Caller Found Something Weird in a Car Trunk #191

Summary

Bellied Up Podcast #191: Caller Found Something Weird in a Car Trunk
Hosts: Charlie Berens & Myles the You Betcha Guy
Date: March 12, 2026
Location: Hooligans Bar, West Fargo

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Episode Overview

In this lively and offbeat episode, Charlie and Myles belly up at a Fargo bar to riff on historical "what ifs," field bizarre listener calls, and uncover a wild story about a mysterious prison diary found in a used car trunk. Between classic Midwest banter and running jokes, the guys weigh in on historical moments they wish they’d witnessed, get a deep-dive into the “Book of Keith” (a prison notebook full of love letters), and play reluctant mediators in a local war on cyclists. This episode brims with sharp, good-natured ribbing and unexpected heart.

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Key Discussion Points & Timestamps

1. Midwest Banter & “Mount Rushmore of Historical Events” (00:00–14:15)

• Opening chat: The guys riff on what “balmy” means, how weirdly warm Fargo is, and how football’s changed over the years (players used to smoke cigarettes during the game!).
  • [Charlie]: “Back in the day… fella’s were using, like, trucker drugs and smoking cigarettes mid-game, you know?” (01:31)
• Dream historical events: “If you could see any historical moment live, what would it be?”
  • Myles’ picks: The Big Bang, Jesus’s birth (“I’d just bring a case of beer, a case of Busch, you know… Cuz Joseph doesn’t get any time of day.” – 06:13), the Boston Molasses Disaster (“The molasses is coming! The molasses is coming!” – 08:14), and the construction planning meeting for the pyramids.
• Running jokes:
  • Imagining Joseph and Myles hitting the town with beer after Jesus’s birth (06:22).
  • Why “slower than molasses” is an insult when molasses can actually go 35mph, per the Boston incident (08:53).
  • The urge to know how the pyramids were built—and refusing to tell anyone after learning (11:38).
• Notable quote:
  • [Myles]: “Can we also talk about how insulting the phrase ‘slower than molasses’ is? Because clearly, molasses can haul ass.” (08:43)

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2. The Trunk Notebook – The “Book of Keith” (14:15–32:07)

• Caller Tyler’s story: Just moved, bought a fixer-upper car, found a smelly trunk with a prison diary inside (“The previous owner's entire life… every day he was in [prison].” – 15:18). The notebook contains love letters, countdowns, phone numbers, blood stains.
• Best details:
  • Tyler called a woman whose number was in the diary; turns out, she’s still with “Keith” (the diary’s author), and she didn’t want it back (“Do whatever you want with it.” – 17:40).
  • The hosts scheme a recurring “Diary of Keith” segment with Tyler reading dramatic entries.
    • [Charlie]: “We could do a reoccurring segment… from the Diary of Keith.” (17:44)
• Inside the Diary:
  • Keith’s main flaw: “He doesn’t know how to spell the word ‘lose.’” (20:10)
  • Letters are earnest, heartfelt, sometimes bloodstained (“A man’s inability to spell the word ‘lose’ trying to fight to keep a relationship together while keeping track of the days left behind the bars.” – 21:24).
  • Tyler is invested: “The next day I was sitting there, I was at work, I’m like, man, I wish I brought that with me. That’s some good reading material for lunch.” (28:39)
  • The story starts as a Mormon faith journal (“Latter Day Saints below it.” – 25:16) but quickly becomes a private saga.
• Hosts’ reaction: They joke about purchasing story rights on the spot, and Charlie dubs it “the Mormon Prison Chronicles.”

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3. Midwest Legal Lore: The Michael Jordan of Lawyers (36:00–45:18)

• Guest: Attorney Russell Nicolette
  • Russell names Jerry Spence as the “MJ of Lawyering”—a legend, undefeated, with a Wyoming ranch where he taught “trial dark arts.” (36:44–39:47)
  • [Russell]: “He would give this story about a bird in his hand, and ultimately whether the bird would live or die was up to the hand, which was them.” (37:21)
• Discussion on Midwest emotional stoicism:
  • How giving a Midwesterner a compliment is more destabilizing than yelling at them.
  • [Charlie]: “If you want to make a Midwesterner uncomfortable… give them compliments and they won’t know what to do.” (42:31)
• Lighthearted self-deprecation: The guys riff on how they’d squirm if their dads ever said, “I’m proud of you.” (43:00)

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4. Angry About Cyclists – The “Biker Law” Caller (46:04–69:16)

• Caller Mike’s proposal: If mayor, he’d ban cyclists because “they’re not very nice, they wear stuff that’s way too tight.” (46:14)
• Classic Midwest conflict-resolution discussion:
  • Mike relays his polite but lasting feud with local bikers, including being followed by one and gently rebuked for jogging in the road (“He followed me home one time…” – 48:08).
  • Hosts roast him for being the “nicest guy to ever insult anyone” and joke about him running a breakup call-in service.
• Therapy session:
  • A hilarious deconstruction reveals Mike’s issue started with childhood trauma—friend’s dad yelling at him on his Huffy, shaping a lifelong aversion to bikes (62:39).
  • [Charlie]: “Hurt people hurt people. And now you’re letting the fear that your buddy’s dad instilled in you guide your life…” (62:59)
• Proposed legislative solutions:
  • Ban cycling except from 4–7am (“Adult swim for cyclists” – 59:48).
  • Avoid bike lanes—“I think they get a certain charge out of it… make the cars mad.” (56:12)
• Further ribbing:
  • Mike admits his kids don’t have bikes: “Because of my stance on bikes.” (65:49)
  • Hosts urge him to confront his “Rich” problem (the name of the traumatic dad figure from his youth): “You just gotta go see professional help about Rich.” (69:41)
• Memorable exchange:
  • [Charlie]: “Let them creep. Let them explode in your imagination. And if Rich comes in, say ‘Hey Dick, I’m holding mine right now.’” (68:24)
  • [Myles]: “Don’t force Dick out. Just force the dick in.” (68:35)
• Wrap-up: Encouragement to try a bike, “clip into those pedals,” and discover his true feelings—maybe with therapy.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• [Myles] (talking about historical events): “I just bring a case of beer, case of Busch, you know. Cuz Joseph doesn’t get any time of day.” (06:13)
• [Caller Tyler]: “The previous owner's entire life… every day he was in there. There was love letters, phone numbers, all sorts of stuff… a little bit of blood.” (15:18)
• [Charlie]: “Can we also talk about how insulting the phrase ‘slower than molasses’ is? Because clearly, molasses can haul ass.” (08:43)
• [Caller Mike]: “I would make sure there would be no bikers in town. Like, cyclists. They drive me crazy.” (46:14)
• [Charlie]: “Hurt people hurt people. And now you’re letting the fear that your buddy’s dad instilled in you guide your life…” (62:59)
• [Myles]: “Don’t force Dick out. Just force the dick in.” (68:35)

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Episode Structure & Flow

• Opening banter: The guys riff on regional climate and language.
• Historical “what ifs”: Both hosts list the moments in history they wish they could witness, lacing it with gags and Midwestern wit.
• The Callers:
  • Tyler & the Prison Diary: The story deepens, and the hosts plot future diary readings.
  • A lawyer’s wisdom: Guest segment on trial law legends.
  • Mike the Bike-Hater: Ribbing, therapy, and the search for roots of civic grievance.
• Closes with laughs as listeners are prompted again to call in with their wildest Midwest dilemmas or finds.

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Overall Tone

Warm, irreverent, locally flavored comedy, laced with sly self-awareness and surprising empathy for the quirks of Midwest life. The hosts maintain their signature blend of goofiness and heart, teasing guests and callers (and each other) as only old friends can. If you missed the episode, this summary gives you all the key stories, running jokes, and memorable exchanges—no bikes or molasses required.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of the Bellied Up Podcast. Charlie and I are bellied up here at Hooligans in West Fargo. And Charlie, how you feeling, buddy?

[B]

I'm feeling good, Miles. You know, you're looking day here. And in Fargo, so balmy. 40 degrees here.

[A]

Balmy. What is the actual definition of balmy?

[B]

Like lip balm? Like moist to moist day here?

[A]

Is that what it means?

[B]

Yeah, it means there's a lot of moisture in the air. Balmy, like swampy, you know, pleasantly warm is the definition. Well, maybe I'm wrong, but it still works. It is pleasantly warm here.

[A]

Yeah, I guess I've never thought about actually what it means.

[B]

Yeah, sometimes you think about that. You know what I was thinking about, Miles? I was thinking about all the great historical things that have happened. You know, that's what I was thinking about.

[A]

Where were you thinking about this at?

[B]

Just when I was using bathroom, thinking about you.

[A]

You were just thinking, oh, God, just think of. About all of the historical events that.

[B]

Well, let me. Let me. Let me walk you through the mind, really. So I was watching the tv and I was watching. They had super bowl highlights on. And then I was thinking, oh, my gosh, what would it have been like to be at, like, not the first super bowl, but, you know, how the packers won all those titles before the Super bowl, you know, the world championships, because we're called title town, Miles. I didn't know if you knew that, but football was a completely different game back then, you know, and you can't really see it. Super bowl quality. Like, you can't watch those games, but it was a completely different game. Like, fellas were using, like, trucker drugs and smoking cigarettes mid game, you know?

[A]

Yeah. I mean, they were all truck. Truckers.

[B]

They were all truckers. Meat packers. Yeah, meat packers, mob bosses, the whole deal. And they didn'. And they had just, like, little leather on their heads, you know, and they were. They were doing headshots and everything, but, you know, to see a quarterback step up, put his hands on the center's balls with a cigarette draped from his mouth, that's what football was like back in the day. Now they've made a lot of changes, and that's better for the health of everyone.

[A]

Well, so the question is, is, did they actually ban cigarettes during football or is it people just elect not to anymore? Like, if, if. If Jordan Love walked out for the first snap of the 2026 season with a dart in his mouth, would he get thrown out of the game? Or, like, is it actually in the

[B]

rule book, do you think it'd be a hefty fine? It'd be a hefty fine for certain.

[A]

But would he get kicked out of the game either?

[B]

Yeah, I don't think you can. I don't think you can smoke cigarettes in football anymore. The mask makes it pretty prohibitive, you know, not a lot of easy. I added an extra edited in there. But yeah, I don't. I think it's just a difficult thing to be smoking a cigarette playing profession, this kind of elite level professional football. You used to be able to, you know, rock a heater when you had Larry, you know, the. The snowplow.

[A]

I understand why they don't smoke anymore.

[B]

Oh, okay. Well, I'm saying, like, you didn't.

[A]

Well, I'm saying. But is it actually in the rule book that you can't smoke?

[B]

For sure? For sure it is. I mean, we look it up. I think it kind of goes without saying at this juncture. But I do know they had the outlaw dip in baseball. Right. So you can't be like, putting a big old chaw in, but cigarette. You used to be able to smoke in the dugout. Yeah, like, openly.

[A]

Probably banned it. So. So where were you going with this then?

[B]

I was just saying it would be cool to, like, see one of those games in action, like, close up, you know, because you can't. We don't have the footage to look at those. That's just what I was to be

[A]

at the NFL championship, number one.

[B]

Yes. Yes, I would. And so then I started thinking, Miles, about, like, just things that we've never gotten a chance to see that would be cool to see. And so I wanted to, like, bring you into this conversation, not just make it about me. So that's why I was thinking, what about historical events more broadly? So I was like, well, maybe I could ask Miles. And I thought about all this, you know, mid P. So I didn't think too deeply about it.

[A]

So you're wondering what historical event I'd like to be a part of or

[B]

that you like to see in person, you know?

[A]

Yeah, I think I got a Mount Rushmore.

[B]

You want to go there when they're building Mount Rushmore?

[A]

No, I have.

[B]

I mean, that'd be really slow. I know you think that they just blasted that bitch with lasers, but not like, imagine decades.

[A]

I imagine it was coordinated where they just. They put all the dynamite in and then they just hit one time and all the dynamite blue and then the faces were just there.

[B]

That'd be cool. I honestly Hope we could redo that historical event just the way you described it.

[A]

No, I'm saying I think I have a Mount Rushmore top four.

[B]

See, that makes way more sense.

[A]

First, I'd like to be at the beginning of the universe.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

To know what happened.

[B]

The big bang. Well, I mean, depends on universe pornography right there, you know, Money shot.

[A]

I would also like to be at Jesus's birthday.

[B]

Would you want to cut the umbilical cord?

[A]

Or if they, whatever they need me to do, I'll hold the leg, you know, okay. I'll get water, I'll do whatever.

[B]

Dude, they don't even talk about who delivered Jesus. It's not even there.

[A]

No, I know. So it could be me.

[B]

Could be you. Yeah. All right, nice. Two good ones.

[A]

They, they, they in the Bible, they told everyone that was there. It would be like the three wise men, all the animals, Mary, Joseph, the angel, I think.

[B]

No, but they, after they didn't get there to help out.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, that's kind of what I mean.

[B]

They showed up later with a bunch of gifts, you know, and then they'd

[A]

be like, oh, Miles was there.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You're one of the wise men.

[A]

Well, no, wise guy.

[B]

A wise guy? Yeah. Three wise men.

[A]

Wise.

[B]

What would you bring? What gift would you bring? What? You bet your merch would you bring Jesus?

[A]

I just bring a case of beer, case of bush, you know, Cuz Joseph doesn't get any time of day.

[B]

Nah, he's like, I bring a cigar

[A]

and some beer for Joseph. And me and him would hit, we'd hit the town.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, back in the day, the dads didn't have to do after birth.

[B]

Yeah, but do you guys couldn't even get into an inn, dude, you think you're gonna find I'd make a few

[A]

calls and I'll get him, I'll get him a room with what I know, the story won't be as good if they stay in a hotel room.

[B]

Gonna make a few calls. Yeah. Smoke signal. What are you talking about? Yeah, think about the time period, Miles. You can't just put yourself in these historical moments with modern day technology.

[A]

Who are you going to call?

[B]

Who has a phone aside for you in this situation? Huh? You're going to drop off a phone at the Bethel Inn Hotel.

[A]

I don't know why my, my historical event that I'd like to be at is so triggering.

[B]

Well, it just doesn't make sense.

[A]

All right, so you being at the first national NFL championship makes sense.

[B]

Yeah, it seems pretty standard to me. Okay. Yeah.

[A]

All right. So that's number two, which I can tell you.

[B]

And like, no, I actually did like it.

[A]

Possible asses. I would like 100% Boston molasses disaster. I don't think I want.

[B]

People don't know.

[A]

You don't know the Boston molasses.

[B]

I said for people who don't know, of course.

[A]

Molasses disaster in on January 15, 1919. 1918. 1914. Sometime in the nineteens.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

A gigantic basically water tower esque thing full of hot molasses burst open and flooded the, the, the streets of Boston, killing like 30, 21 people, injuring 150. And they said that there was a wall of molasses coming down the street 35 miles an hour. So what I'd like to is I'd like to be a guy on a rooftop during the Boston Molasses disaster. And I'd also like to have a megaphone to start alerting faster than what they did. Kind of a modern day Paul Revere type of situation. The molasses is coming. The molasses is coming. Get out of the streets. And I'd like to save at least as many of those 21 that I could.

[B]

Can we also talk about how insulting the phrase slower than molasses is? Because clearly molasses can haul asses. It's going 35 miles an hour.

[A]

That is true.

[B]

Shit and hot. What were they doing with that much molasses, can I ask?

[A]

It was a business move.

[B]

And they put in the water tower.

[A]

No. Well, it wasn't a water tower. It was just like a place that made molasses.

[C]

Right?

[D]

Yeah. And they like were skirting around like regulations and stuff.

[B]

They had those back then.

[A]

Well, that's because part. Part of this helped that.

[B]

Oh, okay. This gave us regulation.

[A]

It's kind of like you have 9 11. So then you get airport security.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

Got a situation.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Which it would be nice if we as a society could just figure out how to put those guardrails up before a disaster happens. But that's not the way the world works.

[B]

Right. So we're just going to wait for one robot to kill.

[A]

I mean, as silly as it sounds, kinda.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

At least someone needs to get injured.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So do you want to be that you want to volunteer? Well, if you care enough about ending the robots, you know I want to volunteer. You could be Katniss Everdeen. I'll let Ever Evergreen to Katniss Evergreen.

[B]

I feel like Mark Zuckerberg should volunteer Hunger Games.

[A]

Katniss Evergreen. I said it right the first time

[B]

Katniss Evergreen is her hippie ass sister. Okay, cool. Some of the molasses. I like that one. That was very, very historical. Very. And you knew a lot about it.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I've been obsessed with it since high school, when I first learned about it. It's kind of my Roman Empire.

[C]

Is it?

[B]

Yeah, a little bit. Are you a big molasses guy yourself?

[A]

I like a molasses cookie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Don't call them a ginger snap. Mm, not the same. And then, I don't know, the last one, I probably.

[B]

Pyramids.

[A]

I was actually thinking about the pyramids. I'd like to go back. I wouldn't want to be there for the whole building of pyramids because I think it probably took a while, but at least I'd like to be in the meeting where they finalize the plans and how they're going to do it.

[B]

Do they know who built those?

[A]

We don't know.

[B]

But remember when you saw the Ten Commandments? We always used to watch that on Easter. That was one that my dad would watch. The Ten Commandments. You remember that movie? And it showed those guys building the pyramids. Is that revisionist?

[A]

We just don't. We just don't know. A lot of people think that the Egyptians just found the pyramids.

[B]

How do the Egyptians feel about that?

[A]

I don't know. I. I don't. I haven't talked to him.

[B]

Well, get them on the horn. That'd be crazy, man. They are big. Yeah, they're pretty geometric.

[A]

And then I would come back and I would just tell everyone I know how they built it, but I wouldn't tell anyone.

[B]

That'd be the most miles move possible. This is the most miles thing to do in that scenario.

[A]

And then what I'd do is I'd write a book about it. And then on my deathbed, I would release it. And then my kids would have a, you know, a plan. They'd have to be set.

[B]

Would you. Would you be proud of your kids for releasing it or would you want them to kind of hold it?

[A]

Well, I would release it because I want to be like. I'd probably go live on Instagram or tick tock and be like, here's my new book. I went. Traveled back. I know how they did it.

[C]

Here we go.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

And then I would pass away, and then my kids would just have to deal with the flurry afterwards.

[B]

Okay. All right. You wouldn't want to be there to answer follow up questions or anything like that? No, it was sit and relish in the fame of knowing about. Yeah.

[A]

I don't do this for the fame, Charlie.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

This for the love of the game.

[B]

Yeah. I respect that about you, Miles.

[A]

Thanks.

[B]

I do. Well, those are some great historical events we brought up there. See? Aren't you glad I asked?

[A]

I am glad you asked. I'm a little disappointed that of everything in the world, you picked the NFL championship.

[B]

I'd also like to go to not

[A]

even the first super bowl.

[B]

I'd also like to go to one of the, like, original circuses because those things were wild back in the day.

[A]

Well, just think about. There was no like, oh, shah, you're

[B]

not going to do oh. Who regulates a circus? It is a workplace, but not like a job site. But you'd have to imagine putting some of those up. You know, who regulates the circus? You ever think about that?

[A]

Not my circus. So it's not my monkey.

[B]

Yeah, not your monkey, not your circus.

[A]

Well, anyways, I have a kid now, Charlie. I just don't need to be worried about who's monitoring the circus.

[B]

Well, that's fine. I wonder how your kid feels about you reading on bedtime stories about molasses every night. You know, you can. You can. Just because you have a kid, Miles, doesn't mean you can't, you know, indulge in a circus every once in a while.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

All right.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Circuses in the United States are primarily regulated by the federal animal welfare act, which is enforced by the U. S. Department of agriculture. Oh, well, there you go.

[A]

See, now you can sleep at night.

[B]

Learn something new every day.

[A]

Someone's keeping an eye on the circuses. Now you can sleep at night, Charlie, so you don't need to champion, you know, keeping circus's face or safe.

[B]

Yeah. Did you have a stroke right there?

[A]

I did. Okay, I smell toast.

[B]

All right, well, we should probably take some callers before.

[A]

Before I crow.

[B]

Before?

[A]

Yeah, I gotta write that book about the pyramids.

[B]

I know.

[A]

All right, let's do it. Hi, Tyler, this is Miles and Charlie from the bellied up podcast.

[C]

Hey, how are you boys?

[B]

We're doing real good, Tyler. Heard you found some in a trunk.

[C]

Oh, boy, do I got a story about this one. Okay, so I just recently moved. No, but.

[B]

All right.

[C]

Could have been one. Honestly, I haven't cleaned it out all the way. I'm kind of scared to now.

[B]

That's my last interruption. Sorry.

[C]

No, you're all good. So I just give you a little context. I just moved and I was, you know, looking for a little daily to drive and My buddy had a car for sale, and, well, we've been fixing it up so I can drive it. Pop the trunk open and. Because we could. There's a really bad smell in there. Well, we didn't really know what it was. Well, we popped the trunk and we found a notebook. In this notebook happened to be the previous owner's entire life. He spent a year in prison. And this notebook was every day he was in there.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Oh, yeah, there was. There was days he was counting down on a calendar. There was love letters, phone numbers, all sorts of stuff on a little bit of blood on paper.

[B]

Okay, what was that entry about?

[C]

I. There was. It was a love letter to his girlfriend. I don't know if that came from him or his cellmate.

[B]

Okay, wow.

[A]

I mean, yeah, just a quick pause here. You're like, you should publish this.

[B]

This is great.

[C]

Honestly, he's got some good material in there. I can use it on my girlfriend.

[B]

Dude, pop it open. Pop it open.

[A]

Do you have it with you right now?

[C]

It's actually down in the car.

[B]

Go down there.

[A]

Go get it.

[C]

It's about an hour drive down there.

[A]

I thought you meant, like, downstairs. Okay, like.

[B]

Okay, listen, we got to do a bellied update. You're going to call back and we're going to get some passages read.

[A]

Do we know what this person's name is? At least their first name?

[C]

His name was Keith.

[A]

Okay, Keith.

[B]

And you know, it's a was.

[C]

Well, his name is Keith because, funny enough, the girl that he was writing to, there's more to this story. Her phone number was in there, and I decided to give it a call.

[A]

Oh, damn, this is cool.

[B]

I am invested.

[C]

And I gave it a call, and I'm not gonna name names on it, but we'll just, for the sake of the story, name her. I don't know, Shauna.

[A]

What a poll.

[C]

I call her and I go, hi, is this Shawn? And she goes, yeah, who is this? I tell her I was like, my name's Tyler. I found a notebook with your name in it. Complete radio static on the line. No response. About 5, 10 seconds. Thought line disconnected. She goes, where did you find the notebook? And I was really concerned because I was like, oh, boy, maybe I shouldn't have this notebook. And I told her I was like, the dude's name is Keith, and he had your number written down. Funnily enough, she is still with him to this day.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[C]

She goes, yeah, that's my boyfriend's notebook. Was it in his old car. And I told him what the car was. And she goes, yep, that's his old notebook.

[A]

I don't know, did he try to get it back or was he just like, yeah, have fun with it?

[C]

I asked, I was like, do you want it back? She's like, no, do whatever you want with it.

[A]

Let's go. Yes, let's do the. We could do a reoccurring segment of the. From the Diary of Keith.

[C]

Yes, from the Diary of Keith. I love that.

[B]

First of all, I love that you called us with this information. That makes me so happy.

[C]

Yeah, I was, I was thinking about it and my buddy that I bought the car from, he listens to the podcast and so do I and I told him, I was like, I'll just throw my hat in the ring, see if they like it. And. Well, I guess you guys like the idea of it.

[B]

Love the idea. So give us. Have you read the whole notebook? Cover to cover?

[C]

Cover to cover.

[A]

I bet you're like a little school girl. Like his feet are kicked up behind

[B]

him, you know, little page turner.

[A]

Did you start getting emotionally invested in this guy's life?

[C]

Oh, yeah, no, me and my buddy, his name's Caleb, that listens to podcast, we're both sitting there and it's, it's about 8, 8, 8:30 at night. So we've got this light shining on the notebook, looking at, like, looking like a bunch of schoolgirls in the corner laughing and giggling at these three to four page long love letters in between. Oh, this is today's date. This is how many days I have left. And this was just last year. His last entry was from November 25th.

[B]

Oh, I thought this was like a 1970s kind of situation. Where was he locked up at?

[C]

Locked up here in, in Utah. I don't know if you know you. How well do you guys know Utah?

[B]

They don't serve beer in those prisons, I hear.

[C]

No, sadly they don't. That's nothing but cold metal and mush.

[A]

Do we know what he was in for? Before we go too far down the rabbit hole here?

[C]

I don't know, I'm kind of scared to dig deeper into it because, you know, one of the podcast episodes from you guys was that missionary down in Mexico with the cartel. And I'm kind of worried he was also part of it because there's quite a few names in there that sound like they might be related to the cartel.

[B]

Oh, he's a Mormon then, huh?

[C]

I, I don't know, but there's a high chance.

[B]

Okay, okay, interesting. Well, let me ask you this now, what's the juiciest thing that you read in there?

[A]

Well, do we want to save it for the diary of Keith or no?

[C]

Yeah, I mean, there's plenty of. Plenty of good things in there, but one of the. One of the more interesting ones. He doesn't know how to spell the word lose.

[B]

Lose. How does he spell it?

[C]

Lose. There were spells at least five different times. He spelled it loose and then L, O, S, S, E, L, O, O, O, E, L, O, E, S, E. Like he out of everything. Fantastic handwriting for this guy, might I add. He can't spell the word lose.

[B]

Maybe it's a code.

[C]

I hope not.

[B]

What was so loose that he was saying it all the time?

[C]

No, they're all love letters. He was writing to Shauna.

[B]

Well, what was.

[A]

Doesn't want to lose her.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

He didn't want to lose her. No, he. He. Fantastic handwriting for a man trapped in prison. I don't know how he even got a pen in there. I didn't know they were allowed to have them.

[B]

Oh, yeah, you can have a pen in prison. Yeah. How do you think they're gonna make the shank so well, give it. Give us some highlights. Give us an overview.

[A]

Yeah, like, if this was a movie trailer, what would the movie trailer. What would it tell us about the story?

[C]

Basically, a man's inability to spell the word lose, trying to fight to keep a relationship together while keeping track of the days left behind the bars.

[A]

Okay, all right. And what are some of the dramatics. Would she. Was she starting to see another guy at all?

[C]

I. From. From how his entries were. I don't think so, because there was one entry where he was really excited because she came to visit him about three months into his sentence.

[B]

Was it conjugal?

[A]

No, those probably. No, those are really hard to get.

[B]

Are they?

[A]

We. On our other podcast, you bet your radio, we have Patreon and we do episodes there. And we have a segment called Prison Pals where one of the. One of the patrons works at a prison, and the warden of the prison approved that he could listen to our Patreon podcast, Will, while he was working with the inmates. And so that guy is now a he. He writes us questions and answers to the prisoners. So essentially we are pen pals.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

Through a podcast with guys in prison in Kansas and we call Prison Pals.

[B]

That's awesome. You're like Johnny Cash, man. Kinda.

[C]

That's awesome.

[B]

The podcasting Johnny Cash that I'm gonna.

[A]

And it's.

[B]

Subscribe to your subscriber subscribe to your Patreon now.

[A]

Yeah, and so we asked about conjugals and they said it's actually really hard to get.

[B]

What do you have to do?

[A]

I don't know. That's a great follow up question, Charlie. You should come on the Patreon podcast.

[B]

I would love to come on and ask about the conjugals, but yeah, it's.

[A]

Oh, it's actually turned into kind of a like, fun thing that like one of the guys is like, he. Because they have to like, basically what were. He's like earning credits for something. What was it? Custody credits or. Basically he's like used, like him talking to us and telling his story on the podcast is like a good thing to help out his life afterwards.

[B]

That's awesome. Well, that's you doing a public service here, Miles.

[C]

Good Samaritan.

[B]

Hell yeah. Well, that's cool. Check it out.

[A]

You betcha.

[B]

Radio, subscribe to the Patreon. So tell me though, so you. You got like. Basically he's in this love, this relationship he's trying to hold together. He's in prison. Any prison fights?

[C]

There's nothing wrote down about it, but there's several pages that have some pretty big blotches that I thought was paint, but it's not pain. All right, Coming up with a new way for red ink. I don't think it's painting.

[A]

Yeah, maybe you just got a paper cut.

[C]

Fingers crossed. Just a little paper cut.

[A]

So it's basically like you. You have the prison in your hands. You are possessing the prison version of the movie the Notebook.

[C]

Basically, by the way, in a nutshell.

[A]

In a nutshell, we would like to buy the rights of this story right here on the podcast. Charlie. Yeah.

[B]

What can we offer you?

[C]

Well, how about this? How about a little bit of a royalty split?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right, Mr. Wonderful.

[D]

Damn.

[B]

Somebody watched Jerry Maguire before.

[A]

Someone's watched Shark Tank.

[C]

I have a lot, a lot of Shark Tank. A lot of Shark Tank is.

[A]

How does it. Well, don't tell us how it ends. How does it start?

[C]

It start. You open up the front cover and the first thing you see, the best part about this, the front cover is a book that says notebook property, his name, the Latter Day Saints below it.

[B]

Yes, dude, the Mormon Prison Chronicles.

[A]

I mean, that's perfect though. Like, if you're like, hey, you find out your boss follows you on Instagram, you start posting about how much you love work. You know, it's like if they. Prison guards find his notebook, they want him to think it's Like a, you know.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Journal about his faith with God.

[B]

There you go. There you go.

[C]

Exactly.

[B]

Smart man.

[C]

You open it up, and the first thing you see is a bunch of names. I'm pretty sure his credit card pins in there.

[D]

Some.

[C]

Some. Some addresses to his old apartment. Some other addresses that I'm kind of. That I'm kind of curious to look up and see where they take me. And then his first love letter.

[A]

Okay, and how does it start?

[C]

Dear Shauna. And I quote from memory. Just the first three words is I'm good to swear on here, right? Because he puts a lot.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Into it. He goes. And I quote I in all caps, fully spelled out, all capitalization, love you, comma, I do not want to miss you or mess up this relationship, comma, I don't want to. L, O, O, S, E, U.

[A]

I love you.

[C]

It's exactly that. Well, these are very punctual.

[B]

These are also unsent love letters if they're in the journal.

[C]

Yeah, I don't think she's even seen them. That's like, this man's dire.

[A]

Okay. But also, dude, you gotta think maybe these are rough drafts, so cut them some slack on the lo lose thing. So he might have some slack on that. He might have wrote it down first in there and then copied it to a letter and sent it to her.

[C]

That's true as a possibility, but he's. Even though he can't spell it, we'll cut him some slack. But there's some good. There's some good references in there that I'm pretty sure if I change up the name a little bit and fix some of the wording and take the prison parts out, I might be able to make my girlfriend happy on Valentine's.

[B]

All right, so he's kind of a

[A]

poet, you're saying he's a poet who

[C]

did some hard time, had a lot of thinking.

[B]

Well, how hard? I mean, it sounds like he was in there a year.

[C]

I. That's when it started. Like, that's when the notebook started. I don't know how long prior.

[B]

Okay. Okay, interesting. So basically, love letters and counting down, prison time and some blood. What other highlights do we have?

[C]

Well, the fact that it said Mormon Latter Day Saints.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, right.

[C]

It is the only thing that was not water damaged in the trunk of the car.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And the cars. The car is kind of. Kind of sketchy. I couldn't tell if it had been broken into in the past or not. But the radio is ripped out, everything's covered in dust, dirt. Pigeon poo. There's hay in the trunk. Like they were using it to move hay bales. Farm. Farm right off. A little bit of a tax exempt on that one, I guess.

[A]

Yeah, I'm sure that's what he's worried about.

[C]

Maybe he was using it to hide the notebook. Who knows?

[A]

Huh.

[B]

And you've read this whole notebook?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Oh, yeah. It's interesting.

[A]

Did it like. A little bit. Did it like start to like, take over your life a little bit. Like you're at work and you're just thinking about getting back to the notebook and reading it?

[C]

Oh, yeah. The next day I was sitting there, I was at work, I'm like, man, I wish I brought that with me. That's some good reading material for lunch.

[A]

Yeah, I bet.

[C]

I was invested in it.

[D]

You'd have a.

[C]

You could have a three gold star novel seller right there.

[B]

Does it get like 50 shades of gray erotic?

[C]

Not. Not quite. He kept it fairly clean. Which, putting this together, I feel like he might have taken the fall for something he might not have done.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Oh, so you're starting to sympathize with them a little bit?

[C]

I am slightly.

[A]

Are you starting to fall for him too?

[C]

Maybe.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

A little late night adventure. Go to the author himself?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, we could probably track him down.

[B]

You already did track him down. He's alive and well, right? How old is this guy?

[C]

I could not tell you. If I had a guess, probably late 20s, early 30s.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

When I called his girlfriend, she didn't. She didn't sound too old, but she didn't sound young either.

[A]

That's good that she wasn't young. That's like. Yeah, that would have been bad. That would have been really bad. You probably wouldn't need to turn that notebook over to someone if it was that case.

[C]

I probably would have,

[A]

yeah. Was it. Was her name on the caller ID or was her mom's name on the caller id? Is very important detail here.

[C]

It was her name on the caller id.

[A]

All right, that's very good.

[B]

Good.

[C]

So that, that was a good sign. But the other. The other numbers in there, they're kind of a. Kind of a scary thought.

[B]

Have you called any of those numbers?

[C]

No, because right next to him is a full blown Hispanic name. If I tried to say it, I'd probably sound like I'm trying to cast a spell or something. I'd butcher the living hell out of it.

[B]

All right, so any details about wrongs done or the crime?

[C]

No confessions. He talks about his court bait and hoping they'll go easy on him.

[A]

That's so funny. But.

[C]

But he doesn't. There's. There's no confessions in there. No 50 shades of gray, but a lot of very well worded, not. Not greatly spelled, but well worded love letters and time management, I guess, is the word.

[A]

Oh, what do you mean by oh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, well, here's. Here's what we'll do. You get your hands on the notebook again, and we'll have you call back in and we'll have you. We'll do a little diary. The Diary of Keith segment on the podcast.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And we'll have you read a journal entry and we'll analyze it like it's poetry.

[C]

I like the sound of that. Because I need to get my hands on this notebook so I can continue to read and get more invested into it. Yeah, it's quite the page turner.

[B]

All right, well, you call back. We'll find a time. And why did the car smell so bad?

[C]

Because the trunk seal was bad. So we could smell water. Like mildew. Moldy hay. Yeah, back there. Yeah, Track it down to that. And led me to the notebook. The Diary of Keith.

[B]

I like it. I like it, man. The Keith book.

[C]

The book of Keith.

[B]

The book of Keith.

[A]

Keith.

[C]

The book of Keith. Yeah, I'll get my hands on it and we can have a little story time.

[B]

That would be wonderful. All right, well, we look forward to it, man.

[C]

Perfect. All right, dude, let you know.

[A]

Hey, we'll talk to you soon.

[C]

All right, Talk to you soon, boys.

[A]

All right, bye, everyone.

[B]

And this is a good reminder to all you guys out there, you know, if you find any love letters or something.

[A]

We. We. I don't know about you, I can't speak for you, but any. Anything juicy we'll. We'll sink our teeth into on this podcast.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Any juicy details of any sort? We'd love to hear them.

[B]

We like a little juice here. Thirsty, thirsty boys. Sorry, didn't mean that. It's probably a weird conversation for our bartender to just pick up that part right there. Sorry about that. Anyways, let's take another caller.

[A]

He never said that once on this podcast before.

[B]

Well, I was looking at a reaction to you talking about juicy stuff, and

[A]

it's kind of weird with thirsty boys.

[B]

Oh, yeah, Thirsty boys. Yeah, it just sounded like he's not, you know, we're part business partners now.

[A]

Anyways, do another caller.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Hey, Miles, I got a question for you.

[A]

Yep, go ahead.

[B]

Have you broken in your brunt boots?

[A]

Yet the thing is, Charlie, is you don't really need to break them in. They. They kind of come already with the feeling of break. Of broken in Ness.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Brokenness.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're not broken. They're broken in.

[B]

The broken in, you've already gotten through. They already, you know, every time you get a new pair of boots, you got to. You got to give it a little bit to feel right on the foot.

[A]

Not these guys, they like.

[B]

I don't know what they did.

[A]

And I got the steel toe, like, comp toe on here too, Chuck.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And my other boots, I can, like, tell that it's got that. That toe on them. You know what I mean?

[B]

Gives you a little sense of security out there.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You start carrying things maybe you shouldn't because you're like, worst case scenario, this isn't going to mess up my big toe.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Or my little toe.

[A]

What I'm saying is my other ones, you can tell that it's got a steel toe on it. These, I forget I got a steel toe on.

[B]

Oh. So sometimes you're even cautious with what you're carrying because you're like, shoot, I don't have a steel toe on these suckers.

[A]

Correct. Yeah.

[B]

That's wild.

[A]

But they're just. They're comfortable steel toe boots, and I like that about them.

[B]

Yeah, I like that too.

[A]

I also like just like, the look of them.

[B]

I go running in them.

[A]

Do you?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In your steel toe boots?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I go.

[A]

Charlie goes running in his steel toe boots. I do.

[B]

I do all my 5Ks in my boots. Yeah. I like the extra steel in the toe because it's like, you know, 5K. I mean, run a full marathon. Right. But if you got that little extra heft, it builds up the quadriceps workout. Yeah.

[A]

So, guys, if you are. If your runners out there, you want to invest in a pair of Brunt workwear boots.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You won't forget the. You know, the. I forget what the name of running shoes are, but one of them. Insert any icloud hookah shoe, whatever. Forget it. Go with Brunt, you can run a mile and then go. You can run to the job site. Yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yep. And Charlie, you know, knowing you, you got to do a lot of running on the job site because you got to keep going back to the truck because you forgot something.

[B]

Yeah, I do have a tendency to forget things. Yes. Yes. And also, anytime I'm doing stuff at my house, it's not just forgetting it. It's, oh, I got to go Back to the hardware store.

[A]

Now you just run there in your Brunt boots. That's exactly that comfortable.

[B]

That's it. I love it.

[A]

So, guys, if you're looking for a new pair of work boots or running boots, depending on who you are, you got to go to bruntworkwear.com use code bellied up. You get 10 bucks off your order.

[D]

10 bucks?

[B]

Heck, yeah.

[A]

All right, folks, we are here with the Midwest lawyer himself, Mr. Russell Nicolette. Welcome back to the podcast, good sir.

[E]

Yeah, thanks for having me. Fun to be here. Good to see you guys again.

[B]

So, Russell, I got a question for you, man. Who's, like, the MJ of lawyers?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Who's the Michael Jordan of lawyers?

[E]

You know, I love to say myself, I think.

[A]

Yeah, let's just. For this sake, we'll just say you're Scotty Pipp.

[B]

Hey, you're right there.

[A]

Well, that.

[E]

That might have a lot of weight with it, but what I would say is, if you're looking, I mean, there's all kinds of different lawyers. There's been some really great lawyers out there. There was a guy, Jerry Spence. He's like a legend.

[B]

What a name.

[E]

Yeah, Jerry Spence. He was pretty much undefeated in, like, he be. He originally was doing what we call, like, some insurance defense work, but then he became like, a criminal defense lawyer and a personal injury lawyer for people that were injured.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

And I don't think he ever lost the case. He lived out in Wyoming and had this, like, a ranch where he taught people skills. And so I'd say he probably it

[B]

mj, he had a ranch where he taught people skills, and he never lost. Did he bring jurors to this ranch

[A]

to teach them skills?

[B]

What's the real story here?

[A]

I. He.

[E]

If you ever, like, if you were able to see him or talk to him, he just had a way. He was just a really good at connecting with people and, like, using analogies. And he did this thing, too, at the end of some of his cases where he would give this story about a bird in his hand, and ultimately whether the bird would live or die was up to the hand, which was them. And, like, he just did it.

[B]

It was.

[E]

There was people that had actually filed motions to not allow him to talk. You know, they would ask the judge, like, hey, to limit it because they felt like he hypnotized or, like, did something charismatic.

[A]

Like, if he wasn't. Yeah, if he wasn't a lawyer, he'd be like a serial killer or, like

[E]

a really smooth politician.

[B]

Is he still around?

[E]

No, he Passed away. Not just not. He was really, I mean, towards the end of his life he was obviously, you know, a lot different, getting really old, but he just recently passed away within the last 12 months.

[B]

You have any of his game tape?

[E]

We could get some of his game tape.

[B]

That'd be cool to see.

[E]

He wrote a couple books too, so

[B]

give the books a shout out. Kind of curious.

[E]

I, I, I, I don't know the name. I have him though. But I can tell you one of the things that was really fun for me is like two years ago I met like one of his, like an apprentice of his.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

And we learned the dark arts of trial.

[B]

The dark arts of trial, which, well, I don't know what that means.

[E]

It's basically convincing someone to have an open mind about what they would. They're going to decide, so, and I don't, you know, one of the things would be, for example, if you are a criminal defense lawyer, which I am not, you're talking to the jury in what we call voir before, when you're picking the jury.

[B]

Right.

[E]

And he's, he's defending someone that potentially murdered someone. Right. So he needs to get the jury to think I, as a juror could murder someone.

[C]

Right.

[E]

So you start talking about self defense. Like, is there, could you leave room open? There is a possibility that there's a situation where each one of you would have to take someone's life. And so there's like the, it's, it's,

[D]

it's a little bit of.

[A]

He's priming the pump early on.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

But he's not starting in the courtroom. He's starting, it's a lot, it leaves

[E]

a lot of psychology. But those lawyers are from, you know, they kind of invented some of the modern trialer. But they're, they're like, you know, geniuses in a way. But they've done a, like I said, MJ type lawyer.

[B]

That's pretty wild. Do they, do they teach you those sort of a lot of those rhetorical skills? Like, is there a college that's studying. Was it Jerry Sage?

[E]

Is that Jerry Spence?

[B]

Jerry Spencer. Jerry Sage son. That's, that's an erotic adult star from the 80s. But this guy have a mustache, but did not. Jerry Spence. I mean, are there like law schools that study his rhetorical style or.

[E]

There might be, but like he had his own Jerry Spence Trialers college where you'd go, you go out and live. I never got to do this. I had the opportunity when I was a young lawyer.

[A]

Wild.

[E]

You go out there for like three weeks. And you live at the ranch and you learn these things. I just, I was able to read some of his books and like I said, I met one of his kind of second in command guys and worked with him and, and actually trained with him for a while, so. But yeah, that's.

[A]

There's a whole underworld of lawyering.

[B]

I was just gonna say, man, you get that?

[A]

It's like, it's like a coaching tree. Like Nick Saban's got his coaching tree, you know?

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

This guy clearly has a coaching tree.

[B]

The whole. Come out to my ranch and I'll show you my, my style.

[A]

Is there a train station by that ranch or. No, there might be.

[E]

There might be time. Like Yellowstone style. Like, like if you decide that you're not going to get the brand or whatever. Yeah, I don't.

[A]

Yeah, you should have had that guy show him his brand.

[E]

Yeah, well, we, I think one of the lawyers that one of the new lawyers at our office has, was at that college. I should ask him if he's got a brand.

[D]

I will.

[B]

You got to dig into that, man. Figure out what it was like. Yeah, I will. I will find out if. What's. What's the underbelly? Any creepy stuff going on? That's a show right there.

[E]

I think it's quite the adventure and experience. So I like some of the things that they teach you. Psychodrama, you might know. Like, I don't know if you've ever dealt with psychodrama, but like putting yourself through. Walking yourself through trauma and other. Putting yourself in other people's viewpoint. Right. Like your client, you know, you've done maybe some of that when you learn like through acting. Yeah, they work on a lot of that. I mean, I've done that stuff. Not with him directly, but I can imagine like being out somewhere doing that stuff for like three, three weeks straight.

[B]

Like, it'd be quite the story. No, that's. I, I took some weird acting classes at one point with and they, they kind of break you down. They break down your, your inner or whatever and then they, A lot of like they just sort of yell at you kind of stuff, you know, like,

[C]

what do you mean?

[B]

They had a hard time breaking me. You know, I was like, I grew up like this. Dude, come on.

[A]

Yeah, you're just like, this is baseline.

[B]

Yeah. You're gonna have to try a lot harder to get me.

[A]

You want to break me down? Just start being nice to me.

[C]

Me.

[A]

Just start complimenting me. That'll make me squirm.

[E]

I think Right. Because if you grew up in the Midwest and you had a Midwest dad, like, you've been yelled at pretty much for everything.

[B]

So, yeah, you grew up knowing that you weren't.

[A]

And I actually think that's the way to make. If you want to make it a Midwesterner uncomfortable. Don't be mean to them. You be like. You give them compliments and they won't know what to do.

[B]

We can't handle that.

[A]

That's true. On this podcast. And I just start squirming if they start complimenting us. Oh, God.

[E]

Like, Miles, if your dad came up to you and said, man, I'm really proud of you.

[A]

Like, well, one. That's like, the only thing I want in life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But also, it's like. It's like accomplishing a dream and then

[E]

mess with your head.

[A]

But then afterwards you're like, oh, I accomplished every dream that I ever set out to do. What do I do now? You know, it's really going to mess with me psychologically.

[B]

Thankfully, Miles, I don't think Bud's going to give you that anytime soon.

[A]

No, no, no, no. Yeah, so. And thank God.

[B]

Thank God, because we got a lot more years of this podcast.

[A]

It's got one of those things. It's like, do I actually want to achieve that dream or not? Because I think it would be pretty weird if he said that to me.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, shout out to Jerry Sage Spence. Jerry Spence. Shout out.

[A]

Not the porn star.

[B]

Sorry, I'm just. I'm thinking of the. The 80s, right.

[A]

Six for six in the NBA Finals.

[C]

Jerry.

[A]

Jerry Spence.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Jerry Sage. Yeah.

[B]

Old Jerry Sage. No, Jerry Spence.

[E]

Okay, I'm gonna get you guys each a copy of one of his books because I think you actually like to read it, even if you're not interested.

[B]

I'd love to read it, dude.

[E]

It's a super interesting story that he has and, like, his life story and then just his thoughts on life now that he's gone. And he's pretty w. He was a wise guy, so, I mean, like, very. I think you'd enjoy it.

[B]

So I'll give you guys copies. Hell yeah, man.

[A]

Now, one last question on that. Do you think he was undefeated because he was a good lawyer or because he was just the best at picking the cases he wanted to do?

[E]

He took on really hard cases from what I understood. And there's some, like, if you. If you Google him, you'll see he took on some public cases, like defending folks. And so I think it was just. He was that Level lawyer man. He was the MJ now.

[B]

Okay. But if you're the MJ of lawyers like that, then the, you know, you got to have. He must have rep some famous criminals.

[A]

He did.

[E]

I mean like I myself don't do criminal defense, but he did do criminal defense.

[B]

What's a famous criminal? He rap.

[E]

I, I can't, you know, I can't think of the top of my head, but he talks about some. And you know, some of the things because he's obviously older than we are. You know, I'm older than you guys too, but so some of the things that would have been more famous and in the news, I would have been like a kid probably.

[B]

Okay. Or maybe I would have been high school alive.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

So not paying attention as much.

[B]

I saw. I see. But he was taken on hard cases.

[C]

That's.

[B]

That's, that's wild. I'd love to read about that. I like what? Hearing about how people get into the human psyche, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Well, cool, man. It's been great.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Thanks for having me. Thanks for asking me about. We get to talk more lawyering out here at the bar, so.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Nothing like it. Nothing. You want to sip in my old fashioned? Yeah.

[E]

Well, I might need that here.

[A]

So where can the folks find you if they end up injured and need some help?

[E]

Yeah, unfortunately you can't find me at a ranch in Wyoming, but you can find [e-mail] or give us a call at 1-855- Nicolette hello there, Mike.

[B]

It's me, Charlie, your buddy on the Bellied up podcast. I'm here with my buddy Miles. You bet you guy. How you doing?

[D]

I'm doing great, Charlie.

[B]

How about you? Doing wonderful. We know that you have put some thought into being the mayor of your town and what you would do.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

All right. Great.

[D]

Great thought.

[A]

Yeah. If you were. So let us know. What would you do if you were the mayor of your town for one day, what would you do?

[D]

So this, this would be it. I would make sure that there would be no bikers in town. Like cyclists that drive me crazy.

[B]

He's an anti bike guy.

[D]

I mean, great exercise, but I mean they take up the road. They. They're not very nice. They wear stuff that's way too tight.

[B]

It's. It's just.

[D]

It's just the whole thing.

[B]

We did a whole video on this concept, actually. One of our underrated videos, I think. What town are you in?

[D]

So we're, We're. We live in Connecticut. It's a. It's A town called Reading. So it's a. It's a small town.

[B]

Okay. And there's. There's probably not any bike lanes there to begin with, are there?

[D]

There's no bike lanes. There's no sidewalks. It's. It's a very hilly community. So, you know, if. If there's, you know, four or five sets of folks, you know, the cars can't go by. It's very dangerous. You don't want to hit anyone. So it's.

[C]

It's.

[D]

It's. It's very complicated.

[B]

Got it. Got. Now, have you suggested this? Is there a big biking community there? Is this just a few spandex folks?

[D]

You know, I think the spandex folks have. Have multiplied, and there's. There's just a ton of them. But I voice this to anyone.

[A]

Has it gotten worse? Did it get worse during COVID

[D]

So we didn't live here before, but we lived in Massachusetts prior. But I actually had a run in. In Massachusetts with a biker while I was running. So I don't know if it just followed me down here or what, but it's just. It's not looking good.

[B]

Wait, you had a run in with a biker while you were running?

[D]

I did. So I was running. You know, if. When I'm running, I don't know, Charlie, I think you're. You're a runner and Miles, I'm sure you. You. You at least Ellipt.

[A]

I was thinking that that is the nicest way to call someone fat.

[D]

You're. You're very handsome.

[A]

It's the nicest way to call someone fat ever. You're in a lip the sizer,

[D]

so. Well, if you're running on the road, right, you want to face the traffic, or at least I do. So I know a car is not going to hit me, but that's the way the bikers go too.

[A]

That's not correct. That's not what they're supposed to be doing.

[B]

No, bikers should go with traffic.

[A]

Correct.

[D]

So I was all bent out of shape. So we're facing each other and he's like, I'm running on the road and not this. The town we were in had sidewalks, and like you, he's like, use the sidewalk. And. And it happened a couple times where he's yelling at me, and he followed me home one time and. And was like, hey, you know, you. You really got to stop using the road to run. You gotta. You gotta run on the sidewalk.

[B]

Did you tell him to share the road with runners?

[D]

You know, I was just like, yeah, you know, Sorry about that. And that was the end of it.

[B]

Oh, so you said sorry to his face and now you're calling the podcast to complain about him?

[D]

Yeah, I guess, you know, that might be the gist of it, but you know, that, that's. That sounds about right.

[A]

What's the podcast? What's the podcast version of a keyboard Warrior? Call in Warrior.

[B]

Yeah, well, we don't. Yeah, we have a call in podcast, so it's not typical. So I don't think there is a phrase. We can make one though, if you want. Miles, that's, that's what I'm trying to. Oh, I thought you were trying to recall an actual phrase. Sorry, I misunderstood. Sorry. I didn't understand what you said.

[C]

Miles.

[B]

Now see how he laughs at me and not with me? Do you see what I'm dealing with here?

[A]

He assumed you were a runner. Dude, just let me have this one.

[D]

All right, we got to give it to Miles. We gotta, we gotta let them have that.

[B]

All right, we'll let him ellipticize about it later. So you got a real hard on for these bikers, huh?

[D]

You know, I, I don't know if I put it that way. I like, I mean, I. I heard that bike riding is cause of impotence, so I, I would think. I, I probably. They probably don't have hard ons, but, you know, I certainly don't.

[B]

Everything you're saying is like you're reporting for a wpr, NPR or whatever.

[A]

You actually are very excellent at talking about people without it sounding bad.

[B]

The most pleasant.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You sound like a mayor right now, to be honest.

[A]

Like, you could do it. You could do a service where it was like you. People pay you to call their boyfriend or girlfriend and just let them down easy.

[B]

Yeah. You know, but still get some shots in there.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Let them know how they feel, but in a nice way.

[B]

You know, if perhaps you ellipticized a little more, we could have avoided this. But so.

[A]

So our time here is, Is come to an. Come to an end.

[B]

How many girls have you broken up with or. Fellas,

[D]

you know, I, I'm married with three kids, so, you know that.

[B]

I did not answer the question.

[D]

My wife.

[B]

That's it.

[D]

It's. It's. That's it.

[B]

You know, high school sweethearts all the way through.

[D]

We actually, we met. We met in Boston, actually. So we, we've been. We've been together for 14 and a half years. Married.

[A]

Okay, hold on, buddy. We're not going past this. Why don't you want to tell us how many girls you broke up with or got broke up with?

[D]

Oh, because I only.

[A]

I only.

[D]

I only. I only had my wife.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, okay. I thought you were doing that as, like, a bit.

[B]

Yeah, well, you can't tell.

[D]

No, no, no, no, no.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

If any of them, you know, I. I would hope they're bikers and they get hit by a car, but I didn't have to do that.

[B]

Oh, all right.

[A]

So you met in college or what?

[D]

We met actually in South Boston. We went to the same school, but different. Different years, so we missed each other in school.

[A]

Okay, got it. So you are high school sweethearts. Got it.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

You know, it's been fun. She doesn't bike, so that's a good thing. She does. She does have a peloton, ironically, that's stationary.

[B]

How does that make you feel when she brought that? Because that's gateway drug right there. Next thing you know, she's gonna be getting a Cannondale.

[C]

So far.

[D]

So far I've avoided that. But what do you think you would

[B]

do if your wife started cycling?

[D]

Oh, boy. I mean, I. Then I'd have to run for mayor and. And pass this. Pass this law, but it's.

[C]

Or.

[D]

Or else, you know.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Do you think that would be grounds for divorce? Is it. Is it till death to us part or two biker shorts do us part?

[D]

You know, maybe. No, no, no, not at all. Not at all.

[A]

Maybe. Wow. She doesn't listen to this more.

[D]

So maybe, like, maybe that would never happen because I had to pass this law and it'd be, you know, it'd be finalized.

[B]

Yeah, right, right. Listen to him dance around those words that came out of his mouth. Okay, well, let me back up a little bit and let you know something. I used to be a bicycle mechanic, okay. I have built myself many a bike, and occasionally I ride those bikes. And some might say I bike often. So you might be talking to a biker now. I'm not wearing tight stuff because I like off. What we.

[A]

We said, hey, we need. For our driver versus biker sketch, we said, we probably want to put the biker in some biker shorts and a tight jersey. Yeah. And you said, I'll bring mine.

[B]

Right. I have them. I don't wear them.

[D]

What do you wear then?

[B]

I. I wear. So let me. Let me defend my honor here. I wear biker shorts because they pad the balls, but I wear a reasonable fitting thing over it because my biker shirts do not have pockets, okay. And I like to have pockets because I have my wallet there and my keys, okay? So I'm not out there in the biker shorts. Don't worry, Miles. But, but, but the jerseys I'm also not a huge fan of because they are just kind of annoying. What they are good at though, is bright colors. But usually I don't, I don't wear it because I just, it's at my office and I'm not very organized, but I don't. Usually when I'm biking also, I'm biking through the woods occasionally, mostly on a path. But I do get what you're saying about like the biking on the roads, because I've done that before and it's. As a biker, it's kind of terrifying. I would go with my buddy who loved doing it, and, and this, this was out in the hills in Los Angeles when I lived out there after school. And it's terrifying. I was like, every time, I was like, matt, this is a bad idea. We like, what, go 40 miles down row on these little skinny ass tires and then there are cars whizzing by and they're not happy. You know, it's, it's only a matter of time. So what, what if you were mayor? What if you made bike lanes?

[D]

I don't think so.

[A]

You know, sounds like the taxes are going to go way up.

[C]

Way up.

[B]

Well, what if the bikers paid for them?

[D]

I, I still have to say no. I mean, you know that. I just don't. I think they get like a certain charge out of it. Like let's, let's make sure the cars can't pass and, you know, make them mad. I think. I just think they're out, they're out to get people and, and we got to stop this. Well, their own safety.

[A]

What are, what's your hobby? What do you like to do for, for fun or exercise or whatever? Because, you know, you're over there on your high horse. I imagine you, you must be pretty fit talking shit about my elliptical.

[B]

You pissed us both off in this conversation.

[D]

I, I apologize. No, not, not my intent. I, so I, I just, I walk. I, I walk. We have two dogs. We walk the dogs. And it's a, it's a hilly area. So, you know, I still see the, the bikers out there and you know, they, you know, they like, they terrorize the dogs now. So it's, it's gone from, from bad to worse.

[B]

How do dogs, you know, I think

[D]

they just get a little bit closer and the dog's a little scared of the wheels and you know, they're, they. It's just, it's, it's not good.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Sure would be a shame if, you know, you were walking by and you had a walking stick and it slipped out of your hands and ended up in their spokes.

[D]

You know, it's crossed my mind, but I figured let's take the. Let's take a more, you know, prudent approach and let's just pass some laws.

[B]

The legislative.

[D]

Exactly.

[B]

What about the big bike lobby? How are you going to fight those guys who don't like to see regulation on the roads? They're anti regulation, those bike lobby people.

[D]

Well, I haven't fought that far ahead. You know, that's. That's a fair point. We cross that bridge when we get there, I think.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right. And did all of this start when you and that biker had that little tiff. Do you kind of wish you told him to go f himself with his bike seat instead of just saying sorry?

[D]

I kind of did. You know, I kind of did wish that I did that. And I think you're right, Charlie. I think that's. That was.

[B]

That's.

[D]

This is what started it all. I mean, why, why. Why can't we just share the road? Why not?

[B]

Well, also, let's.

[D]

We.

[B]

Why can't we. That's what the bikers are asking. Why can't we just share the road? And I think I'm also. You said you're from Boston.

[D]

I'm from Massachusetts originally, so I'm from Central Mass.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Lived in Boston for a while.

[B]

Okay. I thought people from Boston would say a little bit more than thank you. You know, I thought you guys were Mass holes. No, no.

[D]

You know, I think. I think that's. That's somehow. Some people think that way, but, you know, I be. Be kind.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

And so.

[B]

Okay. He likes to be kind. Miles, does he seem kind on this call?

[A]

He does, actually. He insulted us very kindly.

[B]

I mean, it's the nicest way I've ever been kind insulted.

[A]

You have a true talent that way, by the way.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

So what do you. What. What are the. The bikers in your town supposed to do? You know, if they. If they can't be on the road, you don't want them there. Where the. Where are they supposed to do their business?

[D]

So I think part of what we do is we say if you do want to bike, right, you need to make sure that you bike between the hours of 4am and 7am first of all.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, kind of like. Like at a. At a pool, they have adult swim where all the kids got to get out of the Pool. Kind of like.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

A cyclist hour around town.

[D]

Why not?

[B]

You know, Is it no cars then?

[D]

I think fewer cars and then, you know, it most likely, you know, they can have like little, little light up vests and stuff. Like, like red vests that they, that they take as they, as they turn the corners and, you know, probably less. Fewer cars out there. So I think it's. It's a win. Win.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

I don't hate that, actually.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It's just like, hey, if you're gonna bike, do it in the nighttime when no one can see you, you know? Exactly. Yeah. Why not?

[B]

What about the guys who are biking the work because they got a Dewey and.

[A]

Yeah, what about. Those guys are riding the huffy to work? Yeah.

[D]

You know, I think around here it's. They're more. They're probably. It's very hilly around here, so I think they're. They're trying to get a burn. I don't think that that situation crops up.

[B]

So I guarantee you someone.

[A]

So you're saying that there's no Dewey's going on in your town?

[D]

I mean, I don't think so. I would hope not. You know, if you're. You gotta, you gotta do. You're driving around on a bike, you know, that's even worse.

[A]

Well, we're not saying that they're drunk while they're riding the bike. We're saying that they're trying to get to work so they can pay for their Dewey fine.

[D]

I mean, it would probably be a haul. But I, I do think that

[C]

I,

[D]

I think I. I think. Sorry. I think it's, you know, get there, get to work early and, you know, maybe stay late and, and that's how you.

[A]

That's how you do it.

[B]

You want to get to work at 4am and leave at 6am I think so.

[D]

I think, you know, an honest day's work, you know,

[B]

it's okay. All right. Hey, you know what? Every. Every tiff starts with a tiff. And then it. You get. You guys start putting some pen to paper on this. So you, you get out there and you write that legislation and you send it into us and we'll. We'll run it through our legal team chat gbt. Okay. See what kind of eyes need to be crossed. T's need to be. Yeah, teed and, you know, we'll go from there. How does that sound?

[D]

That sounds good to me.

[B]

Have you ever ridden a bike?

[D]

You know, when I was a kid, I did have a huffy, but yeah,

[B]

dude, did you did.

[A]

You have a little habit, Charlie. I can tell you didn't want to let him go before you let him have it.

[B]

I just want to know, get into it. You rode a Huffy when you're a kid. What happened on that bike? Someone hurt you?

[D]

You know, so actually, when I was, I was in the neighborhood, and we were, we were riding two. We were on a corner. My friend's dad was, Was pulling around the side. He's like, what the hell are you doing? You're in. You're in the middle of the road. You're going to get hit by a car. I think last time I touched the

[B]

bike, that was it.

[A]

Childhood drama.

[B]

A little childhood trauma, I think. Hurt people. Hurt people. And now you're letting the fear that your buddy's dad instilled in you guide your life. And, and instead of understanding that, that your candle had been snuffed out by your friend's father and saying, maybe I can reignite my light, you want to snuff out everyone else's light. And maybe that's what's wrong with the world today.

[D]

I mean, that, that, that got very like 3D chess for me. But, but that was. I like it that you might have. You might. You're onto something.

[B]

So this is what I want you to do. I want you to go to the bike store.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You got a good job?

[D]

Well, I, I certainly would take a bike to the bike store, but I, I, I suppose I would drive.

[B]

Okay. Will you drive to the bike store and ask if you can just test ride a bike?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Have them fit you up for one and say, can I just test ride this?

[A]

And I promise you'll be able to do it, because it's just like riding a.

[B]

Exactly. You get back on that thing, you might see some, Some little memories creep up. A little bit of pain, a little bit of sadness. But keep riding through that. Find yourself a hill. Push through that sadness on that hill.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

See how, See how you feel on your way down that hill.

[A]

Put yourself in their biker shorts. Bike them.

[D]

I'm not sure I'm buying it.

[A]

Yeah, no, just test drive. You don't have to buy the bike.

[B]

Yeah, we didn't say buy it.

[D]

Yeah, I, I don't know. I might need some training wheels or

[A]

something, you know, just like riding a bike. I promise you can do it.

[D]

I just. I don't know if I'd enjoy it.

[B]

Well, you're scared.

[A]

You're scared. Hey, it's okay. We're here.

[B]

I'm scared, too, about some Things sometimes

[D]

I'm a little spooked, you know, But I could try it. But I still. I still think, you know, if I. You know, I hate to be that person. Let's say this does work out, right? And. And I go to the bike store, get this new bike, and, you know, I really like it. Now I'm the. In the middle of the road, Someone's gonna hit me, you know, I think I'm so cool because I've got my tight biker shorts on. I just.

[B]

I don't know.

[D]

I don't.

[B]

I don't. I see. I don't like those tight biker shorts, though. Don't you? All that running you've been doing might look good in some biker shorts.

[D]

It could, you know, could. But then what do I do with the dogs? You know, I was supposed to. They need their walks and stuff like that, so.

[B]

Doesn't mean there's not enough hours in the day for both of them. Do your kids have bikes?

[D]

They don't. Because. Because of my stance on bikes.

[A]

This is crazy, by the way. I thought you were doing a bit. This is. I'm sorry, but this is getting to be a lot.

[B]

Miles, we are making progress, so.

[A]

Because the bad man's. No, not here anymore, dude. Just so your. Your buddy's dad.

[B]

What's his name?

[D]

My friend's name or the dad's friend's dad's name? His name is Rich.

[B]

Rich. Go ahead.

[A]

So, because Rich, when you were a kid, just told you to bike on the sidewalk because you were, like, 8 and actually could get hit by a car because you don't know what you're doing in the middle of the road. You vowed to never ride a bike again. You now have a vendetta against bikers your whole life, and now you're robbing your children from the enjoyment of the open road on a set of two wheels, all because of the bad man. Rich,

[D]

don't forget the guy in. In town that.

[A]

Oh, yeah, how could I forget him? Yeah. So you add him into the mix. That's how we are where we are today.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah, I think. And then just if you. You take up so much of the road, I think it's just. It's just that I bet the other guy who, like, yelled at me. I bet his name is Rich, too. Come to think of it,

[B]

we learn

[A]

a lot about society on this podcast.

[B]

I think we do, Miles. I think we do.

[A]

I think that a lot of today's problem could be solved from just letting go of the. Of the. Of the Riches in our life.

[B]

Dicks.

[A]

Gotta let go of the dicks in your life.

[B]

You gotta do it. Yup.

[D]

Gotta do it.

[B]

I know somewhere deep down inside you, you want to put a. A bike jersey on, maybe some shorts. You might do it when no one's home, look in the mirror and do a little spin.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You might go on your wife's peloton when she's not looking.

[A]

She's like, just to see how it feels.

[B]

Just to see how it feels. The saddle.

[A]

Just to feel the saddle underneath your

[B]

saddle, underneath your loins. And you might wonder, you might even turn on one of the video on that peloton and say, ride the hills today. You might look at that screen and visions of your childhood may creep back in. Let them creep. Let them explode in your imagination. And if Rich comes in, say, hey, Dick, I'm holding mine right now. And by me holding it, I mean the saddle. I'm in the saddle of life, you know?

[A]

Don't force Dick out. Just force the dick in.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

Oh. Oh, my.

[D]

As described. I probably won't do this, but

[A]

we didn't describe that. That's what you're gonna do. We know you've already done this. We know you have.

[B]

And your secret's okay with us. It's safe with us.

[A]

We're not gonna tell anybody.

[B]

No. So we think we know what you got to do, and we think you know what you got to do too. Go to that bike store. You can wear your shorts under your slacks. No one will know.

[C]

It's.

[D]

You know, maybe.

[B]

Maybe it's okay to cry. It's okay to cry.

[D]

Just give me a minute.

[B]

Strong men cry.

[D]

That's right.

[A]

It's.

[D]

That's right. It's. It's just a. It's. Maybe. Maybe what we need to do is have some. Like, Maybe just pass some laws and, like, just. Just do things.

[A]

Dude, I think you need to see a therapist about Rich. I seriously think. You know, I. I like to think that a lot of problems can be solved yourself. I think you just gotta go see professional help about Rich.

[D]

It could be wretched. You never know. And that's. That's where we gotta. Progress starts somewhere, right?

[B]

It does. It does. And that's all we ask, is you just keep an open mind. So listen, go home to your wife, go home to your kids and tell them. Tell them you love them. But when you say you love them, know what you're really saying is we might be getting bikes. Your wife wants it. You know she does. She brought one into your Home. Mm. And I got news for you. There's a bike locked up outside the CVS in town. You're wondering, why is that bike always there? That ladies bike, 54 centimeter frame. You ask your wife about that bike sometime. See her pupils get wide, then you call us back.

[D]

All right, it sounds like a plan.

[B]

We'll.

[D]

We'll do. I'll keep you posted.

[A]

All right, well, thanks for calling in, dude.

[D]

This has been great.

[A]

Watch out for bikers. And tell Rich we says hi.

[B]

I will.

[D]

I will. Yes. Well, thanks, guys, for. For having me. And I hope. I hope you have a great week.

[B]

All right, clip into those pedals, pal. We'll talk soon. Ah.

[A]

What were you getting at with the last thing about the cvs? You're saying this wife keeps the bike at cvs so she doesn't know about it?

[B]

She's stepping out on him. Pedaling out on him. She's pedaling out on you, buddy. We know it. You know it. It's okay to just let it ride.

[A]

I totally thought he was doing a bit the whole time, and then I realized that, oh, this might be. This might be real.

[B]

Yeah, I think. I think he's gotta get on a bike before he ends up with a biker in his trunk. I do my film.

[A]

Well, Chuck Miles, is that another good episode of the Bellied up podcast?

[B]

Yeah, it's been great. Good to hang with you here. Get on over to Hoogan's, folks. Fargo, North Dakota. West Fargo, actually. And West Fargo. I was born and raised at Hooligans. I spend most of my day. Don't forget to tip your bartender.

[A]

We'll see in the next one.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Hope you guys have a good one. Goodbye, now.