now, I'd like to bring your husband into this because I need some backup. All right, what's going on with the garage that you are so upset with the garage that you're putting the subject. I am absolutely. I'm pivoting this like Kellyanne Conway on cnn. All right? I am doing the. I'm doing the zippity do. Let's talk about something else now. What the hell's going on with the garage? Oh, you're doing. He's got a mic. You can also have a mic. You don't want to sit in the hot seat anymore, huh? No. Okay. Have a seat. What's going on with the garage? There's two kids. They both have bikes and scooters and baseball bags and everything else, and takes.

[A]

Up a lot of room.

[E]

And when stuff does get put away, it's like, let's say, measuring tape, screwdrivers.

[B]

There's a drawer that they're supposed to go in. Some people, they just put it on top of the COVID The one time. Look for. He was pointing at you when he said some people, by the way. So what's your rebuttal?

[D]

Just put it away. Otherwise, I won't throw it away.

[B]

Put it away, otherwise I won't throw it away. Okay. Did you say, or I will throw it away. Yeah, put it away or.

[D]

Yes, Billy Deuce. Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. My mom has the same policy.

[B]

I haven't lived with her in, like, two years. Do you guys see any resolutions in our future here? So back to Dateline. So she says she wants that if.

[E]

She ever ends up on Dateline, she.

[B]

Thinks that something might happen to her. But reality is like, remember this face? She might be being the subtest of it. Oh, I see. I was going to say, it's usually the husband. My mom's always like, I bet it's the husband.

[D]

80% of the time, it's a husband.

[B]

80% of the time,. Cheating.

[D]

So not to interrupt you. Sorry. It's your show.

[B]

No, no, it's your show right now.

[D]

No, it's not. Sorry. If I die of, like, weird circumstances, please do a Dateline or 2020 special on me.

[B]

I feel. I feel like you're begging for this to happen. I feel you both think each other is gonna murder the other person, and.

[A]

That'S marriage, isn't it?

[B]

Give him a big round of applause, you guys. Thank you. You did real good. Yes. All right. Well, ladies and gentlemen, on that note, this has been your next episode. Your second episode of Bellied Up Live. We have two people that might murder each other after tonight. What better way to wrap it up than that? Thank you all for coming out. Good luck on your second dates. Everybody keep her moving. Watch for dear Billy Deuce. Ladies and gentlemen. There we go. Miles, the you betcha guy. And let's give a big special shout out to the wait staff here at Zany's who have been working so, so hard. They are dropping your checks. Make sure you tip your bartender. And everybody, keep her moving. Watch for deer. And as always, go packers. And.

[A]

Why do we gotta end on a blue? He does this every time.

[B]

Do it. Oh, get over it. Go back. Go. Go. Back up. We really ended on a high note tonight. Good night, guys. Thank you very much. Thank you. Okay. Hope you guys have a good one. Goodbye now.