Charlie Ticks Off Michigan #171

Summary

---

Bellied Up Podcast Episode #171: "Charlie Ticks Off Michigan"

Released: October 16, 2025 | Hosts: Charlie Berens & Myles (“You Betcha Guy”)

---

Episode Overview

Charlie and Myles belly up at The Sports Bar in downtown Fargo for a nostalgic and wide-ranging comedic exploration of Midwestern bar culture, college memories, hunting politics, awkward in-law dynamics, and the art of not taking oneself too seriously. As usual, they take live call-ins from listeners across the Midwest, blending advice, banter, and relatable life stories—all while cracking open the quirks and codes of Midwestern living.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bar Banter: Reminiscing at Fargo’s “Sports Bar”

• Setting the Scene:
  • Charlie and Myles broadcast from “The Sports Bar” in Fargo, a staple of Myles’ college days.
• Nostalgia & Rituals:
  • Myles describes the strangeness of being sober in a bar he frequented “three sheets to the wind” in college (00:46).
  • Myles shares that this is the bar where he met his wife, Anne, during a playful St. Patrick’s Day encounter (02:19).
• On College Bar Culture:
  • Both riff on the elements of a good college bar: lots of open space, minimal tables, a packed, chaotic late-night vibe, and cheap drinks.
  • Must-haves: sticky floors (no carpet), Big Buck Hunter arcade games, a “nuts to butts” crowd, and a barback with “unbelievable talking skills” (10:19).
  • “A good college bar isn’t a good college bar unless it’s impossible to move around in there. It’s got to be nuts to butts.” — Myles (07:56)
• On Tradition:
  • Myles and Charlie agree the best bars don’t change, sustaining that nostalgic “time machine” effect (12:08).

2. Caller #1: Ralph/Joel the Park Ranger — The Duck Blind Dilemma

• Listener Issue: Ralph experiences his duck hunting spot being poached by locals who camp out, drinking Bush Light all night, always beating him to the spot (19:41).
• Midwestern Honesty: Charlie jokes, “You can’t beat it, you join them. That’s it.” (20:14)
• Etiquette & Ethics of Sharing Hunting Spots:
  • The group debates the boundaries of inviting friends-of-friends and the unwritten rules of spot-sharing.
  • “There should be a guy with a book...kept in pen...of who hunts what.” — Charlie (24:29)
• On Outdoor Gear Snobbery:
  • Light-hearted ribbing about kayak brands leads to Charlie mock-offended by judgment of his Old Town Loon kayak (27:14).
  • The revelation: Ralph is a federal park ranger, aka “Ranger Rick,” and veteran of outdoor equipment (29:37).
• The “Quack Quack Seat Back” Solution:
  • By the end, the gang proposes a tongue-in-cheek hunting land “reservation” system for public land (36:07).

3. Classic Midwestern Comedy and “Compounding Charlies”

• Charlie’s ‘Compounding Charlie’ Theory:
  • Anecdotes about a string of minor mishaps (broken phones, forgetting straps on boat launches) morphing into an “avalanche of bad luck” (41:12).

4. Caller #2: Russell Nicolay, the Lawyer — “No Tickling in Court”

• Courtroom Representation in Media:
  • “I learned all my lawyering from My Cousin Vinny.” — Russell (45:25)
• Theatrics & Oration:
  • Discussion of winning over a jury through calm, relatable argumentation rather than theatrics or aggression.
  • “You’re just showing them...shining light and evidence. And they’re like, Aha! Russell’s client’s being wronged.” — Russell (50:03)
• On Humor with Juries:
  • Russell warns against humor that doesn’t land; Charlie jokes about “gaslighting the audience” when bombing on stage (39:01).
• Faux-Erotic “Legal” Film Titles Segment:
  • Miles and Charlie riff on legal-themed adult film puns, i.e. “Disbarred,” “Nine Jurors, One Judge” (52:07).

5. Caller #3: Jason — “In-Law Escapades, Michigan to the UP”

• Charlie Accused of Causing a Migration:
  • Jason playfully blames Charlie for inspiring Flatlanders (downstate folks/outsiders) to move up north (54:19).
• Father-in-Law Dilemma:
  • Jason has been with his wife for a decade but is still only allowed to call his vegan father-in-law “Mr. White” (56:44).
  • “My wife catches a lot of flak from him for eating meat.” — Jason (58:09)
• Cultural Commentary:
  • Miles explores surprising affinities between “blue collar hunting types” and vegans: both like routines, strong food preferences, suspicion of authority, and drinking weird stuff (61:04).
• Vegan Extremes:
  • Mr. White brings his own grill camping to avoid meat contamination and is described as “an odd duck” — but a man who enjoys whiskey, pool, and cribbage with Jason (66:43).
  • Carrot dogs (“you boil it down, put it on a bun, pretend it’s a hot dog”) make for a memorably awkward first meal with the in-laws (70:13).

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On College Bars:
  • “Every table is a liability after 11pm.” — Charlie (07:25)
  • “You want a long bar because there’s just gonna be...waves crashing to the shore. The bar is the shoreline and the people are the waves.” — Charlie (09:13)
• On Small Town Tradition:
  • “The last piece of what makes a really good college bar...is that it never changes.” — Myles (12:03)
• Caller Wisdom:
  • “There should be a whole section of the DNR that polices other people stealing hunting spots.” — Myles (24:07)
• Charlie’s Compounding Charlie:
  • “You can’t afford to have too many Charlies in a row...it’s a disaster.” — Charlie (41:19)
• Vegan Dad-In-Law:
  • “I made a comment about how many ingredients were in his Beyond Burgers versus my meat patty and boy, that didn’t go over well.” — Jason (67:45)
  • “His name’s Mr. White?” (58:09), “Yep.” — Routine continues even when they’re out drinking and on the same pool team.
• Cultural Razor’s Edge:
  • “How much different are vegans than blue collar hunting types?...Turns out, not much.” — Miles (61:22)
• Charlie Bombing, Comedian Survival:
  • “If you gotta ask [for gambling advice], you don’t know.” — Myles (15:55)
  • “I’ve gotten that T-shirt, Ralph. You’ll see when I perform live for you...” — Charlie (39:19)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00 – 16:08: Bar banter, nostalgia, college bar essentials
• 16:11 – 19:41: Prize picks/gambling promo, Charlie’s tour plug
• 19:41 – 44:04: Ralph/Joel, hunting spot etiquette, kayak snobbery, park ranger stories (“Quack Quack Seat Back” idea)
• 41:12: Charlie's “Compounding Charlie” explanation
• 44:58 – 53:07: Lawyer Russell, Midwest courts in movies, tickling in court, “disbarred” legal puns
• 53:12 – 74:01: Jason, in-law/vegan tension, cultural identity, carrot dogs, Michigan-to-Wisconsin move, property woes

---

Episode Tone & Language

Light-hearted, self-effacing, and densely packed with Midwestern idioms, playful ribbing, and affectionate satire. The hosts remain true to their blue collar comedic roots, alternating between life advice, community-building, and lampooning their own (and their callers’) foibles.

---

For Newcomers: Why Listen?

This episode is a perfect window into the “Bellied Up” world: part barstool therapy, part call-in comedy, with plenty of affection for Midwest culture. Even if you haven’t lived through these exact situations—awkward encounters with in-laws, the battle for your old hunting spot, or the struggle of remembering not to compound your mistakes—you’ll find something here that feels unmistakably familiar, and laugh-out-loud funny.

---

Want More?

Hear local stories, small-town etiquette, and the “realest” Midwest banter—every Thursday. To call in, follow the show and watch their Instagram for details.

---

Transcript

[A]

Welcome to the Bellied up podcast, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Charlie of Barron's and this is my buddy Miles of you betcha guy. We are here, Miles, where are we?

[B]

We are at the Sports Bar in Downtown Fargo, N.D. we got a home game for me today?

[A]

It is a home game. Yeah, Yeah. I mean, I. First of all, let's start off with the title, Sports Bar. I was like, miles, where am I meeting you? The Sports Bar. I know which one.

[B]

No, Sports Bar.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it's like our. Who's on our. Fargo. Who's on first?

[B]

Yeah. Very inventive name, you know? All right, we're gonna do a bar. What? What are we gonna do? We're gonna watch sports. Sports Bar. Done.

[A]

Done. I mean, I like. It.

[B]

Feels a little weird being in here today.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because usually when I'm in this bar or in the past when I've been in this bar, usually three sheets to the wind.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I can't see straight. So this is weird being here in the mid day with no one in here.

[A]

Can I just open up soon? But I'm. I'm trying to understand the three sheets to the wind analogy.

[B]

Tyler's gotta know.

[A]

Three sheets to the wind? Yeah, it's three sheets to the wind. You ever seen three sheets blowing in the wind? That's what you look like when you're hammered. Three sheet. Like on the clothesline.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, okay.

[B]

Yeah, sure. He said it confidently enough that I'll just believe him.

[A]

When I was a kid, I thought it was three sheeps to the wind. And I said, why don't you just say three sheep to the wind? And then I realized it's not that. That's when you go in thinking you're smart, you realize you're the idiot, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So three.

[B]

Yeah, that's. That was me. So this is my college bar. So me and my. Even Tyler. Jared. You spent some time here. We used. This is where we used to run in college, dude. Wow.

[A]

And I can smell it. I can smell it.

[B]

I think you know this already. But for the listeners that don't know, this right here is the bar where I met my wife and.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Actually, was it.

[A]

Was it from what I can remember. Okay. Okay, Miles, reenact it. I'm Anne. What was Anne doing? Give me my motivation.

[B]

You're testing my memory.

[A]

You don't know.

[B]

All I know is we ended up talking and I was just making fun of her for how tall she was because she's a Tall woman. And then she was also wearing like shoes with a heel on them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was joking that I could see her above all everyone's heads across the bar. I could see her head above everyone else's and stuff like that.

[A]

That worked.

[B]

Oh yeah, that's great.

[A]

Yeah. She must been three sheeps to the wind too.

[B]

Probably St. Patrick's Day, actually.

[A]

Oh, well, of course. So. So that was your move, as, as a single guy is just go up to a gal you were attracted to and make fun of them a little bit.

[B]

Yeah, but not like, not like in a mean way. Just kind of like a fun, playful way.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You're poking them with a stick on the playground.

[C]

Y.

[B]

100% the kid that may. You know. You know a girl likes you if she's mean to you. Yeah, but we're not mean. Just fun, playful, joking around.

[A]

And she's flirting now. Did you have that wild quarterback hair when you met Anne?

[B]

No, I actually had chopped it off at that point. But I was, I was fresh off of losing £40 in two months.

[A]

No kidding.

[B]

On the keto diet.

[A]

Wow. You were, you were a keto guy.

[B]

Well, I just tried it out. You. If you want to lose weight fast, go on the keto diet and do it strictly. And you'll drop weight like that.

[A]

Dude, you'll drop more than that.

[B]

I was eating 1200 calories a day, which I don't know if you know anything about calories. It's not a lot.

[A]

Okay. I didn't really know that, but I now make sense. Like a 2000 calorie. That's a standard thing.

[B]

Yeah, that's like 100, what, 60 pound human could sustain a good 2000 calorie diet. And I was, when I started, I was 260 and I was eating 1200 calories a day.

[A]

Oh, wow. Yeah, I, I had someone come to a show of mine once doing the keto diet and I, they, I didn't know they were on the keto diet until they just dropped cold and hit their head on the floor. Yeah. You can pass out easily. That was what his wife said. He's on the keto. I was like, well, that's.

[B]

Well, yeah, when you first start the first couple weeks you can get. They call it like the keto flu, where like you flu like symptoms because your body doesn't know what's going on.

[A]

Yeah, because it's not going into ketosis. Right.

[B]

It's working on getting to ketosis.

[A]

And what is ketosis? Exercise scientist.

[B]

You should know, dude.

[A]

Your Next.

[B]

The ketones in your blood. I don't know.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I don't know, but it works.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Cool thing about this bar, too, is the guy. The guy that now owns the bar, his name's Drew. He was the bartender ever since I started coming here.

[A]

Drew owns that car out there.

[B]

Is that his?

[A]

I think so. He's got this really nice.

[B]

That seems like a Drew car to me. That's a cool car.

[A]

It's a Chevrolet. Yeah.

[B]

Pretty cool. Because he was bartender when, you know, I was in College, coming here, 21 years old. No kidding. And now he's bought into the bar, and in a few years, he'll own it outright is what he told me. But it's cool because Drew was the guy. When you ordered him a drink, he didn't just go, here you go. He was making it an art, really, in the sense of it was theatrics. So he was the guy. He would be throwing the bottles in the air.

[A]

No kidding.

[B]

Before he puts the straw in your drink, he's doing behind the back, catching it, putting it in the drink.

[A]

No kidding.

[B]

Yeah. There's one guy who deserves to own the bar after working there for 18 years is that guy.

[A]

He's. He's just putting a show on, you know? And then I gotta say, that's impressive because this is a college bar. I mean, my gosh, usually it's just churn and burn, baby. You don't have time to be doing that any.

[B]

But that was. He wasn't slow, but he still was able to make it.

[A]

Make it fun. Yeah.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Now, Drew, you guys, you hang out outside the bar.

[C]

You.

[B]

No, I've literally. I don't even know if he goes outside the bar because I've only ever seen him in here.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, when you love what you do, why would you do anything else, right?

[B]

You know, he could live upstairs for all I know.

[A]

Yeah. But I like the bar, and I like that there's no mistaking this as a college bar from the outside, because when I walked up to it, there was one door that said stop and another door that said stop. And the one door said stop. No entrance. And the other door, it says stop. You must be 21 to enter, obviously. College bar, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. If you got to put that right up on the front.

[A]

Yeah. If that is your front door. Like, if. If you're not worried about your. Your. The facade of your front door, you know, that this is.

[B]

And that's maybe a good point, Charlie, is we should maybe discuss what makes the perfect college bar.

[A]

Oh yeah. Yeah. Well, a lot of open space.

[B]

Yes. Yeah. In a college bar you don't need to mess around with too many tables.

[A]

No, I mean pretty much every table is a liability after 11pm and it's.

[B]

Just in the way it is because.

[A]

People are too busy trying to do the dry denim dance club sex on the dance floor.

[B]

You know, better wear your double stitch jeans to a college bar if you're going to be doing some DH and you know a lot of friction.

[A]

Yup. There is. And you know, and I think also.

[B]

A good college bar isn't a good college bar unless it's impossible to move around in there.

[A]

It's always impossible.

[B]

It's got to be nuts to butts, you know, I mean it's. Otherwise what are we doing? Because that's after a big college football win. Going to the bar after, if the bar is empty, you're not going to be celebrating your team winning that much.

[A]

No, no, no, no. I mean you, you know, really. And you've got to have. Is there a big buck hunter in here?

[B]

Yes, it's over in the back over there.

[A]

For whatever reason that's always the prime go to. And I like that. We got a couple dart boards.

[B]

They used to have a pool table here. I'm sure that was a liability.

[A]

Yeah, that's too many corners on that table. I love a good ostrich at a bar. At a college bar.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

And I don't even know if that's an ostrich but it is a long necked running bird and it's good. Oh no. It is always one to buck the trend. Shanky's whip. I don't even know what that is, but I'm intrigued. You want obviously no carpeting on the floors.

[B]

That's wise. Not every college bar abides by that and it ends up. They end up paying for it later because then the bar just smells of all sorts of fluids. Regular fluids.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you want a long bar. You want a long bar because there's just gonna be. You got. It's all about flow, energy, you know. At a college bar you want people coming, you want people going. You want people coming.

[B]

You.

[A]

It's like waves crashing to the shore. You want a long shoreline and the bar is the shoreline and the people are the waves and they crash up, crash up and boo.

[B]

You know, it's actually pretty beautiful analogy. Yeah.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Miles. Someone had their Wheaties this morning.

[A]

Oh my Wheaties. And then Miles. What I like here too is There's a curvature on this bar over here.

[C]

So.

[A]

So it's not just a bar that is excelling for like late night college hangs. It's also got a good game day feel, you know, when like the parents come to town or whatever. They've got plenty of tables they can put out, serve some sandwiches and fries and whatnot camp for the pre football game. Yeah, get around.

[B]

That's a good point.

[A]

They can amp it up, they can roll it down, dial it back.

[B]

I think also every good college bar has got to have a bar back. That one is a machine. But two. Unbelievable at talking.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

And that they had that. When I was here, it was actually a gal named Annie. Just kind of confusing. My wife's name's Anne. It's a different Anne. Annie. And she used to. She was, she was good at her job, but then she could also talk some.

[A]

Oh yeah, like, like, like how so?

[B]

Like, like, are you done with that? Do I need to get a nipple for that beer or should I take it from you? You know, what's taking you so long? Type of stuff.

[A]

Nice. Okay, because, because look, most barbacks, you know, they. They are to themselves. Well, they keep to themselves or the only thing that comes out of their mouth is, I'm not a bartender. Sorry, can't serve. You know, that's typically it. And a lot of times they avoid eye contact, you know, because they're so sick of answering that question.

[B]

And I think a good bar back's got some personality. In my opinion.

[A]

Barback's kind of like the minor leagues for the bar, you know, for the bartender. AAA ball. Yeah. I mean, and she was probably getting ready to get called up. I wonder if she's working here now.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what she's up to these days. That was a long time ago. I was like, that was over a decade ago.

[A]

Well, Drew's here in that old.

[B]

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that is true.

[A]

Another thing I like in a college is like wall real estate can mostly be given to prices like we. You just mainly want to know how cheap you can get the drinks.

[B]

Yeah. You know, and I also like a bar that has outdated signs that have prices on them, you know.

[A]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And I think the last piece of what makes a really good college bar. Charlie.

[A]

Yeah, Miles.

[B]

Is that it never changes. Yes. Some of the signs come and go, but what it is and how it feels should never change.

[A]

Yeah, no, you still did. You get sent back into time when you Walked in.

[B]

Yeah. A little bit. A little bit of a euphoric sensation.

[A]

Yeah. You almost forgot where you were. Forgot you had a kid.

[B]

You know, even though this is where it all started, you know, you kind of get more. Honestly, you were just.

[A]

Auggie was just a wink in your cheese curds.

[B]

Yeah, it's true. And you know how like they'll do a thing where they give some people non alcoholic beer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then they like start acting drunk just by walking in here. I felt like I was. My feet, my footing was a little less stable.

[A]

Yeah, well, you came in a little rowdy. Too hot.

[D]

I did.

[A]

All ready to go.

[B]

Yeah. I kind of wanted to wrestle.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. We were wrestling.

[B]

That's what a college bar should bring out.

[A]

Yeah. You want to just ah, like get in there and. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Kind of like.

[B]

Yeah. Little locker room, you know, locker room.

[A]

Little sack taps going on. You know, sack taps and butt taps, you know.

[B]

Oh. So it feels good to be back. You know, the bar that I would drink a lot of booze with my buddies, but also weirdly the place that I met my wife. Well, should we take some callers?

[A]

As soon as you give me my middle finger bag.

[B]

All right guys, it is football season. Charlie, you love football. Yeah, I Love football. Red 32 Alabama. Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. Charlie and I have been playing prize picks and right now prize picks will give you $50 in lineups. When you play your first $5 lineup, win or lose, you get 50 bucks in lineups. All you got to do is use promo code. Bellied up, all one word. B, L, L, I, E, D up when you sign up today, Charlie. And you know what you said B.

[A]

L, L, I, E, D. Yeah. B E, L, L. What did I say? B L. You said B L, L.

[B]

I, E, D. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Bellied up is a promo code.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So you know Charlie, they got the free to play.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

NFL jackpot. You get. You can win a million dollars if you guess all them right.

[A]

Yeah, it's pretty cool.

[B]

I have been skunked up until this week.

[A]

Oh yeah? How'd you do this week?

[B]

I got one, right?

[A]

No way. That's awesome. I still haven't won one. How much did you win?

[B]

I don't think I won really anything but the game that I care about the most that you know, it's baby steps.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Weigh in a million dollars and you first need to get the journey of a million dollars starts with one pick, right?

[A]

Oh yeah. That's an ancient Chinese proverb.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

Very cool.

[B]

It's also in the Book of Mormon and the book of Psalms as well.

[A]

Is it in the Psalms? Psalms, Mormon.

[B]

Psalm 48, verse 32.

[A]

Sweet.

[B]

Yeah. So that's.

[A]

Miles, I'm really excited for you, and congratulations. I will admit I'm a little bit j. I have not yet won, and I've been trying, Miles. And do you have any tips for someone like me who maybe isn't as good as you?

[B]

You know, you just got a no ball.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

And that's like, just no ball. It just. Just. That's the. That's the best advice I can give you is just no ball.

[A]

Okay? No ball. No ball.

[B]

Just no ball.

[A]

All right, all right. So, like, if you got.

[B]

If you gotta ask, you don't know.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, you'll figure it out.

[A]

All right, well, that was super helpful, Miles.

[B]

Thank you. So, guys, if you want to play free to play stuff like the NFL jackpot million bucks, you got to download prize fix, use code bellied up.

[A]

Hey, Miles, guess what?

[B]

What, dude?

[A]

I'm. I'm going on tour.

[B]

Okay, Charlie, what's the name of the tour? I know you comedians like to name them.

[A]

I mean, we don't like to name them. It's just we kind of have to. But since I did have to, I came up with a co. Name is called the Lost and Found Tour.

[B]

Okay, and what's the meaning behind the Lost and Found Tour?

[A]

Well, because, like, I lost something and I was writing a joke about it, and. And then I was like, oh, this is gonna be cool. You gotta kind of come to the tour to find out.

[B]

Oh, okay. There we go. A little cliffhanger.

[A]

Yeah. So it's like a little thing, but I'm gonna be in Naples, Florida, Miles, this week.

[B]

The land. The land of white hair.

[A]

Yeah, white.

[B]

There's yester with white hair down there.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. There's a little salt and pe down there too, though. There's a little pepper in that salt. Now I'm gonna be in Wilmington, North Carolina, this month doing club dates to really get the. Get the material right.

[B]

Juices flowing. Yup.

[A]

And then the official start of the tour.

[B]

Love it when Charlie gets his juices flowing.

[A]

Yeah, you do, Miles. You do. And the official start, miles. Kansas City, Missouri, November 7th. If you want to come to any of these dates, you let me know, because then I'm going to Tulsa, Oklahoma. Beautiful. In November 8th.

[B]

Yeah, it is never been, but that's what I've heard.

[A]

Yup. And then I'm In Munhall, Pennsylvania. It's right outside Pittsburgh. And Buffalo, New York. And Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I'm going all around, Miles. So, you know, if. If you guys out there want to come see me charlieburns.com tour.

[B]

First ones in the show me state.

[A]

Yeah, in the show me state. Show me what? You get it.

[B]

I hope you got better material than that for the tour.

[A]

No, I don't.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

That's like. That was my joke coming off the gate. But, Miles, it would be really wonderful if you would come out to a show and do a little.

[B]

You got one in Fargo?

[A]

Yeah, we do have one coming up in Fargo.

[B]

There we go.

[A]

It's not on the list yet, but, I mean, I was thinking you might come a little bit farther than Fargo.

[B]

I have to travel around the country for you to do this podcast. It'd be nice if you came when came and did a show on my town.

[A]

That's true, that's true, that's true. And people, I heard, really liked our live podcast. You guys gotta listen up because we're gonna have another live show with me and Miles coming up soon.

[B]

Here, Ralph, you got Miles and Charlie from the Bellied up podcast. I hear that you are having some trouble with a hunting spot. Are you having trouble? Is your buddy what to talk us through what's going on?

[C]

Oh, yeah. Boys. Hey, first of all, good to hear from you. Long time listener, first time caller. You know, Ralph, thank you.

[A]

That means a lot.

[C]

Oh, yeah. I've been following you guys for years. Yeah. But hey, it's. It's.

[A]

What color car do you drive?

[C]

I don't know about that.

[E]

I can't.

[A]

You get what I did there, Ralph? I just called a misdirect choke. Gotcha. Gotcha on it.

[C]

Yeah, you sure did.

[A]

Seriously, is a red Chevy, though.

[C]

Why is it outside?

[A]

I've been seeing one. My rear view mirror is of late.

[C]

You'll never know, Charlie.

[A]

All right, Ralph, well, I'm just pulling your pecker here. Why don't you sit down?

[B]

I'm actually gonna use that in the future. Are you? Someone comes up, hey, I've been following you for a long time. Be like, that's creepy. What car are you?

[A]

They'll think you're. They'll think you're paranoid or funny or both.

[C]

Yeah, let's take some royalties on that.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Huh.

[B]

So what's going on with the hunting?

[C]

Yeah, you know, so every year we go, we do some duck hunting. Opening day that's happening here this Saturday.

[A]

Here in PA They're Migrating, baby.

[C]

They are, buddy. They're moving. But here's the problem. So we hunt. We hunt on a river, right? And these guys, every year, these SOBs, every year, they're always there first. Now I get there, three o' clock in the morning. This past year, this is what I see. I see two dudes drunk, next to a fire with an empty case of bush light. How do you beat that?

[A]

Yeah, you can't beat it. You join them. That's it. That's it.

[C]

It's gotta be.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So they just go get hammered and then they wake up and they start hunting?

[C]

Yeah, they do. Yeah, they do. In this past year, it seems as though their buddies thought that we were their buddies and they had a dog and everything. They're saying, hey, Joe, is that you? We're like, who's asking? They come down like, well, hey, yeah, where's our friends? You're not our friends. I mean, all those two dudes passed out drunk over there, by the way.

[B]

So, yeah, I suppose there is like a. A fine line, like people who aren't necessarily going hunting for the day that are still up from the night before, and the people that went to bed early because they got a hunt in the morning, they cut. They do cross paths.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's like ships in the night, you know?

[A]

And it is one of those odd times too, where like, you don't respect the other's game, you know? Yeah, the guys who were there, they think they were there first, but they were just out partying. They don't respect that these guys are coming in early in the morning, waking them up. You guys don't respect them out there drinking, you know, it's tough.

[C]

Well, I. Oh, you can. You can get drunk and shoot a ducks all you want, buddy, but we tried waking them up, they were not moving.

[A]

Oh, really? So they were just.

[B]

Did they have a pulse, though?

[C]

I didn't touch him, Miles.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Well, I know how to wake them up.

[B]

Sounds like we may have a murder mystery on our hands now, Charlie, if.

[A]

They don't move after your first duck of the morning, then, you know.

[C]

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. But I don't know. They're nice enough guys, you know? I just don't know. I mean, what do you think? It'd be a dick move to head up there about like 11pm the night before and beat them? I mean, they've been doing this for years. We keep having the same argument every year.

[A]

Well, they're starting at.

[B]

They.

[A]

They're probably starting at 9, you know, at dusk. The night you really gotta. I mean, this is Black Friday camping at this point.

[B]

Yeah, Black Friday circa 2010. You know, do people outside of a Best Buy.

[A]

I know the only outside the toys are us anymore.

[B]

No, I don't think so.

[A]

I'll be damned. This world's changing too fast. Ralph tell you that right now. So tell me about.

[C]

It's 80 degrees and it's October. It ain't right.

[A]

I know it ain't right. No, it ain't right. I don't even think those ducks are gonna migrate, you know, given the weather.

[C]

I don't know. Gooses came through.

[A]

Well, the geese will come through anytime.

[C]

But I got. I got one more for you too.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

Well, I got you. Well, who knows how many more. Yeah. So what do you guys do? I'm sure this has happened to you. You know, you bought. You brought a buddy to a. To a hunting spot, right? And you know, every year, by year comes by, hey, man, you want to come out, go do some shooting ducks with us and that, you know? Yeah, sure, sure. But can I bring my other friend? But we don't. We don't. We don't know that guy. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, the friend. Asking another friend to a party, you know, it's like. It can get messy. That's why you gotta. I feel like you just gotta set clear boundaries, you know, like, hey, Charlie, you can come, but only you can come.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Or just a hard no. Do you mind? My friend comes. Yes. Well, yes, you do. Yeah. All right. That was my fault. I set you up for that.

[B]

That was another misdirect by you.

[A]

Well, Mr.

[B]

Egg.

[E]

Baby.

[A]

Mr.

[C]

Egg.

[A]

Chucky B. Let me say this, Ralph. Did you bring a guy out who was suspect or did you just turn him down right away?

[C]

Oh, no, no. You know, he's a mutual friend, you know, and then later on, he starts bringing all sorts of people to that spot. It's like, hey, buddy.

[A]

Oh, without you?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

No. Yeah, no, that's a no. I mean. Well, where'd you learn about this?

[B]

There should be like a whole section of the DNR that polices other people stealing hunting spots from other people.

[A]

That would be a good video.

[B]

Actually, there should be a whole section. And actually, probably most of the DNR should be, you know, their. Their resource to be allocated to. Not poachers, but people poaching hunting spots.

[A]

Yeah. There should be a guy with a book, you know, and it should be one book, and it should be, you know, kept in pen.

[B]

Yeah. Of who hunts what.

[A]

Yeah. And you got to go into that. Yeah. Well, I think a lot of people would.

[B]

I think the way that you usually accomplish that, Charlie, is by buying land. Oh, yeah. I think they already invented this. But not. But in today's economy, who can buy hon land anymore?

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

So it's almost like, here's what we need. Why don't they have time shares for hunting land?

[A]

I think they do.

[D]

Oh, really?

[A]

I saw a billboard for that the other day.

[D]

Really?

[A]

Yeah, I was thinking about it. Yeah. God, yeah. They're on to you, Miles.

[B]

You know, I suppose that's like going. Going to like a. Like a hunt and preserve or something like that. Is basically a hunting timeshare. All right, well, we'll keep work shopping it.

[C]

Well, I think. I think Charlie can afford all that property, Miles. I mean, I tried to get tickets to his show in Pittsburgh, and I'll be damned. They're sold out. You can't get in there.

[A]

No, they're not in Pittsburgh. No, see, they.

[C]

The good. The good seats are.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

You can't be picky and then complain.

[C]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

That's true. Well, you wanna. You wanna come to the show in Pittsburgh? I'll get you tickets.

[C]

I'd love to come.

[B]

They're gonna be in the nosebleeds, though. We're not giving you good tickets.

[A]

No, I'll give you.

[B]

They'll be free, but they're gonna be seats.

[A]

Yeah, you might.

[B]

It might be a partially obstructed view, but. Hey, we'll get you some.

[A]

No, Ralph, I'll. I'll hook you up.

[B]

Up. Just.

[C]

Yeah, that'd be good.

[A]

Text us your name and we'll send you back the details. Okay.

[C]

All right, buddy, that sounds great.

[A]

No, but we're not done with you yet here, so I.

[B]

You.

[A]

You're talking smack, though, about these fellas. You told them where the hunting spot is, and then now they're at the hunting spot and you're upset. But my question is, Ralph, where did you. How'd you find out? The hunting spot.

[B]

Great.

[A]

Be honest.

[C]

Sweat and tears. Blood. Sweat and tears, Charlie.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[C]

Mile is putting Miles on that canoe and trying to find good duck hunting spots. That's how I found it.

[A]

Okay, okay, well, respect. Respect. Ralph out there in the canoe. What kind of canoe you paddling these days?

[C]

Old Town Sportsman.

[A]

Oh, sure. That's nice. Oh, yeah, yeah, I got an old one. You know, I Got an old town loon.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Balloons are good.

[A]

Don't say it like that.

[B]

He said it.

[A]

He just said it like it wasn't that good. So my dad, Ralph, is the loon.

[B]

A beginner canoe or. Why did you say like that?

[C]

You know, people learn on it. You know, it's the old tried and true, though. It's right and true. When you're ready for something else, you know, you move up a little bit.

[A]

It's a kayak, Ralph.

[C]

Yes, you're right. You're right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, Ralph, screw you. All right. I hope. I hope they keep stealing your hunting spots. In fact, where are you hunting, Ralph?

[C]

Oh, you know, over in Northwest pa. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I'm coming out there. All right.

[B]

Charlie Barron. See, out there, Charlie Barron's is the only guy in the history of the world to get offended over a canoe.

[A]

Or a kayak comment.

[B]

Only guy to burn a bridge over making fun of his kayak.

[A]

He really on my parade, though. You know, the way you said it.

[C]

Off, when I worked at a. I worked at a canoe livery for better part of five, six years. Loons are tried and true, man.

[A]

Okay, I got a. Thank you.

[B]

I bought a. A pelican kayak from Walmart for like 200 bucks back in, like, 2008.

[A]

Those will work. Yeah.

[B]

Gets the job done. You.

[A]

That's the one I was in.

[B]

You were in that kayak? Pretty nice, huh?

[A]

It is pretty nice.

[B]

How much was your loom? What's a. What's a good price for a kayak?

[C]

There ain't no good price for a kayak. Your pellet, your pelicans, as cheap as you're gonna get there.

[A]

Yeah. Damn it. I got. I did get a good deal on mine, though. I knew a guy who was going to see a horse about a deer, and he got me a pretty good deal. So, not to brag, but that. That loon, if I wanted to resell it, I'd probably make money on it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So, you know, I've been thinking about stepping up, though, about the loons because.

[B]

But now you can.

[A]

They're kind of basic canoes.

[B]

I know, but if you get. If you don't own the loon now, then. He's right. He won.

[A]

You know, when I own the loon.

[B]

No, he was making fun of. I know.

[A]

That's why I'm selling it. Dude, he made fun of me.

[B]

You're caving to peer pressure?

[A]

Absolutely. Well, I start off offended, and then I quickly. It's like the stages of denial. You start off at offended. And then you just start making fun of other people with them. But you have. Before you can make fun of other people, you have to sell yours. So that's it. We're in through the stages anyways. Ralph, where are you doing right now? You walking somewhere?

[C]

Oh, yeah, I'm just at work.

[A]

Where do you work.

[C]

Both at the same time? Park ranger.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

No wonder he was making fun of my outdoor equipment.

[B]

Yeah, we're talking to, you know, talking.

[A]

To Ranger Rick over here.

[B]

This is like a couple of noon ball guys talking to Michael Jordan. It's not a fair game.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, boy.

[A]

Have you given any tickets recently?

[C]

Oh, man. Last one I wrote was July 4th.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

So what the fuck have you been doing?

[C]

We have a very, very nice park around here. Good clientele. Real good clientele. Real good.

[B]

Sounds like a pretty cushy job if you ask me.

[C]

Oh, boys, we're working on. We're putting on food plots for the deers and turkeys. We're gonna be stalking pheasants here soon.

[A]

Dude, are you guys hiring?

[C]

No. Right now we're not. That's for sure.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I thought he was gonna say, depends who's asking.

[A]

Yeah, it's a good. That's a good turn there. That's a good turn.

[B]

You know.

[A]

What park is it?

[C]

Oh, it's just a. It's a lake in northwest Pennsylvania. You know, there's a wide community out there. So we'll keep it. We'll keep it a little, you know, tucked in the woods.

[A]

Oh, she's really not giving up that hunting spot. Do you like how I went around? Like I asked you, straight up, you wouldn't tell me. And then I walked around the tree and figured you might not see me from this angle, but you got me, Ralph.

[C]

Yeah, you tried. You tried your best.

[B]

That's good.

[C]

That's real good. I'll tell you what. One thing you guys might like more. Or not. I mean, our ditch chickens are very tame around here. They're not going to get up and fly from you 80 yards out and then keep going the next.

[B]

Well, that's because. That's because you just plant them all. They're all.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

If they were wild, then they would be sporty, you know?

[C]

That's right. My dog catches most of them. I barely have to pull the trigger.

[A]

Oh, geez. Yeah, they're just runners.

[C]

Crazy. Oh, they're just runners, man.

[B]

Yeah, you. I mean, you really don't have to do anything up there. Gives out one ticket a Year goes hunting. His dog just gets everything.

[A]

This dude's got.

[C]

That one. That one episode you guys had, that dude that was on the phone with you guys hunting pheasants. They said, hey, hold on a second. Didn't you hear the gunshot? Oh, that was awesome.

[B]

It was all right.

[A]

Yeah, it was.

[B]

It was. Couldn't. Yeah. A lot of people thought we scripted that. There's just not a chance we could have done that.

[A]

Yeah, I know. We don't put preparation into this.

[B]

The whole reason why we have a call in show is so that we don't have to prep and we just go with the flow.

[A]

That was literally the. The stated purpose for both me and Miles starting this. What if we just drink at a bar like we usually do, but have microphones there? End of concept.

[B]

Question. So it sounds like you're walking around like, what. What are you actually doing today?

[C]

What am I doing today? Well, today I cut down a bunch of trees. And then you know how to do a little bit of computer work. And right now I'm walking around one of our clover food plots looking and seeing how it's doing because we've had the great drought of 2025, you know?

[A]

Yeah. How are they doing? Good.

[C]

Miles. This ain't doing good.

[B]

It's all right.

[A]

That's all right.

[B]

That's the way it goes. It's the way it goes, but it's.

[A]

Not the way it went, Miles. And we wanna. We wanna bring it back to that. You know, let's. We gotta get some rain. Well, we want to get some rain out there. You know, you can hear it in his voice. He needs better clover. And without the clover, the hunting's not as good. And then Ralph is sad, so we're trying to be empathetic to him right now.

[B]

Miles, is Ralph a family name or are you. Were you just named Ralph one off?

[C]

Ralph's a nickname, actually.

[B]

What. What's your real name?

[C]

It's Joel.

[B]

Joel. How'd you get the name Ralph?

[C]

Oh, people just. We call everybody Ralph. So long story. Long story short.

[A]

Did you use a fake name, Joel?

[C]

No, all the friends and family call us Ralph.

[B]

So you're at a family function and you go, hey, Ralph. And everyone turns.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Really?

[B]

So it's like us calling each other buddies up here. Like, hey, buddy, what's going on? It's like, hey, Ralph, what are you doing?

[C]

Pretty much. I can't explain it that well. It's based off the Christmas story, you know, Ralphie.

[A]

Yeah, Ralph.

[C]

Yeah. It all started with a buddy of mine's dad, we all called him Ralph and that was not his name. And then everybody started calling each other alf.

[A]

Really?

[C]

And yeah.

[A]

What does your mom call you?

[C]

Oh, she calls me by my God given name.

[A]

Wait, God gave you the name or your mom gave you the name?

[C]

My mom gave me the name.

[B]

Okay, so what's your God given name then?

[C]

That's a good one. I don't know.

[A]

Wow. Sperm number 7822.

[B]

Way more than that.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Sperm. 1,800,000,000,000. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It probably depends on the age of your dad. Seven thousand would be like. Oh, yeah, yeah. He'd be a grandfather at 23 years.

[B]

Your dad might be Adam. Yeah, if it's 7,000.

[A]

Oh yeah, that's true. That's. Oh, that's where we're going. Oh yeah. Because God, naming sperm and thinking of all the people with sperm and how.

[B]

Much sperm comes out with each. Each trip, you know, like millions, you know, with each trip down the tunnel, there's a lot of them. From what I understand about science class.

[A]

I mean, I, I remember I'm gonna.

[B]

Start calling it that. Yeah. Well, nice little trip down the tunnel.

[A]

Well, Ralph and Joel and number 20-Quotrillion-86.

[C]

There you go.

[A]

It's nice, it's nice for you to call in here. And we, we hope the weather turns for you and gets right back to where it should be. And you know, it's. It's a brave new world out there. But you're out there, you're making sure that those hunting spots are remaining. You know what? Miles brought up a fun fact.

[B]

I did?

[A]

Yeah, you did. Or a fun idea. And that was to have a little book with a pen and a dnr. The warden. And we didn't realize at that point that we were talking to a warden of sorts.

[C]

Oh, no, I don't enforce those rules.

[B]

What we need to do is. It's no pun intended, but we need a quack, quack seat back situation with hunting land. Public, public hunting land needs. We need to start enforcing a quack quack situation.

[A]

That should be the title of the book. Do you have a notebook, Joel?

[C]

I do got one.

[B]

And then you go up to be like, oh, you're not, you're not Ralph. Sorry, but someone else quacked that spot. So I'm gonna need you. You to get out of here. He's gonna show up in about a half hour.

[A]

You know what? That's actually not a bad idea. And then like the seat, the, the place you're hunting, like if you don't get a duck. If you don't get a certain number of ducks, you lose the seat.

[B]

Yeah, that's true. Perform. You gotta perform.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, I'll tell you what. We do it different here in PA we got two different agencies that run everything. It's not dnr. You got Pennsylvania Fish and Boat Commission. Then you got Pennsylvania Game Commission. It only gets more confusing.

[A]

And are you on the game or the Fish and Boat?

[C]

No, no, I work. I work for a federal agency.

[A]

Oh, shit. Well, we'll buy you a beer. Sucks. Sorry, Ralph.

[C]

Sorry.

[A]

Or I'll give it to your government name. Joel.

[C]

There you go. That'll work.

[A]

Yeah. Well, sounds like a cool job. Hopefully you get paid pretty soon here and, you know, you keep her moving out there, man, and. Yeah, and. And we'll get you tickets lined up to that PA show, even though you made fun of my kayak.

[C]

Oh, buddy, it's a good boat. It's a good boat. I'd paddle one every day.

[A]

Okay, well, that makes me feel better. Miles is looking at me like I still have a wimpy kayak. Miles, you got a Walmart kayak. All right, so what are you in.

[B]

Talking about on purpose, though? I know you got that loon thinking you were doing something.

[A]

I thought. I thought it was something special. But I did get a good deal on, so I'm not super upset about it, but, you know.

[C]

And pay sticker price?

[A]

Nope.

[C]

Hey, you can't beat that.

[A]

Hell, no, dude. No, you can't. We're feeling good.

[C]

Well, we wouldn't have got mine if I paid it. Geez.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, Mr. Joel. Ralph. Ralphie. Thanks for calling in, dude.

[C]

Yeah, dude, it's great to talk to you guys.

[A]

And be careful with that shotgun. You'll shoot your eye out.

[C]

Oh, I shoot straight.

[A]

Yeah. Will you get the joke, though, Ralph? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. You didn't laugh, so I just want to make sure you guys.

[C]

I laughed inside.

[A]

That's cool. Yeah, no, it's cool. Maybe next time, do it outside.

[B]

You just started doing that at your comedy shows. Charlie say a joke, joke, and they just go like, hey, you guys get it? And then like, yeah. And they're like, but you guys didn't laugh.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's actually a great way out of a bombing, you know.

[A]

Oh, I've done it before. Milestone.

[B]

Start gaslighting the. The audience being like, well, you guys just don't have a sense of humor. Yeah, I do. That was funny.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I've. I've Gotten that T shirt, Ralph. You'll see when I perform live for you in Pennsylvania.

[B]

I don't know why. I don't know why, but that seems wrong.

[A]

What?

[B]

The way you phrase that you were gonna be doing a comedy show in his town by saying that you're gonna perform live for him. Wrong.

[A]

No, it doesn't seem wrong. Why are you. Why are you making it weird, Miles? You know, I'm just trying to. To, you know, I'm gonna tell some jokes and song and dance, man. You know? Anyways. Yeah, yeah, it'll be fun. But, Ralph, you have fun out there. Good luck with the clover, good luck with the birds. Good luck with the deers. God bless the fish. All right?

[C]

Yes, sir. Yeah. Hopefully we'll see in Pittsburgh there, Charlie.

[A]

Oh, yeah. We'll see you soon.

[C]

All right, buddy. You guys take her easy. Have one for me, okay?

[A]

We'll do, pal. Bye. Bye.

[B]

That. Honestly, Charlie, he's living the job that you should.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Like, if you weren't a comedian, you should be doing Joel slash Ralph's job.

[A]

I love it, too. I mean, I told someone once. They said, if you weren't doing this, what you'd be doing. I said, probably being park ranger. And then they're like, oh, you're good. So you're gonna, like, give tickets. I was like, I don't think you understand what kind of park. I would not be a good park ranger, but a park ranger. I would be a guy out there walking.

[B]

You'd be the glue guy. You know, you'd be the glue guy, like the guy. All the park rangers. You're the guy holding everyone together.

[A]

I'm a morale guy.

[B]

Yeah. You're not gonna be, like, you know, doing the best of your job, but you're gonna make everyone else's job a little bit better because you're working there.

[A]

Yeah. Thanks, Miles.

[B]

The jokes, and I appreciate that and all of your. You got to tell the audience what you. You coined a new term.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Compounding Charlie.

[B]

Yes. So can you please explain to the audience what. Compounding Charlies.

[A]

Yeah. No, I mean, compounding Charlie's, man. It's a thing that, you know, anytime. Too many. Anytime I pull a Charlie and there's too many Charlie's pulled in a row, you get a compounding Charlie, which is, like, a disaster, you know? Like, if I drop my phone and the screen breaks, that's fine. That's a Charlie. That shit happens. If I forget to take the boat, like, unlatch the bolt from the trailer, you know, with the transom straps, that's fine. That happens. That's a Charlie. But if I have a broken phone screen and I forget to pull off one of the straps from the transom strap, and my dad's on the thing, he's like, I told you to turn that strap off. I was like, I thought you did. I did not do it. Shit. Then I gotta go. And since the boat's halfway in the water, I gotta walk in the water with a broken phone. Glass is broken. Undo the transom strap to pop it off. And now my phone's broken. And that's a compounding Charlie.

[B]

Yeah. Now your whole day is ruined.

[A]

Whole day, man. I put in rice that worked for a little bit, but then I read on the Internet that once your phones are.

[B]

Are compromised.

[A]

Compromised, they can explode. And I didn't need that pressure, you know, so.

[B]

So, yeah, you have to keep us updated on any future compounding Charlie's that you pull.

[A]

I mean, that's how I got my car repoed. Was it compounding Charlie? Now I'll tell that. A different day, Miles.

[B]

Okay, that's still too soon.

[A]

Yeah, the tow. The tow driver was a fan, though, so.

[B]

Well, it was. Another compounding Charlie moment was when you hit your head in the garage door. You were. First, you were late, then you couldn't get out. Then you did get out, but then you hit your head in the garage door and it's just as a whole thing.

[A]

I know. Like, I cannot. I can't afford to have too many Charlie's in a row. I gotta keep a tally of how many Charlies I'm up to and clear the slate before I. Yeah.

[B]

Like, if you have like two Charlie's in a row, you just need to take a few days off and just stay in your room. I know. Just stay in bed.

[A]

I stay in bed. Exactly.

[B]

Or.

[A]

Or just put my. That's why I should go be a part. I just put myself in the woods for a few days. Because you can't have too many. I. I don't have too many. It's hard to mess up in the woods.

[B]

Yeah. What could go wrong? You in the woods with like a, you know, bow and arrow and. And, you know, 15ft in the air in a deer stand.

[A]

What can go wrong? You're right. You're right. Maybe I should just hide myself in my room.

[B]

Should we do another collar?

[A]

Let's do it.

[B]

Charlie.

[A]

Hi, Miles.

[B]

You know what I love? At a time like this, in a bar with. Like this, with friends like you.

[A]

What's that, Miles, I like to sit.

[B]

Back and just sip on a nice glass of Tippy Cow. That's just brings the moo right out of you.

[A]

My gosh, isn't that true?

[B]

You know, Charlie, the Tippy Cow is made with real Wisconsin cream. They got four tasty flavors, including vanilla soft serve, shamrock, mint orange cream, what we're drinking right now. And when there's football on tv, a pumpkin on the porch, we reach for Tippy Cow orange cream.

[A]

Yes, we do.

[B]

Miles, today, you. You may notice you came to Fargo today. It was 60 degrees out. That is Tippy Cow weather in my mind.

[A]

Brisk hoodie weather.

[B]

Tippy Cow, Yesterday it was 90 degrees. So you came at the right time.

[A]

Wow. Tip it on back, Miles. To the Tippy Cow.

[C]

Moo.

[A]

Russell Nicolay, ladies and gentlemen. You've seen him on the billboards and whatnot all across the Midwest. But, Russell, I had a little question for you. What is the most accurate movie or film or TV show? TV show, erotic video, whatever it is that most accurately captures the trueness of the court system?

[E]

I mean, this might be an unpopular opinion, and maybe it's not based in fact, but I'm just going to say my cousin Vinnie. What do you think of that?

[A]

Yeah, my cousin. I always thought that was because my cousin Vinnie. I mean, you know, Miles, I don't.

[B]

Know what my cousin Vinnie is.

[E]

That's ridiculous. I learned all my lawyering from that show.

[A]

So you haven't seen My Cousin Vinny?

[B]

No.

[A]

What?

[B]

Give me Amy. Break it down. What's the plot?

[A]

Well, okay, so it starts off. It's like down South. Okay.

[B]

I don't think. I don't think we need that.

[A]

I was just getting Jones and Miles. I got a. You know, you can't start an engine cold.

[B]

You would be a great lawyer. Just talk in circles, around and around, until finally everyone just gives up and gives in. Right?

[A]

Joe Pesci. Are you familiar with him, Miles?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

He plays this guy's cousin Vinnie. Now this guy finds himself in a little legal predicament, and he goes, look, I can't afford a lawyer. And so he's like, well, the state will provide you one. He's like, no, no, no, no. You can't go with that. You got to go with your cousin.

[B]

And.

[A]

Or he says that. I forget. Exactly. It's been a while. But then Joe Pesci turns out to be a badass lawyer man. But he's very like, you know, Italian. You know, like imagine the Godfather. Or not the Godfather, Goodfellas. If Joe Pesci was a lawyer. He comes in with that attitude and he ends up actually presenting some really good points and sort of his off the cuff handling it. Yes, he's a little irreverent, but in the end, what we see past that and he's actually making some good arguments. He gets to the heart of the legal matter. He, he goes to the, to the, to the soul of the jury. And because of that, because of his orating skills and his, you know, catching people off guard, they end up winning the case. How'd I do there?

[E]

Russell did an excellent job. I like I was.

[B]

So that's how you modeled your whole career off of his cousin Vic?

[D]

Vinnie?

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

I don't look like Joe Pesi. I don't sound like.

[A]

Look, he's the Midwest.

[B]

Why don't you do a Joe Pesi impression here?

[E]

Let's not do that actually, because I have to save that for the courtroom. That's actually my hidden skills. I'm not going to giving that away on a podcast. Thanks, Miles. Trying to alt me here and make.

[A]

Me look, what am I, funny?

[E]

Give away all my. Yeah.

[A]

Secrets.

[E]

Well, that's not on the.

[B]

That's good.

[E]

That's good. Yeah, that's where you get put in jail, probably, or held in contempt. You know, I start saying that to the judge.

[A]

Oh, you really, you can't threaten the judge.

[B]

No.

[A]

But what about like outside of the courtroom? You know, we've always had the threaten.

[B]

Is something nice like, oh, I'm gonna tickle you.

[A]

That's called a bribe, Miles. Don't tempt me with a good time, sir. You ever tickled anyone?

[C]

Ever tickled anyone?

[E]

Ever tickled a judge?

[A]

You ever tickled a judge?

[E]

No, I've never tickled a judge.

[B]

Well, I never tickled anyone's fancy.

[A]

I've been tickling some fancies, I think. Russell, you ever tickled anyone's fancy?

[E]

Certainly. Yep, certainly. Yeah, but not in court.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

There's no tickling in court is what I learned today.

[A]

I don't know, Russell. I bet you you tickled a few jer his fancies in court. You know, you're, you're a good looking fella. Not intentionally, but I bet you it happened.

[E]

I, I, you know, I've had some success in front of juries and like I've, I've seen it where I like give you my closing arguments and they're nodding with you and they're like, you can tell that they're with you then. So maybe would you consider that tickling?

[A]

That's tickling your fancy. Yeah.

[B]

You know, before, to try and win over the jurors, do you do, like, push ups and sit ups before you get into the courtroom to get a pump on to be able to be more attractively pleasing?

[E]

A lot of lawyers, especially young ones, think that you want to, like, get that, bring the anger and the heat to them.

[B]

But I just meant physically, like, you oil up beforehand.

[E]

I have a full suit on, so they wouldn't really be able to see how oily I was.

[B]

Well, if you got a good tailor, they'll be able to see.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Or if I was really ripped and I just kind of like ripped through the suit, like. Yeah, started flexing that.

[A]

Like that.

[E]

That might work.

[A]

But you young lawyers, though, they go, yeah, they go hard. They go angry.

[E]

They think the to advocate is to like, you know, kind of like get, yell and get fired up and even some older lawyers, but generally the jury, because if you think about it, the jury's like, there against their own will. Like, they've basically been kidnapped from their.

[A]

Life to sit there and listen to.

[E]

This trial for days.

[A]

Right.

[E]

And they're like, why are you yelling at.

[B]

Yeah, they're not looking for someone to yell at them.

[A]

They're looking for a frank.

[C]

A decision.

[E]

Yeah. And also the juries usually will pick up up who's, like, the anger. And you want to let them, like, take care of the bad guy or the bully, not you. You're just kind of the narrator, right. You're just showing them. You're like, you're showing them all the evidence, the light you're shining light and evidence. And then they're like, aha. Russell's clients being wronged. And we're going to take it out on this other, you know, we're going.

[A]

To make it right. So you want to be calm, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you. And you don't want to be like a condescending prick.

[E]

No, no, you don't. And you, you have to be really careful, too, with humor because, like, if it doesn't land.

[B]

Yeah, you would be good because, you.

[E]

Know, you've got good jokes, but mine would probably miss. And they'd be like, dude, this guy's an idiot.

[A]

Well, I mean, I've. I bombed. Like, if you. We could do a whole compilation of things I bombed on this podcast, you know, it's probably because Chive TV was on. Thank God we took that off. Oh, okay.

[B]

So cousin Vinnie, you say is the most realistic. What would be the most realistic lawyer erotic film that Charlie had mentioned earlier?

[E]

I'VE never seen a lawyer erotic film, but maybe Charlie's got a few that he can point us to.

[A]

That's against the Catholic Church. That was meant to be a joke.

[B]

Clearly Russell's never been on page 183 before.

[A]

It's in the Bible. Thou shalt not.

[B]

Because There's a page 183. There's some good lawyer content on there. So.

[A]

Wait, page 183. I missed the joke?

[B]

Yeah, it's okay.

[A]

Someone explain the joke.

[C]

Joke.

[B]

No, we'll do it. We'll do it. I'll explain it later.

[A]

Jared, tell me, what's a joke? God damn, dude. I hate it when I don't understand Russell. Do you understand it?

[E]

I mean, he's just saying it's there. You just gotta search.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, search harder. Yeah, yeah, you just.

[B]

You gotta get bored with pages one through 182.

[A]

Oh, I see what you're.

[E]

When you get all the way there.

[A]

But you know, that's funny, Miles. Google Aa. I. Yeah, well, Google AI can probably.

[E]

Find it for you. Yeah, you can find it quick. I don't know if you go through all 182 pages, but you could.

[B]

Yeah, you could skip to 183. I usually skip that part.

[E]

So maybe I should be asking you what's the best? It doesn't even have to be the most realistic. What's the best.

[B]

One? One of my favorites is the great Big gavel. It's a great one. You know, nine jurors and one judge.

[A]

Nine jurors, one judge, you know. Oh, is that a playoff of two guys?

[B]

Co ed jurors one through eight is great. Yeah. So anything like that? Well, I think it's pretty realistic.

[E]

These are rolling off your tongue.

[A]

Will do easily.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

How many times you been to page 183?

[B]

Don't even start talking to me about page 205.

[C]

Well.

[E]

If hopefully I don't get disbarred now, so.

[B]

Or that you won't. That's another one. It's called Disbarred. It's.

[A]

It's a good one Page is that hard and disbarred?

[B]

Yeah. Well, where can the folks find you at Russell?

[E]

Yep, you can find [e-mail] or 1-855- Nicolette.

[D]

We got Jason. How's she going, fellas?

[A]

Oh, she's going good, Jason.

[B]

What's racing, Jason?

[D]

Oh, good one.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

Oh, just out here working mostly. Kind of fishing, but kind of working.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

What kind of job do you do there? You can work and fish at the Same time?

[D]

Well, I work for myself and I got somebody running to get me some material. So he's.

[B]

He's unemployed?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, he's self unemployed.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Jason, you got someone running to get you materials? No, he's a country.

[D]

Waiting on some boards.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What are we doing?

[B]

What's. What's worse, waiting on boards or waiting on mud? Concrete trucks?

[D]

Oh, I couldn't tell you. I don't do concrete. You can have that.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Are you from Canada?

[D]

Northern Michigan. Oh, where I'm from, I'm. Can't really tell you where I'm at now because I gotta talk to Charlie about that first.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Okay. Why?

[D]

Well, you always. You're telling people to move up here and, well, you're giving away our honey holes.

[B]

Don't do that.

[A]

I'm not telling anyone to move to the UP I'm saying that I want the up as. Okay, well, I'm not telling anyone to move there. I wouldn't do that. People aren't moving anywhere because of me.

[D]

Well, I moved from the UP to northern Wisconsin a while back.

[A]

Well, why'd you do that? That I'm about.

[D]

I'm about 10 miles south of where your. Your little spot is there.

[A]

Oh, don't you dare give that away. How do you know where. How do you know where I live, Jason?

[D]

I see around.

[A]

Have I met you?

[D]

I. I've seen you. Seen you at the stores here and there. I won't name them because I don't want to give away your spot.

[A]

Jason's a follower.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Jason, why you didn't. You never say hi when. When I'm on about.

[D]

I'm not really the. The chase for an autograph kind of.

[A]

No, that's fine. Well, hey, you called in. This is a nice way to say hi to you, Jason.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So are you guys drinking today?

[A]

Well, we're in Fargo.

[D]

That's descriptive. We're at.

[A]

Go ahead, Miles, tell them where we're at.

[B]

We're at the sports bar. It's actually me and the boys old college bar. And. Yeah, we're bellied up. Having a couple. A couple. Two tree beers. What do you have?

[D]

Yeah, I've heard some stories on you betcha. About the sports bar.

[B]

Yeah, it's a good spot. So what'd you call in today other than to get mad at Charlie? I will always welcome that.

[A]

Well, was he getting mad at me? Is that what he was telling people.

[D]

To move to the people to move up here?

[A]

I'm not telling anyone. Also, I'd like to point out you moved from Michigan to Wisconsin, so. But I didn't.

[B]

Okay. You're losing your ground to stand on.

[D]

I'm losing my ground there, but, you know, my ground stands with the Flatlanders. That's. You know, they can stay in Illinois and we'll stay up here, and that'll be all right.

[A]

Yeah, I'm not trying to. I'm not telling anyone to move up north, that's for sure.

[D]

All right, we'll backtrack a little.

[A]

Yeah, you know. You know, you're. You're really stepping in it here now, Jason. And you're. No, I'm just messing with you. But what is on your mind? Oh, I know what's on your mind. Your father in law. You don't know what to call.

[D]

Yeah, I've been with my wife for 10 years and I was introduced as Mr. White.

[B]

And you still called him sir 10 years later because you don't know what to call him or what.

[D]

No, I just call him, hey, come here.

[B]

I'm sure he loves that.

[A]

It's still awkward after 10.

[B]

Hey, you. Hey, you.

[D]

Well, and. And you know, he's vegan, if that tells you anything.

[B]

Oh, God, what an interesting scenario.

[A]

And his name's Mr. White?

[D]

Yep.

[A]

Okay. What's his. What is his first name?

[D]

Craig.

[A]

Okay, Craig.

[B]

I thought you're saying Walter and I just got a little more interesting.

[D]

Well, that could add up, actually.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

I mean, if his name was Dick or something, you might know why it could be awkward because you don't know what to call him.

[D]

That might make it hard.

[B]

Nice. Good one.

[A]

We like what you did there, Jason, but he told you, you. When you first met, he said, call me Mr. White. Or did you try calling him Craig too early?

[D]

Oh, he. He told me call him Mr. White and we got married and I said, well, can I call you Craig? He says, nope, I'm Mr. White.

[B]

Oh, wow. That.

[D]

I got a little. I got a little buffer now since we. We had our daughter. I can call him grandpa, but, you know, if she's not around, then I just still call him.

[B]

Hey, come here.

[A]

Are you serious? So you don't. You're not caught. You, you, you.

[B]

That. You're on. Yeah, it's like he's. He's defying him by not calling a Mr. White. But it doesn't have enough balls to just call him Craig.

[D]

Yeah, that's correct.

[B]

Yeah, that's correct. So why do you think he doesn't want you to call him Craig? Like, is it just. He. He's a very traditional man. Or does he not like you very much?

[D]

I wish I could give you an answer to that. Both are possible.

[B]

Okay. Well, what'd you do? What? How'd you get in his bad graces other than sleeping with his daughter?

[D]

Well, I. I eat meat.

[A]

Oh, you eat meat.

[B]

So he's a principled vegan. That's it?

[D]

It seems that way.

[B]

That's the worst.

[A]

Interesting. Okay, okay, okay, wait a second.

[D]

My wife catches a lot of flak from him for eating meat.

[A]

Okay. Does your wife have a sister?

[D]

Yep.

[A]

Is her sister married?

[D]

No, she's in UW. Milwaukee at school.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Is she a vegan?

[D]

Her parents think she is.

[B]

Well, there you go. I mean, it's just the tales all the time. What your parents don't know can't hurt them, you know? So you need to just talk about how much you love in leaves these days. Then you can call Craig.

[A]

Leaves have others, too.

[D]

It's a tall order.

[A]

This is fascinating, though, that. That you. So does he, like, act like he likes you in any regard?

[D]

Yeah, when we're drinking whiskey and playing cribbage.

[A]

Oh, all right.

[B]

I just. This guy is so confusing to me. Are you a vegan or are you not. You can't be playing. I just don't. I just don't know. Like, my view of vegans is like, they just would never sit down and drink a glass of whiskey and play cribbage.

[A]

Well, Miles, cribbage board doesn't have a mother and neither does whiskey. So you see how there's no conflict there?

[B]

No, I understand. I just. I don't know, I feel like he should be just, like, going on nature walks and.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, perfect.

[B]

Eating kombucha.

[A]

No, that's true. Because. Because. What's that cribbage board made out? Of? Wood.

[B]

Wood? Yeah.

[A]

He had to cut down a tree. Tree had a mother. Even though trees are asexual, they're their own mother, you know? And also, think of all the squirrels then. What's that?

[D]

How do they eat leaves then? Leaves. You know, vegans come off of trees and we got mothers.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, can he. Yeah. No, that's true. But leaves, I suppose they. They reproduce. It's not killing the plant, so it's just kind of. It's a renewable resource. Miles is not.

[B]

I'm just thinking, well, what about eggs? Can we eat eggs? So what's. What's kind of funny is I feel like vegans. And we'll call them blue collar folk.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At times they feel like. Like mortal enemies. Correct. They stand for different things. I like eating meat. I don't. I think eating meat is bad. Correct. Peel back the layers. How much different are vegans than blue collar? Hunting, fishing types? Right. They. They both like to be outdoors.

[A]

Yup.

[B]

They both have a very specific diet. It just turns out that one is without meat and one is. I only eat meat and potatoes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They both drink some weird stuff, you know, blue collar guy, they're drinking malort, you know, and. And the. The vegans are drinking kombucha, which is its own weird thing as well. You know, it's like, how much different are vegans in blue collar guys?

[A]

Well, I see what you're doing here, Miles. I see what you're doing here. You know, you're trying to find what are the commonalities between the. The vegans and the blue collar? Probably a suspicion of, you know, a controlling entity. You know, the systems at play. Yeah.

[D]

So here's something to confuse you fellas a little more is good. He doesn't really like to go out and do the nature stuff. He likes to go to the grocery store and buy his sprouts in a jar and go home and have a sprout salad.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

How can you be a vegan that doesn't like to go outside?

[A]

Here is the comp. I'm just playing with the chords, Jared. It's. Here's a complicating thing. Or the complicating factor it might be worth, you know, you. You chit chat with him about. But like, depending on where he lives, you know, the vegan diet could be doing more harm to more animals than hunting, you know, because if you think of the carbon footprint of what you're eating now, some vegans do it, like, where it's just like what's grown here and whatever, but some vegans are importing, and that's a big carbon footprint. So.

[B]

Yeah, what, you know, he's a. He's a big principled vegan. What. What's his reason for being vegan?

[D]

Well, he says it was a health issue back in the day, but there's. There's no evidence to prove that. He just. I think he just likes it. I think he. He got weirded out when he went hunting once or something.

[A]

Oh, well, that'll happen. That'll happen.

[B]

Okay. There you go, dude. You, in order to, you know, big dick him, just start kind of prodding at him and being like, so what really happened, Craig? What happened? You went out there, you couldn't handle a little bit of guts hanging out of an animal after you took him down and some. Now you're vegan or what? And then he'll take it.

[D]

That would make him like me more.

[B]

Yeah, well, no. So you, you, you, you get him in a defensive situation and then you get the leverage because now you're undressing him and seeing who he really is. You're on. You're unfield dressing him.

[D]

Yeah, maybe I'll give it a go next time we play some cribbage.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

See what he's got to say.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, just start, just go, you got a weak stomach or something or what?

[A]

What?

[B]

And then just see what he says.

[D]

Well, now he lives right in the middle of what you might call a city in these neck of the woods. So I, it's, you know, Steven's point. Modest to call it a city. No, no, it's. He's in Rhinelander there.

[A]

Oh yeah, Rhinelander. Yeah, the Hodag. Sure, I was just over there.

[D]

Oh, I know. I, I tried to get to your show. I forgot to order a ticket. Then I went up to the front door and they told me you're sold out.

[A]

Oh, geez.

[B]

Well, that's a brag.

[A]

It was a high school. They could have you found your way in. Probably.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Next time just bring a ladder. They'll let anyone with a ladder into events. It's true.

[A]

Yeah, that's true.

[D]

I just went down to the bar instead, shot some pool.

[A]

Oh, well, good. Well, I'm glad you had had fun.

[B]

Regardless, you should add someone going into the show. You should ask them to stream it live on Tick Tock and then you could have watched it from the bar.

[A]

Smart.

[D]

I got to work today and the buddy I'm working with here, he says he got tickets but he forgot to go to the show.

[A]

You know, you'd be amazed at how often that happens.

[D]

Yeah, I wish I could have made her there.

[A]

I got, you know. Well, you could have just taken his tickets. But more in retrospect, I'm still trying to figure out how you can improve this relationship with your father in law and get on the first name basis.

[B]

Well, so why is it the father in law gets to treat him like that but he can't treat him for being a vegan the same way? You know, like, why can't you take a principle meat eating guy stand as well?

[D]

Oh, my wife wouldn't allow that.

[B]

Oh yeah, I forgot about the old ballet chain. Yeah, I forgot about that.

[A]

I think now do you guys. How Many kids do you guys have?

[D]

Just one.

[A]

Okay. Okay, well. And after a year it's still mister. What if you told him, why don't you do an experiment? Do an experiment. One week you go vegan, see if you can get him to do it.

[B]

It actually, what you got to do is go through the grandchildren. So once your kid gets old enough to start talking, you got to convince your kid to, to, you know, throw it, try and get her grandpa or his grandma, if it was boy or girl, to eat meat. And that's the only way you can get grandparents to not be set in their ways is if they're grandchildren.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Like my dad, he's like, he hates change, but if my son in a few years goes up to him and says, like, I want you to do this and it's not what he normally does, he would just do it because it's his grandkid.

[A]

Really. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

The odds of that happening though, they're slim. Because we go camping, he's got to bring his own grill because he won't grill on something that had meat on it.

[B]

He won't.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[D]

Extreme. This is extreme.

[A]

This, this feels like less of a principled stand necessarily or an ethical one, but just more of a disgust.

[B]

Autism or something.

[A]

Well, I'm not a medical health professional, Miles, and, and you know, I'm not going to touch that with a 2 inch pole right now. But what I will say is that it's, it's like, it's weird that he won't even.

[B]

His mom had Tylenol when he was, when she was pregnant.

[A]

What you're saying Aceto Frida meo. So I think that it's, it's much different. It's. It's not. It seems to be like. Yeah, like a tick, almost a mental tick. Is he a nice guy otherwise?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, he's, he's an introvert, but he's a nice guy.

[A]

Yeah. No kidding. Does he judge everyone for eating meat?

[D]

Very much so, yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That's the worst.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't mean to rag on Craig, but that's just the worst. Oh God, you poor guy.

[D]

Yeah, it's, it's a tough one. I got, I got hollered at by the old lady because I made a comment about how many ingredients were in his beyond burgers versus my meat patty and boy, that didn't go over well.

[A]

Well, I mean, because if his, if his true motivation is to, to, it must be for his. I don't know. I don't understand it.

[D]

You know, I can't sit here on the same train.

[A]

Yeah, well, I think you just give up is my advice. And then maybe at some point he'll. He'll just let you do it, you.

[D]

Know, that's kind of where I got to. And I was hoping you'd have some better advice than that, but.

[A]

Well, I tried.

[B]

Well, that was Charlie's advice. That wasn't my advice. No. Let me take a second.

[D]

That.

[B]

See what I did there?

[A]

No. While Miles is thinking. Because, Miles, I said. And Miles, you said give up.

[B]

That's. That's the Baron's way, you know, you're faced with a tough challenge and barons just throws in the towel, tucks tail and gets out of town.

[A]

No, not I though. What. What I was saying was that you should pretend to be vegan for a week and see if that works.

[B]

That's a.

[D]

That's a tall order. I'd probably die.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You're trying to kill the guy or what?

[A]

I said preten. You know, okay, just.

[D]

I could maybe pretend.

[A]

See if. See if once. See if the vegan thing is what makes it happen. Just tell him you're vegan from now on and see how long it takes him to let you call him Craig. Okay. And. And then you will know that if it's a vegan thing or if it's just like a. This is your father in law. This is who he is. He just doesn't like you. And he is. You know, just wait.

[D]

Food coloring with me whenever I go over there and I'll bring my pulled pork and pour some green food coloring and tell them it's grass.

[A]

There you go. Yeah, that's actually perfect. Tell them it's a new ruble.

[D]

Yeah, Maybe that's how I get him to try it.

[A]

You know what? You can tell him the way he gets like meat flavored vegetables, you know, with the impossible burger. Tell him you're getting vegetable meat. Meat flavored meat flavored vegetable. No, vegetable flavored meat.

[B]

You're getting meat flavored. No, you're getting. You're getting vegetable flavored meat, vegetable flavored. And he's getting meat flavored vegetables.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna give you guys a throwback here to when my wife and I first started dating. I went over their house. First time I ever met her parents. We. We sat down for dinner and they made carrot dogs. I don't know if you know what a carrot dog is.

[A]

A carrot dog.

[D]

And you. You boil it down and then you. You put it On a bun and pretend it's a hot dog.

[B]

Do you get ketchup and mustard and relish with it or. No, you could.

[D]

You could put whatever you want on it, but at the end of the day, it's a carrot on a bun.

[B]

You know, I like putting my carrots in buns, but not that kind, you know?

[D]

Yeah. To each their own. That. That's a weird one.

[A]

It's a family podcast.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Carrot dog is great, man. I. I've. I want to meet Craig. Honestly, I just want to be.

[B]

No, he doesn't eat meat. You will not.

[A]

I want to. I know. I want to be in his aura, man. I want to see. I want to experience all of Craig. Does he have, like. Does he have a. Like a guilty hobby or something? What was your job joke?

[B]

You said, you want to meet Craig, and I say meat. It's gonna be a tall.

[A]

That's funny. That was funny. I blew. Sometimes I blow right past miles jokes, and it's.

[B]

I'm glad you finished that sentence some.

[A]

I. I get that.

[D]

Charlie, next time you're up here, stop by Racks and Rods down in Stella there, and you might have a chance to meet old Craig.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Racks and Rods? He's a fisherman.

[D]

No, stop at the bar. Racks and Rods, and you might have a chance to meet Craig there.

[A]

Oh, he goes down to the. I. I didn't realize that was. Bar in Rhinelander.

[D]

Yep.

[B]

I thought it was maybe a strip joint, you know?

[A]

I mean, I thought it was a fishing shop. Yeah, that's the best kind of bar, you know? Or it could be, like, a dry cleaner, a fishing shop, a strip club. Yeah, that's perfect.

[D]

Yeah, no, pop in, say hi. We'll be around.

[A]

Okay. So you go to the bar with him, though?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, he's on my pool team.

[A]

I. Honestly, I'm liking Craig more and more the more we. He's just a. Not duck, man.

[D]

He's a very, very odd duck.

[A]

Yeah, he's got a. He's got a touch. Well, tell him that we say hi and. Sounds like. Sounds like a fun guy. Honestly, I've changed my opinion about.

[B]

See what you did there. Fun guy mushrooms.

[A]

Okay. All right. Look at that. Yeah.

[D]

Well. Yeah. Yeah. If you could just do me a favor and go on ahead and tell everybody, start moving south. I heard Illinois is nice this time of year.

[A]

I'll. I. I will. I will do that. Oh, I mean, you got to let the weather get a little worse in the fibs a league leave, you know? Yeah, I mean, yeah, there's just.

[D]

There's no properties left to buy up here. They're all bought up.

[A]

Yeah, that's not my fault. I didn't tell anybody.

[B]

We should do a billboard smear campaign on Barons. Up. Up on the up saying silence Barons.

[A]

First of all, that I didn't tell anybody that I was up there. Not a soul. It's just people started chatting.

[B]

Charlie, you're like the show Yellowstone where they did show. The Yellowstone's about not getting people from California to move to Montana. But in reality it just made more people from California want to move to Montana, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They're like, oh, God, that actually looks sick. Yeah. I never thought about moving to Montana until you did this show about not moving to Montana. Now all I want to do is move to Montana.

[A]

So it's Dairyland, you know. All right. Well, yeah, yeah, I guess there's nothing to say anymore since there's nothing to buy. But anyways, good luck with your father in law. Hopefully he'll like you one of these days. Maybe if you shoot better pool, he'll like you.

[D]

That's a. Yeah, I could try that. We'll give it a go.

[A]

Well, good chit chatting.

[D]

Yeah, you enjoy that. Enjoy them beers you're probably drinking. I'm gonna go find one of my own.

[B]

On.

[A]

All right. Real good.

[B]

It's so strange that he won't just let him call him Craig and they're. And they shoot pool together.

[A]

You know, I mean, I, I go between. I'm really trying to see it from Craig's perspective here because I think it's kind of hilarious. I think it's hilarious that like, you know, he still can't call him that. And his. With his buddy, he's like, is that your song? Yeah. Does he call you Mr. White? Yeah. I can't believe that. I can't either.

[B]

I know.

[A]

He's still doing it. Yeah, you know.

[B]

Yeah, he didn't, he didn't pick up that I was joking when I said it the first time. He's just continued ten years later.

[A]

Yeah, it's too good, too good to tell him. I bet he's just, you know, jerking his chain a little bit.

[B]

Glad you finished that sentence.

[A]

Yeah. What else? Joking, you know.

[B]

And what was his name again? Jason. Jason seems like a good son in law too, you know?

[A]

Yeah. Nice guy, you know? Yeah.

[B]

Because he's got respect because he still calls him Mr. White or doesn't call him Craig, you know?

[A]

Yeah. He's playing cribbage with him. He's drinking whiskey with him. He's playing pool with him. Yeah, I mean, it seems like. I think he likes him more than he's gotten on. I honestly think it hurts him a lot. You know, we should have dug into that.

[C]

God.

[A]

Shoot.

[B]

We're too. As soon as he started waving the vegan flag in front of us, we got distracted.

[A]

Sugar tits. Miles, one of us has to be looking out for the false flags.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

You know.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Yeah, okay.

[B]

Next time.

[A]

Next time. Next time. Time. Yeah, one of us will be on false flag patrol. But anyways, Miles, I think that's it for today.

[B]

I think another good podcast in the book.

[A]

I think we did all we can do. It's nice to be right here in the same spot where anne was back 10 years ago. No, it wasn't 10 years ago, but 15 years ago.

[B]

No, no, the other way.

[A]

Eight years.

[B]

Not as old as you.

[A]

You gotta remember six years ago. It was five years. Six.

[B]

Seven. Seven.

[A]

Seven.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You're getting up there, Miles. Getting up there. And it's just nice to feel that love. I feel that connection right here.

[B]

You know, if you close your eyes right now and you take off one your headphone, Charlie, you can hear all of the woo girls that were here last weekend still, still echoing in here.

[A]

All the woo girls. Yeah, let's do shots. Oh, woo girl. Yeah, Woo gal.

[B]

Can you hear it? Did you, did you listen?

[A]

I. I actually. I think I have to hold my ear up to this beer.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, you hear it?

[A]

Oh, there it is. Oh, my gosh, they're getting patron.

[B]

Yeah. All right, well, guys, thanks for tuning in to another episode. We'll see in the next one. Love you guys.

[A]

Bye, guys.

[B]

Don't forget to tip your box, bartender.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Hope you guys have a good one. Goodbye now.

[D]

Toodaloo.