Finding Grandpa’s Search History Was a Mistake #198

Summary

Bellied Up Podcast #198 – Finding Grandpa’s Search History Was a Mistake

Date: April 30, 2026
Hosts: Myles the You Betcha Guy & Charlie Berens
Recording Location: Lions Pub, Minneapolis, Minnesota

---

Episode Overview

This episode of the Bellied Up Podcast has hosts Myles and Charlie belly up at the Lions Pub, sharing laughs, stories, and taking a memorable live call about an unintended discovery on a grandpa’s phone. The main theme is the struggle (and comedy) of confronting family realities, especially around taboo or awkward topics. There are hearty conversations about male friendship, showing affection, Midwest habits, and generational differences. The highlight is an in-depth, hilarious—and at times touching—discussion with a caller named Joey who uncovers his grandpa’s awkward internet search history.

---

1. Bar Banter & Showing Affection – Male Friendships Midwest Style

[00:00–14:00]

Setting the Scene

• The guys reminisce about past hangovers, family Vikings games, the joys (and pitfalls) of Irish pubs, and the bell curve of “hangover ability” with age.
• A (Charlie): “There’s something about an Irish pub… that just gets me going.” [01:17]
• The difference between how older generations handle hangovers and how “our stage of life” can’t keep up.

Understanding Male Affection

• Discussion of how men show love, especially in the Midwest.
  • “Physical roughhousing” is how grown men replace saying "I love you."
  • “Acts of service” like helping with car troubles, fixing things together, and just being present.
• Myles: “Acts of service is the most critical way guys show their love for each other.” [07:04]
• Silence as a sign of closeness: “The longer car ride you can go without talking, the better friends you are.” [06:40]
• The fine art of “macho affection” and comedic resistance to emotional vulnerability.

---

2. Mansplaining, Acts of Service, and Midwest Problem-Solving

[09:00–17:40]

• Deep dive into classic male behaviors:
  • Eagerness to “solve problems” for loved ones, even if completely unqualified.
  • The joy of being called upon for advice (especially “mansplaining” moment about changing a tire).
• Myles: “You know your buddy loves you when you’re having a crash out and he’s just sitting there like, ‘Let it out.’” [10:10]
• The ultimate compliment for a handy Midwest guy: being admired for a successful home repair.
• The difference between how men and women want support: not just listening, but fixing.

---

3. Memories, Garage Projects & Midwest Hospitality

[12:00–15:00]

• The magic of simply hanging out, whether troubleshooting a stubborn snowmobile or hanging new dock boards.
• Importance of unspoken bonds: sometimes just being there is enough—no words (or repairs) necessary.
• Charlie: “Buddy loves you if he calls you and admits you know more than him and asks for help.” [13:45]

---

4. Acts of Service: The “Compliment Carrot”

[16:35–18:06]

• Discussion on how men’s desire for admiration after fixing things at home can be thwarted.
  • Myles: “I went upstairs looking for a compliment… I didn’t get any of that. And that’s what I was looking for.” [17:42]
• Sometimes the best affirmation comes from your buddies, not your spouse.

---

5. CALLER SEGMENT – JOEY AND THE GRANDPA’S SEARCH HISTORY

[24:46–54:25]

Introduction to Joey

[24:46]

• Joey, a young Midwesterner, calls in while hauling stone in Whitewater, WI.
• Casual rollerblading banter leads into the core issue: discovering “inappropriate” search history on his grandpa's old phone while setting up a new device.

The Discovery

[28:10]

• “My grandpa’s been doing some, maybe some inappropriate things on his phone and I need to get it off my chest.” – Joey [28:10]
• While stuck typing on his grandpa’s “super old phone,” Joey stumbles upon adult searches.
• “Once I saw the basic search, I kinda looked away as fast as I could. I don’t wanna know what my grandpa’s into.” [29:48]
• Joey bails, passes the task to his brother, and tries to mentally escape (“went in the bathroom and sat on the toilet and just thought about life” – [30:12]).

The Hosts Break It Down

[31:44+]

• Charlie: “What we’re witnessing here… is a loss of innocence.” [31:51]
• Should Joey confront his grandpa? The guys role-play the scenario, with Charlie as “Grandpa.”
  • Grandpa’s comical evasions (“I was looking up walleye… crappie… my auger, the auger and the ice hole”) give way to joking admissions.
  • Grandpa justifies using “modern means” for private joys (“I figured this was just the safest way… I want to make sure you’re all using protection for your erection!” [36:15])
• They advise Joey: Don’t confront unless ready to accept grandpa as a sexual being.
  • “You gotta admit your grandpa is a sexual being. Can you say that for us, Joey?” – Myles [42:28]
  • “My grandfather is a sexual being.” – Joey, grimly complying [42:36]

Reactions & Advice

• Realization: Everyone, regardless of age, is human—sometimes grandparents get up to the same stuff.
  • “We as humans are not the sum total of our worst choices, okay?” – Charlie [51:44]
• The hosts encourage Joey to focus on loving memories, recalling the time his grandpa took him out for ice cream after school suspended him for bringing a pocket knife.
  • “He’s still that guy.” – Myles [52:33]

Disposing of the Memory (Metaphorically)

[45:56]

• The hosts offer Joey a “ritual” of sorts: drop a rock (from his load of stone), symbolically burying the unpleasant memory.
• “Compartmentalize… skate it away.” [46:22–46:32]

---

6. Wrap-up Insights and Comfort for Joey

[54:05–54:44]

• Encourage Joey to spend real time with grandpa (“make it once a week for the next four weeks”) and keep building new memories.
• Emphasize: The world is full of these moments—the lesson is learning to love people as whole, complicated, imperfect humans.
• Myles: “Sometimes you just gotta edge all of the edges… But you get what we’re saying, Joey. That’s a beautiful memory. Your grandpa’s a great guy.” [52:59–53:25]

---

7. Afterthoughts: Generational Innocence, Family Ideals, and Therapy

[54:44–end]

• Hosts reflect on how life (and growing up) inevitably shatters illusions about parents and grandparents.
  • “What you thought growing up isn’t always exactly the way the world is.” [54:44]
• Joke about getting a real therapist to “grade” their podcast advice and possibly improve their interviewing skills.
• Brief post-caller complaint voicemail about “stinking Lincoln,” a town with no beer for sale—hosts riff on fixing “dry towns.”

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “The longer car ride you can go without talking, the better friends you are.” – Myles [06:40]
• “Buddy loves you if he calls you and admits you know more than him and asks for help.” – Charlie [13:45]
• “I just gave it back, and I let my brother take care of it. I said, ‘I don’t know. I can’t figure it out. Here, you do it.’” – Joey, escaping the awkward task [30:05]
• “Loss of innocence.” – Charlie, on Joey’s trauma [31:51]
• “My grandfather is a sexual being.” – Joey, forced into acceptance [42:36]
• “Drop the rock and hold that memory, that sweet, sweet memory you have of your grandpa.” – Myles [53:25]

---

Key Timestamps

• [00:00–03:00]: Bar banter and hangover stories
• [05:13–07:47]: Midwestern ways men show affection
• [09:32–10:55]: The joy of mansplaining and acts of service
• [24:46]: Joey calls in
• [28:10]: Joey reveals grandpa’s awkward search history
• [31:51]: Hosts analyze "loss of innocence"
• [36:15–37:14]: Role-play with "Grandpa" on confronting the issue
• [42:28–42:36]: Joey says the words: “My grandfather is a sexual being”
• [45:56–46:32]: “Drop the rock” metaphor for letting go of painful images
• [51:44–53:25]: Shifting focus to positive memories and dealing with family imperfection
• [54:44–56:00]: Hosts’ reflections on the universal awkward truths about family

---

Tone & Delivery

The tone throughout is classic Upper Midwest barroom—a blend of dry wit, self-effacing male humor, and compassionate ribbing. There’s relentless banter, gentle (and sometimes not-so-gentle) teasing, but beneath it genuine concern for the caller and awareness of the awkwardness that comes with family secrets. The hosts skillfully walk Joey—and listeners—through the discomfort, laughing through it, offering real advice, and ultimately encouraging emotional healing through humor, ritual, and relationship-building.

---

This episode is a masterclass in facing life’s most cringe-worthy family awkwardnesses with both laughter and grace—and a little Midwest know-how.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, ladies and gentlemen, we're back, baby. Bellied up podcast Bellied up here over at Lions Pub in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

[B]

I have gotten. I've had a few late nights at this bar, actually.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I remember one time I was going to a Vikings game and I stopped in here. Shut it down, did you? We shut it down. It was like me and my family and was with. And I remember going into the game so hungover, and we, we, unfortunately, our seats are on the side that face the sun.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

And so I got a sweatshirt on, and the sun's just beating down, and I'm hungover and I'm just sweating. I didn't bring any sunglasses. I wish I had sunglasses in U.S. bank Stadium. And Ann missed, like, the whole first half because she was just sitting out in the concourse at a table with her head in her hands.

[A]

To be honest with. Right out there with her in this story, I, I, I could not. That sounds terrible.

[B]

It was terrible. But we had a great time that night. And so, guys, if you want a good time, you got to get to Lions Pub.

[A]

Did you. Was your.

[C]

Were.

[B]

It's just something about, like, an Irish pub. The feel.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

The bar. I just, there's something about it that just gets me going.

[A]

I mean, really get where you are there in Guinnesses and, and, and jmos and car bombs. Were you going full, like, Irish bar with it, or were you doing your same bush light and just putting them

[B]

to the teeth, you know? I don't know.

[A]

Okay. Was Bud and Mary Jane.

[B]

I think at that point I had moved on from beer.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I think my problem was.

[A]

Yeah, I, I think I've seen you put down enough beers to know that's going to take a little bit more than that to break the giant. You know, I've seen you put down beers like, as nothing. Hey, Bud and Mary Jane. Were they. Were there with you?

[B]

They were.

[A]

Were they also hungover?

[B]

I'm sure, but they, they just have been doing it for so long. It's like you and I are in the bad stage of life where we're still getting used to not being able to handle a hangover.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Which is new to us.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But then you. I. From what I found is it's kind of like a bell curve of, of hungoverness for people. When you're young, you don't get hungover at all. And then you reach about 30 years old and the starts going up, up, up, up, up. Then I'm guessing around

[A]

50, you start

[B]

going back down the bell curve. And my Parents, they just drink and just have no consequences.

[A]

It's probably. Yeah, it's probably that. It's probably a little bit of retirement or at least dialing it back at work, dialing up the fun time with friends, and you just get acquainted. You know, we're in the phase of life where we're getting married, having kids. Yeah. Getting divorced, not having. But either way, you know, way you

[B]

got more responsibility now than you did earlier. And then your kids go off to college and you suddenly have no responsibility again.

[C]

Right.

[A]

And then it's back at it. That makes sense. That makes sense. Well, that's cool. Well, I'm glad. It's. It's a wonderful bar, Miles, and it's great to be here with you.

[C]

Really is, pal.

[A]

It was a double, double leg slap

[B]

touching my leg right now.

[A]

It's just. Just how, you know I love you, but I don't want to say it, so I just give you a nice little firm double tap.

[B]

If I was going to tell you that I love you, I'd probably give you one of these.

[A]

One of those.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

I like.

[A]

Ah.

[C]

A little. Little horse play, huh?

[A]

I like that little massage. That doesn't feel good at all. Little Charlie horse. Yeah. All right, all right.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Got you there, sack tap. Hey, hey. All right, let's dial it back. Let's dial it back.

[B]

That's how you know me and try love each other.

[A]

That's how you know we're not going to say, miles, I love you.

[C]

No.

[A]

Do not have the emotional intimacy or maturity for that. And also, what if Jared hears me? I mean, that's. But that's a fella thing.

[B]

That is true. That is very true. That we are never going to. I'm never going to look Jared in the eye and go, jared, I just. I love you, man. Well, we're doing that. You.

[A]

You might, but you won't remember you did that.

[B]

Yeah. Or it would actually be like. They'd be like, oh, Jared, I love you, man. You know, something like that. It's. But it's like got a mocking tone.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But I'm never just gonna be like, jared, I love you.

[A]

Then we both looked out immediately.

[B]

It's just weird. You know, I do love you guys.

[A]

Right?

[B]

But I just not going to say that.

[A]

Well, and you say it at the end of the episode sometimes. Love you guys. But that's where it's not, I love you guys. That's like.

[B]

That's too much commitment.

[A]

Yeah, it's true. It's love you guys. And it's also saying, like, yes, everyone should love everyone. That's like in the Bible. So, like, I'm just following commandment, but to make that love specific to someone. Although I bet you probably said I love you to somebody in this bar

[B]

when you, at the end of the episode, be like, all right, Jeremy from Wisconsin, I love you.

[A]

I'm getting uncomfortable right now.

[B]

Weird.

[A]

Getting uncomfortable.

[B]

And guys just have a tough time with I love you. So what. What are the ways guys show that they love someone? What are the. What are the ways that guys show that they love other guys? Physical. Physical. Rough housing, we found.

[A]

Yeah. When it works a lot. When a guy loves you, he more so shows you. He doesn't tell you it's a show and tell.

[B]

A show, no tell.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Looking, no touchy, you know? Well, looking, no talking.

[B]

Yeah, it's a little. Yeah.

[A]

Touching. Touching. No talking.

[B]

It is much like a strip club. No talking and no touching. Yeah, well, actually, there is touching.

[A]

There is touching. But it's more of, like a gym, you know, more we're sparring, like, hey, hey, hey.

[B]

It's not like a strip club at all, actually.

[C]

No.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You get kicked out for that kind of love.

[A]

Yeah. 100 mistake.

[B]

Not that I would know, but yeah. So, you know, it's physical, rough housing.

[A]

Physical rough housing.

[B]

I think just. But they're also. It can be the exact opposite, you know? You know, you love a guy when you can just love a buddy when you just sit in the same room with them, not talk to him, just nothing. There's nothing.

[A]

If you can have a silent car ride with someone for. For three hours, that's how you know a relationship's gonna work. If not, you always get to that point in a relationship where it's the first time, no one's saying anything. And if you're okay in that moment, relationship might have some legs.

[B]

The same with guys. The longer car ride you can go without talking, the better friends you are. Oh, my God, you love them.

[A]

Yeah. Last thing you want to do is just carry on a pointless conversation for hours, you know, and talk about your feelings. But if you need to, it's there.

[B]

I think also another way that guys show that they love their buddy is they'll, like, help you build a deck.

[A]

Acts of service is the most critical way guys show their love for each other. What'd you say? Build a deck?

[B]

Yeah. You know, Jared's like, yeah, my truck. My car's not starting. It's like, you don't even necessarily have to help, but you help. Try and diagnose the problem.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know. Okay. So does it. Does it make a noise when you turn it over, or do you think it's maybe a battery issue or you think it may be a starter issue?

[A]

If you're willing to walk around that car with your hands in or around your pants and just do one of these. That's how you're saying, I love you.

[B]

And the thing is, like, you don't know anything about cars. Still trying to help.

[A]

Yeah. You're. Yeah, you're like, you know, brush off those connections on the battery. Those look like they've been a little corroded, you know, like that's all you got.

[B]

No, I had a flat or a tire that was low the other day. And so that I started was like. So you think it's maybe just because it's been cold out and maybe they just lost a little pressure, you know, you think you ran over something? Is there a scenario where you would have ran over something sharp or just. Did you do the. Let's get a spray bottle. Let's start spray bottling this. See that?

[A]

If it's bubbling tire.

[B]

See if it's bubbling up. If it's a. If it's a, you know, cold hot issue. Or maybe there is a hole in it, you know?

[C]

Huh.

[B]

Hey, does anyone in the office have an air compressor at their house? We just bring it here and help them out with this.

[A]

You know, fill it up.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And you know, I think so. Acts of service is a wonderful one. And also.

[B]

Or just acts of trying to solve a problem. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah. Like.

[A]

Like there's the acts of service and then there's the acts before the acts of service.

[B]

Correct. But sometimes, like, I. I show that I love my wife even by trying to help her solve her problems. And that's where, you know, think she was. A water problem solved. Yeah.

[C]

We're supposed to just listen.

[B]

We're supposed to just listen. But way we love is by solving problems.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

You know?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's nice reason why it's so fun to do that with another guy because, like, he also wants to solve the problem.

[A]

Right, Right.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, we just. We just, like.

[C]

If.

[A]

Here's another way that you can like really show a guy you love him is just give him a moment to mansplain something you already know how to do, but you just want them to like, you know, I mean, this would be a bad example because everyone knows how. But hey, Miles, I don't know how to change my Tire. What should I do? You know, I call you on the phone and say that. How horned up are you getting right now?

[B]

Pretty horned.

[A]

You know, you're excited.

[B]

Make sure when you, when you tighten those suckers out, don't go in a circle.

[A]

You want to go crystal sauce, star pattern. Yeah. And then, and then now you're not putting that on the front, are you?

[C]

And if you are, you gotta drive

[A]

extra safe, you know?

[B]

And after about 50 miles of driving, make sure they're still tight.

[C]

But really you should just go straight

[A]

and get it replaced. Okay. They're not meant for long distance travel. Don't go pushing it. You know, I'm, I'm thinking we're putting a spare on that. Not a full size. I think we were putting on different tires at that moment. But yeah, I mean, I think there's

[B]

also something that the guys, you know, you, your buddy loves you when you're having a crash out. When you're losing your mind and he's just sitting there being like, let it out.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

If you're telling your buddy to let it out, you know, you really love

[A]

him and, and you don't even need to say let it out because then he knows you're doing that. Just say, oh, are you kidding me? No way, dude.

[B]

Or if you're in a public space and he's having a crash out, you're saying it to other people. Like he's just going, he's just. Let him. He just needs to get this out.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, right.

[B]

You know? Yeah. You don't mind it. He's fine. He's going to just let this out. It'll be good.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

He just lost a finger.

[C]

Don't worry about it.

[A]

He's good.

[B]

Yeah. It's almost crowd control.

[C]

Right, right.

[B]

Give him some space. You know, he just lost a finger, so he's going to say some wild shit. Plug your ears.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. But no, I think that's right. It's like a mother holding their baby while they cry. You're not trying to get them to stop crying. You're just rocking them just there for them. You're rocking them with. Yeah, tell me you're rocking them with space. Yeah. And you say that sucks. And then when he stops going, just. I'd be so pissed. I know. Furious, man.

[B]

You crash out.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Or, or maybe even just how you join in on freaking out too.

[A]

Yeah. Joining in. Yes. Anding is freak out. Now that could, that can escalate and I wouldn't recommend doing it while you're both drinking, but invites to sports games.

[B]

You have a, A Roy from the office situation where he loses all his jet ski money.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, you don't want that. No, you don't. Invites. Invites to sports games and invites to the bar or invites to. If you have a plus one from your corporate job and your buddy doesn't work in a corporate world.

[B]

But there's free food.

[A]

There's free food. My buddy just invited me to something and you got to go into one of the suites, you know. Oh my God, dude, those sweets, it's. Yeah, they just, there's a reason why

[B]

they call them sweets.

[A]

Stock beer, everything. All the food, all the food you can imagine. And some of them, they get like. This one had like little lobster tails in it. I was like, are you, are you. Have you ever been to a sweet with a lobster tail?

[B]

Dry shaving?

[A]

Are you dry humping me right now? What's going on, dude? Come on now. The lobster was a little rubbery, but still, we're talking lobster was in Milwaukee.

[B]

I mean, what do you expect from sweet lobster?

[A]

I mean, right? Exactly. Yes, they did just bring it in from Red Lobster, but that's fine.

[B]

Chatty biscuits or no.

[A]

Oh, there wasn't any biscuit. That would have been the giveaway that these are Red Lobster lobsters. They were trying to make it a high caliber affair, but I think Red Lobster is pretty frickin high caliber if you ask me. People talk some shit about it and that's unfortunate. No, there's a lot of ways. The invites. Oh, when they're coming over. Buddy of mine did this not too long ago. I was working on. Well, I don't really want to say my snowmobile again, but I was. And he didn't know what to do and I didn't know what to do. But we were just sitting there looking around it, just banging shit, trying things out. We got nothing done. In fact, I think I broke it worse. But it was nice just to drink beers in the garage.

[B]

Just activity.

[A]

Just the presence. Yeah, yeah. Any good project that you can feel accomplished after another buddy of mine came over to help me replace at the, this old dock at the, the lake thing. Then it, you know, you've been obviously replacing those duck dock boards and he just, just easy screw and screw and move on.

[B]

And I think also, you know that your buddy loves you. If he calls you and admits that you know more than him and asks for help.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like I got a buddy who's, he's good with cars and I am not so I called him up and said, hey, I'm gonna bring my truck over before I let go. Yeah, before I go, you know, go have pay someone to fix this. Let's see if we can figure it out.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And I imagine he was just like, oh, he loves me so much.

[A]

Did you come over with a couple toolboxes?

[B]

No, I went to his house. Oh, I was able to still drive the truck. Yeah. Basically brought it to his shop. We took a look at it. Took the door panel off.

[A]

Ah, that's fun.

[B]

You know, googling YouTube in it. He's got one of those things that you plug in to like diagnose it. Couldn't get it to work. Didn't matter.

[A]

No, no, that's cool. I've never plugged anything into a car. You know, like he had a USB drive.

[C]

Trying to figure out.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know.

[A]

That's out of my wheelhouse.

[B]

You know, at the end of the day, we didn't know what was wrong with it, so I did have to take it in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it was a good little afternoon.

[C]

Good moment.

[A]

It's you. And you gotta.

[B]

And I know what the inside of my door panel looks like now too.

[A]

Pretty cool.

[B]

Like, imagine I was this close to almost dying in my life without knowing what the inside of a Ford F150 lariat door panel looks like. Wow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Imagine dying with that guilt of not knowing.

[A]

I. It's getting me kind of curious about what the inside of my door panel looks like.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You know,

[B]

we didn't break any of the plastic clips either. That was a big deal. Gotta be careful with those.

[A]

Yeah, I feel like anything involving rivets is usually good. You know, there's something just really satisfying about drilling out rivets and putting new rivets in.

[B]

And so. Actually, this is a good point, Charlie.

[A]

Yeah. You know, sexual to rivets kind of. Well, so in a safe way, you know.

[B]

You know, to any of the gal listeners, if you got a husband or something, take if you want to make him feel love, you know, we know that we got to listen to the ladies. We got to listen to them. Don't try and solve their problems. You know, we know that acts of service are important. You know, clean the kitchen without them. Anyone that need to be asked all those things. If he's having trouble with something in the garage, start trying to help him solve the problem. Start asking him questions. I don't. What are you laughing about? What's wrong with that?

[A]

No, I'm thinking of certain situations where that can't go wrong. But yeah, I said that, Randa. Well, she might have said that to me. She said, you know what? You love? You just love to mansplain things. So I'm just going to ask you questions and just let you go.

[B]

You're laughing at me.

[A]

I know. That's. I was thinking about a different scenario, but now I'm backing you up.

[B]

Yeah. Now you don't want to be, like, asking really obvious questions that are condescending. You know, you don't want to be. You don't want to be like, so, like, how did you break it again? You don't want to ask that. You know, why don't you just fix it, you know, and ask those.

[A]

Do we even have the money for this? Oh, so what, do you actually know what you're doing?

[B]

Yeah. You want to set your guy up for situations where he can mansplain to you. And if, you know he's doing that, just sitting it.

[A]

Double compliment question. You look so hot doing that. I'm so turned on, dude.

[B]

If my wife is doing that, I, I don't piss me off.

[A]

Well, you know, that's because, you know,

[B]

I want that to be the treat at the end of me fixing it. I want her to be at the end, be like, okay, I was actually pretty hot that you were able to fix the wall.

[A]

See, that's what I'm saying. Okay, so some like it.

[B]

Because that's what want we don't want. You know, we want. That's the carrot dangling at the end.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's true.

[B]

Like, I. I fixed her water heater by myself.

[A]

What'd you do?

[B]

I went upstairs looking for a compliment of like, wow, you're so handy. You're so sexy fixing the water here. I didn't get any of that. Well, and that's what I was looking for.

[A]

But what was wrong with your.

[B]

So then I went to work and I told Ryan about it, and then he was like, wow, you're so handy. He's like, you're so sexy doing it. I bet. God, I bet it was hot. And I was able to get that from my buddies.

[C]

That's great. Yeah.

[A]

What was wrong with that water here?

[B]

There was. I remember exactly what it's called, but there's a tube with a, like, pressure valve deal.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was just dirty.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

So if I had to call the guy, he would have popped the, The, The. The tube off, cleaned it, put it back on, and work.

[A]

Great. Yeah.

[B]

But I did have to go deep dive into the Internet to find someone with the exact water heater with the exact same issue, but there was a video that someone was explaining how to fix it.

[A]

Dude, that's great. Actually, I. I got an issue with my water heater right now and maybe like, when I get back home, can I give you a call? Can you help walk me through that?

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Because, I mean, when it comes to our water here is. I think you might know a bit more than me.

[B]

I would love to help you out.

[A]

Thanks, man.

[B]

Let's go. Dude, I love you. Wait, what?

[A]

Just start making out?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

How many videos are we going to end with that?

[B]

I think the last six trips we've met up to do this together, we've done at least one pretend to make out.

[A]

We really have to be careful with what our recurring bets are on this for. You know, we're going to have a Dutch rudder

[B]

double.

[A]

Dutch rudder double double. Dr. Yeah.

[B]

People have made the bingo cards. You know, that's gonna. We were careful. That's gonna end up on the bingo card.

[A]

It's gonna be on the bingo card. Well, Chuck, Miles, I'm excited to take a little caller or two with you.

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

Excited to be here with you, Miles. So, yes, Miles, Wisconsin's real fifth season is road construction. Cones are everywhere. The orange flowers are blooming, lanes disappearing. Signs that say one thing and mean another. You're driving in the right lane here. Nobody knows.

[B]

No, you're in the left lane.

[A]

Someone slams on the brake. Someone else merges without looking. Boom. Smash, pow. Now it's a crash dash because the road layout changed overnight. What a fright. And don't even get me started on the uneven pavement. Step out of your car, catch an edge, and you didn't see. And now your knees talking to you for the next month.

[C]

I think in my rain.

[A]

If construction season turns into a real injury or accident, though, you guys just got to call Nicola. 1855 Nicolay.

[B]

Charlie.

[C]

Yo, yo.

[B]

Shady Rays is your sunglasses brand. And just hear me out, okay? Yeah, like there's a reason why you're perfect for Shady Rays.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You want to know what Shady Rays has?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Every time we do one of these ad reads, J Rays keeps getting better and better. And this is perfect for you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Ready?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They have a lost and broken protection program.

[A]

No kidding, dude.

[C]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[A]

If I lose my sunglasses, they'll replace them.

[B]

Lost or broken. Gone. Splash, boom. They send you a new pair with their lost and broken protection program.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

They might as well just call this the Charlie Baron sunglasses program.

[A]

That's insane. So I basically only need to buy one pair for the rest of my life.

[B]

Well, you should buy two pairs. You get 40 off.

[A]

Oh, that's polarized. Yeah, because I'm confused.

[B]

Called Bellied Up.

[A]

I've lost more than one pair of sunglasses, that's for sure.

[B]

Yeah, and while you're waiting for them to ship you the next one, you still got a pair to.

[C]

You know.

[A]

That's great. And what I like about these sunglasses, they're very secure. I think I could. You know, I look down at a fish and they don't fall off my dome.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

You know, I don't even need the little string on the back.

[B]

And you look cool, dude.

[A]

You look cool.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

Yeah, you look good. Hey, you look good.

[B]

You look good.

[A]

Hey, thanks.

[B]

You look good.

[A]

Hey, come over to your garage sometime. We'll get stuff I can't fix and ask you how to fix it. Hell yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, think I've been working out. Just tell me. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks.

[B]

All right, so guys, if you want to participate in Lost and broken protection program, which is like, I think that is phenomenal news.

[A]

It is phenomenal news.

[B]

You got to go to Shady Rays, use code Bellied up. You have 40% off two or more polarized glasses with that. Can't pass up on those kinds of savings.

[A]

Hell no. Check them out. Shady Rays, baby. Miles, usually I say don't put your boots on the bar top, but right now, since these are brand spanking new, it gets a pass. Oil resistant, slip resistant, non marking soft toed boots from Brunt. Beautiful.

[B]

All right, Charlie, I got new boots on. It's time for you to roast me for having new boots. Ready, set, go.

[C]

Oh, look at this guy. He's got new boots. What did.

[A]

Are you.

[C]

Are you gonna go over to a Hot Topic and get some tight jeans after this?

[A]

Huh? Let me feel your hands.

[C]

Oh, they feel like a little floppy walleye there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.

[B]

I gotta get them roughed up here. I gotta start wearing them in the garage. I gotta start wearing them working outside. I'll get there. Okay.

[A]

But.

[B]

All right, for the meantime, you guys gotta check out these brand spanking new Brunt boots.

[A]

These are church boots even.

[B]

Yeah. Right now. I could wear them to church.

[A]

Yeah, you could. God likes dirty boots, though.

[B]

What I like, though. And me and talk to you about this. Charlie.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You need to. We need to get you a pair of their pants. They. You were gonna love them because you can wear them working at.

[A]

Wait did you get a pair of the pants? I didn't get pair of the pants.

[B]

I just got them.

[A]

Well, so they're probably in my house.

[B]

They're probably at your house. You haven't been home yet.

[A]

So tell me about them.

[B]

So they're, they're, they fit really well, but the ones that we got, that we got now, they're like water resistant. Like a water resistant material.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Plus they also will be great for walking through the woods. You know, stuff isn't going to stick to them as much. And you can go hiking at your cabin. You can be working in them if you get them wet, being down by the lake, you're not even worried about it is what it is right off

[A]

is what it is.

[B]

You're going to love the pants.

[A]

Fantastic. I'm excited.

[B]

I love the pants and I think you guys would love the pants as well. So you got to go to bruntworkwear.com use code bellied up. You get 10 bucks off. Pair of boots, pair of pants, whatever you're looking for, Check it out.

[A]

Check it out.

[B]

Joey, Hi, this is Miles and Charlie from Bellied up podcast. How you doing, buddy?

[E]

Good, and you?

[B]

Doing good. Just bellied up.

[E]

Oh, good to talk to you guys.

[B]

So what do you got going on today, Joey? What are you working? You hanging out? What's going on?

[E]

Yeah, I'm at work, hauling some stone.

[B]

You're hauling stone?

[A]

What kind of stone are we hauling, Joey?

[E]

Some inch and a quarter old rock.

[C]

Oh, nice. Okay, okay. Where's that going?

[E]

We're doing like a parking lot addition. If you want to call it that, sure. White. Whitewater, Wisconsin.

[C]

Oh, Whitewater. There you go. Nice.

[A]

You making it good. I Bet there's some 13 year olds around there with some K2 rollerblades that are just waiting for you guys to be done. Just start ripping on that new blacktop you got going there. Yeah, yeah. Thank you, Miles. That laugh tells me you love me.

[B]

So is Whitewater looking notoriously like. Like they have money in white water? Because K2 rollerblades are expensive.

[A]

K2 rollerblades were expensive.

[B]

Not anymore.

[A]

I don't think they are anymore. It's the only rollerblade brand other than rollerblades, and I wanted to make it more specific. What other?

[C]

I didn't.

[A]

I didn't rollerblade much. What kind did you have?

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

K2 K2s.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Or there's. There's what? Anyone else know you so rollerblade the parties, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those were not K2.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Those were Rollerblades. Yeah. And they did not fit. So I have a toe that curls in this way, you know? Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You used to Rollerblade to parties?

[A]

Well, this was. This was kind of a thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

When I was drinking in at an age when I shouldn't, I look for alternative means. One meme was my bicycle. That was primary. But on occasion I would borrow. And at one point they were my Rollerblades. But then I think I gave them to my brother. But either way, they didn't fit. And so, you know the thing when you don't cut your toenails all the way and kind of digs into you a bit, you know? So, yeah, you search for alternative means to Rollerblade the different parties.

[B]

My sister told me that to answer my question.

[A]

What was the question?

[B]

Why don't you just walk?

[A]

Well, because it was a bit, first of all.

[B]

So what did you do with your Rollerblades when you got to the party?

[A]

Oh, I had a backpack with crocs. I had some of the first Crocs in Wisconsin because I worked at the bike shop, you know.

[B]

That still doesn't answer that.

[A]

Yeah, no, I backpack with crocs, so I would take my roller plates off.

[B]

So you're walking around the party with Crocs and socks on.

[A]

No socks.

[B]

In, like, rollerblading without socks.

[A]

I was raw dogging it in the Rollerblades.

[B]

Sorry, Joey. I needed to figure out what was going on there, so. Yeah, you're building parking lots. Then

[A]

he hung up.

[E]

I lost you for a second. What was that?

[A]

Probably for the best.

[B]

Yeah. So what's on your mind today? What do you want to talk about?

[E]

I just. My grandpa's been doing some, maybe some inappropriate things on his phone and I need to get it off my chest.

[C]

Oh, boy.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Dude, you better get into this before my mind starts running wild of what your grandpa's doing on his phone.

[A]

Off your chest. But who? Never mind.

[B]

Really, Chuck.

[A]

Never mind. So what's going on on your grandpa's phone? How do you know?

[E]

So basically, I was setting up an Amazon Alexa that my parents got him for Christmas, and he's got a super old phone. He doesn't know how to use it at all. I don't even know what brand it is. It's not Samsung or Apple. I don't even know where he found this thing. And I typed in, he's got one of those keyboards where you got to click down the number and then go to whatever letter you want to use. So it's taken me forever to type out www.Amazon Alexa setup.com. well, I got to www.and the things that showed up in the recently searched should never be seen by a grinning son's eyes.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

What did they rhyme with?

[E]

Maybe corn.

[C]

Corn?

[E]

Yeah, corn.

[B]

[e-mail].

[E]

yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

What.

[B]

What did it. Did it get any more specific than that?

[E]

No, I. Once I saw the. Saw the basic search, I kind of looked away as fast as I could. I don't want to know what my grandpa's into.

[C]

That's probably.

[A]

Probably a smart move. Probably saved yourself a lot right there. Did you clear his history for him?

[E]

No, I just gave it back, and I let my brother take care of it. I said, I don't know. I can't figure it out. Here, you do it.

[B]

And then you went in the bathroom and sat on the toilet and just. Just thought about life. No, really? Really, Jared.

[A]

You see what Jared did, He made a. A wanking motion.

[B]

You. That.

[A]

That's where I was going on his grandfather's throne.

[B]

Really? I meant he was contemplating life.

[A]

Was your grand. Is your grandpa married?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay, well.

[B]

Well, that makes the situation a lot better, you know?

[A]

I mean, grandpa's got needs too.

[E]

I didn't. I didn't even know he knew that stuff existed. He's like, 83 years old.

[A]

Yeah, but he's not dead.

[B]

He's not dead. And, I mean, he's probably thinking that we got it easy if he wanted to get that material back in the day. Yeah, one, pay for it. And two, you know, you just imagine being like, hey, you now get to access to every porno magazine that's ever existed. Your. Your grandpa wouldn't. You wouldn't do anything for a week. You just sit in the archives all day. And once he got that smartphone, he was. Once he got the smartphone, he was like, holy shit.

[A]

So you didn't get this set up. You sent your brother in, and now you're just dealing with the trauma? That's where we're at.

[B]

Yeah, I think what we're. What we're witnessing here, Charlie, is a loss of. Loss of innocence.

[A]

It is. It's a classic loss of innocence. And it's. First of all, just. How you feeling about this?

[E]

I don't know. I don't know if I should bring it up to my grandpa or not or talk to him about it.

[B]

No, you hang on.

[A]

Hang on, Miles, before you jump.

[C]

Yeah, pretend we're your grandpa.

[A]

Let's. Let's role play this one. Out.

[B]

So we're a joint together. We're one brain here, Chuck.

[C]

Yeah, I'll be. I'll be. Well, I'll be. I'll be the. You want me to be Grandpa or one Brain?

[B]

You be. You be Grandpa. I'll be here. I'll be your brother and you be you. And we're gonna confront your grandpa about it.

[C]

All right? Joey, what's going on?

[E]

Grandpa, me and Josh saw some stuff on your phone and we're kind of wondering what it is and what you're up to when we're not around.

[C]

Well, I mean, I'm Getting them walleyes. 15, 16. Them are in the slot, you know.

[B]

Gramps.

[C]

Huh?

[B]

We're not talking about walleye.

[C]

Perch.

[B]

Not talking about perch either.

[C]

Bluegill.

[B]

Not talking about bluegill either.

[C]

Crappie.

[B]

Joy, will you help me out here?

[E]

This is no sort of fish, Grandpa.

[C]

Oh, my. My auger. The auger and the ice hole.

[B]

Yeah, we're maybe talking more about tuna here.

[C]

Tuna? I haven't been deep sea fishing.

[B]

Well, search history says differently.

[C]

Search history?

[B]

Joey, will you help me out here?

[C]

I.

[A]

Looking up tuna.

[B]

Huh?

[C]

I was looking up erotica. Is that what you're talking about?

[E]

No. We caught you looking off porn on your phone.

[C]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. You guys, don't. You got to try it. Oh, my gosh, I tell you, can you believe any. When I was growing up, if you had a fetish, you kept that to yourself these days. Entire sections and like 20,000 tabs of it. I mean, it's ridiculous. I've been mean to talk to you fellas about that. You know, this is the rod of modern society. I was just looking it up.

[B]

Please don't use the word rod in this. In this rot. Oh, R O T. They said rod.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

No, not rod. Although there is this fella, his name's Rod, and I. I didn't know you could grow him that big. But I mean, that fell was corn fed, let me tell you.

[A]

So.

[C]

Yeah, no, on occasion.

[B]

Joey, I told you we shouldn't confront him. Man, this is a bad idea.

[E]

Yeah, I don't know about this anymore.

[C]

You don't know about. So. Okay, well, Joey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And I'm so old, I forgot your brother's name.

[B]

Josh.

[C]

Josh. Joey and Josh. I didn't realize. I thought this is what all the kids were doing and I thought it was appropriate. But you're right, it's not appropriate. And I think we should all do a pact and let's all. What's all get off?

[E]

Get off in what way get off.

[C]

Get off the pornographic sites you got. Are you guys. What do you think I meant?

[E]

I thought you were getting off in another way.

[C]

Oh, is that what you call a hummer these days? Listen, what I'm telling you is we gotta all make a pact that we are not doing that. You're saying that this is bad, Bad for society.

[E]

And your cell phone. You're gonna have so many viruses on that thing.

[C]

Well, it's better than a real virus. Am I right? I mean, think of my options. Lucille, she's. She stacked up. She met with Frank, and you know Frank. I mean, fucking Frank. This guy. Oh, my gosh. He's got. He's got. He went down to the villages in Florida.

[A]

He came back.

[C]

I'm surprised that guy's still alive. He almost went the way of Al Capone. Syphilis. Unreal. Take your vitamins, you dumbass. So I figure this was just the safest way because, you know, I tell you, folks my age these days, they don't wrap it up. Joey and I want to make sure you guys are using protection for your erection. I'm waiting, Joel.

[E]

We promise. We promise.

[B]

No.

[C]

No, you're not using protection.

[E]

No, we are.

[C]

Okay. Josh, you. You wrapping up that tsunami, kiddo? Yeah.

[B]

I'll wear a helmet. I'll wear a helmet from now on.

[A]

Okay, good.

[C]

So, Joey, have you ever ventured on any of these sites?

[E]

No, I have never.

[B]

Joey.

[C]

Josh, have you.

[B]

I have.

[C]

Are you still doing it?

[B]

I am.

[C]

Well, Joey, if you think that this is a problem for Gramps here. I think Gramps.

[B]

I think he's lying to us.

[C]

I think we all. Hey, it's Lent right now.

[B]

Not when this episode comes.

[C]

Oh, well, Lent's over. How about we pretend it's Glenn and we all give it up today for 40 days and see if we still need it after that. How does that sound?

[B]

I'll take that.

[E]

Sounds like a plan.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And if anyone.

[C]

If anyone breaks the pact, you gotta call while you're doing it.

[B]

All right, I. Before we end this conversation, Gramps.

[A]

What?

[B]

I just. It's just burned in my head you said the word fetishes. I just didn't even. I didn't know. I. I just didn't know you even knew what that was. And it's concerning to me that maybe you.

[C]

You're dabbling in that fetishes. How old are you? Huh?

[B]

Joey? How old am I again?

[E]

I don't know, 22, maybe.

[C]

Joey, you should know how old your brother is.

[E]

You Know he just turned 22. 22 on Monday.

[C]

Yeah, I'm trying to find love in all the wrong places. Maybe what you could do is set Gramps up with a nice galaxy, huh? I'm looking.

[E]

Know any nice gals that are that old?

[C]

Well, I didn't say they need to be old. Give me 75 plus.

[E]

I don't even know any nice gals that are 75 plus.

[C]

Well, I'm hanging around the libraries and, you know, I'm not liking what I'm seeing.

[B]

You're doing that at the library?

[C]

No, I'm going there to check out the Sports Illustrated.

[E]

Grandpa, I think you might have a real problem here.

[C]

Oh, I have a real problem. Okay. All right, fine, fine. You want to take my phone? I'm sorry. Once again, you're doing what you're yelling at me for. Okay, so what's your point here?

[E]

Yeah, but I'm young, you're old.

[C]

Oh, so now this is ageist? Okay, well, Phil, you know what? I'll tell you this. You come down to Florida with me, I'll show you some stuff you never even seen. Yeah, Joey, I forget. How old are you?

[E]

19.

[C]

19, right. So you're not married yet. But here's the deal. When some folks get married, okay, they drive a car and they go to a party, and they put the keys to that car in a bowl, and then they start all hot tubbing together, and before you know it, you're stacked up to the gills with STDs and the villages. Oh, my gosh, it's like going to the Amazon rainforest. For there's a snake in every bush. You know, there's a poisonous spider lingering from every branch. You get bumps and scrapes, especially on your back. And so I figured for the sake of my house, I would just do it virtually. And if you got a problem with my health, well, fine, then I'll just keep fishing more. Okay, that's what we'll do. We're doing a pact. If you think this is the rot of humanity, I appreciate you kids bringing it up. We're all done. We're done with this stuff.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So, Joey, how did. How'd that go for you? You think that. Is that what you had in mind?

[E]

Yeah. I don't know. Maybe that's how it would go. I don't really know, though. Kind of scared.

[B]

Yeah, I. I think. You don't say a word.

[E]

Yeah, I. Yeah, I mean, it's been almost. It's been over a year without saying a word. I think it's interesting that way, if

[A]

he's calling in right now, it's still eating at him.

[C]

I mean.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is serious, Joey. This is. You know what? Here, if it makes.

[B]

Did you think that you're. Your grandpa was, you know, St. Francis of A.

[E]

I don't know. This runs through my mind a lot, whether to talk to him or not.

[A]

Joey, I just. Joey, you're.

[C]

He's a man now.

[B]

Who doesn't have a companion.

[A]

Yeah, Joey, we'll take the argument that you think porn is bad and that he shouldn't be doing it, but then I don't think you should be doing it. You know, all right, I'll quit and

[E]

sold his grandpa then.

[A]

Okay. And then bring it up to him. Have that conversation. I think that, hey, I walked in on my Grandpa Bob, and he was on the computer and he was watching how to tie extension cords using the knot method. So I know what it's like to. He looked at me, he looked at Barry. He's like, I. You know, I've been doing extension cords for a long time, but this fellow, he's teaching me how to do this knot method. And here, let me show you something else I found on YouTube. Look at that. I've been watching this bald eagle nest.

[C]

It's live every day. She just kicked the young out of the nest.

[A]

So I don't have much to relate it to.

[C]

But

[A]

I will say, Joey, that I think a nice. You know, it can. It can't go wrong having this conversation with your grandpa. But you're gonna have to be willing to admit that he is a sexual being.

[B]

No, let's have him do it right now. Joey, I want you to admit that your grandpa is a sexual being. Can you say that for us, Joey?

[E]

My grandfather is a sexual being.

[B]

What a weird thing to say. Joey.

[C]

Joey, get your perverted ass out of this house right now.

[D]

All right.

[A]

No, listen, I think it could be a great bonding moment for your grandfather and you. Or the worst memory of your life. Even worse than you finding it also, Joey, listen, how many grandkids does your

[C]

grandpa have and how old are they?

[E]

A lot. They're all older than me. I'm one of the youngest. There's probably like 15 of us. And one great grandchild.

[A]

How old's a great grandchild?

[E]

Two, maybe three.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Cousins?

[E]

No.

[B]

So maybe. Maybe do that. And you may find that the older ones be like, oh, yeah, Grandpa's a total. He's a total horn ball.

[E]

Grandpa's been doing that for years.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, you might.

[E]

At least he didn't walk in on

[B]

him doing it, probably. What's gonna.

[A]

I mean. Or there's one of the grandkids that just, you know, was over at Grandpa's and bored, and Grandpa was in bed, and, you know, his phone was broken.

[C]

I don't.

[A]

Phone sitting in rice. You know, it could have been someone else, dude, because it might have just lost his phone and then someone at the bar started, you know. Yeah.

[B]

You think that that's.

[A]

I think it's possible. Is his phone locked?

[B]

Because the first thing that someone does when they pick up a phone that is someone else's, just start watching porn on it.

[A]

But if you think about it, like some. Some little.

[B]

Oh, this Someone lost their phone at the bar. I'll be right back.

[C]

I'm giving.

[B]

So you think it is.

[A]

Oh, it's not possible, Miles. It's not possible. I'm just giving them other possibilities. I honestly, I don't even know if this was your grandpa.

[E]

I don't know. Maybe. I guess.

[A]

Yeah. We don't know. So just.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

I think you just gotta bury it

[E]

mentally deep inside and never bring it back up again.

[A]

Pretty much, man. I mean.

[B]

And take it as a life lesson that the world isn't as it seems, you know?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, it wasn't.

[C]

It was just standard stuff.

[E]

You're.

[B]

You really. I mean, he's only 19, Chuck.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

The world's about to disappoint you.

[A]

So much more innocence.

[B]

You're about to. There's going to be about 10 more things like this that are gonna happen. So this is just step one.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Just.

[A]

Here's what you're gonna do here. Are you gonna offload that. That rock here? Soon?

[E]

Soon.

[A]

All right. I want you to pick up a rock before you. Before you leave, and I want you to just drop it, and I want you to go. That's my memory of finding Grandpa's nudie stash on his phone. And once they bury it with that cement or that blacktop or whatever they're doing over there, you just let it go. And every now and again, you revisit that parking lot. You go rollerblade on that parking lot.

[B]

Put your K2s on.

[A]

Gonna play it again. Sports. Get some K2s from the 90s, back when they were made in the USA and the spendy ones. And you can.

[B]

And feel that. Feel that emotion. But then once you step off the blacktop, once you roll off the blacktop, leave it behind.

[A]

You just leave it behind.

[B]

So you're not avoiding. You're just compartmentalizing.

[A]

You compartmentalize. And. And you're. Yeah, you go there. You go to Whitewater and you just feel it, everything, all the pain, and skate it away.

[B]

Yeah. Put it on some Dave Matthews.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Dude, get a hockey stick into me

[B]

and you just be. You could be sobbing, just doing pirouettes.

[A]

Wait for a sunset. Get a. Get a hockey. Go out there. So Gordon Bombay it out there in that parking lot.

[B]

Yeah, I got a hockey stick.

[A]

Yeah. And that's it. When you're off. When you're off the blacktop. Hey.

[B]

Out of sight, out of mind.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

So what do you think then? You think I should bring it up at his funeral?

[A]

No.

[C]

No?

[A]

No. Well, maybe. I don't know. Do you have a good joke about it? Depends on the joke.

[E]

I don't know. That's kind of your guys's job.

[A]

Well, you're kind of saying, rest in peace, grandpa. He was a sexual being in 20, 25, 6. What year are we in? 26.

[B]

That's not a joke at all. That's just a statement.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[C]

What? Like what?

[A]

I think most people may not be super surprised. I mean, you. You. Look, I brought up the Villages thing because that was a news story, man. They talked about STDs exploding in this older generation.

[B]

I forgot you went down that hole. I didn't know where you're going with that.

[A]

Oh, you didn't know where I was going? Yeah. Ever since boner pills, man, it's been a new AIDS surgeons. And also there is some benefit physically for releasing, I think, for the prostate. So maybe his doctor recommended it to keep his medical.

[B]

Maybe this is medical.

[A]

Right. Like if your grandpa was to donate sperm, he would go to a little donation thing and they would give him options of pornography. And so that's a medical diagnosis or prescription as little. And I'm not defending it here, but I'm just saying we don't know your grandpa's guilty, and you're hung up on this guilt thing. And I think you got to know that your grandpa, he is a flower, and flowers bloom.

[B]

And the more that you sit and stew about it, it's just more time passes, which just means the more porn your grandpa's looking at. And so once you can get that out of your mind, the train's not stopping. It's on the tracks.

[A]

Right, Right. And it's just. You got to watch it go past. You just watch it go past. I think meditation is what you need. And the best way to meditate is just. Gordon Bombay it every Friday night, go play a little hockey in White Water. Well, Joey's never calling back in Miles.

[E]

Yeah, I think I'm permanently disturbed.

[A]

Well, did we do worse? Like did we make this better or worse? Joey.

[E]

No, you might have made it worse.

[C]

Okay, but how would you want.

[A]

Okay, Joey, let's roll. Again.

[B]

What, are you just gonna avoid the truth your whole life or what? At some point you gotta be honest with yourself.

[A]

What did you want us to say, Joey? Let's start there. What'd you want us to say?

[E]

I don't know. Maybe that was a one time thing and he was gambling. But now you guys made me think he's got an addiction. Do we need to get him to a specialist?

[A]

No, he's got What? Relax, he's 83 years old. You'd have a better chance.

[B]

He's never going to see a pair of boobs again in person.

[A]

Joey, here's the thing.

[B]

Did you forget that he was your age at one point?

[E]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if I don't think I'll be doing that at 80.

[C]

Oh, I don't think you're doing it

[A]

out since I think your real problem is you haven't been able to do it since you saw that you've just

[B]

been holding it in more so mad about that. He's just like. He's just like, I can't even do it anymore.

[A]

Yeah, has that been a problem, Joey?

[E]

Yeah, I just get sad anytime now.

[A]

Oh, damn.

[B]

Is that real or is that a joke?

[E]

No, that's not real.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay, so ye who without sin cast the first stone here we, you're, you're getting on your grandpa and you're just doing the same thing.

[E]

Yeah, I'm quitting. And so is he.

[C]

Okay, hey, Joey, you go have that

[A]

conversation with him, all right? And, and you call us back and let us know how that goes. We tried a few different angles here. That was one of the options. It sounds like you like it the best.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, we did our best, but, you know, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.

[A]

Well, we. It was on the menu, Miles. It was one of our various things. Not the one we recommended off the menu, you know, but how often is the waiter coming up saying what the special is and you look at the MP and you're like, no fucking way. You know? Yeah, and so he's, he's ready to just order whatever he wants off the menu and that's fine.

[B]

I'm sure. Your grandpa would love to have that conversation with you.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Joey, you sound so sad. Dude, you're making me sad.

[E]

No, I'm not sad.

[B]

What's going through your mind right now, Joey?

[E]

I don't even know. It's just all mush.

[A]

All right, Joey. Hey, hey, pal, look at me, okay? We as humans are not the sum total of our worst choice, okay? So let's just take a moment before we let you go. I want you to think about the best memory that you have had with your grandpa.

[B]

He's still that guy.

[A]

Nice. Hang on. Let's hear it. What happened?

[E]

When I was super young, I thought it would be really cool to take a pocket knife to school and show it off. So I did that. And my grandpa thought it was bullshit, that they had to kick me out of school that day and send me home. So he took me to get ice cream.

[A]

There it is, dude. There it is.

[B]

He's still that guy.

[A]

That's the guy. You know, he's. He doesn't follow the rules, Joey. Yeah, and you. You know, every human is a double edged pocket knife, brother. You know, they make those and. And you take some of the. The edges and you take all the edges. You know, we love people for who they are not.

[B]

Sometimes you just got to just be edging, you know?

[A]

Yeah. Sometimes you just got to edge all

[B]

of the edges and just keep.

[A]

But you get what we're saying, Joey. You get what we're saying. That's a beautiful memory. Your grandpa's a great guy. You have no idea what happened here with this whole porn situation. You saw it for like a second. You have no idea if someone stole his phone. You have no idea what happened. You are building up a story in your mind about your grandfather that I don't think is serving you or your grandfather.

[B]

Drop the rock and hold that memory, that sweet, sweet memory you have of your grandpa.

[E]

All right, I think I'll drop the rock, not talk to him.

[C]

There you go.

[A]

That's it.

[C]

I love it.

[A]

Keep thinking of that pocket knife, Joey.

[E]

Bury the rock.

[C]

Bury the rock.

[A]

And go get some ice cream after this.

[C]

All right?

[B]

Yeah, actually go out for ice cream with them.

[A]

Yeah, go take grandpa out for ice cream. That's right.

[B]

Then tell and talk about the story with the pocket knife.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Start building.

[B]

What you need to do is build

[A]

new meme, new memories so that one's just a distant one. How far away is your grandpa live from you?

[E]

Like 20 minutes.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

How often are you seeing them?

[E]

Not often enough. Probably like once, twice. A month?

[A]

Well, let's make that once a week for the next four weeks and we'll see how you feel after that. Okay?

[E]

All right.

[C]

All right. Good deal, Joey.

[A]

Thanks for calling in, man.

[E]

All right, you guys have a good day.

[A]

All right. Watch for deer.

[B]

Yeah, I think what we're really looking at is just he's 19, which helps a lot with understand the situation, but you just reach a point where you realize that, you know, what you thought growing up isn't always exactly the way the world is.

[A]

Yeah, we kind of view our grandparents, our parents through this sort of idealized lens sometimes. Like, remember the woman whose dad was a swinger and she had some similar vibes, you know, and maybe how could he do this?

[B]

And then you say, well, because he's a human being.

[A]

Right, right. And. But I think maybe we could have left some more space to really figure out how he felt about it and almost give him like a. I want

[B]

to talk about that. He just wanted to sit there in silence. Just great for a podcast.

[A]

All right, well, we tried.

[B]

We tried.

[A]

We don't have a therapy license, guys. All right.

[B]

Jared's got a voicemail. We should call up our therapist again, the gal member. We should call her up and we should ever analyze how we would like what we do on this podcast. I would love for her to tell us all of the things that like break therapy law, you know what I mean?

[A]

Like, yeah, I want to. We should take that one or the swingers one and say, can you listen to this and then dissect how we did done so we can get better.

[B]

Yeah, you know, get better at it. Like you're watching tape with her. Yeah, we gotta. We gotta get in the. We get in the film room.

[A]

Yeah, we should do that. We're right. This place Will has no name to it.

[D]

Hey there, Miles. Hey there, Charlie. And we can't forget Jared. You know what? I live in a friggin town named Lincoln and it's more like stinking because there's no place to buy beer in this town. I'm a blue collar man, you know what I'm saying? Like, I gotta drive out of town to go get a case of beer and stuff. That's bullcrap.

[A]

It's beautiful.

[B]

Is that a thing? You can't get beer in Lincoln.

[A]

I mean, that sounds like a Bible belt Lincoln to me, but I. Not Lincoln, Nebraska.

[B]

It's not Lincoln, Nebraska.

[A]

Yeah, no, it's not Lincoln, Nebraska.

[B]

It's stinking.

[A]

Stinking Lincoln. Stinking. That's a bummer. Yeah, and you just gotta find other ways to entertain yourself. Maybe that's where.

[B]

Maybe that's where Grandpa lives. Is in stinking

[A]

well. Sorry about that. Maybe. Hey, good business idea. Set up a liquor store in Lincoln after you bribe the town board to change the law. Yeah, one shoebox of money, one investment from your rich buddy's dad and you're in business.

[B]

Speaking like a true politician, Charlie.

[A]

You like that, Miles? Yeah, you know you like that.

[B]

Oh, well, is that it, Jared? Guys, thanks for tuning in to another episode. Tip your bartender. We'll see you next one.

[A]

Love you. Love you guys.

[B]

Okay, hope you guys have a good one.

[D]

Goodbye now.

[A]

Toodaloo.