Catholic Guilt and Mormon Myths #161

Summary

Bellied Up Podcast Summary
Episode: Catholic Guilt and Mormon Myths #161
Hosts: You Betcha Guy (Myles) & Charlie Berens
Release Date: July 24, 2025
Location: Sluggers Bar, Wrigleyville, Chicago

---

1. Introduction to the Episode

The latest episode of the Bellied Up podcast kicks off with hosts Charlie Berens and You Betcha Guy (Myles) finding themselves at Sluggers Bar in Wrigleyville, Chicago. The lively atmosphere sets the stage for an engaging and humorous exploration of religious dynamics and personal dilemmas.

Charlie:
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the Bellied up podcast starts anew. Miles is cracking a beer. I am here. We are here, Sluggers Bar, ladies and gentlemen, in Wrigleyville, Chicago, behind enemy lines."
(00:00)

2. Setting the Scene at Sluggers Bar

Charlie and Miles engage in light-hearted banter about the challenges and perks of urban life, such as parking in Milwaukee versus the vibrant yet crowded streets of Chicago. Their camaraderie is evident as they discuss local landmarks and the unique features of Sluggers Bar, including a batting cage.

Miles:
"Sluggers is cool because they just don't make bars like this anymore. You'll never see it."
(01:28)

3. Video Sharing and Laughter

The hosts share a humorous wildlife video sent by Jared, sparking laughter and playful teasing. They discuss the antics of a camouflaged bird watcher, leading to jokes about eccentric hobbyists.

Charlie:
"Oh, carnated. Was he again. Oh, that's a big one. That's a bass minnow proving me wrong. It's going down tail first. That's not good. That was extraordinary. This guy's my hero."
(04:21)

4. First Caller: Dallin's Animal Problems and Mormon-Hippie Lifestyle

The episode takes a turn as Dallin calls in with a troubling story about his chickens dying at an alarming rate and his neighbor's dog being killed by his twin boys. Dallin reveals his frustrations with living a "cage-free" lifestyle in Arizona and the challenges of marrying a hippie Mormon wife.

Dallin:
"I got chickens dropping left and right. We're losing chickens at a rate of like 4 per month. I only got enough to last me through July."
(12:38)

The conversation delves into the difficulties of managing livestock, dealing with wildlife like coyotes and scorpions, and the strain it places on his relationship and community interactions.

Charlie:
"The hard part is having to look them in the eyes every day and know they got a couple cold blooded killers in my house."
(23:53)

5. Discussion on Catholicism and Mormonism

As the hosts navigate Dallin's predicament, they transition into a broader discussion about Catholic guilt and misconceptions about the Mormon faith. Topics such as "soaking"—a rumored Mormon practice—are humorously dissected, highlighting the myths and realities of interfaith beliefs.

Charlie:
"We want to dispel myths here. We're Mythbusters, you know, so soaking not really a huge thing in the Mormon community. Okay."
(50:27)

The dialogue is peppered with jokes and insightful reflections on how religious beliefs shape personal relationships and societal perceptions.

6. Second Caller: Emily's Catholic Guilt and Interfaith Relationship

Emily, another caller, shares her struggle with maintaining her Catholic faith while being in a relationship with a non-Catholic, spiritually inclined boyfriend. She expresses concern over her Polish grandmother's expectations and the pressure to conform to religious norms.

Emily:
"I have this, you know, a kind of serious boyfriend and he's great, but unfortunately he's not Catholic."
(53:28)

The hosts offer comedic yet sincere advice on navigating familial pressures, honesty in relationships, and balancing personal beliefs with love.

Miles:
"I think you gotta be upfront with your boyfriend. Be like, we, if we do get married, we can't get married till after grandma's gone."
(55:36)

7. Wrap-Up and Light-Hearted Moments

The episode concludes with the hosts reflecting on the conversations, sharing more laughs, and taking audience questions. They maintain their trademark humor while addressing serious topics, ensuring the content remains relatable and entertaining.

Charlie:
"We are not responsible. Stream of consciousness. Just because it comes out of the mouth doesn't mean it's in my soul."
(76:17)

Miles:
"After all that, he still wants to come see your show."
(51:02)

Notable Quotes

• Charlie on Chickens and Kids:
  "The hardest part about that is having to look them in the eyes every day and know they got a couple cold blooded killers in my house."
  (23:53)

• Dallin on His Marital Struggles:
  "I married a hippie... when does it stop?"
  (20:10)

• Emily on Grandmother's Expectations:
  "I've been lying to her every week."
  (53:59)

• Charlie on Religious Myths:
  "We're Mythbusters, you know, so soaking not really a huge thing in the Mormon community."
  (50:27)

Conclusions and Insights

In this episode, Charlie and Miles adeptly blend humor with genuine discussions about religious beliefs, personal relationships, and community challenges. Through engaging storytelling and lively interactions with callers, they shed light on the complexities of interfaith dynamics and the pervasive nature of Catholic guilt. The hosts successfully create an inviting space where listeners can laugh, relate, and reflect on their own experiences.

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Transcript

[Charlie]

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the Bellied up podcast starts anew. Miles is cracking a beer. I am here. We are here, Sluggers Bar, ladies and gentlemen, in Wrigleyville, Chicago, behind enemy lines.

[Miles]

For me, I can see the famous Wrigley Field sign from here, right from where I'm sitting, Charlie. Wow.

[Charlie]

Yes, you can. Yes, you can. It's really great bar. And it does pain me to admit that being a Chicago institution, but you know, Miles, Chicago, it's. It's. It's a fun city. It's a fun town. You know, they got a lot of great things here. They've got, you know, it's beautiful people, nice restaurants, Michelin star nightclubs, the whole deal. The whole nine, you know, bunch of professional teams. But in Milwaukee, we. We got a lot of parking, Miles, so, you know, you can't. You got to take the good with the bad.

[Miles]

It is one thing being in Fargo that you do take for granted is how easy it is to park in. In a town that's of 150,000 people.

[Charlie]

I know, I know. And the buildings, I feel like they got McDonald's taller than your tallest building.

[Miles]

That is probably true. That is very true, Charlie.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

But you're having a good time in Chicago.

[Charlie]

I think we're having a good time.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Sluggers is cool because they just don't make bars like this anymore. You'll never see it.

[Charlie]

They got a whole batting cage back.

[Miles]

There, which we might have to get some cuts in. Oh, that's one thing. Like, sports wise, I feel like I can hold my own and be good enough. In most sports, I cannot put the bat on the ball.

[Charlie]

Really? You weren't much of a baseball player growing up.

[Miles]

I would pitch okay, you know, okay. But as soon as I got in the batter's box, I just. There's a disconnect between the barrel, the bat, and the ball.

[Charlie]

Well, that's gonna be a problem. Were you your big whiffer then? You were. You were big and wiffer ball.

[Miles]

Yeah, a lot of. A lot of, like, ground out to the shortstop.

[Charlie]

Okay, well, you. You make contact then.

[Miles]

Just never could put it on the. Never could hit a clean liner.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You know, no line drives.

[Charlie]

I get that.

[Miles]

Think about hitting a dinger.

[Charlie]

I was pretty good at baseball myself until one time I got hit in the jaw with a ball, and then I got a little scared, and I think that I got the yips. Is that what you call the yips?

[Miles]

Yeah. I was decent at baseball until the ball started curving. As soon as the Ball looked like it was going someplace and then went another. I was like, I can't. I can't do this.

[Charlie]

This is where. This is where I'm out. This is where I'm gonna go play quarterback. Were you a good pitcher or just an adequate pitcher?

[Miles]

That was pretty good.

[Charlie]

You look like an intimidating pitcher for.

[Miles]

Like, a middle school. Like, you know, I could just throw it harder than other kids.

[Charlie]

Do you have a beard in middle school?

[Miles]

Probably eighth grade. I could probably grow.

[Charlie]

Really?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Nice.

[Miles]

But I started getting facial hair. For sure did.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yeah. I did the old chin strap at one point.

[Charlie]

Really?

[Miles]

Life.

[Charlie]

Wow. I want to pull up some pictures of that.

[Miles]

It's a tough look. But, Charlie, I actually found a video that I. Last night while I was laying in my. So when you travel with a kid, because I got my kid with. He goes to bed at 8:30, and when you're all in the same hotel room, that means you also are in bed at 8:30. So I spent about two hours scrolling on my phone.

[Charlie]

That's good for your sleep.

[Miles]

Yep. And I found a video that I think you're really gonna like.

[Charlie]

Okay.

[Miles]

And Jared's gonna show it to you here.

[Charlie]

Okay. Okay. Look at this. This is a home. All right. Oh.

[Miles]

So swipe me in a haystack and a stick.

[Charlie]

Wow. Oh, wow. That is wonderful. Oh, what's he gonna get? Shoot, let's see it. Oh, yeah, Absolutely. Irritation back. Yeah, that blues. Oh, my gosh. Get it, get it.

[Dallin]

You get it.

[Charlie]

One more time. Damn, the persistence. Yes. Oh, carnated. Was he again. Oh, that's a big one. That's a bass minnow proving me wrong. It's going down tail first. That's not good. That was extraordinary. This guy's my hero.

[Miles]

You heard?

[Charlie]

That is amazing.

[Miles]

So there's a guy, camouflage ghillie suit style, in a haystack next to a pond. And then he must have stuck a stick in the middle of the pond, and he was bird watching and just making an erotic experience. And I figured that's probably what you're like.

[Charlie]

I mean, I'm. You call an erotic experience. And I was wondering if you could see underneath this bar we had here. But I'm glad you thought that as well, because, man, oh, man, oh, man, that was cool.

[Miles]

And for those that are listening, did not see the guy at the end when he said that was extraordinary. He, like, bit his lip.

[Charlie]

Oh, did he sexual, like. Huh.

[Miles]

It was. It's weird.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Those. Those birds were getting him. Getting him. You know, I was seeing some extra Straw growing.

[Miles]

He also, he. He said, oh, he's gonna, he's gonna go head first. And then he says he's proven me wrong. Going tail first. That's not gonna.

[Charlie]

I wonder why that is. Well, yeah, because had you got more control, you know what's funny is the.

[Miles]

Camera guy also had to be in a haystack as well. Across the pond.

[Charlie]

Or a long lens. I don't know, maybe a long lens. Great work on that.

[Miles]

Do people do that in the bird watching community? They just cover themselves in hay next to a pond and watch birds fish?

[Charlie]

I mean, that's intense. They do it in the hunting community. You know, they. That's like a duck hunting thing. You get covered up in something.

[Miles]

No, I understand that, but that's because they're trying to kill the birds.

[Charlie]

True, but I mean, same concept. Get as close as possible. Be part of them. It's amazing what birds do when nobody's watching, you know, like imagine yourself when nobody's watching. It's a completely different experience than when people are around. Like, there was this one time I put a camera in, in your office and what you do in there when nobody's looking. Miles.

[Miles]

Picking my nose, you know, I mean.

[Charlie]

Yeah, we'll start with that. No, it's pretty cool. Yeah, people do that. There's also this guy that came up with this cool invention where he's got a face mask on. He's got like three hummingbird feeders on the face mask, so he gets to just sit really still. You see that one?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

It's pretty sweet. I might make that for my dad at some point. He's not going to like it and then I'll get to use it. So that's the trick. If you want to. If you want something but you want to. Don't want to justify the time it takes you to make it. Make it for someone else, make sure they don't like it and then you can use it.

[Miles]

How far away are you from being the guy in full camo, in a haystack, jerking it?

[Charlie]

And I'm not. Miles, Miles, Miles, Miles. Come on now.

[Miles]

How close?

[Charlie]

Come on now. I'm not gonna be, I'm not gonna be, you know, participating in any self fornication when birds are involved. All right? I respect them too much.

[Miles]

That's probably true.

[Charlie]

Those are, those.

[Miles]

Are you just taking mental photos for later?

[Charlie]

Sure, yeah. I'll put some in the bank. Those are, those are modern day dinosaurs. They deserve respect. Okay, so we got another good episode.

[Miles]

We do got another good episode. Sluggers.

[Charlie]

Sluggers. And tonight we're doing our first ever alive bellied up. Nervous?

[Miles]

Are you nervous?

[Charlie]

I'm a little nervous about what you're gonna do. But.

[Miles]

Why? Like what? What? Why?

[Charlie]

No, I think it'll be fun. It's, it's gonn than like a stand up show. Because stand up show, you know, you're banking on, you're banking on knowing what you're doing here. It's more of like an improv thing, you know, it's A lot will depend on the energy of the audience. So what we're going to want to do off the top is just facilitate that as much as possible. Good thing I'm not going to try a bunch of new material right off the top. So we'll see if that even hits.

[Miles]

Yes. You're going to do.

[Charlie]

If it bombs. I'll just do stuff that works. But yeah, I'm testing some new material out.

[Miles]

You didn't answer my question. You said you were worried about what I'm gonna do and what do you mean by that? What do you think I'm going to?

[Charlie]

Well, Miles, when we were sitting here preparing to do it, you were talking about possibly doing the wave crowd surfing.

[Miles]

I didn't say I would crowd surf. I said if the vibe is right, I would think about crowd surfing. Okay, well, we're just gonna 140 person show. Hey, it can be done.

[Charlie]

It can be done. But they're not standing there sitting. So chances are you're gon, you're.

[Miles]

I said if the vibe is right. If we get. If everyone's standing, then I will.

[Charlie]

We should. I honestly, I. The more we talk about that, the more interested I am in that situation.

[Miles]

Do you like the idea that this is not a standup show but it's also not really a podcast? That it's kind of just going to be whatever it is and that anything could happen.

[Charlie]

Anything could happen. Anything.

[Miles]

I think that that's what happened. You know you're. What gets you excited is birds when you're sitting in a haystack. I think the idea that anything could happen at this show. Yeah, it's got me going a little bit.

[Charlie]

You go, you know what? Whatever gets you going, Miles. Whatever.

[Miles]

What is the weirdest thing that's ever happened to you at a show?

[Charlie]

I, I did actually in this city have someone come up and show the whole crowd their ass. Yeah, they were showing off a tattoo on their ass.

[Miles]

That happened to me at a business conference.

[Charlie]

Really?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Why did they show you your ass?

[Miles]

Well, I, I I don't know how we got onto it, but the co workers are telling me they were shouting out, this one guy's got an ass tattoo.

[Charlie]

Oh, same deal?

[Miles]

Yeah, but he got it on a first date with a girl. They got matching ass tattoos. And I remember what the actual name, it was a. It was a drawing of a cat, and there was a name on it, let's just say, like, you know, sarah and. But the girl you want to date with's name wasn't Sarah, so it was just a random name that they got on there.

[Charlie]

That's wild. Are they still together? I'm sure you asked. No. Did it last? How many dates?

[Miles]

I don't know if it lasted two dates or not.

[Charlie]

Did he have multiple tattoos or was this his first tattoo? I think it was his first, man. Alcohol involved?

[Miles]

I had probably.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

He was in Wisconsin, so.

[Charlie]

Oh, really?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Alcohol was involved? Yeah. That's a very Wisconsin story right there.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Well, cool. Well, we'll see. We'll see if anyone in the audience has Aztecs. We won't know until we know, you know or no.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Well, should we start off taking some callers here, see what the folks have to say?

[Miles]

Let's do it.

[Charlie]

All right, Dallin, it's me, Charlie, and this is Miles, and we're calling you, man. You're belly up to the bar with us. You're on the Bellied up podcast.

[Dallin]

Well, swell. Good to talk to you fellas. How are y'?

[Charlie]

All? Super swell.

[Miles]

Good. I think you're the first Dallin I've ever met.

[Dallin]

There's not a lot of us. Where does.

[Charlie]

Where does the name Dallin come from, Dallin?

[Dallin]

Oh, it's Irish.

[Charlie]

Oh, Are we pronouncing it right, Dallin, or is it Dallin?

[Dallin]

You got it. Yeah, yeah. It's like Alan with a D. No, I like that.

[Miles]

It's like a cross between Dylan and Alan.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Dallin.

[Charlie]

Dallin.

[Dallin]

I'll tell you, I answer phones all day for work, and the typical thing that I get is, hey, thanks for calling. This is Dallin. And they go, hey, Dallas. So listen, I got this. I go, yeah. I don't correct them, you know.

[Miles]

Yeah. It's not worth it at that point.

[Charlie]

No.

[Miles]

Well, well, Dallin, I heard that you are having some trouble with some animals over there.

[Charlie]

You got animal problems? I feel bad for you, son. You got 99 problems.

[Dallin]

But I tell you what, it's making me weary.

[Miles]

What?

[Dallin]

I don't know how much more I can take.

[Charlie]

What? What's going on, Dallin?

[Dallin]

I got chickens dropping left and right. We're losing chickens at a rate of like 4 per month. I only got enough to last me through July.

[Charlie]

Oh, my. What's going. Is it the bird flu? Could be coyotes.

[Dallin]

Well, we do have a lot of coyotes. I live out in the desert in Arizona.

[Charlie]

Well, there's your problem.

[Miles]

That's what happens when you go cage free, Charlie. Yeah, I'll tell you that.

[Dallin]

It's electrolyte imbalance. It's. I don't know. I don't know. There's a lot to it. It's beyond that. My kids killed my neighbor's dog, which is really strained relationships.

[Charlie]

Yeah, Dylan, let's. Let's dig into that.

[Miles]

We're talking blunt force trauma. We talking strangling. You know, we talking with a BB gun.

[Charlie]

Arsen. What happened?

[Dallin]

So we get a note the other day. We. So my wife's pregnant. We had told a couple of the neighbors, and she finds a note on the door the other day and she thinks that somebody saying, congratulations or here's some cookies or something. Not even close. Not even close. It's just the neighbor saying, hey, your kids threw some toys over the fence. My dog ate it and died.

[Miles]

Oh, well, whose fault is that?

[Charlie]

That's gonna happen? You know, my.

[Miles]

My brother's dog eats pacifiers.

[Charlie]

Oh, you told me that. Yeah, he's a nookie dog.

[Miles]

Yeah. At. At some point. How many surgeries are you gonna give this dog to get the pacifiers out?

[Charlie]

You know, what toy did it? Was it a Lego?

[Dallin]

Well, I'll tell you what, he goes, you know, I. I go over to chat with him and I'm just as apologetic as possible. He goes, yeah, yeah, we went to the vet and she's dying. She's almost dead, and she threw something up. It was like a gingerbread man looking toy. Do you know if you guys had one of those? And I was like, no. Yeah. I don't know. But I mean, I knew exactly what he was talking about.

[Charlie]

A gingerbread man looking toy.

[Dallin]

Yeah, Some kind of action figure or.

[Miles]

Something like Stretch Armstrong or what?

[Dallin]

I don't know. But I knew exactly which one he was talking about. My kids definitely might do that on the fence.

[Charlie]

Oh, man, that sucks. That sucks.

[Miles]

Kids are just launching toy landmines for the neighbor's dog over the fence.

[Dallin]

He throws them back is the thing the neighbor does. So the kids think it's a game. I think, how old?

[Miles]

That's his fault then. Yeah.

[Charlie]

13, 14.

[Dallin]

I have. Yeah, no, I have twin boys and they're two years old.

[Charlie]

Oh, well, terrible twos, man. Two year olds and dogs, they never go well. You know, my nephew, he was pulling the dog's tail and the dog, you know, fought back and we had to get rid of them. And I miss my nephew. But, you know, it's. It's how it goes. That's a bummer. So what'd you do? How do you make that up to your neighbor? Because he knows that it's your kid, you know, and, you know, what do you even do? Do you bring them, like a six pack? What solves a dead dog situation after consuming a toy gingerbread?

[Dallin]

I brought him a dozen eggs. Is that all I can do?

[Charlie]

And that's a lot, considering your chicken problem right now.

[Miles]

I'll buy him a new dog.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Damn. That's it. You showed up with a dozen eggs. You killed the guy's dog. Your spawn killed the guy's dog, and you showed up with a dozen eggs.

[Dallin]

Showed up with a dozen eggs and a heavy heart. I didn't know what else I could do.

[Miles]

Okay, so you got dogs dying, chickens dying. You got anything else dying?

[Dallin]

Well, yeah, rodents. When you have chickens, you got rodents. So we got traps and poison out plenty of rodents because they love the chicken food.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah. Rats.

[Dallin]

Yeah. Mice.

[Charlie]

Charlotte going, well, I'm gonna be honest.

[Dallin]

I've never heard of a vole. I don't think we have those here.

[Charlie]

Where were you from?

[Dallin]

Arizona.

[Charlie]

Oh, that's right. Jared's listening.

[Miles]

Yeah, yeah, he said that. Got any scorpions down there?

[Dallin]

All the time, dude.

[Miles]

You ever go scorpion hunting?

[Dallin]

My parents bought a house that had been vacant for a year. Must have been on a nest or something. They moved in. They found 100 in the first month.

[Charlie]

Oh, damn. How would you sleep with that? Because those things, I mean, it's right, like they. They get you. You. You gotta. What's the protocol? Do they have like an EpiPen for. Do they have a squirpy pen or something there?

[Dallin]

It's as far as I'm aware. They can't really do anything. I'll tell you, though, my buddy, he does construction. Big, burly, 250 pound guy, six foot, something, you know, he goes, I was at work and got stung on the hand. He goes, I was down for 24 hours. I had to go home. Just miserable hand, throbbing, you know, radiating up and down. They tell you to take some Benadryl. That's like all that.

[Miles]

Well, you're actually supposed to just pee on it right away to make sure that it doesn't get worse, right?

[Charlie]

That's a jellyfish, Miles. Oh, it's a jellyfish.

[Miles]

Has he tried it?

[Charlie]

You pee on yourself for every ailment, dude. And it's awkward for the rest of us. Stubbed your toe the other day.

[Miles]

It does take the sting out of mosquito bites. I've tried it.

[Charlie]

I just think you like the feeling at this point.

[Dallin]

Well, maybe some merit to that. Next time I get stung, I will try it.

[Miles]

Okay?

[Charlie]

Have you been stung? Have you been stung?

[Dallin]

Yeah, a couple times. It's. I don't think they got me as good as they got my friend, but it's. When I got stung, it was kind of like a bee. Pretty similar to that, but his must have been a baby scorpion or. I don't know what got him, but damn. Or maybe he's allergic.

[Charlie]

Yeah, well, they must not. I always was under the impression that if a scorpion stings you, you're a goner. You know, like, remember that one James Bond movie where it starts with him on the beach and he's got a scorpion that he's fighting on his hand? Or did I just hallucinate that? Do you guys remember that one?

[Miles]

Not a big. I'm not. I'm not well adverse in the Bond universe.

[Charlie]

Someone out there knows what I'm talking about. Anyways, I was under the impression that these were more venomous than. But perhaps that's like a South American one or something.

[Dallin]

Maybe. Yeah, the ones we've got here. If you're really old or really young, I think is the risk.

[Charlie]

Okay, all right, well, we'll learn something new every day.

[Miles]

So did you call us to wonder what you should do about your chickens?

[Dallin]

I just got to get this all off my chest.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Dallin]

So much going on. The real problem is that I married a hippie. You know what I mean?

[Charlie]

Oh, let's get into it. Okay, let's get into it.

[Miles]

What's it like marrying a hippie?

[Dallin]

Well, you don't know at first. Is the thing you think you're setting out for a normal life. And then she's like, I gotta make sourdough. We're gonna make a lot of sourdough. I say, okay. And she goes, and why don't we have chickens? We need chickens. Say, okay. And she says, and like a hundred kids. I go, oh my gosh, what are we doing? And we're gonna start having the kids at home. Like, yeah.

[Charlie]

Oh my.

[Dallin]

When does it stop?

[Charlie]

Did you do a bathtub birth?

[Dallin]

I think we will here in December. The next kid.

[Miles]

Well, you Might have two kids, you've already got twins, and I think you can just keep going down the line.

[Dallin]

Oh, please. I don't know if you could take it.

[Charlie]

So what else? I cut you off.

[Miles]

There she is. What kind of hippie we talking? Like, no deodorant, armpit hair, a lot of tie dye. You guys go to the reggae festival? Like, what kind of hippie are we talking here? You guys do your honeymoon in Jamaica. You guys are wearing drug rugs in the winter.

[Charlie]

Does she have dreadlocks? Let's start there. Let's start from the head and work our way down.

[Miles]

You know, does she wear. Does she wear shoes?

[Dallin]

You know, she is barefoot quite a bit.

[Charlie]

Okay, I said start from the head down. Dreadlocks.

[Dallin]

No, we're talking, like, anti government, anti establishment hippie.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

No vaccines in this house.

[Miles]

That's so kind of like. She's kind of like Jenny on Forrest Gump, then. A little bit like that. Sure.

[Dallin]

Minus the being a negligent mother part.

[Miles]

Yeah. Well, let's say. Does that make you force Gump. Spoiler alert, by the way.

[Charlie]

Man, oh, man. So you guys got the measles yet or.

[Dallin]

We'll see. I heard there was an outbreak in Texas. I think we're saying, are you guys.

[Miles]

Your kids got to be covered in essential oils by now.

[Dallin]

We love the lavender. Oh, oh, the deep blue guy.

[Miles]

Is she a Crystals type of hippie? Hippie.

[Charlie]

Of course she is, dude. She's got them resting in the sun right now.

[Dallin]

No, we're way too Christian for that.

[Miles]

Okay. What a rare thing. Wow. So, yeah, you guys are, like, nearing cult territory.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You know.

[Charlie]

Yeah. What's the Kool Aid tastes like over there?

[Miles]

You know, it's like hippies alone. Not a cult. Christians, not a cult. But when you combine the two, it gets very culty behavior.

[Charlie]

Yeah. You know, Christian hippies. Yeah.

[Dallin]

Christian to the edge of the bit. Yeah. What's.

[Charlie]

Okay, what's the best part? So you've given us, you know, some of the doubt. What's the best part about, you know, being married to a hippie?

[Dallin]

The best part about being married to a hippie? Well, I brought up the sourdough. She makes a lot of great bread.

[Charlie]

That's good.

[Dallin]

She's into. She's into the home cooking. Lots of great sourdough loaves. The chickens are nice. The chickens are fun. The kids like them a lot. They take a lot of abuse from the kids. I have half a mind that think that half the chickens are dying because of the abuse they suffer. At the hands of my children.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I'm starting to think that now, too, since they murdered the dog.

[Dallin]

The hardest part about that is having to look them in the eyes every day and know they got a couple cold blooded killers in my house.

[Miles]

Well, I don't.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I don't want to put this on you, but we're near. How often do your kids wet the bed?

[Dallin]

Well, they're in diapers still, Miles.

[Miles]

Okay. So we don't know. Jury's still out, but we're nearing the homicide. We're nearing the homicidal triad. Cruelty to animals, wetting the bed, and being obsessed with lighting things on fire. Do they like fire?

[Dallin]

No, no, they don't care for fire.

[Miles]

Okay, all right.

[Charlie]

Yet, yet. Are they in cloth diapers?

[Dallin]

No, no, fortunately. Oh, my word.

[Miles]

Are they going to be breastfed until they're 10?

[Dallin]

It's likely, yeah.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah.

[Charlie]

We had someone like that in our family, and at the. We were younger and someone was calling the kid nums because that's what he would say to his mom when he wanted some. But he was, like, standing to the faucet. It was. Yeah.

[Dallin]

So, you know, we're a little bit more discreet. I. But that's. That's an interesting vibe.

[Miles]

Yeah. The kid had to sit down on a chair in order. In order to reach the nipple. You know, she's like, all right, all right. Bend down so you can have some food. Yeah, this might be too long. I don't know.

[Charlie]

Old num nums. Hey, I got a question for you. Were you a hippie before meeting your wife?

[Dallin]

Goodness, no. No. And I'm not fully converted. I just.

[Miles]

Yeah. So you still believe in McDonald's and cruelty? Full testing and stuff like that, you know, you're. You're against free trade.

[Dallin]

So what? Yeah, McDonald's not 10 minutes ago.

[Miles]

There we go.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Are you sneaking your kids off to the doctor when she's not looking? Like, give them the tetanus shot. And we got. We got a lot of rusty shit around the chicken coop. Give him the technique, honey.

[Miles]

I'll take the kids to school. And he slaps deodorant on them before they leave. They're like, you can't be the sticky at school.

[Dallin]

I love you so much. Put this on, please. I care about your social standing.

[Miles]

Yeah. You guys have bamboo towels?

[Dallin]

Oh, man. That doesn't seem like it would dry you very well. I don't even know what that means.

[Miles]

Yeah, I don't either.

[Charlie]

What's the hippiest? So are you, like, did she become hippie when you got married or.

[Miles]

Yeah. How did she cloak and dagger you on the hippies thing? What was she like before you got married? And maybe you're the problem.

[Dallin]

That's a fair assessment. No, she kind of was. Yeah. No, she got it all from her mom, who. Who, growing up, told them, I think, that all the food in the gas station was poisonous when.

[Charlie]

That's true.

[Dallin]

Anything with red. Well, yeah, but I'm delicious. Poison. Anything with red food dye.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, that's true.

[Miles]

Well, I mean, Yellow five, The. The yellow fire shrinks your wieners.

[Charlie]

So we all know that.

[Miles]

We all knew that. So let's just say I've drank a lot of Mountain Dew in my.

[Dallin]

No.

[Charlie]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Miles]

So she, like, was the starting factor, and then your wife is just taking it to another level, you know?

[Dallin]

Yeah, yeah. And I just. I didn't. I didn't know what I was getting into, you know, And. And it's like. It's like poisoning by degrees, you know, it's just like little by little. Have you heard the analogy? It's like if you put a frog in a boiling pot of water, he'll jump out immediately. You put a frog in a room temperature pot of water and slowly turn up the temperature, he doesn't know when to jump out. Yeah, that's kind of what I'm. You know, I look around at my life now. I go, holy smokes. Like, it's creeping up on me all around. I can't stop it. I don't know what to do about it.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's like how they used to hunt gazelles. They wouldn't chase them down and try and shoot them. They would put a board out in the middle, put some food there, the gazelle would go eat and then walk away. And the next day they put another board, and then they keep coming back for food and they add a board every time until finally the gazelle just walked right into the trap. And they pulled the thing and caught the. Caught the gazelle.

[Charlie]

Just bait them. It's like what the robots are doing with us right now. Guys.

[Dallin]

We, you know, the other week, we're getting new chickens all, all the time. Our replacement rate has to be equal, you know, to our loss rate. You get some new chickens. Are you familiar with chicken sexing?

[Charlie]

It sounds illegal in most states, but. Go on.

[Dallin]

That's. No, no, no, no, no. You misunderstood chicken sexing.

[Charlie]

Yep. Go on.

[Dallin]

It's really hard to tell if a chick is a rooster or a hen. And so they make their best guess and sell them to you as hens. But half of them end up being roosters. Anyway, so the other day, I'm having this dream, the craziest dream I've ever had, where my wife.

[Miles]

That's because he went to. He went to bed. You know, all the, like, incense and weed they did before bed.

[Charlie]

Gave some of her morel mushrooms.

[Miles]

Yes.

[Charlie]

Wait, tell us about this dream. Now, are you about to tell me that you were banging a rooster in your dream?

[Dallin]

No, no, no, no, no. You're muddling up my word.

[Charlie]

All right, sorry. I'll let you talk.

[Dallin]

No, I have a. I have a dream that my wife is crowing at me like a rooster. It's like five in the morning, and I wake up, it's not my wife at all. She's asleep. It's one of the chickens is a rooster, we're finding out right now, and is crawling his head off. And, I mean, I got neighbors. I don't want to hear him, you know, so. So it's in my best interest to put a stop to this immediately. So I'm running around the backyard in my underwear trying to grab the chicken. Rooster, I now know, stumble across a snake while doing that. So it's just. It's just mayhem. The rooster does not want to be caught. I'm chasing them all over the place. My wife is trying to deal with the snake. She's up at this point as well.

[Charlie]

Is this still the dream?

[Dallin]

No, no, no. This is all happening for real now.

[Charlie]

Because the snake sounds very phallic.

[Miles]

Also, nice job saying that you dream about your wife. Yeah, that's good save after calling her a hippie.

[Charlie]

Her wife is crawling like a rooster.

[Miles]

So you guys had chicken for dinner that night, or.

[Dallin]

No, we sent him to a farm.

[Miles]

Is that what you told your kids?

[Charlie]

Just throw them over the fence to the.

[Dallin]

To the dog who'll eat anything.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Well, not anymore. Rest in peace.

[Miles]

He's gone. That dog doesn't exist.

[Dallin]

Yeah, he's gone. The chicken goes in the laundry room, put the snake in a pillowcase, and take him out to the desert. At present, the situation is under control, but we got more chicks that might end up being.

[Miles]

So you got chickens in the laundry room? I don't know. I don't understand how you live. I. I can't wrap my head around what's going on. It sounds like you're in a suburban neighborhood, but it also sounds like you're in the middle of nowhere. I'm, you know, do you live in a tent or do you live in a house? Do you, you know, are you a hippie or are you not? I'm very confused. Is your name Dylan or is it Alan? I'm so confused. What's going on right now?

[Charlie]

Do you live in a community or a commune for short?

[Dallin]

It's my life, boys. You just get to hear about it a lot.

[Charlie]

You do live in a commune. How many wives do you have?

[Dallin]

I can barely handle the one.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Kidding me. Yeah.

[Dallin]

There's no wisdom in that at all. No, no, no.

[Charlie]

Okay.

[Miles]

So do you guys work? What do you guys do for a living?

[Dallin]

I'm a. I'm a pool man by trade, so I service pool.

[Miles]

You could have given me a hundred thousand guesses on what he did for a living, and I would have never have gotten pool man. I don't even know what a pool man is.

[Charlie]

I. Are you. Are you a pool man or a pool boy?

[Dallin]

I'm a man.

[Charlie]

I know you're a man, but when you show up to work, are you.

[Miles]

A pool boy or a pool man?

[Dallin]

Where's the pool? In a Speedo for a tip.

[Charlie]

Will ya?

[Dallin]

Sure.

[Charlie]

All right.

[Miles]

So what does a pool man do? Like, you clean pools. You install pools?

[Dallin]

Yeah, yeah, we service and maintain, repairs and upgrades, stuff like that. About a third of the houses in Phoenix have a concrete pool. There's tons and tons of work.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Are you putting them in?

[Dallin]

No, no. We don't do the construction side. We do all the maintenance that's required thereafter.

[Charlie]

Does your wife ever say, so what kind of clients do you have?

[Dallin]

She's left to wonder. Sometimes I think I'm pretty transparent, though.

[Charlie]

About what?

[Dallin]

Lady one time asked if she could take my picture.

[Charlie]

Really?

[Dallin]

She said, so I can show my friends. I said, show your friends what? She said, I'll give you $10. And I said, okay.

[Charlie]

Nice, nice. Hey, those roosters aren't gonna pay for themselves, tell you what.

[Miles]

So you gotta be a pretty jack guy. Like I don't imagine. You got a body like a bag of milk and the lady's wanting to take a photo of you.

[Dallin]

That's fair to say. I was a younger man then. It was a couple years ago.

[Miles]

Okay? That was your prime. Before you got. That was when he was a pool boy. Now he's a pool man.

[Charlie]

He became a pool man when the dog ate the gingerbread man. That's when the pool boy turned into a pool man. He went to work a little bit more haggard that day.

[Miles]

So what does your wife do?

[Dallin]

My wife she does hair and.

[Miles]

You know, just a different kind of crazy, Charlie.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Not your classic key your car and smoke a cigarette and, you know, start a cat fight with another woman. But still you're just a different type of crazy.

[Charlie]

The number of hairdressers we get that write into this podcast. Upset with miles depiction of them, actually. Yeah.

[Miles]

Actually, yeah.

[Charlie]

You have pissed off an entire class of women. And there are also male hairdressers. How's your wife a hairdresser? There's a lot of chemicals in that business. What's she putting in the hair to make it stick?

[Dallin]

I think she. There's some cognitive dissonance there probably. She just kind of ignores that for the sake of the job and then goes, you know, back to normal as soon as she's off the clock. I think paranormal, I guess.

[Charlie]

Are psychedelics a part of your life?

[Dallin]

No.

[Charlie]

Marijuana?

[Dallin]

No.

[Charlie]

That's where the Christian takes over. You're getting the worst parts of the hippie movement. You are getting the no vaccine 20 ticket kids. You guys are going to be sick with chickens, you know. Oh my gosh.

[Dallin]

Should rethink that.

[Charlie]

Yeah, now we're gonna get all the anti vaxxers hitting me up. What.

[Miles]

What kind of Christians are you guys?

[Dallin]

Strong ones.

[Miles]

Oh, they don't have a denomination. This is just the hippie version.

[Charlie]

You guys are non denominars. You. You gotta. What's. What church do you go to?

[Dallin]

Twist and shout.

[Charlie]

No.

[Dallin]

Church of Jesus Christ over here.

[Charlie]

Oh, Latter Day Saints.

[Dallin]

You got it, man.

[Charlie]

Oh, okay.

[Miles]

That is.

[Charlie]

What's. What's the best part of being a. What are those again? That's open, not Opus Day. That's Catholic. What. What do you call the Latter Day Saints? What. What's the name of that?

[Dallin]

Well, we're commonly known as Mormons.

[Charlie]

Oh, you're a Mormon. That's Mormons.

[Dallin]

Oh, yeah.

[Miles]

Do you realize Mormons were Christians? Is that really dumb of me?

[Charlie]

Mormons? Yeah.

[Miles]

Thought about it.

[Charlie]

What's the difference? So you believe Jesus, like, lives in Utah or Joseph's. What? Joseph.

[Dallin]

Grandma lives in Utah.

[Charlie]

Oh, is Joseph Smith like Jesus's what, cousin? What's going on?

[Dallin]

Oh, no, we think Joseph Smith was a prophet, you know, like Paul.

[Charlie]

Like Paul?

[Dallin]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Oh, are you talking Paul? Are you talking Saul?

[Dallin]

Saul was bad, right?

[Miles]

It's the same guy.

[Charlie]

Same dude. Same dude. Just. And then he got blinded and he was like, I'm Paul now. And they're like, no, you just can't read, dude. You're still Saul. Okay, so Joseph Smith, where was he from again, New York. He's from New York. All right, so he's a prophet from New York. No big ego on that guy. And so he started the Mormon deal and then the Latter Day Saints. Oh, I get it. So it's like not a former Day Saint, but later on. So Joseph Smith said. No, I'm serious. Do you like caffeinated beverages?

[Dallin]

I'm drinking Dr. Pepper right now.

[Charlie]

Okay, so just. But they can only be cold. No coffee. That better not be a warm Dr.

[Dallin]

P. Yeah, yeah, we don't drink coffee.

[Charlie]

Yeah, okay, but it's weird. What about iced coffee?

[Dallin]

I've never had nice coffee.

[Charlie]

So. But, but you can only have. Wait, no, I have more follow up questions. You can. The rule is you can drink caffeine if it's cold, right?

[Dallin]

Yeah, I mean, there's like some health guidelines that we choose to follow that includes not drinking coffee or tea, but it doesn't exclude caffeine altogether. I should say so.

[Charlie]

But coffee and tea are. Have some health benefits. Soda, I don't know. Soda does not. Trying to poke holes in the situation here. I'm just looking for clarification.

[Dallin]

What I know is what I told you, man. I don't.

[Miles]

Yeah, he's just a messenger.

[Charlie]

He's just enjoying a nice Dr. Pepper on a warm day. He called in to relax. Nice to get.

[Dallin]

Yeah, guys, so. Oh my God.

[Miles]

Is there, you know, what's it like right now in the Mormon community? Because I feel like Mormons have been kind of taking it on the chin lately. There's like the whole documentary about the Mormon family vloggers that ended up in jail and all of that. Yeah. What's the, what's the, the temperature in the room for the Mormons right now?

[Dallin]

It's hot in my house, but it's 111 degrees outside in general, though. Oh, you mean like, how's the, how's the vibe at church? Is that what you're saying?

[Charlie]

Yeah, I mean, Miles and I are both Catholic, so we had a rough go in the early 2000s. You know, is it kind of like that?

[Dallin]

Right? Yeah, but I mean, when individual members of a religion I think are screwing up, it's a little bit easier to overlook it or go, well, you know.

[Miles]

Yeah, I mean, where there's smoke, there's fire though, so.

[Charlie]

Well, Miles, you don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater and that'll come in handy for you come December.

[Dallin]

Well said, my friend. Well said.

[Charlie]

Who's more, did you grow up Mormon or is this Again, kind of. Oh, you did? Okay.

[Dallin]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Okay. Your wife also Mormon?

[Dallin]

Yeah, we met at church, actually.

[Charlie]

Oh, there you go.

[Miles]

I mean, you guys give me the vibe that you're like the chill Mormons. You're not like the insane Mormons, you know, Accurate.

[Dallin]

Yeah. I mean, what does an insane Mormon look like to you? Or what do they do?

[Miles]

Your family shunning you if you don't marry another Mormon?

[Dallin]

Yeah, that probably wouldn't happen if I'd married somebody that wasn't. We probably still be invited to dinner and stuff.

[Miles]

But no Christmas presents if you guys have Christmas.

[Dallin]

Oh, we're big into Christmas.

[Charlie]

Yeah. They are Christian. Are they? You guys, right? You said you're Christian?

[Dallin]

Yeah, it's the Church of Jesus Christ.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah. And. And Joseph Smith.

[Miles]

So do you guys believe Jesus was a prophet or do you believe he was God?

[Dallin]

God. God, yeah, we believe he's God.

[Miles]

Okay, what's God? So what's the difference between Catholics and Mormons in terms of what they believe?

[Charlie]

I give it to you. I give it to you.

[Dallin]

I'd love to hear this. Go.

[Charlie]

All right. So you guys have seen Star wars, right?

[Miles]

Oh, yeah.

[Charlie]

So if you look exactly where I.

[Dallin]

Hope you were going.

[Miles]

Yeah, Mormons are Sith. And we're. And we're Jedi.

[Charlie]

No, it's kind of like they're sequels. So, you know, Judaism, Christianity or Catholicism? Judaism. Catholicism. So you're saying Judaism or the Mormonism? They're all like different prophets that come after. Like, they all have the same story baseline, you know, like in. In Islam, they. They believe that Jesus exists, you know, but then there was another proph. After. So you guys are saying there's another prophet that came after all that, right? Is that. That's my understanding. Pretty crude understanding. Probably pissed off, like, five different groups of people.

[Miles]

You definitely oversimplified it.

[Charlie]

Over a billion people. One sentence pissed off a billion people. I don't know. I'm trying to figure out an analogy.

[Miles]

It's like, what are the Mormons believe that Catholics don't believe or vice versa?

[Charlie]

Well, Joey Smith, man, he.

[Miles]

You know, I mean, I don't know if. I don't know if Catholics would be like, yeah, Joey Smith never existed.

[Charlie]

Well, no, he. Was he around? Do we have birth certificate of New York?

[Miles]

He's got to have a birth certificate.

[Dallin]

Questioning his existence?

[Charlie]

No, I'm not questioning his existence. That was Miles. I'm just saying, let's see the proof.

[Miles]

Can I get an answer on what's the difference? Like, obviously there's differences, but what's, like, the main difference?

[Dallin]

I don't know if it's possible to explain it better than Charlie did, truthfully.

[Miles]

Because, like, the only difference. Not the only, but the major difference between Lutherans and Catholics is the. Is the Pope and how they view, you know, Communion. That's about, you know, there's not much difference.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[Miles]

Confession, I suppose.

[Charlie]

Catholics, I think, were. They were the first Christians, right, Peter?

[Miles]

Depends on who you ask. If you ask them. Catholic, they were the first. Yeah.

[Charlie]

Oh, really? See, I thought that it was just.

[Miles]

No, it's.

[Charlie]

Yeah, that's disputed, too.

[Miles]

They say it's the first church that was started by Jesus himself.

[Charlie]

Right?

[Dallin]

That's right.

[Charlie]

Oh, so Mormons believe that, too?

[Dallin]

Well, we believe that. You say that.

[Charlie]

We believe that. Catholics say that. We don't know. We don't know. I think we're all in same church. Different pew.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

Or different church, same pew.

[Dallin]

We're out here having a good time.

[Charlie]

We're all in the back pew of whatever church we're in. We are clearly not listening very hard.

[Miles]

So. Last question I got for you, because my. I just. The Mormon Church is fascinating to me, you know, in. If you're a Catholic, you know, there's hardcore Catholics, and then there's Catholic light. Correct, Charlie?

[Charlie]

Yeah, you know, like, Catholic, genuine draft.

[Miles]

Yeah. It's like, there's Catholics that get to pick and choose which rules they follow, but they're still Catholic.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

What are. Is it like that in the Mormon Church? And, you know, what are the. What are the main rules in the Mormon Church that people are like. Yeah, I'm not following that.

[Dallin]

Yeah, so. So I'd say the main ones, the ones that you guys brought up already, like, kind of the code of health that we. That we choose to follow. No coffee, no tea, no tobacco, no alcohol. You can imagine. You know, there's a lot of folks who will attend church and. And. But. But aren't super into that, if that makes sense.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Yep.

[Dallin]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

What about Selkin?

[Dallin]

Oh, my gosh, Charlie, please. No, dude.

[Charlie]

Well, I heard it's a thing. Dude, is it not a thing? Just ask.

[Miles]

Are you a super soaker?

[Dallin]

I don't know anybody personally, but yeah.

[Miles]

That'S what they used to call him in college with super soaker.

[Dallin]

Sorry.

[Charlie]

Oh, man.

[Miles]

So you don't know anyone that's into soaking? I suppose if everyone's, you know, is married, then they don't have to soak anymore. Right.

[Dallin]

That's fair. Yeah.

[Miles]

Is it? Guy was like, do you Ever just like soak for. For like old times sake, even though you can do the real thing.

[Dallin]

Oh my gosh.

[Charlie]

Sorry. Is this offensive, by the way, or like, like cuz it's not like if someone were like. Like talk about confession, Charlie. Is that the same kind of question as talking about soaking? Is soaking like an actual thing that happens or is that just something that people say?

[Dallin]

I don't know anybody who has. I imagine it's not something that you talk about a lot.

[Charlie]

No. Okay, all right, so I'm just. I'm being an ignorant asshole is basically what's happening here.

[Dallin]

No, Charlie, you're on a quest for knowledge.

[Charlie]

Yeah, thank you. Appreciate that. Appreciate that very generous revisionist history of the question I asked, but I'm getting the sense it was a little bit rude. So I'll back up the truck, I'll back up the track. All right. Miles, did I. What was your question? Did we get it?

[Miles]

Yeah, it was mostly about soaking.

[Charlie]

Okay. Water bath.

[Miles]

All of the. All of the questions that I had previous were all just trying to lead up to me wondering about soaking and how prominent it is in the community.

[Charlie]

Where does that come from?

[Miles]

You know, as a Catholic, I am a little jealous we don't have our own thing like that.

[Charlie]

We got our things. We got our things. We bury the money in the graveyards. Okay. So no one can access it. You do the math on that. You do the math. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We are not. Anyways. Oh, it's good to piss off every major religion in this conversation.

[Miles]

Every religion.

[Dallin]

In a matter of minutes you have half the globe.

[Charlie]

Yeah, that's all right. You know, what can you do? Anyways, I'll go to confession. I'll get it all taken off the tab.

[Miles]

Well, we appreciate you calling in today and tell your hippie Mormon wife we says hi.

[Charlie]

Yeah, you know, I will go to.

[Dallin]

Boys are in Arizona. We'll come dinner. Come on over.

[Charlie]

Yeah, that'd be fun. We'll have chicken.

[Miles]

We'll bring the dog.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Dallin]

Charlie, do you do shows in Arizona? I've looked. I don't. I don't reckon I've ever seen. You have a date over here.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I'm. I'm out there every now. Once every two years, I get out there to the Phoenix area. How far away are you from Phoenix? Scottsdale. That kind of area.

[Dallin]

Okay, well, yeah, next time you are, we'll come see you for sure.

[Charlie]

All right. Hell yeah, I'll look forward to it.

[Miles]

After all that, he still wants to come see your show. Let's go.

[Charlie]

That's pretty. That's pretty nice. See? See, we're just trying to understand each other better. All right, well, good chit chatting with you.

[Dallin]

Hey, you guys, too. Have a great day.

[Charlie]

See you down. Bye. Bye. Oh, shit. Miles. Well, we did this before, right? How many angry Mormons called us up after the last time we talked to a Mormon? Zero. Yeah.

[Miles]

They're not allowed online, aren't they?

[Charlie]

No, Those are freaking Amish, Miles, God damn it. Which is a good point. We haven't made fun of the Amish yet.

[Miles]

Well, in a while.

[Charlie]

That's true. That's true.

[Miles]

Remember, we did a whole episode.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah.

[Miles]

Well, we were in when we were behind Enemy lies in Amish territory.

[Charlie]

Oh, that's right.

[Miles]

Yeah, that's right. One guy called in and kept saying, you know, you know, oh, you got a couple of Amish. Yeah, but see, that's the thing about the Bellied up podcast. We don't care what, you know, what.

[Charlie]

Race, gender, creed, chicken.

[Miles]

Talk to them all.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Whoever you are, you're welcome here. Okay, we're just gonna ask about soaking, but whoever you are.

[Miles]

Well, we're gonna cut to the real topics people are interested in.

[Charlie]

Right. We want, you know, we're trying to dispel myths here. We're Mythbusters, you know, so soaking not really a huge thing in the Mormon community. Okay.

[Miles]

For our small sample size, you know.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

If we were actually mythbustered, we'd need to. Needs much more data.

[Charlie]

Yeah. But I do hear that the BYU bunk beds are reinforced with. Never mind. Anyways, this is rocking harder than a BYU bunk bed. I'm gonna say that tonight, man. This place is rocking harder than a BYU bunk bed.

[Miles]

That's good.

[Charlie]

That's a good one. I'll put that in the hat that.

[Miles]

You'Re gonna have no shows in Utah.

[Charlie]

I know. I got one coming up, I think. Do I? I've done one in Salt Lake City before. They like the Mormon jokes. Actually, we all know we're just playing, man. We're just figuring it out together, you know?

[Miles]

But even if not, you know, no one cares. No one cares.

[Charlie]

No one trusts us with anything anyway.

[Miles]

I just don't think we have a huge Mormon listening follower. If you're Mormon out there, let us know. I'd like to know how prominent we are in the Mormon community. Should we take another caller?

[Charlie]

Book a Mormon. Book a Mormon. Are you.

[Miles]

Are you just saying Mormon things now?

[Charlie]

I gotta read the Book of Mormon to find out more about the religion?

[Miles]

All right, guys. It's summer, it's road trip season.

[Charlie]

We're driving.

[Miles]

Driving down the road, it's two lane road in the woods and all of a sudden watch out for the deer. What do we do now? We've been injured.

[Charlie]

We call Nicolay 1855 Nicolay.

[Miles]

And if you are traveling this summer and you find yourself in a unfavorable situation where you may have been injured, give Nicolay a law call. They are going to help screw the insurance company. And, and Mr. Russell will say, hey, hold my beer, let me get after these insurance companies.

[Charlie]

Hmb.

[Miles]

So guys, give Nicolay Law a call. You can find them nicolay law.com. give them a call. You can hit them up even on Instagram.

[Charlie]

I believe not. Instacart.

[Miles]

Yeah, that's not going to work Instagram. So guys, give Nicolay Law a call.

[Charlie]

Emily.

[Emily]

Hi.

[Charlie]

Yes, hi, it's me, Charlie here at the Bellied up podcast. I'm here with my buddy Miles. Do you have time to talk to us or no?

[Emily]

Yeah, I've got plenty of time.

[Charlie]

All right, Emily, good deal.

[Miles]

Why, why do, why do you have so much time on your hands?

[Charlie]

Yeah, what's going on? It's a Tuesday.

[Emily]

Oh, it's my weekend. It's my weekend.

[Charlie]

Hell yeah. You bartender? No, hairdresser.

[Emily]

I work with. I work in a tourist town.

[Charlie]

What town?

[Emily]

I'm out in Utah.

[Charlie]

Oh, are you Mormon?

[Emily]

No, I'm not. I was raised Catholic and that's kind of what my problem's about.

[Charlie]

Oh, well, belly on up to the bar. You got two Catholics right here. Yeah, we're at the bar. As most Catholics are so amazing.

[Emily]

Yeah. So my Midwest moral dilemma is that, you know, I was raised Catholic and my grandma is my busha. My Polish grandma is also super Catholic and you know, she calls me once a week and always ask me if I've gone to church. But recently I lied to her every week.

[Charlie]

Okay, don't lie to me.

[Emily]

No, I. Yeah, and that's. Yeah. So I have this, you know, kind of serious boyfriend and he's great, but unfortunately he's not Catholic. Is he Mormon and he's not. He's not. He's just, you know, a great guy. He's a mechanic.

[Charlie]

He's in the church of the former Day Saints. Does he have any religion?

[Emily]

Not really. I guess. Yeah, more spiritual.

[Miles]

Just fast and furious.

[Charlie]

Okay. Yeah, more spiritual. So he's more spiritual than religious and.

[Miles]

You say kind of serious. What is kind of serious mean?

[Charlie]

You guys living together?

[Emily]

Well, not, not yet. That would be a Whole nother conversation about whether I lie or about that. But it's started to come up to my boucha in conversation that I have this boyfriend, and she's starting asking me if he's Catholic, and I've used the line, oh, you know, I don't know. I'll ask him a couple too many times, and I need to know if I should lie about my boyfriend being catholic or if I. Yeah, I should tell her the truth.

[Miles]

Okay. Okay. How old is your grandmother?

[Emily]

Oh, she's gonna be 90 this year.

[Miles]

Oh, just lie. I mean, what, do you want to disappoint her in her last years, you know?

[Emily]

Yeah. And, you know, my cousins have tried that on Steve route, and I haven't heard the end of it. You know, she's always hoping that they'll come back to Jesus, and I just don't want to hear that for the next couple of years.

[Miles]

Yeah. So I think, you know, you gotta be upfront with your boyfriend. Be like, we, if we do get married, we can't get married till after grandma's gone. Because if we don't get married in a church and you don't know all of the chants that the Catholics do, she's gonna know I've been lying to her all these years.

[Emily]

Mm.

[Charlie]

You could also say, not yet. Is he Catholic? Not yet, but I'm trying to convert him.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

You know.

[Miles]

Yeah. No. Oh, this is great, Charlie. This is great. This is great.

[Charlie]

We're high fiving over here, Emily.

[Miles]

Too mean. You want your grandma out of your wife.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Miles]

What you need to do is you need to make it a project that you and your grandmother are working on together.

[Charlie]

Your grandma will understand that. She's Polish. She knows what it's like to fix a man. So just say, like, I'm working on them. Do you have any tips? And then maybe she can give you a few tips.

[Miles]

Well, I think it's even grandma, I need your help converting him.

[Charlie]

Yes. Yes.

[Miles]

That might even give her a few more years weirds, because as soon as you hit, like, 90, you kind of just run out of missions in life.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

And that's usually when you just get bored. You almost die of boredom. And this gives her. It reinvigorates life for her.

[Charlie]

This is her purpose. She'll be sending you Bible passages. She'll be sending you, you know, TED talks. Well, those people are all atheists. They'll tell you sermons, you know. You're hesitating.

[Emily]

Church bulletin.

[Charlie]

Yeah, there you go. She'll mail.

[Miles]

Dude, grandma's Love bulletins. And they just can't get enough bulletins in their life.

[Charlie]

Rest assured, too, if your grandma is a true Polish Catholic, she has lied through her teeth about Catholic stuff her whole life. Because that's what we Catholics do. Every Catholic household has at least three rugs on the ground that we sweep all of our issues under and pretend like they don't exist. Okay.

[Emily]

I like this. I like this idea.

[Charlie]

Okay, good. Good deal.

[Miles]

So, yeah, I mean, you think she's gonna be on board with trying to, you know, fix your boyfriend?

[Emily]

I think she could definitely view it as a mission. I might get a couple more calls from her, take up some more time. But I think, you know, for the bonding experience, it might be worth it.

[Miles]

Yeah, I mean, it's also like kind of a funny, just prank boyfriend to be like, hey, my grandma wants to talk to you, and just hand him the phone. And then she just goes off on him for 30 minutes on how he should be Catholic. That's funny, too.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Yeah, that is. I like that. And he's not starting with nothing. He's spiritual, not religious. So he wasn't raised religious at all?

[Emily]

I don't think so.

[Charlie]

How do you not know that? How long have you guys been dating?

[Miles]

Dude, Gen Z doesn't talk about this stuff anymore.

[Charlie]

It doesn't come up at all. How long you guys been dating? Dating.

[Emily]

About eight months now.

[Charlie]

Are you Gen Z?

[Emily]

I'm 27. What does that make me now?

[Miles]

You're kind of a tweener.

[Charlie]

You're a tweener?

[Miles]

Between what?

[Charlie]

Oh, wait, forgot. Three months you've been dating them?

[Miles]

Eight.

[Charlie]

Eight.

[Emily]

Eight months.

[Charlie]

Eight months. And you don't know? What the fr. You don't know? What are you guys talking about?

[Miles]

I don't know.

[Emily]

We just, like, go thrifting and go camping and I don't know. It hasn't come up.

[Charlie]

It hasn't come up? Your grandma's talking to you about this every week? It hasn't come up or you haven't wanted to bring it up?

[Emily]

I mean, he's not asking me to go on church on Sunday, so I'm assuming he's not.

[Charlie]

Are you guys exclusive?

[Emily]

Yes.

[Charlie]

Does he think that, too?

[Emily]

Yes.

[Charlie]

Okay. All right, well, you gotta. You guys start digging in a little bit, figure out this guy. Do you think you could marry him? Him?

[Emily]

O. I think so, yeah. Or at least my mom's convinced I'm going to.

[Charlie]

Oh, well, what does your mom say? Does your mom know? He's not Cath.

[Miles]

Grandma's got to be dad's mom. Right.

[Emily]

100%.

[Miles]

There's not. There's never a disconnect like that between mom and. And grandmother.

[Charlie]

Yeah, it's usually an amplification process.

[Miles]

Correct. What is your mom think of your grandmother?

[Emily]

You know, my mom just believes that you should treat everyone nicely. And, you know, it doesn't matter where you sit on Sunday, as long as you're a good person, you know, you treat other people with respect.

[Charlie]

That's great. That's beautiful. So she and your grandma don't get along, I'm guessing.

[Emily]

I wouldn't say that. I mean, they can. They get along just fine.

[Charlie]

Ask your mom if she's ever lied to your Grandma.

[Emily]

Oh, yeah, 100%. She has.

[Charlie]

All right, well, you have precedent. Every Sunday. All right. Have you lied to your grandma yet?

[Emily]

I mean, I have in the past, yeah.

[Charlie]

Okay, but you're trying not to. You're trying to. See, that's the problem with Catholics. You're either gonna get the guilt for telling the truth or you have to lie and break. The Seventh Commandment. Is it the seventh or the fifth?

[Miles]

I got a technique that could help your cause a little bit. If you do want to tell the truth, you need to wait till one of your cousins gets pregnant out of wedlock and then shove that in the front and then just slip in the back end. Like, hey, yeah, he's not Catholic, but, oh, my God, she's pregnant. Can you believe that? She's Catholic and she's having premarital sex.

[Charlie]

This is it. You gotta wait for someone to flood the zone with a bigger problem, and then you. You drop this bomb on it.

[Emily]

Okay. Okay.

[Charlie]

You gotta wait for a bomb. So this just feels like a mortar shell.

[Miles]

Correct.

[Emily]

Okay, perfect. I think that'll be my cousin's wedding next spring because she's getting married in a barn. So I think that might be the time.

[Charlie]

Wait, you're doing it at the wedding? It better be a shotgun wedding. Otherwise, I don't think this is going to work.

[Emily]

No, no, no. At my cousin's wedding. My cousin's getting married next spring in.

[Miles]

A barn, and so.

[Charlie]

Bummer. Does your grandma know that yet? Oh, that's what she's talking smack to you about?

[Emily]

Yeah, she's been. Yeah. I mean, the wedding's, like, over a year away, and I've heard. Heard all about it. You know, we have moved from, like, I'm not going at all to, I'll.

[Miles]

Go, but I'm gonna be shitty about it.

[Charlie]

They're not getting.

[Miles]

I'm not like, I'm not clapping. I'm not gonna woo when they kiss.

[Emily]

We have to keep her hidden to, like, right before the ceremony, bring her out so she doesn't say too much to other people.

[Charlie]

Oh, she's.

[Miles]

Isn't that funny. She's like, I want everyone to be Catholic and be super religious, but then they'll just run their mouth and say inappropriate shit.

[Charlie]

It's amazing. Yeah. What part? I don't think it says in the Bible you got to get married in a church. Does it? That's the thing about Catholics. Some of these rules they just made up in the Middle Ages to, like, have more control. That's why priests can't be married married, you know, because they would give the land away to their kids. So some of this stuff, you got to go back and figure out why they made up the rules and say, does this still need to be a thing? You know?

[Miles]

Yeah, try. Maybe try that route with your grandma. You know, grandma, A lot of these rules are kind of bullshit anyways. Charlie was telling me. Yeah, I mean, we could also just tell your grandma and just take the brunt.

[Charlie]

Yeah. What's her number? We'll give her a call right now.

[Emily]

Oh, gonna. Yeah, well, she already texted me this morning. I sent a picture of a craft project I finished, and she replied, oh, that's beautiful. I'm glad you're not lazy. And I was like, okay, I was just trying to send my nice project I worked on, but, you know, at least I'm not lazy.

[Miles]

So what does she do all day?

[Emily]

Oh, you know, she stays busy. She plays cards. She still volunteers at the rescue mission.

[Charlie]

And.

[Emily]

Has her rosary group.

[Charlie]

Nice. Does she like to gamble?

[Emily]

Crazy. Not really. She's more into the polka dancing.

[Charlie]

Oh, all right.

[Miles]

She is Catholic.

[Charlie]

Yeah. Good for her. Good for her.

[Emily]

She stays busy.

[Charlie]

What card game does she play?

[Emily]

I don't know. Probably like euchre or something.

[Charlie]

Okay. All right. So she's a Midwest Polish Catholic gal.

[Emily]

Oh, yeah. Through and through.

[Charlie]

Wisconsin, Michigan. Michigan. Okay. All right. Yeah. Wisconsin. Be sheepshead. Well, I think you're gonna get through this. I mean, we don't even know if it's gonna work out with this guy or not. I think, you know, start, start, start. It's a good conversation starter with your spiritual guy. You know, ask him, would he consider getting married in a church? You know, because if he gets married in the church, then he's as Catholic as half the Catholics out there. You know.

[Emily]

I think, yeah, this is going to be a great conversation to have with him. Later today.

[Charlie]

Wow. Oh, wow. Doing it today. Okay. All right. Well. Yeah. Okay.

[Emily]

It's already fresh on the nog.

[Charlie]

All right. Yeah. Fresh on the nog.

[Miles]

Have you guys had the marriage conversation yet even.

[Emily]

We've kind of started it, I think.

[Miles]

What do you mean, you think?

[Emily]

Well, you know, I'll, like, make him muffins or something. And he's like, gosh, I'm gonna marry you. And I'm like, okay, that's, like, good enough for me.

[Charlie]

Oh, yeah. Must. Must be some God dang good muffins.

[Emily]

Oh, yeah, They're Bush's recipe. Of course they're good.

[Charlie]

Perfect. Make a muffins. Make him muffins. And that's your end to the conversation.

[Emily]

Perfect.

[Miles]

I also want you to remind you that it is one day in your life that, like, you know, obviously it's a big deal, but, like, it's one day out of how many days that. That just wouldn't get too stressed about it.

[Charlie]

Me either. I mean, might not even work out. I'm divorced. That's a joke there. Okay, this wasn't a joke on you.

[Emily]

Oh, yeah, a couple times, right?

[Charlie]

Not a. What? Once. One time.

[Miles]

I never said you were divorced.

[Charlie]

What is going on?

[Miles]

I would never say that.

[Charlie]

One time. I can't even get married in a church church anymore. They don't let you do it unless you get an annulment.

[Miles]

You haven't gotten annulment?

[Charlie]

No, I haven't gotten an annulment.

[Miles]

So you're still married in the church's eyes?

[Charlie]

Yep, still married. I guess. I mean, technically. I don't think I'm supposed to be receiving communion anymore, so tell your grandma.

[Miles]

That you're kind of looking. You're like a Catholic outlaw.

[Charlie]

I'm a pariah. Ah, well, what can you do? What can you do? Jesus still loves me.

[Miles]

That is just the most Charlie thing ever. This is. He's never even bothered getting an annulment.

[Charlie]

Are you kidding me? That's a whole freaking process, man. What, do you think I'm gonna do that? No, I'd have to authentically care enough to do that, and I just don't. I think I'm fine. I think Jesus thinks I'm fine. Right. Thanks for the existential crisis, Emily. God, no.

[Emily]

Of course you're welcome. If I'm feeling Catholic guilt, I need someone else to be feeling it too.

[Miles]

This is. This is what it's showing up as.

[Charlie]

Catholics and the guilt, man, we got it, you know? We got it in their heart. You afraid of hell? Yeah. You are.

[Emily]

I mean, sometimes I feel like.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah, some stuff.

[Miles]

That's why you're already there. Is that what you were gonna say?

[Emily]

I mean, it's like a million degrees outside right now.

[Charlie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Emily]

And working. Working with the general public, you know, makes you feel a certain way.

[Miles]

Yeah. How's that going? Working with the general public?

[Emily]

You know, it's touch and go. It really depends on the day. People are. People are crazy.

[Charlie]

I forgot. What did you do again?

[Miles]

The tour guide, I think.

[Charlie]

A tour guide?

[Emily]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

What are you touring?

[Emily]

Oh, just, you know, talking about the rocks and stuff out here and what to do and what to see. Yeah.

[Charlie]

Hell, yeah. That's cool.

[Miles]

Do you wear. Do you wear all tan? Feel like you got, like, a tan outfit you wear?

[Emily]

No, thankfully not. I don't look like a dad on a safari.

[Charlie]

Nigel Thornberry out here. Where. Where'd you meet your boyfriend?

[Emily]

Oh, well, we met on Tinder.

[Charlie]

Oh, did you tell your grandma that?

[Emily]

No, of course not.

[Miles]

Here's what you just. Just lie.

[Charlie]

Grant, you're already lying.

[Miles]

Lie to Meemaw and just tell her that you met him at church. He was handing out, or you were handing out communion, and he went. Came up for seconds. That's what my parents tell people.

[Charlie]

That's great. It's funny the things we decide to care about being honest about, because how many lies have you actually told to your grandma? Indirectly or directly? But this one sort of sticks a little bit. It's a different kind of lie. It's a mortal Morty. Yeah, a Morty lie. Right there. There are white lies and then mortal sin lies.

[Miles]

Yeah, white lies. You can just be like. You don't even have to confess in confession. Correct. You just. Only Morty's priests are busy. They don't need to be, you know, spending any time on the little.

[Charlie]

I stack the.

[Miles]

I think they're called venial sins, actually.

[Charlie]

I stack the deck with the venial sins so I can run out the clock. Filibuster with the.

[Miles]

All right, we have about 30 seconds left. And you're like, ah, well, I didn't get an annulment. All right, well, that's it. What's my penance?

[Charlie]

Yeah, you can just lie to your grandma and then go confess it, and it'll be all. All done. Say a few are fathers, couple Hail Marys. You'll be all right.

[Emily]

Heck, yeah.

[Charlie]

Jesus still loves you.

[Emily]

Thank you for the. No, Jesus is in my heart. So, yeah, that's what matters then.

[Charlie]

What else do you need?

[Miles]

It's on. Is in Your heart, mind and your words. Yeah.

[Charlie]

Yep. In my mind, in my lips and in my heart. Yep. Do you know the new stuff that they say at church or.

[Miles]

Me and Charlie got a little exposed in our Popes of Midwesterner video. It wasn't. It wasn't our best look.

[Charlie]

What did we say that got us caught?

[Miles]

We said, peace be with you and also say.

[Charlie]

And what did she. Oh. Do. Do you. Okay. Told her. And with your spirit. Why are they changing up the words? Shut up, Emily. I know it was a long time ago. God, you can't. You can't teach a couple old dogs new tricks. I've been to church a lot since they switched it up. All right. It's just, you know, just.

[Emily]

Just what? Christmas and Easter?

[Charlie]

Shut the front door, Emily. Been to some baptisms, too. All right.

[Emily]

Okay.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I go every week. Every Sunday. Yep.

[Emily]

You've got the bulletin as your receipt.

[Charlie]

Receipt shut. Yeah. Yeah, I can get. You want bulletin, Emily. I'll get you bulletin. Give me your.

[Emily]

Yeah, that's your receipt. Let them know you want.

[Charlie]

Yeah. You sending you.

[Miles]

Oh, yeah. Emily, when was the last time you were at church?

[Emily]

Oh, yeah. I don't know. I think my aunt sent me one of them receipts a couple. A couple months ago during. Was Lent. Recent.

[Charlie]

I can't remember recent.

[Miles]

Your grandmother is. You were. Yeah.

[Charlie]

Give me a break, Emily.

[Emily]

Maybe I need to brush up on my. My church, I think.

[Miles]

Yeah. All right, here we go. Here's a little Catholic quiz for you. How long is Lent?

[Emily]

40 days.

[Miles]

Okay.

[Charlie]

Yep. Jesus went into the desert for 40 days. He was tempted by the devil. Three times he said, get away from me, Satan. And then he came back Palm Sunday. And then it didn't go so good for him.

[Miles]

What did Jesus ride into the city on. On Pa Sunday pass. Oh, what?

[Emily]

I'll pass that question.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[Charlie]

What was it?

[Miles]

Donkey.

[Charlie]

He's a mule. A beast of burden. You never be your beast of burden.

[Miles]

So. Yeah, you know, I'm with your grandma. You need to go to church.

[Charlie]

I'm with your grandma, too, Emily.

[Miles]

You don't know anything about being Catholic.

[Charlie]

It sounds like if this boy's not Catholic, dump his ass.

[Miles]

Yeah, if he.

[Charlie]

If he can have your muffins but not, you know, go sit through a homily. Well, then. Does he really love you? I'm just kidding, Emily. He does really love you. That was. That was mean. That came out my mouth. Mean. I. Sorry. I was turning polish on you with that right there. It's going to be good. Don't worry. About it. All right? Just. Just follow your heart because Jesus is in your heart. Heart and always with you. And what's in your heart with your spirit cannot lead you astray. Okay.

[Emily]

All right.

[Charlie]

All right.

[Emily]

I think this will help me.

[Charlie]

All right.

[Emily]

Through these trials and tribulations.

[Charlie]

Exactly. You're gonna be fine.

[Miles]

Yeah. This is your Stations of the Cross. Yeah, this is station.

[Emily]

This was my homily.

[Miles]

This is station number one right here.

[Charlie]

Just remember. Remember this. Remember this. Whatever religion, the Bible says everything. So what people choose to focus on, you know, that's on them. But. But this actually came out of. Of Jesus's mouth. He said, God is love, and all who live in love live in God. So whether you believe in God or whether you believe in love, you believe in the same thing. And I think you and your boyfriend believe in the same thing. Whether you call that God or whether you call that love, it's all good here on the Bellied up podcast. Amen. I say to you, Amen.

[Emily]

That's a blessing. That's a blessing.

[Charlie]

All right. Sounds like she wasn't listening anyways. Well, you keep her moving. Okay.

[Emily]

All right. Tell your folks I said hi, all right.

[Charlie]

Tell your grandma we says hi to Babushka. Tell Boosha we says hi.

[Emily]

All right, I will.

[Charlie]

All right. See Emily.

[Miles]

What a priest on this podcast. And then maybe we can just do a wham, bam, thank you, man annulment right here.

[Charlie]

We should do that. Emily. Was she okay? You think she was okay at the end there? Do we make herself.

[Miles]

I think she was just kind of sick of us.

[Charlie]

Oh, really? Yeah, that'll happen.

[Miles]

She called in basically like, hey, I'm not very Catholic, but my grandma's Catholic. How do I navigate this? And then all we did was talk about Catholic stuff.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

So it was basically just a conversation with her grandma.

[Charlie]

Yeah, well, I think we helped her. I hope, but I got that Catholic guilt, so I'm gonna be up at 5am Just thinking about that, you know, not you, Miles. What happened to your Catholic guilt?

[Miles]

No, I'll be up at 5 because my kid. Not. Not because of the guilt.

[Charlie]

See, once you have a kid, all the Catholic guilt just dissipates. It's like, now I just gotta take care of this kid. I gotta have a kid.

[Miles]

Do you guys want to try singing.

[Charlie]

Eagle's wings and I will raise you up on eagles wings make you to shine like the sun. Jake's just shaking his head. This isn't good radio.

[Miles]

Also, Charlie just said he wants to have a kid.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I'D have a kid.

[Miles]

Let's go.

[Charlie]

Yeah, I can do it. Yeah, let's do it.

[Miles]

I mean, not let's do it. You do it, and then we'll talk about it.

[Charlie]

Let's do it. You want to soak?

[Miles]

I can assist. All right. Here's a voicemail from Tyler. Charlie. Hey, guys.

[Charlie]

My name is Tyler from Mitchell, South.

[Dallin]

Dakota, home of the world's only corn factory.

[Miles]

I have a idea that I think.

[Charlie]

Everybody should get behind.

[Miles]

We need to have one day a.

[Charlie]

Year you can call people and tell them exactly how you feel. I've been in sales for 25 years.

[Dallin]

And there's some people that downright pissed me off.

[Charlie]

And I think once a year we.

[Miles]

Should be able to just call them.

[Charlie]

No strings attached, and tell them how we feel, how we think about them.

[Miles]

Give me a call back.

[Dallin]

Let's chat.

[Miles]

Go back, let's chat.

[Charlie]

First of all, he either sounded like he sold cattle or sold life.

[Miles]

I thought he sounded like he was on local radio.

[Charlie]

He had that voice, didn't he? Yeah, he had that voice. I like the idea. What would you call that day where you just called, someone told him how you feel?

[Miles]

Well, we have the Purge, right? You know, where you can commit any crime. What would be the verbal version of the purge?

[Charlie]

Like, no fucks Friday day? You know, something like that.

[Miles]

Yeah. Have you been to the Corn palace before?

[Charlie]

The Verge? Yeah, the Verge, sure. Yeah.

[Miles]

Have you been to the Corn Palace?

[Charlie]

I haven't. I.

[Miles]

We. We shot a. A video at the barn next to the Corn Palace.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

So then after we were done. Oh, no. For part of the video, we went into the Corn Palace. We're checking it out. Well, I don't know if you know this, but the Corn palace is just a basketball gymnasium.

[Charlie]

Yeah. With a bunch of corn on the outside.

[Miles]

Yeah. Well, we walked in and we were shooting, and I was standing, like, in the tunnel where, like, you would go out to sit in the bleachers. And the Dakota Wesleyan basketball team was practicing, and the coach was having a meeting at center court. And we were just standing there, and all of a sudden the coach is like, what the hell are you guys looking at?

[Charlie]

Really?

[Miles]

He turns around and they're like, come on down here. Whatever. And so in front of the whole Dakota Wesleyan basketball team, like, yeah, shoot a three pointer. Let's see you make it. And I'm wearing, like, cowboy boots, and I am hungover so badly to the point, you know, like, your voice doesn't sound like you. It's like one of those deals.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Miles]

And it only took me two shots to swish a three point.

[Charlie]

Oh, really? Dude, Congratulations. When the pressure is on.

[Miles]

Yeah, I was very nervous. It was going to take me all day.

[Charlie]

Good for you. Was he impressed?

[Miles]

Yeah, I think so. I don't know.

[Charlie]

That's pretty awesome. Congratulations.

[Miles]

Corn palace story.

[Charlie]

I've been to the Cow palace in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin.

[Miles]

How's that?

[Charlie]

Pretty cool. Pretty cool. Pretty cool. It's covered with manure. Not true. That's not true. It's not nice to say that.

[Miles]

Well, guys, thanks for tuning in to another episode of the Bellied up podcast.

[Charlie]

And after this podcast, we are talking to just the atheists because everybody else has left. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I believe what I said. I believe in what we said. No, I don't. Not everything. Not everything. Sorry if we offended you. Sorry if I offended you. I apologize. Sometimes I just get going. These are just top thoughts talking. I can't be responsible. Stream of consciousness. Just because it comes out of the mouth doesn't mean it's in my soul. But some of the stuff does. Anyways. That's guilt talking. Do you see that? That was just guilt coming out of me. Sometimes I just have. It's a guilt fart. A guard just garting all over the place here. Oh, well, yeah. Is what is. My heart's in the right place. All right, see you guys next time. Tip your bartender for God's sake. Otherwise you're gonna be garting all over the place. Okay.

[Emily]

Hope you guys have a good one.

[Charlie]

Goodbye now.

[Dallin]

Toodaloo.